The Harland Highway - Annie Lederman Talks About the Dead in the Most Positive Way Possible… Are They Watching?

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

WINGMAN is out now on Gumroad, Apple TV and Amazon Prime! GUMROAD- https://thewingman.gumroad.com/l/WINGMAN APPLE TV- https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/wingman/umc.cmc.nfzru25awp5jnendhudhjw9t This episode is sponsored by Square, Chubbies, and Thanks for watching the Harland Highway! -Our new wardrobe awaits! Get $20 off your full price purchase @chubbies with the code harlandhighway at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/harlandhighway #chubbiespod -Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/harland #squarepod More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Annie Lederman: Website: https://annielederman.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annielederman/?hl=en Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@annielederman?lang=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Are you teasing the old man? I think my presence. might be. Whoa, but are you sort of doing it on purpose? Yeah, like, you're only doing that voice if you're teasing. I only, I do that. Well, my dad had like a men's group he used to be a part of where they would do like, it was like a spiritual find yourself in a group.

I don't know what was happening in their buttholes. But they had this men's group. I'm so excited to be back. Yeah, what a treat. And I not only do fashion, as you can see, but I do, I do, I'm one of the few male podcasts that do, I do a whole makeup. I have a foundation on right now. Oh, do you do a routine?

Yeah, I'm wearing... How many steps? I do just a foundation, and then I do the Nivia water misting. Oh, you missed. And then I do Cat Von D's Midnight Sunsprinkle. Oh. I do a little splash. And then right now, did you know that Reith Wizard Witherspoon or whatever?

Wizard Spoon. I like that. That's actually like a fun porn. Yeah. Reese Witherspoon has this new edgy line out. And she has this one called Midnight Roadkills. And it's just a, I have a slight eyeliner and a deep blush. It's supposed to look like you got hit by a car.

That's good. I like that. Reese is fun. Do you see when she got pulled over by the car? Her husband got a DUI and she came out and was like, do you know who I am? Yeah. But I'm like, I want my celebrities doing that. You do?

I don't want my celebrities just getting tickets. Yeah, you want a little snobbery? I like when other people name drop, so I would like a person name drop themselves. Right. So what happened? She came out and it's all. on YouTube, she goes, don't you know who I am? Don't you know who I am?

But the best is, and it is a fun moment when they don't know who they are. Like, Justin Timberlake, that's what happened to him. Oh, yeah. They didn't know who he wasn't. It's kind of like a beautiful moment. And remember when Jennifer Lopez was doing her documentary and she did Jenny from the block and she went back to the hood? And nobody knew her.

And she walked down the street and she was, I think she went past her old house or something. There's this guy standing on the porch. She goes, hey. And he goes, hey. And she goes, don't you? She goes, I don't know who you are.

But how do they get left in? I love that it was left in. Yeah. Was that her moment of awareness? Or did someone fucking with her just put one little moment? Yeah. I just make sure there's no doubt. Like when I'm in a mall,

I walk right up to families and people and I go, hi, I'm Harland. I'm like a part. I shake their hand. I kiss the baby. Yes. I'll sign an old lady's forehead. Oh, yeah.

I'll sign an old lady's breast if she pulls it out. Well, pulls it from the bottom. Yeah. Reels it up. He doesn't even really need to take. the shirt off, right? You just pull it from the bottom of the shirt. Yeah, it's like that scene in jaws. I hope my boobs, because they're little, like, I hope something fun happens with them as I get older. Oh. I don't want them to just stay. You just forced me to have to look at your boobs when you did

that. Like you could have said my eyes, but when you say your boobs, my eyes have to go there. I did do that. I did do that. So that's just natural. That's not sexual harassment, right? It wasn't. It didn't feel like, none of it felt sexual. No offense. Yeah. It felt platonic. Like if I, start talking about my boobs, I feel like I have nice, healthy boobs. Yeah. Yeah, your eyes went right to my boobs. Because I want to check. I want to make sure you're ready. Yeah. So the tit for tat, no pun intended. Tit for tit. Tit for tat. Show me your tattoos. I don't have tats, but I have tits. Me neither. Yeah, you seem like the type of girl that would have tattoos. You have, you have an edge to you. You have an edge. I have the vibe. By the way, folks, Annie Letterman is here before we start talking

about her tit-tats. She's a comedian. She hosts her own show. She has her own podcast. What else do I need to tell them? Good Lord. Are you in a bike gang or anything? No, I'm not in a run club or a bike gang.

Do you know about the run club? No, what's that? Is that a bunch of people with diarrhea? The runs club, yeah. I thought it was a, I pictured a whole group of... I'm a part of that one. I'm not a part of the run of me. Okay, okay.

Did you get any talk about diarrhea? Oh, yeah, that diarrhea virus. How exciting. Well, you know what's fun is I got it? And have you ever seen that Marvel character, the Silver Surfer? Okay, yes. So what I did is I don't have a surfboard, but if you run down the street and you let that Ria blast, it actually sort of picks you up and you can surf it. You kind of just hop back on it?

Yeah, it's kind of like one of the X-Men, the X-Laxmen, really. So you're the brown surfer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, did you get it? No. It looked like you've lost some way. I did have some diarrhea, but it was, didn't feel like enough to announce until now. Until now.

But you know what I mean? Like, you know when everyone was like, people were like going like, I got the thing. They were talking about it. Yeah. I don't have enough to tell the people. You live with your man. You're married, right? I'm engaged.

You're engaged. So when that hits the RIA, and I hate to open with a RIA story, but when you live with someone, are you so comfortable that you can do? just say to your partner, hey, baby, here it is again. I got to get up and do a blaster. Yeah, we have a open door policy. No way. Yeah, all bathroom doors open at all times.

Even if you got the re? Wow. We've been together like six years. Yeah. And then we have two bathrooms. When we only had one bathroom, that was tough. Wow. But it was more about the time.

Yeah. It wasn't really about what you see. But sometimes it's gross. He does a lot of pull my finger and I kind of go, we're not married yet. You know what I mean? I'm like, it's not a done deal. Maybe he's just getting his wedding ring finger stretched. Oh, that's what it is.

Yes. But here's the thing. Why are we surprised that Taco Bell of all places caused a diarrhea virus? Don't they cause that every day? That must have been confusing for people. Yeah. Like, oh, this diarrhea is going a little longer than you do. Yeah.

That's like people saying I'm confused that cake caused me to get fat. Wow. Yeah. I felt personally attacked. What do you mean? Do you like cake? the other day. I had a little cake. It was my birthday. It was? Yeah, 73 years old. 73. Don't I look good? Wow. You look unbelievable. Yeah, thank you. Is there a dating site

for oldies? Like a dating app? I don't know what it's called, but should we, there's definitely one. I wonder what it's called. Amber, see if there's a dating app for old people. Maybe it's just you go to a funeral home or something or my mom lives in a retirement community and my dad just died and she's very young. like compared to everyone else. And I'm like, Mom, you're going to get, they're going to come for you. The oldies? Oh, yeah. Because she's a haughty?

She's like, like, hands down the most, she's the number one pick. How old is she? She's 75, but she looks very young and I'm only 73. She had me when she was two. Wow. Yeah. What do we got? So there's our time in silver singles.

Our time. Oh, my God, silver surfer singles. Silver surfer singles. And our time. That sounds a bit ominous. Hour time sad. Well, it is ominous and it is weird because I'm looking at my mom and I'm going, do you want to date? Like, if she does get like a boyfriend, he's going to have to be fucking rich.

Because she's not just going to get a guy that's on his way out. Right. Sure to had a deal. My dad was like getting, you know what I mean? She's been, she's done it already. Yeah. But I don't know if they're in it for like, like the cock at that age. Yeah.

