The Harland Highway - BOBBY MOYNIHAN won't wear glasses in the same room as Harland, while wearing glasses!!!!

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

This episode is sponsored by Mando and ZocDoc! -Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc dot com slash HARLAND to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get 20% off + free shipping with promo code [HARLAND] at shopmando.com! #mandopod Join The Harland Highway Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/HarlandWilliams Tickets to see Harland Williams' stand-up tour at https://www.harlandwilliams.com/ Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Bobby Moyinhan: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bibbymoynihan/?hl=en X:https://x.com/bibbymoynihan #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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slash c-o-n-t-r-o-l for your free trial that's aura dot com slash control it's like an explosion of something happening it's it feels right it feels right and it smells wrong correct if you can smell it in here it smells really wrong

but it feels right it's like yeah it's like a specific death what it smells like oh pee you everyone get ready for what guy

the harland highway show everything will be fine I feel a carrotide broccoli face cinnamon angels down in baker's field we're gonna take the wheel

Ireland Highway Show Sir, if you could look away I'm doing a show You're doing a show For you There was like something on my On my headset

It was like I don't want to say creature And you don't have to But I want to I just said I didn't though I lied to you The first thing I did was lie And you did say the word creature.

It was a creature. So it was a lie and a statement and an observation. You're welcome. Thank you. Wow. I didn't think I'd start off with a gift. Thank you. You're welcome, man.

Thank you. Shwankshu. I think that's French. Yeah. It's like there's French and there's cute French or cutta. As they say. Yeah. So shank shoo is thank you, but it's cuta.

Like anything cute in French, you say cuta. It's adorable. Like instead of saying gremlins to you, I'd say gremlin. It's adorable. Right? I'm not scared. Yeah. Do you like cute stuff or do you like more of a monster?

I do. No, I love a cutie. Like what? Give me an example of a cute knicks. A little cute nix. Anything. with tiny hands or small legs or chubby little body. Really?

Yeah. So can I do a hypothetical? Anytime you want. Wait, right now? Like, it's a hypothetical. Okay. Bobby's laying in bed. It's the middle of the night.

The kids are asleep. Your wife's beside you with the sleep apnea mask on. Always. I sneak into the house at 3 a.m. I've got one of these Rubbery Pillsbury Do Boy dolls Okay

You're asleep I come in and mush it in your face You wake up Are you loving it? How instantly do I know That it's you doing it Instantly Then I'm psyched

Yeah If it's a stranger I'd be like Why are you rubbing this adorable thing In my face I'd be mad But if it was you I'd be like

I just told him the other day I loved kid stuff and then he broke into my house. But it's not, wait, whoa, guy. What? Bobby. What? It's not me that's cute.

It's Pillsbury dough boy. I disagree. Wait, what? Talk to me. Talk to me. I understand what you meant. If it was you smushing it in my face, I'd be like, that's an adorable little thing. We've talked about.

And you're here also. So, wait, I'm the cute thing in this equation? I think I should go. I think I should go. Number one or number two? Both. At the same. time across the streams that's not that technically that's a number three when you do them both at

the same time because it's the addition right you do a one and a two at the same time that's that's a number three that's the problem well a lot of people don't like to do math when they're sitting on the toilet it's illegal in most states oh oh did you not know that i didn't know you seemed wildly surprised by that fact i'm wild like almost overly like i was acting yeah But I wasn't acting. No, you were pretty genuine. And I'm cute. I can't believe you put me ahead of Pillsbury Doe Boy on the cute scale.

That's really, I'm, like, my heart is like, I'm having a little, like, palpitation right now. Do you need medical assistance? I don't know if I need medical, but my God, guy, I didn't think you'd come blasting in here, like, Rambo through drywall and shoot me up and down. Like, you cuted me up and down, player. Brother, I know, man. Dude. It's mind-blowing in so many ways. Like, you just smash through the hypothetical...

Yeah. You smash... Oh, do that again. Mm-hmm. Woo-hoo. See, you doing so good. Nothing says loving like a good old-fashioned cinnamon roll. I forget how many cartoons you're on.

How great you are in voices. That was phenomenal. But wait. Why is he so jacked up over pastries? He's made of sugar. I know, but can't he at least get excited about something sexual? Like, can't we for once here? Nothing sounds loving like a good old-fashioned 69 position.

See, no, the Pillsbury Doe boy does not. There's no Pillsbury Doe woman, or is there another Pillsbury Doe boy? Is he the only one? Like gay dough? Or Play Do? No, gay dough. Gay dough? It's Pride Month.

Yeah. Why can't? Why can't I wake up in the morning, see two Pillsbury dough boys going at it in the living room. If Plato was smart? Yeah. This is the month they would launch gay dough. Nothing says loving like getting it behind from Steve. Right? I'm sure they're loving this. The Pride Month. They got it. Everyone's got to be included in Pride. Even the yeasty ones. Even the yeasty ones. The little cute, Chutah. Yeasters. There's no sex in the Pillsbury world in my mind.

It's kind of like Star Wars. No one has sex in Star Wars. They just, like, save each other. Can I be the first to say it to you since you're here? Uh-oh. Happy Easter. Thank you. Can I poke your belly?

Yeah. I'd really enjoy it. Wow. Dude, what's going on? If you would have told me that I was going to. to do that in high school, I would have been pretty psyched. Yeah. Still pretty cool.

Wow. Dude. This is like an explosion of something happening. It's... It feels right. It feels right. And it smells wrong. Correct.

If you can smell it in here, it smells really wrong. But it feels right. It's like, yeah, it's like a specific death. What it smells like. Oh, P.U. Who came up with that? P.U. And what does it mean? It's two letters. It was Gandhi.

Talk to me, guy? Mahatma Gandhi said it. On what context? He smelled something terrible. He went to himself. Somebody was like, what do you mean? Really? And he said, exactly.

And then it was a guy, it was Franklin Dictionary. What? Yeah, the guy who wrote the dictionary. Yeah. Was that Franklin? Wait, I thought it was Webster, the little black kid from the sitcoms. Who used to hide in the clock? Yeah. No, he has his own dictionary.

It's very little dictionary. Is it? Yeah. Oh, and by the way, what was he? Couta. He was Couta French. What was his catchphrase, Webster? What you're talking about?

