The Harland Highway - 871 - ENDANGERED SPEICIES, an expert discusses. Harland's Animal attack stories.

Episode Date: May 22, 2017

871 - ENDANGERED ANIMALS, an expert discusses. Harland's animal attack stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, baby. This is Harlem Williams here on the Holland Highway, trying to sound a bit like Elvis, but it's not really working, so I'll just bail out of this voice right now. Hey, everybody, it's me, Harlem Williams. Thanks for being here. Welcome to the show. An important show today. We are going to be talking about endangered species. Did you know there's an endangered species day that just went past, and you're going to be shocked and startled to hear about how much trouble many of the species on our planet are in, And, you know, maybe we can do something to prevent it. So sad.

Also, on that same note, we're going to have a, we're going to have a botanist call in from the United Kingdom to discuss, to discuss some of the highlighted species that are in the most severe trouble. So that should be interesting talking to a professional about it. Also, we'll be talking about North Korean news. There's always news breaking out of North Korea, so we'll be jumping on that. And then in keeping with the animal theme, you're going to hear me do a live stand-up comedy performance where I tell three stories about being attacked by animals in the wild. These are real stories, real events that happen to me.

It's a little bit silly. It's a little bit outrageous. It's a little dangerous. I hope you enjoy it because this podcast, is dangerous. It's the Harland Highway. Sit down, strap in, and

tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. No! No! I didn't bargain for this. Oh, yes, you did. Chick-a-chic-cha. Chica-chic-a-ch-ch-chall. Oh, Maine, baby.

And the creature from all the spayy. Please don't stop. I got to see that. Ugly face. Magnificent performance. This is the Harland Highway. I hate you.

Well, that's the way it goes. What do you say? We get down to business. Yep, let's start the show with something. Yep, let's start the show with something that I think is quite. important, rather important to all of us, all of us human beings that inhabit this giant globe we live on. I don't know if you're aware of this or not, pavement pounders, but there is a day called Endangered Species Day, which just passed us by. And I thought we should take a moment to discuss,

to review, to shine the light on Endangered Species Day. so here's an article it says many species in peril on endangered species day which you know doesn't mean they're in peril just on that day they're in peril right now in perpetuity unless we do something about it here's the story important in my mind from climate change to habitat fragmentation pollution and human conflict, species around the world, are facing a slew of threats to their survival. The National Geographic Photo Arc Project

aims to capture photos of every species living in the world's zoos and other protected areas before they disappear. Isn't that horrible? And I hate to be the guy that just talks. Isn't that horrible? Soon the species will be gone. It's just horrible. Like, I hate it that that's all I can do.

That's all I can say. But what do I do? What do I do? Okay, I send $500 to the World Wildlife Fund. I stop what I'm doing. I dedicate my life to traveling to the rainforests and making a human chain in front of the loggers. I go to Africa and paint my face and prowl through the underbrush and shoot poachers.

the blow dart, like, the problem is there's just too many humans and not enough resources to stop the bad people and not enough for, you know, humans to stop their own destructive ways with the encroachment and the destruction of natural habitat where these dwindling species live and thrive or try to thrive and reproduce and survive and survive. And so sadly, almost all you can do is go, isn't it horrible? Oh, gosh. And I feel freaking horrible. So I'm not at a position in my life where I can run down and do something.

But what I can do is maybe illuminate people listening to the show and maybe someone who is in a better position to go down or directly help these animals. then maybe this might inspire them or this may create some type of movement. And I do try to do charity benefits to benefit animals. I do try to donate money to animal charities. I mean, it sucks when you live in a big city and you've got a crazy life and a busy career. And you don't know what to do. I think all of us kind of feel kind of handcuffed and hog-tied.

and we just kind of maybe turn a blind eye and kind of know in the background that species are disappearing forever and as much as many of us love animals if you peel away all that sentiment and all that emotion, the reality is, well, what can I do about it? What do you want me to do? Leave my job and go down to the jungle

and stand guard over a nest across, rocket aisles? And it just sucks. The solution is that I wish we didn't have poachers. I wish we had land barriers that were enforced. I wish illegal logging could be stopped. I wish pollution, the dumping of toxins into fragile ecosystems, could be eliminated. And we all sit back here and go, well, it's not me.

