The Harland Highway - 959 - Nature expert and ANIMAL ATTACKS. Calls from listeners. Harland wins something.

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

Nature expert calls to discuss deaths and ANIMAL ATTACKS. Calls from listeners. Harland wins something. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Harland Highway, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, we are in September, and we're rocking it out here on the Harland Highway. I'm your host, Harland Williams. What a show we have today. We've got all kinds of phone calls today from the pavement pounders. We're going to be playing some phone messages and answering some other questions and your questions and whatnot. Also, a little story. I'm going to take a little moment at the beginning of the show to gloat a little bit.

I had a personal triumph that I'm going to talk about just briefly. I'm going to brag a little bit. I deserve it. And then a crazy news story. This is a horrifying crazy news story where a woman was swallowed alive by a critter. And it's just, it's such a creepy story. but in response to the story we had a wildlife specialist phone in and this guy is a botanist and he's a naturalist and he's a park ranger

and he's actually an expert in the field about wildlife attacks and things that can actually swallow you whole so that's towards the end of the show it's going to be wild I guarantee put your helmets on this is ladies gentlemen The Harland Highway I have an announcement to me You're about to go down the Harland Highway Lock the door

I don't want to be a product of my environment Shut up I want my environment to be a product of me You're riding down the Harlan Highway So, put off the fuck to get off this phone I can get you off. Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.

Ha! You're a cantalop! Dygon! Dagon! Dagon! Dagon! All right, hold tight on the Holland Highway show! I'm ashamed, big daddy! That's why I'm a drunk when I'm drunk I can stand myself! Keep bleeding on that tutor, Charlie, and you're gonna get a shot in the mouth.

Act like a man! I wasn't really sure what was going on. You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rest is bullshit, and you know it. Okay, so, this will be a short little segment, but a little bit of bragging. A little insight into my personal life, okay? I got a little braggadocious moment, if you'll indulge me. It won't take long.

But, I don't know, about four or five years ago, maybe five years ago. I was at my gym, just doing my thing, doing my curls and my reps and my rips and my raps and my raps and, you know, working out. And a buddy of mine who goes to the same gym said, hey, man, you want to come and play racquetball. And I'm like, what? What? He goes, yeah, there's racquetball courts in the gym. And I was like, oh, is that what those things are? He goes, yeah, he goes, I got an extra racket.

come on in and play racquetball and I'm up for new things I'd never played racquetball in my whole life I'd never even touched it and I said okay you know I like tennis I like badminton I like you know I like sports let's do it bro so I went in and he kind of told me the rules and we started playing and of course I wasn't very good at it but from the minute I played I was like Ooh, I like this game. I like racquetball. It's a lot of running around. It's a lot of cardio and it's kind of fun.

It's like you ever see a cat chase a laser beam on a wall? Well, racquetball, basically you're in a rectangle room with like a 20-foot ceiling. And I'd say it's about, I don't know, 15 feet, 20 feet wide maybe. And you've got a bounce. bouncy rubber ball and two rackets that look like sawed-off tennis rackets are about half the length of a tennis racket. And you just whack this ball all around the room and smack it off the walls. And this thing bounces this way and that way and high and low.

And it takes all kinds of hand-eye coordination and agility and stopping and starting and sprinting and strategy and aiming. and it's just a really cool game and it burns a lot of calories and it works like out your legs and your shoulders and you're moving everywhere, right? And remember, this is coming from a guy who plays a lot of tennis and hockey. So this game is just as up there. And so I tried it and I got hooked.

I got hooked and I started playing all the time. And all of a sudden I found out at the gym there was a league, there was a racquetball league. league and anyone who goes to the gym can join the racquetball league and the guy who runs it every Thursday night he puts a schedule together and he puts you up against the other local players from all walks of life and all areas of the city and basically you play all these people and he keeps track of all the scores and then at the end of the racquetball season which I think it's an eight-week season.

He takes the top eight players and they have a playoff. And then they play each other until the winners are just playing each other until finally it whittles down to the two final winners. And so, of course, when I started playing racquetball, I didn't even enter the league. But then I got in the league and then I slowly started getting a little better. And then I noticed I was starting to beat people. And so I worked my way up, up, up, up, up in the league.

And I made it to the playoffs and played a few times and never won. And then just last week, guess who won the racquetball tournament, the racquetball playoffs? Guess who won the league? I did. So I'm a little, it made me happy. You know, and I think what made me happy, it's one of those things in life where you, and if I can inspire any of you. you listening.

It's one of those things where I didn't know anything about anything. It fell in my lap. Some guy just randomly asked me if I wanted to play racquetball. I just had the courage to say yes or the curiosity to say yes or whatever you want to call it. And cut to five years later, a sport I had never even touched. suddenly I win the local racquetball league so there you go I was very proud of that

I was very happy I was very excited and it just goes to show you when you get out there and you try new things and you just jump in and you go for it and you find something you like you know good things can happen and even if I didn't win my goodness the fun and the reward and the

the health benefits I've had from playing racquetball have just been amazing. And what's interesting, too, in this league, I even made a few new friends because the same people come back, you know, to the league, and so I even made a few new acquaintances at the league. So how about that? Huh?

