The Harland Highway - 905 - JANE GOODALL talks primates. Harland buys a boat. Pissed off monkey madness!

Episode Date: September 18, 2017

After getting pissed off at a monkey story, Jane Goodall calls the show to talk primates. A caller offers Harland a boat deal. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, pavement pounders. Bong, bong, bong, bong. That was me pounding the pavement. I don't think it would go bong, but, you know, I'm just interpreting. It's like interpretive dance. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. I'm your guy. I'm your host, Harland Williams, here with you.

And welcome. We have a crazy show today. I have a pissed off segment that involves a monkey. Does it get any better than that? Harland Williams pissed off with a monkey? Way to you hear this. Also, we got a phone call. Someone phoned the Harlan Highway trying to sell me a boat.

Some random guy wants me to buy a boat, so I'm going to call them and get into it with them. Also, an expert in monkeys is calling into the show. I think you've all heard of Jane Goodall. She's done tons of research in Africa on chimpanzees and monkeys and primates and apes and whatever you want to call them. So we have a wonderful, you know, informative phone call from her discussing monkeys and apes. And then we get some phone calls towards the end of the show from some pavement

pounters who correct me because I'm not speaking properly. Where do you hear their phone calls correcting yours truly? Let's do it. Put your face brace on. This is the Harland Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy. Oh, how perfectly awful.

I get my kids above the waistline, sunshine. When will they take the bandages off? We don't know who we are. We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let's out of here! Please! Let me tell you,

you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of. Oh! Fuck yeah, bud. Just leave us alone. Sit down, strap in, and shut up. What's going on? What's the matter? I thought maybe if I could kill him, I could make him stop.

My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me. He's a friend. Who are we? This is the Harland Highway. What? It's the Harland Highway. It's a cup. Hello?

Yes, sir. My name is Terry Goders, and I'm with Centerpoint Yacht Services in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin. Received an email with your phone number on it, inquiring about one of our boats that are for sale. If I have the right phone number, I'd certainly appreciate a call back. The inquiry was originated with Mr. Ronald Berger. My cell phone number would be a good one to call back on 920-559-Z0. Thanks, and I'll wait for your call. Okay, well, we don't want to keep Terry Gorders waiting.

Clearly, he, you know, he got my name wrong. I'm not Ronald Berger, and I never sent him an email, but I feel bad. that he's waiting for my call. And even though I have nothing to do with this, he did call me and asked me to call him. You heard him. I'd certainly appreciate a call back. I mean, the gentlemanly thing to do is to call about the boat, right?

I mean, I don't want to keep them waiting. Thanks, and I'll wait for your call. So I better do the right thing and call him. Here we go. Let's call Terry Girders or whatever the hell his name is. This is Terry. Hi, Terry. How are you today? I'm fine, sir.

Great. It's Perry Parker. I got a phone call message from you about a yacht for sale or a boat or something. Well, that's what I do. I'm sorry I'm having trouble hearing. I'm in the car. Oh. Sorry, I'm trying to talk as loud as I can. I have a bit of a cold. I got a phone message that you had a yacht for sale and you asked me to call you.

Okay, and I'm sorry, your name again, sir? Well, that's what's got me confused. My name's Perry Parker, but you asked for someone named Ronald Berger, and I don't know if it's a cross-channel or... Wow. boy I can't explain that Ronald Berger doesn't even sound like

anybody I would have corresponded with I wonder if it was an automatic send-off of some kind well your message said that you got my number from an email and you know I'm just wondering what kind of boat is it I mean I'm curious now I got your number from a Gmail That's what your message said

When did you receive the message, sir? Actually, it was about three weeks ago, Terry And I just got to it I was going through my g-mails And it popped up And I was a little confused Because I'm not looking for a boat But I'm open, you know, to the idea of a boat

and you asked me to call you back. Wow. How long is the boat? I might as well ask about it since we're having a dialogue. Yeah, well, I appreciate that very much, and I'm sorry for the confusion that I am in right now because I'm not sure how you receive that for what I sent you. But we have, we're dealers for five different boat companies.

and we have probably 100 used boats available. So that's what it makes it a little confusing for me. I don't know how you got the message and what I was trying to correspond and how it ended up in your email when it was addressed to Mr. Berger. And I don't even remember corresponding with a Mr. Burder.