I go to my office every day and I go home. but indirectly it's all of us and that's what the problem is when you flushed your toilet when you start your car when you go to work when you throw away garbage when you put garbage out at the curve

all this stuff all this mass all these liquids and gases that we create just get shifted around the planet and very often they get shifted to these ecosystems that can't handle them and the wildlife and the plant life within those ecosystems suffers.

It's grim, it's horrible, and I don't know what to do. But maybe reading this to you, maybe somebody somewhere has a solution. I feel like a bit of a lame duck, not being able to do something. But let me keep reading, as the world marks Endangered Species Day, which had just passed on May 19th. Let's take a look at some of the species that have been featured in the photo arc project

and some of the startling statistics about endangered species. See, it pains my heart to even read these. I'm already, like, feeling horrible and guilty and insufficient that I'm not doing my part somehow. And maybe all of us are feeling that. And what do we do? Is there an answer? Maybe this reading this can help.

Here we go. More than 23,000 species on the UICN. Red list are threatened with extinction. That's not endangered. Extinction means gone forever. 41% of the world's amphibians threatened with extinction. 34% of conifers. I don't even know what a conifer is. Now I feel like even more of an idiot.

is that plants? Is that, I don't know what? Is that birds? What is a conifer? I'll find out. We'll get back to it. 33% of reef building corals. 25% of mammals. 25% of mammals and 13% of birds are threatened with extinction. I think conifers is plant life. I'm going to go with that. I could be wrong. someone correct me here's the red list database so i'm guessing red list means right on the cusp of being gone forever 120 to 230 florida panthers are estimated to be in the wild

in 2016 32 florida panthers died from being hit by cars according to fish and wildlife if you don't know what a florida panther it basically looks like a mountain lion. It's a mountain lion. It's a Puma. Florida Panthers is just another name for it because they're located in Florida, primarily down near the Everglades

and in some of the areas that still aren't inhabited by hotels and condos and seashell shops and cheesecake factories and, you know, McDonald's. Ay, aye, aye. beautiful cats 230 left on the planet how long do they have gang well all the kids are partying

on spring break getting inebriated acting like morons a beautiful species of large predatory cat is hanging by a nail here's another one

500 or fewer cross river gorillas live in the wild now here's a bad joke why don't they just cross the river where it's not idiot no i'm not going to make jokes about this uh 500 fewer or fewer cross river gorillas i don't know what those are but i'm assuming they're located in africa where guerrillas live and they're a subspecies of the silverback or the mountain gorilla 500 gang imagine if there was 500 humans left. What would that look like to you? Five hundred humans huddled in a hotel in Palm Springs. 59% of all the carnivore species weighing 33 pounds or more are listed as threatened.

59. So if you weigh more than 33 pounds, your days are numbered. Likewise, 60% of all the herbivore species weighing 220. 20 pounds or more are listed as threatened. This one, this next one really hurts. 700 or fewer Sumatran tigers remain in the wild. The biggest of all the cats, the tiger, one of the most beautiful, stunning, it's orange and black and white coat. It's orange eyes, its size, it's, oh, my God.

how big is planet earth everybody how big is this planet how enormous how gigantic how much acreage is on this planet how much land is on this planet and we only have room for seven hundred or fewer tigers shame on us shame on us 1,447 species in the U.S. are on the threatened and endangered species list, according to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. So now we're getting close to home. This is where you live. 945 plants in the U.S. are on the threatened and endangered species list. Not the marijuana plant, I'll tell you that.

