The Harland Highway - ANNIE LEDERMAN- Hilarious Comedian and the new Bond girl!

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

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Yeah, I don't know. I don't have cats, so I don't, like, relate to cats. Did you just do an internal burp? It didn't come out. It's still there. That's what I mean. It's sitting. Yeah. I would burr. I'm not above burping into a mic. But why did you swallow that? Like, you kind of... Because I was talking, like, and I chose to speak. So now you have a burp baby inside you.

Well, it's really repressed now, so maybe it'll come out real bad. Do you want to pat yourself on the back and see if it comes up? I can make it come out like this. Get your penises out. This is usually behind a paywall. Oh, that's so disappointing. It was a little baby. There's a ballerina barf.

Oh, there it is. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harlem. Highway Show Harland Williams Crack of Frosty And then had you were drinking beer all day

I would be like concerned You would Because you know how like Sometimes like beauty and comfort Like Can go the wrong way Yeah Oh yeah

Gotta be careful in life Not that we'll talk about this on the podcast But you know what I mean Yeah oh yeah There can be like a too calm And then you're like You know yeah no i get it man doing ketamine in a hot tub yeah no i'm you don't have to worry about me with that i promise

you i believe in you um i believe in you i believe you're not a ghost i believe you're here i'm here can i just physically make sure that you're here yeah you're here there's a little soot on our hands there's a little soot we you know there's a little we're not going to tell why but we just had a really fun adventure maybe at the end of the podcast why don't we save a Let's tease them. Do you like to tease? I love to tease. Yeah.

And what we'll do is we'll tell them. We had a little adventure and we won't tell them until the end. But we both have soot on our hands. Guess in the comments. And dirt on our pants. Okay. Wow. Annie Letterman's here, ladies and gentlemen.

How are you? I'm good. I'm good. Should I, do you like your theme music like right out of the gate or do you like it like a few minutes in? Because I can customize it for you. I mean, what's the theme music? Oh, sounds like you want it right away.

Yeah. Later. Yeah. Later. Yeah, I don't blame you. Both the whole show. I want it to be going the whole show. You do?

You just want me to sting it? I like to compete. Yeah. Wow. I have a question. Do you like going to concerts? Yeah. Okay.

Why? Are you inviting me? I don't like going to concerts because I feel like I want to be talking and I can't talk. Oh. I know some. Well, you can't talk. Why? Because it's so loud? Or you can't talk because everyone's both. Well, because it's so loud and people are trying to not listen. They don't want to listen to me. They don't? No, they want to be watching. I want to listen to you. Well, here we go. I've never

actually listened to my. I don't usually wear these. Hearing my own voice is wild. What? I don't usually hear my own voice. Oh, you're going on. Sorry what? Look at your eyes. Okay, right away, cat eyes. Do people tell you that? You have like kitty cat eyes. Yeah. Yeah.

Nobody, I mean, I don't get that, but. As a dude, I'm going to tell you got kitty. You could be, you could have been a James Bond girl. You still could. Thank you. Like a 007 bond girl. Do you ever think about yourself as that? I think of myself as like a Janice Bond.

I would be the, the main. Okay. you'd be double seven i'm too alpha to be the side chick oh wow but if you were the side chick what would your name be you got to have like a sexy like james bond girl name okay give me some of the james bond girl well there was pussy galore uh eat me and uh i like a doggy style she was the czechoslovakian girl and then there was anal annie not i already go by that oh oh you do only at family reunions oh God. Is that how the hugging go, oh, anal, hi.

There she is. No, because my name is Annie Letterman and Annie L, whenever I see Annie L, I'm always like, it does look like someone saying anal with an accent. Yeah. So would that be it? But for a James Bond girl, I think you have to, you can't use your real name. I would be, um, um, um, um, um. let's see because what do I have going for me I'm not I'm sturdy I'm like a sturdy

okay sturdy meaning my mom gave me this I have a my structure is firm okay I'm like on the ground I'm not wobbly okay so you could be like shit brick house Sheila I don't have there's no I don't really boobs aren't my thing okay I don't have that going for me geez now I'm sort of having trouble at first I was like the eyes the voice and now you're kind of like downgrading yourself i'm not trying to down but i'm just saying like i'm not like um because i look you i know my viewers are watching you go there's a bond girl sitting right here like this is a major compliment letterman i'm no i'm flattered yeah well you did say you were flattered i'm flat and flattered i'm flat and flattered like um

i mean what's your your heritage is what i am 25% Ashkenazi U.S. Jewish. German. There's some German. Yeah, there's some German

because lettermen. And then, which is actually pretty conflicting. Quaker, there's some Quaker and you. Quaker. Yeah. Scottish and Irish as well. How about

I snap a crackle pop? Because you're Quaker. Was that a Quaker? Quaker was oatmeal. Oh. I'm a lot of soggy By the end of this we'll get it Okay and by the end of this we'll tell them about our adventure too

What we're going to do folks is we're going to do the podcast at the end Yes this is just And this is all just lead up to the end It's like those jokes where it's just so much You know Yeah And then but the punchline's worth it No but I um

Wow There's a sexy name in there somewhere Like just you got the kitty cat eyes Rass me Do you ever meow? Like just, you don't know. No, you know what I was thinking, though? I went on a commercial audition once where they wanted me to to cackle like a witch and I couldn't, I wasn't able to do it.

I couldn't cackle. And the guy, I remember seeing him like five years later and he was like, I just want to tell you that. Audition was so bad that I think about you all the time. Wow. It was fun. It was like a bonding moment because I like could not. Wait, they wanted you to basically. They wanted to be like, ah, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, but for some reason I like couldn't. That one wasn't bad. But maybe I was so nervous. I don't know. It was like Geico commercial. Maybe I was seeing my future flash before my eyes. Yeah. I'm a witch.

Yeah. Which I think, you know. Yeah. You're not a wicking, are you? You're not one of those. A lot of people in Hollywood thinks it's hip to be a witch. And it's like, yay, I'm so hip. And then you die and you're with Satan the rest of your life.

Like, not so hip now. I'm not, no, I'm not a wikin. Okay. What about a wicker? Do you have a wicker chair at your house? Well, there's a word we don't use anymore, and I'm kind of one of those. What is it? Remember back in the 90s when there would be like a white rapper?

Remember what they would call them? No. Can you give me the rhyme? Like, don't say it. I cannot give you the rhyme. The rhyme is actually why I can't say it. Like if you said a rhyme that sounded like the word. Does it sound like wicker?

Trigger? Oh, okay. I can't say the rhyme. The rhyme is why I can't say the word. Yeah, people get mad. when you mention old horses from the movies. Trigger the horse. Well, okay, we'll put a pin in that name

because I think you deserve it. I'll come up with it. Not a lot of women have the exotic look you have in the kitty cat. Meow! Thank you. So you, this is a huge compliment. The only other, I love it.

I haven't given this to anyone else. So for us to find that name and zone in. Do you have a lot of women on the podcast? Yeah. Yeah, I'd say it. I'd say it's like, Because there's more men comics than women, I'd say it's about a 20-80 split.

But, and then there's women all try to book and they won't come or they keep canceling. Do women not come with you a lot? That doesn't seem to be a problem. I feel like you would have said it to me. Yeah, it is. Actually, they don't come a lot. I'm not good in the sheets.

But in the streets. In the streets, I'm good, but in the sheets, I just don't know how to make a woman. and see where it come. Are you? No. I don't know where the G spot is. I don't know how to fiddle about.

I took violin lessons so I could get more nimble fingers and learn how to manipulate a woman to please her and just does not happen. You never use the toothbrush? What is that thing called? The bow. The bow.

Yeah. You never incorporate a bow. Oh, you're supposed to actually use the bow on the woman. I was learning violin so I could get like kind of, you know, violin for real? Yeah. Stradivarastafaster. Do you still play it? Yeah.

