The Harland Highway - CRAZY, WHACKY, KIDS - These fun filled kids have all kinds of fun stories and jokes for Harland!

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp, Mando, Select Quote, Chubbies! - Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp dot com slash harlandhighway - Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code harlandhighway at chubbiesshorts.com/harlandhighway ! #chubbiespod - Get the right life insurance for YOU, for LESS, and save more than fifty percent at SELECTQUOTE.com/harland - Podcast Description, YT Description & Social Media CTA: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get 20% off with promo code HARLANDHIGHWAY at shopmando.com! #mandopod Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When West Jet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Hey, everybody, welcome to today's fabulous show. I'm going to give you a little update on my comedy calendar.

before we get started, April 10th through the 11th, I'll be in Louisville, Kentucky. I'll be at the Louisville Comedy Club. April 24th to 25th, Omaha, Nebraska at the Funny Bone. April 30th through May 2nd. Oh yeah, Naples, Florida at Off the Hook Comedy Club. May 8th, Chicago, Illinois, at Park West Theater. May 9th, St. Paul, Minnesota at the Fitzgerald Theater. 15th, Tucson, Arizona, at the Rialto Theater.

And then lastly, May 16th, Las Vegas, Nevada, Vegas, baby, at the Palazzo Theater. So get your tickets right away at HarlemWilliams.com. We've been selling out these theater shows. I don't want you to be disappointed. Can't wait to see you there. We are going to have the best time ever, and I appreciate you supporting me. And don't forget to support the podcast. press the

subscribe button just right here below. It really helps us a lot. And now without further a do-do, let's roll down the Harland Highway. Hon, hon, hon. And no, but I don't know.

That's okay. You can pick your nose. I don't mind. Oh, my God. Get in there nice and high, nice and deep. Let's see how far up you can go. Oh, yeah. Keep good.

Oh, you know what? That's called digging for gold. Why? Because there's gold up there, nuggets. Hi, Clara. Hi. How are you? Good.

You know where you are right now? You're on the Holland Highway podcast. What do you think about that? Good. Isn't that fun? Yes. You're our youngest guest we've ever had on the Harland Highway podcast. What?

What? Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Wow, welcome. Thank you. Now, I heard that you got to get out of school early today because you got to come on to Halle Hawe Ponker. Yes.

Do you like the way I say it? Yeah. Halla Panker. Can you say it like that? Hohenka. You want to try it again? Hala Hauer Ponka. Yeah, you nailed it. You nailed it. So you got out of school early. What grade are you in, Clara?

Kinder. Kinder garden or just kinder? Kindergarten. Kindergarten. And is there a garden? Like, is there vegetables and carrots and squash? There's a garden for the whole school, like in the middle of the school. Oh, but what's kindergarten? Is there potatoes and radishes and stuff? In the garden there is, but not in kindergarten, like the classroom. Why do they call it kindergarten if there's no garden with vegetables? I don't know. What's going on?

Would you like it up there as vegetables in your kindergarten? Yeah. What kind of veggies? Carrots. Wow. What color of carrots? tell everyone. Orange.

What else is orange? Orange. Orange is orange. You're right. And is green green? Yes. So blue would be blue, right? Right?

You said orange is orange. Blue is blueberry. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Wow. Do you like blueberry? Do you like blueberries, be honest? Some kids lie about it that they like blueberries.

I like blueberries. Do you like them or love them? Love them. How many do you think you could eat in one time, blueberries? 10. 10. You're not joking? No.

You could eat 10. Yeah. Like a bear. Yeah. Do you think you might be a bear? No. Are you sure? Because bears could eat 10.

10? Yeah, I'm sure. So you're not a bear? No. If you were an animal, what would you be? A cat. Oh, I think you have a story about your cat, don't you? Yes. Oh, can you tell us your cat's story? And what was your cat's name? Todd and Wendy. Oh, there's two. Todd and Wendy. And Todd's a boy? Yeah. And what's Wendy? A girl. A girl. Okay. And you have a a special story about which cat, both of them or just Todd or Wendy? Todd and Wendy. Oh, tell us the story. So what happened was like my cat started getting these things in their teeth and they kind of need to get it pulled out and I have the teeth right here that they needed to get it.

Wait, you brought the cat teeth? Yeah, Todd's, Todd's were very long. These are Todd's cat teeth? And my other cat, Wendy, had to get pulled out six teeth. Six teeth? Are you sure your cat's not a shark? Yeah. Isn't that too many teeth for a cat?

Well, and guess what? The vet told me that one day she actually missed some teeth and she was walking around and she had a tooth fall out and no one could find it. And you found it? No one found it. But isn't that? added there? No, because it was already out like a year ago. And I did it. Wow. These are almost like musical instruments. Do you want to do the missing cat tooth song? I don't know that song.

I know it, ready? Wendy lost a tooth. What was the other one's name? Todd. Todd lost a tooth. Wendy and Todd lost a tooth. Wendy and Todd lost a tooth. Wendy's a shark. Wendy's a shark, Todd's a shark, you have shark cats. I don't have shark cats. But all these teeth, I think they might be great white cats. Great black and white cats. Great black and white cats. Yeah.

Like for example, have your cats ever taken down a surfer? Like someone's surfing in the ocean and your Todd or Wendy comes up and takes a surfer down? No. Has your cat ever eaten like a seal? No. Has your cat ever put his tail out of the water and just swam? No. So maybe it's not a shark.

Not a shark. Todd and Wendy are not sharks. They are not. They're not sharks. Sing it. Todd and Wendy, they're not sharks. Sharks. Todd and Wendy, they're not sharks. They're not sharks. Yeah, okay, but these are great teeth. Are you going to make a necklace with these, do you think? No. Oh, Clara, I think these would make a nice necklace.

