The Harland Highway - DR. DREW is here to figure out what ails us! Tumors, tree bark, meatloaf, and even Warewolfs!!

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. Tickets to see Harland Williams live stand-up comedy are available now at harlandwilliams.com! -Chubbies and Wayfair sponsor this episode!- Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $10 off @chubbies with the code [HARLANDHIGHWAY] at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/[HARLANDHIGHWAY] #chubbiespod- -Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Dr.Drew: Website: https://drdrew.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdrewpinsky/?hl=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1866-531-2,600, or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, gang, welcome to today's show. Before we get going, I just got to let you know, because this is so cool. I am doing a stand-up comedy show in Colorado at the Stanley Hotel, Stanley Live. This is the hotel where they shot the movie, The Shining. Okay? I'm going to be in the Shining Hotel.

You were the caretaker here, Mr. Grady. Wendy, give me the bat. I just want a bat. You know the rest. So I'm excited as hell. August 23rd, Estes Park, Colorado. And it's going to be at the Stanley Hotel, Stanley Live, Estes Park, Colorado, August 23rd. Two shows.

Please get your tickets. If not to see me, just to say you've been to the Shining Hotel. Who gives a crap about me? Well, I do. So come and have a laugh and then be terrified beyond all belief. August 23rd, tickets at Harlandwilliams.com. And I really want to see you guys there. It's going to be weird and funky, and I can't wait.

Also, I want to thank everyone for subscribing. If you haven't subscribed, please subscribe. We're inching up on 200,000 subscribers. And if you would just find it in your heart to take one little second and hit the subscribe button, it would mean a lot, it would help a lot. and we want to hit that 200. We already passed 100, so let's rock and roll. And then lastly, I know I've been teasing my movie, The Wingman,

which should be coming out soon. We're getting closer and closer to getting a release. So I'm just going to tease. I'm hoping soon we can start showing clips on the trailer and the poster, but I just want to get it in your head that Wingman is still out there and it's getting closer to being released. So all of you, thanks for watching the podcast. Tell your friends, please remember to subscribe

and I look forward to seeing you at the Shining Hotel on August 23rd. And without a further ado, let's enjoy today's podcast with my special guest. You don't want an aggressive gynaecologist. I think you want someone with angel fingers. You become part of a team. So there's a whole vulva team, like a pick crew.

Yeah. And do you do it like, try to do it as quickly is like Go! Yes Cruising down, Holland Highway streets full a heat Spit bars so sharp cut through Zebra T. Calling people guy got the slang on supply skyline lit cities veins never run dry Harlan highway vibes yeah we riding alive

Swagger so deep make the concrete thrive Zebra T's clack in the jungle we dive guide this guy that keep the hustle and drive I put it on do not disturb let's see if it actually does that yeah yeah do not disturb if only they had said that to my mother before they put her into the ward she was very disturbed

we can talk about it if you want the ward the ward do they still have like insane asylums we have to talk about it Can you say it though? Is that like politically to say insane? I think it's a great title. Like at least you know what you're getting, right?

Yep. But is that politically correct to say it? Well, I have to frame it. It's a long story. Oh, wow. Can you do it in a minute and a half? Maybe. Well, it ain't a long story anymore, my guy.

That was easy. Now, I see you have a pen in your hand. Yeah. My guest today is Dr. Drew. and I'm always about authentication. Okay. Authentic or authentication? Like I have to declare myself authentic?

Right. I have to be authentic. No, well, both would be good. Perfect. Okay, okay. But before you can be authentic, we have to authenticate you. Oh, okay. So there's a little test.

Okay. I'm going to give you a blank piece of paper. Okay. And draw the first thing that comes to your mind. It can be as simple as you want. Oh. No pressure, whatever you want. I cannot draw at all.

That's okay. It is. Okay. I'm going to hold it up. Okay. Do you see that, everyone? So you claim that you are... True.

Doctor. Physician, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And... Let me write a word. It'll be even more scribbly. Well, see, this is the authentic...

We get you're a doctor. because you have a diploma, but what's the past tense of draw? Drawn? Having drawn? No. Drew? Drew? Drew.

Dr. Drew, ladies and gentlemen, it's him. He drew. You drew this, right? Can you sign it, please? I did. That's Dr. Drew right there. There it is. Signed.

That's a doctor's signature, too. No one can read it. Not even an ancient Egyptian historian. That's worse than a hieroglyphic. upside down after a pyramid in the earthquake. But can you tell what was on my mind by that picture? Playboy? No, well, that's interesting.

Well, it is a playboy bunny. It's a bunny. It looks like he's on crack. You mentioned bunny before the mics heated up. I did? Yes. I said bunny? You said Bugs Bunny, I thought.

Oh, that's right. See, this is already like a little psychological tete-to-tat. Yeah, it's what's first thing that popped in my head because of that. Really? You told me to, you primed me. You primed me with Bugs Bunny. Because I did the Elmer Fudd voice. I thought I thought a putty cat or whatever.

Is that Bugs Bunny? That's Elmer Fudd. No. You wascoly Wabbit. That is Sylvester Cat. Right. So it's... The Wabbit, yes.

The Wabbit. I'm going to hunt me a Wabbit. Ah, you wascawee Wabit. The Puddy Tad is Tweety Bird. Well, let's not talk sexual things yet. Yeah. We'll get there. We'll talk about the Pudy Tatt and the Tweety Bird in a bit.

Do you know the very first television interview? I ever did. No. Was with you. Come on now. You weren't the interviewer. What? You were not the interviewer.

I had never done a talk show before. Okay. Loveline had just gotten going. It was like 1996, 1997. I barely understood what television was. Yeah. And this particular was a satellite interview. And they went, oh, by the way, there might be a little bit of discontinuity between the visual

and the audit. Yeah. It started, I almost got up when I can't. I can't do this. Now I'm so used to it. It's like ridiculous. There was a bit of a delay? Delay. You'd hear the words and maybe three seconds later you'd see the interviewer. People call me slow, but they've never called me delayed. Well, speaking of calling, you kept calling the interviewer Charelles.

I remember this. Okay. Yeah, Charles Groden. Charles Groden. How crazy is that? That's right. Rest in peace. Oh, my God. That is hilarious.

Charles Groden. The studio, first of all, we had to go to NBC across the street. It was like an office building. And that was CNBC back in the day. Yeah, right. And it was just a little interview network. And if you remember, if I'm remembering correctly, we were in Tom Snyder's studio. I see, I thought it was on, I remember it was at NBC, but wasn't it Fox?

Wasn't he on Fox? Charles Groden the actor Which is even weirder Of course Yes you can use your phone I don't control your little nutty koala fingers But the fact that this famous actor From the sunrise kid

Or whatever the thing was called King Kong King Kong This guy was like a seasoned actor He did midnight run with De Niro And he was just like He did that movie with Martin Short about the little kid.

I think I need your Wi-Fi. Oh, okay. I'll put it in the air. Okay. This is a good pod. I've known for good pod. It was so weird that... It was you being somebody else.

There was a third person in there. Yeah, it was a girl. It was a girl comedian. I don't think she's around anymore. And I remember I went in there, and he's such a funny guy. that I thought, you know what, I got to go in and throw him a curveball.

And so instead of calling him Charles Groten, I called him Charreels. Charreels. Right from the beginning. He kept going going, well, Charrell. Yeah. He's like, what is going on? I could not know what was going on.

