The Harland Highway - 993 - MOTHERS DAY tribute. CRAZY NEWS story. Servicing each other!

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

MOTHERS DAY tribute. CRAZY NEWS story. Servicing each other! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody, including all you mothers out there. It is Mother's Day here on the Harland Highway. So we have a special show. Hi, I'm Harlan Williams, your host. I'm not a mother, but I've been called a mother. We are kind of talking about a lot of things today, but in particular we're going to talk about Mother's Day. In fact, we have a mother calling in to talk about Mother's Day,

And she's not a mother for very long. There's a society called the MBF, men becoming females. And I guess in this new world of people swapping genders, we have a mother calling in who's transitioning to be a father. So we're going to talk to her on her final Mother's Day to kind of help celebrate Mother's Day. Also, I'm going to be talking about all of us who, all of us who came from our mothers, talk about our purpose in life, our meaning, how we're servicing each other.

Yeah, that's right. We're servicing each other. Also, some final phone calls as we wind down the podcast. We're going to take some wonderful phone calls from some of the pavement pounders who are expressing their feelings about the podcast. And then also towards the end of the show, a crazy news story about the dairy air.

Yeah, about your, about your, But you're Gluticus Maximus. So get your ass in gear. Here we go. This is the Harland Highway. Do you know my name? It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life.

Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters. All of you through and through. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah! When you see a fallen stock, that means a witch has just died. You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway.

Oh, I want is to hear people say something again or to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, a rockabilly boy. Don't you understand? You're listening to Harlan Williams. I can't be your daughter. I'm a machine. Man, you've been dead a thousand years. Why, George, I think he's got it.

You're riding down the Harland Highway. With Harland Williams What's up, Doc? Mr. If you're going to lose, you're going to lose right now. Don't leave me here! Can I just start the podcast by saying thank you? Thank you to all of you for servicing me. Yes, that's right.

I said servicing me. Right? It's true. Think about it. You know, I was thinking about this the other. day man and it's funny this world we live in we're on this great big juicy planet with so many things going on all the time biologically currents and tides and seasons and winds and deserts and you know you can go on and on and on and that's called the natural world and then there's all the

critters within the natural world to just go about their business and try to stay alive. And then there's us, the humans, who believe we're kind of above all the rigmarole, right, that we kind of have command over everything, even a hurricane. Well, you know, nature can hit us, but we rebuild and we come back and we're mighty and, you know, nature can knock us around, but it'll never knock us down. right and then within all that there's all these human beings there's almost eight billion of us now and we all wake up every day and scurry around and do important things like be dentists and filmmakers and politicians and mechanics and rocket scientists and social workers and lawyers

and teachers and blah blah blah forklift drivers everything everything we do we run around And I just want to say, at the end of all this I just put together, I want to say thank you for servicing me. And you're probably going, Harlan, why do you keep thanking everyone for servicing you? What are you talking about? Well, it applies to all of us. It's just strange. We all wake up, 8 billion of us wake up every morning. And what do we do?

We go to work. We go and do a job. we go to the store, we go to the bakery, we go to Starbucks, we go to the farmer's field, we go to the construction site, we go to the dentist, wherever we go, everything we're doing is to just service each other, right? You're a dentist so that you can service other human beings' mouths. You're a lawyer so you can service other human beings' legal issues. legal issues that us humans created.

We made them up. You're a mechanic because you're servicing a car. You're a baker because you're servicing someone's need to eat. You're a waiter because you're servicing someone's table. You're service, service, service, service. So if you think about it, even though you might wake up every day and go, well, I'm adding to the system and I'm adding to the society and I'm building something here, and I've got a 401k, and I'm creating a community.

But think about it, man. We're all just running around all day, servicing each other. This podcast is a service to you. I'm servicing you right now so that you can be entertained. So you have something to listen to. And who knows what you're doing right now, but whatever you're doing, you're probably servicing someone in some way or some capacity. And so what's funny is we wake up every day

and we just kind of pass things on to each other. It's almost like, you remember that thing, hands across America where all the human beings held hands and reached across the whole country? Well, it's almost like we do that every day, but around the whole globe. And then we let the hands down, and then the next day we rejoin hands. Or it's almost like one of those things you ever see when people are building a dam.

There's a flood and people are helping to stop the water surge. And so everyone's handing sandbags to each other. It's like someone hands you a sandbag. You turn and hand them a sandbag, and then you turn back and there's another sandbag. And it's a big chain, right? Except instead of sandbags, we're doing it with dollar. It's like, oh, here's $100 for my new car. Oh, and someone just handed me $100 for cutting their grass.

And here's $100 to go to the movies, but someone just handed me $100 for cutting their grat. You know what I mean? And so it's human beings. All we do all day, all year, all centuries, is we just service each other. And yeah, well, we come up with new things and new devices and new ingenuity and new cures and new this and new that and new literature.

But what's it for? It's not for anything else. It's not for the universe. It's not for the stars. It's not for the sky. It's not for the ants. It's not for the horses. It's not for the pigs.

