The Harland Highway - 903 - HILLARY BLAMES Harland for losing the election! Carl Flavors says goodbye to summer!

Episode Date: September 11, 2017

HILLARY now BLAMES Harland for losing the election! Carl Flavors says goodbye to summer! Listener phone calls! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show, what a show, don't you know. Well, you don't know, because I haven't told you yet. Hello. As you know, my last show was a little somber. It was a little sad. I reported to you about how I witnessed a man die at the Burning Man Festival. So thank you for indulging me. Thank you for letting me express my feelings during that show.

But now we're moving on back to our regular zany hilarity. and what a show we have today. Carl Flavors, we'll be checking him with Carl Flavors. He's a beach dude and as summer winds down, we're going to kind of get a final taste of summer by checking him with him down at Venice Beach, California, see what he's up to. Also, we're going to take some crazy phone calls from our listeners.

And then you're going to love this. You know how Hillary Clinton lost the election real bad, and she's blaming everybody. Well, wait to you hear this crazy news story. Now somehow I'm involved. Somehow, yours truly, Harlan Williams, is part of the blame for her losing the election. She wrote a new book, and she referenced your humble host, Harlan Williams, and kind of pointed the finger at something I did as part of her reason for failing.

Oh, boy, wait till you hear this. It's going to be a wild one. Put your helmet on, put your braces in. Let's go. This is the Harland Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy. Oh, how perfectly awful.

I get my kids above the waistline, suction. When will they take the bandages off? We don't know who we are. We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let us out of here! Please! Let me tell you, you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of.

Oh! Fuck yeah, but! Just leave us alone. Sit down, strap in, and shut up. What's going on? What's the matter? I thought maybe if I could kill him, I could make him stop. My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me. He's a friend. Who are we?

This is the Harland Highway. What? It's the Harland Highway. It's a cup. The Harland Highway. Crazy news stories. That's weird. That's strange stuff.

Oh, yeah. This is crazy. This is a crazy news story that involves yours truly, your host or hostess, however you want to label my gender. You know, in this world we live in, if you want to perceive me as a good. girl or a guy, I'm genderless, according to the rules now. So if you want to think of me as Harland, Mr. Harland Williams, or Mrs. Harlan Williams, I guess you have the right to do so now. So anyways, here's the crazy news story that somehow got me sucked into it. Clinton, Hillary Clinton blasts Bernie Saunders for inspiring, quote, crooked Hillary attacks.

So, you know, as we know, Hillary Clinton has blamed just about everyone for losing her shitty run at the presidency, her horrible campaign filled with lies, deception, corruption, no real point of view, no real platform, no policy, no, just kind of this robotic textbook mumbo jumbo that she thought people want to. wanted to hear that she thought she could pull from a cookbook and manipulate the masses with. Well, she was dead wrong, and so she's decided she's going to blame everyone from the Russians to sexism, to Donald Trump, to her own party, to this, to that, to James Comey, to, I mean, she's blamed just about everyone. and now somehow yours truly Harland Williams is part of the blame. Wait, do you hear this? Let me read this story here. Hillary Clinton takes aim at former Democratic presidential rival Bernie Sanders

in her soon-to-be-released campaign memoir, like we really need to read that, accusing Bernie of paving the way for the relentless, crooked Hillary attack she endured from Donald Trump in the general election. You know, Hillary, there would have been no crooked Hillary attacks if you hadn't deleted and bleached bit and lied and hidden and destroyed your emails and your laptop computers and your BlackBerrys. Guess what?

If you hadn't done all that, there would have been no reason to be suspicious of you. But you did do all that, so I guess the blame lies with you, lady. but let me continue here. According to excerpts from Hillary's book, Clinton accused Saunders of resorting to, quote, innuendo and impunging my character during the contentious primary because of the Democratic socialist couldn't make a policy argument against her.

Well, I don't know about that, Hillary. Nonetheless, his attacks caused lasting damage making it harder to unify progressives in the general election and paving the way for Trump's crooked Hillary campaign, Clinton wrote. Well, you know, Hillary, I believe it was you that created a campaign against Donald Trump, calling him unfit, unsteady, not of sound mind, a sexual deviant, a racist. I mean, how many slanders did you throw against Donald Trump? So I guess no one's allowed to call you names during the election, huh?

