The Harland Highway - 995 - CHIN HO from Hawaii 5-0 drops by with a crime update. Elon Musk praise. CRAZY news story.

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

CHIN HO from Hawaii 5-0 drops by with a crime update. Elon Musk praise. CRAZY news story. Calls from the Pavement Pounders. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Harland Highway, and you're rolling down it with your host, me, Harlem Williams, singing Harland Williams. I don't know why. It's summer, it's spring. It's sing, sing. Welcome to the show, everybody. We're not late. It's still Monday. I always release Midnight on Monday, so we're a little bit late because, as I said, I've been traveling a lot lately, so it's been a little bit crazy, but we still. We're still got it in under the deadline. We're still Monday, just a little later in the day. Sorry to keep you waiting, but it is a holiday. So hopefully you'll be all right. We have a great show today. We're going to be talking about an ingenious human being,

a great inventor, an American who I think deserves a lot of credit. We're going to talk about him and his life and his dedication to the human race. Uh, we're also going to, uh, we're also going to be, uh, getting a visit from, uh, Chin Ho, from Hawaii 5-O, the original cast member, Chin Ho, from the TV show Hawaii 5.0 drops by to, to update us on the, the crime scene in, uh, in Hawaii, always fascinating. Uh, and then we're going to take some calls from the pavement pounders, some fond farewells and some reminiscing and talking about the future. And then also a crazy news story. where some dummy has been putting things inside his bottom.

Yeah, so it's all here today. Put your crazy glue helmets on. This is the Harland Highway. What do you know my name? It's on the marriage certificate. I've never seen you before in all my life. Hold on to your airbag. You're heartless, heartless monsters.

All of you threw it through. You're riding down the Harland Highway. Oh, yeah! When you see a fallen stock, that means a witch has just died. You clumsy idiot? The Harland Highway. All I want is to hear people say something again or to see people moving again. I'm Floyd Bernie, a rockabilly boy.

Don't you understand? You're listening to Harlan Williams. I can't be your daughter. I'm a machine. Man, you've been dead a thousand years. George, I think he's got it. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams.

What's up, Doc? Mr. If you're going to lose, you're going to lose right now. Don't leave me here! Can we just take a moment here, please, everyone? Can we take a moment? Seriously, can we take a moment to heap a little praise

and kind of recognize an outstanding human being? can we can we take a beat here to uh to throw our arms in the air and say hallelujah to Elon Musk I mean holy jumping I mean let's you know you've heard his name you you hear him you see him on Twitter you hear his name bantied about but can we just really stop and take a moment to appreciate this guy and and his life and what he's doing I mean, I think it deserves a little recognition here. And let's just start with Tesla, okay, the electric car,

which is hands and feet above any modern vehicle on the road today. And it doesn't emit any carbons or any exhaust or any harmful things into the environment. so if that wasn't enough that the guys created this incredible car company and you know it's making a difference it's making a dent it's cutting down on emissions and it's kind of changing the way cars are being made and mass produced you know everyone thought this guy was going to roll into the marketplace kick around for a year or two and he won't be able to sustain the production costs and penetrating into an Uber competitive market

dominated by the big motor companies. And now Tesla's just pecking away at the competition. Tesla's like Tesla is actually in the top in terms of sales in several categories based on some of the research I've seen. And even if it wasn't just the fact that it's a great, great car and it's it's it's catching on and it's uh it people are attracted to it people are drawn to it i've as you know i have a tesla i'm on my second tesla i got in kind of early i had

my first one like five years ago and now i'm on my second one and i got to say it feels good not leaving a carbon footprint every time you go out and and drive your car around man and I'm noticing that more and more people are driving Tesla's, more and more electric cars are starting to flood the marketplace. And this is all kind of driven by Elon Musk and his persistence and his ingenuity and his drive, his vision, his want for a cleaner planet, a more efficient, cleaner automobile, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Now, if that wasn't enough, he's also inventing, or has invented,

tiles for your roof that are disguised as solar panels. So he's also trying to make a dent into the solar panel industry, and instead of having those big, giant, like, black, like jumbo screens on your roof, Elon Musk has created a tile that looks like any tile on a traditional home, but actually concealed inside the tile is a solar panel. And they're very fashionable. And I dare say if you go on the website and look at them, they actually improve the look of a home

because they're aesthetically more pleasing. They're really well-made and very beautiful. And then he's also got these giant batteries that he's helping. I think there's a town in Australia that he's helping to power that somehow lost their power supply in a flood or a storm. And so Tesla's powering certain towns and cities. And I think they were involved in the Costa Rican, sorry, the Puerto Rican hurricane. I think they shipped a bunch of their giant battery stations over there

and were helping to generate power for people to live. and he's also come out with this giant battery that can go on the side of your house and it's not even giant, it's the size of an air conditioner, really. And this thing's designed to run your whole home. I mean, these are all things you can go look at a Tesla.com if you want to look around.

