The Harland Highway - CONO is here and found GOD while taking his pants off! Bonnie Blue is discussed and eternal hellfire

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

WINGMAN is out now on Gumroad, Apple TV and Amazon Prime! GUMROAD- https://thewingman.gumroad.com/l/WINGMAN APPLE TV- https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/wingman/umc.cmc.nfzru25awp5jnendhudhjw9t This episode is sponsored by CashApp, Hims & Hers. Thanks for watching the Harland Highway! -Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/7o7jwwlk #CashAppPod. -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, HairLoss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/Harland. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More CONO: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cono/?hl=en Youtube: youtube.com/@cono?si=CnZZCqI8DGi9vHoT Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cono #podcast #harlandwilliams Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More CONO: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cono/?hl=enYoutube: youtube.com/@cono?si=CnZZCqI8DGi9vHoTTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cono #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey gang, welcome to today's crazy podcast. Just so you know, at the end of the show, we have an audio-only portion. We get a visit from our military expert, Colonel Tom Dowdy, who claims to have found a way to stop the war in Iraq. This is an audio-only portion. It's at the very end of the podcast, so we hope you enjoy that. And secondly, I just want to remind you guys that we've been using, your incredible songs, your theme songs. We have our own theme song. We could have been using all these years. But you guys have submitted such cool 30-second theme songs to the highway. I love using them. I love involving you the fans and the listeners and the supporters of the show. I love your

creativity. I like the sound you come up with. So we're starting to run out of those songs. And we'll have to go back to the old theme song. So if you're a creative, if you're music, You can use AI, you can use your band, you can sing in the shower. But if you write a little song, we'll use it as a part of the intro for the podcast. Now, it can't be longer than 30 seconds, and you have to mention the Harland Highway somewhere in the lyrics. Don't be too dirty. We don't want that. And any style of music you want, submit it, send it to Har website.

at gmail.com. That's our website at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear your new theme song submissions. And we need your permission to use them. So when you write, just let us know that it's okay to use your submissions. And I got to tell you guys, the ones that we've played over the last year or so, I love them. I never know what I'm going to get. It just makes exciting for me to have you guys as part of the show, to have your creativity as part of the show. So please, our website at gmail.com, 30 seconds, mention the name of the podcast, and write a little disclaimer that says,

I give you permission to use this on the podcast. So this way we can include you. And that's it. Without any further ado, do-do. Let's get into this show. It's a wild one. Here we go, gang. Put your face brace on.

Put your helmet on. Let's hit it. The Holland Highway podcast. You have a decent chest. Like, you know? Do you realize that? No. You don't, oh, you don't know.

Yeah. It looks like you hit at least 20 pushups every morning, like diamond pushups. Really? That's exactly what it looks like, yeah. Wow. Mind if I have a donut? Go right ahead, my friend. You sure?

You want to do that? Well, they're just, they're sagging a little bit. Oh. I don't know why. It's like, do you ever pull up your pants before you sit down? Yeah, I do that. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get a little comfy. Yeah. I don't know why they did. Normally they're up, but they were a little droopy today. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Maybe you're losing weight. I think I might be.

Yeah? Yeah. Are you on the shot? The OZempec? Mm-hmm. I'm going to let you guess. What do you think? I don't think so.

Look at me. Look at my eyes. You don't really give me Ozempic guys. Look deeper. I think I see some gay in there. How much? Not enough. Enough for what?

A night on the town in North Hollywood or West Hollywood? Yeah. Yeah, but that's about it. One night? Yeah, just one night. So that would make me what percent? You're probably like an 8%, a good 8%, because technically everyone has...

Do you believe... I mean, I don't actually believe this, but apparently everyone is a little somewhere on the spectrum. On the spectrum of gay? Yeah. Or just on the spectrum? Well, probably both if you think about it. Probably.

I don't think anyone's like 100% like perfect. Everyone probably has a little bit few screws loose up there. If you're on the spectrum, does that mean you have screws loose? I mean, I wouldn't really say that, but I think other people may... Can I say it? You can say that. Go ahead. I think people on the spectrum are completely batsnoids.

And I made that word up. I like that. Like bats noids, Gannon's dogs. Well, I think you have to be on the spectrum in order to even think of words like that. I love how you just pull shit out of your anus so naturally and effortlessly. I mean, that's why my pants are loose.

That explains it. Wait a minute, though. Isn't there a show called People on the Spectrum? What's it called? Lovers. Love on the spectrum. So now that you're telling me there's gay people on the spectrum, should there be a show,

Gays on the Spectrum? Yeah, like a love. island, but they're all gay. On the spectrum. Oh, oh, so they're gay and on the spectrum. Right. Oh, okay, now I'm picking up what you're putting down. That could be interesting.

Or would it be gay on the septum if they're really gay? Oh, okay, septum. Like there's a lot of stretching. Oh, okay, that's good. You should be a producer, like a director. I'm producing right now. There's words spilling out of my mouth like a cow with a leaky utter trotting. across a field in Oildale.

I envy your mind. You are in flow state at all times. Words just flow out of your face. You know what's funny? I had an ant flow. Did you? I had an ant flow. And she sounded like this.

When she talked, she kind of had... She had sort of a parrot throat like me. Oh, no. And she kind of hurled and she kind of talked like this, my aunt flow. You just reminded me of it.

I hope you don't mind. She sounded like she had cotton balls in her mouth. Cotton ball. and maybe even some chewed up bingo cards. Oh, really? Like, if you ever seen a cow, they chew grass, and when they regurgitate it, it's called cud.

Cud? Cud, really? Yeah, CUD. It's called chewing their cud. They have seven stomachs, and they regurgitate the grass, and they chew it all day long, kind of like chewing tobacco,

but it's called cud. Oh, wow. But I think you've made me realize my aunt Flo maybe had seven stomachs and regurgitated bingo cards, and she talked like this. because you had bingo card pulp and her stupid cheese. Yeah.

Stupid ant-low. Anyways, Como's here, everybody. Kono. I said, Como. It's okay. It's Kono. I'm so sorry. Folks, Kono is here.

Look at that smile. I'm not going to talk. Let them absorb that. Seduce my crowd. Is it getting hot in here? I'm getting hot. I almost feel like a boiled lobster or scallop. Cono is here, gang.

He's a, he's a revolutionary podcaster. Thank you. You're doing stuff. You're provocative. You're edgy. You're doing interviews. You're pushing buttons. I want to talk.

Only if you'll allow it. I want to kind of go down memory lane on the Bonnie Blue interview a little bit. I'll allow it this one time. Because that one was intense. Oh, thanks. I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah.

It means a lot coming from you. From me? Yeah. Why for me? Because you're an OG in the space. OG. Do you know what I mean by that? Like you're like a, you know, you're the guy.

Like, you know, you've been in the space a while. I appreciate your feedback. Brocefiosch. Did we just become brocefiosch's? Yeah. You know, I'm a real big fan of you. I bought one of your T-shirts, actually. No, you did him.

Yeah, I did. Oh, here we go. I brought it with me. Here we go. Oh, my. This is one of my favorite shirts I ever lost from you. What? No.

That's an original. This is an original. This is one of my favorite designs. Wow, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I remember that.

Do you remember? Wow, yeah. What's that little thingy there? You tell me, artist. Yeah, I, you know, I believe in nudes. When you're an artist, when I studied in art school, we had to do it's called life drawing. And they'll bring in nude models

and you learn the anatomy from raw nudity. And so whatever I draw, whether it's a goblin or a crundle crack or whatever this thing is, I included the anatomy. It's a little education class.

Yeah. Yeah, it's good. I'm so glad you bought one of my shirts. Thank you. Of course. Yeah, no. I've actually been a fan. No, really. I've been watching you for a few years now. If you at any point, and I don't want to pressure you, because I love Miami Vice too. I love Miami Vice. If at any point you want to step out of that and put on the Harland Original, I'm not going to stop you. Okay. I'll think about it. Think about it. I most likely will throughout the podcast.

I have a feeling. Yeah. Because how do you not wear a Harland Original? Yeah. I mean, they're tight, they're ripe. It only makes sense. And they're so Milan. That is true. You know, I was hoping you were going to wear your little cat shirt today. The one with the boner? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, the cap boner shirt. But it's okay. You have a fox shirt. I have a fox.

