The Harland Highway - 988 - Final phone call from GEORGE MICHAEL from WHAM. Crazy NEWS story. Defending TRUMP's message!

Episode Date: April 8, 2019

Final phone call from GEORGE MICHAEL from WHAM. Crazy NEWS story. Defending TRUMP's message! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, what a show we have. What a show we have. What a wacky, wacky, wacky, wacky, wacky show we have. Hi, everybody. Harland Williams here on the Harland Highway podcast. And what a show we have today? At the end of the show, I get a voicemail from someone that has to do with Donald Trump. And I don't normally talk about politics and Donald Trump, but this phone call just got me gone. So if you don't like hearing me talk about politics and Donald Trump, and a lot of you don't, just don't listen to the last like 10 minutes of the show, okay? Because I do go off. Fair warning, I don't like to be preached out about politics.

So if you don't want to hear it, just listen to the first three quarters of the show. And when you hear me start talking about politics at the end, just shut it off if you don't want to hear it. Okay? also a crazy news story oh my god this one i thought last week's was weird where a guy got attacked by a pizza well this this week's one is even weirder so waity here there was another attack and i'll give you a little hint someone stab someone and they have no arms okay weird also george michael calls from heaven to say his final goodbyes to the harland highway it's very sad moving and emotional George Michael from Wham and callers from the pavement pounders.

Here we go. This is the Harland Highway. You know my name. It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life. Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters. All of you through and through.

You're riding down the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah! When you see a fallen stock, that means a witch has just died. You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway. All I want is to hear people say something again and to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, a rockabilly boy. Don't you understand?

You're listening to Harlan Williams. I can't be your daughter. I'm a machine. Man, you've been dead a thousand years. By George, I think he's got it. You're riding down the Harland Highway. on the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. Eh, what's up, Doc?

Mr. If you're gonna lose, you're gonna lose right now. Don't leave me here! Hello? Hello? Hi, Harlan, this is Amanda. I was in Tennessee, and I just see your podcast and everything off of Instagram, but I want to just let you know that you're my boyfriend's

favorite actor of all time because he cannot get over watching Rocket Man for a hundred million times we've been together. It's only been five years. So I don't know what I needed to let him know that you're his favorite actor and he can just personally write through the message to but it's just driving me crazy. He watches it all the time and his favorite saying it wasn't me. So just let you know. All right. Bye. well that there is one smart boyfriend right there um how can you not like rocket man i mean uh this is a movie i did oh my god was it 20 years ago oh my god how time flies oh it's just so weird to say that out loud but yeah it's it's been a while but it still holds up people still love my movie

rocket man and um here's some good news you know rocket man was one of those movies that Disney, for whatever reason, made it a little hard to find. You know, Disney has so many movies, and there's some that they put out there, like Beauty and the Beast and, you know, all the big Marvel movies and, you know, Star Wars. But mine was like a little family comedy, and so for the life of the movie, which has been, I think, over 20 years now, people have always complained. It's like, I can never find it. Where is it?

Why don't they play it? Blah, blah, blah. So it's been kind of this hidden little gem. But I understand after reading an article in a paper, a digital paper, that Disney is about to unleash its own digital platform similar to Netflix. Now, I believe it's happening this year 2019, but if not, it'll be 2020. But I think it's later this year in 2019. and according to this article I read, which made me happy,

Disney is going to release all of its movie library onto its digital platform so that these movies that they've done over the years can have a place to live. And it's amazing. So if that's true, then that would include Rocket Man, which I did and starred in and loved, and I adore that movie. and also an even more obscure movie I did for Disney called Mr. Head Mistress. And this is one that you've probably even seen less,

but I really love that one too. It's another family comedy where I play a guy who's in prison and I get out and some bad guys that I owed money to are looking for me. And through a series of wacky events, I end up dressed up and drag as the headmistress of an all-girls boarding school.

Okay? And so the comedy ensues from there. You get to see me dressed up. It's kind of like a Mrs. Doubtfire meets sorority boys type of thing. But it's another movie that kind of got buried in the massive Disney library. And so Rocket Man of Mr. Headmistress will be out there for you to watch whenever you want. if what I read holds true. So I'm glad you loved Rocket Man.

Thank you so much. And thanks for the call. Let's do one more call, Raj. Hello, Harlan. This is Rob Lambel from Wisconsin. I saw this the other day, and I thought of you. Have you ever seen a shoe on the side of the road, whether it be a highway in an interstate or just your local passerway?

Passerway. I mean a high street? Ha! Okay. Anyway, I've always thought, how did that get there and have you ever seen a one-shoed person walking around as if they had just lost their shoe anyway just food for thought love to have you question question comment about it good god this is a terrible call all right chicken chalmane buddy well i got to agree with you it was a bit of a terrible call you were a bit tongue-tied there, but that's okay.

