The Harland Highway - 925 - DR. ASCOT returns! Listener MAIL BAG. Question of the DAY!

Episode Date: January 8, 2018

DR. ASCOT returns for NEW YEAR therapy! Listener MAIL BAG. Question of the DAY! Crazy COPS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show, what a show, what a crazy, wacky, wacky, wacky show. Hey, everybody, it's the second show of 2018. Can you believe it? The year is off and running. Here it goes. It's coming down the track. It looks like it's going to be. Yeah, yeah, it's really starting.

I'm Harlan Williams. You are on the Harland Highway podcast for yet another year. I've lost track of how many years I've been doing this. Is this seven? Is this eight? Is this nine? I don't know. But anyways, what a show, man.

Dr. Ascot is here for the beginning of the year therapy. I guess they want me to start the year off right and make sure my head's checked. So Dr. Ascott's here doing some therapy for me. I don't, I'm not looking forward to it. Also a crazy story about the po-po about the police. Something's changed in the police force. And I don't know if it's for the better.

It's wigging me out, man. So we'll be talking about that. Also, North Korean news is a lot going out of North Korea. And also, we're going to take some of your letters, the listener mailbag. We're going to be reading some of your letters to kick the year off. And then also the Harland Highway Question of the Day that involves something very, very personal, something that we all have and hold dearly. So let's do this.

Here we go. It's the Harland Highway. Put on your seatbelt. It's about to get bumpy. Oh, how perfectly awful. I get my kids above the waistline, sunshine. When will they take the bandages off? We don't know who we are.

We don't know where we are. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Let us out of here! please let me tell you you're starting something here that that's what you should be frightened of oh fuck yeah but just leave us alone sit down strap in and shut up what's going on what's the matter i thought maybe if i could kill him i could make him stop my mother never breastfed me she told me she liked me he's a friend who are we this is the harland highway what it's the harland highway Well, it's the new year, and one of the things I noticed over the course of the holidays,

and I don't know if you caught this gang, and I don't know if this, I think this has got to be something new, but, you know, I noticed a lot of law enforcement out in the streets, you know, police cars probably doing, you know, the pullover to check for inebriated drivers and just, you know, the extra police presence. and one thing I noticed is my God how many new lights do they have on police cars now I mean remember when it was just on the roof the red and the white light on the top of the roof and now man I'm telling you I saw I saw some police cars where there were lights on the roof

there were lights in the grill there were lights in the windows there were lights on the side and not only were there multiple lights but it's also kind of that new light technology the LED type of light so it's like way more

crisp and clear and so I'm thinking to myself you know if I get lit up if I get pulled over I'm thinking you know if I step out of my car can I expect to see, like, you know, the gang from Hooville standing around this, this police car slash Christmas tree? You know, little whews from Hooville with their pointed little faces and they're all standing around the flashing lights singing,

Fahoo Foray, Fahoo Poray, Christmas time is here at last. Fahoo, right, Fahoo, right, I'll be joining in, I'll be standing there holding hands, we'll make a circle around the flashing, glowing, lit up police car

singing carls. Maybe if we're lucky the Grinch will even be in the backseat and coughs, you fucking assholes, get the fuck out of here, I hate Christmas. Right? Or I can just imagine, you know, it's like, I'm driving, along, I get pulled over, I get lit up in the middle of the night, it's dark.

I see all these lights in my rearview window. Guess what I'm doing, man. I'm throwing on my Care Bear onesie. I'm jumping out of my vehicle and I'm running back to the flashing laser show cop car popping like seven mollies and saying, hey, bro, good to see it, Burning Man, bro. And I'm just going to, like, start raving around the guy's car. Maybe get the cop to pop some Mollies with me. We'll just have, like, a burning man on the side of a highway 405.

How about that? Whoever wants to pull over and, you know, join the Burning Man rave. Let's come on over. I mean, good Lord, it's a little excessive, isn't it? I mean, there's so many lights. I thought it was, like, an Eskimo up. in the, you know, in the Arctic looking at the Aurora Borealis. Excuse me, sir, can I, can I get your license and registration, please?

Ungluck, snagglock, gluck, slug, glick, and gluck, gluck, sir. Sir, I don't know what you're saying. I mean, good, I don't think you need this many lights there, law enforcement. It's a little excessive. In fact, it's almost, it was almost to the point it was distracting, where I almost like caught in an accident. I'm like, look at the pretty lights. Oh, my God, look at the pretty lights.

