The Harland Highway - 864 - RABBI PAPPENHIEM calls in. Pissed off Harland. Strange road sightings

Episode Date: April 27, 2017

RABBI PAPPENHIEM calls in to chat with Harland. Pissed off Harland. Strange and unusual road sightings. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rock and roll machine Fastest thing you've ever seen Wait, this isn't a rock show This is like a comedy podcast Why am I doing rock stuff, bro? What's up, bro? Hey, this is Harland Highway You're on the

This is Harland Highway This is Harland Williams You are on the Harland Highway Yeah, I got my name change to Harland Highway Don't worry, the rest of the show Won't be so confusing We have a great guest here today

Rabbi Pappenheim will be calling in. He's a good friend of the show. We always have engaging conversations. So looking forward to him calling in. Also, boy, oh boy, well, he's calling in about an interesting thing that happened to me. I saw something really weird on the side of the road, of all things. And so Rabbi Pappenheim is calling in the comment. Also, a pissed off segment.

I am pissed off about something that you might be guilty of. I hope not, man, because if you are, then I'm pissed off at you. But I think you'll identify with what I'm pissed off about. And then also, oh my God, a bucket list trip. Towards the end of the show, I'm going to tell you about a bucket list adventure that I'm going on, like literally in two days. I may never come back. This one's a doozy, man.

So wait to you hear about it. Here we go, because this is an adventure. This is the Harlan Highway Sit down, strap in, and tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. No!

I didn't bargain for this. Oh, yes, you did it. Chick-chic-chac-cha, chik-a-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chow. Oh, man, baby. I'm the creature from all the spayy. Please don't stop. I got to be an ugly, Thank you.

Magnificent performance. This is the Harland Highway. I hate you. Well, that's the way it goes. What do you say? We get down to business. All right. I hate to start the podcast off, angry.

But you know what? I'm more than angry. I am pissed off. Don't piss me off. This is Harland Williams. You're really pissing me off. Oh, you're starting to piss me off, you little pigless some bitch. You pissed me off.

Shut up. You're pissing me off. These fucking assholes, this fuck. These fucking assholes. The fuck is their problem, man. Oh, yeah, I guess what it is. Can you guess? Can you guess the source of my anger, my pissed-offiness?

Yeah, cell phones. Again, how many times have I come around to the cell phone issue? So here's the new one. People so immersed in their cell phones that they're on elevations. And this has happened to me several times in the last year, people standing in elevators and they don't come off. The door opens. And it's like, they've just come down.

I'm about to go up. But instead of getting off when the door opens, they're so transfixed by their cell phones. They just stand in the elevator, diddling on their cell phones. And I'm standing out in the lobby. I'm standing out in the hallway. I'm going, okay, are you getting off? Are you going to go back up with me? Should I just wait for you, Your Highness?

Will you finish texting? It's like, get the hell off the elevator, losers. And then it gets even worse. I don't know if you guys work out at the gyms. But if you go to the gym, you've probably experienced this. If you're a machine person, you know, a lot of the gyms have the machines. where you sit down and you set the weight and you sit on a little chair and you do your curls or your lips or whatever well guess what half the time i can't get on a machine because someone's sitting on it staring into their gosh darn phone did you come here to work out your upper body or did you come here to work out your index finger and text i mean it's so actually

aggravating man and and you don't want to be the douche that walks up and goes excuse me are you using this machine yeah you know it's like it should be incumbent on the person at the gym to have the courtesy to look around and go gee i hope no one's well if no one's i mean the gym's kind of empty i think i'll crank out a quick little text but it's like you look and people are are writing a novel on their cell phone. I literally, like, I was at the gym the other night, and literally one of the machines I wanted to use, I couldn't use.

I had to go to an alternate machine because for 10 minutes, while I went to an alternate machine, I came back and this person was still sitting there texting. And I'm like, get the hell off the machines. Get the hell off the elevator. Get the hell out of my way. Get the hell a life. And take your head out of the phone zombie thing, man.

