The Harland Highway - 936 - A VERY special co-host today! Prank calls to SEX SHOPS. AND MR. ROGERS too!

Episode Date: March 27, 2018

A VERY special co-host today! Prank calls to SEX SHOPS. Ewok donuts, and MR. ROGERS too! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. This is Harlem Williams, your host. And what a show we have today. I'm a little bit scared, but I'm also a little excited. We're going to be talking about all kinds of things, but I have a special guest. I'm not going to tell you who it is yet, but you know him. Believe me, you know him, you love him, you hate him. I don't know what you do, but you know him. And he's here, and I'll get into his intro in a bit, but we're going to be talking about U.S. foes. We're going to be talking about food dripping all over the place. We're going to be making stupid noises. We're going to have some little kids in the studio today talking. We're going to be making some prank calls. Mr. Rogers is even making appearance. I mean, it is going to be out of control and to tell you, give you a little hint as to who my special guest, my co-host, which I don't normally have on the podcast today, he's going to do the throw to the podcast. It's time for the Harland Highway. I have an announcement to me.

You're about to go down the Harland Highway. Lock the door. I don't want to be a product of my environment. Shut up. I want my environment to be a product of me. You're riding down the Harlan Highway. So, put off the fuck together. off his phone.

I can get you off. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Ha! You're a cantalope. Tideon. Tadon.

All right, hold tight on the Holland Highway show. I'm ashamed, big daddy. That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk, I can stand myself. Keep bleeding on that tutor, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth. Act like a man! I wasn't really sure what was going on. You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit and you know it.

Oh, hey everybody. Welcome to the show. And I'm so excited, I guess, sort of. Yeah, I'm excited. Today is, I think people have been waiting for this show for many years. And I've had people write in. I've had people call in. And they're like, is Roger real?

Is Roger my producer even there? is well yes he's real he's here and I thought you know the time has come to do a whole show and instead of having Roger in his booth well he's still in his booth but I'm going to turn on your mic Roger can you see me turn on your mic bro microphone on there he is okay I can see you right right through the glass yeah well like we're almost in the same room but you don't want me in the same room yeah I don't want to be in the same room but but so I think are you cool with like kind of co-hosting the show today oh yeah it only took what 995 shows take it easy come on seriously i'm sorry not are you mad you had cinnamon boy in episode four you had your aunt

you had the rabbi aunt ruthie the rabbi he came in in episode 500 so you're like you're not mad No, no, this is great. It's a huge opportunity to reach all of those. You son of them, dear. Well, dude, it's exciting. Like, people are always, like, asking about you. And here I am. Do you have a question for me?

Do you have people, you get, oh, I see you got a whole list of emails from people? I got emails, but I guess, you know, I guess I should probably ask, people are always, you know, I get calls and they go, Roger sounds like he's always mad at you and he's, stuff and he's got it to like you're having a good time aren't you I do have a great time and it just takes so much time because because my whole day here's what I do yeah I set up interviews with these imaginary guests it's like that takes a long time yeah and then keeping them out from one student and then I have to hang up on them and it doesn't you can't just hang up once they call back and then they keep talking yeah that's that's a huge part of my day and I guess I should I guess since I got you on the air maybe sometimes I get a little over like

aggressive with you I yell at you sometimes and I get mad so and I'm so yeah you do so that's okay but we're a team right yeah but sometimes I feel like you're not engaged you don't want to be here like you don't there's times when I tell you you don't think it's funny why you laughing you have no idea oh my god god see no it's it you know what's times when i even think you're trying to sabotage the show but there are times also where you you brought an elephant into our studio oh yeah and that was you know who had to who had to pick that up who had to clean it up who had to do the drywall it's like i mean you had to come on you had to redo the drywall did you Did you have to lay some fresh carpet, too?

Yeah. Well, we got Roger here, and we're going to have fun on today's show, man. And, you know, if this goes well, who knows? Maybe, you know, 10 more years we'll have you in again. Yeah. Can't wait. Ten more years. So this morning, Roger and I, we drove into the studio together here on the 12th floor,

and we were like, let's go to the drive-thru, right? We were both hungry. Yeah. And then we started talking about like Big Macs and we were talking about how when you try to eat a Big Mac, all the stuff dribbles everywhere. Like, what happens? They disintegrate because there's lettuce, cheese, pickles. Oh, do you want to sing the whole song?

