The Harland Highway - 931 - RABBI PAPENHEIM calls the show to say hello. Crazy SEX story. United America, let's work as a team!
Episode Date: February 19, 2018RABBI PAPENHEIM calls the show to say hello. Crazy SEX story. United America, let's work as a team! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for priv...acy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Harlan Highway. I'm Harlan Williams. How are you?
I don't know why I'm talking so fast. Maybe because we have a big show and I got a lot to go through.
So welcome. I'm Harlan Williams. Your host of the Harland Highway podcast.
And oh my God, a crazy news story today that involves something so naughty and dirty and disgusting.
You're probably going to want to shoot someone.
I'll just say it involves whipped cream and I'll leave it right there.
Also on today's show, our good friend who calls the show a lot, Rabbi Pappenheim, he's a rabbi here in the community, and we're good friends.
He calls me up to check in and just shoot the breeze, and we haven't talked yet in 2018, so Rabbi Pappenheim's calling in.
That'll be a lot of fun. Also, the question of the day, the Harland Highway question of the day.
It's got something to do with your health, kind of pretentious, but something to do with your health.
And then towards the end of the show, I'm going to ask the non-political question about, is it healthy to constantly insult and undermine our president, whether they be Democratic or Republican?
Does it really help us as a whole as a country?
Something to think about.
Here we go.
It's the Harland Highway.
I have an announcement to me.
You're about to go down the Harland Highway.
Lock the door.
I don't want to be a product of my environment.
Shut up!
I want my environment to be a product of me.
You're riding down the Harlan Highway.
So, who do I have to fuck to get off this phone?
I can get you off.
Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.
You're a cantalope.
All right, hold tight on the Harlan Highway Show
I'm ashamed, big daddy, that's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk, I can stand myself.
Keep leading on that tutor, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth.
Act like a man!
What's the mouth of you?
I wasn't really sure what was going on.
You're listening to Harlan Williams.
The rest is bullshit and you know it.
Well, it's the new year still, where we're early in the year.
It's like, you know, we're mid-February or February or February, or whatever the hell it is.
February.
And I guess one of our guests who calls the show quite a bit just to check in and say hello, who's a friend of mine, good buddy of mine.
He's a unique guy.
He's a rabbi, Rabbi Pappenheim.
I know I'm from the community,
and every now and then we get together for lunch,
or he checks in to say hello.
And to be honest, I feel a bit bad
because I haven't talked to Rabbi Pappenheim yet in 2018.
And Roger said that he called in and wanted to just say hello,
and I was like, absolutely.
So before this year,
moves on any deeper.
Roger, put them through.
I'm dying to talk to my good friend,
Rabbi Pappenheim.
Put them on through, Roger.
Hello, hello, Rabbi, are you there?
Hello, Holland?
Yes, yes, Rabbi Pappenheim.
How are you today?
Hello, Holland, it's good to talk to you.
I thought maybe that you were avoiding me
or something here in the new year.
No, no, not avoiding you.
The new year always gets off to a busy start, and you know how that goes, Rabbi?
Well, you know, I guess I do.
I mean, you know, you have your friends.
Sometimes you make your friends a priority, and sometimes you, you know, you make your fung your sit on the back burner.
No, no, you're not on the back burner, Rabbi Papenheim.
I just, you know, the beginning of the year, I'm doing a lot of stuff.
I'm kind of getting up and running, and you know how it is.
Well, you know, I guess I do.
I guess everybody has their things to do type of thing.
Yeah, yeah.
How about you?
Have you been good, Rabbi?
Well, you know, we've been getting things at the synagogue.
And, you know, I do what I do.
I work in the community, Alan, and, you know, you know,
You know, I'm here for everybody who needs me.
Well, I think that's just wonderful.
And I was thinking, you know, because we haven't there at a moment to speak,
we haven't had a moment to sit down and break.
And, you know, that maybe we could get a little something to eat.
Oh, I'd love to get a little bite to eat.
What are you thinking?
Well, you know, I'd like to take you over to the food court at the mall, and I was thinking maybe, you know, normally when I take you to the food court at the mall,
and they take it to how you want to say, you know, the vegetables, how you want to call it, that they are going to say pretzels?
Wetzel's pretzels?
That's what I should.
I mean, why would I repeat myself?
I think I clearly should.
I'll take you to the food cart and we'll have some vetsal.
