The Harland Highway - 937 - CRAZY Pavement Pounder phone calls - Strange meats.

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

CRAZY Pavement Pounder phone calls - Strange meats and things in the womb! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show, what a show. Oh, God, I'm not even going to fake it. As you can hear, I still have my cold a bit. I'll talk about that as we get into the show, but at least we got a podcast up this time. It was borderline, everybody, okay? It was borderline whether I was going to be able to do it. So I'm glad we did.

Here we are. And what a show. We're going to be talking about creepy things that happen inside the womb. Ooh. Who? Yeah, way do you hear this weird in the womb story? Also, we're going to be doing a crazy news story. This one cracked me up. Somebody did something in a hotel room that involved fire and blowups and fresh beef or fresh meat. It's just so ridiculous. You got to hear it. Also, we're going to be taking some of your phone calls, some pavement pounder phone calls. We're going to get those from you. And also I'm going to be talking about the question of the day here on the Harland Highway today.

Have you ever avoided doing something that you know would have turned into a bad habit for you? You know it would have been negative or derogatory or not in your best interest. So we'll be talking about that on the question of the day. And did I mention phone calls from the pavement pounders? Yeah, there's some real winners today. But we're all winners, aren't we, right here, on the Harland Highway? I have an announcement to me.

You're about to go down the Harland Highway. Lock the door. I don't want to be a product of my environment. Shut up. I want my environment to be a product of me. You're riding down the Harlan Highway. So, who do I have to fuck to get off this phone? I can get you off.

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Ha! You're a cantalup. Tideon. Tadon. Tadatut, Tadat, Tadat, Tadat, Tadat, Tadat, Tadat, Tau, Tadat, Tau, Tadad. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.

I'm ashamed, big daddy. That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk. I can stand my name. Keep leading on that tutor, Charlie, and you're going to get a shot in the mouth. I wasn't really sure what was going on. You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit, and you know it. What, what, what, what, okay, gang, uh, bear with me.

I think you can hear it my voice. I still have the cold. Last week, it knocked me right out. And I wasn't able to do a podcast for y'all. and it broke my heart it tortured me I don't not like to do the podcast but man when you

you have one of those wicked colds that's going around and you're just down on your butt oh you just you can't do it you sound like holy hell I still sound like holy hell it's a week later but

I'm not sounding as bad as I sounded last week and I'm not coughing as much so so I was like I got to struggle through it I got to I got to put one up for the gang for the pavement pounders and so here we go here we go and I thought I'd start the show with something that made me laugh I was reading something online and I thought I got to I got to share this it's a crazy news story and here's the head of line. Motel guest arrested for burning unwanted ham in trash can causing explosion.

First of all, how many of you have checked into a hotel and had a ham with you? Okay? I mean, you know, you bring a bag, you bring a suitcase, you bring your laptop, you bring your earplugs, you bring your cell phone you bring some shoes you don't bring a ham okay and not only did you bring a ham but you don't want it after you bring it here's the story uh it says she must be a vegetarian an Alabama woman who didn't want the ham her family gave her set it on fire and threw it in a trash can causing an explosion at the motel she was living at okay first of all if you're living in a hotel things aren't going right and second of all you know

couldn't you just have thrown it in the garbage did you have to did you have to light it on fire and then I got to ask has anyone heard of a ham exploding I mean did her family marinated in in gasoline before they you know gave it to her Maybe it's a sign. Yeah, we don't like Margaret. You know, let's soak a giant Easter ham and gasoline.

And when she goes to put it in the oven, boomskies, she's got. Here's the story. Beverly Burrow Harrison, 62, was arrested on charges of first-degree arson for the incident that took place at the Bomar Inn in Athens in Athens. So it's not even like a lowly motel 6, okay? It's a place called the Bomar Inns. You know, it's one of those old 1960s, 1970s single level. You know, you'd probably see them along Route 66.

They get the sign out front. You know, we offer HBO TV and a hot tub. phones in every room like they're so out of date right the signs are old you know the place just looks like it's $20 a night according to police Harrison took her dog and left the motel room after the hand began smoking without alerting anyone

to the fire the fire caused a can of butane fuel to explode blowing out the front wall of the room. Oh, this cracks me up. Like a ham, folks. We live in a world where ISIS is blowing up airplanes. You know, we've got bombers, the Boston Marathon bomber.

We've got people blowing up airports. And here's this chick blowing out a wall of a hotel with a glazed ham. It says no injuries were reported. Nobody got any, took any ham shrapnel, thank God. But the fire caused extensive damage to the room. Yeah, looking at this hotel, probably a whole $12. Harrison is being held at the Limestone County Jail

following her Saturday arrest and faces life in prison if convicted. What? Come on. Are you kidding me? There's people that do way worse stuff. You're telling me you blow out a wall with some Easter meat and you can do life? That ain't right, man.