I don't think. What would you do with these, do you think? Keep them. And will you, oh, wait a second. Think about this, Clara. When you lose a tooth, what do you do with it? Put it under your pillow. And who comes? The tooth fairy. So is there a cat tooth fairy? Maybe. Does Todd or Wendy have a pillow? No, they just sleep on random places.

They sometimes even sleep on my shoes. So are you going to put their teeth under your shoes? I don't think they have a cat tooth fairy, though. I don't think that's a thing. Really? Yeah. Then why do we have a tooth fairy, but kids? Kitty cats don't.

I don't know. I'm not a cat. You're not? I'm not a cat. You promise? I promise. Let me hear you go, meow. Yeah, you're a cat.

I think you might be a cat. I'm not. I just heard you meow. Let's hear it again. Mow. I think you might be a cat. You don't think you're a cat. No.

Have you ever chased a mouse? No. Have you ever coughed up a hairball? like, No. Wait, I wasn't finished. Have you ever done that? No.

Huh. Have you ever chased a ball of yarn around with your claws? No. Okay, maybe you're not a cat. Huh. You've never coughed up a fur ball. No. Do you want to try?

Yeah, I think you might be a cat. I am not a cat. So you're not a shark and you're not a cat. You're Clara. Yeah. You're a little girl. Yeah. Okay, we got that straight right out of the gate.

How old is Clara the little girl? Six. Wow. And I heard you went to somewhere special today, Wendy's? Yes. Hello. Does that make you a player? Yes.

Yeah. Can you say I'm a player? I'm a player. Oh, yeah. Oh, did you drop it? One of them. We'll get it when we get up. We won't forget it.

What did you order at Wendy's? Nuggets and fries. Do you think you would make a good drive-through girl? Like if I drove up and ordered... I would probably mostly just eat stuff because it's so... Wait, so if you worked there, like let's say I owe up and go, you go, welcome to Wendy's. Ready?

Welcome to Wendy's. Uh, yes, I'd like a bacon. A baconator and some chicken nuggets and a Coke and some fries, please. Okay. You're not going to eat them, are you, ma'am? No. You're not going to eat my order? No.

You sound like you might. I'm not going to. You promise? I promise. So if I get a baconator, there's not going to be a bite out of it. No. Promise? Promise.

Okay. You'd be a good drive-through worker. You want to hear something funny that happened to me the other day? By the way, before I tell you, do you have a nickname, Clara? Do your friends give you a nickname? No, but sometimes my grandma calls me Clara Bear. Clara, Beara. So you are a bear? No, I'm not.

But remember I asked you earlier if you were a bear? She just calls me Clara Vera. You know why she calls you Clara? Because I'm not a bear. Well, then she would call you Clara, I'm not a bear. No, she would call me Clara Bear. Right. Here, how about this?

Clara. Clara. That's just it. Clara. Well, I heard from Grandma Bearer, though. Clara Vera. It just rhymes with my name. Just so we're clear.

I don't want anything to be misunderstood. Have you ever climbed all the way up to the top of a tree with your bare hands and found a honeybees nest and eat the honey? with your mouth? No. Have you ever in the middle of the night crept down the street, flipped open a garbage can,

and rummaged through, and ate like scraps? No. So you're not a bear? No, I am not. What's the difference between a bear and a bearer? Like, if you say Clara the Bearer,

which I like, but I love it. What does, what's a, I know what a bear looks like. What's a bearer look like? A bearer may be a bearer. Maybe is a nickname for Bears or and it's Clara Barra for a nickname? I don't know. I love it.

I'm going nuts about your nickname. I don't think if you said I'm my nickname's Pumpkinhead. I won't have liked it. If you said my nickname is spaghetti eyes, uh-uh. But Claire of the Barra, I love it. I love it. Do you love it? Yes.

You know what my nickname is? What? Nick. Nick. Nick. Shouldn't everyone's nickname be Nick? Because it's a nickname. So shouldn't we therefore all be Nick?

Maybe. So if I said what's your nickname, what do you say? Nick. And if I say what's my nickname? Nick. Yeah. We're just a couple of nicks hang. around drinking juice boxes and wrapping about baconators and stuff.

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Have you ever had a baconator and was it taller than you? Be honest. Never had one in it. It was not taller at me because I don't... I haven't had one. Have you heard of a Baconator, though? No. They have them at Wendy's.

It's a really tall hamburger. It's almost taller than me. And it's about six feet of bacon and then about an inch of meat, hamburger meat. Must be really tall. That's a tall burger. The Baconator. Maybe I'll try that.

Would you like one? Could you eat a giant burger, do you think? My dad can, but not me. Whoa, what's your dad do? Does he work? What's he do? He, like, helps. He is a lawyer, and he helps people with cases.

He's a lawyer. That's what my dad did. My dad was a lawyer and helped people with cases. What's going on? here. Our dad's did the same thing. Is that crazy? Yeah. Do you love your dad? Yes. You know what? Speaking of love, Gisra, Clara, someone did one of these to me the other day. Have you ever seen that? Can you do that? Oh, there it is. And what do we call that, Clara? A heart. A heart. And what does a heart mean when someone said they love me? What is love? Do you know what love is? Yeah.

That's when you love someone, and it means, like, you love that. And what is it, though? What is it, like, we can't see love, but it's a feeling. What do you, how do you describe love to somebody? Oh, that's a good answer. Yeah. Sometimes people are in love, like a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a mummy and a daddy, but sometimes they fight.

