The Harland Highway - 923 - Xmas episode with CARL FLAVORS and Mr. FEATHERSTONE giving gifts!

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

Xmas episode with CARL FLAVORS at the BEACH and Mr. FEATHERSTONE giving XMAS gifts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, he came up on a midnight clear and listened to a podcast. He listened to the Harland Highway. That's what we're doing. We're celebrating the birth of our Lord, and we're listening to the Harland Highway podcast. And why wouldn't me? What a show. It's Christmas Day. It's the 25th.

It's Monday. And here we are. And what a show we have. Carl Flavors is going to be calling in from down at Venice Beach, California. He's going to be sharing with us what his Christmas looks like. You know it's going to be crazy. This guy's always having a good time. Also, the question of the day,

we got a question of the day going on today on the Christmas episode here today. Also, some Christmas carols. And this is going to be really cool. My boss, Mr. Featherstone, who's usually a crankety old son of a you-know-what, Roger tells me he actually wants me to go up to his office on this Christmas day that he's got us working, and he's got some presents for us, for me at least. This is something he's never, ever done before. So maybe that old Grinch has finally got a taste of the Christmas spirit.

I couldn't be happier. This is probably going to make my Christmas. Well, that and spending it here with you, the pavement pounders. Let's have some Yule-tide fun. Merry Christmas, everybody. This is the Christmas episode of the Harland Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy.

Oh, how perfectly awful. I get my kids above the waistline, sunshine. When will they take the bandages off? We don't know who we are. We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let us out of here! please let me tell you you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of

oh fuck yeah bud just leave us alone sit down strap in and shut up what's going on what's the matter i thought maybe if i could kill him i could make him stop my mother never breastfed me she told me she liked me he's a friend who are we this is the harland highway what it's the Harlan Highway. It's... It's a cup! Ah! I really can't stay.

But baby it's cold outside. I've got to go away. But baby it's cold outside. This evening has been hoping at you dropping. I'll hold your hands that just like ice. The mother will start to work. Beautiful what's your hand. The father will be pacing the phone.

Listen to the fireplace roll. It's a really adventure. Beautiful. Beautiful, please don't hurry. Put some records on while I bore. The baby, it's bad out there. Oh, it's not bad out there. It's good out there.

It's Christmas. Hello, everybody. Merry Christmas. Yes, oh, my God. Cereling and opening presents and lights and glitter. And turkey and stuffing and Charles. Oh, oh, Nelson. Gow, ho, Riley.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, gnarro. Oh, my God. An extra long Charles Nelson Riley for Christmas, ladies, and gurgle glargans. Oh, man, Merry Christmas, everyone. As you can hear, I'm in a jolly mood. Christmas Day. Oh, just a wonderful time of year. Just a wonderful time of year.

Just seems to remind us all why we're connected, why we're human beings, why we care about each other. It is really an enchanting thing. I wonder what life would be like if we didn't have Christmas or this type of holiday. You know, it's just a time here where the whole genesis of it is about thinking about others and giving presents to other people and putting other people ahead of yourself and connecting with people and just really bonding and engaging in the human spirit and the communal giant human tribe that we are.

So wherever you are today, whoever you're with, remember that, you know, the people around you aren't that much different from you. And we all cry and bleed and are happy and sad. And on a day like this, feel free to hug someone, put your arm around them, tell them you care, tell them you love them. Don't be afraid to open your heart and your spirit a little bit and just put it on display. Don't be ashamed or bashful or shy. Let your light shine out, ladies and gurgle gardens. In fact, I'm going to do it right now. All of you listening, oh, I love you so.

I love you and I care about you. And I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, want you to have a great new year and a great life and happiness and fulfillment and joy. And hopefully part of your year, will be filled with joy that I can supply for you as my Christmas gift to you, I guess, that lasts throughout the year with this silly, ridiculous podcast. You know, the main reason I kind of do it is to hopefully just during your days and weeks and months,

maybe put a chuckle in your heart, put a smile on your face, give you something to make you laugh. And, you know, in my world, laughter is equals joy, right? Joy is laughter, laughter is joy. And that's why the line of work that I'm in, you know, being a comedian and an actor and a writer, I guess my life's mission is to try and spread that joy. And it's a good feeling. I feel privileged and blessed that this has been my path in life.

and from making adults laugh to from my, you know, my stand-up comedy and maybe some of more adult-themed material like this podcast, right down to stuff that's super family-oriented and then right on down to my work I do with children, my children's books, and my animation, the Puppy Dog Pals cartoon that is reaching. children all over the planet. It's just wonderful. So there you go. And on today's podcast, we're going to celebrate Christmas.