Is that what you want to do? No, but then you try and take a bite, you take one bite and then it's like, there's secret sauce and you have to lick it off your wrist. You're driving, licking your wrist It's like that move Do you remember that movie The Blob? And if you put your hand near it, The blob would like latch on to your arm

And then start creeping all the way up your arm Yeah, I'd like a McBlobub with a small fry please Yeah, and that's what that sauce is like It just kind of creeps all over your body And the smell stays with you And it stays in the car too It does. Like when we leave

Ew Yeah, we'll get in the car And it will smell like a Big Mac Yeah, and you ever get in a cat and the guy, you know the guy just came from the drive-thru, and all you want to do is get to the airport and suddenly you're at a smorgas board. Unmistakable smell of McDonald's French fries and Big Mac.

And then what I really hate, and for a dude, this is really bad, the sauce drops onto your lap right in your groin area, right? And I don't do yoga, so it's really, yeah. And then you wipe it off, but there's always that little stain, that secret sauce. Stain and it's crusty and and then it'll be like later in the day you'll look down and you'll see it there because now it's dried yes and you're people are like what was that guy doing out behind the bushes in the park right what'd you do go to mcdonald and spill some secret sauce i don't think so it's so creepy oh what else drips around

is there something else do we have that drips you can do a drip with my mouth that's your mouth Yeah. Dude, that's pretty cool. There you go. That might drip. I've never heard that sounds real. You click your finger against the side of your mouth and you make a... Let me try.

Oh, wait. That was close. You're there. Oh, that was a good one. I got one. Dude, let's do it together. Let's do like dueling banjos. And that's why this is the best podcast ever.

I make another noise, too. What? I can do a cricket. Wait a minute. You're telling me you can outdo the drip. Whoa. I might have you on that one, bro. No, yours is better.

It's like we're in the forest now. It's like we're a forest now. doing mating calls it's a bullfrog what was that was an e-walk taking a dump bro oh that was an e-walk you imagine an e-walk taking a um nub yub gub nub nub and then you do the noise Nub-Gub. Oh, Gub. Who came up with that language, the Nub-Gub, the Ewks? I have a confession to make.

What? I haven't seen the Star Wars in 20 years. Oh, really? Not one. You didn't miss any of them. The first one and the second one were great, and the rest have been garbage, dude. That's why I haven't gone. The first two were great, and then the third one I was like,

it was like a Muppet movie. I think in 97 when they made that first. remake? Horrible. The ones with, yeah, the one with the Jar Jar Binks. Oh, dude. That was, that was it. It's just been downhill since. J.J. Abrams did one about three back, whereas kind of the reboot. Yeah. But it was kind of like, it was kind of like he just did the first one over again to a degree. And he did a great job, but it didn't move the needle. It didn't push the series. And then they've just been so horrible. I actually did a podcast, I guess about four or five back where I reviewed the latest one and I just ripped it.

Yeah. So I haven't missed a thing. I don't think so. Okay. And hearing an Ewok just take a dump in the forest was probably about what you would have missed anyhow. That's what they need. Yeah.

So what we were talking about stuff dripping before you started making weird mouth calls. What else drips on you? Is it when you're eating, did you ever get the stuff that drips out of the side of your mouth like you get a like something like a bacon burger or something you get that i was trying to think of chicken wings oh yeah sloppy chicken wings you know it's yeah yeah i had a buddy once had this buddy fred besey's like a canadian hoser guy and one time we went for chicken wings barbecued wings and i was just looking down at my plate and he just got his wings and he started just smearing like the barbecue sauce around his mouth like clown makeup and he just kept

going and going and I started howling and he's like he's like what's wrong what are you laughing at and he just kept and he had like these huge like red clown just cracked me up who and there are people who take the chicken wings and they put them in their mouth and they just I mean they suck them completely like they're just bone yeah nothing left yeah I can't do that they just It's like slurp it off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like watching like a wild animal on like the discovery channel. Hina, ripping flesh off of a carcass. Yeah. Yeah. That's gross. Yeah. We were talking earlier about the stink and the taxi cab too, right? Oh, yeah.

