The Harland Highway - Corporal TOM DOWDY assesses military action by USA. Man crushes. Yucky salads!
Episode Date: April 20, 2017Corporal, Major, TOM DOWDY assesses military action by USA. Man crushes. CRAZY NEWS STORY Yucky salads! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for ...privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Oh boy, what a show. What a podcast. What a show podcast show, show, show, show pod.
Harlan Williams here. You're on the Harlan Highway podcast. Thanks for being here, man. Really appreciate it. Yeah, I do.
Interesting show today. Colonel, Lieutenant, Governor, Sergeant, Tom, Colonel, Tom Dowdy will be phoning today to give us his kind of,
input on the military activity that's been happening lately, the Tomahawk missiles in Syria,
the giant mother of all bombs in Afghanistan and some other military movement by the United
States. So he'll be here with his analysis. Also, I'll be talking about man crushes. Yikes. Do I
have a man crush on anyone? You're going to find out, I guess, kind of an odd topic. Also, Cray.
easy news story.
I don't know if you guys like salad,
but somebody found something in their salad that I don't know if you're even going to believe it.
Pretty damn weird.
Also, some phone calls from the pavement pounders to round out the show,
and it's going to be a lot of fun.
So get in your bunker, put your helmet on.
This is the Harland Highway.
Sit down, strap in, and tighten your diaper.
Come here, baby.
You're about to go down the Harlan Highway.
No!
I didn't bargain for this.
Oh, yes, you did.
Chick-chic-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chow.
Oh, man, baby.
And the creature from all the space.
Please don't stop.
I got to need an ugly face.
My magnificent performance.
This is the Harland Highway.
I hate you.
Well, that's the way it goes.
What do you say?
We get down to business.
Hello?
Hello?
You're Harlan.
Who is your man crush?
It doesn't have to be anything sexual.
Menacelect is my man crush.
It doesn't have to be anything sexual.
But who is your man crush?
Do you have a man crush on?
Wow.
Well, there's a provocative question, if I've ever heard it.
And I don't, it sounds like our caller was a little slurry there, a little junkie.
I don't know.
Maybe our caller had to tip a little juice back to get the courage up to ask me who my man crush was.
Maybe not, but he sounded a little slurry to me.
Ben Affleck is my band crush.
Don't have to be any sexual.
Okay.
Well, let me just, you know, I don't know who you are, so why don't we just say slurry?
I don't know.
It sounds like you got a thing for Ben Affleck as a man crush.
And it doesn't, it's not sexual, of course.
No, it's not.
It's just a man crush.
You know, I'm probably setting myself up here for, you know, being labeled, you know, something.
But I'm confident enough in my own masculinity, my own sexuality to label my man crush, okay?
How many of you gentlemen that are listening would step up to the plate to this type of loaded question?
It doesn't have to be sexual
It doesn't have to be anything sexual
Okay, fair enough
But listen I've always
I guess from the moment I ever laid eyes
I'm already I'm sounding
The moment I laid eyes on
The moment I laid eyes on Brad Pitt
I just thought that that guy had such stunning good looks
I don't know that I have like a crush on them
Because a crush insinuates that you've got like feelings
but I guess I don't know that I have a man crush on any man
but there are men that I just think are extremely good looking
and you know even as a dude it's hard for me to take my eyes off them
you know you know when you look at a beautiful woman and you just can't
you just you just love looking at their features and their eyes
and the way their face moves and I always found Brad Pitt to be that type of guy
like he just you know he's one of those guys I was like
Why can't I have been born looking like him?
Why do I have no chin?
I've got big ears.
I'm, you know, I don't even know if I crack the five out of ten mark.
Here's Brad Pitt at 12 out of 10.
Very, very, very gorgeous looking man.
And also his body, you know, I don't know if you ever saw him in the movie Snatch.
And in Thelman Louise.
And, I mean, the guy is the six-pack and the ripped shoulders.
and, I mean, good Lord.
And one thing he has that I've always wanted,
and I even tried to do it to myself once, like an idiot.
He's got a little scar under one of his eyes.
