The Harland Highway - 908 - AUNT RUTHY calls the show. The Monster in your hand! 70's Vans!

Episode Date: September 28, 2017

AUNT RUTHY calls the show. The Monster in your hand, cell phones taking over our minds! 70's Vans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for priva...cy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, Pilgrims. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I don't know why I started with creepy old cowboy guy, but it just felt right. It just felt right, pilgrims. Well, welcome to the show. I'm Harland Williams. You are on the Harland Highway podcast, whether you're a cowboy or not. Welcome to the Wild Frontier that is the Harland Highway. What a show today. Aunt Ruthie's calling in, my favorite aunt.
Starting point is 00:00:30 from Rochester, New York, has left a phone message for me. I haven't heard it yet. We're going to play it live on the show and see what the hell my crazy aunt Ruthie has been up to. Also on today's show, something very scary. There's something happening to us, ladies and gurgle-nargans, out here in society, something creepy and invasive and it's slowly creeping into the fabric of who we are
Starting point is 00:00:57 and our society and our planet. Way to you hear about the creepy monster that's crawling into your life. Yeah, you might not even be aware of it. It's happening to you right now. Oh, yeah, this is kind of eerie. And then later on, we're going to be talking about a childhood memory. One of the pavement founders called in and reminded me of something that was really cool in my childhood that involved vans. So let's go.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Get in your van. Let's drive. This is. Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy. Oh, how perfectly awful. I get my kids above the waistline, sunshine.
Starting point is 00:01:48 When will they take the bandages off? We don't know who we are. We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let us out of here. Please! Let me tell you. you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of
Starting point is 00:02:04 oh fuck yeah but just leave us alone sit down strap in and shut up what's going on what's the matter i thought maybe if i could kill him i could make him stop my mother never breastfed me she told me she liked me he's a friend who are we this is the harland highway what it's the Harlan Highway. It's a cup of! It's a cop-buck! Ah! Ah!
Starting point is 00:02:31 Scary. Scary. Yeah. It's... You know that scary music? Because what I'm about to tell you is a scary story. This freaked me out. This actually spooked me, okay?
Starting point is 00:02:48 This involves you and me and everybody. This is kind of creepy. So I'm out and about the other day with a friend. We're out driving and we end up in Beverly Hills, okay, down here in California. We're over in the Beverly Hills area. And we go to lunch at a mall and we get in the car. And I start talking to my friend about the cell phone culture we're in. And we pull out of the underground garage at the mall,
Starting point is 00:03:25 which is probably scarier than anything I'm talking about because there's scary places. And I said, to prove my point, I said, watch. I was talking about how immersed we are as a culture in our cell phones. And as we pulled out of the garage from the subterranean world up under the terrestrial plane, onto the topography of planet Earth. earth, the top layer of the earth's crust, if you will, I said to my friend, I said,
Starting point is 00:03:56 look, look as we're driving along. And so we started driving along the surface streets. And I go, look at that person over there. First person we saw on their phone. I was like, you know, they had that posture where they're standing there and they're looking down at their phone. And she was like, oh yeah, okay. So, And I'm not even making this up, folks. This is not a joke. This is for real. We keep driving the next person.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Someone standing at a bus stop. Then we look over to the other side of the street. Someone jogging. Earbuds in looking down at their phone while they're jogging. Then we see a guy leaning against a pole jogging. And we drove, we drove probably about five miles. And in that five miles, ladies, and I'm not exaggerating, in that five miles, I would say that 75 to 80% of the people we saw on the sidewalk, on the street, were staring into their phone. I'm not making it up. I'm not exaggerating.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Okay I'm not talking about a street that was cascading with people like you'd see in New York I'm talking about a street surface streets where There's people it wasn't like packed like a mob but there was people like every You know if I could calculate the amount of people we passed in five miles that were on the street. I'd say I don't know 200 in LA you don't get tons of people out walking in the streets but let's say 200 maybe a hundred I don't know but I'm not kidding 70 to 80% of those people some of them were sitting on a bench
Starting point is 00:06:01 some of them were waiting for a bus some of them were crossing an intersection some of them were standing at a valet parking some of them were in front of an office building and if first we started laughing we were just going oh there's another one oh there's another one there's another one there's another one and then it was like we kind of started getting spook we're like holy fuck there's another one no no wait there's another one there's a there was a homeless looking guy with one and it got really weird man when you really pay attention and look around and this is an exercise i'm going to ask you to do next time you're out in broad daylight and you're just driving or walking down the street
Starting point is 00:06:45 make a conscious effort to take a tally take a look around and it's spooky man it was spooky it was almost like I was watching like a weird mind control zombie movie there's an old movie called Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Starting point is 00:07:07 there's an old black and white version they did way back in the 50s, I think. And then there was a newer version that came out, I think, in the 70s with Donald Sutherland. And it's a movie about these pods, these big spores, like seed type of things that float through the universe and floated down and landed on planet Earth. And what they did is they'd land near people and people who were asleep. And when they were asleep, the spores would send out the.
