The Harland Highway - 987 - AUNT RUTHIE calls in. CRAZY news story. Poor JOE BIDEN.

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

AUNT RUTHIE calls in. CRAZY news story. Poor JOE BIDEN. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello everybody. Welcome to the Harland Highway. We are back after taking a week break. We're at a little time off. I'll tell you about it when we climb inside the highway here. Welcome to the show. I'm Harland Williams, your host. And what a show we have today? I'm actually going to be defending or talking about defending a member of the Democratic Party, Big Joe Biden, who's going to be defending. through some business in the media right now. So I'll get to that towards the end of the show. Also a crazy news story. Oh, my God. This one's just so weird. I started laughing, just reading the headline. Can you say pizza?

Also, some phone calls from the pavement pounders. We're getting in a few phone calls where people are saying their goodbyes and sharing their thoughts about the podcast ending. and also a great announcement about something new that's starting. So as I told you, I'm ending the podcast, but I'm starting to delve into some new stuff. And today, for the first time, I'm going to tell you where you can go and see and hear some of the new stuff.

And then, of course, Aunt Ruthie calls in today. Oh, yeah, she left a dilly of a message. And let's just say she's so old, she doesn't know how to be politically correct. It gets a little crazy with good old Aunt Ruthie from Rochester. but doesn't it always? Because this is the Harland Highway. What do you know my name?

It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life. Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters. All of you through and through. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah! When you see a fallen star,

A witch has just died. You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway. All I want is to hear people say something again and to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, the rockabilly boy. Don't you understand? You're listening to Harlan Williams.

I can't be your daughter. I'm a machine. Man, you've been dead a thousand years. My George, I think he's got it. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harlan Williams. What's up, Doc? Mr. If you're going to lose, you're going to lose right now. Don't leave me here!

Oh, yeah! It is good to be back. Holy, did you miss me, everybody? Did you miss me? I was gone for a week. As you know, it's rare when I don't have the podcast ready, but guess what? Yours truly, Mr. Motormouth here, needed a little R&R in his life. right, rice errone. Rice arroony.

All right, not rice errone. R&R rest and relaxation. So as you know, there was no podcast last week. Oh, the shame and the horror. But I was chilling out, man. I went fishing and went and did some chains on and clearing some brush and driving my pickup truck to the dump. and oh just going at it just uh chilling out my sister came to visit me oh what a what a great week

just staring at the sunset on the ocean oh it was good man it was hard to come back but i was like you know what i'm shutting everything off for a week no podcast no meetings no, hardly any phone calls. I think maybe two phone calls. And, uh, oh, you got to do that, man. You got to take time out for yourself sometime and just rejuvenate, man. You know, just turn everything off. Put the cell phone down and get in touch with the real world, player.

Yeah, it was good. So I'm back. Thank you for, uh, for waiting on me. And, you know, I feel good, man. So let's get into the podcast here. What shall we talk about today? My God, I'm all rejuvenated.

Hello? Hello? Hey, Rocket, man. It's your old bass fishing buddy Chuck from the Ozarks. I heard the podcast was ending. I wanted to call in one last time. I'll tell you, I support you fully. I'm getting sick of all these callers upset about the podcast ending.

I say, screw them. Most of them don't have the amount of knowledge it takes to plan, the time it takes, the energy it takes to do a podcast. So forget about them. You do what you've got to do. Your podcasts have been spot on on current issues. and the other side of the coin is they've been humorous and funny as hell. So, listen, forget them. They seem to forget the old saying, walk a mile in somebody else's shoes before you criticize them.

That way, if they get mad about it, they're a mile away from you, and they don't have any shoes on. Besides, you've got a huge archive of excellent podcasts they can listen to. So I'll fully support your Rocket Man. Again, this is Chuck, your bassist and buddy from the Ozarks, and go fish some more instead of doing podcast. Chicken Chalmain, buddy. Chuck from the Ozarks, hello. Well, I was fishing, so thank you for that.

Good idea. You can never go wrong with fishing, Chuck. But don't think anybody's mad, Chuck. I think maybe you're misinterpreting people's disappointment for anger. No, nobody's really mad. People are a little upset, but I don't think it's angry upset. I think they're just upset that something that was part of their life that provided entertainment for them is now kind of slipping away. And so don't get angry at everybody else.