So there you go. That's my pissed off thing. I had to get it off my chest so I could just clear my system and breathe and get on with the podcast. So if you're one of those people that just stands around on your phone waiting for the world to work around you, get over yourself, get over your phone, get back to reality, and screw you. These fucking assholes, the fuck is their problem, man. I love that rant. That's how I feel inside.

Isn't that how we all feel inside when we get pissed off? That says it all. So anyways, let's move on to something else. This is interesting. I don't know. About a year ago maybe, maybe a little less. I did a podcast where I talked about seeing something that is so out of context that you're just like, wait, what? Like it's a person or a thing or it's something that's not where it's supposed to be, right?

And I think about a year ago I told you the story where I was driving down in L.A., there's a lot of canyon roads. There's a lot of roads that wind through the Hollywood hills and through the mountains and all. that in Hollywood. And there's this one road called Laurel Canyon. It's a really long, windy, dangerous road. There's no sidewalks. It's like vertical like cliffs on each side and mountain ranges and hills. And there's there's falling rock zones and there's mudslide zones.

And it's a precarious canyon. And it's windy and bendy. And it's one of the main thoroughfares from the valley. like the valley over the hill towards Hollywood. And so it's very rare that you see a person on that hill. It's always vehicles. It's not a pedestrian-friendly area to be. The cars move quickly and aggressively, and it's windy.

There's all kinds of blind corners. There's no sidewalk. So very rarely do you see someone? And I was telling you guys, a while back I saw the weirdest thing. It was like this chubby Mexican guy running up the hill, okay, not down the hill, up the hill with a chihuahua in his arm. And it was such a bizarre sight, and I did a whole thing on one of the older podcasts about it. So here we go again. The same Canyon Road, Laurel Canyon, in Los Angeles, California.

Okay, you might want to look it up. Very famous canyon, by the way. Many, many musicians lived there. over the years. Jim Morrison, the Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, the Chili Peppers, Janice Joplin, Jimmy Hendricks, Frank Zappa. I mean, all kinds of crazy Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, they all lived up in Laurel Canyon. So it's kind of a cool, hippie joint. And so I'm going over it the other day, and this was bizarre. Like I said, you never see people on it. And I'm going over, and I come around a corner, and I look on the,

far side and standing like on the very limited curb that there is up against like a cliff with a bunch of trees while traffic is is motoring by i see two Hasidic jews you know the jewish people the the Hasidic Jews that wear the the Yamaka and they've got like the curly dreidels coming out and they've got the very specific beard and they usually wear the dark clothing and there's things hanging off the clothing, and it's a very specific look. It's the Hasidic Jew look. If you go on the Internet, you can look up Hasidic Jew.

And they've got the long curly dreidels that come out by the sideburns, and draodles, I believe that's the term for like long strands of curly hair and they have beards. So it's two Hasidic Jew males, dressed in the Hasidic Jew traditional, like, and that was peculiar enough, but then these two Hasidic Jew males standing against the cliff just beyond the tree line had a carriage with a baby. And they're not on a sidewalk.

There's no pedestrian thoroughfare. There's no, I don't even know how they got there. It's almost the equivalent as if you were hiking through the forest and you came through a patch of trees and there was two Hasidic Jews with a baby and a stroller. It was just the most bizarre, uncommon sight that I've ever seen. And it just caught me off guard. It was like peculiar, unusual. And I'm like, what?

Not only do I never see people on this road, this dangerous, busy, winding road. But never do I see Jewish, Hasidic Jewish people. I mean, such a specific type of person, and it just made me laugh. I almost thought it wasn't real. It was very straight. What? Oh.

Okay. Oh, this is interesting. Okay, so Rabbi Pappenheim's calling? All right, that makes sense. Well, hey, we have a friend of the show, a rabbi, obviously a Jewish gentleman, who phones the show frequently, and talks to us. about, you know, all kinds of things. And I guess he must have been listening, right?

