The Harland Highway - 957 - BOY GEORGE calls the show. Harland meets worlds top movie STAR! Question of the day!

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

BOY GEORGE calls the show. Harland meets one of the worlds top movie STARS! Question of the day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. Oh, I'm a little bit sad. Summer's getting near the end, man. I don't like it. The years going to buy so fast. But anyways, we're going to have fun. We're not going to think about it. Great show today. Oh, my God, a really interesting story. I met. I bumped into one of the biggest movie stars on the planet this week. And wait, do you hear my little story about him or her? I'm not telling you if it's a her or him, but I think I just gave it away. But at a great little encounter, and I'll tell you about that. Also, speaking of celebrities, Boy George, the 80s music icon, is calling in later to chat with me about who knows what. I'm guessing he's probably drunk the way he always is. good lord so he'll be calling in the show and then we're going to take some calls from some of the

pavement founders to answer a question of the day that we had a few podcasts ago about why we have nose hairs and then speaking of the question of the day we have a whole new question of the day that we are going to do on this show and i think a lot of you will probably relate to this question of the day. So let's get going. Here we go. This is the Harland Highway. I don't know. I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. You're riding down the Harlan Highway. So, put off the fuck to get off this phone.

I can get you off. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. Ha! You're a cantaloupe. All right, hold tight on the Harlem. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. I'm ashamed, big daddy.

That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk, I can stand my son. Keep leading on that tutor, Charlie, and you're going to get a shot in the mouth. I wasn't really sure what was going on. You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit, and you know it. The Harlan Highway, question of the day. Okay, here it is. I'm not really a coffee drinker.

Okay, I know that most of you listening probably like to drink a nice hot beverage. during the day. I'm glad I'm not a coffee drinker, man, because coffee drinkers drink coffee. Okay, you guys and gals just chug it, man. In the morning, in the afternoon, at night, three or four cups a day, five or six. I don't know what you do, but,

and I don't ever hear anyone being happy about it. Everyone's like, I'm addicted to coffee, man. I gotta stop drinking coffee, man. And so when I go into coffee joints, I'm a hot chocolate guy. I like me some chocolate. I like me having it hot. I like me some hot chocolate. So what I've noticed, though, is when I go into these coffee shops now, okay?

And here's my question of the day. I can't differentiate between a coffee shop and a Baskin-Robbins. So my question of the day is when did coffee shops start serving more fruity, colorful, rainbow bright, ice creamy looking, dairy chocolate sprinkled, syrup dipped, coffee drinks. I mean, I'm telling you, man, listen, I don't know coffee, I know junk food, I know ice cream, I know Baskin Robbins, I know dairy queen. I go into like the coffee bean or Starbucks now. I look up on the menu. They got pictures. They look like raspberry milkshakes.

They look like chocolate sundaes. They look like chocolate milkshakes. They look like banana splits. They look like fruitberry twizzlers. They look like smoothies. I'm like, where's the coffee? As far as I can remember, Remember, coffee is one color, brown, brown, light brown, or dark brown.

I ain't never seen a raspberry coffee or a blueberry coffee or a chocolate vanilla coffee or an orange sherbert coffee? What's going on? I'm telling you, man, they don't have pictures of coffee up in coffee shops anymore. So this is my question today. When did coffee shops become Baskin' robin? I go in for my hot chocolate now, and I'm like, yeah, you know, forget the hot chocolate. Can you give me a double scoop of mint chocolate chip, please, on a waffle cone? I mean, I'm telling you, man, it's just like, it's kind of weird.

I remember when it used to just be coffee, you'd go in and the place smelt like coffee. Now you don't smell coffee, you smell pastries, you smell raspberries, you smell raspberries, and the blend. you smell hazelnuts you smell where's the damn coffee man and i guess as a guy who doesn't drink coffee it doesn't bother me that much but i don't know it's just it just doesn't feel it's like it's like going into a donut shop and saying hey what kind of steak do you serve in here uh through we're a donut shop i know but i'm sure you got steak somewhere well now that you mentioned You know, we have a beautiful quarter pound round-eye rib steak, Grass Fred from Montana, seasoned with a butter oil from Truffleville.

I mean, oh, man, it's like, what is happening to the coffee shops? I mean, you know, if you got a Sunday and you're taking all your kids out for an ice cream and Baskin Robbins has a line out the door. Come on, kids, we're going next door to Starbucks. They actually have 39 flavors. Baskin Robbins only has 34. I mean, it's ridiculous. So there you go.