And I always thought a scar under the eye was really, like, cool and sexy.
And I remember when I was in college, I wandered into a forest once,
like two days in a row and scraped, this is for real,
scraped my cheek on a tree
on a tree with like really
rugged bark. I think it was like a pine tree
and I tried to like cut my face open
and hopes that I would get a scar there like an idiot
because I always thought
you know a scar on the cheek was really hot
just very manly, you know?
So Brad has that he's got
I don't know he's just he's a very very good looking guy
whether his hair is short or long
he's just a good looking man and obviously to the women he is but i'm sure most men would agree
he's uh he's a good looking guy so so if that's any type of man crush i guess that's it but
then above all that i would have to say and maybe i do have a crush on this guy
but it's just because i adore him i love i love all this stuff he did in the younger years
Clint Eastwood, man.
I like tough guys.
And I grew up watching all those old spaghetti westerns.
You know the ones where Clint Eastwood had the poncho
and he chewed on the little cigar.
And he barely ever talked.
And he'd look up from under the rim of his hat.
And he kind of talked in a whisper.
And he kind of let people know that their time was coming.
You see, in this world, there's two kinds of.
people my friend those with loaded guns and those who dig you dig you dig and i dig i dig the clint man
you know he was just tough he made no apologies he he just shot first and asked questions later
he just he was just the embodiment of like cool and tough and suave
and badass, but without trying, you know what I mean?
Like a lot of guys try too much.
There's a lot of cliche stuff, a lot of, you know,
they put on the tank top and let their muscles ripple or they, you know,
a lot of guys probably steal their tough and cool stuff from early Clint Eastwood.
You know, the eye movements, the pregnant pot.
pauses between words.
Like, for example, this one,
the big long pause between words.
Didn't hear what the bed was.
Your life.
Your life.
I didn't hear what the bet was.
Your life.
Don't have to be any sexual.
So it was never sexual.
It was never like, you know,
by the way, Clint Eastwood,
the young Clint Eastwood,
like, stunningly handsome as well.
But I never sat in the movie theaters and like, oh, my God, I want to kiss that man.
I want to slow dance with him.
I want to embrace him.
No, it was a man crush in the most manly of ways.
I've never had romantic sexual feelings for another man.
If that's what you mean by a man crush.
I think you mean in a platonic way when you say not in a sexual way.
So I'll just take you at your word.
And those are my two, Brad Pitt and young Clint Eastwood.
So there you go.
How about you guys?
Any dudes out there listening that have man crushes?
Maybe we'll see if any of you guys can step up and have enough masculinity and are secure enough with your masculinity to admit there are men out there that you're like, oh, okay, okay.
Okay, all right. Good looking. Good looking. Cool, tough. I don't know. Give me a call. 3-2-3-739-4-3-0.
Who is your man-crush? It doesn't have to be anything sexual.
Alive or dead? It's your choice.
I know what you're thinking, Bunk.
You're thinking that he fire six shots are only five.
Now to tell you the truth, I forgot myself and all this excitement.
But being this is a 44-magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world,
and will blow your head clean off.
You could ask yourself a question.
Do I feel lucky?
Well, do you, punk?
So there you go.
I hope that answers your question.
about Harlan's man crushes or crush.
I should only have one.
The fact that I have two.
Okay.
Whoa.
Next call.
Hello.
Hello.
Hey, Harlan.
This is Charlie.
And this is Aaron Harlan.
We've been watching you and listening to you.
We've been waiting for you to come to San Antonio Harlan.
Jason's sound.
We've been peeping through the bushes in California.
That's right.
Chickensale-Maine, baby.
Oh, baby.
Arles, this is the brothers again.
We love you.
We love you.
Out.
Bye.
Okay.
Now, that sounded like a man crush to me, didn't it?
Am I wrong?
Charlie and Aaron definitely got a thing for me, man.
Come on.
We've been walking you and listening to you.
We've been waiting for you to come to San Antonio Harlan.
But that's okay, right?
I'm honored.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I feel needed and wanted, knowing I have a man crush on me.
