The Harland Highway - 945 - KIM JONG UNG calls the show. STUPID selfies, STUPID stairs, STUPID cars!

Episode Date: June 4, 2018

KIM JONG UNG calls the show to discuss the peace talks. STUPID selfies, STUPID stairs, STUPID cars! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show, what a show, what a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy show. Okay, what am I, why am I, welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. Thank you for being here. Hello, everybody. I'm Harland Williams. I'm your host. Well, let's just stop it. Amazing show today, you know, with all the back and forth, with the nuclear summit between Kim Jong-un-un and President Trump.

Is it on? Is it off? What's happening? What are they going to do? We decided to take a call from Kim Jong-ung himself. He's going to be calling in and telling us what the hell is going on between him and Trump and these meetings. So this will be an amazing conversation. Also, speaking of presidents, we're going to talk about something that the president does that needs to be fixed. There's something that happens that the world watches and it needs to be fixed. Okay? Also, we're going to be talking. talking about cars. There's a question of the day regarding your vehicle. There's something really stupid going on with cars that we need to talk about. And then lastly, a crazy news story where someone took a selfie and it cost them their life. And we're going to talk about the stupidity of people dying, taking selfies. What is wrong with people? I mean, listening to this thing is as crazy as you want to get, because this is the Harland Highway. I have an announcement to me.

You're about to go down the Harland Highway. Lock the door. I don't want to be a product of my environment. Shut up. I want my environment to be a product of me. You're riding down the Harlan Highway. So, put off the fuck to get off this phone. I can get you off.

Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Ha! You're a cantaloupe. Dygon. Dagon. All right, hold tight on the Holland Highway show.

I'm ashamed, big daddy. That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk I can stand myself. Keep bleeding on that tutor, Charlie, and you're going to get a shot in the mouth. Act like a man. What's about you? I wasn't really sure what was... You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit and you know it.

Hey, can I make a suggestion here, please? When the president and the first lady come out of their airplane, okay? Have you ever seen them when they arrive? The doors of the Air Force One, the president's private 747, the doors open, the doors open. and there's a guy there in a suit who comes out and there's soldiers standing there saluting. It's all very regal and formal and presidential and majestic. And they make this grandiose entrance,

and they walk out of the plane, and they're standing up there on the platform, waving and beaming and acknowledging their constituents. acknowledging the American people, acknowledging the military. There's cameras rolling from all over the world, and they're well-dressed, they're well-groom, their hair's all dapper, and they look very regal. They're representing the most powerful country on planet Earth.

And since we don't know of any other life forms in the universe, other than what's contained on Earth. They are the most powerful beings in the universe next to God, if you think about it. I just realize that. That's pretty profound. And so here they are. Presenting to the world,

the most powerful people on the planet. And they walk out on the platform, they stand there, and then they proceed to walk. down the clunkiest, medalliest, awkwardest, most haphazard, dangerous, steep, long set of stairs I've ever seen in my life. Have you seen this? And then, you know, the president's grabbing the railing, and he's like praying he doesn't

stumble down. What is it, about 80 feet to the bottom? And then the first lady, even worse, she's got her beautiful, uh, high-heel shoes on in most cases and she's like hanging on for dear life like she's rock climbing or she's on in the front car of a roller coaster and they just look so like scared it's so precarious it's like watching a tightrope walk or go across niagara falls it's just like it's like are they gonna make it oh oh she wobbled i just saw her ankle wobble oh my god he just about stony he almost took a misstep i mean most of our presidents are elderly

Okay, they're northwards of 65, 70 years old. Walking downstairs is never good for seniors, okay? As much as we don't like to think of our presidents as seniors that most of them are. I don't even like my dad walking down like 12 carpeted stairs in his gated elderly community. I get nuts in my stomach, and here's, you know, the president. of the United States, whoever it may be, Clinton or Bush or Obama or Trump, whoever it is. I'm just waiting for it.

