The Harland Highway - 986 - Crinky McKRINGLES helps celebrate St.Patty's Day. Crazy news story. Sad goodbyes!

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

CRINKY McKRINGLES helps celebrate St.Patty's Day. Crazy news story. Sad goodbyes from Pavement Pounders! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, shiver me timbers. It's St. Patrick's Day, don't you know, your little sea monkeys? Hello, this is Harland Williams, your host for the Green Harland Highway today. Yeah, it's St. Patrick's Day. And to celebrate, we have Crinky McRingles, the leprechaun, dropping by the studio. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He's a bit of a character, but nonetheless, There's no one more appropriate to come by on St. Paddy's Day than a real live leprechaun. So put your curly shoes on and get ready for crinky McRingles. Also, we're going to be talking about Roger, my technician, Roger, my producer, Roger, as we start to close the show down, one of the pavement pounders called to ask, what the heck's going to happen to Roger, who's been with the show right from the beginning.

So we'll talk about that. We'll talk about Roger. And then also a crazy news story. This one is going to make your skin crawl. This one is going to make your nostril crawl is what it's going to make. It's just kind of, ooh, and weird and creepy and funny at the same time. So get ready for a crazy news story. Also, instead of phone calls, we're going to do emails.

We're going to open up the pavement pounder mail bag from people who are upset about the podcast ending and we're going to talk about it. So all that and more on St. Patrick's Day here on the Harland Highway. You know my name. It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life. Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters. All of you through and through. You're riding down the Harland Highway. When you see a fallen stock, that means a witch has just died.

You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway. All I want is to hear people say something again or to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, a rockabilly boy. Don't you understand? You're listening to Harlan Williams. I can't be your daughter. I'm a machine.

Man, you've been dead a thousand years. My George, I think he's got it. You're riding down the Harland Highway. with Harland Williams. What's up, Doc? Mr. If you're going to lose, you're going to lose right now. Don't leave me here! Hello?

Hello? Harland, it's Ethan from Dallas. Hey, man, I had a question for you about the show ending. What's Roger going to do? I mean, the guy, I mean, he's not nearly personable enough to get another job of entertainment. I mean, he's not nice enough to work and to serve. service industry. What, I mean, what, what's the guy going to do? You're putting the guy on the street, man. I don't know. I don't know. How could you? How could you? Shark Chalmane.

Well, that's a very good question, young lad. And here's the reality about Roger in case you didn't know. And I think most you realize or understand Roger doesn't exist. Okay, all these years, there's no Roger. And that's, you know, I almost wish I did have a Roger because that's been one of the labor-intensive facets of this podcast is I don't have anybody. A lot of these guys and girls who have podcasts, they have producers and they have technicians and they have this and they have that.

And, you know, a lot of these podcasters come in, sit down, talk, and leave, right? and that's the end of it. But not me, man. Not me. I put in all my own sounds. I put in all my own music. I put all the, my title sequences I put together.

I mean, I edit it, I cut it, I record it. I do everything. And as you can tell, my podcast is a lot more production heavy than your average podcast. And to be honest, that's part of what I loved about it. I love the creative process. I love cutting things together. I like dropping in sounds right when they're perfect. I like using music and noises to accent the bits.

But boy, is it a lot of work. Oy, yo, yoi. But it's fun and it's rewarding. And when I hear it back and it works, I'm like, oh, that's so cool, man. Gives me a buzz. But it does take a lot of work. So Roger was a figment of my imagination to a degree. Okay, let me give you a little backstory with the Harland Highway.

The Harland Highway started off as a drive-home radio show, believe it or not, in Denver, Colorado. I was in Denver doing some stand-up comedy, and I went into the local radio station, the morning show, and this was like the number one morning show in Denver and I did an interview and at the end of the interview I guess some of the programmers and so on you know they were they were listening and I guess they loved what I did

they thought it was funny and silly and quick and all the other things and after I left the interview I was summoned to the office of one of the heads of the radio station. They said, hey, how would you like to do your own radio show? And I was like, what? Okay, sure, man.

You know? So they wanted me to do the drive home radio show in Denver between, I think it was 3 o'clock and 7 o'clock in the evening. And I said, I love it, but there's no way I'm moving to Denver. I just can't with all my work and my, you know, my house and my home. And they said, don't worry about it. We'll buy you all the equipment and we'll set you up. And so they did.