They're all cool. Everybody's cool. I think, you know, people are just expressing me. themselves in different ways. Some people are crying. Some people are sad. Some might be a little angry, but it's not visceral anger. It's not like people are like, hey, fuck you, Harley. You know what I mean? Like, it's not that type of thing. It's just, you know, I want everyone to vent. I want everyone to express themselves. So please don't take it the wrong way that people are very angry. I'm not taking it that way at all. But again, thank you, Chuck, for your, your, your,

very kind words, and I don't want it to ever sound like, you know, oh, woe is me. Don't get me wrong, gang. I love doing it. Like, it is, you know, labor-intensive my podcast. But as much as I like doing the material, like coming up with the characters and the bits and all that stuff, I'll tell you, I really enjoy the technical side of it, like finding the right sound effects and the music. and the clips from the internet or whatever I use, that's just as much fun as doing all the comedy stuff.

So it was never a pain in the ass. It was never something that I didn't like. In fact, I loved it. I looked forward to sitting down and doing the podcast. So just so we're clear, I was never whining or complaining about the work. because that was part of it. It was something creative. It kept me engaged.

It kept me busy. But I just want to move on to new things. And one of the things I'm going to share with you right away, right out of the gate, which I'm very excited about, this is one of the new things that I've been putting my attention into lately. If you're not on Instagram, get on Instagram and join my account, Harland Williams, and also Tom Green, my buddy actor-comedian, Tom. Green and Tom and I went down to a remote island in the middle of, I'm not even going to tell you. But let's just say, I've been busy cutting together footage that me and Tom Green shot when our plane crashed and we washed up, and that's the name of the series, washed up on a remote tropical island in the middle of nowhere. Okay? And so we filmed this crazy adventure,

and the two of us are trapped on a tropical paradise, and we're slowly going insane, the crazy things that happened on our washed-up adventure. You can only see if you join our Instagram. It's exclusive, and each clip is one minute long, and every Monday I'm going to be posting a new episode. It's a 15-episode journey, okay? And you can watch as the madness escalates the longer me and Tom are lost on this island.

So please join my Instagram. It's Harland Williams, one word, my name just joined together, Harland Williams. You'll see the little blue check mark, so you know it's me. And Tom Green has the little blue check mark. And follow us as you watch our adventures on our new Instagram series called Washed Up. And this is an example of some of the stuff that I'm doing in lieu of the podcast. This even probably takes more work

to sit down and edit and film and cut and do music and sound effects. So I've kind of almost increased my workload but as you know the podcast is very it's an audible experience and I wanted to do something that was very visual and that will give you a clue as to what I'm working on in the future

you guys are going to have more of a, visual treat that you can watch. And that's a hint because there's more to come, but I'm starting it off with washed up. So join my Instagram, join Tom Green's Instagram, and by all means, like it. And if you don't like it, don't watch it. But if you like it, share it with your friends. We want to get all kinds of people watching this wacky, crazy adventure with me and Tom. And it starts to get nuts.

Okay. I think you're going to like it. So there you go. The very first little creative adventure of mine in place of the podcast. Let's do one more call, Roger, and then let's get into the show. Let's get some crazy comedy going. But I did want to give all you listeners a forum to kind of say what you wanted to say before we shut it down. One more phone call, and then we'll motor on. Thanks, Raj.

Hit it. Hey, hi, man. I'm listening to all your voicemels and stuff that you're playing about your show ending and everything. And, yeah, I just wanted to say I know that all the effort that you put into is it doesn't go unnoticed. And I appreciate it as I've been listening since the beginning. I just want you to know it's not a notice and I appreciate it and I know editing and all that

it's hard work and it's a damn shame you know that it came to this but I know you've already heard a bunch of times but you're hearing it again from me so thanks a lot buddy and yeah give me a call back

and you're free and go get some sushi all right man take it easy Wow okay we got a fish thing gone we got we got a gent that that says i'm his fishing buddy and now we got someone that wants me to go for sushi i've never met these people but hey what the hell it's it's uh fish day uh hey man thank you for your uh your amazing kind complimentary words and uh you know it it it's it's it's nice to know that uh people pick up on the details it's probably hard not to

I mean, how can you not, right? It's, they're right there. You're listening to them. But, you know, it's an aspect of the podcast that never really came up over the last nine or ten years. So to hear someone like this fine gentleman mentioned that, you know, he paid attention and, you know, picked up on all the little things, that's great, man. I'm glad you liked them. And as I said in my last little comment, I love doing it. You know, sometimes I'd just drop a little sound in or a little, little stinger of music or just little things along the way to just kind of bring it to life and make it pop.

So, excellent. Thank you so much for listening since the beginning. Thank you for your amazing words. And, okay, let's move on, Roger. I think we got to kick the doors open here with a crazy news story. Let's do it. The Harland Highway Crazy news stories That's weird

That's strange stuff I think you're crazy Okay Here we go This one's a weird one I can't wait to get into this creepy story Listen to this headline

Gang Here it is Florida man Finds out his dad Helped deliver him at birth throws pizza at him, police says. Police say, police says. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

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Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. What the hell kind of headline is that? That is so weird. Well, let's read this. A Florida man wasn't willing to give his father a piece of his heart. Oh, God.