But you ever do this? I was in a taxi cab. This happens all the time. You're taking the cab to the airport. And a lot of times for whatever reason, I don't know why, but a lot of foreigners tend to be cab drivers. I don't know why. That's just the way it is. Not a racist remark. Keep hold on to your pants. And nowadays with the cell phones, what happens is their phone will ring when you're in the cab. And this always cracks me up. It happened to me recently, like the guy, the guy I'll answer it, but

he doesn't want the person, the customer in the back to know he's tough. So they go, hello? And then, And then they go, In a different language. They just start mumbling, like, as if you can't hear them. I like their ringtones. Yeah. It's like you hear the typical ringtone. Bealoo-d-da-d-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-tit.

And then their ringtone. He'll be like, Sister Christian, no, you're... And it's some guy from Latwavania or something. It's like, it doesn't compute. Tom Sawyer. Rush. Yeah.

Yeah. But I always feel like I'm in like some kind of weird gorky park Russian spy movie because they're like, yes, come on, let you, me. Come on, you. What's a mother? Put on this. Okay, goodbye. And then they always do it really briefly and then someone will phone back again.

Okay. All good. Yeah. All good. All good. I'm not up to anything suspicious. There's nothing wrong here. That is my wife.

Don't worry. And if you translated, it's like, the Robin is. in the West Tower. The guy in the seat behind me has a stain on his leg. On his crotch. His crotch. I was, are you having fun so far? I'm having blast.

You are? I've never had this much mic time. Really? Ever. So you're enjoying it? I am enjoying it. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Now, I was watching the news the

other day. What do you think about this? There was this new footage out on the news of a fighter jet tracking a UFO. There's a whole fleet of them. Look on the NSA. My gosh. going against the wind. The wind's a hundred and twenty knots from the west. Oh, that thing, dude. That's not our hell on us, though, is it? It's not a lot on us, dude. But if there's a good thing, it's rotated.

And it's like clearly some kind of UFO that has some kind of superior aeronautical prowess over the fighter jet. And why don't we hear about that stuff? Yeah, and why isn't it, like, they've got this. It was on the news the other night. Why isn't that taken seriously? Like, why it's just like, oh, yeah, they locked on to a, a UFO. Yeah.

All the effort they put into the big foot and the lockness monster. And here's some like concrete locked on proof with a trained military pilot. Yeah. And then it makes a quick right and it's gone. It's gone. And then they pick it up again and it's like it just shot up in the air, 40 miles in a third of a second. Yeah.

What do you think's going on with that stuff? I don't know, but I will tell you I was born. I was born in Roswell, New Mexico. No way. So I believe in that. You believe in that? I think the UFOs are real. Did you ever see one?

I've never seen one, but I believe. I am, man. I believe in that stuff. That's weird. Where are you on the afterlife? Is that a hint, bro? No. I believe in that stuff, man.

I believe in a... Is it another dimension? Is there a... Because you were brought up... Catholic? Yeah. So heaven, hell? Is it another dimension, reincarnation?

Well, let me, you know, now that we're talking about that magnitude, I don't know, I don't know necessarily if I believe that we all go to like a place like heaven. I mean, I hope we do. But I don't, I don't know if there's like a spiritual afterlife, you know, because it's kind of weird. It's a conceded point of view because we're humans and we can think, like do dogs. think, oh, when I'm dead, I'll just come back as a zebra, you know, or like, but humans are, we have egos and we kind of, where there's species, it's like, well, we're too brilliant to just die and rot in the ground. Surely we go somewhere else. Right. But, but, but then if you really

unmask it, it's like, do we really? Or do we just, you ever step on an ant? Maybe it's that final. It could be it. That's it. You're gone. Yeah. Yeah. Eyes closed. I had a friend who had a heart attack and he was in the helicopter and he was gone and they brought him back and he said when he was gone he was gone really it lights out nothing wow there was no white light there was no so there's that theory yeah if you're say you're an atheist yeah and you don't believe in that maybe if that's your belief yeah lights out lights out yeah but if you're a Christian and you believe in yeah a heaven yeah Maybe that's what happens to you. It's a psychological, like you, it's like you've trained your brain to expect that,

so therefore it envisions that. That is your reality. That's an interesting perspective, yeah. Have you ever had someone visit you from the afterlife? I think so. I think I actually had a run-in with someone like that once. It's a weird story. I have a weird story, too.