Look at the pretty lights. Right? I mean, you guys got to dial it back a bit, man. I mean, what's next holograms of Tupac and, you know, Lord Vader and Obi-1 Canobi? Help me drive better, Obi-1 Canovi. Help me drive better. You know, I mean, come on, man.

I think it was still working when you just had the two lights, the red and the blue, they're on the roof, and we get the point. Okay, we get it. We can see it. It's the middle of the night. You're the only one on the road with red and blue flashing lights. Nobody else has them.

Oh, and P.S., that loud siren you have, that's another huge clue. And the fact that I was going 112 and a 40 zone, I was probably expecting to see anyhow. So there you go. Just, you know, a little observation to stay. start the new year with our uh our local po-po bahu foray fahoo foray pa-u-forei pa-u-for-e we ender upho-chre we interrupt this podcast for an important north-Korean new update.

Namco-jo-son-ho-junct-munsanders, men, for the moriac-sodoms to bring to bring quickly the of the front-hontsunders

and and the union-gion- -regory- -regory- together the of the

land-of-sund all the and all-geant and the public-so-down and we now return to our

regularly scheduled programming and will keep you updated as events unfold in North Korea. Hello. Hello, Arland. Haven't been to Sarah be in a while. Have you time to come to see Dr. Ascot?

Hey, thank you for the awesome podcast, Arland. I chuckle every time I listen to your Dr. Ascott's skits. I love to hear more of them. Talk to you later Bye Hello Oh my God What are you doing here

I just heard this The message and then Happy New Year Oh my God I didn't even hear you come in I saw you were busy At your console Arland

So I slipped in like a Silent ghost Wandering in the night Holland Yeah more like a silent fart blowing out of Stalin number four. God. Orland. Well, you know, I'm busy. I don't know. You can't just slip in here and interrupt my podcast.

Arland, I think it's time for your first round of therapy for the new year. Oh, God. Here we go. You know the rules, Arland. I know the rules. Yes, the people upstairs think I'm unsound and unfit to be on the airwaves. and if I don't do my on-air therapy, I get... The pink slip, Arland. I know the pink slip, Ascot. And speaking of pink... Yes, Arland.

Why are you wearing a pink blazer? Holland, it's my way of introducing a new form of therapy for the new year. What does a pink blazer have to do with a new form of therapy? Holland, I feel like every year is a new beginning. Wouldn't you agree? Well, I guess so. By default, it's a new year. It has to be. Exactly, Arland. And so I want to start a new form of therapy.

Oh boy, I can't wait for this. What is it? It's a way to try something different, Holland. I call it bubble therapy. Bubble therapy! Of course, Holland. You've heard of bubble aromatherapy. You've heard of people taking bubble. bubble baths. Okay.

Bubbles seem to have a calming and soothing effect on the human psyche, Arland. Okay, I guess so. They are kind of... If you're in a bath, they feel kind of good and whatnot. Exactly, Arland. And so let's begin the new year with a new form of therapy. Wait a minute. Bubble therapy?

That's right, Arland. Um, look, I'm a little suspicious, first of all, seeing you in a, in a pink blazer. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm opening some bubblegum, Arland. Bubble gum? It's all part of the bubblegum therapy, Arland. Wait, you didn't say anything about bubble gum. You said bubble therapy. Arland, I'm the expert, and you're the patient. Now, please. Okay, so what do I do? Alland, what happens now is you get to feel the calming, soothing effects of bubbles. What do you mean, bubbles?

I'm going to chew bubble gum and blow bubbles in your face, Arland. What is that going to accomplish? It will calm you down, as I can see you're already getting animated, Arland. I'm getting animated because this sounds... You're in my, you sneak into my studio like a silent fart in a movie theater. And then you, you, you, you, you sit here and you got a pink blazer. Bubble blazer, Holland. It's not a bubble blazer.

And then you're, you're chewing. Your chewing is really creepy and annoying. Holland, it's part of the bubble therapy. Well, I don't, I don't like it. Can we not, can we do this another day? It's the beginning of the year. Year, Alland. We must start something fresh at the beginning of the year. And don't drag out my name, okay? It's 2018. I don't need that.

Oh, God. Out! What are you doing? I just popped a bubble in your face, Holland. I know you did, and it's full of your breath. What were you eating last night? skunk anus? Ohland. Well, yeah. God, whoa. Have another bubble, Arlen.

Ow! My eye! What are you doing? Let me roll a little bit closer, Arlen, so I'm closer to your face. I don't want you closer to... Ow! What do you...

