The Harland Highway - CASEY ROCKET is here hammerjammin to the nundeglunk and de funderdee lunk! All the way bro!

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

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Hey, folks. Harland here, just a couple of little things before we get started on the Harlan Highway podcast. I just wanted to let you know check out my stand-up comedy tours schedule at Harlan Williams.com. Coming to Cincinnati, Ohio at the end of May. And then in June, I'm going to be doing four special shows one night only in each city on the east coast of Canada. Frederick Trin, New Brunswick, on June 24th. St. John's, New Brunswick on June 26, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Scallop Country, June 27th, and St. John's Newfoundland on June 28th. So go to Harlow Williams.com, get your tickets. We're going to have a merry old time.

This week's theme song, the great theme songs, just keep coming in. Thank you so much for your creativity, your music, your voice. It's so fun playing these new theme songs every week. This song is by Johnny B. One of our faithful listeners and watchers, Johnny B. has a great kick-ass song. And so keep sending them in if you can. And then lastly, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast here at the Harlem Highway.

Just press the little subscribe button. It helps us out immensely. and please share the show with your friends. Get them on the highway. And without further a do-do, let's go-go rolling and rocking right down to Holland Highway. I want to ask you the first question. Are you ready?

Yes. Nunder glunk, flunderglunk. Nundiglunk to flundergunk. Landergunk, flundergunk. Landergunk, flundergank. Ander de dunk de fendiglark. And what are the options? Welcome to the Holland Highway podcast.

Let's ride. Laugh and chipping for an hour. Think your hands and arms and stuff. Bottle up, fuckerrooos. Filing up and hit the gas. We podcast. Hey! Yum.

Wait, you're power slamming some Ritz? Had to. What do you mean, guy? You got to jam Ritz before your power pop on a pod pop? No, I was sticking out. The road's less traveled. So good. Can you hold those up?

Because I don't know if my audience would believe that you, would eat writs. Yep. Are you writsing it up? Classic six pack. I'm already down to two. Dude. So let me get this straight.

Can we create a timeline? Are you a fan of timelines? A timeline on the writs? Yeah. Have that it. Good luck. You whisked in here like a ghost from the Titanic. You power popped onto the stool.

Sure. You crackle crunched a ritz. And then you grease. fried the crack or right into your Chinese pie pop. Is that accurate or no? That's hard to deny any of that. Bro! That's basically accurate.

Yeah, right into my Chinese pie pop. Dude, have you ever powered Jacked a Ritz before, like on camera? Not like this. Dude. Not like this. And then you slurp. The slurp factors coming in. You got to wash the Ritz down, right?

Have you ever choked in a restaurant on a Ritz? Not yet, but a man is only worth as much as a slurp factor. Right? Can you imagine in your wildest dreams, you get Heimlich maneuvered for a Ritz. I mean, dude. I know. It's not even that hard of an object.

Right? If you figure the body would break it up as if it was an infection. Yeah. Putting on the Ritz, but puking out the Ritz. Is that your go-to-cratus? I know we've got to be talking about other serious things, but you come in here ritzing it up. I got to ritz it down. Let me ask you this.

You chew up a ritz. You swallow a ritz. And you start choking. They hym like you spit it out. It comes out solid. Whoa. It reformed in the body like a diamond. Whoa.

Scared yet? And if you go to the can after you eat the ritz, are you taking a ritz? Or are you taking a ritz? shits. Like, what are you taking is what I want to know. So you're saying every time you poop, you kind of name it after what you ate. With a ritz, I think you could. Sure. The rits, you'd get away with it.

Like, you can't go in the can and do, hey, I just did a Christmas cake, but I just laid a giant ritz. That seems to work to me. That sounds like poetry almost. Yeah, and they're squeezing out Mardi Gras babies. Oh, dude. So tragic. King cake. Well, bro, what a way to welcome.

Welcome to the, uh, let me, oh, wow. What was that? Wait. What was that? Did you, did you hear that? Hard thing. That was weird. It was like a,

putting on the wits. Try it. Hey, it's not for me. It's only me. It's just you. I'm like a wits devil. Putting on the ritz. Yeah.

I can feel that. I can feel the vibration. I want you to take that wreaths cracker. Put it in your hand. Go ahead. Do it as your told, child. Hold it right there just for another succulent moment. Now over to put it. What was that?

It got hot. Now slowly put it in your mouth, child. Feefeit for a king. Wow, dude. What was that taste, my child? like Satan Ritz. That felt too.

That felt so good in all the wrong way. I know. That was real. He's a rich angel. Whoa, dude. Is that the Ritz angel? Oh my God.

So cute. Chew your ritz. What is the Ritz angel want me to do? Chew your rits. And then do a rich shits. The angel wants me to shit I don't know about the angel

I like the devil more I don't know about the angel Oh really alright Oh wait I'm back I'm the rich devil Wow What's going on here

What's with all these Whoa I am Dr. Ritz Please eat your Ritz Immediately. Wait, what's this one? Hmm, wow. I don't know what...

There. Dude. I don't know what the hell that was, but it was. That was creepy. That was creepy, bro. Sorry, let's, let's, I'm trying to find the theme music. And somehow I got like this weird other thing. Hey folks, Harland here. Have you heard of chubbies? I'm talking about chubby's shorts. They're beautiful. They're wonderful. They're comfortable. And my goodness, spring is coming. And your thighs and everything else have been stuffed in jeans and tight and who knows what. But it's time to get them out, get in some chubby shorts. And let's rock and roll. Use code harbby.

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That's code Harland at chubbies shorts.com. Support our show and tell them that we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd gang. Stand out with chubbies. You know what we've started, right? Sure. I hope to God we have.