And what do you say to them if they're angry at each other? How do you make it all better? What's the best way to make it all better, do you think? Calm down. Just calm down? And say that stop, stop, stop, fight it. Yeah. Have you ever been in a fight?

With my friend, yeah. Uh-oh, what happened? Oh, you're not going to go? Tell me. He has been, um, he's a little, he's, he's, He gets really mean sometimes. Uh-oh. What do you do?

I play with one of your friends. You play with different friends now? Because that one was too mean. Did you get mad at them? What'd you say? And I just walked away. Is that the best thing sometimes? If someone's being mean, just walk away?

Yeah. Oh. What do you love most in the world when you do this? what do you think, Claire, you love the most in the whole wide world? My mom and my dad. Oh, your mom and your dad. And tell us why. I think we know why, but what is it you love so much about mom and dad?

Because they're nice. They're so nice to you. And do they take you on trips and stuff? Yeah. Where'd you go? I go to Florida every year with my mom, and sometimes my dad visit my car. Grandma. Oh, is that the grandma that calls you Clara Barra? She lives in Florida? Yeah. And were you running on the beach?

Sometimes we actually go to the beach. And you went in the ocean? Oh, tell me about that. Do you love swimming in the ocean? I don't like swimming, but I like to dip in my feet in. Oh, really? You won't go all the way in? No. How come, Clara? I get scared to sea creatures. The sea creatures. And which one? one in particular that we've already been talking about. Sharks and jellyfishes and stingrays. Jellyfishes. Have you ever seen a jellyfish? No.

Have you ever seen a peanut butterfish? No. They're always close behind because peanut butter and jelly, you know, they always go together. And so anytime you see a jellyfish, just keep your eyes open because there's a peanut butterfish really close by. You've never seen a peanut butterfish? No. Would you like to?

I don't know what they are. It's like a jellyfish, but it's made of peanuts. It's like a peanut buttery fish. I don't know those even exist. Oh, you got me. I was making it up. I made that one up. Speaking of Florida and the sunshine, Clara,

maybe you can help with this. This is like a grown-up thing. Have you ever heard there's this term they say called global warming. Have you ever heard of that? That's where they say the world's getting too warm. Everything's getting too warm. How do we stop it, do you think? Global warming.

Put some ice? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Where? Where do we put the ice to stop global warming? This is big. This is a big answer. There's a big answer. We're all waiting.

we've been waiting for this answer, a lot of people. Think hard, global warming. Where will we put the ice? Did you be like on the soil or something? Yeah, on the ground? Yeah. That makes sense. Like on the sand and the dirt?

Yeah, on the soil and stuff. The soil. So if we put the ice on the soil, everything cools down. Yeah. What about snow, though? Isn't that like ice on the soil? So maybe, like, you can freeze ice in the evening, and it's ice, and then you can put some, like, water and stuff on it and then make it, like, fall or something.

Like falling ice? Yeah. I like this idea. I thought I heard you. Did you just do a little baby burp? No. I thought I heard, like, a little... I don't think so.

Are you sure? You didn't do a juice box burpee? A baby bearer burpee? Nope. A Clara bear a burpee? I don't think that is real. I thought I heard just a little, like a little... Was that you?

No, I can't do that. You can do it? Let's hear. Was that a burp? Whoa. Wow, what can you do a big one? No, I can't do that. Like a...

Wow. Oh, Clara, that's a beauty. Now, you talked about your friend at school who was mean, do you? Mm-hmm. But do you have a boyfriend at school who's nice to you? Oh, is your special boyfriend? His name is Wyatt, and he's been friends with me since I was like one years old and now we're really, really, really friends.

Wait, one years old, where'd you meet him? I don't know. My mom met him and I didn't really know him and then we just played together. Then we became fun. I was going to ask, is there an app for young kids your age to meet each other and become friends? During it was one year old, there was like this app and like if he, my mom, mom and mom and the other moms could like talk to each other and we were all in like Colver city so we could like say like like then we call it us like the Culver City moms the Culver City moms yeah that's also a bike gang did you know that and the Culver friends they also

the Culver friends and the Culver City moms that's also a bike gang did you know about that Yeah. Yeah. It's like Hell's Angels, Calver City moms, and the desperadoes. I don't know which ones do you think is the toughest. I don't know. Who knows? What do you think as a girl, Claire?

What's the best thing about girls? What should people know? What's the best thing about girls? Yeah. Did you do something kind recently for someone? Can you share it with us? On Mother's Day, I gave my mom roses. Wow.

How many? There was, like, probably, like, 15 of them. 15? 15. So you went beyond a dozen, because 12 is a dozen, and then you did bonus roses. Who does that? I do.

Who does it? I do. Who? I do. Who gives their mother bonus roses? I do. How many bonus roses? 15.

And who does it? I do. You're a special... You really do love your mom. Now, what about on Father's Day? What did you give to Dad? I would come like a card that said happy Father's Day on. And it had like, there was this, like, cat that was, like,

when you open up the card, it starts going like... It has like electric guard. It tries to surprise you. It opens up and it's like, but then did your dad get scared? Yeah, he was like, whoa. So the cat played electric guitar. It was like a rock and roll cat.

Like he just opened a car and it started like. And when you close the car, it stops. Wow. Did your dad love it? Yeah, I liked it. I like that answer. Best thing about girls is they're kind. Okay, now can I ask, what's the best thing about boys?

I'm not one, so I don't know. But from the ones you've seen, do you think maybe there's something you could guess that's the best thing about boys? The Tuffy. Not all the questions are going to be easy. Cakewalk questions like sharks and bears. They like girls.