The way I had man crushes on Brad and Clint, isn't it just, you know, doesn't it put the world in balance to know that a couple of good old heterosexual guys have a man crush on good old Harland?
This is Charlie, and this is Aaron Harlan.
We love you.
We love you.
We love you out.
So there, I'm proud to say.
I'm man-crushed, which means it's passive, assertive, conjunctive,
noun, grammarical way of saying that someone has a man-crush on me,
and it's not sexual.
Don't have to be any sexual.
Yeah, like what Slurry said.
It doesn't have to be anything sexual.
It's just two guys.
You know, you heard it.
So there.
I don't mind, you know, guys having man crushes on me.
As long as they're not weird.
As long as they're not creepy.
As long as they're not like, you know, like, you know, if I'm at Home Depot
and I'm like, you know, putting stuff in my truck
and there's some creepy dude like sitting in his truck or car just staring at me
and imagining, you know, it's me and just being like Home Depot weird.
Hey, Harlan, this is Nate calling from Sacramento, California.
I'm just sitting in the car
I'm waiting for my parents to get done at the Home Depot
and I'm sitting and right next to me
there is a guy who looks dead on like you
and he's driving away
he's in a white truck, a Sierra white truck
and he looked dead on like you
and I'm listening and I was listening to the podcast
and I had to stop it to call you
and to tell you that this guy is driving away
and he's got a bunch of two-by-fours
in the back of his truck
and yeah he's just like the same hair
seen beard, and there's just like, man, like, dude, you should be kind of frightened as a guy
in Sacramento that looks dead on like you, or it could be you. I don't know. I don't know where
you are all the time. Anyway, just had to call you and tell you that, man.
And peeping through the bushes in California. Okay. We're going from man crush to
stalker us. So I think, you know, let's hold off.
on any more phone calls to a little later, huh, Raj?
Have we got anything else?
We can queue up here?
Oh, we got a crazy news story?
Good, because this was starting to get a little crazy.
Let's do it.
Here we go, Harlan Highway, crazy news story.
The Harland Highway.
Crazy news story.
That's weird.
Wow. That's strange stuff.
All right.
Here it is.
A crazy news story.
I don't know if they get any crazier than this.
Here's the headline, gang.
Stuff you should know if you find a bat in your salad.
I think in some countries that might even be a sexual term.
But for now, let's get into the story.
Two people in Florida who were recently munching on a store-bought salad
when they encountered a decomposed bat in the package
were no doubt stunned and a little bit sickened.
But it turns out they probably didn't have too much to worry about, no.
Boy, these croutons sure are, Harry, aren't they, Alice?
They certainly are, and mine have leathery wings on them.
The bat was sent to the Center for Disease Control for testing
because apparently bats sometimes have rabies.
The deteriorated condition of the bat did not allow for the Center for Disease Control
to definitively rule out rabies.
Wow.
I mean, that's like a bat salad, man.
That's like a rabies salad.
More than 55,000 people mostly in African Asia,
die from rabies every year.
See, this again goes into my...
I always talk about whenever people try to eat healthy,
they end up dying.
A rate of one person every 10 minutes, the CDC informs us.
Well, that's crazy.
But that doesn't seem to be a major concern when it comes to bats in your salad.
Again, probably a sexual term somewhere.
Hey, you want to do a bat in a salad tonight?
Do I?
Oh, God.
How about a bat in a bat cave?
Transmission of rabies by eating a rabid animal.
is extremely uncommon because, you know,
so many people get tested
because, you know, they just ate a rabid fox.
Yeah, why are you in the emergency room?
Well, my child just ate a rabid grizzly bear
and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.
Yes, I'm sure he's fine.
The virus does not survive very long
outside of the infected animal.
In this circumstance, the risk of rabies transmission is considered to be very low,
but because it isn't zero, the two people were recommended to begin post-exposure rabies treatment.
Great.
How is your salad? Delicious.
I'll see you in the intensive care unit.
Both people report being in good and healthy condition and neither has any sign of rabies.
The provider of the salad surprise, Fresh Express, further assures us that an all salad in the production run, which is recalled, as soon as it learned that extraterraneous animal matter was allegedly found in a single container of the salad.