Nonetheless, it's a great call, a great question. And interestingly enough, this kind of ties back into the movies. Yours truly just finished writing a feature film about this very subject. Now, I don't know if you guys are aware, but the shoes that kids wear these days, the running shoes, they call them sneaks, okay? And it's the Air Jordans and the Yeezys and the Reeves and the Reeboks and the Rebockes and the, I mean, there's a whole subculture of sneakerheads.

That's the name of the kids that wear these sneakers. And half of them, they don't even wear them. They just collect them and they put them. up on display in their closets or in their homes and some of these kids have like hundreds of pairs of running shoes or sneaks and this is a global phenomenon. This is a multi-billion dollar industry and the sneaker ads have their own lingo and their own language and oh it's it's just a big thing. So I can't tell you too much about the movie, okay, but it's it's coming It's coming out, it's being made right now, and it's about the whole sneaker culture.

It's an animated movie. It's going to be a CGI animated movie. And I can't say much else because we're just getting going on it, but it's a movie script that I wrote for this film. And it's got a really cool director and blah, blah, blah, but I'm not allowed to say much more, It's an early development, but I will tell you more about it when I'm allowed to. But it deals with this very subject.

It deals about with the world of shoes, and part of the story is about a shoe that gets kind of lost and left alone. And so it's funny that you asked me that question. So outside of the movie, it is an interesting. thing. There's all kinds of things we see on the road and we wonder, why the hell are they there? Like, another thing is every now and then you'll see a mattress, or you'll see a couch. And this is the one that really gets me. Sometimes you'll see the whole front fender of a car, or the whole front bumper of the car or the back bumper, sometimes with the license plate still on it. There are just some weird things that show up like, yeah, you're right, one shoe.

Or sometimes two shoes. They just, they're just there and you wonder why, how, what happened? So hopefully my little movie that I'm doing answers some of those questions, but it's a great question. And even though you were a little tongue tied. Good God, this is a terrible call. But good question nonetheless. So there you go.

And, you know, speaking of crazy things on the side of the road, Raj, Why don't we just jump right in to a crazy news story? The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. That's strange stuff. All right, here it is. Here it is the crazy news story.

Oh, how does this stuff even happen? But here it is. Man with no arms, stabbed Dad with Blade, held between his toes. What the hell? A man with no arms stabbed his father with a scissors blade that he held between his toes. Rory O'Connor 23, who was born without arms, knifed his dad, Kevin at their home in Cardiff in Wales in an accident last November.

My goodness. Cardiff Crown Court heard how the pair had rowed about the weapon shortly before the attack which left Kevin needing major surgery What the heck? Somebody, they tweeted about it. It says, This is whales.

Man with no arms who swam for whales stabbed his own dad using blade held between his toes. remarkable Rory O'Connor, who swam competitively at international level, took to carrying a weapon after being threatened in a separate incidents. What the hell's going on? Does any of this make any sense? We've got a guy with no arms, first of all, who somehow is a championship swimmer, and a rowing guy?

And he's carrying a weapon? Who threatens a guy with no arms? Hey man, I'm going to come over and fuck you up, man Why would you do that? Because you can't fight back, that's why But I'm defenseless, I have no arms Exactly, man Because I have my ass kicked one too many times

And now this time I'm gonna guarantee That I don't get my ass kicked Because I'm gonna take you down punk You got no way to defend yourself Yes, that's exactly why you shouldn't attack me Yeah, well now it's time for me to feel good I ain't word about your feelings. I mean, what?

And I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of the disabled, but how do you swim without arms? I mean, you'd basically look like an electric eel slithering through the water. What? I don't even know how you live if you don't have arms. How do you stay up in the, breathe air? You just like kind of start to sink, I think.

Good God. Well, here's the rest of the story. Prosecuting lawyer Matthew Roberts said Rory had often carried the weapon since he was threatened while taking a walk through a nearby forested area. But his parents expressed their concerns and frustrations about him wielding a weapon. Okay, scissors? I mean, I don't, is that the weapon of choice for armless people? Not only is it a weapon, but it's also a precision instrument. Sometimes it's hard enough to manipulate scissors even when you have hands and arms. And somehow here's a guy with no arms at all, walking around with scissors for arts and crafts.

Why does he have scissors? What is going on? This is just strange. And what's he doing, wandering through a... Who's attacking a guy in a forested area with no arms? Hey man, I'm going to fuck you up because I know you can't climb no tree. Listen, if you could just leave me alone,

I just want to go for a walk. No, man, this ain't about your feelings. I told you, I'm going to fuck you up. I just want to go for a walk in the trees. Oh, you ain't climbing no tree, player? Because you ain't got no appendages. I'm going to fuck you up in a forest. What the hell?

Robert said Kevin picked up a vacuum cleaner tube, roughly one meter long, and prodded his son in the chest. Rory, who once represented whales in swimming and football competitions, then allegedly struck out with his foot, stabbing his dad in the stuff. What the hell is going to? Now this guy's playing football. And what father attacks their son with a vacuum cleaner tube?