Yeah. And then if you meet a nice boy, then a nice boy and a nice girl can be boyfriend and girlfriend. And then maybe one day they get married like your mom and dad. Yeah. Okay, let's be honest, gentlemen. Some of you try to mask your B-O, right? You try to mask it with weird, wacky, wild sense and it doesn't work. So why don't you do this? Get Mando. Let Mando get the job done right. Don't mask it. Mando it, okay? Available in retailers near you or head to shopmando.com because for a limited time, new customers get 20% off sitewide worth our exclusive Harland Highway. I'm using this stuff. I can spray it anywhere on my body here, here, here, down here. Whatever I want, it makes me feel dry, comfy,

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Yes. You will? What would you like your husband to look like? Can you tell us? What would he look like? Those things over and, like, those things over there, but with hair, a smile and, uh, oh, like the astronaut with his helmet and suit. Like, you want your husband to look like an astronaut? With a helmet and suit off and everything, that he's an astronaut.

With the helmet and suit off. Just like a normal boy. Yeah. Yeah. So what you're saying is you don't want a baldy. No. You don't want someone who's. grinning. No. I do want someone who's like, but like they sometimes change like.

Oh, okay. Like a norm, like me kind of. Like normal. Like a normie. Like a normal human, that's like a normal boy. But you don't want a boy in a space suit. Like a space suit is a deal breaker. If he's an astronaut, yes I would. Oh. If he's not, I just don't want to like a marry a boy and he's like out of and if he's like out of wedding, just wearing a spacesuit. Yeah, that'd be weird if you went up the aisle and you're long, beautiful. Is your dress white or red? What colors your wedding dress?

Both. White and red? Yeah. Oh, boy. And then you're walking up. And he's just like in a spacesuit, just like. Yeah. He's like an astronaut.

He's in a spacesuit. And then how do you even look in his, because when you get married, you got to say, I do, right? Yeah. How does he say I do if he's got a space visor on his face? I do. Right, sort of like Darth Vader. Yeah. I do.

I do. I do, Luke. Yeah, that's kind of an ominous start to a marriage. When your husband says I do like Darth Vader, it might not go well. Yeah, I don't think I think I would just take his helmet off for that problem. Yeah, because don't you want to look at it. his eyes when he's telling you he loves you and he wants to be with you for the rest of his life? Yeah, yeah. You got a look in his eyes. Yeah. You don't want to look in the reflection on his space

visor and then you're just looking at your own face. Then you could just go marry yourself. Well, I could. You could marry yourself? You'd marry yourself? No. Oh. You'd marry him. Yeah. Okay, so you marry him and then would you have to be? You'd marry him? And then would you have kids? No. Oh, no kids. How come? I don't want to have kids. I want to be, because kids are too much work. I want to be alone and always have comfy times. Comfy times? Yeah, like you couldn't sit on the couch all day. You don't have to deal with your kid just being like, what do they do? The house and stuff. But wait a minute, you overlooked one important detail, Clara. A huge, detail. You know what it is? No. You're a kid. I don't do that. I just saw you do it.

It's because I was doing the thing that kids would do. What is it they do? Gotcha! You just did it. I just saw you do it. I'm just pretending to do it. Oh. What was that? I'm pretending to do it. Okay, so you never do, you never do, it wasn't finished. Still not finished. Not finished. Not finished.

See, that's what kids do, right? They just cause trouble. But are you a good kid? Yes. So you just stay quiet and nice and plight? Yes. Okay. All right, so no kids, astronaut husband.

What if he goes to the moon for too long? And you're sitting at home alone. Will you be mad? I'm going to buy a space suit and go with the moon with him. And then I'm going to take him back and buy rocket ship. Oh, my God. That might be the most romantic, loving thing I've ever heard. You're going to be the best wife ever.

Some lucky astronaut is out there. I don't know who you are, but Clara is coming. Do you think you'd want to go to the moon? Let's say it took a week to get to the moon. No. Two days. One day. One day, an economy or first class?

You'd break up with them on the moon? Yeah, and I'm never again. Wow, so you're already dumping the astronaut. No, I'm not. I thought you said you're breaking up. them on the moon. I said that if he stays too long, then you're out. Yeah. Okay, so let's ask this. Do you mind me asking? You dump the astronaut. He's doing whatever on the moon, doing moon stuff. Who's the new guy? And what does he do? He's a lawyer like my dad. Oh, he's exactly like my dad. Oh, a lawyer.

Whoa. He's going to look exactly like my daddy. He's going to look just like your dad. He's going to have the same job as your dad. Yeah. I think your mom might be getting a bit jealous right now. Oh, because she will still have the same man. She has her lawyer, who's your dad, and then you'll have your own husband.

But she's also a lawyer. Your mom's a lawyer, too. Yeah. Does that mean Claire is going to be a lawyer? Maybe, yeah. That's four lawyers? What do I? Is that four or three?

Three. Boy, I'm not very smart, but you knew that, didn't you? Did you know that the minute you saw me that I'm not pretty smart? You can be, yeah. Like on a scale of one to ten, how dumb do you think I am? And you can be honest. So out of a number, like 10 being the dumbest and one being the smartest, what am I? Wait, no.

So, you're like 90, like 3% dumb. And 90% smart. Whoa. Wow, thank you. Wow, I thought you were going to go the other way. Clara, thank you so much. Oh, do you have a favorite toy? Yeah.

What is it? A bus. A bus? It's a toy. bus that I play with. A greyhound or a chihuahua? It's just a bus. Just a bus. Yeah, I just... Oh! It's like squishy and I can move it around. It's a squishy bus. Yeah. Oh, those are the best kind to be in if there's an accident. Yeah. Yeah. But it's small. It's like that big. It's the short bus? Yeah. It's a toy. Is it a school bus, Clara, or is it like a greyhound bus that takes people from across the

It just goes short places like bus stops and stuff. Bus stops? Mm-hmm. Have you ever been on a bus and be honest? I don't remember. Oh, someone's hiding something. I have. Mm-hmm.

