The Harland Highway - 896 - FIRST CLASS cheeseburger. Mr. Featherstone and Roger. Question of the day.

Episode Date: August 17, 2017

Harland gets a FIRST CLASS CHEESEBURGER on Delta. Mr. Featherstone discusses Roger's future. Question of the day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What time is it? It's Harland Highway Time. That's right. Welcome everybody to the Harlan Highway podcast. I'm Harlan Williams. Although I'm trying to sound like Jerry Seinfeld. I'm Harlan Williams. Great show today, as always. We have a Harlan pissed off moment. Wait to you hear about what I'm pissed off this time. I don't even know if I have a right to be pissed off about it, but I am. And I hope it doesn't come off as me whining, but I think you'll see I have a right to be pissed off when you see what I'm pissed off about. It involves the airline industry, hint, hint. Also, the question of the day, we have a very important question of the day today that could affect your health, your wonderful, wonderful health. And then later in the show, I go up to see my boss, Mr. Featherstone on the 12th, to discuss having Roger, my producer, terminated and replaced, because I've been getting complaints about him from some of the pavement pounders, and I thought maybe it's time to have a discussion

with my boss, so we'll see how that goes. It never seems to go well when I go up and visit my boss, Mr. Featherstone. So fingers crossed, and let's get into it. Here we go, everybody. Welcome to the madness. This is the Harland Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy. Oh, how perfectly awful. I get my kicks above the waistline, such a... When will they take the bandages off?

We don't know who we are. We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let us out of here. Please! Let me tell you. you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of oh fuck yeah bud just leave us alone sit down strap in and shut up what's going on what's the

matter i thought maybe if i could kill him i could make him stop my mother never breastfed me she told me she liked me he's a friend who are we this is the harland highway what it's the Harland Highway It's a cup of The Harland Highway Question of the Day Sure, why not? Let's kick it off with the question of the day, man. Why not? Why the hell not?

Here is the Harland Highway question of the day. You know, it's still summer. Let's not count the chicken before the omelets boiled. It's still summer. We're still in August babies. and the Harlan Highway question of the day involves summer. And the question is, have you ever sunblocked or sunscreened your insides? I know, sounds weird.

You're like, what the hell is he talking about? What is wrong with Har Har. Well, this is a serious question. Have you ever used the sunblocked or the sunscreen? Right. You get it? It's in that can. the aerosol can, you spray your body, you're like,

right? But what happens? What always happens when you start spraying your body? First you spray your legs and you spray your arms and you do your shoulder, then you do your chest, then you do the back of your neck, then you do your ears. What always happens? Right? You're spraying away, protecting your outer body.

and when you spray that crap it creates a cloud of sunblock it creates a mist it creates a residue spray it creates a cloud of mystified sunblock and you always end up breathing it in right you're like oh my god

and all of a sudden you feel all this this mist this poison pH 597, you know, enough sunblock to block a solar eclipse. You feel it, go right down into your windpipe, into your esophagus, into your lungs, and like, and all of a sudden you've accidentally sunblocked, you damn, the inside of your breathing apparatus, man. Not only does it taste horrible, but it's probably extremely unhealthy. I can't imagine having PF 9, 712, P.F. 9, 712, P.F. Chang, 315, 4, all in your wind passage can be a healthy thing. And, you know, a lot of people don't hold their breath when they're doing it. You don't think about it, right?

You're just like, oh, boy, I'm going to go out fishing, man. I'm going to go to the beach. I can't talk. I can't talk. Oh, my God. But at least my insides won't get some burnt. Right? And it's not pleasant. So there you go. Why am I asking? Dalao? Because guess who the dummy is that did it? Yeah, like I do it just about every time. it's horrible man they should warn you before you spray that stuff or do something because god you shouldn't be breathing in chemicals

or whatever the hell that stuff's made with if it can block the sun it can probably block everything else so just be careful hold your breath when you spray your body with sunblock and try not to make a meal out of it. The Harland Highway, question of the day, have you sunblocked your insides? The Harland Highway, question of the day.