They're going to make sure that one survives, aren't they? The number of endangered species fluctuates as species are removed and added to the list, which isn't exactly short. And while the numbers may seem daunting, there is hope, okay? The good news is that we can save most of these species, but we have to pay attention and leave some habitat intact. We can't convert the entire surface of the earth to farm or cities and remain unscased. well that's just common sense

so maybe that's something we can all do okay can we can we figure out a way can we maybe we can send letters to our government maybe we can mark more areas of land for for parks and just preserve stuff and coral reefs and we got to do this stuff before it's too late So if nothing else, at least I can plant the seed in your head

and raise your consciousness and make you aware and maybe somewhere down the road or maybe today or tomorrow, this little segment gets in under your skin and you do something proactive to help stop the momentum of extinction. Because guess what, gang, when they go, when all the critters and the coral reefs and the trees go and the plants, we go with. And to be honest, this may sound morbid.

I don't care. I don't care if we go with. I kind of wish we would go with so that, you know, we, the parasitic humans, the destructors of the Garden of Eden, could get the hell off the back of the dog, metaphorically. and this planet could regenerate with its millions, if not billions of species that all work in harmony and aren't out to destroy Mother Earth. Yeah, be honest.

Look at yourself in the mirror, gang. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than

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discount and a 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. You may be a naturalist. You may eat granola bars and be a vegan, but just your mere existence on the planet with all the multitude of billions of people. We're stomping it into the ground, man. So not to be a downer, but let's keep it positive. and just say, hey, let's all be more aware and try and find a way to do something to stop the madness

and save our brothers and sisters who live in the jungles, forests, rivers, lakes, streams, skies, and oceans, and the dirt. And in my bed, all the bugs and snakes and fleas and dirt mites and, no, I'm kidding. So there you go. We'll open with that story. and let it sink in.

Roger, let's just move along. Move along. I feel a right. But I must admit you've got the best of me. Getting down so deep a good to drown. I can't get back the way I used to be. Yeah, kept on looking for us on. All right, speaking of animals and critters and whatnot and so forth and so on,

I did a stand-up comedy show just a few nights ago, and I want to share it with you. It's not your basic typical stand-up. This was a show. It's called a storyteller show. And basically, I was getting ready for, this is a show that they're going to tape and, put on TV, and the gist of the show is that you get up, and instead of doing traditional

joke telling, and stand-up comedy like, you know, set up, punchline, you know, that type of thing, the gist of it is you get up and you tell a story, about a 10 or 15-minute story, that hopefully you can inject with humor and captivate an audience. And so when they asked me to do it, I thought, well, one of the most dramatic things, in my life is that, you know, on several occasions, I've been in confrontation with nature full on. And I've actually been, you know, in danger in nature on many occasions. And so I thought for my storytelling, my comedy storytelling, and I don't know how funny it is, because, you know, literally I could have been killed, I decided to tell three quick stories of different animal

kind of attacks that happened to me or animal confrontations or animal, you know, things that could have ended badly for me. And so here it is. This was the first time I'd ever done it in front of a live crowd. I'd never really told these stories in front of a live crowd. And so some of it kind of works and some of it doesn't, but it's kind of the first time I did it. So I'm just getting it on his feed, and hopefully it's nice and polished by the time we shoot the TV show. But I thought it would be fun to listen to and keeping with our endangered species story. Let's just put it this way. I was almost an endangered species on several occasions.

Let's have a listen. It's the hall of wood. Great crowd, great assembly here today. Holy smokes. I'm going to tell the story. I've got three stories. I don't know if I should be alive to tell them, but. Here they are, gang.

I don't know how many of you have ever been attacked by a wild animal, but I got three that came after the kid and still allowed to talk about it. Let's start with Numeru Uno, which is French and Mexican mixed together, Numeru Uno. I was working up in northern Canada on the shores of Grand Old Lake Superior. I know most of you have probably canoed there, skinny-dicked, peeled koala meat from a femur. But I was driving around in my half-ton truck on an old lumber road, dirt lumber road, I was all by myself, and I'm driving just in the middle of nowhere. And all of a sudden, it was a grassy knoll, you know, for the bulldozers had cleared the road and left a pile,

and grass just goes like a grassy knoll, not the type you're thinking, like the JFK. Like it wasn't a grassy knoll in the middle of the forest and Lee Harvey Oswald was up on a birch tree waiting for me. And by the way, it never occurred anyone that Lee Harvey Oswald hated fried chicken? Well, let me finish, when he was up in that book suppository that night, he had just come, I read the research a day earlier, he'd come from a doctor's appointment where his cholesterol was through the roof. And this guy was so pissed, he got up in that goddamn book suppository. There was a KFC just down the road, and this guy started taking pot shots at the KFC, just as JFK drove through.