Starting point is 00:07:41 these tentacles and the tentacles would absorb the other the human beings persona their physical being they're all of them and what they would do is they would they would duplicate them they would duplicate the human being and become exactly like them and they'd stand up and then the human being that they sucked all the DNA and all the uh the the the life source from would crumble up into dust. And so there'd be no trace of the original you. Now there would be this new version
Starting point is 00:08:19 of you. And it looked like you. It sounded like you. It walked and talked like you, but it had kind of this zombie brain. All the brains were connected. They all worked in tandem. They were all linked. They were all joined. And it started that they
Starting point is 00:08:37 started to over, you know, they started to take over the city and the town. and all of a sudden if they came up on someone that wasn't like them that wasn't a duplicate it was really creepy in the Donald Sutherland version
Starting point is 00:08:53 of the movie the pod people would all of a sudden their eyes would bulge out and they'd point their fingers and they'd just kind of do this weird scream they'd be like it was like this weird horrific alien scream
Starting point is 00:09:10 And then they'd all chase the original person down and force them to lie down with a pod and become a duplicate. And I'm telling you, man, I drove by and saw all these people linked to their cell phones and staring into these screens and tuning out the rest of the world. immersed in the little rectangle in their hand the glowing alluring rectangle like a moth flying into a bug light and the little glow up on their face and they were just sucked in and they were talking to someone or they're looking at a video or they're watching the news or they were but they were the world had become contained in the palm of their hand and the world, the environment around them no longer existed and I was like, this is like a fucking horror movie, man.
Starting point is 00:10:09 But will you tell these fools, I'm not crazy. Make them listen to me before it's too late. Listen to me. Please listen. If you don't, if you won't, if you fail to understand, and the same incredible terror that's menacing me will strike in you. No, no, you've got to get out of here, please! They come from another world, spawned in the light years of space,
Starting point is 00:10:38 unleashed to take over the bodies and souls of the people of our planet, bringing a new dimension in terror to the giant superscope scream. Whatever intelligence or instinct it is, that can govern the forming of human flesh and blood out of thin air is... It's fantastically powerful, beyond any comprehension. The cursed, dreadful, malevolent thing was happening to those he loved. This isn't just an ordinary body, isn't it? I never saw one like it.
Starting point is 00:11:11 It looks... ...unused. Miles, where do they come from? I don't know. Suddenly, while you're asleep, they'll absorb your minds, your memories. I don't want any part of it. You're forgetting something, Miles. What's that?
Starting point is 00:11:28 You have no choice. From city to city an incredible hysterical panic spread. As the unimaginable becomes real, the impossible becomes true. Stop and listen to me, listen, listen to me, listen to me. They're not human! Can't you see everyone? They're here already. You're next! Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have
Starting point is 00:12:08 better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order, doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out.
Starting point is 00:13:01 That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And then I just started thinking about Apple as, you know, isn't it interesting that Apple is a fruit?
Starting point is 00:13:28 And apple has seeds. Maybe apple is like the demon seeds that are coming down and sucking everyone's identity and soul into their rectangles. And it sounds kind of comedic, it sounds kind of silly, but I'm telling you, man, it eventually got a bit scary. Like I was at the point where I wasn't really kind of fascinated and intrigued and amused anymore. I was like, this is fucking weird.
Starting point is 00:14:01 This is fucking wrong. This is scary. What's happening to us? And that was the real big question mark. It's like, do we even know what's happening? Do we even see it? Do we even know that we're part of it? I'm part of it.