Brocefiosh. We have started. All that rich stuff, I caught it. I hope you're comfortable with it, because I caught it. We'll see. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Halle Highway podcast. And we got a special one.

We hooked a winner. Winner, winner, Rocket Dinner. Yeah. Folks, it's Casey Rocket from the land down under, from the land up above, from your night. from your dreams, from your wife's panty drawer, from Barry Manilow's summer home to Kenny G's cabin in the woods. It's Casey Zachary Roberts. Wait, wait, what was the last part?

Zachary Roberts. Casey Zachary hyphen Roberts. It's Rocket. Sure. Roberts. What are you, Julia Roberts' son? Nice try, Hollywood. That's what I've been saying. Dude, how are you? I'm okay.

Talk to me. I'm Ritson, I'm wheeling, I'm dealing, handshift deals. You're flying. Buying stamps, mailing letters, brother. Who do you think? You're in Hollywood. Have you been making some deals? I've been making some power moves.

They call me the power broker. Yeah. What? Some people call me the power broker. Dude, stop. And now start again. Handshake deals. Whoa.

Nothing on paper in case it falls through. You know what I like the way you, the rhythm of what you said? Why did you just lick the sign? You just did Cunningus at my sign What Dude dude So sick

Dude We don't do Kondolingus on the logo But you can I'll let you Do you like It's kind of lingusing a logo, bro? Depends on the logo

Both It's not a Cubs blue So cool Cubs blue Really Worth a kiss You're a lingus guy Huh

That's color of my car I have a Toyota 4 runner You'd love it How many? it's one you said four though there's one

if it's four runners shouldn't it just be a Toyota marathon like if there's one I get it it's a four runner we don't riff like that well riff Van Winkle your dinkle stink

like bro you can't come busting in here ritzing it up and then you kind of lingus my logo all over the place and who am I the riff police right let it go

what are you Irish lingus let's go I'm up tight I'm being uptight You're uptight. I know. But, dude, you're in Hollywood, and what were you saying? You made some handshakes?

I was doing handshake deals. I was doing stuff. What? The type of stuff you don't want to put on paper in case it falls through. Financing. Whoa. Set design.

What? Grip. Grip stuff. You know what I recommend is, if you're going to do that stuff and you don't want to put it on paper. Sure. This is just a helpful tip,

because I care. Write this stuff. on origami. Have you ever signed a deal on like a swan or a horse? Like you start going Where am I even supposed

to sign on this thing? Right. It's still paper. Sure. But you're signing on a hind quarter. You're signing on a throat, on a neck. On a neck.

On a breast. Oh, dude. Those are hard to sign on because the nipples always get in the way. You ever try to sign your name across a breast and then the nipples

right in the middle? Yeah. Yeah, man. Right? Speed bumps. Yeah. Unless your name is the Thaddeus and the middle letter is an eye and you can use the nipple as the dot on the eye. Best case scenario.

Thaddius and you don't have to even dot your eye. It's already nipple done. Best case scenario. Give it a French kiss. Breast case scenario. Oh. Kiss on either side of the nipple. You're going to throw in a little lingus?

Whoa, dog. I was joking. And then you lingus did up. up. Player, please. Get this man a lily pad. He's been fly hunting. Casey Rocket is here, gang, and we don't know where he's from. We don't know what he wants. Sure. You're like an alien. We don't know what you want. My intentions are muddled. I'll say that. What? My intentions are muddled. What do you, I don't see? Because muddled, I don't understand your intention.

Sure. Because muddled means confusion. one of mud Oh so your intentions are Are mud My intentions are mud I won't sit here and lie to you dude Dude do you like mud As much as the next guy

In fact even more than the next guy I went to college And one day on the way to college I don't know why I did it I was like it was raining There was a giant mud puddle I laid down and rolled in the mud And I went to my classes

Covered in mud all day And as it dried It just started crumbling off And I literally sat in my classes just kept and the teachers what could they say well harlum what are you doing i fell in a puddle it's like it's like mud's not illegal this ain't high school anymore you don't get right i'm paying to be here i could be covered in whatever i want and they couldn't refute it like okay maybe he did trip and fall in mud what can you do sure there were no cameras back then that's why i love mud too my guy

yeah have you ever mud wrestled you look like you have victimless crime whoa Mud wrestling, yeah. You've done it? Well, it's better in thick mud. The type of mud that's not as sloppy. Whoa, you're getting emotional, bro. A lot of mud wrestling, posers, poses and clowns, it's very viscous. Yeah.

Thick mud, clotted mud. They call it clot mud wrestler. Clot wrestler. I caught what you said. Good money. The V word. Visciscus. Just for the record, gang, that word has not been tossed on the Harland Highway yet.

That will forever belong to the Rocket Man. Dude. You had me at Viscuous. Wow. And I had you at Ritz. Live Long and Viscuit. Remember Mr. Spock? You know what this thing?

This part was for? You remember Mr. Spock, Live Long and Prosper? Viscuous. This was viscous. Yeah, sure. Read between the lines. Yeah. Scared it.

Whoa. A whole lot of world out there in the universe. Did you just threaten them? A lot of world out there. No, but you said scared yet? That was, you almost, I think that's your gang signing. Freaked yet? Whoa.

Freaked yet, little oink? Whoa, little oink? Oh, big. So cool. So sick. I like thinking about that. He's sick. Don't make him sick.

Dude, I'm just trying to communicate, guy. He's big sick. When's it my turn to party? He's big sick. There are a few things in this world. Dude. As criminally underrated than being pig sick. Yeah.