And it came through Gmail and it was about three weeks ago, you say. That's right. And you asked me to call you, but my name, as I said, is Perry Parker, but it said Ronald Berger, and I have no interest in a boat, but, you know, this kind of maybe sparked something,

and I don't know. I'd be good if it did. Let me check my phone here just one second. Okay, thank you so much, Terry. I was looking for your number to come through, but it says it's restricted. Oh, God. Yeah.

This is a mess. It is a little confusing. Okay. Hold on, Terry. Hang on one second. Yes. Okay. Terry, would I be able to call you back shortly?

David's calling me, and I have to... Can I call you back? Yes, sir. Call my cell phone, if that's not the number you called in on. Yes, you did leave me your cell phone number, yes. Okay. That would be great. and maybe I'll have a better answer for you when I get to my office in a few minutes

and see what might have transpired if I can take it out. Okay, great. Thank you, Terry. I'll call back shortly. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you, sir. Bye, bye.

Okay, so there we go, man. So here's how this process is going to go down. When I first dialed Terry, I had no idea what I was going to say. I had no idea what I was going to do but for some reason it popped into my head to maybe do kind of an effeminate voice and do kind of an effeminate character, Perry Parker. And I kind of didn't know why I did that

or where it was going to go or what it was going to lead to, but somewhere in the call, towards the end, you heard me, I kind of set up that David was calling me. you know in the background i asked i asked i asked i asked terry to hold on for a minute because david was calling me well who's david and so i thought for this scenario before i called terry back the wheels started turn i thought well what if david is my very jealous life partner and now he's suspicious that i'm on the phone with some guy named terry and he's not happy about it.

So now I'm going to have to call Terry back and tell Terry about my whole personal life and that I've got a jealous boyfriend who's now suspicious and mad at me that I'm talking to Terry. So this is about to get good. We'll break into some more of the podcast right now, but we're going to call, as I promised,

we're going to call Terry Gorders. I don't know why his name cracks me up But we're gonna call him back as he says he recommended to call him back And maybe he'll be at his office So this is just a free-for-all I don't know how it's gonna end I don't know where this goes But it all started with this guy calling me first and asking me if I wanted to buy a boat So so let's see how it plays out

Terry and Perry And their little boat So stick around, because later on in the podcast, we're going to find out. Wait a second, hold it. I saw the whole thing. The machine's fixed. Who's she, your mother? Blow up your pants.

Okay, Raj, can we jump ahead to the pissed off segment? Because I saw a story in the news that just pissed me right off. And I got to get it out of my system because I'm just going to be all amped up for the rest of the show. So let's do it. Let's get to the Harlan's Pissed Off segment of the show. Don't piss me up. This is Harland Williams. You're really pissing me off.

Oh, you're starting to piss me off, you little pigless some bitch. You pissed me off. Shut up. You're pissing. me off these fucking assholes this fuck these fucking assholes the fuck is their problem man

oh yeah this pissed me off I think I I reported on this maybe last year I touched on this there was a photographer who was he's like a nature photographer or something

and he kind of stumbled on a tribe of monkeys in the jungle somewhere. I'll get into the story. And he kind of left his camera sitting up. And one of the clever monkeys came up and started clicking the button and inadvertently took selfies of himself. And so this guy has all these incredible monkey selfies on his camera and he puts them up on the internet to share with people and all of a sudden uh in this litigious country we live in the united states of america some assholes

decided to sue them saying that he's not allowed to profit from the the uh the selfies because the monkey took them so the monkey should get the money and what i'm pissed off about is just, why don't people mind their own damn business? Why is this even a lawsuit? Why, I mean, let me read the story here in the news, and maybe you'll be as pissed off as I am. Here's the headline, lawsuit settled over rights to monkeys' selfie photo.

Come on, man. Attorneys announced a settlement Monday and a lawsuit over who owns the copyright to selfie photographs taken by a monkey before a federal's appeals court could answer the novel legal question. Under the deal, the photographer whose camera was used to take the photos agreed to donate 25% of any future revenue from the images to charities dedicating to protected crested macaques in Indonesia, lawyers for an animal rights group said.