Okay, from here, Roger, let's go, let's go, because this is fresh, man, this is a fresh wound. Let's go from the question of the day to another piece, do this is important uh harland gets pissed off segment because there's something that really pissed me off and I got to get it off my chest so roj

hit the music uh harland is pissed off this is harland williams you're really pissing me off oh you're starting to piss me off you little pigless son bitch you

pissed me off Shut up, you're pissing me off. These fucking assholes, this fuck, these fucking assholes! The fuck is their problem, man! Okay, now, don't hate me for this, okay? Do not be, don't be a hater player. This story, ooh, this one got my blood boiling. I'm pissed off.

with this story, bro. As many of you know, I've talked about it before on the podcast, bros. The Harster likes to fly first class, okay? I've worked 30 years, working my ass off. You have no idea the amount of work I've done over the span of my life. The miles I've flown, the things I've done, my God.

So over the last number of years, I decided it's time to treat myself to the first class experience when I fly. Okay, it's the one little perk that if you want to call it a waste of money, it is. I'm good with my money. I'm not a guy who runs around wasting it and buying stupid things. But at a certain point in my life, I thought, you know what, I fly so much, I've done so much flying. I can't stand flying. I'm going to make my life a little notch easier and fly first class. I'll only have one person beside me.

I'll get a nice meal. I'll get on and off the plane quickly. All that stuff. Okay? And the first class tickets, as you know, aren't cheap, okay? So when you hear first class, you expect first class. And by the way, before anyone's judging, you know, I think if anyone, else flies first class which i'm sure we have some listeners that do or anyone who uh is in the

beginning of their career and building up their income uh i'm sure anyone listening would want to fly first class and will fly first class when they have the mean so don't judge man like i said i've earned it bros so get off my back even though no one said a word yet i'm just assuming um so you go into first class and you expect it to be treated like first class, you're paying for first class. You know, you should get what you pay for, right? So first class has gotten notoriously worse and worse and worse over the years, mostly in the United States of America. When I travel overseas and I go on other airlines, it's usually immaculate. It's still first class. And that's what makes this all the more horrible. But because

when you fly an American carrier domestically, it is just, it's horrible. And so I get on a flight recently on Delta Airlines to go to Florida, Los Angeles, to Tampa, Florida, okay? It's a long flight, like five hours or something like that. I have to go in the morning, okay? So I'm up early. I'm up early in the morning, and I got to get to the airport, and I don't really feel like, having breakfast. I don't want to feel way down. I don't really have time. You know, you get that morning kind of anxiety. You get into the airport. You don't want to miss your flight. So I get there

and then, you know, Los Angeles International Airport is probably one of the oldest, most outdated horrible airports in the country. When they built it, I think it was meant to service a million people, and now there's 11 million in Los Angeles. And it's almost like a third world country airport. I mean, each terminal has like a newsstand and a coffee shop. It is so ass backwards. And most other airports around the country look like beautiful indoor malls. Hey, everybody.

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This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So LAX or Los Angeles International Airport is way behind the times, way outdated, horrible. So you can't really eat when you get to LAX. You know, it's not like you can find a good place to eat.

So, you know, you figure, okay, your flight's at 10, and you got five hours to get to Tampa. So you go, you know what? I don't love airplane food, but at least it's first class. So, you know, they'll serve me something hardy, something good, you know. And I'll make that my meal because when I land, it's going to be 7 o'clock because I have to add three hours, right? So it's like I'm kind of looking forward to my lunch slash dinner on the airplane. even though I'll say it again Airplane food ain't always that good

Sometimes it is So I get on the airplane And I'm sitting there And there's 12 first class seats on Delta 12, okay And And the guy comes around We take off, we lift off into the air

And I can hear the guy He's coming down the aisle I'm in the back of first class I got like the back row So he's working his way down, and I can hear him, you know, the steward is walking down and approaching all the first-class passengers. Today for our meal, we have a salad or a cheeseburger. And I'm like, wait, what? Did he just say salad or a cheeseburger?