I think you're mixing up black children. I think that was a different black child. I think that was Arnold from different strokes. It's okay. No, I, look, I would love to get a box full of black kids and just mix them up. And see, okay. I'd toss in a white kid and an Indian boy. And just, I'd love to shake up a box of kids.

Just shake it up and see what catchphrase comes out. Oh. Stupid people make stupid decisions. Yeah. Wow. That could be one of the catchphrases. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that one. Stupid people makes, and the very American. Yeah. Yeah. But Gandhi, you know what I love about Gandhi? No, not yet. What do you love about him? Because I have a very specific thing that I've used against people.

His physique. Oh, really? Yeah. Was he a power lifter? No, he was a thin man. He looked like, yeah, he looked sick. Yeah. Gaunt.

He sort of. Like someone draped skin on a skeleton. Yeah. Yeah. He sort of made. like food what's the thing food fasting chic

yeah i feel like when we were kids he was real cool and important but now he like was a womanizer or something yeah like stephen hawking remember that oh yeah the guy in the wheelchair but then they did the movie about him and it turns out he likes strippers and like to play with women

remember he was like a little pervy guy i thought he was here for a second i know imagine stephen hawking nothing says loving like a cinnamon bun. I would I would go out and buy dough if I saw that commercial instantly.

Be honest, if you were house-sitting hawking, and I think I already know by looking in your eyes. That's a reality show on Bravo. Yeah. Would you put his joystick on his wheelchair? Would you duct tape it down and watch him fly through drywall? I mean, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I would. I already knew the answer. for them. These guys? We got Tom. Tom,

Tinder lips and Paul potato nostrils down in Denver. Gotta love him. Hi, Paul. Hi, Paul.

How's Denver? How's potato, Denver? How's potato season? We'll talk to you later. We'll get back to you. Yeah, we'll get back to you. We, this is our first time, I think,

having an official sit down and talking and hanging out. We lived together for a year, but we never saw each other and never spoke. But this is the first time we've allowed that to happen. I don't know why. We were heavy into ghosting,

and we ghosted each other, like, I think we took it too far. Before we even knew what ghosting was. Yeah. Like, we wouldn't talk. We never ate together. No. I remember I passed a note under your door one That's about as verbal as I got. I think it said, could you F off all the way to next Thursday or something?

Yeah. I remember that. It was unkind. Yeah. But I did. I did do it. I was mad because you weren't communicating with me. Yeah.

And I was terrified. Yeah. Sorry about that. I'm glad we're getting. Yeah. I'm glad we're putting that part of our lives to bed. And we're here now. That's all we could ask for.

Here's where I'm going with this. This is, first of all, ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Moynihan is here, right here on the Pala-Haway podcast. B-H is here. Bobby, why would I say H?

Wait, it's B-M, not B-H. Why did you make me say that? Why did you make me say H? I don't know why I made you say that. I did. though and I maybe because all my life people have made fun

whenever they say BM they say bowel movement I'm sorry you okay oh the smell no it's just why did I make you do that it's like that's my reaction I yeah no I get it I I that is a light reaction when you find out that someone has mind controlled you I think that that is yeah that's the least I could ask for

dude fucking relax well stay in line and don't mess around fuck off guy i'm doing a show you can't twist my fit talk to bh like that careful you almost hit your head on a sunflower jesus uh let me try this again let's try it one more time ladies and gentlemen welcome to the hall of highway podcast with bm bobby mona here on the hall of highway

and uh you know him actor uh writer comedian My ex-roommate Half Italian Half Italian now Quarter Irish Quarter Swedish Now yeah I'm half Italian now

Wow Congrats Since the last time I saw you Wow Did you have to take a test or anything I did How do you say lasagna In Italian

Yeah At Garfield Damn And that's just a half Yeah Imagine if you were a hole Forget it Oh

Who ho There would just be a pizza sitting here But here's the thing, our total lack of communication, our first time really sitting down and engaging. Yeah. Would you agree? And I think, you know, there's no way I could know your middle name, right? I know Bobby Moynihan. There's no way I would know your middle name.

Is that accurate? I mean, it's semi-accurate. You could Google it or Bing it. No. Okay. What is it? Take a guess. There's no way.

I'm going to predict it. I'm going to have a pattern. a paper and what I want to do is I want you to think of your middle name okay don't tell me I'm not there's nothing here there's nothing here guys I do not I do not know Bobby's middle name uh I want you to think of your middle name right now okay and think of a letter from the name of the girl

you lost your virginity to have you got it one letter from her name and I want you to pick a letter from the place the city you were in when you lost your virginity one letter from that city

okay I want you to picture from the number from one to ten how mad your wife was from one to ten while she was watching you lose your virginity with this girl in said city. You have a letter? And lastly, I want you to think

think of heaven or hell pick one just to live in or just pick one in just pick one as as I already have I don't know why I asked yeah I already know uh go ahead uh tell them your middle name Michael Mike hell right there gang I don't think they can read that. Hold on. Oh. There you go. Now they can read it.

Are you sure? No. Let me. Will you let me do. I want to just put it up to the other camera. Will you? No sweat. Take your time.

Can I help you in any way? I'll just chill here and wait. Tom, Steve, Paul. That's, um... Isn't that wild? That's magic. What you just did. Right, dude?

Yeah. So I nailed it. It's, yeah, that's my middle name. Robert Michael Moynihan Jr. Robert Michael Timothy Moynihan Jr., if you count my confirmation name when I was Catholic. Wait, there's a number.

another one? Well, I'm Robert Michael, and then my confirmation name was Timothy, so I don't know if that really counts. It's not legal. It was a thing that church made us do when we were children, and now I don't talk about it, or use it. So I'm Robert Michael, Timothy,

Thomas, Moynihan, you. Robert Michael, Timothy, Thomas, Kevin. Is there any way I could know your third name was Timothy? No. Hang on. Okay. Oh, my God. Are you doing magic?

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Okay. So you threw the Timothy bomb at me. I did. I have no way I could have known what your second middle name is. You had no idea I was going to bring that up. So I have no way I could have known it. None. Blank.

I want you to think of the first time your gardener looked through the window. Armando? yes okay and watched you make love to your wife what day was it the first time yeah what day of the week i'm sending it to you what was the saint from apostle 527 the lord said thou shalt not worketh on thine sabbath or thine children's legs will be cleaved and thou shalt forever go forth with stump children. Isaiah. Oh,

should I not say? No, that's it. This is awesome. Say your other name? Timothy. Are you kidding me, guy? How are you doing this?