How you want to say, yeah, but they're going to call it the, how you say you say the pretzels.
Whoa, well, rabbi.
Well, I, you know, how many times do I need to invite you to the ventils,
Wetzel. Well, you know, we've done Vetzel's pretzels so many times that...
Shain no more, Holland, I understand, maybe, you know, maybe we try something else.
Maybe we sit down at the foot court and have some pandas ex-wise.
What was that, Rabbi?
Some panda express.
The panda, what?
PANDexpress?
Oh, Panda Express, the Chinese place.
That's right.
Who is this guy?
How many times, you know, how many times do it?
Does a rabbi have to say here?
Pandexpress?
I mean, who is this guy here?
No, it's me, it's me, Rabbi.
I just, I couldn't get your pronunciation there.
Well, you know, we go over to the food court.
We have some panda.
you want to say what you want to call it the express and uh you know we can talk about
what's going on in your life holland i mean how is your how is your winter going how is the uh
well it's it's going good the winter's good but i had a little little bit of a mishap oh what happened
Holland? Well, you know, I was visiting with my sister and I was over at her house in the suburbs
and there was ice everywhere. I mean, this time of year, everything's icy.
Tell me about it. I wish out on my driveway throwing salt on the driveway, Holland.
Salt! Yeah, well, I wish my sister had put some salt on the driveway because I got in my car
and she was, like, guiding me back, and the car started sliding, and I, aye, aye, I actually hit her.
What did you say, Holland?
I said I hit her.
Hitler?
No, not Hitler.
I said, I hit her.
Why would you bring up by Hitler?
No, no, Rabbi, I didn't say Hitler.
I said, I hit her.
But, why, you know, Hitler?
Oh, my goodness.
I call you to wish you the happy group.
I invite you over to the food cart with the appendix swash and all of his shudden out of
nowhere. You bring up Adolf Hitler? No, rabbi. I did not say Adolf Hitler.
I mean, who is this guy here? Who is this guy? One minute we're talking about the cashew
slimps and spring rolls at the food cart and suddenly I'm reminded of the whole. I'm reminded of the whole.
Holocaust and Adolf Hitler?
No!
Rabbi, please, I did not mention that horrible human being.
I did not bring up Adolf Hitler.
I said my car was sliding towards my sister, and I hit her.
Oh, there he goes, Shigenny. Hitler?
Oliver Shudner, you know, I called him Vishu a happy new year.
I say, let's skip the Vetzelscher, what you want to say,
I offer you appendish ex-Rashy, and all of a sudden you throw Hitler in my face, Holland.
I mean, who does, who's this guy? Who's this guy here?
Rabbi, listen, Rabbi Pavan, I need you to settle down. I would never, ever bring up that monster
and mention his name. I mean, I said my car slid in.
to my sister, I hit her.
Oh, okay, okay, here we go.
You know what, Holland?
Maybe this wasn't a good idea, you know?
Maybe somebody needs to start the year over again, and you started off right.
No, I don't need to start the year over again, Rabbi.
Well, if I was running around, jumping up and down,
yelling Adolf Hitler this, Aldo Hitler that,
I don't think that would be the best way to start a new year.
Who is this guy here?
Who is this guy?
It's Harlan.
I did not.
Please.
Can we just slow down here?
Now, I did not mention Hitler, okay?
Horrible human being.
We all know what happened with him.
No, no, no.
Sometimes you do this, Rabbi.
I think you mishear things.
You're uber sensitive about.
you know who, and I think sometimes you hear his name and things that aren't his name.
Well, Oliver Shudder, speech pathologist, Holland, some kind of language, you're telling the rabbi that he's,
what his ears are hearing, and what his ears aren't saying? I mean, who says that? Who is this guy? Who is this guy here?
Rabbi, it's me, it's Harland,
and maybe we should just do lunch another time.
And maybe you should just get a giant pickle
from Greenblood's deli and shove it up your ass.
Whoa.
Whoa!
Roger, did he just slam the phone down on me?
Oh my God.
You heard me.
I said my car hit her.
My car was sliding on the ice.
And it almost hit my sister.
I did not say Hitler.
Oh, God.
Can we just go into something else?
Not a good way to start the show.
Now I'm all worked up.
Go into another bit.
God.
Every time he does this.
Hello?
Hello.
Hey, I'm a Tom and Dan listener.
BDM for Life.
I heard an interview with him a while back.