I did not know you. Yeah. Although, weren't you in a space movie with monkeys? Yeah, Rocket Man. Yeah. First movie my kids ever saw. Wow. They were like three.

I told you, it was a bunch of stuff. I started going, oh, my God, I've got, we have history. I'm a first of everything. You didn't lose your virginity to me, did you? Oh, I think I'd remember that. Me too. My be hymen is still intact, as Adam would say.

Your heimann's still intact? Bheimen. You're Bheimen? Yeah. What's a Bheeman? It's, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. Good. You're a boy, aren't you?

Yeah, good, me too. Yeah, okay. So then I couldn't have lost your virginity for you. CNBC, I could have misplaced at Ohio. 1995 to 1998. Wow. Replacing Tom Snyder's slut. I knew we were in Tom Snyder's studio.

Which moved to the CBS late late show. I remember the bar. The bar was still in there. Oh, wow. Snyder was a drinker, huh? He used to have people drink. He was cool, you know. He was a cool dude.

Wow, that is so weird. What else did we do together that was a first? Hold on. I'm reading more about this. Occasionally humorous. What says of Charles Grotto? Show was canceled night to age due to ratings not keeping pace. Yeah.

Oh, my. I don't think he was one of the first guys that was a bona fide celebrity to sort of take over an interviewer spot until then it was like like Geraldo and and uh he was a journalist sort of yeah or or the late night groups yeah but he was just like this actor was such an oddity it was a weird thing but i loved him it almost didn't feel like it was him because of the the context he was in groden later moved the show to msnbc for the final year in 1999. How many years did it run? Four. Four. Wow.

Yeah, wow. It's interesting. So, yeah, I've not thought, idiosyncratic, serious topics with occasional humor. Idiosyncratic isn't a word we like to toss around on this one. Too tough. My, your audience. Them. I get it. Not them. And then

when you said, sorry about my drive up here, I thought, ah, the Canadian thing. That's right. Do you speak French, too? I do. I do. a little bit, a little, yeah, yeah,

yeah, a little. Why, it's a little? Yeah. You're French. You're Canadian. Yeah,

you're Canadian. Yeah, to a Canadian, let's do the intro in French. Tutte Pell Drew Pinsky. Yes,

yeah. Dr. Drew, as most you know more than French, Dr. L. L. Dr.

Drewet. And he's here today, folks. And as you can tell already, we go way back. We go way back. And then you're on Loveline. And then you were telling me on Loveline, speaking of Canada,

about your forestry experience. Yeah. And so I started thinking about that. I told you I had a flood just walking in here. Wow. Wow. And then I started thinking, well, damn, I wonder if he would know about what we should be doing for fire management around here. We're not doing any forestry management in this part of the world.

Is it as bad as I think? it is? Well, clearly... Mr. Ranger? Yeah, well, clearly from the yearly fires that happen here, there's as common as the mudslides and the riots and everything else to happen here. They're inevitable, but they should be undoing the brush. They should be something. Getting some bulldozers out there. A lot of things, though, when you do forest management, it's in where the trees are. And the problem with the landscape here in Southern Cali, it's this yearly, people don't get it, but this yearly, growth comes up of shrubbery. It's about five feet high.

Chaparral. And it's lush and it's green in the spring. And then it lasts about six weeks. And then it grows drier than your arthritic crinkled fingers of your grandmother. It's where the tumbleweed comes from. Yeah, the tumbleweeds and all that stuff. So the hills are just literally, you could do a sideways fart and light the place on fire. So you can do management in the forest as well.

where you cull the trees, you thin it out. We don't do that either, but okay. Well, and that boils down to from what I can perceive, the governor and his posse and the people governing the state. Yes, they've got to manage it better. Yes, thank you. Okay, Mr. Forger. Yeah, so that's my perspective.

And I think you also told me about spending, like, weeks in a fort or something by yourself. Is this sounding familiar with moose all around? Well, when I was a forest ranger, We lived in these remote bush camps way off the ground. I just imagine like Dudley 2Write or something. It's not that far off. Like one of my camps was called Dead Horse.

We lived in trailers on a lake called Dead Horse, and it was an old road they cleared for lumber companies. So there was nothing back there. It was just like, so we managed the forest out in these remote, remote places off the eastern northern shores of Lake Superior. But you were telling me something about large. animals. I was trying to remember what the stories were about bear and moose. Well, bear, moose. I ran into many of them. You said that. I'd a few come after me. I got charged by a moose. Yeah, that's what

the story you were telling me. Yeah. I mean, it was fun. They're not cool. Well, they're the biggest of the deer family. They're cool until the fall. Are you familiar with the rut, Dr. Drew? Yes. Then they yes. The rot. Rut. Elks in rut, moose and rut. Right. Horny moose. That's their mating season. Isn't that interesting you knew what the rut was? I had a class in medical school about hormone changes, and they were studying elk and ruts at the time. I thought it was such a strange term that I thought. In medical school, you studied the sexual habits of large tooth mammals?

Well, we talked, there was some hormonal lecture, and it was derived. I don't remember why we were talking about elk and rut, but we were talking about elk and rut. I thought, well, that's a new word for me. Rutt, yeah. My guy, the guy that was giving me the lecture was a weird dude. Okay.

This is 1980. Yeah. And he also used, he also pronounced this word thus, skeletal. Instead of skeletal. Nomenclature. Instead of nomenclature. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? These guys, I know what nomenclature is.

But the point is weird ways of pronouncing everything. So it wasn't rut, that he said rut, but maybe he meant something rot or something. Or maybe it's your translation from Canada. Maybe it's the accident. But what does that last one mean for them? Nomenclature. Nomenclature, like, naming things. How do you name?

Yeah. Yeah, nomenclature. Got it, guys? Where's my camera? That's my camera. I knew that, but they don't. Not them. Samuel Tundertief down in Denver.

And we have a Barry block face over in St. Louis. And over here we have Carlita Crablegs in Minnesota. I see you. Yeah. Speaking of the rot, do human, because Dr. Drew knows everything about human physiology. Not everything, but I know a lot. You know a lot. Does the human, you and I, homo sapient, do we have a sexual season?

Do the humans, are we just sexual all year long? We're pretty much continuous. Is there a peak season for us? Men are continuous, pretty much. Oh. Women, some women will change with their ovulatory cycle. Not the way, you know, the large-tooth mammals do. I think I've done the ovulatory cycle at my gym.

Yeah. I think they have about seven of them. And you look in the mirror and it's the only, it's the only a piece of gym equipment, the faster you go, it smells. And it's a new challenge. Yeah. What is the, so the women don't,

They do. Men don't. Oh, men don't. Most women don't. Some women do. Okay. In other words, when they're more receptive, so to speak, it's, it's, women are all over the place, right? Men are pretty uniform. No, no, no, no, I didn't, ladies? No. Men are pretty uniform, right?

Okay. Let me, let me take it to Harlan language. Not me, ladies. Play ya. Men, men, hamster and a wheel. Okay. In all things, sexual, biological, pretty straightforward. women, flight deck of a 747, and each plane is different. Wow. Okay.

Wow. True. Whoa. And that's great. So you mean like up and down, the flight pattern or the design of the plane? The complexity of the plane. Oh, the complexity. And if you're going to fly that plane, you'd better.

Yeah. You're going to study your pilot manual. Your cockpit. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. But so women, some women are more receptive.

more aroused during certain phases of the ovulatory cycle. Now is the, because I'm not well-versed in women parts. I'm not a girl. I've seen a couple of playboys. You've seen an elk and rut. I've seen an elk rut, but I haven't seen a playboy bunny bount. Is the ovulatory cycle, is this a, in a certain time of the year for all women?

