The Harland Highway - 990 - BILL CLINTON calls in. The Mueller Report! SPRING fever! Crazy Wal-Mart NEWS STORY!

Episode Date: April 22, 2019

BILL CLINTON calls in. The Mueller Report! SPRING fever! Crazy Wal-Mart NEWS STORY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Harland Highway to Houston. Houston, we've got a problem. We've got Houston. This is the Harland Highway. We've got a problem. No, we don't have a problem. We're going to have some fun is what we're going to have. This is the Harland Highway podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome, I'm your host, Harlem Williams, and we're going to have some fun today. Oh, man, we got a crazy news story today that will just make you laugh. It's so ridiculous. Only in America.

I won't even give you a hint. Just tune him. for the crazy news story today. Also, later, the Harland Highway question of the day where I ask an important question that could be conceived as a little bit conceded or a little bit of self-glorification. And just a little bit of a forewarning, it does bleed into the political arena a little bit.

It has something to do with the conclusion of the Mueller report, the collusion report. It's something that's big that we've all lived through through two years, so don't be a baby and get mad at me for talking about politics, okay? This has been like hanging over all of us, and so it's part of the Harland Highway question of day. Also, President Clinton phones in

to talk about the question of the day. He calls in to kind of go after me about the Mueller report. So wait, you hear that. And then a little bit about springtime coming up, Just to keep a little freshness in your underpants. We're going to talk about spring. Right here on the Harlan Highway. What do you know my name?

It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life. Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters. All of you, through and through. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah! When you see a fallen stock, that means a witch has just died.

You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway. Oh, I want is to hear people say something again or to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, a rockabilly boy. Don't you understand? You're listening to Harlan Williams. I can't be your daughter. I'm a machine.

Man, you've been dead a thousand years. Why, George, I think he's got it. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harlan. What's up, Doc? Mr. If you're going to lose, you're going to lose right now. Don't leave me here! Spring is in the air, and it's rising like a sun. I don't even think those are the words, but spring, spring is creeping into the air.

Can you feel it? Can you smell it? Oh, doesn't it feel nice? Spring is such a nice. A nice time, man. It's just warm and fuzzy and it's like swallowing like warm toffee or something. It just kind of get you charged up and fired up and you can see the flowers popping. Most dudes, I don't think most dudes walk around thinking about flowers, right?

Most guys, I don't think, walk around. Oh, look, the azaleas are coming in. Oh, the bulbs are blooming. Oh, my God. Are those lilies? But no matter how macho you are, bros, take a moment. I'm urging you as a fellow dude, a straight heterosexual dude,

take a moment to appreciate Le Flaire, as they say in French, the flowers. They are intricate things. They are beautiful things. Imagine something growing in colors like purple and yellow. and green and orange and red and black and yeah imagine if human beings grew in the colors that flowers achieved it's pretty spectacular you just take flowers for granted you're like oh a flower

look at a flower whoopi do what what's the big deal a yellow and orange exotic flower but go go up like it's spring like be interested in flowers like i know I know it sounds like, you know, it's up my pass every day, man. Well, don't make it something you pass every day. Here's my homework assignment to you. And this will help you have an appreciation for life. I hope this is something you carry with you for the rest of your days. Okay?

Instead of just going, oh, look of flower. I want you to do it. If you're walking out to work, you're walking to work, you're on your lunch break, you're rush into the subway, wherever you are. Now that it's spring, the next flower you spot, I want you to take a moment, okay? Take 60 seconds out of your terribly important day, your busy life where every second you live matters or the world's going to stop. I'm being sarcastic. But just take a minute.

Take 60 seconds and stop right in front of a flower and connect with the flower. and connect with the flower. Okay, I know you're thinking, what the hell is the wrong with Harland? Is he stupid or something? No. This will help you get balanced, okay? I want you to stop in front of that flower

and I want you to touch it, touch the petals. Do you remember the last time you touched the silky petals of a flower? Do you know what a unique sensation that is on your skin? There's nothing that really feels like, a flower petal. Even velvet. I think a flower pedal out does velvet. And then I want you to stare into that flower. Look at the petals. And then look at the intricate innards of the sternum and whatever else is in there. I'm not a florologist or a botanist. But take a look inside it, all the little stems and the little things and the little, the small little, the small little

protrusions and the little growths and the dust, the pollen dust and the fibers and the just look inside bend down and look closely at the intricate workings the makings of a flower. Each flower

is a miracle. Just stare at it at a marvel for a minute. For 60 seconds forget about your stock market and your girlfriend and your Uber and your office and your Starbucks and all your bullshit.