And I introduced my two little girls to Puppy Dog Pals,
and they love it.
Absolutely love it.
It's a great show.
Thanks a lot.
Keep up the great work.
Love you.
Well, thank you very much.
What a great call.
Thank you.
You know, I've been getting calls and letters and tweets and, you know, from people all over the world.
I'm starting to get stuff like that from other countries now.
People who have tuned their children and their dogs into my animated series on Disney Jr.,
Puppy Dog Pals. If you have kids or you know anyone with kids, tell them about my cartoon puppy dog pals. People are loving it.
And what's funny is dogs are actually loving it. I've had a lot of people send me videos where their dogs, real-life dogs, are up with their paws on the TV or on a coffee table or they're right up in front of the television.
and I guess somehow they're identifying these cartoon dogs as the shape of dogs,
and there's dogs watching my show.
It's unbelievable.
I love it.
So I'm so glad you are enjoying it.
For those of you that are fans of the show, I have a new Twitter page just for Puppy Dog Pal fans.
The Twitter address is Puppy Pal's Bob.
And Bob, if you're watching the show, is the owner of the little pugs on Puppy Dog Pals.
Bingo and Roli are the Pugs, and they belong to Bob, and they all live in their little house together and go on their adventures.
So I created a Twitter page just for Puppy Dog Pals fans to intermingle and talk and look at pictures and share videos.
And for those of you that want to see some of the videos, I just posted one up there of a dog.
literally standing up against a flat screen TV,
his paws on the TV watching the cartoon.
It's absolutely astonishing.
So if you're on Twitter, join the new puppy dog pals page.
The address is Puppy Pals Bob.
And you'll get a lot of fun little updates on that site.
So thank you so much for the great call.
Love you, too.
Roger, let's do one more call.
very upbeat and made me
feel good about getting a phone call.
Lay another fun call
on me. Yeah.
Oh, what was that?
You were talking about the movie Network.
You said it's what?
It's Revolent today. Yes.
The movie Network, Harlan.
Very Revolent today.
What does Revolent mean,
Harland? I'm not sure.
Let us know.
Oh, yes.
Revolent.
You know, it's in the dictionary.
R.E.V.
Lient.
Revolent.
It's relevant.
Okay?
Yes, I'm kind of dyslexic with my word sometimes.
Relevant.
Revolent.
I guess it's the way George Bush used to say nuclear or nuclear or he said, he said,
He said nuclear, nuclear or something.
You know, I think we all have those.
You know, how many of you have a word that you say wrong?
I've, you've heard them.
I do it a lot, man.
I do it a lot.
I say vagina instead of vagina.
I say comforter.
Instead of badminton.
I say badminton instead of bad badminton i have a lot of them and i don't apologize for them
i like them okay if you if you were my girlfriend that would be one of the things you'd find
endearing about me like you know what i like about you it's so cute the way you get your words
wrong sometimes it's just you know i know it's wrong i know it and it makes you sound stupid
and you look like an ass but it's so cute it's so you and it's it's so you and it's it's
Just one of the little quirks I like about you.
Just say it again, Revolent.
Revolent.
Oh, I just want to kiss you.
So cute.
You're so stupid.
But we all do it, man.
You've got to cut me a little bit of a break, Broseph.
What does Revolent mean, Harland?
Oh, you son of a bitch.
I'm not sure.
Ard, evil, evil.
Okay, so you know what?
I don't even care.
I'm going to, I love it that you picked them out, but I don't care.
So there, you just got a raspberry right in your face.
There's another one.
There's three giant raspberries.
I hope you go rub them in your relevant hole.
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Harland. Have fun.
Don't throw your back out.
But no, I enjoy it when you guys pick that stuff out.
It kind of makes me laugh because I don't realize I say it.
That's the thing.
It's in my head and it's wrong and I just say it and I don't notice it.
So I kind of need you guys to pick that stuff out for me, okay?
So thank you.
You did me a favor.
What does Revolent mean, Harland?
So keep those calls coming.
if you find any little words that I pronounce.
See, I did that on purpose.
Pronce wrong.
323-739, 43330.
I love to hear from you.
I actually got a kick out of that.
So thank you.
Thank you for correcting me.
Thank you for the update.
God bless you, little fella.
All right.
Enough phone calls for now.
wouldn't you say, Raj? Is that enough?
Yeah.
Okay, enough with that guy, okay?
We got it.