And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me, man. A salad or a cheeseburger? Am I in first class? Or am I, like, on a donkey cart in not? Cambodia. Where the hell am I? A cheeseburger or a salad? So now my my my prickles are going up on the back of my neck. You know, I just paid like $1,300 for my airline ticket. Economy was like, you know, 400 or 500. So I paid almost double, almost triple what everyone else is paid, except for the other first-class passengers.

And I'm hearing that for my big meal of the day to get me, I didn't have breakfast, and it's going to be a little late to get dinner, I'm going to get offered a salad or a cheeseburger on first class. So now I'm a little testy. I'm like, oh, boy, I'm not liking this. So the guy comes to my seat and get this, they ran out of salad.

okay so you had a choice between a salad or a cheeseburger and dealt it with 12 seats 12 ran out of one of the items a salad so now I can hear

it's just down I mean I'm sorry we ran out of the salad would you like the cheeseburger and I'm thinking oh boy I'm next he comes to me and this is what happened I recorded it I was like you know what this is unacceptable and I got a little cheeky with the guy, and here it is.

Listen to my conversation with the flight attendant regarding my first-class cheeseburger. Oh, it's the ever-lovely cheeseburger. What's for dinner? The ever-lovely cheeseburger. A cheeseburger? I thought this was first class. It is. It is.

I could get that at McDonald's. We have a lady's to go with salads. A salad. Wow. So first class, we get a salad or a cheeseburger. Man, what's going on with Delta? Wow. All right. So it was a quick little exchange, but I wanted to record it so that you would believe me.

And what really kind of made it even worse is they didn't even dress it up. The guy called it the ever-loving cheeseburger or something like that. They don't even say gourmet cheeseburger. Like, you can at least throw the word gourmet. Or, you know, it's a gourmet 100% all Argentinian beef, you know, with a Spanish onion and, you know, a honey glazed bun all the way from fucking Chinese emperor's diaper. You know, just make it, you know, even try to fake it. You know, make me feel like I'm getting something special, but a cheeseburger or a salad? So I ended up taking nothing.

I just waved the guy off. I was like, you know what, dude, I don't want anything. I was pissed. It's like you got 12 customers and let's say, I'm going to do some math here for you, okay? Let's do some math to show you how disgusting it is, all right? you got 12 customers in first class that probably paid on average i'm going to say i'll let's be kind i'll say between 1,500 a ticket so why don't we just even it out to 1,200 a ticket all right so that comes out to about that comes out to about 14,000 dollars but you know what 12 12 12 is

probably generous i'd probably get it'd have been like 13 or 14 uh a hundred a ticket. So anyway, so there you go. You've got almost $15,000 sitting on the table in just the airfare. Forget about extra baggage charges and all that crap, okay? So now let's do the math. Let's see, what does an average salad cost? How much could a salad possibly cost?

And let's not pretend we're in a fancy restaurant. The airports have these giant kitchens. where they just mass-produce stuff. I'm sure they get the cheapest bags of lettuce they can find and dump them out and make a salad. So they're probably getting, like, giant bags of salad at cost. And so I'll be kind again, and I'll say, let's say a salad to make a salad for one person.

I'll even go high. Let's say it's $7, okay? Let's do the map. There, you know how much it is? $84. $84 for 12 salads. So now let's do the cheeseburger. I mean, once again, big mass produced, they probably order bulk boxes of frozen patties

from some low-end distributor, okay? So I'm going to be kind. Why don't we say the cheeseburger is worth, have you ever bought a cheeseburger for $5? I'll be generous again. I'll go $6. Okay? $76 for 12 cheeseburgers.

You know how much that costs? $72. $72. So let's add this up here. What was it? $85 plus $752 equals $157. So here's Delta making $15,000 roughly, give or take a few bucks more or a little less.