Yeah, I said it. I said bullshit, bro. And for 60 seconds, study this flower. Just look at it. Look at the pieces, the beauty, the intricacies, the delicacies of it. Sniff it. Sniff it, touch it, and sniff it, and get down close and look in it. And if you can, don't force it, but if you can't.

marvel at it. Think about it. Like, just don't go, okay, so I'm looking at a fucking flower, so. Think about what you're looking at. Ask yourself questions. Why is it like this?

What is that little thing? Why does it bend that way? Why does it have these things in the middle of it? Why does it only have four petals instead of five? Why does it smell like this? Just be marveled by something that is so intricate and beautiful.

beautiful and unique. And I think in doing that, you'll stand up after that minute and just go, you know, that was kind of cool. I diverted my mind from the busy world of mankind just for 60 seconds, and I got immersed in this little miracle of nature that was right here in front of me out in public. and I thought about something that was not connected to my needs, to my goals, to my rat race. I just shut everything off for 60 seconds and thought about a flower. I absorbed the flower.

I connected with the flower. I communed with the flower. I touched the flower. I interfaced with the flower. Just try that. That's your homework assignment. And I'm going to guarantee, I'm not going to guarantee, but I have a feeling it's going to make you feel really good. If you can dedicate one minute out of your 24-hour day, one minute.

And I don't care if people are walking by and going, what is that guy doing? Why is he looking in that flower? Is there money in there? What is he doing? Like, who cares? Turn everybody else off. Pretend the flower is your baby, your child that was just born and you don't care who's looking or who's, That's your baby.

You stare into the eyes of that flower with wonderment. Become one with the little flower or the big flower or whatever it is and just realize that everything in life is kind of like that. If you approach life with that kind of interest and that kind of looking outside of your surroundings and not always walking into the obvious, I think you'll have a much richer and fuller life. So in a way, this one-minute exercise is a little bit of a, you know,

an exercise for you to apply to your life and express that interest in all things and take advantage of all things that come into your point of view. Don't just glaze by everything. Don't just assume everything as a name and a title and you understand it. Oh, there's a car, okay, there's a flower, there's a, there's a tree, there's a butterfly, there's a bird, like, I think if you stop and absorb yourself into that flower for one minute, it will kind of set your brain in motion to do that more with other things. Not that you need to, but sometimes it's good.

It's good when you're having a built-up day, when you're feeling crushed in and you're feeling cramped and you're feeling overwhelmed and you're feeling anxiety. Sometimes that's all you need is just to stop and shift gears and look the other way and focus on something completely out of your wheelhouse. And as silly as it sounds that one little minute can shift your whole attitude, your whole vibe, your whole feelings. If you're having a bad day or even, even a good day. It can make it better, or maybe it'll take the edge off, or I don't know.

Just try it. See what happens. That's the spring challenge here today at the Harland Highway. So I hope you get a chance to interface with a flower, and then it brings you joy and it brings you fulfillment, and it fills you up with the life that spring offers to all of us. So there you go. You just, when you thought you're coming up on summer vacation from school, there it is. I just gave you your next assignment. Happy sniffing.

Have a really nice day today, folks. You deserve it. All about! The Harland Highway. Crazy news stories. That's weird. Wow. That's strange stuff.

Okay. I think you're not not I think you're crazy. I know you're crazy. When the headline is this, you know you're crazy. Here's the headline, only in America, I think. This sounds very American. You ready? Here's the headline.

Chaos at Walmart. As woman performs karate, Sun exposes himself, and dog steals food, police say. Oh my God. That's the triple whammy. I think I got to read that again It was so, so detailed

Chaos at Walmart As woman performs karate Sun exposes himself And the dog steals the food It's like that old nursery rhyme The cat in the fiddle Hey diddle diddle The dish ran away with the spoon

The cow jumped over the moon It's like a three-parter Chaos descended on a Wisconsin Walmart store Wednesday night after a karate performing mother, her naked son, and their belligerent dog shoplifted, and ran a mock in the store. The O'Clair Police Department said on social media that the officers responded to a call that a woman, Lisa Smith 46, and her dog bow, shoplifted items from the store.