Cool. Wait, have you had a violin bow on you? I haven't, but I'm just thinking like if, you know, use it what you got. You're a bit of a heartier girl, though. I picture you having a cello bow all over you, like a big fat cello. I've had a few fat cellos in my day. you have a cello fellow if you call whoa i used to i used to be a real chubby chaser you like fat dude i used to really i think it was like yeah i don't know i thought they'd be nicer

or something but what about physically were they were they okay did they smell be honest they didn't smell like when you lifted up the jelly the muffin top you know what the issue was the issue was yeah um they would like i had a boyfriend who was was overweight and he would always go. I wish we had more passion. Like, I want you to, like, tear my shirt off, but he wouldn't take his shirt off in the pool. You know what I mean? I'm like, you want me to tear your shirt off, but leave the t-shirt? It was like that. Yeah. He was ashamed of the man boobs. Right. He did have moves. Not all. There's different types of like big guys. Some have like a heart. Like you know like Bert has like a hard stomach. Yeah. But it still sticks out. Right. Right.

But then there's other like there's like a more, a softer floppier. What was this guy? He was a little floppy. So he had floppy man tits? Wow. Did you ever like flap them up and down and see if they made noises? I would motorboat him. Really? You'd stick your face into your guys hooters and let him slap your face around.

Not to be, I don't want to turn the sexual, but yeah. That had to smell. Did that smell? Had to smell like, like, he wasn't like old people's bathwater. He was like a, his personality was so bad. that I don't remember anything else about him. He was really a mean man. Why did you date him?

It was early in my career. It was like I was in open mics. I had low self-esteem. I don't know. I honestly thought he would be nice. Oh, no. What was the first red flag? Is that my phone or yours?

God, my phone's like dinging like a Chinese water rat. What was the first red flag? Who's dinging you up? It's my racquetball league. Everyone wants to. Play racquetball? Yeah. in a league so every all day there's like 40 guys in the league and like who wants to play who wants to

play so they even text like they're playing racquetball no they just it's like a chain so they don't realize i'm sitting here talking to the kitty cat yeah kitty cat i like pussy wants to milk yeah i don't yeah i don't know i don't have cats so i don't like relate to cats did you just do an internal burp it didn't it didn't come out it's still there that's what i mean it's sitting yeah i would I'm not above burping into a mic. But why did you swallow that? Like you kind of... Because I was talking, like, and I chose to speak.

So now you have a burp baby inside you. Well, it's really repressed now, so maybe it'll come out real bad. Do you want to pat yourself on the back and see if it comes up? I can make it come out like this. Get your penises out. This is usually behind a paywall.

Oh, it's so disappointing. It's a little. Baby, there's a ballerina barf. Oh, there it is. And I made it happen so it doesn't smell bad. Doesn't it feel good to get that out? Yeah, it feels good. See, Annie, this is what I do as a podcast host.

I pick up on signs, signals, little things. I know about vocalization. Is that what the sign means? Yeah. Okay. And I saw you sort of swallow the burp. And I thought that's going to impede. her vocalizations.

It's going to step on her sound. Yeah. It's going to be inner subconscious that she's harboring a burp baby. How is she going to communicate and have the best podcast she could possibly have? And what I do as an excellent podcast host is I pick up on these signals and it comes out. I've never been on podcasts with so many dings with such a great podcast host. Why don't you just turn it on silent? I turned it off. You've picked it up seven.

How many phones do you have? Harlan's a drug deal. Oh, you know what it is. It's my iPad. I have an iPad here. I'm sitting here. What is my phone doing? I like this periwinkle color.

Periwinkle. This is very feminine. You're very masculine. Yeah, it's a very feminine color. Yeah. Is this the first sign of something? Did like an assistant get that for you? No, I ordered it.

I like the color. I do like it. I'm like a fan of prints, you know, purple rain. Of course. I never meant to cause you any problems. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to seek. kitty cat laughing

I only want to see kitty cat laughing in the purple rain purple rain here's the thing I it's hard to be sung to really for me how did I do you did good but I'm like I had I was like I'm going to overcome like a thing I have okay being sung to feels scary feels too vulnerable but just remember I only want to see you laughing

in the purple iPad. Purple iPad. What is the Purple Rain? I think he drank a lot of grape juice and pissed his pants a lot. It was that burp he was holding it. But what was Purple Rain? Yeah, what was it? I mean, wasn't that something out of a Jimmy Hendrick song?

Purple Hayes? Purple Hayes. So you got to figure if a Purple Hayes blows in, which is a, weather condition what's going to come out of the purple haze but purple rain so i guess and then there's like a lavender taylor swift has some sort of lavender something i think oh wow lavender puddle but all right it's that part of the show where i just got to do this i got to talk about mando mando man do mando body deodorant i mean this stuff are you going anywhere this summer are you traveling. It's going to get hot. It's going to get sweaty. You might get stinky. You might want to

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Uh, so have a great time and, uh, come on, man. Get Mando. Mando. And just in case you missed it, I'm going to say it one more time. We have a deal where new customers get $5 off a starter pack with the exclusive, uh, code, the code that equates to over 40% off your starter pack, use code Harland at shopmando. Mom. Okay. Safe travels. Stink-free travels, man. Do. There was a, there's a rumor that Taylor Swift's and Lavender thing is like,

because of, um, that she's a, it's like her saying she was a lesbian or something. Is she? I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know if she's a real. Has she ever come on to you? No. Yeah. I was talking to a friend of mine and she goes, don't, that I hadn't talked to in years. And she goes, don't you get annoyed.

when lesbians have a crush on you. I'm like, was that what I was giving off before? I would love, I love a lesbian. You do? Oh my gosh. Have you ever had like, what, what flavor would you do? Grape or orange? Of lesbian?

Of crush. Of crush. No, have you, have you been with a lesbian? Have you partied down on Fun Fun Fun Street? I had one lesbian experience. Talk to me. Meow. Pussy wants some milk.

Meow. It's not that good because I just was like, So I was living in Santa Fe. I lived in Santa Fe. I lived in Santa Fe for seven years. Wow, lesbian country. It really is. There's like a lesbian circus scene there. Oh yeah, they run wild there.

I've seen a few run across the road when I was driving at night. Almost hit one. And I had hit one and her head came right through the windshield. But keep going. Wow. Meow. I probably knew that one. Pussy wants some milk.

Here's the thing with, I like, what I like about Santa Fe is nobody's in the male gaze. You know, like there's no, like, like trying to be yeah there's a lot of grown out mustaches there's like wait these are guys though the women women of mustache

and the men are a little bit more femme like there's no like gender bender there's there's lots of gender bender oh there is wait there's no like present no one like tries to like look hot

oh really they're just sort of it's a front of The words are just frumpy. They're just themselves. Yeah. But it's shocking. You see a lot of women with leg hair and. Leg hair and mustaches.

Yes. Oh, God. Was the one that came on to you? Did she have those attributes? She had leg hair and she had short hair. She looked like a boy. But she didn't have any like facial hair, but she did look like a boy.

Wow. What if people just stopped? Like, what if the Kardashians just let it all grow out? Well, most women don't. Like, they couldn't grow it out, could they? Most women can. I think so. They could grow something out, a shadow.

I'll tell you one of my worst nightmare experiences that haunts me. I was, this was when I was younger as in my 20s, fooling around, hot girl, you know, lights are out. You can, you know, street lights coming in. So it's a little bit, you know, top off, go down to do a little suckling. Do you grab it like it's a penis always? Well, what I like to do is... It looks like you took, like, behind the balls. Like, you went like...

No, what I did is I lifted it, like, lifted under the cup. You know what I mean? Because it wasn't a monster, but it was like a mid-sized. Yeah, yeah. It was like a Prius. We all come, everyone comes in all shapes and sizes. Right. And so I lifted it up.

It was sort of shadow... It wasn't a minivan? Yeah, sort of shadowy and dark and plopped it in the mouth and swear to God thought I was making out with the Lorax. Oh, because it was so hairy. There was. hair around the arioli. Oh, of the nipple.

Of the nipple. I thought there was a vagina and I was very confusing. No, this was the breast. It was, you thought I was lifting a vagina? Holy God, that's the girl that needs to get some squats in. I was very confused.

Wow. You thought it was. Oh, hair on nipples, yeah. Hair on, and it was right around and they were long. Like it was like I just, I was snorkeling and a whale hit me and I went down and got a starfish in my mouth. And this is in the dark too.