It's not for the draughts and the zebras and the lions and the hippos. It's just to service another human being that's walking around for 80, 90 years and then dies. and I'm not trying to be glum I'm not trying to be grim but it just occurred to me that that's all we do and if you believe there's nothing else out there in the vast expanse of space and in the universe we're just a bunch of living entities

turning and handing each other sandbags every day until we die we're handing sandbags we're receiving handbags, sandbags, we're handing, receiving, handing, receiving. And if you think about it too much, which I'm kind of making you do right now, and I hope it's not bumming you out, but you just kind of go, why? What the hell? What, what?

Just to keep everyone amused, just to keep everyone moving, but moving for what? So they can roam around on this little ball floating in space? okay it's almost like an ant nest you ever watch a documentary about an ant nest or you ever like kick an ant nest open and all the ants like seems like millions of them are in there they just start running around and each of them does their thing

and all they're doing is servicing each other they're servicing the nest right they're all they're all making sure that the nest stays contained and strong and fortified. And so each of the ants services each other for the greater cause to service the nest. But I guess what I was kind of like realizing

was the bleakness of it is that it's just service, we're all just servicing each other. Right? We're curing stuff for ourselves as human beings. we're resolving things, we're understanding things, where we're doing things for each other. You know, we used to ride in wagons, now we ride in cars, and now we fly,

and now we're going to Mars. But it's all just for each other. It's for your neighbor next door, Larry, and your neighbor Kathy on the other side, and your buddies at school, and your customers and your clients, and you're just servicing them. We're all servicing each other.

And it's weird because, and again, I'm not trying to be grim, I'm just trying, I don't know, it kind of was kind of a profound thought. And then I just thought to myself, what if it all stopped? What if tomorrow all the humans just dropped, right? It just stopped, like some kind of weird virus invaded the air, the oxygen we breathe, some space dust and every one of us just dropped in a whisper and then it would just be what would it mean the gas station the Starbucks and the movie theater and all the stuff we did to service each other would just be crawled over by ants and bugs and snakes and eventually time would cover it up dust and wind and snow and rain would just slowly dissolve it's just kind of weird isn't it

we're just kind of we're just kind of doing stuff for each other to make our days like fill them with something and enjoy them or hate them or give us something to do or provide something for someone you know it's not like we're providing anything for fish or for ants or for grizzly bears. It's just for us. You know, all these other animals and creatures co-exist with us on the planet, and when they get in our way or when they start to become extinct or they infringe on our property,

well, then we got to move them or contain them or cull them or shoot them or breed them or cross-breed them so that we have dogs that can service us. But it's all about us. Just keeping each other serviced. So I don't know. Just I was having some deep thoughts. And I just wanted you to know that I thank you for servicing me. Thank you.

Thank you for servicing me. I mean, think of all the people that have serviced you in your life. You're going to get serviced today by other people. They're going to go home and go to bed and you're going to go home and go to bed. and we'll just all wake up tomorrow and service each other again and then go to bed and get up and go to bed and get up and service each other and go to bed and get up and service and service until the day you die.

Interesting. Makes you wonder if there's a bigger picture, if all this servicing is a building block to something so much more meaningful and profound. Are we on a trajectory to something that that is mind expanding. And maybe we go beyond the servicing, right? Maybe there's something, all this servicing is leading us to build rocket ships to the moon and Mars and beyond.

And maybe all this servicing is just the building blocks for some great, bigger purpose, way beyond the span of our lifetimes, I'm guessing. And maybe all this service that maybe seems meaningless or empty, maybe it's not. Maybe it's all just the foundation. You know, when you build a house, you pour the concrete first and you build that strong foundation, then you slowly raise the house up over the ground. Maybe we're in this place and time. Maybe we're the concrete, us humans that are alive right now.

Those of you listening right now, maybe we're. Maybe we're the mere concrete, the foundation for what's to come. You have to imagine, with all the brains and the ingenuity that we have, it's got to be building to something. And if we survive, probably hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years, if human beings survive that long, what does it look like? Where did all this building go? If we were like a rainbow, you ever see a rainbow just kind of growing?

You see the beginning of it, and then it kind of builds, and it's halfway across the sky, and then it arcs, and it lands somewhere, but you can never really see where it lands. You think it's at some place, but then it's kind of an optical illusion. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order.

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and there's a final resting spot somewhere where it's a utopia. The Garden of Eden, the final end result, or does it ever stop growing and moving and expanding? Oh, man. I'm just laying it on you on this podcast. Look at that 15 minutes of mind. In Bender.

Wow. All right. Let's roll it back. You guys think about it. I just wanted to acknowledge you and say thank you so much for servicing me. And I'm honored to service you with this podcast. Thank you. What am I, in Bender, huh?

Hello? Hello? Hi, Harlan. This is Amanda. I was in Tennessee, and I just seen your... podcasts and everything off of Instagram. But I want to just let you know that you're my boyfriend's favorite actor of all time because he cannot get over watching Lockett Man for a hundred million times we've been together.