Now, that's a good dog. That's like the new lassie. I mean, what are the basic dog tricks? Stop, roll over, shake a paw, play dead, beg. Now we got shoplifting? You got a boy, good boy, that's a boy. Stick the toaster oven under your fur. That's a good boy, good boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Steal the chocolate bars. Put the chocolate part. Yeah. The woman's son, 26-year-old Benny Van, was causing chaos in the store as well. Oh my God, this is just ridiculous. Police said that they went into the shop with bow unleashed

and the dog immediately went running off towards customers while the woman was pulling apart displays in the store and placing them in her cart. After being told to leave the store, the woman began showing off her karate moves in the parking lot to fend off police officer. Wow. The dog tried to flee the crime scene, albeit unsuccessfully,

with a box of jiffy cornbread muffin mix in his mouth. Oh, I'm only at Walmart. The dog tried to, let me read that again. You don't get this sentence a lot. The dog tried to flee the crime scene, albeit unsuccessfully, with a box of jiffy cornbread muffin mix in his mouth. That's a new tongue twister.

That's right up there with she sells seashells by the seashore. Jiffy cornbread muffin mix in his mouth. What the hell is going on? This dog sounds like it knew what the hell it was doing. It sounds like the three of them. It's like, oh, brother, where art thou, these three like con artists? And this dog knew exactly what he was doing. After a brief fight with the officers, Smith was arrested.

As a last-inch attempt, she tried to kick a window out of a police car. Now, I'm looking at a picture of this old, whatever you want to call her, and she is rough. I mean, she looks like an old kind of beat-up old white trash-like trailer park check. As you'd probably expect when you hear about a quote-unquote woman, throwing down karate moves in a Walmart parking lot. I'd love to see what her karate moves look like. I wonder what the karate moves of someone inebriated on crack, opioids, and Jack Daniels at the same time looks like.

You know, Bruce Lee's probably rolling over in his Walmart coffin out at the graveyard. Now let's get to the sun. Forget about the karate kid over here and the muffin-eaten dog. I mean, you've got to figure if this dog knows how to steal muffin mix. He's probably smart enough to go home and bake. I mean, you know, you're a dog and a Walmart of all the food. You get baking goods. You don't even grab like a steak or a piece of meat or a ham.

And first of all, you're smart enough. to shoplift so you know he's going home and starting up the oven and stirring up some muffins. Hey everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50%

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He then tried to cover himself with new clothes from the store without intending to pay for them, police said. I mean, look, are you really moving the needle if you rip off your old clothes? at a Walmart store and put on brand new Walmart clothes? Is there a difference, really? Are you up in your game by throwing on the camouflage pants and the t-shirt with a picture of Super Mario on it

and some flip-flops made in Vietnam out of old, you know, tire rubber? And a fishing hat with a fishing lure on it that says, bite me? I don't know if you've up the game at that point. But it gets worse. Yeah. After officers confronted Van, the naked clothes-stealing guy, he threatened to run over them with his scooter, prompting the police to use physical force to stop the scooter and arrest the man. So now this guy's got a scooter. I don't know if he's got one of those Walmart shopping cart scooters? Because, you know, he's got to have a place to put his old clothes once he takes off, takes them off and puts the new ones on.

What kind of family is? I guess the family that Walmarts together stays together, or not in this case. I think they all went off to jail. The mother was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and misdemeanor bail jumping. The son is facing charges. of lewd and lavasious behavior disorderly conduct and retail theft. The only character to get off Scott Free is Bo the dog. Bo was caught by officers in the store and brought to the Humane Association.

The dog was not charged. We issued him a warning for the theft, police said in a statement. Okay, now the police are crazy too. Oh, my God, this is hilarious. The dog was not charged. He was issued a warning. So there you go, man. I mean, Walmart is so much more than a shopping store.

It's a social event. If you can get yourself to a Walmart and, you know, get a good deal, but also catch a show. I mean, that's like a theater show right there. That's like you get your groceries, you buy your new coffee tables, some screwdriver sets, maybe an air mattress, some ping pong balls, a giant sack of dog food, a bicycle, a flat screen TV, and then go up in the parking lot and watch the karate naked dog show. I mean, this is like Cirque de Soleil for the low income right here.

What a treat. Wow. So there you go. Karate Kid, Naked Norbert, and BoJack the Muffin Dog, all yours, coming soon to a Walmart near you. Wow, what's that aftershave you're wearing? You high karate, after shave is so powerful. It drives women right out of their minds. That's why we have to put instructions on self-defense in every package.

High karate, the brisk splash on aftershave that smooths and serves. soothes and cools. High karate, after shave, cologne, and gift sets. Hi, karate. Be careful how you use it. The Harland Highway, question of the day. Okay, the question of the day is, it gets a little political. Now, I know some of you don't like politics, but if you don't like it, skip past this part.