In fact, I'm a little bit shocked, Roger. Well, I guess I'm shocked that our boss, Mr. Featherstone, made us come in and work today, which, you know, I think we were both a little bit cheesed about that. But then, lo and behold, maybe it's a Christmas miracle. what made it kind of worth it is Roger informed me when I got into the studio this morning that Mr. Featherstone wants me up in his office, and he's got Christmas presents for me. And I don't think he's ever done that for me before. So, you know what, Roger, I think we should just kick off the show with that.

Why don't we get up there right now, and I'm excited to finally get something, you know, a nice present from my boss. and have him spread a little Christmas cheer and joy for, I think, the first time since we've been doing the podcast. So I'm going to leave my microphone. I'm going to stay wired, Raj, and I'm going to go up and visit with Mr. Featherstone in the office. I want you guys to come with me. Roger, why don't you play like a Christmas commercial?

And then when we get on the other side of that, I should be up on the 12th floor. So hang tight, guys. This is going to be fun. Christmas presents from my boss, Mr. Featherstone. Here's the Narelco Santa with some new ways to say Merry Christmas. Give the Norelco rechargeable triple header or the triple header with a cord. Give the inexpensive flip top 20 or the new cordless.

And say Merry Christmas to the ladies with a Lady Norelco or the new home beauty salon, Norelco. Even our name says Merry Christmas. Well, here I am. This is exciting. I'm outside of my boss, Mr. Featherstone's office. Boy, it's Christmassy up here. There's Betty over there as receptionist. I guess, you know, he's got her working on Christmas Day.

Betty, hi. Merry Christmas, Betty. How are you? Okay. Well, Betty just flip me off. Your desk looks very Christmassy. I like the ornament. Okay, well, I just got flipped off again, Beth.

Happy holidays to you, too, Betty. Oh, I can go in. Okay, I'm here I go, gang. I'm going in, going into my bosses. Oh, there he is, sitting at his desk. Oh, my God, he's got a little Christmas tree on the edge of his desk, and there he is. Hello, hello, sir, Mr. Featherstone, sir.

Hello. Yes, sir. How are you? Merry Christmas, sir. How are you? Merry Christmas. It's uh, how, how, howland willowliums. Sir, Harland Williams from downstairs, I do the Harland Highway podcast, as you know.

Of course, yes, of course I know what you do. Hall-A-L-A-Hall-W-Haw-W-Harlon, sir. All-A-L-A-L-A-L-Harlant, Sir, Sir, Harland, Sir, Harland, Sir, Harland Williams, sir. All right, well, whatever, sit down. I know you've been working for me for a long time. Yes, yes, sir, I have, and, you know, I have to say I'm a little surprised. Oh, why's that? Well, in all the years I've worked for you, sir, Roger told me that you wanted to come up

and you had some Christmas presents for me. Well, you know, I don't have time to dilly dally, so maybe I missed a year or two. Well, actually, you missed all of the years, sir. Oh, well, what are you now? To take in numbers and, uh, counting kettle corns? Uh, sir? Anyways, listen, I'm sure you've got places to be. It's the holidays.

Well, sir, I do, but I'm really going to enjoy this moment with you. Well, I'm sure you have other places to be. Well, yes, sir, it's a busy... What do you mean other places? Well, you know, you're probably having Christmas parties and whatnot down at your, uh, your funny little bars down. I don't go to I'm trying to keep my cool here because it's Christmas I don't go to funny little bars downtown oh really yes really sir how about that one

at 49th and 12th what what what what what what what is that sir you know the uh the sour lemon uh uh uh bungee cord the sour lemon bungee cord the sour lemon bungee cord the sour lemon bungee That's the name of a bar. You tell me, uh, twinkle toes. Sir, I, there is no sour lemon bungee cord, okay? Well, if there is, I'm sure you can find it. Sir, I came up here to get presents, not be accused of, of being into men. Well, you said you got a guy down in your office, right?

Yes, Roger. He's my partner down there. Yeah. See? He's my work partner, sir. Uh-huh. Sir? Uh-huh. Sir, did you have some presents for me or not? Yes, I do. And why don't you just take your foot off the gas there? Go speed racer? Well, sir, it's just... It's... You're increasingly testing my patience. I came up here in good spirits, and you're... You're accusing.