Don't you love it when journalists try to be funny? Robert Houston was arrested Thursday after he allegedly attacked his father with a pizza. Well, they are pointy. I mean, those slices have very, very pointy tip. So it could be like a cheese knife. Upon finding out his old man helped deliver him at birth, police arrived at the home in Holiday, Florida, and discovered a slice of the pie on a chair,

along with cheese and tomato sauce, splattered inside the residence. How is this even a crime? I haven't even read, I'm almost afraid to read the rest. Isn't that just called a food fight? Isn't that known as a tantrum? Isn't, are you not allowed to throw food at people now? Or it's a crime?

What about the guys that make pizzas and they toss the dough up and they, Hey, la la la, la, ha, ma, ma, ma, hey, what, whew, step to the side of the road, sir. I'm just a making a pizza. Not in this town, you're not. Cuffin boys. Houston's father told deputies, he's returning home from a walk. when his son picked up the pizza from the delivery man and then proceeded to shove the pie in his face,

hold him down, and yell at him. What the hell is this? This is actually cracking me up. The victim began to flail around, trying to get the defendant off him, at which point the defendant went outside and awaited law enforcement. Houston later told police he threw the pizza, at his dad's face striking him with it due to him being mad his dad helped give birth to him

what the hell well first of all okay a little odd that that that the husband is grabbing the baby and pulling them out okay you don't usually hear that the husband helps deliver the baby but on top of that who cares I mean, delivering a baby's not like opening a chocolate bar. It's tough work. It's scary. Things can go wrong. The woman could die.

The baby could die. Sometimes you need help. If anything, this guy should be making a homemade deep dish pizza for this guy saying, oh, father, thank you. Thank you for bringing me into this one. Let me show my love. Let me make you a four cheese, pepperoni, mushroom. Oh, I love you, Papa.

But no, this guy's ungrateful that he was given life. So he's going to grind a 12 slicer into his father's face. What the hell? Were all of these people on mushrooms? Mushrooms on the pizza? It says it's unclear why the information caused him to attack his father. Yeah, that's what we're all wondering.

Why would this kind of information upset the kid? It's just weird. Houston was arrested and held on a $150 bond. Oh, boy, boy, that's... See, right there. If a crime, if you're not held on more than $1,000, is it really a crime? Isn't $150 just another six or seven pizzas?

I mean, good Lord Rice Oh, Ruby The San Francisco tree Okay, Roger, what else do we have? Oh, really? Okay, well, she hasn't called in a little while, so that makes sense.

Aunt Ruthie has left a voicemail on the old, the old voice maleolio. And let's get to it. My Aunt Ruthie, the dear old thing, 83, 84. I don't know how old she is anymore, lives up in Rochester, New York, and she always calls and leaves me messages. So let's see what Aunt Ruthie is up to tonight or today, or when did she call, Raj?

Okay, yesterday. Okay, let's play it. Ann Ruthie. Hello. Hello, oh, my God. Hello, Angel. So, hello, little angel, little sickle-faced angel. Oh, my God, it's your aunt Ruthie crawling angel.

I'm calling from Rochester, New York. How are you? You down there in the Hollywood's doing your movies and your televisions and whatever it is you do down there? Oh, my God, oh my God. It's so good to hear your voice, even though I can't hear it. I mean, what is this a machine? What the, Jesus Christ on a pair of rice slippers.

What the hell am I talking to here? Anyways, Love Bug. It's your Aunt Ruthie, and your Uncle Harry's puttering around the house here somewhere, for Christ's sake. He's probably up in the attic playing with his hemorrhoids. I mean, good Lord, those things, they're like fresh sherrys right off a tree. I think he goes up there and flicks them with a paper clip or something. It's ridiculous. I can hear him screaming sometimes, like a bat that just flew into an ice cream machine or something.

I mean, good Christ, anyhow, Angel, it's your amp, Ruthie, and the, oh, my God, the winter up here in Rochester has just been horrendous. I mean, there's snow all over the place. I mean, the snow must have piled up seven, eight, or fifteen feet deep. It looks like, you know, Rebel Wilson and Rosie O'Donnell got into a can of Duncan Heinz Vanilla icing. It's so white up here, for Christ's sake. It's just everywhere. Oh, my God, it's been cold, and we've had the snowplow got stuck at the end of the street. Of course, the Johnsons, you know, they left their Impala, the Chevy Impala sticking halfway out the end of the driveway.

