The Harland Highway - 869 - Commander TOM DOWDY calls in ANGRY! Obese airline passengers

Episode Date: May 15, 2017

Commander first officer Tom Dowdy calls in and he's angry at insulting impression of him. Fat airline passengers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey man, welcome to the Harland Highway, man. Yeah, that's right, man. Come on and sit down. Take a load off. Great to have you. I'm Harland Williams. This is the Harland Highway podcast. And we got a cool show today.

We got a groovy, groovy show today. I'm going to be talking about a follow-up story on something that happened to me on an airliner where I told you about a month and a half ago or a bit. fat person sat beside me and their body spilled over into my seat and draped all over my body and I got upset about it and and now it looks like the same things happen to someone else and they're suing the airlines. So it's like life imitating art or art imitating life or fat imitating blubber. I don't know what it is, but it's an interesting story. I'm going to be talking about that. And then a pavement pounder had the audacity

to phone in and kind of do an impression of Lieutenant, Colonel, French commander Tom Dowdy from the American military and kind of was kind of mocking his voice. And then the real Tom Dowdy called in, pissed off, angry, and he unloads on me towards the end of the podcast. So put your seatbelt on. It's going to be a rough one. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Harland. Highway

Sit down, strap in and tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. No! I didn't bargain for this.

Oh yes, it's it. Chick-a-chic-cha, chick-chic-a-ch-ch-ch-ch-chall. Oh, Maine, baby. And the creature from all of us, my head. Please don't stop.

I got to see it. Ugly nice. Magnificent performance. This is the Harland Highway. I hate you. Well, that's the way it goes. What do you say? We get down to business.

All right. Here is an interesting little update story. You know, sometimes I'll do a story on my podcast, my podcast, and, you know, it's real life. I talk about stuff that's happened to me, and sometimes something pops up that kind of is like a weird, cool follow-up moment. So, I don't know, I guess about a month and a half ago, I told you a story about how I was in an airplane and a very large, large woman was in the seat beside me, and her flesh was literally spilling over onto my body. Her thighs and her the meat on her waist were literally

resting on my thigh. Her mass was invading my seat. And I was upset about it and I found a creative way to get out of the seat and change seats. But nonetheless, it raised a lot of questions. It caused a lot of stress and it, you know, it made me do a segment on it. So as a follow-up, here's a story in the news. Check out this headline, American Airlines sued by man, cramped by obese passengers. I mean, this is right in the wheelhouse I was in, man. Or the meat house. I don't know what you want to say. But anyways, an Australian man is suing American Airlines, alleging that he suffered serious injuries

after being seated next to two passengers he claims were, quote, grossly obese. The man was flying from Sydney to Los Angeles a 14-hour journey. Oh, my God. I mean, I only had to go an hour and I got the hell out of my seat. The man was seated in the window seat

of an economy class seat, and according to the court documents, two overweight passengers were seated in his row. According to the lawsuit, the body of the passenger next to Taylor spilt over and accroached upon his seat, forcing him to contort his body into a series of positions,

including standing up, crouching, kneeling, and leading forward. Well, I believe it, man. This is what I had to do. When I was on that plane, I literally, I had to push my body. I was in the window seat. I had to push my body against the window seat.

I had to, I literally, you know, had to put my body under duress, under stress because I, you know, I was doing everything I could to pull away from this woman's flesh being all over me. I know she doesn't have leprosy, but I don't want someone else's flesh all over me. and so when you're sitting in a cramped position and your muscles are contorting and you're pulling away from something you don't have to be doing yoga for for you know those muscles to eventually probably get sore and cramped and tight now i didn't have to deal with it because i got up and moved but even in the brief time i was sitting beside this woman that was next to me I was experiencing all this stuff, so this guy had a 14-hour flight.