So this is, this was, your other senses. It wasn't even your sight. Baby lumps. I went from being completely turned on to almost mortified. And I'm not degrading the woman. It was just something I'd never experienced. You don't expect that area to have hair. Most men don't have that much hair. But now out of your 20s you expect a little, right? No. Like I thought for a minute I was making out with Tom Selleck or Freddie Mercury in the dark. It was like Selleck in one hand and Mercury in the other. Which one do I want to suckle on.

I, uh, my friend, I, I always shave my, my nipples in solidarity to my friends to get breast cancer. You shave your nipples? Sure. For, yeah, in solidarity. What do you mean in solidarity? Like if my friend gets diagnosed with breast cancer. Well, shouldn't you just cut your breast rate off?

Won't that be solidarity? It's kind of a thing now. Shave seems kind of like a half-assed effort at being solidarity. I want a little stubble down there. You have, you have hair on your nipples? There's a few hairs. Good Lord. It happens.

I might have to revoke him. I might have to roll back the 007 thing. Or are we just incorporated into the name. Yeah. Hello. My name is Fuzzy Nipples. Bond, James Bond. Why don't we do it?

My fiance plucks them for me. It's normal. And he's still around? Yeah, he's obsessed with me. Okay, let's try it. I'll be James Bond and you, I'll introduce myself and then you be fuzzy nipples. Okay. Hello, Bond, James Bond.

Fuzzy, nipples, fuzzy. Fuzzy, nipples, fuzzy. What happened there? Did you get arthritis at the last? I just realized I wanted to be a girl. I was like, oh, be like, make James Bond. Can you do it in like a kind of a foreign accent, though? Like, because all those girls always had like a, like a British accent.

Okay, okay, okay. So let's start it again. Hello, Bond. James Bond. Nipple, fuzzy nipper. I said, I want to be cockney. That was like a Russian, Russian potato farmer. I like the idea of because I'm like fuzzy nipple.

So there's like there's whiskers everywhere. There's like a missing tooth. Oh, God. If you took your shirt off at the beach, people will think a family of Lorax has got loose. Oh, I like to really fuzz it out. Wow. I want you to see like the, the nipple bush through my. my bra.

I'm this close to rubbing a balloon on your chest just to see the hair stand up and you turn into a sea urchin. No, listen, it's, you know. I like it that you're not ashamed of it. I'm sort of like freaked out by it. Well, the way you have like leg hair, the way you're hair everywhere,

you just, you just, you groom. I know, but it's just you got to realize it's tough for a man. We spend our whole life. You look at girly magazines. You have girlfriends. You never see hairy nipples. So when all of a sudden,

here's the thing with me. I didn't see it. My mouth was on it. You felt it. It was like you're flossing. Yeah, it's like I was sucking on a wig. It's like, Dolly Parton left her wig on the floor and I picked it up and just started eating it. It was like, it was freaky. Would you, if Dolly Parton came to right now, would you hook up with her? Yeah. I pretty much have to. Would you ever hook up with like an elderly woman? Well, Dolly Parton's, what, 90? I think she's only in her set. I think she's younger than we think. Well. But she looks good. She's got. got like, she almost got like a full body facelift.

Like her whole, yeah. Did you see her on the halftime show? It was like kind of crazy. I saw half of her. But can we stop diverting away from the lesbian experience? Sure. You really never filled that in for us. And the man, Carl Catapult Face and Barney Blubber bits, all there's people all over the country.

They want to hear about this lesbian thing. I was working in San Josefay as a, I was like, a bartender and a waitress at a place called the cowgirl where you had to dress up like a a cowgirl which it's like you're already a fucking waiter you must humiliate me with a costume but it was fun yeah cowboy hat and um and i was friends with this girl who was a lesbian but she looked like a boy wow so it was like a little bit confusing and i um i at the time was i was casually dating a guy who worked at this place called willies that was a bar a couple bars down so it was like fat guy? No, no, he was like a Brazilian jiu-jitsu guy. He was like pretty ripped.

Whoa. There were only a few fat guys. Okay. I learned my lesson. That guy was very mean. And I don't like to, you know, I like to be on top. I don't like to have to do a full split. It's hard. Wow. Yeah. Does that hurt doing a full split? It's very hard. Yeah. It's very hard in the groin. Does it pull everything open? Like when you do the splits? Like it's just, this is an anatomical question. Like, does it open the garage door when you do the splits? Yeah It does It closes the garage door

It opens the front It closes the back door It squishes the back door closed Wow And it opens the front door Wild Because I do like a back one I kind of like

I'm almost doing like a A backwater reverse Thunder flap Yeah Lap Wow Okay so you're You got a cowboy girl

Okay so We are like we're We're friends drinking, all this stuff. I'm, I'm, like, casually dating this guy who's, like, a very, like, a meathead. He's, like, Brazilian jihitsu guy. He's, like, very ripped, very, like, lots of testosterone, getting in bar fights all the time, like, ripping his shirt off to, like, fist fight people.

Whoa. Which is, like, you know, I'm brought up Quaker. I'm like, mm. Like, roadhouse type of guy. Fighting, boyfriends are so embarrassing. They are. Like, a boyfriend that fights are, like, it's so fucking. I was talking to someone, I can't remember who I was.

Really? I was talking to some female comedian last night. I can't remember who I was. And we were like, oh, it's just so embarrassing. it's not it's not uh it doesn't make you feel like your guy's manly and he's protecting you if it's in your honor it's never in your honor it's always about some weird ego thing oh it's so embarrassing you're like oh it's it's just really and i had a boyfriend that would like start fights but he never wanted to get in them so he would start them and then back away as he was like and push you in front of them

yeah i would but i will i'm scrappy so i will fight so it's like if i have to i will i'm from philly so it's like so you're just getting me into a thing it's like you know guys always say that like their girls will talk shit and then they have to fight it. I'm like, I'm like, oh, here we are. You want to fucking go? Who the fuck are you? I'm fuzzy nipples. Let's go.

I stabbed them with my nipple hair. Wow. Okay, so what happened when you met the girl? Okay, so this was around. Did you get intimate? Well, we're going to get there. So this, because I want you to see the lineage of how it got there. Great.

Because I've never had like a lesbian thought. Like, I just was pretty straight. It was pretty boy crazy my whole life. Yeah. And so anyway, so I go, I'm in Santa Pham with this girl, I'm dating this like meathead. And we go during the day to Willies. He's like setting up the bar. So me and this girl go over there.

And he's like, I want to show you something. There's this viral video I want to show you that's going around. So we go into the office and he shows us two girls one cup. One what? One cup. Remember two girls? No. You don't remember this?

It was the two girls. Were they tennis players? They were eating shit, but we think it's like soft serve. but it was like two girls, like, eating, like, diarrhea, basically. I was picturing two tennis players holding up a trophy. Now we're eating diarrhea. Yes, you don't remember this? No, I never saw this.

Maybe it didn't get to Canada. I hope not. Two girls one cup was huge. Is a clip or a movie? It's like a, it's, it was like one of the first viral videos. Sounds like an award show to me. It was like as viral as. Do you remember the, like, grape stomping lady?

No. You don't know any of the viral videos? Some of them, but I don't know the diarrhea ones. Two girls, one cup was huge. The audience will back up on this. They're eating diarrhea. They're eating diarrhea. But it looks, it's like softserv.

Like, it's fake. It's not real. I think. That's what we say. But he shows that to me. And so this girl has been planting seeds in my, like, with me, should be going, you don't think you're a lesbian. I'm like, no, I never thought about it.

She's like, and she said this thing to me where she goes, do you ever think the fact that you never thought you were a lesbian could mean you're a lesbian? And I was like, what? She kind of confused. She's tricky. She confused me in a way. I was like maybe she's doing like, she's doing lesbian Brazilian jiu-jitsu on my age.

She's circtosolaying your house. No, but she really did. So I'm spinning around going, what? I guess, maybe. Ooh. And then I was like, huh?