Starting point is 00:14:18 I stare into my phone too. And it's almost like you can't resist it. You can't turn it off. You can't get away from it. It's like these phones have control over us, ladies, and gurgle glargans. And I can't see it getting any better. I only see it getting worse. And that was just me looking at them physically,
Starting point is 00:14:44 and I'm thinking, what are they doing to us psychologically? Physically, they're separating us. Physically, they're pulling us apart because we're becoming more interested in the rectangles in our hands than we are in the living human beings that surround us so in the physical world
Starting point is 00:15:07 we're tuning out people physically we're replacing physical human beings for an experience with our phones and you have to start to go what's it doing in my brain I saw an article the other day that said humans are having
Starting point is 00:15:25 less sex now because they like to lay in bed at night and look at their phone so instead of having sex or intercourse or fooling around they're more intrigued by getting into their phone to see what's going on and I'm not even joking
Starting point is 00:15:45 are you know have you ever been have you ever done this? Have you ever been on a date or out with a friend and you're anxious to end the date or end the moment with your friend? Because you're anxious to get back to your house or into your car or into a private space
Starting point is 00:16:06 where you can start perusing your phone? I've been guilty of that. I've done it. I've been at movies with friends or I've been hanging out. I'm talking and I'm like, yeah, I've got to go. I got to go, yeah. Hey, great to see you.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I realize I want to get away from them. so I can get into my phone. What's my phone got to say? What's going on in my phone? Who's texting me? Who's talking to me? Who's on my social media?
Starting point is 00:16:38 Oh! I think all of you listening might be guilty of the same thing. They're taking over, ladies and gentlemen. They're getting to us. They're starting to control our actions. Our physical actions. Our mental actions. Our psychological actions.
Starting point is 00:17:14 What's happening? Ladies and gentlemen, what is freaking happening? It's weird. And you may, you may think, oh, come on. what do you stop trying to scare us stop, stop trying to fluff up
Starting point is 00:17:29 the, oh, phone phone paranoia phonophobe you're a phonophobe I'm actually starting to wonder if someone's going to report me wouldn't that be interesting if someone called Apple
Starting point is 00:17:47 somebody called Verizon Hey guys, listen I was listening to this podcast and there was a guy talking about, you know, how we're getting too into the phones. And I'm thinking, shouldn't we shut him up? Can you send someone? Can you send someone from Apple? From the Apple Store and Apple Genius and a blue t-shirt to track him down. He's got to be silenced. I don't want anything coming between me and my phone. And if this guy's speaking out, he might change the relationship I'm having with my phone.
Starting point is 00:18:25 so here's what I'm proposing ladies gentlemen do it here's your homework do it I want you to take 15 minutes at some point during the next week take 15 minutes wherever you may be out walking maybe you're even driving like I did and for 15 minutes only maybe 10 if you don't have the time because you you gotta get into your phone 10 or 50 minutes just watch just drive just walk and look at everybody who passes you if you go by a Starbucks look in the window see who's on their phone if you're walking down the sidewalk and people pass you see if they're on their phone if you see a car go by look in the window see if they're on their phone. I want to see what percentage you come up with. I came up with 70 to 80%. Do you believe me? What kind of results will you have? The invasion of the body snatchers. Let me know if your phone
Starting point is 00:19:51 allows you they come from a dying world they drift through the universe pushed on by the solar winds they adapt and they survive the function of all life is survival
Starting point is 00:20:08 sleep from deep space the seed is planted Fear grows Matthew Matthew Matthew
Starting point is 00:20:29 Like the others Elizabeth's wake up Get you when you sleep Sit up Invasion of the body snatchers It's got no detail No character It's unformed
Starting point is 00:20:41 All of a sudden they're growing like parasite Is it contagious? People are being duplicated How do you know my name? I didn't tell you my name You can't find anything in here that looks like a body. My side's nose bleed. It looked right at me.
Starting point is 00:20:55 You're looking at it as if it was human, but not human. Now, the classic fear begins to grow. We're being cornered. In a modern masterpiece of science fiction. They're barricading the street. Invasion of the body statues. Get down. Starring Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Leonard Nimoy Invasion of the body snatchers From deep space The seed is planted Terror grows From Apple headquarters The seed is planted The cell phone plan grows
Starting point is 00:21:47 Wow A little creepy, right? Little freaking creepy. Something to think about. Do your homework. Get back to me. Let me know what your ratio is when you do your 10-minute test or your 15-minute test. Let me know what the percentages of people you see in your environment or community with their face buried in their phone.
