The Harland Highway - 887 - Captain JAMES T. KIRK invades the studio. Burnt mouth lawsuit. Crazy science!

Episode Date: July 17, 2017

Captain JAMES T. KIRK from STAR TREK invades the studio. Crazy NEW science. LAW SUITS from burn victims. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, boy, what a show. This might be one of the sloppiest messiest podcast to date. It just goes off the rails. Captain James T. Kirk sneaks into my studio again. Never a welcome sight. Roger, and yes, I'm looking at you, always lets him in. And then I guess the guy who called in last podcast who had burnt his mouth and his lips in his tongue, Dave Dimmel had burnt his mouth with hot chocolate and he called in and I couldn't

understand a word he's saying, I guess he's pissed off, so he's calling back. And then Roger tells me that Dave Dimmell's lawyer is going to call me too and they're threatening a lawsuit because he says I verbally abused him, which is a load of crap. I mean, it's just insane. And then we're going to be hearing from one of the pavement pounders regarding one of the questions of the day that we did. Are you one of these people who sits by the barbecue and the pool or hiding something? You won't take your clothes off to go for a swim. Someone calls in with a very revealing phone call, one of the pavement pounders.

So it's going to be wild. I guess it always is because, ladies and gentlemen, and this is the Harland Highway. Sit down, strap in, and tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. No! No! I didn't bargain for this.

Oh, yes, you did. Chick-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chall-main, baby. And the creature from all the spayy. Please don't stop. I got to feed an ugly son. Magnificent performance. This is the Harland Highway. I hate you.

Well, that's the way it goes. What do you say? We get down to business. Oh, Harlan. It's Roger. There's someone on the hotline. What do you mean there's someone on the hall? I haven't even started the show yet.

I haven't had one word come out of my mouth yet. Hey, you don't have to yell at me. I'm not yelling, Roger. I just, I have a show planned, and you're telling me there's someone on the hotline. Hello? Okay, so now you're going to give me the silent treatment. I wasn't yelling, Roger. Okay, I'm sorry if I, you know what, I just, I don't want to.

start the show with a fight with you i wasn't yelling just put put the caller through put them through right now and i'll deal with it and we'll get on with the show hello who's on the who's on the line pardon me i said hallelujah today but hello i sent home new today who is this uh i call I was born car because I was the guy to burn my mouth on the hot chocolate. What? I was the guy to call last time because I'd burn my mouth drinking the hot chocolate. I threw my mouth and my lip to my tongue. Did you say hot chocolate, sir?

Yes, I burned my mouth on the hot chocolate and I can't trouble and my mouth is still burning. Wait a minute. Are you the guy that called last podcast? That's what I'm trying to tell you, asshole. I can't have tongue on the pit, and you fucking hung up on him in a fucking, and I've got to burn my mouth on the hot chocolate. Are you the...

Roger, is this the idiot that burnt his mouth and his lips and his tongue on the hot chocolate? Hey, don't call me a fucking, you know, and that, but I can't leave a lip-on-law and you can't. I can't understand a word you're saying, burn-mouth. Oh, you're going to call it burn-mouth? I can't, you might as well be talking Taiwanese, bro, because no one can understand your burnt fucking mouth.

Oh, let's call me a fucking beam at one more time. I'm gonna fucking come down there. I'm kicking fucking energy going on, Kyle. I don't know what you said, dude. I don't have any clue what you just said. All I heard was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blu-blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. You're dumbed a bitch.

I'm gonna fucking get my fucking water. I'm not so I love to get my comment and fucking small fucking law feeling you. Mother and the hot chocolate. If you're dumb enough to burn your mouth on a hot chocolate, bro, and it still hasn't healed up, then maybe you're fucking smart enough to figure out no one can understand you.

Goodbye. Don't you fucking hell up on me. I'm hanging up, bro. Don't you hang up on me. My lawyer's going to call you and tell you my dad. Goodbye, Fokhad. No, start it up. Good bye.

Roger. Not how I wanted to start the show with Burnmouth. Okay, good. Are you glad we did that? Let's move on. Hang up on them. Let's move on. I'm just going to put it behind me,

pretend it didn't happen, and what? The guy's called you, he's calling you, who's calling you back? His lawyer? Are you shitting me? His lawyer's calling. No, I don't want to talk to his lawyer. I got, I got a, I got a podcast to do.