I think there's footage on YouTube of President Gerald Ford who did fall down the steps coming off the airplane. And like I said, for the women, it's even more of an obstacle course. You ever seen a woman on a sidewalk trying to, to walk over a sewer grate with her heels, she's got a tiptoe, she's, that the sewer grate just want to eat her shoes alive. And so every airport these president and the first lady go to, they roll up this giant

long staircase made out of metal, clunky like metal, which if they do fall, it's not going to be pretty, it's going to be painful. and I'm thinking with all the money we have in this country, with all the money we spend on ridiculous things and we waste, you know, do you think maybe just for cosmetic appearances, I'd be willing to have it come out of my tax dollars. It's a little bit of an extravagance, but how hard is it for every major airport to have a,

special set of presidential stairs with a little moving escalator on it. So that when our regal president and the first lady step off the airplane, they get on the platform and they just glide to the ground, almost like Jesus walking across the sea of Galilee. Just an otherworldly float like they're hovering down. It's like aliens that have blessed us to be on the terrestrial plane. with us. Almost think they're beaming down. They just, they just seamlessly walk out of this giant blue aircraft, wave to the crowd, and slowly float to the ground elegantly, waving and smiling

and acknowledging the citizens of planet Earth. And then they gently get, you know, hit the ground and just step off. Instead of watching this horror show where it raises my blood pressure and I'm biting my nails. I break out into a sweat. I'm crossing my legs. I don't know why I cross my legs. My toes are curled up. My teeth are chattering. You know, my heart starts palpitating. I'm like, oh my God, are they going to make it down the stairs? Oh, Christ. Oh, she wobbled. Oh, my God. Oh, he teetered. Oh, my God. They're only down four steps, and I think I'm having a heart attack. I mean, come on, man. Don't we want our presidents, whoever they may be, Democrat or Republican, to look good?

And in this age we live in of electronics, I mean, man, we've got escalators that go from the ticketing center down to the baggage claim at the airport. I've seen escalators in malls in the ghetto. I've seen escalators at the Motel 6. I've seen escalator that, you know, come on, man. How beautiful would it be to just roll up the matching blue? It could be the Air Force One escalator. It could have the logo on the side of the President of the United States. It rolls up.

It's already there. When they walk out, they just slide down. and we don't have to deal with taking blood pressure pills to watch our representatives arrive. It just looks ridiculous, man. So let's get on that. That's just my opening suggestion for today's podcast. Let's get our presidents and whoever they are

because somebody's always got it, whether it's Democrat or Republic. I don't care. it's what I hate about today's climate you can say anything and someone listening you go oh you just want to give Trump an escalator you love Trump it's like no I said presidents it's just you can't talk about anything these days without people going ape shit

that's ridiculous so let's get on it let's let's get the presidential uh escalator going and let's smooth out the arrival of the universes next to God, most powerful entities. Boom. Second floor, hardware, children's wear, ladies lingerie. Oh, good morning, Mr. Tyler.

Going down. All right, yes, yes, Mr. Tyler. Uh-huh. Well, listen, speaking of wood, um, uh, has anyone noticed this when you're buying a new car? Okay, a car that's made out of metal and fiberglass and, uh, aluminum and, uh, you know, all these modern, uh, you know, man-made materials, and then you go to the car dealership

or your friends show you their new car, and the car dealers like, and how about a wood grain panel? How about the glove box looks like honey, maple, walnut? How about the little armrest here? We've got it embedded with a Norwegian pine. a finely glazed uh vermont maple uh dashboard you know when you get in your friend's car oh yeah look at this man power seats i got like uh you know uh great stereo system i got a leather steering wheel i got power steering power brakes i know dude check out oh my god check out

the beachwood nut chestnut fucking uh front panel here man and look at the side of your doors you see the side of your doors right on your door handle guess watch birch bark bro

yeah birch bark i i could make a canoe with my fucking door handles bro it's like what what's what the wood in the car it just feels kind of weird but it's like it's one of those things like when you go into someone's house oh we have granite countertops

oh it's all granite our sink and our oh everything's granite we've got granite in our kitchen and we've got wood in our car I mean does it get I mean who are we someone bring me some caviar

and a bottle of champagne we have granite countertops and wood wood paneling in our car It just kind of doesn't fit And when you look at it It's like you know they love to show the grain of the wood It's not even like a smooth wood It's like look at the grain

It's like okay it's a car Cars are not made out of wood Okay you know it's made out of wood Covered wagons When the pioneers crossed the great plains And the mountain ranges Before the automobile was even invented.