So I told you I'd keep it short. I just wanted to boast a little bit, mostly because it made me happy. It was an accomplishment, and I thought maybe it's a story that might inspire, some of you guys, too, if there's something in your life that you've never tried or someone asks you to do something you've never tried, instead of shying away from it, give it a shot. You might do it once, you might do it twice, you might win the league championship.

That's all I'm saying, life. So there you go, a little boasting. I hope you don't mind, and now we'll move on to the regular show, if you can call this show irregular. Oh, my God. Hello? Hello. Hey, Harland. How you doing? This is Cartoonist Jack again. I had a fun question for you that maybe, if you have some time on your podcast, you'll have a little bit of a chance to answer. I was wondering what was the thing that you hated the most

about school? For me, and I'm sure for a lot of people, it's homework. Definitely homework. I I mean, you think about it, you're already going on the bus with a bunch of people you hate, going into a classroom learning a bunch of stuff you have no interest in learning, and you're going to forget by the time you're 30, and you do all that, and you don't even get paid for it. You come home, your dad's home, and he's watching TV, and he just got paid. What do you have to do? You've got to go upstairs and do homework.

I mean, it ain't easy being a kid, right? But that's my least favorite thing. So I'm asking you, and I'm asking the rest of the, pavement pounders and everybody else. What is the thing you hated the most about school? All right, have a good one, Harlan. I hope to see one of your shows soon.

Bye-bye. Cartoonist Jack. Oh, yeah. That's a very good question. That's almost a Harland Highway question of the day, but since I didn't come up with it, I'll just let it be a question by Jack. The cartoonist Jack.

It won't be an official Harland Highway question of the day, but it's right at the lip. It's right at the boy. order. It's a great question, Jack, and I know all of us will have different answers. I have a couple. One of the hardest things that I didn't like about school was trying to figure out people. You know, I went into school and I don't know, I guess I's a bit of a sensitive guy. I don't know, maybe, I don't know, just I'm very in tune with people and their actions and their

facial expressions and they're everything. You know, I pick up a lot from people. And I think what I wasn't prepared for when I went into school, like high school, was kind of the pecking order, you know, that the idea that there were cleaks and there were groups and there was the football guys and the stoner guys and the cool guys and the nerdy guys and the smart girls and the slutty girls and the, you know, I guess I just wasn't really prepared for the different little cliques, the little groups that humans naturally form. It's like Lord of the Flies. If you've ever read Lord of the Flies, it's like different tribes seem to emerge in school. And I just don't know that I ever felt comfortable in any of them. I always felt like an outsider looking in.

I always felt like an outsider trying to understand why there were groups and cliques and things like that. So that was a bit, it wasn't so much the academic stuff, you know, because I just kind of understood that that's what it was. It was a brick, mortar and brick building where you're supposed to go in and sit down and learn. So that wasn't really that much of a surprise to me. So I didn't hate it. I found it monotonous. But I guess I didn't hate it. But I think what I also didn't like about school

was the fact that it created this impending sense of doom. At least when I went to school, remember, I went to high school in the 70s and the 80s. Okay? Actually, I think it was mostly the 70s. And so back that, then there was this expectation of young kids, especially when you grew up in the suburbs of Toronto, Canada, where everything's pretty white bread, you know, everything's pretty normal and kind of down the middle. You know, I lived in mall country, and there was this expectation I felt that you go into school and you kind of prepare for being a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a biologist, you know,

something very mainstream. And so I always had this kind of foreboding sense of doom over my head because no one ever sat me down and said, You know, Harland, you know, you don't have to be a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a plumber. You could be an artist. You could be a dancer. You could be an actor. You could be a singer. You could be a photographer.

You could make movies. You never got the sense of that, even though they had a theater arts class in my schools. I always had this sense of doom that if I didn't get out of school and become like something really traditional, I was doomed to poverty and homelessness and failure. And so that really like kind of weighed on me and made it hard. And one of the saving graces is, I remember I was in a sociology class, I believe. And I remember one day the teacher, this was probably around grade 10 or grade 11 maybe I was in, where all this stuff was like weighing down on me.

And I remember the teacher reading a story from one of our psychology books and talking about social norms. It's the first time I'd ever heard the word the norm. And first of all, I thought it was dumb because it would sound like a guy's name, The Norm. But I'd never heard that term before. The social norm. You're expected to conform to the social norms. And if you don't conform to social norms, you're an outcast, you're an outsider.

And that was the first time I went, oh, wait a minute. Is he talking to me? And then I'll never forget, he read a story up at the front of the class. And he goes, here's an example. There was a man, and every day he used to go out on a chair. He'd take a chair up on his roof at his apartment building or at his house, I forget, and he'd sit up on the chair, and he'd sit out on his lunch break and just watch the clouds float by or watch the sunset, and people would stand and stare at him.