And then he shows us two girls one cup and I'm kind of like so annoyed he showed me this that we leave the bar and we're sitting on the stairs outside the bar and she goes, is this what you want? You want like a man? Like you want this like masculinity of this guy? And I was like, maybe not. And so then that night I was like,

all right, fine. I'll try it. So we, like, get wasted, and we go to her place. We're, like, in her room, we're making out. And she's got this knuckle in, okay? Fingers. Two knuckles. Okay.

And I went, no. I felt like she fingered homophobia into me. Like, I was like, this is not for me. Wow. And I said, and I was, and we went out and we smoked some menthol cigarettes instead. I went, this is just not. Wait, you skip the diarrhea part? We didn't do the diarrhea.

What about the two girls one cup? We didn't do it. There was no cup. There was a diva, there was a diva cup. Sounds like a documentary for Simey's twins, two girls one cup. That they're. And they only have like one breast between them. To cup the breast, which I again thought you were.

I thought you were taking a vagina. Yeah, that's, that'd be a sagging, like corn beef. But if you go to like the Venus mound. What's that? You know, the, the air. area, the pubis area. Yeah. You could, you could squeeze together a thing.

Like. It's possible to go in there and like push up. Yeah. That's why I was confused. I was like, oh, maybe. I think with a heavier girl, you could probably do a push up or a meetup. Wow. I got to say that.

I didn't think we were going to, this was going to be like a sex camera. I didn't either. I'm not even really like a sex comedy. I know. We should, do want to switch gears immediately? Sure. let's talk about how we met how we met do you remember i remember it was epic where was it i bet you don't remember i remember it was the cracker barrel it was we met at the cracker barrel i saw our dear

court mccallon last night yeah we met through my friend our friend corp mccowan yeah and we we were meeting for lunch and we were on the road in kansas or something we were both we were in separate you know there's two kansas cities one's in kansas and one's in um Was it Missouri? Mm-hmm. I was in Missouri, I think, in Europe. Wait, I was at the Sanford and Sons. Yeah.

I don't remember what that is. Did you ever do that club with Craig Glazer? Yeah. The club owner. Do you know what I'm talking about? He was like, he wrote like a book about himself in his life and he had like on stage. Just a second here. Just checking.

What were you checking? Should we get right back to the lesbian thing? I thought you were going to fart. I have brothers. No, I mean, I mean, I thought you'd be like, I have to check. something and fart in my face. We basically went from a night of lesbians and diarrhea in a cup to we met at Cracker Barrel. Do you know how many people just tuned out? Cracker Barrow sounds like it could be a lesbian experience. To Cracker Barrel one cup. Yeah. No, let's stay. So Cracker Bar, do you even

like Cracker Barrel? I do like Cracker Bar. I love it. It's so delicious. I was the one that wanted to go there that day. You love grits? I drove far. I feel like I drove far to get there. You did? I think it was like a far drive. I think it was like an half a. hour. Really? I think so. Oh, God, for us, it was like 10 minutes. Rude. Yeah, I didn't know. Well, I didn't even know you were coming. We were driving there in courts like, hey, my friend's coming. And I'm like, oh, okay. And we'd never met on the comedy circuit. I didn't know who you were. It was fun. I was a good breakfast. Yeah. I love it. It is rude to say how great Cracker Barrow is. And there's a little, there's a tinge of racism.

That's not the part I like. But it is, you know that, right? What? I think they got in trouble. sued for like not serving black people they did they was no that was denny's is it that was danies yeah they actually had a lawsuit i am so sorry yeah it was denny's there was actually a documented lawsuit where some people black people felt they were being discriminated against that's a that's a real thing actually that happened like that was about 17 years ago because with cracker bros a little on the nose to have it named cracker and only serve white people what does cracker even mean is that a white thing or a black thing i don't want to sound like an idiot, but I look like an idiot, so I might as well sound like an idiot. I never knew what

it was. What is it? I thought it was like maybe they were saying like saltines. No, it's because the slave owners cracked whips on them. Cracker Barrow. I think that's why they call it Cracker Barrel did it. I don't. I don't think anyone's naming their restaurant after some good old fashion whippings. I didn't mean that. But I mean the term cracker about white people. Let me say. No, I think it's dark. Is it? Well, I'm happy to find out because I've always, I guess I've sort of something I've ever known the answer to. But there's got to be different meanings for the word cracker, too. Conveys the history of bigotry that still resonates.

Cracker term sometimes cracker or white cracker is a racial epith directed towards white people used especially with regard to poor rural whites. I didn't know that. Oh, so it's against white people? Yeah. Okay. Isn't it funny how if racism's against one people? Okay, that's great.

As long as it's against white people, that's great. Right? I think there should only be, it should only be against Canadians. Canadian white people. Cracker, hoser barrel. The etymology. What's that word means? That sounds like a skin thing.

It's like the etymology. Wow, you got me. This is, the breakdown of language. Oh, God. That one I actually know. I'm pretty uneducated, but there's a few things I know. I don't believe that for one second.

School was not easy for me. I think you were really good at school. No. I think you did well. I think you excelled. I think I'm smart, but I was not, I was never taught. I think you're an academic. I was sent to schools that didn't teach you things.

But I think you're just intrinsically like. Did you take SATs in Canada? I used to stand. I actually, I took my SATs untimed. Also, you sat? No, I laid down. Oh, so you laid down. They were untimed, but my school was like not a real high school.

They like didn't. It was just like for juvenile delinquents. So they just. Oh, you were a juvie? Really? I thought you were Quaker. I wasn't really Juvie. My parents slipped up and sent me to a Juvie school accidentally. And then I was kind of like, okay, I guess I'll be a criminal with these people.

Wait, before we get into schools, because you're going to like something I have to tell you. I think Cracker Barrel, though, just so we get through this, I think that you're separating the word Cracker. But I'm just saying it would be if they were racist against black people. Yeah. It would be like two on the nose to name it. Cracker barrel. Yeah. But also, I think Cracker Barrel as a whole is a, it was an actual barrel used to make cheese or something. Look up the term. This is because they call white people cracker because of cracking the whip. I'm reading it on Wikipedia. Oh, wow. So it just got worse.

It's dark. At first it was against whites and now it's sort of like against blacks now because it's like cracking the whip. No, but I think they're saying because they used to call their slave owners crackers. Okay, so let's get past the race part of it. And then let's look at just what is a cracker barrel as a functioning. Yeah, okay, let's talk about it before we look it up because. I think it's like an apparatus where they put cheese in it or they put liquid. It was some kind of a wooden barrel for transporting produce. I think, okay, I'll say, I think it was, you know, crackers are made of dough, right?

Right. I think it was the barrel that held the dough. There you go. Which is sweet and innocent. That cute. Yeah, so now take a looky-lou, fuzzy nipples. Meow, pussy wants some milk. I think it's so unrealistic to think that nipple hair doesn't grow.

Yeah, I think, I'm sort of wishing you didn't tell me about that, but it's okay. I appreciate your honesty. It's not like a lot. He's got a spare one here and there. Yeah, but even. Even that, like if someone's kissing that area. But you don't, you get rid of them. I know, but just to tell people you have them now,

we have to visualize a bond girl with nipple hair. I mean, that's not cool. You don't have to do anything. Well. Some, you know, I did, remember Opie and Anthony, that show? Yeah, it was a radio show. Years ago I did it, and I remember them looking up. I think Jim Norton was like into like girls that like didn't shave.

Someone was into it and they pulled up and there's like, there's like fetishes of like full bush, like not like bush, like full, nothing trimmed. Wow. The hairiest bush I was ever with, it was very awkward. W?

No, it was a girl from Cleveland and again, the lights were low and, you know, pretty thick and I got in there, a blue heron. You ever seen a blue heron? It was standing right at the edge. of her lavicle, or whatever it's called.

And I don't know if I was looking for a frog. You see, oh, if you're going to laugh, maybe this is. No, this is how they stand. You know, they stand and they stab fish and gophers. And I guess that's what happened to you? Well, not to me to her. She had it standing in her bush. Meow.