The first thing you'll see is the car, but look at all the other things that Tesla's doing. This is one guy that started this. Now, that's just the stuff we're familiar with. Now let's jump to SpaceX, which is Elon Musk's company that's all about going into space and getting to Mars and getting to the moon and launching satellites and inventing rockets that are faster and lighter and use less fuel and are reusable. In the old days, rockets would go up just full to the tits with tons of jet fuel or whatever kind of fuel.

They would just burn off, and the empty containers, the empty fuel cells or tanks would just fall into the ocean and be scrapped. They'd retrieve them, and they were no good anymore. And the rocket's gone. And so what Elon Musk did is he invented a launch system where his rockets go up and the damn empty canister or, almost empty canister returns to a platform sitting in the middle of the ocean. And when I say a platform, I'm talking like something maybe a little bigger than a big helicopter pad. This case figured out a way to have the empty rockets come back down to Earth and get used again. So you're saving money and energy and cost.

And this is all stuff NASA ever came up with. You got to remember, this is a guy with a private company who's developed. all this space stuff, and then on top of that, he's launching, you know, NASA and the government and other governments and other private companies are using SpaceX to launch their ultra-technological satellites into orbit. And if that isn't enough, he's working on building rockets and lunar bases for Mars. He's trying to get a human team to Mars. He's already building and making plans for these types of spacecraft. He's also trying to create like a base, a Martian base, so that people have a place to go to.

Astronauts can go out of the spaceship and into an actual structure, and hopefully it'll have an artificial environment inside it. And it could be the beginning of the, you know, the inhabitation. of Mars. I mean, this is a guy who has a vision, not just a vision of going and living on another planet with human beings, but he's actually working towards it.

He's building, he's making, he's creating, he's designing, he's putting money and words into action. I mean, this stuff's happening. It's not just, well, in 40 years, we're going to start laying down the groundwork for human exploration to the red planet. No. This guy's like already on it, man.

And don't forget, he's already running a car company, a huge emerging car company, a modern car company, an amazing car company. Now he's doing Space X, which just launching rockets and satellites is enough, but then you go beyond that, and then you've got the whole thing I just talked about. going to Mars and exploring other planets

and setting up the technology for future generations? Because let's face it, I've talked about this before. We've got to get off this planet at some point. If not just to save it, but also as an insurance policy, if there ever was a meteor strike or some earthly catastrophe that leveled the planet and wiped out the human race, well, guess what? We got you.

We got folks up on my. and we're still breeding. Hello. So, you know, and it's foolish to think that someday something couldn't happen to planet Earth that's catastrophic. I mean, just ask the dinosaurs, man. They were doing just fine for millions and millions and hundreds of millions of years when all a sudden, bing bong, here comes Mr. Meteor, Bing bong. So there's that. But then let's go to another level. On top of that, Elon Musk has a company called The Boring Company.

And the reason it's called The Boring Company is that this guy is boring tunnels under the earth with these giant earth digging, almost like huge mechanical moles, these giant circular hydraulic tractor, earth-eater things that just rotate under the earth and carve out giant tunnels like a mile a week or something like that. Maybe faster, I don't know, maybe slower, but still, this guy's been working on this for the last number of years and he's making progress.

His plan is to build these tunnels underneath the earth's crossed and run them underneath cities like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, connect cities like San Francisco and Los Angeles and Vegas and Los Angeles and New York and Boston and all these things. And if you want to look at that online, go to type in, go on Google and type in Leelon Musk's Boring Company. And this guy, this isn't just talk, he's already done it. He's already laid down miles and miles of this tunnel. He's already tested it. he's already driven

cars to it the idea is that that the cars get lowered down into the tunnel and they get sucked along on an air current or they ride along on a magnetic current or something or you know I don't have all the information in front of me but my understanding was it was kind of like those mail tubes you see in the old office buildings where they used to put the mail and the money in these

tubes and these tubes would suck, suck the money up to the accountants or whatever it did, or the mail sucked it up through these tubes. Basically, it's a suction system where it's just kind of the air running through the tube shoots everything at a high speed, a high velocity, and therefore moving everything around really efficiently and quickly. And so I don't know when this thing will be ready, but he's already like, he's already like doing it. And the only question I've had about that, it's like, okay,

it's okay if you got 10 or 15 cars, but what happens during rush hour when you've got, you know, 100,000 vehicles, what do they have to line up to get into the tunnel? I don't know. If that's the case, that could prove to be problematic, but I'm sure they've thought about it. I'm sure they've figured out a way to get all the cars corraled and down into the tunnels and shot across town under the earth

so that it's way faster than sitting on a highway. And what's amazing about Elon Musk is that this idea for the tunnels under the earth came from him being so frustrated with rush hour traffic. He said that he hated the fact that it took him hours and hours to cross. his own city, Los Angeles, just to go to work or go home. He thought there's got to be a better way. And then I think what he did is he put a challenge out to people and to see if they could come up with some kind of a system.