And, of course, the snowplow, Bonnie Chessel, you know, Bonnie Chesell, you know, Even when you were a little boy, he still drives that old snowplow, except his eyesight's gone, Angel, and, well, he scraped the ass end of that Impala, and now they got jammed in a snow bank, and, you know, the whole street was covered in snow for an extra three days. Well, they got that goddamn snowplow out of there. I mean, it looked like the Pillsbury Doe Boy went diarrhea all over the street. There was just white stuff everywhere, for Christ's sake. But anyways, Angel, it's just slowly starting to warm up just a few degrees. You know, the sun's coming out, and some of the snow starting to melt. Oh, Christ, I hope we don't get the flooding.

Your Uncle Harry and I have been watching the news, and oh, my God, look, some of these over in Missouri and Mississippi or wherever the fuck those rivers go. I mean, there's people, their houses are under water. I mean, what the hell are they supposed to do? Swim around and eat seaweed and suck fungus off of, you know, the side of a building or something? I mean, what are they supposed to grow fins and flap around like, you know, Yvonne Ligoria, whatever the hell her name is from Desperate Housewives? Good Christ.

I mean, there's more water. out of there than, you know, if Rebel Wilson's, you know, water broke in a maternity ward, for Christ's sake. But anyways, you know, your uncle Harry and I, we were getting old of Angel, and, you know, your uncle Harry, well, he was supposed to go the other week and see about, you know, and ruling us in a retirement home for Christ's sake, you know. And, you know, we looked online and we looked at some pamphlets for retirement. homes and so your uncle harry went out and of course you know hei's these seven candlesticks

short of an electric eel's fucking birthday cake you know and suddenly you know we got your harry comes home four hours later and says he says ruthie we got to we got accepted in a retirement home and i'm like well isn't this nice so uh you know we went to spend the first night there you know to sample it because you know i don't want to leave the neighborhood, you know, unless I'm going to be happy and comfortable, Angel. And so we get to this place, a big white building just up there in Yorkshire County, just south of the train tracks. And your uncle Harry, God bless him, you know, he hasn't got all the faculties. I mean, he's like a Christmas tree with, you know, not only the lights burnt out, but the needles,

you know, look like the sticking around the ring of a porcupine's asshole for, Christ's sake, Angel. So your uncle Harry must have got his wires cross, and I know we're not supposed to use this word, but instead of a retirement home, Uncle Harry enrolled us in a retarded home. I mean, for Christ's sake, and I know we're not supposed to say the word, a little angel, but, you know, your Aunt Ruthie and your uncle Harry, we're 85, Harry's pushing 90 for Christ's sake. And, you know, all these special children and the mentally challenged, well, okay, but I come from a time where you just use the good old-fashioned retard word, and I don't mean it in a bad sense, but so your uncle Harry, instead of a retirement home, you know, enrolled us in a retard house. And so here we go. We think this is the, you know, with a retirement home, and we're sleeping in these, you know, military-issue, sleeping bags, for Christ's sake, and Bongo the bingo boys, you know, laying in the

puff beside us, little angel, and he starts, you know, we're reciting nursery rhymes in Chinese for Christ's sake, and I'm going, where the hell are we? And then I look up at the little window in the door, and there's Griselle, the drooling fountain child. I don't know what else to call her angel, but this girl had more drool coming out of him out than Kudjo after you know, a Dr. Pepper at the end of Rebel Wilson's Doc, for Christ's sake. I mean, good God. So, here I

am in the night of a thousand horrors. You know, I'm trying to sleep at the mental house, and I got, you know, one threw over as the cuckoo nest in the room beside me screaming about how his father used to rub lasagna on his face. And then through the drywall

on the other side, we got one light bulb short of a fucking Christmas tree. singing, you know, war songs like he was in Vietnam, for Christ's sake. And then, you know, he's only 25 years old or something. And so me and your uncle Harry are up at the house on Haunted Hill laying there terrified, and I'm like, Harry, you were supposed to put us in the Golden Arms retirement home.

And he goes, oh, well, I'm sorry, Ruthie. I guess I got my wires crossed, and is it going to kill you to spend one night in the retarded house, and I went, well, maybe it will kill me. I mean, you know, who knows what's in the next room? And before I could even finish that thought angel, well, guess who shows up at the door? Carlos the reptile boy. I mean, this kid had psorias so bad. He looked like Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four, for Christ's sake. I mean, this kid was all scaly. I thought maybe some kind of enchilada lizard had crawled into the room. And this kid's squirming. around on the floor and he's kicking

his legs and he's yelling, look at me, I'm a fetus. Look at me. This is what it looked like when I dropped out onto the hospital floor. And here he is, he takes his clothes off and now you can see the whole Sorriasis is in bloom for Christ's sake. I mean, it looks like