That's my question of the day. When did coffee shops turn in to Baskin Robbins fruity-filled ice cream parlors? Harland Highway, question of the day. The Harland Highway, question of the day. Hello? Hello?

Hey, Harlan. It's Donnie again. Hey, man. Just want to let you know. I went to that Carmel Corn, The Pug comedy special from Amazon Prime the other day. Really funny, dude. Really funny stuff. I think you're definitely on to something with that. The fact that Netflix and all those other places turn you down is appalling to me. because I've been following your comedy for probably almost a decade now, and wow, it was good, dude.

It was probably my favorite, my favorite special that you've put to date so far. So keep it out, man. Much love. See you later. Donnie. Much love to you, Donnie. Can I just say every now and then I get a phone call from a pavement pounder, and it just makes my day.

It makes my week. It lingers for months and maybe even years. and this was one of them Donnie thank you so much for the high praise and the kind words Donnie's referring to my latest stand-up comedy special that just came out exclusively on Amazon Prime and Donnie got it

and it sounds like Donnie liked it and that makes me very happy and if you don't know what the comedy special is if you go on to Amazon Prime just type in Carmel Corn the pug, kick them in the kibble. Don't look for my name. Don't type in Harlan Williams.

Type in Carmel Corn the Pug. Kick them in the kibble. It's my latest stand-up comedy special. And I did the whole thing as a dog, as a pug. And if you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, well, I did my whole hour special in this get-up where I have this pug mask where the mouth articulates and moves when I talk, the mouth moves, and it looks like a dog doing a stand-up comedy show. Now, this isn't like cheaply done.

This is a full-on, fully produced, you know, seven or eight cameras. This was in front of a live audience of 600 people, like a sold-out theater. I mean, this is legit. This isn't just like, you know, me in a club with nine people. This is like a real stand-up special. and as Donnie mentioned about being appalled about Netflix and all those places well the reason he said that is I've told you on the podcast

all the networks turned me down they did not want the special because not because it's not good but I think it freaked them out like what the hell is Harlan doing he's a dog he's not even himself he's Carmelcorn the pug and I'm like man that's what comedy's all about make it funny make it different try things

experiment and so that's what I did and uh you know Donnie really loved it thank you so much man I'm still beaming I'm still makes you know I do all this stuff for me but I also do it for the rest of the world to enjoy and and get a laugh out of and I hope that they they get a laugh out of it I hope it resonates and so uh and so there you go uh if you have Amazon Prime or you don't have it uh get it and caramel corn the pug is the beauty of this is it's a digital download you don't have to go out and buy anything you can go to your computer right now

and once you get to the kick em in the kibble caramel corn the pug special you can buy it so you own it forever for nine dollars i believe and if you don't want to buy it you can rent it and you can just watch it at your leisure and i think it's only two ninety nine or three dollars so you know that's like the price of a can of a coke and you get to laugh for an hour and a guy dressed like a dog you get to laugh at caramel corn the pug and and the other thing about the special is because it's it's me but i also did it in character sort of as carmel corn i wanted to give him his own identity so i kind of did him as a bit of a surfer dude you know like he kind of he almost sounds a bit like carl flavors right and uh And so he was a little bit more surfer duty and he was a little bluer.

It's probably a little raunchier than many of my other specials that you've seen because, you know, I wanted Carmelcorn to stand alone and have his own voice. So it's a little more blue. So if you get the chance, if you want to laugh, hopefully, maybe you won't like it. I don't know. That's the risk you take with any form of art. But I feel really good about it and Donnie feels good about it, right? Wow, it was good, dude. It was probably my favorite, my favorite special that you've put to date.

Oh, thank you, Donnie. Don, Don, Don, Don, the Donster. Thank you, buddy. Means a lot. And you know what? If you don't take my word for it or Donnie's word for it, just go ahead and get it. And I hope you enjoy it. I won't keep rambling on about it. But there you go. Carmel Corn the Pug, kick them in the kibble on Amazon Prime. go have a laugh. And speaking of entertainers, oh my God, can we talk about a moment that I had this week? A moment. You know, so as you know, I've been around the entertainment industry for a while and I've got a body of work and I do things and I do my shows and I do my movies and things that I've done and blah, blah, blah. but in real life I'm just me and I don't walk around all day thinking about, you know, all the things I've done

or who I am. I'm just, I'm too busy doing new things. And, you know, often I just kind of forget about things I've done, you know? Like, I just kind of move on. And so I don't like to really talk about it that much and I don't, I've never been a braggadocious guy. And I've never been like,

like a name dropper guy or any of that nonsense. I find it a bit, you know, cheesy. But if you'll allow me, if you'll indulge me to kind of like glowed a little bit, even more than I did with Donnie. Wow, it was good, dude. So I had, you know, I work in Hollywood. I live in Los Angeles and I run into, you know, I work and run into celebrities and famous people and stuff like that, right?

