The Harland Highway - BOBBY LEE returns to air out some issues, talk about love, loneliness, friendship, and buckteeth!

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

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devices, alerts you to real-time threats, and more. Start your free trial at ora.com slash control. That's a-U-R-A-com slash control for your free trial. We're friends, right? How long we've been friends? I was thinking about something that you did to me a long, long time ago. Really? Yeah.

And how did that? It hurt me. I didn't know. Hold on, hold on. Bobby, how did that? It'll make you feel. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway show.

Harland Williams. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Hi, Bob. I don't think I've ever called you Bob. I just said Bob. I don't think you've ever called me by my real name at the comedy store. I haven't. No.

Yeah, you're right. I never do. So it's always like Tutsi McGivens or what you mean? Yeah. Rarulamah. Shy guy. Shy guy. Sarah Silverman, you call him a couple of times.

But that's an honest mistake. Yeah, would you call me the other night since, oh, you're, oh, yeah, so you bring me up on stage. Yeah. And you told everyone I was your son. Yeah. Yeah. And then I yelled from the back.

Yeah. I'm not your son. And then I said that hurts daddy. That's right. And then I said, okay, dad. And I went up on stage. but it's a lie you're not my dad

what if inside I want to be your dad you could have been a better dad would you have been better than your dad did you beat me okay let me ask this it's a tough question right out of the gate what did your dad beat you with and how

penis you beat you with his no no no god that would be the softest beating ever I wouldn't even bruise you it's like getting you with a banana right yeah i know yeah yeah he didn't really beat you did he he did i can see it in your

eyes yeah oh bobby oh no what why how did he beat you walk me walk me why he beat me why he beat bobby why he no he um what do you mean why like what did you do to deserve a like a beating everything i talk back i don't like the rice dude yeah i said mom i don't like this rice what I go, what are you, what you say? What are you talking about? Right, and he'd pick up a golf club. He didn't even yell four? Yeah, golf club, right?

But then his penis would hit my head like this. Dude, no, I'm kidding. The golf club. Is that a birdie or? Do you have eyebrows or are they just thinning out? You're getting older. Is that what it is? What's going on?

Yeah, yeah, what's going on there? I paint them on. This is Kat Von D's Midnight Sun splash. It is. It's a good product. From Sephora. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't wear any Cavendee?

No. Oh, dude, you can use a nice foundation. Kat Von D's Solar Eclipse of the Heart. I could see that like really bringing out your demented eye, your eyes. I look up her catalog. Is she have a catalog? She has a catalog. Yeah.

She also has some cattle. She has 12 cows. Yeah. And there's a log in the art. So she has a cattle log. You know what? Fuck you. We're making me say that.

I didn't want to say that. And you made me with your. Eyes. I know because, you know, you want to promote her stuff deep down inside. Yeah. Can I say another thing? Please, Bobby Lee. Oh, your front tooth teeth, having a contest with the other teeth to see who's longer?

Right. One of them's longer, right? Is there a contest or a race or something? You know what's weird? This just started. Yeah, yeah. This started about three years ago. Yeah, friendo.

Yeah. Friendo. Yeah. Friendo. Stop. Friendo. Hey, friendo. Hey, friendo.

Well, yeah, I'll go ahead. Yeah. What about it? I love, you know, when we talked about the friendo? Yeah. I re-watched the movie. Isn't it great? What a great movie.

What's the guy's name, the Spanish actor? Harvey R. Borealis Fidelis? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? Harvey Bardon. Baddend. And did you love the movie? I'd already seen it before, you fucking guy.

I know, but you've seen all the movies. I saw Hudson Suckercr proxy. I saw Barton Fink Miller's Crossing I've seen Blood Simple Raising Arizona Yeah Who knows I do

Wow yeah I didn't know you were such a movie guy Those are all Cohen Brothers movies Bingo Wow Yeah yeah Give me some other directors I'll tell you that

Kubrick Talk to me about Kubrick Yeah clockwork orange dude Barry Lyndon Am I not right or no Yeah clockwork orange Full Metal Jacket The Shining

Shining Dr. Strange Love Wow. No? Yeah. You're versed. Fuck, yeah, dude. You're versed. Yeah.

Spartacus? No. Yeah, he directed Spartacist. Got you. No. He didn't direct Spartac. He did. Really?

Spartacus. Yeah? How many movies did? Give me Wes Anderson movies. Uh, Philadelphia. I call it East Coast AIDS. Yeah. It's a good movie.

Yeah. East Coast AIDS. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like East Coast AIDS or West Coast? I like kind of South American AIDS. Dude, because it goes fast or no? It just, I don't know.

It burns different. Yeah. It hits different. It's just spicier. It's salcier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez, Christina. When you ever say South American AIDS, I just get a cough, I get a cough on up.

Are you sick, guy? No, guy, I feel great, guy. I'm curious why you went for the eyebrows. I've never really had anyone comment on my beautiful eyebrow. Where'd that come from? Like, you obviously, your eyes were drawn to my brows. You provoke me. What is it, though?

Like, what triggered... It's, you provoke me. And now a moment with our eyebrows. Yeah. Can you communicate with your eyebrows? Tell me something... I can do that. Boon, boom.

Okay, what am I saying? If you're asking me if I can communicate it with my eyebrows, right? What are we saying? Yeah. I know. Okay, so. I'm not finished. Boong.

Boong, boom, boom. Oh, okay. Well, that's a lot. I can't memorize all that. Okay, let me, let me start from the beginning. Okay. And then I'll tell you what it is. And then you keep continue.

I'll shorten it down. Ready? The alamo was a conspiracy to create dissonance with the little people. No, the last one was your wife. Oh, dissonance with one. What about me? Yeah, go. Boing, doink, doink.

They'll be real, dude. Okay, sorry, start again. You made me start again. Start again. Doink, doink. I want to go. Am I right? So good, dude.

The reason why I laughed, how accurate it is, because some people think go, we want to go, right? But you said I, because you got the eye. Yeah. That was really good. But don't you want to finish it? It's all I got was I want to go.