So this guy was going for KFC and got JFK, so it was a big screw-up, but anyway, big mix up. So anyways, I'm driving along, I see a grassy knoll, little fella, I look, and there's a full-grown moose. There's a moose, the largest member of the deer family, right up on the top of this grassy knoll, and I'm like, holy fuck, hey?

So I stopped my rig. I stopped my three-quarter-ton pickup, my dog ran. I skid along the gravel, probably ran over a few monarch butterfly larvae. But, you know, if you can crawl on the road, fuck you deserve to be squished. I get out of my truck and I'm thinking this giant hoofed mammal,

hairy mammal, biggest member of the deer family, will surely be spooked, will surely run off like a little field hockey girl with a fucking honey glazed donut stuck to her calumari ring, right? And so I get out and no, the moose just stands there and it's eating the grass on the grassy knoll. It's like putting its giant head down and it's ripping the grass and you can hear it's like, and it's like, you know, moose don't really out of etiquette, they chew as loud as they want. But the biggest deer in the forest, what are you going to do?

You know, punch them in the uder fuss. That's a moose part. You guys wouldn't know it. So I'm standing there, and the moose just keeps eating, and I'm like, wait a minute, let's see if I can get closer. He's not running away. So I move a little closer, and I'm thinking, okay, now I'm pretty close, but he's going to run any minute.

So I started trying to be smart about it, and I go, Well, if I was a moose, what would make me run away? A predator. But if there was something that was a, whatever is not a predator, I don't know the scientific term, I wouldn't run away. So I started pulling up the grass with my hands, just real so like, and then fake is like, you know, I'm like a fucking, you know, Galapagos tortoise at a golden corral. Coleslaw or Rosie O'Donnell Sookin by cuspids.

And so I keep getting closer. I was like, holy shit, I'm getting closer to the moose. And now I'm like, you know, 25 feet away. So I'm like, I get closer and closer. And all of a sudden I realize I'm like 16 feet away from the moose. And it was only then that my brain started going, what the hell is my end game here? Do I want to get up and pet the moose?

Do I want to go up and like, you know, speedbag that fucking bull sack and hang under its chin? Do I want to roll it over and rub it's belly and extract moose milk out of it? Now I'm like so close I'm terrified and the moose kind of realized it too. And the thing just charged at me.

It turned right at me. But lucky there was a day. tree hanging over the grassy knoll and the moose hit the tree before it hit me it freaked him out and he went the other way and I was just standing there going holy shit lesson learned I don't need to pet a moose so let's uh because this is Hollywood gang let's uh smash cut to uh so smash cut to Rwanda Now I'm in Rwanda because I like to vacation where there's tribal warfare and thousands of bodies float down the river, right?

So I'm in Rwanda, right on the border of the mighty Congo, and up on the volcanoes lives the mighty mountain gorilla, the ones that Diane Fosse used to study until she was murdered by one. day a giant gorilla came into her little cabin and said, What's up, bionch? Punched your face in. So we go up, and there's a rule in Rwanda with the mountain gorillas. You go up with armed guards with machine guns,

because there's political instability, and there's also giant 500-pound gorillas. But the rule is it's a park, and they're an endangered species, so, they're not allowed to shoot the guerrillas if anything happens. You have to sign a waiver. You're at the mercy of these 500-pound mount gorillas that are 100 times stronger than any men in this room, except for you, little guy.

