The Harland Highway - 943 - BOY GEORGE calls about ROYAL WEDDING. Harland LIVE in HONG KONG.

Episode Date: May 21, 2018

Boy George was at the Royal Wedding and gives us an update. Harland walks through Hong Kong. Crazy News Story wedding! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, it's the Harland Highway. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, my God, the royal wedding just happened. Are you kidding me? All kinds of famous people and celebrities were at the Royal Wedding over in England, and we were going to do a phone call with one of our well-known celebrities. Boy George, the rock and roll pop singer from the 80s, boy George is going to be calling in, and he attended the Royal Wedding,

and we're going to get the lowdown right from the horse's mouth. It should be exciting. So stick around for that. Then we're going to be talking about my trip. I just got back from a world tour, so to speak. I was in Beirut and Singapore and Cambodia and Hong Kong, and I'm going to talk about it. I recorded some audio for you guys to hear.

My adventures at a crazy Chinese, fish and meat market. And then we also have a crazy news story here today. Oh, my God. It's about someone getting married, but not their whole body. Part of their body did not show up for the wedding ceremony. Wait to hear this crazy news story. So a lot to go through.

Today shows along. It's about an hour, but you can do it. Put on your seatbelt, take out your earwax. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Harland Highwax. I have an announcement to me You're about to go down the Harland Highway Lock the door I don't want to be a product of my environment

I want my environment to be a product of me You're riding down the Harlan Highway So, put off the fuck to get off this from I can get you off. Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Ha! You're a cantalope. Dagon.

Dagon. Dagon. Dagon. All right, hold tight on the Holland Highway show. I'm ashamed, big daddy. That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk, I can stand myself. Keep bleeding on that tutor, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth. Act like a man!

What's the matter what you? I wasn't really sure what was going on. You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit and you know it. Oh yeah. Uh-huh. There I go. Off on another trip gallivanting around the planet.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. Yours truly is home safely. I made it back alive. And as you know, I told you I was going on a little adventure. And today I'm going to share some of that adventure with you, some of the highlights, the low lights, the experiences. And, man, it was fun.

So, you know, as I say at the beginning of every year, you know, and not everyone has the wherewithal or the means to do it. So I'm not like dangling. it over anybody. But if you can get out and see your world, you know, if you listen to my podcast, you know I say this every year I try to go to a new place. And it doesn't have to be a million dollar place. It doesn't have to be a dump. It can be, you know, whatever you can accommodate. And fortunately for this trip, it was kind of mixed with work. So luckily that was able to pay for quite a bit of it. You know, and on top of that, I had some.

air mile flights and so I was able to do all this stuff and not really have to eat too much in terms of my finances so that always helps too so let me tell you where I started I was invited over to do some stand-up comedy for three nights four days and three nights in Lebanon of all places in Beirut, Beirut Lebanon and as soon as I heard it and I'm sure you probably had a visceral reaction unless you've been there you're probably like what Beirut isn't that where things blow up all day long and people are fighting and throwing bombs and well that's what I kind of thought that's what the media leads you to believe and I was scared I was intimidated

Beirut is about 89 85 miles from Damascus in Syria where just the week before I left President Trump had sent a bunch of, you know, guided missiles into bomb Syria. And then a week before that, Assad, the leader of Syria, had apparently detonated chemical weapons, which scared me even more because now I'm like 90 miles from a possible, you know, nucleic chlorine cloud or seren gas or mustard gas so so yeah i would be lying if i didn't say i was a little worried but uh you know what i was like you know life is full of risks and uh lot a lot

lot so uh so i did it i went and uh guess what i was super pleasantly surprised us uh beirut is a very modern city it's got all the kinds of things you'd probably see in any modern city in America. There's lots of traffic. There's nightclubs. There's discos. There's fancy hotels. There's fancy restaurants. There's rich people with their yachts right on the Mediterranean Sea. There's families. There's people who want a happy life. There's people working. There's people making money. There's fishermen. And it was quite the cosmopolitan place. Big high rises and glass buildings and it was pretty cool now that being said there was an element of it that was run down to a degree the streets weren't in great shape the sidewalks weren't in great shape there was way more garbage strewn around than then there uh then there would be in an american city uh the streets are littered and and you know maybe for every 15 nice apartment buildings or high rises you'll see an old kind of half-finished,

maybe blown-out building that maybe suffered a violent fate in earlier days. But even though the country is at war, technically at war with Israel, the city functioned have moved and people were happy and energetic and friendly and nice and no one was intimidating. Nobody tried to make me.

Me or the people I was with Feel Bad. I was over there with Jamie Kennedy. He's one of the actors from the screen movies and the Jamie Kennedy experiment. And Jamie's a really funny, nice guy, and we'd worked together before. So him and I were over there with a few other comedians. And we put on a show, man.

