The Harland Highway - ADAM RAY talks getting into character, crowd work, and we play a round of German Scattegories!!

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

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Hi, I'm Danny L'Priori. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia. It's data brokers. These companies collect your personal information, including your browsing habits, where you live, and even who you're related to, and they sell it to the highest bidder. That's where ORA comes in. ORA automatically removes your personal info from data broker sites and keeps it off. It also monitors the dark web, safeguards your device.

devices, alerts you to real-time threats and more. Start your free trial at ora.com slash control. That's A-U-R-A-com slash control for your free trial. Here we go. I'll be in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada this weekend at the Levity Comedy Club. Be there. Get your tickets at Harlem Williams. And look at this, our 100,000 subscriber plaque is making its rounds.

There's a fan with a beer and his beautiful dog. And it's just getting all over the country. And there it is again. So be sure to subscribe. And let's get on with the show. What a treat. Cookie Monster? I guess.

Going through his transitional surgery. Did any of the Sesame Street characters transitioned, you know? Careful. Yeah. Did they? Which ones? Elmo, Grover. Big Bird Oscar and Linda the deaf woman.

Oh, really? So now she can hear? I mean, that would be a transition for her. It would be. Can you imagine if halfway through Sesame Street, she just all of a sudden got her hearing back? What if she got AIDS? Hearing AIDS.

Saved it. This episode is brought to you by Ha! And what? Wait. If Cookie Monster transition, does that mean he goes to crackers? Like, how does he transition? Oh, cookie to crackers. You're riding down the Harland Highway.

All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Uh-huh. Here we go, baby. Done there, guy? I mean, how many pizzas do you got to order? God. Hey, dude, Burger King said I could have it my way, so.

No way. My priest said that when I was 14. Whoa. We'll be right back. We'll be right. Wait. Will we? Oh.

Too soon. Maybe, maybe we don't want to be right back. We don't, maybe some people want to keep right here. God. Oh, do you want the AC on? Is it too hot? I'm okay. I mean, would it fuck with the audio?

It's probably going to heat up because when me and you get together, bro. Dude, get out of the kitchen. It gets hot. I'm going to turn the AC on. That might be a good move. Do you podcast at all? What? Can you hold down the podcast while I go do the AC?

Go. Are you sure? Yep. You got it? You got my back, bro? Get the fuck out of here, though. Yeah, I got it. So, guys, when I was 10, I met this.

guy named Colonel Sanders, and he said he had the recipe to popcorn chicken. I don't know what that meant, but I said, I want to see what this is all about. I've also never been in a van without windows. So we're driving to the circus, and that's when, and that's when I lost my virgin. Oh, hey, and Harlan's back. Hey, here we go. Telling him about how the KFC fuckpocket came to be. Oh, yeah?

Remember that joke? Oh, yeah. That's a Harlan standard. What a treat. Cookie Monster? I guess. went through his transitional surgery? Did any of the...

You do impressions. Of Cookie Monster. Did any of the Sesame Street characters transitioned, you know? Careful. Yeah. Did they? Which ones? Elmo, Grover, Big Bird, Oscar, and Linda, the deaf woman.

Oh, really? So now she can hear? Is that how you mean, that would be a transition for her. It would be. Can you imagine if halfway through Sesame Street, she just all of a sudden got her hearing back? Wow. Just to teach kids like, you never know what kind of.

can happen and you're like what a weird way to teach that lesson and what if she got AIDS hearing aids who saved it this episode is brought to you by ha and what wait wait if cookie monster transition I'm with you does that mean he goes to crackers like how does he transition like how does he cookie to crackers like how like that's what I mean like how do they transition because he doesn't have a penis right well he's a monster to monsters have penises like does godzilla have a wiener this is what man has been trying to figure out forever i think judy bloom wrote that wow judy bloom does godzilla have a weaner oh wow i think was she the one who invented that thing at the outback steakhouse the bloom and onion yeah probably

wow bloom but you got to figure Where did all that anger come from Godzilla? Oh, yeah. To blow, like, liquid blue fire on that, that stupid semi-fay growl. Like, how does this growl go? It's like, like, ugh, like, it was like if Chewbacca fucked a goose. Yes. It was like not aggressive enough, but it was abrasive, but it was also like more annoying than disruptive.

Chewbacca. Do you think Chewbacca plowed a Canadian goose or just a regular goose? I think Chewbacca didn't discriminate. I think Jupac... Any goose. Chubaka. Did you say Jewbac? Wow. Dude.

Hang on. How about Juspaca? Yeah. How about you're going to hell? How about that? Let me finish the bit. That's Spock. Yeah.

As a rabbi dressed in a Chewbac outfit. Wow. And his ears stick through the fur? Yep. Oh, wow. And as he's given him a circumcision, he goes. goes. Wait.

And that's him gargling on the foreskin. Excuse me out of it. Yeah. That's what it's tough. Here it is. Wait for it. So good, dude. Better.

When did you know you could do that? I think the first time I was touched by an EWalk. Not touched by an angel? No. Touched by an anal. And I was, at least that's what it was in my neighborhood. Sesame Street.

Could you imagine being, like, fondled, molested by an Ewok? Oh, no. Well, definitely not that. And just when he's touching you, though, he's like, you know, he goes, he goes, nub, gub, nub, and he keeps saying nub. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then nub, yub, yeah. I might, yeah, the talking might be more annoying than the molesting.

Yeah, the talking might be the molesting. Yeah. Don't they have like a kind of a gremlin type? No, that's what they say, no. Everything's nub, yub, gub, nub. Nub, yep, that's how they talk. Corn hub, grab, hub. Forn hub, yeah, porn hub, grub, grub, grub, grub, grub, grub, nub, grub, nub, yeah.

It's a lot of nubs and stubs and hubs. To me, that's, I've been mind-molested, you know? Great band name. Great band. Oh, mind-molested. What would be one of their songs? Out behind the Denny's dumpster. Yep, that's probably the, that's probably track seven, an album full of 15 tracks.

Um, hit me with your chlorine tablets. Nubgrub stub hub. Nubgrub stub hub. Maybe EWalk City. Oh, yeah. Right? Take me home to the EWalk City where the girls are stubby and the forest is shitty because we've been shitting all over the forest.

Yeah. Wow. You can take the road. You can take the sky. Ooh, yeah. And we're helping get out of that bit real quick. You always do a who yeah when you want to get out of that. Yeah, that's the cue to hit the theme music.

Well, we're not going at all? Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, we were going. Oh, hell, we're going, bro. We were going. I got you in it. You're texting at the beginning. One of the best theme songs.

I've said it before. I'll say it again. Thank you. Oh, boom. Papa Fetti. Yeah. Um, folks, welcome to the Halle Hawee Parker. Uh, my guy Adam Ray is here.

Uh, is this the third time, buddy? I think so. Dude, welcome back, man. Honor to be here. One of my favorite places to be. Oh, dude. What a roast beef fucking centimal. Thank you.

What is a sentimental? As you said it, I tried to decipher if I knew what it was. Yeah, I don't even know. it's a trick-or-treat to be here was that the ending of the blossom theme song there took the last riff that's right where Joey Lawrence went whoa

oh wow remember Joey Lawrence I do so much so that I brought him up just now yeah he had two other brothers Joey blowy and Dewey from the ducttails imagine being one of you

what if you had two other famous brothers that were in the business like the baldwins yeah would you like that uh like harland garland and marland i don't know because what happens inevitably when there's another sibling in it you sort of get that cross bleeding and they start comparing and then casting people like well we want alec baldwin but we can't afford him so let's get billy baldwin and then you always sort of feel like if you're not the top sibling, you're always kind of viewed and probably feel like the lower sibling. Yeah.