You can call every name in the book, but if someone labels you crooked, which to me is a lot lighter than calling someone a racist, that's okay with you. Okay, Hillary. Clinton's book titled What Happened, which is probably the worst title I've ever heard of. I saw someone online do a mock-up of her book. where it says, you know, it was a picture of her book. It said, what happened? And then someone did a mock up of the book,

the same book cover, but they put a picture of Donald on the front, grinning, a shit-eating grin, and it said, the title of that book said, this guy. So beside Hillary's book, what happened was the book, this guy? I thought that was pretty damn funny. I know all you Hillary lovers are hating me right now, but I'm just reporting the story, gang.

Okay? Don't take it out on me. Clinton's book, What Happened, isn't set for release until September 12th, but several supporters who obtained the book and published early purported excerpts on social media. In the book, the former Democratic presidential nominee, compared Saunders to, here's my role, compared Saunders to the, quote, deranged hitchhiker

in the 1998 Ben Stiller movie, there's something about Mary. For those of you that don't remember me, I was the seven-minute abs guy who Ben Stiller picked up while he was driving to Florida to meet Mary. And we got into this conversation about me asking him to get in on a business deal with me for a seven-minute abs exercise tape.

So anyways, Hillary compared Saunders to my character, and she said, a deranged hitchhiker says he's coming up with a brilliant plan, Clinton wrote, describing a scene in the movie. Instead of the famous eight minutes abs exercise routine, he's going to market seven-minute abs. It's the same just quicker. Then the driver, played by Ben Stiller, says, well, why not six-minute abs?

Clinton added, that's what it's like in policy debates with Bernie. We would propose a bold infrastructure plan or an ambitious new apprenticeship program for young people, and then Bernie would announce basically the same thing, but bigger on issue after issue. It was like he kept proposing four-minute abs or even no-minute abs. Magic abs. Oh, I love that.

man. I mean, it's so funny that somehow I got pulled into this. Clinton lamented in the book how she was pressured, including by President Obama, not to, quote, hit back against Bernie's attacks. And meanwhile, you know, I don't know if you guys followed this or not, but Hillary and Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the media pretty much rigged the primaries so that Hillary would walk through and win, and Bernie would lose. I mean, you read the secret emails and all the other crap that was released. I mean, all the backdoor, evil, devious stuff that Hillary and her team did to undermine and undercut Bernie,

who seemed like a nice, honest, legitimate guy, even though I don't believe. even any of his policies. It seemed like at least he was playing on the up and up and he even let Hillary slide on areas that he could have attacked her. He came right out at the beginning of his campaign and said,

I don't give a damn about Hillary's emails. Which Bernie, in retrospect, was probably a big mistake because look how she tried to screw you up the butt hole. And you played the nice guy. You were the honest and

uh you know uh upstanding candidate and she just took you and bent you over and reamed you and lied and screwed with your your candidacy and dude you were hosed bro uh but bernie was at least a good guy i don't think you ever had a chance of winning in my opinion no one's ever going to vote for a socialist in this country i mean they can vote for him but he's never going to win in my opinion. But anyways, I just thought it was really funny that she drew the comparison between Bernie and my character from something about Mary. And my cousin made the point, he goes, hard, do you realize that that means at some point

Hillary and Bill Clinton were watching something about Mary and they saw you? They were watching you. And in a strange way, even though I don't like the Clintons, I thought, well, isn't that something? In a big world of seven and a half billion human beings, I was the focus of the president's attention for a few moments. That somehow the president knows that Harlan Williams existed. That somehow I was in, he was watching me, after all the years, years I've watched him on the news and in the media, the president of the United States had to sit down and watch little old being. Who knows, maybe I even made them laugh. Not that I care,

because, again, I don't really respect the Clinton's one bit. I do not like those people, as I've said. But nonetheless, it makes me laugh to think they were watching me. So there you go, guys. just another guilty person, yours truly, in an indirect way, responsible for Hillary losing. And might I add, if I am partly responsible for her losing? Damn, I'm happy about that. I'm damn glad if I was part of the reason she lost. Good. She would not, regardless of how you feel about politics, I do not believe.

and I'm not just saying this because she's a Democrat. I do not believe she would have made a good president, in my opinion, for what it's worth. That's my belief. You may think differently. Good for you. I respect that, but that's where I sit. So there you go. The blame game continues.