And they treated us royally. We stayed at a beautiful five-star resort with swimming pool. and delicious food right on the Mediterranean Sea. They drove us around. We went out on one of the politicians there, one of the high-ranking, the minister of the interior. A high-ranking official took us out on his fancy boat for lunch

and a little spin around the Mediterranean, and we jumped in the sea and went swimming. We went to some of the late-night night clubs, but most importantly, people showed up for the comedy shows, man. People came out. Just about every show we did was sold out. We did two shows a night. And people genuinely loved it because they don't have that over there.

That's one of the casualties, I guess, of, you know, living in a worn-torn and kind of unsettled region of the world or country, if you were. well, you're not going to have every single perk that other places have. And so to have American style, North American style stand-up comedy was not something that they had. And so the organizer of this event rented out of space and kind of modeled the room after an American comedy club, even put the fake brick wall up in the background. and it really just looked apart and most people in Lebanon speak English

and so probably 98% of our audience was English speaking or they at least knew understood English and it was a lot of fun and you know the only real thing is all the comedians who had to adjust our act for some of the references that they might not get over there. You know, not every place in the world is exactly the same, obviously.

So we had to tweak things. And as you know, I like to talk to the crowd, and one of the things that I found really cool over there is that people have much more exotic names than we have here in North America. Here we got Barbara and Larry and Michael and Stephen and Karen and, you know, over there it's, you know, Fahallad and Fatsama and just, you know, names that aren't familiar to us. And so I was able to really play with a lot of those names. There was actually was a woman there asked her name. She goes, Fatama, and I said farts too much.

And she goes, no, Fatsama. And I said, well, farts too much. And, you know, I just played with her the whole show. And people were howling. They really enjoyed me kind of having fun with them. And so it was a real cool experience. Great people. And it just, you know, in closing on Beirut, it kind of, it kind of,

it reminds you of how we can be deceived in the world, of how other people and other cultures are, how, you know, other cultures may have different things they wear or different things they do or they may have different colored skin or different beliefs or whatever the differences are. What's kind of comforting is that you realize that no matter where you are, people also just want the same things. You can tell these people just wanted to take care of their families

and have a good meal and sit with friends and play backgammon or smoke a hookah pipe. I smoked a hookah pipe. I'd never done that before. They want to have food. They want to laugh. They want to fish. They want to shop.

They, you know. And it's a shame that the whole world just can't get along, that there's got to be war and there's got to be conflict. Because, you know, wherever I travel, it's always the same. People just want love and harmony and peace and serenity. And it just makes me wonder, you know, there's just these few people in the world that bad people, whether it be governments or politicians or people with money or people with no money that are, you know, radicals or whoever. It seems like there's a small base of people that can control the masses and drag the masses into their conflicts and force.

the masses to work behind them with about their or with their cause and uh it's just it's just so weird like most of us just want to wake up and have a nice day have a great day you ever hear that saying have a great day that's all anyone really wants i think but but it's amazing how small sanctions portions sex of society of the population can lead the rest of us down these roads of turmoil and unrest. But my assessment of Beirut, really good, really fun. It was nice to bring the gift of laughter to a place that could maybe use it where the people have endured and suffered a lot from violence and war and conflict.

And so we were all very well received. We had great shows and a great time. And my thanks to all the good people in Beirut and all the people that put the show together and asked me to go over and very, very good times, okay? So from Beirut, I figured, man, I'm over on that side of the world. I think I'll keep going. You know, it's like, you know, if you're going to go all the way to the mall, do you go to one store? Do you go, you know what, I'll go to a few stores while I'm here, pick up some stuff, you know?

so I'm like I'm all the way over here huh why don't I do this why don't I pop over to Singapore seems to me I'm following Trump right first I go to Beirut where he threw in all the missiles now I'm going to Singapore where apparently he's supposed to meet with Kim Jong and uh before

I before I go into how Singapore was I'll kind of tease you the whole podcast and take you along on all these different stops. Before we get into Singapore, let's take a little break and do a little other crazy stuff before we land in Singapore, maybe. The Harland Highway.

Crazy news story. That's weird. That's strange stuff. Okay. Here we go. This one, this one is a little hard to swallow. And no pun intended, but, yeah, I guess maybe pun intended. This is a comedy podcast, so, yeah, pun intended, okay?

Everyone always says, no pun intended. Well, guess what, pun intended, bosh. Here's the crazy news story headline, you ready? Bride whose arm was bitten off by crocodile gets married days after attack. What the hell? Okay, you think of what I'm the first thing going through your head? right they're standing at the altar you know do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to honor and respect for the rest of your life i do all right would you please

place the ring on her finger it wait whoops wait uh uh there there are no fingers sir uh would you please place the ring on her finger i can't marry you yeah but that there's there was a thing and a crocodile and, sir, would you please put the ring on her fit? But, sir, there is no, there's no, it's just a nub, there's no, there's no, right? Oh my God, listen to this story. A woman whose arm was torn off by a crocodile wasn't going to let a lost limb get in the way of her wedding, as she managed to walk down the aisle just days after the gruesome attack. Holy jumping.