a peacock with herpes for God's sake. And now this guy's riding around on the floor, you know, jerking around and spasming all curled up in the fetal position and he pours a bottle, and I don't know where he got it, but he had a bottle of craft raspberry jam, for Christ sake. He pours it all over his body. Me and Harry are snuggled up in a beds holding on to a fucking

military issue sleeping bags for dear life, and here's Mongo the lizard child is swirling around in raspberry jam on the floor, the mental house for Christ sake. And so he's swinging, swirling around, and he's spasming. He looks like he just dropped out of the rear end. of an African wilderness beast that just ate one too many you know, dairy queen peanut bust of barvets, if you know what I'm saying, Angel. By the way,

do you remember when your uncle Harry and I took you to the dairy queen up in Long Beach? When you were a little boy and you got a dilly bar, you remember you at a dilly bar? You were just about to lick it and it fell off the stick on the sidewalk and you were crying so

hard and Uncle Harry said, man up but I could see you had pain in your eyes, Angel. And I took it right back into the Dairy Queen, and I told that freckled face fuck who sold it to you. I said, give this goddamn kid a brand new dilly bar, and don't give me any

of your bullshit, or I'll put a fucking raspberry Sunday up your ass so deep, your fucking kidney will freeze, you know, and so you got a brand new strawberry dilly bar, and I've never seen your little freckled face so happy.

So cute little angel. Anyways, Angel, we're out of the retard house, and again, I hate to use that word, but we're just old, and that's the word we use, okay, Angel. So, you know, if we do end up at a proper retirement place, if your uncle Harry can learn out of a spell, I'll let you know, Angel. But meanwhile, hopefully the flowers will be coming in soon. Your uncle, oh, there's your uncle Harry. He's out in the garden. He's planting bulbs in the garden. And when I say he's planting bulbs They're not bulb flower bulbs The old fuck's planting light bulbs

What the hell are you doing Harry? Those are 40-watt fucking light bulbs He's digging holes in the ground And putting light bulbs in the ground Harry those are the wrong bulbs You're stupid Oh my God I gotta go, Angel

You know I love you Please give us a claw When you have a chance, Angel Ruthie loves you Uncle Harry loves you Give us a call, okay, Angel. And good luck with all you. Harry, that's 100 watt bulbs, you're wasting underground.

You're going to electrocute the worms, you're crazy. Okay, Angel. And Ruthie loves you. Goodbye, Angel. Harry! What, duh? Whoa. Whoa.

God. What the hell is going on with that? A retirement? Did she say a retard house? Good God. That just, she's, you know, listen, older folks are stuck in their ways, man. They're stuck in their ways. How many of you have heard a person older than yourself, and I'm talking like decades older,

make a reference to something? And in their mind, it means nothing. But, you know, it's just the way they've spoken their whole life. They're not malicious. They're not racist. They're not mean. They're not vindictive. They just, it's what they were raised on.

And every now and then you get people that use words that when they were younger was the way you used it. And now you get older and times change. and you don't say things like retard and stuff like that. You know, there's slang words for all kinds of races of people. There's slang words for people's sexuality. There's slang words for this, slang words for that. Oh, my God. So there you go.

Politically correct sensitive times. And on that note, Speaking of political, politically and correct, end times, boy, oh boy, here we go yet again, okay? And it's just indicative of our times. But the 2020 elections are revving up. And with the revving up comes, you know, the brand. new pack of presidential hopefuls, the nominees, and the Democratic Party has got like 15 people that want to run.

And, you know, I'm going to make a prediction right here. I'm going to say that Trump wins again easily. I called it last election, and I was right. I called that the Russian investigation was a giant hoax and a giant scam. I was right. And I'm not saying I want to be right because of Trump or because of a political party. I'm just saying right because of what's in front of me, the facts. And here's another one.

And for those of you that hate Trump and are a Democrat, and love the Democrats, this segment's for you because I'm going to be swinging for a Democrat right here. So Joe Biden is the frontrunner for the Democratic Party. According to the polls, Joe Biden, the ex-vice president of the Obama White House, is in the lead at this point. But, you know, early poll numbers never seem to pan out. Do you remember the last election for the Republicans?

Yeah, I guess who was at the top of the pile for the longest time? Jeb Bush. Remember Jeb Bush? And he just went bye-bye, man. He could not hold out. So right now Joe Biden's at the top of the Democrat potential nominees. And here's the interesting thing. He's the only guy that hasn't declared he's running yet.