What kind of fight were they having a cleaning fight? I told you to clean your room. I don't have any arms. Pick up your clothes off the floor. I told you, Papa, I don't have any arms. I can't pick things up. Oh, you little bitch, I'm going to stab you with the vacuum cleaner tube. Well, I'm going to stab you with my scissors that I carry around

because I've been assaulted in a forested area. What? And then I'm going to go play football and do some archery and then do some tumbles and then join the Olympic fucking weightlifting team. What the hell's going on? In a statement read to the court, Kevin said the incident will not stop him from supporting his son. Well, I don't know.

Do you want to support a son that stabbed you with his sweet nubbins? He added his greatest concern was for his son's well-being and safety. Well, you're really showing it by poking him with a vacuum cleaner tube. Kevin described the incident as regrettable, but said he now has greater insight into the difficulties his son is facing. Wait a minute, it's your son. You raised him. He's lived in your house your whole life

and you don't realize the difficulties the kid has. Did you ever put a jar of jam or pickles in front of them and see that the kid couldn't open them? Dallow! Defense lawyer Andrew Davies said Rory developed depression in his late teens and insisted he is a young man who cannot be judged. by normal standards. Ooh, the late teens.

I don't want to get rude here, but isn't that right around where people start to learn to masturbate? Ooh, whoops, a daisy. That's got to be... Okay, there's... I can see depression. You know, all your buddies are talking about,

hey, I tried this new thing that feels good, and, oh, really? How does it work? Well, you just have to put your... hands on it and tug it up and down for a little while. Oh. Might be the best thing I've ever felt in my life. Oh.

I mean, it's amazing. I do it 12 times a day. Oh. How many times do you do it? None. I don't have any fucking arms. So I'm going to go walk in the deep forested area and hope I don't get the shit kicked out of me because I can't climb a tree. I mean, good Lord, man. This is what, this is what? This thing just makes, I don't even know if I believe any of this. But there's a picture of the kid on his Twitter page. His Twitter is Byron Calloway 1.

B-Y-R-O-N-C-A-L-L-O-W-A-Y-1. And the guy's got a bit of a perma scowl on his face. He doesn't look like a happy kid. But there he is. He's got his shirt on, the sleeves rolled up, and I mean rolled all the way up, because there ain't, there's no meat in them. So they're rolled way up to his nubbins. Strange world we live in, man.

So if you're out hiking, watch out for a guy with no arms, hiding in the bushes with a pair of scissors. You might be next. Dun, dun, dun, don't. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. All will be packaged and sent discreetly for $400.

free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Don't be such a fucking pussy. What is that? I have nothing. Nothing. Why can't I see? My blanket, my blue blanket. I'm sorry. I don't like.

I'm sorry. I don't like people touching my blue blanket. It's not important. It's a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to. It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby. I'm... I find it very comforting. Oh, Lordy. Very comforting. We all have our own little blue-blue. blankets, don't we? We all have our little security things, our own little, our little teddy bears, our old shirt that we feel like we love, our pajamas that we feel comfy in. We got... Sorry to interrupt. What? Harlan. What? Yeah. George Michael, that guy from Wham is...

Wait, what? George Michael from Wham? What the hell are you talking about? That guy died like years ago. He says it's important. What do you mean? It's... important. The guy's six feet under. Have you been drinking, Roger? What that? George Michael is not calling, okay? He says he needs to talk to you. Roger, he's not alive.

I don't know. I think he's pissed. Oh, yeah, pissed like he's been drinking the way he always. Okay, you know what, I'll play your little game. Let's do it. What is this, a final, like, crank? I get it. What is this your prank? Is this what you're doing? Okay,

I'll play along. Put them through. Uh-huh, wink, wink. Put George Michael through. Yeah, hello, George. Hello, Holland. And it's George Michael, by the way. What? Hello?

Hello, Holland. Wait a minute. What? Roger? What the hell? It's me, George Michael. Oh, and I'm calling. from the nether world.

What, what, the nether world? That's right, and I died quite a while back, but I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, would you stop hiccuping? I had to call on it.

Are you, what is, are you drunk? Are you, you're calling from, from heaven? Well, that's what you want to call it on, but I'm very upset. What do you mean you're very upset? I know that you're ending your podcast all, and I'm very sad about it. Well, wait a minute, you're upset that I'm ending the podcast, and so you're so upset you're calling from beyond the grave?

That's right. That's a hundred percent right, obviously. I don't want you to stop the podcast. All right, all right, first of all, can you stop saying my name like that? It sounds like you're in slow motion or something. Oh, look at that. Oh, la-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lum, after all these spotting years, eh? all these fighting years

are you getting my name all wrong, right? Not saying all of that, but just part of it. I didn't do it on purpose. Oh, my creamy hairy ass cheek you didn't do it on purpose and now look who's having to go at it, eh?

Me. Now it's me having to go at you over there in the United States. Stop. Stop saying my name like that. It's not noise, isn't all it? But that's not what I called. Stop hiccuping.

I call because I'm going to miss your podcast. What do you mean you're going to miss it? You're dead. I know there's very few things in life that I like. Stop it! And one of them was your podcast. Even up here and ever, I like to listen to the highway. Oh my God, listen, George.