I wonder who she's going to blame next. Kim Jong-il, her husband, Sesame Street, Baskin Robbins. Maybe she'll blame one of you. Maybe she'll blame one of the pavement pounders listening. Are you ready to take the blame for Hillary losing? Might as well be. It seems like it's going around everywhere, like a bad flu virus. Oh, well, you had your two chances, Hillary.

You blew it. The American people did not believe in you. And let's see what the Dems can throw at the next big election. Maybe someone that resonates with people. So there you go. Seven minute aabs. Seven minute aps. You're not happy with the first seven minutes.

We're going to send you the extra minute. Three. Seven chipmunks twirling on a branch. Eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tail from the sea. Step into my office Because you're fucking fired Oh yeah Hillary

You are effing fired, baby Who is this? My mother is dead All right Let's jump gears from one sad thing To another sad thing As you know man Summer's kind of Kaputski

Another summer is come and gone I don't know if it's officially over yet I'm not sure what the last day of summer is. It might have happened, or we're right on the cusp of it. But I figure we owe it to ourselves to hold on to summer, to have an endless summer, to hang on to it as long as we can. While the weather's still slightly warm and nice, I thought maybe we could just do one more check-in down at the beach

and kind of live vicariously through our friend who lives down there. He's kind of a surfer dude. This guy named Carl Flavors, who's down in Vendier. Venice Beach in California here, and, you know, he always kind of reeks of summer activities and summer fanfare, and kind of he embodies that kind of beach bum essence that I think maybe secretly we're all a bit jealous of. So, Roger, can you hook into Carl? Yeah, call his cell phone, man, and let's just check in, see what he's up to as we kind of phase out,

sadly phase out kind of our summer here and let him maybe give us one last taste of some of the fun in the sun and his beach frolicing ways. Have you got him? Yeah, okay, cool. Put him through. Here we go, folks.

This is Carl Flavors down in Venice Beach, California. And we'll just see what the hell he's up to as we close out the summer. Hello, Carl, are you there? Yeah, right. Get the tanning butter, bra. Carl, are you there? No, just put it, like, reach down into the back of my shorts and rubbing around on my ass cheeks.

Carl? Carl, Carl, Flavors. Hello? Oh, hello. Carl, it's Harland Williams from the Harland Highway. Oh, what's up, Brosh? It's the Flames. The Flaves is hanging in the ways, bro, Soppaio. Yeah, I hear you're down at the beach. A lot of seagulls around today. Oh, yeah, bro. Well, this is, you know, when people fall in. sleep when they're, like, tanning on the beach, right? Okay.

The Flav sneaks up with, like, pizza crust, okay? What, pizza crust? Yeah, and I, like, put them on old people's heads with their sleep, you know, tanning, right? Okay. And then the sea goes flop down and peck the fucking crusts off their head and shit all over them. They look like a fucking Jackson Pollock painting in about ten minutes when they wake up, bro. Wait a minute. You have, you put, you bait old senior citizens.

Right. You put old pizza crusts on their head when they're asleep while they're sunbathing. Yeah, that's right, bro. And then the seagulls flock down like they will. Oh yeah, like 30, 40, sometimes 50 at a time. It's fucking Alfred Hitchcockian, bro. Okay, and the seagulls are pecking at the, the pizza, crossed.

Right, Brosh. And they, as they often do, are you saying they defecate all over these old people? Well, don't think of as old people, bro. I think of them as canvases the way Jackson Pollock did, bro. Wait a minute. Jackson Pollock is the artist who was famous for just kind of splattering paint all over these giant canvases and created masterpieces. Yeah, that's right, bro.

That's what the seagulls do when they shoot all. over the oldies, brash. What, they shit all over the oldies? Yeah, the skin's brown, right? So, with Seagull's shit, it's usually a nice white, forescent white, like a toothpaste, you know? Okay. It looks like vanilla yogurt, like Greek tatsiki brush at the edge. Okay, yes, we get it.

