The Harland Highway - 892 - O.J. SIMPSON interviewed. Corporal TOM DOWDY. LIVE stand up comedy!

Episode Date: August 3, 2017

Charles Parsley interviews paroled O.J. SIMPSON. Harland does STAND UP! Corporal TOM DOWDY calls the show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show we have today! What a show we have today! I can't keep singing. I'm wasting time. We have a very wonderful show to get to today. All kinds of stuff happening today. Lieutenant Corporal, left sergeant, commander Tom Dowdy is calling in. I hear he's upset about something, so we're getting a call from him later in the show.

Also, a new segment we're doing called Harland Highway Comedy Moment. Well, you'll hear a little bit of Harland, that's me, doing some, working on some new stand-up comedy material live at a comedy club. Also, oh my God, the Parsley Papers. We haven't had the Parsley papers for a while. O.J. Simpson is about to get out of jail, or he might be out already. Charles Parsley has one of the first interviews. with O.J. It's going to be riveting and shocking and unbelievably provocative. So get ready for that. Also, the Harland Highway question of the day that involves YouTube.

Some weird, creepy, wild stuff happening on YouTube. And I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's been prey to this. Oh, and lastly, we have our new title sequence. So get ready. Here it is. I hope you enjoy it. This is the Harland Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy. Oh, how perfectly awful. I get my kids above the waistline, sunshine.

I know they take the bandages off. We don't know who we are. We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let me tell you, you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of. Oh, fuck yeah, bud. Just leave us alone. Sit down, strap in, and shut up.

What's going on? What's the matter? I thought maybe if I could kill him, I could make him stop. My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. Who are we? This is the Harland Highway. What? It's the Harlan Highway.

It's a cookbook. It's not a cookbook. It's a podcast. There they are, gang, my faithful pavement pounders. There's the new titles for the next little while. Hope you enjoy them. You know, I like to shake it up a few times a year, throw out some new titles just to keep you and me stimulated.

So there you go. A lot of fun. A lot of cool references that I dig. And, you know, we'll see if you can pick up where some of those references are from. And in the meantime, let's get right into the show here with a very important Harland Highway question of the day. The Harland Highway, question of the day. Okay, here it is the Harland Highway question, ony-one of the day. it's happened to me so many times

it's got to have happened to y'all which means you all have you ever been YouTube distracted do you know what I mean YouTube distracted so you go on YouTube to look for an old rock video or you go on YouTube to you know see a movie trailer

or a clip of something you wanted to research or whatever you're doing on YouTube and as you're kind of looking for what you're looking for, YouTube, for whatever reason, puts up all these little, like, kind of squares. I don't know what else to call them, little squares of other videos, right? They're like little boxes that have a clip from another video. And normally I wouldn't pay them any heed, but lately I've been seeing like, you know,

I'll be looking, let's say I'm looking to see a movie trailer for E.T. or something, right? And all of a sudden I see a little window and it says, Alligator eats baby zebra. I'm like, what? Watch lion swallow leopard alive. Huh? Watch pit bull eat coyote while children watch. I'm like, wait, what?

Watch pride of lions Rip water buffalo to pieces while it's still alive And I'm like, wait, what? Watch giant anaconda strangled tiger and swallow hole. I mean, wait, what? And guess what? I went from going to look at a movie trailer, a retro movie trailer of E.T.

Alleyette found home. to suddenly now I'm watching an elephant being kicked to death by a draught. I'm like, wait, what the? I'm watching a pit bull eat puppies. I'm like, wait, I was going to watch an old 1980s rock video and suddenly I'm seeing a family of zebras get swallowed whole by an alligator.