Okay, he's going to call in and weigh in on the Hasidic Jew thing that I'm talking about. We might as well put him on. I'm almost done talking about it. I mean, what else can I say? It's just weird. Okay, put Rabbi Papadine through and we'll get his thoughts. This is perfect. Hey, everybody.

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Hello, Rabbi Papine. How are you? You're listening to the podcast? Yes, I'm on my one. break and uh you know i like to listen i i like your point of view i like the things you talk about i like you know i like the things you say uh it's interesting uh sometimes it's humorous sometimes it's poignant and sometimes it's uh you know i shut it off but most of the time i uh i'm quite engaged by your podcast to holland um i you're going to say uh highway

Well, thank you, rabbi. This is great. It's great to have you call in out of the blue. Obviously, you heard what I was talking about. Well, before we get into that, I was wondering how your schedule looks. My schedule? Well, you know, I thought maybe I haven't seen you for a little while. Maybe perhaps I could take you over to the food court at the mall and, you know, very, treat you to some delicious, what you want to say, what you want to call it, Vetchels, pretzels, what was it, rabbi? Vetshels, pretzels, yeah.

Oh, Vetzels Pretzels? That's what I said. I mean, I couldn't have been more clear, really. No, it's just sometimes the inflection in your. your voice and I get a little... Well, you know, I didn't call to be insulted about the way. I think, I believe, if you've got to hit the rewind button, I just said that I found your voice pleasing.

I found your podcast, the Holland... But you want to call it the highway engaging and suddenly assaulting me over my voice. No, no, no, no, no. Let no, rabbi, please. I would be honored to go over to the... the food court and have lunch with you? Well, I didn't say lunch.

Let's be clear. I did not say, you know, let's go to Panda Express for some Chinese food. I did not say, let's go to Abbe's, or let's go to New York fries, or Sabaro perhaps. Okay. I believe I shed, and this fits within my budget. I would treat you at the food court to what you want to call it. How you're going to say, you know, how you say, Vetzels, what you want to call it, pretzels.

Yes, yes, Rabbi, I would be honored to come and have Wetzel's pretzels with you. Well, okay, here we go. But meanwhile, sir, did you hear you hear? My, you know, this interesting story where I was, I spotted the Hasidic Jews on the... Well, you know, Ashidic and Jew, you know, that's maybe a delicate, you know, putting two and two together, you know. What does that mean, Rabbi? Well, you know, the Heishidic Jew are very specific type of Jew. I mean, they have, you know, they have the curly-kewed rebels that come down.

from the sideburns, and, you know, it's got a very interesting look, if I may say. Oh, oh, you don't like the long-hanging curly dreidels? Well, you know, it's a full-grown man with curly draodles. I mean, obviously, you have to own a curling iron to get that kind of a look in your hair. A curling iron. I mean, you know, a full-grown man with a curling iron. How many men do you know, are you going to share you, have a cooling iron? Well, you got a point there, rabbi.

You know, so, yes, they're Jews, they're committed to our faith. But, you know, I've always thought that they're kind of a strange, you know, their appearance is a little... Are you saying that they're... They don't fit in with the Jewish faith? Well, you know, I'm a rabbi. I'm not going to separate the cream from the milk, but, you know, the full-grown men that look like, you know, Shirley Temple grew a beard that's a little, you know, off-putting.

Wow. I've never heard this side of you. Well, you know, now, don't get me wrong, you know, don't paint me as some kind of, you know, I get the chance that maybe you're trying to employ. that I'm like somebody we all know and don't like. No, I just said I've never heard you kind of, you know, separate, you know, the different sex of, you know, the variations of the Jewish faith. Well, you know, separation is an interesting word of his, you know, somebody else who liked to separate people.

