The Harland Highway - 949 - BBQ EDDY is back! Man calls who lost 6 kids at the border. Crazy news story!

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

BBQ EDDY is back! A man calls the show who lost his 6 kids at the Mexican border. Crazy news story! And, Harland injuries! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summertime, and the living is easy. No, it's not easy in the summertime, especially for Barbecue Eddie, who's back. Oh, yeah, you know Summer's officially here when Barbecue Eddie starts putting out the phone calls for a barbecue. So let's see what happens. Let's see if Barbecue Eddie connects today and scores a barbecue. also a crazy news stories speaking about food have you ever steamed food yeah well wait you hear what some girl steamed uh during this crazy news story yeah yeah okay and I'm going to tell you a little story about a pain I went through recently

I had a little injury and it kind of kind of uh Went from one injury to another injury down in the family jewel area. So wait, do you hear about that nightmare I had? Also, we're going to be talking to a man who was separated from his six children at the border, a Mexican man who lost his six children down at the border. It's a heart-wrenching phone call I can imagine that we're going to have where he tells us about the horrific events where he's been separated from his six children for six months. So buckle in, man.

Here we go. This is the Harland Highway. I have an announcement to me. You're about to go down the Harland Highway. Lock the door. I don't want to be a product of my environment. Shut up. I want my environment to be a product of me.

You're writing down. the Harlan Highway. So, put off the fuck to get off this phone. I can get you off. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Ha!

You're a cantalup. Tide on. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. I'm ashamed, big daddy. That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk, I can stand myself. Bleeding on that tutor, Charlie, and you're going to get a shot in the mouth. Act like a man! What's the matter with you?

I wasn't really sure what was going on. You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit, and you know it. Ah, yes, the rest is BS, and you know it. Oh, you know it. Don't you're right down inside your soul. You know it, you know, it's just a bunch of BS. Way down deep in your soul.

How are you today, there fellas? Ladies and fellas. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. It is yours truly. Back in the saddle again. Okay, we were a day late last podcast because I had a little health issue and it's a weird one. It's one of these unexplainable ones, but they happen and they remind you how grateful we must always be just to be in motion, a human body in motion. So I woke up, like late last week, and all of a sudden I had a little cramp in my upper thigh.

And I'm like, oh, that's nothing, you know. I hike, I go up, I hike up the sides of giant hills over here in Los Angeles. I play racquetball aggressively at least two, three times a week, like aggressively. Like, racquetball is lunging and weaving and, I mean, jumping. It works your leg muscles like, like, you know, like nothing else. So I wake up and I got this little kind of, oh, there's a little, a little twinge in my upper thigh. And I'm like, okay, that's nothing, you know. And as the day went on, it got, it got more and more and more and more.

And by evening, I was like, holy God. So my right leg was like, I was having trouble bending it. Like just to take my pants down and put my pajamas on at night. Yeah, that's right. I wear pajamas, little fuzzy ones. Just to bend my leg and put my leg in the leg of my pajamas, my little fuzzy ones. It was painful, man. I was having trouble getting up off the couch.

I was getting trouble rolling into bed. And then over the next two days it got worse where I was like, Like, dudes, I was having trouble walking. Like, I was, like, hobbling, like an old man. And I was like, oh, my God, this literally came out of nowhere, okay? So somehow, whether it could have been in my sleep, it could have been getting out of my car, it could have been walking, I must have pinched or stressed a muscle

or a tendon or something up in my upper leg. And it hurt, but it wasn't like brutal. But still it hurts. So I thought, you know, just to be sure it's not a blood clot or it's not a tumor or it's not an alien laid an egg in my leg or so, you know, I thought I'll just go to the ER and have them check it out. So I go down to the ER and I went in and they did an x-ray and they did a, what are those things called where they looked for babies, the ultrasound. I joked to the guy, said, let me know if you find any puppies, I'll give you one. But everything was perfectly clear. They took x-rays.