Maybe a little. Can men even? They're banging. At that age? all getting syphilis and stuff. You don't know this? Is it sure it's not just psoriasis? It's sciatica. Soriasifis? They add it together, solificis. Maybe they got it from the rug burn. I don't think they have the agility to get down on a rug. I think the most

they could do is, like do the podrapedic bed and move it. I can't see oldies getting down on a rug. I do that where you lift the end up. That's good. The man stands standing, the woman's just presented. You just slowly are presented. Wow. Yeah. So your mom's having cocoon sex.

Not yet, but I'm open to her finding someone else, but I'm like they've got to have something to offer other than companionship. Because the companionship is numbered. Yeah. But should a senior's dating app be called more like, our time is almost up? Is limited? Yeah.

our time is coming to an end. Like, shouldn't they finish that? You are thinking about it a lot. Yeah. Because I've been basically staying with my mom in her New Jersey retirement center with her. It's very fun. Her roommate there a lot of times.

Whoa. It's been great since my dad died. We're doing a lot of like water aerobics. We're doing Zumba. And I'm hanging out. I go to the breakfast. I go, there's like an old man's table. And I go,

hey boys. And we're thinking about doing a sketch with them, a sketch series of golden boys. Oh, wow. instead of golden girls. Are you teasing the old man? I think my presence might be. Whoa, but are you sort of doing it on purpose?

Yeah, like, you're only doing that voice if you're teasing. I only, I do that. Well, my dad had like a men's group he used to be a part of where they would do like, it was like a spiritual find yourself in a men's group. I don't know what was happening in their buttholes. But they had this men's group. I very much helped my dad. He became a very kind, good person.

I helped him get through whatever his anger was when he was younger. Whoa. But so we had this men's group, and I dropped him off at it over the fall. Yeah. I dropped him off there, and all of his guy friends are there, and they're all older, you know. And it's a good story. And I go, I go, by boys, they go, we're men. And I went, okay, boys.

So I kind of always talk to older guys. You called them bye boys? They're bisexual boys. Whoa, no wonder they corrected you. God. We're men. Straight men. Wow.

Do you think there's ever. been a scenario at your mother's cocoon center where two oldies were going at it and one of them died during the act? It must happen all the time. Wow. Because they could go at any time. There's a lot of

the ages, it's a 55 plus community which is hilarious because everyone's so my mom is the youngest one there. There are people I talked to a hundred year old woman. I mean there's people that are very old. A lot of people over 100 living there. But then I think when I go there, I think the elevator takes

kind of a while. Yeah. And that pisses me off because I'm like, these people have limited time. Like you're making them wait for the fucking elevator. Yeah. It's annoying. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Support for today's episode comes from Square. The system powering like half the places I go. Okay. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, well, that was fast. Well, it's probably square. Whether you're selling latte, detailing cars, or running a design studio. Square helps you run your business without running yourself

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Today. But it's fun. I did like an origami class there with them. You did? You probably like origami, right? Do they know how to fold? Because don't most of them have severe arthritis? Here's what I will say.

There weren't as many people there as at Majong where you don't have to have as much dexterity. Dexterity. But I picture an old person doing origami, I would feel like every creation would just be like a meteor or a comet. And they also do look like they're going through origami. Their own bodies are being origami at that moment. Yeah, they're just being like kind of crinkled and crackled. But this is what I learned, Harlan. Yeah. We got to work on our posture. We have to lift weights and we have to have mad money. That's the only way to be old. Yeah. And everything else. I'm there. Yeah. I'm there. I'm doing all of those. And I'm wearing

Reese Witherspoon's Midnight Magic Roadkill. It looks good. Deep blush. It looks good. Do you wear any Cap Vondi stuff? No, I used to use her. I think she had a lipstick. I used to use like a Matt lipstick.

It was very good. Are you friends with her? Yeah, that was called Midnight in the Garden of Plump. And I used to wear it. You plump your lips up, yeah. I used it, but down there. What in the name of Taco Bell Grande did you just say? Why did you say Taco Bell Grande?

I don't know. Why did I say that? What does that even mean? Does that mean you have crunchy lips? When you said plumped lips, I just, I don't know, I had to go somewhere. Wait, you actually applied. I made you blush, and then your blushing made me blush. This is bad.

Well, this isn't my blush. This is Reese Witherspoons, Midnight Roadkill blush, yeah. When you deep blush, it causes her, that's one of her gimmicks. It causes it to come out. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Awkward moments. Yeah.

But I want to talk to you about something that our friend Elon. Do you like Elon Musk? I let him drive me here today. Oh, yeah, you have a Tesla. But I just bought the self-driving. I never had the self-driving. Oh, wow. How was it?

It's fun. Do you use it? I used it once, but I actually enjoyed driving. So do I, but you know what I did on the way over here? A full session of breathwork. You did what? I did breathwork. I was like this.

If I have my sunglasses on, they can't tell that my eyes are closed. Right. So my hands are just very lightly on the wheel, And I was like, I did breathwork. Why, you don't know how to breathe? No, breath work's great. You've never done it? Well, why would you need to do breathwork if you know how to breathe?

It's an involuntary function of the human body. But when you push it, you can get to great places and sounds. What does it do? It helps you get to the subconscious blocks. It helps you clear out things that are bothering you. It helps you, you know, with your, what's got a nervous system. Where did you hear this? Narnia?

What are you talking about? I feel like I just walked through the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. Yes. Is this for real? I'm the witch with the wardrobe. You're the wardrobe. I'm the lion. Wait, what?

You got to be lying. You breathe and it... You're not into the breathwork? I don't know that I've ever talked about this. Well, it's hard enough to breathe here with all the smog, so maybe I should do breastwork. Are you? I do breastwork. I do breastwork, yeah.

I have a person come over every three, every third day in massage. my jugs. That's good. Yeah, I have them put a fishing glove on. Oh, I like that. Yeah. But wait, so you breathe and it just sort of helps clear. It's like deep breathing. It helps your nervous system. It helps you calm yourself. It helps everything. And you were doing this while you were driving on the mean streets of Los Angeles. Yeah. I wonder if you can do. It beeps when it needs your attention. It does. Yeah. I wonder if the non-driving thing is a big game changer for gangs and drive-by shootings. It will notice there's a camera up here And I will notice your eyes

So if I don't have my sunglasses on And I'm like looking down Like it'll know when you're texting immediately Oh wow Like if you need to text and drive You have to get off self-drive Wow Yeah you have to be like this

But let's say you're rolling through Compton Or south side And you're looking to do two or three drive-bys It happens Can you like put the driverless mode on And just let the Tesla drive you around And you got two hands free to just pump.

If you keep your eyes forward, if you were to keep your eyes forward and you're not, and the camera isn't picking up where your hands are. Yeah. If you're kind of a head like this, you could. Like if the steering wheel's here and you're on the other side of the steering wheel, you could do it. So what you need is a pair of Oculus glasses and a good rifle and an autonomous,

or maybe a Waymo. A Waymo would be a good drive-by car. The Waymo's feel, I've never been in one, but what I've heard is that they're watching. everything you do. Shit. So you've got to be well-behaved. Well, I wonder, let's talk law. Let's talk legalities.

If you take, if you're in a gang member, the Bloods of the Crips, and they watch this show, if you're planning a drive-by, you do a Waymo, you get in it, and the Waymo does the drive-by, but you're just shooting. Is Waymo now part of the crime? Is they implicit in the drive-by crime because they did the actual drive-by crime? because they did the actual driving and you did the pumping out the window. I think they're part of the crime scene now.

Well, I think that there could be a Waymo that actually does the shooting and you do the driving. Oh, wow. Or it's an automatic shooting car. Oh, wow. Like the one in Breaking Bad, the final episode, when the trunk opened and... Oh, right, right, right. I forgot.