If you can't handle a little opinion, skip past it. But the question of the day isn't political, but it ends on a kind of a political note, and you'll soon understand why. The question of the day is, should you be allowed to gloat? Should you be allowed to be Mr. I told you so? And if you are allowed, when is it appropriate, and when is it not appropriate? And so I had a situation where, you know, I've been. living in this world where, you know, I was one of these guys that said Trump was going to be

the president from the very beginning. I was one of the guys that supported Trump. I'm one of the guys that believes in Trump and loves Trump and can see through all the stuff that people are saying about him, all the propaganda and all the BS. And I just look at the guys' results and what he's doing for people and for the country. And I'm talking about it. all races. I'm talking about all Americans. Lowest black unemployment in history. Lowest Latino unemployment in history. Is that the earmarks of a racist to you, ladies and gentlemen? But without getting into all his policies and all that stuff and all the things he's done and all the things he's trying to do, despite these people trying to knock him off

his pedestal since before he was even elected, I was continuously attacked and beset on by people and my best friends, my very best closest friends. None of them like Donald Trump. They all loathe him, they all hate him, they all despise him, they all talk about him in the same voice. and when I talk to one, it sounds like I'm talking to the other one. I hate to say it. I hate to categorize them, but I'm telling you, I'm not even making this up. When one of them speaks, I might as well be looking at a gallery of all their faces because it's the same words, the same diatribe, the same everything.

I mean, the way these guys and girls have been programmed and brainwashed, it blows my mind. that's scarier than anything any politician can do or anything. And so as a guy who kind of sat back, and as I've said, I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, I'm just a guy in the middle who likes to vote and go for the people that get the job done the best, who work the hardest, who get the best results for we, the people that voted for them, okay? I don't care if it's Obama or Hillary or Trump or Clinton or Bush or whoever it is. As long as you're kicking ass, that's my person. And in this case, if you want to put all your emotions away,

all your conspiracy theories and all your accusation, if you want to put all that stuff away and see the results this president is getting, despite the abuse, ah, man, oh man, you are looking at a president who is kicking ass, whether you like it or not. I'm sorry. But I was one of these people who rate from the very beginning, not only predicting that he would win, and by the way, I won a bunch of bets with people, and I've already made bets that he wins in 2020. I've already laid down some bets. I'm not confident. Okay? But I was one of these people right from the get-go when I heard this whole Trump won the election through Russia.

Trump was hiding in alleyways, you know, conspiring with Vladimir Putin and Russian spies and on the Internet and on Facebook. And I'm just like, what are you joking? Russia, the name Russia didn't even exist until Trump won the election pretty much. Nobody talked about Russia. In fact, Obama was the one that said the Russia hostility with Russia and Russia being. our worst adversary was like going back in time.

Remember Obama when he debated Mitt Romney, he said, yeah, the Russians want their time machine back because Mitt Romney made a statement that Russia was still the most dangerous adversary we had and Obama mocked him and said he was out of touch and out of date.

And so Russia, you know, we never really thought about Russia. Russia, the Cold War Russia was in the 80s, maybe the early 90s, but ever since the Berlin Wall came down, it's just been like, Russia, who? But then suddenly, as soon as

Trump won, all you ever heard was Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, this, Russia, that, they called they had the audacity to call Donald Trump a puppet of the Russians and a Russian spy and treasoness,

And I'm just going, man, these Dems are clearly, you know, creating this decoy so that they can divert the fickle American public from the real tyranny, which is as far as if I'm going to be Sherlock Holmes or Nancy Drew, it looks a hell of a lot like me that the Dems are the ones that perpetrated all the treason and conspiracy and collusion. Because with them, you've got actual factual evidence and proof. And with Trump, it was all just hearsay. It was made up. It was fabricated. So for two and a half years, I told my buddies, I said, guys, this thing's not real. This Donald Trump spy collusion, Russia thing,

it's a big hoax. They're trying to undermine his presidency. They're trying to cut his legs out from under him. They're trying to make him look bad so that he can't win again. And this Russian connection is preposterous. I mean, here's this guy who's a successful billionaire. He's running a grassroots campaign for presidency. This guy's pretty sharp.

For those of you that think he's stupid, he outsmarted everybody else. He got them all. Call him stupid. I'd like to see you do it. I'd like to see you overthrow Obama and the Clinton machine and the Democratic Party. and the bad players inside the Republican Party and the whole system, Washington, politics,

the whole House of Cards. That ain't a dummy that does that. That's a smart guy, man. And so here's this guy who's shrewd. He's a businessman. He's dealt with hustlers and schmoozers his whole career. He's been on top of his game, his whole career, Uber successful.