Yeah, I'm not done. Okay. Okay. Doink, doink, doink, doink. To the food. court. Wow. Doon,

don't, don't, don't, you had an orange Julius. You know orange Julius. Julius is the tough one

in that, right? With extra foam. Dude. Bro, dude. Bro. You know how to do it too,

huh? Doing, doing, doing, doing. Yeah? Franklin Roosevelt

had a girthy doink correct it's so hard to say doink yeah that's the hard one yeah yeah yeah because it's got the siling

so who's winning between the front teeth probably the one yeah what is it what's going you know what I think it's got to be I think my teeth

are closing in from the back or there's wisdom teeth coming in which is not good for a stupid guy like me or you're a buck teeth dumb dumb

what is it you're the only one who's ever brought it up I've noticed this one. I'm sorry. I love it. I brought up the eyebrows on your buck tooth. The fact that you picked up on it means it's getting really noticeable and I got to get a fix,

but maybe I like it. But I'm glad you added some freckles on your body. Yeah. I noticed that. You know how many I have? You said 632, but I don't think you're lying. I think it's more than the 800 zone. Okay.

Do you count the ones inside your butthole? Here's the thing, 632. Yeah, I know that you. If you joined them together with a Sharpie, It's Dolly Parting running in a field. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Willie Nelson. Wow.

But if the extra 60, that's just a blueberry pie if you join them together. So I didn't want to mix them. Let me get this. Yeah. What you're saying is that the new 60 is a blueberry pie. Yeah. Wow. And Dolly or Willie Nelson is not holding it?

No. it's where's the where's the new 60 at it's on my left butt shape yeah and the rest is it like on my I know I know I've seen those you've seen I've worked after those before yeah yeah yeah I mean you know that's why I'm sexually attracted to you I think you're sexually attracted to me no and I've got well not tonight why not I don't have I don't have any condoms okay Maybe tonight. Guy, guy. I don't have any.

Guy. Treckles. Yeah, you don't have any. You don't have any blemishes at all. I'm freckle free. You've got some of the nicest skin I've ever seen. Why don't you have any blemish it? Why?

I have liver spots. Oh, really? On the side. Yeah, like Pat Marita. Pat Marita started getting him at the older age. You can see in Chrotic Kid 3. You had liver spots. Yeah.

Where are yours? Oh, I want 30 inches left of my taint, which is, I just say thigh. I always, it should be, I just should say thigh, but I always go 30 inches to the left of my taint. Dude. It's the thigh. What is a taint? For them, they don't know. Do you know?

I don't know, to be honest. No, you do. I really don't. I've heard the term. I know it's a rude one. Well, you know, the Gaza Strip. Yeah? Yeah.

It's my Gaza Strip. What in the name of sweet and stuff? Yeah, it's not good. It's not going. It's not good, dude. Do you microdose? I'm in AA. You are?

Yeah. Have you ever, like, done the, I've done shrooms and acid, but not microdosing. What's on? I was going to, because I do, I don't microdose shrooms. What do you market dose? Like, I was going to invite you to try it if you want. Like or does what?

I snort the sharps. Wow, I heard that's coming back. Yeah, like every two and a half hours, I just take, like, I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, is that considered? God, dude. Can I have some?

Fuck, yeah, dude. Sharp it up. sharp since I was fucking four years old, dude. Sharp it up, guy. In Vietnam, dude, I was in the war. You used to sharp it as a baby? Oh, you're a Vietnam, dude. You're a Vietnam War baby.

Yeah, dude. I was a grenade baby. That's what they called me. Zero dark 40 face. Yeah, exactly, dude. Ready? Oh. Oh, God.

Guy, dude. Guy Fury, dude. Guy, it is all about Guy Fury. Anyway. Holy moly, dude. So let me ask you something, and I want to get serious with you. They say, there we go. I saw a statistic.

It says one of every four Americans will stay single for the rest of our lives, for their lives. And as soon as I read that, I thought about you. How come? I don't know. You know, I'm Canadian, right? So I don't, I'm not American, so I don't fit into your little. statistical box, but

you said Americans, one and four. Well, just people in general. People, okay. Sure, change it. Yeah. Well, excuse me? No, I just change it to suit your needs. No, I got the statistic wrong.

Yeah. So, you know, sometimes, no, because sometimes people make mistakes. Say it again. That's the stat. Is it one area for adults. Yeah.

On planet Earth. Are you a part of planet Earth? Yes. Yeah. They stay single for the rest of their lives. And why do you think of me? Because I have a crooked tooth. There's a lot of problems.

Talk to me. I want to know about this. Why am I saying? Well, I mean, you kind of like a live action version of Beaker from the Muppets? Yeah. You like that? Well, there's got to be hot female scientists. Everyone wants a beaker.

No, no, not Beaker. Not like Bunsen burner. Not like equipment. I was talking about more about the Muppet character, Beaker. But aren't the Muppets lovable? They are lovable. And huggable? They are.

But you're saying I'm not. Like Beaker, his whole thing was his face is blended into the rest of his body. I'm sorry. No, he didn't know. You know, this is, this is true. This is hard hitting. Yeah. And this is why we're friends and this is why I'm glad you're sharing with me.

It's hard. No one will be honest with me. I'd like to dig deeper into this. Why? Will you look like a Muppet? Well, why I look like a Muppet, but also why I'm going to be alone forever. This is important. I think I haven't thought about this.

No, because I'm going to say this. I thought about myself as well. You two? Talk to me. Bono and Edge. Joshua Tree, one of my favorite movies of all time. I mean, TV, I mean, albums. And Brian Eno produced it.

Eno, yeah. Anyway. That was a really weird pause. Like your eyes were shut for about 40 seconds and your mouth went sideways. Can I just reenact what you just did? Yeah, produced by Brian Eno. I love it.

Yeah. Oh. So anyway. Yeah, dude, I'm Beaker? I mean, you're like... What? Yeah, you're like fuckaholic. I mean, with that face...

What did you call me, dude? Fuckaholic. In a good way. In a good way. All right, guy. A fun, fun, fun way. I love fucking, but I'm not addicted to it. I'm a fuckaholic.

I think you're right, dude. Yeah. Are you a fuckaholic? I've been taking a yoga class and Pilates. And I'm getting ready to go after anything. Really? Yeah. Hey, everybody.

Check out my merchandise at harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie. But not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw. my own designs at harbleng.com you can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts you can either buy the original or you can buy a print and man oh man wear them loud and proud I love making these

designs for you guys and keeping it personal so check out the whole catalog we got hoodies we got coffee mugs we got t-shirts you name it it's there at harbling.com get your harland original design wearable art at harbling.com today and thank you for your support and I'll just keep the the groovy images coming well I mean I've never really dove into like what kind of woman you like so let me describe the woman okay and see if you like this category so this is dealing into curing my my loneliness I guess we're too long Lonely guys. Dude, I'm so lonely.

I might have written a poem about it. Yeah? Can we read it later? I think I knew you were going to tap the loneliness. Yeah, well, do you have it on you? I do. Can I read the poem? It's about loneliness.