Extirraneous animal matter?
How about it wasn't matter?
It was the whole animal.
It was the whole damn corpse.
The company and Florida health officials are looking into all this,
so stay tuned, but there's always the chance another bat
will make its way into another salad.
Again, a sexual term probably somewhere.
Hey, that was fun last night.
You want to, you want to, well, you know, let me ask,
what are you doing tonight when the sun goes down?
Oh, really?
You've got some thousand islands dressing?
Well, since we had so much fun last night,
how would you like to put your bat in the salad again?
Okay, this is getting creepy.
In 2010, a Michigan family claimed to find a frog
in a bag of frozen veggies.
Again, another sexual act.
Hey, you know, this is the third night in a row
we've done bat in the salad.
How about we, you know, we switch it up a little tonight.
I can't get down for some frog.
Frog.
I can't even say it.
That's so ridiculous.
Let me get through the giggles, all right?
And I'll give me it through the giggles and I'll do it.
Are you up for a little frog in a bag of frozen veggies?
Prompting a recall.
Last year, a New Hampshire woman said she found a live black widow spider in a bag of grapes.
Another sexual activity, some people do.
A year after a Pennsylvania woman made the same claim, there are plenty more examples.
Some of them plenty more disgusting, but you get the point.
So if you're concerned about bats and rabies and salad, you might consider moving to Hawaii.
Turns out rabid bats have been documented in all 49 continental states
while Hawaii is rabies free.
If you do find a bat in your salad,
don't touch it, the CDC data suggests.
Transmission of the rabies virus can occur from minor seemingly unimportant
or unrecognized bites from bats.
Human and domestic animal contact with bats should be minotized
and bats should never be handled by untrained and unvaccinated persons or kept as pets.
This is a warning most of us probably don't need, it says.
If there is a direct contact with a bat, unless you are certain there was no bite or scratch,
they recommend a delightful little regime.
It calls post-exposure, faferalliexus,
which is translation, a series of shock.
over two weeks.
Yeah, that's what happens when you get rabies.
You've got to get like two.
I hear it's very painful.
You get two weeks' worth of like shots in your abdomen.
Also, if you're wondering whether you may have eaten salad from the recalled production line,
fear not.
People who have eaten the recalled salad product and did not find any animal material
are not at risk and do not need to contact their health department.
Okay?
So maybe just contact your local swingers club or something.
So there you go.
There's your crazy news story.
Stuff you should know if you find a bat in your salad or a frozen frog in your bag of veggies.
Alive or dead, it's your choice.
Hey, Harlech, can I ask you a question?
Do you douche?
Yes, yes, I do douche.
Okay?
I do douche.
Do douche.
A do douche, do douche, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Yes, I do-do-do-do.
I don't know how I do it. I don't know why I do it, but yes, thank you for asking. I do-dush.
I feel very clean and very good.
healthy. So thank you for asking. Now, speaking of, you know, douching, and there's no segue
into that. I can't even, like, segue into something. So I'm just going to ignore that I said that.
And I'm going to, I'm going to move on because recently we've had a lot of military activity
with the United States, right? We've had the giant Moab bomb.
The biggest bomb outside of a nuclear weapon was dropped in Afghanistan on ISIS.
Also, we had the something like 42 or 52 Tomahawk guided missiles were fired into Syria and decimated an airstrip and a bunch of fighter jets.
And, you know, there's a giant aircraft carrier moving in towards the ocean near a northern.
North Korea.
Apparently, the United States just landed a whole bunch of stealth bombers in somewhere in Europe.
So there's a lot of military activity going on, and there's a lot of people that are nervous about it.
There's a lot of people that are thumping their chest going, it's about time.
The United States reasserted its military might in the world and flexed a little muscle.
but who am I to do analysis on war on the military when we have our friend who calls
the show very often, Colonel, Lieutenant, Commander, Commander, Left Corporal, Field Commander, Tom Dowdy.
I mean, this guys have been every type of theater of war there is.
He's in Korea.
He was in Vietnam.