It's only been five years. So I don't know what I needed to do to let him know that you're his favorite actor and he can just personally write through the message too. But it's just driving you crazy. He watches it all the time. And as they were saying, it wasn't me. So just look to know. All right.

Bye. Well, that there is what you call a brilliant boyfriend. You better not let go of that one. It wasn't me. Well, thank you. I'm glad your boyfriend loves Rocket Man. Everyone loves that movie, I think. Everyone I meet tells me how much they love that movie, Rocket Man.

It's a movie I did. Speaking of going to Mars, It's a movie I did in the 90s, where I was the first guy to go to Mars. And I think you'll be able to see it soon because Disney is introducing their own digital platform. I think it's coming out later this year. It's kind of like their own version of Netflix where everything's digital and you can download it. And what I've heard through the rumor mill is that Disney is going to make all their movies, their Disney movies available. And so hopefully Rocket Man has a permanent home where people can watch it whenever they want.

And another movie I did called Mr. Head Mistress for Disney. So thank you. Thank you for that. And just a little update, too. There's a new movie coming out called Rocket Man, which is a biopic of Elton John and his life. And if you don't know, Elton John wrote and sang a very famous song called Rocket Man. And I think it's going to be a long, long time, because I'm a rocket man.

You know that one? Yeah, I just butchered it. But so a lot of people have been writing me and tweeting me and they're saying, what's the deal with Rocket Man? Is it a sequel? Is it no? It's got nothing to do with the movie I did. It's just a biopic, kind of like how Bohemian Rhapsody was a biopic.

Freddie Mercury. I think this is a movie that tells Elton John's story, his musical journey, and blah, blah, blah. So, hopefully it's good.

I thought Bohemian Rhapsody was really good, so hopefully this one's good, too. So just to clear it all up, the new Rocketman movie does not involve me, and to your boyfriend is obviously a genius.

It wasn't me. Harlem. I worked night, and you have kept me entertained for a long time. So I thank you for that. And I was away for a while, and then I just got back on, started listening, found out you were leaving. And I'm like, oh, boy, good things always come to an end. anyway I still think

you have the funniest podcast out there I mean I've heard all the other ones and they just don't compare I still can't believe you weren't bigger than I don't know 2,000 people listening I think it's an

advertising thing if you had the proper advertising more people would be listening but oh well you gave it everything you had and you know you kept us entertained

and you got a thousand podcast under your belt that will never go away so anyway I'm rambling on thank you for making me to laugh

your characters were the funniest I've ever heard and I'll be looking at your new stuff, whatever it may be. I will be following you. So, hopefully it'll be something that will make you laugh like you made us laugh.

Anyway, I'll see you later. Sorry to see you go. Chicken, chow, maine. Oh, well, first of all, thank you for that very wonderful voicemail. It warms my heart. It makes me feel loved and appreciated. And thank you so very much. That meant a lot to me.

And it's interesting because, you know, over the years, you know, I've had so many people call in and leave voice messages and comments and blah, blah, blah. But this gentleman, and I don't know that you ever left your name. Sir, good sir. I don't know if you ever left me your name. You might have. I'm not sure. But one thing's for sure is you have the most distinct voice. And I know because of your distinct voice, it's kind of got a slow, deep drawl to it.

And it's a very unique voice. And I actually like it because it's so different. And it stands out. And I always remembered it. And so I remembered you were one of the people that, that continued. continually called in over the years. And when you say you were a fan and you were listening from the beginning, I know you were because I remembered your voice.

And in a way, you were a little bit of comfort food to me, just so you know. Because, you know, I would get a phone call from you now and then. And it was like, oh, there's a voice I know. There's a voice I recognize. There's someone who's always listening. There's someone who's out there who's following. And so there was a connection. and I'll be honest I'm going to miss your voice I'm going to miss your calls and you know that goes the same for a lot of you who did it but but this voice whoever this man is who's nameless I think but I know he went on the journey with me down the highway and likewise I went on it with him and so I want to say thank you for all your calls for your your voice for your insights some sometimes you had praise for me sometimes you had criticism sometimes you had criticism sometimes

sometimes you had commentary, sometimes you shared stories, all of it I loved. It was, in a way, you became part of the show. And so thank you again, and you'll be missed, and I really enjoyed getting your calls. And thank you for your kind words. And as far as the new stuff, well, actually, let me stay on the old stuff for a second. I really love it that you enjoyed all the characters, you know. And it's whenever someone says something about all that. characters I did. I start going through my head like the library of characters. Like there's so

many characters I did. You know, they kind of started stacking up over the years. And I'm so glad you liked them because they were what kind of made me laugh. You know, I do the stories and I read the news stories and I do my commentary. But I think what always made me laugh the most about this podcast is when I interviewed these characters that I made up because I never knew what the hell they were going to say. And so I think if you've listened to the show, there's a lot of shows where I am interviewing one of these characters and I start cracking up in the middle of it. And so the characters brought me so much joy and laughter and they were so crazy and mixed

up and stupid. And so I certainly hope they brought you the same kind of joy. It sounds like it. So I thank you for that. And also for you saying singling me out as one of the funniest podcast. That's a huge compliment. And I think you're right, too, as far as marketing and advertising, you know, I probably could have done better. But at the same time, I got to say, I probably had better marketing opportunities than a lot of people.