Let's hear yours. My dad. Whoa. I went to visit my dad passed away five years ago, six years ago, and I went to visit my nephew. And on my nephew's walls, there's pictures of my dad everywhere. And I'm going, whoa, that's so cool. And then we were eating pizza, and he brought out my dad's old China.

And I like, oh, my God, it's China. It's my dad's old China. I was like, so it was really in my mind. Yeah. We drive home, and the lights are going on and off on the freeway. and I think that's my dad letting me know that he acknowledged the pictures but that wasn't the thing when we pulled up into the driveway the garage door goes up and my car's parked in the garage we're in my wife's car yeah and my car that's parked in the garage as the garage door's going up the lights

blink three times and I thought my wife was messing with me I said do you have my keys he goes I don't have your keys huh went into the garage looked in the car my keys were on the seat that was my dad saying hi the the blinking was something that had never happened yeah the lights were like the brake lights were flashing three times and the street lights flashed when you were driving street lights flashed that's weird dude they say that spirits can communicate electronically yeah so that's my story wow we should go to radio shack and see if we can find my mom. Damn.

I had a really weird one once. I was going through like a crazy breakup. This was back when I was in my 20s. And it was like my college sweetheart. And it was one of those things where it's like we broke up. We got back together. We broke up. And it was kind of like, should I just marry her?

Should I, should this be, is this the one for me? But then she did some stuff that was not cool. And I was like, I can't do it. and so I was tormented and I just didn't know what to do so I went in I was just driving around and I went into this burger place called the fire pit of all places and there was there was nobody there except way over on the corner there was there was one person just out of my peripheral I saw them I didn't really pay attention to them I walked up to the burger counters one of those hanging menus and I ordered my food I got it I went and I sat down in a booth and no sooner as I

had I sat down, then all of a sudden I noticed someone slide into the booth right across from me. And I'm like, what the hell? You know, and I looked up, and I looked into this person's face. It was a woman probably about 45, 50 years old, and I looked up into her eyes, and I'd never seen that color of eye before. It was literally gray. It was the color gray. I'd never seen gray eyes.

I still haven't ever. It was the color of your microphone. And was she real? She was a real person, and I looked up into her eyes, and I looked in her eyes, and I go to horror movies. I do all kinds. I love scary movies. I looked in this woman's eye. She was staring right in my eyes, and I went into complete terror. My hairs went up on my back. It was like a thermometer. The terror, I'd never been so scared. The terror just went up, like a thermometer to my head. And in my head, I went, oh, my God, this person is dead.

dead. That's what I thought. This person is dead. She stared at me and I was just frozen and she just stared at him. She goes, I died three years ago. And I just, I was like mortified. I was in shock. And I was like, what the hell is going on? I couldn't even talk. And she goes, I had an epileptic seizure or something and I died and I was dead for 11 minutes and they brought me back. And she kept talking, right? And she goes, and when I died, I went to this place that was all white and there was an old man with a huge long flowing beard and blah blah. And it was the most amazing thing. I went from complete terror. And I never said a word to her. I started feeling, it started reversing where I started feeling complete adulation. I was like, oh my God, I didn't want her to stop.

I was like being drawn in. It was almost like she was an angel. Right. And I, all of a sudden, I had complete joy. I was filled up with this joy. And I couldn't say word. And then after about 10 minutes of talking. She stood up. She looked at me and she goes, go find the right girl. And she walked out. And I just sat there like paralyzed. Like it was the- So she was there to tell you go find the right girl. Right. I guess so. It was the weird, like of all, you know, I, I drove to this place. I was, I was praying before I got there. I was like, God, please give me an answer. I, because, you know, when you're with a girl, it could be your whole life. Sure. Like, I was thinking of marrying this girl and I was like is she the right one and she's and and this happened and it's never

nothing like that has ever happened to me before your story's better than my story I mean I believe that my dad was visiting yeah that's pretty amazing that's weird isn't it wild it was scared I've never been so scared and then so elated so full of joy within within 12 minutes it just did a full pendulum it was so weird and did you eat your burger you know what I got up she walked out the door and I thought that had to be an angel or something. Yeah. I couldn't tell if she was the devil or an angel because I was so scared, but then I was so happy.