It's going to be a hard read. All right, go ahead. Okay. It's about me and you, though. Two lonely guys. What's along? Yeah. Loneliness lasts a long time.

There's a lot of people out there that are lonely This poem might touch them Might be helpful Thanks to you bringing it up But Maybe I dedicated this to you Because I knew you were lonely too You got another

That was a burp and a fart You don't know I can do that What's that called when you do Burp and a fart at the same time of Bart? Yeah Or a Flurp It's a flirt

Yeah Because that was more Um, it was more fort than burp. Yeah. Yeah, it was more far than burp. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Have you flurped? Uh, I'm busy for the next three years, but I'm gonna work one in. Yeah. Well, have you ever done a flirt gief?

Oh, like a queef? Yeah, like a three year. No. So I burp. Yeah. I fart on my butt hole.

Fart. And the tiny little bubble comes out of my penis hole. So you can, so you can barely hear it. And a little bubble comes out of it. Yeah.

right you'd be graded a parade or in a fish tank you've ever seen those things where the bubbles come out in the fish tank you ever thought about sticking your wiener in a fish tank and giving the fish life well i did that once in thailand no way you know the you know the fish the fish that eat the the extra skin on your feet yeah i took my penis in there oh wow the whole thing the four skin fish yeah yeah yeah yeah wow yeah science Wow. Poem? Yeah, but isn't it odd that you picked up on loneliness

and I was going to talk to you about your loneliness. Are you being real? And you said you wanted to be real. You wanted to get serious. I wrote a poem for you because I thought you were lonely too. So shall I read it? And maybe we'll make the poem for us and for them. Ready?

I see you standing all alone on a dork. Let me start again. No, no, no, no. I'm emotional. You can't start again, though. But I got emotional and I blurbed it up. I shirk. Can I read it?

I blur. Can I read it? You won't read it right. Because it's not really written down. You're making it up. No, I promise. Give me it then. Let me see the.

Let me read. No, no, no, let me, no, let me, no, please, no, please, please, Bobby, please. Okay, go ahead. Please, go ahead. Ready? This is about you. I wrote this for you Well you don't have to pretend to read it

Because I think you're making it up I'm gonna read it Okay please please I see you standing all alone On a dark corner in the rain Your eyes filled up with sadness Loneliness and pain Your tears fall in the street

And wash on down life's drain The one who said they'd never leave Has vanished once again So now the days are darker Than you have ever known your heart sunk in a place where the sun has never shown the blackness of your shadow

has crawled inside your bones wants your source of light now they're just a number on your phone and life can be so heartless and cuts us down so cruel we stepped in all its traps and we feel just like a fool what's the point in living

said the dead man to his sword when you pour out all your love and there is no real reward and no one has the answers not the guru or the poet life is meant to live but yet we shall never fully know it obstacles and mysteries

okay that's good that's good that's good that's enough that's enough it's good not great but good stop or I'll leave Bobby please

no stop Bobby, please. Please, Bobby, please. It's too long. It's too long. You've lost me. Because you're lonely. No, that's not why. You got lonely.

No, that's not why. It hit you hard. It didn't hit me at all. You don't want to hear the rest because it hurts. It's too close to home. And I get that. Can I read the rest? Yes.

It starts right here. Where? Wait, let me. Obstacles and mysteries. Obstacles and mysteries. That's strange. Stronger. world will be rich

make you longer that's good wow do you know it's good poetry emotion I uh can I have some more yeah let's do

a okay yeah yeah oh oh Oh, fucked up tooth. I like it. But Bobby, that hits you.

It hits me right. You had to put the brakes on. It hits me right. It's hard, right? Yeah, it hits me right. Have you been lonely? No. I feel great.

Well, you can feel great and be lonely. I'm lonely. But you know, but I got things to do. I got great British bakeoff. Fun show. What's that? Show on Netflix, Big British Bakeoff. Great what?

British Bakeoff. British Bakeoff. Hollywood. You're making pastries? Pastries, yeah. In Britain? Yeah. What do you mean, then?

What kind of pastries? Like a blint? Every week is a different category, if I may say. Really? What do you make this week then? There's biscuit week. You made a biscuit? Yeah, there's bread week.

What? What are you put on the biscuit then, Bobby? You put jelly and butter? Butter and... Why have got to be British? Why have got to be British pastries, Bobby? What the fuck's wrong? Take a snake.

No, I think it's because of this. I'm doing it. Yeah, I can't do it. Those are like side effects. Oh, from the, from the, from the, the, Sharpie. Yeah. What? Can I share something with, as a friend, we're friends, right?

How long we've been friends? But I was thinking about something that you did to me a long, long time ago. So we're not friends? We're friends. I free gave you. Oh. Yeah. But in the late 90s.

What did I do? Yeah, yeah. You gave me the worst intro on Premium Blend. I did? Yeah. Tell me what did they say, guy? I think I was the last guy of the night. Okay.

You said something like, oh, we're all tired. Let's just see the next guy and then we just moved on, you know. Really? Yeah. Yeah. And how did that? It hurt me. I didn't know.

Hold on. Bobby, how did that? it would make you feel I'm asking how it made me feel the way made you feel Bobby are you serious are you being fucking real dude are you being real right now dude

are you being a realiter because I want to buy some land it made me feel awful dude that's how I guy guy that's how I get real huh guy my guy dude i've had enough your antics dude lately as of late right you're whimsical you know what yeah yeah yeah no foresight and your bewilderment guy i'm tired of it

frolicing all over my mind you got to stop that right now dude frolicing all over my mind dude i'm just getting started my guy yeah guy yeah yeah and i like to know yeah how does that make you feel makes me feel bad wait i'm now i'm now i'm now i feel regret. I'm sweaty now. I'm going to take the jacket off. Take the leather off, Fonzie. Let's go, Elvis.

It's that kind of shit. I'm chalky and everyone knows it. Well, take the grape outfit off. I mean, what are you? A Concord grape? Judas Priest. Oh, now you're a Greek sponge fisherman. And I'm the guy with the crooked tooth.

Hello. Salty. Let's put everything in the past. I can't because now you've reviewed. Can we resolve this thing and then It'll never be resolved. It happened. Wait, let me start the podcast.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Harley Highway podcast. A gerald T. You're going to have a good time now. Yeah, man. We got us. Billy Bob. Billy Bob Younglee. We got us a Cajun.

How you doing, man? How you doing, man? I'm pretty good, man. Oh, you look good. You kids to any shrimp today. Man, I just broke up here from Lubbock, bro. You sound like Bugs Bunny. We're like, yeah, man, I got to be.