That just popped in my other eye. Arland, it's all part of the bubble therapy. You should start feeling calm. and relaxed very shortly, Arland. Ow! Stop it! Okay, it's in my hair! You just popped a bubble...

I got bubble gum in my hair, As Scott! It's all right, Arland. I have lots and lots of bubblegum. I've got a whole bag of the shit. Well, I don't... God, now my hair's all sticky... Ow! Stop blowing bubbles in my face!

It's double. Double bubble fun, Alland. It's double bubble therapy bubble fun. It's not double bubble therapy fun bubble. It's hurting. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Get it! Get the hell! Ow! My eye is... Alright, your bubble just blasted on my eye. Yes, Alland. And my eyelashes are now stuck together. My left eye is now shot.

Can I not get the gum off my eye? my eye. Owl! Stop blowing bubbles in my ear, Ascot! It's not blowing bubbles, Holland. It's bubble therapy. I don't want bubble therapy, okay? Hang on, Holland.

What are you doing? Hold on. What are you doing? Why are you undoing your belt? We're taking bubble therapy to a whole new level, Holland. What does that mean? Why are you, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you pulling down your pants? Hang on, Arland, I'm in charge.

Why are you pulling down your underpants? Here we go, Arlen. Whoa! Did you just do what I think you did? What did I do, Arland? You just stuck a giant wad of pink bubble gum in your ass crack. Hold still, Arland. Here comes a bubble.

What do you mean here comes a bubble? I ate an asparagus salad last night, Holland, and I'm about to blast a fart bubble the size of Jupiter. What are you doing? Are you blow... Oh, my God, it's blowing up. God! Not get away from my face.

Oh, my... Ah! It burns. It burns. Are you feeling better, Holland? My eyes. My nose is bleeding. Oh, Holland.

God, that's horrible. I think we're done for today, Holland. Get the hell out of here, Ascot. Pull up your pants. Get the hell out of here. I hope you're feeling calmer and more relaxed, Arland. Ah, get out! Get out! Holy Christ! What a horrible way to start the year.

God, my eyes are stuck together. Roger, go to a commercial. I got to get to the men's room. Oh, my God. Get some air freshener in here. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Idiot. Asshole.

The Harland Highway. Question of the day. Okay, here it is. And this one's, you know, maybe a little bit involves something very personal. Uh, and that's your name. Uh, do you ever have someone get your name wrong? I think that's the question of the day. They, they don't have.

your name properly and and they they continue to speak your name and it's awkward so you don't correct them and suddenly without any legal due process any any court papers any documentation suddenly your name's just completely different well it's happened to me over the years because my name is unusual harland so a lot of times when people hear harland It doesn't compute. They're not used to it. And a lot of times they'll get people, what is it? What is it?

And they'll ask me twice. And then they'll go, Harley, Melvin, like, they'll get it wrong. And then finally, they'll get it right. But every now and then, you get people that don't get it right. And case in point, there's this great older guy at my gym. I play a lot of racquetball at my gym. And it's kind of random. sometimes I'll go with a buddy, and sometimes I'll just show up and see who's there and play.

And so there's kind of a core group of guys that play racquetball at gym. And there's this one older guy, and he's from South America. And his English isn't great. He can still, you know, I'd say on a scale of one to ten, he's at like maybe a four and a half, a five, maybe a six. but you can tell he he you know he doesn't have a great command of English but he says enough to get by you know it's broken English and so I've known this guy for a number of years and he asked me my name once and I said Harland and he's like what what was that and I go uh Harland what how you say it Harland he goes okay okay Carlos and I was like no Harlan he goes oh

Okay, good, Carlos, yes. And so for years, whatever I see this guy, he's like, hey, how's it good, Carlos? And I just let him get away with it. I've actually, I find it kind of endearing, and I kind of like it that I have a secret second identity now. At first I was just kind of like, oh, boy, that guy doesn't know my name. And now I kind of look forward to the guy saying it to me. It kind of makes me laugh. It's like, because I know he's going to do it.

And I can tell by the look in his face and his tone that he legitimately thinks my name is Carlos. And I don't know if it's an ethnic thing that he went to the easiest name from his culture because, you know, you got to figure Carlos is probably a very common name in the Latino, you know, library of names. So Harland, Carlos, Harland, Carlos,

and then it just morphs into Carlos. right? Hey everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping.

Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And so now I have this kind of little second life. I've got this second identity. Sometimes I feel like a spy or liar. Or I'm living a dual life. On one hand, I'm this comedian, podcaster, actor, writer, creator guy, and model. Let's not forget model. And on the other hand, I'm a secret

Guatemalan racquetball player. Carlos. I don't even have a last name. I'm undercover. I'm an undercover Guatemalan racquetball player in the in the racquetball league i'm i'm making sure nobody's doping yeah that's what i'm doing so carlos it's almost sexy too maybe i should uh maybe i should uh force other people to say it in the throes of of making passionate love call me carlos my darling Oh, Carlos, Carlos, you feel so good. Thank you, my darling. Oh, don't stop, Carlos. I'm sorry, I have to stop.

I have to go play racquetball. Oh, Carlos, no, please, Carlos. I've got to do what I've got to do. I'm a spy. I'm a racquetball spy. Oh, Carlos. So there you go. If you ever meet me,

and you kind of don't like my Canadian birth name, Harland. And you want to be a little more international. Maybe you want to be a little more exotic. You want to be a little more Latino. Feel free to call me Carlos, because, you know, now that I've been called Carlos for many years, I've kind of adopted it and I've kind of started to like it.

So don't call me late for dinner, but you can. Call me Carlos. the Harlan Highway Question of the day Carlos The Harlan Highway Question of the day Oh yeah

Letters Oh we get letters We get your letters Every day Mailman Mail man mail today Reach right head and pull one out Those letters

New Year I love those letters Let's find out what you've got to say Oh boy Mailman thing bomb Mail today Yeah let's do it We're going to read some of your letters

It's a new year We get your emails Somehow I get your emails on actual paper I don't know how this happens We're the only ones But thank you for writing If you want to write you can write me at Harlandwilliams.com on the contact link

And let's get to the first letter for the new year. Here's one from Seri K. Subject showing my son how great you are. Well, okay, thank you. The message says, I'm a big fan of your comedy, especially Rocket Man. It wasn't me. I'm so happy that my son can experience you in his own way. He's a tad bit too young for half-baked. He's only three and a half. He loves puppy pals so much. He loves when Bob comes home and especially loves the puppies. Thank you so much for using your funniness. Is that a word?

L-O-L. So my son can enjoy some time. So my son and I can enjoy some time together. Thanks again. Well, thank you. And I guess funniness is a word. It's 2018. Let's make it a word.

Funniness. Well, that is fantastic. I'm so glad you guys love puppy dog pals. Man, the show was just taken off. Uh, just so you know that they've, uh, started, uh, we've started into a second season. Can you believe it? We're going to be doing a whole new season this year. And, uh, and, uh, and like, like 60 episodes. I mean, it's just, it's just growing bigger and bigger and the toys are showing up and all the stores.

It's just, it's really, uh, really rewarding and fun. Here's a, uh, here's another, uh, letter. This is from Nicholas Ingram. Subject, here we go again. Puppie Dog Pals. Okay, Harland. My wife and I have two autistic daughters and a son that absolutely

love your new cartoon show. It's so creative and a breath of fresh air, there is no other cartoon even like it. For example, my pretty much nonverbal nine-year-old will light up. Follow the show and word the music. It is so amazing to have this content on Disney. There's a few cartoons out nowadays, but that don't even have a plot.

I'm a nurse at the U of M in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and I always refer to kids. I always refer kids to this show and make it available to the kids of my daughter's school. Oh, that's amazing. I hope and pray they allow you to do another season and more after that. My kids have the puppy dog pal's play set, and my three-year-old son knows almost every song word by word. incredible. I am a firm believer that this show enhances the cognitive ability and imagination. Wow. This show has been a major blessing. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Well, Nicholas, thank you. You know, when you do things in life, you know, you think they have a purpose. You think they have a meaning.

You know, to be honest, I really created puppy dog pals to be entertaining and fun and maybe a little education. in a subtle way. But when you hear that something you did, that a cartoon stimulates an autistic child or many autistic children, and it brings something out in them that otherwise might not emerge, that's powerful stuff, man.

And it's just an extra added layer to something that I'm already proud of, something that I know brings so much happiness and joy and joy to families and children and people and to hear that it rises even above and beyond what I thought it could do is just, it's very emotional and very powerful. And I can't tell you. I'll be honest, I did not plan for it to have those kind of, you know, those kind of powers, I guess. I don't know what else I'd say.

but consequences maybe is another word but by golly i'm i couldn't be more elated and over the moon that it's having an impact and making a difference on that higher level as well so uh as i said just to the other uh letter uh there is a second season 60 new episodes coming your way I mean, tons of fun. I think we have one where we're going to, we're going to the moon. We have one where we're going to Switzerland and we're yodeling. We have one like the puppy bowl. We've got, I mean, we've got all kinds of great crazy adventures coming down the pipe.