Revolent. Relevant, whatever.
Let's do a crazy news story, man.
I got to tell this story.
That's where we're, we're, I've decided.
Crazy news story.
Hit the music, Rodge.
The Harland Highway.
Crazy news story.
That's weird.
Wow.
That's strange stuff.
Okay, here we go.
this is this is kind of crazy but also a bit disturbing and sad here's our here's our cray cray news
story check this one out shock as woman 39 pleads guilty to filming self in sex acts with pet dog
and whipped cream oh my god are we do i even want to read this this is he's
This is a little yee, but here we go, man.
We got to read this.
Let's see here.
Here we go.
A woman in Scotland who shot cell phone video of herself in a sex act
involving her pet dog and whipped cream
has pleaded guilty to two counts of possessing pornography.
I mean, good Lord.
Isn't the dog enough that she has to throw in whipped cream?
Cops in the West region of Scotland found.
the video, along with a cachet of sickening child pornography photos back in March
when they raided the home of Susie Cairns following a tip to the cybercrime unit
of Scotland's National Police Force.
Okay, this just got worse.
Okay, what kind of low-life, you know, that they grow bored of kids in pornography,
that they have to appease their appetite for.
the disgusting by pulling a dog into it.
Oh my God.
Cairns copped to possessing the extreme pornographic images
just depicting an explicit way
of female engaging in sexual activity with a dog
according to officials.
What kind of reject?
Couldn't she just go to McDonald?
She's in Scotland.
The prosecutor said during Karen's court,
court appearance this week that the video appeared to be self-generating involving the accused
and her pet dog.
Robertson added the dog, a yellow Labrador retriever, was present at Cannes' home during last
March's raid.
Yeah, I guess you couldn't miss that dog.
It's the one over there with the whip cream on it.
I, Steve, do you know what dog we're supposed to be picking up?
I believe it's the one over there with the whipped cream on its asshole
And the cherry on the top of its head
Hey let's get it then
It does look delicious, doesn't it?
Suddenly it sound like Shrek, what the hell
By the way, a picture of this woman in the article
You know, just to insult the injury
Very large
Like she looks a bit like Jabba the Hot
And if you're sad that I'm insane
insulting her. Well, too bad. This is a chick that's into kitty porn and beastiality. I'm not pulling any
punches on this troll. Disgusting human being. I mean, all I can do is wonder if she got this
fat from eating whipped cream out of a dog. Man, you've put on a lot of pounds, Cindy. What
you've been doing there? Hey, I've been eating banana splits and chocolate sundays out of me
Golden Retriever's pussy.
I've been sucking
whipped cream.
I've been gobbling whipped cream
off me golden retriever's penis.
It's bloody delicious, but it's really
putting on the pounds for me.
Good Christ. Authorities were alerted to
Cairns after her internet
IP address was discovered
trying to access indecent
images of children.
Well, going through her phone, police found
more than 160
porno photos featuring children.
Oh, God.
What is with people and child porn?
Who thinks of this crap?
Well, obviously, these people do.
I just cannot fathom this.
These people should be hung up
and put out of our misery.
Imagine destroying a kid's life
because you want to get off.
These are the lowest form of humans I can think of pretty much.
It just curdles my blood with these freaks.
Okay, let's not get off track here.
There's more to this story.
Let's see what else we got here.
Cairn's name was immediately added to the county,
the country sex offender registered with law enforcement
asking the court to assess her for electronic monitoring.
Why don't we just go past the electronic monitoring
and go right to the electronic chair?
How about that?
How about we put these disgusting people in the electric chair?
I don't know how sympathetic you guys feel to this.
Oh, they can be cured.
They can be healed.
They can be fixed.
Well, what about the damage they've already done?
I'm real glad that they can be cured, but how about their victims?
Will they ever be cured?
No.
They've got to live with the trauma and the horror of being molested and sexualized for the rest of their freaking lives.
And they didn't ask for this.
These scumbags taking advantage of the most innocent, susceptible portion of our society,
and even more susceptible,
dogs and animals
because they don't know
what's going on really.
A kid is probably somewhat aware
of that something's not right,
but they're both horrible.
Aye, aye, y'i.
Let's finish this story out.
Let's see.
Oh, here's the end of the story.
They're saying the dog, meanwhile,
remains in Cairn's possession,
according to reports.
What happens to the dog
when Cairns' is sentenced is still unclear?
What do you mean?