And now the story says, though it's been well over a year since the trip, Taylor, who suffered from a pre-existing spinal curvature, claims that he suffered even more severe back injuries and neck pain, arguing that the uncomfortable plane ride exasperated his condition. His lawyer said his client asked the cabin crew if he could change seats, but was reportedly denied. And apparently he asked multiple times. Quote, Mr. Taylor asked the cabin crew on numerous occasions if he could sit in another passenger seat or sit in one of the crew seats or sit in the aisle or even sit on the toilet seat

to alleviate the pain and discomfort that he was suffering from. You know it's bad when you has to sit on the toilet seat. 14 hours on a toilet seat. You'd probably walk off that plane about 80 pounds lighter. On each occasion, Mr. Taylor was refused and rebuffed. His side was rebuffed by the flubber. Attendants were not able to reseat Taylor since U.S. federal regulations do not allow passengers to sit in crew member jump seats. All 310 seats aboard the plane were occupied by other passengers.

Taylor is seeking $100,000 in damages. His lawyer added that if his client is victorious, it could be a wake-up call for airlines to consider how they've designed their seating and how they seat passengers. I agree, man. It's all kind of fun in games. It's all, oh, well, what's the guy bitching about until it happens to you.

And it happened to me. It is really uncomfortable. And by the way, I was only seated beside this woman for 10 minutes. And I got the hell out of there. But if you listen to the podcast, because we were in the safety ejection window aisle. You know, that exit door aisle. And the stewardess came by, the flight attendant came by and said, Is there anyone uncomfortable with being in the safety aisle?

And I put my hand up. I said, yes, I am, which I wasn't. but that was my excuse to get out of sitting in the seat beside Jumbo. But you know what? I would have gotten up and left regardless because there were a few empty seats on my flight and I just would have done it. And if they gave me a hard time,

I probably would have sued them as well. So it's about time that, you know, all the airlines realize that, especially in America, We live in a very obese society. It's just part of the fabric of this country. It's the same way we have a multicultural country. We have black people.

We have white people. We have yellow people. We have red people. We have skinny people. We have fat people. We have regular-sized people. So you can't just ignore the enormity of some of these people. They are very, very large people.

and they don't have the right to let their physicality impose on people that aren't obese. And if you're running an airline, man, you've got to be freaking aware of that, man. You've got to be aware of it, and you've got to be able to accommodate it. You know, I think what they should do is maybe put two aisles, two aisles on every plane where the seats are double-wide. and they're specifically for obese people, and that way, you know, I feel for the obese people, too, because they're kind of embarrassed.

It can't be a pleasurable experience for them. They know that they're spilling over, and as uncomfortable as the people that are being squished by them, they must be terribly uncomfortable, too, because these very large people are in these very small seats. So knowing that there's a need and a demand for the obese population, the airline should definitely stop being so greedy

and they should make an area for large people, two or three rows on every plane. And guess what? If obese people don't buy the seats, then they just sell the seats to regular people. And whoopi do, the regular people get a wider seat. And maybe the airlines have to remove like six, seats out of their airliners in order to put in the bigger seats.

But too bad if you guys lose a little money. Whoopi-do, you're a service for people. You're a people-moving service. You're a human-being transport service. And not all human beings are cut from the same mold. So if you're in the industry of moving people, you have to accommodate people of all sizes. The fact that this hasn't been done yet is preposterous And I'm glad this guy is suing

We should all sue We should sue on behalf of obese people There's no reason the airlines can't do this You know do you remember when 9-11 happened Do you remember what happened with airplanes Remember you used to just leave the pilots cockpit door open or unlocked, the flight attendants going in and out, willy-nilly, I'd be on flights where they actually would leave the door open

just because it was so casual. And you know what happened? The week after 9-11, boom, every single door on every single jetliner in the world became impenetrable. They reinforced them, they put locks on them, they made them bulletproof, They put little eye holes in them so the captains could look out and see what was going on. They made them lock from the inside,

so it's almost impossible to break them down unless you had like a tank on the plane. And you know why they did it? Because this was an immediate need and it serviced the airline and it serviced the people and it protected the pilots, it protected the customers. And when you think about it,