Yeah, when a pig gets laid, laryngitis, they already sound like they got throat issues. But when they get the laryn, it's okay, try to tell me. Oh, you'll like this, ready? Sounds of the north. Squeal like a pig bull, my boy.

Sounds of the South. What about sounds of the east? Sounds of the East. Oh, let's go jigging for squid there by. Let's get out on the harbor there. We'll go jigging for squid by. Like squid fishermen on the East Coast? Then I'm going to throw to you, Sounds of the West.

Let's go, Hot Shot. Whoa. Nailed it. That's all you need. Yeah. Whoa, dude. And that could be from behind a dumpster. That could be on a surfboard.

That's in the middle of the Brett Isle and Ralph's. Yeah. You start going, all right, I think I'm finally home. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, that was that you, dude, you encapsulated the West with that whoa.

That's all it takes. It's a spirit, not a noise. It's a spirit. It's an emotion. Oh, I love it. like that. And what would it, what would that ghost sound like?

Like if that thing died and became a ghost, I don't know if there'd be any difference. It's hard to say, structurally, because the verbiage is so close to the hurts. Wow. And then that was the ghost? Wow.

The ghost sounds like he's got a little wildcat in him. Yeah, he started having a, a little fun. He goes, now I'm having fun in the afterlife. Wow. Oh, it is so nice to get rid of those unwanted subscriptions. I have gotten, I have eliminated de many and Rocket Money's the way to do it, gang. Spending can sneak up on you like daily coffees or streaming subscriptions. Rocket Money spots these habits so you can save more. Rocky, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and canceled your unwanted subscriptions. Monitores your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings, man.

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Rocket money. have you ever tangled with a wild cat you look like you might have like gotten a throw down with a jaguar or a leopard or something i wish brother i went hunting one time here we go and uh i heard there was like panthers in the woods yeah we didn't see none do it sound like that all the hairs are standing straight up right now that's called harrius erectus in france couldn't have a new nicer guy dude don't touch your harius erectus it's a latin root panthers panthers kill more people every year than car accidents what about jaguars

they kill significantly well they're on the road more you got to figure a jaguar is on the road more than a panther. Sure. Because there's jaguars. I mean, I don't know what you'd drive, but they're all over the place. You would think. So I would think of jack, just technically, if I'm doing the numbers, double Dutch. Double Dutch? Double Dutch?

Would you stop whispering double Dutch? You're like a little breeze. on a popcorn fart farm. Double Dutch! Stop! Double Dutch! Jeez! God! This is bigger than me, man. This is bigger than both of us. This is bigger than a hippopotamus.

This is Ruby Red, Right, Clit on a Thursday night at El Segundo. Hard to say. I want to read the first question to you, because we've been having trouble getting started here. Sure. But it's been a joy. Yeah. It's been a joy.

Well, we're just getting started. I want to ask you the first question. Are you ready? Yes. Nunder glunk flunder glunk. Nundiglunk to flundergank. Landergank floundergank. Lander de dunk de fondergank.

And what are the options? Dude, that's pretty much it. Nundi flunk. It's nondi flunk. Okay. Nandi-funked a gunner for what. Wow. All right, good.

Let's get into it. Tell any truck driver's stories, Casey Rocket. Any, you ever been in a rig, you ever driven a rig, you ever hauled anything? Let's talk truck stuff right now. I grew up next to a highway and a rural area, and sometimes we would throw rocks at the trucks, and they would never stop. They wouldn't dare. How big of the said rocks? Not that big.

Like softball size? or hardball size? Small at hardball. And would you, because I'm a detail-oriented player. Yeah. Are you aiming for cargo bay or are you aiming for glass window

up in front cab? We were aging. We were trying to hit glass window, but we rarely did. I don't think we broke any. You don't think? There was one. You would have known.

There was one. There was one. There's always one. Talk to me. Talk to me, Carmelcorn, Pete. We were walking down the road. four or five in the morning throwing rocks at cars it started with tennis balls these things escalate quickly and you run out of tennis balls usually there's

usually a lot more rocks around than tennis balls sure it's a renewable resource the dinosaurs didn't die to give us tennis balls they died to give us rocks and by the way if you ever want to see a dinosaur ironically cut open a rock they're always inside of them you can see you like their bones they're right there they're waiting to be picked up People think dinosaurs weren't extinct from an asteroid. They were eaten by rocks. Cut one open, you'll see.

The rocks ate their bones. The rocks ate them. Then their bones are inside. Their skin. Damn, that goes deep. Right? That actually goes hard as hell. I like that.

The rocket just entered the first Dementoid. That actually goes hard as hell. I like that. Hard as hell and soft as toffee. Seasalt toffee by the edge of the Caspian Sea. Savory. Oh, whisper of the whip. Oh, wow.

Sometimes I'm in the forest and I think of fairy farts. And that's what it sounds like, the whisper of the whip. And you stop and you try to enjoy them. Right, and the smell. Because fairies fart rainbows and toffee and onion meat. Lavender. Oh. If you ever had a fairy land on your face while you're sleeping

and it just farts right up your nose? You wake up with a little pimple. That's what these are. Right. Fairy marks. Ferry marks. That's what I call them. Dude, and you're right to call them that.

And I'm glad someone's saying it out loud finally. I'll be sitting on the Amtrak sometimes, and I'll feel people looking at me and I'll go, you're looking at my fairy marks? Oh, wow. Take a picture. It might last a little longer. Sort of really challenging. Yeah.