Yeah, I think that there could be legal grounds for the gangs to make some real money here if they start doing drive-bys in Waymo's. Waymo is going to be involuntarily involved in a big criminal lawsuit. Listen, and we got Waymo about that later. Yeah, but for now, let's get back to Elon because... Do I like him? Elon say that the robot becoming, child.

Elon said the robot becoming through the bayou and over the hill and through the grass. Elon's saying, in two years, we're all going to have a robot in a home, child. No. If you don't like me talking like that, you can just say it. I actually like it. I'd like you to talk like that for the rest of the podcast. Damn it. I don't have the, I need to do some breathing exercises. Hang on. Doesn't it feel good? Feels pretty good, right? Easy. I'm in the middle of it. You just ruined it. Now I've got to start it again. Hang on. This really helps.

Oh, God. Yeah. I think I just, I'm in an advanced class. That was good. Thank you. So would you get one of these. robots? Would you, like he's saying, what do they do, though? Well, apparently they're going to come into our home, according to him. They're going to do housework, wash dishes, fold laundry, walk the dog, help your kids with their homework,

a massage you. I mean, who knows what they, she says they're going to do just about everything. And I guess in a way they could talk to you. I mean, these things, the hands articulate so fine on these robots now they can pick up an egg without breaking it. Wow.

So they say that these things are going to be as common as the cell phone. We're all going to have one. $20,000. And especially if you have an elder parent, now maybe they can stay in their home and have this robot companion that cares for most of their needs, can even talk to them probably. What say you, my child? Don't even know why I did that. I say, let's go. Let's do it. You would. I would probably be saying, I would probably not need a fiancé. Well, here's the other question. I figure if they're so articulate, I have a feeling that they will eventually get into the zone where they could, you know, create pleasure and it's probably not far from reality.

So you ask yourself, here's a moral societal question for you, my love, if these robots got so fine-tuned that they could assist people with their fantasies or their sexual needs or their erotic needs, would that in essence maybe cut down on all the creepy, perverted stuff that so many people seem to harbor and give them a release and give them a place to fill out these fantasies

where we don't have shows like Catch a Predator anymore? Or would it create such an isolationist society that everyone's like, I don't need a girlfriend, I don't need to talk to a man or woman. I'm going to go home to my, my robot and they're going to fulfill my desire. I think both will happen. I do too.

I think both things would happen. Yeah. I think it would help in a little, in a way. Yeah. And then it would destroy all of humanity as well. Yeah. But it would help like in the process, there would be less bad things happening to.

I think in a way it would cut down on a lot of that stuff. But what if it caused our whole system to shift, where the concept of dating or finding, a partner of the opposite sex became actually kind of obscure and weird. And babies would come from labs? People would just give their like sperm on their eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if they could put a fake womb on one of these robots and it could be transparent and you could look through it and watch the child.

I mean, who's to say they can't develop placenta? I feel like they did. I feel like they did develop a baby outside of a body. I wouldn't be surprised. but what if it was encased in your robot? I mean, these are the things that are happening. And look what happened with phone calls in our lifetime. When you liked a guy, when you were attracted to a male,

what would you do? You'd phone him. You'd communicate. You'd talk to him. You'd prank call him. You'd push him when you saw him. And then you'd prank call him and hang up. Usually his parents had answered.

But it is there. I can't remember what I was listening, but they made a good point where they're like, you just have to like talk to someone's dad. Like if you're a guy and wanted to talk to a girl, like, her dad would probably pick her. Right. You'd like have to go through like a line of defense. Yeah.

But think of now what we do, even before we've even met on a dating app or somehow you met someone online, you're talking to people just texting. You're not even verbalizing with them to pick up the nuance. Right. And you're not, you're not, you don't know about like if they smell right or when you meet somebody in person, they look. There's so much different than their pictures. Yeah. But this is the world we live in now. So then I take it one step further and go, well, what if being with a robot is easier than doing the human functionality thing where you meet and look at each other and sense each other?

And you just, I don't need all that work. I think I'm home. I know what I'm getting when I go home. And it's a fascinating time. Yeah, I don't think like it'll be good for the future of our civilization. But it could be good for us. Yeah. Because, wait, do you online date?

I did way back when, when it first started, I tried it. I tried the dating up. It wasn't for me. It was interesting. But I'd do it enough times, probably. Well, you're a hot girl, too. Girls are different. They can go on and have 40 dates in a night.

It's a woman, actually. That's what? Woman. What did I call you? Girl. Aren't you a girl? Well, I was just saying it like the, when I said, hi boys. Oh, right.

So you're a bye girl. I'm a bye girl. Yeah. Not yet. I could be. I think women become bi as they get older. Really? I find a lot of women say bye as they get older. Oh. Yeah. To death? To the world. But would you-

Does that happen to you a lot? You're dating a woman and then they get older and they say, you know what, Harlan, I'm done with you. It's not you going, you've got a little older. No, they walk in and they go, I've become by and I go, what do you mean? And they go, bye. I go, okay. Okay, summer still isn't over yet. Okay, we still got the warm weather, and I've been wearing my chubby shorts around, and yeah, I'm getting the looks, I'm getting the whistles,

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But I think it's an interesting time. I would invest in one of those robots, not for the relationship phase of it, but I think I would like to explore what it could do. And I think once it was in your home, I think it would evolve. It could evolve into something more. I wonder because, okay, so I think I have a problem.

So when I am dealing with people that work for me or something like that. It's like, I have to learn to delegate. I get triggered. Oh, I didn't communicate that correctly or they didn't get that. Like, did they not listen to me or did I not say it right? When it's a robot, like, if I'm, I'll be like, pissed at Sir, I'll be like, Siri, like, fuck you. I told you what to do, phone. Yeah, yeah. So you're not going to get as much, like, are you just going to be pissed at your robot if it doesn't do something right? Probably. But here's the thing the robots will be. My robot's broken. It's infused with AI, though. So that's the other thing.

I think it's going to learn your patterns, your moods, your inflections. I send it on the road for me. Yeah, you never know. Like, it will, I think because of AI, like in the old days, I think it would have been, I am your robot. Yes, I will get you a Kool-Aid. But now with AI, I think it's going to learn your desires, your needs, or when you're angry, what being angry means, how it's supposed to respond.

But don't you think attractiveness is like a, I smell a lot of the times. Yeah, they say that so much of the attractiveness to your person comes from sniffing the, what are they called, fearones? Yeah, the pheromones. Right in your neck area. They say that's very often one of the key primal trigger moments. That scent right here.

And I have no chin, so it's hard to find mine. Well, that's why you have the goatee. Yeah, mine, I have to let mine seep into the goatee. And so I have to, if I date a woman, she has to actually come up and sniff my dirty greasy beard. You should make it long. Yeah. Did you ever have a long one? I did. I had a long one. I had I had I had I had I've had it in different incarnations. I've had the big sort of lumberjack beard. I've had the long kind of whatever that is. But never just clean shaven. Oh yeah. I used to mostly clean shaven up until like maybe my 40s. Yeah. Yeah. Then you had to make a choice.

Well, I have no chin. So this sort of helps hide it, you know. But I really haven't. I've got like a like a pelican flap. I don't know if it's no chin or just... No, it's a pellet. I have minnows in here right now. I'm snacking while we're talking. Like they swim in my gullet in this flap, and then I sort of swallow them as we go along for nutrients. Really? Yeah.

So you don't have to eat. Well, I do, but I keep little nourishing treats in my meat flap. Well, this, you know, tends to go for us all. Yours is good, but I have a dirty meat flap. It hasn't come yet, but it will. Yeah. It comes to all of a sudden. Some people go like this.

They get this part of their head cut open. They peel their skin down and then they pull it up. You haven't done it, have you? No. I haven't done anything yet, but I watch my algorithm. You don't need to. But my algorithm shows me like post-face-lifts and you go, oh, my God, guys. What?