Starting point is 00:22:13 Ooh, all right. Let's move on, man. Let's move on. What? Oh, really? Yeah, we haven't heard from her for a while. Aunt Ruthie's, she's left a message. Okay, well, talk about going from phone terror to phone voicemail terror.
Starting point is 00:22:34 My Aunt Ruthie, lives up in Rochester, New York, always calls me. She checks in, you know, my mother's sister, and she's wonderful. I love her. I grew up with her. She was always around, and she, uh, she, just, I guess she misses me. She likes to keep in touch, and she leaves these long-winded cell phone messages, and I always kind of get a kick out of them, and let's just play it, Raj.
Starting point is 00:23:02 Here it is. Here's my lovable Aunt Ruthie calling in, leaving me a phone message from Rochester, New York. Hello. Hello, Angel, are you there? Oh, my God. Hello, Angel, it's your Aunt Ruthie calling. How are you today, Angel? Oh, my God, I miss you so much.
Starting point is 00:23:23 We're calling from Rochester, New York, Angel. I don't know if it, you know, my phone line tells you that when it picks up or whatnot. But, oh, my God, I had to call you, Angel. We had a bit of an event happen at the house here the other day. You know, your uncle Harry was sitting here watching his television shows. And I know you're down there in the Hollywood's making your own TV show. and your televisions and so on and whatnot. We're never
Starting point is 00:23:52 sure what you're up to, your little bastard, your little freckle-faced fuck. But anyhow, we were sitting here watching Uncle Harry's shows. He likes to watch Bonanza. You know how Uncle Harry likes the Cowboys and the Indians. And all of a sudden, I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Maybe it's because you Van Rooney washed the windows about a week ago. A goddamn bird flew into the glass. It was some kind of grackle or something. I don't know. It was black and had speckles on it. I don't know if it had AIDS or something, but so, you know, I went out there.
Starting point is 00:24:26 I slid the door open, and I went outside, and I picked a little fucker wrap. I mean, he was laying there, his feathers flew all over the place. He looked like his beak was half crooked. His eyes were all fucking rolled out like he was sucking on an LSD
Starting point is 00:24:42 chocolate bar or something, you know. So I felt sorry for the little twat. He was laying on the ground, all pulverized and whatnot. So you ran, Ruth, he brought him in the kitchen and put him in a little box, and I could see his little feet twitching, and his, you know, his poor thing, he was breathing, and I thought, oh, my God, I've got to help this little fuck. So, you know, I put him in the box, and I put a nice little, you know, a cloth over his body
Starting point is 00:25:10 to keep the little bastard warm, and I went back to watch television with your uncle Harry. Well, you know, the little bird just caught its breath, so to speak, Angel. And I guess, you know, the thing came around quicker than I thought, and all of a sudden, you know, all of a sudden the goddamn grackle or whatever the hell it is is flocking around a goddamn living room. And your uncle Harry's waving his cane around like he's Babe Ruth on a fucking, you know, the World Series baseball game. He's just trying to hit a home run with this goddamn grackle.
Starting point is 00:25:45 and, you know, it's flying around and it lands in my wig for Christ's sake. And, you know, these birds have clawed feet. They look like, you know, fucking, you know, Doris Day after a day
Starting point is 00:25:58 of peeling oranges at a fucking pine cone festival or something, you know, Angel. And so all of a sudden this fucking crackles got a hold of my wig and he lifted right off my head
Starting point is 00:26:10 and now we got my orange wig flying around the goddamn living room and your uncle Harry swinging at my fucking wig like a, you know, a little Mexican boy, a pinata trying to get a bunch of candy out of a donkey's ass, Angel, and, you know,
Starting point is 00:26:26 I'm sitting there, and I'm bald as Yul Brenner for fuck sake. I look like Cojack just had babies on a fucking mule yacht, whatever that needs, and I'm like sighing, and I'm screaming and your uncle areas, it's like we have a wig bat and flying around
Starting point is 00:26:41 the fucking house, and he's swinging away and missing, of course, he's knocked the light bulb out, and he smash some pictures off the wall, and I'm like, open the goddamn door, Harry, let the fucking wig bat out or whatever the fuck it is. So, Harry finally stumbles to the door, and I'm screaming and crying. I look bald as a fucking shaved cactus, Angel. So we open the door, and this goddamn wig bat flies out, and it flocks right onto a little kid who's riding his pike down the sidewalk, of course, Angel. And, you know, he gets straight in his face, and suddenly this little boy must have been nine years old reminded me of you, by the way, little angel. Do you remember when you used to ride your bike up and down the street, remember? And that one time you drove right through a big pile of dog shit, and you swerved and slid all over the street and rammed into the garbage truck and knocked your front fucking teeth out, little angel.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Oh, you were so cute. anyways, this fucking grackly wing bat flies right into this fucking boy's face, and now he can't see so now he's driving all over the sidewalk, he veers right into traffic, he gets hit by a fucking