Like, you don't fuck around is what I'm sensing. And I'll stare at him the rest of the ride, regardless of how. long it is. You know what I'm picking up from that if you don't mind me making a little commentary? Go ahead. I'd be offended if you didn't. I'm picking up that Daddy don't fuck around. You'd be right to think that.

Daddy came to play. I don't take a mess and I lay down and I don't lay down for anybody. Wow. Damn. That shit's heavy as fuck. Wow. Sorry. That's like a power drop.

Sorry for guessing. No, I love it. If you wouldn't mind dropping one more cuss to complete the Sossely's triangle. Shit all. Shit all. Shit it down. Shit, shit it down. So cool.

I want to share a truck driver's story with you. Sure, let me hear it. I was heading up to Yuma with my buddy Tommy Freestone. He was driving a big Mac truck, big rig up to Yuma, Yuma County. Casey, we were hauling vegetables, okay? We got in the back, we got parsnips, we got cellar, we got butter lettuce, we got tomatoes. We're driving along, Brosef. Suddenly, we're out in the desert, body laying across the road.

We pump the air brakes. We just hammersmith them. Just hammer jacking them. I said hammer jacking them. And we get out, we go to check the body. Well, we're checking the body. We're right near some kind of hippie commune, right? A bunch of vegetarians, 40 of them.

It was a trap. We were checking the stiffy on the road. 40 vegetarians got into the back of the rig, and they're just eating like locusts. You know how the praying mantises? They were just, like, army ants swarming our rig. And here we are looking out. The guy on the ground was a vegetarian.

He was plain dead because they all looked at anyways. They're so skinny and malformed. Right, and their cheeks are sucked in. You're not a vegetarian, are you? Oh, God, you are. Does that answer your question? Oh, my God, you are. You're a vegan.

Oh, God, you poor lost. Terriaki soul. I wouldn't worry about that. So these guys are just, you've seen them eat, the way they, it's almost like they have crab claws. They're like the Grendel from Beowulf. Yeah. And they ate through our cargo, and we got totally effed.

No. Yeah. So it ruined the whole lot. We lost a lot. The only thing they didn't eat were the gourds. Because gourds are nature sex toys. I don't know if you ever seen the gourds. They come in all different, ain't all kinds of shapes.

They're built for pleasure. Yeah. And those they spared. Thank God. At least some of the run wasn't spared. Yeah. Some of it was saved at least. Yeah.

That's a pretty harrowing story, man. I'm not going to lie to you. That basically scares the shit out of me. Why? Talk to me. I like, see, with my guests, I like to get into the layers, I like to get into the emotion. You said it scared you. I'd like, if you're okay with opening that door, I'd like to go down and see, what about that, scared you, what makes you uncomfortable? Talk to us.

To know that any time I drive a truck or a car, someone can lay down in the road, praying on my nice sensibilities, my ability to give back to my community going, I don't want to run over this person. I don't want to see them squish I don't want to see them become men's meat They could in turn Betray that trust And eat everything in the cab of my car Even if it was a book bag or a duffel bag

This is for real folks This is for real It's raw Sometimes this podcast can be Tough to watch It gets raw It gets real It gets right to here.

It's as real as it gets. What you see is what you get with me. Are you okay? Do you need to take a little break? I mean, that was some tough stuff, guy. It's not about that. It's not about that. I'll be okay if you need like a minute.

I can go silent. It's been a hard month for everybody. Talk to me. There's another one. First, it was the thing with the eating. Now it's been a hard month. Here we go again. and this is why we wanted them on the show to get to get to these the raw nerve endings go it's been it's getting realer by the day reality setting in you don't like reality reality

setting in and I'm starting to look around and I go I don't know which one of these guys I can do rest really yeah and then it's starting to be where I'm trying to keep my enemies closer than my friends Huh. Has reality not been a friend to you? Has reality made life hard for Casey Zachary Rocket? It's been nothing but slow trained to nowhere. And I'm starting to look around and I'm going, should I keep my friends closer or my enemy? Sounds like you had a friend betray you. And we'd like to get into that right now. Absolutely. What happened? Who's the friend? If you want to make up a name, you can. All right. I'll say their name. But I'm not going to be happy about it.

Could you give me the, is there a way to give me the angel voice? Or maybe you should, maybe I should write the name down and you say it in the angel voice, maybe. I got you. Maybe that would make more sense. Casey, tell us about your friend who deceived you, who hurt you, who took your golden, sacred trust, and dashed it on the rocks. like a fat child's cranium and his head split open and his brains spilled into the sea and the angel fish and the sea urgen sucked on his succulent celibum or whatever the fuck it's called please enlighten us i had i had started a small business okay i started a small business

Yeah. Does it sound like angel to you? Hang on. Okay. There we go. Oh, wait. It's still... Oh, we're in a whole lot of trouble case.

Does it sound like an angel to you? Yes It certainly does Should I be swearing as a fucking angel? I don't know Something about this just doesn't work I'm a fucking angel I'm swearing my fucking ass off

Fucking asshole Fuck me tender in the night Bend me over a photocopier Behind the Dairy Queen Pull my little angel pants down Spread my cinnamon buns And power jack me all All night long, Casey Rockett!

I can't. I can't do that, man. I'm not that guy. You know, I'm not that guy for you. I've been nothing but a friend. I've been nothing but a friend. Are we back? Oh, God.

You're cooked, man. Your goose is baked. You're two ways to go tell her right now. I'm going to have to put you down at the end. into this they're putting you down on wait there dude i was lost in the spirit world i know i was really scared that was really mercurial dude will you hold my hand for a second i was really scared i just need a little i'm trembling bro just sweetie you are trimble will you say a prayer just bring me back because i was deep in spirit world please

Please, Casey Rockett. Somebody take care of Harlem this year. We are so excited for Harlan and the exciting things he has going on, but he has been lost. He has been lost, he was lost, and now he is found. He is exalted. He is exasperated. He is exhausted.