You know, up yours. Now, listen here, I love animals. Whenever money can go to saving animals, that's great. As far as I'm concerned, animals can't get enough money to help protect them. But when you start pretty much stealing it from a guy who set up his camera and a monkey took the picture, you're taking 25% of this guy's, what should be this guy's earnings, profits, whatever. And it just, it boils my blood that some nosy, ne'er-do-well, busy-body assholes had to get in on it. And suddenly this guy who probably posted the selfie just to, you know, spread a little merriment and joy to the world,

because it is a funny selfie. You can look at it on YouTube, I'm sure. Suddenly he's got this animal group and other people telling him what he can and can't do with imagery from his camera. Here's some more of the story. Attorneys for the group and the photographer, David Slater, asked the San Francisco Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals to dismiss the case and throw out a lower court decision that said

animals cannot own copyrights, duh, clouds can't own copyrights, trees can't own copyrights, rocks can't, I mean, come on, folks, when we become a country where monkeys can freaking sue us, what the hell have we got left? An attorney for Slater declined to comment on how much money the photos have generated or whether Slater would keep all of the remaining 75% of future revenue. Well, so what if he does? He should be able to keep 100% of it. And if he wants to donate some to an animal charity, let him.

But outside of that, everyone else, get out of there, man. The people for the ethical treatment of animals sued on behalf of the macaque monkey in 2015 seeking financial control of the photographs for the benefit of the monkey named Naruto. that snapped the photos with Slater's camera. Oh, they sued on behalf of the macaque monkey. Gee, thank you. Thank you, people, for the ethical treatment of animals. Thank you for stepping in for the monkey.

And if somebody hits a deer accidentally with their car, are you going to take them to court for murder? Is there going to be a big murder trial for the monkey? guy that killed the deer? Am I going to be going to jail any time soon because I had some veal cutlets for dinner? With the fork

halfway to my mouth, the animal police, the people for the ethical treatment of animals kicked my door in and put handcuffs on me before I could even get to my mashed potatoes? I mean, get out of here.

Peter and David Slater agree that this case raises important cutting-edge issues about expanding legal rights for non-human animals, a goal they both support and they will continue their respective work to achieve this goal. Slater and Peter said in a joint statement. Lawyers for Slater argued that his company, Wildlife Personalities Limited, owns worldwide commercial rights to the photos, including a now famous selfie of the monkey's toothy grin. Why wouldn't he?

The monkey did it on his camera. So I guess, ladies and gentlemen, if you go on safari, if you take a picture of a lion or a cheetah or a giraffe or a rhinoceros, if you see a moose in your backyard or a bear or a squirrel on your tree and you take a picture, I guess you don't own it. I guess the zebra owns it or the giraffe. Get ready to be sued! What a bunch of nosy, busy bodies with nothing better to do.

My God. The photos were taken during a 2011 trip to Sulawalsi Indonesia with an unattended camera owned by Slater. The judge said in a ruling in favor of Slater last year that, well, Congress and the president can extend the protection of law to animals as well as humans, There is no indication that they did so in the Copyright Act. The lawyers notified the appeals court on August 4th that they were nearing a settlement and asked judges not to rule. Oh, God. It's just so annoying.

It's just we become a country where you're not allowed to do anything. You know, I've said this before. people are terrified now to post things on social media because it's like you're putting stuff up there to share and people just want to knock you down and hurt you and and sue you and I mean are you kidding me just the fact that this became a lawsuit and that other people had to get in on it and what are their motives does this uh does this wild life place, really care that much about the monkey? Do they want to save the monkey so they can send the monkeys' babies to college?

Do they want to save up and build the monkey a home in the jungle, give them electricity and hot water? Or does this animal charity just want to pocket the freaking money and pay their employees with it? And I'm going to say it again, I'm all about money going to animals, but not like that. like this, man. Not when you, when you nose in on a guy who somehow had a connection with these monkeys, he found a way to get in with these monkeys, he had the foresight and the sense of humor

and the artistic, you know, imagination to go, gee, I wonder if I left my camera out here if the monkeys would fool around with it and take pictures and maybe take a selfie. So all that ingenuity belongs to the guy with the camera. And whatever happens to take the picture, if an apple falls from a tree and hits the button that takes the picture on his camera, does the apple own the picture? I mean, it takes a human to put a camera into an environment to hope for the result of getting a picture.

That's why sometimes people put nature for, photographers put unattended cameras up in very remote places. There's nature photographers that go up into the Himalayans. I believe the highest mountain, most dangerous mountain range in the world, because the elusive snow leopard lives up there. It's a very rare, big cat that lives up at the highest elevations of the Himalayas. And it's very hard to photograph. It's very ghostly and elusive.