He still hasn't decided. But here's where I'm going to say this is the funky world. we live in, man. Joe Biden already, without even entering the race, has got a wild smear campaign going against him by his own party, by the media, by the Republicans, but most of all, from his own party, because guess what, gang, when you're running for president and you've got other people in your own party, you've got to make them look bad. You've got to slam them. So Joe Biden, who's dedicated his life to public service, has been a politician, and I'm not a huge fan of his, but I actually think he's got some charisma. I actually, I like his persona. I like his personality. I don't know that he's that much of a leader. He seems to kind of be a follower. But already, Joe over the years, has been an affectionate person from what I've seen over the course.

course of my life. He's one of those guys that will walk up and hug you or put his hand on your shoulder or put his arm around you or get close to talk to you in private and in a crowded scene. He'll put his face up near your ear so he can have an intimate moment with you. All things that are completely normal, things nobody cared about. But now now when politicians are out to crucify each other, Politicians are out to destroy each other.

All the little things that Joe did. Now they're trying to make them to look out like a creep and a purve and an abuser and a womanizer and a this and that. And it goes on and on and on. And there's two things that are happening here that are extremely disturbing. One is that they're just taking a guy who, for the most people, part, I believe, is a good guy. I, I, you know, he seems, seems like a good guy with good intentions, okay?

They're making him out to be this, this greasy, dirty, creepy old guy that touches everyone, wherein, you know, before he was thinking of running for president, he was just an affectionate, loving guy. And nobody had a problem with it. Everybody was like, oh, he's such a personable guy. he's so loving and he really connects with you and he's not afraid to touch you and you know and let's be clear there there's a big difference between an affectionate touch which I think most of us do all the time and a creepy touch which most of us never do all

of the time and so here's a guy who's a public figure part of his world is interacting with other human beings, putting them at ease, comforting them, knowing that he's a bigger-than-life figure, a celebrity, a politician, a vice president. So when he's around the average Joe, people might be intimidated or awestruck or starstruck or whatever. And so Joe Biden as a way of kind of maybe connecting, I'm just guessing here, but maybe as a way of connecting or making people feel at ease. Maybe he just reaches out and makes a human connection and touches someone on the arm or the shoulder.

Very innocent places. People do it all the time, at least they used to, and it wasn't considered bad or creepy. It's not touching someone in their private parts. It's not touching someone behind closed doors. It's out in the open. But here we go, man. Here we go.

This guy, not even in the race yet, and they're already painting a picture of this man. Suddenly, for 40 years, the way he handled himself with people was just fine. Everyone loved Joe Biden. But now that he's up against the others, now that he's running, oh, he's a pervert. He's a creep. Me too written all over this guy.

Is this really fair, ladies and gentlemen? Now, just so we're all straight, if or had Joe Biden done anything super crazy, like molested a woman or did something totally inappropriate or whatever, then so be it. It's wrong. You can't do it. In that case, it is creepy. And if there is something like that out there, then that needs to be brought to the forefront. It needs to be tried in a court of law, due process, all that stuff. But until if and then that happened, and to even imply that this guy has a history of that,

it's just like, wow, man, you know. And so this brings me to the second point of this whole tirade I'm going on here as I defend Joe Biden. I'm not defending any type of inappropriate, you know, touching of women, but I am defending a guy that, you know, feels like he's being crucified the way Trump was, the way other people have been. And here's the other part, okay? what kind of a society are we becoming where it human beings are becoming terrified to touch okay and when I say touch I mean a hand on the shoulder grabbing an old lady's hand and helping her across the street hugging someone when you greet them touching someone with their feeling grief if you're at a funeral putting your hand on their shoulder, grabbing a friend by the arm, shaking a hand, whatever it is.

What is happening to us when we can't greet each other and communicate with each other with simple, innocent, human physical contact? I mean, if you look at any creature in nature, look at monkeys, look at dolphins, look at look at lizards, look at birds. These, these touchings are part of the natural order, part of the natural world. Okay, if you watch troops of monkeys, they sit there endlessly all day and groom each other. They pick ticks off of each other. Dolphins, nuzzle each other underwater.

Prides of lions flop around. on the ground, sleeping all over each other's bodies. Birds rub their beaks together, up and down. It's part of communing. It's part of connecting. It's part of being together with your species. And I watch what's happening on the news. Now, again, it sucks that I have to keep saying this,

but this is part of the this is the byproduct of the world if anybody's done anything bad or inappropriate we all know the difference between creepy and perverted and illegal and disgusting but you got to keep reminding people this is the verbal side effect

of all this okay none of that stuff's allowed but the concept of strangers sharing a physical moment, or even friends or comrades, sharing a physical moment that involves touching or squeezing or getting close to whisper something or patting someone on the shoulder.