He is going to keep himself together by the glue of the Lord, and we are going to be friends until he falls apart at the seams, and even then I will pick him up and sew him back together with my sheer friendship and love, dear God. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah. You are a true friend.

At least I can do. Casey Rockett, I was lost down in the deepest depths of the spirit world, and you came down there. Your hand reached through the grim darkness. I was tangled up in the brimstone and the mire, and your hand came down and reached for me and grabbed me by the soul and lifted me up into salvation. Thank you, Casey Rocket. Thank you. At least I can do.

Now, please finish your story. I was betrayed by someone closer to me than a brother. talk to me wow here we go you know they say beware the aides of march wait you're marching with potatoes I was living in Nampa Idaho potato country potato country just for the summer

the eyes of March I was working in ROTC I was trying to work my way up to the Coast Guard this is two years ago I had made a close friend his name was John Tyler John Tyler was closer than a friend

He was basically a brother Basically what happened As we were working in the field tilling the mud I slipped I was left Up to my neck In the mud

The mud was slick The mud was caustic It began to burn my skin The sun came out from behind the clouds The mud began to dry I said John Tyler John Tyler Please come grab me out of this mud

I am afraid that I will slip below the service. I see him leave. I see him get in his car. He does not come back. Damn, boy. He left me for dead to become pigeon potter. I was able to claw myself out by going deeper. That's what they say you should do in that situation.

Hell yeah. If you're stuck in mud, if you're stuck in quicksand, if you're stuck in the ocean, that's where people go wrong. They try to go up. No. Go deeper. Find an alternate route.

While I was down there, I found a sack full of $20 coins from the 1800s. I was able to bring them up with me by the grace of God alone. I was able to sell those coins and buy my first small business. So in the end, I'm going to conclude. It sounds like you owe this guy. in some ways. I wouldn't have gone deeper

if he had gotten me out originally. Boy, you wouldn't have opened your own business without him leaving you in the mud. There's no way he could have known that unless he had planted the bag there to begin with. I think what started out as a condemnation turned into a tribute. John Tyler, we thank you.

We thank you, John Tyler, for leaving this poor bald boy in the mud like a mole rat. from Indonesia. I was bald until the day I crawled out of that mud, and since then my hair has been growing like crazy. We give thanks that you left Mud Boy deep in the mire, the murky mire, and he sunk down,

and he found $20 bill coins, if that's even possible. Not even Monopoly made that kind of money. Thank you, John Meyer, whatever the fuck your name was. Thank you. John Tyler. John Tyler. So wait a minute, the guitar player from Duran Duran. Fucked you over?

Stephen John Tyler. So cool. Dude. But at least it was from a cool guy like Duran Duran. Yeah, where you start looking, you go, I ain't even mad at it. Yeah. I ain't even mad at it. Yeah.

I would do it again. Yeah. The reflect, fleck, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, right? Let's switch gears. Sure. You know what? I enjoy you. Thank you.

First of all, thank you for sharing your pain. thank you did you just do an air lick did you just cunneling us the air truly the least I can do thank you for your hospitality truly the least I can do

and thanks for making me look at that John Tyler thing from a different angle well that's okay but at the end I don't know if it's appropriate you'd just like spread the air's legs and lick waters

comes from the air if it's raining it's a good way to look at it Slurp it down, make it big, you don't get another chance to be a big. Sometimes it sounds like distant thunder. If you close your eyes and you wipe the corners of your mouth with your little white handkerchief now. Child. Can we switch gears? Sure.

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Thank you for going deep. Yep. Let's talk about drywall. Have you ever tried to throw someone through drywall? Have you ever walked through drywall? Let's share some drywall stories. Sure. Please.

All right. I'm working in Bisby. Maybe six years ago. Great. My buddy. Aaron. Aaron? Last name, conditioner?

Aaron conditioner. Oh, it smells good. His name is Aaron paprika. Now he doesn't smell good. No, he smells like garbage. Like Caj and Shrimp is what I... Anyways. We're working.

We work and... I start looking, he's gone. Oh, wow. I go, okay, is it just me, or do I have full goosebumps right now? I'm totally creeped out. I'm totally creeped out. And it wasn't even close to Alameen. I start hearing this faint.

A little tapping. What? I go, I go, oh, shh. I go, you hear that? Because everybody, at this point, half the town is looking for Aaron. We come to find out. We had dry hauled. We had drywalled him up like Han Solo.

What? By mistake. You put him behind drywall? Yeah. For how long? He was back there for a couple hours. Dude, you cask of a mantaladoed him. Yeah.

You Edgar Allan Poe did his ass. Sure. Pen in the pendulum. Pendillette. I put him in between a wall. And we were fortunate enough to hear his cries. Wow. It could have been a lot worse.

And lucky for him, he took. took that class in Moore's Code. What was it again? It was, it was, good morning. I am stuck. Please, please reconsider what you've done. Wow. And a wordsmith.

I had an albino friend. Sure. Timmy Friedmore. Have you ever had an albino buddy? Yeah. Name. Do you remember his or her name? Yeah.

Gun Harris. Gun Harris. Yeah. I had an albino friend, and I was always suspicious because, you know, they're really white, they're pasty, their eyes are pink. Sure. And I was always sort of suspicious if he was alive or dead or a ghost. And I grabbed him one time. We were going through a place, and I tried to throw him through the drywall.