And so when they shit all over the oldies, brash, it looks like a fucking Jackson Pollard painting. It's fucking ho-ho-ho-ho. Oh, hilarious, brous, bros, chefi-hosh. Okay, that's kind of juvenile, Carl. I mean, you're allowing seagulls to crap all over human beings, old people? Hey, bro, think of it as art, brous, okay? I mean, who wants to go into a stuffy old art gallery, right? And see, like, paintings hanging on a wall.

First of all, bro, sh, it costs like 40, 50 bucks to go into good art gallery, right? All right, you got me there. It's not cheap. But also, you know, it's stuffy or like inside. It's like that horrible air conditioning air, right? Yes. So this way, people can just be outside lounging on the beach, having a frosty body, or maybe smoking a JJ.

Shit, they just walk around and there's like seven or eight Jackson Pollock paintings laying on the sand. But they're not paintings, Carl. they're human being splattered with seagull shit. Hey, you say tomato, I say tot, tot, tot, tomato, bro. You say what? I say like potato, pot, pop, pot, pot, pot, potato, bro, chef, yo, she, oh, she, oh, she. Okay, all right, so enough about the seagull and the Jackson Pah, how's everything in the beach? Oh, broush, it's been like unbelievable. It was like, I got it a little.

little bit of trouble. Okay. What, what happened? Well, it's like every year, right? They throw, like, down here on the Biosch. They throw, like, you know, a sand castle building competition, right? Yeah, I've seen those. People make some pretty elaborate sand sculptures.

Is that what it is? Oh, yeah, bro. I mean, people are doing, like, mermaids, right? And castles. And, like, someone did a recreation of a Corvette Stingray. and all this crazy stuff. Like, one bro did, like, a dragon. Another guy did, like, a giant, like, happy face in the sand.

It was, like, unfucking, bro, leave a blow. Okay, so how did you get in trouble? Well, you know, most of these, you know, sandcastle, crow, unquote, carvings are pretty stand area. You know what I'm saying, brash? What do you mean? Like, you know... Like, I've seen it before. Dallow!

Yeah, okay. I've seen dragons and sandcastles and all that. So I thought I'd spice up a little this year, and the Flaves, who loves the Waves, you know, decided to get a little extra artistic and creativito. Creativito? That's on creative, brash. Okay, well, what was your sand castle carving or whatever? Well, I decided to do something that, you know, the Flaves could relate to, And I thought I'd share, you know, kind of my story with the regular folk

who maybe don't get to, you know, have the kind of lifestyle that Carl Flavors has. All right, so what was your sandcastle carving? Well, I did a sandcastle reddish of a motel six orgy. What? You know, like, you know, have you ever been in a motel six with like eight or nine naked people at a time? You know, there's so many people on the band that the legs. Breaks break, bro. No, I haven't done an orgy in a motel 6

where the legs break on the bed. Well, you might want to start doing a little thing called Living, Bro, Chefayosh. You know, this is kind of why I like calling you because you live such an extreme lifestyle, but at the same time, Carl, I may be a little repulsed. Well, you aren't the only one repulsed, bro, Sheffield. I mean, the beach officials, they like,

shut my fucking sandcastle down bro. I mean, you should have seen it. I'd like two or three people doing a six hundred and ninety-nine. What, what is six hundred and ninety-nine? Well, have you ever done like a sixty-nine position, brush? Yes. Okay, so when you have eight people tangled together, that's like a six hundred and ninety-nine position, right? Oh my God. Yeah, it looked like someone threw a bunch of nude people in a blender and made a fucking motel six smoothie broush. Ew. So,

so wait a minute. You had all these people portrayed out of sand. Oh yeah, and I went into intricate detail because, you know, that's how you win a sand castle competition.

So, have you ever seen, like, the book Karma Sutra? It's like, you know, the East Indian guide to lovemaking.

It's a very ancient book, brush. Yeah, I think everyone's seen Karma Sutra. And they've got Very detailed, like, illustrations of, you know, penile and vaginal insertation and whatnot. Well, yes, it's very graphic, and you can see ancient illustrations of, you know, penetration.

