The Harland Highway - 992 - Harland reviews The AVENGERS movie and it's not pretty. Social changes and history.

Episode Date: May 5, 2019

Harland reviews The AVENGERS movie and it's not pretty. Social changes and history. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Today's podcast, by the way, this is Harlem Williams. You're rolling down the Harlan Highway. I am your host, Harlan Williams. And today's podcast is a very strange one. It kind of, it starts with some funny jokes, some material. And then it kind of rolls into talking about society and how some things are changing and maybe not for the better.

Or maybe for the better. You can listen for yourself and make the argument you want to make. But I am going to comment on some things that I find startling that are happening in our world that I think are questionable and need to be looked at carefully before we go around a corner that's a little bit dangerous in my mind. And then in the middle of my podcast, I ended up getting up and going to see the movie, the Avengers,

the new Avengers movie that everyone's going nuts about three hours long things smashed every box office record in the world so I went to see it and let's just say I am not happy and this became the longest podcast

I think I've ever done because the last 40 minutes of the podcast I rip the Avengers a big new superhero asshole way do you hear it you might not have the patience for it But if you do, check it out because this is the Harland Highway.

Do you know my name? It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life. Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters. All of you, through and through. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah!

When you see a fallen star, That means a witch has just died. You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway. Oh, I want us to hear people say something again and to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, a rockabilly boy. Don't you understand? You're listening to Harlan Williams.

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Oh, boy. Oh, boy, it finally happened, Nerdel Glirgens and Beshlerglagdins. I don't know how many of you listeners of mine, how many pavement pounders are white folks. But boy, oh, boy, did I step into it? Just recently. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, you've heard recently this thing has kind of come up in the last little while the term white privilege, right? It's something that it's always existed maybe, I guess, but it's never kind of been leveraged against people in society until now so much.

It's like, it's like become this thing. And I was like, okay, I get it, you know, I understand white privilege, I guess I know what it means, right? and it's just one of those things that's out there. It's like white privilege, Black Lives Matter, this, that, you know, whatever the next social cause is. And I didn't really think I'd have an encounter with the right white privilege situation, but guess what I did? And I got to tell you about it.

Oh, my God. So I'm at the airport. I'm at LAX, Los Angeles. Exilephone, I guess. I don't know. Those are the, you know how every airport has its letters, it's code letters. Los Angeles, it's L.A.X.

I don't know where the letter X fits into anything. Is the letter X in the word airport? So I just call it Los Angeles Xilophone. And I'm at L.A.X. And I'm at the, you know, I'm checking in with my suitcase. I'm waiting to get called over to the counter, right? and I'm standing beside this wonderful ethnic couple. Let's just say ethnic.

It doesn't matter what ethnicity they are. That doesn't matter. It's not part of the story. We're all people. We're all just human beings, okay? So let's just say an ethnic couple, a man and his wife, we're standing next to me. And, you know, we're just standing there,

and the lady motions me over. And so I go over. I got my bag and I'm about to engage her and check in my bag and this ethnic gentleman comes running over who I was standing beside and he kind of lights me up and again it doesn't matter what ethnicity they are that's not that doesn't have any bearing here

but but he kind of tore into me and he was like hey man what's up Holmes and I'm like excuse me he goes what's up Holmes and I'm like what do you mean what's up He goes, you butted in front of me and my wife, I say. And again, it doesn't matter what ethnicity they are. And I said, butted in front of you.

No, no, no, I don't think. And he goes, yeah, you butt it in front of me, Holmes. I said, sir, I did not butt in front as far as I know. The lady just motioned me to come over. He goes, no, you butted in front of me, man. He said, you got white privilege, Holmes. And I said, what did you say? He goes, you got white privilege.

And I was like stunned. I was like, I have a white privilege. Is that what you're saying? And he goes, that's right, Holmes? And I was just, I looked at him in the eyes very compassionately. And I said, I said, sir, I am so very sorry. Oh, my goodness. And if you wouldn't mind carrying my bags down to gate 23,

that would be just because if I have the white privilege I'm going to use it and I could use the help and he's like, well, what are you talking about, man? I'm not carrying your bags. And I said, no, no, I'm not doing my wife's over there. And I said, what, your wife?

Well, you know, there's an Arby's just down the way. And if she could grab me some curly fries, what are you talking about? Joking, joking. that never happened. Can you imagine if somebody actually like you know

went the other way with the whole white privilege thing instead of feeling guilty about it or or understanding the you know the social ramifications of white privilege they just totally went the other way. Some dummy was like oh okay well if I'm privileged you know get to work for me you know you can see it happening

and that was the whole point of the joke, by the way. But there's all kinds of weird twists on social things that are happening now, you know? If you just turn them around on their head, you can make them funny and draw comedy out of them. Like, for example, the Me Too movement. You know, not everybody gets it. And I said to my dad recently,

I said, Dad, have you heard about this Me Too movement? He goes, yeah, this Me Too movement. He's like, who is this Chinese chick? It sounds like she's really putting out. I'm like, Dad, are you that clueless? And then, of course, the Black Lives Matter, there's not a lot of racial diversity in every city in America. And I was recently in Salt Lake City, Utah,

not a lot of racial diversity there. And I went to a Black Lives Matter rally, and I was the black guy. Yeah, yeah, so, you know, we have fun with these things. But, you know, even though people make light of things or, you know, I think people use comedy as a way to take the edge off of things that are, you know, sensitive or touchy. And on a more serious note, boy, this is talking about,

sensitivity, things are getting very sensitive to the point where I'm getting worried. I'm getting worried that maybe we are starting to erase the history of this country because people are getting overly sensitive about things. I'm going to read you a couple of stories from the news recently, and I'll let you be the judge of whether you think things are getting a bit too over the top. or not. Check these stories out. Here's the first one, and this is just an example of the sensitivity wave that's happening. Here it is. California State Campus ditching Prospector Pete mascot after complaints that the gold rush hurt indigenous people. Okay, didn't every freaking single thing

white people did hurt indigenous people, didn't building roads, didn't harvesting land, didn't building airports and cities and towns and raising crops and cattle and didn't every freaking thing. We basically took their land, okay? We took over the country. And, I mean, what are we supposed to do? Just get rid of everything. Well, let's close down the road.

that that hurt the indigenous people. Let's tear down the cities. Let's all get back to riding horses and wagons just so everything can be the way it was. Let me read the story, and then I'll get back into my commentary. California State University campus in Long Beach is ditching its longtime mascot amid accusations of racism and officially moving to pick either a new symbol,

or have no mascot at all. The university ditched its prospector Pete character in September after criticism that it was offensive to indigenous people. And just so you know, this Prospector Pete statue is like a white guy in a beard sitting on a rock just like staring off into the distance. Okay? I guess he was like symbolic.

of your average white prospector back during the gold rush. So it's actually quite a beautiful statue, to be honest. It looks nice. The supposedly offensive mascot was born when the camp is opened in the 1940s with founding President Pete Peterson's common that he struck the gold of education by therefore creating this statue. have come to see the mascot not as a tribute to their founder or to California history, but rather as a representation of the violence caused to Native Americans and others during

California's Gold Rush era. Last year, the university moved the statue of the mascot away from a prominent place on campus due to the outcry. A statement on the university website said the gold rush was a time in history when the indigenous peoples of California endured subjugation, violence. and threats of genocide. Whether the NFL's San Francisco's 49ers should be worried about their nickname is unknown at this point. The University is now asking students to vote on a new mascot

with choices including pelicans, sharks, stingrays, giraffes, Crackin, a sea monster from Scandinavian folklore, or even picking the option called the beach that is sort of a no mascot option. The president of the student association said that the options for students to vote on were scheduled from hundreds of ideas submitted by the students. Wow. I mean, guys, this is just getting out of control. No offense if you're a Native American, but I think I laid out the case. Really?