Starting point is 00:27:53 Corvette stingray for Christ's sake flies up in the air lands in the passenger seat because it was a convertible, I mean it's still warm enough that people can drive with their hoods down angel, and now this fucking kid's driving around with a completely
Starting point is 00:28:09 stranger, me and Uncle Harry run in the house and we issue an Amber Alert because we think this fucking kid's been abducted by someone in a fucking silver Corvette Stingray. So, you know, we tell the police and they put out an amber alert,
Starting point is 00:28:25 please watch for a young child with a red wig and a bird on his fucking face and a silver corvette stingray. And all this from, you know, just the whole neighborhood's in a panic angel and this fucking child's taken, who knows where, maybe to be
Starting point is 00:28:42 sodomized behind a Denny's. Who knows what's going to happen? I mean, what child pervite doesn't like a boy with an orange wig on his face and a grackle in his fucking hair, you know? So, you know, this is just the world we live in, Angel. So now the whole
Starting point is 00:28:57 neighborhood's shitting its pants because my fucking crackle wigs on a fucking abducted boy's face and some child pervert, who knows if Jared from Subway sandwiches drives a silver corp that it's possible it looks like he did well with his whole sandwich campaign and now he's got a fucking boy with a wig on his head pleasuring his submarine sandwich for Christ sake and we're just
Starting point is 00:29:21 all so upset and we're waiting to find out what happened to wig face crackle fuck the little boy that's your uncle Harry calls him not me child but anyways angel I shouldn't continue with all this but I just wanted to let you know and we're going to be okay we'll keep your poster happened with the amber lid and hopefully that little sucks okay and we get the wig off his face and more than anything i just want my hair back angel and i wanted you to know we're thinking about you and we love you and you're our little sickle-faced angel uncle harry wants to say i harry will you say hi to your nephew here you little holland will he's down in hollywood harry Oh, Jerry mumbles like he's got a goddamn koala fart stuck in his throat for Christ's sake.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Anyways, we both love you, Angel, and we'll let you know what happens with the rig-faced boy, okay? Thank you. We love you. Call me when you can it. And Ruthie loves you. Oh, my God. What's that, Harry? You can see him rolling down the stairs.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Oh, my God. Call the police. Oh, my God. What? man can we take a normal phone call roger just like a normal voicemail from from one of the pavement pounders that's not crazy that's not weird that's not fucking manic like that please thank you hey harland it's pod guy from the pod couple podcast i was listening to your podcast the other day and you were talking about your water bed and uh i think you were even
Starting point is 00:31:05 inviting somebody to quote take a nap in it so and something about some kind of voodoo skull above it well i was just wondering if you had a boogie van with the water bed in it did you have a shag and wagon harland was it tricked out was the inside covered with crushed velvet shag carpet maybe you had some beaded curtains in your boogie van? Did it have that crazy bubble thing on the side? What was up with that thing? Like, did you have to actually cut into the van to put that bubble window in there? I don't know. What about, did you have a chain steering wheel?
Starting point is 00:31:55 What did you have painted on the side? Did you have psychedelic wizards, magic mushrooms, naked slave girls? maybe the cover of pink Floyd's dark side of the moon yeah well I bet you would go cruising for chicks and have the fog hat cranked or maybe April wine I don't know
Starting point is 00:32:19 Harlan did you have a boogie van did you ever want one I did anyways keep on trucking Highland um yeah that that's what I mean like a normal phone call, a normal, just
Starting point is 00:32:35 normal, no bullshit. Just average. Yeah, my water bed, you know, hey, if you want to take a nap in my water bed with the water buffalo skull hanging over the top, you have at it, man. It's not at my house. I keep
Starting point is 00:32:55 it at one of those rental garages, you know, the orange ones. You can buy like a garage. with an orange door and rent it. That's where I keep my waterbed. So, you know, I'll give you the combo to the lock and you go have a nice slumber.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Yeesh. But speaking of the van, now that's familiar territory. Well, I was just wondering if you had a boogie van with a waterbed in it. Did you have a shaggin wagon, Harland? Was it tricked out? Oh, the shaggin, the boogie van, the shaggin wagon.