all these decades in this violent world we live in, how is it that they didn't have that as a staple in the design of an airliner right out of the gate? When they first designed aircraft, why didn't they go, you know, we might get a bad egg on our plane one day. So since we're putting in a door anyways between the customers and the cockpit, why don't we just put a door in that, you know, really sturdy

and no one could get in? but nope they waited until like you know six planes flew into the world trade center and into the pentagon and into the ground oh now we'll do it now we'll do it now that all these people have died and been injured and the you know the whole history of the world has been altered isn't that interesting to think that the history of the world would not have been altered had they just had the foresight and the wherewithal to put in a security door in airplanes. And as you know, ladies and gentlemen, there have been hundreds, if not thousands of hijackings over the years of airplanes.

It didn't start at 9-11. This goes back as far as, you know, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s. Why wasn't it instituted right then and there? The fact that we let it go so long, I mean, that's another grounds for a lawsuit against the airlines right now. I mean, if there's people listening whose families were sadly affected, somebody who was killed in 9-11, you could probably go back and sue them. It was probably the airline's responsibility to make sure that the airline that the consumer was getting on was safe and secure.

sure. That's not an unreasonable request, especially considering your 25,000, 35,000 feet in the sky. It's just common sense, but no, they didn't do it. And probably why they didn't do it? Because it costs extra money. But once 9-11 happened, it was like, okay, who cares about money? Just put them in. So now we're at a place, and we're not at a place. We've been at a place for probably since the 70s, the 80s and the 90s as well where very large people have to get on airplanes and fly and it's affecting everyone else so stop being cheap stop being miser stop being greedy these airline CEOs and the top executives who every year if you read the business section of your paper get Christmas bonuses

of up in the double digits of millions of dollars 17 million dollars 23 million dollars at the end of every year, bonus money, enough money to outfit every plane in the fleet with fat people seats, pardon the expression. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse.

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That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your business. bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. And it's just another example of the corporate greed and the lack of caring and the

mishandling of consumers and their feelings and their needs and their requirements. I mean, how do you, you know, that's like starting a cruise line and going, well, let's put rooms in our cruise ship, but they don't need their own bathroom. We'll just put one bathroom up on the top deck and everyone can share. Like, that's just insensitive. It's greedy. It's cost-cutting. So note to airlines, especially after all the crap we've seen recently with babies getting hit and people being dragged off their flights and fights breaking out and delays

and ticket prices and baggage handling prices and the meals are crappy and I could go on and on how how crappy the airlines are, man. I tell you, I just flew down to the Amazon on Avianco, which is a South American airline, and it was like, unbelievable. Beds, delicious food, they give you the little pack with the toothbrush and the slippers and the eye mask, and you just feel pampered. You feel like they're going the extra mile to make you feel good. You don't get any of that crap on the American Airlines any.

anymore. When I say American, I mean all the carriers. I don't just mean American airlines. I mean airline companies running in America. The only one that still really kind of pamperes you and you feel special is virgin. I don't know if you've ever flown virgin airlines, virgin America, but they still keep it like they serve your really delicious food. And I hate to sound sexes, but the flight attendants are generally quite attractive. And I know that may sound shallow and, you know, whatever you want to label it. But I'll tell you what, I fly a lot. It makes a difference.

I like having young, trim, fit, attractive airline attendants. It just makes my flight more pleasurable. I know other people are competent at it, but, you know, it's not as much fun when an old lady or an old man comes up to you and says, yeah, can I get you drink? Versus like a girl who should be modeling walks up and's like, hello, Mr. Williams, can I get you something to drink? And I'm like, well, you know, at least, at least you can fantasize. At least you can, you know, put a little smirk on your face.

So anyways, this is just emblematic of all the, all the flaws in the airline. You know, someone should just sit down in the boardroom and go, okay, here's the inside of our airplanes. What's missing? What do we need to accommodate our passengers? What changes and adjustments can we make to make this a pleasant flying experience for people of all shapes and sizes? And they might even consider making a special area for people with babies and children under like seven years old. because that's a real pain in the ass, too. And I'm not saying, you know, abolished children on planes.