Exactly, brash, penetration. So, I had, like, sand penises going up, like, sand vaginas, right? What? Yeah, and I had, like, you know, sand penises, you know, inside of sand. Penises, and I'd like, you know, sand penises down sand throats. Oh, my God, Carl! What, bro? That's like X-rated.

Well, I tell you, man, I'm like a stick to refer to detailioos. I wanted to win the Sand Castle Fest. Bro, you can't show karma-sutra-like sand images, sculptures of people entwined in a... 699 are on the Motel 6, bad? Yes! I mean, I even had the broken fucking air conditioner up on the corner by the window, right? I even had the half-shitty tube television, you know, because they still don't have flat screens at the Motel 6, brash,

and, you know, I put a few stains on the wall. Okay, we get it. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes, the answer is yes, you always want to have better sex. sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged

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code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. We get it that the Motel 6 isn't the Waldorf man, but holy God. Well, you know, I tried my best pro and it's like, is it my fault

that there's children at the beach now? Well, yeah, there's kids at the beach. You can't make sand sculptures of groups of people having a Motel 6 orgy showing graphic vaginal, anal, and mouth oral penetrations. That's just, that's not suitable, bro.

Well, since you, brother, like I said, the flames lives a very extraordinary life down by the waves. Remember, Brosh, the phrase loves the waves, right? Yes, right, but God. So needless to say, the Flaves didn't win that one. They bulldozed it down, and it's almost like I could hear my sand creation screaming as they were getting fucked. Okay, watch the language.

Can we just switch topics? Is there anything else going on down at the beach there that's kind of more fun? Oh, like you mean like nude volleyball with seniors, Josh? What? Yeah, I don't know. Like, well, after they said blasted my fucking bulldozed my... Motel 6, Orgy see it, I was like, what could the Flaves do to cheer himself up? What could the Flaves do down at the waves to have a little fun?

And all of a sudden, I thought, holy fuck, right? Okay, holy fuck what? How about some naked volleyball with seniors, bro? Well, why would you want to have naked volleyball with seniors? Well, I'll tell you why, bro, because, like, when I was a boy, my father owned a pizza shop, right? Okay. And we used to, like, throw the dough up into the air. You ever seen, like, the pizza maker's brage

and they tossed the pizza dough up into the air, up and down, up and down? Okay. And, you know, I thought, man, it would be nice to have some memories of my childhood, right? Right. So I thought if I got seniors, like, jumping up and down to the dude, popping a volleyball over the net.

Okay. Watching their old tits and their balls and their... fucking meat flap up and down would remind me of like when my dad used to throw pizza dough in the air. Oh, my God. Carl! What, Brosh? Are you telling me, what, wait, what are you saying? Well, you know, when old ladies jump in the air, right, their flat titty's going to fly up into the sky, right? And then they slowly, you know, you've heard the saying, Brosh, what goes up, what goes down, or what comes down, what goes up, what goes up, what goes up, what?

What goes up? Are you trying to say what goes up must come down? That's right, brash. Including old ladies, pita bread tinnies, bro. Pita bread tinnies. Well, that's what they look like, except, you know, it looks like they have a mole on them. A mole on the pita bread. That's the nipple, bro.

But anyways, when those flat titties fly up in the air, when they're going to spike the ball, it has to come down, and it looks like pizza dough flapping in the wind. And then you got the old boys with their, you know, they're hanging testicles and their meat flapper. And, you know, the whole thing reminds me of when I was in my dad's pizza shop when the Flaves was a little Flaves, Brosh. Okay, you know what?

I think you started with the Jackson Pollock shit. We segwayed into a Motel 6th Sandcastle Orgy. And now you're telling me you watch old people play volleyball. volleyball, because they're flapping old private parts remind you of pizza dough flying up and down in the air at your father's pizza shop. Under the I-B, bingo, bro. Okay, you know, I think we're just going to leave it there, Carl. You live a fascinating life.

Do you want to hear about how we were body surfing all the old fat people's jelly rolls, bro? No, we don't want to hear about that. uh listen it was great to hear from you summer's kind of winding to a close and hopefully next summer we'll catch up with you again and uh you know oh don't worry bros the flames will be right here by the ways right yes right thank you carl have a great time we'll check in with you next summer all right brash take care oh hey spike the ball over here granny holy shit that's a fucking King-sized deluxe pizza brush. Okay, thank you, Carl.