They cut your face open and then pulled it up. And you can tell it the ear. I can always see a facelift. You don't need it at all. But you just go, something looks different. Me? No, with people when they get a facelift. Oh, yeah.

Different. Doesn't look good or bad. Oh, yeah. They looked like they were a display in a wax museum, but there was a fire. Yes. And the flame sort of melted something, but the fireman got in just in time to put the fire out, but the damage was done. But it's also kind of cute. Like you're like, but it's also not the worst.

It's all very interesting. I like the people do things to try to make themselves look good. That's the thing with no chin. How do I get pulled? Like there's nowhere to pull. I've got no nowhere to... Look, there's no chin. I get nowhere to pull the meat.

I don't see no chin. Look, there's no like... It's probably because you sleep with your mouth open. Open, yeah. Waiting. But I have a chin. Waiting for what? Wondering.

Waiting for what? What does one wait for when one sleeps with their mouth gaping wide open? I don't know. Spiders to crawl in. Trying to keep this PG. I love hot dogs. If someone threw a hot dog in my mouth. A little Hebrew national.

Yeah, a little Hebrew national. Nathan's. Oh, Nathan. Ballpark, Frank. A foot long. I love it. You know, that's the thing you have a, you have a, like we're talking about breathing is an automatic, like, reaction in your body. You don't think about it.

It just happens. If I'm laying there with my mouth gaping open and a nice deep sleep, I'm dreaming about Reese Witherspoon and Cap Fondi, rest. wrestling and some foundation. Ooh, Cavendee's been baptized recently. Yeah. So I don't know if you'll get the wrestling. But I'm laying there and someone breaks into my house with a foot long

and sort of flicks it through the air like a baton. And it tumbles, lands right in my mouth. I think I'm going to have an autoimmune response where I just start eating it. And it goes into my chin and sits there and then I finish it in the morning. I like that. You would eat it, but would you like play with its balls? or... Why you got to make it dirty?

You're right, right. It's a hot dog treat. Yeah. Hot dogs don't... Weeners don't have balls. You're right. You're right. I was wrong.

Yeah. And that's what we're going to lose with AI and robots. What? The learning process. That could be a new gimmick, though. Like, you know, hot dogs have been around forever.

What if, like, like ballpark Franks or Nathan's or Hebrew National came out with a new gimmick, a new twist on hot dogs where the weaner had balls. Had balls.

And it was still the same meat. Here's the thing. People would buy it. Yeah. They would buy it. There'd be, people would write in. They could be tweets against them and stuff. But it would boost their sales.

Yeah. Imagine being at an LA Dodgers game and you look over and you see 300,000 people eating a hot dog with balls. Be pretty good. Because it's, when you take that last bite of the hot dog. It's just the problem when kids order the, they can't, you have an idea to order You have to be 21 or over to eat. Because we can't be having the kids.

When you take that last bite of your hot dog, it's sort of sad. But imagine if there's two meatballs hanging outside of the bun. Yes, because usually it's just a final closer. Yeah. You're like, ew, it's just like one bite of bun with ketchup on it. Yeah. But you're like, no, I have two strong balls to eat. Yeah.

I like that. I like the way you think. I think we could go into business. Well, I don't want anything to do with it, but you could. Balls Park. Balls Park, Franks. Balls Park Springs. I like the way you think.

I don't want you to ever get a face. You don't need it. You're like beautiful. You don't need it. I'm young. Yeah, but you're just having, you're naturally like you got tight. Like, I don't know if you're wearing Cap Von D.

Or Reese Witherspoon right now, but you're just, everything's. I got makeup on. What are those glasses? They're called Saline's. Don't try them on? Yeah, I'd love to. Celine Dionne or?

That would be cool. I don't know who the. Celine is. Near far, I know where you are. She has stiff persons disease. I had that this morning, actually. Is that wrong? I mean, it only lasted about 20 minutes and I got through it.

What's her problem? Get over it. Or something. It's called something like. Yeah, you're right. Like her, she's just gone brittle. Something sounds horrific. Yeah, she's, her skin's gone.

brittle and for a singer who has to... I know. She's like living in Vegas? Yeah. You don't want to be stiff. In Vegas. You want to be loose. You want to be having fun in Vegas. Oh yeah. Roll and dice. Are you a gambler? Yeah. I've done it at times. I'm not like an addict, but I used to love blackjack. I used to play all the time. That's what the addicts say. Yeah. Yeah. Here's what's weird. I'll go do a gig at a casino and I'll be there three, four days.

I won't sit down at the tables once. I haven't played blackjack in probably 15 years. It is tough. Like when you're doing the gig, you don't really want to do it during the gig. Well, I just got bored with it. Because if you play blackjack, at first it's fun. You're like, ooh, 20, 19, 18, double down split.

You're like, oh, but then eventually it's like, oh, there's another A's, another 12, there's another 17. Like, it's the same cards. A 12. Like just whatever the equation is. 12 together. I just got bored. I was like, okay. Parts in there back then. Yeah, it's like it's just they're just flipping guys. It's the same numbers.

I think it's the dopamine of the winning, losing, winning, losing, winning, losing. And eventually you realize for the most part they always win. Right. And I just got completely bored with it. I used to seek it out. I used to go, let's go play black check. Let's drive six hours to Vegas. And we just go play. This is a good Vegas outfit.

This is? Oh, yeah. It is. I think so. Yeah. With the glass. Now, I watch a guy named Vegas Matt. He's in his 60s. Yeah.

His son's 30. His friends are all somewhere in the age range. And they are like, they have money from real estate and other things, but they love to gamble. So they just play high limit slots. And they have the camera on the slots. Wow. Yeah. And they just put in, they'll lose 100 grand.

Like they'll just go, go, go high limits. And it's very fun to watch. And they're very funny together. And they do like half-time reports and then at the end they do a thing called get even or get even worse. Oh yeah. It's that older guy, right? Yeah, he's the best. Yeah. He's fine, but they never get bored. They do it all the time. They do, but they do it for a living too. Like they're making money off of it. Their merge, all of their stuff. Yeah. But they're making big bets. Like those guys will bet like a hundred grand and a pop. Yeah, it's crazy. I always wonder, because I feel like in the end, the house always always,

wins because the odds-wise the house always has a bit of an edge. So you got to wonder how those guys do how long they last. But they got to get bored too. I think they just, I think that you get bored and then you win. And then you're like, I'm not bored anymore. Yeah. It is, it is a high. And they probably got bored and then they're like, let's start betting more. But how depressing is it when you lose? It's so sad. Like it's really sad. You're really drained. And then you feel like an idiot because you did it. You did it. And you were up. and you're like, well, I'm up, I'll keep going up, and then all your winnings go down.

Then you go down a little, and you're like, well, I'm under where I was up, so I'll just go until I get up to that, and then you never get back up. And they know the psychology, and that's why they always win. One of my favorite, probably my favorite Vegas joke is by our boy Fraser Smith.

Do you know, Fraser? So Fraser's a legendary comic here in L.A., and he does this joke. If you've been to Vegas, he does this joke, man, I got so depressed, I wanted to kill him. myself after losing a gambling. I was staying at the Luxor, which is a pyramid, and he goes, I jumped out the top

window, and I just slid all the way to the ground. I love that joke. All right, should I give these back? Because I'm feeling really sexy. I don't want to be too sexy. Wear him if you want. But I feel like I've turned into Tim Dillon. Oh, yes, he's very big glasses. Because he wears the glasses. Now I'm Tim Dillon. You know, America's going to shit. We got the down. diarrhea bug, and it's a summer of shit. Now, everyone's shitting everywhere.

Everything smells like shit. Everything looks like shit. America's shit. Right? Yes. That was perfect. Thanks. I love Tim.

