The Harland Highway - CROWD CONTROL 6 - FREE SAMPLE of Harland's NEW Comedy Album!

Episode Date: December 1, 2020

My NEW stand up comedy album is here! CROWD CONTROL Volume 6 - Mostly all live, in the moment crowd work. Some cool NEW material being tested out. A tense ejection of an unruly crowd member, and some green room banter. Hope you enjoy. Download full album at harlandwilliams.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a town, friendliest people on earth here in San Diego. You're from San Diego, Guy? Utah. Utah, holy shit, that's the state that's shaped like Utah, right? What do you do up there, guy? What do you do up there in Utah? A programmer. A programmer, so you watch a lot of TV? What are you doing down here by the water?

Is that confusing? You see the ocean, and you go, oh, that lake only has one shore. It tastes salty this lake. What are you doing here, kid, all the way from Utah. Holy shit. You just moved here. Here we go, gang, sir. You just moved here.

What are you doing here? You're programming, and what did you do in a Utah town, guy? Just a student. You were just a student. Well, not just a student, buddy. Look, being a student led to you coming here and being a very, very well-paid programmer. Right? I bet you're making a good wage.

Decent, yeah. Decent, sure. What do you pull into here, guy? Not enough to say it publicly. Not enough to say it publicly. I think it maybe it's time to go back to Utah. Sometimes you have to acknowledge you made a big fucking mistake. I don't like Mournics. You like Mournics?

Sir if you could stop twizzling your beer and I'm doing a show? in a show? Really, you just got that little thing in your twizzling. Do you like mornings? Does anyone like mornings? There's a guy over there. I heard a guy go, Woo!

Why do you like mornings, sir? Pinkings. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes, you always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping.

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. How are you? So you're doing a good guy? I'm golden, thank you. You're what? Golden. You're golden. Okay. Are you a retriever too? You could be a golden retriever. You could go get us some fucking pancakes.

I planned you're gold. That's a good attitude. That's a good attitude, sir, I like that. I'm golden. You don't hear that a lot. I'm fucking golden. Most people say, I'm doing pretty good. I'm all right. This guy's fucking golden.

If these were biblical times, we'd be following him and worshipping him. We'd all go to hell because of him. I like it. What's your name, guys? Share. Jimmy. Jimmy. Love it.

What do you do, Jimmy? Retired firefighter. Retired firefighter. all right well wait a minute don't clap if you think about it someone's burning alive right now if he retires someone's got to burn good for you Jimmy that's courageous work God bless you sir God bless you holy corn nibblets on a Chinese roasted water fountain Let me ask you this, Jimmy. You haven't, that was a dramatic job. You ever have to, like, run up to a burning house, kick the door in and pull an old lady or a dog out?

In 27 years, no, I can't say I did that. In 20-something years, you never had to do that. What was the most dramatic moment of your career, Jimmy? You don't want to know. Well, I did ask. Chances are I do want to do. Did you hear me go, Jimmy, don't tell me. what the highlight of your career. I don't want to know what the highlight of your don't you fucking tell me. What was it, Jimmy? Talk to me. What was it? Delivering a baby.

Delivering a baby. What, wait a minute. In Auburn, Paso County. In Auburn, Paso County. Plaster County. And was it in the middle of a fire? Better hurry up, kid. Not about four minutes till the fucking roof collapses. What happened? Tell me the situation. Now, Jimmy, unbelievable. You delivered a baby. It was unexpected, obviously, right? And where were you? Where were you geographically when the baby can't happen, guy? In Auburn, off I-A-D at the Wendy's Restaurant.

The Wendy's? Oh, so was a drive-thru baby? It was an Asian lady. An Asian lady, okay. Korean, Japanese, Chinese? I didn't get that far with that. You didn't get that far. It was catch and release pretty much.

It was catch and release. It was catch and release. So as a wild baby? You're out, kid. Fuck off! Holy shit, so it was in Wendy's. Where? In the parking lot, so it wasn't like in the salad bar or anything.

You didn't pull the fucking kid out with salad tom. No, it was like your fifth child, so it came up easily. It came out pretty, it was her fifth child, and it came out pretty easily. Wouldn't you just punch her in the stomach? Nature did its course. Nature did its course. Holy shit. That is dramatic, Jimmy. Holy shit. Now a lot of times, and this happens, if someone has a traumatic experience and there's someone who comes along and helps or stays alive, often they'll name the baby after the person that helped.

Did they name the little girl, Jimmy? What? There's language barrier. There was a language barrier. So what they call it, umpah, umpah. That's Jimmy in Mandarin. Well, good for you. See, I knew there'd be a story there, Jimmy. God bless you. God bless you. You're a helper. You're a healer. Huh? You're a healer.

Life is hard, isn't it? We work hard. We play you work, guy. I guess. Where do you work, partner? Talk to me. I work at level three. You work at level three? Holy shit. I'm no one. That's a tough level to get to. But what the fuck does that mean? What is there I'm at level 12? What is level three, buddy?

It's a communication company. I'm sorry, it's what? Communication company. I'm sorry. For fiber. It's a communication company for fiber. Yes. Holy shit.

So you talk to mini-weeds? I don't know if you watch the news. Do you watch CNN, buddy or son? I don't know how you spell it. You what? You read CNN. You know you're supposed to watch it, right? Did you heat up your ice cream before you have?

You stay at hotels, I'll think out? Do you travel a lot? Yeah. Where do you travel, partner? All over the country. Holy shit, where do you go? California. A real fucking wanderer, right?

See you're aware we're in California right now. We got us a fucking vagabond. Let's widen the net a little, all right, God. When you travel, where do you go, partner? Florida, Chicago. There you go. That was in the right hand.