And I think at the same time he was working on something. And it kind of started as a bit of a goof. And then he was like, you know what? Let's do it. And so here's yet another big. big ingenious venture that he's submerged himself in. I don't know where the guy has the time or the energy. Hey everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering

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so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And so I thought it was appropriate that we just take a moment and go, wow, like this stuff is all wild and crazy. But don't forget, all of this stuff is, if you look at it through the prism of the environment and the arc of the human journey and improvements to our society and ways to make things run faster, smoother, cleaner, more efficiently, to extend the life. extend the life of the human race, to venture into different galaxies and planets. And I mean, this is a guy that is really, you know, from what I can see, doing a lot of good things in the world. And he's taking a lot of wrists, and it's just amazing. And you look in the mirror and you go, what are you doing with your life?

How are you contributing? And I'm not trying to demean anything that anybody does, but when you look at it, this thing, you know, going down to the local soup kitchen and handing out food to the homeless or volunteering, you know, down at the mall at Christmas time to wrap presents or helping your neighbor rake his leaves. Yikes! Try holding that up to Elon Musk. And of course, we all can't be, you know, as ingenious

and as assertive as he is, well, I'll take that back. We probably could. If all of us were given the wherewithal and the money and the resources to follow on our ingenuities, because we all have ingenuity, I won't be surprised if we were all doing stuff like this.

But for now, it's special people and definitely someone like Elon Musk who seems to thrive on throwing caution to the wind and he doesn't seem that concerned with the money. He left all the patents open for the Tesla car. You know, most corporations and companies hoard their patents and they're, you know, just look at the KFC secret recipe. Look at all kinds of things, man.

You don't see Apple handing out the blueprint for its cell phones, you know. And so Elon must just threw the door. He goes, yep, you know, the more the merrier. That to me is the sign of a guy trying to do good things for the planet. So anyways, you can read up about them more. You can go to Tesla.com. You can look up the boring company. You can look up SpaceX.

I have a feeling if you go to Tesla.com, you can find links to that. You can definitely see all the battery stuff. You can see the solar tile stuff. You can see the Tesla car. I recommend you look at this. guy and be inspired for one and be grateful for one that we have people like him like Elon Musk that are our visionaries that are carving the path for for our future children I mean let's face it guys like him don't come along every day you know a lot of people are hard working and

and and make money and drive the machine but you know a lot of them are doing it for They're living for today. Okay, I'll, I run a Baskin-Robbins, I run a McDonald's, I run a Pizza Hut, I run a car dealership, I run a barbershop. You know what I mean? Like everybody's functioning and working, but here's a guy, everything he's doing, is geared towards the future. It's pretty amazing, man.

So I was going to say, let's give a little praise. And, you know, there's probably people out there who are naysayers, because there always is for some reason. Oh, well, he's a big corporate guy, and he's got money, and what's he doing for the homeless, and why's he got the thing, and what's he doing for... You know what, bitch all you want, but what are you doing, okay? All you people that bitch, what do you do for the world?

You know how much time and effort it takes to bitch? You can bitch laying on your couch. bitch laying by the pool. You can bitch on your phone while you're driving through the drive-thru. You can bitch just about anywhere you want, bitches. But let's see you get up off your fat ass and try and do something for the world. Even one thing. Even if it was a small thing, even inventing a new toothpick even.

And you look at this Mount Everest of stuff that Elon Musk is doing. And he's, I think the guy's only in his four. 40s. Who knows what's to come? Who knows what his industrial inventions and his his output leads to? Because like anything, you know, you start with something and it advances. It's like remember when cell phones first came out there, were as basic as the phone hanging on a wall. And now cell phones are a freaking, like, you know, mega computer in your hand. So all the stuff that Elon Musk is laying the foundation for today, this will expand and explode and grow bigger and stronger. And so for all of you that want to find a reason to bitch,

why don't you go look in the mirror and ask yourself what you're doing? And when the answer is, all I do is bitch, then you know that you're doing nothing and you're not contributing. And why don't you heap a little praise on someone that, it's actually getting stuff done. And by the way, if you're not willing to do that, gee, I bet you're willing to use all his products. Oh, yeah.