You know, man? What's up that? Well, I can't help but he got. Oh, wow, you really sound like Bugs Bunny. Really? Yeah. God damn it, man. Thank you so much, man.

How about it? Hey, yeah, hey, man, what's up, doc? Dude. Anyway, wait, wait, wait. I think I tall Wabbit. I think I tore a rabbit. No, you do Bugs Bunny. I'm doing L. Moore Fug.

I was doing the Bugs Bunny. Oh. But. Anyway, anyway, let's. We've been. friend a long time, but now you're telling me there's a little road bump in our friendship because I introduced you badly. Is that for real? Yeah, that's for, there's a couple of things. But you know, can I? A couple. I want to get these resolved. They'll never resolve. It's always

going to be a resolve. I'm a resolver. We've already talked about one of them. What? The movie. You mean the movie that I did ADR today with Russell Peters and Jamie Kennedy? I saw it. We did ADR today. You saw it on a picture? I saw the photo, yeah. Dude, I got another movie coming up. But we're already talking to you about it. I will never do a movie. Not do a movie with me again. I will never not do a movie with me. I'll never, never, never do one.

Not do a movie. Not, never, ever do one. Never not. Never not do one and not. Great, so you'll be in the next one. I won't be. Wait. And I'll tell you why.

Okay. Because I don't like you frolicking in my mind, my friend. I think you do like it. I do. I love sexual intercourse. Wow, dude. I'm going to start the show again. I started.

Folks, welcome to the Harlan Highway podcast. We're just getting started. Yeah, we're just getting started. We're going to have a Bobby Lee actor, podcaster, stand-up comedian. And most of all, wait for it. Yeah. Friend. No.

Dude, you're going to let something from so long ago step on our friendship. You hold on to stuff, man. Man, look at you. You're rocking like a butt plug on the edge of a window sill during an earthquake. Have we been pegged? Yeah, someone called me an idiot. So I was with somebody the other night and she goes, do you mind if I peg you? And I go, maybe a year.

Oh, wait. When you say pegged, what do you mean? Oh, you mean the sex act? No. When I said peg, what do you mean? Like someone pegged, like I'll be walking down on the street and people go, hey, are you a model? And I go, you pegged me.

Like they pegged me as a model. Oh, no. one, my man. You know what? We're going to start over, start over. Start over. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I welcome. Can I do it?

Yeah. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Harlan Highway podcast. And with, he looks like a Muppet. He's got one tooth longer than the other. Barely any eyebrows guy. You know what I mean? Friendo of you and everyone.

He's a freckles, 632 freckles on his body. He's a sniff. And yeah, dude, gay lord supreme, dumb, dumb galore. And how does that make you feel? You're so good, dude. God, you and I did? Oh, man. You could do so much together.

Because we're friends. We can do so much together. We're friends to the end, like Chuckie. Can you just resolve the intro thing? Do you not realize the intro thing was a show? busy goof on a comedy show it wasn't a personal attack no because i don't even remember it i know you don't because you probably did 80 shows that week i did yeah not that night all week yeah i knew that i already knew that but why did you take it so personally because on my particular show i had jordan rubin on and eddie if

yeah and you gave them great intros i'm most wondering now if i even wrote the intros because they provided they comedy central wrote the intros not me yeah i think you were reading up teleprompter, like, I'm not going to read it. I'm going to just do my own thing. Well, if I did my own thing, it probably means I had an affection for you because I didn't want it. It wasn't a great set anyway. I'll decide if it was a great set or not. I was there. I remember I had a watch party in Silver Lake at my friend Laban's house. Oh, you have a Labia? What was his name? Laban Phidias. He's a skateboarder. That's Latin for Labia. Anyway, so you're watching your horrible...

You're set at the labia's... What were you doing? Why can't we be friends, as War once sang. Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends all day? Sometimes I don't speak right,

but yet I know what I'm talking about Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Sometimes I can't see Why can't I be me? Oh, it's so good. Dude, you really are mad though. He has another argument we had once.

What is what I thought? Here I am. Here we are. I go through a life thing and there's nothing between us but goodwill. I'll tell you, I'm Korean. And Koreans, we hold grudges. This is like an intervention.

No, it's not. I don't care. But my point... I do. I care about you. But I can see you're holding on to some bad stuff. Let's get it out. So one time we were at that...

And this is a good conversation we could have in front of your audience, if you may. Yes. I may... Please. All of it. So we had an argument about... I almost killed you that night,

but we had an argument about like when you break up with a girl, you can't really be friends with them afterwards. You have to take a break. And I said I disagree. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You still hold on to that point.

of you? I think it's tough. I think it's tough. I think you should get some air between it. But do you think that if you're in a relationship with somebody and then six months down the road, you can still hang out and be friends? Or do you believe that? I think down the road. Yeah. I think of the initial breakup, the nerve endings are so raw that your emotions are so out of whack. You've got butterflies. You're still in love, but you're breaking up. You're moving away from a thing that everything's telling you to not move away from. And then you're staying in that vicinity of them. It's just a recipe for confusion and oppression.

And that's my opinion. And I was trying to advise you as a friend to create some space to heal so that Bobby Lee, my friend could assemble himself, re-approach the relationship with said woman, and be in a healthy, strong, safe place. But you took it as Harlan's trying to fuck me over real hard, real deep. And real ripe. I'll tell you why, guy.

You ganged up on me with other comics. Who? Fihim, what's the other? An-Har. You just farted again. I didn't burp. Yeah, but you farted. I heard it.

It sounded like someone stepped on a chickmunk's brain. I don't even know Fahim Amoir. I know I see him at the comedy club. Where is this Fahim Amoir come from? And then you said the thing on... You were standing together with Fahim M-War. Oh, I was standing with a guy. But you guys had the same thing.

point of view, and then I was yelling at you two in the back of the store, yeah, like in the parking lot area. You gotta read to me. I'll tell you why, guy. And this is what makes me mad at, right? Yeah. I'm glad you're getting this out. Yeah. I love this. So nice. I love you.

No, let it out. I want to get through this. I love you. Okay, so on what I want to say, yeah. I remember driving away going, fuck Harlan, fuck Fahim. What? Yeah. But it wasn't an issue with you. I think it was just like, you know how you, sometimes you're like really, you know, in a heated argument,

your throat gets all sore. Yeah. That's, it got to that point where I was like, fuck you. And you were like, no, guy. You kept calling me guy and friend out. I didn't like it. And then, um, and then you guys, you know, kind of, um, laughed with each other. And I got in the corner and drove away.