And so these guys put motion sensor cameras all around where they can kind of see where the snow leopards have left a trail. And they do a lot of work, a lot of climbing, a lot of danger. And they have to deduce where they think this elusive creature will be. And they have to set up all the cameras in extreme weather, putting themselves in peril, and why are they doing it to benefit humankind so that we can learn more about this beautiful species of big cat? We can collect data on it.

We can become educated and in doing so, maybe preserve it, maybe help it. But now all of a sudden, you know, some animal rights group is going to come along and say, oh, well, the snow leopard triggered the camera. The snow leopard walked in front of the infrared. signal so the snow leopard owns the pictures inadvertently the snow leopard took the pictures those are selfies we want to give you know 50% of any money you make to to the snow leopard's family hey everybody who wants to have better sex no yes yes the answer is yes you always want to have better sex that's what you you want it to be better not worse trust me

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Buy your tickets now. I get a free Tilly Dog. Chilly Dog, not included. The Naked Gun. Tickets on sale now. August 1st. It's just fucking ignorant, and that's why I'm so pissed off, because it's just, it's just.

It's not just, you know, I'm sure there's a greedy motive for the money they want. But more than that, what pisses me off, it's like the nosy neighbor. It's like the nosy neighbor that's always looking over your fence or find something out and goes and tells all the other neighbors or, you know, comes to your house. You didn't put your trash cans away. You know, the trash truck comes on Monday morning, and the rest of us put our trash cans away by noon.

But years were out for three days. You left them out to Wednesday. So we're going to start a petition And we're going to we're going to you know You're going to be fined by the city You know just get off of it Get a life man Leave this guy alone

That got these hilarious selfie monkey pictures Okay There are a million ways To raise money for nature and animals And as I said Please give trillions of dollars to it But don't exploit other people to try and, you know, achieve your goals.

Don't make your agenda everyone else's just because you think you're so righteous. Unbelievable. So there you go. That's what I'm pissed off about today. You might agree or disagree. But if you want to phone me or write me, you can be pissed off too,

or maybe you can go tell me to go suck a monkey. 3, 2, 3, 739, 43330, 3, 2, 739, 43330. And, uh, you know, boo to the animal rights agency that should be finding better ways to collect money to help animals. So there you go. Harland is still pissed off even though I got it out of my system. Oh, who, who, who, ha, ha, ha. Hey, Harland, there's someone on line three. Oh, okay.

Well, I wasn't, we weren't planning for a call. Who is it? Who? Jane Goodall? Wait, isn't that she the, isn't she like an anthropologist or something? It's the woman that worked with like the chimpanzees in the jungle like most of her life, right? That National Geographic lady? Oh my God.

She's huge, man. She's like, like the, like the top, you know, ape and monkey research. are in her field, isn't she? She's on now? Okay, cool, man. We're not going to pass this up. I'm guessing she probably wants to talk monkeys, right? That's great to know she listens to the podcast.

Yeah, put her through. Ladies and gentlemen, Jane Goodall, holy smokes. Hello, Jane. Hello, Holland. Wow, hello, Miss Goodall. Holy smokes. What a surprise and an honor. Well, thank you for having me on, Mr. Williams.

Thank you. I mean, goodness, gracious, I hear, like, kind of tropical noises in the background. Are you on some kind of location right now, Ms. Goodall? Yes, we're in a bit of swaner right now, Harland. We're doing some research on some bosombo chimpanzees, a very, very wonderful tribe of chimps deep in the jungle here. And we overheard your podcast and thought, you know, we could perhaps illuminate your audience. I do research apes and monkeys and primates, and perhaps I could, you know, somehow.

No, no, please. You don't even have to explain. We know your list of credentials, madam. We know you are a top leader, a top researcher in the field. please, any input you have is extremely valuable and important to us here. Oh, thank you very much. And, you know, I was just overhearing your conversation about the intelligence of the monkeys and the importance of getting money to them.