I have a pair of glasses Tim gave me, but these are. You do? Yeah. I asked Tim to be on this podcast. He said he would, but then he kept sort of like bailing. Well, he, he's a hard guy to grab. He's just very like, yeah, he just goes with the wind. Yeah.

It's fun hanging out with him because you never know where you're going to end up. Yeah. One time I was staying at his house and he just knocked on the door and he goes, pack your bags. I got us a helicopter. We're going to be in the Hamptons in two hours. He's like, you got 20 minutes. I was like, okay. What?

Why were you staying at his house? I stay with him. When I go to New York, I stay with him. He's one of my best friends, yeah. No, he's not. Yes. I've known him since forever. We started comedy.

Wow. Yeah. And he just, did you go to the Hamptons? I went to the Hamptons with I was on a helicopter. He showed me where my dad grew up. He's like, your dad grew up over there. Wait, where was the helicopter? It was in New York.

It was just he just ordered one. Like to land on a building? Or did you have to go to an airport? It was like on the water somewhere by like the pier. Oh, wow. And then it landed just like on the ground. Just on a whim. He's a whim. Tim's a whim, man.

Tim the whim. Tim the whim. I like that. So that's why he'll say yes to something and then, but he might be somewhere else. Yeah, I don't take it. personally. He's come to every show that I've, that he's said he'll do of mine. He's come to except one. I go, are you coming? And he just sent me a picture of him on a boat. Oh, wow. I like that better than a no. I think it's fun. Yeah, because then you know it's real.

He's like, at least he's somewhere and he's having fun. And he's being hilarious about it. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Well, I want to talk about something that I know you're a fan of that you love. A lot of people might not know this about you, but you're reptile. and your amphibians. We got all our reps. You got you. You love them. You got them.

Here's the thing. They are Todd's. They're my fiancise. But I am like a stepmom. So it's like I love them, but they don't look like me. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I love them. Yeah. You have like 40 lizards and 30 turtles. Like if we got a divorce, like that wouldn't be in the divorce. Like I'd be like 30 lovers. You'd be like take them. Yeah.

In fact, the reason for divorce is probably the reptiles. Yeah. Ereptile differences. Ereptile differences. What is the deal, though? Here's the thing. You know, amphibians and reptiles, many of them lay eggs. Like turtles lay eggs.

Do lizards lay eggs? Do some lizards lay eggs? I think they come from eggs, yes. I've never seen them born. Snakes come from eggs. Snakes, lizards, turtles, and all these things that chickens, sharks lay eggs. All these things lay eggs.

And then here's what I don't get. Maybe you can help me with this egg dilemma. ants. How is it that ants lay eggs? Ants lay eggs, tiny little eggs? Yeah, they have little eggs. Like if you kick an ant nest open, all the ants scurry around, and then the first thing they do, the ants grab the little eggs and they run around. That's like if we had an earthquake here in Los Angeles,

and everything was shaken and fell apart. If me and you ran to Whole Foods and grabbed the eggs and we're running around with eggs, they're expensive. What's with the eggs? But ant eggs. I don't know anything about it. about ant eggs. I don't even know. It's in that weird? But they must be so small. They're so small. They look like they're smaller. They look like a little tic-tac, but smaller. It couldn't be a tic-tac. Can you imagine ordering that at like a Denny's Tick-Tac? Yeah. If a Tick-Tac laid an egg,

it would be an ant-ag. Yes. Imagine at Denny's. You said, yes, I'd like a two egg, ant-egs over medium, please. And they like bring them out on a breadcrumb. Like you can barely, Like, what's the protein value in an ant egg? You'd have to eat. Well, a quail egg. Quail egg, yeah. A tiny little baby egg. Yeah.

I like those. I like them. On top of my sushi, I like a raw quail egg. Raw? Pops in your mouth. Isn't that unhealthy? I have no. It's never, listen, I didn't even get diarrhea from Taco Bo.

Yeah. Booty hole of steel over here. Whoa. Yeah. Really? No, I did have diarrhea. I don't know where it was from. Sometimes you just get phantom diet.

It's just comes. Yeah. Phantom ria. Phantom ria. Yeah. But yeah, these little tiny eggs, it's like crazy. I don't know if you, how would you make an ant egg omelet? You'd need like, you'd need like, or you'd need like three million eggs.

Have you ever seen the people that make little, tiny little like kitchens and they like cook little. Yeah, they make little like life scale models. Yeah, what's that all about? I do like that it exists. I can't say that I would partake in the process of making one, but I do enjoy watching it. But sometimes the eggs will break. They put a yolk in them somehow.

What if you're an ant and you stumble into that setup? And it's still too big for you? Yeah. You're like, this is huge in here. Wow. It's like when we go to those museums and they have a giant chair. Yeah. Did you see the viral video of someone gave their dad a weed edible?

And then they went to one of those things. And their dad was like cracking up and couldn't handle the giant. giant chair. Oh, wow. I wish you'd seen it. Talking about it's not as good. Well, I wanted to go to that place. It's called the Museum of Optical Illusions. And I went there and it took me three days to try and find the front

door. So I just laughed. Size of an ant-agged, I said. Creepazilla. Have you been to like Meow Wolf? What is it? Do you know about Meow Wolf? No. It's like a museum, but you can go, it's like a

psychedelic-looking. museum and there's a story. Someone's been kidnapped and you kind of go through and try to solve this story. It's cool though. Oh, it's a lot like you open a refrigerator and then it's like a pathway like an escape room? It is escape room adjacent, I would say. Okay. I did an escape room once and I hated it. It's a lot. Well, I went with like seven friends and they were all into it. They were all like, they love finding the clues. And then I felt like an outsider because I was in like, this is ridiculous. We're grown-up people. We just paid to go into a room or pretending that there's some impending doom about, like, we're all going to be killed. And everyone's rushing around five times

seven, get the doorknob that turns to the left, find the key. And I didn't know how to participate because I didn't buy into it. I'm probably an ass for not done. I'm the only guy. So I wanted to feel inclusive and I wanted them to feel my presence. So the whole time, we were in there about an hour. And here's me. I'm just going, yeah, here we're. we go. Like every minute and a half of like, oh yeah, here we go, there it is.

And, oh, good job, guys. That's good. You're like an encouraging. But I was just, but even that was insincere. Were you with the medians or regular people? I was just with regular folks. Yeah. But they were so into it. I'm just standing behind about two feet.

Oh, yeah, here we go. Because I feel like all the comics would be doing that too. That'd be like, oh, we observe things. We don't do them. Well, there is something, there's a trickery involved. You have to pretend you're being locked into like a bomb shelter. Yeah, it's role playing. I did one with, and it's very theater majory.

It's like, it is very kind of like nerdy theater. It's like very like renaissance. But I did one with my family in Arizona once and it was zombie themed. And I paid for it and they were like, do you want to pay an actor to come in as a zombie? And I said, absolutely. Of course you do. So I paid for it and everything. And then when the actor came in, I was.

scared. Oh, it freaked you out. I was in fighter flight. Like, I, they got me Oh, wow. To the point where I was like, kind of like shoving my elderly parents. Like, I really was like, didn't know my instinct. Oh, my God. I thought my instinct would be to protect, but I was very, I pushed my mom. Eat her. Eat her. I hurt the actress. Oh, damn. Yeah. Wow. So I don't know. I got, I got too into it.

Maybe that's what you're afraid of. You'll get too into it. Yeah, but also does that make me, I also felt like, does that make me like a pretentious snob? that I wasn't into it. Yes. But I tried, at least I gave an effort so they could feel. And I think it was towards... Must have been a tough hour, though.

It must have been a tough hour for you. It was. And then I think it was the last 10 minutes. Like three of them just, they were like trying to undo a safe and get through a door this big. And I think three of them turned around and just went, would you stop yelling?