No, whoa, what does that mean? Well, they were once upon a time, and I don't say much about the time like this is a storybook, because this was real. But once upon the time there was a man with a little mustache that liked to separate people. Well, no, I'm not implying you're the one that said you're separating the differences. Well, you know, let you, whoa, hold it all, and, you know, I think everybody knows that they, are you going to say Adolf Hitler, like to separate people, you know, especially families and vivid children? Yes, yes, of course, Rabbi. I'm not, let's not go into that sensitive area. Well, I don't think I am, but I thought I heard maybe in your voice you were implying you that maybe, No, no, Rabbi, let's not, I feel like every time we talk, you kind of start going down Hitler Street.

Oh, so now Hitler has his own street? No, I didn't, I didn't say he had his own street. Or maybe he wanted to have his own street like Hollywood Boulevard or Warhol Canyon or Shonset Boulevard. Oh, how do I get to your house, Val, you just go down Sunshed Boulevard, go around on Crescent Boulevard, go around on Crescent Boulevard, Take a ride on Hitler's plate? Is that what you're sharing? No! Rabbi!

Hold on! There's no Hitler Street. I did not bring... You twisted my words around, and nobody wants anything to do with Hitler. Well, you know, suddenly, I mean, you already have a steamroller? Maybe you want to go and pave Hitler Street with gold?

Wait a minute. And then I say gold, I mean the gold fillings from Jewish teeth. No! No! Rabbi, I'm not letting you go there! Well, you know, I was talking about the Hishidic Jews, and suddenly now they're marching down Hitler Street! No, we're not marching! Oh, excuse me! Goose stepping down Hitler Street!

Now! Rabbi! I need to dial it back. Just pull it back, guy, because I'm not letting you... You're always, this anti-Semitic thing always seems to come out of you, and then I'm just engaging in a conversation, and you always make it seem like I'm like some kind of Hitler sympathizer. Well, you know, I was talking about, you know, a nice, casual lunch at a Vetchal, how you want to say, pretzels, yeah. And suddenly, now all of a sudden, I'm walking down a gold, Hitler. straight and a goose step?

No! You know, I think I'm just going to... I appreciate your insights into the Hasidic Jew thing, but I think we got what we needed here, a rabbi, and we'll just... I think we'll move on, okay? Thank you for calling. Oh, so now you're hanging up on me?

Well, you know, we talked for a while. Interesting. Hanging is an interesting bird. You're hanging up on me, Rabbi Pappenheim. You know, somebody else at the concentration camps like to hang things. What? No, no, no, no. Oh, yes, sometimes if you stepped out of line at the concentration camps, you know, maybe suddenly you're hanging from that.

Stop, no. Thank you, Rabbi. Wait a minute, ventures, pretzels. Goodbye, goodbye. Oh, my God. That man. Roger. Man, I love Rabbi Papine

to death. He's such a friendly guy. He's a good friend of the show, but he really does get fixated on Adolf Hitler. And I'm not, you know, criticizing him for it. But he just seems to always find a way to angle it back. And then makes me feel like I, he always kind of, intimidates that I'm some kind of like Hitler guy or something and it couldn't be further from the truth

I'll be talking whatever anyways will you follow up with him and just make sure he's okay I just always feel like after I've talked to him that I'm like the devil incarnate or something let's move on let's move on to something more interesting so you know I

told you guys at the beginning of the year that, you know, I asked you, and many of you might have done it, and many of you might have said, screw you, Harlan. But I suggested that you put a list on your fridge of accomplishments, of things you wanted to do this year, of bucket list things, of doing something that you hadn't done, doing something that you've always wanted to do, blah, blah, blah.

And, of course, I did the same thing. I created a list for myself. And one of the things that I promised myself I would do this year was take a trip somewhere that that was off the beaten path, somewhere that was like a bucket list thing, somewhere that was unusual and new and exciting and something that would take me out of my comfort zone, perhaps. I don't know. I'm more excited than really out of my comfort zone. But here it is. This weekend, I get on a plane and I head to the end. to the Amazon jungle.