Everything was great. And it was one of those things where they go, look, Mr. Williams, we really can't explain it. You know, it's probably just you pin something. And I think they're right. But, you know, whenever you almost can't walk, you don't want to just wait on things. You know, one of the worst things you can do is wait on things, especially if it was a blood clot, right? Blood clots, they'll sit and then start to move through your body. get into your lungs or your brain you're a dead man so i'm glad i went they gave me crutches and of course

what always happens right the next day after you go to the hospital suddenly oh i can it's kind of gone i can kind of walk again so everything's good but i was like down on my butt i couldn't sit comfortably i couldn't get into the studio it was just really tough on me so so i was a day late and and here's I mentioned on the last podcast, forget about the pain in my leg. And for people who are sensitive, you don't want to listen to this next part. I can't believe I'm even going to share this next part. But I must because it's my podcast, even. Something else hurt a lot more than my leg.

And I'll tell you what it was. You know, in order to kind of, you know, treat my leg, I went down to the pharmacy and you get the bandages and you get the tiger bomb and you get the aspirin and you know, you get everything you can that a doctor won't give you to help you through, right? So I got tiger bomb. I've never used, I think I've used tiger bomb once before on a shoulder. I had a sore neck years ago and I was like, ah. So then I'll get some tiger bomb, you know, that deep penetrating stuff that goes right through to your muscles

and helps loosen them up and cool them down. So before I went to bed, I slathered my upper thigh and my inner thigh. Don't get turned on anybody. It's not that pretty. I slathered my thigh, inner thigh with tiger bomb. And I'm thinking, this will feel good. You know, it'll tingle right through, and it'll, like, feel nice. But what I didn't count on happening Lirtle Burdens and Dingle Dawkins is

sometimes when you lay down when you're a man you have these two little things that hang between your legs called ballies yeah your little balls and guess where the balls like to rest when they're laying down

they like to rest on your inner thigh they like to rest on your leg wherever they can find a nesting ground your balls will build a little nest Looks like my little friends decided to nest right on top of Tiger Bomb City. Not both of them, just the right one. So the right one decided to lay its head down for the evening right on my inner thigh

where I had just applied generous portions of Tiger Bomb. Now at first, I didn't notice anything, but then a slight little tingling in my right nut. and then more, and then more, and then, whoa, holy crap! And just so you know, the ladies don't know this, but the men know this, the skin on the so-called nutbag is very thin. It's a very thin skin, okay?

It's not thick and hearty, like the skin on your heel or the ball of your big toe. You know, remember the nutbag never gets out into the open. It never gets out in plays. It never gets out in the sunshine. So it's like paper thin, man. You could do origami with the skin on your nutbag. You could fold your nuts into a little swan or a dock or a rhinoceros if you wanted to.

It's that thin. You could fold your nuts skin into a paper airplane and fly it into your belly button if you wanted to. I'm not saying you should. so now I got the tiger bomb on my right Boing Boing and it starts doing what Tiger Bomb does penetrating the skin into the tissue and the muscle underneath and I'm like oh my God it felt like somebody threw my nut into a walk

okay a walk with hot peanut oil or vegetable it was just cooking man and I was like oh I got a rag and I got ice water on it and I'm like washing my right nut like a car wash guy scrubbing down a BMW. I'm just scrubbing and scraping and oh my God. Woo! Suddenly I forgot about my sore leg, I'll tell you that. So that lasted, thank God it only lasted about five minutes. It peaked at about two and a half minutes and then it subsided at about, you know, five minutes.

Well, that was some of the most excruciating. It's not like I was going to die, but it was not something I saw coming. I'll tell you that much. So now I'm worried, you know, my sperm cells are like, you know, who knows what happens after you get tiger bomb up. Maybe I'll have Asian kids. I don't know. So there you go. Hope you're not eating Chinese food for dinner tonight.

If you do, stay away from the chicken balls. I think that's a pretty important point that our caller brings up. And that's what I love about this podcast. You know, not a lot of podcasts have people calling in and voicing their opinions and their points of view. and when you hear riveting, cohesive, intelligent, intellectual statements like we just heard from one of the pavement pounders, you just go, wow, wow, where do they dig that stuff up? How can I get that deep?

Where do I go to get enriched in the way that this person is that just left this wonderful message? I mean, unbelievable. So thank you for the call. Unbelievable. Important, important call. And, boy, thank you so very much for sharing your insights and your knowledge with our listeners, with me, with the whole world. I mean, you know, you walk around every day and you go, where are the great thinkers? Where are the deep thinkers? Where? Where are they?

And boom, out of the blue, one of them calls in and leaves a message on the Harland Highway. So thank you so much for that. If you'd like to call me, you can leave a message, too. I doubt you'll be able to top that one. I don't know if there's anyone as intellectual enough, but if you are, we'd love to hear from you. 323-739, 43-3-3-3-9, 43-9, 43-3-3-3-3-3-3. Ah-ha-ham!