And they're feeding 12 first-class passengers for $157. And then not only that, with 12 lousy people, they've only cooked six cheeseburgers and made six salads so that somewhere, somehow, some first-class passenger isn't going to have the option between a salad and a cheeseburger because they're going to run out and you're only going to get one. Whereas they can have taken $85 and $72 and made 12 salads and 12 cheeseburgers in case all 12 people wanted one or the other,

they're going to make people in first class not get their choice because they don't want to upset their balance of 100. $57. Now let me ask you in case you're still going, oh, Harlan, get over yourself, your first-class whiner. Well, let me put you in the shoes. Let's say you worked your ass off and you were sitting in first class. And this was happening to you.

How are you feeling right now with your lousy cheeseburger and your lousy salad? So now let's do some more. map this will be really fun okay so so now let's go and see how much profit delta airlines made last year 2016 okay now this is from their own their own website thingy i guess they have to put it up they have to disclose it i don't know how many people look at it but today i'm looking at it all because of a cheeseburger and oh look at this now according to this and i could be reading it wrong So, you know, let's leave wiggle room for error. But if I'm reading this right, and I think I am, Delta Airline last year, profited $6.1 billion, not a million, $6.1 billion.

Okay, $6.1 billion, $157 to feed 12 first class passengers. And then let's look at the money, Edward H. Bastain, the CEO of Delta Airlines made last year. And once again, they've put it out here for everyone to read. I guess it's a full disclosure thing. The CEO of Delta Airlines, his base pay was $741,000. His bonus plus non-equity incentive comp, whatever that means, was $1,512,980,000. So his bonuses almost doubled his base pay. I don't know how that works.

So now his total cash takeaway is $2,000, $2.5 million, roughly. but there's more he got awarded some stock value $6,700,000 and then there's another thing he got option award value $3 million dollars

and then it says some other, it just says other so his total compensation for the year, 2016 12 and a half million dollars for the CEO who sits at a big desk and who does, I don't know, does what. Yeah, make sure the planes go up and, you know, make sure they come down. And I want a lot of money in my pocket, so let's serve everybody cheeseburgers and salad.

And then I'm not even going to go into, there's a whole bunch of underlings under the CEO. who all have these incredible salaries. There's like 10 of them, maybe more, that are up in the millions of dollars. Are you kidding me? And we, the customers that, you know, pay for all this, get reamed right up the old cheeseburger hole. We're getting charged for our bags.

We're getting smaller seats We're getting crappy food Where I mean are you kidding me And so I'm not bitching just for me For my my My first class cheeseburger I'm bitching for all of us man You can see why I'm pissed off right

Because there was a time back in economy class We're used to get served a hot meal You'd get chicken or fish or steak and now they bring you like a bag of chips and charge you for a glass of Coke and these guys are living it up this guy's making 12 million a year and Delta's making 6 billion a year

I mean come on man disgusting now I got to add something on to the Stewart and this is a positive thing the guy that brought me the cheeseburger could see I was irritated. And I didn't take it out on him. I just said it loud so everyone could hear.

And I think he got it. He was like, you know what? I feel this guy's pain. If I was sitting in first class, I'd probably be pissed too. Right? So to his credit, I think he got that I was irritated. And he came up to me about half an hour later. He said, hey, look, man, I know it's just a cheeseburger.

But, you know, back in economy class, We have like a little menu where you can buy, you know, you can buy like a cup of sandwich or a chicken wrap or a salad. And in my head, I'm like, wait a minute. They've got more options in economy that sound like better and healthier. A Swiss and tuna sandwich on multi-grained bread, a chicken wrap. a Caesar salad? Are you kidding me? And you're offering me a cheeseburger? So I just said, you know what, bring me the sandwich, if you don't mind. You know, please and thank. Thank you for offering. I made sure I was very polite and courteous to him because I recognized that he was going out of his way to try and make me happy.