And so instead of you, I ran to the door to see if she just vanished. But sure enough, I saw her, like, walk down the street. And I was like, okay, she's real. I almost wish she wasn't there, you know, like I almost wished I didn't see her because I thought that wasn't real, you know. And then the thing that threw me off, too, is that it was called the fire pit. So that's why I was like, was it the devil? Was it an angel?

Fire pit. Yeah, that freaked me up. Like, if I had met her at, like, you know, bed, bath, and beyond or something. Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, then it would have been angel. But I've always wondered about the fire pit thing, you know? The gray eyes and the steel cold. Oh, the great.

Yes, she had very pasty skin, and her hair was kind of gray, too, and it looked. It was like the driest looking hair I've ever, like just dry, like brittle. And isn't it weird? 20 years later, you're now getting phone calls from Aunt Ruthie? Was that who it was? That could be. Yeah, Ruthie. Speaking of phone calls, should we do some phone calls?

Let's make a prank. I think we should do some phone calls. Who should we call? Let's call a donut place. Let's call a donut place. Let's do it. Thank you, Juan La Marzana. This is Miriam.

Hi, how are you? Hey, thank you. Yeah, do you have Star Wars donuts? My son's having a birthday. they party and you wanted some Star Wars donuts? No. No, sir. With the, uh, the, the Ewks.

Do you know the, no? No, we make just the regular donut, the big donut with, uh, icing and a sprinkle and that's it. Would you be able to put some gubnub on, on one of the donuts or some yub, yub, yub, no, we don't make too much those ones. Uh, what if, if I paid extra, could I get a little gub, gub, gubub nub? I don't know. because the bakery is not here right now for us.

Oh, because my little boy's having a birthday, and he said, oh, he wanted a gub, nub, gub, yub-gub-gub. Yeah, no, but I don't think so. They can, they don't make it. They don't have the, what about a wab-nub-gub-gub-blub donuts? Are those around? Oh, they make just a regular donut, the big donut with icing and a sprinkle, and that's it. Oh, do they have Ewok sprinkles?

like a gub-dub nub-gub i don't know just if i could get a dozen gub-nub wab-nub no i don't think so just what about half a dozen gubnubub nob no okay anything else because i have a customer what about a wookie donut we have just a regular donuts okay well thank you okay I should have done the EWWBWBWBN. I should have done the EWBWBG, I should have been like, Nab, Gab, Wab, I should have like wrapped Ratch it up a bit. You made some crazy, you've done some crazy calls when I'm not around behind my back. Didn't you do like a weird like Mr. Rogers thing or something?

Yes, it's the 50th anniversary of Mr. Rogers' neighborhood. Oh. And they have these thing called soundboards where you can get quotes. You get the actual person's voice. Okay. And then you call someone and they think they're talking to a real person, but you're just pushing different phrases. You're pushing the soundboard. And I have Mr. Rogers calling a massage park.

Oh, we got to hear this. So you did this. I did. Oh, my God. This is what you do when I'm busy working. Hello. Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hi. Do you know who I am? I don't know. This is Fred Rogers Ryder Fred Rogers Red Roger

Can you find the cat Cat? What cat? Have you by any chance lost your kitty? I don't know There are no such things as real monsters Monster?

There aren't even any live dinosaurs anymore No Even though some people like to get dressed up in costumes to look like them oh you're gonna come and get me i come and get you sure what can i do for you how about some make-believe about musical instruments okay and hose okay right away okay bye bye see you then oh my god that was gold dude holy jump that's fun so funny You want another?

Yeah, what's another one? I'll do another Mr. Rogers. That's funny, man. That's a hell. He's got such a creepy voice. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Yes, hi. Hi. Who's this? Mr. McPhieling. Huh? Mr. McPhieling. Mr. Mickey. You been here before?