No. No. Does every woman have their own ovulatory cycle? Monthly cycle. Oh, so the period? The period. Oh, why didn't you make it easy for them? I'm trying. I count on you to help straighten me out. So when the women has their, the woman has their period,

they get horny on the back end of it or before it? It can be a little weird sometimes. Some women are shut down right around that time. Progesterone shuts them down. And some women, the progesterone gets them horny. And some of them are sort of more receptive right and around ovulation time. Wow. Three words, I don't even know what they mean.

All right. Just say those again. Ovulation. Release the egg, so you get pregnant. Release the egg. Progesterone. Can you use that one they don't know? Can you use that in a sentence for them? If you're going to take estrogen replacement therapy, you have to also take progesterone to protect your uterus.

I don't think there was. I think you said egg, and I was so confused by the first two, but I think I know what an egg is. I said after, I may have said during, I don't know what I said. Do human, do women eggs or girly eggs? He said it. I didn't say it. I proudly said it. He said girly eggs. Do girly eggs having a yolk? Or what? I look under a microscope and it just looks like the white part. Where's the damn yoke? that develops after ovulation they develop a yolk sack for a little period of time so what came first

the egg or the yolk sack the egg and then the yolk sack yeah but I don't know in chickens they may have yolks to begin with I don't know humans the yolk sac develops

what color is the human yolk like if I were to make a girly omelet sort of clear clear so how do you know it's there you can see it it's kind of comes off it's clear guess what else is clear

invisible Invisible is clear. So maybe you're bullshitting us here, guy. No margin to Invisible, though. I use butter. I use butter with my eggs, not margin. Don't do that anymore. Those oils are bad.

Yeah, see? With the butter itself. The old Canadian strategy of just butter. Butter. Just clonk it. What is margin, by the way? Can you tell us? Synthetic?

Essentially, Chris Go. Is it? All that stuff was essentially a byproduct of production of machines. and they found something to do with it and turned it into a food. It was like a lubricant for gears and things. Essentially that. So we're eating gear lubricants?

I mean, not quite, but yes. It comes. Well, not quite. And then yes means yes. It's not good for you. I know. I'm a big anti-seed oil. I'm a big anti-seed oil person.

You are? Why? Because I spent so many years buying into the theories of, you know, polyunsaturated fats being so wonderful and now it's comically bad, yeah, comicry. What was the tipping point for Dr. Drew?

A friend of mine, Corolla and I had a woman on and she was such a fine biochemist, I went, oh, I'm going to listen to you. And she, I've known her ever since. It was like 15 years ago. And she's been very, very good in terms of the analysis of the research and stuff.

Whoa. But I will tell you, playbook against butter and against fats and stuff, it's this playbook that, I don't know, can you guys handle this? I don't think they can. We'll try. Let me ask them, hold on.

Can you guys handle this? What'd they say? Hey folks, summer's almost over. I know I hate to say it, it's winding down, but don't put your legs into your sweaty, stinky jeans just yet. Let them run free, let them swim, let them jog on the beach.

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So the playbook is the same every damn time. Some evangelical doctor. Okay. Let's call that Dr. A mad doctor. My wire's stuck. Hang on. What's wrong with you? Oh, my wire got stuck.

You used to have so much more poise back in the Charles Broan days. I know. Charrelles. Okay, so the priest was doing what? So they'll go out and they'll advocate their theories, but they'll get control of the regulatory organizations and the state societies and the professional societies and create sort of mandates and axiomatic.

positions that become unassailable. It just is the way it is. Wow. And it becomes this weird religious ideology. I worry when medicine develops anything like that. We did that with opiates. That's where we get the opiate crisis. Did some of that during COVID. That's why we got lockdowns. Did that with fats. We did that. We do it all the time with various things. It's not good. I got to tell you, eating in America is one of the most anxiety-filled things you can ever undertake. You know, you hear this. Seed oil's good. seed oils, bad, caffeine, good, caffeine bed. Caffeine good, gluten good, gluten.

When I go shopping, I'm a very level calm guy. When I go shopping, Dr. Drew, I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, fat-free, oh, gluten. Like, I don't know what to, I end up leaving with nothing. Yeah, yeah, I get it. It's terrifying that they've conditioned us to be afraid of everything we eat. Yeah, Dr. Drew, please. I was speaking to a French woman, and she was saying, You know, it's so weird the way the Americans look at food as the enemy.

Yeah. And in France, food is something that's your friend, it nourishes you, and it's good. Yeah. We're like, ah, stay away. Well, I just was talking to someone the other day about that old story where Willie Nelson and Keith Richards are still alive, and Richard Simmons is dead. And this guy did jumping jacks every day and humped his mattress or something. I forget the other exercise. That's right.

But see, this is where the whole food thing sort of goes out the window. Right. You should be questioning sort of convention. Things that need to be questioned. You need to... Yeah. I don't want to say do your own research because even that's treacherous now. Yeah, and who has time for that for a box of chips a hoy?

Like, I just want to eat a cookie. I don't want to sit down and open a dictionary. I'll tell you what, man. Oh, here we go. The other thing that bothers me is this, I'm going to live forever bullshit. Yeah. Those guys bother me almost more than anybody. The guys who inject shark cartilage into their veins and...

All that stuff. Whatever it is, I'm never going to do. die. First of all. Yeah, idiots. Yeah. First of what, you're going to die. Gonna die. This is going to happen. Yeah. I don't know if you're going to find some way of aging better or something. I don't think this is the way to do it. No. And the meantime, you're not living. Yeah. So why, who cares? You don't have a life. You're walking around following this, following this regiment that's preventing you from doing all the things in life because you're so, you're so regulatory with all your injections and your cream. I think generally

in this country, we just don't, we don't do a great job of living. Living. You know, my slogan is, Dr. Drew, I said, it's going to be on my gravestone. Should I die? Maybe I'm one of these guys that don't want to, but my slogan is, and I came out, this isn't anyone else, I came up with this on my own. Maybe you'll adopt it. Live life, don't let life live you. Yeah, I like it. Because just to what you said, I think a lot of people don't live, they're living, but they don't live life. Yes. So we get so confused in this country. Yeah. We start living. Well, that must mean lots of alcohol, lots of sex, and then we go nutty cuckoo and hurt ourselves. You know what I mean?

We can't, we have trouble balancing. Can you nutty cuckoo hurt yourself from too much sex? Yes, yes, yes. How? And have you done it? I've tried, please. What? What? Watch motel six were you in? Wait, you can nutty cuckoo hurt yourself having sex? Oh my God, yes. How? Well, usually it's done. Well, first of all, you either, you know, you hurt. You hurt. other people, and you, you know, or you cheat, you do all that kind of stuff, you get hurt emotionally. Emotionally, okay, but physically, a lot of the hurt, you expose yourself to illness and diseases and things like that.

What's the big one going today? It's the usual. It's all the same. Nothing new. Nothing new to the sign. But I will tell you what. I said that almost like you had them all. I will tell you what.

The, what the hell was I talking? I think you were talking about all the sexual diseases you have. Most of the pain. Most of the injury is done to yourself. Well, let's talk about this, because a lot of men won't talk about it. And I think it's important for Dr. Do to bring it out. It's a two-word term, broken penis. Go.