Because you're on riddling. So we go up the mountain and we got trackers and we're cutting through the bush in the jungle, and all of a sudden, after about half an hour, we stumble onto a family of mountain gorillas, the mothers, the babies, and we're standing there 50 feet away. We're not allowed to get closer than 50 feet. If they come close to us, that's their prerogative, but we're not allowed to go closer than 50 feet.

So we see the mothers and the kids, and we're all wondering, where's big daddy? Where's the big guy? Apparently he's a 500-pound mountain gorilla. right the biggest one they've got on record and we're all standing there and all of a sudden almost right out of the King Kong movie all of a sudden we hear you're all looking around just echoing through the jungle right

and all of a sudden the bamboo starts to shiver and just like out of a movie this thing must this guy must have taken acting classes at the brother's talking about a traumatic he literally just like opened the bamboo slid down and just standing there right in front of us. There was about nine of us, right?

And he's just staring at all of us. And I'm looking around, and I'm looking at everyone else, and I realize I'm the only jack-wad wearing a red baseball hat. So now I'm thinking, ole,

Olae, right? And sure enough, this fucking thing locked eyes with me and all I heard from our guy was, he's charging! I'm just standing out. This fucking thing came 50 feet across the jungle, right closer than the moose,

about six feet in front of me, and he turned the other way, and my heart just skipped a deep. And I'm like, holy fuck, hey. So I'm still alive. Let's smash cut. To the Pacific Ocean. Guess who's fishing for salmon off the coast of British Columbia

so far up that he can see Alaska on the horizon line. Yeah, that's right. I'm out there going for the big king salmon. Well, it turns out, in the same waters are these creatures that are the length of four greyhound buses called humpback whales. So I'm out there in a 17-foot boat. I'm all by myself.

I got my bake boy. The lodge gave me a fake boy, this stoner dude. You know, just a fucking kid working in the summer. He's high on weed. And his only job is to put mackerel on my line and throw it out there while I fish. So while I'm out there, I learn that the humpback whales, in order to eat, they go way down to the bottom. They locate a school of fish.

And then they start blowing bubbles. They start blowing bubbles in a big, wide circle. big round circle and the bubbles float up and they surround the schools of fish and the fish technically think it's a net and they get confused and they won't swim through the bubbles and the giant whales come up from the bottom at maximum speed with their mouths wide open huge and they just swallow the whole school of fish so we're fishing for salmon and I see two of these mighty mammals off in the distance you know this like of a football field and I say to the stoner I say would that be something if those little fucking bastards did a bubble circle around our boat?

And he was like, yeah, so we're fishing away, and I swear to God, five minutes later, I'm just looking at my rod, and I look to the side and the water, and all of a sudden I just see, one bubble. That's not right, probably a seahorse farted, right? Then I'm like, boom. There's another one. I'm like, okay, I can live with that. Maybe a sea cucumber squarff or whatever. What's an underwater pussy fart?

What's it called? A queefed. A sea cucumber queefed. And then all of a sudden, boom, boom, boom, and I see, holy shit, the bubbles, right, start going around the boat. And I had the motor run and then I realized I saw, said to the stoner, and I said, dude, they're right the fuck underneath us. He's like, yeah. And I realized I had about five seconds. I put the boat in reverse. I put it in reverse.

I had the wherewithal to pull up my cell phone. And as I'm going in reverse, two goddamn giant whales come right up off the bow of my boat about four feet, two of them, these giant mouths. And I realized if I hadn't moved that boat in three seconds, they would have done. knocked it right over. I could have been in the belly of the whale, like Pinocchio. Instead of with Jimmy Cricket, I would have been with a fucking stoner, right? He went, oh, bro, this looks like Jim Morrison's basement here, right? But luckily, I put her in reverse. Daddy got his ass out of Dodge. Unfortunately, I'm alive to tell you my wonderful stories today.

Hope I don't get shipped by a drive-by bullet on the way home. Thank you very much. Stop this. Stop this. So there you go. There's my wildlife stories. I'm lucky to be alive. And I've known, I realized by listening to them, I've probably got to make them a lot funnier.