You don't know my name. Who? My name? What is your name? It... Sir, it's Harland Williams. All right, why you're yelling? Because you've asked me it 15 times.

Speaking of 15. Now, there's a bar down on 15th Street, downtown. Sir! And I'm sure you know it. It's the... Daddy's got a hairy button. Sir, Daddy's got a hairy button. Daddy's got a hairy button.

Yeah. You go there, right? Sir, I don't go there. Well, listen, if you're going to raise your voice to me, maybe I'll stick you under the mistletoe with my wife's vibrator. Sir? Never mind. Now, I got you of some Christmas presents.

Okay, can we get to that, please? I feel my blood pressure going up. I bet that's not the only thing that goes up. Sir? Ah! Sir? Ah! Sir, what is...

Sir, with all due respect, can I please get my present? Of course you can, yes. What is it? Well, take a look on my desk. What do you see? Well, you mean the little Christmas tree on the corner of your desk? Well, there's that. But what else?

Well, you've got this bottle here, sir. Right. And it's laying sideways. Okay. And there's a cork in it. Right. And what's in the bottle? Well, it's a ship, sir.

It looks like a nautical ship. Exactly. And you know that I like to collect ships in a bottle. Yes, sir. I see there's one over there on your bookshelf as well. And I have many at my house. There's one over the mantel place. There's one on my bookshelf in my den.

Unlike you, who's probably got vibrators over your mantel piece and your den. Sir? I don't have vibrators over my mantle piece. What about dildos? Sir! Ah! Sir? Uh!

Can we get on with this? What are your ships in the bottles have to do with my Christmas present? Well, take a look. Here, I... Give you a... Open it up. Sir? That's right.

That big box is for you. Right here. Open it up. From me, Mr. Featherstone, to what's your name again? Sir! Oh, go ahead. Open it up.

Oh, my God. For me? That's right. Well, it's not for your boyfriends. Sir? Open it up. Thank you, sir. Oh, my God.

Let me see. What the heck is this? Wow. Oh, my God. I'm so... Come on, open it up. Are your wrists not strong enough? It's just Christmas paper.

Sir, do you mind? Well, I open... Oh, my... What is it? Oh, oh, oh, what is this? Huh? How about that? What?

Whoa, what is this, sir? Well, look at it. Well, I'm not looking, sir. It looks like a collection of bottles. Exactly. Um... Just like the bottles on my desk with the shit. in it. Oh, I see. So, um, but there's no ships in these ones. Well, guess what? What, sir?

There are ships inside those bottles. Um, I don't see them, sir. Have you ever heard the term ghost ship? Yes, yes, ghost ship, yes. Well, I've got six bottles here with ghost ships in them. Oh. Oh, uh, I want you to share in my passion for bottled ships well isn't that nice sir I I that that that touches my my heart I'm sure that's not the only thing you want me to touch sir can I say anything nice without you making it homophobic home of what phobic I get the homic pot and what the hell's a phobic sir well now listen each of these ships these Ghost ships.

Well, I don't, I don't see any ships, sir. It's because they're ghost ships, stupid. Okay. Now, if you look on the side of the bottle, there's a name for each of the ships. Oh, okay, I get it. So, let's this one, what's this one here, sir? The USS Bean Burrito? That's right.

I don't, is that from the Spanish Armada or something? I don't get the, the, the burrito? That's right, well I'll tell you what Why don't you open The bottle and that might help you understand I'm not sure what you mean sir Open the ghost ship Open the bottle and take a sniff inside

Oh So what? It smells like the ocean or something Open it up and have a sniff Okay here we go Let's see, let me get this cork here sir There we go Now have a big sniff All right, the USS bean burrito, huh?

That's right. Okay, let me take a sniff here, sir. Oh, my God. Merry Christmas. What the hell is that? Oh, my God, that's horrible. Yeah, that's a bean burrito. What do you mean?

It's a bean burrito. I fought in a bean burrito fought in a bottle. You did what, sir? That's right, the USS Bean Burrito, I farted in the bottle and plugged it with a cork. Sir, you said there was a ghost ship in this bottle. That's what I call my farts, ghost ships. Sir, are you kidding me? Come on, man.