It was way outside of the social norm. And I heard that guy's story and I went like, finally someone I can relate to. Can you believe it? Like that was the thing that caught me and I've always remembered it. Like the idea of a guy sitting out on his roof alone and being introspective or just watching clouds or whatever the hell he was doing,

that resonated with me. And in my head, I was like, well, that doesn't sound weird to me. That sounds kind of nice. That sounds kind of fun. Because you know what? I used to do at my house when I was a kid, I took the screen out of my window, and I used to crawl out of my window, and I'd spend hours sitting on the very tip of our roof at my house in the suburbs.

I would go up there in the day. I would go up there at night with my Walkman on and listen to Pink Floyd. I'd sit on the top of the roof for hours. And then I hear this story about this guy, and it stayed with me my whole life. And in my head, I was like, that guy isn't abnormal. That guy's not outside of the norm. That guy's creative.

That guy thinks differently. Good for him. I want to see that guy on the roof. I don't want to see all the people standing in the bus and the streetcar on the subway. Show me the guy sitting on the roof. and fill my mind with imagination. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

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So that resonated with me. So the things I didn't like was the sense that we had to conform. and be something. I think it's a lot different now. I think with the internet and creativity and, you know, just I think kids, I hope kids get the sense that they can be a lot more than the traditional things that I thought we had to be. But there was times when I really fretted and I thought,

oh my God, I'm destined to be a loser and a life of doom and gloom and a failure and I'm not going to be able to meet everyone's expectations. and I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer. I actually did want to be a marine biologist. That was kind of my first choice when I got out of high school, and then I ended up going into animation because that's where the drawing cartoons was. So I did finally find a thing where you could draw cartoons.

But anyways, when you're a high school kid, it's scary. It's intimidating. So I didn't like that. I didn't like the little cliques of people. and I also didn't like that I was really nervous around the girls and I couldn't figure out girls and I was scared to ask them out even though I wanted to. I mean, I got around to it.

I got around to asking out the girls and all that, but it was scary for me. I was intimidated. I wasn't like, you know, a handsome jock. I was like a scraggly, skinny little guy with shaggy hair and, you know, so it was awkward. But I wouldn't trade it. any of those times for the world, man.

I mean, I look back at them very fondly. I mean, confusion and uncertainty and insecurity and all that stuff that you have when you're an adolescent, the angst, they call it. And yes, I think not doing the homework is a given. I mean, of course I didn't like doing homework, but I think that one's too easy. That one's too obvious.

And so maybe I'll turn the question around on you'd cartoonist. Jack, because I think Cartoon is Jack, just by his name, is an artist. So maybe Cartoon as Jack can relate to some of the stuff I say. I bet Cartoon is Jack can relate to the guy up on the roof. So I'm going to turn the question back on Cartoon as Jack and say Cartoon is Jack, outside of the typical homework answer, which is obvious, what was something that was more not so obvious that you didn't like in school?

Maybe that's more interesting. Maybe if you notice, all my answers dealt with, like, psychology, human psychology, and it wasn't even about the school or the atmosphere or the academia. It was about people. Clearly, I just realized in my answer, I was more, you know, mixed up and confused about people. So I'm going to throw it back on you, buddy. what did you hate most about school that wasn't so typical? All right, let me know, buds, and thank you for the call.

Great question. And if any of you guys out there, the pavement powders want to respond to cartoonist Jack question about what did you hate about school the most, you can phone in and leave an answer. 323-3-739-433-30, 3-2-3-7-39-4-3-30. Awesome. Let's do one more call. Hello? Hello? Yeah, Harland, I have kind of a grievance here. I was just listening to your show, and you played a song about a dead skunk in the middle of the road.

and at first I enjoyed it you know I thought man you know this reminds me of back home in Kansas you know where we would see that kind of thing frequently and I was kind of enjoying the song and I went on about my day

and all of a sudden you know that chorus just started going through my head over and over and over and man it's just started driving me insane man I just don't know what to do with this you know I keep hearing Dad's Gunk in the middle of the road

And I'm like I don't know, man I feel like my brain is exploding My years are bleeding And I feel like I'm part of some sick experiment You know where they're trying to like See how long you can take this man Because I can't take it anymore man

The Dead Skunk syndrome or something I don't know man But you've got to help me with this You've got to play something to kind of like Clear my mental palate Or something like that man because this is really driving me and saying I can't sleep at night. I can't eat.

I can't talk to my family. It's all dead skunk, dead skunk, dead skunk, dead skunk. And you just got to help me, man. You did this to me. You've got to fix it. Fix it, man. Please, I beg of you. Skunk Chalmay, man.

Whoa, whoa, bro. I hear you. I hear you. You're hurting, bro. You're hurting because you've gotten your head. There's a dead skunk in the middle of the road. You know, I got you, bro. You need something.