Which is a shadow. I don't know if I'd want to live in it. Nobody does. And it's like, it's like, I got into this to do my thing and maybe be rich and famous and all this and that. And now I got to deal with this riffraff hanging on, like Ramora fish on a shark, you know? Riffraff, paddywack, give a dog a bone. Yeah.

It's weird. Billy Baldwin has probably been living in Alex Shadows for his whole life. Something tells me, Alec Baldwin was probably who he is from the get-go. I bet even in, like, fifth grade, he was like, going up to teachers, being like, you know, I could pleasure you better than your husband. Wow. You know? Yeah.

I've never tried to do an Alec Baldwin before. That's great. It's just always down here. Yeah. Oh, I like it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been touched by any walk?

I've been touched by an anal. Hold that thought. Okay. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right outback. Oh, nice tie into the onion blossom. If Outback Steakhouse wants to grab my Dr. Phil character

and do a run of commercials, we'll be right out back. Whoa. Dude, that. I mean, wow. Yeah, I just. Oh, my God. Just fucking putting it on the table. It's all coming together and it's all coming unhinged at the same time.

It's a clean lady said. Oh, I give the lemon pledge to never repeat that. Oh, wow. Wow, that might be tonight's Doritos, joke of the night. Did you ever have, like, coming up, growing up, or do you now have like a side hustle? Is there like a, did you ever have like a side job or working something you didn't necessarily like? Oh, yeah. What was it?

Well, you know, we talked about my days at Universal Studios, but I enjoyed that. And that was, I don't, that wasn't a side hustle. That was a job. But you mean like, I mean, shit, I worked at a casting office. I like that. I've been pretty good about not wasting my time on something I don't want to do. Okay. At least I want that to, I mean, I guess in high school, I had a paper out for a bit.

I hated that. That was truly, I needed a job to make money for summertime fun. And, uh, was it an afternoon paper or a morning paper? Oh, this was. So you had to be up at 3 a.m. three, four, five, maybe even two. And then I had to go get all the papers and then wrap them all up

and put them in bags in Seattle rain because it was, you know, just that November Seattle rain and you had to put them in bags and then, you know, you go and put them on everyone's fucking doorstep. And then I got to a point to where my buddy was like, dude, you're going to get impatient.

Don't chuck them onto people's lawns because they fucking, people are up and they see you. And I got to about three weeks in and I fucking chucked them. And dude, straight out of a fucking Tom Hanks movie, some guy who was like the cramudgeon in our neighborhood opened the door.

And I fucking just did that and just threw a fucking, a fucking raspberry meringue dildo right at his face. Wow. And I just hear fomph. And I hear, ha, damn it. And I go, morning. I don't know what I was to say, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. And that was shortly the end of that job because I just was like, getting up early at that age sucked too. And I'm not a morning person still, but. So we, I had a morning paper route, too. You did. And I had to get up in the middle of Canadian winter. Oh, God.

So I'm delivering these things in like four feet of snow. This is the days when it snowed more than it does now. Yeah. And like you, at first when I got, I was like, here's your paper. You delicately put it on their doorsteps. Like, I did my job. Yeah. And, you know, five months in, I'm tossing them.

I'm so bored. I'm twirling them up on their plant hangers. And then the creme de la creme, my cousin, I used to get my cousin, Mary Pat, to come and do it with me. No word of a lie. I got to the point where I don't know how this benefited me in any way. I would put it on their door, roll it up and put a firecracker in it. Why?

I would just blow up my own paper. Funny. Like it was ridiculous. Yeah. Why not? Literally like, boom. Paper would shred and we'd run away like they wouldn't, know who it was.

Yeah. Ridiculous. Firecrackers are fun, though. You're always looking for a way to infuse them into something else. Ever put one in the neighbor's mailbox? Raise your hand if you've done that. Probably. Yeah.

I did one once in his behind a guy's house. This guy named Paul Timer, right? Of course. And when him and his brothers and sisters... Never wore a watch. He'd walk home and me and my, me and my cousins would be waiting on the other side of the road. There was an apple tree. Oh, I know where this is going.

All the friends, it was like, it's like those missiles flying into Beirut and Israel. We'd just launch apples across the road and they couldn't even get into their own house. It'd just be like, Granny Smith apples. Granny Smith Warfare. Oh, man, it was funny. But I had a side hustle. This is a weird one, but I was, you know, sometimes you just, you got to make the money. Yeah.

So when I was in college, I worked at Hooters of all places. Yeah. as one of the waitresses. Yeah. I wore the orange shorts. And that was in a time too where they didn't care how developed you were. Yeah. But if you're flat-chested or heavily endowed.

But it was also at a time where Daddy's Roast Beef was tight and I called it ripe. They called me tidy ripe at the-tty-ripe. Because it was just high and it had a snap to it. When I walked, it could hear almost like a bit of a. The same sound an ego makes when it pops out of the tilt. Exactly. Yeah. and I got into a reverse lawsuit.

Ooh. Yeah, so I'm serving the wings. I'm doing the beer it's Saturday night. Some old timer. Paul timer? Whacks me? Paul timer. Just calling by his name.

I know him by now. Paul timer. This bastard, he slapped me in the tidy ripy. And it was so tight. His hand slapped back and hit him in his own face. Darling. Broke his nose. And I got sued for harassment and physical,

violence or whatever. Oh, that's on him. He knew where he was eating. He knew the consequences of a tidy ripe you slap. I'm a tight college boy, you know. Did they pay well? Or was it like one of those things where it's like, your privilege to work at Hooters in the Huitors.

It was all tips. Because of I was tight and ripe at that time, I made really good tips. Just all tips. And it was all the men giving the tips? All men. It was like 96% men clientele. Every now and then you'd get a girl in there.

and they're coming in probably to keep their eye on their hubby. Sure. But then tidy ripe walks by and they're like their whole thing changes. Yeah. And believe me, I had enough housewives hands on the ripe melons, you know. I took my nine-year-old half-brother at the time and seven-year-old half-brother in Arizona.

Why didn't you just put them together and make a whole brother? Well, what if I had ran into a tidy ripy with some sound life advice? There were no male tidy ripies at this hooters. Yeah, okay. There was a hooters nearby, and my stepbrother, well, a talking to for my dad for taking children to a hooters, but also had some celery and some ranch. And a woman walked by with the biggest boobs, hooters would be allowed to house. And I say house because they were that big. One of her boobs was staying in a studio apartment around the corner.

Whoa. And my half-brothers who, yeah, I just called them my brothers, but I'm giving you the full extent of the store. Yeah, yeah, please. They, I don't think it's seen boobs other than their mothers. Right. I'm willing to assume. Yeah. And they couldn't believe where they were.

One of them was like this. The other one was like embarrassed. I'm like, had his head down and I had to be like, it's all good. Wow. Yeah. And luckily there was not, if there had been, it was midday shift. So it was like we got the B squad, but also we got, I mean, we got the D squad. Let's be honest.

We got the double D squad. But there were only a few, if there was like busy, if there were like, you know, dudes drunk there and I wouldn't have brought him in, obviously. Yeah. I'm trying to defend myself right now. But it was midday. But I'm saying there are only a few waitresses there. If it had been Boob City and they were the mayor, that's too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was a couple people were working and she was, you know, respectable about it. And I also was, I think, at a time where I was a little more free with being like, this will be funny. And one of them, the older, the nine-year-old was like, I was like, you want to go in there? And he was like, yeah. So that's why I was like, this is the cool older brother move. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. My dad was like, why'd you take him there?