And, you know, the other day, and this is a little story I want to share, because it kind of boosted my spirit a little bit, and it made me feel good. And I think once you hear the story, you'd feel the same way. But I was over doing some voiceover work. Okay, I got cast to do a couple of voices. They're doing a new animated feature. MGM is doing a new animated feature called the Adams family. Okay, so I was cast to do some of the voices in the Adams family.

And I'm over at the recording studio. And of course, the studio has multiple studios in it. So there's other people there doing recordings on other things. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes.

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Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code. Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And so I wrapped up. And, well, you know, first of all, I should say when I was walking in, I before it, when I walked into the door to go to the thing, there was a guy standing out front with sunglasses. And I'm walking up to the door to go in.

And he's standing there. And all of a sudden, he grabs the door and pulls it open. And he goes, Hey, Harland, how you doing, man? And I go, oh, he took the glasses off. He goes, Will, Will Forte. And I'm like, oh, oh, wow, how are you doing, man? So Will Forte is an ex-cast member on Saturday Night Live. He has that series on Fox called Last Man on Earth. He did the McGiver movie. He's a funny, funny guy. And he recognized me.

And I was like, oh, yeah, how you doing, man? He goes, yeah, he goes, last time I saw you was at your buddy's wedding and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, and I was kind of touched. I was like, oh, you know, here's, here's a guy that's, you know, S&L, young kind of hip guy. And I'm like, I just was a little caught off guard that he recognized me. I was like, oh, that's kind of neat, you know, I guess to know that he's seen my work. I've certainly seen his. And I just, I just, you know, like I said, I kind of forget who I am sometimes or what I've done.

And, uh, and, and that was kind of cool, right? So then I went in and he was just a super nice guy, by the way. we talked for a little bit. And then I went in, I did my Adam's family voices. I did two different characters. And then I came out and because this place is buzzing, they have valet parking. So I had to sit. It was a hot day and they had a little chair under the veranda in the shade.

And I'm sitting there waiting for the valet guy to bring my car. And as he's about to go get my car, another car pulls in and a young guy. gets out. And I'm looking at the guy and I go, hmm, I don't know who that is. I bet he's coming to do a voice, you know, and so he took the guy's car and parked it and then he went to get mine. And so I was still sitting there and this young guy walks up to me. And I'm looking at him and he looks at me and I wasn't really sure who it does. And he goes, oh, hey, hi, Harland. And I go, oh, hey, and I looked and I And here's where I'm kind of tickled a little bit. I want to thank this actor.

It was Christopher Pratt, like one of the top movie stars on the planet right now. You know, the guy from Jurassic Park and Guardians of the Galaxy, that Christopher Pratt? And as soon as he started talking to me, I go, oh, okay, like it came together. You know, sometimes people look a little different in real life than they do. on the screen he looks a lot taller on the screen he's not a short guy but i thought he was like up you know up over six feet and but he he was kind of an average size guy you know and uh and then i i came inside i was kind of like oh my goodness christopher pratt like one of the biggest how does he know my name like you know like again i kind of forgot about the things i've done

in my life for a minute you know i don't wander around thinking about it. And then I'm thinking, oh, he'll probably just walk on by. And he stopped. And he started chatting with me. And he goes, hey, man. And I'm being honest, I hope if he's listening, he appreciates this. But what was, what was weird is that he was kind of gushing a little bit over me. And he was going, man, Harland, I'm a big fan. And I remember he started going into this story. He goes, I don't think you'll remember this, but years ago, you know, we were, we were an audition for one of the scary movies, and, uh, and, and, and, and, and I was coming in and you were going out and you were walking down the stairs and I stopped you and I, I told you what a big fan I was. And,

and then, and then, and you said, thank you. And then we, we, we, I walked past and I thought to myself, what a geeky thing to do. And then the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the little ball on the, on the, on the banister. it broke and it fell on the ground and he went into this whole little charming story but I could clearly see that he was a little bit like you know kind of gushing on me a little bit not in a in a in an attraction way just in if I can be a little um glowed a little bit he's he was I could tell he was kind of like he was he was a fan and and uh and what's interesting is that you know it just totally turned the tables on me because I, here was this guy who's at the top of his game.