And what happened with that is they set me up with a producer who's name is actually Roger, Roger King. There you go. That's probably the first time you've ever heard his last name. After all these years, Roger King. And Roger is this brilliant sound guy. What happened is I would record all my comedy bits, just a cappella, just me talking, and then I would email the comedy bits to Roger, and Roger would fill them in with all the noise and the music and the sound effects, and he would just add another incredible layer to them.

Oh, my God. So I'll tell you how you can hear some of those bits, but so Roger did all that, and I had to come up with, I think it was 8 to 10 bits a day Okay, because in Denver we did the Harland Highway Daily. So I had to come with 8 to 10 bits

a day. So you get one a week. Imagine me doing 8 to 10 a day, okay? So I had to record those. Send them via email. Roger would have put all this color onto them and then they would

insert my bits in between, you know, rock and roll songs, you know? But they'd play like three songs, and then I'd do a bit, and then, you know, they had me record, like, and now Led Zeppelin, stairway to heaven on the Harland Highway, right? So it made it seem like I was there, right, in the studio. So it was really good. So we did that for a year, and one of the deals, one of the points of the deal I made is I said, look, any bits I do, I want to own them.

And so at the end of the Harland Highway radio show in Denver, because I did eight bits a day, my God, at the end of it, I had a thousand bits. Can you believe it? A thousand comedy bits. And so I was like, man, I got all these bits and I don't know what to do with them. And right around that time is when podcasting started for stand-up comedians. There was only a few people doing it.

Adam Carolla, Mark Merrill, Mark Merrill. maybe two or three more, hardly anybody, right? And so I was like, oh my God, I'm going to do a podcast and I'll just continue doing the Harland Highway. But instead of just doing my bits, where I'll do is I'll do like running commentary and I'll talk about things and then in between my commentary, I'll drop in these bits that are already produced.

And so that's what I did. But in the meantime, I realized, well, I don't want my show to sound like two different shows. I want it to sound like everything's produced at the level Roger did it. So what I did is I learned on my own time how to do all that. And so what I did is I started layering in a lot of my stuff into the shows the way Roger did, right? and because Roger was part of it and because Roger was just so familiar to me right out of the gate I kind of pretended that Roger was still there

and it kind of gave me someone to throw to like if I was doing a bid and I wanted to pretend I was talking to someone else or get someone else to do something or blame someone it was Roger and I also got Roger to record some bits for me and send them back to me via email where he did a whole bunch of sound bites where it was like him talking.

I was like, Harlan, there's someone on line three, Harlan, George Michael on line four. I was like, Harlan, I don't know what to do. I didn't say anything. Like I had him do like a hundred different little bits so that I could have conversations and cut him in and make it sound like he was talking to me from the sound booth.

As you know, I had him put. I put little production on it, so it sounded like his voice, right? And so what happened is when podcasting started, I took all those bits and started the Harland Highway as a podcast. And if you want to hear some of Roger's early bits, you can go back of your premium member. You can go back right to the very beginning. And what I would do is I drop in two or three of my bits from the Denver show into the regular Harland Highway right at the beginning.

And it was great because here were these bits that were like super produced and all these funny noises and music and it was beautiful, man. And no other podcast had it. And so that kind of set the tone for what I wanted to do with the Harland Highway with lots of characters and sounds and stuff like that. And that's why I thought, oh man, my podcast is going to stand out from every. everybody else's because it just got such a different sound and a different approach. And as I said, which is, you know, painful for me, but unfortunately, it wasn't,

it didn't, it didn't resonate with people as much. That was a sound effect. I didn't really cough. Yes, I did. It didn't resonate with people as much as I had hoped. Now, to be honest, if I had 100,000 listeners right now, if I had 200,000 listeners, if I, if I, If I had 75,000 listeners, I'll be honest, I would still be doing the Harland Highway. But after nine years or whatever the hell we've done, and I still only get about, as I mentioned, and I hate to admit it,

but I only get about, you know, 1,500 to 2,000 listeners per episode. And I love all of you that listen, but it's just like, like I said, after nine years, it's so much work. And it's just not climbing. You know what I mean? It's like I'm doing this because I love it, but I'm also doing it because I wanted to reach people and make them laugh. And if it's not reaching people, if it's not climbing, if it's not growing, that tells me something, unfortunately, that for those of you that love it, thank you.