Okay, hold on. Where did Cracker Barrow get its name? Crackerboro represents the simple comfort and camaraderie of life in and around a country store. But what is a cracker barrel? That's what I'm trying to find out. There's got to be a function, because there's a wine barrel, there's a whiskey barrel, there's a barrel of laughs, there's a barrel of, you know, I just held him a burp. I just did exactly what I accused you of. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's really. So can I tell you something? It's very hypocritical. It's

the same of the nipple. You're allowed to have nipple hair? You're allowed to burp, hold on a burp. Yeah. Well, I did apologize. I apologize for my neighbor. Yeah, we both sort of. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, too.

So get this. I went to a Quaker school. You did. I went to a boarding school. What school? It was called Pickering College up in Canada. It didn't say friends. Yeah, they had that, like, in the thing, they always said, we are friends.

We are friends. Yeah. Pickering college. And it was like the big thing in it had the white pillars and they used to put a magazine like a little monthly news called the pillars of pickering and it was run by quakers on my headmaster we didn't have a principal we had a head master and his name was harry m beer oh my god that's actually what i named my nipples oh that was good look dingity ding what is going on i'd never get this many texts it's it's

all these racquetball freaks this is really alone i'm proud of you for being so popular Yeah. So you call your nipples. Yeah. It's so weird to have that connection with you. But what is the Quaker, like the Quaker way of life is sort of like how you describe Cracker Bar like it's peaceful, it's loving, it's inclusive, like it. You know what I love about Cracker Barrow is the game on the table. Look ahead.

Oh yeah, the little triangle thing. I will take that any day. Like, give me that anywhere I am. Well, they say it's an IQ test, which is hilarious. It's a triangle with a bunch of pegs and you move them in a hole. And if you get down to one, apparently you have the IQ of Albert Einstein. And who knew all you needed was a pumpkin eye to prove you were smart? That was actually what my SAT test was.

Really? Yeah, it was just one of those. Just one of those. How many pegs did you have left? Zero. Oh, really? Yeah. But isn't the key you have to have one left?

No. You can't have zero because you do that final jump. there has to be one peg laugh no i can get down to one sounds like you've been doing a lot of pegging at cracker oh i'm a pegger wow i learned in santa fe with that girl oh well so now we're back to that i would i would i would if i ever become a lesbian yeah again which no but here's the thing okay a lot of my i have a lot of female friends that are in their 50s and they say it's funny how we can't stay away from the lesbian stories so go ahead maybe it's your hair yeah if i had your hair on your nipple what's that i'd be a what is that you're doing don't play this

game with me well you it was going side to side do you really not know but isn't it supposed to go up and down what two girls one cup is no you've been doing around you're going side to side i've never seen i thought it was always up and down you wasted up you go your tongue's supposed to go isn't it oh my god wait this is the spider man Oh, I thought that was like when gang members do it. Yeah. That's what a gang bang is. Okay, listen.

Yeah, sorry. So my 50-year-old friends told me when you go through menopause, you lose the hormone that lets you, like, deal with men's bullshit. And so a lot of women become lesbians in their 50s. Is that right? That's what I heard. Would you do it? Well, my fiancé is, I was like, you could hook up with girls.

And I'm like, I don't think you should say this. that. Yeah. Because girls were like steal your woman. Yeah, women are, you know,

just look in nature. Look at a pride of lions. Every time your iPad dings, a lesbian steals your girl. You know what? The only reason I had the damn iPod and I'm going to get rid of it is for this because

wait, hang on. I wanted to know who the hell this guy is. We're talking about Quakers. I know. the hell is this guy? The Quaker Oats guy. Like, that's got to be a lesbian right there, isn't it?

Isn't this the first lesbian ever? That's my Jesus. That's not a lesbian. That's Queezus. That's Quaker Jesus. That's queer. Who? That's got to be a lesbian, though.

Come on. Is that a guy? Let me say. That's got to be a hair. Oh, I know he's very feminine. It's cute. He is. I love my guy.

Would you? Did you party with that? I'd like to pull his hair back, you know. Do what? I'd braid it with my nipple hair. All right, I'm going to do what you're doing. I'm going to get rid of this thing because it's dinging. You can just turn the...

I can. It's like I tried. I'm going to put it out in the hallway. Oh, I found out a sad thing. Okay, what? The man on the Quaker Oatsbox is not a real person, but rather a representation of the Quaker faith's values of honesty, strength, purity, and integrity.

That's what I said earlier. The character is known as Larry. Larry? Larry the lesbian. Larry the fucking lesbian. Wow. Larry received a subtle makeover in 2012. They made him look younger and slimmer.

Isn't that funny how they did? They did that to Aunt Jemima. Remember her? She used to be fat. And she had, like, the bandana on, that cute little polka-up bandana. She's gone now. And then in the late, early 90s, they turned her into, like, a legal secretary. She had, like, a quaffed hair.

She was wearing, like, a red suit. I mean, not cool. She's not on there at all anymore. She's not on there at all. Think of it. One of the most iconic, successful African-American black women characters in the history of advertising. They put her in a pantsuit and then they got rid of it. And consumer products, and they just, rather than have that for people to look up to and go, what a success story.

They go, let's just get rid of it. I wonder, too, with all of that stuff, too, like, I don't even think, was it even black people that were outraged or was it just white people being like a, like. Oh, it was white people trying to posture up and go, this is how much we care about black people. Let's get rid of this. And meanwhile, if I was a black person, like, what do you mean get rid of that? That's a huge success story. Isn't that company like over a hundred years old? Now, how many products out there in the marketplace is there a well-recognized black symbol on the packaging?

I don't like Larry being on the oats. I feel like that's like discriminating against Quakers. Yeah. I want Larry off the oats. Get Larry gone. Maybe she could become a legal secretary. Larry transitions. Wow.

Oh, my God. Larry transitions oats with extra nuts. What this is? Wow. Take out the nuts. Put in the raisins. Wow. Let's switch gears real quick because we're, we're clearly we've gone.

Oh, we forgot to do the theme song. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Holland Highway podcast. Guarantee you're going to have a good time today. We got a full-blown lesbian on the show. Well, no. Whoa, dude. There's something a little off about you're licking. What is?

I'm straight. That's how I show lesbians. I'm straight. Well, I do as a joke, like in a lot of pictures, like in my meeting, it's a good. But when you do it with, like, real lesbians, they go like, like, they really, like, try to eat their fingers out. You've got a long tongue. Do I? Holy God, you ever catch flies?

Just asking. Yeah, I banged Jeff Goldblum. Oh, wow, the fly. Wow, remember him? That was a great movie. Thank you. Speaking of critters. Someone at this table will determine it in a minute.

Someone at this table worked with dolphins. I did. I thought you were going to say I have reptiles. I do have reptiles too. What do you got? I have a lot of reptiles. This is my fiance. He manipulated me, but now I like them.

You love reptiles meaning lizards? We have snakes. Yeah, we have snakes, lizards. What kind? Talk to me. We have six snakes. What kind? We have a Brazilian.

I got to remember. I had a Brazilian once. Yeah. Yeah, I grew back. They waxed it all. We were gone for the same. It's almost like we're comedians. We went for the same punchline.

Okay, so you got a Brazilian something or other. A Brazilian Rainbow Boa. What? Well, it is Pride Month. It is. No, I actually named it after my gay shaman, who's from Brazil. You have a gay shaman? I have a gay shaman from Brazil.

I have a gay sham, wow. And boy, is he ever absorbed? Aren't they all gay? I wasn't going to say it. so is this what kind of snake is this is it a python is it a boa constrictor wow but he's still a baby he's like getting bigger he's not nice he's not a nice guy yeah well they were they were born to constrict you and swallow you whole not necessarily the the temperament that uh supposed to be nice but i have some i have some very sweet ones we have a a butter itchy uh ball python that's very

sweet six years old we adopted it from a woman who was um at a reptile convention her husband had left her for another woman and left all of his reptiles so she was like buy these fucking snakes get them the fuck out of my life so i bought like a divorce snake wow how long is it he's like maybe this long so about four four feet yeah maybe wow and what do they eat you got it do you feed them live rodents or frozen he hasn't eaten yet we've had him for like six months and he hasn't eaten but he's still fat so it's not a danger zone but he um we're a little worried about him yeah leave the light on when you go to sleep at night that is so funny he's just looking he does sleep in our bedroom where in a in a uh what do you call it aquarium right next to me you might want

to hold off on doing the splits for a while wow wow what if he went in the hole when it opened well this is kind of what i was alluding to I'll laugh if you want, but I'm going to getting eaten from the inside out. What if he goes to get me, and then he goes, is that a hair on her nipple? And he's like, oh, that's a pass. See, now you're starting to see it. Okay, so what about lizards?