You're going to be, you're offended by people that were prospect. for gold, when every other single thing that white people did affected your way of life, your livelihood, your living, your status, your culture, your everything. And you're going to pick out this one thing? You know, I really don't know that guys standing in a river sifting for gold was quite as disastrous as, you know, American settlers and the army and cowboys and people shooting and warring and fighting and forcing the religion and taking your land

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Don't throw your back out. I mean, it's just so... And what I want to know is did actual Native Americans come forward and say that they were offended? Or was it what I think, is happening a lot these days. It's, it's, it's trauma scouts or controversy scouts or sensitivity scouts, whatever you want to call them, people that are just looking for some kind of symbol so that they could, they can cause a fracas about it. I want to know how many

people were offended by Prospector Pete, a guy that panned for gold. I want to know if it was like three little idiots that were sitting, you know, on the grass, drinking their Starbucks. And by the way, drinking their Starbucks sitting on the grass that was once Indian land. Oh, why don't you shut down the whole school? Why were you ever born? Why are you even here? This is Indian land. You're not allowed to even be here.

You're breathing their air. I mean, folks. What happened to the Indians is a travesty. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. But that's human history. I'm not defending any behavior or derogatory aggression or anything towards the Indians. They don't deserve it, but human history is event after event after event of one sanction of humanity, one area of people rolling over another.

It's like the conquest of the tribes. If we didn't do this, cavemen would still be running things, okay? It's the unfortunate progression of human beings. You know, it sucks, it's horrible. You know, in my mind, I appreciate the Indian culture more than I appreciate our modern culture. it's just uh you know but we're the subjects of where when we're born what time period we're born of geographically where we're born but if you ask me the indians had it right man these these are people that that that found god in everything they they found they found spirit in

everything they found spirit and rocks and crows and animals and trees and water and rain and weather. I mean, they had it right, man. They were connected to the earth. And the white man came along and just kind of took and exploited and abused. And we still do. And so you have to look in the mirror and go, well, this is who we are. You know, what are you in nature? Are you a peacock? Are you a leech? Are you a parasite? Are you a lion? Are you a giraffe? What are you? And we're human beings. We're kind of like, as much as we like to think we're great, we're kind of. We're kind of. kind of like the scums of the planet. We're the ones destroying it.

We're the ones using it up. We're the ones abusing it. We're abusing the other species. And we abuse the other species. We're abusing our own species. And you just look at the North American Indian. You look at the Australian Aboriginal. You look at the rainforest tribes

that are probably shrinking and dying by the year. You look at all kinds of cultures that are being minimalized and probably over time will vanquish and go away. Look at Eskimo cultures, you know? I bet most of the Eskimo kids nowadays don't know how to build an igloo or skin a seal. They're probably on the internet and buying stuff at the grocery store. And it's just the way it's going to keep going. And it's sad, man.

It's very sad. There's still countries taking over countries. Look at Syria. Look at what ISIS wants to do. They're trying to eradicate Christians and they want everyone to be Muslim or else you're not worthy if you're, you know, it's still happening today. And it's just the way we are. So I think in America to be sensitive about a prospector who was pandan, for gold is probably the least of the abusers when it came to the Indians.

And, you know, even if you do want to claim that, you know, they're insensitive, well, what do you want to do? Just erase that history? You want to get rid of history. You want it so we're in a place where there is no reference to bad things that might have happened to to, to, Native cultures? I've said it before on this podcast, man. I said, you started erasing all the history, and soon you won't be able to prove there's history.

Okay, if you wiped out everything that Hitler did in Germany, if you tore down all the concentration camps, and you got rid of all references to Hitler and destroyed it, guess what, man, generations from now, some people would emerge and say, well, you know, there's really not any. it's not really any proof that Hitler did anything bad

you know maybe you know there's no there's no nothing that's said you know so I don't know man just changing and erasing history to me is a deadly slope and all these people that are so sensitive

again I'm suspicious of how many how many were offended and sensitive and how many who that they were, not just how many, but who. And then, and then, and then the other side of it is, well, okay, what if they are offended by Prospector Pete? Okay. So guess what? There's a, there's another side to every argument. What if now there's a bunch of people offended that prospector Pete is gone? What about their voice? Are they allowed to be offended? Are they allowed

to say, hey, put prospector peep back. I'm upset. I have Native American blood in me. I don't want people to forget that that person was here, or my father was a prospector. And if it wasn't for my father, my great-great-grandfather being a prospector and mining for gold, the state of California never would have emerged. It never would have had an economic base. It never would have developed. We We won't have had this very school that we're standing in. So that's what I mean. You've got to be killed. I'm not saying you can't be sensitive.

Be sensitive. Human beings are sensitive. We're very sensitive. That's a good quality. You got to remember there's people sensitive to things being taken down and destroyed. It's like we're all allowed to be sensitive and state our case. But it doesn't mean we just rip everything down and burn everything down. And, you know, if three people out of 10,000 are sensitive, do they get to rule the day?

Do the three people get to determine what the rest of the 10,000 are exposed to? I mean, I'll tell you what, I'm Canadian, okay? If there was a statue somewhere in the States that, you know, depicted the, the bad side of Canadians, I'd be like, okay, I can live with it. I don't like it, but it's just a reminder that we're all flawed. None of us are perfect. We've all made mistakes. But you also got to remember also when history happens, a lot of times when history happens,

it's at a time when they don't know the future. History happens in the present, if that makes sense. It happens in a moment. It happens in a time when people don't know what's ahead. They didn't know about slavery and they didn't know about technology and they didn't know about inequality and racial tension and this and that. They're just living in the moment that, you know, bad things happen to everybody. You know, if you want to keep going back,

you think bad things didn't happen to white people. Christians were thrown to the lions and Jews were thrown in ovens, and, you know, Armenians were killed by the hundreds of thousands. I mean, every culture has their victims. Hoy,oy, y'oy, man. You know, if I send a letter that I'm sensitive, that, you know, there's a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball stadium. Should we get rid of that?

Because I'm sensitive? Let me read you another story that scares me. Here's another one in the same kind of cup from the same cloth. Here it is. Philadelphia Flyers, the hockey team, remove Kate Smith statue. New York Yankees hauled her, God bless America amid controversy. So let me read you this story so you understand it.

The Philadelphia Flyers removed a statue of the late singer. Kate Smith that stood outside their arena for more than 30 years. The move coming two days after the team covered the monument in black burlap bags in response to complaints about two tunes the God Bless America singer performed in the 1930s. The Flyers had covered the statue and suspended playing her famous rendition of the patriotic song on Friday. The Flyers' decision allowed a similar one made. recently by the New York Yankees, who for 18 years had played the recording during the seventh inning stretch. And this song, God Bless America.

So now they've forbidden that song now. Smith Statue had stood near the Philadelphia Sports Complex since 1987. The NHL principal hockey is for everyone is at the heart of everything the flyer stand for, Team President Paul Holgerman said in his statement, as a result, we cannot stand idle, while material from another era gets in the way of who we are today. Wow. Smith, who died in 1986 and age 70 line,

was long considered an American icon. Was. You like that word, was. Suddenly she's not? In large part, because of her association with God bless America, the 1918 Irving Berlin song she recorded and she received a presidential medal of freedom in 1982. Recently, however, the Yankees reportedly became aware

Smith sang a popular 1931 song, that's why darkies were born. The tune originally written for a Broadway review and later referenced in a Marks Brother flick featured lyrics such as someone had to pick the cotton, someone had to pick the corn. Someone had to slave and be able to sing. That's why darkies were born.

Ray Henderson and Lou Brown wrote the song, Smith did not contribute words or music. The song was considered a satire of racism in its time, with civil rights activist Paul Robertson also having recorded a version. Detactors also know Smith recorded a song called Pickin' Any Heaven, with Pickin'any being a race. slur for a black child, and points to Smith's likeness appearing in an ad for baking powder that featured a, quote, Mammy character.