Are you sort of embellishing this to a degree? Yeah. I think you might be. I don't even think it happened. I don't have any clear memory of this. It did happen, but it didn't happen. And then I saw a thing online where you said, you almost got in a fight with me, a fist fight,

which has never happened in our lives. Oh, yeah. The other night I grabbed you, grab my wrists. What are you talking about? Yeah. You grab my wrists and try to control me. Fuck off. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, you go, hey guy, I've been working out too or something like that. No, I said, you can't handle this. Yeah, you can't handle this, but you grab my wrist really hard. You grabbed me first. No, I didn't.

Yeah. No, you grabbed my wrist really hard and you try to control me. I always control you. I know, controlling you right now. And I want to know, honestly, how does that make you feel? It makes me feel like I'm being controlled. Dude, all this is just cinder block juice. It's not juice, dude.

Let me say it. It's more of a beverage. There's all this animosity inside you. Like you're mad and angry. And all this time, I've just been like, Bobby's my lovable little buddy. And you've been carrying all this baggage. I'm glad we're getting this out. I want to hear the other ones.

Or let's be, let's be, you want to get real on your podcast right now, dude? You want to get real? Totally. I feel this is real, right? You have resentment toward me because you texted me last year all the time. I gave you the runaround. Yeah. And it used to piss you off.

Yeah. Yeah. And I told you that. I don't hide anything. Yeah, you should tell me that. I don't, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're so mad about. I wasn't mad.

I was annoyed. Don't be annoyed by me. And I was disappointed that you weren't more reliable. That's what I was. I'm a Ronan Really? Yeah What is a Ronan?

Guess, Guy, I don't know what a Ronan is Confused Are they the gladiators? The ones that like fought in the Coliseum? No, dude. Oh, those are the Romans. What do you? What's a Ronan?

I don't know what that is. It's a samurai without a master. Oh, wow. Okay, you are a Ronan. Yeah. You do have a strong spirit. Yeah. But you're also...

Remember to Shiramafoon? No, thanks. I'm busy. You're welcome. But you heard easily. You're a... You're a warrior without a shield. Do you know to Shiramafoon?

No. He's a great Japanese actor. Is he? I'm not too sure about whom. Yeah, and he was in a lot of Kurosawa films. Seven Samurai Roshaman Hidden Fortress

Wow Yeah And anyway Sounds like one of the best sushi actors I've ever heard But dude Anyway He did a movie called Yo Himbo Himbo

Yo Himbo He did a movie called Yo Himbo In fact Anyone listening to the podcast right now All seven of you Four Asshole I'm kidding

Big podcast popular podcast. Four. I want you, if you want to see the best Corosawa, that's rude.

No, no, I was just excited. You know, sigh when I'm trying to pitch something? I wasn't sighing I was trying to

die, dying. I listened to half of this garbage fucking poem that you fucking, okay? That poem was about you. And you couldn't take it.

So anyway, if you watch what I love about you hymn, but it's very Corosawa, but it's also very funny. And I just like his character in it, Yo Himbo, he's just like, when he's walking down the path, you know, he's scratching his bag with a sword, just kind of free roaming.

And as a kid, when I used to watch that movie, I would be like, oh, that's me. Oh, wow. Is that when you grabbed your teacher's breasts? No. What is this? What? Where I come from, that's grabbing your third grade teacher's breasts. Tantan.

You know what Tantan is? Sure do. How did it last week? Yeah, exactly. It's delicious. But in Empire Strikes Back, they're riding Tontons on the Planet Hawk. And then when Luke is all cold and freezing,

Han Solo put inside of Tantan. Oh, yeah. That's the snow monster thing. Yeah, but these are Tantan breasts. Oh, how do they sound? When you squeeze them? Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Not a Star Wars fan, huh? I love the Starsh floors. But here, can we just clear up this stuff? No. Okay. That's a dragger. Oh, that's a long. I've read about those.

Yeah. Yeah. They can be 30 seconds to two minutes long. Guy. So good. So, yeah, so it's our past. But it's not our past because you're not over it. I am.

I didn't even know this stuff existed. And here you are holding on to an intro from 20 years ago. No, no. And letting it ruin. Everyone listening right now, okay, Harlan knows these things. Do you want to know how? Stop, like, can I talk? I'm your guest.

I'd rather you didn't. I'm going to. Well, okay? It's not the way I want it to go, but go ahead. I know, I understand that. But sometimes, you know, I mean, in improv and in these kind of atmospheres, go ahead. Oh, are you okay again?

Oh, that too. Yep. Bobby Lee. I'm going to sue you. Yeah. Peggy Sue got married on your face. Yeah. Go ahead.

Hey, everybody, my brand new book, Uncle Milton, is here at last. It's a collection of strange but wonderful short stories, and you can read that along with some of my other books. I bet you didn't know that I wrote books, did you? It's a little secret I've had. We have craved with zombie stories, and we have journeys, people. People's harrowing tales of their journeys through life. Sex, Sin and Satan, where we explore some darker themes. And don't look under the bed, some Twilight Zone S stories for bedtime reading at Harlan Williams.com.

Anyway, a lot of times in life, you know. God, you have moist lips. But let's put it behind us. I can't. Because you're not letting me resolve it. You will. You brought it up and just left it dangling. Most people bring up an issue.

You like sprinkles on a cupcake? Yeah? I don't. I don't like cupcakes. Bingo. And there's a little philosophy that you can ingest. Can I demonstrate to you what a friend I am for you? Because you're sitting here, I feel like you've challenged our friendship.

You've put some melanoma scars on it. Can I demonstrate to you what a friend I am to you? I mean, it's like I would have a reservation dog, sex in the city, sitcoms, films, and you couldn't give me a line in your movie? Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia. It's data brokers. These companies collect your personal information,

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That's A-U-R-A dot com slash C-O-N-T-R-O-L for your free trial. That's Aura.com slash control. Hey, so what did you want to talk about? Well, I want to tell you about Wagovi. Wagoe? Yeah, Wagoe. What about it? On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you.

Oh, you're not? No, just ask your doctor about Wagovi. Yeah, ask for it by name. Okay, so why did you bring me to the circus? Oh, I'm really into lion tamers. You know, with the chair and everything. Ask your doctor for Wagovi by name. Visit Wagovi.combe.com for savings.

Exclusions may apply. Wait a minute. I'm going to set the record straight. Let's go. Let's keep going. So what are you about to see? No. I approached you and texted you. No, no, no.