She's still got the dog.
What the hell?
Should that, why would they leave the dog
with Chubby the Pornow Queen?
That doesn't seem right.
If there was a kid, they'd remove the kid immediately.
They're going to leave the dog out there
in Whip Cream County.
Okay, Spock.
It looks like we're in the clear, looks like the police car's pulling out the driveway.
Okay, go put your little outfit on, the French maid,
and I'll go get the whipped cream and the chocolate syrup.
Maybe some, I don't know, maybe some fresh raspberries and have her an eggplant.
You ever have an eggplant up inside you, Sparky?
Oh, go get ready now.
I'll get the camera.
Good Lord.
This poor dog.
I mean, where does this woman, what does she do with the whipped cream?
That's what I want to know.
Where's the whipped cream going?
You've got to figure if it's a guy, and I hate to go down this road,
but we have to.
If it's a guy, I can say, okay, maybe the guy's using the whipped cream as a lubricant to get in somewhere.
Oh, I even hate talking about it, but a woman, I can only deduce that a woman is applying the whipped cream somewhere to orally lick it off or remove it.
And whether it's a male dog or a female dog, either way, my goodness.
I don't know that I'll ever be going to Dairy Queen again after hearing this story.
Oh, can any of us ever enjoy whipped cream again
After picturing a giant fat Scottish woman
Licking it off a golden retriever
Oh, come here, old yeller, come here
Now I've taught you a few tricks in your day, right?
Sit, right? That's one. Roll over, right?
Shake a paw. That's a good one.
Now how about this one?
Spread eagle and 69 on me face.
That's a good doggy.
Hold on, let me put some sprinkles on it first.
Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye.
So there you go.
There's your crazy news story.
Thank God they caught this freak.
And you know what?
I hope when the cops busted in, they had some police dogs.
Wouldn't have that been some good sweet, some ironic justice?
A couple of German shepherd police dogs come in.
Hey, you know that?
Looks like that fatty's got whipped cream on the side of her mouth.
Let's go get her.
Let's bite her in a big fat, chubby ass.
Looks like she's been going at it with our friend over there, the Golden Retriever.
You doing okay, Sparky?
All right, don't worry, we'll take care of this fat.
one.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Enough for that.
Rod, let's get out of that.
And let's just move on, man.
Yikes.
Rice.
A rumy.
The San Francisco treat.
Speaking of treats, this is something new for me.
I'm venturing into some new territory here.
And I guess this is considered a treat to some people.
but how many of you have done the coconut water thing?
It seems to be the big thing now.
Everyone's doing coconut water.
How would you like a drink of water?
No, I'd like some coconut water, please.
Okay, well, we have regular water.
We have a whole tap full of it.
I don't care.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
I need coconut water.
Okay, I can't drink water from a lake.
Okay, don't give me water from a fucking stream.
I don't want water from an underground fucking well.
I don't want water from a glacier.
You know what kind of water I need?
Fucking coconut water, okay?
Okay, geez.
So, you know, I live here in L.A. and Hollywood.
And, you know, everyone's always trying to do something here, you know,
that seems to be pretentious as all hell.
You know, people are good people
They've got good hearts
But it always seems like somebody's trying to do
Some kind of diet or drink
That makes the rest of us feel unworthy of existing
What do you mean you're eating?
Oh my God, who eats anymore?
Are you kidding?
I eat foam seaweed squares
That wash up in the harbor.
Are you telling me you go to a restaurant?
Oh my God, I haven't eaten
In three years, I'd just go down to the harbor with a fish net,
and I collect seaweed squares, and I ate them.
God, you know, so it's like there's always someone doing something gimmicky.
So everyone's always talking about, you know, coconut water.
So I went out and I bought some coconut water, okay?
I can't even pronounce it by B-A-I antioxidant cocoa-fewater.
Fusion, Andy's Coconut Lime, some kind of coconut water.
If you hold this bottle to your ear, you can hear the waves of flavor.
No, I just hear like murky, we're looking water sloshing around in a bottle.
Well, let me read the ingredients, so I know what we're talking about here.
Flavored water.
Okay.
I can't even read it.
They write the ingredients so small.
I'm having trouble reading the damn ingredients.
I don't know.
I can't even read them.
They're so small.
I can't even read the damn ingredients.
But anyways, it's coconut water.
And let's see what they have to say to it.
We put the lime in the coconut.