Why don't you try this one? The USS Egg Salad sandwich. I'm not going to sniff the ghost ship in a bottle. Go ahead, sniff it, or you'll get a pink slip. Sir, I want you to. enjoy your Christmas present. Sir, here, let me get it for you. Oh, my, oh my God, sir, that's horrible.

It should be horrible. I ate it about four months ago. That ghost ship's been floating in there for four months. Are you telling me you farted in a bottle, an egg salad sandwich fart four months ago, put a cork in it just so you can unleash it in your face. Merry Christmas. Oh, my God, sir. Here, how about this one?

This is the biggest bottle of all. What the hell's in that one, sir? How about a golden corral, all you can eat, Indian Vindaloo shrimp dinner? No, I'm not having... Here, let me get it for you. Oh, my... Oh, my God. Happy holidays.

Now, get the hell out of here. Sir, my eyes are watering, sir. Well, that's probably because you're so happy. I gave you some Christmas gifts. Nope, sir, I... Oh, my God, I can barely breathe, sir. Yeah, I will thank me later, okay? Maybe next year you can buy me a present,

you're cheap-ass whore. I'm not a... I'm not a cheap-ass whore, sir. It's just... Oh, my God, I gotta get out of here. It's like I can barely breathe, sir. Get out of here. Go and enjoy.

Take your ghost ships in a bottle with you. Maybe you can share them with some of your friends down at the, uh, the, uh, baby blue, uh, fucking, uh, you know, that bar on 53, 3rd Street. What, what bar, sir, the baby blue, you know, the baby blue bun warmer? Baby blue bun warmer. That's right. Sir? Uh-huh. Sir.

Uh-huh. Now, get the fuck out of here. Merry Christmas. Enjoy your presents. Uh-huh. Thank you, sir. Sir, I guess. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, Betty. Oh, my God. Happy holidays, Betty. Merry Christmas. Oh, thanks. Middle finger. Thanks a lot.

Happy, worst of the season to you, too. I'll see you back in the studio, gang. Yeah. The Harlan Highway. of the day. Okay, here it is, since it's Christmas, I think we've got to ask this question. It's, it's, it's, it's an important one.

When Christmas is over, when the day is done, do you feel sad? Do you feel a little bit sad? Do you feel like, uh, like the cork is popped, like it's over? Do you feel like, oh gosh, all this build up, all the carols, all the merriment, all that fun stuff, and boom, it's done.

It's a little bit sad, right? Because like I said at the beginning of the podcast, there's such a feeling of goodwill in the air, especially like the last two weeks leading up to Christmas. I find that that's when most people send their cards and their gifts and they have their Christmas parties and they reach out to you and you get stuff in the mail and you're doing your shopping and you're thinking about giving to other people.

And so it's a really kind of like a cool build-up. It's not like a quick build-up. It's not like you go to a concert and you're like, oh, you go in, you sit down, you wait an hour for the band to come out, and then they're there and you play. It's like this is a long build-up. Like it almost starts like a few days into December. And then just like that, it's like, boom, it's the 25th.

open your present, you see everyone you know, and you love, and you talk to everyone, and then it's all over. You get in your car, there's no more Christmas carols playing. It's almost like, it didn't really happen. Did it happen? It didn't really happen. And then all that kind of goodwill in the air, it kind of dissipates. Maybe it lingers around a bit till New Year's.

Well, then after New Year's, for sure, it's like, boom, it's like, all right, everybody back to work. Coffee break is over. It's like the boss I'm storming into the lunchroom. Come on, everybody. Quit slacking off. Come on. Get back to your desks. Do your work. Playtime's over. You know? So, uh, so anyways, this being Christmas day, just enjoy it. Uh, and, uh, you know, like I said, I think a little bit of the residue, you know,

Maybe a lot. Maybe I'd say on a level of one to ten, I'd say seven. Like the Christmas kind of joy kind of filters through till New Year's, right? And, you know, most of us, if you're like me, you'll leave your tree up till after New Year's. You leave, like, the presents sitting underneath. You leave the decorations and the lights up till after New Year. So you get a little bit more. You can squeeze a little more juice out of the lemon.

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I hope you don't. And if you do, then I guess it's up to you and all of us to just make sure we keep that little bounce in our hearts. And, you know, keep the merryman coming, man. So there you go. That's the Christmassy Harland Highway question of the day. The Harland Highway Question of the day. And speaking of Christmas spirit, I thought, you know, one of the guests that calls into our show a lot, or we talk to on the air, is a guy that's always in good spirits.