That shows you how unjust, you know, things are in this country. It's like you've got drug dealers. You've got white-collar criminals. You know the kind of guys that scam corporations, right? You know, the guys that scam, you know, that scam, you know, $100 billion from a big corporation, and they get like seven years or four years. That's billions of dollars.

This woman blows up a hand. and she's looking at life? Come on, man. Yikes. So there you go. I had to start the show with the blowing up the ham story. I love it, man. Very, very funny.

So word to the wise. Don't burn a ham in your house. Don't burn a ham in your house near the, you know, the butane fuel. Just do all your ham burning outside where you're supposed to do it. Out in a field. Light up, get a great big pit in a field and throw your ham in it and burn it. There you go.

Crazy news story. When you wish upon the star makes no difference to you all. Oh, because when you wish upon your dream, Oh, true Oh, my God, I'm such a huge fan. I love you so much. It's Superstar. You did amazing.

And I love you so much. This is Savage from Excerpt, California. I love you so much. See, now you're wondering why the hell did I play that call? Well, it's obvious. It sounds like somebody else has a cold. Did you hear so... I mean, it was a wonderful call.

Thank you for being a fan. Thank you for the compliments. But what really made me connect to it was you sound as nasally and as stuffed up as I am. And I love you so much. This is Gavin from Mexico, California. I love you so much. Right? I love you so much.

She definitely has a cold like I do. So I thought, you know, this would be perfect. Perfect to play. But there's another phone call I got, which was interesting. It was a couple that called me, and they called themselves the pod couple, and they phoned to talk about a bit that I did a few, weeks ago about, you know, falling asleep and your mouth hanging open and your tongue going dry.

And I guess, uh, the pod couple decided they wanted to kind of have their own little conversation about it. So I thought it was kind of fun. And so here's the pod couple talking about my dry tongue or whatever. Have a listen. I'm Pod Guy. Hey, and I'm Pod Gal. Hey, and we're the pod couple. That's fantastic. It's time for our segment called phoning it in with Harlan Williams, and this is it. So, Harland, this is the portion of our podcast that we phone you and we talk to and we dream that you are a guest on our podcast. So what are we talking to Harlan about now?

Well, what I want to talk about is a couple of things. He said that using the furnace at night or the air conditioner on high at night gives you dry tongue. But isn't it worth it? If you can stay warm or stay cold, I don't mind dry tongue, right? Well, have you woken up with dry tongue from using the furnace? I get it all the time. I've never had dry tongue. Well, then you're not living.

And I've used a furnace. Totally. Yes, and I've also used air conditioning throughout, because I lived in the desert for so many years. Wow, well, I'm a surprise you haven't had dry tongue. I've never, I can't even imagine what dry tongue is. I just learned of the term. Well, have you ever had dry mouth? I had dry mouth.

Well, then it can't be too far from dry tongue, right? My tongue has never felt dry. It's always wet, isn't it? It's the perfect state of moisture. It's like its own little environment, and it does what it needs to do to keep it perfect. Well, Harland, what do you think of dry time? We know what he thinks. He thinks it stems from using the furnace and using the air conditioner on high.

Well, what's he going to do? Have a glass of water on his nightstand? I don't know. It doesn't seem like it's something that is something. I'd like to know how many other people have experienced, hashtag, dry tongue. Well, maybe it's all those cigars that he's smoking in his sombrero. Yes, and then, of course, with that sombrero being parallel, that smoke is just, it can't go up, it just goes straight fast.

Right to the tongue. Yeah, exactly. It goes straight to the tongue, I know. No, it does, yeah. Well, Harlins, thanks for being on the pod couple. We appreciate it. join us next time for a round of let's chat with aunt ruthie what's no it's called phoning it in with highland williams

yeah good point sorry but on that on my note i'd love to have aunt's ruthie in that chair besides well you never know who's going to show up right good points could be campfire Kimmy. So yeah, thanks for joining us for calling it in with Harlan Williams. Thanks, Harlan. Thank you, Pod Guy and Podgal. Oh, man, that just amused me. Thank you. That was a lot of fun. And, yeah, I'm amazed that nobody else's had dry tongue where you just wake up and you're, I don't know if you've been snoring all night or your mouth's been hanging open or like me, you got a cold so you can't read through your nose so you're you know you pan through your mouth all night and your tongue just goes drier than an old piece of shoe leather so there you go um let's let's move on here shout hey everybody who wants to have better sex no yes yes the answer is yes you always want to have

better sex that's what you you want it to be better not worse trust me and adam and eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority, plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item.