The flavor combination is as exciting as it is exotic.
It'll blow your mind all the way to the beach side.
What the hell?
Suddenly, I want to drink a water.
Suddenly I'm in the middle of a harlequin romance.
And then as you stand on the beach with the waves crashing on the shore,
Fabio will ride up in the surf on a white horse,
his tan chest glistening in the wind.
He'll jump off the horse and skip across the white sand
and rub a sea urchin on your clit.
I don't know.
I'm just getting carried away here.
So here's my analysis.
I drank, I tasted the coconut water.
And I got to be honest, I didn't hate it,
but at the same time, I literally felt like I'd gone into my closet,
it, taken out a bottle of tanning oil or sunblock, and was squirting it in my mouth and eating it,
much like, you know, Slappy the dog molester did with the whip cream.
I felt like I was squirting sunblock, you know, coconut flavored, scented tanning butter in my mouth.
It's a little bit weird.
So I don't know.
I'm not a nutritionist.
I don't know if this stuff's doing anything good for my body.
I'm kind of halfway enjoying it, and I'm halfway not.
You know how sometimes when you don't like the taste of something,
you'll kind of just kind of, you know, eat it or drink it through your mouth.
You cut off your nasal passages, right?
You cut off your scent perceptors so that anything going into your mouth down your throat is neutralized.
You can't taste any or smell any flavors.
And so I've been doing that with the coconut water.
I've been kind of, you know, sounds like I'm turning into Mr. Bubble.
Oh, my goodness, Mr. Bubble.
But, you know, so half the time I'll drink it
and I'll put up with the flavor of sunblock,
and then half the time I have to just block it out because it freaks me out.
so there you go uh i guess it's kind of a harland highway question of the day have you tried
coconut water the harland highway question of the day let me know you can call me 323 739
43 30 323 739 433 30 let me know if you've tried coconut water and and what was your
reaction to it what was your assessment give me your critique
of coconut water at 323-739-43330.
The Harland Highway, question of the day.
The Harland Highway, question of the day.
All right, let's talk about this, because it's on my mind.
It's been bugging me, and it's a political topic that goes both ways.
And, you know, like you, I watch the news.
I see what's going on.
I watch the CNN, I watch the Fox, I read the Twitter, I read the USA Today, I read, you know, I get my news from multiple sources.
And, you know, for those of you that hate Trump, and for those of you that think he's a worthless piece of garbage and he's Satan and he's Hitler and all this stuff, I just got to say, what point does it stop?
At what point does all this piling on and all this negativity stop?
If you think that Trump wakes up in the morning and puts on an SS uniform from the Nazi war room,
if you think he wakes up and he thinks to himself,
how can I make life worse for minorities?
How can I screw over women?
How can I make life crappy?
I don't know if you're living in reality
if that's who you think this guy is.
If you don't agree with some of his policies,
some of his takes on things, then, okay, good.
You're entitled to that.
But I guess what I'm getting at is the extreme,
the extreme hatred towards this guy.
And why I say it's not political is because can I just remind everyone
listening that we're all on the same team?
Can I just remind everyone listening that this is all one country?
That whether your president is democratic or Republican,
that if the analogy is a football team,
the president is the quarterback, man.
Okay?
I've been watching American politics my whole life.
I've lived in America like 25 years now.
I've become an American citizen.
And when we had Barack Obama, I considered Barack Obama our president.
Okay?
Did I love everything he did?
No, but I didn't wake up every morning thinking of how I could undermine him and hate him
and say disparaging things and paint this picture that he's an evil, horrible, bad person.
he's the quarterback for the team, man.
And I got to stand there and I got to watch the quarterback make the plays and do the best he can.
And I have to believe that he's trying to do the best he can for the country and the people.
And if I don't do that, then the other option is I'm tripping the quarterback up.
When he throws the ball down the field, instead of me running to try and catch the ball, I'm going the other way.
Or worse, I'm tackling my own.
quarterback and what I'm trying to say here is if you're hating Trump so much that you're
you're not giving him the chance to throw the ball you're tackling your own quarterback or
you're running the other direction then at some point you got to say what's the point
you're not a team player you're being counterproductive to the end game
Now, whether you like it or not, Trump has done a lot of good things so far.
You know, that tax bill that he passed, the biggest tax cut in American history is touching a lot of people and helping a lot of people and industries.
And I don't want to get into his whole political agenda because, you know, anything I say people will rebut it.