You know, I had Conan mentioned my thing on the air. I had Jimmy Fallon mentioned my podcast on the air. I think I had Jay Leno mention it on the air. I every single comedy club I do across America I that's the only credit I go on stage with this when I do a live show I have the MC go please welcome your next guest who has his own podcast the harland highway on iTunes harland williams you know and and so I really did have an opportunity to plug it and get it out there and I think that's part of what dismayed me a little bit because I did have some very high-profile plugs.

And every city I go to, I'd do three or four radio shows and TV events and other podcasts like Adam Carolla and big podcasts. And I would always mention my podcast and plug it. And it just, you know, it just wasn't building. And it's sad. I was surprised. I thought it would spike and keep climbing. And so that kind of. told me something, you know? Now, maybe I could have marketed it better on social media or

something, but part of me thinks, you know, for whatever reason, it just didn't resonate with everybody. So I accept that and at the end of the day, I just wanted to do it regardless, you know, and even if 20 people listened to it and enjoyed it, that gave me all the joy I need it. So it wasn't a waste of time. It wasn't a, it wasn't done in vain. It was completely fulfilling and beautiful and wonderful. And for those who enjoyed it with me, I think they felt the same. So it's all good, positive stuff. Do I wish you could have blown up and been like on everybody's radar?

Of course. But, you know, not everything hits the bullseye. And you keep on going, man. You just got to keep on searching. And in a way, it's cool because moving on to my next thing, I'm right in the throes of it I'm working really hard at it It's very creative

It's very silly It might even be sillier than the Harland Highway And you asked me if it's making me laugh And it is making me laugh Okay, this thing is a visual thing I'm shooting it, I'm directing it I'm writing it And when I'm in the middle of looking at the footage

And when I'm in the middle of editing And when I'm in the middle of rolling it back I am laughing out loud Okay, so to me that's a good sign And I can't wait to show it to you guys I don't know if you'll like it I don't know if you'll hate it I don't know if you know you'll think it's stupid

But that doesn't matter art is art And it's just got to come out right So I'm working vigorously on it I'm working feverishly on it You can't believe the hours I'm putting in on this new thing Man oh man But I'm having so much fun with it That it doesn't even feel like work

It's just, it's really kind of inventive and new, and I don't think it's, I don't think it's like anything that's out there. I don't think there's anything you could look at out on YouTube or out in the entertainment world that will compare to what I'm doing. And that's not to say it's great or a big eureka moment. I'm just saying it's, it's unique. And that's what I strive for with the podcast, unique. And then as the, you know, as the field of podcasting became so big and massive and oversaturated, I just felt like I, you know, my podcast, even though I love it, I wasn't, you know, I wasn't doing anything that groundbreaking anymore because there was so many people doing it. So with this new thing, I feel like I'm doing something that nobody's doing, unless I'm wrong. I look around on the landscape and I don't see anything like it, but we'll see.

You never know. And I have a feeling once I launch this new thing, people are going to be copying it because it's so ridiculous. So we'll see. I don't want to build it up too big, and then it's a big disappointment. But just so you know, my friend, with the interesting comforting voice,

my comfort food voice friend, I am having a blast creating the new stuff. I'm laughing. I'm enjoying it. It's creatively challenging. and I'll give you one hint. I'll give you one word, okay, underpants. That's the only word, that's the only clue you're getting.

And once you see what it is, you'll understand what I'm talking about. So I'll keep teasing you. I don't know when I'm going to launch it. I'm thinking maybe in the late summer or in the beginning of the fall. But we'll just have to see I'm working like a madman to get it all put together and I am having a blast.

So hopefully that translates to you guys and again, thank you so much for your great call. Okay, now let's move on. It's Mother's Day. Raj? It's Mother's Day. Do we have like a Mother's Day song or anything? Oh, okay, that sounds nice. Ah?

Oh, nice, nice orchestral song. It's a beautiful Mother's Day song. Wait. What, Roger? Is that Japanese? What is that? Is that a Japanese Mother's Day song? What, what?

Mothra. Mothra. Hold on. Shut it up. Roger, shut it off. What the hell? That is the, that is the Mothra song. It's the, the big Japanese monster that fights Godzilla.

Mothra, that's the theme song, you idiot. I said Mother's Day, not Mothra. day good lord would you play play a mother's day song not mothra you god roger shut it shut off the mothra song shut it off what is wrong that is not Mother's Day that is Mothra Shut it off! Jeez, Roger, you're really pushing it, man. Now, I know we had something lined up for Mother's Day here that we were going to do.

Now, can we just get to that? Forget the song. Were we going to talk to a mother or some society or something? What? MBF, okay? So what Rogers lined it up, there's a society or a... Something. It's a group.