And, you know, the idea, the concept that a primate, a monkey or an ape could take a piece of modern technology and actually inadvertently make it function, make it used, and come up with some kind of a result. It's... Yeah, yes, it's kind of an odd quandary here, Ms. Goodall, where I guess you were listening to the story that this monkey took a selfie, and now it's become this big issue

about who owns the rights to the selfie. And my argument was, You know, monkeys don't have any intellectual property rights. Well, now, hold on the second, Holland. I mean, you know, don't underestimate the intelligence of a monkey. I'm not underestimating the intelligence of a monkey, but, I mean, honestly, it's not like the monkey knew it was a cell phone or a camera and went up and was like, oh, I think I'll take a selfie. Well, I wouldn't discounted, Holland. I mean, monkeys and apes are very, very fast learners.

And it is possible that the monkey saw something happen, they saw someone using a piece of this technology in the jungle and imitated. And I'm sure we're all aware of the saying monkey see, monkey do. Well, yeah, you're right. I mean, I guess it could have, you know, I just don't believe that it had the consciousness to know that it was taking a picture of itself because a monkey doesn't know how a camera works.

It might know it's pressing a button, but it doesn't know the end result. Well, you know, you don't know, Holland. I mean, I've been researching these animals for most of my adult life. And, you know, I'm surprised every single day with what they can do, what they come up with. It's quite astonishing and mind-boggling at times. Well, okay, you're there in the field. Can you give us an example?

I mean, are we talking, you know, they can rub sticks together, maybe they learned out to throw a rock or something? Well, let me tell you about a little situation we had about nine months ago in the jungles of Botswana here. Yes, please, please. We stumbled upon a monkey that had, well, I guess for lack of a better description, it had found a set of car keys. Oh, okay, it found a set of car keys, and naturally, I'm guessing they're jingly and they're silver, and so the monkey, what was like kind of wiggling them around, waving them? No, it was deeper than that. They actually belonged to a limousine, a black,

black limousine, and the monkey was driving it through the jungle, quite expertly. Pardon me? Yes, the monkey was driving it up and down the hills and through some of the gullies. I mean, the vehicle took a bit of a, you know, a beating, but quite a proficient driver, this little hairy monkey. You're telling me that a monkey found some car keys and was driving a car? quite expertly. It was quite fascinating, and I... Well, I find that a bit hard to believe, Ms. Goodall.

Well, I mean, if you were there to see it, he actually a parallel parked beside a banana tree, got out, opened the trunk, filled the trunk with bananas, shut the trunk door, rolled down the power windows. It was a hot day, actually, and drove off in quite high fashion. Okay, now come on. That can't have happened. Can I tell you about the time I saw a chimpanzee flying a helicopter over one of the smaller villages near where I'm doing my research. It was quite spectacular.

I didn't think... A monkey flying a helicopter. And then it landed, and I guess somehow it got into my cabin where I do my research. and, well, my face is a little red. It found my vibrator in a bag. A vibrator? Yes, and somehow instinctually, the little, and this tells you about the detail,

about the depth of their knowledge. Somehow it must have been watching me through a window at night, or maybe in the afternoon, when sometimes it gets hot and I need to lay down and pressure myself. It knew how to turn the vibrator on and shove it. deep inside. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Ms. Goodall. Uh, listen, this is pushing the imagination a little far to, I mean, I wouldn't believe this from

anyone else but you, but you're claiming you saw a monkey drive a limousine, pick up bananas, another monkey, a chimpanzee, fly a helicopter. Yes, it was a weather chopper, actually, and it's a, It reported on the weather and had a good, very good information on a monsoon arriving in three days. Well, okay, and then the last thing where I don't even want to repeat it. Well, the monkey shoved my vibrator deep upside is banana patch. No, no, no, no, no, Miss Goodall. We don't really need any description on that.

I couldn't believe it. I walked into my little mud cabin, and there on the bed, writhing around in true ecstasy was a female ape, one of the older ones, and it had my white vibrator between its monkey flaps, and it was just, okay, please. Can we keep this, I was expecting maybe the monkeys did something with a stick, or they did something with a branch, or somehow made hand signals, but this is, uh, yeesh, this is, this a bit, uh, you know, we don't know if we want to hear this. Well, I, I mean, I'm just trying to report to you and refute what you reported on your