You need to be deprogrammed, okay? You need to be, like, scrub down and deprogrammed. You need an intervention here, bro. And there's only one thing that will get the dead skunk in the middle of the road verse out of your head. And you got to be careful what you ask for, bro, because as much as you were running around singing, there's a dead skunk in the middle of the road. the thing I'm going to use to erase that may be worse.

You may be running around. In fact, I know you're going to be running around now singing this. But you asked me, bro, you asked me to stop, put an end to the pain, put a bullet through the dead skunk in the middle of the road, even though it's already dead. So here it is. Here's your deprogramming. And welcome to the new tune. Stuck in your head, bro Can you feel it, bro?

Can you feel like getting in your head, bro? Here it comes. I think it's getting in there. Oh, yeah. I used to be a lunatic. Oh, yeah, that's a little Annie Lennox, bro. No more I love you's. But don't say that I don't love you because you asked to be deprogrammed,

and I went right to it with the one stupid, annoying verse that you will never get out of your head, and you will be singing. Doob-do-do-do-do-do! You're going to be screaming it soon, man. Okay? But I did it. I did what you asked me to do. Okay?

So you can't be mad at me, bro. Um, you know, and there could be worse things in the world. I mean, you could be, you could be, uh, you could be dead in the middle of the road like a skunk. Right? You don't want to be a dead animal in the middle of the road. I mean, what if an animal called in and had a complaint about the dead skunk in the middle of the road? Hello? Hello?

Br-R-R-R-R-R-M-A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Um, okay, Raj, I think we're good with all the phone calls. I think that, that one was kind of the capper. Yeah, let's, let's move on from the phone calls, from the pavement pounders and get to something, uh, something else. on the show. Okay, let's do that. Let's move on, shall we? That's strange stuff Okay, let's do it Let's do it

Let's talk about something crazy That's in the news This is everyone's nightmare, okay? This is terrifying This is horrible This makes my knees quiver Here's the headline Are you ready? Crazy news story

The Indonesian woman dies after being swallowed whole by a python. Good night, Nellie Frittato. I mean, are you kidding me? Is there any slower death? You know, them being swallowed by a python outside of maybe being in a coma for five years? Like, getting swallowed alive by a snake can't be a, fast process. It's just not, you know, it's just not fast.

So here's the story. An Indonesian mother has died after being swallowed whole by a 23-foot-long python, 23 feet. Most of us our houses aren't as wide as 23 feet. The woman went missing while tending to her vegetable garden near the village. according to the village chief. When her family went to look for, they found only her belongings in the garden,

including her sandals, a machete, and a flashlight. Okay, I'm not Nancy Drew, but these are clues, people. Flashlight says, maybe, she was gardening in the middle of the night. Never good, especially in a tropical country with alligators and snakes and tigers and lions and you can't till the crops in the morning

when the sun's up so you can see the predators lurking in the darkness. So there goes the flashlight. A machete. Okay? How do you not take down a snake with a machete? I mean, you got the snake on you. I told you they moved slow.

Although a python, they're constrictors probably. so it probably coiled her, probably struck, got it in her, you know, the initial thing is a strike, they get you with the mouth. So she was probably in shock and she was surprised by the attack. So at that point she could have dropped the machete or maybe the machete wasn't nearby. And what happens is once these snakes like latch on to you, they know that there's going to be a struggle. So with something to be 23 feet long,

you've got to imagine it was probably as thick as a tree stump. So I'm guessing almost instantly it knocked the woman off her feet. And once she was down, it's constricted around her body rather quickly because those snakes, once they start to coil, they can move, man. and what they do is they constrict around your throat and around your rib cage and your torso

and they're very clever predators. Every time you exhale, they tighten a little more. And if you don't think these snakes are strong, I mean, you're talking about a 23-foot-long piece of pure muscle. Like, take the biggest bodybuilder's bice when he's flexing, and how about 23 feet of flexing bicep? That's how powerful these things are. Don't be deceived because it's a snake and it crawls on the ground.

These things are immensely powerful, and at 23 feet long, look out. Okay? So what they do is, obviously, we have to breathe, and the snakes are very sensitive. They can feel vibration on their bellies. They're not, they don't have great eyesight. Much of what a snake does is through feel and smell. Their tongue flickers in the air and has receptors on it, and they can smell the air, and then their bellies are so sensitive.

This is how they can feel prey through vibrations in the ground. So clearly they can feel probably the breathing and the heartbeat of their prey. And so every time, you know, let's face it, when you're in an agitated state, as a victim, you're panicking, your blood pressure goes like, your breathing accelerates. And so you're like, so every time you breathe out, the snake feels it and tighten. So every time you breathe out, that gives the snake a chance to squeeze. squeeze in and hold it. So then he's constricting your air passages and he's constricting your lungs. So now it becomes almost impossible to breathe in and you've exhaled everything in you.