You know, he's starring in the biggest movies in the world right now. I don't know if there's a movie star that has more heat than that guy, Christopher Pratt. And here was this guy that was, you know, just had it on. And he was so humble and nice. and he was kind of like, kind of like goo gagging over me. And I don't want to oversell it. He wasn't like, oh, my God, Harlem.

But he was clearly, like, kind of excited to see me. And I was definitely excited to see him. But I guess what I'm trying to say, I hope I'm not sounding like a jackass here, but it's hard to convey this story without being a little, like, happy about it, is that I didn't expect a guy that was in his position to kind of, you know, be kind of enamored with me and my work and the things that I've done and and it was it was such a weird feeling it was really cool and nice and complimentary and here's the kicker I was I was just as

equally enamored with Chris Pratt because first he was such a nice guy and I admitted to him I said Chris I don't remember that meeting we had all those years ago I said it was a while ago so and He was like, no, I get it. But the first thing that popped into my mind outside of Chris's movies, and by the way, I think he does a wonderful job. That first Guardians of the Galaxy man, like, he just brought it. Like, he was kind of, you know, he was a known TV actor, but he wasn't like a big movie star. Like, he wasn't a household name.

And the levels and the things he put on to that character in the first Guardians movie were just, like, brilliant like I just he he he made the movie for me you know and I did not see that coming like the first opening scenes where he shows okay who's this who's this kid and then you know the more he was on screen the more I just fell in love with him I was like this guy's great man he's got great timing great comedic choices great just everything really clicked and and he was kind of fresh but in a cocky way and that's what the character called for and it just he made it really work and you just wanted to watch them and that's that's you know there's a lot of a lot of actors that just get cast you know the let's get that guy you know he was he was in that

other movie so let's put him in this one and and so chris was probably a bit of a risk factor because he i don't think he'd ever helmed or starred as the lead in a huge big budget superhero movie and and he just owned it man and so all the other stuff that happened i i i get it and He deserves it, like the Jurassic Parks and the sequels and the other stuff he's done. It's fantastic. But outside of his movies and all the success, he's having, the one thing that popped out to me because it made the news recently is Chris did an award show recently where he got up on the podium and against all the people in Hollywood and the mentality in Hollywood, Chris got up in front of all these people and gave thanks to God. and he reminded the audience about God, and he reminded them about the power of God and prayer and faith and all those things. And I'm not a holy roller, but I believe that faith and God and things like that are something good, something that you carry within you.

Now, whether you're a Buddhist or a Muslim or a Christian, I don't care what the faith is, I just feel like, you know, that kind of stuff is free. God is free. Faith is free. Spirituality is free. So why not absorb it and grab it? Now, I'm not into big fanatical, you know, religious stuff. I'm not that much into organized religion, but, you know, God, if you believe in God, didn't create churches and chapels and mosques. God is just the universe, okay? I've talked about this before, so I'm not going to rehash it. But anyways, Christopher, who was in a privileged position as a big star got up and kind of reminded everyone about, you know, the goodness and the power of God. And he wasn't talking about religion. He was talking about God. And I said to him, I said, Chris, I want to commend you on doing that, man. I said, I was really impressed that you got up

there and did that. And I said, I know that's not easy. And I said, you and I know that we live in a city in an industry where a lot of times to say anything about God is frowned upon and people think you're crazy and people turn their backs on you and people vilify you. They try to make you out to be a bad person if you talk about God or faith or anything. And I said, Chris, I said, I think what you did was really great. I think it was really important. And then as I kept talking to Chris, I said, you know, Chris, I can actually tell just by your spirit, looking at you, you know, seeing the life in your eyes, seeing the bounce in your stuff. Like Chris seemed like a very upbeat, positive person. And it was kind of, it was kind of like how he was when I said in Guardians of the

galaxy. There was this kind of chemistry. There was this kind of attraction to his good nature. And so outside of my own conceded little feelings that I've been telling you about, just Chris on his own came across as a very sincere and humble and really great, nice guy. And that was really nice to see, too, because sometimes in Hollywood, people aren't that way. Not saying there aren't people that are like that, but sometimes they're not, just like anywhere, right? So anyways, it was great to bump into this big star and to know that somewhere, somehow I had done something that the same way he kind of moved me, I must have moved him. Now, let's be honest, I'm not in the movies as much as I used to be, but there was probably a time when I was in the movies a lot and he wasn't. And so there was probably a time when the roles were reversed where he was watching me and getting enjoyment out of my.