We have some geckos. We have a golden-crested gecko, a leopard gecko. Our leopard gecko is absolutely beautiful. Wow. We have an aci, which is actually a monitor. It's a small monitor. We have a blue tongue skink. We have a toky gecko, which I named Chucky, because they will bite chunks out of your skin.

Whoa. I don't like the toky gecko. Is the monitor analog? Yeah. Now, let me ask you this, when you feed these critters, some people throw live mice, rats. We don't do live feedings. We have frozen. My whole freezer is just frozen mice and rats.

Really? You know that dinner party you invited me to? I'm going to pass. You imagine you accidentally put those out as hors d'oeuvre? I keep thinking like I want to eat what they eat Like I want to see what they eat Yeah I like doing stunt things But I'm like I don't think I could eat a frozen

That would gross me out You'd like it defrosted But I want to eat one of the crickets They eat crickets too I've eaten crickets Yeah There's a restaurant near you down in Santa Monica At the believe it or not

The Santa Monica Airport It's up they have a building there It's on the secular and it's one of these exotic restaurants they serve And I've eaten They have scorpions, crickets It's aunts. I've eaten them.

That's cool. I could live in your house. I could see you being like, come back as a lizard. Yeah. They're very, lizards are very, well, not all of them,

but are like, our crested gecko is like, he's always cute, he's always being funny. He's always like, hilarious. They're the funniest of all the lizards. Pretty funny lizards.

Hilarious. Now, but I want to, frogs. You have a frog? We have a turtle. What kind? What kind of turtle? Yeah.

We have a red, red-footed turtle. Wow. So you get when you leave paint around the house. I caught him red foot. Wow. Footed. And what do you feed the turtle, fish? No, he likes, like, fruit and vegetables.

Oh, vegetarian turtle. He's very cute. We named him after Tim Dillon. His name's Turtle Tim. Oh. But my fiance's smart. He wants a new reptile. He'll start, like, playing.

YouTube videos of them and I'm not paying attention. I'm doing other stuff. It's kind of like absorbing into my subconscious and then he'll he'll be like oh let's go to the reptile star if to get crickets. Do you want to come in? I go okay I'll go in. I'm like oh my god there's like all these baby turtles. Oh wow. And then they're like so cute. I'm like okay we can get one. The problem with having that type of setup is now every time you see something you want to add to the collection. Everyone ends up having lots of you either have like one reptile or like 40. How many do you have now total like 12. Todd said 16 but I think it's more than that. Yeah. It's going to keep growing. It's going to keep growing and they're going to keep growing. They're all babies. Oh yeah. They're going to be

huge and then I mean sometimes I do get anxiety. I'm like what if I don't pull this off and make enough money to get a big house and we're just in an apartment with all of these reptiles. But then also on top of that they all have a very long life expectancy. Oh yeah. The turtle will outlive me. The turtle has 60. Yeah. Well, no, actually it won't. I will live past 100. You will? Yeah. Yeah. I always imagine myself.

I think I'm going to peak in my 90s. I think that's when like I'm going to really settle in. How long do you want to live? Because some people you talk to, they're saying like, yeah, I don't want to live that long. I don't want to,

I don't want to get into the older years where I'm decrepit. I'm good at 75. I'm going to be the best. Okay. Yeah. Why? Because I believe it. I see it.

I visualize it. Sometimes when I get, you know, because I go on the road alone and stuff sometimes. And sometimes I'm like, I'll be like, Am I scared? And then I go, no.

I always imagine myself just, like, crushing it in my elder years. Really? What do you see yourself doing? I see myself in, like, big, crazy jackets and being just funny and wild. In jackets? Free. Yeah, just like big furry, like. But what are you doing in the, like?

You know, I'm like, maybe I'm like. You're 85 and a huge furry jacket. 80, I feel older, older. Ninety-six. Yeah. You're in a big. furry jacket and doing what? Like twerking and.

Wow. No, I just, I don't know, just like having fun, laughing, being a hoot. Big hairy jacket seems like a perfect place to lose your hairy nipples, though. Well, I think as you get older, your body hair kind of ceases. Wow. Okay. Yeah, we were talking about that off camera about how we, we were talking about how we kind of can program our minds to tell our bodies to live long.

Like I was telling you, I've always programmed my brain to, I tell it, I want to live to 103 because I believe that the brain is the computer center to the body. The body is the thing, but the brain is the motor. The body is the body. And so I think when you subliminally program the mind to do things, it will step up to that command sort of, you know? I believe in that 100%. You do?

Yeah. So I've always told myself 103. I've also, an addendum to that, as I've told myself, a healthy 103. Of course. I do not want to be, like, withered in a wheelchair. But so far, my brain seems to be reacting to the programming I gave it. But who knows, if it's real or not. But I think you might as well do it.

Exactly. Exactly. So you do that, too, the power of the mind. Wow. It's weird. Like, there's little things, like, that I've noticed with my mom, my mom, she always goes, Oh, I always win raffles. I'm like, you do, and she always wins raffles.

It's very weird. Yeah. My mom's gotten, like, trips to Hawaii and, like, she always wins things because she just has a mindset. That's a little bit different because it's, like, she's controlling the outside, but I don't know what it is. She always says stuff, and I was saying to you, like, I went to a gun range the other day, and I was like, I'm really good at shooting guns, and I got every skeet.

It's like, I just, there's a thing. You manifest, yeah. But it's like a, I don't know. It's like your body is calm enough to focus because you're just confident in it. Yeah, and I love it when the brain takes. over i think that's a big part of the stand-up game too is you really have to rely on that motor to kind of be calm take over you've got to learn how to release it be confident in letting it kind of take the lead sometimes do you think it is like uh because it's not oh i i feel like there's

like a collaboration involved sometimes on stage i'm like did i just fucking come up with that yeah sometimes i'm like i was talking to bonnie mcfarland about rich vall she's like he's so like he's he says things on stage that he would not know off stage. Yeah, right. You know, like sometimes I'm like, God damn. How did I like come up? Yeah, I do that when I'm actually physically writing. Like, I like to write short stories and I'll just write a sentence and all of a sudden

a word pops into my brain. I've never used in my life. I just somehow know it like, it'll be a big word or a fancy word. Etymology. Like it's just there and I'll even do things where I'll go like, wait a minute. And I'll go into the dictionary and go. and I just go, how did my brain know to somewhere in my journey, I had heard that word.

I've never used it in a sentence and I just knew it was right. Like, that's what I love about the brain. There's so much in there that we don't even know we have, I think. Do you ever do any sort of like hypnosis or something like that or just kind of self-hypnotize yourself? No, never done any of that stuff. I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated by these guys that can hypnotize people and, you know, like, yeah. Oh, like the stage hypnotism?

Yeah, but you're talking about something else. You're talking about... Well, it's the same, like, hypnotherapy and stuff. Okay. Because you can get over... I've been doing a lot of, like, weird stuff. It's just really fun. Because I, over the pandemic,

I remember not to bring up the P-word, but I remember when we started doing shows again. Yeah. I started having these nerves. And I kind of, because I had all this time off to relax, that I never would have had. I was so, like, always every night doing comedy since I started. And then I was, like, forced into this break.

And then I went, I started having anxiety driving to a show and I went, why am I creating that this would be a bad experience? Yeah, yeah. And I just dropped it and had a great time. It was like wild. Yeah, it's just shutting it off. Like, why would I just assume this wouldn't work? But yeah, with your type of stand-up too, where you're just like so in the moment, you can't,

like, if you came into. Yeah, you just got to let it flow. You got to trust in the old nugget to just like ride you through. Well, I'm having, I wanted to shoot my first special and I'm, I'm starting to feel. feel like I want I'm like oh no I have to put a structure in but I've never put a structure into anything so yeah yeah it's weird that's the one thing about specials they're supposed to be reflective and a demonstration of what you do yeah but then somehow by their nature specials have to have be very structured yeah and so it's it's sort of like you know counterintuitive

because it's like a lot of comics just like to be lucy goosey and now suddenly Suddenly they've got to go, well, the theme of my special will be, you know, the journey of life for this or that. And it's like suddenly you're sort of putting it in a box. But sometimes if you're too loosey-goosey for, if you're doing 45 minutes or an hour, people can't follow it or I don't know. Maybe they do. I don't know. It's weird. Have you done specials?