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Zanel Nduvalu, a former national tennis player, got married to Jamie Fox, not the actor Jamie Fox. not the actor Jamie Fox on Sunday at the hospital in Zimbabwe where she's recovering from the crocodile attack, the newspaper reported. Good Lord. I mean, that's someone who really wants to get married.

Days after having your arm ripped off by a giant reptile in Africa. I'd be like laying in bed like, I'd maybe need more than two days to kind of get over it. I mean, this woman, I got to give her credit. Give her a hand because she can't. No, no, no, pun intended, pun intended. I don't know if I could handle getting married.

And there's a picture of her. She's in her beautiful bridal gown. She looks beautiful. He's white. She's black. They look gorgeous together. So the story goes on to say, The bride, however, almost didn't get to say her vows.

Days before Nadovlu, I'm not pronouncing her name right, was in an inflatable canoe with Jamie Fox in Victoria Falls when the crocodile attacked the boat. Oh my God, I've been in Victoria Falls. I've actually been there in Africa. It's a beautiful place. Not only have I been right on the shores of Victoria Falls, I've hiked down kind of under them,

and I've even taken a helicopter ride around the top of them. So I know this area, and I did not see an arm floating down. No, stop. Quote, during the attack, the crocodile gripped her right arm and ripped it off. Well, her partner made frantic efforts to save her. They are lucky to be alive, though, a family member said. Now, you almost got to marry a person after that. I mean, you know how, you know how when people always say when you get married,

So how did you know he was the one? How did you know that he really loved you, that he'd do anything for you? Well, you know, he took me to the movies, and it was really romantic, and then afterwards we went and got some beers. Well, you know, he read me a poem one night, and I just knew he was the one.

Well, he jumped in the river in Africa and wrestled a ten-frews, foot alligator to death and pulled my arm out of his mouth and punched their crocodile in the face and risked his life and okay we get it no poetry no movie you win i mean if you don't think someone loves you after they they jump in the water and start pounding on a man-eating crocodile you almost got to marry that person um the Crockett I also bit her left hand. Fox jumped in and helped his then-fiancee, who lost so much blood, he feared she might die.

After Fox created a makeshift tourniquet to stop the flow of blood long enough to get her to the hospital, surgeons were able to save her life, but she lost the majority of her right arm. Oh, the poor thing. That is, I'm being serious. That is, that is really sad. She's a beautiful woman. her husband seems like a wonderful guy but she was determined to make her wedding day and decided to use the hospital chapel

as the new wedding venue she walked down the aisle wearing a one-shouldered wedding dress well yeah you don't have much of a choice there and holding a bouquet with pink flowers what remained of her right arm was heavily bandaged.

Yeah, I guess if her father was going to walk her down the aisle, he'd have to get on her, on the right side. I mean, you know, you wouldn't want to see the father three quarters away to the altar, and he's kind of got his arm out, and he realizes there's nobody on it. And he looks back and she's standing there pointing to where her arm used to be,

and he's like, oh, Jesus, I thought I, I thought I had your arm, and he has to go back and embarrassingly grab her other, you know, quote, it was quite remarkable this love story, and it really does show their love for each other. The crocodile attack made no difference a witness to the sun. Their feelings and love for each other are even stronger than before, if anything. I guess so, man. You know, I'll be honest, if I'm dating a girl and, you know, we're in love and we're thinking about, you know, how much we like each other and we're thinking, should we get married, should we get more serious, should we get engaged? And then, you know, I'm walking along the shores of Lake Erie or something. And a 10-foot crocodile jumps up and pulls me in. and she jumps in and beats the crap out of it

and rescues me? I'm like, yeah, that's a keeper. She's a keeper. I mean, what else more does she have to prove that I matter? I mean, when you jump in with a hungry crocodile, you're not just saving someone. You're also putting yourself on the crocodile's menu.

He's like, what's with these idiots? I just wanted one, but they just threw in an appetizer. Okay, I'll eat this girl, and it looks like Daddy just got a surfing turf. Looks like Daddy just got a little side dish here. I'll eat the white fat guy, too. Thank you. Anyone else want to come in? Let's turn this into an international buffet over here.

So we wished them well. What a story. you have it in your heart to, uh, jump in the water and rescue the one you love from an alligator, or you could write them a little poem or take them to a movie, you know, whatever makes you look the best in her eyes. Uh, glad you're okay and, uh, thumbs up. Well, thumbs up, depends which arm because what, okay, pun intended, okay, pun intended. All right, uh, there you guys. Uh, there you go. That's our crazy news story for today. Watch out for crocodiles and

don't be disappointed if on the honeymoon, she doesn't give you a hand job. Okay, enough. Enough. Just stop. Roger, let's switch gears and let's move on. God damn it!