Ah-ham! And, uh... to you too, sir. The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. That's strange stuff. All right.

We are crazy. When I read headlines like this, okay, I really think we are crazy. Here's the crazy news headline for today. And maybe it's appropriate after I confess to my tiger bomb bawling. This crazy news story maybe fits in. Here it is. Chrissy Teigen, I guess she's a model. Chrissy Teigen tried Gwyneth Paltrow approved vaginal steaming.

But should you, question mark? First of all, I had no idea there was so much thing as such a thing as vaginal steaming. I'm tongue-tied because I'm picturing a seafood restaurant right now. And also, I didn't realize that Gwyneth Paltrow, the actress, had approved it. Since when has Gwyneth Paltrow got to approve the steaming of the J-Js? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreet shipping.

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That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So here's the article. Gwyneth Paltrow would be so proud Chrissy Teigen

has given vaginal steaming a whirl. Did you ever think you'd hear that sentence in your whole life? Giving vaginal steaming a whirl. I don't know. If that's not a new ride at Disneyland, I don't know what is. It's the vaginal steaming whirl. Step right up, kids, swirl around. Oh, my God.

The consistently candid model and cookbook author shared what appeared to be her first vaginal steam with her 18 million-plus Instagram followers as one does if you are T-Gent. Okay, well, I just shared my nut balming with my listeners, and I don't have 18 million. But here's someone sharing their vaginal steaming with 18 million people. So here we go. Group founder Paltrow memorably praised the treatment in 2015 in a piece on the

the Lifestyle State, the Tickin Holistic Spa, and I guess it's some kind of a treatment. It says a combination of mugwort leaves and flower buds are boiled, and the steam, when applied, helps the body detox. The spa promises a slew of health benefits from the treatment, including battling fatigue, headaches, infections, and ease regulating menstrual cycles, but warns those statements lack evaluation from the FDA. Okay, does it say anything about inhibits a man from ever going down there again? Does it mention that?

Listen, I don't want to be anywhere where something called a mugwort has been. I mean, has anyone ever heard of a mugwort? tree? Where do mugwort leaves come from? They could have got like a maple leaf, so it smelled like syrup. They could have got beech nut leaves. If you're going to steam your vajay, like, I want something pleasant down there. I don't want you steaming like swamp grass or lily pads or, you know, tiger lilies or something.

Where the hell to mug? Where does the mugwort plant come from? And anything with the word whart and vagina, you don't want to be near that. And now we apply the vaginal wart lily. We just press it to the labia, and we let the vaginal wart lily go to work. Steam away, wart lily. Aye, aye, y. In the photo that Tegan and put up on her social media, she struck her pose

were wearing a sheet mask and a heating pad wrapped around her neck. Well, she was sitting atop the steamer. Oh, my God, I'm looking at the picture. This woman is literally spread-legged with a towel over her knees, squatted over a vaginal steamer full of mugwort leaves. I mean, listen, we've all made. apple cider. We've all made hot cocoa. We've all made a nice pot of coffee in the morning. You know how you wake up and that scent wafts through the house. It's

morning. Oh, smell that freshly percolating coffee. You want to walk around this lady's house? Ah, freshly steamed vagina. Wait, what? Where's my coffee? Holy God I don't what does that smell like I'm sorry man but let's be honest the the Vijay has

has odors okay it's not an odorless entity it has very specific odors and you got to imagine that if you steam that puppy up if you start steaming that pound puppy up

inside none I mean, I'm all for outdoor vaginal steaming, but steaming the old vajay in the house, that should be as forbidden as smoking in a movie theater. What about secondhand vaginal steam? Am I going to get throat cancer from secondhand vaginal steam? I hope not. How about that? So this lady, Christy Teigenan, or whatever her name is, she wrote on her Instagram, she wrote

vagina steam, no, I don't know if any of this works, but it can't hurt, right? Air quotes, vagina dissolves. You know, steam is hot, okay? Isn't it like boiled water really? It's when boiling hot water transitions from a water into a gas or something. I don't know the science. But steam powers paddle boats. Steam can power train locomotives.