And I think at this time of year, we just love good energy. We love good spirits. And so I thought, man, wouldn't it be really fun to just call our surfer dude, Carl Flavors, who lives down like in Venice Beach and California? This guy is always seeming, his life's like a party, you know what I mean? And this guy, he's just always in good. spirits. He's always up. He's always doing something fun. He's kind of got this lifestyle that I think all of us kind of are a bit jealous about. You know, the beach life, the girls,

the drinking, just not a care in the world type of attitude. I mean, I got to say, man, there's days when I wish I was this guy. So I thought he'd be a great guy to talk to to close out the show, just to see what he's up to, see how he spends his Christmas holidays, and just let his kind of his buoyant enthusiasm wash over us here as we all celebrate Christmas. So Raj patches through. You've got them? Okay, we got them on the line down in Venice Beach.

Let's go. Here we go. A little check-in with our surfer friend, Carl Flavors. Hello, Carl, are you there? There? Uh, you there, dude? Hello. Hey, Carl, it's Harlan Williams from the Harlan Highway podcast. Oh, what's up, Browsho?

Oh, raw. The Flaves and the Waves, Brash. Yeah, uh, holy smokes. Uh, it sounds like you're having a bit of some festivities going on down there. How about, how, Carl? Oh, you know, the flames is always rotting in the waves, pro, whether it's Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving or what else, you know, the Flaves, every day is a celebration for the Flaves. Well, you know, that's what I just said in the intro. I was saying to all the listeners that you have this lifestyle, that it just sounds like you're always like having a good time.

Hey, Brosh, you know, life is too short to not have a good time, right? I mean, you know, the waves don't stop coming into the beach, So why should the Flaves stop going into the Fleech? You know what I'm saying? Oh, not really. What's a Fleech? I don't know, bro. That's the fun of it, brash.

I just made the bullshit up, right? But somehow it works. You know what? It seems like everything works for you. That's a prime example. You just made up a goofy word, but somehow with your carefree lifestyle, it works. That's what it's all about, bro. up the ocean, you know, um, you know, one day the Flaves might be in a wheelchair, so, well, he's still

young and vibrant, has a tan, has a few ripples on his muscles, you know, the Flaves is going to play in the Ways, Brosh, right? Right, yes. Well, yeah, it's Christmas time, uh, Carl, and, uh, you know, what do you, uh, got lined up for Christmas. Well, you said it right there, Brasch up the Oce, Oceoos. It's right there in the word. What do you mean in the word? Well, say it again, Brash. Uh, well, what? Christmas. A bingo under the eye, 97, a bingo. Well, what do you mean? Christmas. Right, slow it down, Brosh. Okay, you got Christmas.

And then divide it up right after the empire. Okay, Chris... Ass? Bingo, under the G-53, bingo under the V-flavs flavor, right? What, Chris, what are you talking about? Christmas, bro, the word ass is writing Christmas, right? Well, I mean, you... I mean, phonetically if you, if you have you fangle it around.

Hey, bro, there's no fight with the English language. If there's one thing, the Flavs know. It's the English language, Bras Shepioch, Osi-A-Shi-Osh. Well, I mean, right there, you kind of stepped on. So anyways, if you look, Chris, mm-ass, bro. Okay, well, I guess in a roundabout way there's an ass in the word Christmas. That's right, so guess what the Flavis? is doing for crisp ass.

Oh, boy. What are you doing? I've got a whole bunch of beach bunnies over at my pad, and they're wearing their thongs. And guess what? I'm looking at their ass. Not just their ass. They're crisp ass. Ass.

Yes, I get it. I get it, Carl Flavors. And guess what else I'm doing, Brosh? What? I'm hanging tints along their ass so that it shakes and wiggles. when they walk, bro. Well, you know, that's one way to decorate. You got that right, Uncle Turpentine.

Uncle Turpentine? That's right, Bras. You're the one that said I could just make stuff up, and it works. Well, I, okay, I guess I'm Uncle Turpentine or whatever. Right. Well, that sounds like fun. See, I'm jealous. I got a Christmas tree up, and I got delights, and you've got...

I've got crisp ass, bro. I got lots of ass and thongs, purple thongs, pink thongs, polka dot thongs. It's a Christmas, it's a Christmas ass a thornet, the Flaves House, bro. Man, your beach house is just going off. Well, what else are you doing? Well, you know that old Christmas carol? Dehawls with boughs of holly, bro.