And it doesn't take long until you're just completely suffocated. It's a horrible way to die. And when I said earlier, it's the slowest way to die. The slow part is when you're swallowed alive whole. that's that's the bad part Let's continue here The village launched a search for her But we're horrified to find the python

With a severely bloated belly Just 50 yards from the garden See that's where it's maddening The snake was in a garden full of food It couldn't have had a beet or some asparagus or a cabbage It's like you know I'm just not a first course guy I'm just not a salad guy

I know it's there I know it's I even know it's healthy but I'm a meat guy you know I just like meat I've never been into salads so I went straight for the meat they say the villagers killed the snake and when they cut

open its belly they found the woman's body still intact wearing all her clothes oh god except for her sandals, of course. The snake was like, no way, I don't do Birkenstocks, okay? I'll eat a nighty, I'll eat some PJs, I'll eat some spandex, a dance skin, yoga pants, whatever, an 18-hour bra.

But I do not do Birkenstock sandals. Are you kidding? You know what happens when you get a flip-flop in your esophagus or in your belly? That's right. Just like it says it flips and it flops. It's like you'll be gassy all night long. I don't need acid reflex, people. the police chief

said residents were suspicious the snake swallowed the victim so they killed it then carried it out of the garden yeah I think it could be a little suspicious when you know it's no secret when snakes swallowed things you can kind of see the shape

of the things they ate I mean were they all standing around and being like is it just me or does shindara that snake look like the shape of Shindara. I don't know. That's a funny, you know how

sometimes you get a potato chip that looks like Jesus Christ or something? Is it just me or does that 29-foot boa constrictor look like Shara's inside? It's just a funny bump. Maybe it's a muffin top. I don't know, but it's

that's pretty creepy. So the snake's belly was cut up and they found the victim inside. and a local villager said everyone cried and was in shock. That poor woman, it looked like a horror movie. The people are terrified and afraid to go outside. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, again, I got to ask the question.

Was it nighttime? Was she gardening in the dark? Why a flashlight? And if you're going to walk around with a machete, point to note here, use the damn thing. Oh, my goodness, a giant 23-foot snake. If only I had a machete in my hand to kill it. Oh, wait, I do.

Too late. I forgot and didn't realize in time. Now I'm being swallowed. Help. And plus, you know, like I said, until the snake, like, strikes, they move with lightning speed. The strike is like, like, they go. But the lead-up to the strike is very slow.

Like these pythons are not like cobras or pit vipers or black adders. They don't scamper through the bush at a high speed. The pythons and the anacondas and whatnot, they're kind of like kind of on cruise control. They kind of meander through the underbrush. So you kind of have a chance to get away. They move like lava. They're kind of slow.

There's other poisonous snakes that can damn well chase you down the trail, man. But listen, as much as I'm kind of making a light of this, my prayers and thoughts go to this poor woman. What a way to go and then get swallowed up inside. And you know snakes must have a hell of a lot of acidity to their saliva and their bodily fluids. I mean, you know, they don't. chew their food, right? They just swallow it whole. So that means they have a lot of powerful digestive enzymes in their system. So if she was at any point still sort of alive inside of this

thing, it would be like trying to get out of a snake skin suitcase. Let me out. Let me out. I'm still alive. I want my Birkenstocks. Help me. Someone hand me my machete. I'll cut my way out. And then that's, you know, the only good thing about, you know, the way she died in her clothes, I guess they could just bury her in her clothes. Ah, she was, you know, this is what she was wearing. Let's just put her to rest. Well, the other thing is, you know, you know how expensive funerals are, right? They say the average funeral is like $6,000.

In Indonesia, it's a more impoverished country. You know, you could almost. be like, you know, has anyone seen Shahira? No, no, she's sliding by behind them, right? No, no, I haven't seen, you know, everyone's just kind of looking around. Meanwhile, they all see the snake just kind of sliding away in the background. Ah, I guess we don't have to pay for that funeral. Gee, where could she be? Slither, slither, slither.

I wish we knew where she was. Isn't that snake got the shape of Shakira? No, no, I don't think so. I think it's just a fat snake with a muffin top. I really let it go. You know, I mean, a snake could be the all-in-one, like, funeral death. Like, okay, you got eaten, you're all packaged up and sealed nicely in a nice snake-skin outfit. Off you go.

Slither away into the woods. You're done. so RIP to Indonesian woman who died with a python and you know you think of that story and you go oh poor thing that's what you get when you live in a well don't be deceived gang you know I don't know if you live in Florida or not but there's an invasive species of Burmese python that has invaded the Everglades of Florida

and these giant snakes are getting bigger and bigger I mean, these things are starting to eat alligators, okay? So don't be deceived. If you're wandering around in Florida somewhere, you could get taken out by one of these things. The chances, the odds are astronomical, but this type of story isn't that far from home if you live in the United States.

In time, and this invasive species of Burmese python is relatively new to Florida, but they've become a big problem, and they're getting bigger and bigger, and more and more of the population is growing, and it's just a matter of time until this story I just read won't be in Indonesia any longer.