But it's kind of telling me that the rest of you don't really love it. And so it's kind of sad. It breaks my heart because I put so much into it. I thought people would love it. We've all done that. You do something you think people are going to love it and then they don't or it's met halfway or it's got a mediocre response. So I'm a big boy.

I can handle it. But that's why I'm kind of ending the podcast. I've told you this before. It's just I'm looking in the mirror and going, I want to do stuff that reaches a bigger audience. I want to do something that if this isn't it, what is it? And I want to try and find that. and, uh, and I feel like, man, 10 years is a lot of time to test it and run it and I had so much fun with it. Um, so anyways, Roger, Roger isn't a real guy once, once I, you know, once I exhausted the thousand episodes, the thousand bits that I did from the radio show. Once I exhausted those, then I just started doing the whole thing myself, uh, tons of work. But,

And so I just realize it's kind of ironic the Harland Highway radio show ended after a thousand bits in Denver. And now the Harland Highway podcast is ending after a thousand episodes in real time out of Los Angeles. So, man, a thousand is not my friend. The number a thousand is like the death knell for me. What the hell? Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make

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But anyways, Roger continued to work in Denver in the radio world, and I think he's there. Me and Roger, whenever I go to Denver to do stand-up, we get together and we hug it out, we go for lunch, and he comes to the shows, or we go for dinner, or we email, we send Christmas cards to each other. We're still great friends. I have loving my heart for Roger. He was so good and so complimentary to the show and so talented and supportive. And I learned so much from Roger. So if Roger's listening, the real Roger, you know, buddy, I love you. And I think all the listeners love you too, man. You affected this podcast in so many positive and good ways and just having you there. You know, even when I was talking to you when you

weren't there, I was visualizing you and I imagined you were there and I felt like you were there. So it's kind of fun. In a way, in a way Roger was here the whole time. So there you go. So Roger's just fine. Roger's actually a great guy. I created this antagonistic relationship between us just for the benefit of comedy. But no, he's nothing but amazing and professional and great.

And we love Rogers. So there you go. Thanks for that phone call. And, uh, Raj, like, you know he's not there, right? Raj, let's move on, okay? Let's go to the next topic. Wink, wink, wank, Raj. See, now it's weird.

It's like, you're probably like, ooh, I didn't want to know that. I didn't want to know he's not there. Now Harlan's just faking it. He's, there's no Roger. But you only have to believe for a few more shows. So, um, there you go. Okay, let's move on, Raj.

One cheeseburger with everything coming up. Holland, baby. How are you doing? Happy St. Patty's Day. You know, when St. Patty's Day comes around, I got to get me some of the juiciest, hottest, most flavorful corned beef there ever is. And I always think of my Holland. I hope to see you real soon, baby. I heard you's coming down my way yonder sometime this summer.

Well, I hope to see you, baby. I'll be sitting right up there with my corned beef sandwich, chignon. All right, baby. St. Pattern's Day, St. Holland's Day. Chicken Chown Man forever. Love you, baby. Roger? Roger, what is that music?

Roger, hello? What is that, that Irish music I'm hearing? Shiver me, timbers, dark-dy-dark. shibbley darkty flirty darky oh my god is that who i think it is hi it's me a crinky mcringles the irish leprecon here for saint patty's day don't you know sluggledy glirk blarkledy dark shimblety dangledy dangle dark shimblety dangledy dangle dark wow oh my god that's right holy smokes it's it's saint patty's day of course you're here crinky mcringles what's going on? Well, I thought I'd, you know, get some of me famous Irish corn beef out

and let everybody have a little taste ever, don't you know? Shurgledy dark, slimderdy ding, glumperty-gliggurdy-gliggledig-gling. Well, okay, I don't really have a cooking facility here. If you want to pull some roast corn beef out, I guess we could set something up. Oh, no need to do that, shrivelty-d-dunk. What do you mean, Crinky? Well, I keep me with corned beef right here, don't you know?

Flork de dark, shingledy-dark, norkledy-dork? What do you mean you keep it right here? I keep me corned beef right here in me trousers, don't you know? Dingledy-slurklety-darkledy-dark! Oh, no. No, no, no, we don't mean that kind of. corn beef. We mean corn beef

from a cut from a cow and then marinated. Well, I'm the leprechaun, and the corned beef you're going to have today on this Mary St. Patty's Day is the corn beef of me arse cheeks. Shivalty

doubly dinkledy dinkledy d'arf. Scrabbley dog? No, no. Stop the music. Roger, stop the music. Thank you. Now listen, Crinky, if you're going to bring in some traditional Irish corn beef, that's fine, okay? Nothing like filling the studio with the smell of delicious corn beef, but you are not, I repeat, you are not going to pull down your little leprechaun pants and shove your ass cheeks, as you call them.