Like, my, my listeners aren't calling to hear Burn Mouth's lawyer. I don't care. Put them on hold, hang up on them. I got a show to do. Here we go. Here we go. Come on, I got, let's do, uh, Crazy News Story.

God, now I'm all flip, play the crazy news story theme, Raj. Jeez. The Harland Highway. Crazy news stories. That's weird. Wow. That's strange stuff. Okay. See, now this is an important story. This is so

this is what I wanted to get to right at the beginning because this is cool and crazy. And instead I got some Burnt-mouth freak calling me. So here's the crazy news headline. Check this out. Space breakthrough.

Scientists teleport photon from Earth to orbit. Oh my God. So in case you're wondering what that all means, did you ever watch Star Trek and they had the transporter beam? And they were able to like transport matter from one planet to the next? You know, that whole Poh! Cot, I'm in the transport room.

Come and get me. You know, remember they'd stand in that thing? So this is kind of that same principle. And let me read you the story. For the first time, scientists have successfully teleported a photon from the ground to a satellite in orbit. I just love this stuff, man. What can't we do as human beings?

you've heard me say it on this podcast before when it is my belief that anything a human can imagine we can eventually make happen like when i was a little kid and i watched star track and i saw the ship going to other planets and i saw them beaming down and i saw they had laser guns i went yeah i get it one day we will have that stuff right now it's sci-fi it's weird but I've always said, I've always maintained the human beings if they have the capability to imagine it, then someday they will make it happen. And it blows my mind. So here we go.

It's been 20 years since quantum scientists successfully teleported a photon over 10 miles, proving that quantum entanglement, a process that Albert Einstein called spooky action at a distance was possible. The very unnatural phenomenon occurs when two quantum objects such as photons share a wave function. Now, most of you listening don't know what that means. Do I? I'm not going to tell you. Since they come into existence at the exact same time and place, they share the same identity, even when separated. What happens to one, happens to the other, wherever it exists.

Kind of like twins, right? In 2010, a team at the University of Science and Technology in China set a record by teleporting photons over 60 miles on Earth. And now just seven years later, they've outdone themselves teleporting photons from a ground station in Tibet, two and a half miles above sea level, to a satellite orbiting Earth more than 300. 110 miles away. Isn't that wild? It makes the first time an object has been teleported from our planet

into space. Finally, we can get rid of the Kardashians. No, I'm kidding. So if I'm reading on, they're saying that, you know, these photons that they transport, they say they're more than identical twins, the two are one and the same.

And theoretically, the sky isn't the limit. Photons are fragile. When they interact with matter on Earth and Earth's atmosphere, they lose entanglement, but in the vacuum of space, they can extend indefinitely.

And while the process won't exactly succeed in making Captain Kirk demolecular eyes, demole your eyes on the Starship Enterprise and remolecular eyes on a planet below,

it has the potential nonetheless to change the world as we know it. Okay, so it's a little wrong off the top. But I still believe that one day we'll be able to do the Captain Kirk thing. Quantum teleportation is seen as the basis for unimaginably high-speed communication and foolproof cryptography. Since the two objects are not twins but actually the same object, what happens to one instantaneously happens to the other.

Okay, so a little heady, a little trippy, a little trippy, a little. little scientific maybe for a lot of us but you know even if we don't understand every single technical term i think we get the gist of it okay the just is that they can they can take something and move it from one place to another without putting it into a vehicle or a an airplane or a rocket ship or you know what i mean so it's it's pretty cool stuff and it's it's just the beginning it's just at the very beginning like you know cut to planet earth in five years or sorry in 500 years maybe a hundred years maybe maybe 50 years i don't know but could you imagine if you're like uh i want to go visit my buddy in australia okay let me

stand on this little circle in my living room press australia and now i'm there i mean you Can you imagine if we got rid of annoying airports and loud and polluting terrorist-susceptible airplanes? I mean, you can imagine if we could just press a button and reappear places? Oh, my God. I mean, it would just be heaven, man. What pisses me off is that I'm going to miss it. I mean, this technology won't be enacted while I'm still alive, at least I don't think. you know

so I'm a bit bummed but all these humans down the road in the future oh my God that that's the beauty of humanity man is the stuff that that's still to come the way things are going to be