That's when vehicles were wood, okay? I mean, if I want a wood vehicle, I'll go to IKEA and get a bunch of bookshelves and form a car. I'll put together a car with an Allen wrench. I'll call it, I won't call it a Kia. I'll call it an IKEA. Okay? Why is everyone so obsessed with wood in their car? and then on top of that it's not even real wood it's like a fabricated fake wood okay look dude okay i've got

like scotch pine on my dashboard right but here's the kicker bro it's not even real it's like fake oh so it's like wallpaper wood no man it's not wallpaper wood bro it's like it's like real wood right okay but it's fake okay so it's real fake No, bro, you're missing the point. It's wood. You know, I mean, who cares? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offered discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. it just it doesn't it's kind of weird and outdated and and uh it's kind of odd you know why don't you put something more modern in there yeah i've got kryptonite on my dashboard man yeah from the planet krypton you see that green glowing stuff bro that's krypton yeah i've got like velvet i've got like a velvet dashboard bro touch it isn't that soft so sexual. I've got the most sexual dashboard ever. It's pure velvet. And I've got, in the back,

I've got, my back seats are green shag carpet. Yeah. Three inch shag carpet from the 70s. Unbelievable. Like, I don't know. If it's just about textures, okay, but wood doesn't really make sense to me. So there you go. Just thinking out loud. Maybe that's the Harland Highway question of the day. Why do we need wood in our metal cars? Yeah, that's official. Roger, let's make that. I know it's on the back end, but that's official.

Why? Just make it the Harlan Highway question of the day. Thank you. The Harland Highway Question of the day. And speaking of questions, what the heck's going on with the North Korea summit, the talks with Trump and Kim Jong-ung, are they going to happen? Aren't they going to happen? They're on again. They're off again. It looks like it might, and then it's not. And then Trump's sending letters saying it's not. And then it looks like it might. And so just to cut through all the confusion, apparently Kim Jong-un is a huge fan of the Harland Highway. And we thought, why the heck not, like, reach out to him and just, like, go right to the source and ask Kim Jong-ung, what the hell's going on?

And if these talks or whatever is going on in his head about denuclearization or anything like that, why don't we just talk to him? So, Roger, do we have North Korea on the line? We do. Okay, great. Okay, here we go, gang. We are about to talk to the mysterious leader of North Korea. Here we go. Kim Jong-ung.

Hello, Mr. Ung? You got to pronounce it properly, man. Yes, I said Mr. Oom? No, oh, my God. What the matter with you, man? It's pronounced Ong. Excuse me? You American, you pronounce my name wrong, it's not all.

It's un. Um, okay, uh, Kim Jong. Uh, there you go. Now you got it. Holy frock, what the hell to matter with you? Well, I don't know. I'm not Korean. I don't know the... Uh, hello, North Korean. We don't say Korean, okay? Well, why not? Uh, because there's a difference, funny guy, okay?

The North Korean and South Korean. We don't just... say, uh, they were not the general neutral, like you people in the United States. Okay, um... You got it? In North Korean, not just Korean. You, when you say Korean, you mix it all around. What the matter with you? Okay, geez, you're a little testy today.

Well, what you want me to be? I got, uh, you know, 45 nuclear bomb. I got the red button here. Uh, you say the wrong thing. I fucking, uh, turn you into our fucking mushroom. crowd. You'll turn me into a mushroom cloud. You heard me to Pinky Tuscadero?

Pinky Tuscadero. Yeah, that's right. I watch American TV. I know. Pinky Tuscadero was a character from Happy Days in like the 70s. Oh, yeah. Try trick to, try him, Jim Jong. I'm not trying to trick you, but that's a very old.

reference. Yeah, right. Nice try there. Molly Ringwald. Molly Ringwald. Yeah, you don't think I watch 16 a candle, the movie coming out? 16 Candle or Pretty and Prink? You don't think I know about the Murray Ringwall?

Okay, again, those are old movies. Oh, nice a try, a funny guy. Morrie Ring or Wall, she a hot piece of freckled ass. Excuse me, sir? You heard me? She's a hot piece of a freckled ass. Molly Ringwald is not a hot piece of freckled ass, sir. She's an actress.

Yeah, she's a wide and freckery, hoary, fuck. Look like, you know, maybe someone dropped Marie Ringwald in a chocolate chip machine. Chips a hoi. Sir? Chips a hoy, sailor. Sir, you don't say Chips Ahoi Sailor about Molly Ringwald. And you don't tell me what to do. I'm Kim Jong-oh. So here I go. Chips-a-hoi, Sarah.