It'll be like an American kid with, you know, crocs and Nike shorts and a Tommy Bahamas shirt, and who knows what else. It'll be a very American swallowing, is what I'm trying to say. So there you go, your Harland Highway. Boom.

Oh, crazy news story. You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometimes. Wait, what? We have a wildlife expert from where? Really? From Pakistan? Yeah, I think they have large snakes over in Pakistan and India.

Yeah. Oh, cool. So this guy was listening in via what? The internet and he wants to chime in? Great, man. What's this guy's name? Okay, Igabal Hasnu. Am I saying it right?

Igabal Hasnu, okay. Let's put him on, man. I want to talk to him about snakes and wildlife, and I guess this guy's, well, let's ask him what he does. And is he there now, Raj? Great. Let's put him through. Go ahead, Igabal Hasnu, you're on the Harlan Highway.

Hello, sir. How are you at the day? Hello, Igabal. Is that you, sir? Am I saying it right? Igabal Hasnu? Igabal Hasno, that is correct. Thank you very much.

I mean, listening to your show and a very interesting, very tragic story about a woman in Indonesia. Yeah, man, it is tough to read those stories. I mean, you know, you kind of want to have fun with them a bit, but at the end of the day, someone died.

And this is very common in the Middle East, in the South America, in the, the German of Africa and all over the place, anywhere tropical, you're going to have large pythons and constrictors that have the capability to consume and swallow anything, a large mammal. Oh, yeah, yeah, but I get it. They eat like a baby zebra or a baby gazelle, but you just don't think about them eating a human. Well, you know, sometimes, uh, they, they, they're, they're

attracted to the human flesh that's the same they are to be attracted to the flesh the flesh that's a baby you know

the spring buck gazelli I know I know and one of the thing Mr. William that they help not good

is the human being they were sent they were I know just last year a woman on the safari

in the jungle, she swallowed by J-Lo. She was what, sir? Swallowed by J-Lo. She was swallowed by J-Lo. What does that mean? J-Lo, American Idol, J-Lo, the Powder Blue, the Latino, the Latino singer. J-Lo, yes, yes, the actress, the singer, the celebrity.

Yes, Mr. Williams, swallowed the live by the J-Loh. Well, what do you mean? She, J-Lo was swallowed alive? No, Mr. William. The snake, they have receptacles. They have a very sensitive receptors in their, in their snout, in their tongue.

They can pick things up from 20 miles away. Okay, and you said, There was a woman American tourist. She was on a safari, and all of a sudden she must have washed the spray, the jalo's fragrance. fragrance on her neck on her shoulders

to be sexy for her husband or what have you. Oh, oh, oh, okay, so J-Lo's perfume. Yes, Mr. Williams. And the snake to snake a very tantalizing aroma, very tantalizing scent,

and of course a woman stopped to take rest on the safari trail or pick berries or in one instance we had a woman who was well dissent of this girl, Christina Aguilera.

That Christina Aguilera? Yes. No, wait. No, wait. I mix it up, Mr. Williams. It is, oh, the little Latino girl who looked like her hairline starts halfway back on her head. Her hairline starts halfway back on her head, sir?

Yeah, what, Ariana Grande, oh my goodness, such a beautiful girl, Ariana Grande. Okay, yes, she has a, she has a scent. Yes, and apparently another American tourist was squatting down behind the bushes in South America on the Amazon. And from what I was told, she had a brown trout hanging halfway out of her control, And I guess she had some spread, some area grande all over herself, and the large anaconda pick up the scent and swallowed the hell in the middle of how you say in America taking a giant dump. Wait, what? Hold on. An American tourist was in the Amazon. This is what I'm saying. And hold on, they were, they had sprayed themselves with Ariana Grande's signature perfume.

Correct, Ariana Grande. Yes, sir, we've got Ariana Grande. They stopped, nature called, which happens when you're out in the wilderness. Oh, yes, many a time have I dropped a giant tad ball off by the swamp, if you know what I mean. Well, okay, sir, so anyways, the American tourist stopped to try. drop off the kids, and in the middle of... In the middle of that giant brown log coming out of her control, the...

Oh, my goodness, a giant anaconda grabbed her left butt cheek. Oh, my God. Because he smelled Ariana Grande all over her and swallowed her holes there. So, she was in the middle of going to the bathroom. Well, I didn't say that. I said, dropping a giant, giant brown hunker, hunker burning love. Okay, sir, she was going number two, and the snake got scent of her Ariana Grande perfume, and boom. Exactly, Mr. William.

And the one before that, I tell you, J-Lo, woman in the forest, J-Lo, she smelled like J-Lo, and all of a sudden, and the bang, bang, thank you, Mang. And then we have another one. You know Sonny and Cher? Sunny and Share, yes. Well, Cher, you know, Cher. Can you believe in life after love? B, B, B. I know you.