podcast. Well, okay, but, uh, Ms. Goodall, uh, if I may tell you one more quick story that just fascinated me if you don't mind. Well, uh, what is this involved? Well, this involves more, uh, ape or monkey ingenuity, if you will. I'll never forget it. I I was at Disney World. I got invited by the wonderful people at the Disney Corporation to give a talk to all the children and all the families that come by Disney World. And as you know, it's quite a mechanical park. And I looked up, I heard some screaming, and I saw that a monkey had grabbed the controls on Magic Mountain

and was spinning families around backwards at about 95 miles an hour. What? It jammed on the emergency break, and probably 40 or 50 people, children, fathers, mothers, flew through the air and smashed against that giant castle at the Magic Kingdom. Their heads exploding, their blood dripping down the walls. What are you talking about? And here's the real kicker. As the monkey sped up the magic mountain roller coaster cart again, I look, and it was, jamming my vibrator

rate up into its banana pie flet. Okay, wow! Miss Goodall, I'm going to ask a question here. No insults intended, but have you been in the jungle a bit too long? Well, that's a very nice question. Well, yes, I have, but don't worry. I don't get lonely.

I have my big giant white vibrator. And on a nice, beautiful moonlit night, when the crickets are chirping, I take it out, I turn it on foam blast, and I ram it right into my ant's nest. All right, thank you, Mrs. Goodall. Good, hang up on her. God. That was disturbing and disappointing on many levels. Jeez.

I mean, we get an esteemed woman like. that and and I'm thinking we're going to get some kind of inside glimpse into the mind of apes because we've got one of the top professionals in the field in the world and suddenly what we're hearing about her vibrator action in the jungle I mean good God so that didn't really go the way we wanted but But, you know, this is the Harland Highway, and it never seems to really work out in our favor, sadly. Yeesh, let's, can we check in once more? Maybe we should call this boat guy back and just make sure we're cool with the boat guy.

Let's call the boat guy back. Yes, sir. My name is Terry Goeters, and I'm with Centerpoint Yacht Services. Received an email with your phone number on it, inquiring about one of our boats that are for sale. It certainly appreciated a call back. The inquiry was originated with Mr. Ronald Berger. Thanks, and I'll wait for your call. Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Terry, goaters. It's not available. Oh, man, that sucks. You know, I tried them, I swear to God, I tried them three or four times. And I wanted to continue the conversation. I mean, obviously you heard the guy he phoned me, right? But he didn't remember phoning me. So I thought it was weird that he was like,

I don't remember any Ronald Burger. But you heard the message he clearly called me. But maybe because he didn't remember his own phone call, he assumed I was a prankster. And I was kind of banking on the fact that because he called me, he'd think it was a legitimate phone call when I called him back. But because he didn't remember leaving me a message, he probably was like, okay, this guy sounds weird.

He used a weird name, Ronald Burgers, and then like Perry Parker. And I'm sure he probably thought that, you know, I was just a prank caller. So I did try him, and it sucks because I was so, like, excited to kind of prolong the story and kind of I was going to get into the whole thing about my lover being jealous and upset and and you know he he overheard me asking how long the boat was and misinterpreting it and sexual and you went to I was going to you know the first call

was kind of the setup and then the second call I was going to I was going to drag him right into a like a gay lover's like quarrel and he was going to be like a. like the catalyst for a big fight between two gay lovers with a lot of like, you know, innuendo using boat lingo. You know, David said that, you know, if I ever drop my anchor in any other harbor that, you know, he would walk out on me. You know, he overheard me asking you, you know,

how long your boat was. And he just went off the deep end. I mean, so it was going to be a lot of that stuff, man. I do apologize, but what can I do? I made the effort. Here's what I'll do. I'll try him back like in another podcast. Maybe he's a guy I just keep tapping until finally I get him.

But I'm kind of bummed like you. I don't like to leave my audience hanging like this. This is a big disappointment here. Terry Goiters or whatever the hell your name is. Yes, sir. My name is Terry Goeters. So all we can do is try Terry Gorders back and see if we can close the chapter on the Terry Gorders boat rental fiasco. Okay?