Sir? Molly Ringwald, is that you? Sir. Chips-a-hoi, Sarah. Sir, you don't say chips-ahoy to Molly Ringwald because she's covered in freckles. Yeah, well, how about I say, fuck you on a seven-buck-pound hamburger bun? Sir, can we get to the cut to the chase? Okay, Sarah.

Sir! Don't you raise your voice of me? I got red button here, funny guy. I turn you into a big bowl of mushroom crowd soup all of a sudden. Mushroom cloud soup. Yeah, that's right. You ever had it? It's really hot.

It's really spricy. And it's all fucking puffy like Mari Ringwald's freckled ass shit. Sir, would you get off a Molly Ringwald, please? Oh, get off of her? I'd never even been on her, but boy, oh boy, sound really good. Sir! Why are you off with me?

Well, don't get mad at me. I was calling about the whole the talks with Donald Trump. Oh, on again, off again, on again, off again. Kind of like your wife, huh? Sir! Yeah, I bet your wife get on again off again, all night wrong on again off again all like all over the plate sir first of all i'm not married and my wife

doesn't get on again off again all night long yeah well that's not what they tell me down at the the lawn bowling club the lawn bowling club yeah that's right and guess who a member have my lawn bowling club funny guy who molly ringwall molly ringwall does not she's not a member of your law bowling club yeah you know you a member of funny guy what your fat fucking face that's what sir can we what is going on with the peace talks well let me tell it to you in a song in a song yeah okay I'd write to buy the world of coke in perfect harmony I'd like to buy the word of coke in perfect harmony everybody I'd like to sir stop it to buy the world cut it out I don't like the way you scream

and be funny guy maybe I uh you know maybe I send Captain Murray Ringwald to your house and she shake, shake, shake all night long and spray freckle all over your face. Sir, you can't shake freckles off your skin. Well, if Murray Ringwald starts shaking like a wet dog, I think all those freckle going to fly off and land all over you, and you're going to walk around the town,

and we're going to go, hey, look at a fucking Maury Ringwald fuck face. All fucking speckled up, Maury Ringwald fuck face. Would you stop? What is? going on with the peace talks god well i told you they on again and they off again okay and guess what else on again off again sir your fat fucking wife i don't have a look if you're not going to say anything

that makes any sense i'm going to end this call oh you don't tell me what you're going to end funny face okay i got red fucking button here okay i press this button and guess what crever in the Ohio turned into a big ball a French onion soup. How about that? Cleveland, Ohio. That's right. I got one, I got a mushroom crab bomb. Pointed right of Cleveland.

Okay, why Cleveland, of all places? Because that's where Murray Ringwell was born, funny face. Sir, if you could... Oh, I got you. I got you really good. So good to all the people in your. your town or village probably call you

fuck-face McFat-Fuckins. No one calls me Fat-Face McFatkins. What is wrong with you? So, you want to know about the priest talk, right? Yes, finally. Thank you. Okay, okay.

Maybe it on again. Maybe that's the way Kim Jong-oh is fearing right now. So you're feeling like you're going to do the peace talks again? Maybe. I'm not to say yes and I not say no. But I say maybe, and sometimes that's good enough. Sometimes that all you need.

If no doesn't work and yes doesn't work, in the middle you got maybe, and maybe sometimes maybe going to work. Maybe sometimes get you all the way home. When you can't, don't think you're going to go to distance, you can go not yes or not no, but then maybe. And then you're in the middle. Sir, you are rambling.

Can you stop? Maybe I could stop Or maybe I keep going Sir! Don't you raise your voice at me Funny boy I got a red button here I'm going to press this button

And I go launch my fucking giant Missile right through the sky And they're going to land all over your fat fucking face And it's going to turn your face In the cream of asparagus fucking mushroom crowd soup What is with you in the soup?

I don't know. I write soup. Sir, are we going to see you denuclearize the Korean Peninsula or not? Hey, what you say about my peninsula? I said, are you going to denuclearize your peninsula? Hey, what do you know about my peninsula, funny guy? Sir, wait a minute. Yeah, oh, I see which way you like to roll. Oh, you like to talk about Kim Jong-Hong Peninsula, huh?