It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discreet. count and a hundred percent free shipping code harland have fun don't throw your back out ohie thank you for the calls let's do one more call do we have another one roge let's do one more phone call i love getting phone calls by the way if you ever want to call me uh 323 739 433 30 you can

leave a little message it's only about a two minute long answering machine but you know if you want to say something short or long or you got two minutes to do it so uh get on there 3-2-3-739 4-3-3-0 okay cool oh my god i'm such a huge dad i've done so much roger you did amazing roger we played that message and roger i love you so much this is the next roger roger play a different one we already played that message please god Hey, Harlan. It's Ethan from Dallas again. I was giving you a call because we're playing poker tonight,

but we can really use another guy. So give me a call if you can play and stuff. Chicken, chameen, baby. Okay, listen, dude, you might want to leave your phone number next time. You know, I can't really play if I can't reach you, man. But speaking of poker, poker. I barely know her. Hello. Poker is one of those things in life. I don't know if you've ever purposely avoided doing

something in life or learning something in life. But poker is one of those things where I was just like, uh-uh, no way. That's a game where you can lose tons of your money. You can win money, but you know how gambling goes. Once you win money, you think you're good at it. And then chase it and then you lose it and then you chase the money you lose and next thing you know you've lost everything and you're standing there looking like a dork so i was like you know what i'm not going to learn to play poker on purpose i've i've been invited to so many poker games like i have a bunch of buddies who play and it seems like a lot of fun it seems like a bonding thing it's the guys sit around and play poker, you know, and, um, and, and, you know, I, I guess I miss that

part, but I've also been asked to play in a lot of like celebrity tournaments and, you know, benefits and things like this. I've even been, been, you know, offered to, to play in, in tournaments where they put up the money for me. They're like, oh, yeah, just come and play. we'll give you like $3,000 in chips and you play and, you know, it's a celebrity thing and and yeah, and I play for a charity or something and then I'm hooked. I'm like, oh, wow, this was fun. Boy, did I ever like poker? Poker, I barely know her. Hello. So I purposely have avoided playing poker. So, dude, even though you want me to come and play poker with you and you didn't leave your

number, I guess it's a good thing because I'm not coming. Even if I knew how to play, even if I had your number, I wouldn't come. I'm staying away from just another bad habit in life. Have any of you done that? Maybe that's a good Harland Highway question of the day. Have you ever known there's something out there you wanted to try or do? but you purposely knew it would probably take you in a bad direction down a wrong pathway in life so you decided to avoid it even though you knew it could have maybe been fun

you know so there you go let me know if that's another thing you can call me about if you think you uh if you think maybe there's something in life you avoided on purpose let's hear your story 323-739 4330 yes hey halin

you got some of that tasty combeef I know you've got some of that calm beef baby I love to try some of your corn beef I want you to know

if you want to try some of my corn beef Mike on beefs a little bit on the spacious side You know, baby So how's it going with you, honey, child? Huh? When you're going to come down here, baby and bring some of that calm beef?

Uh-huh. All right, baby. Take care. Take care and keep that calm beef of yours. Nice and warm. Bye-bye. Whoa. Whoops, a corn beef?

Fresh corn beef? I don't know what you're, are you referring to, like, store-bought corn beef, or sir, are you, or wait a minute, are you referring to something else? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're going to come down here, baby, bring some of that. Yikes. I hope he doesn't want to take my corn beef into a hotel.

and throw it in a garbage can and light it on fire and blow up a wall. Yikes. I want you to know if you want to trust my micone beak. My cone beast a little bit on the spacious side. Okay. Raj, let's just jump to another phone message, something way more positive, something way more upbeat,

and not quite so creepy, okay? Oh my God. Roger. Oh, I love you so much. Not this one. You did amazing. We already did. Get it off.

I love you so much. Roger. Get it off. God. Let's do it. Do we have another story we can do or something? Good Lord, man. You just know how to grind it.

Stop playing that one. Let's do it. funny story that one at the top was good let do we got another good news story yeah yeah bring it up on my screen here i want to read it here we go okay this is this is really really weird this is a cool weird story but uh man this could be like the the beginnings of a horror movie script um here's the headline on this story this one this woman is her own twin sister This is so bizarre, man. Let me read you the story here.

And you tell me if this isn't like the makings of a really good horror script, like one of those scary, psycho-freaky movies. So here it is. This woman is her own twin sister. This woman was born with unique birthmark and learned she's her own twin sister. She said, we fused together in the womb. She thought it was a birthmark. Ever since Taylor was a little girl,

she longed to have a twin sister. The singer and model would often ask her mother whether she was a twin and became obsessed with dressing just like her friends. Years later, she learned that her wish had already come true. She grew up believing a discoloration on her stomach was simply a birthmark. And after years of battling autoimmune issues,

she went to a doctor who diagnosed her with a rare disorder in which a person has two sets of DNA. In her case, she lives with the DNA of her fraternal twin, whom she absorbed in her mother's womb. Ooh! Her mother never knew because she opted for a natural pregnancy and never had an ultrasound and therefore didn't know there was twins. So now this girl carries her twin's DNA in her own body

with two different bloodstreams, immune systems. Her body is constantly working to fight off the twin cells as it recognizes them as foreign. Ooh, imagine that. She says, I actually felt relief. I felt freedom because for the first time in my life, I knew why my stomach looks the way it does. I guess this is what she said after she learned that she was kind of carrying her own twin. Isn't that weird?