I don't even know. Why don't you have a magic podcast? Why do you just have a podcast about cars? Because I don't want to do... My thing isn't to trick people or manipulate. I just do a bread and butter. I disagree. You just do.

just tricked me. I know, but, but that's not the core of what I do. Yes, I did manipulate. Yes, I duped you. Dare I say, I fucked you over real hard like a Baker's Field doesn't. But that's not what I do. I don't know if that's for you to say, to be honest. Well, you just hate paper also. Oh, I do origami. You do? Pick, pick, pick anything. Um, I took a class at DeVry. Edward James Almost What movie? Specifically from Battlestar Galactica Or Stand and Deliver

Wait, was that him? I remember. I think he played Jaime Escalante in that. Do you want him crying or, because he's an actor, You're crying or frowning or happy. I think happy. I'll buy like a happy almost. I can keep this.

That's for you, buddy. Yeah. You're welcome. Thank you. I didn't say thank you, but thank you now that you said you're welcome. Careful. Let's go deeper into your name. Yeah.

Because, you know, you got a junior attached to yours. I got to ask, Bobby, does that create animosity? Because I'm guessing your dad was senior. He was, and I hate him for it. You do. This is where I was going with this. Like, have you had to live in his shadow your whole life? Are you

mad at him? Is there animosity? Is there daddy issues? Let's just say I murdered him. Let's just say that. We're not. Pick the time of

day that you murdered him and tell you or think it just pick today that the day a Thursday a Wednesday and the first letter of that day okay okay and I've never met your dad

how do you know because I want he speaks very fondly of you so he knows me not anymore he's dead but yes keep talking getting a vibe

you don't tell me what to do yeah that's it get mad or I don't like you why because you don't remember my dad and he loved you

more than anything including me I'm almost there. I'm channeling it. I've ran out of stuff. One more thing. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. And the last letter in the word car is... What do you mean by letter? Like the letter. The C.A. R, one of the letters.

it now. I'm not going to say it out loud. We're done. What is your father's name? Robert. Bobby. Robert. Bobby Sr.

And the last letter, an R. Are you kidding me? I didn't even want to do this. It's like, it's not like, it's like it's just coming out of you. Yeah, I didn't even, I didn't want to do it. But it's just, I don't know. I'm on today. when did you know this was going to happen

I didn't know but I'm glad it's here do you like animals no you do now have a koala that's really cute isn't that cute guess what his name is

what is it cunt I thought so You can say his full name if you want. Contalumium. The koala. But was it hard, was it tough living in that, was your dad, like, why would your dad name his boy after him? Like, there was already a Bobby.

Mm-hmm. Why is it, Bobby Moynihan, why does he, he had 23 billion sperm cells. One of them made it. Not true. And he has to make it your name? He had one. He had one left. You're the last?

It was the last one, and he went, I got to make this count. And he also very forgetful. Wow. So. You're like the last of the Mohicans, but honky. That's what they called me,

the last of the Mohonkys. Oh, wow. You're the last of the Mohonkys? That's on my bird certificate, but it's crossed out. Wow. And then they wrote Tweety,

because they wanted a bird. My sister wanted a bird. Oh, and they crossed that out. Sweetie. And then it says, little rabbi. and then that's stiff that stuck that's my real name but i go by bobby jr but i'm really

little rabbi you're the last of the mohawkies did you know that oh my god it's crazy wow i know i didn't even know i don't love that yeah i didn't know when they said it i was like you shouldn't say that yeah and they said we're gonna on a podcast wow but i find it fascinating like of all the names like why did he have to i don't know No. Was there known baby book? He was a big Giants fan. He liked Phil Sims.

I could have been Phil Sims in Moynihan. You could have, he could have named you like Carrie Grant. I didn't. Like, of all the duplicate names, he gives you his own. Did he work at a copy center or something? No. Okay. But I love, I wish he did.

He was an alcoholic and he had epilepsy, and he owned a gas station and a liquor store. Wow. That's true. That's true. Wow. What an interesting guy. alcoholism and epilepsy

you can't drink alcohol when you have epilepsy because of the medication but he did and you can't drive a car if you have epilepsy and he owned a car a gas station

wow and a liquor store can you how do you did he dip into the work like was oh yeah was he like were there bottles

missing every night? Yeah, Black Bush. Wow. Yeah, yeah. He liked that stuff. He would pour Guinness and milk, Guinness and cereal instead of milk. Really? Yeah, sometimes.

Oh, my God. I guess if you had Lucky Charms, you could pour a Guinness in there, because that's like an Irish stew right there. I'll eat Lucky Charms with any liquid. Yeah. But Lucky Charms, there's nothing more Irish than Guinness and Lucky Charms.

I didn't make that connection until, just this moment. Yeah, you pour that together. You almost should be given that to Irish children, I think. You immediately get inducted to the IRA. Yeah. Wow. Are they even around anymore the IRA? No, they became the IRS. Oh, really? Yeah. So they're looking into my finances? Always. Who I was this morning, too. What's my net worth? You're doing great, man. You're doing great. Can I get a number? Eight. So Mahatma Gandhi, here's my thing with him. Okay.

You have beef with him? We're casual dressers. Look at us. We're just wearing what we want. Were the guys walking down the street? They wouldn't know that I have a net worth of eight. I'm guessing yours is around eight or nine. You're a Hollywood guy, S&L.

You got a little lettuce in the bank. S&L, baby. Yeah. The money's at. Right. See? So guys like us, you've heard that saying, the clothes make the man. And you see power guys on Wall Street,

you see politicians, you see celebrities, wearing these suits, Armani, four grand for a suit. We walk around cash. Yeah. And you hear guys that dress so astutely and say, oh, the clothes make the man. But then you look at Mahatma Gandhi who basically wore a rag. Yeah. He didn't even wear

I wouldn't call it clothes. Yeah. It was like it was like a dirt poncho. It was like a Kleenex blew through the night and landed on him. Yeah. It looks like it does look like something drifted in the wind onto his body and he couldn't get it off. And here's a guy that reshaped British colonialism. Here's the guy that reshaped India. Here's the guy that reshaped India. Here's the guy that changed the world dressed as a sham wow. But you ever see him in a three-piece suit? Never.