Steam is a powerful, strong entity. I don't know if you want to be slapping steam against your love box. You know, you might maybe want to get a vibrator or something. Have a little fun. You really want to, it can't hurt, right? Well, I don't know. Why don't you ask the steam broccoli that you had last night? Did it hurt?

Anything under heat is probably going to hurt. So anyways, the doctor came along, and he said he issued warnings against the practice. after he saw her Instagram. The doctor was quick to correct Tijan's tweet about her trial. The vagina steam is a scam, she says, potentially harmful. Yikes. Yeah, I'm not going to mess around.

I'm not going to steam my vagina anytime soon. I'll tell you that much. The doctor panned Paltrow's praise of suicide. steaming with blog posts on her website. She wrote that at best, steaming will do nothing but make you feel good because you spent a lot of money for the vagina steamer. At worst, it will cause rashes and burns.

The doctor said there's no evidence vaginal steaming can alleviate cramps or help with cleansing. the vaginal the vagina is a self-cleaning oven she says yikes i didn't need to hear that either the vagina is a self-cleaning oven yikes don't really need to hear that but this is the type of stuff where you know men are finicky men are you know you ever you ever get a meal put on your table and it's, you know, things don't look right or you order some food and it looks like something's wrong or it doesn't look like it's cooked right or it isn't

presented properly, doesn't smell right. Men can be picky that way. Now, when I hear of a woman steaming her vagina, part of me is like, okay, she's nuts. But the other part of me goes to the logical question, well, why are you steaming your vagina? Is there something there that needs to be steamed? Steaming is a little harsh. You can't just have a shower and wash it. You've got like an industrial vagina that needs to be steamed?

I mean, what's next? The slap chop? I mean, what the hell are you doing down there? Holy jumping, man I'm getting a little nervous If I'm out on a date And it goes, well, I steamed my vagina Just about four hours ago

Just before our date I wanted to make sure I was all steamed out for our date First of all, I'm pushing the oysters away in front of me And I'm going, what did you do? I did nothing, I just steamed my vagina And I'm like, ew Why do you have, is there something there that I should know about is there is there dust mites is there is there is there

ticks is there is it's has it gone sour what that why would you steam your vagina that's like an idiot putting tiger bomb on his balls what kind of idiot does this stuff in fact what don't women put tiger bomb on their vagina how about that that'll definitely get to get everything everything running, I'll tell you. Oh, my God. It just seems like, and what cracks me up is that they're celebrities, you know? It's celebrities that I think they like to find new things and it becomes a trend

and it gets traced back to them and they're so liberated and they're so, oh, I'm so ahead of the curve. Next week, I'm going to paint my vagina green and have a lawnmower go over it. That's, now I'm, now I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm trimming my vagina for steaming's old news. Now I'm, now I'm, I'm putting pancake batter on it and deep frying it. I'm going to deep fry my vagina and then I'm, I'm going to have it for Thanksgiving. I don't know, man, just weird. Just wash it.

Have a shower. Soap and water it. Leave the steaming with a chance. Chinese buffet. Good Lord. Wait a second, hold it. I saw the whole thing. The machine's fixed.

Who's she, your mother? Blow up your pants. Hello? Hello? Hey, this is barbecue Teddy, and I'm looking for my cousin, barbecue Hetty. I've been barbecuing

all by myself for the last couple weeks. It's spring. It's summer, actually. So, where's Barbecue Eddie? We mess up Barbecue Eddie at my place all over. Please bring back Barbecue Eddie. Okay, this is Barbecue Teddy.

Have a good one. Bye. This is Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Hello. Hey, how's it going, man? Hello?

Hey, it's Eddie, how are you? What's this? Eddie? What are you calling? Eddie, I was called to see if I wanted to do a barbecue today. Oh, I think you have a wrong number. Sunday, Saturday, we'll throw down some ribs and some corn on the cob and stuff. I think you have a wrong number.

Maybe some salmon steaks or honey glazed salmon steaks? Um I could be over there later Hello Hello What the hell What the hell That was Eddie

He wants to party But they just hang up Wow Well you know summer is officially here When Barbecue Eddie gets on the blower And starts hunting for barbecues It's a good thing.

It's a good, you know, I always feel bad for Eddie. People do tend to hang up on him. But maybe, just maybe he'll get lucky. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. But by the end of today's show, he scores a barbecue. Wouldn't that be a great way to start off the Sunday? You know it would be a good summer if Eddie got a barbecue gone right out of the gate because usually he gets shut down.