He was, I mean, he's been over to the Middle East.
This guy's done it all, man.
So there's no better guy to ask about all this recent military activity than Colonel, lieutenant, corporal major, Tom Dowdy.
So let's put him through, Raj.
Is he on the line?
Good.
Here we go.
Let's put him through and get his expert military opinion on all of this.
uh yeah uh colonel uh commander uh chief uh sergeant in arms uh lieutenant governor tom dowdy uh are you there sir
hello civilian you are a go hello sir i said uh we have confirmation civilian you are a go uh yes sir uh sir uh how are you today uh lieutenant commander uh french
Inspector, Governor General, Lord of the Darkness, Doughty?
I am 10-4-0-K. Everything is a go, civilian.
I am a go. You are a go. We are all ago.
We have the green light to proceed with conversation.
Yes, sir. Well, sir, as you know, there's been a lot of action going on.
in the military. Our new president, President Trump, has been, you know, kind of kicking the hornet's nest,
stirring up the hive. And what is your assessment? What is it, what are your thoughts on,
on his provocative approach? Well, let me tell you something, civilian. It's about time.
It's about time. Somebody shoved a big, sharp pointy stick right up the ass of the world.
Whoa, sir, that sounds a little intense.
You asked me a question, civilian, and I gave you an answer.
It's about time somebody took the sharp end of the broom handle and shoved it right up the planet's asshole.
Well, sir, okay, that's a bit graphic.
Well, we live in a graphic world.
Babies are dying in the street, civilian.
I don't know if you've been watching the theater of war in Syria.
but they're taking out the garden hose
and they're not watering the tulips.
You know what they're doing?
I'll tell you what they're doing, civilian.
They're spraying down babies.
Yeah.
They're spraying down babies
that are crawling with syrin gas.
They're washing babies in the street.
The way you'd scrub your ducer.
dog in the bathtub
civilian. Yeah, I
know, sir, it's very
disheartening, it's
horrific, it's hard to believe
that human beings
could do this to each other.
You're damn right.
That's why
we have a little thing called
war. Yeah, W-A-R,
because you know how we
stop these parasites.
You know,
how we squish the life
out of these cockroaches, civilian.
We don't do it with diplomacy.
We don't do it by sending people over there to light candles and sing kumbaya and throw
confetti in their air.
We do it with W-A-R.
War.
Well, as a student, if you will, sir, of war.
As a participant in many wars, are you sure this is the right approach?
I mean, are we just setting up, you know, global confrontation where, you know,
we're taunting North Korea that has nuclear capabilities, where we're being provocative with Russia,
or we're rattling China's cage?
Well, I'll tell you what I'd do.
I'd more than rattle their cage.
I'd shove a giant purple
dildo right up their fat asses
and make them squeal like a koala bear
that just sat down on a corn on the cob
at an all-you-can-eat fucking niblet festival.
Whoa, sir!
An all-you-can-eat-festival?
That's right, Sevilliam.
It's about time we got a president in there
that shows a little muscle, shows a little strength.
America's been dragging its ass.
And when the United States gets tough with the world,
the world sits up and responds.
Well, I, you know, I think you're right to a degree, sir.
I feel like when the United States doesn't take leadership,
when United States doesn't kind of, you know, deal with the bullies in the world,
that the world seems to get a little out of tilt,
and it seems like these countries, these leaders
that want to, you know, disrupt the planet,
start to kind of step out of line.
Exactly, Mundo.
And that's why I couldn't have been proud when President Trump
sent those tomahawk missiles arrayed up,
Syria's dirty, hairy-ass tunnel.
Okay, can we...
He didn't send missiles up their dirty, hairy-ass tunnel, sir.
He bombed an airstrip.
Call it what you will, civilian.
I don't deal with niceties, all right?
You go to the pottery barn,
and you get your pumpkin pie-scented candles
and your key lime pie bars of soap,
and you clean it up any way you want.
But when I see a tomahawk missile fly through the air,
You know what I see?
I see a big giant erect penis flying through the sky.
Looking with that big cyclops eye right in the tip.