her body absorbed her twin sister in the womb. Ooh, it's almost like a parallel would be those nature videos where you see baby eglets in a big eagle's nest. And one of the eaglets gets bigger than the other and starts pecking the other one to death and then like pushes it over the side of the nest and kills it. Because it's survival of the fittest, there's only enough room in the nest for one.

a lot of bird species do that where they will the bigger stronger bird will cannibalize the little the littler one ooh and that's kind of what it feels like happened here man like one of the babies in the womb was like you know what I'm not into sharing man all this all this fluid all these womb juices and it's a little cramped in here too it's tight I want to spread out daddy wants to spread his wings. I think I'll just absorb my twin right into my stomach. And if you can see a picture, I'll describe the picture of the girl. It's like a picture a six-pack down the middle of her stomach and one side of the six-pack, the left side of her six-pack, is all red. It looks like

she has like rose-pecia or whatever the hell that skin helmet is. You know where your skin gets kind of rosy colored? But I guess that that's where the twin was. absorbed so you can kind of see where the twin sister melted into the other sister. And what I find really creepy is that the other sister that got absorbed didn't just roll over and die. She said, well, screw you. I'm going to put up a fight. And I'm going to, I can't fight you from the outside. I'm going to fight you from the inside, sister. And my DNA is going to, like, do battle with your DNA. And I might not have hands and feet and eyes and a brain. But but I have DNA and I have a blood type

And we're gonna we're gonna fight your DNA and blood type Inside your body for the rest of your life So you never forget me beauch So pretty cool that's pretty creepy stuff Or any of you screenwriters out there Any of you horror horror movie fanatics I think there could be something there for you That's really odd man

I didn't even know that kind of stuff could happen Really, really creepy. My corned beef is a little bit on the spacious side. Ooh, wow. Okay, enough. I think we got to end the show right there. It's getting, this show somehow took a real creepy turn, like hams blowing up and twins and fresh corn beef and dry tongues.

And, God, it sounds like a deli. Sounds like a deli from hell where all these horrible meats and, Body parts just went off the rails, man. Scary. Anyways, let's do a few quick announcements. I will be doing some stand-up comedy in Phoenix, Arizona. It's stand-up live in the middle of May, May 17, 18, and 19. That is such a great club.

Please come out if you're around. That's Stand-Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona, May 17,000. 18, 19. Good times. And then in the middle of June, June 14, 15, 16, I'll be in a club up in Canada in Winnipeg, Canada called Rumors. Rumors. It's not a rumor. It's a real club. I've been there, and it's a great club, too. So check that out in July. Middle of July. I'll be in Cleveland, Ohio, at Hilarities. Such a great club. That's a beautiful club. uh, that'll be, uh, July 12th, 13th and 14th. So some really good stand-up comedy gigs coming up. And believe it or not, if you're over in Lebanon, I know this sounds weird, but, uh, I'm going to be doing some stand-up shows in Lebanon. Uh, in April, the end of April, April 25th through like the 29th at St. George's Yacht Club in Lebanon.

We're going to be over there with Jamie Kennedy and Jeremy Piven from Entourage. And it's going to be a real blast. So I know the odds of any of you listening are headed to Lebanon for a comedy show. But, you know, if you know anybody in Lebanon and they want a good laugh, let them know. All right. And if you want to leave me an email, you can write me at harlornwilliams.com. You can go on our web store there. You can always phone me like some of these great Harland Highway pavement pounders did today.

323-739-4330. And also become a premium member for $20 a year. You can get every episode we've ever done and we're quickly coming up to a thousand episodes. Unbelievable. And you'll get bonus material that I throw up from time to time when I have time. My goodness, where does the time go, ladies and gurgle glargans? Also get the free app on your cell phone. Just type in the Harlan Highway podcast on your app store,

and that's no charge. You can listen to the show wherever you may be, okay? So there you go, everybody. Thank you for being here. I'm sorry about the raspy, nasally voice. My energy's probably not where it normally needs to be, but, you know, I'm coming through my second week of this. and hopefully by next week, I'm at my modeling weight again.

I'm back on the cover of L Magazine, whatever. I'm looking pretty all over again. So thanks for hanging in there with me. Oh, listen to that. Good Lord. We ended just in time, didn't we? But thanks for being here. Thank you so much.

Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. And until next time, chicken chameen, baby. All right, baby. Take care. Take care and keep that calm bee for yours now so warm. Bye-bye.