So many times. You didn't. I want you in the movie. You never gave me an answer. I'll tell you. The reason. No, the reason why you didn't put me in it is because of the resentment of the, of you

texting me and be not, and that you, that was your way of going, you know what, well, fuck that guy. I'm not going to put him in the movie. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. And let's move past it. Here's what happened. Yeah.

You ignored. I met you in the hallway at the story. I said, I want you in me. You said, yes, anything you want. Yeah. So then every time I sent you. text, hey, I need you to sign off. I need to get your, you just kept ignore you.

And so, but then we just moved on. Okay, but Harland, right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. But Harland, right? Yes. How the business works. You've been in it a long time, right? Yeah. Your agent calls you and goes, hey, you got an offer for a movie. What do you think?

Never got, made that, never got that call. Okay. Everyone else did I put in the movie? Yeah. Didn't have to do that. walked right up to him and said you want to be in it and then we worked it out that's what I was doing with you yeah yeah but that's not how you know some people do it that way

that's how we did by my first movie we did together fudgy wudge face we did it that way I know but some movies someone got a little too big for their little coral fisherman bridges over there and uh hello salty hey now it's all on the open yeah now we have it feel good it feels bad

And let me ask you something. Now that it's out, how does it make you feel? Yeah. Oh, whoa. Spongy, spongy the whale. Wow. Dude, we're getting some good stuff out today. Do you think so?

Yeah. Yeah. Not really. No. Yeah, yeah. But I'm glad I know all this resentment you have towards me. And you had resentment too. No.

Yeah, you did. No, only. guy no resentment only some disappointment towards getting that's here and i've had disappointment too but i know we both had disappointments right and we can move past it i i say that we're even yeah we're even i'm going to demonstrate i'm going to demonstrate my love for you too can i do that right now i want to do right now i want to demonstrate my love to you okay this is becoming a fiscal thing which i'm i'm on board with this Not really that.

This is good because I have something. 25 cents? No, guy. When Steve McQueen died, that was in his pocket. This was Steve McQueen's quarter? This is a cancer quarter? Yep. Congratulations.

Wow. And he only had like a whole roll in his pocket and I got one of them. Dude, that's for me? Yep. Is it my turn? you're going to give me a gift? Yep. Okay.

You gave me money? That's not money. It's Steve McQueen's Cancer Quarter. Yeah, yeah. I watch you. I adore you in the shadows. I'm thinking, how do I lift my friend Bobby Lee up? How do I help him succeed?

How do I help him make more money? And I look at you and I go, it's all about branding. And so my guy, if you'll permit me. before we do it though can I prepare myself because I don't want to get offended I want to prepare myself so that I can be open

and mindful and in the moment okay so just give me a second okay don't get offended don't get offended don't get offended he means well he means well he means well he means well I'll kill it let's go

I'm trying to brand Bobby with new products and the first one Lee's crab lunk Lee's Lumps Look Wow

Can I? Lump crab May I? Yeah Lees Lump Crab You could say I mean you look like a crab fisherman I mean that's

What what podcaster has their own line of crab lump Clump crab lump meat? Thank you Oh it's not over Really? Um Lee's cream-style corn Lees niblets, dude.

I mean, I prefer a vegetable that wasn't yellow, but... Okay. Thank you. And because half your audience is female? Lee's Breeze Vaginal wash I mean these are products that other podcasters don't have

Lees breeze I need some on mine because I feel like my vagia My badger is a little Oh Are we allowed to watch? Yeah yeah Wow How's it feel?

Really good How does it smell? Can I just put Yeah On the table? Yeah, of course, thanks. Lee's Breeze. Right.

There's someone. Well, too late. Um. Should I just? Get some up there. Oh, I love a yum,

yum, yum sauce. Lee's yum sauce, dude. I'm thinking of ways to make you money, guy. Thank you so much, man. So anyways. If that's not a friend. Oh, do you need a...

Amber? Can you bring some paper towels? Bobby got some vaginal wipes on his hands. What is it? Vaginal what? Wash. Bobby got some vaginal wash on his hands. Thank you.

Thank you. Wipe away, my guy. Thank you, dude. You know what, dude? You really are, a friend. Huh? you really are a friend you better believe

I'm a friend these fuck gushers and this isn't like an adult toy have you ever seen can I have a sniff I loved it I said go ahead yeah

I guess I won't be needing the sharpie anymore. Yeah. Can I see a gusher please? Yeah. Thanks so much, man. Lee's fuck gushers, dude.

May I have one? Yeah. Oh, they're wonderful. Yeah? It's a sex toy and a candy. Lee's fuck gushers. Mm. How are they?

Mm. Guy. Guy. Mm-mm. That's nice. Can I have one? No. Mm-mm.

Thank you so much, man. Have you been riding a horse? No. What have you been doing? Donkey, donkey, don't you. You've been snorkeling? Donkey. How do you like the yum yum?

Lees yum yum sauce. Yeah, let me say something to Harlan. Thanks for inviting me back. Oh, thanks for coming. I think that, I think at the end of the day, you and I should write a movie from scratch coming from both our minds. Yeah? Yeah.

Talk to me, guy. I like this. It feels like we're mending the friendship that you ruined. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to me. Mm-hmm. People want to see us in a movie together, obviously. Now, just so we're clear, I'm offering you a role in the next.

So I know the protocol. Do you want me to go through your agents and your managers or approach you directly? So there's no more of you ruining our friendship. Guy, will you stop saying? like that dude what do you mean we both ruined it i think someone did we did if you don't take 50 percent of the responsibility it's really gonna it's gonna cause me some guy guy i think we know who ruined it you did you did yeah guy because you have to understand when i saw that the indian guy and was if fanny for kennedy got the movie russell peters yeah you were gonna you weren't

getting his part you were getting your own part Who got my part? I don't want to say. No, yeah, tell me. It was a guy who was not a comedian. He was a straight actor. What was his name? Dylan.

Big fan. And we're just sliding down a railing in a subway station? Okay. So I know the premise of her movie. Okay, what? 3,023. Okay. Okay.

The year. Fuck yeah, dude. Okay. Why not? Why not that year? Great. I'm in. I'm already in.

Right. Then what? Two, um, they have spinal bifida. Who, both of us? No, we're not in it yet. Okay. These two spinal bifida explorers. Okay.

Right. In the great frontier. They're in the Yucca Valley. So they're walking like crooked because they have spinal bifida? In the future, they don't do that. How does spinal bifida? to look in the future. They've replaced robotics.

So they're perfectly poised. Yeah. But everyone's on goes, and it malfunctions. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, you know, Albert,

they talk like that then. Albert? In the future, Albert. You know, okay. Can you fix? Go back. Yucca Valley.