And speaking of getting shut down, this situation at the border where families are being separated and it's nothing new. It's, you know, people are running around like this just started, okay? This has been going on for decades. People are trying to pin the blame on the Trump administration. And that's not fair because the reality is this was started, I believe, under the Bush administration. was something that was carried through to the Obama administration and now is in the hands of the Trump administration.

So the fault lies with all the politicians on both sides. But it's heating up now. If I'm being honest, I think the Dems are using it as a bit of an election leverage type outcry. I didn't see them jumping up and down when this was going on under the Obama. administration but you know that's politics man people look for whatever they can find to get the angle to make the other side look bad and vulnerable and inhumane and all that but regardless of

who's causing it the Dems or the Republicans and it is both it's a sad thing you know you really don't want to see family separated like that you never want to see a family separated I mean, even when people go to jail for murder and stuff like that, it's heart-wrenching to know that these people going to jail might have children and they're never going to be able to see them. And so sadly, we're in a situation where families south of the border are risking their family unit by trying to sneak in to the country and in some cases claim asylum. I don't know what the process is there if they keep families together that are claiming asylum or they separate them.

But for now, we'll focus on the families that are trying to sneak across. And in the process of sneaking across, which is illegal, they get separated. Now, to be clear, I've heard people call these camps Nazi concentration camps and, you know, Auschwitz and Japanese internment camps. And they've been compared to these things, no, from what I've seen and what I've heard, and I think any common sense person understands is, you know, these children and these families are processed in the most humane way they can be given the massive amounts of people that are trying to sneak over the border and the fact that, you know, they aren't supposed to be coming here. We didn't ask them to come here.

so they need, you know, out of the graciousness of the American people, the taxpayers, we have facilities to house and shelter these people. Now, let's remember this is an illegal activity, so we're not setting up the Waldorf, okay? We're not even setting up a Motel 6, but what we are setting up is a containment center that holds these people, well, due process is done so we can figure out who they are and where they're from they're trying to go. And so, yes, it's probably the basics. It's a bed.

It's a mat. It's food. It's water. It's shelter, which is a lot better than what they go through to get here, which is crossing the barren, bleak, you know, boiling hot desert where many of them die. And so it's a mess. You know, could we be doing more?

probably. Are we doing not enough? I don't know, but it's a problem that's not supposed to be there, but it's there. People know in the South that it's not legal to just walk across the border. And so if you're going to take that chance, I guess you're going to have to face the consequences. You can't just walk in illegally and have a room at the Waldorf Astoria. know, I guess in a way you're lucky you're not being put directly in a prison. It is illegal what you're doing. Illegal means breaking the law. People who break the law tend to go to jail. Now, by no means are these jails. I mean, these are just holding centers until they can figure out what to do. So it's not ideal, but it's compassionate. It's, it suffices. And there you go.

but regardless it's tough and you know we all have to put ourselves into the shoes of these people people who want to sneak across the border have a better life make more money prosper you know we all have to step into those shoes and uh you know think about what it would be like if we were down there and we wanted more for our kids and it's it's tough it's it's it's It's like, it's like, you know, it's like you're hungry and you're staring through the window of a restaurant and they're serving food. And you're getting scraps outside, but you want to get in and have the good life. You want the food, right? So who's not going to try and access that?

But regardless of what you want and what you feel you deserve, there are rules. There are every country, not just the United States, every country has rules where you're not allowed to just waltz in. And so we've got to live with that. And if one day they say, you know what, there is no more rules, you can just come in, then fine. I'm fine with that. But until that day is here, until then you play by the rules, okay? And it's emotional. it's hard

and so you know I got to be honest I challenge the sincerity a lot of the protesters who like I said I think are using this as an instrument of politics which I think is even more degrading to the people and their plight because you know these are real people with a real cause and a real need and then you have these a lot of these phonies who are just pretending to be bleeding hearts because it's advancing their political agenda. And that to me is ugly, man. That is ugly.

It's insincere and it's cruel. And so we try to deal with this the best we can. And I thought it would be really, you know, rather than me talk about it, we get someone who's actually going through this, a man who lost his children at the border, and it's just heartbroken about it. And we were able to, Roger was able to find this gentleman.