M.B. What's that mean? Mothers becoming fathers? Mother, okay. Okay, it's a progressive group where it's mothers who are in this age of gender neutrality. And kind of where genders don't seem to matter anymore. I guess a group has formed of mothers who are becoming fathers. So in other words, they're having an operation so that they lose the area, the genitalia of a woman and gain the genitalia of a man. So in essence, what you're saying, this is a society of female mothers that are becoming, I guess, male fathers.

They're transitioning. Okay, and who do we have on the line here to talk about this on Mother's Day? Mother's becoming fathers. Kathy slash Carl Tomlson? Kathy, so Kathy's the female name and Carl is going to be the father name. Okay, well, I'll discuss that with him, her. I'm not sure what stage they're in with the transformation. Let's put Kathy Carl Tomlson on, and we'll talk about Mother's Day stuff with it, I guess.

Hello, Kathy Carl Tomlson. Are you there, ma'am, or sir? Hello, Mr. Williams. Hello, how are you today? I'm great. Thank you for calling. Okay, well, happy Mother's Day. Father's Day.

Pardon me? Hi, my voice. You probably noticed my voice cracking. I'm going to be a man tomorrow, so today's my last day as mother, and then tomorrow I'll be father. Oh, my goodness, that is very interesting, to say the least. Well, it's been a long journey, Mr. Williams, and, you know, I have a very interesting. I had a wonderful family and wonderful girls and boys, children. Hello?

Sorry, my voice is cracking a little. Tomorrow I'll be a man, and tonight, today, happy Mother's Day to me, but why don't we also throw in Happy Father's Day? Well, Father's Day is a completely different day. Okay, well, if you're going to be, you know, Um, you know, have a kind of a thing against me. No, no, I don't have a thing against you, uh, Kathy. Carl.

Carl. Um, I just, I'm just, uh, you know, I, I think we got to keep, you know, keep the days traditional. Mother's Day and Father's Day are separate days, just like Christmas and Easter are different days. Okay. Well, already you're kind of leveraging your, you know, your old values. against what's happening in today's progressive society. Well, no, I'm not. I'm just, I don't want to get into a fight right out of the gate,

but let's talk about your journey. So you were born with a female genitalia, you've been a woman your whole life. Yes, that's correct, Mr. Williams, and happily a woman, but as times are changing, as society's progressing, you know, this was a mixture of several things. It was a mixture of, you know, wanting to explore, explore, and try different things, and also, you know, it's new, it's trending. And I like to stay, you know, up with things, and then current.

Are you okay? Yes, just some hormone raging. You know, there's a lot going on in my body right now. I mean, you know, I'm half, sort of half woman, half men. And tomorrow, I'm going to have an elephant trunk. A what? That's the thing. Me and my husband say it's a joke.

We call my new jet to tell you the elephant trunk. Well, there's an interesting question, Kathy Carl. How does your husband feel about, you know, having you be his wife? How many years? We've been married almost 23 years. can you believe it? Wow, that's a long marriage. Well, my question is, how does he feel about, you know, literally spending the last night of his life with his wife as a woman and waking up in the morning with a man?

Well, you know, we've talked about it, and, you know, my husband's very progressive and he seems to be okay with a man. And so, happy Mother's Father's Day to me. Is your voice okay there, Kathy Carl? It's just the hormone. You know, tomorrow will be a man. And, you know, I'm a little emotional. I'm a little, I've got to be honest. It's been a bit of a roller coaster for me and my hormones.

And there's a lot going on to me. my body right now. Whoa, what was that? It's just, you know, things are growing. Things are growing and things are receding. As we speak, my breasts are shrinking and my penis is growing. Wait a minute. Now, wait a minute.

I don't know. That's not how it works, is it? they did when you undergo this type of transformation it's not just a matter of things growing and receding i mean there's surgery involved well because all of a sudden a doctor i mean mr williams i've been going through this for several several weeks and and you know i think i know what's You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Oh my God.

Okay, you sounded like the Incredible Hulk just gave birth to a baby hippopotamus. What the hell was that? Well, if you're going to name call, Mr. Wurbs, I'm not sure that this is the right to form for me. No, no, no, I'm not name-calling. I just, I mean, there are extreme things happening there, it sounds like, with you. Well, you know, I'm a woman today and a man tomorrow. Wow.

Wow. You know, may I just make a commentary outside of what's happening to you physically? Of course, Mr. We know, yeah. I just find it quite interesting. that times are changing, that we're in a place where gender has become an option, where deciding who you want to be on what given day or what given year is now like, you know, just a simple procedure away.

Well, I wouldn't call it just a simple procedure. I mean, I've had my up days and my down days. I mean, there's days when I want to arrange flowers and knit. and cook for the kids, and there's days when I want to be out in the garage, fixing the car, putting a new turbo engine in the challenger. I mean, there's days when I want to be out throwing the football and kicking my friends in the balls. And having fun in the park with my male friends. Wow.