Yeah, okay. Right. Right. Yes, right. Deck the halls with Bousa Hawley. Right. Yeah, I said yes, Carl. Well, guess what?

The Flaves look through his little black book, or one of them I should say, Brosh. Okay. You've got a number of little black books? Uh, Delo, under the M, uh, black book, Brosh. I don't think there's an M in the word bingo. There is tonight, bro. set the o'sh. Oh, okay, so you got the black books.

And over the years, the flames have stacked up the laid eyes. The what? The laid eyes, bro. The laid eyes? Uh, that's beach talk for ladies, broshoff. Oh, ladies, late eyes. Uh, below the late eyes. Okay, so you've stacked up...

See, I'm having trouble keeping... You've stacked up the late eyes in your little black box That's right, a lot of beach bodies And guess what, Braschoff, Brabish-Brophioch? What? Well, over the years, I've gotten to know

And collected the numbers From almost a dozen girls named Holly Brosh Okay, so you know a lot of girls named Holly Brasme brings me back Full Circle, Brofioschiafios to Dirk the Hawsworth Bows of Holly Oh no, wait a minute, Carl?

That's right, bro, Shepioch. It's like Cirque de Soleil at the Flaves Beach House tonight, Broch. Wait a minute. What are you saying? What I'm saying, Brosh, is that I circled all my friends Holly. They're hanging from my rafters in their fucking sweet thongs, showing me a little crisp-mm-ass. Oh, my God. You tell... Wait a minute. It says to deck the halls with Bows of Holly, right? Yes, but though, Holly is... is a plant.

Not where I come from, bros, it's a hot beach body. In fact, I've got a dozen of them, brooch. Oh, my God. Duck dolls with crisp-mm-ass, brosh. Okay, wow, okay, man. So you're telling me, not only do you have a lot of crisp-ass hanging around your beach house, but you got a dozen hot beach chicks named Holly hanging up. upside down from guy wires and and and trapeze trapeze equipment and yeah it's right

brother dangling from the roof like fucking upside down vampire vats in a fucking love cave brush whoa so and they're just in their thongs oh man they're both christmas is hanging sweet and low like a fucking fog cloud over fucking uh day mad damon's fucking uh you know fucking teeth. See, a fog bank hanging over Matt Damon's teeth?

Bingo, brush, under the O, Matt Damon Oh! Wow, unbelievable. I mean, does it get any better? I think I want to be at your place for Christmas. Oh, it gets better, Brosh, if you want to hear about it. I mean, the Flaves

doesn't have too much time because I know you got Holly and girls and bikinis and... But I can't. Then share one more thing with this Christmas time a year, broush. All right, what? You know that other Christmas carol, the We Three Kings, right? Yeah, the We Three Kings of Marientine.

Yeah, bearing gifts, they travel in time or some bullshit, right? Well, I don't think it's quite that, but okay. So, you know how those three kings, like, showed up with mercantile, Frankenstein, and Smurfs? No, it was, it was, it was, it was murp, it was time and, and, well, see, even you don't know what it is, brash. Well, I, the three kings showed up with something, mercantile and gold and, right, so nobody really knows what they had, right? Okay. So I thought, what if the, what if the Flaves had a king show up at his house with three gifts for the Flaves, who's like, you know, the King Lord of the Bee? You're the Lord of the Beach

Well that's what people tell me Brosh You know, I'll kind to own the beach out here Bro, Shepiyosh Well, you know what, that sounds true Okay, so So you, now, see, you don't know a king Surely you don't know a king

Oh, but that's where I have to step you back Four Paces And correct you, bro, Shepioche The Flaves has been living down here For a long time In the Fonventura Malibu area fucking Venice Beach Frith. Yeah, okay.

I hope you remember where Rodney King got his ass beat. Wait a minute. Rodney King, the guy that got, the guy that got beaten in the 90s, or the 80s or something? Right. The one that started the riot, they had the videotape of like 15 cops

beating Rodney King. Under the K, Binko. Wow, you know Rodney King? That's right, bro, shop for you. Not only do I know Rodney King, he's going to be my Christmas King, and he's on his way over here with three gifts right now, bro, show, show, show, show. Wait a minute, he's coming over with mercantile. Frankenstein and Smurfs? Not. Okay, well, what are his three gifts?