And I was like, oh, the celery's good. And so last time I saw my dad. Yeah. I'm so sad. Should there be a thing, though, like when you get beyond, you said these were the biggest ones, Hooters had ever seen. Enormous. She could have rested them on the table. Yeah.

And we could have put our, you know, the rest of our celery sticks on them. On them. Yeah. Should there be an automatic? You know how. Should the sign turn over, like, when they get so big, like, it just turns from Hooters to Gazongas? Yes. Or Johnny's milk jugs or what, like, should it just keep it going?

Or the other-ch-ching, chick-ching. You know, the first word I ever heard to describe boobs that weren't boobs? Yeah. Was from my boss when I worked at Albertsons, bagging groceries. His name was Dan Boyle. Shout out. Dan Boyle. And he was a classic grade A perv.

I mean, this guy was, I think, 76 when he was. He was the GM of Albertsons. Yeah, it's Perv country. And he had no problem putting hands on backs, fingers and mouths. Ooh. No, no, but he was touchy-feely, feely-touchy. He was Mr. McPhiley from back to the future. Back to the future.

He was Mr. Groper from Three's Company. Oh, wow. And he was, yeah, he just had no problem. Puppy Dog Palin. everybody up. What? And he was putting paws on maws. Full puppy dog pals?

He was going. Dude, and he called Boob's fun bags. He nudges me. I'm in the customer service booth, counting money, getting ready to go home and he goes, look at the fun bags over here.

And I go, I don't know what he means, but I just kind of, the way he leaned in and whispered and licked his lips, I go, he can't be talking about the new diet, Dr. Pepper,

we just got in. Yeah. So I look over and lo and behold, there comes that waiters, wagers from Hooters. Wow. Coming in with my, with my brother and they were hooking up.

Yeah, but, yeah, so what, Johnny's milk, what was the other ones? There was, uh, good, gazongas. Gizongas is fun. And, uh, there was, there was a magazine in my neighborhood at the local, like, convenience store called Busts, Boobes and Banzongas. That was a real magazine. Wow.

So you got all three in one. It was like the snapcrackle pop of porno. Unbelievable. What else? There's, uh, uh, uh, well, hold on. On, speaking of dirty names and dirty... Speaking of a slutty serial mascots.

Like, this is perfect because I wanted to play a game with you here today. Finally. And I think we could have some fun with this. Have you ever heard of the game Scatigories? Love it. Okay, so in Germany, as you know, they do things a little different.

Like, they get pretty kinky. Scatigories mean something different over that. Right. So they have a game, like it's called, Dost is ein's Categories. And this is how they... How'd you get a copy of this? Well, I went over, I got it shipped over on German Amazon.

Yeah. Yeah. But Doste is Ains Categories. And it's sort of an X-rated version of Scatigories. Fun. And if you want to play a quick game, I'd love it, man. Hey, folks, I want to take a second to talk to you about Mendo. Oh, my goodness.

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I'm going to say it again because it equates to over 40% this new starter pack. Use code Harland at shopmando.com. S-H-O-M-A-N-D-O dot com. It's time to smell better naked. Your partner will thank you and I'll thank you because you know I can smell you from here. Let's go. Let's get nice and fresh. Let's Mando.

And for those of you at home that don't know how. how Dasstein's Scataigories works. Basically what you do, gang, is we're given a list, and you can't look at it yet. Oh, great. You're given a list of 12 different items. And what you do is you have to hold up this demonic Blair Witch Project demon dice.

What the hell is this? It's a Rubik's cube and an anal bead in the same. Oh, yeah. Ew. Yeah. Well, too late. You've been cursed. And pink eyed.

So every letter of the alphabets on here. Yeah, hopefully. And you roll it and let's say, for example, you get the letter T. So now Adam and I have to go through the whole list of 12 items and write something that starts with T. Right. So let's say, for example, here it says kinds of candy, we'd have to like tootsie pop or tootsie roll. Right. Okay.

So it's a real simple. simple game. And then the other thing is sometimes you can get extra points. Like if you get B and it says a famous woman's name instead of Barbara, you could say Barbara Bush and get two points. Two for. I love that. So what we can do is if you, if you come up with something that's worth two points, so here's a pen. Great. And we're going to have a round. I'm going to write this with my blood. Yeah, you're going to write it with a pen. And each game takes, it takes about, we have a timer here. It goes for about like a minute and a half. Great.

More than enough time. And we'll roll the dice. And what list do you want to do, seven or eight? Let's go eight. Eight. Okay, so don't look at it yet. I'll get this out of the way. This is X-rated, X-rated categories.

And just so they can hear what we're writing, I'm going to read the items out loud. Love that. You can jump to anyone you want. Okay. All right, so let's get you to roll the dice on the table here. What do we got? I'm a same, I'm Osa, Mamma, Ma-a-a-a-Bu-Bah, I'm loving it.

Fiel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it's Bob Sled Time. Oh, my God. Three-runnings. Oh, that one's a tough, yeah. He picked a worst letter in the alphabet. One of the worst letters, arguably. It's halfway, I mean, it's almost in the middle. Yeah, even if you're not playing X-rated, that's a tough one.

KKK are the only people that love that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, F. Okay. Here we go. So hang on, let me set the timer here, folks. We got the timer, and we're going to start now. And the first item is, things that are sticky. Oh, wow.

And then we'll read each other's answers, right? Yeah, then we read them out. X-rated. Number two, aware awards ceremonies. Number three. Cars. Great. Cars.

Number four, spices and herbs. That's a tough one. Number five. Yeah, what is it? Bad habits. Oh, six cosmetic toiletries. Seven, celebrities. I'm actually crushing this.

Number eight, cooking utensils. Reptiles and amphibians. Number 10 is parks. Parks. Parks. Number 11 is leisure activities. Oh. Last one.

Things you are allergic to. Whoa. Oh, you're sweating it out. The kid's when the buzz is about to go. Oh. Got it in. You got it in? Yeah.

Is that one of your words? Do we read each other's? Do we swap answers or should we? No, mine's unlegible. So we'll read our own. Okay, great. Things that are sticky. Fuck fudge.

Wow, I said fart fudge. Because if you have the exact same one, it cancels out. Gotcha. So that's one each. Great. Award ceremonies. The Frozen Fecal Awards. Whoa.

Fuck Oscars. I'd go to those cars the fuck my face Mercedes wow I had the Ford fuckmobile wow I like yours better number four spices what'd you have flap lip cinnamon I just had fart cinnamon everything it's gonna be a lot of farts in this one um number five bad habits face farting frolicking naked at Target so you got me with the two for a half Is that a bad habit though really

What Frolicing naked at Target That seems like a good habit to me Yeah you're right Depending on what target you go to Yeah Some of the targets are a little sketchy and seedy Yeah

The one down on Lebray in Santa Monica I could see it There's some kidnappers there Yeah So you're right You're right Six Cosmetic

Toiletries I said from Munda cheese I said fuck poo tampons Wow Yeah Daddy's bringing it home for dinner Wow

I mean look if you're going to use a tampon It's either going to be Mabeline Or Or Sepu Or Sepu Yeah fuck poo is a German brand Yeah that goes over great And a hundred acre wood too

Celebrities Ferra Foss fuck Got it. Fred Flintstone. I forgot to make it dirty. Okay. I'll take that point. Also, I love that I think Fred Flintstone's a celebrity.

Yeah, right. Come on. Wow. Is he that? Would you freak out if you saw him walking down the street? Yeah, because he's a cartoon, dude. God. What's going on in your head?

I lemon pledge to never say that. it again. Sorry. All right. Number eight. Eight, uh, cooking utensils female fork. I have no idea what that means. I put frying pan for fucking idiots. Yeah, that sounds better. And reptiles, amphibians. Foreign snake with Jewish aides.