There's a few laughs in there, but I got some work to do, man. But that's what's kind of fun about doing this. stuff. You know, I'm out of my element. I'm not used to telling stories. So I got to tweak it. I got to put some spin on it. I got to find a few more spots to put in some humor. I think part of the reason people weren't laughing, too, is because the stories are kind of engaging. You know, you're picturing me in peril, and it probably takes away from the humor because you're like, oh, my God, this guy's going to get freaking eating alive or something. So my job as a comedian as a performer is to try and find that balance between, you know, captivating story and funny.

So hopefully I can pull it off. And once we shoot the show and they get it in a can, I'll let you guys know when it's going to air, where it's going to air, and you can look at the finished result. So there you go. More animal madness. We interrupt this broadcast. for an important North Korean news update. Especially, um-jung-shy-hung-sehshaean-one-daypefoebue's name-yrozening, the U.S.S.S. and North-Jurban Union-Hapdongued War II,

however, we've never been able to make sure, how much had to learn-do-sohnment-do-sohnment, to another banquois-executive, and in this Banquhung-Hawrack that's a We now return to our regularly scheduled programming. We will keep you updated as news breaks from North Korea.

What, really? Okay, great. Awesome. Okay, Roger just got a call from what's her name? Barbara Bundledorp. Barbara Bundledorp from the British Botanical Society has called the show.

This is great. Okay, so she's going to bring us up. to date on, we talked earlier about the vanishing species on the endangered species list, our fragile ecosystem here, so let's get her on the line and let's see what she has to say. Hello, Barbara, are you there, ma'am? Hello, Mr. Williams, yes, how are you today? Great, it's great to have you. Thank you so much for calling.

Well, I hear you show, and I feel like it's a very important topic, and I think it affects all of us equally, and I'd like to share with you if I could some of our research and some of the things that we're keeping an eye on across the globe. Absolutely, and when you say keeping an eye on, do you mean like certain species that are... That are only endangered species. They're right on the very cusp of survival, and I think, You know, by sharing this information that we've assembled over many, many decades, that, you know, everybody can have a broader awareness of, you know, what to look for and how we can each take baby steps to prevent this tragic decline in our natural species around the planet. Wow, I just love that outlook. See, this is what I was talking about.

I felt a little bit powerless, a little bit helpless, that I wasn't able to do anything. But I got to tell you, it's such a comfort to know that people like you are out there and you're keeping your finger on the pulse of this stuff and hopefully preventing this cataclysmic disaster of all these vanishing species. Well, we do the best we can, Mr. Williams. And there's so many species that, you know, people just ought to wear off. Well, if you could maybe enlighten us a little bit.

Absolutely. Let's start with the way. ring-nosed tortoise. This is a medium-sized tortoise that wanders around in the Mojave Desert. I'm sorry, the ring-nosed tortoise? Yes, it's the ring-nosed tortoise. It's got a funny little marking around its snout, and it looks like it has an onion ring on its face. An onion ring? Yes, the very rare, there's only three left on the planet. Three?

Yes. Oh, wow, that's a very... I mean, if we're... talking about the broad desert how do you even track down those three how do you know there's only three well you know um i have a drone oh you fly a drone over the desert yes yes and we've seen three wow okay wow i i'm okay i so that i guess that's a practical way to uh track the ring nose tortoise. Yes, and we also have the Carmelcorn Hummingbird from Indonesia. The Carmelcorn

hummingbird. Yes, there's um, uh, let's see, up 25 left. Wow, 25. I'd never heard of the Carmelcorn hummingbird. And let us not forget the garlic speckled cucumber um, um,

rumenose tree what was that? The garlic butter, cucumber, honey-suckled, tree-toed. Oh, okay. I've never, definitely never heard of it. Where is that? Thanks in the perennial rainforest, Mr. Williams, of South America, the Amazon. Oh, my God. Very exotic-sounding. And we also have the Nutcracker, Fire Sparkler, Salamander, Salamander. pumpkin pie woodpecker.