Yeah. Because a ghost will go right through. Dead giveaway. And this guy, I feel so bad. Like broke his nose But at least I know What I'm dealing with I don't need no ghost player

Like if I'm gonna hang with a buddy I don't play you don't need no ghost G No So I just swung him into that And he didn't go through so he wasn't a ghost You kind of slung him like Red Rover style Yeah Trying to get him so you gave him the slingshot method

Bingo That is brutal Like lots of momentum like wham I always wonder why people don't do that more in MMA Grab him by the arm. You run in a circle until, hopefully if he's lighter than you, which the weight divisions make it difficult. But you would gain enough momentum where you're just twirling him,

and he can't get down. It's momentum alone. You can't get down. Like a sea of body parts. Blood red sky. Exodus I am oblivion Almost like the way you describe it

And I know you weren't going for the physics Of a helicopter rotor Sure But when you were doing this Casey Zachary Rocket I got to be honest I couldn't help but seeing early etchings of Leonardo da Vinci The early actions of his helicopter propellers

I wear my influences on my sleeve you don't have sleeves guy that's just the type of guy I am dude you don't today I'm trusting myself I just noticed you got tats talk to me guy daddy likes the ink yeah talk to me about the tat what do we got yeah I'm tatted to the gills

talk to talk tat talk it's an addiction for me I can't get enough ink and when I get a little bit of ink I go sorry could I give you a little money for a little more Wow Yeah You ever gone to the sea

And sucked an octopus Just to get the ink From the swords You ever look at a pen And you go at what cost Right Interesting Just for this little pen

You go to Walmart There's more pens Than money can buy And you look And you see Some of these pictures These octopus farms Moking, milking

Milking, milking Oh God It's just like Whenever we're going to switch already. Enough enough. Yeah. It's just almost like a slaughter at this point. Yeah. No, it's merciless. And some of them get away

and they've got the addiction. I was in Staples about three months ago. I take the corner around Isle 7 and there's an octopus sucking ink cartridges. Oh my God. Just like huffing them.

Like orange, black, yellow just sucking the ink. It got a taste, but it wanted the whole bear. Right. And it got, you know, now it's ink drunk. It wanted the whole barrel. Right. So now it goes over to the Isle 12 Casey Rocket, sticks its tentacles into an inkjet printer, and starts scanning itself right in front of everyone.

That ain't cool. Yeah. Now it's squirting ink all over the place. And a lot of the kids watching this at home, just know that ain't cool. What would you like to say to the kids in today's world? like there's some messaging behind those satanic eyes of yours. Keep it together for

crying out loud. How though? How do the kids you are man, you're messing up you're messing up you're not going to get another chance to be a kid. Are you telling them

that Casey Rockett Times running out? Heed my words. If you are a kid between the ages, of four and 17 you will not be that age forever and you're going to need a career and one of the best careers you can have is the u.s. army what yeah killing humans huh yeah the best career you're telling the best career not an accountant not a doctor go out and kill another human it's just because they're not from your piece of geography

It's, the market never goes down. You're never going to hit a recession. Yeah. It's recession proof. I think what you're saying is hatred never ends and human cruelty never ends. Sure. Is that what you're, can I surmise that

if you'll allow me to surmise right in front of your face? And the butt goes a little bit further when it's got a little blood stain on it. Oh, prolific, profound. Even pepperoni pizza. Dude, blood money. Even pepper What's the biggest?

Oh, my God. What's the biggest pizza you've ever eaten in one sitting? Noisy. The biggest pizza I ever done have is I I'm a welcoming guy. As you can tell by this podcast, I hope you've been feeling the love, the acceptance, the embracing,

of your spirit. I feel right at home. Sorry. I feel right at home. I know, but that first part where you blew out the sound and it went static.

That might have been a mistake. That's like almost home invasion. That might have been a mistake and that might have been an evasion of privacy. Yeah. My biggest pizza, I did a custom one

and I had the guy at Domino's what I did. Usually they come to you in 30 minutes. I had them come to me. I gave them my well. welcome mat, which is about 25 inches by 12, had them take it back, put all the topics on my welcome mat, bake it, and bring it back. So that was probably my biggest, I know, it's called it a welcome pie. Wow. And if you didn't, and here was the kicker. It was called a welcome pie,

but if you're not going to eat it, fuck off. So it was like a real weird sort of passive aggressive pie. That's kind of cool. Yeah. I haven't thought about it like that, at least in a while. So, Yeah. That's kind of cool where it goes like, hey, I want this. Hey, you're welcome. Hey, actually get screwed. Yeah. Have you ever told someone like to F off and regretted it?

Like right after you said it. And you went, wait, don't go. Yeah. Or you said it to someone and you felt their pain and you're like, oh, I went too far. Did you ever do that case? Key? Yeah. One time in college we were.

jumping on the couch. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Guys, you've been to college, right? Talk to me. You know, sometimes you see a couch, and you start jumping. Yeah. And you go, eight little monkeys on the bed.

We're playing monkeys on the bed. And your buddy falls off, and he bumps his head. We were jumping on the couch, and we were making big, big noise. And the person downstairs, duplex apartment, they start banging on the wall. And I go, all right, little freak, if that's going to piss you out, I know what's really going to piss you off More jumping on the couch So we start jumping on the couch

I call a couple buddies Power move You know I got six buddies jumping on the couch I go you gotta get over here We got fresh meat Talking about the Rube downstairs Yeah Rube Talking about the total Rube

Rube I go we got another Little freaking A little freaking jerk Little freaking jerk off So we get these bozos We start jumping He's knocking on door

This is true story Yeah He shows up He goes hey man Stop jumping on the ground and I said and this is probably one of the only times I've ever said this to a human being.