We lost. We're fucking super lost, man. Tell them, McCluskey. Tell them what time it is? I believe you, people. What do you mean, you people? What do you mean? You people. Huh? I think what Tug means is you people, you actors, you people.

You people. Look at them, Bibi. What are you? I got to get back to the actors. Well, speaking of weddings, as you know, the big royal wedding was yesterday over in the United Kingdom. And, you know, everyone was talking about it. Everyone watched it all over the world, big beautiful wedding with Prince Harry. and Margaret Merkel or whatever her name is.

And we weren't invited, obviously, but we were able to put a call in over to the UK. And, you know, they had a who's who of guests at the wedding. You know, George Clooney was there and, you know, all these Elton John and all these celebrities were there and famous people. And fortunately, we have a relationship at this point. podcast here with Boy George, the 1980s, like, pop icon.

And so he agreed to come on the show and talk to us and give us a first-count, first-hand account of the royal wedding. So without further ado, do we got him, Raj? Perfect. Okay, this will be really cool. The inside scoop on the Prince Harry Merkel, a royal wedding. and let's put Boy George through from the United Kingdom. Hello.

Boy? Oh, my God. Roger, is he there? Boy, George. Are you there, boy? Hello? Yes, boy, is that you? Who's this, Dad?

But, yeah, it's Harlan Williams, boy. Hello? Harland Williams from the Harland Highway podcast. Oh, Christ, that's right. We're doing the phone call today, right, Arlen? Yes, we wanted to check in with you. You were at the royal wedding. I've got a royal fucking hangover is what I've got, Arlen, a royal fucking hangover, eh? Wow, so you were, you were boozing it up a little there, boy? Look, first of all, it's Boy George, okay? It's not just boy.

is boy plus George equals the fucking boy George, all right? Yeah, yeah, of course, of course, George. Boy, you're fighting George, all right. I'm not here to say it again, you're fucking twat. Okay, you don't have to raise your voice. I'm just excited because you were at the royal wedding. More like a royal pile of bloody horse shit, Ireland. A pile of what?

Bloody horseshit Hors shit? That's what I said, horseshit. What do you mean, royal horse shit? Well, yeah, you haven't been to the wedding holiday where there's more fucking horses than there are people? Well, no. Yeah, well, welcome to mine out, man.

Well, what do you mean? Well, did you watch the fucking wedding on in a lot? Yes, I watched the wedding. Well, everywhere you're not, then. There's a fucking guy on a horse. There was a horse for this. There was a horse for that. Even fucking Erie and Merkel were fucking, you know,

he pulled along in a fucking carriage full of horses. Well, that's part of the royal tradition. Boy, there's horses everywhere. It's, boy, John, look, if you don't get it right, all, and here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get me fucking telly. the little fucking telephone, and I'm going to shove it up the rear end of a war hog down at the fucking Royal Zoo, and you can talk to a fucking warthogs in the fucking intestine, all right?

Okay, listen, so there were horses at the... There were horses, all, and wherever there's horses, there's fucking horse shit everywhere. I mean, you know, people are clapping and applauding, and here comes, you know, Margaret Merkel or whatever the fucking Namis in a white dress. And, you know, one minute you're looking at what looks like a fucking royal angel. Okay. And the next second you're watching a fucking, you know, 9,000-pound horse drop a giant fucking loaded chestnuts on the royal fucking street, right? Well, yeah, of course the horses are going to have to relieve themselves.

Yeah, well, when was the last time you were at a wedding? and half the time you were watching people fall in love and the other half you watch his ship fall down from the heavens like you're in a fucking Arizona shitstorm, Arland. Well, like, oh, come on. You know, that's just part of the whole thing. The royals, they've got the guards and all the royal palace guards on horses,

and they're in a, it's a romantic. Oh, really? It's something romantic. What was the last time? You took a bottle of wine and put out a picnic blanket and thought he sat near a fucking horse manure fucking waterfall and watched the sunset. A horse manure waterfall and watched the sunset? That's what it was like all in a bit.

Every time my fucking turned around to a fucking horse chestnut dropping all over the fucking Royal Road, eh? Well, did you have to focus on the Royal Horse Chestnut? Well, it was all not to. I mean, first of all, you know, you got the first load, you got about 20 royal fucking knights walking down the road, and, you know, there's fucking chestnuts trooping all over the place, like a fucking mat truck ran into a fucking chestnut tree, right? Okay, do you have to keep saying chestnuts? And then, you know, then all of a sudden that you got the fucking guards with the red and the beaver-skin hats,

right, coming up from behind. on the Royal White Horses, right? Yeah, the beautiful white horses. Right, well, they're not so white anymore when they start walking through a fussy mountain and fucking horse chestnuts, eh? Well, they didn't walk through horse chestnuts. Well, that's what were you there, all of them?