Whoa, that was a mouthful. Yes, barely where there's, in fact, there's only half of one left. Half of one? Well, it was hit by a helicopter, and somehow it's still alive. Someone saw pecking on a tree recently. Okay, that sounds a little weird. We also have the Mongolian Ghost Draft, a twinkle-toed broccoli giraffe from Africa.

The twinkle-broccoli what now draft? Yes, it's a very rare giraffe. They're only two and a half feet tall, and they live in the brush of... Okay, I've never heard of this. Now, let's not forget we've got the hammerhead mongoose. It's a half-hammerhead shark and half mongues who live in the plains of Africa.

and it eats elephants. What, a mongoose is the size of a house cat. Not the hammerheads, oh my God. They live underground and they come up from underneath and suck. They suck three of your elephants under the earth's crust. What, this sounds like a scene out of the movie Tremors. Also, Mr. Williams, the pygmy hippopotamus. They actually live in your asshole if you go swimming.

What? That's right. If you go in swimming, you. in some of the rivers of Africa. The pygmy hippopotamus when you least expect it will swim laid up your anus and stop burrowing. Okay, who

is this? My name is Felicia Bundlebottom. Roger, who the hell is this? I live in the insane asylum at 45 nutcrack a leg. Hang up on this. Who is this fucking nut job?

How kill you, son of a dick. What the fuck? What was that roger did somebody get a somebody in an insane asylum get a hold of a of a telephone line that was ridiculous barbara bundle broop thank god she's gone what a dork god all right let's move on man let's end the show i can't recover from that madness yye yay yye yay yay play play All right, let's get to some announcements here real quick. Don't forget, June 22nd,

yours truly is going to be doing a live stand-up comedy taping for my new stand-up comedy special, Carmel Corn the Pug. It's me, it sounds crazy, but it's me doing stand-up comedy as a dog. Yes, that's right, as a dog. I have this crazy mask that moves and speaks, and I'm doing my whole hour stand-up set as Carmelcorn the Pug. It's ridiculous, it's silly. I don't know if it's ever been done before, I doubt it.

So if you want to come, the Irvine Improv in California, that's down in Orange County. Go to Improv.com and just type in Irvine, the Irvine Improv, and you can buy your tickets there. We're doing two shows. One night only June 22nd, Thursday, June 22nd. And it's going to be nuts. It'll be at 7.30 and 9.45 each show.

So you decide which insanity you want to come to. So there you go. Also, if you want to see just me without the Carmelcorn get up, I will be in Tampa, Florida, June 1st to June 4th, at the improv down there. And then later in June, I'll be at the Brea Improv in California. Brea is just outside of Los Angeles. That's June 15th to the 18th. And then that's the closest upcoming shows that I can tell you about.

So hopefully you can get out to those and have some laughs. And it's going to be wild, man. It's going to be wild. Also, don't forget, you can write me at harlindwilliams.com. You can also leave me a phone message, 323739, 43330. 323739, 43330. Love to hear from you guys. Also, don't forget, if you want to get the complete library of Harland Highway podcast,

just join our premium membership. you get almost 900 episodes for $20 a year. That's like unheard of. So hopefully you guys can join up. And also I do some special, from time to time, I drop in some special stand-up comedy features and interviews and stuff like that. So all good stuff just for you guys.

What else is going on? Don't forget to get our app, our free app. It's on your cell phone. just go into your app store and type in the Harland Highway and you can listen to the show wherever you may be on your cell phone. Love it, baby, love it. So that's it for today. Hope you had a good time, everybody.

And remember, try and be eco-conscious. Let's see if each and every one of us can find a way to raise awareness and try and help preserve our fellow inhabitants on this great, beautiful, of Eden planet that we live on. I mean, even talking about it, mentioning it to other people might be something. I mean, if we all do a little something, hopefully it makes a difference. So something to think about. Thank you for listening.

And until next time, chicken, chameen, baby. My name is Felicia Bundlebottom. Thank you.