Yes, yes, we know Cher, sir. Yes, well, Cher have perfume. And here we go. Another American tourist in the jungle. in the rainforest of Northern Australia, Mr. Williams. And she's wearing the share, and apparently she was singing in the jungle. Okay, she was singing. Do you believe in life after love? Bing, bong, bing, bong.

Okay. Well, you don't have to get animated with me, Mr. Williams. I'm just telling you what happened. Okay, well, you don't have to keep singing Cher. Well, Mr. Williams, if I'm going to, you know, tell the story accurately, I must, you know, give you the details. Okay, well, okay. So, there she was in the forest. She's wearing shares of perfume, and do you believe in life after a bang, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong.

Okay. And, of course, the giant green python snapped and got rid on her face and swallowed her whole. And people swear by the Holy Bible, even though I'm Hindu, Mr. Williams, by the Holy Bible, people swear they could still hear her inside the snake. Oh, my God. So she was swallowed whole. The snake smelt the share cologne on her. That is correct.

And they could hear... Oh, my God. They could hear her inside screaming for her life. Well, what I was told is they could hear her inside screaming. Sir! I'm just telling you, they heard that singing from inside the green python. Okay, we get it. Now...

Now, there's also... They're also Justin the Beaver, you know, the Bebes. The what? The Bebs, Mr. Williams. Justin Bieber. The Bebs, as we call him here in East India. Okay, the Bebs. He have wonderful cologne.

Sometimes I even wear it myself. You know, I'm not immune to sexuality, Mr. Williams. Okay, yes. So, I was, it wasn't happened to me, but when I was out with one of the of my associate, you know, I am a certified ranger and naturalist. Yes, that's what Roger said. Well, as you know, Mr. Williams, a man can pretty much urinate wherever he likes to go. Okay, yes.

So my partner, him a job. Him a job, yes. Well, he stopped to take urination over by the lily pads. Okay, I think I know where they. this is going. Now, here's what funny. I always tell him, put cologne on after you get changed, dressed out of the shower. Isn't that what you do, Mr. Williams?

Well, I'm not a big cologne guy, but usually once I've shaved and I've got my clothes on, if I'm going to splash some cologne on, I will. Exactly. And Finder job, he likes to put the bibs cologne on when he's completely naked after the shower. Okay, what does that have to do with anything? Well, as Faith would have it on this faithful day, he told me that he had the what you call in America, the Butterfingers. Yeah, Butterfingers.

And he dropped the Beeb's, you know, the Cologne, and it splashed all over his Monty Python and his Holy Grail type of thing. Wait, he dropped his Justin Bieber Cologne on, onto his private parts? Correctly, Mr. Williams. And, of course, you know, here we are out in the field. We're doing research. We are studying mammals and amphibians and reptiles.

And, you know, ginger bar goes to take a nature's calling, as you say, in America. He pulls out his Monty Python and the Holy Grail. And he starts doing the yellow sally in the babonzo weeds and snap, crackle pop, as you say in America, a giant boa constrictor snapped onto his Monty Python in the hole... Will you stop saying Monty Python in the Holy Grail, sir? That is a British comedy troupe,

and it's a movie by the Monty Python comedy troupe. Well, once again, you raise your voice to me, but I'm just a messenger, Mr. Williams. Okay, I'm sorry, Igabal, but so your your partner is taking a he's doing some he's doing a tinkle in the jungle earlier that day he had spilled some justin beber the bibs the bebs the bebs cologne on his private parts his monty python and the holy grail and he's taking a leak and one of the snakes smelt it. A bulk and

stricter, Mr. William. Very big, very long, very, very powerful. Almost like a multi-pyrton and the Holy Grail with eyes. And let me guess, it snapped at his, it snapped at his thing faster than Shirley

McLean and Rosie O'Donnell sucking shrimp cocktails at the all you can eat the shrimp butt house place. The shrimp house place, sir. Well, I don't know the American name. Well, every three seconds, you keep saying, as they say in America, do you not know any American?

What am I, uh, Houdini, please. Okay, well, let me give you one, Red Lobster. Okay, there, you're happy now? The Bebs, the Red Lobster, okay? Okay, well, it's your story. So, I'm just telling you, Mr. Williams, and what happened? these snakes, you don't think that they can eat something so large, but what they can do is they dislocate their jaw and their jaw actually come away from their skull, the upper

part, the casing of their skull, and they can open, excuse me, Mr. Williams, I just swallowed a fly. Well, are you out in the field right now? Yes, I'm on the trail and on my cell phone. Okay, so snakes can dislocate their jaw. Yes, and very few mammals or animals or reptiles in the animal kingdom can do it. Well, as far as I know, it's just snakes, right? Well, not true. One time I was giving a lecture in Cincinnati, Ohio, in United States.

Okay. And I had to pull over to what you call it, America, the Shell Station, Mr. Williams. Okay. And I go in, and of course I see a hole in the wall in the bathroom store. It's a glory hall, okay? Okay, yes, glory hall. And I put my snake into the glory hall, and whatever was on the other side dislocated their jaw

and put swallow the whole thing. All right, sir. Do you have anything else to say? I think this is getting way, way off. Do you have anything else? I do have one more thing, Mr. Williams. I have a question for you. A question.