They go, yeah, well, what about this?
The offshore thing with the tax percentage and then the people who live in the first.
45% thing with the blah blah blah they're going to get screwed so there's no arguing any of the
points but so so that's why i'm not i'm not trying to make this political what i'm saying is
you know this is the united states of america this is one country there's one leader
and there's always going to be half the country that's not happy that it's the person they
picked and you just have to live with it for four years or eight years
But if you can't live with it and you decide that you want to be counterproductive
and kind of work in a destructive and negative fashion towards that president,
did it ever occur to you that you're kind of undermining yourself?
You're undermining your team?
You're undermining the people that are benefiting from the good things that are happening?
I don't know.
But it just seems with this presidency, it's been so overwhelming.
and such a constant barrage of hate and insults.
And, you know, now we're even at the point where someone sent, you know, an envelope with a suspicious white powder to one of Donald Trump's sons, which could have been arsenic or could have been ricin and could have been lethal.
And it's like, you know, Donald Trump, the president, is, whether you think he's good at it or not good at it, he's attempting to move the ball down the field for we the people.
And I'm sorry Hillary didn't make it.
Actually, I'm not sorry.
I don't like Hillary at all.
I'm glad she didn't make it.
But, you know, even, let me say this, even if Hillary made it.
and I don't like her.
I would not be sitting here hoping every day she got up and failed.
It's not in my best interest.
It's not in anybody's best interest to hope that our leader fails.
It's not in our best interest to paint our leader as a piece of garbage and a piece of shit
and make them look like a buffoon in front of the whole world.
Like I said, imagine you're on the Patriots, one of the best football teams ever,
and Tom Brady's your, your quarterback,
and instead of getting in the huddle,
being a team player,
listening to his calls, running down the field,
and trying to catch the ball and get a touchdown,
if you're not in on the team, then you're against the team.
And I can say, oh, well, maybe not all his plays
are the play you wish he'd called.
You know, maybe as a defensive tackle
or a line, you know, a side guard or a running.
I don't even know the names of football guys.
But, you know, you could disagree with the play, with the call.
But at the end of the day, he's the guy making the throw.
He's the guy that's going to get you over the end zone for the, to make the touchdown.
And it's just like people wake up and they're pounding this president so hard.
And here's where it gets frustrating.
even when he does something that's good, that's beneficial, that's positive for the country,
for the world.
And I can just hear voices right, well, he hasn't done anything.
Everything he's done has been shit.
The world hates him.
He hasn't done one goddamn thing that's been, well, you're wrong, okay?
There's always the good and the bad.
So I just, it's my wish, and I don't know if I'll ever see it.
I wish people would lighten up and go, okay, the guy made it in.
He's got four years.
let's see what he can do let's see if we can help him let's see if we can be supportive let's see
if we can get behind his agenda if he does something we don't like let's call it out civilly
but you know all this stuff like calling out his his wife for what she wears at the state
of the union calling out his wife for how she decorated the white house calling her out for
what kind of shoes she fucking wore to the the hurricane disaster site
I mean, calling out this and calling out that and oh my God,
it's like they can't move in one direction without being slammed.
So I don't know where you guys come from that are so full of hate,
but I come from the school where even if it's not the person you like,
but they're the leader of your team, like try and make it work, man.
I don't know that there's any upside to being so damn.
negative and destructive and mean and cruel and holy smokes so again i'm not trying to make
this about like like a political statement because i said i won't really talk about politics
this is just a a broad statement about whoever's in charge and whoever is is trying to
uh lead the country it might be a good idea to to let's
them let them lead and not be so damn negative about it all the time so that's just that's
just my thoughts on it you can be however you want i'm not telling you how to be not that
you listen to me anyhow but boy it sure would be nice if if the united states was united
And when a president arrived on the scene, whether it be Hillary, Barack, Clinton, Bush, whoever, whether you like them or hate them, like, get behind the freaking team.
That's just weird.
So there you go.
Just some rambling thoughts about that situation.
And I'll leave it there.
I'll let you mull that over.
And I hope you understand that in that little rant there,
that I was being supportive of Democrats and Republicans.
I want who's ever in office, whether I like them or not,
to have the support of the country, of the people,
and show a little decorum and a little respect
and let them try to function, for God's sakes.
Instead of trying to trip them up and pull them down
and knock them down because, you know, think about yourself in that position.