I call them me arse cheeks, don't you know, singledy dark? Arse cheeks, which I know you leprechauns refer to as your corn beef. That's right, Shibaldi Dorf. Well, you're not pulling out your corned beef in my studio. Well, look who's trying to tell the magic lucky leprechaun, how to live his life, Schingledy Dorf. Watch this now, as I do a magic trick. What do you mean a magic trick? Some lucky lepricon magic shimbledy dink.

What, what do you mean? Watch as I make some fresh corn beef appear. And how are you gonna do that, cranky? I just undo me little, me little lepracon trousers. Have a look. Oh my God. Oh my God, those are the flabbiest, rubberiest, palest, arse cheeks I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, well, there, why don't you sniff the corn beef?

shively darkly diggily dark Pull them up Pull your pants up Crinky McRingles And get your damn corn beef Out of my studio I don't care if it is St. Patty's Day Oh why don't you shove your face

Straight in me corned beef Orest cheeks And take a big solid sniff Shively dark Kivoli darkly buggilly dark Slurkey dark Slurkey dark Shut up.

God. You know what? Out. Get the hell out. Pull up your pants and get out of here. Crinky McRingles. Well, how about some fresh

sausage and beans to go with it? Get out of here. Out, Crinky McRingles. Shiverty down. Gligglyblum. Slugly glugly blotty blotty blom. Suck me ice cheeks.

You fat slob. God. That guy's crazy. At first I was excited to see him, and then it was like, ooh. I'm reminded what a creepy little guy is pulling out his corned beef, arse cheeks, as he calls him. Roger, don't let him back in. I don't want any more Crinky McRingles. Let's move on.

Oh, my God. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Sorry you had to hear about it through the prism of Crinky McRingles, the Leprocon. But nonetheless, we love. the Irish I'm part Irish and happy St. Paddy's Day. Lord it smells like corn beef in here. Hey Harland it's Shelly. It's Shelly. All about the Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. Wow. That's strange stuff. Okay. Oh God. As if crinkie

McRingles wasn't crazy enough. How about this crazy news story? Snurgled Dargans and lingereddingens. This is just creepy. Okay, here it is. Here's the headline. Tooth. Yeah, that's right.

I said tooth. Tooth pulled from inside man's nose after losing sense of smell. What the hell? Oh, my God. A curious case of a man's seemingly typical nasal symptoms landed in a medical journey after doctors discovered that a tooth growing in his nose was the actual culprit. Oh, God.

The 59-year-old had complained of a stuffy nose and the gradual loss of a sense of smell over the last two years and had sought the help of a specialist after topical steroids failed to help. Ooh, I wonder if he could smell his own tooth. I mean, if your tooth's up your nose, and I think we all know if you don't brush a tooth for a long time, it gets like plucky and scummy and green and stinky. Ooh.

Ooh, imagine that just smelling rotten tooth all day long? The man who was not identified by name, well, let's just call him old molar snout. How about that? Went to a hospital in Denmark, which revealed, oh, God, a mucus-covered mass in his nasal cavity. Oh, God. His doctor suspected a dermoid cyst, which can take on a strange appearance. and have hair or other bizarre features. Come on.

Oh, this is just awful. But according to the study, when doctors surgically removed the growth, they discovered an extremely rare instance of a stray tooth. The case is so rare that doctors estimated occurs in just 0.1 to 1% of patients. Did it occur to anyone that maybe this wasn't a much? man that maybe it was a wild boar you know those wild boars get the big tusks growing up out of their snouts maybe this guy's a centaur or something maybe he's a mystical greek beast with a

with a tooth out of his nose and by the way if the tooth fairy's listening i'm sorry it's not going to be a good night for you you're going to flutter down with your little fairy wings root around underneath this guy's pillow. And there's going to be a nostril tooth there waiting for you. God, covered with mucus. Now, I don't know what the value of a tooth is nowadays, tooth fairy. I don't know what you're paying for them. But I'm thinking, you know, if this guy's got a nose tooth

and only 0.1 of the population ever gets them, This thing's got to be worth something, man. Ugh. It says a retained nasal tooth is rare, and the symptoms are variable. The tooth can resemble other diseases such as chronic rhinosignitis, and whatever that is. It has the word rhino in it, so I guess I wasn't far off from the wild boar analogy. surgical removal is recommended to confirm the diagnosis and eliminate symptoms. Or why don't you just get braces?