The Flyers played Smith's version of God Bless America before Must Win Game since 1969. The Yankees pulled God Bless America earlier this season after being informed about the questionable Broadway song. So, all right, this one's touchy because it does have, you know, songs that have, you know, those lyrics that, you know, if I was a black person, I'd be like, what the hell? Okay. And, you know, you've always got to look through these types of stories through the eyes of a black person. And I, you know, if I had the time, I'd love to have an African American person or friend on the show so I can get their perspective on. it. But since I don't, all I can do is kind of give you my perspective on it. And, you know,

it's sad because, you know, this woman is an American icon. Okay. She's singing a song called God bless America, which blankets every American. It's a super upbeat, positive song. It sounds like she was singing songs in a musical that she did not write or create, but she was probably a singer trying to make a living. And like I said, I'm going to go back to what I said earlier. Back in the time when things are happening, you don't really know how they're affecting the future. You're just, you're immersed in your reality when you're born. Like there's stuff that we're all doing right now, okay? Hold on to yourselves, everybody. There's stuff that we're all doing right now. White people, black people, Asian people, Latino people, all of us. We might be doing

something that seems so normal and every day, right now, that 60 years from now, sensitive people in the future might look back and go, oh, my God, Elton John wore giant glasses. Do you know how, do you know how offensive that is to blind people? Oh, my God. How could they go to a concert with a guy with giant glasses on his face? are you kidding me we must no one can play his music we must tear down any statues that's what I mean you have to assume there's a level of of of innocence to a lot of this

now if you're standing around in a clue clucks clan robe and you're burning crosses and you're trying to lynch black people no excuses you knew what you were doing you're a full-on racist you you had a vendetta a hatred towards black people If you were wearing a swastika on your arm, you knew what you were doing. You had a vendetta against Jewish people, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But the more common people that were just circulating around in society and, you know, white people that poured Aunt Jemima syrup on their pancakes, were they racist because the logo of Aunt Jemima, she was as described in this article, kind of like a mamie. She had the traditional kind of headdress that you saw in a lot of the poorer

and sometimes slave African-American women back in those days. No, people were just like, oh, Aunt Jemima's syrup. I'll put it on my pancakes. It's delicious. Oh, look at the logo. It's a big black woman with a thing on her head. What'd be do? Like, people weren't racist because they used Ant Jemima syrup.

And I think that's what we have to pull. pull into this story here is the level of innocence and the level of malice and the level of intent of people. And most people, most common everyday, normal, great people are not racist. They have no intention to be racist. They don't want to be racist. They detest racism. But you've got to ask yourself, you know, can you be so sensitive that everything becomes

racist or demeaning or offensive? You know what I mean? It's like Kate Smith's Song, the God Bless America. So should the record companies that made the record? be called a racist and shut down? Should the vinyl companies that press the vinyl? Are they in on this big racist insensitivity scheme? Should the radio stations that played the song be shut down?

Should any of us that heard it go and be deprogrammed at a therapist's office because we heard a song sung by a woman that sang a song in a musical that had defamatory lyrics? I don't know. You know, maybe I'm a douche for saying this stuff. You know, I'm not an African-American person. Maybe this is the most, I'm not Native American. Maybe this is the most offensive stuff,

unbearable stuff I've ever heard. But I just, I don't know. I go, where does it stop, man? Where does it end? What do we have left eventually? And if I can make a counter-argument, I would say that, look, man, we're all in this together. If we're going to make this melting pot thing we've created work, which is cultures and races mixed together, if it's all of us swimming around in the same fish pond, you know, we're going to have to love it when people bring us stuff that enhances

our lives, and it's like, oh, my God, amazing. And we're going to have to roll with it sometimes when there's shitty stuff. You know? And when I say shitty stuff, I'm not including, like, you know, enslaving people and raping and killing and putting people in camps and burning them in showers and that stuff's over the top. That stuff you, I think the average person in any era, knows when something is so bad

it's beyond obvious. But there's so many gray areas amongst us humans that we've got to kind of learn to bounce and roll off of each other. You know, are there things as a white... You know what? You let me throw an example. You know what? You know what kind of gets under my grill a little bit?

Is I'm in the comedy industry and almost without fail Whenever African-American comedians take a poke at white men, they always do this voice. They always go, you know, here's the return. Like, hey, man, it's like, you know, it's like when white guys, you know, when white guys are at a dinner and they, you know, they're afraid to ask the lady to pay for the check.

You know, the white guys are always like, listen, Sarah, would you mind going half these with me on the check? because, you know, I don't want to be. And so it's like, it's like, why do black guys always do that, that white guy voice, right? And it bothers me. I'm a little offended by it. I'm a little, but at the same time, I'm like, I'm cool with it. It's like, okay, if that's their interpretation of us, if that's what they think all white,

the average white guy sounds like, okay, I can take the joke. I can take the ribbing. Does it, does it kind of chap my ass a little bit? Yeah. but am I big enough to roll with it? Yeah. Do any of you have brothers and sisters where they used to tease you and mock you and do impressions of you

and they knew how to get under your skin? Yeah. So are we going to be a society where we allow those little shades of poking fun and having fun with each other under our skin and just roll with it and laugh it off? And now it's like, okay, you got me with that. I'll get you with this. And then you get me with that.

It's kind of like a game of tea. right? And if people aren't dying and people aren't being slaughtered and massacred and burned at the stake, like, shouldn't we have to tolerate that of it? Isn't that part of the human experience? I don't know, man. I just worry that if we lose those nuances, I'd rather hear that people, you know, are disturbed by, you know, the gold miner guy. and lay it out there and say it, and I can hear that, and go, okay, I understand that, I hear it. But do we remove it? Do we vanquish it forever? Do we bury its existence? And all the historical significance that it holds?

Because let's be fair here, the historical significance is just not that maybe it happened during a time where native cultures might have been abused. it also represents a time of when this country was in its infancy and it was growing and things were emerging and social norms were evolving and industry was happening and finance was happening and education everything was moving and growing and so if you start pecking away at everything and deleting everything all of a sudden you're left with nothing you know children in the the future, we'll be like, how did California get started? Like, what was kind of the groundwork for what? Oh, it started when Google started? Okay, Google started California. There was nothing before that,

right? Like, there weren't like people that came here and roughed it out in the wilderness and put their life on the line and, you know, pan for gold in raging rivers. And no, it just started with Google? Okay, right. Okay, that's what I thought. But it seems funny that there was no real struggle to really get the state, you know, started or whatever, you know. But you think there might have been some prospectors or something, but I guess not, you know. I mean, guys, look, you know me. I don't want anyone to be hurt. I don't want anyone's feelings to be rubbed the wrong way. I don't want anyone to feel victimized or have any type of racism against them. Okay?

But we got to balance things out too, whether it's just not like you're deconstructing the history of who you are. I think it's better to accept the bad things and have them on display and maybe not just say they're a bad thing. I mean, you could say, okay, so-and-so had a black mark on a moment in their career, a blip in their career, like Kate Smith, for example, okay, at the time she did some vaudeville theater or some Broadway plays where there was some inappropriate language that she did not write, but she was singing in order to make a living.

Okay, yeah, not so good. Acknowledge, don't like it. I don't like it. I didn't like the language that I heard. in that story. I'm not African-American, but it was offensive. It rubbed me the wrong way. But does that moment define who she was as a human? Does that define her contribution? And then you fast forward, and she writes this song, God Bless America, which is a sweeping anthem of positivity and patriotism. And if you're an American, whether you're black, white, yellow, green, blue,

or orange, this song is about you. It's about you and how we've evolved and that you're part of an America that might have had a shady past or had black marks on his past. But do we put the little things that she did that might have been out of naivete or misunderstanding? Do we wipe out, do we put that on a pedestal?

over something that she did that was so uber positive that affected a country, affected all the people, and does so to this day? That just seems weird to me. But what do I know? I'm just spouting off here. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe I don't get it. I don't know.

I'm just throwing it out there, man. Like I said, there's an argument to be made on every side of this stuff. So I know I've been a bit of long-winded here, but this stuff is just like, it's just, I think I'm bringing it up because it's getting worse and worse and worse. And I'm starting to wonder what we're going to have left eventually. You know?