I'm watching a I'm watching a leopard fight except the leopards fighting like a walrus and it's just insane it's like all these weird nature combat videos and I don't know there's something about them I look I go I'm not the only one

there's like 3 million hits on this thing apparently other people want to see a a pack of wolves eat the head of a baby a baby elk it's very startling but I guess it's

it's just part of human nature to want to see this stuff right or is it just me and I got to be honest while I'm watching it half the time I'm like cringing I'm like oh no I don't want to oh God I don't want to see the koala get swallowed alive by a

a green Burmese python look at its little face slowly getting sucked down into the snake's throat I swear to God I was watching a video the other day of fish eating baby ducks off the surface of the water there there was like a bunch of videos of little baby fluffy ducks swimming with their mother on a lake and all of a sudden a freaking fish comes up underneath and just swallows one of the baby ducks hole. I'm like, oh, I got to see another one of these. And then I saw one where it was watch as rats get caught in rat traps. Sure enough, there's someone set up a camera. Here comes a mangy old rat sneaking out of the woodwork.

Walks up to the rat trap, starts nibbling the cheese. Wham! Right in the head. Just laying in the rat trap, spasming. Blood coming out of its eyes. The cheese flew off into outer space. Who knows where the cheese went? You know, with the impact of the rat trap, the cheese went.

The cheese is the only thing that got away. So I'm watching this damn rat like writh to death. And what is it, man? But like I said, there's millions and millions of hits on these things. So I'm like, who else is watching these? Why are we watching these? What is our fascination with the animal fights and death and watching life and death? I'll tell you the ones I can't watch.

And when it comes to humans, there's even videos on YouTube where you can watch you can watch humans getting it man and I just I can't look a friend sent me one the other day she's like watch this video it's a bullfighter in Spain and he gets gourd and I'm like okay and she goes yeah

the horn comes right through his throat up through his skull pops his eye out and he's running around finds his eye on the ground and picks it up and he's holding his eyeball and I'm like oh god I swear to god I started to watch and I couldn't watch it I it was like the bull was just about to hit the guy and I turned it off I was like no nope nope no it's too close to home man not that I'm a matador but I just I do to watch

humans get why is it you know I can watch a a chihuahua get eaten by a leopard but I can't watch a human being get you know hit by a car Well, I guess the answer is because I'm a human, but either way, all of it's just really sad and morbid and weird. And then the bigger question is, why is there all these videos? We all must enjoy them, or if not enjoy them, just have a curiosity about them because there's so many of them. And I could see it's one thing if like Jeffrey Dahmer and serial killers are posting them, But you look at who's posting them. There's these little picture.

It's kids. It's girls. It's everyday people. And I'm like, good God. What is our obsession with this stuff, man? And I was going to say, what is my obsession? But I can't. There's too many of us watching this stuff.

So I guess the Harlan Highway question of the day is, are you watching this stuff? Are you getting YouTube distracting? Are you watching polar bears eat, uh, you know, dolphins? I don't know, maybe you are, maybe you aren't. All I can say is that's the really weird Harland Highway question of the day. The Harland Highway Question of the Day. Hello everybody. I'm Charles. Charles Parsley, and welcome to the Parsley Papers, the exciting news chat show that dares to take on all comers,

politicians, sports figures, celebrities, and newsworthy people alike. So sit back, get ready, to hear the questions that no one dares to ask on the Pazley paper. Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm Charles Parsley, and today on the Parsley papers I have a riveting conversation with just recently released sports figure some would say cold-blooded murderer O.J. Simpson himself after serving nine years locked up in a Nevada prison, He has finally been paroled and is now ready to step back out onto the street.

So tonight, today, this afternoon, whenever you might be listening to the Parsley Papers, we hope you enjoy this very candid conversation with the renowned O.J. Simpson. Hello, Mr. Simpson. How are you today, sir? What difference should it make? All right then, enough with the pleasantries, O.J., is it all right if we ask you a few direct questions? It's well known that I've been wanting to talk for quite a while. Then let's get right to it, shall we? Did you murder your ex-wife? I've always got along with people. I've always found people interesting.

That's not what I asked you, Mr. Simpsons. I'll repeat the question, sir. Did you murder your wife? Everyone who knew me knew the OJ they saw on TV, the OJ that they work with is the OJ that the guy that they run around with and hang out with. Again, not what I asked you. Mr. Simpson, did you murder your wife? At Christmas, I buy for possibly well over 100 people. I feel like you're avoiding the question, Mr. Simpson. Perhaps I'll circle back to it later. Let me ask this. what will the first thing be you do

once you walk out of those prison walls, sir? Sir? I can say this. Yes? Let me say this. Let me say this. Please do, sir. We're waiting for you to say anything.