And that's where the whole saying the clothes makes the man dives off a cliff. Yeah, it's true. Because here's a guy dressed as a subway rapper and he did more than any of these power suits on Wall Street have ever done to contributing

to the cause of mankind. kind. Fred Flintstone starred in his own television show. He only had on the skin of an animal and a tie. Yeah. And it's all he ever wore. He didn't even change it up. Same with his wife, his kids. And rubble. Don't forget

Rubble. Barney Rubble. Yeah, I would never. He didn't even have animal print, but still... Just brown. Just brown. Oh, I love brown. I wear brown pants. My ass starts to wiggle. Just involuntarily? Well, have you ever seen a dog's tail go?

Like I'll wear blue jeans all day long I'll wear Banana Republic dress pants You put me in brown slacks My ass just starts going Like it just starts wiggling I don't know what it is guys It feels right It's because it knows it's time

To show off in those brown pants Wow We touched on SNL briefly You do a library Of characters, impersonations A seven book library. Library is how I say it. Okay, that's a different way than normal people.

I'm breathy with it. Yeah, you are. It's one of those few words. Everything else I enunciate here, but when I say library, I like to really... A lot of people say library, they forget the R. Some people go library, but you say it like a very rich older lady. A lady. Yeah.

Well, maybe I should raise... A library. Should I raise my register when I say it? You can. I know you can. How many voices you can do is truly phenomenal. It's astounding. I might go to the library later. Have you ever played an old lady?

I have. Of course. I did a movie called Mr. Head Mistress for Disney, and it was sort of my version of Mrs. Doubtfire. I had to play a convict who was running out. He escaped from jail, and he ended up at an all-girls boarding school where they were just happened to be expecting the new head mistress.

And I showed up and put on the gear and I conned the school into thinking I was the head mistress I was hiding out there. Can we just make Mrs. Doubtfire? You never see like cover band movies. Like movies that are just, it's just, let's me and you make Mrs. Doubtfire.

Why not? Why not? Talk to me. I'm literally talking to you right now. So wait, you're Mrs. Doubtfire. No, you're Mrs. Doubtfire. fire and I'm everyone else. Oh, I feel like you should be the star, not me.

I had my chance with Mr. Headmistress. It's your turn to be a fat old bag. True words have never been spoken. I'll do it. I'll do it. Do we have a script? I think you can magically write one, can you? What's the first letter I'm thinking of we're going to do an old script?

Okay. Well, I just thought of something. We don't need to write the script because we're just doing Mrs. Doubtfire. Right. So we could just take the script from there. We can Google it or go to like a dramaturgy store. That's what they're called. I'm on the second act break.

What would you do if I told you my other name that I go by is Annie MacDonald? Sorry, what I was just writing a wonderful scene here? What were you saying? I was saying, what would you do if I told you my nickname was Annie McDonald? Would you have that already written on the back of your pad by accident? Oh, no. It's a scene where... Oh, it's a sad scene.

He tells his kids this. It's a scene where his tits catch on fire. Oh, it's the scene Where is his other tits catch on fire? Ooh! And fade to black. Yeah. Another eight.

Another eight bucks. Dude, when you have time, I'll shoot this. Go shoot that movie. Mrs. Doubtfire, too. Congratulations, buddy. You're very welcome. You're very welcome.

I did not know all this was going to come to me today. It's almost overwhelming. I feel like when we were roommates, we should have talked. Because there's a lot coming out right now. There's a lot of energy right now. There's a lot. And it was silent. It was silent and hot.

Oh, there's more than a lot. There's a lot coming out right now for me. Yeah. Like a lot. And I feel bad that we wasted that year not talking. Okay, everybody. Summer's here, grilling, running around, chasing the kids, playing volleyball, wrestling manatees, throwing sea cucumbers, whatever it is you do, you're going to get hot, you're going to get sweaty, you're going to get all stis-stainke. So why don't you do what I do?

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Mando's got you covered. Protect your pits, protect everything, and smell great doing it. Mando. I'm telling you, I'm wearing it right now. I love it. You can't dwell on the past, Harlan. Bob A. Yes. Was there a character in your arsenal, in your library, in your quiver, if you will? Easy. Was there a impersonation, a character that you never got to? Did you never get a chance to exploit it, put it on display for the way?

world. And if not, if there's one that got neglected or never got its chance, would you like to present it now or does that even exist? When you said that, there was a time when they asked me, we're doing like an 80s or 90s like throwback thing. Like, so we're going to play someone from that. Who do you want to play? And I went, I don't know, Pend Gillette. And they said, no, you're playing Wendy the Snapple Lady. what wait what Wendy the Snapple lady Was she a thing

I don't know if I remember her You don't remember Wendy the Snappel lady Is that a candy She's here Wendy Yes Come in Harlan wants to meet you

She was like the spokesman for Snapple She won't be here No She's actually here I brought I bring Wendy the Snappel lady with me wherever I go Oh, so you're going to play her.

No, she's outside your house right now. She's going to come inside with Snapple and give it to us and surprise us. But are you saying I should do a character and come in? No, I'm telling you. Who are you talking to? Wendy! See, I feel like you want me. I'm going to be Wendy.

I don't need you to be because Wendy's here. She's... I don't see her. I'm going to help you. Give me a second to get in character. Got you. 30 seconds. Wendy

Yes? Come in here Yes? yes she was known for her really pointy tits hi i'm wendy hi wendy it's good to see you great to see you boy do i love snapple yeah it's a refreshing drink on a hot summer day sure does go down smooth you got some pointy tits on you there wendy yeah i call them my little snapples nipples, I have snapples. And there's little fax on the inside.

Like a duck's quack is the only sound that doesn't echo. Good seeing you, Wendy. Is that it? Yeah. Can they put these away? No. Okay, goodbye. See you later, honey.

Goodbye. Rape! Rape! Get your hands off me! Harlan, don't do that to Wendy the Snapple lady. Does she get rape? No. Okay, I didn't know. Never.

Not Wendy? Okay, I didn't know. That is... Oh, okay! I don't even know what to say about that. Dude, how was it? How did I do? I'm not going to lie.

Yeah. It didn't go great for Wendy. I didn't know. I was literally... I didn't even know the character. I thought you were going to do it. She's not a... Wow.

She's outside and she missed her chance, but... I was an chance. She was like a spokeswoman. She was kind of like a human version of the noid, if you will. Or like, or like, Flo the Progressive Lady, but for, for, uh, is she that progressive? Like, when you dress like you're from the 50s and you're sort of a closet lesbian, is there any progression at all? Hopefully, it's Pride Month.