God knows I might have some one day, but it might be nice if they were all put in a certain area because guess what? They make a lot of noise and they can make a flight a nightmare. But no one wants to sit down and look at all this. All they're looking at is the mechanics, right? They're like, oh, here's our vehicle. Here's the structure.

It's a long tube. We can fit approximately 228 seats in here side by side with nine inches of knee space. And that's it. We're ready to go. Well, there's been no thought put into that process to accommodate, as I said, the different walks of life that fly. So I'm glad this guy soon. And I've $100,000. I hope he wins like $100 million.

And I hope the airlines get their ass in gear, man. I'll tell you what, if you want to be a successful airline, start a new airline and implement all the things I just suggested and more. I'm sure if you sat down, it's like decorating your house. You ever move into a new house and you walk into the empty house and it's just walls, walls and floors and go, oh, I know what kind of carpet I want. want there, a couch there, a chair there, a bar there, a dining room table there. This would be good for that. This is the guest bathroom. What do I want my guests to have in the bathroom? Yada, yada,

boom, boom. You think about comfort. You think about style. You think about aesthetics. You think about, you know, what you need. I mean, it's just, it's just ridiculous that we're still flying in these substandard tubes full of seats. So there you go, man. There's my follow-up news story, and let's move on. Raj, play a commercial. I'll catch my breath and we'll move the hell on.

For my feminine itching, I depend on Vagicil cream to stop it instantly. And for a painful burning itch, I get maximum strength Vagicil for even stronger relief. There's Vagicil cream and maximum strength. We interrupt this broadcast for an important North Korean news update. ...bomjews... ...bombedernsimpsed... ...ourn't...

...wean... ...theid men men... ...the... ...the... ...the... ...theirbondent... ...the... ...the... ...the... ...we'll keep you updated on this new story as it breaks... ...now back to our regular programming... ...the... ...we'll keep you updated on this new story as it breaks. Hello?

Hello? I've been looking for this number for a long time. I think you know who this is. This is Lance Corporal First Staff, Master Gunnery, Sergeant, Major, Master, Senior Chief Petty Officer, First Class, warranted lieutenant commander captain major colonel admiral general doughty you've been mocking me on your podcast for long enough and i think it's high time that i get my chance to speak the truth truth, I've been crawling through the muck like a rat, trying to find a hamburger tied to a shrimp with a fishing hook and a line that some hillbillies holding in the woods. And I finally found my givlet.

All kidding aside, though, I saw you at the Mohegan. son, that Friday, you destroyed it. You were the freaking funniest. Me and my wife almost got a hernia from laughing. I almost died. And by the way, you should tell people about what you do to work out because those who don't see you, you are jacked. You have like freaking guns.

Always listening to the Harlan Highway. Wow. Okay. Thank you for calling in. I think someone was, I don't know if I'd mess with Corporal Tom Major Dowdy Left Lieutenant. I got it. You were doing his voice there. I don't know, man. He's a bit of a tough guy. But anyhow, to your point, to your comments, Thank you for coming out to see me. This gentleman and his girlfriend saw me at the Mohican Sun Casino in Connecticut a few weeks ago doing live stand-up, and according to him, I killed it. I made them laugh till they had hernias, which is great news.

They got their money's worth, and forget money. I just like to make people laugh. So thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed the show. I really appreciate your feedback. Come back next time I'm out there. And as far as my workout regimen, my guns, hey, thanks for noticing my guns, bro. You know, I think I did a whole podcast about my workout regiment.

There's a podcast somewhere in there in the archives where I kind of talked about what I do and how often I do it and blah, blah, blah. And I think the headline on the podcast is the healthiest podcast you'll ever listen to. because I kind of detail step by step my little workout regime, which works for me. I don't know if it'll work for you, but it's, you know, something to think about. So check that out if you're really that interested in my guns.