That works, too. No boner, but just a fox. We have, there's one boner here already. It's okay. Speaking of imagery, are you okay with compliments? Are you good with compliments? Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Because you've already done the twinkle eye into the camera, seducing my 14, 15, 16, 17, 17, 17. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 viewers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But you... It's going to get a lot of views.

Yeah, if you don't mind me dropping a comp right out of the gate before we get deep. Let's hear it. Before we get deep and ripe. Yeah, maybe we'll go back and forth. Yeah. I have some in my head to, yeah, yeah, go ahead. I would love to. Compliment on your looks.

You look like two, on your own. On your own, you're your own entity. I don't want to say, oh, you look like so and so. and then that takes away your entity. Appreciate it. But you have a parallel, a resemblance to two major A-list celebrities. Do you mind if I draw the comparison and maybe pull up a picture? Sure.

My guy, the first one, oh, yay, oh, yay. Look at this. Colin Farrell. Absolutely. Yeah, I can see that. Watch when I pull this away, folks. Can you tell the difference? Wait, what face is he making?

You want to try it? This will be the thumbnail. Okay, that's celeb number one. Okay. Celeb number two, it just zones in on one part of you, your eyes. There's something about your eyes that scream SpongeBob. Can we do that again? Here's the pose.

Or do you want a more extreme pose? How's that? I like that? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I, yeah. You got, there's something about, you got like, there's something about your eyes.

They strike me, you get sponge bob eyelashes. Yeah, yeah. I get a lot of comments like that. Yeah. When you're out on the town, looking for hot sizzling beef here in Hollywood or in Jersey, when you're riding the clubs, when you're power glott. when you're out looking for some sizzle beef. Yeah.

Will you use those eyes to try and like a spider catch the prey in the web? Yeah, like in a hypnotic way. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it works. I mean, I like to believe that I inherited a lot of my mom's feminine facial features, if that makes sense.

Like, you know, her, like the eyelash, thing and like, I don't know. People growing up always would say like, oh, you're wearing blush or whatever, but it's just, I had a lot of feminine features, especially when I was younger. As I'm getting older. Oh. Yeah.

Starting to be more masculine, thank God. I got to tell you, that takes a lot of masculinity to even say that out loud and admit it. Yeah, I look just like my mom. I mean, yeah, it's, I don't think it requires too much bravery. It's just a fact.

But, I mean, even as a young boy, to acknowledge that maybe you looked like your mom, you knew this as a kid, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did the kids pick up on it? Because kids can be heartless and cruel and rip your ribcage open like a hyena on the Saragetty, sucking the organs out of a youngness in Springbok. That was so impressive. But to answer your question, no, I didn't get bullied, no. Or like picked on or anything like that. No, no, no.

Not even, because you said it, you resembled your mother a bit. Yeah, yeah. I don't think, but I don't think it was ever a bad thing. Okay. Yeah. I admire that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Thanks. I appreciate that, yeah. No, I appreciate you being forthright about it. That's pretty, that can be traumatizing as a kid. It could. Yeah. Did you ever have to go into therapy? And if so, what was one of the biggest revelations to you?

when you were in deep, deep therapy? I never did therapy, but I know a lot of people that did, and it seems to be good. You seem like, do you maybe, you see a therapist? Who, me? Yeah, you. No, I was talking to the microphone.

If I could talk about your therapist. I never went to a therapist, though. But come on. I'm sorry. I wish I had a crazy therapy story. Like a deep, deep therapy? Yeah, no, I'm sorry. just I never did.

You think I did, though? Yeah, maybe. You look like maybe you take psychedelics, you know? No? I don't take psyched, how do you say it? Psychedelics? Bill Sykes.

Take your time. Bill Sykes. Do you remember him? No. No, I don't know who that is. When you were a boy, or when you were your young version of your mother, yeah.

Did you ever watch a movie called Oliver Twist? No. Oliver, Oliver, what should we do about Oliver? I have no idea. I'm sorry. Okay, it's okay, I'm going to move on. Can I just say you look phenomenal for your age? I do? Yeah.

Please elaborate. Can we get that shirt off? Would you like that? Yeah. If you don't mind. Now, I like to get into people since it's coming off, by the way. So happy. But what I like to do is get into the processes.

Okay. I like to get into the mindset of the instigator. Oh, okay. Is it get the shirt off because one doesn't like the graphic design and the fabric and the way the shirt hangs on one's frame? Or is it one was complementary to the old fuck to me that you think I'm in good shape for an old for me and you want to see the bod of the old f of me.

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send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms do apply. Now, Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by CashUp's bank partners, prepaid credit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, Cash App Visa Debit Flex cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, and the Bank Corps Bank, N.A. Pursuant to a license from Visa USA, Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton Prepaid Card, Sutton Debit Flex card, and Bank Core debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Visit Cash App slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Let's go. Let's cash app. Right. I think it's probably not easy to have a figure like that at your age. Yeah. And you probably work hard to maintain that figure. So

show it off. What do you work so hard for? Show it off. No, it's coming off. I'm happy. I, because a minute ago, we talked about you cruising around town, like a greased up kayak covered in almond butter and Nutella. Right. It's coming off, guy. But what I think our viewers would like to see is maybe you doing what you do. Okay. And talk this shirt off of me with your seductive sponge bob eyes and your mother's lips or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Like, talk it off of me. Like molested off of me, you dirty, greased up boarding school priest. Wow. Or whatever. I don't know how you, when you're slinking around town. Yeah. How would you get me out of this shirt?

And it's coming off. I just want them to see what you do. Okay. Okay. Look. Listen, Arlen. Look at me. Yeah.

Um, I feel like you would do it out of appreciation if I am. impressed you. You know? Okay. So let's keep talking. Okay. Okay. Let ask, I want to see, I want to ask you something.

What's the bravest thing you've done in the past year? I'm going to really think about this. Because I'll tell you the bravest thing I've done. Well, you asked me, so why don't you put the brakes on? Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.

Let me answer. I mean, if you want to interrupt. Guys, he will take his shirt. Oh, it's coming. Yeah. It's coming off. I'm just trying to work my way into it because I want to, you know, get in there the right way. Okay.

We're going to work up to it. Repeat the question real quick. What was the... What's the bravest thing that you've done in the past year? The bravest thing is maybe I had to walk away from something I didn't want to walk away from. A woman? Wow. Yeah.

That was very hard. And I guess brave. because I didn't want to. Wow. Yeah. I like that. Good for you. The bravest thing I did was probably stand over that ledge in the backyard over there.

Oh, no, it's this way. Yeah. That was the greatest thing. In the last year? Yeah. That was very brave of me. And you know what? I grew a pair and I did it.

Do you want to see? Yeah. I grew a pair. Hold it up. I mean, please hold that up. You did grow a pair. And that's me paying homage to your lime joke. My, my, oh, the lime, lime disease.

Yeah. There's only one flaw in your pair. What's the flaw? It's balder than a Chinese monk's turnip garden. And so if you don't mind, I'd love to add some pubis to this. Go ahead. I mean, if we're going to, we're going to have a pair. I'd rather see an Armenian nut sack hanging from a Glendale tree than a Burbank Baldi.

Eagle sucking mice out of a Baskin-Robin dumpster. I heard it's not good. Apparently you can't speak about the Armenians that way. Oh, they're hairy. They know it. Oh, okay. Did you see last full moon? I had nine of them in my yard.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. They were eating a deer. Okay. They're unbelievable. They embraced their hair. They love me talking about it. Okay.

Do you know the Armenian flag is a picture of Keni G. On one side and Chewbacca on the other? Does it? They love hair. Yeah. It's part of their heritage. Fine. So I'm going to...

I stand corrected. No, don't. We're in this together. I'm just pubing this up. Yeah. Do you have a hairy thunder junker or whatever? Oh, yeah. You do?

I'm Italian. You are? Last name? Or we don't say it? It's just... Um, yeah. It's just Kono. Yeah.

I like the mystery. You're like, share. You're like, just one word, Madonna. Well, to be honest. Seal. Yeah, you could say that. Actually, my first name is Co. It's all Italian.