Yeah. Hopefully she can get it all together. Nothing says loving like swirling around in the hot tub with Steve, Dan, and Sean. Happy Bride Month. Yeah. I would like to, since you brought out Wendy. Oh, you're going to bring somebody on her? Well, I did a thing, and I sort of like to be, as you know, I'm an innovator.

And I just don't do impressions. I've been working on this stuff down in my laboratory. and I do a thing I call, have you ever heard of a Mexie melt? It's like you go to Taco Bell and they meld the foreign foods together. What country is Taco Bell? Is it what kind of food?

America. Isn't it like a... It's garbage. But is it a foreign country's food? Is it... I think it's from... Mexico? Yes.

So they have a thing called a Meximel. Yeah. That's probably where they got the name from. Yeah. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia. It's data brokers. These companies collect your personal information,

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That's A-U-R-A-com slash C-O-N-T-R-O-L for your free trial. That's Aura.com slash control. I'm just thinking here for a second. Take your time. No, I might need a minute. You knock me off my axis. I have a tendency to do that to people, especially with Taco Bell Fad. I know a bunch.

I know too many. I didn't even know they had a fax machine. Every one of them since 86. It's been, it's illegal to not have a fax machine in a Taco Bell? You said you had a Taco Bell fax. Yeah, a lot of them. You want to see one? Whoa.

Can you read it to me? Hello, Harlan. Hello, Harlan. Hello. We at Taco Bell would just like you to, know that we love you and that all of our food is made from not garbage and that we think you are a cutie and that you got the belly of a little doughboy watch out for demons taco bell wow wow you can keep that thank you junior no sweat thank you that's from the fact

it's a fax you are you really are the last whatever it was the last of the mohawkies what was The last of the Mohankees? The Indian in the cupboard? Which one was I? I spent that whole year in the cupboard when we looked in a year. Is that what a, when a dwarf comes out? Because did they come out of the cupboard instead of the closet? I don't know.

The doggy door? Yeah, if you're like a dwarf gay person and you're coming out and you're only this tall, I don't think you want to waste cupboard space. I think gay dwarves also have closets. Yeah, but wouldn't be much better To see one just come through a doggy door I'm out, I'm queer I'm here, get youth to it

I just anyone who comes out more power to him Yeah But if you can do it in a funny way Or like in like a little silly way I'll take it I would say sexy way I mean you see a door Like I'm a heavier guy

So if I came out of a door I would do it like the top But then there was like a round part And then the door at the bottom again Oh you might as well just be the Kool-Aid guy smashing through a wall. Maybe you're right. What if I had like a fat man's door

made and then I just busted through the wall next to it? I think that's sexy. That's the way to come out. I would love... You're turned on by dwarfs. Dwarves and just things bursting through things. I'd love to see a dwarf coming out just bursting

through a doggie door. Hi! And then maybe a Rottweiler behind it or a dash hound. That's how you say it. A we The wiener dog's probably the most appropriate if you're coming out through a doggy door. You want a big furry wiener following you. It's funny. I would say a Frijean.

Oh, what's that? A dog. But is it a weaner dog? It's, no. A Frijean, maybe if a girl came out, that sounds like a girl part. If you stretched it, if you pulled it, if you stretched it, maybe.

Yeah. I like to think that that would be the sound it makes. Okay. Well, my Meximel thing, and as this guy who, No, that's okay. As a guy who does impressions and characters, what I bring to the world, and if you want to dip into this and borrow it sometime,

be my guest friend. Thank you. I take two celebrities, Meximel them together, so you get two impressions at once. example. Robert De Niro, two A-listers. I don't do impressions of B-listers.

Okay. I do A-listers only. Smart. Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson, Robert Dicklson, or whatever you want to call it. Okay. Robert DeNicholson? Yeah.

So I'll do De Niro and you'll see me sort of meld into Nicholson. Okay. Give me a second. Meximelt. Are you out of your fucking mind? Wendy, give me the bat, Wendy. All I want to do is bash your fucking brains in. And that's Nicholson and De Niro.

It's like a duel. Shockingly not bad. it was great thanks I mean I'm gonna offer it to you I know you've never done it I don't want to throw you on the spot but if you want to try a mexie melt

right now sure sure let's do I'll do let's see who are two A-listers I do A-listers if you want to dip and kind of degrade you

I mean if you if you want to go down and not if you want to be scum if you want to like not do an A-lister and be dirt a dirt person? How am I trying to say this? I don't know. If you don't want to be

human sludge. Shit, man. A shit. Yeah. But if you want to do A-listers, I think good. Smart play. X-E-Melt. I'll do here we go. Morgan Freeman. Oh, right.

With with Um, Merrill Street Before you dip into your Meximalt, are we talking Freeman older, mature with the speckles? Specifically in lean on me.

With the speckles or speckles because he didn't have the little speckles until he got older. Yeah. So speckleus? Speckleus. Okay, so early Morgan. Lean on me?

Was he was in lean on me, right? Sure, sure, yeah. Yeah. and Meryl Streep today. Great. Do you mind if I take a second? Please.

You smoke crack, don't you, Sam's? I'm done. I finished. That was it. I think I saw Merrill, but I'm, look, I don't want to knock you. Okay. I just want to be on,

I don't think I caught any Freeman in there. Oh, okay. I saw Merrill. You were all over street. You were all over a streep like streep throat. Where was the Freeman? I thought in the words and the tone and the facial expressions, but I mean, to each his own, this is your thing, not mine.

You know, you threw me on the spot, and now I'm fucking pissed because I wasn't ready. And now you're going back to your great one? This is stupid. Are you out of your fucking mind, Wendy? This is, this was dumb. All right, we're going to move on. I don't want anger.

Sorry. It's too late. My bad. Guy, right, it was. Junior. Don't even look at me. Come on, junior. Go back.

Okay. Something happened recently. Irish. You said you're part Irish. The Moynihan, yeah. Do you celebrate the moina han in you? Oh, yes. I don't do the accent, though, clearly.

I just heard it. Well, did you? I really did. Oh, it's modern Miss. out higher. Yeah. Yeah. But it's certainly

Moynihanish. Do you cherish the Moynihan in you? Oh, yeah. Do the Moynihan's come from the north or the south, the east of the west

of the Emerald Isle? I think the county of Cork. Oh, the south then. Okay, I believe you. That's the best city in the world. If the fucking world ever floods, that's the only city that will survive because she's made a cork.