It's like, what happens if one day we find out that Martin Luther King, you know, the great Dr. Martin Luther King, who I freaking love and adore, and look up to as a human being, what if we find out one day when he was in college, somebody finds an old thing in a yearbook where he made a joke about a white person, or he was in a play or at a meeting where,

you know, a racial epitaph came out about Asian people, or he was referencing the war, you know? Remember the war with Japan when the go-to? word was Japs? Remember that there was no there was no hiding it. It was an offensive word. Today we know it's an offensive word, but back then it was like Japs, let's kill the Japs, get the Japs. What if we find something that Martin Luther King talked about the Japs using the word Jap? Uh-oh. There goes to Martin Luther King Museum. There goes to all the streets in every city, Martin Luther King Boulevard, there goes the Martin Luther King statues and memoriums and libraries.

You see where I'm going with this? It can happen to any race. It can happen to any of us. And if we keep going down this trail, I don't know where it stops, man. So there's the case I'm putting out there for all of us as human beings. I'm not picking on Indians or black people. or white people or this this last segment is for all of us to think about and consider because it's it's getting messy in my opinion it's getting scary and again i want to know

who these small little groups of sensitive people are i really have a feeling that they're sneakily you know just looking for opportunities to cause this kind of crap and and and what it's doing is it's basically unraveling the fabric of what this country is. You've got to, in order to make a tapestry, you've got to sew in everything. And let's be honest, there's bad things that help create this country, but there's good things. And if you don't weave it all together, you don't have a blanket. You've just got a thing with a bunch of holes in it.

So there you go. There's my little rant. And, you know, that's what happens here on the Harland Highway. Usually I start with comedy, and sometimes I just end up going off on getting a little more academic or a little more serious about things. And this is one of those situations. So, uh, Rod's, let's move on. Let's get back to something silly and funny because, uh, you know, we like to mix it up here at the Holland Highway. Oh, okay. Good.

Don't piss me off. This is Harland Williams. And you're really pissing me off. Oh, you're starting to piss me off, you little pigly son, bitch. You pissed me off. Shut up, you're pissing me off. These fucking assholes, this fuck... These fucking assholes!

The fuck is their problem, man! Okay, so you know how I said I was gonna switch gears and get light and funny and silly. Well, guess what? Okay, I took a break. Okay, I took a break in the podcast. My buddy called me up in the middle of the afternoon. And he's like, let's go see the new Avengers movie, right?

Two o'clock showing right in the middle of the day. And I'm like, you know what? Why not? I could use a break. I just spent like 25 minutes ranting about statues. and things. So, you know, all I've heard about, and you may find this segment funny even, I don't know.

It's probably going to lean more towards the series. Unfortunately, this whole show is going to end up being a little intense. You know, I had planned to do all this comedy and, you know, but just life happens, man. Blame the Avengers, okay? Because I can't sit still. And you might find, this is, you know, whenever I get, get ranting. Sometimes it actually gets comical. So we'll see. But here we go. I'm pissed off. I went to this

damn, uh, the screening of the Avengers. You know, this, this thing's like the big, biggest opening of all time. Okay. The franchise, the superhero franchise. Right. And, uh, this thing made like, uh, over a billion dollars worldwide in the first weekend or something ridiculous. I mean, who knew that in this crazy, serious world of ours that so many people liked grown men running around in spandex suits and leotards and flying? It's a little bit weird if you think about it. You know, we're a planet of like people and people go to work every day and sit in their cubicles and do jobs and drive trucks and their dentists and their teachers

and their doctors, and this is how they get their relief, watching full-grown men pretending their aunts and Iron Man and Wizards and Floating and Okay, but I'm in on it. I'm a comic book fan, and that's why this review is not going to be pretty, okay? Oh, I'm pissed off. I'm piss. So here we go. You got this huge movie, this huge opening, you know,

smashing all the records. Every review I'm hearing is glowing. Everyone's talking about how amazing this movie is. I have a friend that said he wants to go see it again. I met another guy that said he's seen it twice already. And I'm going, oh, wow, here we go. And here's why. The last Avengers movie, and I apologize for those of you that don't have a clue who don't go to these movies. So you might want to tune out because this is going to be a long one. Or you might just want to stay with it and enjoy the abuse I'm about to drop. So the last Avengers movie was actually really quite good. I really enjoyed it.

And the reason being is because the villain in the last Avengers movie was so dominating, so overpowering, and so evil that he made it enjoyable. He was actually kind of deep and philosophical. He was almost like, he's almost like an evil motivational speaker. He had all these deep kind of poetic takes on the universe and people and mankind and the planet and the universe and the universe and living things. And it was kind of like, wow, this guy's kind of deep for a bad guy with a pruny chin that looks like a ball sack, right? And he's purple, by the way. Yeah.

And so, spoiler alert, and the last movie came out over a year ago, so I'm not spoiling anything, but towards the end of the last Avengers movie, he, like, killed, like, half the Avengers. You see them, like, blow up and disintegrate, and it was really powerful and, like, wow, you know. It was like, actually, to see actual superheroes actually getting killed for once, there was something gratifying about it because it was real, Not that you necessarily wanted to see your favorite heroes perish, but there was something very real about it.

I was like, wow, okay, yes. You know, every movie you ever see, the bad guy never wins. The good guy gets shot at by 700 soldiers and runs through the bullet field and never gets hit. You know what I mean? It's like Indiana Jones never gets crushed by Iraq. He just keeps going. But in the last Avengers, like half the Avengers,

half the superheroes like die. and it was it was rewarding it was satisfying because it was just like okay yes this feels more real and the way in which he did it was very dramatic and powerful and ominous and and so you're thinking wow where do we go from here okay so then I go to this new avengers thinking wow it's only going to get better and um and uh you know They're going to expand the story and they're going to grow on it. They're going to move forward, right? We're going to see where it all goes.

But no, guess what? And again, if you haven't seen the movie, I'm about to tell you everything. This is like beyond a spoiler alert. This is like I'm cutting the sternum open and ripping the rib cage open and exposing all the organs. Okay. So if you don't want to hear it, get lost. Put on your leotards and your cape and fly away. super loser

so here we go so now we have a movie where apparently this villain at the start of the new movie we pick it up and this villain has annihilated 50% of all life on planet Earth so in that scenario

you would think Earth would be devastated you would think I mean look look how bad things get when there's a power outage for a night. Look how bad the things get when a car flips on the highway and traffic backs up like 700 miles. Look how bad it gets when there's a bank robbery or a car chase. I mean, everything freezes, right? So we pick it up. This guy has eliminated half the life, half the, you know, the planets like should be in shambles.

But we pick it up and people are out. at diners and people are driving BMWs and people are at boardroom meetings and people are it's almost like nothing happened they showed one one or two little scenes where you see like you know garbage strewn streets where there's like cars like up against you know power poles and and garbage and it didn't there was no consistency there's like one or two scenes where it looked like a nuclear bomb had just gone off and then they're like you know what Let's forget about that. Let's just make it so it's almost like everything's normal.

So they go from that where you see like a nuclear wasteland for literally two scenes. And now suddenly people are in diners and children are running up to the Avengers and asking for autographs. And the Avengers are driving around in brand new autis and office buildings. People are at work and people are walking around filing things. And it's like, okay, did half the planet just die? Or am I just, everyone's going to go to work tomorrow? Okay. So while they're at work in this high functioning world,

they're trying to figure out how do we stop this? How do we get back what we lost? Because so many families were lost. And now the Avengers, you know, they all have children now, you know. And the only reason they have children, by the way, is because the shitty-ass screenwriters had to think of a way to emotionally hook you in to the superheroes.

Because they don't think we're smart enough to have feelings for the superheroes unless they have an anchor. And this is, I've told you this before, this is the go-to thing. You go watch any movie in the last 10 years. And they do the cutaway to the photograph of the wife and the kid.