What about on the football field when football players pat each other on the butt after they make a great play? Is that going to come up eventually where some guys going to. going to file a court case? Yeah, he kept touching my buttocks. You know, I scored five touchdowns, and he was all excited, and he ran up, and he slapped me in the ass,

and I'm just, I can't function anymore. I'm torn apart. I need counseling. And worse than that is, what are we people that only have good intentions in life, which is 99.9% of us? What are we supposed to think? How many of you listening right now are now at this point in society afraid to hug someone?

Afraid to put your hand on someone's shoulder innocently. How many of you even thought about any of this stuff? It just came naturally. But now it's like you do like a playlist in your head and you go, gee, should I do this? Should I pat Jim on the back for getting that raise? Should I give Bob that little fake soft punch in the arm because he won the office lottery pool? Should I fist bump, or will that be seen as punching somebody? You know?

Should I grab Carol by the hand and console her because her mother passed away? I mean, where does this end? Where do people come back and say? I felt uncomfortable. My mother passed away and he took advantage of me in my time of grieving. He grabbed my hand.

I mean, guys, go for it if you want. I think it's just really, really sad. It's sad that people are, A, willing to take advantage of it because there's people that, yes, they could be touched inappropriately, but I think there's,

also people out there that are willing to take advantage of it and go, you know, I used to like that person, but now I don't like that person. And oh, wait a minute, seven years ago when I did like that person, he gave me a big hug when we were watching that game at the sports bar and our team won. And I didn't ask for that hug. I didn't want to be hugged and it made me very uncomfortable. Like, you've got to remember people, humans, that when someone touches you physically, which just comes natural out of being a DNA-wired human being,

when someone touches you physically, 99.9% of the times, it's just a reaction. You don't even think about it. It's what I was talking about in nature with other critters. It just happens. and I think a society, a race of creatures, a species of creatures that don't have communication start to wither up and die. It's like when you stop talking, when you stop touching, when you stop touching, when you stop

connecting, okay, what happens to us? Where do we go? What do we become? Do we become shells? Do we become paranoid? Do we become scared? Do we become less loving? Do we become less emotional? Are we always worried about things? It's a little frightening, man, and it just seems to be going on and on. Now, it could come out in two weeks that three women come out and say, you know what, Joe Biden molest to me, Joe Biden grabbed my breast, Joe Biden stuck his hand between my legs. Okay, if it does, fuck him. He's a pig, and he should get nailed.

But, you know, I got to ask, how many of you thought about running for office or being a public figure or doing anything that involves interacting with the public, which is almost everything, how many of you would want to run for president or councilperson or congressman or justice of the peace.

How many of you whose great intentions are to serve other human beings, to be in a position where you're serving the public, but you're going to say to yourself, you know what? I just, I'm afraid of what people are going to say. I'm afraid of what people are going to manipulate. I'm afraid what people are going to twist around. And here's me, Joe Blow, entering the,

public arena because I want to be of service to my fellow human beings, dedicate my life as a civil servant, and all some of them want to do is manipulate things and turn the words and actions around so that I come off looking like a bad, perverted, degenerative person. oh my gosh it's just it's just so vile you guys and it's it's not just uh the republicans it's not just the dems it's everybody man everybody's just turning on each other everybody's just don't you find it scary don't you find it like like a bunch of children when you watch the news i've said this before it's just a bunch of kids out in the school yard looking to tattletail on each other and get each other in trouble and lie to the teacher.

It was Johnny, Mrs. Smith. Johnny's the one that threw the apple. It was Johnny. Children, Johnny has no arms. Well, he threw it with his feet. He threw it with his feet. We saw him do it. We saw him do it.

I mean, it's just, it's getting scary. I'll leave it at this. If somebody's bad and they've done something that's actually bad, then they got what's coming to them and they deserve it. But if we're going to live in a world where every single person can be branded and made into a witch to be burned at the stake, this society, this world, this thing that we have, where we're brothers and sisters and neighbors and policemen and mayors and fires and fires and fires and fires. and firefighters and school teachers and accountants and doctors and on and on and on. It's going to crumble, man.

It already is. It's just going to fall apart. It's very sad to see. I can't change it. All we can do is people is be good people. Be mindful and courteous and just stick to the old do unto others as you would have done unto yourself. which is a fairly simple principle to live by. But I don't remember any principle out there that said,

you know, go out and get others and vilify them and make them look bad before they do it to you. Because that seems to have replaced do unto others as I would have done under themselves, you know? just a little commentary here on the old Harland Highway of how things are just not so pretty anymore sad it's sad for the people that don't deserve it and it muddies the waters for those that do deserve it because it becomes so omnipresent becomes so so prolific in society that it doesn't phase us anymore.

And I remember, you know, there was a time when you stepped up and accused somebody of something. If you called someone a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or it's like, it was a big deal. It was a big deal to step up, be the one that stood up and said, hey, that guy's a racist. And you didn't hear it a lot. because, you know, people didn't throw it around, so cavalier.