Here we go. I said, fuck off. And I slammed the door. Nice. About 10 years ago. It'll be 10 years in the fall. And it felt good, right? It felt.

At the moment it felt good. But looking back on it, that guy was just, he said he was trying to watch the football game. But the smile on your face when you said it like, it felt real good. It felt good in the moment. but as you get a little bit older,

you realize that sometimes having fun isn't enough. Yeah. I think when you get older, you realize sometimes a good fuck off isn't your friend. No. You will live to regret it.

And that's what I'm trying to tell some of these kids who join the U.S. Army, you will live to regret that choice. Yeah. Sometimes you live to regret your fuck off. Well, you don't, what you never regret is your I love you.

Oh, on that note, can I ask? And this is going a little deeper than we've already gone. Sure. When Casey Rockett is making love to his beautiful lady, whoever she might be, sure. And you're coming in from behind and you're embracing and your mouth is raped by your ear and you're inside of her. You're making beautiful love, nothing vile, beautiful God-given love. Your mouth is raped by her ear. What are you whispering in your lady's ear in the middle of beautiful

coitus. Hey, I got to go soon. I go. I go. I go. Hey, I actually got to get out of here like 15 minutes. So, full on romance. Yeah. And say, hey, it's actually been really fun, but I actually have to work pretty early in the morning. I get at work. I'm going to get up and and go to work. And who says romance is dad?

how dare you how dare you people say romance is dad sometimes sometimes if it's my fiancé i'll say you're so funny if it's your fiancee yeah because women people think they want to be called beautiful they want to be called hot they really just want to be told that they're really funny i do this i get right by my lady's ear and i go

hey cinnamon What? Nothing, man. Nothing. Well, maybe I'm going to move to the next question. What is how you say? Come on. Tell me what you say to it.

Tell me. I'm there holding, loving. Time for some cinnamon. Back by face. Damn. Because, and this is, I might be telling too much, but when I made. glove. I'm gentle, but I'm firm, but I'm kind of to the point where my lady's face will get

flush and turn red. Almost the true colors of a bagpipe. And so when we're there and she's starting to make her turn, I'm right by her here, her ear. Hey, cinnamon, it's bagpipe face. Or whatever I say. I forget what I said. Sure, we all do. Do you remember what I said? You said like, hey, back my face, it's cinnamon time. Yeah. Yeah.

It's cinnamon time. And you can use that if you want. Sure. I mean, my lady would probably love it too. Wait, you have a fiancé? Not really. Oh, here we go. Where'd you meet this one now?

I wish. How many fiancés have you had in your life, Rock? I have had four fiancés, and I've never been brave enough to walk down the aisle. Really? So you asked her to marry you at a grocery store? Yep. Bread aisle, Ralph's. Wow.

I see her looking for English muffins. I have a jar of Poughkeepsie Jam, and I look at her, and I go, missing something. Wow. By the way, why do the English get a muffin and nobody else? Like, you never hear about an Indonesian muffin. Sure. You never hear about a Chinese muffin, do you? I never heard about a Bermuda muffin.

So why the bloody English get a bloody English muffin rocket? And nobody else, we don't have an American muffin. I mean, come on, Casey Rockett. What's with the British getting a special muffin? I mean, you ever been to Australia and said, oh wait, could I have an Australian muffin, boy? It's not fair Dude

It's not fair to anybody Why is life so cruel The sun never sets on the British Empire But it's always up on a box of raisin brand Yeah it is It's tax free It's recession proof So well said

My hands are shaking right now Oh no, what's going on Thinking about how mad I am Oh wow I thought maybe you had You had thinking about being in the park in Sons That's me thinking about my offense

This is me normally What's you thinking about Parkinson's That's me thinking about Parkinson's Yeah What about what's What's you thinking about Parkinson's Standing in an earthquake Steady as a rock

Because it's the perfect counterbalance Up Correct. I go, this is the first time I felt normal in muds. That's the right answer. First right answer we've had on the show so far today. Wow. Yeah.

And the first time I've really said the truth. Yeah. About who I really am. That's pretty cool. Hold on. Have you ever... seen an angel not yet have you ever seen a devil you know i have talk to me guy here we go the podcast just started gang i fell asleep driving probably 2007 around the housing crisis

i'm on la siena boule house la siena boulevard it's crowded there's traffic yeah i don't know how i made it where I was going, I end up in calabasas. I take a sharp turn. I'm still sleeping, mind you. It's about four hours. I've been asleep. We come to find out later. I've been asleep for about four hours. So I was really out. I was really, really wiped. This is around the time I'd been working a lot. I take a sharp turn, car flips. I see, I don't, to this day, they don't know how it happened. It landed on its rear axis, and a second car came out from under the car as like the car basically had a baby. They do not understand how this happened, or more importantly, who was driving it because that car backed up and hit my car in such a way that it fell back flat and kept driving.

Come on. And they said they called that in the insurance industry, an act of God. but wait I just asked you if you ever saw a devil oh but they think so I asked the insurance agent I said do you think that was an angel driving that car and they said sir there have not been angels here over a hundred years swear to God swear to God whoa still really haven't said anything about a devil which would I act about about 10 minutes ago but you can infer Sort of... If it wasn't an angel,

how do you think it was? Barry Manilow? Not a chance. He was doing a residency in La Vaglan. Oh, at the Copa. La Vega. Next question. That was both an angel and a devil

depending on how you look at it. Next question. We're past that. Next question. Nunk-glank. Tender glunk. Gunk. Nunderglank. Funderbunk.