the inventions the technology the the creations oh my God you know I mean you're looking at a guy when I grew up, there were no laptop computers or no tablets or

no cell phones. There was no internet. There was no electric cars. I mean, look at all the stuff that's happened. And it just keeps on coming. Man, it can like tax the brain just thinking about it. You know what? I'm going to jump. I'm going to go down to the cafeteria rod and grab a can of Coke or something. Play a commercial, and when we come back, it looks like we're going to have to talk to this Dave Dimmel guy's burntmouth lawyer. All right, play a commercial, and I'll be right back. Here's something totally different. Summer's Eve, Feminine Wash, the first external feminine hygiene wash. It's non-iritating so you can feel fresh and confident every day. Summers Eve Feminine Wash, the first cleanser for women only.

Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, her eight-year mission to seek out new life to boldly go where no man has gone before. To step out into the... Kirk! To step at Kirk! To finally go where no man has ever gone before. Kirk! If you don't mind, I'm trying to...

Kirk, shut it up. Shut the music off, Kirk. To boldly go where no man has ever even gone, ever, ever before. They must travel to... Kirk! Shut, get it off! Hey, everybody. Who won't step up?

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I must control the bridge of the Starship Enter A year mission. I know you're, there's no eight year mission, Kirk. Okay, you're in a podcast studio. Yes, I admit my console looks rather technical. There's a lot of flashing lights and buttons and microphones and sparkly, shiny things. Yes, but it is not, I assure you, the bridge or the console of the USS Enterprise, I must agree, and I'd ask you to speak with respect well on my bridge. It's not your bridge, it's my podcast studio, and what the hell are you doing here? I picked up a transmission concerning transporter beams, beaming things to other planets and other places in our solar system. Yes, I was doing a... I was... I was...

was doing a piece about the transportation of photons, and I made a reference to the USS Enterprise and a transporter room. Yes, which is fictional. It's not a real thing or a real place. I could have you brought up on blasphemy charges. Blasphemy. That is correct, yeah. You're gonna have me brought up because I'm referencing a fake TV show. You're really pushing the boundaries right now with what you just said. I might have to have you court-martialed as well. You can't have me court-martialed. You have no authority.

You're an actor. You're William Shatner. My name is Captain James Dick Kirk of the USS Enterprise. And I act enough. What the hell are you doing here? I heard your story about the transporter beam, and so I transported myself to a Thai massage parlor. What?

I transported myself to a Thai massage parlor to get a rub down, to try and relax my aching space muscles. Your aching space muscles. That is affirmative. Yep. This was a story about they moved one focus. They didn't move a whole human being. Well, I believe that on the USS Enterprise, we can't move a whole human being.

I've been to many different planets, met very, very many different species and races of civilization. You haven't been anywhere. God, I can't even believe I'm engaged in this conversation with you. I'm running out of time. I've just been led into my massage room, and I'm... disrobing and laying down on the massage table. Can we wrap this up, please? What do you mean?

Who's in a massage room? My photons. Your photons. Well, I did hear you say that they're like twins, and whatever one gets on one side, the other one fails. Yes, the other one feels. But this is...

Kirk, you know, you look, confused, scared, and alone. I am confused, a little bit scared, and I'm not alone because you're here. Now, you are not in a massage. Oh, oh, that, oh, right there. Yes, yes, thank you. What are you doing? Hang on, I'm getting my rub. You're getting your rub?

Hang on. Oh, yes, right there, please. A little lower, if you were. A little lower, even more, please. What are you? A little lower what? I'm talking to my sous. she's slowly working her oily hands down my back

and onto my well-lubricated thighs. Oh, God! Are you telling me you can feel this stuff? Absolutely, with my photon twin. Your photon twin who's in, at a time massage place. That's right, it's called Curryfingers in Korea Town. It's a wonderful place. I've been there before.