You know, I mean, you know, why? Did you kill your wife, sir? Oh, obviously, for, obviously. So you admit you did kill your wife, O.J. Simpson. When does a man have to be held accountable for where he's at? Because you do know that murder is illegal, sir. I'm aware of a... Of the fact that murdering your own wife and cold blood is illegal.

Most of the people that I've ever worked with in my life have become friends, and they will say I'm the same guy. Once again avoiding the question, Mr. Simpson. Let me switch gears here. When you get out of prison, after being isolated from people you love so long, will you seek affection from other people? Will you get together with other human beings and get physical? My son and I, he's 25, we kiss. I beg your pardon, sir.

You know, my young son and I, we kiss. Are you telling me you make out with your own children? We're kissers and huggers. And which do you prefer the younger or the older? My younger kids. So, wait a minute. So you like to kiss your own kids? And hug my kids.

Including the 25-year-old, sir. My son and I, he's 25, we kiss. And this is okay to you, sir? I'm a toucher. I'm a hugger. Everyone who knows me knows I'm a very affectionate person. Did you murder your wife? To be honest, I like me.

That's not what I asked you, sir. Did you murder your wife? I like my image. Did you murder your wife? I'm sorry, I'm getting a little pissed. I see, sir, and are you getting angry enough to murder again, Mr. Simpson? Maybe, maybe. All right, then, sir, for the sake of my crew and myself and all of our safety,

I believe I will end the interview right here. Is there any final words you'd like to say before we conclude Mr. O.J. Simpson? I've never walked into a shoe store and asked for a name pair of shoes ever in my life. And that's it. That's all you'd like to say. I like me. And on that note, we'll end it right there. Thank you for your time, Mr. Simpson. Good luck on the outside.

That's all we have time for today. I hope you enjoyed our very candid interview with The Juice O.J. Simpson. Until next time, I'm Charles. Pawsley, and these are the Pawsley Papers. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping

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Stand up comedy moment. Man, I went on the internet. You ever go on the internet, buddy? Ever been on the internet? Anybody ever do this? Do this internet thing? You never done it, but try it, it's fun. But here's the thing.

How many of you have ever, like, felt a little sick, right? You got a little weird cramp or a pain you've never had before? And you're like, fuck the doctor, man. I'm going on YouTube, right? Right, you go on the internet to try and self-diagnose? like diagnose yourself? I had like a little stomach cramp like three weeks ago. I went on the internet and 20 minutes later I thought I had leukemia, herpes, leprosy, and ovarian cancer. What the fuck? Like I got so paranoid. Instead of just going to Rite AIDS and getting like a box of Tylenol, right? I go get an ultrasound.

I go in an ultrasound. I have seven golden retriever puppies in my womb. I don't want a puppy? I want to give them birth to a puppy real soon. Okay, let's move along. Who likes jump food? Let's jump over to that topic. Do you like jump food? Do you like it? What do you have gnarling on there, gnosch child?

What are you gnawsing on there, Galapagos tortoise lips? What, ouch, I know. Chips and salt. I'm not like junk food, like, you know, franchise bullshit, huh? Be like, what do you go for, guy? Late at night, you got the munchies. In and out. In and out, bro.

Right on. What do you get it in and out, brosh? Double, you know. Double, double, roll it up like a double-decker bus on the streets of London with a little lettuce and mayo on it, brosh, right? Anyone who went to this place, five guys? Holy shit, don't go there, five guys. I walked in, thought I was getting on a gay boat cruise, right?

I walk in there's a guy in an apron, he's like, hi, welcome to five guys. And now there's six of us. Who else to play with the potato? Worst name ever, right? Fucking, five guys. fucking horrible name five guys in a glory hall how about that wow five guys in a glory hall double cheese me on that that's a new uh new segment right

roj i like that you put that together very cool so we so that'll be like a thing we're going to do like just a little comedy like a little slice of my stand-up comedy act I like that. Okay. So, you know, I'm always working on new material, new bits, new stuff in my stand-up act. So this is a great way to just kind of throw it out there for people to hear it. Because obviously, you know, you can't always get to the comedy club to see the kid do his stuff. So that bid I just did there, that was a brand new bit I'd never done it before about the internet thing.