Starting point is 00:33:36 What this gentleman's talking about is back in the 70s, and yes, I was alive and walking the streets in the 70s. God, where has the time gone? There was a time for about maybe five years when the rage was to have a van. And not just a van, like, you know, the same vans they have today, but back then they would trick them out, man. They would get vans, and what you kind of had to do to be part of the clique is you had to gut the inside, fill it with shag carpet and put a bed in it, and you'd cut holes in the back sides of the upper panel, and you'd put a little black window that was shaped like a porthole or a circle, and it would bubble out.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Some of them had a teardrop-shaped bubble window and you had a CB radio and you had a bar inside and you had seats and you had stereo speakers all the way through and you can open the back and people could party in your van. And then the Piaustor resistance is, of course, you had to have the mag wheels and all this and that. But the big deal was you had to have an airbrushed mural on the side of your shaggin wagon. man. You had to have, like, oh, these elaborate airbrushed paintings were done on the side. It'd be a caveman, you know, taking 12 polar bears for a walk, or it'd be like, you know, Thor, the god of thunder. It'd be like a skull. Or it'd be like, you know, a dragon with fire coming out of its face.
Starting point is 00:35:21 I mean, these vans were like, there were whole magazines dedicated to these vans. It was like a whole cool scene, man. You were the coolest person in the world if you had a tricked-out custom van. Did you ever want one? I did. Anyways, keep on trucking, Ireland. Aw, maybe I did, too, you know? I mean, what young kid didn't want one?
Starting point is 00:35:47 But here's where it gets cool. I had an older cousin. My cousin, Tommy Williams, on my dad's side. And he had one, man. oh yeah we'd go over to his house or he'd come over to our place I mean it was it was amazing he was like he was like my god he was the coolest guy ever knew man he had like a brown like copper colored van and he had the teardrop bubble window in the back and he had the mag wheels
Starting point is 00:36:18 and you'd go inside and I can't remember but I think he I know he had shag carpet I think it was purple he didn't have the crush velvet, but he had the purple-like interior, like the walls and the ceiling were shaggy. He might have had like a velvet couch or something. I know there was other stuff in there. My memory's a bit foggy, but then I remember sitting up in the front seat, he had tricked out like the panel, you know, the front panel, and he'd put like a, you know, you got the panel where your steering wheel is, and you got the odometer and the spadometer and the gas gauges
Starting point is 00:36:53 and the radio and all that stuff, and it all lights. up. So what he had did is he'd built a customized wooden panel up above where the sun visors are. So you had your first panel where the steering wheel was, but then you'd go up and up above. He had all these things and he had a CB radio up there and he had like a stereo and he had big speakers. Oh my God, it was so cool. And I'll never forget it, man. We're sitting in there and he started playing that song by Meatloaf, Paradise by the Dux. Paradise by the dashboard light. And so here I am, this little kid.
Starting point is 00:37:30 I can't remember. I was probably like eight or nine years old. And I'm sitting in my big cousin Tommy's, like, tricked out van. And it was like magic, man. It was like being in the cockpit of a jet engine, man. Everything was lit up and green. And there was shag on the dashboard. And there was my cool cousin.
Starting point is 00:37:54 He had like a tom cell. like a mustache and he was like he's just cool and I knew Tommy had lots of like hot girlfriends and and I was like oh man look at me and my cousins grown up like tricked out van bro and it's just kind of like a magical childhood memory that I've I've always retained so if nothing else my sad friend who has no water bed or no van to lay in you've you've triggered some fond memories for me and uh man it just just awesome and i was like oh man i got like the coolest cousin man like he's got he's got one of these crazy bands and he's like oh he's so i just thought he was the coolest man and the van was the coolest and then and then the whole van thing just
Starting point is 00:38:47 kind of faded away eventually and i never i should ask him one day whatever happened to is his boogie van or whatever you call it I don't I can't remember if you have the chain steering wheel or but I seem to remember everything was kind of customized right so I hope that answers your question man like I said you're free to use the the water bed it's in the storage unit
Starting point is 00:39:14 and no no boogey van for me but man I wish I had one just the way it sounds like you wish you had one I don't know. Island, did you have a boogie van? Did you ever want one? I did. Anyways, keep on trucking, Ireland.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Yeah, man, I'll keep on trucking. Let's both keep on trucking in our boogie vans in the imaginations of our minds. How's that? Why don't we just pretend we have them? And that'll make everything okay, all right? There you go. So let's see. What else is going on?