roles and now it's kind of flipped and I'm watching him and just that he he uh he didn't walk by with an attitude and he didn't you didn't carry himself as a as a big stuck up I'm the number one star guy but instead he he steered most of the conversation to heaping praise on little old me and he didn't have to do that and and and so what I'm saying is I want to say thank you Chris for making me feel good, the way our little buddy here did at the beginning. This is all about feeling good, making me feel good today. Sorry to hug the goodness. But it was also, and it was also not only about him making me feel good,

but making everything feel good when he, you know, like I said, he made the decision to kind of spread the word about the goodness of God or the spirit world or faith or whatever. So anyways, like I said, I don't normally talk about this stuff, but I just, I felt a little bit like, ooh, I want to tell this story. You know, I meet other celebrities. I have encounters. I have things, but this one was, this one tickled me a little just because Chris is, you know, he's just, he's the top guy right now. So, so thank you, Chris. And, and there you go. My little conceded story,

I think we've done almost a thousand podcasts, and I don't know that I've ever really told a story like this, maybe one or two over the years. So I kind of keep that stuff inside. But this was a neat encounter, and I wanted to share with you the way it made me feel. I'm bubbling a little bit. I'm gushing.

And I look forward to more of his movies, man. I actually really enjoy what Chris does. let's see what he uh he's up to next how's that uh what else do we got here meanwhile roj i think uh we had another question of the day a few weeks ago i was i had a question of the day about nose hairs do we have uh didn't we get some calls people people actually calling in and answering the question of the day yeah let's let's play some of those question of the day uh voice mails from a few podcasts ago when the question of the day was why the hell do we have nose hairs wait what oh it's donnie again donnie called in twice okay well let's hear why

donnie thinks donnie's backer thank you donnie let's hear why donnie thinks we have nose hairs hey arlin this is donnie i was just listening to your podcast uh and i'm returning your question of the day, question about nose hairs and yeah, man, they're pretty annoying. As I get older, it definitely becomes real annoying. But it's, oddly enough, I think they're for

like pollen or something like that so you don't, you know, get pauling up in your nose or your brain. But oddly enough, man, a couple weeks ago, I just found out that you're actually not supposed to pluck your nose hairs, you're supposed to just like trim them down with a trimmer. Because

apparently if you like pluck them too hard and like bacteria can get up in your brain and cause like some issues and potentially cause death. So yeah, man, love the podcast, been a fan for years. I'll talk to you later, buddy. Peace out. Wow, Donnie, not only spreading the love to me, uh, ladies and gurgle glorgans, but spreading the love to you, warning you that if you pull your freaking nose hairs out, you're opening up your pores to deadly bacteria and you could die, man. Can you imagine that? Cause of Death pulled out long gray nose hair. Yikes. You know, give me a drive-by. Give me a plane crash. Give me a helicopter blade cutting my head off. I don't want my gravestone saying I died pulling a nose hair out, man. Hell no. Well, let's see. Do we have another one, Roger? Okay. Oh, even more detailed. Okay. Well, we have another. phone call from a pavement panel that

has even more. Is it like scientific? Okay, let's listen to it. Here we go. Another, why do we have nose hair phone message. Hey, Arland. This is Snow calling out from Seattle, Washington. I just wanted to give a response back to, I believe it was a question of the day

in regards to why it is that human beings have nose hairs and why is that they're so unsightly and do we actually in fact need them. I believe you already hit it when you said that, you know, they helped fight against germs and other such things, which, in fact, the nose hairs do. So hair in the nose is one of the body's first lines of defense, which most people should know,

against harmful environmental pathogens such as germs, fungus, and spores, pretty common for most people. Another purpose for nose hair is to provide additional humidity to the inhaled air as you breathe in and exhale out. So as the air passages, as the air basically passes through the nasal passages, the mucus and hair, provide heat and moisture. And as we're all pretty much well aware, 80% of the human body is basically water. So if you don't have the moisture in your nose, it's tend to dry out and it's tend to get more bacterial infection

in viruses due to that. So our nose hair is needed. They certainly are. They can be a little bit unsightly, a little bit awkward as they are. However, as somebody who's researched biology, especially in an in-in-a-mucks, human beings and animals alike, and some animals actually do happen to share common tendencies with humans as far as what we have biologically. So like apes, monkeys, gorillas, silverbacks, certain dogs, certain cats have internal nose hairs, and they play an important role, and again, keeping you healthy.