Boy, it doesn't sound easy what you're going through, and I applaud. you for, um, you know, having the courage to, to make this kind of, uh, drastic change in your life, to explore yourself, your body, or your, your family. I mean, boy, what a sign of the times you are. I know. That's every one of the neighborhoods. I've been getting cards and muffled and Mrs. Danielson down, down on, uh, corner street there. She sent me a, uh, a little gift basket full of, um, you know, man things. What do you mean man things? You know, cologne and razors and boxer shorts and all cuts, just, you know, preparing, helping

me for the transition when I step into manhood tomorrow. Wow. And what's one of the first things you'll do when you get into manhood, when you've got your new apparatus? I am going to stand while I pee, okay? You have no idea how hard. it is on my knees and hips as I get older to get up and down off that goddamn toilet. Oh, God.

I mean, to be able to stand and just let it flow, it's wonderful. Okay. Wow. Are you sure you're not turning into a little? A werewolf or something? What's your name again? It's Kathy Carl. I mean, this sounds really extreme.

Well, you know, I'm just hours away from my final transition, Mr. Williams. I better go and get ready. My husband wants to have one last power plow before I become a man. What now? Well, as you were, the layperson goes, it's sexual intercourse with my husband as a woman. Because tomorrow it's going to be a whole new bog. Yeah. Oh, my.

Okay, I'm going to let you go. And thank you for sharing this journey with us, Carl, Kathy Carl Tomlinson, and most of all, Happy Mother's Day to you. Happy Mother slash Father's Day, even though we're not officially changing the date. All right, I'll give you that. But, you know, hey, let's stay in touch.

Maybe we can go play some football next week. Yeah, maybe, maybe. I might be busy, but good luck with everything, okay? Thank you so much. I really look for you. Oh, my God, hang up. Good. Wow.

Wow, that is heavy stuff. Roger, did you catch that? That is like heavy stuff, man. When you make the decision to totally revamp and change your body, is she gone? I hope she's got some throat lozenges. Wow. Okay. That was interesting to say the least.

Wow. Okay. Learned something new every day, I guess. MBF, mother's becoming fathers. I was going to end the show with a crazy news story, but I don't know. know if we can get any crazier than that but you know what let's do it anyways we'll end the show with a crazy news story roger cue it up and let's go out with a c n s crazy news story here we go all it was the harland highway crazy news story that's weird wow that's strange stuff

I think you're crazy. All right, here we go. Welcome to the modern world. Here's another way we're servicing each other with our own personal information, with our too much information. You know, there was a time and a place not too long ago where the only time you saw a friend or an acquaintance

or even a stranger, even close to naked, was it a beach or at a pool? And that was a small scope. I mean, you know, how often are you at a beach or a pool? How many people can your eyes take in in one sitting, you know? And you'd see all kinds of people and shapes and sizes, fatties, skinnies, in betweenies. But now, oh my God, if you want to see any given girl or guy on the face of the earth, and you want to see them almost next to naked, if not naked,

you can go on social media and just search around and find beautiful people or fat people or not beautiful people or whatever turns your crank. And so we live in this world of maximum exposure. TFT, what is it? TMI, too much information. Useless information. but we're revealing so much more about ourselves as individuals, as human beings, but I feel like at the same time we're becoming more closed off.

It's almost like the two are working against each other. It's like humans have this need to put themselves out there and expose themselves and show the world. Hey, look at me. Look what I'm made of. Look what I have to say. Look what I look like. And then people come rushing in and then they kind of back away and they go, well, don't look too closely. And I didn't want you to look at it that long.

And I didn't want you to share it with your friends. Or maybe it's the opposite. It's like, show it to everyone you can. I want everyone to see my butt. So anyways, with that as the premise, here's today's crazy news story. It's kind of a sign of the Times news story. story. It says Instagram butt model and lists doctor to prove derrier is the real deal. Now, first of all, the fact that someone's a butt model, okay, think about it, but the fascination

with the butt is very strange. I don't know if women are obsessed with butts, but I know men are. Men like a butt, and the fact that women show it and expose it, and when you really break it down at the end of the day, the butt is like the gateway to going to the bathroom. It's kind of like gross when you think about it. I mean, yes, the human body's beautiful and all its shapes and forms and textures, but when you think of it, the butt is like the exit door, okay? And as shapely and as round and whatever it is you like about it, right in the middle of it is a, the exit door. So it's kind of a weird thing to be attracted to. I wonder if it's like, it's got to be some kind of primal thing

the way dogs walk around looking at butts and sniffing butts and I guess humans are wired for butts, I don't know. But the fact that we live in a model, if you had said to me 10 years ago, what do you do? Oh, I'm a butt model. on social media. Yeah, I walk around all day looking for interesting places

to flex my butt and take a picture of it so I can show it to the world so they can see my butt. Yikes. So I guess there's so many butts on Instagram and social media now. Like, you know, maybe this one girl

had a butt that was so perfect. People were saying, oh, it's doctored, or it's, you know, Let me read the article. I don't know. Maybe that's what it's all about. Let's see what they have to say. Here it is.