You know, why don't you get a brace put on your nose and straighten it and see if the damn thing will curve around and grow back into your mouth? Oh, my God. Yeah, that's my mucous tooth. Hand me another cob of corn. According to the authors of this story, the man's symptoms improved after the tooth was removed. But doctors still aren't sure what caused the tooth to grow or for how long it had been present without him noticing. Trauma or infection to the area may result in a misplaced tooth or developmental issue.

But this man had neither. In our case, there was no obvious explanation, the doctor. wrote. Well, I don't know. Maybe he was sleeping on his face. Maybe he sneezed too hard. Maybe he ate a jawbreaker. You know, those candies?

But, you know, when you're a kid, you try to bite into a jawbreaker. Maybe this guy tried to bite into a jawbreaker, and he didn't even know it, and he shoved his tooth right up into his nose. Oh, my God. I mean, I just want to know what, what nose.

They had to pick to get the tooth out. Let's see. Do we pick the right nostril or the left nostril? Somebody get the floss. Let's have a look at this thing. I mean, I'm just glad the guy didn't sneeze one day. You ever have someone sneeze on you? I mean, good Lord, imagine this guy.

You're sitting beside him on an airplane and he all of a sudden he sneezes. It's like, ah, chew. It's like a blow dart. All of a sudden, you got a tooth in your neck. It's like this guy's got a blow dart gun for a nose and he's shooting like lion's teeth or something. Oh, my God. Oh, man, these crazy stories just never end.

So there you go. Go brush your teeth. I know what I'm going to. I feel just creepy after this. And while you're at it, while you're brushing your teeth, shove something up your nose, And here's what you know. If you want to know if there's a tooth up your nose,

shove a chocolate bar or a carrot or some celery up your nose. And if you start to hear crunching, you know you got some teeth up there. They're eating. If you can pull the carrot or the celery back out and it's unscarred, your nose is clear. And if you want to eat the vegetable anyhow, go do it. Why not?

Like you never pick your nose and eat it. Yeah, nice try. I mean, imagine that. You go to pick your nose one day and your nose bites you. Ah! What the hell? Oh, my God. I mean, you know, people always pick their nose in the car, right?

You look over and there's a guy picking his nose and all of a sudden his tip of his finger gets bit off. Ah! His own nose bites him. Oh, what a nutty story. All right, I'm going to go get some celery, and we'll be right back. Oh, my God. Letters. Oh, we get letters.

We get your letters every day. Mail, man, mailman, mail today. Reach right in and pull one out. Those letters. I love those letters. Let's find out what you've got to say. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Let's open the Harlan Highway mailbag.

The only place in the world where the emails are actually made a paper somehow. I don't know how, but they are. So the last few podcasts, you know, as you know, the podcast is coming to an end soon. and there's just a few left and I've been trying to like kind of help people process it you know some people don't need it they're just like come on get it over with

do the last 10 episodes but there's other people that the podcast has been a companion has been a friend has been part of their life for the last you know however many years they've been listening to it and some of you have become very attached to it maybe emotionally or metaphysically or psychologically or just a little bit or maybe deeply, you know.

Whenever you become a fan of a show or a radio show or a radio host or a TV host or anything in life, you kind of don't want it to end if you like it. And, you know, a lot of times when things end in life, There's no answers for it. There's no reason. There's no rhyme or it ends suddenly, and nobody ever tells you how or why. They don't prepare you for it. So I've been kind of taking a little bit of time out of every podcast to kind of, you know, just talk about it.

Be there for everybody. You know, go through our feelings and our emotions. and so I thought, you know, we've done a lot of phone calls about the podcast ending, but I've also been getting a lot of emails. And I thought, let's read some of these real paper emails. So here's the first one. This one is from Jay Clark. And it says, The Death of a Friend.

Oh, my gosh. It says, hi, Harland. I've taken a couple of weeks to process and digest the news that you're moving along. to new endeavors. I have been a loyal and committed pavement pounder for four years now, and your podcast has brought me unlimited joy, positive mental health, and well-being. Wow. When I first heard you were leaving, I was gutted, crushed, devastated.