Okay. All right. And they're in this deep in the valley. Okay. Some say tundra. Well, tunders in the north. Exactly. That's why it's crazy.

That's why. Dude, when I'm, you know, I've been working on this movie for 12. You know what? Fuck off, dude. Dude, were you on a toilet at this movie for 12 years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, that's salty. Have you been eating? What have you been eating? So these spineless scientists, right? You discover a totem. And, um... Yeah. Is that an inward berth?

Yeah. I do out and in. Oh, like your belly button. Well, I'm Tai Chi. No thanks. I'm busy. And you're welcome. So, okay.

So, but the totem, right? You know what totem pole is? It's a pole with faces on it. It's also a sex act in West Hollywood. Well, that's a combo deal, combo deal. Just saying. Okay. Totem pole.

But you and I are faces are the totem. Oh, okay. We're not the totem. I mean, we're not wood. Okay. Right. And they go, mm-mm, you know what I mean? They're trying to get their spine is just, right?

And they go, what is this about? And they look down and they see a book. Okay. An ancient book. Right. And they read And now it's a flashback Okay

Right And you and I, dude We're attached You're supposed to help with the writing, dude Because I'm just I know you're When you're Guy

When you're writing a movie I don't have it all Right? So you're supposed to like Oh, I can still hear you Oh wait Wait Boit boit

Oh, they can hear me. They can hear me. They can hear me. They won't know because only we speak that. Okay. Okay, so go ahead. There's a flashback and then what happens? Go ahead.

Go, go, go. Just go. Put-pong-pong-pong-pong-pink-go. Dude, can I be honest? What? Some people come to Hollywood. Oh, no, dude. You're going to rip on my fucking, I have no talent.

Their gift is creating stories. right through lines an arc to a story yeah a first act a second act a third act i didn't hear any of that with that messy coleslaw you just puked up that's the beginning that's the first act i haven't that's rude it really is but i'm honest i'm honest you pitched me a movie then okay okay okay okay i keep it simple go ahead me and you we're at a a thing in Vegas for this guy people. A thing in Vegas, this guy. We're at one of those, the things where the guys talk about, like, being motivated.

Okay. And quitting gambling and all that stuff. It's like a TED talk. Like a, it's like a motivational speaker because we're both losers. You've got a gambling problem and my marriage is failing. And we're at this speaking. We're at this thing trying to get whole. And the speaker's name is what?

Ted. Talk. His last name's talk. Oh, Ted. He's the original guy. You are right? Easy coo, Joe. So we don't know each other.

We've both did at this thing. We're ready to get our lives back together. We get on a plane. We're flying home. The plane crashes. Southwest. We wash up on a remote island. Me and you.

Yeah. And Ted. We're both these misfits. We couldn't be more policed. opposite. All we have is each other to survive. And on the island, there's a mysterious danger that we eventually find out about. And then slowly as we get settled and sort of overcome our differences, comedically, maybe a few various others wash up and some of the luggage and trunks that were on the train

wash, on the plane wash up. Can there be a volleyball? And one of them was a wacky magician from a Vegas show. That's rude, dude. Here I am pitching. I hate it. But it's more... Hey, conchay a man-tung-a-tting-be-a-low.

I-h-a-tank-a-tank-ta-a-tank-a-a-kha-a-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dud-dud. You know-tid-a. No, dude. I can win this argument. You just did. Okay. Yeah. When you quote Nietzsche in that language, dude, you win every time, dude.

My sister was hit by a meteorite. You're going to laugh. Is that a meteorite? It's a meteorite, dude. You want to hold it? Yeah. That hit my sister right in the head. She was walking in a field.

Yeah, I always thought your sister looked funny. Yeah, she got meteorite head. Oh, yeah, I read about, and it stayed in there for like 14 years, right? It's meteorite. Dipshit, I just pitched you the new movie. That was it. My sister gets hit by a meteorite. We come in.

That's where it goes from there. You didn't even, it's so good, you didn't even pick up on it. That's our movie. dude meteorite dude you're so good god you know

yeah you picked it up right right I thought you were doing a completely different bit right right then you go my sister got hit by a meteor right

right the art of the pitch and then I try to do like some sort of stupid joke about it was lodged in your head or whatever right right but then you were like oh no you sucker

this is the fucking movie movie it's great dude it's called meteorite yeah um it's called meteorite it starts with our sister, my sister getting hit with the media. Can there be a totem pole without our faces on it?

Also a sex act in West Hollywood. You ever done a totem pole? It's where four guys and a girl get on top of each other in the nude. Yeah. And it goes from there. If you... It doesn't work if there's a ceiling fan in the room. In terms of sexual moves in the bedroom.

Talk to me. Yeah, I'm going to talk to you. Okay. If I was a young lady that you met. Yeah. and she um you got naked yeah keep going and then you know i pull my pants down yeah right you're a girl yeah well maybe you said a girl i am a girl okay you pull your pants down yeah you want to know what the sex no no i'm not done yet and and you and you look at her private part

yeah and it's the best looking female private but you ever seen yeah but when you look inside there's a little penis inside there right right now what would you do i would probably sit down and write a dr seuss book while she's naked on the bed yeah little penis in the box i do not want to have said the fox i tell you're so brilliant that's exactly what i would Sorry God, you're so good I, the last girl I was with you Have you ever had a girl with the hair

The pubic hair Like a lot of pubic? I don't like it But I've done it I did a thing about two weeks ago Called the corn maze And what you do is you get You get one of those nose trimmer things

And you make a corn maze in their hair And then when you get to the end of it You get the prize What's the prize? Candy corn Like the cave Oh the cave Yeah

I love caves. The end of the corn maze. There's a cave. Yeah, there's a cave. What's in that cave? A penis? Well, hopefully. Yeah.

Wow. Are we through all those bullshit or what? I don't like all this bullshit hanging that you created. Can I be honest? Yeah. Everyone listening right now. Yeah. Okay, so you want to get real?

Yeah, let's get real, finally. I will fucking get real with you. Hold on. Hang on. One second. All right. Let's get real. Yeah, man.

Okay, so. Are those these fuck gushers in your nose? No. Dude, your nose is coagulating. Usually they bleed, but you're, are you sucking them in? Oh, you're sick of it. Dude, you'll get a brain aneurysm. Dude

suck Sock Bobby See if you can suck I have a deviated septum But I'll try Me too You do

That's our movie We call it deviated septum Yeah Yeah You know you need the other one in there It's to get the full Yeah yeah yeah There we go

Ready? So let's, let. Oh, you blew him out. Yeah. How about this? I couldn't breathe. Whoa, you did a real one. Amber, can you bring some more tissues?