The five guys thing, I've done it about four or five times. but that was cool man very cool um i think there was a little bit i did in that act too or some guy got smart with me later in the show and i went at it with them maybe maybe we can play that in a little bit it's kind of a follow-up to the five guys thing can we play that later okay we'll play a little more later but uh i think that's a new little bit we're gonna do the Harland Highway comedy moment. I like it. All right, what else we got going, Rod?

Any, oh, someone's calling in? Who? Oh, wow, okay. But before we put them on the line, though, I want to, can I play the rest of the five guys thing? Because I feel like people are going to forget it. I know we already just did the bet. Can you play the last part where I got into it with the dude in the audience

and he was a smart ass? Okay, play that bit just so people can hear it And then we'll pick up this phone call Okay, play it, Roger, here we go This is more from my stand-up comedy night And some guy being a smart ass in the crowd What's your name, bro? You seem like a nice guy You're nice guy?

No, all right, let's move on What's your name, bro? I'm Matthew McConaughey, yeah, you wish, bro. What's your name? Matthew. Matthew. You just threw the McConaughey on there. That's what you call her.

That's what you call her. When you're making love, you give her a guy's name. Have you been to five guys? Hello, my Matthew. Anyone else want to fuck around? Oh, I love that. I love it when a bit I did earlier comes back around into play, and I get to use it, man.

You know, that guy, he just, like, walked right into it. Thought he'd be a smart ass and just, boom, just nailed him. All right, who's on the phone? Let's do this. Who's got on the phone for us, Rodge? Hello, who's there, please? Hello, civilian. Hello?

How are you today, civilian? This is French lieutenant, colonel, fourth star general, lieutenant, half-staff major, colonel. Tom Dowdy, you are a go, sir. What, pardon me? You are a go, sir. Is this you, Colonel, Major Tom Dowdy, Lieutenant? That is affirmative, you are a good, civilian. Yes, sir.

What do we owe the honor of you calling? Just in case our listeners don't know, this is a decorated member of the American military, lieutenant, colonel, corporal, French lieutenant, major, third commanding chief officer, Tom Dowdy. That's right. And you're calling in for what today, or we weren't expecting you to call.

Well, I've been listening to your podcast, Civilian. Okay. And I haven't heard you mentioned the brand new Ford aircraft carrier. The what? The new Ford aircraft carrier built by our military. It's the biggest, strongest, most powerful aircraft carrier ever built in the history. I say in the history of military might. Oh, yes, I've heard about the brand-new aircraft carrier.

It's supposed to be huge. I think the president just kind of, they just launched it very recently. That's right, civilian. And I've been listening to your podcast, and I haven't heard you make one single mention of the new Ford aircraft carrier. and I find that very disrespectful. Let me say it again. Very disrespectful.

Well, I'm not trying to be disrespectful of Lieutenant Colonel, Major French Commander. I mean, we don't generally talk about new military hardware, but... Well, maybe it's about time. you paid a little homage to the United States military. You know, it isn't every day that a aircraft carrier is put together by Ford. Not Ford? That's right, civilian.

The new Ford aircraft carrier. No, no, no. No, I don't think Ford built the aircraft carrier, sir. Well, there you go. I'm not paying attention to the news, clearly. When I watch the news, it's called the Ford Aircraft Carrier. No, it's named after President Ford, sir. It's not actually built by the Ford Motor Company who make the cars.

Are you shooting me? Yes, sir. Ford makes, like, you know, they make the Capri and they make the escort and they make the, you know, they make minivans. I don't think Ford Motor Car Company is making, made the aircraft carrier. Oh, my God. Who hell made with the goddamn Japanese? No, no, no, so it was still made in America.