Oh. You just float away, lad. that's a that's a good t-shirt for them if they don't have it already they should sell that in every store well it's mine i don't know why you'd want to give my intellectual property away i like making money off of other people yeah that was kind of cavalier i mean i i did a whole voice i don't care what happens to you that's cavalier buddy oh my fuck can you do that again can i do it again that is some of the nicest Cavalier I've ever seen. Oh my fuck! Would you do that again? No, I don't care about you in any way, shape, or form.

Doink. Oh my... Holy fuck! I knew you were gonna do that, I'd say that. Dude! What planet are you from, Planet Cavalier? Oh. Dude!

what how did you even do them from this planet buddy the voice but the hand thing yeah i couldn't talk and move this hand what out oh you okay guy maybe i can't yeah um so going back to our ancestry yes our roots something just happened in ireland last week that's a tradition it's an irish tradition do you know where i'm going with this lad are you going with the cheese yeah that's the irish in you i didn't even have to say it it just emerged from you cheese rolling it emerged from you like it was weaved into your dna your irish dna lad i didn't even have to say it it just popped up out of him there is a shocking amount of mind reading happening during this pocket there really is yeah would you be open and i know you're married and i'm not into guys but

would you be open to laying in a field in a walmart sleeping bag later today just for a half hour, me and you? Yeah. Okay. I have no problem with that whatsoever. I don't either. I feel very comfortable with you. Yeah.

With why? Why not? And wildflowers around and the wind and stuff? That honestly would be beautiful. Just a friendly laydown between two friends who are melding. Just two silly little dudes in a field having a nice time. Almost like a human mexie melt. Yeah.

But talk to... Almost. Edward James almost. Oh, right here. There he is. Stand and deliver. Talk to me about this event. You know what you knew immediately what I'm talking about.

How insane is it? What does it mean to you and how has it affected you as you've grown up? I go ahead. Was pooping and looking at TikTok. and I saw a man Roll some cheese down a hill And then he lost control of his body And he went flying down the hill

And it was violent Right Yeah But it's not just one It's like 50 of them A hundred people do it But this one guy in particular This year

And he like flew up in the air He went about 80 feet It was astonishing I watched it a couple times And that's why I knew what you were talking about That's the thing I saw too Yeah It's in the news.

That man fell so shittily that we heard about it in a different country. But what I want to get to with you is what is it in the human psyche that inspires human beings who can create the internet and go to Mars and build a car? what is it in the human mind where they regressed to a place where they're chasing a loaf of cheese down a cliff? Loaf of cheese was my first improv team. Neither here nor there.

I just love the fact that we can build the internet but we still need to roll cheese down the hill. Yeah. Because that's... Why though? Why do we have to do this stuff? If you called me an hour ago and said, hey, we're not doing the podcast.

We're going to go roll cheese down a hill. I'd be like, I'm not, I'm kind of psyched we're doing that instead. Really? Yeah, why not? What kind of cheese would you roll down a hill after? Personally? Yeah. Be honest.

I'm trying, I don't know how to pronounce it. It's the, um, I will. Don't worry. I know all cheeses. I don't know if it's Kohita, C-O-J-I-T-A. It's pronounced called Rida. Bless you. That's my favorite cheese.

Greek. I don't think so. Well, I said it right, and you didn't, so I guess... Well, I guess we're... I guess we'll both die. Someday. But I'll be the one with all the cheese. Please.

Rhymed. A raft. I think I rapped right there. I wasn't expecting to get slammed that hard. Battle wrap type. Say it again. What did we say? You said,

Cheese, please. And it just came out like instant. Instantly, off the top of your dome, as they say. But buddy, I'm just... You're like Eminem. Yeah. Peanut or regular? I like it you said peanut.

Like it's P-E-A-N-I-T, peanut. Well, you saw how I pronounced the cheese. I pronounce P-N-N-N-I-P-N-E-I-P-N-E-N-E-N-Rucly. Everyone knows that about you. why you make me have face spasms guy i can make you do anything i want i just want to have fun i don't want to have fun too man i don't i don't really want well then don't act up and i won't make you make faces you're acting up dude be normal be tender be happy be nice be friendly play with rice on your face put rice on your face put rice on your face people

Play with it. Rice your face up. That's what one of the little kids catchphrases was. What is it? Rice your face up. Oh, I want to do, because... Do you remember that song? Rice you face up.

Yeah, I think Prodigy saying that. Rice your face up. Yeah! Yeah! I wanted to do something for you. Can I do something for you? I'll take it. Like a little gift. A little gift from me to you.

Are you kidding? You're already giving me so much. But this is going to be bigger than any of this. I'm going to offer you the moment here on my podcast. Have you ever heard of this term going viral? Of course. It can take your career. It can reinvigorate your career.

It can take what's already there up. All the way to you. What happens is you say something controversial, you do something, and it goes viral. and I haven't done this with any of my other guests I'm giving you a chance to say or do something that's going to go viral right now so take it away this is from me to you you're going to go viral

I think J.D. Vance is a creepy little piece of shit that's not really that just the truth it's not really that that's a good one yeah he looks oh man I want to hit him in the face with my bricks I like it But I feel like I've heard that one before From other people

Okay And I don't want to take But is there That's one Do you want to do a second one Just as a backup viral We got the JD Vance Looks like

Man all fish are stupid Because they like J.D. Vance Fuck them fish That one's not bad Let me give you a couple of mine. Oh, no. Endangered sea turtles should be used as salad bowls. Viral.

Probably 20, I'm going to say 30, 40 mil. I'll see you on the other side. And by the other side, I mean, viral. Here's my second one. Any babies or kittens born on the full moon should be shot in front of City Hall. Viral. want another one yeah

why don't we shoot all women up into outer space so they can realize there's no malls up there boom viral I like women though I like women a lot

you do yeah I think we should treat them great it's just me that's just me okay I'm glad you brought this up because I have a beef with women

No, it's something that involves you and your wife. Okay. And I don't even know if you're responsible for it. My wife. Hi. First of all, get your wife's name out of your own fucking mouth and put it in mine. And then help my wife up because she's on a CPAT machine right now. I wasn't finished.

Do you ever see ET? Wow. I think I know where all this weird energy's coming from now. I can feel it. Wow. Yeah, I have seen E.T. What about it? They touch fingers a lot in that movie.