I said fart bear. And it's not even a, it's not even a, I would pay upwards of $26 to go see fart bear in concert. Yeah, yeah. Or a movie from the producers of cocaine bear. Actually, I wonder if he's ever been to the 100-acre woods to visit his brother, poo, poo bear. Fart bear and poo, but it's Winnie the Poo's little brother. You've got an animation connection.

Can we get Fart Bear going? And you got to figure who was born first, well, the fart came before the poo. Fart's the older brother. Yeah. Even though Poo strikes, Poo has the voice of a 77-year-old man. Yeah. But fart, farts played by, man, I don't know, Josh Brolin. Yeah.

You know, he's a grizzled over, like, he's, maybe he is, so poo's younger. Poo's like, what, 30? Yeah. Fart's got to be at least 52. And then there's the third brother that they don't talk about much, pinch off. There's always three. There's Harlan, Dewey, and Huey. There's fart, poo, and pinch off.

Poor Pinch off, he's the special needs. Dude, yeah. There, yeah, he was going to a little pointy. His head's poignant. Yeah. He wore a full. Poo didn't wear pants. They always made Pinch off wear pants.

Yeah. Pinch off. All right. Parks, number 10. Go for it. The fuck forest. I mean, oh, wow.

Do you get that too? I had fallopian heights. Go. Wow. Real place. Lost my virginity up there. Yeah. Twice.

That was actually twice. Yeah. To the same. Pooh. Flopian Heights, I think, was on after Melrose place. Yeah. And right between Falcon Crest and Velrose placed was Philopian Heights.

On tonight's season finale of Fallopian Heights. Teresa's getting back together with John. The fuck out of here. Why? She found a copy of pinch. Cut. On tonight's Fallopian Heights. And go.

On tonight's Fallopian Heights. David? yes why is there someone else's thong in the bathroom because i was flossing my teeth and carol was over here on tonight's fallopian heights wait now i want to see the next episode i know do the next episode we get after this last after this last answer uh number 11 leisure activities uh dr fouchy fucking oh god he deserves it that's yeah uh fuck stuff uh fuck stuff I ran out of space. Oh.

Things you're allergic to? Friends with rabies and saggy bazumbas. I wrote Fiona Apple's ass. Fuck, yeah. I don't know. Another great band name. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, Fiona Apple actually did the soundtrack for Season 2 of Fallopian Heights. Oh, can we hear that last episode? On tonight's season finale of Fallopian Heights. Roger? Yes. Are you fucking Denise? I am, but I also bought her a new Jaguar.

It's in the garage. Would you like to see it? Yes. Okay, go into the garage. What do you think? Do you like the color? Well, purple's not my favorite color. Probably my third favorite, if you would ask me what my top three favorite colors are.

But congrats, I didn't know you had enough money to buy a purple Corvette. Well? Or Jaguar. I'm not a car guy That's okay Car is a car It's got four wheels And a stick shift

Is that your Is that your hooters outfit in the corner Or Denise's? It's mine I used to be tight and ripe Are you okay? Sorry, you know what? I went into a different language

I went to I switched to a Japanese station On tonight's Fallopian Heights Did I watch that? They break character mid-show. See, this is the show that people don't ever get to see. The actor is breaking character, apologizing mid-scene. Right. And then you just air it.

You go, we're not going to cut around that. We're going to just show everybody how it works. What John Stamos really does in between takes. Hey, everybody, check out my merchandise at harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs. At harblank.com, you can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys

and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. we got coffee mugs, we got t-shirts, you name it, it's there at Harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support, and I'll just keep the groovy images coming. Have you ever met John Stamos? Once. Talk to me, Guy. Here we go.

The show just started. Laugh Factory backstage. He's walking out. I think he went to go see. I don't know who he went to go see. Yeah. Somebody. Oh, he was on the show.

It was a Kevin Nealyn, new material interview night. Oh, really? And Samos was on it. This was probably four or five years ago. And was he handsome in real life? He was handsome. Yeah.

Yeah, he was handsome. And he was charming and it was real quick. He walked by and just kind of gave me a, Hey, man. And I've gotten a few of the, those walk by haymans and the best i've ever gotten because it shook me to my core was your boy jim carrie walking through the comedy store i think he was scouting talent from dying up here that showtime show and he was going to see roast battle upstairs and he walks through and adam eager walks

him through and i'm in the back bar of the comedy store and he just walks through you're never expecting if chapelle comes through the comedy store you're like awesome it still can be alarming and disorienting because he's chapelle but he does stand up so it's not crazy that he'd be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no reason for Jim Carrey to be there. I don't think he'd been there in, I'm willing to say 25 years. Wow.

He walks through and I, he is, as we've talked about, like Ace Ventura, which, you know, you were around him to see that fucking star rise in the moment his life turned. That movie was the, didn't start comedy for me, but it was the, I found out this when I was on Rogan's podcast. a few months ago that I was like, why did that shake me so much? And I go, I could, because Jim walks through and goes,

and Adam goes, oh, this Jim Carrey. Adam is Jim Carrey. And I go, I look at him and he goes, Hey, man. And I go, I couldn't get anything out. Yeah.

And he kept walking, Adam goes, nice one, man. And then I'm like, what the fuck? And then, you know, I put together that when I was, you know, a bigger kid and started to kind of make my friends laugh,

one of the first ways to do it was like memorizing these long monologues from Ace Ventura which is to this day in my top three favorite movies Is that right? Yeah.

And I would, I mean, I've probably seen it 500,000. I mean, my sister and I watched it nonstop. And I would memorize

because he had a lot of long monologues in there. You know, what do you know about Ray Finkel? Soccer style kicker graduated from Collier High June 1970.

You know what I'm saying? Like he had a bunch of those. And he did it all in one breath. Yeah, dude. That was the whole joke that he, And by his last side, he's, and she got that the thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he like, he got it all. What a hell of a model American, you know. And so innovative. And then there was, and then the whole speech when they're like, hey, don't worry about the, don't worry about Ventura.

We'll find the, we'll find the, the dolphin. And he goes, whew. Good. Well, my job's done.

Although that might not do any good because we're not looking for a dolphin or a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's, oh yeah. She goes, we'll find the porpoise. And he goes, it's not a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken.

The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt now pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin, while the bottlenose dolphin or terseop trincatus has an elongated beak, round cone-shaped teeth, and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about you, your attention to detail. Wow, I haven't done that since, dude.

I fucking... Hold on. Yeah. A lemon pledge to never do that on any other podcast. Wild, right? Hard, I haven't done that since. That was fucking 1999. So I would do that shit on the bus.

Just the fact you remembered all the lines. That was impressive enough, let alone doing the character. I would do that on the back of the bus, going to Lake Forest Park Elementary and my buddies, my buddies and then kids that I didn't know would laugh. And this is when I started to turn when the kids that were teasing me for being, for, you know, sharing a bra with my mom. I wasn't fat kid.

I was funny kid. Yeah, just to go back real quick, you shared what with your mom? Uh, bolognese, carpool. Three, three letters, I thought I heard. The things that hold your bazumas up, uh, things you do at a picnic. Bra. Things you bring to a picnic, potato's out. Oh.

Bra. What's up, bra? Oh, man. I pledged and never do that again. I lemon pledged. The worst heckle from like an older classman, like noticing that I'm a fat kid with like, you know, chubby bubby's up here. Yeah.

What's up, bra? Oh, wow. Wow. yeah. That's a good one now. That's a good dig, yeah. We might have created a heckle that fat kids everywhere are going to hate us now. Has that ever been done before? What's up, bra? Oof. Did we just make that up right now? We did, yeah. I mean, that's a good one. Don't pull us into this. If you're the school bully.