Yes. We'll give you a massage. Yo-Yo Ma. I think you got the wrong number. Are there things that make you angry? Huh? What do you do when you're angry? No, I never get angry.

Do you have ways of showing you're angry? When? Ways that don't hurt you or anybody else. No, I'm not angry. Why? Sure, everyone gets angry sometimes. That's true. The important thing to remember is that there are many things we can do. I don't understand what you're talking about

And we're feeling angry or sad or happy Many things that don't hurt ourselves or anybody else I'm sorry, I'm busy right now okay What a special friend you are Okay bye bye Oh my God That was a massage parlor too right Yeah

Do you have any more of those I have one more Mr. Rogers To a massage where he calls a massage parlor Yeah Can we play up that first one? It was so funny Oh my God, I love this Yes, hi Hi

Have you ever had a checkup Oh Have you ever had a checkup What are you calling Well if a doctor has to give you a shot Sometimes that does hurt, doesn't it Doctor? I don't understand what you're talking about

Who are you? This is Fred Rogers Fred Rogers Shots are like big pinches But the hurt goes away after a while Why I got to go doctor Why I got to go pinch you And why I got to have a shot?

Did any of it hurt? No, I don't understand what you're talking about. That's something that I know for sure. I really doesn't understand what you're talking about, okay? I'm sorry. Mr. McPhile. I think you got a wrong number. Oh, my God.

I like Mr. McFeeley. Oh, my God. He's so nice. He was such a nice guy, but there was, even as a kid, and I'm not disparaging the guy. He was probably an angel, but there was a little bit of a. creepy factor i felt with him i don't know why like it's like i'm not saying he was weird or purvey super nice he seemed like an angel he loved kids but i there was something about his demeanor the putting on the sweater and the voice how were you today neighbor like it just something about it made me

suspicious it's like when uh what that movie with robin williams where he was a like the photoshop god yeah yeah one hour photo booth shop or something like that yeah he was kind of kind of creepy in that? Yeah. But he's very soft-spoken. Yeah, and it's weird. You don't want to say anything bad about Mr. Rogers because he was so loving. He was the best.

But yet there was this residual weird thing. Just because we're so jaded. I think kids only see the purity. But that's what I'm saying. Even when I was a kid, I felt a little bit off put by the guy. Like there was something that made my little sensors, my spidey sensors, like, uh-uh, uh-uh. There's something too smooth about this guy. That's because you're special.

Oh, special. Speaking of weird and creepy, you want to make a prank phone call to like a sex shop? Yeah, let's call a sex shop, bro. If I'm romantic sports, it's going to be a great night. How can I help you? Hi, how are you today? Good. I was calling my wife and I were, have you ever heard of this thing called The Shocker?

We have shocking devices. She said there's this thing. It's like a double penetration. goes, you know what I mean, like, the back door and the vaginal area. It's like a double penetration. Do you have anything like that? We don't really have much, like, by themselves, like a two-and-one situation. We have a couple.

We have a vibrator, the disco triple play from Evolved. It's got three simulations, has a clitorial, vaginal, and anal vibration aspect with it. Okay. And we also have a ring that you can wear. that has a protruding phallus that you can perform a double penetration that way. Okay, I don't know about the ring, you know. Okay. I already bought my wife one ring.

I don't think I want to get into another one, if you know what I mean. I hear you. I hear you. You know, those things. Okay, so I can get one in each, I hate to be, you know, use the turn of the hole, each with the same instrument. Sure. And it's electric, you turn it on.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. How much is that? Those are a hundred bucks. Oh, my God. Whoa, that's a bit high. Do you have anything on sale?

Not to fit your knees, unfortunately. I'm looking for probably $30 range, a $30 double penetration double hole. Unfortunately not. I'm sorry. You don't know. Is there a 99-cent store near you guys, do you know? You can look in the phone book

or Google, I'm not sure. They don't have that kind of stuff, do they? No. Can't get a 99-cent double anal, vaginal, vaginal, clitor type thing? No, sorry. Oh, Christ. All right. You can ask them, but I doubt it.

I'll probably hang up on you. All right. Well, thanks for your help, man. And not for them. How can I help? How are you today? Good. How are you?