curry fingers that's correct oh oh oh right there yes oh oh that's nice yeah deep deep rubbing deep yeah oh very nice what stop what are they rubbing deep

my left buttock is getting rubbed very deep right now oh oh oh oh a finger just went into my crack that's okay I am well lubricated my buttox glist with oil and one of the masseuses's fingers accidentally slid down the ridge of my left buttock and the tip of her finger went right into my space hole. Your space hole or black hole, whatever

you want to call it. Stop it, get out of here. This is just, you're not getting massaged in another part of the, at Curry fingers in Korea town. And I hope, you know, Korea and Thailand are two different places. Oh, oh, please shut up. I'm, oh, here it comes. Here what comes. Oh, oh, oh. What is happening? Quiet, please, I'm getting my happy ending. Oh, oh, oh, you're what? My happy ending is about to begin. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Kirk, you're not getting a happy ending in my studio. Oh, please, shut up. You're ruining the moment. I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what, what do you, you, you achieved what, what do you, you achieved what? I just achieved. I just shot into warp speed, if you know what I mean.

Wait a minute. Are you saying that I just achieved? When you see it, did you, my happy ending is over? Are you telling me you just achieved meaning you just had a climax or an orgasm, as Mr. Spock would say? You just had an orgasm in my studio. I didn't have it here. My twin, my photon twin, had an orgasm in Koreatown at Curryfingers. Get the hell out of here.

You're disgusting. I don't believe any of it. And, oh, my God, what is that stain? Why is the front of your black pants all wet? Well, I did tell you that I just achieved. Oh my God, Kirk. You don't have any paper towels handy, do you? Pay...

Get the hell out! Oh, my goodness, there's some space goo on your chair. Oh, my... Take the goddamn chair. Get the hell out. Get out! Get out! I'll attend the men's room and come back for the second half of my massage.

Get out! What the... What the hell? Roger? Oh my God. I'm going to go back to the cafeteria and get a coffee this time. I'm going to get a nice hot coffee and I'm going to bring it back and my studio better be clear and I, oh my God, Roger, play another commercial, play a phone call from one

of our pavement pounders. I'm heading to the cafeteria. Guy achieves all over my podcast studio. God! And get the cleaning lady up here. Ah! Hello? Hello?

Hey, Arlen. It's Bill from Portland. I just listening to your latest podcast on the mystery barbecue guy. Yeah, yeah, that's me. Mystery barbecue guy. I'm never getting a pool in public places and stuff like that. And just because, you know, I look all right with my clothes on and stuff, fine, but I've always, my whole life just kind of had, you know, this set up, you know, that they call the man boobs, which I just shortened the mobs because it's got the extra insulting sound of the moo in it as well. But, yeah, you know, I got a sense of humor about it, but it's no big deal.

but I just feel self-conscious around other people. If I'm high, you know, I'll just wear a tank top and shorts, and I don't have to show the world my moves, you know. But anyway, I just, I'd call and let you know. And, hey, keep up to good work. Doing a great job. Bye. Oh, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.

What a tree. What a nice, honest call we got from Bill. So last podcast I had asked you guys to call in If you knew the reason why sometimes people show up at barbecues or pool parties And they refuse to disrobe and expose their bodies and their skins To go in the pool or just tan or hang out And, you know, we've all run into those people and Bill here

Who is very honest We appreciate the honesty Said that he's one of those guys one of those mystery barbecue guys that doesn't disrobe. And we found out why he's got the man boobs. He's got the man boobs. And you know what, Bill, I was going to say, man, I go, you know, maybe this call was destined to happen.

I don't know how old you are. You sound like you're somewhere between like, you know, 29 and 40, maybe. I don't know. But I was going to say, oh, maybe this is one of those destiny calls where, you know, this becomes the catalyst or the incentive for you to start working out and getting in shape because if you have man boobs, it's usually a sign, and I don't mean this is any insulting or disrespectful way. It's just biology. It's sometimes a sign that you've got a few

extra pounds on the body. But then you said in your voicemail that you've had them like almost your whole life. And I do know that some people are actually born with whether they're lean or hefty. Some people are actually born with, some men are born with breasts that are just, for whatever reason, bigger around the breast area, or they do, they are born with man boom. So if that's the case, that's something, you know, you can actually get that changed with surgery, believe it or not. I don't know if that's something you've ever considered.