Common. Very common. Go. And it is actually, it's not what people think it is. It's not slamming your penis in the minivan door. No, it's usually going in and out and coming out, going back in and missing, and you actually tear. The penis has two, for those out there, two sort of balloons. inside, two long tubes inside

that fill up with blood and they have a thick case around them and you tear that case and the whole bottle of extravixates and you end up with a purple mushroom. I hate it. I want to extravas great. And the problem with that is you have to get it surgically repaired because if you don't you can get peronies and permanent erectile dysfunction. So if I break my penis

I'll get Italian food? No, you don't. You avoid the Italian food with surgery. You get some surgery. Did you say it turns purple? Blood just goes everywhere. But isn't it already purple? No, I mean really, like bruise purple. Oh, you're talking like goofy grape from a slushy machine at 7-11.

Grape purple. See, I got one objection to your analysis of broken penis. And by the way, the injury from self-abuse, as they used to call it, and the sex addict masturbating too much, is sort of peronies and things like that and skin injuries and whatnot. But go ahead. Well, what I was going to say is you did a very sort of visual aid. You said the man's going in.

and out, he does a miss slide and snaps the penis and the, uh, the canolis, the canoles break. Correct. And the carbonara comes out. The, the, the, the, the, the cheese, the cream. The cream, but it's blood. It's purple. I would argue, Dr. Drew Pinsky, that it's not the male who causes the injury. I would submit to you that it's when the woman straddles and starts going up and down, like a broken tilt-a-world card at a fairground, and she's going up and down, doesn't know what she's doing, and she pops it out and crunch. And I know that's happened to you. Spoken almost like someone has had that experience themselves. Or watched it. But that is actually factually correct. I don't want to know. It's factually correct. I didn't want to get into the

position that caused it, but that is the most common position. But shouldn't we get into the factual positions in order to help our friends who might break their penises? Yes, I'm glad you brought it up. Thank you. Any position can do it. But the one you're talking about is the one that most commonly does it. Now, just because they don't know, when one breaks thine penis, as Shakespeare would say, does said penis snap and hang

or is it like, is it broken like a stick, or is it still like that, but it's just swollen and purple? You can do their various versions. Covering with ravioli? If it's a very small one, you tear, you can get like a bleb, like a tire, like a tire. I wouldn't know about a small one. Okay. Small, why would you say small tear? Okay.

Off a big penis. Small tear. You're implying something. Small tear, big penis. I don't have a small one. You have to have a bleb come off the side. A bleb, a bleb, like a tire, you know, tires get those. Oh, I thought that was the villain in the Smurfs cartoon.

Bleb? Might be. I don't know. But there's that version. Okay. There's the version that's that it just, it just collapses. It just turns into a flat mushroom, purple mushroom. Oh, God.

Like a portabella type of arrangement? And there is a one, there's probably a version that can just kind of tilt, get, you know, kind of a peronies-like thing. Is there a version where you can cut a hole in the bottom of a pizza and stick your thing through and fake everyone out that it's just a mushroom topping or a pizza topping? I don't think you're going to fool many people. Okay.

Just thought I'd ask. Might as well make use of the mushroom while you got it. I'm just thinking about the little plastic thing that sits on Oh yeah, with the spikes It's like a golf shoe Oh, Dr. Drew, that's torturous You know what that's called?

Pizza torture Close. I learned it on funny you should ask yesterday. Pizza saver. Oh yeah, because it's like the preventive guard. Now, what if you, I don't know if you've ever experienced this or heard of this as a doctor.

Possibly. But could one break thine penis, the mushroom forms, One goes to bed and one wakes up in the middle of the night to soft, sort of cheery giggling. And one is wondering in the dark what it is one turns on a flashlight and there's a series of a dozen or so elves skipping around on your mushroom cap.

Oh, that's interesting. Just asking. We just call that the kebler condition. Okay. So if you develop the kebler condition, that's concerned. Okay. The recovery is not as good from the Keebler.

As a doctor yourself, are you more comfortable with general practitioner type of things, like body anatomy, common diseases, illnesses, or do you get uncomfortable when you have to sort of deal with the sexual part of human condition as a doctor? I don't get uncomfortable with anything. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah. Because I often wondered, you know, what would your title be as your doctor, your title as a doctor? Internist, primary care.

Okay. But then remember, I worked in a psychiatric hospital for 30 years. And in that setting, I ran an addiction program. So it was chemical dependency director, medical director, different, two different roles. So you had to sort of decide what lane you were going to go into. No, I just kept going to both lanes. I was a severe workaholic. Severe, severe, severe, severe.

So that brings me to. There's two type of medical directions that I'm just baffled by. Who's the guy that says, I'm going to go to school for seven years to be a proctologist? Well, but listen. And that's the study of A-holes for those of you that don't know. So proctologists are actually, there's two disciplines that spend their time back there. Okay.

One is gastroenterology, which is, you know, the whole gastroenterologic system. It's not just the rear end. tines and everything, abdomen, esophagus, everything, pancreas, liver even, they get involved with liver. Well, if you had given me time, I would have said all those things. So all involved. But the proctologist per se is actually a colorectal surgeon. Wow. And the reason they have colorectal surgery, because this area down deep in here, extremely specialized anatomy and extremely difficult surgically to get at that. So you need people who really know how to do that. Instead of All those words, can't you just say where the poo-poo is?

Pupu's in the colon. But can't you just say, he's a doctor that works where the poop-poo is? I can say that. Will me to say that? Well, all those other words, they don't. It's hard for them. He's a doctor who works where the poop who is. Okay.

Oh, my God. By the way. Yeah. I've been seeing ads that YouTube is sending me where some so-called physician or doctor is going, this is the best way to get rid of stuck poop. And I'm like, what the stuck poop? Stuck poop?

Are you, what kind of, who? We're just talking about constipation, right? I mean, you, I mean, that's what he's saying? Yes. Maybe that guy's a degree that says, I got a degree on where the poop who is. Is he saying stuck poop?

And then he said something about being stuck on the walls. Like, nothing gets stuck on the wall. What the, what do you got, Velcro manure? That's my own. Okay, but still, you got to think about it, Doc. We didn't finish the insane asylum, but go ahead. We're going to come back. to that. Because they already feel like they're in it. So why don't we give them more of this

insanity? And then when we talk about it, it'll help them cope with their immersion into the insanity that we've created for them. And I wish I could read my notes, but keep going. What, I mean, what propels a doctor to want to go into an office where, yes, they're dealing with the other areas of the lower abdomen and whatnot and the poop, where the poopoo is area? But a lot of it's working with, you know, the Kalimari ring. Who wants to go in every day? Honey, I'm going into work with a bunch of assholes. I mean, go to Capitol Hill if you want that.

That's true. That's most of us. Can we move on now? You've got that joke out. I like the way you see you got that joke out, which was also a running joke on excrement. Yeah. We're working good as a team here. We're running good, and I did say running.

So I would just say that surgically, that's all very, look, here's what I want to say. Oh, here we go. So understand this. You're going to like this. I don't understand much, but I'll try. You're going to understand this. Even you'll understand. Wow.

Wow. From here, I'm pointing at my mouth. To here, I'm pointing at my anus, is outside the body. It's a tube. It's a tube. It's a tube. The esophic. guess. Outside your body.