So my last name is no. It's spelled N-O-U-G-H, but it's pronounced no. Oh, that's Nog. So it would be... In Norway, it's Nog. Yeah. But, yeah, in Italy, you pronounce it no. And then I have an older brother.

His name is fuck, but like... Wait, what is it? It's fuck, but like, in... Italy, we don't, that word doesn't mean a curse word in Italy. Oh, wow. Do you know you have another brother too? Do I? Oh, yeah.

Have you met him? Traffic cone. Oh, I love it. Yeah, traffic cone. I love it. He's your little brother. Yeah, we could keep him here. Well, no?

If you want to. I don't know if you want him getting in on your action. Where did you steal this from? He wandered up here. He's your brother. He knew you were coming. Yeah. So folks, now we have a pair with some good old-fashioned pubis on it.

And here we go. The podcast just started. Yeah. Let's drop the pair and let's begin. Yeah. So is it fully raw episodes? What do you mean? Like you...

No editing. Oh, okay. There's no editing. I won't do that to you. I think I lay down... and rest and uh... like you close your eyes you know and you think about

your energy coming back into you and um you just lay there and you think about all the things you're supposed to do during the day right and you don't do them you just lay there like this and inside you're screaming you're like but you're harnessing those screams for vitality but the whole time you're like on the inside

Okay. Thanks. That struck a chord with you. That was the first kind of warm smile I've seen. What was it about me saying I wouldn't do that to you that kind of resonated with you? I like that. I feel like we sort of connected right there. Yeah, I don't know. I think you just pressed my brain buttons the right way. I don't know what that was. Maybe it's just a little twinkle in your eye. It could be anything. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, you're supposed to be taking that shirt.

Oh, yeah, but you're, you still have to. Oh, what was that? supposed to be taking a shirt off. All right. Can I get one more line that maybe... I'll do... You probably earned a few buttons. Okay. All right.

One more good line out of you. And it's coming off, gang. The silver fox is coming out today. I want two things in life I can't say no to. Dolly Parton's aureole eyes and a guy with SpongeBob eyes. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. So one more seductive line from you and this suckers...

How many more buttons we got? Two? There's three. Three. All right. Well, we'll work up there. Okay. And this will be good because it's going to keep the viewers watching. You know, because if you take your show off right away, they're going to jerk off and then turn it off. They're going to do what now? So if you just, if we build up to that point, if we build up to that point, they'll be waiting like, oh, I can't wait, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Now, is there, I know the shirt's coming off. Yeah. But is there something behind your agenda? it to get it off? Is there something personal that you want to see

or examine or make fun of? No, no, no, because you know you have a great physique, a great figure, but you can't just take it off because you're you. You know, you need somebody else to tell you to take it off so that you can show off your great body,

that great barrel chest of yours. I like this. Yeah. I like this. I'm having deja vu on this for some... Oh, what are you doing? Oh, this is a ritual that I do. I just... Talk to me, guy?

I have dry eyes, been doing it since I'm a young child. Well, that's what happens when you live under the sea, SpongeBob. That's true, yeah. Wow. He's not making me cry, guys. It's just eye drops. What if I did make you cry? Are you emotional like that?

No, typically not. Typically, I do the making you cry. You've got a bit of a stone cold exterior. You're hard to crack. Right. Yeah, I'm very hard to crack. A lot of girls try to crack me, and it's not easy. But if I were to make you cry,

here today, would that be a triumph for me? Or would that be a disaster for you? Oh, you would win a gold medal. I mean, I don't think anyone's ever done that. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very good at making other people cry, though. I'd like to cry. You want to cry? If there's a way, I'd love you to try it on me. You sure? Yeah. You're kidding. Before you go at it, crying is healthy. You think so? When I cry, I emote. I give rid of so much emotional baggage. It just unleashes all this inner angst. It's like an emotional dump truck pulled up to the city dump. The back opened and rancid grapefruit rinds and dirty diapers and coffee and tonsils. Some people throw tonsils in there and they just out the back. Wow, wow. So if you can make me cry, this is a ploss. Okay, you're ready? Yeah. You're 64.

Wrong. 63. 63? I'll be 64 this year. Oh, barnacles. That's what SpongeBob says when you, you know. Yeah, you go. Oh, fish paste.

But I was close. All right, maybe I'll do better next time. That's okay. You're only off by actually, my birthday's in November. Okay, a few months. So you're only off by a few months, guy. Yeah. And for us meeting for the first,

first time, not really knowing each other in depth. For you only miss your mark with me by three, four, five, six months, whatever it is. That's pretty good. Yeah, it is pretty good. Yeah. No, you're right. This is a great show, by the way. Collaborate. You know why? Because you come across as someone that you seem like you don't experience any kind of stress in your life. Not really. It just doesn't happen. It's not something that God put into your your life and your chemical combination. He just left that part out.

Yeah. Yeah. Very observational. And that's great. And I think that's why people enjoy watching you because you're just like a, you're refreshing. It's very refreshing. I think you're more like SpongeBob than I am. Right. Except for the eyes. What kind of eyes do I have?

Scottish, Irish. Is that what you are? I'm about Scottish and a bit Irish. Are you a drinker? Ah, let's see. That wasn't... Looks like I am, lad. Wow. Looks like you are, too.

Would you like a wee nip? It's a little too early. Okay. I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm part Irish. You remind me of like, when you go to like a barbecue at Fourth of July and you see an Irish man and he is able to put down 40 beers and be completely normal. Yeah.

You seem like you're capable of doing that. I probably could, but I'm not much. of a drinker. Wow. That's probably why you thought I was 64, but I'm only 63. Yeah. I feels like I'm five months younger than I am because I live a good, clean, healthy life life. Right, right, right.

So do you have any vices? I do. I have one in the garage, and yesterday I was using it to hold together some wood. I had some wood glue and had a window frame that cracked. And thank God I had that vice because, you know, I don't want to hire a carpenter. No. Why do that when I can do it myself in the garage? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Do you have a vice? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's just nicotine, really. I think you're wearing it.

Miami Vice. Yeah. Yeah, well, I just came back from Miami. Oh, I can see that. I really did. I can tell. Yeah. You didn't even have time to change.

No, I didn't. Dude. Right off the plane. Where's your little black sidekick? Um, I think he's in his cage. Which one are you talking about? Well, didn't Miami vice, wasn't there a white guy and a black guy? And they were each other's sidekicks?

You know, I'm going to be honest, I think this was before my time. God, just like the thing I said earlier. Didn't I say something earlier? I did a song or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it? Like, now I do feel 64. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I first, when I sat down and I fell out, I'm so 63. Right. But I've made two references that have been. clearly show on the age difference between us. And I feel 64 now. Eish. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I don't really know. But, no, yeah. I mean, I just came back, though. What were you doing down in Miami, my guy? And don't tell me kicking endangered manatees in the fallopian tubes with steel-toe co-deak boots. Not this time.

No. What were you doing? This time. Do you know the rapper 6-9? I call them 69. Okay. That's what my parents call. him too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do I? I was filming with him. I was doing an interview with him. Isn't that funny? And now here you are with 63. There we go. Wow. Exactly. But you thought I was 64. I did. And you know what's in between 69 and 63? My wife?

I didn't mean that. It's okay. If you're out with my wife later in Bakersfield at the Motel 6, bending her over a crusty couch, just Hammersmith and my wife? Like if you're spread-eagling my wife and dripping olive oil on her and Mrs. Butterworth syrup and just

fucking hammerjack and my dirty, greased up wife, please don't tell her I said that. I won't. Well, you're grinning like you're going to do it. No, no. Naughty. I won't tell her that.

Yeah. No, I promise I won't. Regardless if that happens or not, I won't. Okay, so you're in Miami. I pitch you in Miami. you out in a boat, were you out on the water at all, or were you landlocked? No, I was on the water a lot. Oh, dude. Wind and the hair? Yeah. Mirrored shades? Uh, no, not exactly mirrored, but yeah. What kind of shades? Um, yeah, yeah, just blacked out shades. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. No,

wonder you couldn't see your sidekick. Yeah, yeah, especially. Blacked out shades. Yeah. No, I had a great time, phenomenal time. Boca Raton, amazing spot. What were you doing there? Were you fishing? I know you were hanging out with the rapper, but were you doing any of the Florida stuff, like bird watching or fishing or scalloping, stone crabs? No, just riding really fast in boats. How many nautical miles did you go? And this is key because nautical miles are different from terrestrial miles.