So although they may be unsightly, you really shouldn't be plucking. them out, if anything, you should be using an electric or manual nose hair trimmer in order to trim the hair back if they happen to be a little bit unsightly. So if you do happen to pluck those, those hairs, germs and particles are more tending to get inside and cause an infection within the human body. So just like ear hairs too, that can be a little bit unsightly. Again, it's basically in order to help comb or filter out basically a lot of the bacterial infection that's within the air and a lot of the fungus and spores and stuff that we just don't normally see with the naked eye

that happen to be floating around. So hopefully that helps. Love the show our and have a... Whoops, just got cut off right at the end there. I think he was going to say, have a nice day, or maybe because we're talking about nose hairs, have a nice sniff. Oh, I just got a fungus. I got a spore.

I got a... Isn't that weird? Who was? Fungus and spores? and mold and God. I'm never pulling a nose hair again, man. It sounds like the, you know, they say they control the moisture and the cold and the heat. Am I to take from this that nose hairs are, in fact, the human body's natural air conditioner?

Is that what that is? I've got an AC unit, a hairy AC unit up my nose. Good Lord. Now when I pull my nose hair. out. What I'm going to do is I'm going to braid them into the screens in my windows. So now when the summertime comes, I'll have an organic nose hair air conditioner system. The outside hot summer air will filter past my nose hair screen windows and cool my house down.

Yuck. Thanks for the tip, man. Well, there you go. Thank you for answering the question of the day. you guys and if any of you want to answer a question of the day the recent one we had or any other one or you just want to leave a phone voicemail

you could even phone and do like Donnie did and tell me if you liked Carmelcorn the Pug 323-739-4-330 323-739-4-330 is the number and if you can't remember that number, go to harlandwilliams.com and the phone number is right there on the home page, baby. Oh, yeah, you can't miss it. You can't miss that.

Oh, no. So there you go. Now, before we go, what, there's someone, Rogers telling me there's been someone waiting patiently on hold. Who is it? Well, why? They're upset? Why? Because it was a long-distance. It's a long-distance call?

Well, that's not my fault. Who the hell is it? They're calling from the UK. Oh, no, not Boy George, dude. No, I do not want to talk to Boy George. The guy's always cranked up on booze. He's kind of rude. And he's, don't put him through. Do not put Boy, George.

Roger, no. No. Oh, no. Hello, Ireland. Hello? Hello, Ireland, it's Boy George Colley from the United Kingdom. Hello, what, boy? It's Boy George calling Ireland from the United Kingdom, and it's summertime fun fest.

What? What are you phoning about? I just said it's summertime fun fast. Okay, right out of the gate, have you been drinking? Yeah, I also been eating, too. You want to look at me fucking colon? No, I don't want to look at your colon. It sounds like you've been drinking a lot.

Oh, really? What's that sound like? You know what drinking sounds like? How about this? Good God. That's also what I sound like in bed, all. You know about that, that, eh? All right, we don't need to know about your bedroom habits, boy.

It's not just boy. It's boy, George, darling. It's two words, and it's boy, and it's George. And if you're not going to say it right, guess what? I'm going to install a fucking light switch on your face and shake you off like a dirty little light switch. Ooh, I'm really scared, George. It's boy, George, you frying spinach salad shit monster. I'm not a spinach salad shit monster.

Why are you calling? I told you all, it's summertime. What I want to do is tell you about my... summer? Well, I better not be a drunk story. What if it is, what are you going to do? Call a fucking lawyer and sue me for having a fun summer fest, all right? I'm not...

I'm not going to sue you for having a fun... Why are you calling it summer fast? Because it's summer. It's festive, so I go at summer fast. All right, well, it sounds like some kind of... of a fair in a park. I'll show you a fairy in a park if you want. I said fair in a park, not fairy.

Whatever your pleasure, Arland. It's not my pleasure. What, you know, a fairy in a park, eh? Is that what you're into, Arland? I did not say fairy in a park. You did. Oh, flippity flap. Flap your wings, eh, Arlen?

Who's that sitting in your lap over there, glowing in the dark? Tinkerbell? Tinkerbell is not sitting in my lap. Yeah, I bet he is in the park, and you're the one that rushed to have a ferry in the park, are y'alland? I did. What do you want? I want to tell you about my son.

Say my name right, you drunk. I'm not drunk. Just because I had a couple of balls of fighting to kill. Keele it down into the fucking wolf Doesn't mean I'm wrong, and I can I can end of my alcohol, a fairy fucker.