If he invents something that helps your life, I'll bet you're out there using it, or you will eventually, or your children will. So why don't you bitch about that, you hypocrites? There's always someone that wants to knock someone down a peg, isn't there? So I'm kind of preemptive striking back at those that would be like whiny bitches. Just be grateful we have guys like Elon Musk

and the stuff that they contribute to the world. I hope he inspires each and every one of us to try and do better and reach further and look out for our fellow human beings and move the needle, man. Move the needle. So a little rant about Elon Musk, A little praise Got a little serious there

But you know what the best Ante Dode for being serious is Rodge, you know what it is, right? Yeah That's right A crazy news story Hit it, Rodge The Harland Highway

Crazy news story That's weird That's strange stuff I make you crazy Okay Oh God America Here we go

You ready This is crazy Here's the headline I hope this never happens to you Man allegedly Hiding drugs in backside Accidentally Shoots himself in testicles

That's just a whole broth of not good Okay First of all Hiding drugs Up your butt Not good And then a gun

somehow there's a gun and then there's your testicles and obviously the gun had to be near your testicles and you oh my god like if that was in a recipe book it would just be called testicle disaster soup how about that here's the story i'm almost afraid to read it but here it is a bungling felon from washington state made a series of blunders when he shot himself in the testicles and tried to hide the weapon, all while storing drugs in his anus. Oh, God. Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, was carrying a pistol in his front pocket while in his Kashmir, Washington apartment on April 5th, when the firearm accidentally discharged and

pierced his groin and thigh. Wilson, who was a 13-time convicted felon, told his girlfriend to dispose of the weapon before heading to the hospital, the paper said. How is it that these guys have a girlfriend, by the way? Okay, I can't get a girlfriend, but some guy who sits on his couch with a gun down his pants and LSD up his asshole and's been to jail 13 times somehow this guy, has a girlfriend. Boy, I'm glad I decided to be a fine, upstanding citizen that contributed to society.

Jesus. To all you women out there, are you okay? What the hell? Is this on anybody's resume that you're looking at for a boyfriend material? Boy, I don't know if what's sad or this story or the fact that women want to go out with this trash. When the ex-con finally went to the hospital, a balloon of marijuana slipped out of his

anus. Well, a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound, court record show. Just slipped right out of his anus. Whoops, a daisy. Yes, sir, I'm stitching up your testicles right now. What's that? Oh, my.

Oh, my God. Are you a clown? Because there's balloons coming out of your anus. Are you a birthday clown? Everyone get in here. We have a party clown. He's blowing up balloons out of his anus. The cops all arrived at the hospital when alerted of the gunshot wound

and searched Wilson's car where they discovered a bag of meth in the blood-stained jeans he was wearing when he shot himself. So wait a minute. Good Lord. So he kept the ball. bloodstained jeans in the car, because, you know, the police never searched the car. And then he had the meth, which is a more dangerous and lethal drug that'll probably get you more jail time just sitting in his pocket, but decided to put the marijuana, which is

probably legal where he lives, up his anus. Boy, oh boy, this, this anus storing drug addict is not very smart. Dummy, you put the crack up your crack. So they don't find that. You could have the, you can probably be smoking the freaking weed as you walked into the hospital and no one would say anything. I mean, it is medical. Good Lord.

The officers issued an arrest warrant for Wilson, and he turned himself into police. As he was being processed in the jail, Wilson was strip searched. And another balloon of marijuana slipped from his anus. Oh, my God. Are we sure this guy isn't a party clown? Maybe he's that guy Pennywise from the It.

You know, the Stephen King It movie? Hello. Hello, everybody. Why don't you search my body and puss? Oh, what's that? A party balloon from my penis? Oh, there's another one. Oh, he-he-he-he-he.

Well, in jail. Wilson made a number of calls to his girlfriend and asked her not to cooperate with investigators working the court, the case. Authorities were listening in on the calls. Yeah, because, you know, he's already such a good boyfriend. Why not drag her into it as an accomplice? You see, when you help a felon,

when you aid and abed a criminal, you become an accomplice, and you are now able to be prosecuted. as a felon or breaking the law. You are not allowed to assist criminals. Yet this guy has a girlfriend. Can you believe it? The guy turned himself into the police.

Okay, a little few days later, they stripped churched him, and another balloon popped out of his, quote, anus. I mean, what was he thinking? He's what he's like, well, I'm going down to the police station to turn myself in, and instead of hiding my drugs in the old rusty tools shed in the backyard where nobody looks, I'll put them safely right up my ass pipe, and walk right into the police station.

And lucky for me, I took six bars of X-Lax, and my flappers feeling really loose. Whoops. What an idiot. The convicted felon was charged with possession of a firearm, unlawful possession of meth, possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility, and four counts of tampering with a witness. Wilson was being held on $110,000 bail

and is due in court on June 18th. Gee, I wonder if he'll go to court and pop some party balloons out of his anus for the, judge, Your Honor, listen, man, I'm sorry, listen, I know I've got 14 warrants, but I'm innocent, man. I am, I'm, just don't even look at that, that red balloon. I am, I did not do this, Your Honor. Oh, I am innocent, Your Honor, I'm, I'm money, penny, I'm penny wise, I'm, my God, what a What a complete doofus. So there you go, man.