It just, it wasn't made by a car company. Oh, Christ, I bet Toyota made the goddamn thing, you know. No, no. It wasn't Toyota did not make our new aircraft carrier. I'll tell you what, these Asian people get into everything. All right, they get their hands on every goddamn thing. If we got to have an aircraft carrier, then they got to have a goddamn aircraft carrier. No, no, no, sir, you got it all wrong.

It's called the Ford. It's named after President Gerald Ford. U.S. President Gerald R. Ford, and it was kind of a way to pay a tribute to his, you know, he had a lifetime of service in the Navy and, you know, the U.S. government and so on. Oh, so now you're going to tell me you about the military, are you civilian? No, no, I was just saying I wanted to clear up the confusion that Ford motor car company is not in the business of making aircraft carriers. All right, so now you're trying to make me look like a hairy Vietnamese asshole. No, I'm not trying to make you look like a hairy Vietnamese asshole, sir. And I'll tell you what, civilian.

Yes, sir? I've crawled around in the jungles of Ben Ben Fu and South Vietnam. And I've seen my share of Vietnamese assholes. Okay. And I got to tell you, those are you. Vietnamese people, for the most part. They're balder than the back side of fucking Charles Bronson's fucking heritage. Sir, are you okay?

Hello? Sir? You didn't let me finish civilian? Yeah, well, sir, it sounded like. I lost the connection or something there. Sir? I was about to say that those Vietnamese assholes are... Sir?

Are bolder than the back of Charles. Sir, what do you... You keep mentioning Charles Bronson. Was he a... Wasn't he like a tough guy actor back in the 60s and 70s? You got that right, civilian. Sorry, I don't. little frog in my throat, but let me finish.

Yes, sir, you were saying that Vietnamese, and I'm just quoting you here, Vietnamese assholes are balder than the back of Charles Bronson's hairdo. Okay, I'm not sure what that means. Well, I won't imagine that you would civilian because unlike you, I crawled around in the mud Vietnam I crawled around in the Cyprus jungles and believe me

I saw a lot of Vietnamese soldiers we caught we tied them to a tree ripped their clothes off and I'll be goddamned if you could find one dark hair on their little fucking bodies well you know that

without kind of racially stereotyping anyone it is it is pretty uh common that the asian community has uh you know it seems to have less less body hair the men seem to be smoother and in a lot of cases have less body hair fingers a million and guess where they have no body hair uh on their like mustaches and stuff? Wrong. Right around the ring around the rosy. Ring around the rosy, sir? Ring around the wrinkly rosy. The wrinkly rosy.

I'm talking about a Vietnamese asshole civilian. Oh my God, sir. Are you saying? That's right. There's no hair on a Vietnamese asshole. Sir? Just like grass doesn't grow on the moon. Okay, and what's that got to do with anything? Well, I'm not sure I lost track of what we were talking about.

Sir, if I could just pull us back, I think we were talking about, you mistakenly thought that the new aircraft carrier, the Gerald R. Ford, was actually built by the Ford. motor car company. Oh, yeah. And then you tried to pretend that you know more about the military than a decorated soldier like myself, Lieutenant Corporal, Left Corporal, Five Star Navy Seal, five-time decorated, Captain Lieutenant Tom Dowdy. No, sir, I've never done time in the military.

I would never, ever profess to know more than. you and your military experience. Well, good. I'm glad we've established that, so then, now let me continue. Let me tell you a little bit about the Ford aircraft carrier. Okay, please do, sir. Guess how long it is?

How long? It's as long as three football fields. How about that, asshole? What, wait, uh, okay, why am I an asshole? I don't know, it just felt like the right thing to say. Sir? Let me say it again. Yes, sir?

The aircraft carrier is long as three football fields. Asshole. Sir, if you could just leave the asshole, thing off the end. You're talking a lot about assholes today. Guess what else, civilian? What, sir? This thing's nuclear-powered,

so you don't have to plug it in. You don't have to fill it up with fucking shell gasoline. You just let the nuclear stuff fucking go. The nuclear stuff, sir? That's right. This new aircraft carrier

runs on nuclear stuff. Um, you mean like nuclear fuel? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean to, William. So, in the future, why don't you show a little respect on your podcast and talk about new aircraft carriers when they come along? Okay, sir, I'm sorry you were offended. We weren't purposely avoiding it, but I'm glad you called in and made us aware of it. It is important.