What do you mean? It's a tube that runs through your body, but the entire lumen, the inside of it all, is outside your body. This is something people don't get. Everything, it's all outside your body. If it went inside your body, you would have parotinitis. You would die

of bacterial infection. You'd be poisoned by your own ingestion. Exactly. By just anything. Oh, wow. So the mouth to the anus, outside the body. Now, connect. of the body, obviously, and lots of stuff going on there in terms of what things are being absorbed and whatnot.

But the actual tube is outside the body. So what I want to point out is most of the work that a colorectal proctologist does inside the body, inside the body, which is a very interesting area of the body, actually. Yeah, but it's still... I know we're being medical, but it's where the poo-poo is. The urology is very close to the poo-poo too.

Yeah. And it's got to deal with the pee-be at the same time. I know I already mentioned it. Summer is winding down, but now's the time you can start building your nest for the fall in the winter with comfy furniture and bedding and all kinds of things for your household with Wayfair. Here we go. I've got the sheets. I've got the things on my bed.

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You're going to be... It's actually the large intestine is smaller. in length than the small intestine, tell them how long it can stretch. I'm not, I guarantee, the, the large intestine is six to nine feet, something like that. Yeah. The, uh, mine's 12. The, I think the, uh, small intestine is like 30 or 32, something like that, is that right? Mine's 42.

Somewhere in there, yeah. Weird, 42 foot on you. Yeah. I have to look it up. But see, it's almost like near-sighted and far-sighted. They reversed the sightings. Yes. So why are they reversed?

reversing the intestines, but clearly the small one is much, much longer than the large one. But it's a smaller tube. Still. Still. If you mashed it all up, it would be bigger than the assemblance of the large intestine, Dr. Drew. I think that's true. There's a lot of tissue around the big ones. There's a lot of ass-backwards medical terms.

Maybe we should start changing them up. Eyes and intestines. Charles. Charelles. How are you today? shot owls. Now let's flip to the other occupation that you avoided. And I think I know why. What was that? Gynecology. I almost went into that. I came close. Do you have kids? Yeah. Then you went into it. Yeah, yeah. How many times? Just that one time. One kid?

No, the triplets. You went into it big time. Big time. I think I went into it for a while too. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. What was that all about? What was that all about? God. What was your comments all about? Wait, so what guy wants to go in as much as most men adore the vulva, which is not a European car? It's not sexual. You got, it's just, it's interesting.

Well, part of it was it was at a point of my training, what I hadn't been exposed to a lot of stuff, it was like my second or third rotation in my second. And I was fascinated by the surgery and the stuff we were doing. and in the volvic area we didn't go we did some stuff through the vulvic area but most of it was through the abdomen and we delivered babies i delivered a bunch of babies you've delivered babies you ever just put on an amazon uniform and get one and deliver it to someone's house just for a kick there was no amazon back then well there was in south america no amazon delivery service back then well you could have kicked it off and beat bezos or i could have just hey where's my child Welcome to Amazon.

It's over there on Bleaker Street. UPS. UPS was wrong. UPS or Ops. I could have put on Brown and been UPS. What has Brown done for you lately? That'd be a good slogan for the proctologist. Ah, could have really,

could have impressed all those guys in those fields. But look, look at it, if you're a male gynecologist, and you're looking at the vulva all day, and who knows how many come in in a day? Do we know how many vulvas? Well, you could easily see 20. 20 volva's in a cell.

the day. I mean, you don't even get that down at the body shop or at cheaters or the spearman rhino. Well, maybe there you'd get 20. But do you suffer as a gynecologist? And I'm sure you have gynecologist friends down at the doctor bar you talk to. Do you get, and I don't want to be crude here, but do you get pussy numb? Do you get vulva glaze? You're just like, oh, there. And then you get home to your wife at night and she pulls off the Victoria Secrets and the gynaecrets and the gyna call, it's just like, ooh. That's what's called

vulva fatigue. Right. No. No, because it's not sexual. It's just not. But wouldn't, I mean, I know, but it's there. It's visual. How about doing breast exams all day,

you know, when you're checking for cancer? You know, that's what I love about breast cancer month. I walk up to so many women and offer a free breast check. And these days, that must go over. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just trying to do my part, Doc. For sure. Okay, so you never dabbled in the gynecology arena. No, I did. Oh. But I didn't stay with it. I kept going. Okay.

But let me, should it be legal that men can be gynecologists? Because you can't even get a pat down at the airport by a man if you're a woman. This, mind you, is now 1982 or something. I'm doing my gynecology rotations. Ooh, I like the sound of that. Say that again? Gynecology rotations A little slower and a whisper

And Gygology rotations ASMR gynecology You're hearing this gang I know he lets He gets me to do It's like phone sex He's going to just keep going

To see what he'd get me to do So who knows Contagology rotations Everybody got their break And pulling it But what I realized What was striking to me It was all men then

Only men What? And they seemed to hate their patients It was the weirdest They were so aggressive With their patients What? What do you mean? Like, they'd punch it? They just were weird and aggressive. I don't know. It just was the honest thing to see.

That's very vulnerable for a woman to lay down, spread eagle, present her vulva, and you get an aggressive guy. I was like, ah, it's going to be all right. Just need to kick the tires. Yeah. Ow! Women were coming in then, as I recall. Yeah, we had some. You don't want an aggressive gynecologist. I think you want someone with angel fingers and a delicate touch almost flamboyant. Almost someone who arranges flowers.

It struck me. It's like, oh, were you there watching? And taking care of people and stuff. Yeah, it's a rotation. You go in, you, you become part of a team. A vulva team? Attending fellow resident, intern, medical students.

So there's a whole vulva team, like a pick crew. Yeah. Wow. And do you do it, like, try to do it as quickly? It's like, hew, whit, hewit, hewit, hewit, Go. Yes.

Okay. Just asking. I don't know these things, but you do. Can we skip ahead to some of the ailments that I know you never get a chance to talk about? Okay. I'm publicly.

There may be things I deal with, but... I want to present to people that we've all seen, but we rarely get to talk about... Okay, I can't wait. Yeah. how are we doing on time doc it's good okay talk to me these are and folks these are going to be tough to look at but they need to be talked about because no one ever talks that i don't think you've ever talked about them before see talk to me about these guys the ones the hairy

yeah heresutism what's it called uh probably familial hercetism yes that's right yeah look at this Wolfman syndrome, he used to be called. Well, let's not make fun of the boys. Well, should we be howling, too? They do look like werewolves. Yeah, I feel bad for them. I don't think there's much can be done. But what is it?

What causes this nub-yab-gab-gab-gab-nob-n-k-n-k-nob. What causes this syndrome for these little gop-gab-gob-gneb. Genes. Genes. It's just like an over-active gene? I listen, I'd never studied it. I don't know, I guess. Wow.

That's cool. All right. Well, we didn't get too much out of that one. Well, that doesn't mean I'm not going to keep going. Oh, God. This is, are you ready for the next one? Oh, God. Well, you're a doctor.

I like the way you react to these things. Dr. Drew. So that is neurofibromatosis. What in the name of Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four? That's neurofibromatosis. Wow. That is elephant man syndrome. This is?

Yeah. This looks more like bubble wrap syndrome to me. Well, those are small. Or SpongeBob Square. The real problem with that, I have taken care of that before. You have? Oh, yeah. Because they get them in their bowels back to the intestines.

Where the poo-poo is. And they bleed. Oh, God. They become a problem. What causes that, though? Genetics. There's different versions of it. There's like four, I think, different neurofarmatosis.