You ladies out there, if you're looking for a boyfriend, you know, a roadkill would be better than this guy. Go to the graveyard, dig up a guy. Okay? Just the fact that these idiot, how do idiots get boyfriends and girlfriends? I just don't get it. How low are your standards to be going out with someone like this?

Oh, God. Well, at least you'll always know that there's a party happening in his ass. At least he's got that going for him. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. Hello? Hello. Harland, this is Brandon. Man, I have enjoyed your podcast from the very beginning.

the first one that I really got me was you talking about dreams and a walrus with Angelina Jolie and I called my brother and said buddy you got to listen to this this is the funniest thing you'll ever here and I mean it has been just a riot ever since Dr. Ascot the stacking of the onion rings episode is a classic as are many many others. Sad to know that you're going away from the podcast, but I am incredibly excited to see this new Instagram series you talked about. It's going to be great. And my kids love puppy dog pals, so I enjoy getting a tiny little bit of Harlan's voice on the show. And, man, I'll miss you buddy. Great, great podcast. Come to Nashville. We'd love to see you. Get some hot chicken.

Chow Maine, baby. See you. Brandon, thank you, buddy. I'm honored and flattered by your gracious and kind words, and I'm just glad that you've been a longtime listener, obviously, and it sounds like you've had a lot of laughs, and the podcast has brought you a lot of merriment and joy, and that's what it was all about. That's what it was. designed for so thank you for coming along for this fabulous ride a thousand episodes uh man there has been a lot of great characters a lot of crazy moments and i'm glad you've enjoyed it so much uh thank you and um just so you know this i'll give you a little update this new project that i'm working on which is visual it's something that i'm shooting uh but i'm finding as i go along and i've been

working on it feverishly. I'm telling you guys, I'm walking through airports. I'm sitting on airplanes. I'm sitting on my couch at home. I'm laughing out loud at how ridiculous it is. This new project that I'm working on, I'm literally, I hope you find it as silly as I do once I unleash it on you. But I hope that when you see it, you'll be like, okay, this is the next level up from the Harland Highway podcast. I see what Harlan's doing. He's going up a step.

It's not only a sound experience, but now it's a visual experience. And here's something you'll be happy to know you guys, you pavement pounders. I'm realizing that I'm actually sort of incorporating a little bit of

the Harland Highway into this new project to a degree. It's not the same thing by any means. But if you're a fan of this podcast, you're going to see little hints, little shades of some of the influence of the Harland Highway podcast in this new project. Now, that being said, I want the new project to totally stand on its own. But you're going to, if you're a fan of the Harlan Highway podcast, you're going to kind of have an insider. You're going to look at my new project through a different lens and go,

oh, okay, I'm privy to that. I caught that little. reference. That's a little nod to the old Harland Highway. So there's going to be little tidbits in there, but I'm telling you, you know, when I started the Harland Highway, I couldn't wait to do another one. And I was laughing and I was being creative. And I still am. But after a thousand episodes and after, you know, the 10 years and the market saturated with podcasts, I love doing it. but like I said, I want to do something that's more fresh and innovative. And so now when I'm working on this new project, which I know I'm teasing you with,

I'm not ready to unveil it yet because there's a lot of work going on. But I got to tell you the enthusiasm, the fun, the work I'm putting in, the giggling, the laughter. I am literally, I am loving it. I am loving it. And I hope the silliness and the giddiness in my voice translates when you finally get to see what I'm doing because it is

it is nutty. I don't think there's going to be anything like it out there in the marketplace or in the entertainment world. It's pretty wacky and I'm just saying. So even though we are talking about the Harlan Highway podcast coming to an end, I hope, I pray that you guys are completely rocked and completely jazzed by this new,

project that I'm percolating right now. And I'm going to keep teasing you about it. In all honesty, it probably won't see the light of day. It might not be till later this year, and it might even launch, like, rate at the beginning of 2020, like right in the new year. We'll see. But just know that, boy, oh, boy,

if you like this stuff, I think you're going to really love my next. project and I'll leave it right there so thank you again for your support and and I hope I do get to Nashville I haven't done stand-up out there for a long time so I'll have to look into that it's a great city great people great food great music so thank you and we'll keep you posted any more phone calls Raj harland what's up my man um man I just I just heard the podcast and just kind of bummed that you're hanging up the podcast. I mean, I only listened to, like, three podcasts, and you were the first, man. I remember from the beginning, I heard you from the Tom Green show.