Yes, I'm getting on a boat for four or five days, and I'm floating down the Amazon River. Are you kidding me? I'm going to be in piranha country. I'm going to be in crocodile country. I'm going to be in jaguar country. Who knows what kind of country I'm going to be in. But, you know, the mighty Amazon is one of those places

that you hear about, you see, you read about, you see in movies, you see in documentaries, you see in nature shows, and you're like, good God, what a, what a dramatic ecosystem. What a stunning piece of nature. What an amazing, incredible part of the natural world. Or you're like, oh my God, it's just a dirty river crawling with mosquitoes, leeches, and snapping turtles. Someone get me to the mall. Someone get me to Orange Julius, for Christ's sake.

So you might be of that opinion. But, you know, this river, this mighty river I feel has been calling my name like my whole life for a long time. And I thought, what an incredible adventure. What an interesting journey? What kind of marvels of the universe will I see there? What kind of creatures and oddity, sight, sound, smells? And I always wanted to just kind of get on the river, experience the river, feel the river, be in the river, on the river, watch the jungle, get off the boat, go into the jungle, maybe meet some indigenous people, see the wildlife, the birds, the insects, the fish, the fauna, the flora.

I mean, the whole deal, man. So in keeping with my own suggestion, I have booked the trip. And all next week, I will be floating down the Amazon. So hopefully I can come back with some interesting stories for you guys and tell you what I saw. And that is if I even return, who knows? Who knows what the jungle taketh?

The jungle taketh what the jungle wanteth. And maybe the jungle wanteth me. I don't know. But that's part of the fun, you know? It's like every year I try to do something that takes me somewhere exotic, a little dangerous, a little different, unfamiliar territory. And I'm not doing it just to be kind of like, oh, I want to go on a trip. Like these trips that I go on are very.

impactful they they stay with me you know you know how you know how in in life you see culture you know you see the theater you see the ballet you see you see the art gallery you see this you see that you know well well you know when you go somewhere so exotic and different it it's part of the culture of your own fabric of your own person of your own life experience and uh i've always been of the opinion that the world offers so many different and exotic things, you know? It's like maybe the world's like a Baskin-Robbins. And every time you walk into the Baskin-Robbins, you want to try a different flavor.

And you're surprised by it, and it fills up your mouth, and it's exciting, and it tastes good. Or maybe it tastes bad, but you tried it. And so maybe I look at all those barrels of ice cream. at Baskin-Robbins as different spots on the planet that I'm like, wow, I should really, I should really go there. I should go to prelines and cream. I should go to Carmel Crunch. I should go to Rocky Road.

I should go to mint chocolate chip and just try it. I don't have to live there, but let me taste it, man. Let me lick it on a hot summer day and taste it. Let it dribble down my chin, right? Oh, God. So that's it. Yeah, I'm off to the Amazon jungle. And I'm very excited.

I'm going to take a fancy camera. I got one of those really long zoom lenses. So in my head, I'm going to be like National Geographic photographer guy. And according to my itinerary, we're going to be fishing for piranha or piranhas. We're going to be doing some trekking through the jungle. There's been talk of going out at night. with flashlights and looking for the glowing eyes of crocodiles. And just cool Amazon stuff.

Maybe I should brush up on my Tarzan call. That'll probably get me a blow dart in the neck from some like Pygmy tribe. Tarzan not feel good. Tarzan feel weak. Tarzan fall overside of boat. Tarzan get eat by Parania. So who knows, man? I'm hoping I see a capy bearer.

You know, I think they're the world's biggest rodent. Big capy bearer. I'd love to see a jaguar prowling through the jungle. I want to see, maybe I'll go fishing for Parania. What do you use for bait if you're fishing for Parania, your body? It's not like you go to the storm by a, fishing lure. I mean, these things eat flesh.

It's like, well, I guess I can give up a finger if it means catching a fish. You know. So there you go, man. I'm really jazzed and, you know, part of my New Year's commitment to experience life and enjoy life, live life, taste life, be involved, engaged in life in our planet. So it's not too late. If you guys are still humming and hawn or you're still on the fence about finding a place to go this year or do something, we're not even halfway through the year yet, man. It's only April.