How you, George? Just caught you doing it, didn't you, you know, you thought he wanky. You said, after me funny name, right? it's George fighting Michael It's not George It's not Michael It's George Michael

And if you get it wrong again I'm going to turn into a fucking ghost And come up through your fucking radiator In your house And scare you Until your fucking feet twirl around Like fucking

helicopter propellers And your fucking Twirling feet lift you right off the fucking ground and smash you into the fucking ceiling like a baby fucking koala that just got shot out of its mother's twart too fast and hit the fucking wall

like a fucking dirty honey roasted fucking Korean ping pong ball. Holy God, what was that? You heard me all. Stop! Now you sound like a motorboat. Just quit doing my name like that. Well, you're going to quit doing more name like the way you do that. I don't do it on purpose, okay?

I just, I'm not used to saying, can we be honest? You have two first names. Yeah, well, one of them is my last name. You figure it out. Now you sound like a bear drinking water. water out of a river. Yeah, well, I like to drink fucking cabbage juice

out of your fucking underpants. How about that, Oliver, what does that even mean? Drink cabbage out of my underpants. I don't know. We've been drinking a little bit. They've got a lot of holy wine

not even every day, Holland, so I've been having a little nip. Yeah, I'll say. And what I wanted to say, You know, Holland, is I'm really going to miss your podcast. I really liked it, even though you made fun of me sometimes and took the fucking piss out of me, Ireland.

I'm really going to miss it, mate. And I really know what I'm doing it anymore. Because I'm kind of lonely. and all I ever really like was listening to your little podcast and, if I'm going to be honest, darling. It made me chuckle, and it made me laugh, Holly, and I don't know if I'm going to stop doing it. I liked it too much and now he's gone away. And now I'm going to be up here in heaven all by myself and I don't get to here.

The Holy and Highway no more, it's not fair. Whoa, whoa, George Michael. Yeah, that's it. You did it. You're going, you got it right. Well, listen, look, I know it's emotional and I'm glad that you liked it, But, you know, everything's got to move on. Oh, and what's that supposed to mean, then? Move on like I thought he died and I thought he moved on. No, I didn't mean it like that.

I just mean that, you know, sometimes things come to an end and... Oh, well, like, when I came to a fighting end, eh? Having a fucking art seizure in the upper floor of me flat in London, eh? found me laying in my own vomit on the floor is that where this is going, eh? I fucking call you long distance all the way from fighting heaven

which ain't easy you think God's happy with me right now and now and now you gotta talk about me moving on I'm just saying that sometimes things expire and they

Oh, look at you, fighting. You got any more of them? Oh, lo-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l that sounded. That sounded like a goat licking another goat's ass. Well, that's why it was. You know what you can do, Holland? You can go calm up fighting Mount Everest, lay a fighting big fat,

fighting ostrich egg, fighting rundown Mount Everest, and wait at the bottom until that fucking ostrich egg rolls down the fucking highest mountain in the world and smashes you right in the fighting face your big dirty, fucking Western omelet with cheese,

onions, peppers, ham, and fighting diced mushrooms. What the heck. Wow. Where do you come up with this stuff, George? It's George fucking Michael, you fucking. I'm gonna find by myself a box of pineapples. Come over there, come into slices, put them on your face, and turn you into a fucking pineapple parfait. And guess where the whip cream's coming from? A little, little, little, little, a little, a little, a little holland. Where?

out of a fine manatees, tiny little salt water fucking asshole, that's where. A manatee's tiny salt water asshole. You heard me, it's gonna squirt out like somebody stepped on a fine box of orange juice behind the fucking Denny's. What is wrong with you, man? I'm just sad, all of that's old,

and I'm fucking get this bent there. I don't want that I don't want that Island I really it is Ireland Look you're not making this easy on me man Okay

I hear your pain I feel the pain I'm gonna miss it too George Oh you fucking dirty What I'm gonna do to you I'm gonna turn into a fucking ghost

And not only a fucking ghost A fucking ghost, a Chinese fucking ghost. And a normal ghost says that gobs in your fucking room in the middle of the night, right? And he says, boo. But I'm going to show up as a fucking Chinese ghost, and instead of boo, I'm going to say, What no, to do that's what I'm going to do. Stop it. That's what I'm going to do.

There is no Chinese go. That was not Chinese. How do you know about what you have found walking dictionary, Ireland? You know what? Look, the podcast is completing. Yeah, right, I didn't catch that one. It's completing itself, and we thank you for all your calls. They were not easy.

You tested me. You pushed me to the limit. And I guess without you, I might not have been able to learn how to be. a professional broadcaster because by God did you really work me sometimes and I had to do everything I could to compose myself and stay focused. Yeah, excuse me all.

Yeah, I'll be the fucking critic of how good you did and how good you did and how good you did and how good you did and did it and a kid did-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. Okay. But most of all, Arland, I guess, were you right, we haven't had our fighting, you know, tat to tat's. What? Oh, tit to tat. We have had our little dust-ups, are you, Arland?