And you think a guy like this is going to lurk into a back alley and, hey, Mr. Trump, you want some secrets? You want to work with Russia. We help you get the election, okay, Mr. Trump? How is Russia going to help? Even on their best day, trying as hard as they could, how does Russia influence you as a listener to go into a voting booth and go,

gee, I saw this thing on Facebook. The Russians are saying I should vote for Hillary. I better, oh, wait, no, the Russians think I should vote for, I better do it the Russian. want the Russians who I haven't heard their name uttered in in 20 years since the Berlin Wall but all of a sudden Hillary and the gang are telling me the Russians are here I mean it was just so preposterous so so I told my friends and it's so shameful that the media ran with this what a bunch of dopes I can't believe what morons the media are

right and so I warned all my buddies I said guys hate Trump if you're want to hate them. Okay? You clearly want to hate them. Like for all the, all the reasons that the media kind of steered them to hate Trump, they all fell in line. They all, they all took the bait. They all snapped at the lures. It was skimming across the top of the bullshit, Lake bullshit. And I said, hate Trump, all you want, but all I'm going to say to you guys, I'm not telling you who to vote for. I'm not telling you who to like. But what I'm going to tell you, because you're my friends, they say, be very careful of being duped. I'm looking out for you. Don't be conned. Don't be brainwashed. Don't be pulled into someone else's narrative. Don't become part of the

cult. Don't do someone else's bidding. Don't let them put a seed into your head, a preposterous seed, and let it blossom. You're all too smart for this. I mean, all my friends are high functioning, successful people in their fields. There's not a bum or a dummy in my whole group of friends. They're all very smart and sophisticated in their own way and successful. But yet here I was. I was sitting back watching these brilliant, wonderful people, these dear friends of mine who I love and adore, and I still do.

I was watching them all just get dragged along into this whole narrative. And I'm like, I just kept telling them, you know, they'd send me texts all the times. The reason I'm saying, am I allowed to gloat, is because these friends of mine attacked me on all sides. It was like, you ever hear that term, the circular firing squad? Well, I was in the middle. I had like a, I was the donut hole and had all my friends, my best friends around me.

Oh, my God, they're sending me texts. What's wrong with you? Are you stupid this and that? There were even some things said that I almost was thinking, I might have to end this friendship. But because I'm bigger than all that, and I'm wiser to a degree when it comes to my friends, I knew that they were being caught up in the storm of emotion. I knew that they were being pulled along following the shiny object,

and that I was someone that stood in the way of how they were being programmed. And so I became the butt end of their kind of lashing out. and I was the guy that they said, well, he likes that horrible traitor, racist, mahoganist, whatever the term is, you know, let's attack him. And so I was able to see it for what it was and go, okay, these are my friends, and they're coming at me, but I understand the psychology of why they're coming at me because they hate Trump and they can't attack Trump. But here's a guy that likes Trump, so let's attack him.

And so they came at me pretty aggressively in some cases and pretty hard. But fortunately for me, I'm good at going back and forth with this stuff, and I kind of enjoy it. I even told them that. I said, guys, just so you know, I kind of like the banter here. I said, I like the back and forth. I like that you guys are coming at me. And I said, you know what I really like, too, is that I'm telling you at the end of every other. every confrontation, every text or every argument or every debate, whatever you want to call it,

at the end of it, I always said this, I said, guys, I'm not telling you how to think. I'm just telling you to be careful. Don't be manipulated. Don't be conned. Don't be pulled into this big fat lie, this big fat hoax that's being perpetuated on the people. They said, be very careful, be wary. And watching the media, oh my God, watching the media day after day after day just saying all these horrible things. And, you know, how it's all, all Mueller's going to sort it out, all hail Mueller, Mueller the great, Mueller's going to find the truth, Mueller's going to, he's our Messiah.

And then lo and behold, you know, two years later, and 30 million of your dollars, how do you feel about that, gang? Can any of you use $30 million? $30 million of your money was spent on this lie, this hoax, right? And so it was just like, holy smoke. So I said, I kind of like this stuff. But I always said to my friends, I said, just don't be pulled into it. Be careful.