He's a Mexican origin and had, what was it, six kids, Roger? Six kids. And he's now separated from his six kids. Unbelievable. So this might get emotional. This might get, you know, intense. But I feel it's important that we talk to this gentleman. Freddie Fernandez is his name okay let okay well let's get them on and let's hear right from

the horse's mouth what this experience has been like how harrowing it is how heart wrenching it is and uh and let's put him through rogers this is freddie fernandez uh six children and we'll ask him how long it's been since he's seen them uh okay put him through uh hello mr Fernandez are you there sir yes hello how are you senor uh yeah very good sir uh thank you for taking the time to talk about us uh talk talk to us about this very uh topical and and sensitive and emotional uh situation oh see senor is it not easy for me to uh you know talk about this right now i'm very uh as you can imagine for uh I'm in a fragile state of mind.

I understand, sir, and I can only imagine how crushing this must be to, you know, not have your children at your side to be away from your kids, to have them separated. Can you tell us what that feels like? Well, Rennora, excuse me, I think about them all the time. I think about them every day, every minute of every day. They have been away from their father, me, Freddie Fernandez, for almost six months. And I've got to tell you, Senor, if it doesn't a second go by when I don't think of little Pasquale or Flaco or Maria, I mean, I just, I'm a man.

Take your time, sir. I know this, this is not easy. Thank you, Signor. It's like, almost like they are ghosts. Like they are, like sometimes I wonder if they even existed, you know. Wow. Wow. And can you explain to us, you know, how this all came about? Well, senor, it all started, you know, about a year ago.

And, you know, I had many children, as you know, six children and many mouths to feed. One of my children's, they needed the braces on their teeth. Some of them, one of them needed a leg brace for his legs. He somehow, he walks crooked like a goldfish or something. Like a goldfish? Well, I don't know the English. like a crab. Okay, sir, a crab fish, got it.

And, you know, so there are many expenses of my children, they have to go to school, Senor. We have to put clothes on our back. We have to feed them, you know, three times a day, and, you know, all kinds of overhead for children. Yeah, they're not cheap, and I can only imagine in A, having children where it's hard to make ends meet. C, senor.

And B, when you have multiple children, six is not a lot. And I don't want to break down the numbers, but, you know, it's like, you know, X amount of dollars a year to raise a kid. Well, let me do it for you, senor. It's about here in Mexico, you know, roughly about 40,000. dollars a year to raise a kid. Wow, and that's not cheap. If, you know, you multiply that by six. You're telling me,

senor, it's very, it's hard to make ends meet. Wow. Now, I'm noticing a little noise in the background there, sir. Are you at a detention center? I'm hearing bells and... No, I'm at the Flamingo Casino. You're at the, what, sir? I'm at the Flamingo Casino. Okay, or you're at a casino today?

See, senor, yes. But if we could get back to my kids, you know, it was horrible to see them leave my side. Okay, just if I could go back, you're at your kids are in containment centers. See, senor. And you're at a, you're at the Flamingo Casino. Are you gambling, sir? could get back to my kids who are just the little angels that the loves of my life, senor, and I, you know, every day my heart weeps, and it just breaks.

Now, I read somewhere, sir, that you, you won a lottery? Pardon me, signor. I, I, there was, Roger was doing some research that you won a lottery? Well, I want a little bit of money, signor, but that's not what I mean. here to talk about today. I wanted, you know, my children have been ripped from my side like, you know, pulling a baby, uh, baby blue jays out of a blue jane, yes, signor. Okay. Uh, well, let's, okay, fair enough. Let's backtrack. How did your, you and your children make the journey to the border where you got caught? Uh, I let, I dropped them off in the bent.

Signor. Pardon me? I dropped them off right near the border in my Bentley. You dropped them off? Did you say you had a Bentley, sir? See, signor. Wait. I'm a little confused.

You dropped your six children off at the border? See, signor. In a Bentley. Well, you know, you keep going back to the lottery that I want. And, you know, I won a little bit of money. And for a man who's never had a car his whole life, you know, I feel like there is no sin in someone who has, you know, never had a vehicle to buy a nice vehicle. Okay, okay, that makes sense. A Bentley's not cheap, sir.