Right. Oh, my God. That guy is... You know, we check in with him because of his lifestyle, and you got an earful air, gang. I mean, he never fails to deliver. Is he gone? God.

Jesus. Maybe I'm glad summer's over now. Maybe I don't know. I don't know, maybe we, I don't, whatevs, man? That guy's extreme. I've got some horrible imagery in my head now. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Let's, let's, Raj, can we take a phone call or something so I can clear my head?

Jesus. Hello? Hello? Hi, Island is John from Norway. I pee on the porcelain around the water in the toilet, thus avoid. spider eyes, urine bubbles. Chicken chalmein. Well, Norway always seems to be ahead of the curve.

They do things different over there. You know, I talked on a podcast a while back about when you pee in the toilet, the man, it creates a froth on the surface of the toilet water when you urinate and in the froth are many multiple bubbles. And the way the bubbles reflect and refract the light, it looks like spider eyes. If you've ever got on Google and looked at spider eyes. And our friend from Norway here has come up with a remedy. He says you pee around the rim of the toilet bowl to avoid spider eyes.

So, you know, maybe I like my spider eyes. Spider eyes. They're watching you. You know. But if you don't like spider-eyes urine bubbles, take it from John from Norway. Yes. I pee on the porcelain around the water in the toilet, thus avoiding spider-eyes urine bubbles. Hello?

Hello? Hi, Harlan! My voice is talking to you right now. My voice thinks you're an idiot. A guy walks into a bar And then it's hurt for the rest of the day Remember that joke? You said he didn't face it

But he walked into a bar Like a bar of steel, Holland You didn't care My voice thinks that you didn't care of Okay Wow I guess the only thing worse than a bizarre Twisted Mickey Mouse

Guy walks into a bar joke I mean, the only thing that could really top it is if it's like one of my listeners phoned and told me he wanted to suck my hairy tits. I mean, God, let's hope that doesn't happen. Hey, Holland, I heard you like barbecue pool parties. You like all the boys take their shirts off and maybe more. I was wondering if you'd invite me over. I'd like to take my shirts off.

and my bottom's all. And you can play with my titty. You can suck my titty. Would you like that, Holland? I maybe like to suck your titty if you don't have hairy nipples, but looking at you, you look like you got hair and knuckles. Do you, boy? Do you, holland?

Tell me, I like to hear from you. Tell me about that poor party, boy. I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Chicken, ficking chame. Yeah. I'm just going to let my head clear for a minute. Just let the crickets chirp, clear the imagery from my head. You can play with my titty. Yeah, just really need the calming sounds of the night to get that creepiness out of my head. You can suck my titty. Would you like that hauling? Just help me erase.

all the creepiness I just heard in my ears. I may be like to suck bill titty. Ooh, I might need therapy. Would you like that, Holland? No, Holland would not like that. I may be like to suck bill titty if you don't have hairy nipples, but looking at you, he looks like you got hairy nipples. Do you, holland?

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Uh, no, I don't have hairy nipples, silence of the lambs guy. Boy, do you, Holland? Tell me, I'd like to hear from you. Tell me about that poor party, boy. I'll talk to you soon. Ooh, bye-bye, creepy guy. Bye-bye.

Chicken freaking chican chalmane. Roger, can we just end the show here? I think I'm emotionally disturbed. I may be like to suck your teddy. Roger, can you stop playing that, please? Do you, boy? Do you, Holland? Roger, stop it.

You're creeping me out, man. I may be like to suck bill teddy. if you don't have hair and nickel. Roger, shut it off. Bye-bye. Okay, end the show, end the show. I'm ending the show. That's it, gang.

Sorry, we're ending the show. I'm going to take some more phone calls. I'm too creeped out. Shut the crickets off, Roger. Roger, shut the crickets off. Bye-bye. Roger! God!

What is wrong with you, bro? Jesus. Oh, God. I hope you're not as emotionally disturbed as I am for that creepiness. Roger? That's the last time, man, I'm telling you. Stop it. I'm doing some announcements here.