Watch yourself. Maybe 21. Sounds right. Yeah. Yeah, it's all just for like aura farming, really. What's that? It's just like when you're trying to like basically

collect aura you know, so that you like get the attention of girls. What about collecting iron and aura? And then you're a mineral farmer. Well, that's not really something I'm interested in, you know? Okay. Yeah.

Were you there looking for girls? Absolutely. Talk to me, guy. Yeah. This interview, hold on. Folks, this interview just took a we just took a left turn, a right, and then we hit a cul-de-sac. And I do mean cul-de-sac.

Talk to me. Talk to me about this girl action. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, great girls out there. What happened? Did you score? Did you spread any eagle?

Oh, yeah. Talk to me. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's, I don't know if I can say, yeah. Well, yeah, when I went, there was actually another man in the apartment, and I found that to be weird, and he had to go in the other room. Yeah. So you had fun, fun time with the woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the man was in the other room. Yeah. Who was the man to the woman? Apparently, he was just like a friend, and there was no sort of connection. So it wasn't a Chinese dad? No. Because you said it was apparently. I did say that, but I did check.

I don't think it was her Chinese period. Okay. And yeah, yeah. But that's a true story, though. And it was weird, but I didn't really care. Can I ask a romantic question? Oh, go ahead, Harley. When you finished, did you do the deed?

Passionate lovemaking? Sure, yeah. What was the cat? I mean, I wouldn't say it was passionate, you know, but. Was it aggressive? Yeah. Angry even? Not angry.

Just enough. Okay. It's just good, yeah. It was good. Little ed sheet. Sure. When said hate making was done, did one stand up naked

for the lady laying in the bed still in your afterglow? Did one slide open the balcony door looking over Miami? Walk out naked and stand silhouetted on said balcony with full Miami mood

framing your naked glistening body almost as a picture for said woman who's been just hammer steamed to retain in her mind as an erotic memory. So now you're really talking about aura farming. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, wow.

That is aura farming, and yes, I did that to a T because I'm all about aura forming. So yes. That's what life's about. That's what it's all about vibes. nowadays. Yeah.

You know? I didn't know about aura forming. Yeah. Who made that up? Where does that come from? I don't know who made it up, but it's like my generation,

you know? It's just like, you know, farming for aura. You know, guys, if you're younger, you guys should put together some edits of Harlan,

some hard edits of Harlan. Just like, dude, you guys, they know what to do. The TikTokers, they're good editors. You'll see it. And once you open,

in TikTok, you'll see some hard edits of you. And this is why we want the shirt off. Yes. Oh, dude, you would have organic edits of you without your shirt off, without me even having to say anything. Keep talking. Yeah. And it would get a lot of women to realize, wow, this guy, he's a silver fox. He's more of a silver fox than I realized,

you know? And you would probably get younger girls, too, if you're interested. Like, girls my age. How old are you? Do you want to guess? I'm going to say a youthful 33? No, 26. Wow. Yeah.

I think it's the suit. Yeah, probably. It makes you look a little older, a little more distinguished. I think that's good, though. I told you it was coming off, my guy. There we go. You want it off now, or do you want to tease it a little longer? It's your call.

I feel like you're directing my beef. How long is it? Has it been? We still got four hours. Oh. So. I think it's fine. I think this is a good time.

Yeah? Yeah. It's a cue. Get it off? Yeah. Here we go. What? You're laughing.

Oh, God. What's, oh, God. What did I do? Do you, is this like your full-time thing? What? This podcast? My tits? The show.

Like, what do you do? Like, it, never mind. No, that's okay. Does this podcast, does it do well? Yeah. Okay, good. I've made, I don't usually talk money. Right.

But, uh, look, you've probably met millionaires, multi-millionaires down in Miami. A few. Uh, you're looking at a, almost a trillionaire. Really? Yeah. Wow. I mean, are you kidding me? Look at these tits.

Good for you. I will say, you, you do have pecks. you know? Like, you have a decent chest. Like, you know? Do you realize that? No.

You don't, oh, you don't know. Yeah. It looks like you hit at least 20 pushups every morning, like diamond pushups. Really? That's exactly what it looks like, yeah. Wow. Mind if I have a donut?

Go right ahead, my friend. That's why I brought him. I didn't want you to get hungry on this podcast. Now, these are, these. Yeah. Duncan Donuts.

What are they called? The Duncan Hole? What are these things called? These things. Munchkins. Munchkins. Yeah. Any trickery going on here.

Any dipped in laxative, injected with Afghani black heroin. I dropped with LSD. No, not that I'm aware of. That you're aware of. Yeah. I just, unless the women at the store did anything, I'll eat one.

You will? Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with them. Oh, and there's some Fourth of July once. So that means they're stale? No. Because Fourth of July came and went, Guy. How old are these rocks?

Are these rocks? No. It's like a Charlie Brown Halloween here. Oh, rats. I got rocks. Oh, wow, okay. They're really good. There's a jelly-filled one.

See that little hole with the jelly? Oh, yeah. I like to rim them before I... Yeah? Like it's on a period? No, rim it. Oh. You don't know what rim it is?

Oh, yeah, I know, yeah. So this is how I keep my physique. We eat donuts. You eat donuts, okay. Okay. That's great. That's all you do? No other exercise?

Wait a minute. Why is my shirt off and yours isn't. I can't do that. You're the one dressed like Chippendales. Yeah, and he needs to stay that way. Why? That's only for exclusive members

that are subscribed. Guy. Yeah. I think they want to see that shirt off. Yeah. It's too bad. Yeah. Not yet. Not yet. I'm going to do a reveal soon. Is there any way to get it off?

Mm-mm. Not today. What about your pants? Can you drop those? Possibly, yeah. That's fine. Should I? But they're not even seeing my lower body. That's okay.

Should I? I think it's fair. If I show, if I take, we're two peas in a pod. Yeah. We're yin and yang. Right. So if I take off top, Yang takes off bottom. That's fair.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. It would make me feel more comfortable. Hey, gang, the minute you recognize something's off in the old bedroom, it tends to stick with you. Now, most guys sit on it way longer than they need to or way longer than they should. Hymns makes it simple to actually do something about it with real treatment options 100% online, my friends. Hymns connects you with licensed health care providers

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So there you go. Hymns and hers maybe. Get it and get going in the old saccharony. Here we go, folks. Kono is taking his pants off. Yeah. And you're wearing undies, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. It sort of feels like it's evening out. What did you call it earlier? Orofollow? Oroforming. I think we just aura formed. Yeah, most likely. Because with this and then you with that.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're basically one naked person. Yeah. Yeah. We're everything's sort of back in the flow now. Yeah. It's all balanced now. Yeah, thank you for that.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think this is a good duo right here. I think it's wonder. Do you speak German? Mm-hmm. I think it's Wunderbarsh. Mm.

Like when I think about me and you here now sitting topless and bottomless in my head, I don't think about anything sexual. No, yeah, same. I don't think about two. competitive males in the same marketplace. All I think is Wunderbarsh. Das and a un Wunderbarsh and each milk jugs

and aren't in Wunderjogs. Yeah, I mean... And I don't know if you speak German, but... No, I do. I just said I have sweet milk jugs. That's amazing. This one and one and one's und wundergs.

Wow. It means I have sweet, creamy dairy milk jugs. Are you a boob guy? Look at me. I got two of them out right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You bet I'm a boob guy.

I'm lactating too, by the way. Are you? Yeah. I'll squirt right in your SpongeBob eyes if you give me any sass. Okay, fine. I'll just put that, I'll be sure to be on my best behavior. Let's talk about Bonnie Blue since we're talking about nudity.

Do you mind? I mean, this is your time. You might not want to rehash something. you've already done. But by the way, tell them about, before we get into Bonnie Blue, tell them about your world, what you do, where they can see you. I want people to gravitate. We're in

an aura flow, gang. Yeah. Yeah, I do, I do a podcast or a show and I interview different types of content creators, music, musicians, and you can find me on YouTube at Kono, everything, everywhere, at Kono.