Looking for something to fuck and fuck hard.
Okay, sir.
And when those tomahawk cocks flew into the sky and they saw Syria,
Oh, they didn't see in their strips of the end.
They saw big, giant, wet, dripping pink.
All right, sir, please.
Your metaphors are getting a little bit graphic here.
And then when our president dropped the Moab bomb.
When he dropped the Moab bomb,
on Afghanistan, and dropped it right into those ISIS holes, those underground tunnels.
Oh, yeah, baby.
I hope their asses barbecued like little baby fur seals at a fucking onion-peeling festival.
Sir, I'm not sure what that means, but are you referring to the Moab, the mother of all bombs?
You got it, cornflake face.
Well, sir, you know, that one maybe got to me a little bit because they said, you know, it's the most powerful ordinance, the most powerful bomb without going nuclear.
Isn't that a little scary?
Aren't we kind of like sending a bit of an overkill message?
I don't think so.
In fact, if I had my way, I would have put a can of Campbell's mushroom soup right on the tip of that thing.
to let them know that the next fucking recipe they taste
is going to be a goddamn mushroom cloud.
Sorry, sir?
A mushroom cloud.
Sir, are you saying mushroom cloud?
You got it, Tinkerbell.
Sir, if you could just dial back the names,
so you're excited about the Moab.
Moab.
Mother of all bombs.
Well, it might have been a bit much.
I got some other bombs that I've been working on in my bunker.
Yeah, you mentioned before you have an underground bunker.
You're a retard if you don't.
Well, let's not use the...
Can we not say retard?
Whatever you say.
Retard.
Sir, please.
Now, you said you've made your own bombs?
You got that right.
If you thought the Moab was a motherfucker
Where do you hear about this one?
Well, what do you mean, sir?
How about this bomb that I built?
The B-C-C-H-C, sir?
Bake your clit in hell, cowboy.
What was that, sir?
Bake your clit in hell, cowboy.
B-C-C-H-C.
What? B.C.H. Bake your clit in hell, cowboy?
You heard me, Szilian. Oh, yeah. When this bombed up, you're going to be baking your clit in hell, cowboy.
Okay, sir, that doesn't even sound...
What else do you have?
Oh, how about the B-Y-E-I-A?
B-Y-E-A bomb?
You heard me right.
B.I.E.A.
Blow your eye into your asshole.
What, sir?
These are not real bombs.
These are bombs that I'm making.
B.Y.E.I.A.
Blow your eye into your asshole.
What the hell is blow your eye into your assholes, sir?
That is a bomb so powerful.
It'll blow the eyes right off of your face.
face and right into your neighbor's asshole.
So when you pull down your pants, you guessed it's a civilian.
There's going to be an eyeball where your asshole used to be.
Oh my God. That's disgusting, sir.
Don't worry.
It'll be able to see all the way down to hell.
Sir, there's B-Y-E-I-A.
Blow your eye into an asshole.
Sorry, you know, I think maybe you're getting a bit carried away here.
Oh, well, I'll be sitting in my bunker eating barbecue chips.
I'm watching reruns of Oprah Winfrey where you're peeling your skin off your body after a Chinese nuclear bomb or a North Korean nuke or a Russian nuke.
Deep fries you and your whole family as I'm sitting down.
in my bunker,
clippen my toenails,
and pulling nose hairs out of my fucking ass.
Sir, you can't pull nose hairs out of your ass.
I can't.
Sir, all right.
Well, I think we've kind of covered enough of the ground here.
Is there an end game to this,
or is the president going to keep kind of ramping up here
and, you know, putting the world on notice?
I hope he keeps going, because you know what I like?
I like two things, Civilian.
I like to watch pelicans fly through the Florida Key sunset.
That relaxes me.
Those big birds with their baggy throats slapping through the pink and the purple sunset
and the Florida Keys are a corona in my hand.
That relaxes me.
Okay, and what's the other thing?
The other thing, I like to see mushroom clouds fill the sky, civilian, big, puffy, giant mushroom clouds, because that turns me on.
Sir, sir, sir, that's just creepy.