Bobby just did a Bobby Lee's. You just did a fuck gusher. So, um, sorry, Amber. Thank you. I pipe up your snot, guy. First I get your pussy juice and I got your snot. creepy at the end of the day these are good your fuck gushers they're so good okay yeah at the end you and i have never had a problem we just caused conflict for the podcast this bullshit i would love you

man bob i love you so much man what my guy that didn't seem sincere oh it is there is you know what that didn't seem sincere and then look at this i'm here in the background making lees blasto butter and you're bullshitting me and I'm spending the time getting you blasto butter great man come on guy so what I want to say to you is yeah me and Andrew yeah Santino oh here it comes the other day we were talking about you we got your name came up uh oh and they go we were talking about Bert and Ernie yeah yeah and then we then we slowly went into Big Bird and Groucho, you know? How does that involve me?

Well, then we both looked at each other and we went, Harland. And then we went, Beaker at the same time. Wait a minute. Yeah. Bert and Ernie. Dude, we kind of look like that. There's our movie.

Dude, Bert and Ernie. We're roommates. We're roommates. You right? We're straight. We're straight, Guy, I'm not in. No, no, no, wait. I don't party on, were they straight?

I don't party on Yum Yum Street. I understand. I understand that. But, you know, you'll visit Yum Yum Street. You might. Yeah. I'll be at home knitting. But did Burton Ernie share the same bed?

They do? I think they do. No. They're made twins. I don't know. But yeah, so we're stuck there, right? And we can't, Bertnerner can't seem to get out of Sassame Street. That's the live action version.

Like every time we hear me and go, oh, we got to go down this street, we just come back around. Ooh, it's like a twilight zone. It's a nightmare. Ooh. Right. So then you and I decide we go apeshit and we start going on a murder rampage. Yeah. Right?

You're like, dude, have you ever wanted fried Big Bird? Oh, yeah, yeah. And then we go, let's kill him. We fry him up. Yeah, let's taxidermy snuffle off again. Yeah, yeah, we taxing it. Yeah. We kill everyone except for the black bald guy.

We like him. The black bald guy. Who's that? Yeah, wasn't there a black ball guy that was like, hey, fuck guys. A black bald Muppet? No, he was a human. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

No, I don't remember him. Anyway, uh... You ready for the last segment, my guy? There's another one? Well, it's the last one. We do it with everyone. Let's be honest. How's it been going?

Amazing. No, be honest. Not really good. Yeah, right? Like, really bad. Like, I think we should stop and start it again. Do you think so? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Holland Highway podcast.

We're going to do the last segment right out of the gate today. Words from a wooden shoe. Now, you know how it works, Bobby. You reach in, pull out a word, and see if it generates a story from your life. Your journey, something that happened. One word, not all of them. Greedy. One word.

what is it my guy broken heart oh wow yeah talk to me guy that's that's a heavy one it's apropos i was working at a restaurant once thanks for having me on dude wow it's heavy it's pretty heavy that's a gusher Bobby No, at the time I'll be honest Yeah

At the time I was working at a restaurant Which one can I ask? No, I don't want to get specific Got it Okay guy? Yeah, guy All right

And I I fell in love with somebody That worked with me on that But it was like At that time I was so afraid To make a move Or try anything What I would do is I would like

Be friends with somebody Yeah And then never express myself Or make a move for like years. Whoa. And they have like this unrequited love like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah.

But they would not know. Yeah. Yeah. And so I worked with somebody and then I had these, these deep feelings for this person. Yeah. And then a year later, I hung out with her like every day. And you never told her? Never told her.

She couldn't sense it? I don't know. Okay. I don't know. And then another person got a job there. And then she started seeing him. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

And then I remember. just feeling it's just heartbroken but you know it's like you know I knew this dwarf it's pronounced dwarf you don't pronounce the the silent W

I don't know sorry yeah can I say that again then yeah yeah um I met this wharf I mean you were at the wharf okay and he and he so this little man I knew

I have to say a little man if you want yeah yeah I said to him I go Because he got a lot of girls And I go How come you can get so many girls I mean you're He goes what man

What are you gonna say man And I go Nothing Door force Yeah yeah Right You guys Bobby I go up to bat every day

I've never seen you go up to bat Like I'll I'll swing a hundred times And every once in a while I'll hit one You never swing And that stuck with me It made me realize that

It's like In life you're gonna you're going to be fearful of getting rejected or it's not going to go well but if i don't swing you're not really living so you know after that you know the main thing with the um with the girl at the restaurant i started doing stand up and i started swinging and then you know here i am sounds like you had a broken heart i did i just happened to have a poem for that anyway so um i have so i'm on i have a podcast called tiger belly sure and bad friends and um And when lovelies you cut open bleeding, depriving you of all you are needing.

The wound is so deep, your soul goes to sleep. Your body wants to stop breathing. Finish your plug. You plug your show. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Bobby Lee, ladies and gentlemen, plugging.

plugging your... So anyway, in the middle of November, I'm going to play the Schaumburg Improv. No, you're not. Good reading. The poem? Yeah, I thought I was going to plug while you do the poem. Crushed like a bug on the ground.

Yeah, and then I'll be coming into your city. I'm going to do the Cobbs in San Francisco eventually here. And then I'm going to do a special for the first time this year. Your insides go silent, no sound. No people listen to it. And then... Memory stab you like swords. Yeah.

Each of her romantic words. And I think Harland is a piece of shit. Now nothing but pain. A lost dog in the rain. He's done some stuff in the past, but I'll forget him, but, you know, made a movie without me. Anchors you drag your lost dream. But I'll do his next one, I guess. All your plans came apart at the thieves.

632 freckles. Your eyes filled with tears. Facing all of your fears. No eye around. His breast and the stomach blend in together. How could such bliss ever end? And that's the new look, I guess. Was it real or all just?

Just pretend your heart is turned black. She'll never come back. Lost love and your heart never mends. Your mind is a whirl. Your plans all unfurled. Everything's gone. Lost, finish, done. Love now.

Just the ghost. Of Christmas past. Of a girl. Oh. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Zachary Lee. Thanks for visiting. Are you visiting?

Are you staying? Are you going to stay over? Do you want to leave? I'm leaving. Thanks for visiting. I'm leaving. Bobby Lee, the Harlan Highway podcast. Until next time, chicken chow main.

Wow, buddy. Was all that stuff real? Are you really mad at me? No. That was just bullshit? That was all just for the podcast. Wow. You're a good actor.

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