What? Oh. Oh. Okay. That sounds a little tense. Holy show. Okay. Well, now apparently he's on the line and he's pissed.

Oh, great. well it looks like commander inspector colonel lieutenant uh first commander corporal major tom doughty's calling in i guess he heard he heard the phone call roger great oh that's all i need is that guy mad at me okay well i guess put him through and i'll just let him know that it was just one of our our pavement pounders having a little fun he doesn't have to get all upset about it all right well he's on the line let's put him through here we go corporal major tom dowdy lieutenant senior vice president put him through uh hello uh corporal uh major tom uh right lieutenant uh safeguard um running back dowdy are you there sir hello civilian uh yes sir how are you today

I've been better civilian. I'm not in a good mood. I'll tell you that much. Uh, listen, before we get off on the wrong foot... Before you say another word. I just want you to remember that I saw men die in the battlefield for the United States of America. No, no, I get it, sir. We know you're a patriot. We know the time you've put in in the military. We know... You don't know Jack. And neither do your listeners. You know, I tune in and listen to your show. I sit in the backyard with a lemonade in my hand

and a shotgun in my other hand, and I listen to your goddamn show, civilian. And the least I can expect is a little respect and civility from your goddamn listeners. Sir, I think people respect you. But nothing. You know, that last caller, that millennial making fun of me, and what I did for this country, do you have any idea of what I did for this country,

civilian? Well, I think we do know, sir, and I apologize. I crawled through the mud of Vietnam with an electricial up my pant leg. and every time I moved my kneecaps that little bastard sent a shock through my ball sack of 150,000 volts. Sir, I get it. And I couldn't move

because I was surrounded by the men of the Vietnam Communist Army and every time I breathed That goddamn electric eels shocked my balls so hard. They looked like bingo balls rolling around in a bingo machine at the community center. You know what I'm saying, civilian? Yes, sir. I get it.

I know electric eels can be very powerful. They can shock an alligator into submission. So why don't you picture my balls bouncing around in my nut sack and smoking? They're like two wantons bouncing around in a bowl of wanton soup civilian. They're hot, they're clammy, they're all wet, and I can't make a move. And you know why? Because I'm laying in the swamp for the United States of America. So people like your last caller could have a fucking Prius and drive around.

They could go get a fruit smoothie over at Yogurt Land. They could go over to Starbucks and get a Frappuccino, Papachino, Capa Mapa, fucking Wap, a, smack a fucking snappa and the wicka-wacka-pick-a-pac-a-moth-pac-a-mug-a-ug-ug-a-whip-cream-covered shit-and-fucker. Okay, sir, we get it. We get it. I wasn't finished, sir, I wasn't finished, sir, I am.

Micawaka, Funkamaka, Papua Chino, Fukuoka Nuka, Makawaka, chingamonga, Wonga. Sir, you're starting to sound like an Eskimo.

I crawled to the swamps of Vietnam. I hid in the treetops in Cambodia. You know what it's like to snuggle up in a monkey nest. A monkey covered with SARS all over its bodies and fucking monkey fleas

and monkey ticks getting in my hair sucking blood out of my pores. Yeah, that's right. And I did all that. The United States of America. Some nights I'd wake up in the middle of the night.

And I think I'd gone blind. But guess what, civilian? There was a monkey ass sitting on my face. Sir, I, listen, you don't have to tell us these stories. There was a furry, warm monkey ass sitting on my face. A monkey butt cheek over each eye. And you know what that means, civilian?