January, February, March, April. It's like we're only four months in. So I don't know if this inspires you, gives you a little kick in the butt, or maybe it just scares you. Maybe you're like, you know what? I don't want to do what Arland does. That's too much, man. I'm going to the mall. I'm going to the mall.

I'm going to Vetzels Bletchels. So we'll see. I'll be your Nat Geo roving reporter for the next week. Now, don't be afraid. I will be laying down some podcasts here. They will be pre-recorded because I don't want you guys to miss out while I'm away while I'm floating down the mighty Amazon.

Again, and not feel good. So you will have some Harland Highway action. Don't worry about that. And like I said, I'm excited to let you know how it goes. So there you go. I'll end the show right there with your head filled with, you know, primal drumbeats and monkey calls and bird calls. Hey, it's monkey girl.

So there you go. Yeah, I'll leave it right there. Let's do some announcements before I go, because when I get back, I'm going to be right back into my regular life, if you can call my life regular. But May 11th through the 13th, you will catch me in Vancouver, British Columbia,

which has some great rivers I've floated down as well, fly fishing and whatnot. So British Columbia, Vancouver. May 11th to the 13th at Yuck Yuck's Comedy Club. And then June 1st through the 4th, I'll be down in Florida, which also has some interesting rivers and crocodiles. No piranhas, but June 1st through the 4th, I'll be at the Improv in Tampa, Florida. And then June 15th through the 18th, I'll be at the Brea Improv.

And then I've got a really special event. I'm hoping to tell you guys about really soon that involves me and my next stand-up comedy special. So stay tuned for that news. It's going to be cool. And that's it. That's it for today. I want to thank Rabbi Papine for calling in.

I hope he settled down. And all you people that like to stand around with your cell phones, move your asses, please. and the world will be a much better place. All right, that's it. Don't forget, you can write to me at harlandwilions.com. You can send me an email, and I might read it on the show. Also, you can go to the web store we have at harlindex.com,

all kinds of cool merchandise. And also go to the podcast page, and you can join our premium membership, where you'll get all kinds of premium content, special stand-up comedy material, interviews and you have access to the whole catalog of Harland Highway episodes all the way from one up until right now number 864 we're getting near a thousand can you believe it also you can call me and leave me a voicemail 323 739 43330 323 let me know what's on

your mind and also don't forget to check out my new animated show puppy dog pals. I've been getting hints that we've been doing some really good numbers. I don't have the official numbers for the new show, the new cartoon on Disney Jr. and Disney puppy dog pals, but I've had some rumblings that we were doing really well. So once I have some solid numbers, I will let you guys know. Very exciting. Thank you for everyone who's been watching. I hope you're enjoying it. I would love to hear your feedback if you want to call. Had some few cool e-mail. from people, which I'll read an upcoming shows. And also, don't forget to pick up our album.

Me and my cousin, Kevin Hearn, from The Bare Naked Ladies. We have our new LP on Apple iTunes music and all kinds of digital platforms. It's called The Cousins. Rattlesnake Love is the name of the album by The Cousins. Me and My Cousin, Kevin Hearn. Hope you get the chance to download and enjoy me singing. And my cousin doing the music. We are the cousins.

Yes. And don't forget, last of all, get our free app for your phone. Just go into your app store. Type in the Harlan Highway, boom, it's free. No gimmicks, no hooks. You're in, man. You can listen to the podcast wherever you may be, even floating down the Amazon.

How about that? So that's it. I'll talk to you guys. Well, let's see. Wait, I might have one more show before I leave for the Amazon, or is this it? Is this my last show? Yeah, this is it, man.

I'll be in the Amazon. So the next few shows will be pre-recorded, just as good, just as high quality. And then I'll be back the following week to fill you in, baby. All right, so there you go. Keep it real in the deal. Thanks for being here, everybody. And until next time, chicken, chal mane, baby. That's your shit.

Pachol shit. Thank you.