I guess that's where it started, the Raspberry Eyes, the Jerry, the Jerry. Dang, this sucks, man. Maybe Tom should start his show again and then get you on the show, or you guys do a show together, or a podcast together. a vlog together something i don't know but um man sucks but um i really enjoyed this this highway um thanks a lot man and uh i hope you do something i really do uh all right thanks man bye oh thank you so much thank you so much i could i could hear it in your voice the sadness and and the emotion and and that means so much to me thank you i i can tell you we're a real fan and just know my friend everything i just said after the last caller there's a

a new wave of stuff coming, okay? And I think you're going to like it. If you guys don't laugh at the new stuff coming, I'll eat my feet. And just so you know, the new stuff coming is all comedy, okay? There's no commentary. There's no, as much as some of you might like my commentary or my philosophy or my take on things or hate it, there's none of that. This new thing is just pure 100% comedy. So I haven't abandoned you, brother. I'm hoping that you call me back and all that sadness in your voice

is replaced with like exuberance and you're giddy with delight. Because I think if I know my audience here, you're going to like this new thing. So I won't keep droning on about it. But thank you so much. And just so you know, me and Tom Green, I have been posting on my Instagram

If you're not on my Instagram, I have been posting with Tom Green a series on Instagram, a 17 or 19-part series called Washed Up. And it's me and Tom, it's a great little comedy film that we did together. And both of us were two businessmen who wash up on a deserted island and have to survive. And we're both slowly going insane. So if you haven't caught it yet, join my Instagram. It's at Harland Williams and scroll through the archives, and you'll see, I think I just posted episode nine. So get caught up.

The good news is there a minute long you'll be able to watch nine minutes worth back to back if you jump on my Instagram. And I post every Saturday or Sunday, I post a new episode. So if you want to see me and Tom Green doing something really funny and silly together, other. Check out washed up on Harland Williams' Instagram, okay? So like I said, buddy, stay tuned. There's more to come. Roger, let's do one more phone call, and then let's get back into this freaking comedy.

Hey, Harlan, this is Cartoonist Jack again. I apologize for calling so frequently. I know I called something like last week or the week before, but I heard the podcast was ending. and I'm, of course, you know, sad to hear that, but I look forward to seeing what you do next. I mean, you're a very creative guy, and your stuff always makes me laugh,

and it always gives me something to look forward to. But, you know, I don't think that has to be strictly limited to your podcast. You know, there's all kinds of stuff you're going to do, and I look forward to seeing what's next. But anyways, it's been fun being able to call you, share thoughts with you, like that. And yeah, have a good one. Bye. Oh, cartoonist, Jack. No need to apologize, my friend. I like getting your phone calls. You know, I said it last podcast. There's a few people that have called in

over the years, and they've kind of become like comfort food, you know, because they, you know, every now and then, they check in, they leave a message, they make a comment, they say something to me. And Cartoonist Jack is one of those guys that, uh, that is, uh, you know, left, left messages over the years and he's become a friendly familiar voice. So thank you for taking the time, Cartoonist Jack. And I appreciate all your kind words. And you kind of said exactly what I just said, it's coming. Okay? I'm not going to repeat it all. There's more creative stuff coming. Trust me. I think you're going to like it. So thank you, Cartoonist Jack. I think I actually met Cartoonist Jack in person when I was

in Connecticut or Hartford not too long ago. I believe that's where he approached me after one of my shows. And what a pleasant guy, great guy, cartoonist Jack. Great to hear from you. Thank you for your patronage here at the Harland Highway and being a loyal pavement ponder. And hopefully my new endeavors will keep you chuckling and enthralled and I won't disappoint.

uh thank you and uh you know we're we're getting down to it gang where we're we're about maybe eight episodes away from you know putting the the road close sign at the end of the highway it's i can feel it i can kind of feel it in my stomach where it's kind of like uh you know it's kind of like you know it's like you know remember when you're a kid and you knew the summer holidays were coming to an end and you're like oh yeah i still got a week and a half but I can feel school. It's looming. It's coming.

And this podcast, I can kind of start. I'm starting to feel it now in my gut that it's like, oh, man. So it's a little heavy. It's a little emotional. It's a little sad. It's a little, you know. But luckily I have new things to fall back on that, as I said, I think you're going to keep all of us happy.

So thanks for your calls, you guys. and all your heartfelt comments and your loyalty and all the rest of it. And no time for sadness. Let's keep on laughing. And let's keep the comedy going. Right, Rodge? What are you doing? Roger?

Roger, why are you playing the theme from Hawaii 50? Roger. Hello. Hold on. Stop the music. Hello. Who'd you let in the studio? It's Chin Ho.