Elliot and him? I don't think they do. I think E.T. just pointed, but nobody ever touched it. You might be right. I know I'm right. No, I think Elliot touches him. I'll be right here. I'm pretty sure they touch.

pretty sure it's the fucking poster actually. Now I'm mad. You are mad. And I'd like you to get it out. I'm pretty sure it's in the poster. Did you ever see the sequel? E.T2? Yeah. Yeah. He's grown up. He came back to Earth and now he's a gynecologist and a proctologist.

And that finger, he makes a fortune. Because he doesn't need that light. Yeah. Just right in. And he can heal you. Not me. He's not touching me. you want an alien's long bony finger up your spinked or go for it not me guy fuck you i wouldn't i don't party on that street really if you want that go for it dude you you haven't lived you'd let et put his long bony flashlight finger in your i don't think let is the right word

what is uh uh allow no that's not even it um help him do it i anything whoa dude what are you trying to here. I'm saying that E.T. is beloved and I love him enough that I would let him do anything to me he wanted to. So we go from E. We're talking to extraterrestrial. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going from E.T. phone home where he was just pointing at children. Yeah. But now he's got that finger in your, you know what? And he's my proctologist slash gynecologists. Yeah. Now what's the slogan? E.T. Phone home is now what? Uh, I'm seeing some polyps. I think we might need to have surgery this is concerning so et find polyps yeah you're good kid that's what senior said here's where i want to go with your wife taking you're putting yours on i'll take mine off

the fuck's going on bro what the fuck's going on bro what the fuck's going on bro what the won't be in a room with two people with glasses on. Is this for real? No, I won't do it. What in the holy fuck is happening right now? Don't test me. I'm getting real mad. Are you?

I almost put them on, Roe. Yeah, you just, that was a glick in the Matrix. I got confused for a second. Wow, are you okay? I went the long way, yeah. Are you all right? Do you need a bony finger in your flashlight? No, I had one, and I'm still, I have five years.

I've got to go every five years. How many polyps did E.T. Find in your cave? Which time? The last one. Eight. Eight. Eight.

What were you saying about my wife? Oh, yeah, sorry. So I didn't even know your middle name. You guessed it. But I went on Wikipedia and read something about your wife. It says here, and I'm mad about this. In August 2016, Moynihan, they didn't even say your first name or your five middle names.

Wikipedia. Married as a long-time partner, Broadway actress. Can I say her name? Yeah, of course. Bryn O'Malley, another Irish girl. Yes, very much so. So first of all,

and then they go, their daughter was born in July 2017. So first of all, I hate the term partner. I have two kids. That's funny that they don't know that. Well, we don't talk about the other one. Neither does Wikipedia.

The Dementoid. We don't talk about the Dementoid. Can't, legally. I mean, when one of your kids... Me, my wife, Bryn, my daughter, Dorothy, and Dementoid. Like, when one of your kids is born in a nice, plushy hospital, and the other one's born... In a fiery pit that doesn't make sense, because it's from another realm.

Dementoid. Everyone gets so... And even you say the word Dementoid, and people go, like, what is that? mean and you're like it's not racist it's just weird it's just family in your case yeah but here's where I'm pissed Bobby I tell me be honest how you feel you feel you know you're messing with my head right now how is this even possible you know what just move just Yeah, man.

Wild. The term partner, I don't know how you feel about it. I don't know how you feel about woke stuff or labels or this or that or maybe it's not even woke or label. But for me, for a woman and a man who are intimate, who have loving, romantic feelings for each other, to reduce it to partner, I hate that word. How do you feel? And the fact they put it on your Wikipedia, but you might not like that. It's because you have to dig a little deeper, Harlan. She's a cowgirl, so they mean like, pardon her.

Oh, really? Yeah. She's an Irish cowgirl. Yeah. Oh. That's why cactus are green. Oh, yeah, they're Irish. Good connection.

Yeah, four-leaf cactus. Yeah. They're such pricks. Yeah. But also, we owned a law firm together, and we were both part. Oh, okay. Moynihan, Moynihan, Moynihan, Moynihan and O'Malley. How many?

Moynihan, Moynihan, Moynihan and O'Malley. So, nine. That's a lot of Moynihan's. Yeah. There's only one. We just made it seem like there was a lot more lawyers. Wow. Well, I'll tell you, Bud, I'm not happy with this term partner.

Me neither. I think it reduces the intimacy and the romantic like vibe between couples. Partner makes it sound like you're in school and you've got a partner or like... Yeah. Partner. Yeah, it sounds like work. It sounds like there is a deline.

There's your side and my side. We're partners. And it takes the sexuality out of it. I want there to be an identifiable difference between the man and the woman for me. I want to know I have a sexy womany thing. I don't want an ambiguous partner. That's just too, like, vague for me. I need the sexy feminine touch.

Yeah. I don't want vague, like a loaf of white bread, a white column just standing there. I want... I would fuck the shit out of a loaf of white bread. You would? Yeah. Crest on or crest off?

Off. Wow, you are a power fucker. That's what they call me. you ever see a loaf of bread oh have I I had one in a bikini last week at the motel 6 in Bakersfield we spent a lot of time in Bakersfield

oh that's where the loaves are but here's the kicker Bobby they went to all this trouble to call her your partner but in the next breath if writing could breathe they say Broadway actress

instead of actor they could have an actor because actor means man or woman. Correct. They put the S on it, which is feminizing it. And then their daughter, they could have just said their female

was born. So they reduced your beautiful wife to just partner, but kept actress and daughter. What's going on, Guy? It turns out Wikipedia is not

good. Why? because anyone can fix it. Like, I could go on there right now. I'm going to go on there right now and change it from to partner. Will somebody, when they hear this podcast, change it to partner, P-A-R-D-N-E-R? You're not going to go in and put anything bad,

like say anything about me or mine, are you? No. I love you. Why would I do that? You're not going to say anything, like, make something up about me? No. No. What are you doing?

Nothing. Buddy, it's time. Our final segment, we do it with every guest, words from a wooden shoe, you reach into the Dutch clog, random words, Bobby, pull one out, see if it inspires a story from your beautiful journey in life,

or maybe someone you met, something you saw, Bobby Zachary Moynihan. Words from a wooden shoe. What do we got, my guy? It says fight with neighbor. Oh, here we go. I actually have a good one.