It was like someone told me that a friend of mine died. Oh, my gosh. I had to take a couple of weeks off from listening to you to try and wrap my head around the thought of not hearing you as much. much in the future. I have since started listening again, and I have to tell you how grateful I am for your handling of the whole situation. Hearing how disappointed other people are is somehow comforting, knowing I'm not alone

in my grief. Hearing you to respond to the mostly nice things people are sharing is very therapeutic, and your perpetually positive attitude is infectious. Well, thank you. I am at a place now where I'm looking forward to listening to the last 14 episodes without sulking and pouting and dreading the end. I hope you continue to keep playing the messages and sharing your thoughts and feelings about the matter. It's almost like you're counseling now and taking people off the ledges.

I think I kind of am, yes. I would love to share my feelings on the hotline to hear myself on the highway before it goes away, but I'm not good at expressing my thoughts verbally and I have too much to say and I'm afraid I would break down like Debbie did. Yes, one of our pavement pounders actually got emotional and started crying. It was tough.

I think you've responded to two previous emails I've sent in the past on the air and it made my year. I would not be offended if you were to share this one as well, time permitting. If I had one final wish, to be here corporal, to be able to hear,

Corporal Major Sergeant Tom Dowdy get head shranked by Dr. Ascot. Well, you never know. We still have 15 to go, right? Or 14 to go? I sincerely wish you all the best in your next phase of comic evolution and can't wait to see what you have in store. I will wait patiently to see if you ever come to my neck of the woods, Western Canada, A-Bud, and I will support you wholeheartedly. Terriaki chicken chau-main, baby, your BC bud, Jay Clark. Wow. What a nice email from Jay. Thank you so much, Jay Clark.

That, you know, I have a multi-tiered emotional response to that because part of me really emotionally appreciates the time and the effort you put into this email. And the wonderful things you said, you know, funny, I kind of get on here to do comedy and joke around and express myself, but when someone tells me that I brought them unlimited joy, positive mental health and well-being, these are all like side effects that are just like so amazing. And I'm just so happy that that type of stuff filters through with all the other lunacy. So there you go. I'm glad you got something out of it, not just laughing, but in other ways as well. And again, I'm sorry that

the show is leaving, but I hope you'll be excited about my new endeavors. I will let you know about them soon. I think you're going to like them. They're quite fun. And I'm not saying anything yet because I'm still working on them, but once they're cooked, you will be made aware. So thank you, Jay Clark. Thank you for listening for all these years. Thank you for your great email, my Western Canadian buddy. And thank you for taking the time to write. Okay. What a great email. That was awesome. Let's see what the heck else we have in here. Here is a email from ER Tweety Mr. Featherstone

it says Harland Howley is stopping the podcast oh this is a letter to Mr. Featherstone it sounds like and he's telling Mr. Featherstone he's saying Harland Howley is stopping the podcast

Prod Prock and needless to say many pavement pounders are pretty upset how do we get him to stay Mr. Featherstone I'm losing content and you're losing revenue and Camp Fire Timmy's platform for his musical creations is gone. I'm hoping there is something that contractually obligates Harlan to do this show forever. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Thanks, Ethan from Dallas. Wow. Well, I don't know if Mr. Featherstone's going to get this email or not. I can send it up to him. And who knows, maybe Mr. Featherstone will make an appearance before the podcast ends. I wouldn't be surprised if he does since he's, you know, he's been there from the beginning. And he's kind of, you know, he's kind of the guy who runs this thing. So what are you going to do?

Well, I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to go to the next email. Next paper email. Here's an email from Stoney W. Stitt. Interesting name. It says, when you retire the show, I know I will feel a loss. It is quite evident that you put a lot of time and yourself into this endeavor. Very true.

Many times my mood was buoyed by this podcast, but one was memorable. About a year and a half ago, my father died in an accident, and for a while I was depressed. One night I was really bad, having bad dreams, and I woke up in the middle of the night, deeply despondent. For some reason, I started scrolling around my iPod and stopped on Harland. I put on headphones, and a couple of hours later, I felt much better. You really have brightened many of my days.