Oh, my God. Stop the music. Stop the music. What are you? Chin Ho? Hello. Chin Ho from Hawaii 5-0. What are you doing here?

I'm here to talk about the criminal justice system. On the island of Hawaii. Well, yeah, Chin, ladies and gentlemen, Roger, you should have told me Chin Ho was coming. We love having you, Chin, but it always helps when I know. Okay. Chin Ho was a, you were an original cast member of Hawaii 50, and coincidentally, you actually really worked on the Hawaii 5O police force in Hawaii. On the main island.

Yeah, on the main island, that's right. And when the show ended the original show with Jack Lord, you went back to working as a detective with Hawaii 50. Am I correct? That's correct. I'm still an active detective on the island of Hawaii. Wow, and you're getting up there, Chin. I'm not trying to aid shame you, but...

Okay, you just drooled something on my carpet. It looks like mustard. Okay, well, whenever you shin-ho drops by, you're usually here to tell us about the crime and the crime levels in the state of Hawaii. That's right. Okay, has there been any incidents that we should know about, Any big crime stories in Hawaii?

Yes. Okay, what happened? There was a triple homicide. A triple homicide? Oh, my God. And did you catch the culprit? No, he's still at large. Wow, and where did this happen?

At a restaurant. At a restaurant? Okay, can we, can we? Can we name the restaurant? It's a popular chain. Pardon me? A popular chain? Yeah.

What do you mean a popular chain? You know, like a chain. Okay, can you give us the name of the place? Well, it's kind of like Applebee's. Applebee's? What do you mean, kind of like Applebee's? Was it an Applebee's? Sort of.

Wow. Okay. What do you mean? It was kind of like an applebees. You just, you can't say the name? No. So it wasn't an actual applebees. No.

But it was a lot like an applebees. Almost identical. Wow. So if it wasn't an applebees, what was it? It was a pineapple bees. What? No, no, stop, no, turn off the music. We're not doing this game where everything's,

every time you say pineapple, we get the damn Hawaii 5-0. Turn it off. Roger, turn it off. God, we're not doing, we're not doing this. We're not playing this game, okay? A triple homicide is a serious thing, it's murder, and we're not playing, Chin Ho, listen, man, with all due respect for your police work, your pedigree, we can't be doing this Hawaii

5-0 thing. Now, people were hurt, people were murdered, they have family members. The family members are probably missing the victims. Yes. Yeah, right? Have you interviewed them? Oh, yes. They're very distraught.

Yeah, see, see what I mean? and so they're missing their, the murder victims? Oh, yes, they're pining for them. They're what? They're pining for them. Yeah, they're pining for the victims. It's even beyond pining. What do you mean?

It's beyond pining. Oh, my God. Are they suicidal? No, it's extreme pining. What is extreme pining? It's so bad. bad that they've gone beyond pining. Yes.

And now they're pineappling. What? No. No! Got no! Pineappling, huh? God, come on. Stop the music.

Turn it off to pineappling. They got murdered at pineapple bees, and now they're pineappleing. Turn the music off. I'm not going to do this. Now, we're either going to take this seriously, Chin and Roger, or we're not going to, I just assume not talk about. There's human lives at the end of these crimes.

To be playing the Y-5-0 song is just distasteful and it's disrespectful of the deceased, the victims. Now, let's get real here, Chin Ho. Have you got any suspects? Yes. Oh, you do? Okay. What have we got?

We followed a suspect to a local strip parlor. So how did you, do you follow them to a local strip parlor? We had local video cameras from the crime scene, and we were able to, piece together his journey across town in his car oh boy see this now this is the beauty of having you know public cameras mounted and you're able to i get it you can you can patch together the timeline the the location correct yes wow so so you got to look at this guy yes oh boy and So what was he? Could you see his face? Could you see? Not really, but he was wearing very distinctive clothing.

Very distinctive clothing. That is big, like a t-shirt with a brand on it or a suit. He was wearing a suit. Okay. A lot of people have suits. This was a pinstripe suit. Pinstripe, okay, a pinstripe suit. You don't see that a lot nowadays. It kind of went out of fashion in like the, in the 80s. Yes. Are you okay? Did you just drool again?

Yes. Okay, so a pinstripe suit, and you said earlier you were able to follow his vehicle to an adult strip joint, like a dance nudie place? Yes. Okay. And? We were able to go inside, and we were able to have women. Witnesses describe what was happening.

Okay, so this guy went into the strip joint. You interviewed some of the patrons, and I'm guessing some of the other strippers. Correct, yes. And what did they say they saw? They said, they shot a man in the pinstripe suit getting lap dances. Okay, pinstripe. suit lap dances.

Yes. PIN lap dance. Okay. PIN lap dance. So you're putting the pieces together. Yes. And what do you get from the pin lap dance? We get pin lapel.