Because I know I was, and I saw fussy white horses get brown pretty quickly when they were kicking up more horse chestnuts than a fussy sprinkler on the front lawn of a mental retard institution. A what? A sprinkler on the front lawn of a mental retard institution.

Well, that's what you feel like, Arland. Okay, so. All right, and then all of a sudden now you've got the white potting horses and there's a hell of a, how many horses do you need at a fucking wedding? What are we filling up Noah's Ark all of a certain? No, we're not filling up Noah's Ark,

but it's part of the custom. Well, maybe one, two, maybe half a dozen fucking horses, Ireland. Did you need, like, fucking, all the horses in fighting the United Kingdom? Well... I mean, at what point does it become a fucking stampede? Look, did I come to a fucking wedding, or am I here to see a fucking cowboy rope show for fuck sake, Ireland? Well, okay, so you don't go to a lot of weddings and there's horses.

That's what I'm talking about. So now you got, like, you know, You got like a fucking minefield of fucking horse manure chestnuts all the way up and down the street. Okay. You know, Princess Diana, when she was alive, God rest of soul, she was a big, you know, proponent of like taking care of the landmines, right? Well, yes, she was an activist, and she was all about, like, cleaning up the landmines from former wars and hoping kids didn't step on them. Well, you know how many fucking kids I saw running across the road at the wedding and stepping on a fucking chestnut landmine?

Okay, come on, George. It's boy fucking George. If you don't fucking stop it, I'm going to go to the fucking 7-Eleven, buy a fucking three musketeers bar, and fucking soak it in vinegar, and ram it in your fucking fake and Stein-sized forehead, you fucking bohemium cheese. cake, fucking manatee-tot?

I'm not a manatee twat. Now, stick with the program. Well, I saw children running across the fucking road at the royal fucking wedding. And can you stop swearing? Fuck you, I've been drinking all night and fucking royally hungover. Oh, my God. And here's, how about these kids running through the fucking... It looked like I was watching a bunch of fucking elves walk through

fucking chocolate pudding land or something. A bunch of elves running through chocolate pudding land. Well, that's what it looks like when you see a three, four, five-year-olds running through piles of fucking horse chest that's all over the royal fucking road. Good Lord. And then here's the real kicky. You've got Prince Airy, right? Yes, Prince Harry.

Yeah, Prince Harry. And then his wife's fighting Margaret Merkel or whatever name is. I think Margaret Merkel is the prime minister of Germany or something. Well, who lives here and who doesn't? It's Prince Harry and Margaret Merkel and they're fucking... They come and they're fucking magic Cinderella wagon, right? Yeah, they had a beautiful covered wagon with wagon wheels and horses. Yeah, right, and guess what?

They're behind the first lot of fuck, the whole fucking herd of horses, right? Okay. So now you got his fucking prince area with his carrot top fucking smoothie air cut. His what? Well, his fucking air, it's all red, isn't it? It looks like somebody, you know, went on a fucking roller coaster and ran out and puked all over his head just after they drank a fucking carrot juice smoothie, right? That is disgusting.

He's got fine hair. Well, whatever there, fuck, I was there, he weren't. Okay, and what about... Margaret Merkel? That's not her name Margaret Merkel's wearing his beautiful white flowing gown I mean this thing's fucking so long

you could have wrapped the fucking heaven and earth in this goddamn thing right Okay yes you had a long white gown Well it wasn't white for long Once she fucking started rolling that fucking wagon wheel through the fucking horse chestnuts What are you talking about Well if you ever run a fucking wagon wheel

through fucking horse Chestnuts, Arlen. Would you quit saying horse chestnuts? Well, that's what they don't like to me. I was there. Fuck you. Okay, so I'm sure the wagon rolled through a few of the... Horse chestnuts.

The horse chestnuts. And guess what? When you got a fucking wagon wheel rolling around, Arlen, it sprays all over the place, doesn't it? Well, I guess it would. So now Margaret Merkel's nice, white wedding dress looks like a chocolate chip cookie from the bottom

of Lake shitty caca. The bottom of Lake shitty Caca. That's right Arlitt. It's all speckled up and got freckles. It looks like fucking moly ringwolds left ass cheek. What are you saying? I'm saying

there were so many shit sprinkles from those horse chestnuts all over Margaret Merkel's fucking white redding rose dead fucking day. Wedding dress. Wedding dress. There were so many chocolate chips on that thing it was more speckled than

Molly Ringwald's right left ass cheek. What would you know about Molly Ringwald's left ass cheek? The same thing I know about his right ass cheek. It's speckled like a fucking ripe speckled trout from the bottom of Lake shitty

Caca. Would you stop saying Lake shitty Caca? Well what you want me to say, Arlen, you phone me, ask me what the Royal Wedding was like, and I'm telling you, it was like a fucking Arizona shitstorm is what it was, Arland. Well, was there anything that didn't involve horse droppings? Well, I mean, if you want to talk about Prince Ari's fucking barf-colored orange hair.