It is part of our, you know, our military might to keep the country safe. And next time you decide to omit military hardware, why don't you just remember the people like me put their life on the line? for people like you. So you're over at the mall at Yogurt Land, putting vanilla yogurt chips on your strawberry swirl yogurt, and putting fucking blueberries and raspberries and colored sprinkles and Captain Crunch all over your fucking yogurt. Just remember I was crawling through the swamps of Vietnam,

covered in electric eels. I had leeches sucking blood out of my fucking eye sockets. Yeah, that's right. It looked like I was wearing fucking leech glasses. But I had leeches sucking on my eyes, trying to pull my corneas out and fuck me over like a shaved fucking beef brisket at a, Oh, you can eat Chinese salad bar.

Sir, I think you're rambling a little bit. Oh, I am, am I? Well, if you call hiding in a tree covered with ants for five nights in a row, spiders crawling up my fucking legs like fucking injured Jillina Jolie's dirty fingernails, creeping across my back, popping zits and sucking puff. Then maybe you should just go fucking find yourself a frozen yogurt stand, lay underneath the vanilla fucking cherry, and let it fill your mouth like a fucking dirty Norwegian tourist

squatting over your face in the woods, you son of a whore. Wow, sir! Okay, now you're getting, I think you're getting a little off track. I think we got to go, sir. Yeah, I'll tell you about going. I had to go right into the jungles of fucking Vietnam and eat koala meat with my bare hands. You ever peel a koala while it's still alive?

Yeah, when it screams, it sounds like, fucking Terradacto eggs being cracked in the back of a dirty Denny's restaurant Sir? I think we got to go. I think have you been drinking?

Go fuck a stump with your sister's forehead. What? Whoa! Did he just told me to go fuck a stump with my sister's forehead? Something was off there, Ron.

Roger, he sounded, that wasn't the, Colonel, is he gone? Gee, yeah, that wasn't the, the Colonel Left Lieutenant, Corporal Major, uh, Captain Tom Dowdy, that, that's usually pretty crisp and clear and, and concise. He was meandering a bit today. I mean, I wonder if he was hitting a bottle or something. Is he, is he on meds, do we know? Wow, intense. Anyways, I think I'm a little shaken up.

That was a little bit of an emotional ride for me there. I'm sure our listeners are very shaken up by all that. But yeah, I mean, you know, just so that the colonel lieutenant isn't upset with us. The U.S. military has put, you know, built a brand new aircraft here, the biggest, strongest, most efficient one ever, ever built. I mean, just so, just so Lieutenant Dowdy isn't upset with us here. Let me tell you a little bit about it. This is a ship that cost $13 billion, by the way.

It's got a gigantic flight deck and an electromagnetic system to launch aircraft. The state-of-the-art tech and operational systems mean aircraft will be able to take off faster to get to the fight quicker. At 1,100 feet, the new Ford carriers about the size of three football fields. That's what the colonel lieutenant said. It's the first new design of an aircraft carrier in 40 years.

The Navy has ordered three of these. holy smokes the combined price tag approximately $42 billion that's pretty amazing $42 billion for i'm not being derogatory here if you're still listening sir $42 billion for three boats and i know they're more than boats i mean these are like floating battalions man um pretty impressive or there are some listening to they're probably saying Pretty ridiculous, right? Because it's a lot of money, man. I mean, that's more money than a lot of countries even make in a year.

Their net national whatever it is. Let's see what this thing offers, like some of the stuff that, you know, is updated and new that the existing aircraft carriers don't have. Let's see. For start as the ship is so advanced, it's as being able to sail itself. Well, that's not so advanced. I mean, don't they have Ubers that now drive themselves?