So many more fun songs and many more silly jokes and episodes. and uh just uh just going to be a blast so so thank you so much um and uh and bless bless you to your kids and uh there you go let's let's let's do one more letter here rog this is this is good here we go uh what do we got oh my god okay so this is just all turning into puppy dog pals I'm randomly going through the mailbag and these are coming up. So let's do one more about puppy dog pals and then we'll mix it up more the next time. Here we go. And for those of you that don't know what puppy dog pals is,

it's a Disney cartoon on Disney Jr. that I created and we've just done our first season in 2017, new season out in 2018. So here's our final letter. Puppy Dog Pals, Jessica Harrison. Good day. My name is Jessica, and I have a daughter who watches puppy dog pals all the time. My question to you is that you have a Christmas and Hanukkah episode, but you also be having a Kwanza episode as well. And I wrote Jessica back, actually, and I said, hey, Jessica, we didn't have a Kwanza episode for this year,

but it's a great idea. I'll put the idea into the mix and see if we can get one going for a future season. No promises, because at the end of the day, Disney makes those determinations. No promises, but I think it would be absolutely great. Stay tuned, and thanks for watching Puppie Dog, pal. So, yeah, that's a great idea. Kwanza is, I think that's the kind of the Christmas celebration for the black culture. And to be honest, I'm a little bit ignorant about it.

I'm familiar with the name. I know the association, but I don't know a lot about it. And I have a feel, maybe a lot of people don't know a lot about it. So to do a Kwanza episode and enlighten people and inform people about maybe the special way the African and black culture celebrate Christmas and the holidays, that would be incredible. And I hope I'm getting that right. I think that's what it's all about. As I said, I'm naive to it. And I don't think people should be naive to it like me.

And so it would be a really good idea. So just so you know, Jessica, I did forward your email to the production. And we'll see what happens. Now, if it doesn't happen, don't be disappointed. Because keep in mind, we have so many requests and ideas and things like that that, you know, we just can't take every idea and run with it. But you never know. At least now it's in the mess.

mix and it's something we can look at and who knows fingers crossed stay tuned and we'll see what happens okay uh so there you go let's uh you know i feel bad that i i just i don't want it to sound like i'm i'm doing a commercial for puppy dog pals okay roj can we do one more letter that isn't um like a puppy dog pals letter i just don't it feels like there was as much as i think it's great people rode in. I would like to try something that's, you know, not

puppy dog pals oriented, okay? Okay, good. All right, one more. Here we go. This one is from Dora. The subject is touring Canada. Okay, this refers to my stand-up comedy tour. Good morning, friendly fella.

I love that. That's so Canadian fella. Hey there, fella. You want to drive my greater fella. Good morning, friendly fella. I was just wondering if you'll be touring Canada in 2018, and if so, will one of your stops be in Ottawa? Have a great day. Oh, Dora. You know what? I don't have a lot of stuff going in Canada. At this point, the only Canadian gig I have booked, and keep in mind it's the beginning of January, so it could change. But at this point, I only have a booking in Winnipeg, Manitoba in the summertime at a comedy club called Rumors. I think it's in July.

You'll have to check my website, harlomwilliams.com, where I just posted yesterday all my brand new gigs for 2018. So I don't know if I'll get over to Ottawa. I don't have a lot of gigs in Canada. You know, and here's why, if I'm being completely honest, it's a little bit difficult because I live in the States, okay? So when you go up to Canada, here's what happens. You instantly lose a big percentage of your money on the exchange rate, and the government throws on a 15% GPS or entertainment tax or whatever it is. So right out of the gate, by going to Canada, which is my... home country and don't get me wrong i love it and it's not just all about the money but i have to

make a living and so i right out of the gate i lose a big percentage of my of my of my of my wage to all this nonsense and it's by no fault of anyone but it's just the way it is and so i i lose a percentage of my money to the exchange rate i lose a percentage of my money to the to the the high taxes in Canada. And so then I have to go, well, do I want to go to Cleveland, Ohio for a weekend and do comedy for X amount of dollars? Or do I want to go to a city in Canada for the same amount of time for way less amount of dollars? And it kind of sucks because I love my country. I love performing up there, but if I full disclosure, they don't make it easy for us. And so, So, you know, if they step up and they kind of cover those bases, which they did, I'll have to say to the credit of rumors in Winnipeg, they stepped up.