Yes, we have had, God, our dusts up. What, you can't talk, Arland? No, you're getting me all choked up. Well, we've had a bit of a confrontational relationship, Arland, and I don't. I'll get it. And don't blame me. Blame the booze. I like to have a little nip.

I like to have a little drink. And, you know, I listen to your podcast and I fucking get on the telly and I start lit it off a little. But I will say, Olin, I have enjoyed it and I have enjoyed you. And I've got loving me heart for you, mate. What? That's right. You heard me, Arlen.

Even though I'll give you a big. I have a hard time. I'm going to miss you, mate. And I just want to say thank you for the podcasting for all the pleading laughs she gave me, eh? Okay. I meet it from the heart, all right? You really? I had some good times, and I'm going to miss you, old chum.

Wow, well, I'm going to miss you. George Michael, and thank you for calling down from heaven and I guess saying goodbye. It's never goodbye, Holland. I'll always be here. I'll always be around, Holland. If you ever need a ghost or a funny Chinese ghost, I'll be there, mate. Well, I don't know what to say. I'll just say thank you for all the years and hours of entertainment you gave us. and, and I guess I'm going to miss you too.

Well, don't miss me too much, Charlie, so you're going to see me one day up here. Oh, my God. That's true. It's not like you're going to be able to live in the United America for the rest of your life. One day you've got to meet your maker and come out here for fuck sake.

Oh, God. Yeah, oh, God is right. And we'll be waiting here for you, mate, with a fuddy lime and logger, all right okay i i guess one day i'll see you up in the big wham in the sky yeah funny all and i'll be up here waiting for you mate with a good old live and logger congratulations on your fucking podcast funny brilliant mate i miss it i love you and i've got a go fucking uh looks like a bruce lee over there wants to have a

fucking lime and logger all right george michael thank you came on I love you boy, wow wow that was actually Roger

was that I think that was him and that was actually kind of moving I mean he is he gone that was

wow Come on, baby, dry your eyes Like your tears I never like to see a cry I I wouldn't even try to hurt me I would never try to hurt me I just needed someone

to be to be To fill the point while you were gone To build the space of emptiness I'm only human Of flesh and blood I've made You will learn Born to make mistakes Hello?

Hello? Hey, Harwin. I'm Zachary from Indiana. So I had taken a hiatus from the highway because my now ex-Biance did not like you or approve of you and did not want me listening to you. Primarily because you supported Trump, which I thought that was a stupid reason to not listen to your podcast. But I didn't want to fight with Erstow. I got off the highway. But we're no longer together, so I jumped back on the highway this morning, like, hadn't been gone at all, and it was nice.

And the podcast I turned on, I heard that you're closing up shop, and that made me incredibly sad. But at the same time, you did state that you have new material coming, so I am very excited about that. And plus, I have a whole backlog of podcasts I can listen to. So I'm also excited about that as well And I love going back And just listening to all your old stuff From the very beginning So it's been a great ride

And I will continue down the highway For as long as I can But until next time Chicken chow maine Baby! Well, hey, hey, hey, Zachary Welcome back to the Harland Highway For the remaining few that are left

We'd rather have you here than not have you here and you came back at a good time because you know you kind of get to hear the whole show wrap up and finish up and you know so that's good and you're exactly right there you know there is some other things coming and one of them I've already started

I told you guys last week if you're on Instagram check out a little series that I've filmed with me and Tom Green, yeah, that's right, MTV's Tom Green, called Washed Up. And it's basically some footage I shot with Tom where the two of us wash up on a deserted island. And every episode is one minute long, and we've got 17 episodes. So you're going to be able to follow our story from the minute we wash up, which premiered last Monday. So every Monday we're adding a new episode.

and tomorrow will be episode number two, dos, dose, two. And as you can imagine, these two idiots, me and Tom wash up on a deserted tropical island, and with each episode, things are just going to get a little more crazy as we go along. So that's one of the new projects that I just finish cutting together. And so episode two on Instagram, exclusively on Instagram, I'm either join at Harlan Williams or you can join Tom Green's feed. And I think you're going to like it, man. It's pretty silly and crazy and fun.

So that's one of the first things. And then, yes, you're right. You do have the whole backlog of Harland highways. Don't forget, they did a thousand of them or we're approaching a thousand. We're at 988. So we've got like 12 more to go and we're at 1,000. So you got lots of listening. Even though I'm going to be gone doing the weekly podcast,

you're still going to be able to go back and listen to tons of them. And then lastly, I've got to address your ex-fiance. I mean, good Lord. What happened to living in America, the land of the quote-unquote free? Can you believe that we live in a country now where if you like the president, the leader that the mass majority of people voted for? Your partner or your wife or your friends or your co-workers will shun you, they won't approve of you. They don't like the way you think. They don't want to accept your independence.