Let's get into my stand-up comedy gigs. Yes, my first gig of the fall is ramping up. I will be in Portland, Oregon. Great city, man. Portland, Oregon, hip city, great people, fun people, cool people. So I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon, September 21st to the 24th. Awesome city, awesome comedy club. Please get your tickets at Harlanwilms.com. And then the following week, September 28th through October 1st, I will be back in Schaumburg, Illinois.

just outside of Chicago at the improv. These guys have been asking me to come back there for like a year and a half, two years, and I'm like, you know what, let's do it. So I'm finally going back to Schaumburg Improv. Great, great club, beautiful club. Come out and check me out in Schaumburg.

And then October 12th to the 15th, I'll be in Irvine, California. A great club, the improv in Irvine, California. Please come and check the old man out. I'm not really an old man, but, you know. I would love to see you there. And all these dates are available at harloweems.com. Just go there, click on my stand-up comedy link.

I'll be at the Helium Club in Buffalo in early November, and then San Jose Improv in mid-November, and then Edmonton House of Comedy. late November and so on and so on. All the dates are at Harlandwilliams.com. You can pre-order your tickets right there. Just click on the link, and you will be sure to have tickets before they sell out. Also, check out my link there.

You can send me an email. You can have a contact link so you can write to me, or you can leave me a phone message. Hopefully not as creepy as that. one that we just heard. I made me that to suck your titty. Roger, knock it off. God.

What is wrong with you, bro? She's in these. I'm looking at Roger through the glass. He's like chuckling, chuckling. Like, he's unbelievable. Here's the number for the Harland Highway if you want to leave, hopefully not such a creepy message

where you want to suck my titty. Oh, God. 3-2-3-739, 43-30. 2, 3, 739, 40, 3.30. It goes through about six rings. It's an old answering machine. Be patient.

You can leave any message you want. You have about a minute or two. Don't go too long, or you'll get cut off. But love hearing from you guys most of the time. Also, you can write to me. There's a link at harlewilms.com for my email, which I read. Also, you can go on the podcast link. I'm a premium member for $20 a year.

You get every single episode of the Harlan Highway plus bonus material that I post from time to time just for premium members. Also get our free app. Just go into your app store. Type in the Harland Highway and you will get every episode. Rate to your app. You can listen to the show wherever you go

through your earbuds on your iPhone or your cell phone, whatever you have. And then when people ask you, you know, when you're sitting on a plane or you're riding a bus or you're walking your dog, while you're laughing so hysterically, you can say, oh, I'm listening to the Harland Highway app, pro. And there you go. It's totally free, too. Totally free. You get the latest 50 episodes for free. And like I said, if you want to go deeper into the archives, almost over 900 episodes, that's a lot.

$20 is all it costs. And that money goes towards, you know, the podcast and blah, blah, blah. So thank you for all my premium members and your support. And hopefully some of you new people will join up in support. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Also, thank you for those who have been watching my hit show Puppy Dog Pals on Disney. It's a cartoon for the kids, but the adults are loving it too. And I guess they did a press release about a week.

ago and they, after four months of being on the air, apparently puppy dog pals is in the top five of that kids category programming. So congratulations to everyone of puppy dog pals. There's a lot of people involved. And we're so excited. And as you know, we got picked up for a season two. And all the toys are starting to come out at Target and at the Disney stores. And you can order the puppy dog Pals Toys Online. Oh my God, just a very exciting time. I'm so jazzed and the show looks great and so many talented people involved. So really awesome stuff.

Thank you for all your support for those of you who have been digging the show. And if you haven't seen it, please go check it out. It's on Disney Channel or Disney Jr. And especially if you have kids or nieces or nephews or cousins between the ages of 10 and two, they will just go ballistic over this show. Lots of people have been sending me Twitter shots, screenshots of their young kids watching the show and little videos of their kids watching the show and laughing. And I tell you what, it just fills my heart with joy because that's what it's all about.

So really awesome stuff. Thank you. And that's it, man. Thank you for listening. Please tell your friends to get on the Harlan Highway, spread the laughter. and I look forward to doing some more shows for you guys really soon. Take care, keep it real. Hope you had a great, great summer, and we'll be back real soon.

And until that time, chicken, chamein, baby? Bye-back. Under the I.Bingo, bro. Thank you.