And I appreciate that. And so he brought me this sandwich and it was actually pretty good. You know, it's not what I wanted. It's not what I would have expect. But the fact that he had to bring me a meal from economy, and I'm not trying to say economy's bad. Believe me, I put in my years in economy. I'm just saying when you buy first class, you expect something else.

You know, when you buy a Rolls-Royce, you don't expect a Prius. Okay? May all of you have your moment in first class. I'm not trying to be a snob. I'm just saying that's where I end up. It makes my life easier. And, you know, you wish the airline would make it easier, too.

So there you go. Totally pissed off, Delta Airlines for their shitty first class cheeseburger. Boom. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. All right, just when you didn't think it could get any worse. This is the part of the show I am not looking forward to. I think if you listen to the last podcast and I'm, Roger, hello, I see you in there. I hate to do this, bro.

But if you listen to the last podcast, me and Roger got in a bit of a fight and one of the pavement pounders called in and said, I need to move on from Roger. And I kind of agreed with him, Roger. And I'm sorry, man. I know we've been buddies a long time. I know you've worked your ass off on this podcast, but. I figured it's time. Regretfully, I got to go upstairs and talk to my boss, Mr. Featherstone,

and talk about maybe replacing you, dude, because, you know, you've been like kind of, you know what you've been doing. You've been letting weird guests in. You're condescending. You flip me off. You make stupid comments. You're not being a team player, man. You're not helping the show.

And as my pavement ponder who called in pointed out, you're kind of working against me and not with me. So for the sake of the integrity of the show and for myself, I think it might be time to move on, Raj. So I'm going to head upstairs and talk to the big man and, you know, see what happens and see what he has to say about getting a new producer for the Harland Highway. So play a commercial, Raj.

It might be your last one, and I'm going to go upstairs, and I'll leave my mic on so you can hear the conversation. Sorry, man. Let's face it, there are good kinds of yeast and bad kinds of yeast. But bad yeast goes scat with yeastostat burns an itch or a thing of the past, and yeast's seven easy-step application makes feeling fresh a breeze. I like yeast in my bagel, but not in my bagel. My muffin. Did you hear the news?

Let's have a chat that he's crusade with yeast I said. I'm free. Well, here I am. I'm up in the lobby about to go in and see my boss, Mr. Featherstone, to talk about replacing Roger. And, oh, there's Betty. Hi, Betty. How are you this morning?

Good to see you. Okay. Well, oh, I just got. flipped off by Betty of nothing out of the ordinary. Thank you for that. I can go in. Okay. Thank you, Betty. Thank you. All right. I'm going in. There he is at his desk. As always. Good morning, Mr. Featherstone. Hello. Sir, it's Harland Williams. Hello. sir it's harland williams from the harland highway podcast ha holly hooly from the halloo loo hooloo ha honolulu no i'm not from honolulu sir it's the harland

highway podcast i'm harland williams wait a minute are you telling me your howly hooly hula hoop Wow, who are? Who liwa? Sir, you know who I am now? Why do you always play this game? Don't raise your voice of me, cauliflower clit.

Sir? What are you doing up here? Well, I've got a bit of an issue. I'll say you do. Look at you. Sir? What is it? Well, I, as you know, I've been doing my pod

for many years. Your plod. My podcast, sir. Plot. Splod. Squash racket. I didn't say squash. Sir, I do my podcast downstairs, as you know, and I have been having a little trouble with my partner, Roger.

I'm sorry? My partner Roger. I knew it. Uh-huh. Sir? Ah. Sir, what? Your partner, Roger, huh?

Yes. That's a guy's name, right? Yes, Roger. And you're saying he's your partner? Yes. I knew it. I told you you hung around at those funny little bars downtown. Sir, I don't mean it like that, and I don't hang around at the funny little bars downtown.

Oh, really? How about sodomy and salad at 14th and 9th? Sodomy and salad? Ah, sir? Ah. I don't hang out at the sodomy and salad. You just told me you had a partner who's a guy. Well, I mean he's my podcast partner.