Oh, yeah.
You ever watch a porno movie, Civilian?
I don't have to answer that if I've watched a porno movie.
Have you ever had your woman perform foreplay on your manhood civilian?
I'm not going to talk about my sex life, sir.
Well, what I'm getting at is, I don't know if you've ever been aroused between the legs.
Sir, this is getting a bit graphic.
But when I see mushroom clouds go up in the sky,
I might as well be watching Debbie does Dallas in slow motion
because I got the biggest raging heart on
I could knock down a brick wall at the backside of the olive garden.
All right, sir, we're not here to talk about how strong your erection is.
I'm just telling you what a mushroom cloud in the sky does to me
I could ram my fucking erection right through a car wash
and shine the tip of it at a Burger King drive-thru all at the same time
Sir, I'm hanging up, sir. This has just gone too far. It's rude, it's inappropriate.
You're not even dealing with the with the situation anymore.
Oh, come here, mushroom ground, kneel down.
Oh, oh, that's a good mushroom cloud, oh, baby.
Oh, bend over mushroom ground.
Show me your puff.
Show daddy a puff.
Oh, yeah, puff it up, baby.
Sir, stop it!
Oh, puff it mush.
Let's hang up on him.
God!
Holy crap, that got perverted, man.
Good Lord.
Roger, wrap it up.
No, I'm not doing any more show.
But, well, because I try to run a civil show here,
talk about, you know, topical, you know, social, political,
topics and I get this and it's like come on man hey aye all right let's let's talk about something
more light how about me doing stand-up comedy tonight at the mohican sun casino in connecticut
yes Connecticut the mohican sun casino at comics with an X-C-O-M-I-X it starts tonight
April 20th through the 22nd.
So that's Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Get your tickets at Harlandwilliams.com.
And then it looks like my next show will be in mid-May,
May 11 through 13, at Yuck Yucs in British Columbia, Vancouver.
The city, beautiful city of Vancouver in British Columbia.
so come on now, come on out and check it out.
And then we go right to June, June 1st to the 4th.
I'm in Tampa, Florida.
And June 15th to 17th, I'll be at the Brea Improv in Brea, California.
So some great shows coming up.
HarlanWilliams.com is the place to go.
you can get your tickets right now, baby.
Also, if you want to call me and leave a voicemail,
323-739-43330, 3-2-3-739-433.
Or you can write me at harlandwilliams.com.
And leave me, write me a little letter there.
And while you're at Harlemwiliams.com, you can check out our store.
We have cool artwork.
We have music, we have digital downloads, we have so much fun stuff.
We'll ship it out to you.
A lot of people getting a lot of good things.
I just sold a painting to a Harlan fan.
More of an illustration that I did.
Cool illustration.
Just ship that out.
It's so fulfilling when I work hard on a piece of artwork
and somebody sees something.
in it that they like or value or or want to have and it always makes me feel good to know that
a piece of artwork is hanging somewhere in someone's house or apartment or you know it brought them
joy so that's cool uh also don't forget our record is out uh the cousins rattlesnake love
uh it's on all your digital platforms from iTunes all the way down
So please check our album out.
Rattlesnake Love by the Cousins, getting some really good reviews, good feedback on it.
And also don't forget to join our premium membership and get our free app for the Harlan Highway.
Go to your cell phone into the app store, type in the Harland Highway.
Boom, free app.
You can listen to the show wherever you go.
You get the latest 50 episodes.
And if you're a Harlan Highway junkie and you need all the episodes, which is,
nearing 900, by the way.
Just go to
harlomwilms.com and join
our premium membership for $20 a year.
You get all the episodes
plus bonus material.
I'm going to be posting some
fresh stand-up comedy
very shortly
for our premium members.
So it's stuff that only the premium
members get to hear.
And that's going to be this week.
So if you're on the fence about
going premium, now
is a good time to do it.
And what else?
What else?
What else?
That's about it, I think.
I just want to say thanks for being here.
Be safe.
Keep it clean.
And until next time, chicken.
Chowman, baby.
Blow your eye into an asshole.
Thank you.