If you're looking for some sort of a real, you know, a real jab on a Monday morning. If you're a school bully, we just gave you a diamond. If you're a school fatty, you might as well get the razor blade started right now. I mean, this is the way it works, guy. No, no. What's up, bra? Wow. Happy early Halloween, by the way.

No, thanks. I'm busy. God. Guy does a trick or treat on me out of nowhere. Wait, you didn't finish your story. So, anyway, so I would, so the gym. Guy goes from a story into a national holiday for no reason at all. It's like in the middle.

Yeah, so is it my dad said, oh, Merry Christmas, by the way. Okay, Google Not Earth. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia. It's data brokers. These companies collect your personal information, including your browsing habits, where you live, and even who you're related to, and they sell it to the highest bidder.

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That is a gray like here. Yeah. And so I'm down there and I'm fishing and I'm realizing I'm not going to get a fit. Oh, happy early Arbor Day, by the way. I'm realizing I'm not going to get a fish. so let's just go home eat the worms ourselves why should the fish get all the worms

happy early flag day by the way yeah that's a psycho table for one so Jim walks through the comedy store I fucking freeze up and I realize oh because this is why I came to this like you know revelation

that that again making friends laugh on the bus at school people started being like do the ace of your thing because you know who the fuck is doing that who's memorizing these giant monologues and performing them the movie and it was that was a movie of our time like everybody loved it so here i'm doing it and and uh not only uh again changing the way people looked at me and it made me feel good too

because it was like i'm making people laugh yeah yeah and i and i go without really laying down on a couch to to to figure that out i was like oh that's when i think i go i want to keep chasing that feeling of making people laugh in comedy so jim is big influence yeah enormous so then i because then I was, because I was like, you know, I've been around famous people before. I know fucking Harley Williams. I've seen Judge Judy at the bus stop. Like, I've seen, you know what I'm saying? Like I've been, but I could not.

He's another level. Okay, so thank, yeah, thank you. But, but, I mean, all that was there that I just didn't even put together. Yeah. And people kept saying he's going to stick around. And he did stick around. I saw these pictures the next night. He was telling stories in the parking lot.

I left, dude. I was like, I can't be around. I just, as much as I, I wanted to fucking be there and like, say, I wouldn't have said it. I wouldn't have said, thanks for, you know, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, yeah, it's weird. You want to, but you can't. I kind of want to keep it like that, dude.

He's of all the guys that I've experienced, too. He was a very tough guy to be around, and I was around him a lot. I mean, I opened for him. I did movies with him. So cool. He used to call me, and I was so nervous to be around him. He'd call me at home sometimes. He'd go, when he's doing it in living color, you go, come on down, hang out at the set.

Come on down. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, and I wouldn't go. I was so sort of intimidated. And one night he goes, he calls me, goes, uh, yeah, I'm going to Nicholas Cage's birthday party. Come on over and let's go. And I didn't go. Like all this stuff looking back I should have done because I realized he was trying

to forge a deeper relationship with me. Yeah. And what he can't know is I was so intimidated because he was, there's something about Jim, there's stars, but Jim also has his aura about him where it's really big and it's intimidating. He's not intimidating, but that aura is a bit intimidating. So I was a little like off my game around them. And it's not a bad thing.

It's sort of magical in a way. But I know exactly what you mean because I went through it and I was with them a lot. And even when I was with them, I was always a little off my game because I was just like, oh, man, it's Jim. and Jim, Jim's a guy, he's always experimenting, right? Whenever I was with him, he was never just sitting still and quiet. He's always like running a bit or experimenting with an idea or a character. So you're always like, just kind of like, what's coming next from Jim, you know?

Right, right. Was he on? Did you feel like you had to be on around him or was it? He was all, when I was around him, he was almost always on. Like even if there was a quiet moment, you knew any second. something was like the thunder was going to come. Yeah. And you'd just be, I remember being in a hotel with him one night.

We did a show in El Paso, Texas. And after the show, we go to his room, we're eating dessert. We ordered room service. And it was a fairly normal, like, you know, dinner conversation. And we're just sitting there. We get to dessert. We're eating, I remember, we're eating cheesecake. And all of a sudden, he just looks at me and he goes, I can cry on demand.

And before I could even answer, he just turned away, looked back, and there was real tears coming down his face. And this is the stuff he do. It just like, like it was intense. There was an intensity. And then there was another, I think it was the same meal we were eating dinner. And he just goes, how about a show like Mr. Rogers, but it's in Vietnam?

And he gets from the table. He runs behind the couch. He's like, he's doing this from. And I'm just like, I'm just trying to eat my catfish. And now I'm in Vietnam with Mr. Rogers. Well, there's worse places you could be. That's true. It could be in Bakersfield.

Now, or in Philopian Crest. On tonight's Fallopian Heights. Hi, Donnie. I found these underwear under the bed. Who's are they? Mr. Rogers? Yes. On tonight's Fallopian Heights.

But, yeah, it was fascinating to be around, so I totally get what you mean. Yeah, just threw me off. That was probably the only time I've really been. and truly tongue-tied. And as far as I couldn't even, you know, there's times where you go, I wish I would have said something better. I was in a social circle

and the conversation shifted in my direction and I didn't really add. I really took away because everyone was like, dude, who's the fucking, you know, you just said something or you added a joke. I remember my first TV job I ever did was according to Jim, the Jim Belushi sitcom. And Henry Winkler, his son, Max,

who's a director now, was in my fraternity at USC. And Henry came down one time and, you know, I end up medium and interning form on Hollywood squares. And then he's like, anytime you got advice about the business, after you graduate, let me know, so we kept in touch for a bit, still talk to this day. And he's like, I'm going to shoot a coin to gym and I'm driving. I get a voicemail from me. He goes, Adam Henry here, treat Mr. Belushi like an emperor. You're not there to fill space. They hired Adam Ray because

they won Adam Ray. They need Adam Ray. They love Adam Ray. All the best. Hanks up. I'm like, all right, cool. You know, if you think of something funny, say it. You know, you're not there to fill space, you know, throw stuff out. So, live taping, sitting there trying to rewrite one of the jokes, you know, and everyone's standing around, producers, writers, cast, everyone's going to hunt over, I'm standing off there. I've got three scenes on the season premiere guest star, you know, decent-sized part. And I'm leaning over, and I just hear Henry, my hand, going,

if you think of something, say something. So I wish I could remember the joke, but it was like, I was supposed to come in with these water jugs. I was the spark with watered out. So I was like, you know, maybe, and the line that Jim Belushi says as I walk in And it's like nice jugs, Brad. And I go, ha, ha, works every time, Jim. You know, where do you want to be pleased?

I'm like this nice Christian guy. And I think I pitched some joke and everyone just turned to me and looked. I just like, I spoke up, you know, this big room, live. Everyone's waiting, you know, warm up guys behind me being like, let's get a dad dance off. Who wants some chips, you know? And then I say my joke and everyone just turns and then turns back, like almost like, like, who's that guy? And then just kept moving.

And I hear Henry in my head go, swinging to miss. And then I hit up Henry later. and he goes, how to go? And I go, taping was awesome. Ended up going great. You know, surreal experience. And I go, I pitched a joke and it bombed. He goes, well, it's got to be funny.