All right, that makes it even greasier. You're greaser than an electric eel swimming around in a bowl of mayonnaise covered with vassoline. Sir? You heard me, El Griso. I'm not greasy, sir. Roger is my partner on the podcast. He is the technician, the producer in the sound booth that I work with.

You work with him? Yes, sir, every day. Oh, God. You don't get tired? What do you mean I don't get tired? I mean, you don't get tired of rolling around covered in olive oil with a hairy guy? Sir, I don't roll around in olive oil with Roger. Well, you did say he's your partner.

He's my work partner. Oh, why didn't you say so, you have $5 dumbass? Sir? What do you want me to do about you and your air quotes partner? Sir, I've been having trouble with Roger. He's been belligerent. He's been counterproductive. And listeners are starting to complain that maybe I should move on and get a new partner.

Well, I'm sure you can find one of one of those funny little bars you go to downtown. Sir? How about Funny Fingers Frybone down on 19th and 47th? Funny Fingers Frybone. That's right. That's a funny little bar. Don't ask me, you're the one that goes there with your guy friends. Sir?

Ah. Sir? Ah. Listen, if we could just get back to Roger, before we get back to Roger, let me ask you something. Okay, sir. Have you ever farted? I don't, sir.

You're not asking me about farting. I don't fart on things. Have you ever farted into a spider web? Sir, why would I... Why would I fart into a spider web, Mr. Featherstone? Because, you know, those webs can catch anything. And how about this if they caught a fart? If a spider web caught a fart.

And then the spider ate it and farted it out of his spider ass, it'd be like a regurgitated, recycled spider fart. sir you're getting off topic i what can we do about roger can i get someone new to work with me down there well i don't know do you have anyone in mind well first i wanted to clear with you and see if we have the budget and if we we have the means well i guess if that's what you need that's what you're gonna have are you serious no i'm fucking uh gongo the clown what do you think of course i'm serious okay well what's the next step let me ask you this okay have you ever farted sir have you ever farted on the holy bible sir that is that is sacrilege you

don't fart on the bible i'm just asking you know i wanted to see if maybe a an angel came up from hell and grabbed your fat face. Sir, can we get back to, can I get a replacement for Roger? Yes. Okay, where and when? All right. When?

Yes, sir? At nine o'clock tonight. Okay, and where? At the corner of 17th and 24th downtown. 17th and 24th downtown. What's that? there. What are your funny little bars?

That's what? How about Danny McTavish's bagpipe? What? What? It's what are you... Don't play dumb with me. Tickle my Elmo. It's one of your funny little bars.

Danny McTavish's bagpipe right downtown. Sir, I don't go to funny little bars. I'm not going to a funny little bar to meet a new producer. Well, then I guess you're stuck with your old air quotes, partner. Sir? Uh-uh. Sir? Uh-uh. And why don't you stop wasting my time? Get back downstairs and start rolling around in your funny little booth covered in, uh, tobasco sauce and, uh, mayonnaise.

Sir? Get out of here. I got, it comes a phone call. Get lost. Sir? Get out of here. I got things to do. You're going to have your partner, Roger, and you're going to be happy. Okay, sir, I guess. Get out of here. Fingle, fangle. Sir? Out. Yes, sir.

God. Well, that didn't go well. Looks like I'm stuck with... Hey, Betty. Hello. Well, okay. Thank you for the double flip on... And you're doing the milking the cow gesture

while you give me the middle fingers. Up and down. Okay. Thank you, Betty. Oh, God, I'm going to head back downstairs. It doesn't look like Mr. Featherstone wants to get in the mix here and get me a new producer. So for now, I'm stuck with Roger, I guess. Ah, God.

I tried. I tried. I'll see you back in the studio. Ah! Who is this? My mother is dead. What we've got here is. failure to communicate.