Wow. And it's a fun time. Yeah. I like to ask, I like to ask serious questions that I'm genuinely curious about. And a lot of the times people, you know, a lot of the times it comes off unfiltered and people always have a different reaction. And yeah, Bonnie Blue was great. She was a great interview. You're daring. You ask questions that are provocative, but also could be dangerous. Yeah, well, that's what I want, though. I want it to be dangerous. That is my goal. Tell me about Bonnie Blue, who if you don't know, she's sort of an outrageous porn person who works in the sex industry. Yeah.

And she does very provocative, unorthodox things above and beyond most normal pornographic material. Yeah. What was your takeaway? What did you think of her? So, truthfully, when we first started off, I know that everyone says this about her. and I'm not saying this because this is a buzzword or because everyone else says this. I legitimately, for the first time ever,

was uncomfortable looking her in the eye because I just felt genuinely uncomfortable. I felt like it wasn't a real person almost when I was looking at her in the eye. And what made it even worse is that I did extensive research on her and I asked her a question that she got very uncomfortable with and they actually asked me to take it out of the podcast.

I won't repeat it here because just had a respect. I tried to be professional. But it was after that very first question that kind of made it uncomfortable. And then after a few minutes, and you can see in the podcast, I got read. But after the first few minutes, it got better. The very first question just set you off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Yeah. That's kind of exciting in a way, isn't it? It was. It was invigorating. Yeah. Wow. And did, you don't have to tell me what it is, but I'm going to poke around a little. Sure.

Obviously, it dealt with sexuality? Not necessarily, no, no, no. Okay, so it dealt with maybe something from her personal life or her personal view on things? Yeah. And if someone heard it, it would be too shocking. Not necessarily shocking, I think, just revealing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, but honestly, I love how she was sharp, she was witty. A lot of people will say that, you know, she rage-baited me more than I was able to rage-bait her. What is, plain rage-bait? Yeah, so this is a new term I just found on the internet. I guess it's basically just making someone else mad, getting under someone's skin. And I think we had a great back and forth, and I appreciate that, you know.

It's kind of boring when I just do that and someone's just like not really answering or giving back anything. Yeah. But she was sharp and impressive. Is there a world where you look at her world where some might see it disgusting, immoral, deviant? And I don't know if that's your opinion of her, but even if it is or it isn't, is there a side to her where you think, there's a jealousy in society because she is so free with her sexuality that there's no boundaries and she's just sort of like, whatever, you know, I'm a pretty woman. If I want to spread my legs and I want to fuck a whole football team, then I'll bloody do it.

And if I want to fuck my sister's father, then I'll do it, even though that's my father too. Wait a minute, I might have gone too far right there. You know, like, is there any side of you or your viewers where there was a, there was sense of jealousy that they're like, man, I wish I could be that free because let's face it, when it comes to sexuality, people can be stuffy and kind of apprehensive. Right. I don't, I highly doubt the majority of women who view her online have a jealous perspective. I think if anything, they, aside from just being obviously shocked and the shock factor,

I think they kind of are embarrassed for her. They almost don't want her doing what she's doing because maybe she's representing feminism or a liberated woman in the wrong way or the wrong light. Is it the wrong way, though? I mean, I think she opens the door to our complete primal self being so open and primal with her sexuality.

Is she just being normal and the rest of us are just fighting it all day? These are just questions from an idiot with tits out. Right. Right, right, right, right. I think she's representing, you know, the far extreme of liberation, I guess, in her opinion, you know. I mean, I guess that's what that is.

By objectively, that is what being sexually liberated is by doing literally whatever you want, right? By definition. However, you know. What about you? Was there any jealousy on your behalf where you were like, man, I wish I could be this open? Like when you were in Miami, did you wish you could. could have just done anything. No, no, I'm not, I don't, I don't feel that way. You know, I have a great life and, and I'm super grateful for what I have in front of me at all times. And, um,

I like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I'm not, there's no envious, uh, envy on my end, you know, I don't envy someone who's going to go to hell. So, you think she's going to go to hell? Yeah. It's in, now here's an, and I'm not picking aside here. Right. But I like that point of view where condemning, if we will, condemning someone to hell for really, if you believe in God, which I do, God gives us this vessel. God created every molecule within us. And God gave this vessel, the ability to do things. The same way my fingers articulate is the same way I know to have sexual intercourse or the same way I know how to be sexual.

Same way I know how to blink. I also know how to do something dirty in the bedroom. If God gave us all of this, is it condemnable that we use every square inch, every molecule of our being that he gave us to do things that only he gave us the ability to do? Well, what do you mean by is it condemning? Well, you're saying she's going to hell because of some of the things she's done sexually.

Right. But is she just exercising the vessel that God made for her? And it's only going to hellable because we've put this moral coat of paint over it. No, I would say, you know, God also gave us the ability to kill other people, but, you know, we're not going to go do that. We do it every day. Well, people do do that. And, you know, unless they ask for forgiveness, I think they're going. to hell. So you're a god guy too. I am a god guy. I love that. Me too. Give me a potato. I didn't think

you'd be a god guy. Oh, I'm a big god guy. Yeah? Oh yeah. I got lucky. I met God face to face when I was a young guy out in nature. Are you just saying that out of your anus or do you mean that? Am I speaking out of my an anus? Yeah. Are you calling my mouth an asshole? Well, I'm asking. Hang on. Because I, oh, I think it might be. No, I'm a god guy all the way. Okay, okay. And I love it. that you are. Yeah, talk more, please. Sure, what do you want to know? When you met him face to face.

So I used to be a forest ranger. I worked up in northern Canada when I was younger, and I worked in a very remote area in and around the shores of Lake Superior, the rugged part, the eastern, northern and southern shores. Yeah. And the very eastern shores of Lake Superior, rugged, rugged, undeveloped country.

And I would get removed from the city and go work in these places that were so remote that I believe human beings haven't even traversed much of the geography there. Wow. And so on my days off, I would just go into the forest and undress and get nude. And I would call it de-evolving. And I would actually found an island that only I had access. this too because I was one of the foremen, so I had a boat. No one else could get out to these ways. And I would go and get naked and leave everything human, including fabric from the clothes, and I would detach from anything material. And I would wander these spaces in complete nudity at one with nature and the critters, and I would bump into squirrels and animals, and I would climb up trees and I would just be. And in those beautiful moments, I came face to face with God.

I realized this was God. Wow. And he helped set the table for my whole life because I interfaced with God so early. Oh, wow. And I saw the real world. That's beautiful. Isn't that wild? It is wild. Yeah. Good for you. So to do this is nothing for Johnny nudity. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's you go. Now tell me your pathway to God? Yeah. I think I've experienced a lot of crazy stuff in my life, and I just feel like, I don't know.

I'm a very big nerd when it comes to like... Not in that suit, you're not. No. Don't you dare say that? And you're not wearing pants. That is true. To wear that suit with no pants, you ain't no nerd, and I'll get a tramp stamp of that. Yeah, it doesn't happen in this suit. But I am a nerd, I'm very, very curious about ancient practices, ancient religions, secret societies. Wow. And I think it was through that process of being so exploratory that I was able to one day

make the decision that I believe objectively that, you know, God is real and that I'm a Christian. I don't know if you're exactly Christian, but we're Catholic, but that's what I am. That's what I It doesn't matter to me. I have no facade on religion. I just believe in a force. To me, I saw someone the other day. Someone made a comment. There was a comedian that went on before me at the comedy store the other week. Right. And he made a crack about not knowing God and not believing God and, you know, not going to church. And he said, all this stuff about God. And I said, you don't have to know about God because he's there. You just have to feel God.

Yeah. He's a feeling. He's there. And if you let him in, if you let that feeling ravish you and marinate you, then you're with God. Yeah. Yeah, that is true. Like people say like, oh, well, if God exists,

why do bad things still happen to people? And then you can make the argument, well, you know, are there people in this world? who have bad teeth and you could say yes and then Scots, Scottish people, yeah. Think about all the Scotland's, you know? And then you can say, well, does that mean the dentist don't exist? No. So it's like, well, why are all these people still have bad teeth if there's dentists in the world? Well, because they don't go to the dentist. Does that make sense? Sure does. God, I love talking about God and a guy with no pants. Yeah. And you know what's funny,

whenever I'm in the airport, especially in New Jersey, there's a lot of Hasidics that I think that I'm One of them. Hasidics. Is it Hasidics or Hasidics? I think it's Hasidic. Hasidic, the Jews, the Hasidic, the Hasidic, the Hasidic, Jews are the ones that wear the tall hats with the curly, like, locks that come down. Yeah. Yeah, they're very ritualistic.