Oh, here we go. Like, you haven't done any... Like, I think they called me out. Are you being like annoying about it? Well, I think towards the end, that became my, my means of having fun is to overdo it. And I think they started to finally pick up on it.

Well, maybe you would annoy them into getting out of the escape room faster. It's good. There was an escape room near my house when I used to live in Hollywood. And they had a coffee shop too. And they would give you a free cup of coffee if you did the escape room. Okay. And I always thought that was funny. It's like, are you supposed to chug it first?

Your stomach is all fucked up. So you're like trying to get out faster. But it's not like, I feel like I want like a hot cup of coffee before I go. Yeah. Hang out with my, you're like close breathing with everyone. Yeah.

Trying to figure out little codes. Some of them are very hard though. I've done like three. You did. Did you enjoy it? Did you get into it or were you like me just kind of. I get into the puzzles. Well,

I am like you usually, but I did get into, I did get into it. Okay. Now I feel like a bit of a brat. I like to win. I like to win. Am I a brat?

No, it's like a competitive fun. No, I think. What am I? Well, I was like, I would watch like, I would, like at school dances, I was always like, I'm coolly than all the people dancing. Like, I was that what I was doing? Yeah, maybe.

So what does that make me? What am I? Fucking piece of shit. Wow. Wow. You owe seven people in a policy. Can I just do a quick breathing exercise after here? And a robot wouldn't teach you this.

This is what breathing exercises in Chicago sound like. Okay, I'm bad. Because it's windy. Windy city, yeah. Okay, next topic. Do you like head? Like cowhead? No, no, like showerhead. Like, do you?

You know I know better than you. I know better than to ever answer seriously. Talk to me about shower heads. Okay, so when I was in, when I was on, what was it, what was the first one? MySpace. Okay. I used to be in a relationship with shower head, detachable shower head was my joke. What do you mean?

Because girls would use a detachable shower head to pleasure themselves. It was like a starter robot. They do? Yeah, it was like a starter robot. Like the ones that come off in the handle and you can get your ginch.

You were doing what with it? But you could get your cookie with it. Your cookie. Talk to me. Don't know that term. Talk to me. Say that again. You really do.

Just place people in a bind, don't you? Say it again. Cookie, a cookie. You call it that? Sometimes. I've never heard that. It's like a cuter version. Than the woman's vagina.

Vulva. A vulva. Cookie. My mom said cunt. Like the other day like the word like. Yeah. It's weird to talk about what my mom said, but I'll just say. No, we should talk about it.

She goes, I don't like using bubble bath because it hurts my cunt. And I go, mom, I don't think people use cunt as like the actual word. They don't? I've heard it a lot. Scram it in my cunt. Did a girl ever say that to you? Sure. She was a truck driver.

I always think that that word is to call someone or like in London it's like a pal. Like I got my cunt. Yeah, in London. It's like you, you're fucking cunt. Yeah, it's like a pal. Go on give me a fucking point, you can't. Oh yeah, it's a term of endearment there. It's like saying buddy.

And here it's like the, it's like a mean word. But I've never heard anyone be like, you could see her cunt in that. Yeah. And to hear your mom say it. It was crazy. And for your mom's sea word to hurt from a bubble? How sensitive is her? Like a bubble's like air with a shell around it.

It sounds like a cookie, right? Huh? Sounds like a cookie. I don't like the word cookie because now I'm picturing the kebler elves crawling out of your hole. Oh, but also, wait. No, I was thinking of a Fig Newton. Oh, he's a lot bigger. If you put to the side, a fig Newton's very vaginal in a way.

Yeah. I could see. I could probably go. But I don't know who said cookie because I heard it from others. Yeah. It's something I picked up over the years, but I wouldn't see a cookie and think it looks like a vagina. If we're going to give it food, I'd say maybe more like a blueberry turnover.

Blueberry? Yeah, because it's got that purplish hue and it's sort of flipped over and sometimes can be flaky. Flaky. Yeah. Especially in the senior center. Yeah, my brother. Yeah, okay. So your mother dropped the C word.

She just said it like it was in an anatomy. And how did it make you? You seemed like taken aback. I went, Mom, that's so weird. You said it like that. Now, here's where I'll give her, I'll give her a pass because there was a C pass. You're giving her a C pass. I'm going to give her the Coomte Pass.

So there's a, where I grew up, there's a college called, it was called Beaver College. And once the internet started putting parental locks on certain words. Right. Beaver was coming up as a porn word. Yeah. So people weren't able to search for Beaver College. So they had to change their name. To Cunt College?

Well, this is what was happening. So when we would drive by, we would pick different names. That was like a joke. Okay. So it would be like, Cunt University, slit you, all this stuff. But my mom would say slit. Like my mom always kind of came in with the one that was the most crazy. And she seems the least crazy.

Has your mom ever dropped the axe wound? No, axe wound? would be, but I, but I wouldn't be shocked if she did it at this point. Wow. But do you know what I mean? Yeah, but can we go back to your mother's area?

I'm going to say, sure. Let's say her blueberry turnover. Okay. Your mother's blueberry turnover is approached by a bubble which just is air in a very thinn sheen, thinner than paper. It touched her blueberry turnover and she had a reaction?

That's like having a... That would be like an elf whispering into my knobhole. Like you'd barely feel it. Yeah. Or a little person. What are we talking about? I just realized what are we talking about? I'm talking about my mother's nethers.

You met my mom. Here we are. We're in America. We're talking about knobholes and old ladies... Anyway, Tim... You met my mom. I did meet your mom the other night. Hang on, I dropped the shower head.

Can I go get it? Of course. Bebend down and get the head. Hey everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me. Yours truly. Guess what?

I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. and man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies, we got coffee mugs, we got t-shirts, you name it. It's there at Harbling.com.

Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support. And I'll just keep the groovy images coming. The reason I brought this thing up is because, look how big this is. It's crazy. I make waffles with this when I'm not showering. It would be a delicious waffle.

It would hold so much of the butter and the syrup in it. Right? But here's the thing. This thing, I had this in my shower. It's one of these ones. They call it the tropical rainforest one. It drops down on you. Because, you know, we all want to shower in a,

tropical rainforest with black adders and scorpions. But eventually these little things fill up with this white calcium stuff that clogs it. So you start with 73 little openings. And at the end, it's like, what happened to the tropical jungle shower? Now it's like there's a lizard pissing on me from a eucalyptus somewhere. But my question is, what is that white calcium stuff that is powerful enough to block this. It's our shower water. This shower water is also the same water we drank. Right. So if this shower water is clogging up 87 freaking pores in a tropical rainforest,

what the hell is this water that I'm drinking doing to my arteries? That's what hard water is, right? I guess so. But I always get a filter for, I have a filter in between that step and the actual thing. There's a filter right here. Wait, what? Yeah, there's a filter you buy. Yeah. And it goes here. Oh, wow. And then you screw it in. And this will be a little lower, but it'll cover, it won't come out with the calcium. So you would need that on your tap if you're doing drinking water from a tap.

Yes. But most people don't. Who's drinking tap water? Are you serious? Just drinking from the tap? I know a lot of people that drink from the tap. Were these the people you were shaming at the escape room? No.

Because I was going to say maybe they deserve it. Here we go. Here we go. Now I'm on your side. now on your side. You're clogging your arteries. Here we go. No, but that's a real thing. And I think California has it bad. Yeah, like I had to get rid of this because I'm not going to sit there in my chair like Betsy Ross, like needle pointing the American flag and get a toothpick and go into 97 little things like I'm, you know, giving acupuncture to a porcupine. Like I just went out

and bought a new shower head for $43. Because you'd have to, you'd probably have to be really tough with it too. Yeah. And then you're, you know, you're just pushing the calcium back in. So when you put the water pressure, it pushes it back in. And now you're clogged again. It's like trying to milk a cow that has corks in its tits. The hell are we talking about? I'm pissed for you.