In a world where Instagram users are being exposed for digitally editing their bodies and faking vacations, there you go, it's kind of onto it. A good influencer knows that transparency is the key these days. By the way, that term influencer, okay, I've met a few influence,

like I've met people that are like, What do you do? Oh, I'm an influencer. What do you mean? Well, you know, I put stuff on Instagram. I go to parties and they give me a dress to wear. I eat some food or, you know, I put up a goofy video. And I'm like, okay, and who exactly are you influencing?

Like, how many followers do you have? Oh, 12,000? Okay, I guess the world just shifted a little because you're eating a somebody's avocado cheese toast at a party. Thanks for influencing everything. So here we go, and that's why model Daisy Keech is going that extra tip. And by the way, wasn't there a time when you had to earn being a model? Didn't you have to go to modeling school and travel the world

and go to Europe and Italy for Fashion Week? Now you just open an Instagram thing to take a shot of yourself in a bikini. and a miniskirt, and suddenly you're quote-unquote a model. Man, gee, life sure is getting easier. So, Daisy Keech, the model that says the 19-year-old influencer. Come on. That's too big of a term. I'm sorry.

You know who are influencers Picasso and Einstein and Prince and David Bowie and Salvador Dali. People who actually have grips on an art form and move the needle and produce art that is new and vibrant and unseen and unheard of before. Give me a break. Some 19-year-old kid who lives in the suburbs of Chicago takes a picture of herself in front of a stop sign and a bikini and suddenly she's a model slash influencer? Yikes. So the 19-year-old influencer says she's tired of followers accusing her of taking her gifted glutes,

of faking her gifted glutes, and brought in a renowned plastic surgeon to prove it. Oh, boy. And here's a quote. It says, Making History with Dr. G. J. Havami. Thank you to world-renowned expert, Dr. J. J. J. Javami. Thank you to world-renowned expert, Dr. G. Hamavi for helping me show my followers that my booty is real

and being the first certified real booty. I mean, and then she's got a picture of herself and some Daisy Dukes. And look, I've got to say, it's a fine looking butt. I mean, it sticks out, it's round, she's in great shape. But what kind of world do we live in? We're walking around, hey, how's your ass? No, you figure it out. Okay, fake.

No, real. I mean, is this what we're waking up and trying to guess now? Instead of figuring out the solutions to world peace and pollution and poverty, we're racking our brains wondering if some 19-year-old slash-quote model slash-quote influencer has real ass flaps. Good Lord. In a video posted to her Instagram account, the model is standing in thong underwear with her rear end facing Beverly Hills-based doctor Ashkan Ghamvey,

who first describes his patient pert profile. He says, I have a natural young athletic female who has a genetically blessed body, he says, gesturing his hands around her behind, quote, a lot of people are hating on you saying your butt's not real on IG. Gee, I'm going to certify that the buttocks are real. Geez. Well, now you're probably saying,

how do I see this girl's fabulous bot? So I better give you the Instagram address. It's Daisy Keach, D-A-I-S-Y-S-Y-E-C-H, Daisy Keach. And there she is on Instagram, just showing her. freaking butt to the world. And when you think of it, you know, you look at it and you go, okay, is it that much different from any other butt? Like if you go to the beach on any given day, is it that much different?

No. But because she's gone on Instagram and because she's slapped a couple of labels on herself, model and influencer, you know how fickle humans are. It's like, oh, there's labeling on that. I better believe it. So she's got the whole world Believing that she's a model and an influencer I'd like to see where she's ever modeled

I don't know that there's any magazines with her on it On the cover And again I'd like to know who the hell she's in What she influencing people to buy bathing suits I think we already did that on our own Is she influencing people to pull their pants down She influencing people to wear a thong? I don't know. What's she influencing?

Her ass. The doctor explains to Keach's audience. That's another funny. The fact that this kind of nobody has an audience. Everybody has an audience now. I find it kind of funny. So let me, and I'm not being bitter, but this is just, this is how pointed our society is.

Okay. I'm looking at the, and this is a little bit old. so here's a girl who's got let's see there's one picture she's got 50,000 likes. Let me see if I can go to her profile and then come back. I want to see how many followers she has. Oh, my God. Okay. Maybe I am going to get a little bit better, okay?

She has one million followers, okay? This girl has one million followers because of her ass. Okay? And here's a guy like me Who's racked up Countless numbers of movies, TV shows, comedy appearances Constantly putting out creative content to stimulate And jostle the mind and the eyes

And I think I have 32 or 36,000 Instagram followers. Now this girl does nothing but stick her ass out and shows the world no real contribution in any way at the end of the line I don't know that the world's a better place because everyone saw her ass

her poo exit okay let's call it what it is did she really influence anyone did she really move the needle Did she add to the culture? Did she... And I'm not knocking her. I'm not saying she's a bad person.

She looks beautiful and sweet. But it's just amazing. And when I compare my numbers to her, I'm comparing in the same breath. I'm comparing many others. People that are on TV and in movies and are constantly putting out creative artwork or magazines or...