I knew it. See, it's almost like I'm a lawyer. You said I don't think so, and then I kept pressing like a lawyer. I don't know if I've been on a real bus. It might have just been like a tram. in a dream I can't remember

I just can't Do you have dreams Clara? Yeah sometimes Do you remember your favorite dream A show where I was on the show You mean this show? My favorite show And it's not this show

This isn't your favorite No De Ha La Hawa Paha Isn't your favorite? Nope You sure it's not this show? I'm sure. What was the show?

Full House. Full House. You know, I was friends with Bob Saggett. You know Bob Sagitt, the guy who on the show, Bob? He was a friend of mine. He was one of the actors on Full House. It was the big tall one, a big tall, silly dad. Oh, you mean Danny?

That might have been Danny, yeah. Yeah. He was my friend. I've watched all the episodes and there's this thing. called Fuller House now. Fuller House? And the kids are grownups now and the dad

who are like older now they're like in their 60s. Wow, you sure it's not called Motel 6? Their kids are grown-ups. They're like 20 and 30 and stuff and 40. Are they fat? No.

I watch a show called Fat House. It's fun. full of fatties. That doesn't exist. In my dreams, it does. Faddy house. Faddy house? It's all fatties, chubbies, fatties.

Is it a dream? It's a dream house full of fatties. I wouldn't want to live there. It'd be hard. It'd be hard to get around. Have you ever had a nightmare, Clara? Yeah. I've had a lot.

Tell me one of your nightmares. a scary nightmare. It was like a monster was like in my I was dreaming that like I, oh actually today I had like so what happened was. You had a nightmare while you were awake. Yeah but luckily it wasn't real

so my mom was in the bathroom and I didn't know that and it was like bang and stuff and I thought it was like a badie. I opened the door and I thought I saw a bad guy and stirred stuff and then my mom was like hi Claire and I was like I You saw, what was it a baddie?

It wasn't a baddie. Did you say baddie or fatty? Baddy. Okay, because if it was a fatty, you would have been in the bathroom in Fat House. Remember we talked about that? Yeah. My show Fat House.

That was about one minute ago. One minute ago, yeah. 60 seconds? Do you say 60 seconds or one minute? Both. Okay. So one minute ago, we were talking about. about Fat House, and then you said you heard a fatty in the bathroom.

It wasn't a fatty. It was a with a B, batty. A batty. Like a bat. Like a flying bat at night? Yeah. That was the monster. No, not like a flying bat, like a bad guy. Oh, a bad guy. Like Batman. A guy who steals that. Oh, he was in the bathroom. No, it was my mom. It turned out to be my mom. But I thought it was. So your mom's a batty? No, my mom is not a baddie.

Clara? She's not. But you just said... She's not a baddie. She's not a baddie. She's a goodie. Yeah. Mommy's a goodie.

Yeah. Okay. Have me scared for a minute. Do you want to see one of my favorite toys? Yeah. Look at this. Want to see it? Look at that.

that. Like an alien? Ollie the alien. Like this? Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah.

Perfect. Do you believe in aliens, Clara? Do you think they're out there in outer space? No. How come? Because they're not real. My mom once Googled them. She Googled aliens?

Yeah, and they said nothing. You know what happens when you Google aliens? That's exactly. how they come to the planet. It's not. Yeah, that's the, if you Google them, that's how they get in. What would you say to an alien if one landed, right? You were out in your yard playing, and all of a sudden, right in front of you, alien landed.

What would you say to it, Clara? Get away. Throw it. You'd throw it? Yeah. Here, show me how you'd throw it. Yeah. Yeah, let it go.

Throw it. Yeah. Wow, just like that, huh? Throw the alien away. And would you yell at it after you threw it? Yeah! Wow! I don't think we have to worry about aliens now.

Good. Well, Clara, this has been so fun. Before we go, is there anything you can tell people, because everyone lives a nice, long life. Is there anything you can tell people that they can use in their life, like something that will help them go through life? When the weather cools down, Golden Nugget Online Casino turns up the heat.

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Like a baconator and a little jog? Yeah, that's America. Maybe not the little jog, but just the baconator. The little jog too. Little jog. Big jog. Well, okay, so baconator and big jog. Yeah.

Well, Clara, we sure did love having you here. I hope your cats are feeling better and all their teeth grow back. They are. Oh, Clara. Will you come visit us again one day? Yeah. And do you remember the name of the show? Hal Hauwapha.

You nailed it. Thanks, Clara. Okay. Okay. Okay, let's talk about life insurance. Pretty important. stuff, right? Do you want to buy it from a white duck? Do you want to buy it from a British lizard? Do you want to buy it from caveman or a 1940s diner waitress? No, I don't think so. It's serious stuff.

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That's selectquote.com slash harland. Get serious about your life insurance. Hi. Hi. Are you Ethan? Uh-huh. Wow, can you spell it for me? Ethan.

E-T-H-A-N? E-T-H-H-E-N. No! Wait. E-T-H-A-N. E-T. Phone home? No!

You know E-T-the-A-N, right? E-T-H-A-N. E-T-H-A-N. Yeah. Ethan. Oh, I love it. How old are you, Ethan? Five years old?

Uh-huh. What's the earliest memory you ever had of being alive? What's the earliest thing Ethan remembers? Only a hot pit. You had a hair pit? No, haircut. You had a haircut. How old were you when you had your very first haircut, do you think?