They have a certain way they dress. Oh, yeah. And they think you're one of them. Yeah. Why would that be? I don't know. And a lot of people think that, especially online, people think that. I don't know why.

But what I typically do Oh, here we go. Is I will pull out... I will pull out TikTok and I will just start swiping and scrolling TikTok in front of them. And typically when I do this, they scurry away like a flock of geese

because they can't look at technology. So I just start scrolling TikTok and they don't seem to like that. Didn't you say you saw them at the airport? Yeah. And don't they have to fly on technology to get home? How can they not look at technology when they're sitting in it.

I don't make the rules, Harlan. I don't either. He does. He does. Wow. So going back to Bonnie Blue, yeah, yeah. Being a person of God or who acknowledges God,

was it hard for you to sit with a woman who was, shall we say, interpreted by some to be ungodly like? Because of her promiscuity and her views on openness and sexuality? Yeah, I mean, like, My uncomfortability by looking at her deep in the eyes, like it didn't even stem from me analyzing her behavior in the world. I wasn't necessarily feeling like she's like a horrible person or whatever, necessarily because of her behavior.

Even though I do feel that way, I'm just saying in that moment, that's not where it was coming from. That uncomfortability that I was feeling was really just coming from like looking at her in the eye and just thinking that like something was off, you know? Dark forces? Dark, dark, yes, exactly, yeah. Wow, that's interesting. That's a little scary, isn't it?

Because evil's real. If you believe in God, you probably believe in the darkness, too. I think when you believe it, yes, it's extra scary because it's extra real. But if a lot of people don't believe in stuff like that, you know, and they just think, oh, you're just a fucking weirdo, you know, but. What if at the end of the interview she just said to you, and knowing how sexual she is, and she is beautiful, she is sexy? Yeah.

If she just said to you, hey, that was a great interview. Let's go pound in my van. Do whatever you want. Would you? I wouldn't know. I just wouldn't be able to get myself to do that. Honestly?

And it's funny, because I swear, we went back to the same exact town right after that. And you could have. And I could have. Did she invite you to? I don't know. It was like she asked me where I'm going after. I said, I'm going back to Canary Wharf.

She said, which is a town, I guess, in London. It's also a sexual. in England. Oh, okay. The Canary Wharf? Yeah. You said the wrong thing. That's why she...

You've never done the Canary Wharf? I never have, no. Oh, it stings. Does it sting? It stings. You'll walk like a snowshoe crab for about a week. Really?

You'll be dripping butter. Because it's like infectious. It's just, it's a power slam. It's just, it's like 69 mixed in with a falatio, with a little splash of dirty Donna, and just a hint to. of cinnamon thunderhammer. Oh, God. It's like a granola bar

of Fuck World, rolling down a hill and then rolling back up and puking. It's, well, then I'm very happy I passed. Yeah, good for you. Yeah, yeah. So it didn't happen. Honestly, right after I just went to Big Ben, I saw Big Ben, because I was in London, so I saw Big Ben. Also a sex

act in England. Oh, really? Big Ben. Big Ben. And that one really hurts. I bet it does. If you thought the other one stung, this one leaves stretching. You've never had the Big Ben? No, I haven't. Where the hell else did you go?

What's it called? The White House out there, but I forget what it's called. They have like a White House in London. And I think it's near Big Ben, but I forget what it's called, something with an M, I think. Is it the White Balls? I think that's what it is. Yeah, they'd be near Big Ben. Probably right around the bottom by the stem.

If you think about it, Big Ben might be an obelisk. It might be considered like some problems. Oh, I didn't expect any Viking talk here today. Oh, I'm a Viking. Are you? Yeah, in my past life. Wow, so you're a refrigerator? I mean, not anymore, but, but yeah, I have some of that in me.

You have Viking blood? I think I have Viking blood, you know? Wow, guy? Yeah. I'm an old soul. You are? Yeah, because my mom had me when she was like 40 years old. And if you had a kid right now, he would be a very old soul.

He would? Yeah, he would be 64 years. old already. 63. Or 63, I'm sorry. What do you got there? Oh, this is my vice. Do you want to try some?

Miami Vice. Yeah. You keep going back to Vice. I'm sorry. Your suit is your vice. I'm just a mess. I just have a lot of addictions. Really?

Talk to me. Guy, let me help. Yeah? What's this one you're doing right now? Go ahead and do it. Yeah, so, yeah, it's just nicotine. It's just pure nicotine. That's all it is.

She's like nicotine. Heroine, morphine. Have you heard that song? I did hear that song. Okay, so we got one. Yes. Who is it? Kalila Cabalo or whatever?

No clue. Maybe. Not good with names. But yeah, maybe. But yeah, anyways, nicotine, it's just a, um, it's a new tropic, I guess. And it just, like, it just makes you lock in. So you're locked, are you buzzed right now? No, I haven't taken it yet.

Yeah. You want to, do one? You would do one? No, I won't, but if you want to, but if you want to, go ahead. Oh, yeah, maybe in a few minutes. This is a very open podcast, like anything goes. Really? I couldn't tell.

What color of your underpants, by the way? Black. Racist. Well, I think it's the opposite of racist because I'm, you know. Can I look or? Yeah, go ahead, yeah, look. Oh, well, you got a tattoo on your leg. Mm-hmm.

Says old. Yeah. And I'm the one here getting shit for being 63. Yeah, well, I just, in case you forgot what you are, I wanted you to be able to just look over. Why do you have old on your leg? I got it for you. Do you have spice on the other leg?

That is what's on my other leg. Your crotch must smell delicious. Old spice? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, see? Wait, what's that one?

S for spice. What is it for real? Sex? It's old spice. No, it's not. No, it's old soul. Old soul? Yeah.

Told you. Oh, wow. Yeah. Mm-hmm. At what age did you know you were an old soul? So you know what's crazy is that when I was born, the doctor told my mom that he's going to be an old soul. I don't know why. I think he was into like astrology or something, but he was like, he's going to be an old soul.

And then my mom never even told me that until after I got this tattoo. And I, like people always told me growing up, oh, you're an old soul, this and that. And then she said, oh, yeah, the doctor said that about you. And I was like, wow, like I literally just got this tattoo. And that's like the perfect way to describe me. I mean, I don't know. I just feel like I was born in the wrong generation sometimes. You know?

And does that make you look at this unhinged modern society we live in and just kind of be like, what is going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Really? Yeah, with disgust. You feel detached a little bit? Detached. Disgusted?

Yeah. Interesting. Disappointed. Yeah. Scared. Yeah, that old soul mentality, sensibility. Yeah. I feel like, you know, if I was just born in the 50s or 60s.

I would live a great life. I'm not saying I don't live a great, I live a phenomenal life now. But, you know, I just feel like I would resonate with the majority of people around me probably much more. This caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting this.

It's a good thing I got your pants off. You're halfway there. As an old soul, does this make you feel sort of more personality-wise, old-souling? Like, do you feel more gentlemanly? Do you feel more moral?

Do you feel more in that time when things felt a little more? Yes. Really? Absolutely. 100%. I feel like I'm the most considerate person. And I'm not trying to be recognized. I love this.

But, yeah. And that's why I put so much value into little things like consideration, you know, respect, thinking ahead, being thoughtful. You sure did think ahead and more thoughtful. Yeah. And I'm going to make it rain fucking munchkins. He! He! He!

There we go. We love that. You like heroin, nicotine, diabetes. I like to pretend these are turtle eggs. And I'm eating turtles. Oh, there's another red one. I'm going to rim it. Actually, I shouldn't do that because you're an old soul.

That's something Bonnie Blue would do. I accept you, Harlan. I've come to terms with it. You know, I want you to do you. I want you to be yourself. This is your house. You rim that fucking munchkin right now. Show everybody how it's done.

There you go. I'm really glad this table. Huh? Nothing. We're talking about old souls. Yeah. We're talking about me being an old... An old...

Older. Can I... clear my palate and bring it back a little. Sure. Let's go the other direction. Let's think about youth. Yeah.