Okay, well, I'm back in the studio now. Roger, yeah, I see a grinning in there. Congratulations, you're still in, man. And just because I don't want this to be awkward, I like you, man. You're like a buddy, you're a friend. Okay, I don't want people listening to think that we don't like each other. But I'm going to ask you, since we got to keep doing this, that you just step up your game a little

and not, not, you know, do and say things that are, you know, destructive for the show. Can I get your commitment on that? Okay, Harlan, time to wrap it up. No, no, don't say that. That's not the right answer. I want an answer out of you.

I mean, I'm not ending the show until we talk about this, man. Uh, we're out of time. Roger. Uh, we're out of time. We're not out of time. We are out of time. We are not out of time. You need to give me a positive answer on this.

Arland, I said we're out of time. No, I don't accept that. We're not. We're out of time. No, we... Roger, answer the question. Did you not hear me? I said we're out of time.

I heard you. Now hear me. I said we're out of time. We're not out of time. I said, we are out of time. Damn it, Roger. Roger Oh God

Here we go God Roger You know what Stop the show God End the damn show I'm ending the show

I'm ending the show That Good God Here we go again Let me get to some announcements Oh it never stops Never stops here at the Harland Highway

What can I tell you? Let's see, let's do some comedy, comedy announcements. By the way, I want to do a plug for one of my buddies. My buddy, Orney Adams, is, he's taping an incredible comedy special on Saturday, September 9th. You got to check that out. He's doing it in West Hollywood. here in old West Hollywood town. And let's see if I can get you the details here

because you got to go see Orney Live, man. This guy, Orney Adams, great comedian, super funny. And let's see if I can pull up his invite. Here it is. It's September 9th at the El Portal Theater in North Hollywood, California. Orney Adams is taping his Showtime special. More Than Loud is the name of his new special.

And it's September 9th of the El Portal, North Hollywood Theater. And you can look it up online. Just probably go to L.portle.com or go to Google search for the L. Portal Theater in North Hollywood, California. And go see Orney, man. you won't be disappointed, I promise. Very funny. Really excellent. And then as for me, oh yes, for me, I'll be kicking off my fall tour in Portland, Oregon in September, September 21st to the 24th. And then I'm over, that's at Helium in Portland. Then I go over to Chicago, to Schaumburg, the improv in Schaumburg, October, October 28th to, to, October 28th to.

or sorry, September 28th to October 1st. And then I motor off to the Irvine Improv in October, October 12th to the 15th. And then I'm up to Buffalo, the Helium Club in Buffalo, November 2nd to the 5th. And then San Jose, California, the Improv, November 16th to the 19th and so on and so on. Just check my website, harlomewilms.com, for all my stand-up comedy tour dates. Also, you can write to me at harlumwiliams.com. You can call me at harlomwilms.com if you want to leave a voicemail. 3-2-3-739-43-3-3-3-3-3.

And I'd love to hear from you. Also, you can become a premium member at Harlan Williams.com. Just go on to the podcast link, and you can see how to become a premium member for $20 a year. You have access to all the Harland Highway episodes as well, as well as, you know, random stuff that I post here and there just for you. And what else could I tell you, man? Thanks for watching my animated show, Puppie Dog Pals on Disney if you have kids and you like cartoons about little puppies, puppy dog pals.

It is going great. We're having a blast over there. And also, please check out iTunes for my new music album, The Cousins Rattlesnake Love, all kinds of songs on there that me and my cousin, Kevin Hearn, from the Bare Naked Ladies, put together. You can download

songs or the whole album. Rattlesnake Love by the Cousins. So there you go. That's today's show as, you know, kind of nowhere as it went. Thought it there was going to be some radical change here.

Nope. Nothing. Oh, God. Anyhow, thanks for being here, everybody. Oh, my God. I'm in the middle of a yawn. Sorry, I don't mean to gone at the end of the show. That's rude. I better go wake up, man. Stick my head in a cold shower. Thanks for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. And until next time, chicken chameen, baby.