The media's in on it. They're all in on it. and I just don't want to see you kind of be programmed, like robots. And so my point about this is, at the end of it, after two years of being the one guy to stand up to all of it, and stand up to all my friends, who I still am, my friendships haven't shifted with any of these people, okay? Because like I said, I knew what I was getting into. I kind of liked the engagement. It got heated at times.

It got tense at times. but at the end of the day, I knew that if it was getting too much, I would just stop and say, you know what, guys, let's not talk about it anymore. But I never did and they never did it. At the end of our conversations, I would, I'd always make sure to say to those guys, I'd say, thanks for your opinion, I enjoy the back and forth. I said, I hope you're thankful that you have your one friend who likes Trump, because without me, you couldn't have these conversations, right?

So getting to the gloating thing, so after two years of this kind of barrage of kind of, you know, anti-Trump stuff coming at me, yours truly, the Mueller report finally comes out. And then all the stuff that they all said and believed and thought it, suddenly the air just went out of the balloon. It was over. And I know they got to be thinking. I've got egg on my face or whoops a daisy, right? And so I sat here thinking about it and I thought, you know, if I just took it from one friend or two friends or maybe even three friends,

that's fine, I can let it go. But I took it from a lot of friends, right? And I was proud to stand up for myself and in a way stand up for them. I always told them, I'm looking up for you guys. I don't care who you like politically, but whatever you do, don't get conned by any politician or media or party, right? Think for yourselves. I always said to them, think for yourselves. Use your head. And so I decided after a few days after the Mueller report came out, I said, you know what? I went through a lot more than they did. I was the one

guy standing there facing the wall of them. And so I wrote them an email, man. I wrote an email kind of in jest. It was lighthearted. But what I did is I said, I prefaced the email with a title. It said, now accepting apology dinners, flowers, gift cards,

and gift baskets. That's how it started, right? And so I wrote them this email about how they were all completely wrong and how I was all completely right. And that in order to get over your guilt for attacking me, your best buddy in the whole world,

that I was accepting apology dinners, mostly lobsters and prime steaks. And I asked them not to book anything too close together because there would be a lot of apology dinners coming in. And so what I did is I did this email and I group sent it to all of them at the same time. Now you ask me, am I allowed to gloat? Am I allowed? Would you do it if you were me? I think you would.

You got it. right? It's tough to stand up to the mob, man. It's not easy. It's tough, especially when the mob is your friends, you know, because you've got to do that delicate balance. You've got to do that dance where it's like, geez, do I say something? Do I risk losing the friendship? And I always went with the point of view. I thought, you know what? If they're my real friends, they'll respect where I stand the same way I'm respecting where they stand. Because again, I never told them what to think or who to vote for or what to believe. I just, I just said, here's my point of view, and I asked them to be careful. I was really honestly looking out for them, my friends. And so I feel like I earned the right to send them that email, and I feel like I have the right to gloat a little bit. And it doesn't have to be political. The Harland Highway Question of the Day can be in any circumstance.

It can be that you voted for a sports team to win the World Series or the Stanley Cup or the Super Bowl. It could be about anything. But the question is, I think, if somebody doubt you long enough, if it goes on for a length of time and something finally gets proven right, or you have a lot of people piling up on you, I think the answer to the Harland Highway question of the day is that, yes, yes, you are allowed to gloat.

And just keep this in mind, I did it in kind of a light-hearted, uh, fun-spirited way, but at the same time, I definitely, definitely got my point across and let them know, uh, that everything that went down, uh, I had warned them about and, and I, you know, I had argued with them about what was what. So there you go. Just me doing a little gloating. And that's the Harland Highway question of the day. The Harland Highway, question of the day. Wait, who? No, he's not.

Get it. Roger, don't even joke with me, man. He's on the line. He wants to talk. You got a Bill Clinton? The former president of the United States. What? Oh, my God.

Yeah, he heard the piece? Oh, God. Is this going to be, is this going to be like? confrontational? Oh my God. Okay. Well, like I said, I'm never one to run away. I just said it. I'll stand and stand behind my words. If Bill Clinton wants to talk, put him through. Oh, God. This should be good. Okay. Put them through. Oh, my God. Ladies on, the ex-president Bill Clinton is calling right now. Hello, Mr. President, sir. Hello, Mr. President.

Ah, well, this is President Bill Clinton. Wow. Hello, Mr. President. Oh, my gosh. This is a rare honor, sir. What brings you to the Harlan Iway podcast? Well, I was listening to your presentation there. Okay, yes.