That is so funny. So I did it. I had the exact opposite experience with Henry. So I did a sitcom in the 90s called Simon. I remember that. I played Simon and Jason Bateman played my brother. He's serious? Yeah, it was my starring sitcom.

and the final episode they brought Henry Winkler in to direct. That was like the big, we got. Yeah, he directed cop and a half and he directed, yeah, a bunch of stuff. So he was directing and, you know, I was known for my improv. You know, that's one of the things I do is I improvise lines. I come up with stuff. That was one of the things I did the whole season on Simon. And so I was like, oh, Henry's here and I met him.

He goes, Harland, how are you? Like, he's very soft-spoken. Oh, no. And so I thought he kind of knew. about what he was coming into this show yeah so the day we go to shoot like I would never improvise until the day we actually shot we'd rehearse all week and then we'd shoot Friday afternoon and I remember I started doing my improvising and it was the only director that did he walked up to him and he goes let's knock off the improvising that that's not working let's not do that and I was like

sort of mortified and a little bit mad and a little bit like dude like my home yeah it was a bit weird. But he told me to knock it off. And, and it was really weird. I don't think he was being malicious, but I think, I think he, he was being a bit of a control freak. And then cut to like years later, Henry and I, this is a weird Hollywood. And years later, Henry and I end up just south of Alaska out on the ocean. I saw that picture. Salmon fishing. Yes. We went deep sea salmon fishing together. Together. I'll run a little clip of it. It's hilarious. And we had the best time. We never even talked about Simon.

I don't think he knew that he was sort of stepping on my groove. But he's the nicest guy. His intentions are genuine. So he, you know, it was probably, you're right, it was a controlled thing.

Or maybe he just was like, in a weird way, maybe he didn't even say it. Maybe he's like, you're great with saying the lines. Let's just do that while I'm here. But I hear you. But it would have behooved him to maybe like,

know that like you're shooting from the hip and that's adding to the show, right? Yeah. But wait, so you deep sea bass, you deep throw? We went fishing for salmon together. Wow. Me and Henry, yeah, it was just wild.

And we turned the whole thing into like a comedy fishing show. And we were at living like crazy. That's the funny thing. He got to see me out living. I should have gone, hey, Henry. That's, the fish don't like talking. Let's clam it up there, scallop face. You know what I mean?

Like, that's the irony of it. But I would watch a fishing show with you too. Yeah, we don't think I'd watch any fishing show. but if it was just here's the thing because it's just the fishing is the backdrop for right whoever the people are to be entertaining you know what i'll i'll find a clip and i'll run it i'll run it on the podcast here is really funny yeah welcome to the 3 h so henry harlan fishing hour hi henry how you doing how do you do harlan it's nice to see you again out here on the water it's only a half an hour show but it sounds more prestigious when we say hour yeah 60 minutes

We're going to teach you how to fish. Yeah, what are we going for today, huh? Well, today we're going to go for some Chinook. Would you call me? No, not you, the fish. Okay. Harlan, look at this. You're on a fishing show, you got a fish.

I got one. This is amazing. Here we go. Bringing them over. Look at that fin. Looks like a shark. Bring him over. Oh, look at him.

him. He's beautiful. Okay, look at you. Harlan. All right. I didn't know you could actually do this on a fishing show. And show right to the camera. Hold it out a little bit.

We got us a coho. Isn't that great? How long you've been fishing? I've been fishing about 45 years. And it's his first fish. My first fish. Coho. There you go.

Congratulations. I'm going to miss that little fella. Congratulations. Thanks, buddy. That's what we do. That's what me and Henry do. Other fishing shows, you get diddly. We bring home the gold.

That's why they call it that. Henry and... Harland. Hour of... Half hour fishing. Here you go. Ha ha ha. Good work, Henry.

Woohoo! Ride him cowboy. Ah! Yeah! Henry, nice, buddy. We got a boy. We got her. So it's all about here in the Henry and Harlan fish in half hour hour.

Oh my goodness, huh? Here you go, buddy. Wow. Let's see how much that sucker weighs. Oh my god. Oh my god. I want to turn them. I want to turn them.

Oh my goodness. Oh, get my camera. Oh, please. What do we got here, Henry? Oh, wow. Oh. What is it? What is it?

Oh, 40 pounds. Okay, we're going to put you back. Yeah. We're going to put you back. I promise you. Okay, you ready? There we go. Okay.

Okay. There you go. Henry Winkler, ladies and gentlemen, 40 pound, Freahi, Tahi. 40-pound Taihee right here, British Columbia on the water. How's it feel, buddy? I am over the moon.

My partner, Harlan, and a monster fish, that was the biggest fish I've ever caught in my life. Woohoo! Wow! Let's get out there, folks, and get us another, right, Henry? Okay, right after I have some soup. Wow. So speaking of Jim Carrey and community. committing to comedy.

Like talk about, that's one thing I learned about Jim. Valuable lesson I learned from Jim is when you, when you convict to something, when you believe in a comedy beat, ride it. Don't care what anyone says. And I'll tell you a quick story.

I was with Jim the night Ace Ventura came out. And we were at a restaurant in Chicago. We were all sitting there, me, Jim, a bunch of our managers, like, and one of our managers read the review for Ace Ventura. And it was not favorable, right? Basically, he read it, and Siskel and Ebert said, this is the worst movie ever made.

Oh, God. And this is what Jim did. You want to see what he did? And it stayed with me my whole career. I don't think he even knows how much impact. This is all he did. He went like this, he went. Just say this is the worst movie ever made.

this is ace ventura is the worst movie ever made and fuck them i made some strong comedy choices that's what he said wow i made some strong and he and i you know you see it in the movie oh my god every scene he did with the br-every scene he did stuff you his head out the window. I mean, kicking the package on the way. I mean, he took physical comedy to a place it's never been. Right.

And that's all strong comedy choices. And when I saw that, I already believed in that. I subscribed to that. Like, I had always done that, taking chances. But I went to the premiere of, he invited me to the premiere of Ace Ventura. I was there. How was it received in the theater? Here's the thing.

It was full of industry. people. It was here in Hollywood. It was in Westwood. All industry people, which are really historically hard to make laugh because they're in the industry. They've seen it all. They've done it all. And they're not jaded and bitter, but they're almost like looking to, especially if it's not there. They're not tied to it. They're almost like, well, there's just a weird, like looking down like, oh, you think you're so like, you think this is going to be the one. He's not my client. I hope it fails. They're almost looking for it to hate on it. Yeah. It's very tough to make an industry crowd laugh.

And so I was sitting there and I took my buddy with me and, you know, it started with the package being kicked down the sidewalk. And I'm telling you, dude, it was eruptive laughter all the way through all the way through and an industry screening. It rocked. I think it was probably one of the biggest comedies. People were laughing nonstop. Yeah.

And every scene. It was great. And that's why we also went. when they read that review, I was just like, these guys are wrong. And Jim knew it. But Jim's saying that really solidified and left an imprint on me that never back down, just go for the comedy, go for it. And so this segues into what I want to talk to you about

because he commits to his characters so well. You're in a world right now where you've created a gallery of characters that you are committing to so great. You're having a really great success with Dr. Phil and what's the old lady. Elaine. Elaine, the old lady character. And you have this new one that's sort of like a nerd. Jeremy.

Yeah, yeah. Like you're creating a gallery of characters. So talk to me how, what your process is and what's your commitment and dedication to those characters. Man, I've always, I mean, look, and living color was my S&L, you know. Yeah. It was from my early age. I remember being in kindergarten and I went to some.

uh daycare situation and they had a trunk of jackets and hats and like wigs even and i was like i was one of maybe the only kids that was like oh hell yeah play pretend play time play time and yeah and maybe if you're the kids and i remember there's pictures of me like these big coats pretending to whatever being a dope being like you know my wife needs to make their dinner or i'm out of here whatever i's you know sounds like an early episode of falcon crest to me but tonight's fallopian heights Falcon Crest is on at midnight. Yeah, right. And so I always liked to play pretend, really.