They do the scene where the kid goes, you're coming home tonight, right, Daddy? Or it's some cutaway to the family, no matter what kind of movie it is, a spy thriller, a horror, or this, this is their go-to thing now. They have a little recipe book, and they go, how do we get the audience,

the stupid audience, emotionally invested in this movie? Oh, yeah, we let them know that there's a wife and a child waiting for them back at home. Yeah, that's what we'll do. That's all we need. So let's have that one-minute scene where we show the photo on the piano or over the fireplace or the little kid runs up and says something cryptic. Oh, my God. It's so patronizing. So now all this Iron Man's got a baby and the Green Avengers got a baby and Black Widow's got a baby. I'm surprised Hulk doesn't have

fucking Shrek hanging out of his womb, you know? Holy shit. So now they're all like, how do we get back? And somehow, Ant-Man. You know, you know, the superhero that's the size of a mouse turd? Yeah, that horrifying, all-powerful superhero that's the size of the last booger you picked? Ant-Man? Yeah, somehow Ant-Man comes to life because he's been hiding in an underground

garage in a van in some kind of a computer and a rat happens to go into into the van because you know rats have a way of entering you know locked sealed vans and why won't a rat go into a van because there's so much to eat and of course the rat skitters across some kind of computer panel that was conveniently left out on the dashboard and the rat steps on all the right buttons to activate this complicated computer and fucking ant man blows back from a time warp

and now he's the link and he tracks down the Avengers you know the ant man first he goes and eat some caterpillar legs because he's hungry he tracks down the adventures and he goes I think I figured out how we can get all our families back

because I lost my wife too you know of course the right away that's the It's all about getting the fucking wife back, you know? And then Tony Stark and Captain America. By the way, Captain America, could this guy be more cardboard? The whole movie, he's got less emotions than Spock at a Motel 6 fucking orgy. I mean, Captain America, if this guy has to go to DeVry to learn out a fucking smile and have some emotion and some personality, holy shit.

This guy's like a librarian That eats concrete for breakfast So now ant man You know Because some guy the size of an ant Who's a smart aleck in real life You know he just he fluked into being an ant man Like he was like Spider-Man

He got bit or something And now he's an aunt Him and Spider-Man and Ant-Man Should have a gay marriage And see if they can create like insect children Oh, look at our brand new baby praying mantis. Oh, it just ate your face. Oh, my God.

But somehow this genius ant man goes, I think we can reverse all of this damage if we go back in time. And then here's the kicker. They all make a joke. I couldn't believe it. Talk about weak writing. They go, wait, back in time like Michael J. Fox in back to the future? and I'm like, no, no, no, you didn't.

And then the joke continues, no, like Claude Van Dam and Time Cop, no, like Hot Tub Time Machine, yeah, they referenced a... They think this is funny. And what they're doing by citing all these stupid time travel movies is they're just making themselves look like a joke because you realize it is a joke. And so here's their conclusion. They're going to go back in time

and undo all the stuff the bad guy did in the last movie. Okay? And by the way, this is a three-hour movie, okay? So the first hour is dedicated to everyone crying about their missing and lost loved ones. And by the way, the crying thing I'll get to in a bit. Oh, my God. Holy fuck. So they decide, oh, if we go back in time, we can reverse all the day.

And so now the only thing is nobody knows how to get back in time. So they go, well, there's one guy that's smart enough to go back in time. Smash cut to Iron Man's house. And of course, Iron Man's retired now, and he's living on the edge of a swampy lake in a log cabin. You know, because that's where Iron Man goes. Always good to be near water when you're made of iron, you dumb fuck. So here he is that is palatial. lake with the lily pads and the fucking blue herons, you know, stabbing frogs in the weeds.

And here's the pence of, oh, the introspective iron man staring out into the bulrushes. Oh, I'm so clever. And of course, here comes the other Avengers ant man and Captain America. And instead of fucking flying, because they can fly, they'd drive a brand new Audi to the, into the woods. like the brand new, like, you know, somehow in the middle of an apocalypse or half the world was eradicated, I guess Audi had the time to do a rollout on a brand new fucking automobile, you know, because I guess the bombs didn't hit the fucking car plant.

Jesus Christ. All right, so here we go. Now that they approach fucking Iron Man who's retired, You know, he's hung up the metal, and they go, you're the only guy that can figure out time travel, right? Yeah, of course. Why not? He knows out a program a computer. Why won't he be able to fucking bend the continuum and go back into time and stop an all-out Holocaust?

Sure, why not? And then more of the jokes happen about time travel movies. and I'm like, do not reference that stuff in your own movie. It just makes you, it just, it just shined the light on how lame and how weak the catalyst was for solving this problem. It was so pathetic. I was just rolling my fucking eye. I rolled my eyes so much they fucking rolled back in my head and I got a strike by knocking down my own penis.

Holy bowling ball reference. Okay. You know, Tony Stark, Iron Man's like, no, no, I'm not doing it. I've got a wife and a kid, and I can't risk it. And what about the rest of the world, the billions of people that died? No, no, no, no. I got my wife and my kid. They're more important.

Of course, you already know the outcome. You already know the guilt. So these guys leave all, you know, downtrodden, okay, Tony, I guess, you know. And then, you know, Tony's sitting. a dinner, and he turns on his computer, and immediately, like, the first thing he presses, he asks the computer, blah, blah, blah, the time continuum, the bending the refraction of the categorical implosion of the dominatrix gallery. And the computer goes, boop, boop, and it makes a, makes a shape, like, like a distorted circle.

It goes, your calculations are accurate. like the first fucking thing he did and Tony Stark's eyes start to wide he's like wait what wait this is doable wait what the are you kidding the very first thought i had the very first button i pressed about traveling back in time and i hit it and meanwhile earlier when he was talking to his little caped leotarded buddies he actually said the odds of figuring out time travel is one in one billion trillion or some number that hasn't even been even dr seuss hasn't come up with the number yet and yet here he is the first click of the mouse click oh fuck me look at that fucking time travel hey oh fuck me what a lucky fucking break maybe i should go buy a fucking lottery ticket

here in this half dead fucking world because you know if everything else is up and running i'm sure people wandering in the wasteland They're still buying fucking lottery tickets Waiting for their fucking ship to come in, eh? Oh my God! What in the name of royal fuck, bro? So here's this fucking guy He's sitting at the dinner table

And he's gonna pop the news. He's talking to his wife, yeah, so how was work today? How was work at your burnt out fucking office building? Wait, what? The top seven floors are melted with? with radiation. Yeah, okay, great. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, I figured out how to travel into time. And then his wife, his fucking wife, you know, pepper pots. Remember fucking came up with this name? She sounds like a cooking utensil I'd find at the pottery barn. Yes, do you have any more pepper pots?

They're so stick-free. The last casserole I made with my pepper pot was just so tasty. So Pepper Potts is sitting there He just announces to her by the fireplace That he's just figured out how to travel back in time He didn't mention that he did it on the first click On his little Apple computer And she goes Oh wow

Yeah oh wow That's the response I think I go I think I went oh wow when I saw a hummingbird my living room window. Oh, wow. Now, you weigh those to a hummingbird slamming into my fucking living room window and a guy figuring out how to travel the fuck back in time.

Oh, wow. I just figured out how to travel back in time. Oh, wow. And then, of course, then the eyes start. Well, what about our daughter? What about, do you know what this? And of course, Tony Stark's got to do it, right? Oh, boy, Tony Stark's got to do it.

So here we go. The fucking Avengers get back together and they decide they're going to go back in time, but all they got to do is build a time machine now. Yeah, that's all you got to do. That's all you just got to figure out of build the machine to do it. Oh, wait, what? You did it in one day? Oh my gosh.

Lucky you had all the parts. Lucky Radio Shack was fucking open. Oh boy. Lucky they had the time travel knob available at fucking Radio Shack and the, you know, the fucking battery pack to get you back into the fucking beginning of the universe. So in a matter of like hours, set up this big complicated machine, and guess who's running the show? Because Tony Stark's smart, but he's not as smart as guess who? The Incredible Hulk. Oh, so guess what?

All of a sudden we've got the David Bruce Banner, okay, in the movie, and you know, he turns into the Hulk, right? But then all of a sudden, I guess they cut some scenes out or something. All of a sudden, he's, he's like merged David Banner with the Hulk. Okay. So now he's just like, you go from one scene where he's, he's like the regular Hulk, and all of a sudden he's merged, he's spliced himself, and he says, I've learned how to manage the Hulk, and now I'm the Hulk and David Banner. And what do you got?