Wait a minute, what are you inferring? I think maybe somebody like the boys. I don't like the boys, I said, Peninsula. Uh-huh. Chim Jong-oh, hear what you say. You want to see Kim Jong-oh's pouring surah, funny guy? Sir, if you're implying what I think you're implying... Maybe me and you, we go grow up some sweeping bags.

We climb up brokeback mountain, and in the middle of the night, under the mood, you can look at Kim Jong-Oh's peninsula, huh? I'm not even going to acknowledge that. You are testing my patience. Now, this is probably, they say, and I'm sorry, sir, but they say in the media that you are a madman, and... Who say I'm a madman? You tell me right now. You give me name and number and... address and I pressed this red button and I said bomb. I sent bomb right up there, fat fucking thingy. What is a thingy? You know, the thingy on the left side of your ass cheek or on the right side, but in the middle. In the middle?

Yeah, they don't get the thingy and it almost looked like a red button. Are you talking about... You know, I sent a bomb up that thingy in the middle. Are you talking about someone's butthole? Oh, there you go. Now you put the mystery to get a Nancy Drew. I'm not Nancy Drew. Oh, maybe you're the hardy boy then, huh?

Maybe you'd like to go up to broke back a mountain. Maybe you're the hardy boy. I'm not the hardy boy. What is wrong with you? I'll tell you what's wrong with me, funny guy. I'm Kim Jong-Ohan, and I am the ruler of North Korea, and nobody pushing me. around. Nobody tell me they want to have a peace treaty. Nobody tell me to denuclearize my

peninsula and nobody ordered me around. I'm a number one boss. I wear a t-shirt that say, I kick ass. You wear a t-shirt that says, I kick ass. You better believe it, bubblegum balls. Bubble gum balls. You heard me. So nobody, I mean, nobody's going to push me around, not a president of Trump, not a president of Carter, not a president of Carter, not a president of Clinton, not a president of Bush, nobody, not even president of Kentucky Fried Chicken. What? President of Kentucky Fried Chicken? Yeah, you know the guy with the beard, the Colonel?

The Colonel. Yeah, the Colonel President of Kentucky Fried Chicken. The Colonel Saunders is not a president. He's a spokesperson for, he's the brand of a fried chicken thing. Yeah, I see his picture on the side of Mount Rushmore, funny guy. Mount Rushmore. Yeah, I look at the, I see Teddy Roosevelt, I see George Washington, I see Colonel Sonder, I see Abe Rankin.

No, no, Colonel Saunders is not on round Mush. Oh, you almost said Mushroom, didn't you? Because you know, I'm going to send a mushroom crowd straight up your red button in your Pinky Winky. You know, this is just ridiculous. You are a madman. Nothing is making sense. Colonel Saunders on Mount Rushmore?

That's right. You like it crispy or you like it spicy, funny guy. Okay, I'm done. This is just annoying the living fuck out of me. Oh, I'll tell you what gonna annoy the fuck out of you when Maury Ringwald standing on a bend of your band with a banjo singing fucking Billy Joel song

Molly Ringwald standing on the end of my bed with a banjo singing Molly Ring singing Billy Joel songs That's right Oh, preemie song I'm the pial man

You got us doing all right Sir We're all in a mood For Molly Ringwald And you got freckles all over your fucking fat pudgy fucking fat red fucking face. Sir, goodbye. Fuck you, Hom Slice.

Holy... Wow! Roger! That guy is nuts! Fuck you, Hom Slice? What is... What is his obsession with Molly Ringwald? I... Wow! I mean, I...

get it now i get it why they say he's a madman that that that then man that to think that this guy has his finger on on a nuclear button now i i understand more than ever how dangerous this this guy is off his freaking rocker man people want to call trump crazy how about this guy molly ringwald mushroom soup billy joel uh who knows why i can't even And remember what this nut said. Holy shit. Let's move on. Since we're on the theme of crazy,

can we just get to some good old-fashioned homegrown crazy and do a... What a... That was unbelievable. Let's do a crazy new story of our own and at least try and bring this back down to planet Earth. Oh, my God. Molly Ringwald's freckled ass flaps. Good God.