I find a baffling that... people who are actually doing something of substance have less followers than a girl that undoes her pants and pulls her ass flabs out. Holy jumping. So let's keep going here. Let's see. Giovanni explains to Keach's audience

why he knows it's a bona fide booty first mentioning the fact that she's young and has never had children. Okay. I guess that can add to a juicy butt. Okay. And then he says, quote, her buttocks have a lot of firmness. Good volume, he says. I don't see any skin changes that mean she's had anything artificially injected.

I don't see any little incisions that point to a fat transfer. Okay. Harping on the fact that she's young and fit, he continues. Quote, she has a 19-year-old tight, tight skin, and she does hip thrusts. She eats a really well-rounded diet, and she does mostly bulk muscle training. He concludes, quote, so all of that, her youth, and all of this points to the fact that this is a real buttock. It's certified. Oh, and then there's a picture of her standing in front of some pumpkins at a pumpkin

patch. Well, some of Keech's followers said they had always believed in the booty. Others seem to appreciate her attempt at authenticity. Here's a few quotes. I love how scientific he is making, and it's just a great ass, writes so-and-so. And then some other Purve writes, That's it. I'm going to school to be a doctor.

Well, guess what, Perv? You don't have to go to school to be a doctor to see beautiful, tight, teen asses, as the doctor said. You can just go to Instagram and not go to school at all. You can flunk out of grade school if you want. Just go on Instagram and take a peek at, oh, here's a little video of the doctor. Let's see. natural young athletic female here who has a blessed genetically blessed body her buttocks are real so I told her okay hold on let me tweak the sound here so you can hear this here we go

you know what a lot of people are hating on you saying your butt's not real on IG and all that so I'm going to certify it as a butt expert it's real I know it's real for multiple reasons first of all her age she's never had kids and if you look right here he's grabbing it Her buttock has a lot of firmness to it. Oh, my God. It has good volume. I don't see any skin changes. It means she's had anything artificial injecter.

Oh, my God. I don't see any little incisions. She's squeezing it. Point to fat transfer. He's grabbing her ass. Now, let's take a look here. What? So this is natural, too.

She has 19-year-old, tight, tight skin. She's inspecting her ass. And she does hip thrust. She actually eats meat. She eats a really well-balanced diet. This guy's just fondling her. And she does mostly bulk muscle training. So all of that are used.

And all of this points to the. fact that this is a real butter, certified Gabami real. Good Lord. Maybe that pervy guy was right. Maybe you do got to be this. I mean, this guy had his hands all over it. You ever see someone at the grocery market, like picking up an apple or a melon off the fruit tray? And an old lady, like squeezing a peach to see if it's for this guy was, this guy was groping this girl like a pee-wee Herman and all you can eat hot popcorn.

Holy God. So anyways, just ridiculous. This is the crazy news story. This is the world we live in, gang. Where women are showing their butts. They're becoming models. They're becoming influencers. And then they have to prove that their merchandise is real, that their ass is real.

So just so you know where we stand as a society. Okay, many bands. artists, actors, comedians, performers, writers. You know, all kinds of people are struggling to get followers. And the 19-year-old with her ass hanging out has over one million followers. And I'm sure some of you are going to go look at her and follow. Oh, boy. You know, let's just keep servicing each other, man.

What a, what a freaky, nutty group of living entities us human beings are. Wow. And we all come from our mothers, right? Roger, no. Roger, stop with... Good God. It is Mother's Day, Roger, not Mothur Day. What is wrong with you, man?

Are you going to shut it off? Okay, play it. Mothura. I'll play your game. Idiot. You really just played a moth song. You know, know what, I think we'll end the show there.

Asses and moths. What a great way to go out. Ass to moth. That sounds like a sex act. You want to do a little ass to moth? Eesh. So there you go. Little Mother's Day podcast and

we covered all kinds of stuff. And if you want to hear more of my rantings and ravings and comedies and all that, this weekend, gang, yeah, I'll be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, at the improv in Pittsburgh. I'll be there on May 16, 17, 18, and 19. Can you dig it?

I knew that you could. So check it out. Pittsburgh, it's going to be a blast. And, yeah, get your tickets online at Harlandavilliamsh.com place. And the vaver will go from Zell. place um and that's it um we're winding down here we're getting towards the end and uh we're we're having some good shows it's it's a little little bittersweet a little bit sad but we're we're we're having fun still we're still uh putting it out there and i look forward to having

you guys right up to the finish line right right to the off ramp at the end of the harland highway so uh we're in the final stretch here the final few miles And thank you all, you beautiful pavement pounders for your letters, your calls, your support, your dedication to the Harland Highway podcast. And that's it for today. I hope you had a good one and keep your butt out of trouble. And until next time, everybody, chicken. Chao May, baby? Dong'ang Kasaku Yang, Indomu,

Luso'i'll doa, hamba, hamba, hamma, mu yang, landa pangura, and tonjucan'ra, That's up to ya.