They want to say that they're right and you're wrong. And so just for supporting or voting for a certain candidate, suddenly you're an outcast. You're not allowed to have an opinion. You're not allowed your voice doesn't matter. What the hell is going on in this country, man? It is really freaking scary. Are all you people, and I'm talking to all you Democrats and all you Republicans and everybody? What is wrong with you, man?

This is America. This is the land of the free. If you voted for Hillary, good for you. I don't hold a grudge. I don't care. I'm glad you made your choice. If you vote for Bernie this time, I don't care who you vote for.

Good for you, I say. I don't even care if they're a bad guy or a good guy or a good girl. You're allowed to vote for whoever you want. What is going on? And the fact that the existing president ran on a campaign that says make America great again. Do you not hear what the words in that message, America and great? Here's a president who ran on something that couldn't be more positive. Whenever you put great next to something else, that's always a, he's a great athlete.

He's a great actor. This is great food. What a great movie. It's nothing but positivity. It's nothing for shooting high for the stars. And here's a president who ran on Make America Great. And the idea of the concept that the Democratic Party and the media turned such a super positive message around to have common people believing that that message is racist

and akin to Nazism and that you should be ashamed of that message? Are you kidding? Think about that. Listen to yourselves. And again, I'm not a Republican or a Democrat. I'm just a guy who looks at the world through the eyes of practicality.

You've been duped, you've been conned into thinking that making your country great is a bad thing. You should all be ashamed. What is happening here, man? This is the United States of America, the land of the free. Someone ran on a campaign and won, as much as you might hate the guy and think he's a loser and a deviant. He outsmarted everybody.

Not an easy thing to do, especially considering the volatile climate that politics lives in and here's a guy that ran on a slogan make America great again and he proudly displayed it on his baseball cap another American institution the baseball cap

and he ran on that and he won and the people that lost are so upset and they can't stand this guy in his positivity that they decided to go out and spring read the word using their little buddies the media and try to make you think that by loving your country, by saying your country is great, that you're akin to a Nazi foot soldier,

that you're a racist, that you hate people, that you, I just can't believe you've all been duped by this bullshit. It's the most, it's the most incredible game of, of, of, of, brainwashing and mind control I think I've ever seen in my life. It's like I've never been a Scientologist or in the Mooney cult or a member of a cult, but boy, have they put the brainwash on you people? And I'm going to go back to what I said before. It's like way back in the days of Jesus when this guy was walking around,

trying to preach love and brotherhood, and what they do, man, they convinced all the common people that this guy was bad news and they hung him on a cross and they crucified him. The son of God! And they were duped, man. They were manipulated.

The people, the masses were manipulated. And now it's happening here. And I don't care. If this was Barack Obama's slogan, if this was Hillary's slogan and she won, I'd be like, what a great message. And for these people to come around and cause insecurity and imbalance and foster hatred and brew ill feelings towards other Americans and shame them and telling them they can't think and labeling them. Oh my God. Stand back. Those of you that are doing all this, stand back. Stand back and clear your eyes, man. Clear your brain. You're being con.

Anyways, I don't want to get all off on the whole thing, but good Lord. The fact that anyone tells their partner or their significant other what they can or can't listen to or watch. I mean, good Lord. It's really sad. I was at the comedy club the other night, and I won't name the comedian, but one of the other comedians started kind of, you know, kind of talking. a little bit about Trump and the comedian said oh I better keep my voice down I don't want anyone to hear I said I don't care I like Trump I said I might be the only one actually there's one or two other comedians I know that like them I won't say who they are

because it's just pathetic that I can't but it's not because I can't it's because they don't want me to say it and the fact that there's people in my workplace and probably in your workplace that are afraid to say who their president is, who they supported, because they're afraid of the repercussions? Does this sound like the land of the free to you, ladies and gurgle-nargans? This sounds like communist China. This sounds like communist Russia. This sounds like if you say stuff like this in North Korea, you go to prison and do hard labor

for 10 years. I've got grown adults looking around, whispering, paranoid, looking around, lowering their voices, looking scared, asking me not to repeat, asking me not to say that they like President Trump. What the fuck? I'm Canadian, man. I'm Canadian, and I still say it louder than anyone else. And to see Americans, people born and.

and raised here, true 100% red-blooded Americans? And they now live in their own country where they're not allowed to say that they like their own president, a president whose slogan was, make America great? Boy, oh boy. Just sad. Freaking sad, man. And I'm going to say it again because I know there's people always listening,

you just love you. You hate Trump, no matter what. I'll say it again. If Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama or whoever had the same slogan and they won, I'd be like, good for them. What a great positive message. They won on it. Congratulations.

They're now, my president. Let me get behind them. Let's hope they do some good work. And if they don't, I'll vote them out. I'll participate in voting them out in four years. It's that simple. That's the American way. what's happening now it's obscene it's vile and for anyone listening that that hates trump

and is hating me right now it's like oh i'm never going to listen to harland again think about what you're saying what you're not going to listen to me because i have an opinion about the the president are you not going to listen to me because maybe what i'm saying uh it has is is maybe right? I'm not going to stand here and say, I'm right and you're wrong, but have you really thought about why you hate President Trump and why you hate his message? Did it really come from you?