Did you like kids? Do I like kids? Yes. Not really. Do you like children's books? No. When you were a kid, did you have a children's book, a favorite? Yeah.

It was like this book where this guy just wore like 30 hats. Okay. You know, and it would just keep growing and growing and growing. So what I'm sensing here is maybe the old soul got a little too old and you're leaving the youthfulness, the magic of being a kid behind. And I'll be damned like Satan at the edge of a beaver dam with rotten gopher teeth sucking otter meat. If I let that happen. So I'm going to bring you back to Kids World

And I'm going to do a kids book for you right now Oh, that would make me so happy I'm going to do it with my tits That's perfect Little Timmy Arioli was so sad And little Wally Arioli said Why are you so sad And little Timmy said I wish I had a red balloon

And Wally Arioli said I'll get you one and he gave him a red blue. Amber, bring in the red Sharpie. It's on the table out there. Hurry. I'm in the middle of a titty, a kid's book. Wow, that was fast.

I have a really important question. Hang on. Okay. Let me finish. I have a red balloon for you, Timmy. And now you'll be happy again. And little Timmy the Ariolai smiled so big that tit milk squirted out.

The end. Thank you for that. How do you feel? I feel like you filled a hole in my childhood. Might not want to say it that way. I'm sorry. I feel like you healed a version of myself that needed it the most. Thank you.

That was a phenomenal job. Yeah, it's a kid's book. That was great. Kids tip book. Thank you for that. Yeah, and this is all part of the aura popping or whatever. Right. If we hadn't taken your pants off,

Uh-huh. We wouldn't have got to the old soul. So there was all part of the aura popping. It all happened for a reason. It all happened for a reason, my guy. Can I ask you a serious question? Let me think. Take your time.

Yes. Okay. Is, um, that's not your daughter over there? Who, Amber? No. Why'd you wink? Sometimes people go over. overseas to let's say Bermuda to a resort and have a one-nighter with the chambermaid.

Sometimes seed gets spilt and four years later a baby shows up on your doorstep bundled in a swaddling cloth. That's not her. She's just my assistant. Well, okay. That's it. That's all I wanted in now. Okay. Yeah. Well, we could clear that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Thanks. Thanks for your answer. You're welcome. Uh, my bud, we're down to our final segment. It went too fast. Really? It went too bad. Look, I'm going to put my shades on. We're at...

How long has it been? We're at an hour and six minutes. Oh, wow. Nobody ever goes over 58. Really? So you are an old soul. This kind of, yeah, this kind of felt like... It went way too fast. Yeah.

And that means you're coming back tomorrow. Okay. But our final segment, my guy... Yeah. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Okay. You reach into the... There's random words kicking around in here.

Yeah. You pull one out and see if it triggers a story from your wonderful journey, your old soul journey, your new journey. Yeah. Could be about you, someone you met, something you saw, anything. Hmm. Funeral. Interesting.

Yeah. The final old soul. Okay. What do we got? Here we go. All right. I am currently moving. So I'm supposed to say a story about this?

No. Oh. I can see you. Just to say that, your lips had to be moving. I'm moving too. What's this? Okay. You're moving?

Am I supposed to say, like, I want me to speak on this? Yes. Okay, so I'm currently moving in Los Angeles. I moved to Los Angeles, but I'm moving to a different part of Los Angeles. Okay. And I have this really annoying neighbor. Her name is Mary Ellen. And when I go outside, she insists.

insist on talking my ear off for a long period of time. Okay, and the reason for that is because she knows I do YouTube. So she's like, oh, my son does YouTube. You know, he likes to make his own videos, edit his own videos, and she'll talk my ear off. So the next time I saw her, I said, you know what, I'm going to change careers so that she doesn't talk to me about YouTube anymore. So I said, you know what, I'm not doing YouTube anymore. I'm a math teacher now. And she says, you would never believe it?

My niece is a math teacher. and all of a sudden, talking my ear off about that. That is so Van Gogh. So then the last time I saw her, I kicked her in the pussy. And I haven't seen her since. So she may have had her own funeral. You kicked her in the pussy? Yeah.

And you think it might have killed her? Yeah. Yeah, I haven't seen her. I haven't seen her or anything. So I'm just assuming. I think maybe we just added a little chapter to the kid's book. Yeah. Put a little pussy in here.

Yeah, let's see. There you go. That's not bad. You know, and then we put whiskers on it, just so no one gets the wrong idea. Hey, pussy, how are you? Can I jump on your red balloon? He-he-he-he-he-he. And then, you know, you can fill in the rest.

You okay? Yeah. Oh, my God, you dropped your addiction. It's nice to see you dropped your addiction. It's good. It's really good. Wow. Can I get that Sharpie for a second?

Yeah, you want the red or the black? The black one. Black. Yeah. You know these are coming back, right? What do you mean? Sharps. They are?

So now you have another addiction. Well, this was... This started when I was four years old, to be honest. Oh, wow. That's why you've got SpongeBob eyes. Probably. Yeah. I used to eat the paint off the walls, too.

The paint chips? You ever hear about that? I used to do this. I used to do the sour cream and onion paint chips. Really? I didn't like the plain ones. Some good shit. Brother, before we go, can you please tell the folks where they can see you,

if you want to promote anything, if you want to share anything? This is your moment. Let me hit the beautiful theme music and have that it, my guy. Thanks. Yes, you can find me anywhere on any social media at Cono, C-O-N-O.

Thank you guys for watching. Cono, I can't thank you. enough. Thanks for the delicious donuts. Of course. Thanks for getting my tits out. Yeah. They needed it. They did. They deserved it. How many episodes has it been? It's been too long. They needed to breathe.

Yeah. And thank you for getting your pants off. Absolutely. The universe is at one again. Folks, that's it for today. Yin and Yang. Until next time, Chicken Chalmaine, baby. And we'll see you on the dark side of the moon. Pink Floyd.

Take care. Don't tell me how to live my life. Sorry. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic. You want me to discuss.

Give me some talking points. And off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland. Folks, here we are.

We're on, I don't know what day of the war with Iran. It just feels like it's been going on far too long. And, you know, I think we're all sitting here scratching our heads going, How do we end this conflict? What do we do? What's the formula? And as a layperson like yourselves listening, I just don't. I don't have the military understanding, the strategy on how you end something like this.

So we're going to go to our man on the ground who's been a career military man down in Camp Pendlington, California. It's a major left seal commander, lieutenant colonel, French commander, quarterstaff house general, Tom Dowdy, who has been engaged in many a theater of war. And let's see if we can get them on the line. Colonel Tom Dowdy, are you there, sir? Hello? Yes, there you are, sir. How are you today, sir?

Who wants to know. Why do they want to know? And I want their address. No, sir, that's just sort of a general statement, a greeting. How are you? I don't give out information to some scallywag walking down the street. He wants to know how I am. You make it a point.

Sir, sir, okay, let's skip right to why we were calling. The straight of Hormuz, the Iran conflict, this thing has just been dragging on. There's been relentless bombing and attacks, and no side seems to want to stick to a peace agreement. What do we do here, sir? It's pretty easy. It is, sir? Yeah. I don't know if you've ever solved a Rubik's Cube.

You sound like the kind of guy that looks like a Rubik's Cube. starts a bath, sits in it. It's the grill bread. Sir, the Strait of Hormuz seems to be the pivotal point in the conflict. It's where all the ships are going through, and we keep hearing, Strait of Hormuz. Is this where the war is sort of won? You bet you're hairy Zit covered ass and is civilian.

Wow, okay. What do you mean, sir? The straight of Hormuz. Yeah, you just said it. It's right there in the very wobbly-eyed koala sniffing. Sir, I'm not a... What do you mean it's there in the first word? Say it.

Say what, sir? Say the... Straight? Wait, wait, what do you mean, straight? The straight of Hormuz, those Iranians. Sir, there is no diarrhea river. Taco Bell in the middle of the night, you scarf down a Taco Bell Grande, and five minutes later, you're riding down the street on a boatload of gravy that makes the Silver Surfer look like a party boy.

Sir, what do you mean the straight of Hormuz? Why is that the key? Think about it. Yeah, you keep saying that, sir. Well, listen to this party. Have you ever been, uh, how should we say? Sir? Have you ever been a fly guy? What do you mean a fly guy?