No, I don't, sir. That means there was only one place for the monkey's ass. Okay, sir, please stop. Right on my fucking nose tip. That's right. I looked like an e-walk at an all-night pumpkin pie sex festival. Sir, are you okay? I had a monkey-ass cheek on each eye and a swollen spider monkey anus on the tip of my nose,

and I looked like an EWalk that had just been hit by a Mack truck wandered into a Denny's for help and they were so freaked out they smashed the little hairy fuck in the face with a $5 Walmart fry pan. Oh yeah, that little EWalk had fucking ham spray, butter,

olive oil, and a Denver omelet in the middle of his fucking EWalk forehead. Sir, sir, please, you're making me vomit here. That's horrible. So when your listeners call in, and they want to make fun of corporate Dom, chow, Bing, Bong, Willie Wong,

fucking corporal student, pow-wow, fuck-face, Tom Doughty. Well, you just remind them the sacrifices I've made for this country, civilian. Oh, yeah, I remember one night I was tunneling under the ground in Cambodia. Guess what? I came face to face with a fucking gopher. This thing had teeth longer than Marie Osmond's fat little legs.

This thing came at me with saliva coming out of its mouth like fucking Oscar De La Jolla at a fucking all you can eat vomit festival Sir, are you okay, it seems like you're drifting a little bit I'm just trying to tell you

I'm trying to remind the millennials about the sacrifice sir are you choking maybe I am I'd never tell anyone though But the sacrifice I made Civilian goes way beyond anything

These millennials will ever do What's the worst they do get up And maybe there's a scratch on the bumper Of their Prius Oh Maybe they didn't get enough whipped cream On their Starbucks drank Oh

Maybe, holy fuck, they're, uh, you know, they're penny loafers. Uh, got a fucking grape juice stain on them. Well, I'll tell you about stained civilian. I got blood stains all over my clothes. I got blood stains in my armpits. You know why? because that's where I put little Vietnamese soldiers in a headlock

and I cut their scalps off with a machete, put them on my fucking eyebrows and pretended I was a Russian diplomat, a big, bushy Russian eyebrows made out of Vietnamese soldier's scalp. And sometimes, when I was really lonely,

and put their scalps on my my face and pretend there was an E-Walk. Yeah. Let me tell you something, Sibillion. Sir, this is getting a bit meandering. I said, let me tell you something. Oh, sir, you were talking about E-Walks.

Exactly. Let me tell you something. Go ahead, sir. Yub-nob. Pardon me, sir? Yub-nob. What is that, sir? Gub, nub, yub, gub, gub, nub.

Are you talking an Ewok, Colonel, Professor Doughty? Yub-nob-bub-nub-nub-nub-gub-blub-blub-blub. Nubble-gub, nubble-gub, and that's the type of shit I would say. Well, I had a Vietnamese scalp on my face. Sir, yeah, you're regressing. here. Again, I apologize for my listener, kind of mocking your voice, but please know that we all respect you. We all are very proud of you. We are very mindful of your service. Sir, you got to stop talking EWalk. I feel like you're having like a flashback or something.

Nub-gub, sub-gub. Okay, we're going to hang up so we don't understand EWalk here. Well, how about this? Do you understand this? You and your ungrateful listeners can go and suck a giant bag of $20 cucumbers. And I hope when you crap them out, they come out sideways and stretch you open so wide that you could swallow a truck full of basketballs. That's what I hope.

Sir, that's disgusting. Go fuck a bald koala, you sons of bitches. Whoa. Whoa! Holy crap. He was pissed, Roger. Did he hang up for real? Holy shit.

I don't like getting that guy mad. Look, pavement pounders, listeners, please, out of respect for Corporal Lieutenant, Sergeant Major Tom Dowdy, let's just not, in the future, let's steer clear of making fun of him, trying to imitate his voice. He's been through a lot, and I think when he gets stressed, when he gets upset, he regresses, he gets discombobulated, he flashes back, He, it kind of derails him a little bit. And he, you know, he points his anger at me specifically because I host the show and I have to take the brunt of your, you know, kind of ridiculing him a bit. So just I'm going to ask you to hold back, please, on, you know, mimicking corporal lieutenant Tom Dowdy. Okay.