And what was your assessment? Well, you're a fucking idiot, is what you are. uh sir you're a what we call a fucking idiot now uh you know this this uh for you to come out here and then say that the russia russian collusion and uh for all this stuff is a hoax i mean uh did you even know where russia is sir i i i know basic geography Well, you're a fucking idiot, I'll tell you that much. Sir, I'm, I'm, I'm, you want to use some words there, are you fucking idiot? Sir, I listen, just because I have a different point of view on things, and, you know, I'm going to be honest, I think your wife was involved in more espionage and more controversy.

than anyone else. Well, you know, I have not had sex with that woman. Sir? I mean, you're a fucking idiot. My wife should have been the president of the United States, the first president of the United States. We should have broke the glass fish tank, and she should have been the first woman president of the United States.

Well, okay, in a fair fight, okay. Why not? Sure, Hillary, if she was the first, first, but you got to have a fair fight and you can't be using, you know, backdoor antics to kind of make it happen. Well, I, you're a fucking idiot. Sir, if you could not keep saying that, I'm just, I'm not, I'm not against a Democratic president and I'm not for a Republican president. I just want to see a system play out fairly and justly, and the best person, the person who worked the hard is to get the job. Well, you know, I got two things to say about that.

Yes, sir? The first one is a fucking... Sir? And the second one is an idiot. Sir! You're a fucking idiot. Now, listen, you know, my... I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

What woman, sir? My wife, Hillary. Sir? I mean, you're a fucking idiot. Did I mention I yet? Sir, I'm not... Just because I have a difference of opinion, and listen, I think there's some antics that went down,

some things that need to be accounted for on your wife's side. Now that we've kind of looked under every stone and rock on the Trump side, I think there's a lot of unanswered questions from your wife's campaign, from the way she handles out, some of the classified materials, the acid-washed emails, all that stuff. Well, let me tell you something about all of that stuff you just said, okay? Yes, sir? I think I could sum it up. Okay, sir.

Just a couple. You're a fucking idiot. Sir, would you stop calling it? calling me that. I expect a higher level of conversation from, you know, the one sitting president of the United States. Now, is there anything else you can say to add to this here? I did not have sexual relations with that woman. How? My wife, Hillary. Now, can you imagine throwing can ankles in the air?

Pardon me, sir? I mean, it's one thing to throw ankles in the air, but have you ever tried to throw cancles in air. I mean, sir, cancels in the air? Now, Russia. We were talking about the Russian collusion. Okay, yes. If we could keep it there, I'd like to

talk about that. Now, you know, Donald Trump is the type of a... Sir? It's okay. I just swallowed a cigar. Sir? Donald Trump is the

kind of shiasty back alley character that, you know, I could picture him in a dark alley. Sir. You're getting secrets from the Russians, asking for help to win the election, and it's as plain as the nose on my wife's face. Sir, again, this is all just, you're just throwing stuff at the wall. There was a two-and-a-half-year investigation.

There's no proof. Well, I got some proof right here. What kind of proof, sir? You're a fucking idiot. Now, listen to here, young man. Listen here, sir. I do not appreciate being called name just because I have a different opinion of things.

Well, let me ask you this. What's your name again? Sir, it's Harlan Williams. Let me ask you this. If you were running for president and someone approached you with some information for Russian involvement in perpetrating the transitional, you know, documents for the, you know, the propaganda instrument. What would you say to that? I don't even know what you just said, sir.

Can you repeat that? I did not have sexual relation to that woman. Who are you talking about? My wife, Hillary. Now, have you ever tried undressing a woman wearing an olive garden hostess pantsuit? I mean, this is not an attractive sight to see. Sir, if we could stick with the Russian investigation and not your personal life. Well, you know, let's get a room.

If you're going to be talking about Donald Trump as a leader, this man, I heard you say that he outsmarted all of us. He outwitted everybody. Well, he did out with me, and he didn't out with my wife. Well, sir, your wife lost. What did you say? I said your wife lost. He must have outwitted her at some level.

You said she lost? Is that what you just said? Yes, sir. Hillary lost. Hillary lost the election. What do you have to say about that? Well, you're a fucking idiot is what I'm going to say about it. That's what I...

Sir, you got to stop, but if that's your only go-to... Well, what's my only go-to? The F-I thing. What a fucking idiot? Sir, please. Is there anything else you can say? I did not have sexual relations with that woman. What woman?