Four. So a year ago? Mm-hmm. Because now you're five, right? So a year ago you had your haircut And was your hair like down to here? No My hair's all the way down to here

Oh, right down your back Oh yeah And you got a cut Do you like getting your hair cut or do you like I don't want it? Some boys don't want to get their hair cut When I was a little boy I didn't want my hair cut Ethan

Oh my God I wanted to look like Bigfoot or Chewbacca Or Kenny G or a dirty hippie By the way, longer than your body? Your hair's longer than your body? No, yours. My hair, one time I had it like down to here. Oh my God.

I know. What do you think of that? That looks like a girl. Like a girl? Yeah, I think I did look like a girl. Do you think I'd make a pretty girl? Yeah. I was about to say, I was going to say it and then you said it first. Maybe you have trees, humans, head over here.

Yeah, that's a bald head. Would you think you'd be bald one day so you don't have to get any more haircuts? Maybe. Oh, I could see a bald, Ethan. And then if someone threw a pancake at your head, it would slide right off. Right here? No, you'd be bald. So think of this, Ethan.

You're standing there in the park. Someone runs up, throws a pancake at you. your head. You're bald. The pancake slides right off the top of your head because there's no hair. What do you think of that? Take a bath. Take a bath? Oh, because you got pancake in your head. Has someone ever thrown a pancake at your head? You can tell me. Tell me what. Did someone ever throw a pancake at your head? Nope. What about a waffle? Nope. How about every, I see C-Ly's years before. You saw what?

I saw the, I touched crocodiles before. You saw a crocodile? And I also touched crocodile before. You touched a crocodile. Where, when, how, and why, Ethan? Oh my, the mouth was ripped? And they also, but he also is. But he's died already.

Oh, he's dead. Uh-huh. You touched a dead crocodile. Uh-huh. Where at the crocodile graveyard? I mean, five, any five, any five hundred days to get the, do-do, any of the plane to get five, five-hundred days to get there. Hold on. You took 500 days to get to the dead crocodile.

Uh-huh. So you could touch the dead crocodile. And then 500 days back home? No, no, no, no. It was at something on the plane, but it's still alive, but the mouth was ripped. But everybody was here. Everyone touched it. Take a picture with it.

You took a picture with a dead crocodile? Yeah, every one. How long was this dead crocodile? No, it was a live crocodile. Now it's alive. Wow, this thing's going in and out of death like a dirty light switch. Yeah. I know.

Did you know that crocodiles are dinosaurs? Oh my God. Why? Yeah, they're alive. They were alive when the dinosaurs were alive. No, the dinosaurs, those dinosaurs, crocodiles, and the dinosaurs, some dinosaurs looks like crocodiles. Right. And some crocodiles look like dinosaurs.

Yeah. Have you ever seen a girl that looks like a dinosaur? dinosaur? You just have a one of the top. A girl does go girl crocodiles.

Only have this on top. They don't have this on top. So a girl crocodile only has this but a boy crocodile has this? Yeah.

Oh wow, I didn't even know that. Have you been watching the Discovery Channel? I see it. I also see Arby those people. You've seen Arby's? No, but I don't.

I live on a nose before. That's okay. You can pick your nose. I don't mind. Oh, my God. Get in there nice and high, nice and deep. Let's see how far up you can go. Oh, yeah.

Keep going. Oh, you know what that's called? Dgging for gold. Why? Dig because there's gold up there. Nuggets. Oh, yeah, dig. Get in there, Guy.

Nothing yet. Keep going. I'm not get it. You didn't get it. But I home has gold. Real gold. Who has gold? Me.

I have real golden. He also is this long. You had a golden nugget? No. Wait, what's this? You showed me this. What's that? No, I said this long as Shanghai is a treasure box.

You found a treasure box? No. I was home. But my dad, buy a treasure box. Your dad's bedroom and a treasure box? Yeah. Say that again, but say, Say it real slow.

Some treasures are mine. Some treasures are yours. It's also golden treasures. Golden treasures. Oh, and have people ever told you, and I think I know the answer, Ethan, have people ever told you that you're a little treasure? Nope. But everybody say I'm a girl, but I'm a boy.

Yeah, you're a boy, all right. Girls can't pick their nose the way you did. Oh, yeah, that's only men. do that. That's truck driver's stuff right there, guy. Oh. Yeah. Do you know when it's nighttime, the fake kids monsters will turn to his body and hands, and they will walk down from here? So at nighttime, you're telling me these will grow a body

and turn into monsters and walk out of here? I don't mind. I didn't want them anyways. I hope they leave soon. Yeah. Would you mind? And you'd be honest with me, Ethan, because we talked about you being a little treasure. Would you mind if I said it, Ethan? What? You, sir, are a little treasure.

Why? Because you're nice, you're kind, you're a handsome young gentleman, you're friendly, and you care about people. But they, but they, but they only care about racing. I have a hunter wheel game But I have to race Wait a minute You're a racist? Yeah, I'm a racer game

Oh, a racer game Yeah, I have a racer game on an iPad On your iPad You know how to work on iPad? I have an iPad But you're only five What's next? A blender?

No, you're a big fatty I'm a big fatty Yeah. And what else? Keep going. Okay, then you're a boon. I'm a boob. No, you're a moon. A moon.

Yeah, you're a moon. So I'm a big fatty. I'm a moon. And keep going. I know there's another one. I'm the whole earth. And that's why I'm a big fatty. Because I'm the whole earth.

Yeah. With your horse, everything is going to stay on you. Everything's got to stay on me. I'm holding up the world, my guy. Yeah, also I'm on you. Yeah. And also biting you.