But I do know that a lot of plastic surgeons offer that kind of treatment where you can probably kiss your man boobs goodbye if you wanted to. Or if for some reason maybe you are a little heftier and you've been neglecting your body, which I never like to hear. And again, don't take this as an insult. Take this as me caring about you and your health. maybe it's a good incentive to start looking at what you eat

and hitting the gym a little or maybe you're just like you know what this is how I was born I'll live with it I'll you know what when I go to the pools when I go to the things I'll just wear a shirt and I get it dude we're not here to insult you or make fun of you

it's you know I applaud you for sharing and I hope if there's other people listening they call in and share their mystery barbecue, you know, features, if you will. But I get it. Listen, man, I go through bouts where sometimes I feel a little heavier. I've got a few extra pounds on than normal. And I've done it. Or I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to go in the pool, but I'm going to leave my shirt on. Because people seeing my little belly isn't the end of the world, but it just, you know, I'm a bit. self-conscious, just the way you are. We all have that, right? We're human. We're vain. We're vulnerable.

We're insecure. We're all these things. But, as I said, there are a few remedies if you ever wanted to, for lack of a better term, clean up the man-boob area. You could go under the knife. Think about that. In a day, they could be gone. your whole life, and in a matter of a few hours, they could be gone.

And you might look at your body and go, holy crap, why didn't I do this like 15, 20 years ago, man? My man boobs are gone. Now, that's if you're kind of a regular physique. If you're a hefty guy, if you're chubby, then going under the knife probably wouldn't be a good thing to do, because all of a sudden they'd be gone, but they wouldn't match the rest of your chubby features. And in that case, you have to go, huh, maybe it's time I hit the gym and get in a little better shape.

Or you can just keep motoring along and go, you know what, I'm fine with everything. Life is good. So what if I don't, you know, so what if I leave a shirt on at the pool? It's a lot easier than going to the gym three times a week or going under the knife. so whatever you decide we we love you either way whoever you are whatever you the the idea of

the of the revealing your hidden body parts wasn't to humiliate you it was just a i wanted to kind to get a grip on what people were hiding under there and i get it man boobs so that's number one thank you for the call thank you for being so candid and if anyone else wants to call in and share their uh their shame no i'm just kidding if they want to share the body parts they're hiding when they go to a social gathering outside three two three seven three nine forty three 30 three three three three three three three three and what this guy's on the phone now oh come on man i don't want to talk to a lawyer i just had captain james t kirk in here doing something something unseemly.

No, I don't want to get sued. All right, put them through. God. Now, okay, folks, here we go. So last podcast, a guy with a burnt mouth called in. He could barely speak. And I hung up on him. And now he's phoned again this podcast.

I hung up on him again. I can't understand him. He's wasting my time. And so now he's pulled a hissy fit and his lawyer's calling in. So let's get through this and then get back to business. Put them through. God, let's do it. Hello, is there someone there, please.

Hello, sir. How are you? Yes, who is this? Oh, this is Charles Lockport from the law firm Lockport, Grimes, Davidson, Jackson, Smith, Walters, and Carmichael. Okay, yes, I think I know why you're calling. Well, I'm glad you do. This is a call regarding my client. who was, well, I don't know, shall we say, verbally abused in a public forum on the air over your podcast airwaves?

I don't think he was verbally abused, sir. Well, he left the phone call on both occasions. There was one a week ago, and then there was one today where my client was, you know, very physically shaken, very mentally stressed. And he claims he was verbally abused and that you were using profanity and that you hung up quite abruptly on my client and hurt his ear. I heard his ear from hanging up. I can only report what my client reports to me. Okay, well, so what? I couldn't understand him. He was very difficult to make out anything he was saying.

Yes, sir, but for you to verbally abuse my client, I'm afraid to open the doors. line to a certain litigation. Litigate. You're going to litigate against me because what? Because I hung up on your client? Well, it's a form of them. Well, I think in legal terms, I think it's a form of actus, celebratus, coronarius, and that means... That means what, sir? Well, it means a certain form of prejudice against someone with a speech impediment. And what would you know about that? Because you're a lawyer.

Well, of course I'm a lawyer. I'm talking, I'm representing my client, Mr. Dave Dimmel, but as you can hear, sir, I have a bit of a list. Pardon me? I have a little bit of a list. Okay. And my list has caused me a lot of trauma during my very formative adolescent years, going through high school, being teased and ridiculed by other students because of my impediment. So I can sympathize as Mr. Dimmel and all my clients who are mostly related in this field to some kind of verbal abuse. Okay, so you're a lawyer that specializes in people, just so I'm clear, people with speech impediments? That is 100% accurate.