Oh, Delo, I live in bed of speech, bro. Weed, beers, and dominoes, bro. Wait a minute. Rodney King's coming to your house for Christmas with weed, beers, and dominoes, brashash. If you want to get down here and slide some tasty triangle slices right into your big pieho, brouch, the Flaves will always put a little dish on the side for Harlan Highway. Wow, you're tempting me, man. I mean, you're having too much fun. So weed, booze, and dominoes. Don't forget Holly and the Chris M-ass. Yep, Chris M-ass. I got it, man. Well, listen, man, the Flaves would like to chat all night, but, you know, I've got to throw some fucking magic logs in the fireplace,

get ready for the big fat Jolla guy himself, brooch. What do you mean? Well, between me and you, wink, wink from the Flaves, every time of year I dress up as Santa and, you know, I'll get the peach bunnies to sit on my lap and tell me what they want for Christmas. Okay. But guess who's really getting the Christmas present, not them, me. What do you mean, Carl?

Uh, DeLau, because they're sitting on the Flaves lap. Hello. Oh, my God. All right, I think we'll leave it right there, Carl. You better leave it right there because it's about to look like a seagull sitting on a fence Post. It's going to be all messy. All right. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Carl Flavors.

Merry Christmas, everybody. It's the Flags. Have a great 2018. The Flags is in the waves brush. Duck the halls with boughs of all. All right. Thank you, Carl. Wow. Wow, Roger. I'm just jealous. I want that guy's life, man.

What am I? doing wrong. I mean, this guy. I just knew it would pay off to call him. I mean, in a way, I feel better. I feel festive. I feel Christmassy or Chris assy or Chris M-ass or whatever, how he put it. Leave it to him to do it.

But I also just feel like up because this guy is enjoying all. life so much, man. I don't know if you, my listeners are as half as jealous as I am, but I mean, I'm not jealous to the point where I don't want this guy to have a good time, but there are days, ladies and gentlemen, when I just wish

it was that much fun. Who! Wow, deck the halls, weed, booze, dominoes, Chris, um, ass. I mean, this guy's doing it right. Oh, boy.

Well, hey, what are you going to do, right? It's Christmas, let's enjoy it, no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing. Rod, you hit some more Christmas Carol music. I want to end the show with some Christmas Carol. There we go. Hey, everybody, today is officially the day. So even though I've wished you a million times and you're probably sick of it, I love to do it. I never get sick of it.

So, Merry Christmas to all of you. Hanukkah, happy Kwanza, happy whatever holiday you celebrate. I certainly hope you're having an amazing time, a great time with your friends, your family. Don't forget what I said at the beginning of the show. Don't forget to reach out. You may not think the people are happy to hear from you, but they are. They are. Run down your, you know what I do every year? Here's what I do. I make a little digital card. I make a little card, a Christmas card. I make it funny. I make it silly. I write on Happy Merry Christmas. Tell everyone I love them.

And I send it out. I spend about 10, not 10 hours, but I spend a good probably four or five hours going through my whole friggin email list and making sure I get everyone who's a friend a copy of that dang Christmas card just so they know I'm thinking of them and I love them. And my God, I guess my digital Christmas card

to all you guys listening is this podcast. So love you all. Have a great day. May your health and happiness continue through the year. Be nice to each other, love each other. And as Rodney King once said, can't we all just get along? Leave it to Carl Flavors to pull Rodney King into Christmas. So that's it, everyone.

If you want to have some laughs before the years out, I'm going to be at Wise Guys Comedy Club. Salt Lake City, Utah, the 29th, right through to New Year's Eve. So come on out and end your year with a laugh and start your weird year with a laugh because I'm going to be doing the countdown right till midnight on New Year's Eve, okay? So wise guys in Salt Lake City, Utah. You can get your tickets at my website, harlomwelliams.com. You can also write me there.

You can also phone me there. And don't forget to get your free app at harlandhighway.com or sorry, don't forget to get your free app in your app store on your phone. It is absolutely free. Just type in the Harland Highway podcast. But then don't forget to join our premium membership at Harlan Williams.com. For $20 a year, you get every episode of the Harland Highway we've ever done. Plus bonus material I put out from time to time just for premium members. members. So there you go, gang. Thanks, thanks to all of you. We'll check in again before the new

year, obviously. We have another week before we roll into 2018. But wishing you all the best for Christmas and Merry Christmas. And until next time, chicken. Chow, Maine with Christmas stuffing, baby. Many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you. Thank you.