I'm not a fairy fucker. I bet you are out in a park at night, eh? Blasting Tinkerbell right up the old tinkerhole. I'm not blasting anyone's tinkerhole, George. It's boy fighting, if you don't say my name right, this is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go to a fucking Australian fucking kangaroo farm, cut the legs off a fucking giant kangaroo, and where they're still fucking alive, I'm going to bring him to your front door and have them fucking kick you in the face to your fucking eyes pop out. You hear me, your fucking fairy fucker? Listen, I'm not a fairy fucker. Now, what is your summer fest thing? Well, thanks for fucking asking finally. What is it already midnight? Hurry up, George. It's boy fucking George, you stupid, fucking upside down, floating, fucking ballerina and a fucking Russian olive garden.

What is your summer thing? Well, I was in the United States of America, Ireland. What? I said I was in your country. I was over there at the United States of America. Are you trying to say the United States of America? Oh, good morning, good afternoon, and good night. That's what I fighting said.

You got fucking wax in your ears or a fucking Chinese dildo, eh? I do not have a Chinese dildo in my ears. Well, I listen, when I'd say I was in the United, eh? What were you doing in the United States of America? Well, it was summer time, and what do we wore in the summer? What did you just say? I see, what do we wear in the summer? I...

We wear t-shirts, we wear shorts. Bingo shorts, all, and it gets you just got a brand-new berry shorts for the summer, eh? I don't know, who? It was me, okay? Okay, whoopi-do. So you got shorts, where? I got over at U-A-U-Az. Where?

O-Az. What is U-Az? I said U-Az. You never heard of fighting U-Uters where the girls have owls on the tits? What, owls on their tits? Yeah, U-Az. You ever seen the fighting the logo?

They got owls on the tits. They don't have owls on their tits The O's have owl eyes Yeah, that's what you want to call it It's hard as love kids in Ireland They got owl tits So what do you mean you got shorts at Hooters Well, you've seen all the waitresses

Walking around in there You've got own shorts, right? Okay So, I got me a pair of Oron Jotter's shorts You got a pair of Hooters shorts That's right, I'm wearing them right now And my left balls hanging right out of the side What are you gonna do about it, Ireland?

You're wearing, you're bought... Ah, you got old tongue-tied, eh? Because you're picturing me Talley-knocker hanging out the side of me hooter shots. It looks like somebody ran over a fucking octopus And its fucking eyes off mangled up in the passing lane, eh? Good God! Well, don't get all upset.

It's just me left-airy plumb hanging out me shorts, me Uter's shorts. I don't want to know about your nut hanging out of your Hooters shorts. Well, you just asked me, eh? You were telling me... Oh, right, I bought some Uter shorts, and they're super tight and they're orange, and they look bloody wonderful. You know, those are made for girls. Did you know that?

Oh, what? You're going to discriminate against me? now are y'all and I'm not good enough to wear a hooter's shorts good lord man I bet you're a sight for sore eyes well you better believe it because guess what else ooters has what what else hooters has are you saying guess what else hooters has oh good morning good night and suck the rear end of an elephant what what else does hooters have They've got chicken wings, eh, Arland? So? What's that got to do with your shorts?

Well, if you think about it, if you got Uter's shorts, you got to have chicken wings, right? I guess they kind of go hand in hand, okay? So what I did is I went to the tanning salon, Ireland. Okay, the tanning salon. And I got them to turn the lights on extra, extra bright. In fact, they have a setting on there that they charge you extra for. It's called Extra Crispy. Wait a minute.

They have a tanning salon where they have a setting called Extra Crispy. That's right. And I paid extra, and I got it put on Extra Crispy, and my fighting legs look like chicken skin from a fighting out as chicken wing. What is the matter? Are you telling me you got your legs tanned that, that you're... Skin's all bungled up and it looks like chicken skin. That's what I just said.

Hello. Library books overdue. You might want to turn it in, fat fuck. Stop. So your legs are all brown and crispy. That's right. And you know why the crispy a, Arlen? Oh, God. Do I even want to hear this?

Because what do you do with chicken wings, Arlen? You eat them? Not right. At the gate, you don't, Arlen. What are you talking about? Before you eat them, you got to pull them apart, eh? What the hell are you saying? Well, I'm saying, Arlen, is, well, you're in the park, fucking a ferry.

I got me cruising the streets looking for blokes to pull my crispy chicken wings apart, eh? Oh, my God. First of all, I'm not in the park fucking a ferry, and are you telling me you're cruising the streets with crispy chicken wing legs, with burnt crispy chicken skin, and you're looking for what? I'm looking for jacked up, full-blooded American men who want to pull my fucking chicken wings apart, if you know what I mean. You are, oh, whoa, you are, that is sick. Yeah, well, it's only sick until you get to the wishbone. wishbone.