Wow. And some are real mild. They just get a couple of them. You get a cafe-o-lay spot here and there, these little brown spots. Wow. Some of them are pervasive like that. And I'm not making fun of them, but it's just such an oddity. I wanted to talk about it.

I mean, you can't help but inject a little humor, but we obviously feel compassion for these kind of symptoms. At one point I studied, speaking of injecting, ways you can get rid of the neurofibromas with some, I think they inject it with a, like a cider, not a cider kind of, like an interleukin or something. I could look it out. Well, I'd rather you didn't.

I already feel queasy. But can I ask you personally, because I know you have to do with all kinds of ailments, and people are very susceptible. We have all of feelings. When someone like this comes in, do you have sort of a bit of a reaction?

Or do you have to sort of play a cool day? Does it personally sort of weird you out a bit, in all honesty? The answer is you could have a little cream hysteric response? Maybe if you're a doctor working in a dairy. Cream astiric is what happens when you step in cold water. Your penis goes down? Your balls go up.

Well, my penis goes down. It's so big, though. How does that ever happen? Well, I have weights on it. Okay. And that, you get that kind of like feeling in your stomach. I think I'm being facetious. Okay. But you move on.

You just keep moving. Do you, is it weird with the, energy? Do you think sometimes your patients can pick up on it? Do they sense that you have a bit of an adverse reaction? Or is that part of your training where I always find doctors seem to be very level? They don't always get too emotional. It's because you've seen everything. Yeah. You've seen it's just not, it's hard to flap us because we've just seen everything. Yeah. And so like I said, I've taken care of that. Is it hard? You just said it's hard to flap us? We're unflappable. I wonder if a gynecologist could say that.

You know what? You need like a snare and a high hat in here. No, thanks. I'm busy. Okay. You said you've seen everything. Well, yeah. Have you ever seen Winnie the Pooh?

As a, like, has Winnie ever walked into my studio? No, and his friend, E.R. too. I don't want to make fun, but have you ever seen this before? What is going on with this? That's a tumor. That's a tumor in his face. That's sad. That is, is that real?

Do you think that's Photoshop? No, no, that's real. That is actually real. Yeah, yeah. Look at this. What caught... Now, we're all God's little creations. Why did God do that?

Like, how does that even happen, Dr. Drew? I'm not a doctor. I'm just mystified. What causes that? A growth, a tumor. But what kind? What is it? Is there a pumpkin in there?

It's huge. Is there a caption in there? Well, no. But you can add your own. Is that his tongue sticking out at the bottom? I don't know. You're the doctor. It's so sad.

But how do you treat that as a doctor? I don't know if you can. You probably radiate it or something. Let's see if you could do something surgically with it. Like put it in the microwave? It already looks like a bit of a meat loaf. Dr. Drew. Oh, God.

I thought Canadians were nice. I'm being nice, but you've got to inject a little. Listen, you've heard the saying laughter is the best medicine. I went up to Victoria. Secrets? No, no. Okay. Vancouver.

Yeah. And I observed Canadian psychology a little bit. Okay. Talk to me. And they are very nice. Yes, we are. We are. But do not, do not, do not pick up their shit.

Do not step on their stuff. I went to a gym. Okay. Talk to me. And I, you know, in a gym. Jim in this fair land, you trade off on equipment, you share, go, hey, you're working over here, I'm going to slip in, okay. Did you get on that bicycle I was telling you about?

The ovulatory cycle? Yeah. I didn't. This wasn't that, but this was some pulleys. And the woman went away and went to eat at the counter, and I thought, oh, I'll slip into a set. I didn't change the weight, didn't do anything. Okay. And she came down after I finished.

She went, what are you doing? I go, I'm sorry, I just slipped down. in between. This is mine. It's my equipment. I went, I know, I saw it. And I saw I was just changing that change. This is mine.

And I thought, oh, right under the surface, these Canadians are seething with anger. Seathing, especially when it comes to possessions and territory. Yes. Woo! All that niceness is covering a seething rage. Dr. Drew, don't make us angry. You wouldn't like us when we're angry. I look like that kid

This kid, this poor kid Oh, well Let me see if there's another one here This one blows my mind Oh worse This gets worse These are unreal Oh yeah, that's essentially warts

That's warts I thought that was I am Groot Yeah, it's like that It's like it looks like tree bark I think it's called A tree trunk syndrome or something It is, yes Yes

How did you know that That's a virus. But how do you get, how do you clean that up? I just feel so bad for that person. You'd have to, see these things, a lot of these things, you'd have to do something systemic.

What does that mean? Like some immune modulation, some effect, you know, get at that virus somehow. Because you're not fixing that with Botox. No. You need like a root killer or something.

Yeah, literally. Well, I said that laughter, and we're having a little levity because these are hard human afflictions. We have to inject levity into things. Even at funerals, we tend to inject levity.

That's what us humans do. That's what Canadians do. That's what Canadian humans do. To cover for the rage. And I said laughter's the best medicine. And I'm going to go back on that out because I'm thinking of myself, Dr. Drew, can you imagine if laughter is the best medicine was actually used in the medical profession? It'd be like, excuse me, Mr. Johnson.

Looks like you have an inoperable cancerous brain tumor. Oh, my goodness. Is there anything you can do? I heard. Well, sir, knock knock. Yeah. Who's there? An operable cancer's brain tumor.

You're going to die, motherfucker? And I did a Chinese voice at the end. So you're a racist, too. Well, the Chinese racist. And so I heard a female comedian. Uh-oh. I'm sorry. I can't remember who was.

It might have Whitney or Erica Rhodes. But she said the following. Uh-oh, here we go. After is the best medicine? No. Medicine is the best medicine. medicine. I thought, she is so right. That is exactly right. Well, I'm going to challenge that because, you know, I'm a comedian and I laughed her to me. She was too. She was making the point

that I'm not going to treat the tumor that you were just talking about. Okay, well, they'll make jokes about it. I put it into practice. Listen to what I did about two weeks ago, and you'll appreciate this. Maybe. To prove that laughter is the best medicine. I went over to a local hospital two weeks ago, I found a floor of the sickest people I could find. I went right in and I laughed at them. And you felt better. Yeah, I did my part. What the hell have you done for you? Yeah. Are we going to still look at more? One more. One more. Talk to me. What in the name of bubble farts is this? That could be a lot of different things. Do you get the feeling someone put a cork in his ass and the farts are trying to get out? They squeezed him and...

Well, no, they have nowhere to go, so they traveled up to his head or something. Like that guy that you squeeze in the beard. I'm glad we can both laugh at this. Yeah, those are, again, skin tumors of some type. I don't know what. Oh, God. But they're smooth.

Generally smooth things or anything fluid-filled are not that bad. Can you just pop them? Sometimes. That's why you have a whole TV show about that. Last one. Last one. We talked about broken penis. Ah, good.

What about testicle nose? Oh, yeah, that's rhino phyma. That actually can be easily repaired and treated. Just get an erection and it gets all tight? The NT surgeon can take care of it, no problem. Oh, what? Ear nose and throat surgeon. They just sort of scrape it off and it goes...

What? What is it? Just skin cells? It's actually hypertrophic sebaceous glands, if I remember mostly what that is. God, I love that you just have this stuff at the top of your head. Yeah. You ever just go into a pickup join, like a singles bar?

and just walk up and just go sepica tropic, philosophic okiyuk, what's your sign? Like, dude, like, I'm getting turned on. And I'm not even into guys or doctors. I should divorce my wife and be singly again, that's all. He should. You'd have it made. All right, let's go to your insane asylum. Yeah.