Correct. Thank you. If you're sitting on a porch, it's a hot summer night, it's Georgia, stars in the sky, crickets. I feel like I'm there right now.

Right? You're sitting there with the beautiful lady. What are you saying to her? Saw that hot, sticky summer air, Spanish moss hanging from the Georgia trees. it's cinnamon time baby time baby time to make it stick

correct correct is it time to make it stick and she says make it stink and I say no make it stick she said okay I thought you said make it stink although I got to tell you

in a hot summer night there's nothing better than a cinnamon stink yeah cool well it'll get you through the winter whoa well okay

That wasn't even a question. That was an action. Sure, you just wrote down. Throw the glasses. Watch this. An inertia. Inertia. Two words.

Inner. Inner. Shah. Ayatola Kamini. Have you ever squished meat on a wall? Hmm. Cooked or uncooked. Either one.

Just meat was all we needed. Talk to me. Here we go. Here we go. You know you see in cartoons sausage links that are really linked together. They're actual links. Yeah. It's a way for them to transport it easier.

I got my hands on one of those probably 25 years ago. I was jumping rope with it. The butcher caught me. He starts chasing me. This is in the Bronx. I had a go bag. I knew this day would come. My luck would run out.

I'd have to walk out of my family. I get the go bag. I hail a taxi. I still got the evidence on me. I still got a briefcase full of loose lengths. Yeah. And, you know, they say loose links sink ships. Lose Lengths, sink ships.

And so I toss it when I'm on the expressway. Right under the Lincoln Tunnel, it gets caught. and they said for that moment New York City had hope wow did they ever find them yeah about six months later but they were tries of bone

they found the missing link you know who found it jack lynx oh my god it was the first I inadvertently and I'll admit this was not my intention I inadvertently kind of created beef jerky

in the Lincoln Tunnel in the Lincoln Tunnel unreal unreal is wow guy and I took him to court here's to you cheers

I took them to court and I got 25% oh no way yeah of jacklings wow so I'm sitting pretty and none of my kids will ever have to work

you don't have kids when I have them they will not have to work a day in their life their hands will be beautiful you're not going to have kids you don't know that yet yes I do

it could be true dude you're not having kids no you're not no you're not I straight up might no anything could happen

no you're not some of this if I was in love if I was in love no I'm telling you you're not having kids what part of that is hard to comprehend if I fell in love I could

no you can fall in love all you want you're not having kids fine How many times do I have to say it? Sorry, dude. God. You're not having kids, Rocket.

I don't even want kids. I knew it. That's why you're not going to have them. I don't want kids. I don't need kids. I don't need to have a son to have fun. That's kind of my slogan. I don't need a son to have fun.

You're going to have three kids. Okay. All right? Well, I don't need a daughter to drink water. You can take a daughter to water, but you can't make her drink. Is that the saying? And she's going to have a zinc deficiency. Oh, zinc.

Good luck. It's a hard life, sweetie, and the Army ain't hiring. Wow. Yeah. Life zinks. Life zinks. Rocks, are you ready for our final segment? Words from a wooden shoe?

Yes, please. You've got to hit me with it. I'm a long-time fan of the podcast, long-time viewer, long-time guest. Can't wait to have one of these. What happens here, folks, we got a Scotch duchy, insider, random words. You reach in, pull one out, see if it triggers a story from something that happened to you, someone you know, somewhere on your journey in life, Casey Rocket, words from a wooden shoe. Yes.

Here we go. All right. Here we go. What do we got? Parental punishment. Whoa, here we go. So cool. Talk to me.

Talk to us. My mom was a cruel woman. Why? Beatings were as regular as a hug. And as she got older, she got weaker, and I got stronger. And she would try to hit me, and I would catch her hand. And I would say, you can't do that anymore. I'm not a little boy.

I throw her hand down. So she was a mannequin? And then towards the end, I start feeling bad. And she's in her hospital bed. Sorry. And I said, you know what? You can hit me one more time.

And I said, hit me like you meet it. And Harlan, I was ever going to tell anyone that because she survived. But it didn't even hurt. But I pretended like, It knocked me the fuck out. Oh, my God.

And I fell. And I was, and I really sold it. And I was out for 20 or 30 minutes. And the doctors were going, We gotta get, we're losing him. We're losing him. I'll never have kids. I'll never have kids again.

Never have kids again. What a beautiful. My God, what a beautiful story. She said, hit me baby one more time. That was what that song, I submitted that song. Oh, my gosh. Your mother was Salt and Peppa?

Yeah, I submitted it to Good Morning America. It makes it through the grapevine to Britney Spear. Wow. Oh, that was her song. Yeah. What's this? Saying come and get it. Oh.

Saying come and get it, little freak. I thought you were either calling a cab or you were turning into a crab buffet. Case. Tell the folks where they can see you doing stand-up. I think we might be doing some shows somewhere soon. Yes, we are. Tell the folks where they can see your social media. This is your moment, my guy.

Go. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for having me. Caseyrocket.com. I'm on a 40-city tour across America. We are doing stand-up comedy. I don't know when this comes out. When does it come out?

Oh, it's not coming out. You knew that. coming out, but if it does, I'm in Pittsburgh, I'm in Toronto. Whoa. I'm in Rhode Island. And you know, this weekend, I'm in Vegas. God. Come on.

Right. You timed it perfect. Had to do it. Folks, this is the man, Casey Rocket. That's it for today on the Holland Highway podcast. We'll see you next time. Chicken chowmaine. And I'll give

you one final word. Bravery. And we out. Hey, everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun.

Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one, your very own personalized Harland.