The Harland Highway Crazy news stories That's weird That's strange stuff Okay Let's let's do it Speaking of crazy Kim Jong

is not the only crazy on the planet A lot of us here at home Are just as crazy If not more crazy Here's the headline And You just shake your head head

You wonder when people will learn. Here's the headline, Injured Bear, Fatally Malsman, who attempted to take a selfie with it. What the hell is rough? You and you, these people obsessed with selfies. Now, before I get into this story, just like last week, there was some footage on the news of a family that were on safari driving around in Africa. And the mother, the father, and the mother holding a baby in her arms got out of a freaking car to go and get selfies with some wild cheetahs that were there. And naturally, the cheetahs being predators turned on the family and started stalking them. And the footage shows these people desperately running back to their car.

the cheetah's closing in and, you know, if the car had been any further away, luckily they made it, but they would have been eaten alive. And I'm sure the baby would have gone first. So people are just idiots. Well, let's get into this story. A man in India was mauled to death. Okay, this guy died by an injured bear after attempting to take a selfie with the animal. Forest Department officials said that the man was attacked by the bear

in the eastern Indian state of Odshy last week. So note to you campers, stay the hell out of Odshy. Although warned not to approach the bear by his fellow campers, Prabuba Bahatra Prabuba Bahatra I mean even yelling for help That name, you just don't hear the Run!

Prohuba! Run! Prohuba even sounds like, wasn't that the name of the bear in the jungle book? Prohuba? Or baluba or something? Apparently poor Prohuba

Bahatra got too close to the bear which chased and fatally mauled him. Bahuba, who was traveling back from a wedding, died on the spot, the forest ranger said. A stray dog attacked the bear while it was mauling Bahatra, but was unable to save him. Well, that's a pretty brave stray dog. I mean, usually dogs are attached to an owner, and the dog will, like, you know, go nuts if you go near the... But outside of the owner, it's rare that a dog would just stick up for a huge.

Normally, they're like, I don't know you. Screw you. Go get eaten by a bear, dude. I don't know you. Wait, is that Prohuba Bahatra? Hold on. Hey, oh my God. Bahabahatra's getting attacked by a bear.

Isn't it interesting how, just a little side note, how this is a human being that none of us would ever have known about for eternity in our lifetimes. Okay? Some guy in a remote part of the human. of India in the middle of nowhere that we never would have known his name, we wouldn't have known

that he was a sperm cell, we wouldn't have known he existed and now here we are talking about this human being and I hate to say it but I'm joking about it a little bit but it is crazy because at the end of it a guy

got eaten killed by a bear so I'm sad about it but I'm trying to make light of it to a degree but here's this guy that he would have come and gone and none of us would have even known he existed in the universe and now at least he's been commemorated a little bit because we're talking about pahabra butra you know just get those bare necessities

those simple bareness set out no I'm not going to go there that's jungle bark but So here we are talking about a guy We never would have known And you got to ask yourself You know, why would you be dumb enough to go take a selfie with a bear? I mean, even a bear in a cage makes me worried. There's also footage online if you want to see it

Go to YouTube and type in Panda Bear grabs Man Who Gets too close to cage There's video footage of a guy The lovable little gooey-eyed panda bear That everyone loves You should see this thing There's this Asian guy gets too close to the cage

I think he's doing a selfie or something And his cuddly little panda bear That we all have reaches through And grabs this guy violently And pulls him through the bars of the cage halfway And he's chewing on his arm and his jacket I mean man nature is not your friend, okay?

Stop thinking that nature is cuddly and your little buddy and that you should take pictures every chance you get. Are you nuts? I'm one to speak. I've been charged at by a few critters in my day. But I wasn't taunting them. I wasn't trying to get selfies with them. The attack took place.

on Wednesday evening after tranquilizing the bear officials were able to recover Bahatra's body. Ooh, what does that mean? Does that mean that the bear ate part of them? Or was the bear just like standing over him, eating them or something? Yikes. A number of selfie-related deaths have occurred in recent years, many of which were in India.

The paper there reports that a youth was killed when he tried to take a selfie with a wild elephant last year. Another story, someone was trampled to death by an elephant when he attempted to take a selfie with the animal. So here you go, man. Note to self. Like, what is the end game? You know, what's the upside to taking a selfie with a wild animal?