I know you're chomping at the bed. Yeah. Dr. Drew's going to break down insane asylums for us here. Well, something, somehow that came up at the very beginning of the show. Yeah. I don't remember how. Well, because we're both insane. No, no, no.

I'm insane. You were going to put somebody in an insane asylum. Well, I said I was in the asylum. Yeah. And you said, can you say that? And I said, well, you can. I mean, insane, you can say that. But in California, we have dismantled all the custodial care environments.

You can't really hold people that need it. Custodial care environment. Is that the woke term? Well, no, that's the official term. And instead, we just put them on the street here. What? That's what we do in California. So you're telling me there's no facility for people that are mentally deranged or challenged.

Very, very, very few. So they're all just roaming the streets. Even the violent, dangerous ones? Head out there, man. Check it out. Don't you spend any time and you've walked through, you'd walk Skid Row with me. Let's do it. Really?

Yeah. Like a date thing or just a doctor professional thing? No date. Date? Okay. Skid Row or was there a meal involved? No. it's not ROE, it's R-O-E, it's R-O-W.

Drinks? Skid Row sounds like it's a fish house, but no, it's not. There'll be lots of drinks at Skid Row. I should have been asked about it. Math, mostly. Wait, so what's the status of Skid Row? You're talking about in Los Angeles? Yeah, yeah.

How big is it? Because I remember hearing during COVID, it was, and I'm not trying to look down on these people. This is terminology. I heard that it was so putrid down there that it had activated, a very lethal disease. I forget what it was,

but the police were afraid to go in there because it was one of those diseases you ingested breathing and it could kill you. There was a lot of TB. There still is. TB is tuberculosis. Okay.

There was a lot of rat-borne Rickettsial diseases like the plague. Yeah, that's what they were saying. So it was reminiscent of the black death. Yeah. No, not reminiscent. It was.

It was that because we've let things go that far. And is it actually caused by rodents? Is it... Rat fleas. So it's the mixture... Oh, it's rat fleas. Yeah, yeah.

And if I remember right. And what? If I remember right, I've got to... I thought if I remember right was another medical term, but what you said is, if I remember right. It's the Rickettsia illness.

I thought you were saying, if I remember right. The Rickettsia illnesses are the rodent fleas and ticks and stuff. Wow. And I think... It's a bubonic blaze transits. I know it's rat something. Oh.

Yeah. Anyway, be that as it may. These are all people that could be treated, but they have brain diseases that need treatment in California. We're not allowed to do that. Why? It's a civil rights issue. How dare you?

How dare you imply that they have at the range brain? They're not living their best life. What's wrong with you? Is that for real? Yes, it's for real. And meanwhile, you're perpetuating their worst life by adopting that. It's negligent manslaughter. Wow.

That is what is on our streets. negligent manslaughter. And where does that come from? Does that again come from the governance of this state? Yes. And is that prevalent in other states, or is it just here? It is in certain states. However, here, we also made it legal to steal, up to $1,000, up to $900.

Yeah, ridiculous. So you could support your habit. We made it legal to be carrying drugs so you can use. We made it legal to traffic a certain amount of drugs, and we made it legal to lie down on the sidewalk. So my patients are coming. They're kind of come here. And it's warm.

It's warm. Yeah, yeah. So they're coming. That's where addicts come. They come to Calvert. Well, add to that too, and of course, this is from a humanitarian point, but aren't there endless amount of food kitchens that are giving warm meals to said? Not only the food, they're given the heroin and the regs now, too. They are given the drugs.

Yes, yes, yes. A friend of mine just got off the street. He's now a friend of mine. His name is Jared Clixstein. He wrote a book called Crooked Smiley. He talks about all the do-goaters. I know they kept him on the street and kept him loaded and it's crazy. It's super crazy.

He was actually an addict. And he's off now about four years and don't drink very, very well. This may seem insensitive, but I'm going to ask it. And I'm not trying to be a wise guy. Nothing you've said so far is wise or insensitive. Right.

So this will not stand out in any way. This is just a, I'm being sincere. I don't want to come off as incensed because everyone has their lot in life. Mr. Ranger. I mean, Mr. Ranger, look how you behave now, Mr. Ranger. But this is just a broad question, and I'm going to throw it out there, not to be mean-spirited, but are a lot of addicts and drug people, are they really troubled people, or are they just the kids from college who decided they wanted to keep the party gone

and we're paying for it all, and they fell on hard times? And I don't want them to mean, but that's a real question to a degree. Let me just put it this way. First of all, the real addiction, bona fide addiction, when you can't stop. You can't stop it. Is a genetic disorder. So you're born with it? You're born with the potential for it.

Okay. Trauma, child of trauma, various types, tends to incite it a bit. And once you're out on it, you lose your capacity for insight. And if you have, if your addiction has progressed to the point where you can no longer couch surf, you can no longer find a building to lie down, and you lie down on the sidewalk, that's as sick as you can get. what if you lie down on the sidewalk and you eat deer placenta i don't know mr ranger is that a treatment i think that's a bit sicker than just laying on the sidewalks it's is it recreate rut i'd like a good rut um so what's the solution my guy my sweet doctor treatment we got we got

we got to we got to allow people like me to go excuse me yeah you can align the sidewalk come with me let me Let me help you. We'll get some great environments going, some residential treatment centers going and treat these people. And now I want to turn to the internal Dr. Drew. Okay. Because what I like about you... We bring back to the poop again.

No, this is your spirit. Because I sense from you... How do you know my spirit's not in there? In your poo? Maybe. In my rectum. Your rectum, it could be. But go ahead.

You sensed me. But somewhere in you, you've dedicated your life. and there's a compulsion in you, Dr. Drew, which is something I really love about you to feel these people, know these people, and want to help these people and find a solution. Where does that drive come from? Because not all of us have it,

and I think a lot of us can be guilty of driving down the road and, like, oh, look at that fucking guy. Because you don't know what that is. Yeah, but where did it come from within you to want to tackle this? I accidentally got into the field. in the late 80s. Yeah.

And what got me into it was watching people who looked like the people you drive past. Why are you pointing at me? Because you just said, you drive past people. Wow, I think you might think

I look like one of them. No, no, no, no. And they came into the hospital like that and I watched them become unbelievable human beings. I saw it happen over and over again. Almost like a butterfly from a cocoo. It's insane.

And I was like, what is that? Where else in medicine you get to take people from dying and crazy better than they ever knew they would be. Now, you don't get to do that for all of them. Yeah. But that happens a few times.

You just go, holy shit, I want to be a part of that. And that's how you're going to do it. And because I've seen people where I expected them to do well, do poorly, and I've seen people I expect to do poorly, do well. It gives me hope for all of them. I just, I never know who's going to get well. But I've seen really sick people become amazing. And I've kicked people out of treatment.

We were sick as shit. Yeah. Walk up to me seven years later and shake my hand to go, I wasn't ready to hear you about. back then, but the fact that you kicked me out, got through to me, I'm getting my PhD in psychology now. It's like, whoa. A little tough love. You have to do that. A lot of that. So you just saw such beauty in the, the revival of the downtrodden and the hopeless, and it just moved you so emotionally. But addicts, the reality is that addicts are naturally a very

rich, lovely, smart population of people. Is that right? Yeah, they're very, I like hearing that because many of us might have the perception that you've heard people say, oh, it's just the human waste. And to hear that is very, it's very beautiful to hear that. No, no, it's why it kills me to see it all. I know what to do. I know exactly how to deal with it. It's got to be hard.