Think about your own job that you go to every morning.
Think about your family.
You know, if every time you walk through the kitchen, your kids had a cane and grabbed you
by the ankles and tripped you, that's just slowing you down and that you spill the dinner
everywhere or what if someone at work every time you sent an email or gave a, you know, some
kind of presentation at the office they heckled you or they they they they called you bad things
they said your presentation was shit blah blah blah and all you're doing is trying your best
like eventually that that would it's just negative energy that eventually just that starts
to pick away and peck away at everything and there's no real point to it there's no real
upside so there you go it's just hard to watch because i used to
have fun watching the news. I liked
watching the different sides, go back
and forth, but now it just seems
anything, any little thing.
If Donald Trump didn't
tie his shoelace properly,
you'd have people
saying that he's the early
onset of dementia.
Oh, he didn't do his shoelace up. That's the first sign of
Alzheimer's disease. Like,
this is how low it is.
And this is
stuff, the
media and people have been saying until he got his physical and he made it public and
he came through with flying colors. And even then they were looking for ways to challenge it.
Instead of going, oh my God, we've got a president who's got all his faculties. He's smart. He
aced the verbal tests. He aced the mental test. He aced the physical test. He's at 100% operating
capacity. Aren't we lucky that we have a president that's operating at such a high level?
but instead they were just looking for holes,
looking for ways to find a weakness.
I submit to you, isn't that what our enemies do?
Isn't that what our enemies are supposed to do
to find weakness and take advantage of it?
And slowly rip us apart, use it against us?
So I have to ask, why are we doing it to ourselves?
We are one country, one people.
Yes, there can be two parties or three,
parties, political parties, but we're all one.
I think a lot of people are forgetting that we're all one, and maybe everyone should
start remembering that we're all on the same freaking team, okay?
I'll leave it there.
We're all on the same team.
Get it together, team.
We're going to end on that right there.
Think about it.
What else can I make you think about?
How about we do a few announcements?
Again, I want to thank everyone who's been watching Puppy Dog Pals.
Like I said, if you have children or you know people with children, tell them about puppy dog pals on Disney Jr.
It's a great cartoon. People are loving it.
I do some of the voices on it, and we have a great cast, Huey Lewis, Sherry O' Terry, Patrick Warburton, so many good people.
And also, join the Twitter, Puppy Dog, Puppy Pals Bob.
Puppie Pals Bob is the Twitter page where I exclusively keep it on the topic of the puppy dog pals.
So there you go.
If you want to talk to me about anything, you can write me at harlomwilliams.com and send me an email.
You can phone me at 323739-4330, and you can leave me a voicemail.
You can correct my grammar, my English.
You can object to my opinions, my points of view.
You can do whatever you want.
Just call me.
3, 2, 3, 7, 3, 9, 43330.
You can go suck a bottle of coconut juice.
I don't care.
Also, don't forget to get the free app,
the Harland Highway app in your app store.
Just type it in, and you can download it for free.
You get the 50 latest episodes free.
And if you want to become a premium member for $20 a year,
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A thousand episodes, gang.
$20 a year gets you all of them,
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Don't forget, you can order the premium content
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Also, don't forget at harlewilms.com,
you can download for $3.
a real steal my new album
Crowd Control 4
It's my new comedy album
Where it's just me going one-on-one with the audience
It's all live in the moment
Stand-up comedy dealing with hecklers
And weirdos and drunkies
And it's a lot of fun
I hope you find some laughter in there
I see a bunch of you have already downloaded
And I hope you enjoyed crowd control 4
Um
Also uh what else can I tell?
you i think that's that's about it i got a great uh comedy uh show coming up uh in uh when is it in march march
seventh if you're out in the oxnard area of southern california oxnard i have one night only
at uh stand up live levity live at oxnard uh in out there uh it's wednesday march
7th. Levity Live or Stand Up Live. I forget the name of it, but it's a beautiful club. I've
been there before. And then later in March, I'll be in Denver, Colorado.
Yes, at the Comedy Works. What a great place. That'll be March 23rd and 24th. Denver, Colorado.
Awesome, awesome club. Please come out and see me there.
the comedy works.
So there you go.
That's kind of all I got for now.
And I want to thank you all for listening.
Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway.
And we'll leave it right there.
Okay.
So until next time, everybody,
a very revalent chicken.
Chalman, baby.
What does Revolent mean, Harland?
Thank you.