Okay, and then I got to wrap it up. What is your question? Here it is, Mr. Williams. Okay, what is it? Hello, what is your question? I'm getting ready for it, Mr. Williams. Hang on. Sir, I don't have time.

What is your question? Here it is, Mr. Room. I had to clear my throat because of why. What is your question, sir? Here it is. Do you believe in life after love? Bing, boom, bin bomb. Stop it.

Up yours. I hope you get swallowed by a fat person at Jenny Craig's whorehouse, you pig. Fuck you. What in the name of God? He hopes they get swallowed by a whore at Jenny Craig's. What? What is? He was at a shell station glory hole, Roger?

What was that all about? Good Lord. People getting swallowed because they're wearing celebrity colognes. What a job. Let's end the show. This is just ridiculous. Good Lord. Let's just go to something real.

You know what, let me make some announcements. I want to let you guys know that this week I'll be in a place where the Bebes was born in Canada. Yeah, I'm going up to Calgary, Alberta. And me and my good buddy Tom Green are doing a dual headliner show at the Blackfoot Inn in Calgary, Alberta at the left stop. It's going to be a great show. It's their big anniversary show. so they brought me and Tom, and it's rare you get two headliners on the same bill.

So get your tickets at September 13, 14, 15th this weekend, okay? And it's going to be a blast. We're going to have a good time. It's probably going to sell out, so don't get upset. Get on the phone today. Go to my website, Harlandwilliams.com, click on the comedy link, and order your tickets ASAP,

because I don't think they're going to be. around. Might be sold out already, but don't let that stop you from trying. And who knows, they might even add another show. I don't know. I don't know, but I think this one's going to be a biggie. And me and Tom have so much fun together. So check that out this weekend, September 13, 14, 15, Calgary, Alberta, Canada. And it's going to be a blast. Also, later in October, a month later, October 18, 19th, and 20th, I will be in Spokane, Washington doing the Spokane Comedy Club. Tickets available at my website, Harlewiam.com. And then November 1, 2, and 3, I will be in Tacoma, Washington, doing the club up there, the Tacoma Comedy Club.

Can you believe it? And then mid-November, I'll be back at one of my favorite clubs, the Irvine Comedy Club, in Orange County, California. That's November 15th, 16th, and 17th. And 18th, maybe, too, even. Holy jumping. So those are some good gigs. Check out my website, harlomwiliams.com.

And you can book your tickets right online there. Also, you're at harlomwilms.com. Don't forget you can call me and leave a voicemail. 323-739, 433.30. We had some great voicemails tonight. Who knows, maybe yours could be next. Don't be shy. Leave me a message, anything you want.

Someone even meowed like a cat. Also, don't forget, you can leave me a email if you want at the website, harlanwilms.com. Just click on the contact link, and I do read them all. So let's see what you have to say. The good, the bad, the ugly. I don't mind. Also, don't forget to become a premium member.

That's $20 a year. You can become a premium member and get every single episode I've ever done plus bonus material from time to time. I don't have time for a lot of it, but from time to time, I put bonus material up just for premium members. Also, you can get our free app

in the app store, just type in the Harland Highway podcast in your app store and boom, you get it for free. You get the latest 50 episodes absolutely free. It's a great deal, man. You can listen to the show wherever you travel on the plane, on your walking your dog,

peeing in the jungle, wearing Justin Bieber Cologne. Yeesh. Also, I'm going to have an announcement very, very soon about C. Season two, I know a lot of people have been writing me about season two of Puppy Dog Pals, my Disney animated show. The second season is coming very soon. I'll be able to give you the launch date.

I can't do it yet, but it's coming up soon. Also, if you want to join the Puppy Dog Pals' Twitter page, it's called Puppy Pals Bob. at puppy pals bob on Twitter and if you join that you get all the latest puppy pal puppy pals news I run the page and I kind of pretend that I'm Bob

so you know if you send pictures of your kids or you know pictures of yourself or pictures of your dog or anything you want to share about puppy dog pals I read all of those and I answer as Bob so it's kind of fun and what else man don't forget if you want to have some laughs and see my new comedy special

you can get that on amazon prime it's called caramel corn the pug kick them in the kibble you can rent or buy my new stand-up special it's on amazon prime and uh it's only i think three dollars to rent and like eight or nine dollars to buy so hopefully you'll uh jump on that and get some laughs from my stand-up comedy special where I'm dressed like a dog. It's kind of weird and funny and cool, I think. And I think that's it, man. I think that's all the announcements I have right now.

Don't forget to tell your friends about the Harlan Highway. Get them on board. And thank you for being here. Hope you had a good time. Watch out for snakes. And until next time, chicken. Show me. Baby?

Do you believe in life after love? Bing, boom, Bingba.