And that's just like why I'm in this business. And then as I got on, you know, it's like, you know, stand up and finding your voice on stage was always fun. And I like being the version of me I found on stage. But I just always liked to because guys like Eddie Murphy, Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, I just was always so, it looks so fun to be able to, and like, and it is fun.

Yeah, and once I saw Mrs. Doubtfire, I went and saw, coincidentally, two weeks after my folks had split, and if you see the trailer for Mrs. Doubtfire, it looks like a classic Robin Williams bangorang comedy, do you know what I'm saying? It's just, hello, it was a run by fruiting, you know, little, I know the opening scene with Sally Field being like, get the fuck out. Yeah, we're done. I don't love you anymore. And I'm sitting there, like, holding back tears.

Like, I saw the same fight three months ago. And my buddy's like, are you crying? And I'm like, it's just so funny. And so. You aren't simply read on yourself. Yeah. So, but I remember seeing Robin Williams doing that. And I was like, oh, what a fuck.

What a great. And to be able to convince people that you're, and it just looked fun. Truly, there's nothing crazier in my mind other than like, that looks fun. Yeah. And then I get older and it's like, you see Nutty Professor in the dinner scene. And I'm just like, and then again, Jim and all these. characters, man on the moon, and, uh, and, uh, lemit-snicket and just everything. And it just seems fun. And, and I, as I got into the business, I had reps, you know, not everyone saying,

like, you're a leading man, don't do, you know, characters, but quite a few telling me, like, that's not your path. Or I don't think your characters are worthy. You know, S&L was at the, something that was really at the top of my list. And, and I'd always put together these tapes. And then, you know, I don't think that's your strong suit. Just stick to a regular act. So you just listen to that because you're like, I guess they know, they're the pros. And then the actor's strike hit. And even before that, I was like, all right, if I could make like my own show, what would that be?

Like, if I could usually just invest in myself right now, put money into it. And so I have Elaine, Jeremy, and this other character, this kind of heavy set hairstylist. And it was a dysfunctional family the show was where I played three of the characters. The dad, Jeremy's dad, who left his mom and became a gay hairstyle. Elaine, who's his grandma on a medium, and then Jeremy's the main kid that we follow. And so three days of, you know, all the makeup and prosthetics, got some favors, locations, put it together. It's on my YouTube.

It's called Jeremy. And that served as something. A, was fun to kind of create from the ground up, which is the best part of this biz, where it's like, you know, it's so easy to forget that, like, you don't just have to get into the monotony of podcast, stand, whatever. You're a great example of this. You're always throwing darts. you're always trying to create a new thing you know it's what a great what you have your wits

about you to be able to have a fucking blank canvas whatever and and so even with the dr phil thing it was like i always had this idea of i wanted to do a live show i love doing stand-up on stage but i love being on stage and i love the you know just that's why after doing you know a theater school i started doing stand-up because i was like i want to keep being on stage i love the live fix but I want some more of like the back and forth, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't replace that. And so, uh, so then I was like a live show with a character, just something different.

I need to challenge myself. I was losing some of the joy of what we're doing. Oh, wow. By getting into the monotony of it. I didn't know that. I need a, I need to like challenge myself, but also do something different. Fire yourself up. Find yourself up. That's important, man.

You have to listen to that voice. Totally. Yeah. And so I'd always kind of wanted to do it. And like many people, which is understandable, you find reasons to talk yourself out of it you know time money the fear of like doing it i knew i wanted to do it at the comedy store yeah because i like the room and it's comfy but it's also the main room is like can be intimidating and i'm like the staff the comics there's everyone has that fear whether they acknowledge it or not

of like your peers being like what is he doing you know what i'm saying but you just got to go you don't care that's what i don't care that's what i don't give a fuck that's what that was what i call a strong comedy choice so good for you i love you and i had uh our buddy billy burr uh locked in I was doing these Adam Ray and Friends shows that you would do all the time. Yeah. And I just was like, man. And then more and more people started doing end friend shows. And I was like, man, I feel like I'm just doing what everybody's doing.

Yeah, you're in a way you were at that point. So then it was like, all right, what else? What can I do? What can I bring to the table? Yeah. And I go, well, but here's a better time. I'm really feeling frustrated with myself. So I had Burr had to cancel on a show.

And he goes, I'll do the next one, whatever date it is. So I knew I had him. So I go, a better way to kind of launch it off and pack the room out. and really get a good try. I know he's down to clown. And so our first one was with him. And it was just so fun, dude. Took off.

No script. I had an outline of like, at least, you know, a structure of a show. Like, we'll have this piece, this piece. We'll have some fake commercials.

We'll do this. And then let the good times roll. And it was awesome. And then you go, all right, well, now let me call on more funny buddies I got to come play.

That's all it is. Just come, a big playground to come play. And, and, you know, now you've done it a couple times and are about to do it a few more. I mean,

And it's like, it's just so, it's fun, man. And it's, it's fun, too, because it feels like something that is mine, right? Yeah. Like that, because I think everyone can attest to this. You're, you know, you're looking for something that you, you know, created from the ground up that, like, whether or not people flock to it and make it and, and it becomes a successful thing or people, you know, like, fortunately it's been a thing where, you know, people that I know, people that I know, or. or even don't know and throw Hail Mary's at. I want to come fuck around because they're like, yeah, I've seen it.

It looks fun. I want to come. Create a space that's like in a world where, where comedians and people, you know, actors would, it seems, you know,

similar to like, oh, yeah, I've saturday. It's got a talk show vibe. And you're like, cool, if that's how you equate it, then yeah,

but then it's going to be way looser and not, you can, you can be more you than you would on those because, but it's still a space to, to have fun. And I'm in the driver's seat, but it's very give and take. Yeah, oh, yeah.

And it's what you and I love. And you don't know what's going to happen. And it's what you and I love the most, which is just like getting to like riff. Yeah. But, you know, riff is such a loose term. I feel like sometimes when people are like, you know, you'll go in for an audition and like,

and then go ahead and just riff around and play around. It's like there's so much listening involved. It's also what a dog with throat cancer does. But is riff? Yeah, they can't rough. On tonight's Fallopian Heights. Hey, the dog's out in the garden again. Something's wrong with his boys.

Check his dick on tonight's Philopian Heights. Well, buddy. I got to give you credit, though, because I've told you this before. I've told you this before. I always a fan. And then when I got to know you at laughs, when I knew Dave Denison, who had laughs, and you were headlining out there. And I'd met you briefly in Hollywood.

Yeah. And then I saw. you were going to be up at laughs, and I hit up Dave and said, can I host that weekend? I'll, you know, stay, I'll fly myself up, stay with my folks. He's like, cool, I'll give you five bucks a show. And, uh, and so he's like, you can stay at my house. I go, I'll stay with my folks.

And then I, uh, host of the weekend and got to know you, but got to watch your brilliant crowdwork, interactions, the listening, all of that. And that's, I remember I had just kind of started fucking around with crowdwork. Yeah. Which on a larger scale has fused into everything I'm doing. because the Phil show is entirely unscripted. There's no way to do that without having an astute level of listening, but then also trust in yourself.