If you're listening, sir, we apologize. I understand why you're. Mad. We have no right after all you've done, all you've been through your service to the country to make light of any of it. So there we go. Well, on the show there with a very sincere apology, okay? Holy smokes. Let's see, what can I tell you, though? Let's shift gears quickly. I want to say thank you to everyone who came out to see me in Vancouver. Had a great show in Vancouver last weekend. really fun time, really fun town, great people.

And also to Anna Harris. You know, you know the girl from the Anna Ferris, I should see that. The girl that does all the scary movie movies, you know, the little blonde girl. I think she has a sitcom on TV right now called Mom. Cute little blonde girl, and we saw each other on the plane. We'd met a few times over the years in Hollywood. So she asked to come out to my show. So she came out to the show and had a blast and said some very complimentary things.

So, Anna, if you're listening, thank you for coming to the show in Vancouver. And just a great time. My next show, folks, will be in Tampa, Florida, June 1st at the improv, June 1st to June 4th. So that'll be a lot of fun. And then following that, I'll be at the Brea Improv, Brea, California, June 15th through the 18th. So, again, another really cool set of shows. And here's a special announcement I want to tell you about. And I don't know if you live in the California area, but I will be taping my new stand-up comedy special in Irvine, California on June 22nd at the Improv.

It's a beautiful club, 600-seat club. It looks like a theater in there, and I'll be shooting in there on June 22nd. But here's the hook. I'm shooting, I think this is a first. I am going to be shooting my special as Carmel Corn the Pug. Yes, that's right. I have this crazy pug mask, and I'm doing my whole special as a dog. you're the first to hear about it.

I'm telling you now, it's going to be ridiculous and weird, and I have this crazy mask that covers my whole head and the mouth articulates. And when I move my mouth, the pug's mouth moves. And it just looks ridiculous. And, you know, I've been trying to figure out when do I want to do my next special and I haven't been inspired

because I want to do something different and something stimulating. And then one day, Not too long ago, I put this silly mask on, and I was like, wait a minute. Ding, the light went off, and I was like, this is going to be my next special. Harland Williams as Carmel Corn the Pug. So if you want to be part of the live taping, you can get tickets at the Improv.com or at my website, harlandwilms.com.

We have a link to the ticket sales. I think it's 20 bucks. And we have an early show and a late show. One night only, it's a Thursday, the Irvine Improv, June 22nd. So come on out if you want to come to one of the weirdest stand-up comedy tapings ever. You're going to be seeing a dog do stand-up. It's going to be ridiculous and stupid and weird and funny and silly and I can't wait. And if you can't make it, remember, it is a stand-up special,

so it will be available out there. in the digital world, once we get it all put together and edited and yada, yada, yada. So there you go. I'll talk more about it on the next podcast so I can fill you in a bit more. So June 22nd, the Irvine Improv. If you want to write to me, write to me at harlindwilliams.com. You can also leave me a voicemail. Just don't do Tom Dowdy, please.

323739 43330 it rings for about 5, 6 times before the machine picks up. You're just talking to a machine and you can leave any type of message you like. 323, 739, 43330. That number is on the website, harlan Williams.com. While you're there, you can go on the podcast page, become a premium member. You can, for $20 a year, you can get all the podcasts I've ever done every episode of the Harlan Highway, one of which is the episode

where I talk about my health and fitness regime. And you can find out how I got my big fat guns, as that one listener pointed out. Ha ha ha. And that's it, Nan. Don't forget to get our free app on your telephone, your cell phone. Just go into your app store,

type in the Harlan Highway, and boom, baby. You're good to go. You can listen to the Harlan Highway wherever you may be. And that's it, man. Don't forget to check out Puppie Dog Pals, my new Disney show every Friday morning on Disney and Disney Jr. And don't forget to pick up my new record album,

my music album with my cousin Kevin Hearn called The Cousins. Rattlesnake Love. It's on iTunes. We got like 11 cool songs on there. Download it today. and have some fun listening to some rock and roll tunes. And that's it, babies. That's all I got.

I got to go, you know, peel my face or something. Until next time, thanks for being here. Chicken. Chao me, baby.