What did you just say? Pin lapdance. Are you trying to, wait a minute, minute. Are you trying to take the words pin and lap dance and form it into pineapple? No, no, no, shut it up. No. Are you kidding me? That has got to be the biggest stretch I've ever. You tried to take the word pin and lap dance and piece it together to make pineapple. No, shut it off. I want them out. Chin. Out.

Shut it off. Shut it off! Good God. That must have been the lamest thing I've ever. Do you really spend time with Pete trying to come up with this stuff, Chin Ho? Yes. What is your obsession? It's Hawaii.

I know it's Hawaii, and I get it. They've got... What? I know Hawaii's... covered with what oh no i'm not going to say it oh you started something yeah i was going to say hawaii's covered in something but i'm not going to say what because you're just trying to bait me oh no hawaii's got so much to offer palm trees and coconuts and yeah and i know what

you really want me to do this what Hawaii's crawling with what fuck me pineapples God stop drooling on my carpet

say it again pineapple get them out get them the hell out turn the music off Pineapple! I want pineapple. Get out! God, get pineapple! Get out! God! Idiot! Wow, thanks a lot, Roger. Way to take over the back end of the show. You know, we get these nice, sentimental phone calls from the pavement pounders, and we're getting into this flow here, and we're grooving, and then Chin Ho from the original

Hawaii 5O comes in and he's I think this guy gets off on I'm not even going to say it so there you go the back end of the show just taken over by Chinho from Hawaii 5O and I'm going to end it there Roger I'm flummoxed I'm I'm just I you know I see her after a thousand episodes and I'm still amazed that this stuff happens that this you let these people in you don't tell me they're a little bit demented maybe maybe I'm wondering why anyone ever listened to this podcast, to be honest now. It really is like a nut house. Aye, aye, aye.

All right. Well, whatever. You know, outside of this obsession with, you know what, I actually like Chen Ho. He's like a kindly old Hawaiian guy. He's been around. He's a sweet spirit, a good man. But boy, oh boy, does it, enough with the, you know,

what? Applebee's Pin pinstripe lap-dair moron anyways let's do a few announcements here

please and thank you coming up man June 7 and 8 I will be in Denver Colorado at the Comedy Works oh what a great club what a great city so fun

amazing club amazing atmosphere great shows I always have there, great comedy fans. In case you're wondering, a little bit of history, the Harland Highway started in Denver, Colorado, as an afternoon radio show. That's where it all started. They hired me to be the afternoon drive-home DJ for a year. And I decided, they said,

what do you want to call the show? I said, it's the drive-home show. Why don't we call it the Harland Highway? And I just did all these bits, and I owned the bits. And when the show ended, I had like a thousand, like, bits that Roger had worked on with me. And they were produced. And if you listen to the earlier episodes of the Harland Highway podcast, you can hear all the bits probably right up into the mid-400s.

You'll hear bits. And that was kind of the spawning of the Harland Highway. When the radio show rolled, I was like, when it ended, I was like, God, I got all these bits. They're funny. and Roger did such a great job with them and we just worked such as so great as a team and I'd hate to think they're just sitting there collecting dust and then all of a sudden I was like, wait a minute,

this whole podcasting thing starting. And so that was the catalyst for me to jump in. I was kind of using those bits to start the Harland Highway podcast. And as a result, the timing was great. I was one of the first stand-up comedians kind of tapping the podcast world. I think I was one of the original four or five or somewhere definitely in the top like five or eight

original like podcasters from the stand-up comedy world. So that's what I mean. When I tell you it, there's a little bit of a pit in my stomach knowing that this thing's rolling to an end after 10 years. I really feel it, man. There's a lot of history, a lot of material. a lot of great times. So there you go, man.

So Denver, Colorado, I'll be there at the Comedy Works, and that's June 7 and 8th, Friday and Saturday only. And then a few weeks later, I'll be in Baltimore, man. Baltimore. I'll be there June 20th through the 22nd. And I'll be doing some shows. I forget the name of the club. Forgive me.

It's a brand new club. I've never been there before. But go to my website, Harland Williams. You can reserve your tickets for Denver right now, and you'll see the post for the Baltimore Club. You can reserve your tickets for the Baltimore Club, too, and I'll get the name for you on the next podcast. And that's it, man.

Having a lot of fun as we start to wind down the final few miles of the Harland Highway. Again, thanks to everyone for being here. Thanks for your phone calls. And we're not done yet, folks. we still have a few to go. So let's keep the smiles and keep rolling down the miles as we approach the end of the road. Until next time, keep your windows open

and let the dragonfly smack you in the face on the Harland Highway. We'll see you next week. And until then, chicken. Chowmaine, baby. With pineapple. No! No! No! Fuck you. Fuck you!

Thank you.