There had to be real, real evidence and real proof that this was happening. And now it's as common as saying, my, oh, my, what a beautiful day. My, oh, my, that man over there is a racist. and did I mention he's been my best friend for 20 years but now turns out he's running for a party I don't like and he's a racist and a rapist and what's another R word I can think of?

So there you go, gang. I hope we can I don't know fix the ship before it crashes into the rocks, because it's ugly, man. It is ugly. That's my little commentary for today.

Life as it is. I've lived for over 40 years, and I've seen life as it is. Pain, misery, cruelty beyond belief. I've heard all the voices of God's noblest creature. from bundles of filth in the street. I've been a soldier and a slave. I've seen my comrades fall in battle

or die more slowly under the lash in Africa. I've held them at the last moment. These were men who saw life, as it is, that they die despairing. No glory, no brave last words. Only their eyes, filled with confusion, questioning why. I do not think they were asking why they were dying, but why they had ever lived.

And life itself seems lunatic. Who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical as madness, to surrender dreams, this may be madness, to seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much sanity may be madness. The maddest of all to see life as it is and not as it should be. Hello?

Hello? Hi, Larry, what's up, my man? Man, I just heard the podcast and I'm just kind of bummed that you're hanging up the podcast. I mean, I only listen to like three podcasts. And you were the first, man. I remember from the beginning, I heard you from the Tom Green show.

I guess that's where it started, the Raspberry Eyes, the Jerry, the Jerry. Dang, this sucks, man. Maybe Tom should start his show again and then get you on the show, or you guys do a show together or a podcast together or like a vlog together, something. I don't know. But, man, sucks, but I really enjoyed this highway. Thanks a lot, man. And I hope you do something.

I really do. All right, thanks, man. Bye. Hey, buddy. Thanks, man. I mean, wow, you were there from the beginning. That's, I think, I've lost track. I think we've been doing this nine or ten years.

So you've been there. Thank you so much for being here at the beginning. And it's interesting that you said, hey, I hope you carry on with something, maybe even do something with Tom Green. Well, as I said at the beginning of the show, and I'll end. I'll end the show with this You can see something Me and Tom did do something together

And I think you'll like it If you're on Instagram Please go It was posted today The first episode was posted today Of washed up Okay It's a little mini series

That me and Tom shot In a tropical place Far far away About two idiots that wash up On a deserted island and have to survive. And it's me and Tom just being nutty. And you're going to be able to see,

we posted the first one this morning on Instagram at Harlan Williams or at Tom Green. And you've got to check it out, man. It is a blast. And it's me and Tom just getting crazy. As each episode goes wrong, we ratchet up the madness and it gets crazier and crazier.

as we go along. Every Monday, we're going to post a new episode. And it's a 15 episode swing. So that's going to give you, let's see, that's one month, two month, three months, almost five months, almost four or five months of content with me and Tom Green. So check it out, join Instagram, and thank you for your beautiful words, your beautiful comments. I know you're bummed. He's not mad. He's not mad, my little fishing buddy from the Ozarks. He's just bummed. He's just expressing himself. Oh, really? He's expressing himself. I think he's being angry

with you, Harland. And maybe you should, I think maybe you should say something. Maybe call the media and let them know that you're not happy with his tone. That it's affecting you that, you know, he's a hater, that he's, he's too aggressive. Oh my God. But no, he's not mad. He's just expressing his disappointment while at the same time expressing his, uh, like or love for the, for the podcast. And I really do appreciate you being a fan and being on the highway all this time. And I hope you like the new content and the new directions that I'm going. And as I said, everyone, every now and then I may drop a little, uh, ghost episode of the highway. So keep your stuff up and active, and I'm going to keep it up on my end.

And who knows, maybe one night in the middle of the night, all of a sudden you'll get a notification that there's a Harland Highway special episode up for you to listen to. Okay, so there you go. We'll end it on that. As far as stand-up shows, it is April. Today is April Fool's. and my only stand-up show this month out of town is in Cincinnati, Ohio, at the Funny Bone,

at the end of the month. I'll be April 26 and 27th, okay? April 26 and 27. So please check it out. And thank you again, everyone, for your great phone calls. We'll have more phone calls and emails as we start to wind down. but it's great to hear your wonderful feedback and it's nice to know that the podcast had

meaning and purpose for so many of you. So that's it for now. Go get some sushi or if you're in the Ozarks, go catch some sushi. And I'll be sitting here eating my big bowl of chicken chau main, baby. Well, guess who shows us? up at the door. Carlos the reptile boy.

I mean, this kid had psorias is so bad. He looked like Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four, for Christ's sake. I mean...