Oh, yeah. I've done so many. I don't do them anymore. Like I just got bored with them. And my last two, the second last one I did, I did out in the middle of the desert on a hill. And then the last one I did, I did it as a dog. I had a pug mask and it had a functioning mouth. You were just like, I have to make this fun for myself.

Yeah, I did. I did an hour special called Carmelcorn the pug. And I did a whole special as a pug. So I got so tired of being in front of the velvet curtain, cut to the crowd, but that's all they are really. And they're still great. But it's just, I don't know, I got a little bored with them. Yeah.

I'm just I like it's so out of my wheelhouse to think about you've never done one I've never done one I've also never done the same set in my life I've never done the same set oh then that yeah so that's gonna take some discipline yeah that could be problematic I'm having a little well you know in this day and age in the old days you sort of had to do it through a production company or for a Netflix or this or that but if you're just putting it on YouTube I would just say fly like just do what you did Do you. Don't answer to anybody. Show people what your expression of the medium is. Show people your art and just screw it. And I think if you're true to that voice, that spirit, people will come. I know. And it'll be fine. I was talking to Burr last night.

He's like, just do it. You need a push through. He's like you're making up excuses. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm saying too. Just do it. Like if that's who you are, if that's your vibe, then just do it. It's not like those kinds of specials haven't been done. but I think we're just conformed a little bit to the way they've always been done.

So yeah, if that's your vibe, I say go for it too. Let's fucking go, baby. I know, I just have to do it. It's crazy. Yeah. My dad went into the hospital like two weeks ago. He's fine. But my brother was like worried about him.

What happened? He had a, they thought he had a blood infection, but he just had like a bladder infection thing. Well, not good and not good. But totally way better because if it was a blood infection, he might have. had to get like open heart surgery or something crazy but my older brother freaked out and I was like stop freaking don't freak out this is gonna be fine and um he ended being fine but in my head I was like oh my god am I gonna like procrastinate on my special and my dad's not gonna be able to see it or something I'm like no no I'm gonna get it done but that was kind of a good thing to happen for

me to kind of like jolt me out of like stop procrastinating get it done it's like perfectionism or something but anyway but but I've been like reading I read I started reading this book I listen to books I can't read because I'll fall asleep but oh but this book called The Untethered Soul, which is a little bit gay of the title, but is not, I love Tetherball, by the way. I actually do love Tetherball. That's great. You can play by yourself.

Yeah. You play two parts. Does this part of me, but it actually makes sense with the tether. So the untethered soul, it's, I'm only the beginning of it, but what the guy is saying is this guy, Michael Singer. He says that in your brain, you have that voice that's kind of negative that's saying things to you all the time, you know? He goes, that's not you.

who you are is the person that's observing that voice. Yeah. So that's like who your actual being is the person that's listening to that voice. So instead of taking on with that voice is saying, look at it as like it's a bad roommate. Right, right, right. Like a shitty roommate that's like talking shit to you and being like, you suck at this. You're not good at this. Or like, you have to do this.

You're not doing it right or whatever. And so if you can just kind of acknowledge that that's what that is and I don't know what you're supposed to do with it. Well, you know what that voice to me a lot is too is because we live in a society, communal, where we need people, we have people around us, that voice is probably just you superimposing the voice of the people onto you. Yeah. Because it's kind of like when you go traveling by yourself. When you go with a group, you're like, should I go there?

Should we do this? Should we do that? Do I want to ask, oh, maybe I just won't do anything because you're always thinking about the other group. But if you go traveling on your own, you go, you know what? I want to ride a horse today. I want to go to the beach. I'm going to do that.

So I think what happens, what's pertaining to what you said, is you let the subconscious of the collective mass sort of influence your direction. Right. And it's not you that's stopping you. It's you kind of, they probably don't want that. They probably won't like that.

Why should I do it? They're not going to show up for it. And so you almost have to just go, if I was the last person on earth, and I want to do amuse myself and get up and do a show, I'm just going to get up and do it. And sometimes you, it's not selfish. It's just almost like you just have to just do it and not worry about everything around you.

Well, it's also, you're usually wrong too when you like project, thinking about what people are. Yeah. You're like guessing. Yeah. It's just a total guess based on what? Like you don't even know. Well, just based on our conversation, you know, we've already said, hey, I want to do this special, but I'm not sure it's the right way to do it because I just kind of fly free.

Right. So already that is based on what are they going to think? Right, exactly. How are they going to interpret it? But if you didn't factor them into the equation, you'd be just like, this is the way I like to do it. I'm going to do it. So I say just do it and let them come to you and see if they like it.

Great, if they don't, whoopi do. But at least you did what you want it. As long as I like it. The only thing that would suck is if I didn't like it. Yeah, which is possible. No, it's not. I'm the one putting it out. I'm not putting out something I don't like.

Yeah, that's what I mean. I would never put something out of it. If you didn't like it, you could get rid of it. Yeah, I'd scrap it. I'd like to ride a horse with you. You would? Yeah, you seem like someone fun to ride horses with.

Well, I'm terrified of horses. Are you? Yeah, it's one of the few things I admit I'm terrified of. Why? Because they're so muscular, they're so powerful. It's how big there. It's just when I get on them, horses are one of the animals that can read you in a second.

They can read your energy the second you get on them, and they just know I'm scared, but because I'm scared, and I like to take on fears in life. Me too. That's my number one. That's one of the reasons I did stand up because it's terrifying, but I've,

many times I've gone and ridden horses. I even went when I was in Australia, excuse me, I went to a horse ranch and did a whole day going up in the mountains. So, yeah, I'm scared of them, but I'll do it.

Yeah. But with you, I feel like we would, with your long white hair, I feel like we'd have to both be naked. kid and, you know, sharing a horse and, you know what I mean? Not in a sexual, just like in a freedom way. Like, what?

Like, I'm the same way of like, I love the adrenaline rush of like the relief after you like face of fear. Yeah. It's like my favorite feeling in the world. Oh, it's the thrill of being alive. That's why I like having snakes too because I feel like I can help people that are afraid of snakes. Yeah.

Because we have like, the one is so nice. Oh, people don't realize if they just took the time to hold. oldest snake, the texture, the feel, the smoothness. Put it around your neck. Oh, the engineering of it. When you feel the muscle, when you, oh, I was in the Amazon, had a nine-foot anaconda around my neck. Wow.

Unbelievable. Yeah. I love snakes. I used to catch them all the time. I used to have tons of snakes. Really? As a kid, and then as an adult, I've had tons of lizards, all kinds of stuff. Yeah, they're the best.

They're so cute. I love all that stuff. I've been gotten into like spiders. Spiders are great. I never got, I have, they have them at the reptile store. Oh, yeah. But I never, I think it's because I had brothers, too. Like, I think, I, I do feel like you're, you are set up in life to, to learn whatever, like,

lessons you were meant to learn. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And I was given, I'm in a very, like, I was basically the only girl. My mom's, like, pretty masculine, so she was always playing sports and stuff like that, which was cool, but, but I was kind of, like, the only feminine, truly, like, feminine thing in my house. And it was, like, my brothers and stuff, but it made me so. like want to throw myself into things all the time like I never would have admitted being afraid

of spiders so it always forced me even though there was like a natural fear of them yeah I always like wanted to be tough like my brother so I always would like throw myself into things what is it about spiders that freaks you out just it doesn't really freak me out now but they just were like creepy curl I don't know just the fact that they're sort of the look the physical look hairy the way you feel about a nipple yeah Lucky your nipples aren't poisonous. Well, how do you know? Guess I'm going to find out.