You're pissed? I'm upset for you. Do you get angry easy? Only when it's for other people. You do? Are you a thrower? Like when you get angry, have you ever like thrown something? Oh, for sure.

Talk to me. I don't know that I'm currently that, but I've definitely. have? Yeah, my dad was a thrower. My mom said that when they first got married, they were going to flip houses. Yeah. And so they bought like a rundown house. Yeah. And she said within five hours, my dad had thrown a hammer into the wall. So she banned him and it was just her project. But did he ever throw stuff at like, no, not at people. At people. Did you? At people. When I was a kid, I did, yeah. I had a glasses case. I had glasses when I read. Yeah. And I had this like hard glasses case. and my teacher told me to relax and I threw it at him

and I had to go down to the office and hang out with the principal that was in trouble that's why I have to do breath work and stuff yeah but I try to not get mad yeah yeah since my dad died especially because he was very he was very he worked on his anger and stuff

but we had a lot in common like my bad traits really are very you could trace them back to him to your dad we were just a lot alike so then I feel like since he died I have to like for both of us I have to drop anything that we kind of had in common that wasn't positive.

Can we talk? If you don't want to talk about, we don't. No, but I was going to ask you, and if it's too invasive, stop me. But it sounds like did he die recently? He died in February, yeah. I'm sorry. Can we ask how? He died, he had a stroke.

He was in the hospital. He had the blue. And then so, and then he had a stroke in the middle of the night. But it was really, it was actually like very peaceful. It was a good way to go. Yeah. I feel very lucky. I'm very happy for him because he didn't want to get dementia.

He was 84. Wow. He didn't want dementia, and he was just, like, his sister who's younger than him, I just went and visited her, and it's not a good situation. Yeah. It's like, she's horrible. She's in trouble. Yeah. I'm like, she's in trouble.

So I'm like, we have to, like, figure out what to do with her. But my dad didn't want that. And it's obviously in his family. Yeah. And so he was just starting to be like a little bit off, not a lot, like, just like beginning. And everything he was doing was trying to do brain games and stuff to try to keep his mind. So when he died, it was a good, it was good timing for him. Did he remember you?

Oh, of course. No, he didn't forget. He didn't have to mention yet, but I think he was like. Oh, okay. And no, he was perfect. He was so fun and, like, great and hilarious and to the very end. Well, first of all, I am so sincerely sorry. That's tough.

I know that's right. It's funny when a parent dies. Your mom's still with us, obviously, but my mom died about six years ago. And when other people's, you know, family die, you feel it. Yeah. But when you have one of your own parents, they're part of you, it opened a hole in my heart that I didn't know existed. Like when my mom, and I wasn't super close with my mom, but when she passed, I'm telling you, it felt like a hole opened up and it's still never closed because they created you.

Yeah. There's some kind of, if you don't believe in the spirit world or spiritual connectivity, way to one of your parents passes, you feel that so deeply like something I'd never, a hurt I'd never felt before. Yeah, no, it's been brutal. I'm sorry. But I was always worried about him dying. I was always thinking about it because he had heart stuff since I was really little. So I was always like, oh, I would do ayahuasca and it was always about my dad dying. Oh, wow.

Always about my dad dying. So then when he did die, it was kind of crazy because I'm like, oh, my God, this thing that I've been worried about. Yeah. Did happen because there was a part of myself that I think I let myself think he would just never die. Yeah, that's what I'm, my dad's 96. They just don't die. They just don't die. He would go in the hospital.

He would come out when he didn't come out. And he, so he had the stroke, and they kept him alive on life support for me to come back and see him. I was on a comedy cruise. I was with the workaholic, so I was one day out of the cruise. Oh, at least you got back. But I did get to go back and I got to talk to all this stuff. But we talked every day, so there wasn't like a, you know, I miss talking to him, but I don't feel like I didn't say anything. I don't feel like a regret.

I feel very lucky. Oh, that's good. And not that you want anyone to die, but the fact that he passed, like you said, comfortably. my worst thing is my mother went the other way. She had lung cancer. And it was one of those deals where she went in the hospital. She's there for like, you know, six weeks. And it's the family going in every day,

slowly watching them fade until they take their last breath. And it's horrible. And I literally had to do a thing where I knew it was the last time I'd be with her. You know, you're in the room with them. I'm never going to see them alive again. And it's so, I'm all about if you know it's interesting we'll put our dogs down which sounds cruel and inhumane but we'll put our dogs down if they're in discomfort and they can't even communicate with us but we go

I think he's not good anymore let's put him to sleep but for some reason we'll lay human beings linger they're suffering they're not feeling and they feel it and they're screaming and the family has to absorb all that and and it's like why are we putting dogs and cats down but we can't and I don't want to sound mean or in compassion, but why can't we put humans down? And then they're at a place mentally where they can't really make the choice. They can't. Yeah, I know it's so sad. Yeah.

But no, I'm very proud of my dad. I think he went in a really good way. And he didn't, I always would hang out with him when he was in the hospital. Yeah. And he wouldn't let me come this time. And it was, I think, because I probably would have, there was a blizzard. I probably would have stayed over that night. Yeah.

And I would have told them to, like, resuscitate him or something. And then he would have been, he would have been so mad at me. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm so grateful. You know, my mom. I were around all these older people now, so we see, like, what could happen. And it was really... And he was at the hospital.

My mom didn't have to find him. It wasn't like... Yeah. It was good. And then my mom is 10 years younger than him, and she's very healthy and very young. Yeah. So we're doing all these things together that she was never able to do because she had to take care of my dad.

So it's good. There's a lot of gifts. And my mom and I are getting along. It feels like my dad's, like, bringing us together. It's cute. That's good. What's your dad's name? Scott.

Scott, R-I-P. Scottie. One thing I always say. and is it is, you know, I always feel like when we do comedy, when we're on stage or when we're doing stuff like this and we have our parents and our family that have, I feel like somehow comedy connects us. Like they're, they're looking down to Scotty. I hope you're with us right now laughing and enjoying and proud of your beautiful daughter and we're just having a good time and you're with us. We feel you. That's exactly how I feel. Since he died when I do my shows,

is it's like, I have to bring it up because it's what I'm going through. And I always find other people's dead relatives and stuff. And we just, I incorporate them into like the whole show and stuff. Because it's like something falls over. I'm like, oh my God, it's your sister. She thinks you're a bitch, you know, or whatever. But it's fun. You know, and I do believe that they're with us.

Yeah. And I think with death, I think I find personally if you bring humor into death, even though it's hard to think there could be humor, I think the spirit world, they love it. We love it. If you believe in God, God gave us the ability to create humor, and he showed us that we all need humor. Even freaking Hitler and Saddam Hussein laughed at something.

And so when we... Right, the size of that tiny penis, huh? Yeah. So when we bring that energy into our world and the spirit world, I think it's a cosmic blend, and I think it's beautiful. Yeah, and it's just that sort of like accepting that your loved one is like a different thing. Yeah. It's so annoying, though. I feel annoyed, is what I think. No, it's, it's frustrating because you don't know the answers to it, but you just... But I believe. Yeah. It's weird as human beings through, through history, since the dawn of civilized man and even uncivilized cave people, if you look at cave drawings, there's some extra sensory perception that we have that the human soul and the human energy just doesn't evaporate and disappear. And we won't know till we get there, but, you're not. We don't know till we get there, but, but somehow we, most of us, intrinsically believe that.

And it's just too peculiar that all of us coming from different walks of life and different historical backgrounds and heritage and lineage that somehow we're all wired to believe that. So there's got to be something to it, I believe. Yeah. It's pretty powerful. No, I've been, my mom, for my dad's memorial, I surprised my mom with, I got five blow-up dolls and I put my dad's face on them and dressed them in his clothes. And I had them like hanging up, it was awesome.