I'm kidding. It's got a thoroughly modern touchscreen navigation display, kind of like a Tesla. It says the aircraft carriers are designed with the soldiers and sailors in mind. To improve their quality of life, make maintenance easier, keep sailors safer. The new carrier has a crew of 2,600 sailors, so that means 600 less than the existing aircraft carriers we have now. So that's amazing. It's bigger, it's better, but because of all the technology to help, they need 600 less people on board,

which is, I guess, could be good or bad, depending if you're in a pretty big fight. You might want more people. With two new reactors, the Ford class has about 250% more electrical capacity than previous carriers. This ship will be able to load weapons and launch aircraft faster than ever. It has state-of-the-art electromagnetic catapults and advanced arresting gear. That means they'll be able to shoot planes off the bow of the ship and catch them when they're coming in quicker and faster more efficiently. They say they'll be able to launch about 33% more aircraft than the older carriers could.

Wow. It'll also be a bigger flight deck. We'll make maneuvering better, the catapults better. It, uh, I guess it, uh, it launches things faster and quicker and then, uh, what else we got here? This is crazy. The Ford class features, other features like a new advanced reactor plant propulsion system. I just get nervous when anything, you know, a vehicle that has the potential to be bombed by our enemies is riding through our oceans on a kind of kind of a nuclear power plant.

Because let's face it, it's a high-profile target, and if enough enemy ships and planes and submarines surrounded it, I don't care how many planes you got on the bow. It's going to go down, man. And if it goes down, that means all that nuclear hardware goes down, and suddenly our oceans are contaminated. So I'm a little iffy on that. In the future, we'll have the USS John F. Kennedy and the USS Enterprise.

Holy shit. Oh, God, I shouldn't have said it. That probably means Captain Kirk's going to come into my studio or call in or something. But anyways, there you go. That's the story on our new aircraft carrier. I want to thank French lieutenant commander, Corporal Tom. Dowdy for calling in and bringing us up to speed, and it's not being built by the Ford Motor Company, okay?

So there you go. And I think we'll end it right there, Raj. That's kind of a neat, informative way to end the show. And for those of you that enjoyed the new segment today, which was the Harland Highway comedy moment, guess what? If you like that little, like, three-minute clip, uh, Dullo, if you're a premium member, guess what? Yeah, go to your premium and, uh, you're going to hear the whole show.

You're going to get to hear that whole set that I did, okay? That's the bonus of being a premium member. So all you premium members who are listening right now, uh, if you go to your, uh, premium downloads, you will find, the whole show has been posted just for you. And for those of you that want more, you can become a premium member for just $20 a year. And that includes not only little bonus clips like this,

but it also includes every damn episode of the Harland Highway we've ever done. And we're coming up on a thousand. Wow, not a lot of podcasts have a thousand episodes. We do. Hello. so please join just go to harland williams.com going on the podcast page and you can just follow the instructions become a premium member for $20 a year also if you want to just listen to the show on its own you get the 50 latest episodes if you download our app in your cell phone just go to your phone app store and type in the harland highway podcast. Boom. You're in. The latest 50 episodes are completely free of charge. But we think you'll want to become a premium member once you hear 50. You'll be like, I need way more than 50. I need like a thousand, man. Plus all the bonus stuff. So hopefully you'll join up. We put the money back towards the podcast and we thank you. All you premium members and all of you that are about to become premium members. Thank you so very much. It means a lot. Um, what else? Well, you're at the website. Check out my store. Got all kinds of cool merchandise in the Harland Highway store. Also, uh, you can leave me a phone message there if you want. That's right. There is a, uh, a phone line there. You can call it. 323-739, 4330, 32330 and leave me a message. The phone rings a

about six or seven times before it picks up. So be patient. I don't know why. We just have a messed up answering system, but it will pick up, and you can leave me any message you want. Also, you can write to me at the Harland Highway. There's a contact link there where you can write me an email.

I read all of them. I listen to all the phone messages. We can't play and put up everything, but we pick the ones we find tickle or fancy, and we put them up. And that's about it, man. I want to thank you for being here. Please tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway.

We want to share the laughter with everybody. And that's it. Hope you had a good time here today. And until next time, everybody, watch out for O.J. He's out of jail. And chicken. Chalmayne, baby.

The bald is on the back side of fucking. Charles Bronson's fucking her.