Was that a seed within you that just one day you woke up and went, you know what? I think the president's racist and I hate him and he's a bigot and he's a homophobe and he hates women and he hates black people and this and that and this and that. Did that really come from you, ladies and gentlemen, that hate Trump? Were you just out bicycling one day and you went, I hate this guy? You were watching them on the news, I hate this guy. Or did somebody plant the seeds in you?

Did you hear it? Were you influenced? Were you, yeah, I'm going to say it, brainwashed. I mean, God forbid, let's say you're a community organizer. Let's just take Trump out of the picture and let's focus on you, the listener. And let's say you live in a neighborhood and you know a lot of your neighbors. And one day you go, you know what, I'm going to get out there and I'm going to put a hat on and I'm going to say, let's make our neighborhood clean.

And I'm going to go out and pick up garbage and say hello to everybody. And then half the neighborhood decided that you are an asshole and a racist and a loser and a bad person. And you're like, no, I'm just trying to make this. things good again. I don't know. I'm not going to convince anybody. I'm not even trying to. I'm just saying, be careful, man. Oh, please be careful. Just be careful that you're not being brainwashed. Don't let people tell you how to think and live and support and just it's the land of the free. So there you go. Look at that. Your little voicemail. me off, but, you know, I have a hard time just sitting and letting stuff like that go by, man.

I do not see the negativity in trying to make something great. If you do, maybe you better ask yourself why. Okay. Well, I think we'll leave it right there. Jeez, I'm fired up, man. It just makes me sad. It makes me sad that people are whispering and hiding and, oh, God, that ain't America. If you don't like someone, fine, but don't make it like this, where half the population is afraid to talk and has to live in the shadows and is made to feel like garbage because you don't agree with them. That's just scary, man.

That's what leads to civil war. Remember the civil war? That's where that goes. When that keeps festering and getting worse and escalating and layering and layering and you start creating that type of separation between people and their beliefs, believe you, me, that's what leads to an uprising. because the people that are being put down and made to whisper, eventually they're going to go,

what the fuck am I whispering for? I don't need to whisper. And suddenly you've got, remember how many people died in this American Civil War? Hundreds and hundreds of thousands. Bodies strewn in the fields. And gang, it's one country. We've got a system. Government was developed to, you know, kind of keep everyone together.

Not create this type of stuff where people are afraid to talk. Wow. So there you go. There's my little tirade for today. And the last point I'm going to make is I am neither Republican or Democratic. I just pick a candidate that I think is doing good stuff. stuff is getting the job done, and that's my guy or my girl. So for all you Democrats listening who think I'm just a full-blown Republican, I'm not.

I'm an independent. I go where I feel like the best job is getting done. That's all I care about. And I don't know, Zach, I guess for your sake, I hate to say. say this, and I know it's tough when you lose an engagement. That means you were pretty far along. You were planning to get married. You were planning to spend your life with this woman.

And I'm sure she had a lot of great qualities, but do you really, does anyone listening want to be with a woman or a man that says, you know what? You're not allowed to listen to that person. You're not allowed to support Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. You're not allowed to support Donald Trump. Yeah, no, you're going to think the way I think. You're going to listen to what I tell you to listen to. Zachary, can you believe it?

You know, if it started with my stupid little podcast where I rarely talk about this stuff, like I've said this before, out of a thousand podcasts, I've probably talked about Trump maybe eight or nine times, max, maybe 10 out of a thousand And here's a woman saying I disapprove of you You're not allowed to listen to him anymore

I don't like him I don't like what he's saying Wow dude I'm not a psychic But that's what we call the tip of the iceberg bro If you're not allowed to listen to a stupid Goofy silly dumb podcast like mine Where I'm hard

ever political? Just the fact that I voted for Donald Trump is enough that you're not allowed to listen to me? Wow, dude. What else was coming your way if you got married? What else was she going to not let you listen to or watch or do or participate in? What was she going to tell your kids if you had kids? Were they going to have to get in line? Were they going to have to do what she wanted?

I don't know, dude. Maybe you dodged a huge freaking bullet. I would never, ever let my partner dictate to me how to think and how to vote and how to feel. Are you kidding? No one has the right to tell you to do that. And if they are that person, you don't want to be with that kind of person, man. That's just, that's like more mind control, dude. if you can't respect each other's views

even if they oppose each other what chance do you have it staying together in a holy matrimony so who knows maybe maybe it was my podcast that drove the wedge maybe in a secret way my podcast saved you Zach maybe my podcast was the thing that planted the seed of resentment or maybe my podcast is a thing that shone the light on your discrepancies. And maybe somewhere deep down inside you went, wait a minute,

I don't think I like that kind of control. Maybe, maybe subliminally, maybe directly, maybe not at all. But I wonder if my dopey little podcast had anything to do with you, having an awakening or a realization that maybe this isn't the right person for me or maybe it was other stuff. Maybe it was leaving the toilet seat up.