What do you mean barf-colored orange hair? I mean, look at this fucking guy. He looks like a fucking clown climbed up on his head, barf fucking onion soup all over his fucking head, and he's got red hair fucking redder than Mollie Ringwald's freckled fucking ass flaps. Would you get off of Mollie Ringwald in her ass flaps? I mean, Christ, it was a real spectacle. So was the reception good?

Was there, was there, I mean... Look at you floundering around, eh? If you're asking me what the fucking ceremony was like, I guess it was okay. You know, if you want to see a... ex fucking actress from deal or no deal what are you talking about well if you're not watching

telly all and I didn't you know that Margaret Merkel used to be one of the fucking deal and no deal girls he stood up on the stage opened a fucking briefcase with a number in it okay and I bet that's what she's going to be doing when she

divorces Prince fucking carrot juice right what do you mean you know Prince he's a fucking royal prince has got lots of money, eh? So? So when they get divorced, then you know they're going to get divorced because Harry fucking Carrie

likes to fucking throw around his royal weenie stick. Would you stop it? And she's going to walk into that fucking divorce lawyer's office and she's going to have one of those fucking deal and no deal briefcases. Cut it out. She's going to pull it open

and it's going to have a big fucking 20 digit number on. Are you telling me she's a gold digger? I'm not saying anything, but holy fuck, I'd like to be her when the fucking money starts raining down from fucking carrot juice having all. And would you get off of his hair? Well, look at his fucking guy. I mean, his hair's so fucking red.

If you put a little red nose on his face, you'd swear he was the clown from the It movie. Are you telling me that Prince Harry looks like the clown from the Stephen King movie it? More like shit is what it is. All right, I don't think you're respecting your own princess and prince. Yeah, well if I want prince, you know what I'll do?

What's that? I'll fart and put on purple rain, get naked, cover myself in mayonnaise and have a broke back mountain party all over my boyfriend's freshly rubbed relish covered ass cheeks. Oh my God, what is the

matter with you, George? He's boyfying, George. That's the last time. Go suck a fucking flat screen television all the way up your fucking broke back mountain fucking face, twart machine. Whoa. Whoa. What the fuck?

Roger, did he say suck a flat screen TV up my broke back mountain fart machine? That guy is intense, man. Oh, God. Is he gone? Thank God. Jesus. This guy kind of ruined. the royal wedding for me. I wanted to hear about who the celebrities were, what it looked like.

And this guy just goes off on how there was horse manure everywhere. And I guess he's got a point. I mean, has anyone here ever been to a wedding where there's a horse? Let alone like, like 300 horses? Okay, the horses have to poo, but do you have to talk about that the whole time? and her name's not Margaret Merkel. I'm convinced Margaret Merkel. Isn't she the president of Germany or something? What's this chick's name? And the red hair?

You know, Roger, I think he just kind of ruined the royal wedding for a lot of our listeners here. So let's move on. Let's get back to my trip. We'll close the show with something fun. I was going to talk about Singapore and Cambodia. which was the middle part of my trip, but I think we'll do something fun

and we'll jump to the end of my trip. So the last spot I went to on my trip was Hong Kong. So I'd never been to China. I'd never been to Hong Kong. And I was already over there. I was in Singapore and Cambodia after Beirut. And I'll tell you about that on the next show because that's a whole other adventure

and I'd need another 20 minutes or so. But I was only in Hong Kong for like two nights. I was like, you know, instead of flying right home from Cambodia, Hong Kong's like an hour and a half flight. And am I ever going to be over in this part of the world again? I don't know. I hope so, but I might not. And I've never set foot into China.

And Hong Kong, you know, you hear about Hong Kong, what a wild city it is. And so I was like, you know what I'm going to do it? So I got online and I booked a hotel like right in the middle of the harbor. I requested that I have a room that looked out onto the harbor. And these guys obliged my request, and they gave me this incredible room. It was like front and center. You couldn't have asked for a more centered room in the Hong Kong Harbor.

Hong Kong's on a big harbor on the ocean, and it's just a shoreline is just packed with high rises, and they do light shows at night, and all the high rises turn on laser lights. and they have they have lit up billboards that go up and down the entire length of the high rise. And there's tons of boats and tugboats and barges going. It's really a bustling city. And it was really exciting to be there.