They covered the cost of the taxes. They covered the cost of the exchange rate. And if they're willing to do that, I can go up there. But a lot of clubs don't do it. They can't afford to do it. They don't want to do it. It's just an extra expense. So you can see the conundrum, as they say.

The conundrum. And by the way, I just cut my finger with this damn email. Is there any way we can get emails that aren't? Like, doesn't everyone else get their emails in their computers? Why are we the only ones to get physical emails? Anyways, Dora, thank you for your letter. I will try and see if I can scrounge up some more Canadian. gigs because, like I said, I love coming home.

I love performing for everyone up there. And let's hope we can find a way to do it more often. And everyone who wrote in, thank you for your letters. If you want to write in, we might read your letter on the Harland Highway mailbag. But that's it for now. I think we covered a few. Thank you, everyone who's watching Puppy Dog Pals. I've been getting some incredible tweets.

People tweet me pictures of their children watching. puppy dog pals and someone just tweeted me puppy dog pals is about two little pugs someone just tweeted me a 30 second video of their pug hearing the theme song okay from puppy dog pals they followed their dog with the camera lighting up their pug ran into the living room jumped up and started watching puppy dog pals and barking at the television I mean what kind of show is that when even dogs are tuning in I just that that made my Day. So thank you, everybody. Happy 2018. Happy New Year. And, uh, Rod, let's close up the

Harland Highway Mailbag. Ow, my fingers bleeding. Damn it. Another letter from our last year's day. All right. There we go. Thanks again for writing, everybody. And if you don't like to write emails and cut my finger with your emails, my bleeding. stinging paper-cut finger with your emails. You could always write me at, you could always call me, sorry, at harlandwilums.com or at the Harland Highway. The phone number is 323-739-43330.

You can leave me a voicemail, and I might put your voicemail on the show. 323-739-4330. All this information is at Harlanwiliams.com. And as I mentioned, all my stand-up comedy. tour info is up on the new site. You might see that the first part of the year is pretty vacant. I don't have many bookings. That's because I'm doing some writing assignments.

I'm writing a couple of movies. I can tell you more about that as time goes on, but writing a couple of movies at the moment, which is keeping me extremely busy for the first part of the year, and then I'll start touring a little more, like starting around April. And if anything new comes up, I'll let you know. But just be sure to check in at Harlandwiliams.com. While you're there, you can go into the app department and the podcast department

and join our premium membership. For $20 a year, you get every episode we've ever done, and we're creeping up on 1,000, okay? We're already at 925, 75 more, and we're at 1,000, gang. So if you want to hear almost 1,000 episodes of the Harland Highway, $20 become a premium member. And I also put up from time to time special segments just for the premium members, too. So bonus stuff that nobody else gets to hear, but my premium members. Also, what else?

Get our app. We have an app in your app store so you can listen to the Harland Highway on your phone wherever you are. It's free. It's totally free. You get the 50 latest episodes for free and all the new ones that come out right away on your app so you can listen at the gym in your in your in your in your, in your, uh, cubicle and while you're walking your dog while you're making love. Oh, Carlos, Carlos, please, Carlos, you know, whatever, whatever turns your crank, uh, check

it out. Also check out the, uh, Harland, uh, highway, uh, Harland, Harland Williams.com. a web store from time to time I do hand-drawn t-shirts they're one-of-a-kind shirts and I put them up in the store and they get sold really fast because it's

like wearing a piece of artwork I don't do any duplicates I draw rate on the shirt and when you own it you're the only one who owns it there's no replication and it's very unique and they're a little bit pricey

they're 65 bucks a pop but it's because I put a lot of time and effort into them and they're originals. And it's hard for me to let go of them because they're original pieces of art, but I want people to enjoy them. So in the vast scheme of things, I guess $65 isn't that much. But that's what they go for, be warned. And, you know, people like them almost as soon as I put them up there, they seem to get sold.

But the only problem is I can't churn them out as fast as I'd like because they take a while. So check out the store and maybe one of those shirts has your name on it. Who knows? And that's it, man. That's all we got for today. 2018 is here. As I've said, happy new year.

Make it a good one. Get out there and do something special this year. Go on that trip you've always dreamed of. Write that book you've always dreamed of. Do something outside of your comfort zone. Just, you know, have a good time. And we'll call it a day. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for hanging in all these years. And we'll be back next Monday. And until then, chicken, chameen, baby. Oh, I got gum in my hair still. Damn it. It's double bubble fun, Holland. It's double bubble therapy bubble fun. Thank you.