My wife, Hillary. Now, could you imagine having... Sir, I don't want to know about your bedroom activities with your wife. Now, I appreciate your calling. I understand that maybe my point of view does not, you know, jive with your point of you, but it's like I say to all my friends, I respect your point of view, and you're entitled to say whatever you want. Now, if there's something you want to say that discounts everything the Mueller report says,

then by all means, if you have information that he doesn't have, please tell us right now. Well, you know, funny, you should mention that because I do have a couple of pieces of information that Inspector Mueller didn't have. Okay, what are these couple of pieces of information? Well, one, you're a fucking... Sir? And two, you're an idiot. And you put them together, and the conclusion of the Mueller report is,

you're a fucking idiot. Sir, I'm not going to sit here and be bullied and browbeaten by you with your foul language. Now, if you want to have a serious debate, I'm willing to do that. But otherwise... You're a fucking idiot. All right. You know what? I'm done. Roger, I'm done. Sir, is there anything you want to say in closing? I'd like to close Hillary's legs. What did you say?

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Who? Hillary, Zachary Clinton. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Who? You said Hillary, Zachary Clinton. Oh, my Christ, there's another one? No, you said it's Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Clinton. What, don't you talk about my wife like that, you fucking idiot? No, you said Hillary, Zachary Clinton, and I said Hillary Rodham, Clinton. How'd you know about her twin sister? Now, listen here, you fucking idiot. Sir, I've had enough goodbye. You're a fucking idiot. Sir, hang up.

God! What, Roger, what the hell is that? I try to have a... I'm thinking I'm going to have a great conversation with a former sitting president, and I get that he just calls me an effing idiot i tell you man it's not easy being me it's not easy being me god god go to a commercial jeez you know what i think we let it go right there roger i just that that was kind of like like abuse right there god why i just i just See, that's what I mean.

It's tough when you're not with the program, when you're not going along with what everyone else is. It's like people just lash out, man. That's what I deal with. So I guess it's okay to gloat a little bit. Yeesh. Well, if you'd like to gloat to your friends that you came to one of my stand-up comedy shows,

which I know you'd love to do, yeah, check it out this weekend. I'm in Cincinnati, Ohio, baby, right in the heartland, right in the old breadbasket, baby. Cincinnati, Ohio at the funny bone. Oh, God. Like, I just swallowed a cigar. April 26th, 27th, this weekend, Friday and Saturday. Cincinnati, Ohio, and then the following weekend, oh, my God.

Check it out. Check it out. I haven't done shows for a lot. long time in Las Vegas. But Jimmy Kimball just opened a brand new comedy club, and they asked me to kind of do the opening of it. So the following weekend, May 2nd through the 4th, or through the 5th, actually, I'm going to be at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Oh, yeah, baby. It's at Caesar's Palace. Jimmy Kimball Comedy Club at Caesar's Palace, May 2nd through May 5th. Okay, all the tickets are online at harlom williams.com. And then the following weekend, May 10 and 11, God, excuse you. I am in Washington, D.C. At the brew house or the Yale house or something like that.

It's on the website. I can't remember the name because it's a new club for me. May 10 and 11, Friday and Saturday. And then the following weekend, I'm in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the improv, May 16 through 19. So that's a pretty busy month for me, man. Good golly, Miss Molly, May is popping. So go to Harlowell Williams.com and let me know, don't let me know, but let the website know that you're coming to the show. You can order your tickets and Bing, Bang, Boom.

Also, check out my Instagram. It's at Harland Williams. I just posted the fourth episode of the little mini movie that me and Tom Green shot on a tropical remote island somewhere. I can't tell you where, but these minute-long movies, it's like a series. Each episode leads to the next, and it's a story about me and Tom Green are plane crashes and these two idiots wash up on the shore and try to survive in the tropical wilderness. And we just posted the fourth episode tonight. So you can go in and watch the whole story.

You can click on all four and get caught up in four minutes. That's the beauty of Instagram. Each episode is only a minute long. So in four minutes, you can binge watch the whole series in four minutes. And by the end, the whole movie is 17 minutes. So it's 17 episodes. Every week I put out a new episode. So get on my Instagram and follow and get that free comedy coming your way.

It's a fun little series me and Tom shot. So there you go. That's it for now, ladies and gurgle blargens. I hope you enjoyed it. And we're down to just a few more episodes to go until we wrap it up here, man. Wow, it's kind of sad. But we're going to make it as fun and as cool as we can as we get close to the end here. And speaking to the end, that's it for today.

I hope you had a good time. Thank you so much for being here on the Harland Highway. You are loved. You are so loved. And until next time, chicken. Shao Man, baby? Well, you're a fucking idiot is what I'm going to say about it. That's it.

That's what I'm saying. Thank you.