We're riding that horse. Here we go. We're down to our last segment, Mike. By the way, Annie Letterman, folks, we're going to hit the music once again because you said to, you know, keep doing it. Let's go. Words from a wooden shoe.

Love it. But before we do that, let's tell the people about our little adventure because we promised them. Oh, right. On the way up here to the studio, we won't say where it is, but any car got stuck on a curb.

The car did it. Yeah, the car did it. It was a Tesla. I was just there. And it rolled over a curb. I do that when I drive, the same thing you do. I just let my subconscious take over.

Yeah, and the wheel went right over, and we had to call a tow truck and a AAA and all that. The wheel was off the ground. It was off the ground. Luckily, the car was not damaged. It wasn't damaged. But we were blocking.

people and we had a tow truck come and the guy got it off in like it was so easy you're so nice yeah like it took them 90 seconds and it was done well i do think when those sort of things happen if you don't freak out nothing bad happens yeah you i said this to you and i said we can't do anything about it it's happened so why get worked out just be calm well also i just i always take these as signs as i'm supposed to be driven yeah i'm not to be i'm not to be the driver you're not to be the driver i'm to be leaning back being driven leaning back getting driven yeah Yeah. So that was our little adventure. And our final segment, Annie, is words from a wooden shoe.

Okay. You reach in the shoe, pull out a word. Okay. And see if it leads you to a story from your journey in life and, you know, triggers a memory. Could be your story. It could be someone you know. What's your word? Fly boy.

Fly boy. I feel like we already made fly jokes. and fly boy have people can i repick yeah yeah of course i don't i'm not even sure i know what fly boy means i know like is that a word i they're just random words in the shoe i'm not sure what if it's a pilot or if it's scared shitless oh here we go here we go yeah talk to me little fly boy oh scared and it's funny we were just talking about i know how you said fear is a motivator it charges you up fear is one of the real times you feel like you're alive i find i'm just trying to think of like the most scared i've ever been yeah um

like something like the occult or like a haunted thing or i love haunted thing your life in danger i just like being scared so i'm like i don't know i don't know that i'm scared i love being scared Yeah. I went skydiving. Oh, here we go. I'd been saving it. Like, this is going to be an ultimate moment in my life. Yeah.

I have a twin brother, and my mom said when you turn 18, I'll pay for you guys to go skydiving because we wanted to. Both of you. Yeah. Okay. So then our 18th birthday is coming around. My mom has now forgotten that she said this. Yeah. Which is two against one bitch.

But all right. So she's like, we're not, I'm not going to do it. And then time past my brother had kids. He no longer wants to skydive. Okay. I've been abandoned, which I get it. He's got stuff to live for. Yeah.

I, um, so I go, okay, I will, I'll go skydiving at the right time. I can't wait. This is going to be the best adrenaline rush of my life. I'm going to feel like I'm going to die. I'm not going to die. Let me guess the shoot didn't pull and you landed on your brother and killed him. He didn't, yeah, he was watching. Are you scratching your hairy nipples?

I saw that. I, yes. Okay, relax. Sometimes I get it. Well, whatever. Okay. Wow. there's one here anyway yeah do you want to pull it or anything or

so now I'm getting scared anyways yeah so you're skydiving I won't be shamed so I go skydiving my with my friend okay yeah and they take us up in this airplane it's not like the safest looking airplane it's like a pretty small airplane yeah they never are but you're your tandem with someone okay I don't know why you'd have to be well you're close

of the sun it makes sense you'd be tanned yeah and dumb yeah it's a dumb thing to do to jump out of okay so so i'm craving this moment of like where i have to make this choice right where i have to go i'm fucking jumping out of this plane but we're tandem so he's with me so it's not really me making the like yeah he's he's on your back yes he's on my back it's like air sex boner in the ass it's just sort of like he does it five times a day it's just too safe yeah so i jump out and i also really wanted to get a picture of me going like this. So I said tap my, like I was more into that than when to tap me to pull the shoot. You want to do an air lick.

I wanted to do an air lick. So I'm kind of focusing on that and stuff. We get the picture. We do the thing. We land. I'm like not, it just wasn't scary enough. Oh, wow. Okay.

So I always think like next time I go, I'm going to look at the Yelp. I want it to make sure there's like a really low Yelp review. Yeah. Maybe there's been a fatality recently. Yeah. My ideal would be you go up. Yeah. And the instructor goes, there's two parachutes, one works.

Oh, yeah, just up the, up the fear factor. I like the idea of like really thinking, because I just didn't feel. Yeah. I didn't feel the fear. Well, it's hard too when there's an experienced season guy literally attached to you. It just, it's like you're not doing it yourself. It's almost like you're just watching, you know, and I get it. I get it.

But I told this, I talked about it on stage once, and there's, there's a guy. in the audience, he's like, I'm a skydiving instructor and I can make it really fucking scary for you. And I haven't taken him up on it yet. Why not? Because I got too scared. Yeah, he's going to do stuff like flip you or he's going to wait till the last second. But I'll do it. I want to do, I got a fake pregnancy belly. Yeah. And I was thinking of like it would be funny to like pretend I'm pregnant. Well, you're skydiving. And then you pull the umbilical cord and the babies. I have to have fake water break in sports everywhere. Yeah. I hate to be the people down below who thinks it's a spring shower. What would be the placenta? Spring placenta. Wow. Well, okay. But I'm trying

to think, yeah, the most scared I've ever been. That sounds like a good one. Skyd, it's something I won't do. You never skydived? I won't. I've had offers. I've had places, hey, we love you. Come do it. I won't do it. I don't really want to do something where there's a chance. If something goes wrong, your dad well i have my father's friend is a skydiver he loves skydiving he his shoe didn't open once he fell he he like broke his back he still skydives he lived and he's still like fuck yeah he jump off of a mall how do you how do you skydive and just break your back have you ever done a hot air balloon no i did a hot air balloon once i used to live in new mexico i said this before and i went to albuquerque and i did it was actually with a lesbian oh here we go yeah and um we go up in the hot air balloon

And it just, the wind just drift us over the top of the mall. Like it was like so ugly. I was like, oh, this sucks. And then when you land, I didn't know that you 100% crash. Every time you land, so as we're landing, we're coming down, the instructor's like, brace yourself, brace yourself. And then it hit the ground and shot us out. Wow.

And then he was mounting. He was mounting my lesbian friend. Wow. Yeah. That was probably her biggest fear. Oh, God. Wow. But yeah, that was like pretty wild.

You just fling out. Wow, yeah. When you do an activity and it knocks the lesbian out of you, that's time to hang it off. It knocks the cock into you. Hello, Harry McNipples. What was your name? I think it was Fuzzy Nipple. Fuzzy Nippled McFuzzy.

Jim's Bond. Fuzzy. Nipples fuzzy. Yow. Annie, tell the folks where they can see you, where they can catch your comedy, see you on the road. See me on the road. I'm on the road all the time. All my dates are up at Annie Letterman.com slash shows.

Yeah. See what I got up coming. I'm going to Jacksonville at the end of the month. Oh, cool, Florida. Comedy Zone. I love performing in Florida. Yeah. I actually love performing everywhere, but I do love it.

It's very fun and Jacksonville will be fun. And you have a podcast too. I have a podcast Annie Wood every Thursday. I'm going to have Harlan on soon. Oh, my God. So scared. To be on. Yeah.

Yeah, you're going to be in Anniewood, maybe. okay what else bring the wood you can um irvine california july 19th and 20th i'll be in phoenix arizona in july i'm going to be in toronto nice end of august right i'll be in oregon dcoma washington back in florida naples and i'm going to be in minnesota and chicago wow annie letterman dot com slash shows and also annie wood is on youtube and um Yeah, I do my live shows of the comedy store once a month. You run the last one. You can do it again, please.

Yeah. So that's July 16th. Very fun. Beautiful. Annie, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. Next time we've got to get deeper into the dolphins.

I want to know more about that. I want to know more about that. But folks, go jump out of a plane. Annie Letterman, check her out. And until next time, this has been the Holland Highway podcast. Until next time. Chicken. Chalman, baby. Grow out those nipple hairs, bitches.

Meow. Who she wants some milk?