Great. Thanks. I wanted to ask if you guys, my wife was wondering if you sold, she said they're called anal beads. Yeah, we have a whole bunch of different kinds, shapes and sizes and materials. Oh, what kind of materials do you have? Well, we've got stuff that ranges from silicone to just a more flexible bendy plastic. She's into flavor. Did you have gingerbread or anything like that?

She likes flavors. Flavored beads? Yeah. I don't think we make any toys with flavors, but we have lubricant to put on the toys. Oh. But I don't think any toys will come flavored. She's a heavy, heavy woman. And if you have any type of seasoning or icing or flavors, that would help.

Yeah, we've got tons of different kinds of flavored massage oils and lubricants and stuff. yeah and how long what's the longest anal bead you have how many beads uh i'm not sure what the longest one is i can run to the back and check real fast well that's okay as long as i could i could probably link them together and tie some together is that possible they don't they usually come with a little handle but i'm sure that maybe you can find something that's more okay because she she wants a real long one she uh oh boy she has her colon goes forever we pulled a tapeworm out of there last Christmas must have been about six feet long and it just goes just so we want something really long yeah i'm sure we have that for you she wanted she was talking about maybe

making curtains with them when we're finished a hanging curtain if you got do you have a lot or yeah we've got enough to make a curtain if you'd like to buy them all i know it sounds weird but she just she's handy like that she's kind of like a martha stewart of anal beads type of thing and She likes to recycle, repurpose type of thing, you know. Yeah, that's fine. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for here. She hasn't. We've got a whole bunch of different selections for you.

She hasn't been the same since we pulled that tapeworm out, I'll tell you. Real quick back to the flavors, you don't have red velvet, do you? We used to carry a red velvet cupcake one. I can go look for you real fast if we still have it, but we do have lots of, like, cake flavors. Well, here's the thing. I don't know if you know how a tapeworm comes out, but you're not. You have to wiggle something, not to get a graphic, but you have to wiggle a scent, a hard cheese or something. That lures it out.

And when we got her tapeworm out last Christmas, it was a red velvet. Is there anything else I could help you with, sir? Do you have peppermint? Yes, we do have peppermint. Okay, great. Well, that's what we're going to do. I'll look forward to seeing you soon. Thank you.

Thank you so much. All right, then. Oh, man, I don't think we can top the old tapeworm that they're. red velvet cupcake tape form luring i think we got to which we probably got to wrap it up just in time for easter oh yeah my god hey thank you for uh let me um open my microphone up yeah wasn't bad that was you know you're you're a nice man yeah after all 10 years after all maybe i should have done this a long time ago bro maybe we can do it again sometime yeah maybe we'll we'll see 10 years because i feel like you're being on your best

behavior because I did open up. Normally, I get a lot of business from you. A little attitude. Yeah. Maybe this will change our relationship a little. Maybe. Well, I almost felt like I could hear those crickets again. Yeah, yeah, that's about right.

Well, listen, thank you, Rod. So there you go, all the highway fans. Roger, the producer on the show here for the first time. Before we go, I have a few announcements. Let's see, I'm going to be this weekend. I'll be at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Hartford, Connecticut. There's a great comedy that's called Comics with an X. So look that up at harlewilions.com and get your tickets.

Also, don't forget to get the Free Harland Highway app on your cell phone. Don't forget to become a premium member. And what else? Check out the store at Harle Williams. And you have a new Twitter. Oh, yeah, we have a new Twitter feed for all the puppy dog pals fans. We had a couple in the studio here today. It's Puppy Pals Bob at Twitter if you want to share your pictures and videos of your puppy dog pal stuff.

And I think that's it, man. I think we're good. We had a great show. Tell your friends to get on the Harlan Highway. And until next time, everybody, chicken. Chow Main, baby. And Harland is gone. Typical. He's a big star, says Chicken Chowmaine turns off his microphone and hits the door.

Meanwhile, I have to sit here, mix down, master, upload, clean the studio. But you know what? My microphone's still on. I can say whatever I want. Help me. Somebody please. You don't know what it's like. We've been doing this podcast for 10 years. I don't think I can do this anymore. He's a freak. Help! Help!

If I hear chicken tell him in one more time, I'm going to puke. Ah!