Well, you know, neither are six children, you know, so sometimes you have to make do. Make do? It's a Bentley. Okay, but, you know, children, you just said it, 40 grand a year, and the children, they stack up like, you know, a million-dollar pancakes at Denny's. Well, okay, so wait, I'm confused. You tried to sneak across the border, right? Well, you know, we get, there's the border, Signor,

and then there's about, you know, 25 feet before the border. What do you mean? Well, you can pull a car up, or let's. Let's say a Bentley and new Bentley, and you could say children, get out. Today you're going to play in the sand. Here's some toys. Make a sand castle, and Daddy will be back. And if you get thirsty, just go through that hole in that fence over there.

Wait. You dropped your kids off in a Bentley to play? Well, the children, they're children, sign, what do they like to play? But wait, you didn't leave them with any water or food? Well, I think I just said very clearly, Sen. You know, I guided my children in a very fatherly way. I said, if you get thirsty, you go through that hole in the fence over there, and those nice men in the green outfits will hand you a bottle of water.

The nice men in the green out, are you talking about Border Patrol guards? Well, you know, I'm assuming they're nice men, signor. They would have dressed nice. They'd seem nice. Sir, I think you're, are you suggesting that you dropped your kids at the edge of the border fence? And there was a hole? And when they got thirsty to go across to the other side? Well, you know, children will make up their own mind, senor.

They're not stupid. And, you know, you play sand, you make sand castle, you make igloo, you play fun, fun. in the sand sand or whatever the kids do and uh maybe uh you know and by the way it was a hundred and twelve degrees Celsius that day i dropped them off so uh you know if what's a child to do if he wants to survive and get some moisture a hundred and twelve degrees sir well don't now let's not point finger it was air-conditioned in in the bendley until i dropped them off So you just dropped up with no water, and when you're thirsty, go through the hole, in essence, cross the border illegally into the United States, into the arms of the waiting border patrol agents? Well, you know, senor, you know, it's funny, I feel like you're condemning me, but, you know, we talked earlier about the economics of having a child.

and, you know, I see a hole in the fence, and I see an opportunity for my children to have a better life, and, you know, I drop them off. And what they do, they do in their own minds. Sir, you're at a casino, right? Yes, signor. I think we already established that. Can I just ask how much your lottery winnings were? Can we go back to that?

Well, I don't like to talk about it, but, uh, you know, $86 million. $86 million? See, senor? And it's, it sounds to me, sir, if I may be so bold here. Please go ahead. It sounds like maybe you dropped your kids off knowing that if they made it through the other side of the fence, they would be detained, and you, at that point, would by default, relinquish any responsibility for the kids.

For the very expensive kids. Now, I don't like to be accused in that manner, signor. I'm telling you, I'm a humane, compassionate father. You show me one other father here in Mexico that drives their children around in an air-conditioned Bentley. You dropped, you didn't, you drove your kids around in a Bentley. and drop them off so that they would get through the border, and it sounds like you didn't want to deal with them. Well, you know, I don't know how you pay your bills, Signor,

but, you know, $40,000 a year per child is expensive, and, you know, if I'm not an accountant, senor, but, you know, if you've got $86 million and suddenly you've got children that are cutting into your windfall, you know, maybe that's a problem. Maybe that's a problem. Are you telling me you got rid of your kids, sir, because you didn't want to spend your lottery money on them? Well, I'm not saying that, Signor, but, you know, as children get older, Senor, all of a sudden they want more things. They get older. They start to understand the money. And all of a sudden they realize, oh, daddy's got a honeypot in the bank.

Now maybe, you know, Flacco wants a Bentley. Maybe Maria wants a Corvette Stingray. You know, maybe she wants a gold cell phone. Maybe, you know, who knows what these kids want, but the more daddy has, the more the kids want. And then, you know, as daddy gets older, they're going to want handouts, and they're going to want me to pay for more things.

And so... And so it sounds like you knew that if your kids got to the states, they would be taken care of, and I think you knew you'd be let go scot-free, almost like you never had the kids. Signor, that hurts me to hear you say that. Those are my little angels. I mean, hold on a second. Yes, no.

3,000 on black. 3,000 on black. You know, make it 5,000 on black. I'm sorry, what were you saying, sir? Did you just make a bet on the roulette? sir? I'm sorry? Sir, it sounded like you were crying and then in the middle of it made a bat on the roulette wheel.

No, I... Hold on. Take it 10,000. Put 10,000 on black. Sorry, go ahead, signor. I heard that, sir. Sir, listen, I... All I can tell you is that children are not cheap and if you can find a way to raise your wonderful family more economically...