I think you know what I'm talking about, Holland. You grab the dirty brown stained-up chicken wings. You pull them apart like Rod Stewart with a Thanksgiving turkey eye. And there's the fucking wishbone. And you wish that...

Don't say anything else. You know what? I think we're done here. You've been... You're drunk. You're talking about really lewd stuff. And I don't think my listeners want to hear it.

I'll tell you what your listeners want to hear. That sound of tearing chicken skin ripping apart I just slowly spread my fucking legs with my fucking Ootie shorts and me fucking three-eyed nutbag

dangling out the side like a fucking mental fucking Christmas ornament at a children's hospital Ireland. You aren't get goodbye, George. Fuck you with a fairy debt. Fuck you.

What the Roger? See, do you understand why I don't want to talk to that guy? In the park with a fairy and this guy's wearing hooter shorts. What a freaking joke.

And you wonder why I don't want to talk to this guy. Next time I'll make him wait so long he hangs up. Crispy chicken legs with the hooter shorts and his is man parts hanging out. Not what my listeners want to hear about.

And as you can tell, I'm a little incensed. I'm a little upset. It's not the tone of the show I want to do. And now I'm just want to end it. Let's end the damn show. Oh, what a creep. Okay, let's do a few announcements and everyone can go and wash off. Yikes.

Okay. So let's talk about stuff. Stand-up comedy. Here's a fun one. My first gig of the fall will be in September in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Let's see, September 13, 14, and 15th, the laugh stop at the Blackfoot Inn in Calgary, Alberta. They're having their 30th anniversary, and they've invited me and my buddy Tom Green to come up and do a dual show together. So me and Tom will be headlining.

In Calgary, Alberta, what a treat that's going to be. That's like a double whammy, folks. So hopefully you guys can come out and come up there and enjoy the show. Get your tickets online at Harlandwiliams.com. And that's my only show in September. But then as we go into October, I'm going to be up in Spokane or Spokane, Washington. So check that out. That's going to be October 18th through the 20th.

By the way, the Calgary show September 13th to the 15th. And then in November, I'm going to be in Tacoma, Washington, and Irvine, California, and just some cool gigs coming up, man. I'll let you know as we keep going along. But if you can't wait to see me live, don't forget, go and check out Carmel Corn the Pug, kick them in the kibble on Amazon.com. Okay, Amazon Prime.

It's an hour of a human dog doing stand-up in front of 600 people. It's really a spectacle. I think you're going to enjoy it. So check it out. Also, go to harlunwilms.com. We have great gifts and merchandise in the store. We have crazy t-shirts and books and videos and music and all the stuff that I do. We'll mail it out to you.

Also, don't forget, you can download a digital download on my site. It's called Crowd Control, Volume 4. And it's my latest digital album where if you like crowdwork, if you like listening to comedians just to mess with the crowd, the whole album is just me doing crowdwork. None of it's pre-planned. It's all in the moment. And it's only a $3 download. and I think you'll get some good laughs out of that.

That is comedy at a purest man when it's just made up on the spot. So check it out. Crowd Control 4. That's also in the store at harlandwilms.com. Also, don't forget, you can become a premium member for the Harland Highway. It's only $20 a year.

And you get almost 1,000 episodes of the podcast. It's unbelievable. What a deal. and if you want to listen to the show everywhere you go on your phone, on your smartphone, just go to your app store and type in the Harland Highway and you can download the app for free and get the 50 latest episodes for free.

And then if you want all 1,000 almost, you just 20 bucks, Ope Unlocks the door. You get years and years, almost nine years worth of shows. Can you believe it? Nine years worth of shows for like 50, for 20 bucks. who gives you a deal like that i do that's who um and what else what else can i tell you um i think that's it for now make sure you get on there and buy your tickets for calgary um i'll have some more news about the puppy dog pals my show on disney is doing great my animated show if you have young

kids check out disney juniors puppy dog pals and uh and that's it i think we're through the announcements for today. Thank you for being here, everybody. Thank you for your phone calls. Once again, that number 323-739-43330. Or if you want to just write me an email, I read them all. Harlandwilliams.com. And that's it.

We're done. We ended on a bit of a weird Hooters note, but we'll be back for another show next Monday. So take care. Until next time, keep on rocking. Keep your shorts tight. And until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby? Until you get to the wishbone.