And that all came from years of crowdwork. And that all came from really seeing you live up and close doing it. And then we sat down and had some port, your favorite dessert wine. And I picked your brain and you're like, stop talking to me. And I'm like, I'm on the show and you're like, you know, security. And some Hooters waitress came over and fucking. gave me the left uh bazoonga no and you were you gave me a tutorial in you know in a very casual way of of how you know listening was a big part take your time be patient like gather

info you don't have to like you know but listening was what you really hard done but it was you really you you kind of simplified it for me as far as oh you don't need to you know be funny right away every time like trust yourself to gather some info that's right and and and um you know and build a moment, you know. That's right. And so, you know, that's, again, you've got to then get reps on reps. You can't just apply that the next set and know it's going to go well. But so in a way, like I was, you know, giving Jim credit for whatever,

that was all very intramural as far as me starting to get more confident with crowdwork. And all that has bled into this. And that's entirely not a fabricated connection. So God bless you. Oh, buddy. Thank you. Love you, well, my, if anything I did or said, rubbed, off on anybody to help them.

That's great. Oh, it rubbed off. On tonight's fallopian heights. What are you doing in the garage, Tommy? What do you think? On tonight's fallopian heights. This show sucks. You know they're watching this show down at the sperm clinic on a loop, right?

It's all they have. It's their Charles in charge. Buddy, well, on a closing note, way to go. Way to commit to. to doing something different. That's the takeaway, you know, I would say, for any comedian working, because it's not like you just started.

You've been doing this for years and you said, you know what, I'm going to switch this gear. So it's a message to all entertainers, comedians, never be afraid to step through another door and experiment and believe in yourself and just go for it. Dude, you know best and like throw darts and, but commitment is key.

and then consistency. But yeah, having that, like, you know, I was listening to too many outside voices for a bit. And then, you know, you just got to trust, you know, you're the one doing it. So you get one shot at it. So, like, you might as well fucking go for it because if it doesn't work, oh, well, on to the next thing.

The amount of things I can say that I thought we're going to pan out or that I was like, this will be the thing. And then, yeah, yeah. I'd rather die on my own sword than someone else's sword. Like if some guy or producer or agent or it says, do this, do this, do this. and then it fails, you spend the rest of your life going,

I should have listened to my own instinct. And even if your instinct maybe is wrong, it's always right, but sometimes it's, it doesn't succeed. So you've got to take that sword and go, okay, it was my instinct. To me, it was right. It didn't pan out to be right in the bigger picture, but at least, you know, it was my Harry Carey, you know what I mean?

So it's like, we'll be right back. Phelopean Heights. I found Harry Carey hiding behind the car in the garage, Steve. What's going on? That makes two of us. On tonight's Philopian Heights. Uh, buddy, as you know, Scott, we're both getting canceled by me. I'm canceling us.

Okay. Last thing, you know, there's words from a wooden shoe. We pull a random word out of the wooden shoe and you tell us if there's a story from your journey. I have an Arby's flashbacks. from you, a friend, a family member somewhere, if it triggers a point in time in your life that you can share with my 12 listeners. Throwing food.

Oh, here we go. Oh, throwing food. I think everybody's done it, whether you're a kid, whether you're an adult, like we've all, at some point probably thrown food. I remember the first food fight I ever saw live was eighth grade, Kallog Middle School. Oh, it's got to be a thing. food fight at a school run by people who make cereal. And our mascot was the Tricks Rabbit.

Oh, wow. And it was the, there was a girl, I'm not going to say her full name. Diana was her name. First name, dirty. Yeah. Prince used to sing about her. Well, she, it got dirty because she got meatloaf, mayonnaise, you name it on her. And that shirt came off.

And let's just say there was some. Fun bags that Wait. Even the principal came in off of his fucking break. It was a classic food fight. It started small at two tables. Yeah.

And it grew not to a Matilda style. Everyone's throwing. Yeah. And that's a deep cut reference. In Matilda with Danny DeVito, there's a food fight scene and it's great. And the head matriety comes in and she's like, Matilda!

And they're like zoom in on her face. And then Matilda's like, and then her like, the matriety like grows a mustache and an extra clit or something. I haven't seen the movie in a while. I think we just did. But the food fight happens. Two tables spread to at least four or five. And it was a sizable mid-week food fight.

Animal health. And Diana got quite a bit of shit on her. And she, something hit. And I don't even know why. And, you know, God bless her. You know, she might have been looking to rip it off. Who knows? She, you know, didn't mind the attention.

But it was covered. And she had, you know, she was at abroad underneath. Um, and, uh, but that, that, that, yeah, sorry, I couldn't resist. You laid it up. Had to do a what's up, bro. Go ahead. That was good, dude. Go ahead.

She, she, uh, so, yeah, food. I want to say, a meat, she had a lot of stuff on her. And then, I mean, that was, but that was the, what we all tried to, you know, crimed up McGruff later was like, you know, who stole, who threw the food first? And did they throw it at Diana because they know she'd take a shirt off? Like, that was, everyone was. everyone was trying to conspire. So she was so stained up, she ripped her shirt off.

Yeah, not Hulk style. Yeah, she wasn't a fucking he-man villain, but she just, yeah, she just pulled it up and over like she was a Baywatch, you know, Baywatch, babe. So the end is the net result, the math equation is here, throw meatloaf, get meatloaf. Yeah, I like it. On tonight's Philopian Heights.

Let's do the final episode of Fallopian Heights before we go. On tonight's season finale. Alley of Fallopian Heights. I found some meatloaf in the garage, Donnie. Prove it. Make me... Shh. Dear God, what are those?

Merry calendars, 499. And the left one's Cracker Barrel. You said you got fired. On tonight's, Fallopian 2. Road Heights. Rob Lowe guest stars on tonight's Fallopian Heights. B-Y-O-butter.

Buddy, great to have you here, man. Continued success. Always a treat. Can I say one thing before we go, though? No, we're good. But thanks for having me. This has been a treat, a trick or two? No, go ahead, R.

Are you sure? Yeah, please. I don't want to get to get too sentimental. Please. Coconut. Coconut. Coconut. Coconut.

Coconut. Coconut. Coconut. Coconut pie. Coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, Nut Pie. On tonight's Fallopian Heights. Folks, give it up for Adam Ray.

Buddy, anything you want to plug before we go, your podcasts, your upcoming shows, Dr. Phil. Let it read. Thank you, brother. We got a Dr. Phil live tour up and on sale. Philly, D.C., Arizona, San Diego, New York. That's October 25th, 26th, November 15th, December 6th, 7th.

Most of those shows are pretty much sold out. Wow. But 2025 is on sale now and selling like flapjacks and hotcakes. Wow. Adam Raycommy.com. We got Dallas, Austin, Atlanta, Nashville, Vegas, San Francisco, Boston. Adam Raycommy.com. This is the Doctor Phil Live tour.

You will be seeing Harland on at least one of these shows. It's going to be bangorang Lost Boy City and a lot of fun to be had. And of course, all the Dr. Phil live shows are at YouTube.com slash Adam Ray Comedy. A big announcement on the Phil Front coming soon. You can see my comedy special. I can subscribe on my YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash Adam Ray Comedy. I'm doing a fully improvised live stream show

at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin, where I did my special. That's October 30th. Tickets at Adam Ray. dot live, and of course the About Last Night podcast. And, you know, and then follow me outside of the IHOP if you see me eating a strawberry, wake and bake shake.

Holding back the tears. Waiting for the dears. Oh. On tonight's Fallopian Heights. Folks, Adam Ray, right here on the Holland Highway

podcast. Thanks for being here, everybody. Buddy, thank you. All good. And until next time, everyone, Chicken.

Chowman, baby. on tonight's fallopian heights and we're out hey everybody how would you like your very own personal video message from me yours truly it's your birthday it's your anniversary it's your graduation or you just want me to make you laugh you get to pick the topic you want me to discuss give me some talking points and off we go you can get it for yourself or get it for a friend fun. Just go to the Camio app on your phone or to Camio.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia. It's data brokers.

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