Yeah. It was like windy. He was like blowing in the wind. It was so funny. So we like, we will bring a blowup doll around with us and do some shit. My family is very blow up doll friendly. We've got a lot of blow up to the years. We'd like to commemorate dad with a blowup doll.

But he would be so, he would love it. I just know my dad's so well. And I bring his ashes around and I shake it like a rattle. I call the daddle. Oh wow. Oh, really? I fuck with them. That's good.

But I know he'd like it. Yeah. So you know he's, he's present. omnipresent. Oh yeah. Yeah, I feel the same about my mother. It's a good feeling to have you. Wish they were still here, but it's a, it's a good backup to feel their presence. And the alternative would be him having a really bad quality of life. Yeah, yeah. And then I can't communicate with him anyway because he's not. It's better to go. I always said I'd rather have a heart attack than dwindle away. Yeah. Change in subject, speaking of blow-up dolls, thank you for sharing, by the way.

Oh, thanks for asking. No, I always want to talk about my dad. Great. But I had an experience recently with a blow-up doll type of thing that I hate deceptive advertising. And you've seen these things, these doll, these blow-up dolls that they got the air in them and they wiggle around. You know, and I'm walking down the street the other day here in L.A. And you know, they're always something exciting, right? But they're, you know, they're these tall, skinny, emaciated creatures with the hollowed out sunken in eyes. and they're skinny as all hell.

And I'm walking down the street and I see one of these like emaciated skeletal things blowing. And I'm like, oh, probably a big shoe sale or I could get some new tennis shoes. Right. So I run into the place and it was an AIDS clinic. Oh, it was just someone waiting for their...

Well, they were using the looks like it as a. And I go in and I go, what the hell? I go, I don't have AIDS. And they go, well, you know, do you want to... Not yet. Do you want it? That's actually what the sale was. Yeah. So I was a...

What a pisser. Is AIDS still? I don't mean to sound... Is it still a thing? Is it a thing? It's not as trendy as it used to be. Herpes has come back. Herpes is bad? And SARS. I heard it does. It comes back a lot.

I got SARS and herpes. You got SARS? I got SARS and her... I got herpes SARS. It was like a double. I'm SARS-y to hear that. Yeah. Well, hopefully someone comes to my AIDS. Oh, my God. All right, we're down to our final segment.

What a show. What a show. What a shoe. You know our segment. It's words from a wooden shoe. You reach inside, pull out a random word, and see if it triggers a story from Annie Letterman's wonderful journey in life. What do we got? Puking in public.

Oh, wow. I got a good story. Oh, here we go. How could you not? There's a TV show called. the challenge. It was the road world's real world challenge. So there was the real world and the road rules

was for MTV shows. Then they would bring the reality stars together and they make them do different challenges and they can win money at the end. They came to shoot. I was working as a go-go dancer in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It was very tough. I don't know. It was a small town. I got the game. So go-go-dance are just dressed kind of slutty and dance on it.

Yeah. Little leather, white mini skirt with boots. Yeah, nice. So, so I am working as a go-go dancer and then the real-world road rules cast comes in and the reality show, you know, so that cameras on them. This is the night they were off, which is either great, I'm either grateful for or I'm sad about because it's not in a good episode. I get so hammered that night because I'm excited. Oh, wait, this might have been my night off. Okay. Here we go. So they're all, they're all going to Swig was the name of the club. Okay. And I, and I,

I'm sick, but I know that they're coming in. So I'm a big fan of the show, so I'm like, I have to go. So I chug a bunch of dayquil. Okay, which is... And it was nighttime? And it was nighttime. Why didn't you do nightquil? Because I wanted to stay up.

Dayquil. Dayquil. So I do that. And then I was young, so I was drinking a lot of white Russians. You know, you always drink the milky drinks when you're first starting. So I drink that and I get so wasted that I throw up all over the cast. I throw up a light orange, milky peat. puke all over them.

Oh, like creamsicle. Yeah. A creamcicle vomit all over them. All over each cast member. It was all over this one girl choral who was like kind of a big bitch, you know? Yeah, she had a comment. And then there was a really ripped girl and she was like trying to fight me because I think some sprinkled on her.

But I was told this. I was in a blackout. Yeah. Yeah. And then I drove home. No better way to win a fight than puking creamsicle vomit all over someone. It either ends or starts the fight. fight. Yeah, it's like remember when alien, that alien used to open his mouth and he'd spray out the

acid. Yep. Oh, good for you. Nobody wants a bodily fluid on them. But creamsicle's a little delicious. I wonder, you got to wonder if maybe they're like, ew. Mixed with a little bile taste. Yeah. A little acidic. Give it a little kick. It's like a little, like lemon had been squirted in it. But it was fun and I wish they had been, it would have been cool if they'd been recording. Yeah. Wasn't Theo Vaughn on that show? He was on Road Rules, yeah.

That would have been fun if it was him, you've got on. That would be the reason for... He never talks about it, though. I was trying to talk to him about. He never did. Oh, really? Huh. Interesting.

Funny little fella. I'm always like, what if we did a funny? I know, funny hair, too. I like his haircuts. Yeah, he says, he calls himself a lesbian. He says it's a lesbian haircut. I haven't seen him in a while. Have you seen him recently?

No. I think he moved to Tennessee or something. Yeah, I think he's in Nashville, but it's like, come visit. Yeah, come visit. Are you at, Theo? Come, come by. Let me puke on you, guy.

You'll throw up on you. Yeah. That's what you're missing out on. Wow. Well, Annie, what a treat before we go. Let the folks know where they can see your stand-up comedy. Let them know about your podcast. Anything you want to tell them about, this is your moment, gal.

Okay. Let's see. Here we go. Don't give exact dates because we don't know when this will air, but you can tell them city. Why don't you just go to Annie? Go to, okay. That's good. Yeah.

That's good. That's good. And then if they make it, they make it. I'm going to be in Rochester, New York. I'm going to be in, fuck, I really can't. There's a lot of them. Just one. She has one date.

That is actually sad sometimes when you do. I'm going to be in Cleveland and then next year I should be somewhere else. Ticket sales haven't been going well. They only booked me once a year. I think we need more music. I know. I'm sorry. No, it's okay.

It's all right. It's hard to find my own website. You don't want to promote your shows. I do, I do. I can make them up if you want. Music is good. She'll be in Anchorage. She'll be in...

That would be fun. No, I'm not going to make them up. You'll find them. Or you could just say go to my website. There's also my website, but I'm going to be on the East Coast a lot. I'm going to be in... I'm coming to... You don't know.

San Francisco. Cobbs and San Francisco. Fun. Oh, wow. Yeah. Fun place to be. Okay. And then lots of East Coast gigs.

And then tell them about your wonderful podcast too. Well, I have Annie what? I have, it is on hiatus. Oh, it is? My father died. Ah, understood. Since our episode. Since I was on.

Yeah, I killed it. Yeah. Yeah, used the dead father as an excuse. It'll come back. It'll come back. Yeah. Well, before we do our final, final, I feel this would be apropos. Do you want to say a little message to dad who's watching us right now?

Dad, I'm sorry Mom said, it was. very weird. And you probably know she says that because you were married her, but it was weird. And I'll make sure she doesn't say that too much. I'll keep her in line. No, I talk to my dad every day. Scotty. I pray to my dad. Yeah. I have a little altar of him. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Well, Scotty, you were here with us today, your beautiful, talented daughter. Annie, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. It was so fun. It was great. And until next time, watch your cookies, chicken chau-main. and we'll see you next time. Why are we pointing?

I like a point. You make a good point. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, at your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic. You want me to discuss. Give me some talking points.

And off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.