More economically... More economically, you're talking about handing six children off to the United States of America taxpayers so that you can live at large and drive around on a Bentley and hang out at casinos. Well, I, you know, senor, my little angels, I think about my little angels every single day, okay? just yesterday when I was at the massage parlor and Diana was massaging my shoulders with hot hot oil hot eucalyptus oil I was laying there half asleep half aroused and I was thinking I wonder what my little

flacco is doing now I wonder if he's got his juice box I wonder if he's got he's wrapped up in his space blanket laying on the floor having fun with all the other day children and you know just sir i think maybe you've abused the system here and you're living large and you just wanted to bail your get rid of your kids and not have to worry about them and now it's it's incumbent on the taxpayers of the united states to to pay for and raise your six children Well, you know, you call it what you want, Signor, but, you know, if my children are going to run through the fence, you know, behind daddy's back. What can Daddy do?

You dropped them there and you told them to run through the fence. Well, I'm not going to stay on the line and be confused. You know, you're talking to a grieving father right now, okay? I lost six of my children to Bastard United States of America. My heart is breaking. I can't. can hardly cease to hang on a second. Yes. No, put $7,000 on number 63, and 12. Yeah, and $5,000 on black. Yeah, I'm having good luck with the black.

Hello? What? Your heart's just breaking, is it, sir? Oh, I can barely walk. It's hard to get up out of bed. Everywhere I look. I see little Maria. I see Flacco.

I mean, I was having a lobster dinner the other day, and as I dipped my succulent white Nova Scotia lobster meat into the hot melted butter, I swear I saw little Flacco's face reflecting in the hot butter. I almost started crying all over my caviar. Do you know what that would we like to get salty tears of father's tears all over the caviar? The caviar, signore, is about $3,000 for an ounce. Crying in your caviar, huh? All for my children who I miss so dearly.

I hope one day when they are in their 40s or their 50s and they are no longer reliant or have any legal rights to my money, then I can't wait to see them one day and their families. Sir? You are abusing the system and you are selfish and greedy and... Hold on a second, please. Yeah.

Yeah, bring me some pink champagne and, yeah, why not, some lobster poppers. Yes. Hello. Hello. Sir! You know, I... This is just unbelievable. Well, you know, you can complain all you want, but maybe one day when you're in my squalid position,

and you are, and you have nothing. You have nothing in your life, and you... you want to make things better for your kids than your family and for yourself, you might want to rethink your position because I'm a grieving, crying father. Sir, I'm afraid we're going to have to end this call. Well, that's okay, because I have to get down to the pool.

I have a couple of hot girls waiting, if you know what I mean, in bikinis. Unbelievable. Sir? Go fuck yourself. Thanks for the free ride, Yankee. What? What?

hell thanks for the free ride Yankee holy see now this is where i tried to come at this from a compassionate angle and we got this is abuse wow roger get me out of this go to something else just i got to contain my get my thoughts together i'm so upset about this go to something else This is Eddie He wants to party But they just hang up Hello Hey how's it gone

Pardon me How's it gone It's Eddie calling I think you have the wrong number It's calling to see if you wanted to do a barbecue today Or I think you have a wrong number We got some baby back ribs to slap down

And some Heineken's and stuff No, I think you have the wrong number We got salmon steaks We can glaze them up And slap them down And fire up the queue around 4 o'clock No, you've called the wrong number Well, I got from the Barbecue Club listing

No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, goodbye What about some terriaki shrimps or something? something at least. There's some, I don't know, some chicken breasts or whatnot? Hello? Uh, got some, uh, some pork chops if you're... What the hell? What the hell?

What the hell? That was Eddie. He wants to party But they just hang up Oh God, I was wrong I thought maybe by the end of the show Eddie would have connected with someone I had a feeling

But my feeling was wrong Sorry Barbecue Eddie But maybe the next podcast Who knows Who knows what happens with Barbecue Eddie Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the show today And thank you for listening please tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway.

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And thank you to all the people who have been watching my cartoon on Disney Jr., the Puppy Dog Pals. And there you go. That's all we have time for today. I hope you're safe. Be happy. Keep on smiling. And until next time, chicken, chameen, baby.

Okay, but, you know, children, You just said it 40 grand a year, and the children, they stack up like, you know, million-dollar pancakes at Denny's.