You know, your small circle of friends? How many friends do most of us have? 5, 10, 25, maybe if we're really popular, we have 40 friends? Let's just say you have 40 friends. Okay, 40 friends get to see you standing with a bear. 40 of your friends probably don't, you know, half of them, 18 of your friends probably don't even know what a bear is. You know, 25 of your friends probably don't give a crap.

and 49 of your friends probably think you're a retard for standing in front of a wild bear. So there's no real upside, man. It's not like you won the Stanley Cup or the Super Bowl and your name's going to be engraved on a wall. On this day, Bouchardy Bbingbong stood beside a wild bear. But put this in the history books. But unfortunately, what did get you more. notoriety and more notice got you international fame for four seconds and you'll never know it because you're dead idiot you got mauled by the bear that you were hoping would would make 40 of your

friends get all fired up and instead you paid the price for your life and now half the world knows what an idiot you are so there's no real upside really to taking a picture with a wild animal it just can't really turn out well so note to yourselves you know if you need to get a picture with a wild animal how about a robin a sparrow

oh look there's a squirrel hey it's been raining there's some worms on the ground let's get a picture with the worms they're wild hey what's that a hummingbird click oh hey guys look at my selfie a wild hummingbird the the size of a spool of thread yep that's me right there in

front of it hey a crow whoops a daisy oh what's that a seagull click aren't I a courageous guy click seagull I mean come on man so there you go there's there's your crazy news story don't be an idiot stay the hell away from wild animals and get your selfie on with a freaking gopher or something. I rest my case and rest in peace, badundar, Bedindadonger, whatever the hell your name is. So we'll leave it there. We'll leave the show in memory of Bedindabar to Bandabbar. And let's tidy things up here with a few announcements.

what do we what do we got going on man uh just to let you know i will be doing some stand-up comedy up in canada yes sir i'll be in a winnipeg manitoba at a club called rumors comedy club that'll be uh june 14 15 and 16 what a treat uh great club gonna be be gone home and performing for my my country people if you don't know i was born and raised in canada so those those are those are my country people my original country people and i'm excited to go back so if you're if you're out west western canada or central canada wherever manitoba lies they say it's the west but it's i think it's right in the middle sort of winnipeg rumors uh june 14 15 And then the following month in Cleveland, Ohio, isn't that where Molly Ringwald's from?

July 12, 13, and 14. I'll be at hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio, amazing club, great club. All these dates can be found on my website, harlandwilliams.com. You can pre-order your tickets. And then on July 24th, this will be fun. I'll be on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon talking about stuff. Who knows what. But we'll have a good time with Jimmy.

This will be my second time on the Tonight Show. So that's Tuesday, July 24th. Also, while you're at the website, harlomwilliams.com, don't forget you can write to me. You can leave me an email. We have a contact link there. Or if you'd rather leave me a voicemail. I'm at 3-2-3-7-39-4-3-30.

It takes about 7 or 8 rings before the answering service picks up, so don't get discouraged. 3-2-3-7-9-4-3-30. And if you have something to say and you want to leave me a message, go for it, man. I love hearing from you. I might put your voicemail on the show. How about that, you knucklehead? Also, while you're at harloweems.com, check out our store.

We have a great store with all kinds of merch, t-shirts, and artwork and CDs and movies and comedy specials and all that stuff. Don't forget our free app. You can get the app on your app store, on your cell phone. Just type in the Harlan Highway. Boom. You can listen to the show wherever you go. You can be gardening. You can be picking blueberries.

You can be painting. looking at the clouds. It's totally free. You get the 50 latest episodes totally free. And if you're addicted to the podcast and you want all the episodes, which is almost a thousand, we're at 945. Can you believe this? You can get the whole collection for just $20 by joining our premium membership.

Okay? And you can do that at the website. It's $20 a year. You get all the episodes plus every now and then when I have time, I throw in some bonus material and you get to hear that. You and only you. Or sometimes people will hear it, but later. You guys get to hear it first before everyone else.

So it's a good deal for 20 bucks. It's literally probably two years worth of entertainment. It would probably take you two years to listen to every episode. It's ridiculous. So there you go. And that's it, man. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. And, you know, we want everyone to have some fun, have some laughs.

And there you go. That's all we got for today. Thank you so much for being here. And in honor of Kim Jong-un, until next time, chicken. Chalman, baby. Oh, on again, off again, on again, off again. Kind of like your wife. Huh?

Oh? Oh! Oh! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.