Okay, so what are we looking at here? Where do we go with this? What are you trying to accomplish? Well, you know, as you know, my client is very offended, very insulted, very upset, and would like some kind of restitution. Restitute? What do you mean? What? I'm talking about Mr. Williams is a financial settlement that helps, for lack of a better term, make all this go away. Make it all go away. Listen, I don't think I broke any laws. I don't think you have a leg to stand on. the fact that your client burnt his mouth on some hot chocolate and then called, he called me, I didn't call him, he called me, okay?

So the fact that he had difficulty vocalizing, that has nothing to do with me. Well, I think your sensitivity to my client and his verbal patterns is very, very discriminatory. It's very cruel, and, you know, because my client sounds like a manatee that just stuck his face in a motorboat propeller doesn't give you the liberty, sir, to mock, ridicule, and criticize him in a public forum where the public is listening in. He sounds like a manatee that was sucking on a motorboat propeller? Well, he also sounds like, you know, he sounds like a fish that's... just finished chewing coral all afternoon and the great depths of the great barrier reef. I mean, let's be honest, Mr. Williams.

We're dealing with facts and truth here that my client's mouth is more mangled up than a, you know, a prostitute's private parts after a long, hard night out on the sunset's trip. What? I'm merely stating the obvious, Mr. Williams, that my client's lips and top. are completely mangled up.

They're burnt, they're scorched. I mean, it looks like my client was performing conalingis on a bonfire. Cow, conalengis on a bonfire! I mean, for you to take advantage of him in such a susceptible state of physicality and very sensitive to how he sounds,

I mean, I just don't think it's proper that you're taking advantage, and using my client as fodder for your show, Mr. Williams, when he sounds like he just stuck his tongue up the asshole of an electric blunder. Well, sir, it sounds like you're making some very demeaning categories of your client yourself. Mr. Williams, my job and my sworn duty as a member of the legal community, is to you defend my client.

And if I have a client that comes through the door, okay, and he's got a voice where it sounds like he puts sandpaper on somebody's ass and licked it for four hours, if it sounds like he maybe got a weed whacker to brush his fucking teeth, pardon my language, sir. And his lips are hanging and dangling like, you know, a county fair prostitute that just, stepped off the back of a soccer team's bus,

and I will do that, sir. Wait a minute. Now, hold on. Some of the ways you're categorizing your client's physical appearance and the way he sounds, I dare say, sir, and I'm not a lawyer, sound almost more cruel and inhumane than anything I said. Mr. Williams, unless you have a law degree hanging on you,

all, Mr. Williams, I don't. think you have the right to make a comment on how I confer, converse, or communicate with my client that has a mouth that looks like you're sucking on landmines in Normandy at the height of World War II. I mean, just because his lips and his tongue on the roof of his mouth look like, you know, somebody shredded a carpet in a fax machine shredder unit doesn't give you the authority to tell me how to communicate with my client. There you go again, sir. Sucking on a landmine in World War II?

Mr. Williams, if you could see my client's mouth, I know you heard it, but if you could see it, it looks like a grizzly bear had its cubs climb down my client's throat, and in an effort to get to its cubs, the grizzly bear rips through my client's mouth. mouth with all four of its paws and just shredded, shredded his mouth and his tongue and his lips like a bowl of shredded wheat, okay? His mouth looks like elephant diarrhea after it's gone through seven bails of hay. I mean, it is just split. Okay, sir, is your client listening right now? Because this is defamatory. You are, you are saying things about your client that pale in comparison to me

getting angry and hanging up I'd rather you didn't tell me how things are between me and my client Mr. Williams. Let me tell you this. Me and fuckmouth have a very good professional professional... Did you say fuckmouth? Mr. Williams, my client's name is

Dave Dimmo and we're very close we're working very close and sometimes a lawyer and his client, when they get close, he'll create nicknames for each other. So when I sit here and I talk about mongo-mangle fucklips, I don't need you to correct me. Mongo-mangle fucklips. Is that what you just called your own client, sir? That is one of the, you know, that is just one of the many. cute names I have

for my client. I've also on a Cateon called him What a Burger Face. I've also called him the lawnmower man because it looks like a lawnmower has run up and down his mouth. I've also called him shitty, shitty, shitty bang, bang

because his mouth... Okay, you know what? You have no credibility. Shitty, shitty, bang, bang. Yes, Mr. Williams. Yeah, well, you know what? You just lost the things you're calling your client. He should be litigating against you. Mr. William.