Sorry, gang. Usually I wrap up my comedy bits with it. But, you know, now I'm taking this as a personal challenge. Like, I'm not going to leave you hanging. I can't leave this comedy gold hanging. You think I don't want resolution here? Come on, man. So we'll leave the show with a bit of a cliffhanger

Instead of wrapping it up, which I thought we'd do nice and we'll leave it as a bit of a cliffhanger And what? Oh, we have one more phone call? Okay, why? Ah, okay, okay, this will be good. Okay, so I am going to be in Portland, Oregon this weekend. Okay, and I guess I don't say Oregon. and so it sounds like somebody's calling to give me shit about it okay but i'll take that call

since i'm going to be up there on this Thursday through sunday i'll be in portland oregon doing stand-up comedy at the helium comedy club and it looks like i'm getting a little backlash before i get up there go ahead roj play the call Harland, Harland, you've been making a crucial mistake, Harlan, and it's making my girlfriend very upset. You've been pronouncing Oregon, Oregon, but she would like to have a little word with you. Here she is, Harlan. It's Oregon She seems to think it's pronounced

Oregon, Holland But I agree with you It's Oregon Chicken chalming, baby Look, you say potatoes, I say potatoes, I say tomatoes, you say tomatoes, I say tomatoes I say Oregon, you say, what is it? Origena? Orgaon? Orga, what do you mean? There's another message. Oh, come on. Holland. It's Oregon.

Oregon. Oregon. Now, that sounds wrong to me. Oregon. That's like spelled ORGIN. Oregon. but it's spelled something like O-R-G-E-O-N or something I don't even know how to spell it so it's more like Oregon Holland Oh what?

Not again Holland I'm just saying it the way I think it's spelled Is that a crime man? God It's Oregon Not Oregon

Hang on God, okay. Well, I'm glad we can all laugh about it, man, but I'm going to keep saying it the way I say it because I think I'm right, and you say it the way you want to say it. And, you know, at the end of the day, we'll just have a big orangina hug and call it a wash.

So, for those of you that are living in the origon or origami or, you know, erogenous zone or whatever it's freaking called, I will be there this weekend, September 21st through the 24th. That's on Thursday through a Sunday at the Helium Comedy Club, and we will have a bunch of laughs and merriment. So hopefully you can get your tickets at Harlan Williams.com. And come on out, man. Come on out and have some chuckles with the kid, boy.

It's going to be a good time. Harlowilliams.com. You can get your pre-tickets there, reserve your seats. And also the following weekend, September 28th to October 1st, I'll be out in Chicago, just outside of Chicago, in Schaumburg, Illinois, at the Improv, another great club. So please get your tickets for that. That's going to be Thursday, September 28th through October 1st.

And then later in October, I'll be in the Irvine Improv in Orange County. That's October 12th to the 15th. And then looks like I'll be up at the Buffalo Helium in November and San Jose and Edmonton, Alberta. So check HarlowWilliams.com for all my dates. And hopefully we'll see you there. It's kicking off my fall stand-up comedy tour. And while you're at Harlow Williams.com, don't forget to check out our web store.

We have some cool things for you to purchase and buy. Also, if you want to call and leave your own messages to correct me on anything or whatever or sell me a boat, The phone number is 323-739-43330. It takes about five or six rings before it picks up, but you'll get there. It's just a voice machine, so you don't have to talk to anyone. And as I said last time, girls, we'd like to hear from you.

We never get calls from the girls. 3-2-3-739-4330, or you can write me at harloweems.com on our contact link. Love to hear from you guys. You make my life interesting, and I hope I can do the same in a small way. Also, don't forget to get our free app. You can get that in your app store. Just type in the Harland Highway podcast. Boom, it's free.

You get the 50 latest episodes, absolutely 100% free, no gimmicks. But if you crave more, if you want the whole library of over 900 Harland Highway episodes, 20 bucks a year, and you get that. Plus, you get bonus segments that I downloaded. Just last week, I downloaded some live stand-up comedy for the premium members to hear and stuff like that. So it's a lot of fun, a lot of entertainment for just 20 bucks a year. Are you kidding? Hello!

And we appreciate that, man. We appreciate you getting involved and becoming a special premium member. I love it. So that's it, man. I hope you had a good time here today, and sorry about Terry Goiters or whatever the hell his name is. Yes, sir. My name is Terry Gorders. Terry Gorders, and we'll try them again another time.

So that's it for today, folks. Thank you so much for being here on the Harlan Highway. Hope you had a fun time. Please tell your friends, get them involved. We want everyone to get some laughter in their heart and get on the Harlan Highway. Highway. So that's it for today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And until next time, my friends,

chicken, chau-main, baby. It's Oregon. Not Oregon. Hey, and, hang on. Thank you.