Oh, my God, this made me puke. Now you've got the incredible Hulk. as a yuppie, okay? He's fully functional. He's fully educated. He's fully articulate. He's wearing a sweater, a polo sweater, and designer fucking glasses from the optical barn or someplace.

Okay? He's got groomed hair. He's got the George Clooney stubble. and he's sitting around and yucking it up and talking to them like he's a normal guy okay this is a giant huge man whose hands are heavier than fucking rebel Wilson at a all you can eat shrimp buffet

just his hand and he's sitting around and I'm like what the fuck is the point of even having the Hulk in the movie and by the way just if you hear the extra irateness in my voice the Hulk has always been my favorite you know why I've got all the comic books. He was my favorite hero because the Hulk was just an expression of rage.

He was this unstoppable green mass of muscle, and he didn't understand emotion. He didn't understand nuance. He was chemically distorted to feed off of anger and rage and whatever else burns inside of a person when they see rad. And it was such a beautiful character because it was that rage that made him unstoppable

and unpredictable and dangerous and edgy. And you didn't know if there was a man in there and every now and then you got a little glimpse of it. But he was just like he was so fucking unstoppable and powerful and just you can feel it. And he was probably like an extension of all of us when we've ever been mad and uncontrollably full of adrenaline and angry. And I'm telling you, ladies and gentlemen,

that they, they've reduced this guy to a Starbucks pansy, okay? Throughout the movie, there's not one action scene with the Hulk. There's a flashback scene that they borrowed from the first movie when they go back in time. We see the Hulk as his former self. The rest of the movie, he's wearing sweat. He's wearing track pants He's wearing pullovers He's wearing hoodies

He's got his designer glasses on He's at the end of the movie He's in an arm sling Because the Hulk hood himself Yeah the green waging Hulk He had a boo boo he's got to put an arm sling on The fucking Hulk In an arm sling

Are you They destroyed this You know the clever writers they're so edgy and clever these clever Hollywood writers thought let's throw the audience a curveball and let's make

the Hulk a the type of guy he's not angry anymore but he likes to hang out at Starbucks and he's he's sensitive and he's got a sense of humor a subtle sense of humor he's whimsical go fuck yourselves you assholes you just ruined

you just ruined one of the best fucking comic book characters ever. You just took the rage out of them and made them like a Starbucks fucking armchair fucking fuckload. Unbelievable, man. It's just, it's unbelievable what they did to the Hulk. Destroyed them. It's like if you took Angelina Jolie and said, you know what, Angelina for this next movie, eat fucking cake every day and put on 300 pounds because we think that'll be sexy. And don't brush your teeth and don't wash your hair and no makeup.

And you just watch all the men flock to the movie to see you strut your stuff. And we're going to put you in leather shorts and fucking tight bikinis. And oh, you're going to be so fucking sexy, Angelina. This is what they did to the Hulk. They reversed engineered the guy. And he's a non-character. And in case you're wondering, he didn't have one scene in the whole movie where He got angry, where he smashed anything.

There's a scene towards the end of the movie where guess what he does? You want to hear what the Hulk does? This is the build-up to the Hulk. He grabs a park bench and throws it. Yeah, he grabs a bench, and he throws it about, I don't know, maybe 100 feet, a bench. Do you know that an angry child with Tourette's could fucking throw a bench, okay? An angry child who isn't getting a fucking lollipop could throw a bench if it had to. But the Hulk, ooh, the big green rage machine throws a bench.

Ooh, and he doesn't throw it at anything. He just throws it into the grass. It is an abomination. These guys should be stripped of their freaking writer's license. Like you need a license. Unbelievable. And what sucks is in the very first Avengers movie, I was like so flipping out because I feel like

that's the closest to anyone ever got to the Hulk after those abysmal solo Hulk movies. The first Avengers, like, they captured the rage. They captured the animal instincts of the Hulk. Oh, my God, it was so exciting. It was riveting. He stole the movie. The First Avengers, if you go watch it,

examine the Hulk, and now watch what they've done to him now. I am livid about it. Morons. And then, of course, they reduced Thor. You know, Thor, the god of thunder. He's a living god. And these clever writers thought, hey,

why don't we make him a fat beer drinking drunk? We'll make them like the big Lebowski of superheroes. That'll be so clever and funny. Nope. What you did is you destroyed another fucking amazing character. because you thought you'd be clever and cute. You're not. I didn't laugh once.

It ruined an amazing character. If you watched the first Thor, oh, my God, they captured it. The first Thor movie, this guy was powerful and convicting and just like, oh, my God. He felt like a God. And now he's like, it's unbelievable, folks. The idea that people are liking this movie. And then let's get to the crying, okay? Every freaking superhero in this movie,

they must have used up an hour of film to give every single hero, even the Hulk, and some of the heroes more than once, a crying scene, okay? The Black Widow, I don't know how many tears a fucking Black Widow can have, okay? They eat their own mates. I don't think Black Widows do a lot of crying. I don't think there's a lot of emotion. They have sex and then eat their sex partners.

I don't think they cry about shit. But the Black Widow cried and cried and cried. And the green arrow? By the way, why is this guy even in the mix? You got guys that can fly and bend apartments in half and fucking disappear. And we got a guy from Robin Hood's merry men that shoots bows and arrows. Which one of these things doesn't belong. with the other electric company.

Holy fuck! This guy's laughable, and he's got like a punk rock haircut. I can't tell you how many times this guy fucking cried in the movie. And by the way, the opening scene of the movie, guess what? He loses his pretty little wife and his daughter. Yeah, opening scene. Oh, there's our emotional hook. Oh, my God. They all cried. The Hulk cried.

Thor cried. I don't know how many times. Okay? Iron Man cried. Fucking Spider-Man cried. Who is this Spider-Man kid? If I wanted a superhero that hadn't gone through puberty yet, Spider-Man? How about Spider-boy humping his mattress at night? How about that? This thing is just going out of control. And by the way, Thor, because he's a drunk, and he's kind of lost the spirit of being a guy. You know, at the end of the movie, you're not going to believe it. He goes, yeah, I'm tired of being a god that's been handed down to me through the fucking millennium. I'm tired of being a god. I want to find the real me. So he hands his godship off, as if you can do that if you're a superhero.

I guess you just hand it off. Here, have my superpowers. He hands his godship off. He hands the Thor crown to a young, beautiful black girl. And I'm like, oh, okay. So for the life of this comic strip, it's been a blonde, golden, like, godlike Viking. And now it's going to be a not-so physical-looking African-American woman. And I don't care if it's African, Asian, white, Hispanic, I don't care.

The point is, why are we doing this? Why are we giving up our superheroes and changing their gender and their history? And it's just, oh, should we make the Black Panther an albino? Hey, there's an albino kid from Switzerland. You know what? I think the Black Panther's, you know, he's prowled around enough. Let's hand it off. I am tired of being the black panther.

I have crawled to throw many jungles in so many streets. You, yes, you, white albino horns from Switzerland. Who, me? Yes, you, my flaming lighthouse of whiteness. Yeah, that's okay. I like where you're going with this. Yes, I must, I am tired of being the black panther. And now, now after centuries of ruling and being a black panther, a strong black character, a superhero, I hand it to you.

Yeah, you want me to be a black panther, yeah? Yes, my child. Yeah, okay, that sounds good. What do I have to do now? You put on this black panther outfit, and you prowl like a jungle cat. Okay, can I stop and have some struddle first? I would like to do a little yodling up on the hill before I start prowling. I hear prowling and yodling don't mix. Holy fuck, what have I done?

It's too late, ha, ha, you lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, fuck me, man. Okay, and then there was another one. Okay, now, uh, someone else in the mix is gone too. We lost the Thor and I'll think of it But anyways all these fucking superheroes Come back to fight this guy And basically what the whole movie is three hours Okay, three hours with two hours and 40 minutes

Dedicated to these big tough superheroes Crying like I'm watching fucking You know general hospital or one day at a time soap opera. They spend three hours basically rewinding the movie they did last year. So basically it's three hours of going backwards and undoing what the movie, the great movie they did last year. And I'm like, what is the point?