No, I don't want to hear any more. You've already wasted my time. He wasted my time. Now, you're wasting my time. You might be the worst lawyer I've ever heard of. And Dave Dimmel or fucking shitty, shitty bang, or fucking razor face or whatever you've been calling. We should have a real hard, deep look about continuing

to use your services, sir. Mr. Williams, I am this close to throwing a lawsuit at you myself. Ah, shut up, Lisp face. Get the, leave me alone. I got a show to do. Did you just call me Lisp Face because I had a very... I don't care. Goodbye.

Holy God. My goodness. I mean, is it just me? Was that guy almost more annoying than shitty, chitty bang mouth or whatever the hell he called him? I mean, good God, Roger, can you not put weird people through to my podcast?

Can we just work on that? Look at that. That guy burned through the last little bit of my time here, so we're out of time. But thank you for those of you that called in. I hope you enjoyed today's show. I hope I get the studio fumigated. Captain James T. Kirk achieved in here today. What a messy show, like literally.

What a messy, messy podcast. I'm going to sign off. If you want to call and leave me messages, if you want to tell me what you're hiding under your summer barbecue clothes, you can call me 3,23739, 4, 3.30. It's just an answering machine. It takes about six rings to pick up, so be patient. and you can say whatever you want.

It might get on the show, or you can write me at harlandwilliams.com. We have a contact link there, so you can always write to me. Also, don't forget to get our free app. Just go into your phone's app store and type in the Harland Highway podcast. Boom!

The app is 100% free. You get the 50 most current episodes of the highway. And then if you want to become a premium member for $20 a year, $20, you know, holla, guess what? You get to listen to every damn episode I've ever done. And we're coming up on a thousand episodes. That's a lot of great fun entertainment for $20. What's a movie nowadays?

15, 13 for another, you know, by the time you buy your snacks and pay for parking, that's probably over $20 for one movie. And here you get, you get how many hours, how many years worth of content? It's almost a steal. It is a steal. Stop stealing from me. Stop it. But no, I think you'll really enjoy the premium membership.

Please get it. And from time to time I put special bonus features up on the premium page just for premium members. And also don't forget to check out. our store at harlom williams.com if you're calling 323739 43330 is our phone number and uh yeah i've been getting great feedback on puppy dog pals my new disney cartoon oh my goodness i talked to the the executives over at disney and they're telling me it's a it's a big hit and people are loving it and the toys are now out the toys are they're telling me the toys are going crazy. Everyone's buying

puppy dog pals toys and then tonight I just got I guess they're publishing some puppy dog pals books I just got handed like five books tonight one of them which I wrote I wrote a joke book a puppy dog

pal's joke book full of illustrations and stickers and oh my God it's all just happening it's so cool man so be sure you catch puppy dog pals kids will love it. And also, don't forget to check out my music album with my cousin Kevin from the Bare Naked Ladies Band. Kevin Hearn is my cousin, and we have a band called The Cousins, and we have our new album out called Rattlesnake Love on iTunes. You can go and search it out on

iTunes. You can download the whole album or just download certain songs that you may like. That's been getting some really great feedback, too. So a lot. going on man a lot going on but the best thing going on is having you guys here so thanks for being part of the show thanks for being pavement pounders and do me a favor spread the word we want to get as many

pavement pounders as we can you know tweet it Instagram it Facebook it email it text it whatever you can do to help spread the word and bring listeners to the Harland Highway. It just eventually will lead to bigger and better things. I can, who knows, I can maybe even, you know, pay for an assistant one of these days,

and then that will take the load off me and make it easier for me to create more content and put more time into things, and that would be a dream come true. So every little bit helps. So, yeah, tell your friends to get on the highway and basically really just so they can, and have a fun time and have a laugh, too.

Don't be so selfish. That's it, gang. That's all I got today. I hope you had a groovy time. And until next time, chicken chamein, baby. Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, what are you doing? Why are your eyes rolling back in your head? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Kahn! Kahn! You know.