You know, light in the loafers. Light in the loafers, sir. Have you ever danced around in your yard with tinkerbell wings, green leotards, and jumped into a purple bug light? No, sir. So you've never been a fairy? No, I haven't been. What are you talking about?

things in life Okay Okay Up and down Right Gay Okay Sir, where are we going with this

What, straight Of Hormuz Wait, what Put them together Dimbo Dunk Running down the street With his peanut Ran into each other

At the end of that day What did they have A peanut buttercup Bindjo's heated butter. What is a cupcake dandy? I'm talking about the gay. Wait, what?

Yeah, you heard me pepperoni tits. The gay. Wait a no, it's the straight of Hormouth. It is for now. But if you want to win that dirty war civilian, you better bring out

your pride. What are you talking about, sir? The Gay of Hormuth. Have you ever been to Iran with your boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend, sir. Yeah, if you could see my thinking like a dust bunny from under a bed at a hotel six gotten there, covered with crust, mucus, but I look like a butterfly farting on a fucking tiger lily. Sir, if you could just, what are you alluding to here?

Do not. What is a flyboy, sir? And I think I already know. You know what it is. You ever been to a gym dance or a high school prom? And there's just two guys that are dancing in the corner with their arms wrapped around each other, like a couple of black widows making love and a dirty spider web. Down at the bottom of fucking Quentin Tarantino's do-do drawer. What absurd? Can you cut to the point?

And what they do to the homosexuals in Iran. Well, sir, according to research, it's illegal. Why don't you take your Home Depot shovel? Take the fucking barcode of the sticker off the blade and dig a little deeper. Well, sir, this is horrible to say that in modern times that we live in, apparently, if you are found to be gay in Iran, they can kill you. They legally, that you can be executed. You can be put to death. Well, clearly they don't like the gays or the gay experience or the gay world.

You just sit on a beach and day. Sir, can you, what do you? This is, I don't know where you're going with the gay thing. Pretty easy. Wait a minute. What are you? Yeah, that's right. Sounds like somebody opened the puzzle box of the leopard in the jungle.

And now you're starting to put the pieces together with your dirty feet down in the face. basement of your house playing with pumpkins. Sir, I was never in my basement doing the... Okay, so we change? We change from... Sir, can you please? I'm telling you, they don't want it. Sir, we just call them homosexuals.

Can you stop with all the sort of crude monikers? Oh, okay. We all pretty and tied up in a yellow bow. Is that where we're gone, fancy pants? No, sir, but I'm just thinking you show a little decorum to the gay community? I'll show them to... I'm not bubble buns, sir. Here's your canal.

Sea out of canal. What do you got? Sir? Do it. What? Take the sea out of canal? What do you mean? What do I got?

Wait, I'm taking the sea out of canal. Do it, and that's an order. C.A. N-A-L. Now drop the sea the same way you dropped your pants in boarding school for the priest with the glazed over eyes. Sir, would you stop it? Two million. A-N-A-L.

Sir, anal. Sir, what are you saying? It's all right there, civilian. The Gale Canal. And you got those Iranians that won't go. anywhere near that thing. They'll surrender it without a bomb being dropped

out of there and corn and a stick of butter on a hot, soggy Christmas night at Orville Reddenbachers olive oil party. Sir, have you been drinking at all? Maybe.

Maybe sometimes you need a little liquid friend to help you get through the nightmares and the night terrors at night. Sir? Yeah, that's right. Well, you've been sitting there behind your wooden desk playing tidly wings like a dinosaur with no bones. I sat in Vietnam in the jungles of Bien Bien food, nights covered in mud, camel feces, and lizard vomit. Do you have any idea what it's like to be in the feet around it by the smell of death in the air like you're standing over the vent on the roof of the Kentucky? He's fried chicken.

Sir, I understand you were in battle, and I can only imagine that it's been traumatic. Traumatic. The Helen Keller-Hosspian idiots and Chinese garden hose. Sir, can we get back to the... The gay. What? The gay. Canal, sir.

Anal. Canal. You call it what you want. But I'll tell you what the flyboys are going to call it. Anel? You guessed it. So what is this about a bridge? You put a bridge across that canal.

Anal. Anal. You put a bridge across that anal. And you paint it with rainbow colors. Wait, wait, the gay pride colors? It look like a rainbow. You colors the gay guys like that damn. Ant around until midnight just before they pop the roofies and get down and start.

Sir, they don't sniff ball bag. Oh, really? Well, what do you think they sniff? Uh, well, they probably sniff. Yeah. Ball bag? Sir. You have a now.

And that war ends faster than two babies playing with their own vomit in the gorilla cage at the San Diego Zoo. What are you? Babies playing with Gorilla Puke. You heard me. This war is going to end. Up on your Google. Oh, yeah. They'll kill them.

They'll lash them. They'll hang them in the town square and lash them. Can you imagine being shot between the eyes just for a one man touching another man's long, vainy, pink, swollen, pulsing penis? Sir? Yes, sir, okay, sir, I mean, look, in a fantastical way, maybe you're right? Oh, I'm right. One of us was a soldier, and one eats Cajun, black, and catfish snaps his own spine, his own cracker barrel farts.

Sir, I don't sniff my own, listen, there might be some logic. Oh, there's logic, all right. If you've got a society that can't stand the gay, and you name the main port of their whole country, the gay of anal. Oh, they're going to shut down that war faster than two Chinese egg roll farmers slamming a spring roll into a dirty baby's mouth out in a rice field. Sir, where are you? Have you been drinking? Yeah, I have. You called me, civilian. I didn't call you. You wanted to find out how to end that war in Iran. Oh, can't. It's the most roundabout way I've ever heard to ending a major conflict. It doesn't how you. It doesn't matter who you. How you?

Sir. It doesn't matter how you end the war. All that matters is that you end it. And if you got to bring out the party boys, flyers, and that Chuckie cheese fucking pepperoni, they got left in the fridge way too long, then that's what you got to do. So to surmise, go ahead, civilian. The Iranians don't want anything to do with homosexual culture. They loathe it, they despise it. They actually are allowed to execute and murder and kill people who go down gay street, if you will.

Yeah, on a bicycle, in a wagon, on a horse-drawn carriage, or the Oscar Meyer Weiner hot dog truck. Okay, sir, and so they're so, I guess, repulsed and so against the gay experience, that you're saying if you take the straight, quote unquote, of Hormuz, and you change it to the gay of Hormuz, they're going to be so repulsed, they're just going to roll over and end the war because they don't want that smeared on their culture, if you will. Sir, I, you know, I know you're a military expert and, you know I'm right. Sir? I didn't spend 90 days in the jungles of looking at ants, climb up and down each other.

I know war. I know how to suck. You go get sea otter sliding down the side of Mount Everest with a helmet on its head that he bought at a mental institution garage sale. Sir, what are you? Are you drinking? Maybe I am. Now, why don't you take what you heard here today and send it where you need to send it?

And let's stop this war. And let's get back to renting a room on a foggy Thursday night in Bakersfield at the Motel 6. Finding a gas station hottie, bending her over, and pounding her until olive oil seeds come out of her. Sir, I'm gonna go. You sound like you've been,

you're getting a little drunk. Sir, thank you for your time. It's an erratic, irrational solution to a... Thank you for your time, sir. Sir, that's not very nice. Eat my wife's dirty legs, fuck up. Wait a minute. What the...

What the... Oh, boy. Well, folks, I don't know what to say. Is there a rationality of this? Is, are the Iranians so, is he gone? Are the Iranians so repulsed by the gay world that the, by renaming it, the straight of Hormuz to the gay of Hormuz, that they would literally surrender and stop all fighting just to not go through the

humiliation and the moral objection to being labeled the gay of anyways. There it is. It's his opinion, not mine. Good luck. And let's hope the war stops soon. What a knot. Does he always have to be drinking when we do these? If you have to make a call, please help him.

Oh, seriously, I'd love to just have a straight conversation with him where he's not jacked up. Okay. So you guys have been asking. So we finally did it. the Harland Highway Deepop store is officially live. Now you can grab the actual shirts and clothes I've worn on the Harland Highway. Go check it out before they're gone. Harland Highway Deepop.