Starting point is 00:39:55 What else is going on? Let's do some announcements. I think we end the show on that happy little memory, right? Let's see. Let's see. What do we got? We got some stand-up comedy gigs coming up. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Tonight I start in Schaumburg, just outside of Chicago, ladies and gentlemen. Schaumburg, Illinois. Yes, indeed. at the improv, that'll be October 28th, September 28th to October 1st. God, I keep making that mistake. September 28th to October 1st, come and check me out. Tickets at Harlow Williams.com. And then later in the month, I'll be in Irvine, California at the improv.
Starting point is 00:40:42 And then it'll be at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California. Then I'll be in Buffalo, New York, at the Helium Club. Then I'm going to be in San Jose at the improv And then Edmonton at the House of Comedy So check out my website, harlandwilliams.com. Go to the stand-up comedy tour link And you can book your tickets in advance. Please, while you're there, check out our merch store at harlewilms.com.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Buy yourself some fun gifts. Also, join our premium membership at harlewilms.com. 20 bucks a year. Get you all the podcasts. all of the podcast ever recorded of the Harland Highway. And also get our free app at Harlowiams.com. And it's all groovy, man. It's all groovy.
Starting point is 00:41:34 So, yeah, man, let's keep motoring. Let's close it up, Raj. For another show, another successful podcast. We'll leave you with the remainder of the, The meatloaf song. And that's it. Until next time, chicken chow ma'am, baby. Before we go any further, do you love me?
Starting point is 00:42:04 Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? Will you make me away? Do you love me? Will you love me forever?
Starting point is 00:42:17 Do you need me? never leave me will you make me so happy for the rest of my life will you take me away will you make me a wife i got to know right now before we go any further till you love me will you love me forever let me sleep on it baby baby let me sleep on it let me sleep on it i'll give you an answer in the morning let me sleep on it Baby, baby, let me sleep on it. Well, let me sleep on it. I'll give you an answer in the morning.
Starting point is 00:42:58 Let me sleep on it. Baby, baby, baby, let me sleep on it. Well, let me sleep on it. I'll give you an answer in the morning. I got a move right now. Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me?
Starting point is 00:43:17 Will you never leave? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away? And will you make me a while? Have I got a more right now? Before we go any further, do you love me? Will you love me forever? What's it gonna be, boy?
Starting point is 00:43:35 Come on. I can wait all night. What's it gonna be, boy? Yes or no? What's it gonna be, boy? Yes? Or... No.
Starting point is 00:43:46 No. Baby, let me sleep on it. Well, let me sleep on it. I'll give it one out when I'm on it. I gotta know right now. Do you love me? Will you love it forever? Do you sleep on it?
Starting point is 00:44:02 Will you never need me? Will you sleep on it? I'll give me one and turn. Will you take me to love me. I'll tell you leave my morning! Before we go in the further, do you love me, will you love me forever? Will you love me forever?
Starting point is 00:44:19 Let me sleep on it Will you love me forever? Let me sleep for it Will you love me forever I couldn't take it any longer God I was crazy when the feeling came up on me like a tired of wake started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave
Starting point is 00:44:33 that I would love it till the end of time I swore I would love you till the end of time So now I'm praying for the end of time To hurry open and ride Because if I gotta spend the end of time If I gotta spend another many with you I don't think that I can really survive I'll never break my promise
Starting point is 00:44:54 or forget my vow But God only knows that I can do right now I'm praying for the end of time That's all that I can do Prayin' for the end of time So I can end my time with you It was long away
Starting point is 00:45:15 So much better than it is for me It's more much better than it is for me It's long ago And then it's far away Never told me No let me No longer go It's gone away
Starting point is 00:45:27 It's so much better than I love to see But if it's no longer It's going Never fall to know and never far away And never fall in a low Let's see Never far away
Starting point is 00:45:37 Never far away Never go ahead You know what I think they're going to go and never found a day and it's going to throw my back There's no one of love to be going to go and go and a song to go and I'm going to life

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.