And then they had all these tall buildings with all kinds of neon signs. And it felt very blade runner-ish. I don't know if you've ever seen the original Blade Runner, but the original Blade Runner movie has all these buildings with neon signs. and billboards and and Chinese writing and it's it's really cool it's kind of sci-fiish man And so here I was in this really great hotel and I didn't have time because I was only there really for a day And I didn't have time to really get out and do a lot of the touristy things So I thought you know what at least I'm here at least I'm laying eyes on it at least I'm experiencing it

And what I'll do is I'll get out and I'll walk around the city like from from my hotel I'll wander around and I get a feel for the people and the culture and the hustle and the bustle and so I got out in the streets and it's really interesting because right where my hotel was there's a lot of big giant high rises and stuff and then literally about three or four blocks in behind those buildings it just turned into what you'd think

it was like these really tight streets with markets and butcher shops and vegetable markets and fish and I got to be honest It kind of smelled, and they had chickens and cages, and they had fishes and fish tanks. I mean, the Chinese eat just about everything that moves in the ocean. I mean, I went into seafood markets that were literally the size of an American garage, okay, maybe smaller. And I saw more species of beautiful fish, shrimp, and lobsters, and crustaceans, and sea or,

And I mean, you'd use, I saw more in a little squished garage than I've ever seen at the fanciest aquarium all over the world. And these creatures weren't dead. This, at the fish markets in China, everything's alive, baby. And so, so I was seeing fish I'd never seen in my life. I'm like, what the hell is that? Where'd they get that? Oh my God, like beautiful fish with colors and speckles, like tropical fish. And I thought there was like three.

species of lobsters in the world, but apparently there's like 900. I was seeing lobsters that I looked like they came from the planet Ewalk or something. I mean, it was cool, and there was meat hanging everywhere, and there was people bustling and people lining up, and there was like intestines. And I mean, the Chinese eat at all, man. It's like fear factor over there. There were bowls with eyes. There were bowls with feet. There were bowls with foreheads. There were bowl with teeth. I mean, man, nothing goes to waste. And it's all hanging out there,

and I hate to say, there's a lot of flies on it and stuff, but people just stand there, and I guess they're getting it fresh. And so I wandered around there. And just to give you a little flavor of the market, I recorded a few minutes, and you can hear the sounds, and you can almost smell it,

and you can hear me talking to some of the merchants, even though I had, I didn't speak Chinese, but I thought I'll just talk, talk anyways and see what happens. And so here's a little clip of me live wandering the streets and the markets of Hong Kong, China. Well, here I am. Walking the streets of Hong Kong, but a vegetable market. Fresh Chinese broccoli. Chinese. Uh-oh, someone's making a purchase, hold on.

It's a big long, green, leafy. It's not, I don't think it's asparagus. Celery, no. Something I haven't seen before. Looks a little bit like seaweed. seaweed what is this one sir what is this one sir what is it eight dollar celery this morning glory you're looking for celery no I'm looking for morning glory I like that someone just bought some morning glory okay nothing

Beach. You think I'm going to take celery over morning glory? You've got to be out of your Chinese mind. Wow. Taking a whole bundle of morning glory, I'll tell you that much. Wow. Unbelievable. There's someone over, now I'm going over to the meat market. There's a lady literally picking up chicken feet and putting them in a pole. It's got delicious chicken feet how much of the chicken feet 12 dollars what's that chicken feet delicious chicken feet yes wow well we didn't get a very good reaction from her. Just how much of the chicken be 12. Oh wow, I got some fish, some live fish flipping around. Wow, what kind of fish, sir? This one?

This one? Lapo lapo. Wow, still alive. Yeah, live. How do you kill it? You shoot it? Geez, that thing's flapping around like Rosio Donald's underpants. Wow. Holy smoke. Oh, someone's grabbing a fish. Beautiful, oh, just, oh, you can hear it flapping.

Whoa, she's grabbing it. Wow, shrimp, I'm seeing shrimps and people pulling live fish around. Let's go over to this other meat market over here, see what we got. It really is a smorgasbord. All kinds of meat hanging out on hooks, ribs, and who knows what else. There's some pigs' feet. Looks like a heart.

I'm pretty sure that's a pig's heart hanging. Not that I'm a pig hard doctor, but I still I can't stop thinking about the morning glory. I gotta be honest about that. Oh, here's some barbecued duck. Hello. What's that one, barbecue duck? What's that one?

Duck. Ooh. And what's this one? Oh, well, chicken. Chicken and soy chicken. Soy chicken. Do you have any, barbecue? Do you have any morning glory?

Morning glory? Morning glory? delicious thank you wow oh go inside for lunchtime lunchtime yeah lunche lunche yes thank you sir oh what's this one is that a baby pigeon oh wow Well, good. Welcome. This is Cousy. Cousy.

Cousy. You're pointing to the duck's ass. Lucy Ducy. Loosin it up? Cousy. Lucy. I love Lucy. Lucy Duck.

Wow. He's pointing. Goose. Goose. Goosey. Okay, sorry. I thought you said I love Lucy. Goosey.

Okay. Wow. Pork. Pork. I still can't get around the baby pigeon. Wow. And what's this? A tongue?

A tongue from cow? He's pointed to his tongue. Wow. Don't grab the tongue. Yeah. Oh. Okay. Lunch time.

Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Bye-bye. Wow. So now I'm heading over to a seafood area and I'm seeing all kinds of crabs. Oh my God, look at all the live crabs, live shrimp. I see fish swimming around. Wow, some of these crabs are beautiful. They're like, they're like, they look like tigers. They're orange and yellow.

Hello. Hi, you ma'am. Yeah. Crabs. Delicious crabs. Oh boy, they got some of the crab bundled up. It looks like they're in bondage. They got their claws all tied up.

And I hate to say it, it looks like their claws might be tied up with morning glory. And, uh, whoa, these are some kinky ass crabs over here. We got fish. We've got giant seashells, little sardines. I mean, they put it all out here, man. All these fish are just flapping around. Carp. I see some carp.

Holy smokes, you know how you go to a seafood restaurant and you see the lobsters alive in the tank? Well, that's what they do here. They leave all the fish alive in the tank. Oh, here we go. Someone's ordering a live fish. Oh boy. Fresh live, I guess it can't get any pressure.

Wow, we just dumped like 10 live fish into a tank. They're just flipping all right. At least you know they're fresh. That's not a bad thing. Oh, he already's getting a net. You just netted a fish. Oh boy. Wow.

I don't know what he's ordering. Oh, a big one. Big one. I better get some video of this. All right, I'm signing off in the market for now, but wow, what an adventure right here in downtown Hong Kong. at the market, and it is morning, and I almost got some morning glory. Hallelujah. Oh, the morning glory.

Who doesn't want some of that? So there you go. I hope you enjoyed that. I was like, you know, seven, eight minutes of me just literally, you know, I was walking from stall to stall. Like one stall would be the fish, the next stall's veggies, the next stall's meat. It was like all the food groups. were there. And, you know, I just wanted you to hear it. It's really neat hearing the people

talks. I always find the Chinese language so interesting, the inflection and the sound and the speed and the, you know, I always find it fascinating that other people and other parts of the world communicate fluently in a completely different way of verbalizing. And other people like me can't understand one single word, but that's their official language. I find a pheasant it just sounds so cool. It's like, what, it's like, what? But it's just cool to hear. So I like, I hope you like that. I thought I'd record it just so you can kind of, you know, get sucked into it, feel the ambiance. I tried to paint a little picture for you of, you know, the crowded, smelly, tight little streets with all the stuff.

I actually took some video footage of it and I'm going to start posting some of it probably tonight on my Instagram. So you can actually, if you're interested in seeing what it actually looked like, I'll put up some little one-minute videos of where I actually was and you guys can kind of see it and not just hear it. So that'll be fun. won't that be fun that'll be fun uh so there you go and then like i said i i don't want i got too much to talk about so i'll tell you about cambodia and singapore on the next podcast but a

really fun adventure good times and uh i hope you're uh you're enjoying hearing about some of these uh little little trips that i go on uh but we'll we'll leave it there with the memories of the uh the chinese hong kong market and again check out my Instagram my Instagram address is at Harlan Williams or whatever you say it's just my name Harlan Williams there's a few imposter sites so be careful you don't get on those the the the profile picture for my official site is me with a white shirt and a black tie or I'm just kind of laying down looking kind of spiffy in a shirt and tie and then there's a few other imposter sites with a few members.

I think I've got like 20,000 followers or something. So if you see one that has less than like 10,000 followers, it's an imposter site. So I've got to get rid of those. But anyways, that's it for today. We'll hang it up here. And thank you to all the people who came out to see me in Arizona this past weekend in Phoenix. What a great, what a great,

outing we had. Thank you, Arizona. My next stand-up comedy gig will be in mid-June in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Winnipeg. And it's going to be a great show at Rumors, great comedy club in Manitoba. And that'll be June 14, 15, and 16. And we're going to have a lot of fun there. and then the following month in mid-July, July 12, 13, and 14,

I will be in Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarities, a great club. So go to harlomwilliams.com, get your tickets. And while you're there, check out our store. We have a great online store. Whoops, I hiccuped right there. I've been eating too much morning glory even. Too much morning glory, even. And also, while you're there, you can become a premium member on the Harland Highway for 20 bucks a year.

You can get every episode we've ever recorded as well as bonus material that I put up for premium members from time to time. And also, don't forget to get our free app on your cell phone. Just go to your app store, type in the Harland Highway podcast. Boom, you got it for free. You get the 50 latest episodes for no charge whatsoever. And hopefully I'll keep you entertained and laughing and being interested in things. And that's it, man. Thank you for everyone who's been watching Puppy Dog Pals.

We're getting ready to amp up season two of my Disney Jr. cartoon, Puppy Dog Pals. And we will give you the launch date for season two as it becomes available. but it should be coming fairly soon. I'm excited. So there you go. That's it for today. Thanks for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway podcast.

We always love bringing in more listeners. And that's it. Happy morning, glory. And until next time, because I was in Hong Kong, chicken, chameen, baby? Thank you.