Why didn't I just stay home, get the VHS of last year's movie, and rewind it on slow motion and watch it? Why did you make the first one if all you're going to do is, undo it. So it was like I was watching the same movie, but backwards. And so when you go backwards, you know the outcome. Oh my God. And these huge battle scenes, okay? Giant, like civil war, like armies charging at each other with like speed of light robots and monsters from hell and laser beams and cannons. And in the middle of these raging battle scenes where there must have been 50 million, like, people, like tribes and monsters and critters.

And in the middle of it, like three of the superheroes have the time to stop and have like these really quiet, emotional moments. There's a scene where Spider-Man and Iron Man stare into each other's eyes and talk about how much they care about each other and how much they care about each other and hug. It was almost like broke back Spider-Man for a minute. I don't know what that message was on that one. And I don't know how Spider-Man got back in time.

I don't know how the fucking rest of them got back in time. And then the Black Widow stopped and had a moment. And then the monster had a moment. Like in the middle of this scene, they're just suddenly there's no noise. There's no ruckus. There's nobody running past them. They're just, suddenly everything's quiet and they're, it's like they're having a candlelit dinner at Applebee's staring into each other's eyes.

You know, I really like what you do. I really like what you do. No, but I like you more. I know, but I like you more, honestly. Okay. You want to get some moose for dessert or yeah, let's do that. We can, let's get two spoons and share one. Oh my fucking God.

And then the characters from Guardians of the Galaxy show up, that raccoon. They don't use the tree. I am Groot. They don't use him. He's one of the most charming characters they've created. Don't use them. Christopher Pratt shows up. The only moment in the movie about halfway through where the movie kind of lifts up,

here's what you're going to love. Christopher Pratt shows up. And he's listening to a song from the 70s in his headphones. And it totally lifts the spirit of the movie. He's like, hey, hey, what's the matter with you? Hey, hey, all right. You know, it's like, it was so cool. And then someone walks up and punches him,

and then he's out for the rest of the movie pretty much. I'm telling you, I could go on and on and on. This movie was all over the place. I didn't know what I was watching. I don't know who anyone was. They just destroyed and devastated all these characters. There's a scene where Black Widow and the Bowen Arrow guy suddenly appear like on a dark mountain with a floating skull guy.

I have no idea who it is. And they're fighting with each other over who's going to commit suicide. And, oh my God. They're crying. I'm going to die. No, I'm going to die. All of you fucking die. And who's the fucking floating guy with the red fucking skull?

And some of the CGI, I got to tell you, some of it looked really cheesy and shitty. Like I expected more. Like a lot of the CGI effects were like, wait, what am I watching the WB? Am I watching Sabrina on the WB? What was that? And of course, they had to get the empowered with.

limited there. Oh, yes, for no particular reason at all. Probably because the movie did so well at the box office, Captain Marvel showed up. Oh, yes, this stoic woman, this stoic woman who I don't even know what the fuck her powers are. I don't know who she is. She looks like maybe she could have been a model at one time. She really doesn't say anything. It seems to me she's got so much power. that she could have won the whole thing, but here's what she said, okay? She goes, she goes, you know what? I know you guys are up against it. You're up against the end of the world, but there's a lot of galaxies out there and there's a lot of like other places.

So I've got to go and do some troubleshooting, but I hope you guys are going to be okay. I'll see you later. And she fucking flies off to go do some other gigs. And then when she comes back, she has a new haircut. Like, you know, when we first year, she's got long hair from like the 60s.

And then when she comes back, she's got like Demi Moore hair from Ghost. And then she's got all this fucking power. And she shows up at the end of the movie again with all the other superheroes. And, you know, she tries all these powers and none of it works against this monster. And so,

So at the end of the movie, they reverse everything, and, oh, here's what it is. At the end of the movie, yeah, here we go. Captain America decides to stay back in time, okay? Because he met a girl. He met a girl in the 70s or the 50s or something. So he stays back in time, and when he finally comes back, he's an old man, and his friend Nighthawk. Okay, remember Nighthawk, the African-American guy who flies around like a hawk? Again, not really that threatening.

You know, I don't know. Is anyone really frightened by a fucking hawk? They're like a shitty version of an eagle. Like they're like a small bastard child of an eagle. They're like the egg in the eagle nest that went rotten and didn't fucking hatch properly. And you got a hawk. So there's this guy this hawk flying around. And Captain America comes back as an old bag.

Still is boring as fuck, by the way. I don't know how he scored this hot chick in the 30s or wherever he was. And Nighthawk or whatever his name is comes up. He goes, hey, man, great to see it. He goes, yeah, I'm a little tired to do this now. And he goes, you can't stop, bro. And he goes, nope, it's time to hand my shield off to someone new. And of course, that someone new would be our progressive society

where we have to represent every ethnic group and every gender, and so I'm handing it off to you, my African-American friend. You're going to be the new Captain America. With no regard to the fact that Nighthawks already a strong, powerful African-American superhero in his own right, he kicks ass, he flies around, he beats the shit out of it, he's a fucking bona fide superhero already. Great. Another great African-American superhero role model. I love it.

But now they're just going to hand it off to him. And here's why I'm pissed because I don't think they're handing it off to him because it's a great storyline moment. I think they're handing it off because it fits a socially political agenda to hand it off to an African-American, man. And again, I don't care who the fuck they hand it off to. It can be a white guy, a black guy, a Chinese guy. I don't care. race doesn't matter to me in this. What bothers me is that it feels like it's some kind of part of the program, kind of agenda, kind of patronizing people and, you know, assimilating everyone. We already have that.

Everyone's assimilated. Nobody cares what color a superhero is. One of my favorite superheroes is Luke Cage Power Man. He's a big badass black dude. man, he's awesome. Black Panther's awesome. He's a black. Look how good that movie did.

So why do they got to go out of their way to do this? And I don't care if they make Captain America a woman. I don't care if they make him a black man. I don't care if they make him an Asian man. I don't care. Well, I do care. My point is, why can't he just be what he is? He started as a white guy.

back in the 30s, and that's who he is. Why can't we just have characters remain as their characters? And if they want to introduce a new Captain America, like an origin story for a new Captain America, then let that be a black guy. Great. Let the story play out the way it happened for Captain America, where they put Captain America in this time machine and this vacuum and they experimented on drugs with them

or the same way Spider-Man was bit by a spider, the Hulk was bade than gamma rays. If we want another or a new African-American Captain America, great, I'm all for it, but let him have his own story. Don't patronize me and just hand it off. Well, here's the politically correct thing to do. This is kind of what we're supposed to do, right, these days, is empower black people.

No, black people are empowered. Black people are doing great, and there's great African-American black heroes. And if you want to bring a new one, great. Give them the courtesy and give them the decency and give them the time and the effort to emerge from their own story. And maybe it's a story that tells the African-American story better. Maybe it tells the story of black people better. Maybe it empowers them even more. If you create an origin story that comes from a place that includes black culture

and the importance of it and the meaning of it and all the good things about it, I would rather see that because then it has meaning to see an old fucking white guy just hand a black guy his power. It's like, could that be more condescending? I think that's an insult to blacks and whites across the board. It's horrible. It's lazy writing. It's shitty.

Oh, God. So we're losing all our heroes. They're all being watered down. They're all being given away. They're all being passed along. And I'll tell you what, you passed me along, because that's a last fucking Avengers movie I go to. I'm telling you, I couldn't be.

I don't understand it. I don't know how people, I don't understand how people are raving about this movie. I think people are just brainwashed. I think they hear it's great, so they repeat it. Well, yeah, it's great. Everyone else says it's great. It's fucking great. Yeah, it was amazing, yeah.