People bite me? Wow. Wow. Oh my God. I just bit myself. Oh, are you biting yourself? You left teeth marks. Yeah, I know.

Wow, are you hungry? Do you want to eat your arm? Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Hungry little fella. I eat it. You're a hungry little. little fella, yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what, Ethan, you might be the most handsome fellow we've had on the show. Oh, my God. And we want to know how many girlfriends do you have, because I bet you've got a whole bunch. One of one. One. What's her name? Pi-Pi. Her's nickname. Pick your nose.

Pick. Nice and deep. Nothing yet. Does I only get out of boogers? Boogers. What do you do with your boogers? Do you save them? You flick them. Yeah, a little boop.

That's called a booger flick. It's on the floor. So what's your girlfriend's name? Say it? Pie pie. Pie. And is she a baker? No!

No! But you have two pie. But he has two. Just pancakes. Oh, there's those pancakes again. Pancakes, pancakes, her name is. Her name's pancake pancake. Uh-huh.

Oh, wow. Oh, turn it the other way or we won't be able to hear you. There you go. Okay. Don't know. Do you know? The yellow can eat you. What did you just say?

Was that another language? I said. Do you speak other languages? Nope. But I can. I can. Did I come from Shanghai? From where?

Nungha. Yeah. Where's that? That's Shanghai. Shanghai. What street? Shanghai. What street?

Um, don't know. What number? That's the, I don't know it. No, that's not the number. I want to go to Shanghai. But you have to learn about it. Well, tell me what I need to know so I can go. I want to go. What do I need to know about Shanghai?

You have to learn other words in Shanghai. Teach me a word, please. What word could you teach me in Shanghai talk? Oh, that's Shanghai. Can you teach me one so I can get started? It's a buger fly back. That's your booger's back? Yeah, he fly back.

He fly back. We'll put them back up your nose then. It's a log. Oh, you flicked it. Can you teach me, Ethan, one word. Let's say I wanted to know how to say dog. How do I say it? Goat.

Goat. Gah. Go. What about car? Chichu. Chichu. No! You have to learn about it.

You need a high teacher to teach you. I'm another shy teacher. Did you have a coffee this morning by any chance? No, but I also, I just saw the ghost. You saw a ghost? Uh-huh. Just now? No.

But you saw it? I thought ghosts were invisible. Yeah, it's alive. But you saw it? I also saw that he also had a skeleton herself. A skeleton ghost? Uh-huh. Oh, the ghosts with the infrastructure, the skeletal structure.

They're the... What did it look like? What was it? Like that's scary. So it was an oxy cotton ghost? Yeah. Oh my God, yeah, those eyes. Yeah, there's a lot of those around these days.

Yeah, but 100 eyes. So it was a potato ghost? No, a thousand million and two thousand. Eyes? Uh-huh. Thousand men and sardine, sardine, too many eyes. Sardine eyes. Yeah, 100 million eyes.

100, 1,000, 1,000, 1,000 million. How many coffees have you had today? Be honest. I have copies. I never eat copies. Do you drink them? Nope. Did you have some vitamins? What was that? I was so hot.

You're hot? Yeah, because it's my microphone. It's too hot. It's hot. Yeah, that, yeah. How about yours? You know what might help with that? Let me, here, this will help.

Stay still. I'm going to help you with your heart. You ready? Here we go. Just stay right there. I got a little... There we go. That'll help, huh?

Just think of them as ghosts. Hundreds of little ghosts. Yeah, give me the bubble machine. Okay. He needs bubbles to red off it. Yeah. There you go He's gone

You're getting rid of the ghost? Yeah Oh, thank you Wow That was scary I've never been around a ghost before You are brave Oh look

My goodness There's bubbles everywhere Yeah Um Oh You didn't have a glass of whiskey Before you came in did you? No I said one million ghosts

Did you have a glass of whiskey? No I think What you needed a guy Okay Ethan they're everywhere. Yeah they're everywhere. Wow. Oh oh Ethan you're killing all the ghosts. Oh Wow. Wow. I'm done. I do also a ghost because let me ask you this because this is did you ever do a fart in the bathtub? I eat a ghost before. You ate a ghost? What do you mean you ate a ghost? No, I eat the same ghost. I eat the same ghost. I That's killed. You killed a ghost.

Yeah, yeah. You ate a ghost. What do they taste like? And don't say chicken. Chicken. Just what I asked you not to say. And you said chicken. Oh, man.

Why does everything taste like chicken? What did the ghost taste like? Tell me. Chicken car. Chicken car? A skeleton, yeah. Scared it and the key. Yeah, that's maybe what you thought.

Oh, tell me about your toy, Ethan. Oh, I like this one. Hold it up and show us. What is it? Tell us what that is. A hot wheel. Wow. Do you love cars?

Yeah, I love this car. Do you drive, Ethan? But do you have a car, do you drive on the street? You have a... Wait, what? I have a monster trucks toys. But do you drive? Do you have a real car?

You have a lot of cars, it sounds like. Yeah. What was that? Can you do another one into the mic? What's that? What's that? Was that a burp? Yeah.

What's that called? It's called the skeleton move. The skeleton move. Yeah, okay. Can I have the bubble machine? Yeah, what do you want to shoot this time? I see a ghost. You see another ghost?

No, a skeleton. Wow. What? You want to pop a bubble. I can't hear you, what? Don't want to pop the bubble? I can't hear you. I'm in a bubble storm.

Oh. Do you want to pop the bubbles? Yes, please. There's too many. Oh, wow, you shot it in your own face. Yeah? Yeah, you got bubble this shit. Oh, chubbies, oh chubbies.