Maybe it was religion. I'm guessing it was probably a whole bunch of things, Zach. And again, I'm sorry because it's tough when you lose something that's that's so far along with another human being where you're right at the doorstep of being married for life, presumably.

but keep carrying on, man, and I'm glad you're back. Enjoy the podcast. You'll probably hear five or ten max throughout the thousand where maybe I talked about Trump. And by the way, all the stuff I said about Trump I was pretty much accurate with. I said he was going to win the election. I told you why. I told all my buddies here in Hollywood that this Russia thing was a big, goofball, nothing.

And boy, did my friends stack up on me. All my best friends. Six, seven of them. My best buddies, every one of them. Just layered it on me, man. Texting me, talking over lunch. I'm the only guy that stood his ground and said, no, you're wrong.

Here's why. Here's what I believe. Here's what I think. So I think I'm going to send out a group email and ask them, you know, I'll say, if anyone wants to apologize or take me up for a lobster dinner or send me flowers, I'm open to it. Because, man, it got heated sometimes. Sometimes my friends got nasty with me, man.

They piled up on me. But I stood my ground. And you know what? It wasn't even me saying you should like Trump or you shouldn't like Trump. I would never tell someone what their political affiliation should be. You know what my underlying message was to all my friends when they came at me over Trump and the Russia thing and Trump in general? Here was my message.

I didn't tell them they were wrong and I was right. I didn't tell them they should be Republican or vote for Trump. My underlying message with all my arguments with them, all my texts, I closed with guys, just be careful you're not being manipulated. Watch out. Watch out you're not being brainwashed. Watch out you're not being tricked into delivering the message

of some very cunning people who want you to deliver their message. Be very careful that you're not being used. That was my message to them. And so I say it to all of you. whoever's in power, always be cognizant of the messages coming from the other party, from the media, whoever's in power. You've always got to be your own thinker.

You've always got to make your own deductions and figure things out. Don't be preached to. Don't be manipulated. It's very dangerous. and you might be left standing at the altar like our friend Zach okay enough I've said enough good God

look what you did Zach but that's okay it's fun to talk about and for those of you that don't like me talking about it well don't listen to the podcast anymore if you're going to be like Zach's fiance

if you can't if you're if your if your tender mind can't can't handle hearing another opinion. If you're too fragile to hear someone else's, you know, ideas, then by all means, shut me off forever and hate me. But guess what? There's only 12 episodes left, so the joke's on you.

Ha ha. Anyways, we'll leave it right there. Food for thought. All I offer up is food for thought. I never claim to be right. I never claim to be wrong. I'm just throwing my thoughts out there, folks. So don't be offended.

Don't be upset. Don't be a hater. I don't hate anybody. I love you all. I'm just throwing my POV, my point of view out there for you to consider, to listen to, to reject, to accept, but by no means do you have to shut me off? You can't if you want.

You probably already have. I'm probably talking, you know. And Roger, are you there? Okay, Arlen, time to wrap it up. Okay, I get it, but I'm just, I'm just asking you, Roger, like, it's, it's, you're still here. We've still got, we still got listeners. Are you, are you tracking what we're doing here? I mean, we're out of time.

Roger. I'm just, I'm just asking you, are, are you still going to be here in a few minutes? I said we're out of time. I, I know, okay, why, are you upset that I'm talking about this stuff? I'm just it's just conversation man you don't I don't I don't have all the answers I'm just merely I said we are out of time okay god all right what let's wrap it up I get it we're out of time um what do we got what do we got what do we got do we have any gigs coming up I have a gig coming up at the end of the month

April 26 and 27 I'll be in Cincinnati Ohio I'm a WKRP in Cincinnati. I'll be at the funny bone, man. I think it's my first time at this club, maybe. I'll just be there two nights, Friday and Saturday night, April 26 and 27. And get your tickets, go online to Harland at Williams.com. And then the following week, I just got a new gig. A new gig.

I will be in Las Vegas. Yes, Jimmy Kimmel from the Jimmy Kimmel show has opened a brand new comedy club in Las Vegas, the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club at Caesar's Palace. And Jimmy asked me to kind of go in and do the opening weekend. How about that? So I'm going to be at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in Las Vegas, Nevada, May 2nd to May 5th, the first week in May. So that just came in.

And then May 10 to 11, I'll be in Washington, D.C., and then after that, I'll be in Pittsburgh. I mean, I'm going to be all over the country, man. Denver, Baltimore. I mean, you guys got to get on my website and track me down. I'm going to be in your city, man. That's Harlem Williams.com. Go on the stand-up comedy tour link and find out where you can come and have a laugh with me. So that's it for now Thank you everyone

For your phone calls For your letters George Michael Thank you for calling it If you're still listening And that's all we have time for today Gurgle Nargans and Blurgle bargains Keep it real in the deal

Think your own thoughts Don't let anyone manipulate you And until next time Chicken Chalman Baby You and me It's gonna squire out like

Somebody stepped on a fine box of orange juice behind the fucking Denny's.