Thank you, Stoney. Oh, my God. Almost brought me to tears. uh stony you are so welcome and boy it's like the last email man it's it's like i think i'm just doing this to be kooky and funny and nutty but but then you realize that that there's there's more to it that that uh you know that that that people are getting uh deeper levels of satisfaction and things uh out of the uh the podcast so that's that's very touching and moving we're sorry about your father and your loss and uh yeah never be depressed uh i'm always

here that the uh the podcasts are going to stay right here uh and you can go back and listening to the archives and things like that so if you're ever having another bad night um please please come here and uh and enjoy uh so we'll leave it there just a few few uh few letters from the Harland Highway Mailbag talking about the show and how it made people feel and hoping it helps everybody kind of adjust

as we start to dwindle down to the final few episodes. So, Raj, thank you for your letters, everyone. Rodge, let's close up the Harland Highway Mailbag and let's get back to the silliness. Another letter from our listener's day. Actually, instead of silliness, how about something a little serious as we close out, okay?

This is, this is important. Texting and driving kills, okay? I think you've heard that, that texting and driving kills. And case in point, it is so dangerous. Case in point that texting and driving kills, check it out. I was driving down the highway the other day, right? A woman pulls up beside me going 75 miles an hour. I look over, she's texting while she's driving.

Okay? I floor it. I ram her dead. T-boned her, right? Cut her minivan right in half. Boom. She hadn't been texting. She would have seen me coming.

You know what I mean? Texting and driving kills. Let's just leave it there. Let's leave the end of the show right there and let that sink in. Let's do a few announcements before we end it, though, right, fake, Raj? Okay, good. Let's see, this weekend, oh, my God.

I'm going to be doing some stand-up comedy at a place called the Mohican Sun Casino. This place is out near Hartford, Connecticut. It's a beautiful Indian casino. It's nestled out in the woods. It's a big facility. It's beautiful. and I do it like once a year I go out there and play, and it's a really fun club, really great crowds.

And so if you're out there, you know, you can make a night of it, you can come see my show, you can go gambling, you can go to some restaurants, you can sleep over, and smash your face into a wall, whatever you want to do. So that'll be March 21st, 22nd, and 23rd, the Mohican Sun Casino and the comedy club's called Comics with an X. You can go to Harland Williams.com and check on those dates and even buy tickets. And speaking of tickets, I want to thank San Diego.

Oh, my God, I just did last weekend at the American Comedy Co in San Diego, California. So much fun. Such great fans in San Diego, people that come out. Many come to see me every time I go down there. Thank you, San Diegoans. What a treat. What a treat. And then what do I have coming up later in the year?

Oh, yes, Cincinnati, Ohio. I don't think I've been out there. I don't think I've done stand-up in Cincinnati for a long time. So for those of you who live in Ohio or work at WKRP, I will be at, I think it's the funny bone in Cincinnati. April 26 and 27th. Oh my gosh. So check it out.

Go to my website, harloughwilms.com, and you can look at all the upcoming dates, see if I'm in your town or city, man. And that's about it. I think that's all we have for today, right, Raj? Happy St. Patrick's Day to all my Irish peeps. My heritage is,

is Irish on my mother's side. She was an O'Donnell. So I'm part Irish, proudly. I love my Irish heritage. It's interesting, I was at a St. Paddy's Day festival yesterday, the day before St. Patrick's Day, and some people, an Irish band was playing some traditional Irish music. and it's very strange that when I don't know if it's just me or if this happens to everyone,

but I guess it's the Irish blood in me and my genes and my heritage. But when I hear that Irish music, I'm not kidding, it really stirs my kind of body chemistry. Like I feel a connection to that music. I feel, you know, I can listen to any music on the radio and tap my feet and sing along. But when I hear like real Irish music, like folk music and Irish music, I'm telling you, man, it goes to a deeper level inside me. It feels like there's like a primal connection. There's some kind of like familiarity to it. Like it's like, oh, like it gets my blood gone, man.

It's really weird. And I'm sure that I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that other cultures like when Italian people hear traditional Italian music or. Asian music or whatever your culture is, I'm guessing maybe you feel that or maybe not. Maybe it's just me. I don't know, but I think it's kind of special. I kind of like it. It's kind of a weird thing that I never kind of expected in my life, but it really, it's really moving. It's powerful.

And I wonder if it's wired to my DNA. I think it must be. So anyways, happy St. Patrick's Day. And thank you for being here. Thank you again, everybody, for your letters and your phone calls. And we're going to have fun these last few episodes of the Harland Highway. So that's it. Until next time, everybody.

Chicken. Chao-Main, baby. Chick-chick-ch-ch-ch-chia-ch-ch-chic-chia-chchchal-Main, baby. Thank you.