I'm always singing chubbies. Why? Because I'm wearing them right now. Yeah, below this camera shot. Right down in the land of magic, I'm covered with chubbies. Yeah, I love my chubby shorts. I go to the beach, people whistle at me. Someone threw a starfish at me the other day, and I'm like, yeah, that's right.

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Stand out with Chubbies. Go get yourself a starfish. I don't know. This can be a secret between us. I don't know if you've ever done a... Remember when you did the... When you do it out the other end and you do it in the bathtub, it makes bubbles like that.

But they never... You got bubbles on your head. Ethan, tell us so everyone knows, because everyone wants to know what are you going to be when you grow up. What do you want to be? Iron Man, if my mom said to when they grow up, Iron Man, that means I'm an Iron Man. When my mom said that, before I'm an Iron Man when I grow up.

You're going to be Iron Man. Yeah. Oh, wow. So you're going to be one of the Avengers. Yeah. Iron Man is going to fly in the sky. So you're going to fly in the sky. Yeah, I always wish I could fly.

Why do you want to fly? Because I want to fly. What would you do, Iron Man, if you ran into the Incredible Hulk? The big green guy. Who's the green? The big Hulk? You know the green Hulk? Do you ever see him?

Nope. He's a superhero too. He's a nice superhero. Would you fight monsters if you were Iron Man? Never. Who would you? Yeah, I would. Lavab balls

You are on another level right now my guy Have you been into the Jack Daniels? Be honest Burt our hair off I burnt my hair off No this guy burnt his hair off Oh yeah also him too Now Ethan I want to ask because I know you know this Yeah can I have the blue toy

Wait I got to ask one question What's the secret to being in love? Monsters Monsters Yeah I got the zombie party With zombies Zombies Yeah

Zombie I'm my favorite toy Why do you like zombies They're dead Why do you like them if they're dead Yeah I don't Can I don't What do you think happens to us When we die Ethan

Where do we go? What happens? What happened? Do you know I just practice You did it You hid from him He said you couldn't hide from him But then you hid from him immediately

So you're smarter than that guy You're smarter than that I You like mustard Yeah let's get it out of here Yeah he looks so scary He's scary we don't like scary Have you ever seen a monster under your bed Do you think Ethan?

No but I'm scared of monsters What do they sound like? Oh, what color are they? Golden? And they go, well, how do they sound? Yeah? And what do they say? That didn't sound too scary.

Hi! Sounds friendly. Yeah, he's a friendly monster. Hi! I'm friendly, the monster. I'm going to eat you. Ha ha ha ha. No, he doesn't eat people.

He only eats just a mini monster. He only eats a mini monster. He's a little. monster that eats monsters. Yeah. Wow. He drinks people. He drinks people.

No, he does eat people. He eats monsters and he eats people. No, he doesn't. I'm losing track. So he eats people that eat monsters. He won't eat humans, but he'll eat a monster. Yeah. And does a monster have relish or pickles or onions or ketchup on it?

Or is it just plain? But he looks like humans. So the monster's friendly, but he looks human. Yeah. Maybe he just is a human. Maybe a human monster? All right, Ethan, because there's a lot of people watching, there's a lot of love in the world.

What do you tell people about love? I have my baby, two months' baby. You have a little brother or sister? No, a baby sister. Only baby sister, and he's also too much. You have a two-month-old baby sister? Uh-huh. And what's her name?

Chocolate what? No, hers. You don't know it, do you? Nope. I don't know. I forgot it. You don't know your sister's name? Yeah.

Do you really have a sister? Yeah. But I have a brother. A brag brother? Yeah. What's his name? What's his name? I forgot.

You don't have brothers or sisters, do you? No. I have. Who needs names? You can just go, hey you, you don't need to know their names. Okay. But you know my school. He said, hi, Mr. Poooooo. Who said hi, Mr. Poo-Poo? Dennis? Dennis? He's the meanest guy in school and he called you Mr. Poo-Poo-H. And what did you say? Hi, Mr. Rescue Poo-Man. Hi, Mr. Rescue Poo-Man? Uh-huh.

That is a war of words I'm folding right there Then I said hi Mr. Poo Poooo, yeah This is like Godzilla meets King Kong Then he says hi, Ethan He said hi Dennis

Hi Dennis When he's polite, you're polite So if he says you by your name He doesn't get the poo-poo But if he doesn't say by your name You call him poo-poo Yeah, I am Press the monster button.

Ethan, where are you? Ethan, where are you? Okay, he's gone, Ethan. You're safe. Yeah, make him look at me. Oh, scary, scary. I see everything except Ethan. Okay, he's gone, Ethan.

Can I have that great monster? Yes, right here. No, no. Oh, you want Godzilla? Yeah. Consider it. Oh, how does Godzilla sound? Ethan, before we go, tell everyone watching a secret message for life.

What was that? My appet. I can marry my armpit. You're going to marry your armpit? Okay. Yeah, he's poopie. Okay, that's it. You're making Godzilla do a poopie?

Yeah, he's a poopie machine. Wow. That's got to be a bit. I'll shoot back, don't you worry. We're having a poopie fight right now. Yeah, Godzilla wins. Ethan, we have to go. Will you say goodbye to everyone?

Bye, everyone. Thanks for being here, Ethan. Folks, we had Ethan here today and Claire. What a great show. That's it for today on the Hallen Highway podcast. Until next time, Chicken Chau-Maine, everyone. Do you want to pick your nose before we go? Nope.

Just one last pick? Okay. Get in there. Oh, get in there, buddy. I got it. I got to go here and I was a further away. You got it. We'll see you next time.

Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh? You get to pick the topic you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one.

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