And I texted my buddy. I said, this is the worst. He goes, well, if you don't like to see people entertained, I'm like, great. Yeah, I'm entertained by blowups and people flying and, you know, spaceships crashing. Sure, that's entertaining the same way a monkey throwing his shit at the zoo wall is entertaining. But can you give me a story? Can you give me some emotional connection? Can you give me something to grab onto, something riveting, something clever, something engaging? This is just horrible. And the music, oh my God, the music, when you go to this movie,

if you do, and I hope you don't. Listen to the cheesy fucking, like, elevator background music. Every scene is like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dun. It's like, it's like, oh, what goes here? Oh, superhero walking across parking lot. It's like, it's so annoying. this whole movie.

And here's what sucked. They spent years building up these characters in their solo movies, and they did a really good job, and the first Avengers movie, they did a really good job, and even the last one I liked. Okay?

But you know who I ended up liking at the end of this movie more than anyone? Was the villain. I wanted the villain to win. I liked him. He was deep. He had layers. He was almost like,

like a motivational speaker, and oddly enough, the message he was delivering wasn't actually a bad message, because his message was, if you watch the movie, and I hope you don't, his message was humans have ravaged the universe, humans have destroyed the planet. Humans are destructive and evil, and so I will eradicate them all. I will wipe it all out, and I will start again. And the Avengers are like, you can't do that. That history will show that you can't do that. And the bad guy goes, there will be no history.

Nobody will know. I'm going to start everything all over again, almost like God starting Adam and Eve. And if you look around our world with the Chernobyl and the Facebooks and the pollution and the bottles floating in the ocean and the, and the high school shootings and the cheaters in the sports world and the political fucking scam artists and the murders and the rapes and the drugs and the cheating and the lying and the hating and the killing and the destruction of our environment and the... Is it really that bad of an idea?

Do you think maybe the purple guy with the nut sack chin is on to something? And I'm sitting there going, you know, I don't know if I want to see all these soft, these Starbucks fucking Avengers and their leotards and their capes helping to save this world that this guy wants to recreate and make a beautiful again, a diamond in the rough. Gee, I really want everything to be saved so that Iron Man can have a new kid

so that the Green Arrow's daughter can grow up and be involved in a university scandal. So the, you know, the green arrow can pay off someone, you know, $500,000 so that the green arrow can sneak his daughter into a high-end university in this, oh, so great world we live in. Good Lord. And everyone's a superhero. Fucking Pepper Pot showed up at the end of the movie in an Iron Man suit.

What in the name? if everyone's Iron Man, then there's no Iron Man. Don Cheadle was in an Iron Man suit, okay? Pepper Potts was in an Iron Man suit. At one point, the Hulk was in an Iron Man suit. I mean, if everyone's Iron Man, then who gives a fuck about Iron Man? Give me hair curler, man. Give me someone fresh.

It's just, they have lost it, man. So I am completely baffled. And just so you know, the bad guy is defrauded. defeated at the end. Iron Man dies. There's this big ending scene. By the way, there's about 50 ending scenes. It's painful. You're sitting there. Okay, it's over, right? Nope. Now Captain America and Nighthawk are going to have a crying scene. Okay, it's over, right? Nope. Now Green Arrow's going to have a crying scene because his family's back. Oh, it's over, right? Nope. Now Spider-Man's going to grow a pubic hair. Oh, it's over, right? No, now it just kept going.

Like, fucking, I've never wanted a movie to end so badly. But here's an example of why this movie didn't resonate at all. There's this huge, big, crying death scene with pepper pots and her husband, Iron Man. And they're milking the tears, and they're talking about their children, and they're talking about their children. And I'm sitting there going, fuck, I wish I had some more popcorn. Like, no emotion at all. And I'm a guy that chokes up easy. I get it.

I like to go to the movies and be moved. I like to get emotional. Nope. I was like yawn. I could have been watching a cracker commercial. It was pathetic. And to me, that's an indicator of how poor of a job they did on this movie. Okay?

It did not move me emotionally. I was not connected to it. Like I said, wanted to know more about the bad guy and see him live. And I thought, fuck, thank God, wipe these losers off the face of the universe, man. Do you think you can come up with some new superheroes? And this is going to piss off the hardcore, like, comic book fans. But just, you know, I'm a comic book fan.

Stan Lee is the old guy that started Marvel Comics. And they thought it would be real clever and funny that in every Marvel movie, he has a cameo, this old guy. He has one line where they cut away to him going, well, it looks like it's going to rain or, well, that hurt, or, you know, some stupid fucking half-funny line. And here he was again, the little cutaway of Stan Lee, making a stupid, it just takes you right out of the movie.

It's just too many, too many, like, hoodwinking and nodding and placating the placating the audience, placating social trends, placating, you know, whatever they're placating. This movie should be called the placaters, not the Avengers. You should not be making movies to please people within a three-year period. You shouldn't be looking at the social environment and going, okay, let's make a movie about this, because you know three years from now, things will be different. You should be making a movie based on stories and characters and convictions and not chasing social trends and placating everyone

and trying to drive home in a social agenda to homogenize the world. Because that's not the real world, man. Things are bad. Things are good. Things are in between. People have problems with races. people have problems with gender, people have problems with inequality, people have problems with being cheated, life, death, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Play it out, man. Don't try to spoon

feed us how you think everything should be. Let it be. Oh, God, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. Just a horrible piece of junk. There's my review. There's my fucking, I'm pissed off review. Don't go and see this movie it's too late it's already made all the money in the world i hope the big purple guy fucking make some residuals and has enough money to to invent his own time machine in one hour and come back and reverse the results of this piece of crap movie but i'll tell you if he does and they release it next year it's going to be one less person sitting in the audience watching the crap i'd rather be at home watching uh 16 candles with a fucking bag of lice over my face.

So there you go. Wow. And I didn't even cover the whole movie. These are just, most of you have tuned out by now, I'm convinced. You probably, you're probably like, you know what? This guy's, you know, I don't need to listen to 45 minutes of this. But it feels good to get it out. I feel better.

Maybe that's my Avengers power. That's my movie power to rip shitty movies. It's rip shitty movies. It's Rip Shitty Movie Man. Yeah, I really like your review. Thank you. And thank you for including me. Would you like some Struddle?

Oh, my God. I got to end it right there. This might be one of the longest podcasts I've ever done because of this crap. That's what I get for going to the movies at two in the afternoon and interrupting my podcast. Oh, God. Okay. Well, if you're in Washington, D.C. this weekend, it'll be May 10th and 11th. I'm going to be at the Brewhouse Comedy Club. Check out my web page, harlomwilliams.com, and you can get all the information to come see me.

And then the following weekend, I'm in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. May 16th, 17, and 18th at the improv and the 19th. It's the whole weekend. Improv in Pittsburgh, and then later in June, I'll be in Denver, Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works, great club. So get on my website, Harlan Williams.com, and check it out. And, yeah, this might be on record, this could possibly be the longest Harlan Highway I've ever done. Hmm, interesting. It kind of took a weird turn. It didn't go the way I thought it would be.

but that's that's podcasting for you baby anyways i hope you had a good time and uh now maybe you'll go see the avenger just to verify sometimes people do that right they go wow harland said a mouthful i want to see the movie now just to follow his narrative and see if what he said is accurate i'll be interested that'd be interested that'd be interested if you do go see it for that reason by the way don't blame me for losing three hours of your life okay but if you do go see it and you kind of agree with me or feel some of the same things, feel free to call me or email me and let me know.

Because I got to tell you, right now I'm like the only guy in the world that thinks about now, to his credit, my buddy who I went with, Adam, he agreed with me complicitly. We were totally, I can't tell you how many times we turned and looked at each other and rolled our eyes. And the jokes we made throughout the movie, I mean, that was the best part of the movie

We just had each other laughing Because we couldn't contain our disdain We had to make jokes and comments to each other About how shitty it was And we were fighting not to walk out And oh my God, just what a lemon Anyways, that's it I hope you enjoyed the podcast

And Oh God, until next time this was almost three hours. This was almost the length of the Avengers. It was halfway, half the length of the Avengers. I hope this was more entertaining than the Avengers. Until next time, keep your leotards on and chicken. Show me, baby.