Good. I lived in an apartment building. I was a little kid. Yeah. Oh, man, do I tell this story? He's dead. Yeah, you tell it. You have no choice.

It's words from a wooden shoe. When I was a little kid, I lived in an apartment building, and I lived on the first floor, and there were kids, another set of kids that lived upstairs, and we did not get along with them. And I collected Smurfs, like Smurfs. And a couple of them went missing. And we were playing in the playground outside the apartment building. and a fishing line with a smurf on it came down. What?

And it was one of my smirfs, and I knew it. And I went to grab it, and I got a little cut from, like, the hook on the... There was an actual hook in it? It was like a thing that wrapped up, and I got a little cut, like a little cut from the hook. God, that means there was a pedophile living upstairs. There was probably a couple. This was the 80s. So they put an actual...

One of my... A smurf fishing lure. One of my smurfs, yes. And, like, dangled it in front of me, like, ha, ha, we took it. and found out my parents got very mad and my father took me upstairs and said this is how we deal with it this is how we do it okay

yeah and I was like what is he gonna do because my dad was nuts and drunk yeah and he brought me upstairs knocked on their door and he had a pizza with him and he said hey this is over no more fighting no more nothing

we came we brought you pizza and he gave him the pizza and they were like shocked they were like oh okay and we thought we were going to get yelled at everything okay you know we okay shake hands shook hands close the door the second

the door closed you went I spit in the pizza I thought you're gonna say put a fishing lure in the pizza no he spit in the pizza well that's what he told like they go and they find one of these in the pizza

like a fishing lure they're my sponsors by the way I had to bring that out I get it it's okay Just remember, folks, when you're going for small-mouth bass, the Klugman frog. The Klugman frog, it looks like a real frog, but it tastes like a fake one. Klugman, for all your small-mouth bass and large-mouth bass, I'm doing, this is my plug. For all your fishing needs.

Clugman's. And wow, so your dad was a real diplomat, but a little bit of a troublemaker. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Was the spit, was it a, like a surface spit? or was it a luggy? I'll never know. I don't even know if he really did.

I think he did. He probably did. And I think those little smurf fishermen deserved it. And if you're watching this now, more power to you. Yeah, more enzymes to you. You know what?

I would have thought, though, the thing that would have been the kicker for me if I was you, I go up there with my old man and he hands off a full pizza and you're like, dad I'm your boy I want some pizza

I learned a gigantic lesson Yeah Which is like Be the bigger man Yeah Wink wink Right A little bit of that Irish sort of trickery

Yeah I also Used to live next door to Mike Tyson And I fought him I boxed him Yeah I won't What do you mean? That's what made him so mad That's when he became a boxer

When we were little kids I used to live next to Mike Tyson I used to beat the piss out of him And now he's Mike You beat the shit out of Tyson? Hundreds of times. I do an impression. I do a Mexie melt

of Mike Tyson meets Donald Doc. May I? Yeah. See it? I'll give you a minute. Yeah, Max is absolutely serious. I'm going to come over there and punch you right in the face.

Oh, boy. Blah, ma'amomomomom. The plug is supposed to clap. it just wasn't it was a the other one was a real meximeo that was kind of like you did one and then you did not like then you did the other I'm just saying if we're being honest

you know you were pretty honest with me so I feel like I should be pretty honest with you it's hard not to be with you yeah Bobby yeah I know you have a lot going on you got entertainment stuff you might have books you might have shows

I want you to take this moment look right into your camera and tell the folks Where they can catch up with you, hear about your projects, find you on social media, go to your shows. This man is hilarious, and you better support him. I'm coming to your house, and I'll write your epitaph. And I don't know what epitaph means.

It means script in Greek. Check out Clean Plate Club, an improvised comedy show where instead of a monologist, we have culinary host Chris Ying, cook delicious meals for the improvisers, and then we do improv based on the foods that he makes us. You can get Not All Sheep or Boring, the children's book, wherever books are sold. Oh, wow.

Did you write it and illustrate it or write it? I just wrote it, The Amazing Julie Rowan Zock did the illustrations. And give us a quick log line. What's the log line of the kids book? Why do people count sheep to fall asleep? Because they're boring. Okay. That's hilarious.

But not all of them. Yeah. Some were pretty interesting. Yeah, no, I wasn't done. And then you stopped the music. Sorry. Keep going, keep going. This is your time.

Check out, who me? Question mark. With the Batman, a podcast where I play Batman, and I interrogate our guests on CBBWorld.com. How does his voice go, or do just do your voice? Where is she? That's how you do the whole podcast? Pretty much, yes.

But I also forget sometimes and talk normal, and then I go back into it when I remember. Like that, just like that That's just a taste You know how I have sponsors I can get you Ricolo, team Rikolo I think that would be perfect

Smart Yeah That's another favor I just heat up Vaseline and chug it Say that again I heat up Vaseline and chug it Folks This has been

The Holland Highway podcast Bobby Moynihan has been here. Check him out. Go to his shows. Enjoy him while he's with us here on this beautiful plane we called Planet Earth. He's here to make you smile. He's here to bring joy into your life. And that's it.

Until next time, everybody. Chicken chau me, baby. How do you do? that. I won't be in a room and two people with glasses on. I'll kill someone. Amazing. You're an angel sent from heaven. Poor hell. Mike Hell.

We're James almost in a koala. Wait, where's Mike hell? I'll get it. Yeah, I think we should end with that. Because it really sort of closes the circle, you know? Because what was the last thing you said was hell? And the first thing I did was...

Sympadico. I'll see in the sleeping bag later. I'll be right here. I want to go to... We're going to do the sleeping bag. That was what E.T. said. I'll be right here. I thought said...

E.T. said you had eight polyps. Ew, was it that finger? No, it was my butthole. I don't have any polyps on my finger. Amazing. Hey, gang, are you craving more Harland Williams? We'll join our Patreon page at patreon.com backslash Harland Williams. You'll get bonus episodes of the Harland Highway podcast, our special call-in show,

and you can check in with our two goofy dolls, the tender, frienders two guys in their underpants for a small monthly fee you get extra harland hey everybody how would you like your very own personal video message from me yours truly it's your birthday it's your anniversary it's your graduation or you just want me to make you laugh you get to pick the topic you want me to discuss give me some talking points and off we go you can get it for yourself or get it for a friend it's super easy and fun Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one.

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