And it's, you know, they just aren't doing it. And by the way, they spent $24 billion in California over the last five years. I could have treated them all for a long period of time for $2 billion. I know. I keep hearing these astronomical numbers. and then I look around and I go, I don't see anything different. Part of the problem is they have it all being done by social workers,

and they are not trained. It's like asking a physical therapist who are wonderful to do orthopedic surgery. They can't do it. They don't have the training. They don't know what they're looking at. They don't know what to do with it. And I've done it for three decades, four decades. It's like asking a gynecologist to work on an anus

or a proctologist to work on a vulva. You just can't do it. Two different disciplines. The Volvo is too complex. car. Well, I did that joke earlier and I'm not going to let you take it away from me. Adam has a funny story about his barber who has this. Corolla? Corolla. Oh, that guy. This guy has a, his barber had a heavy, I think Mexican accent. And he goes, hey, what are you up to? The barber to Adam, Adam says, what are you up to? And the barber goes, well, I'm getting a new car. I'm going to trade

in my bobo for a sav. My bobo for a sav. And he goes, you can make both sounds. How about we say Volvo and sob. Bobo, sob. And this is why Adam Carolla will not come on this show ever. Because he's not funny? We don't need that kind of unfunny crap when we've got homeless people

trying to find a meal in the street. Thank you for bringing that to light. I don't know. That Adam Carolla will never be on this show, even though he's been on it three times. Before we get to our very final sake, because I got to be honest, you moved me a little bit with the whole, I can feel the passion. I'm sitting three feet away from you, and I've known you a long time, and I don't think we've

ever delved into that. My work. And your work we have, but I can see and feel that you have been moved by that cause. And it warns me, and I want people to know that there's so much sincerity, and it's a love coming off you that I think is really generous and beautiful. It's very kind, Mr. Ranger. Yes, and on that note, is there one standout story, Dr. Drew, of one of these people that were in a really horrible place, one in particular where you just went, holy God, that one

is the pinnacle story. There were many. I'm sure there's thousands, but was there one that just went, wow. Mostly what I'm going to tell you, if you want me to start telling these kinds of stories, because I can't really describe the cases. I can't, I'm not, I can't do that. Right, that's an ethical problem. But I can tell you about my experience.

Yeah. And what I've learned, you know, when you're dealing with addicts and alcoholics, they lie constantly. So why people get so frustrated with them. And I laugh at doctors that say, a patient lied to me. I go, if they didn't lie, then their diagnosis would be in question.

They wouldn't have addiction if they didn't lie. Yeah, right. It's part of the thing. And I've had to learn to really be very intuitive trying to figure out what's going on with these patients because whatever they're saying. They're tricky. Who knows.

And I had this one kid in my office. I treat him a couple times before. And I really liked him. And this time he had a really close call with killing himself. Suicide. No, no, no. Okay.

Overdose. Okay. But his friend did die. Oh, sorry. He was in my office crying. And he's just going, oh, my God, this is it. I've really done it. I've really done it.

My friend died. And I felt the kid's pain. I was like, oh, my God. This is, you know, I cared about this kid. I treated him a few times. Yeah. And he was describing those pain. And I learned through years and years working with these folks to trust whatever

the hell comes out of my mouth. So whatever comes out of my mouth, just comes out of my mouth. Yeah. And he's sitting there crying and sobbing and carrying on. And I just go, you know what? You're so full of shit. I don't never know what the fuck is going on with you anymore. And he would stop, stop crying.

And he looked at me. And I thought, oh, what have I done? This kid's going to swing at me and shit. And he goes, I know. I don't know what bullshit. I don't know what I'm even feeling. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. I go, that's your illness. You're in it. You don't know. You've lost your way. The disease is diluting you and just distorting everything. But the fact that I could tell that he was, that everything was BS and I, but I could sort of touch him emotionally and go to that. No, no, no. Yes, that's upsetting. You're using that. You're using that to try to get to me to try to get drugs or something.

I don't know what you're doing, but that's not real. So someone really did die or they didn't? Yes, somebody really died. But he was using that death to manipulate you. And whatever he was doing, and it didn't feel like a manipulative. I just, you just came out of my mouth. And because of that kind of touching something more distinct in him, honest in him, we were able to work together pretty good.

That's very astute of you. And again, that's sort of that tough love approach where you have to rely on that. And you just, you've got to be firm and you have to have a group, a team that is firm and stands firm. Yeah. And this idea of just, hey, just give people their drugs. They'll be fine. It's a progressive illness. It ends in death.

And the hard work is what we're talking about now, which is standing up to the illness. Yeah. It's hard. It's hard. Looking at me, just at a quick glance. Well, okay. Okay, I guess I don't blame you. Just a quick glance, an armchair dog.

What, is anything going on with me just at a glance? Psychiatrically? Okay, let's start there. Nothing medically, I can see, except we are getting old, which is really troubling to me. I don't like getting old. Yeah, it's not fun. And it's not even the getting old part of the dying part. It's just take shit away from you.

Yeah. I don't like that. Yeah. But I'm aging pretty well. You look great. Thank you. You always look great. You take care of yourself.

I try. God knows I try. So psychologically. You seem in the clear. You seem good. I'm just thinking about you alone all those weeks or months in the Canadian woods. Like, that's a tell. There's something going on there.

I wonder what that is. In terms of physicality? No, your relationship with humanity. I like that. That's very accurate. Again, very astute because I always tell people that's where I was able to, touched the face of God. I was in such remote wilderness on my own. It was a spiritual. It was a spiritual where I already believed in God. So you know what's interesting? But I was in the natural world

unencumbered by anything man-made and I, this is going to sound weird, but I used to strip down and into nothing and I would wander the woods so that I was at one with all the non-material things of the world and only at one with the organic entities of the world. And only at one with the organic entities of world. And in doing so, in what I call de-evolving, I literally interfaced with God because I became one of his creatures that was not touched by the trappings of man. And I've carried that with me my whole life. So for you to kind of pick up on that is actually quite accurate. I love that. However, can I talk to the audience for a second? You want me to leave? What I said about him being psychologically sound free. Well, God's okay with me. But you know what's interesting to me,

about you saying that is my spirituality is in the interpersonal experience. I sort of, you know, these ineffable experiences like the one I just described to, to me that's deeply meaningful. I can tell, yes. It's some sort of like bigger than myself way. But isn't it odd how both of those are spiritual, alone in the woods and literally one with God and me being sort of one with another human? Yeah. Isn't that weird? That's the beauty of the human experience. And I love it that you channel your connection to something bigger through helping other people. Not even just helping, but just communing with other.

Experiening myself with other. Oh, that's wonderful. It's so interesting. And I love it because. But I can appreciate your version of it. Likewise. And I feel I would challenge anyone because I think there's a lot of people in the world that maybe haven't had that moment. And I would challenge people in all seriousness to try and find that portal where you can,

whether you believe in a higher force or not, but find where it is where you can be alone or in the world where you can touch the face of... It's hard. It's tough, but you're lucky and blessed if you can do it. And it's available to all of us, but sometimes maybe you have to search for that passageway for it. I'll be honest. For me, I was in therapy for a long time. Yes.

And being the object of somebody sharing with me gave me what I needed to be able to share with others. And then that's where I found it. Has today undone all those years of therapy? Your time here with me. I was worried about it. But this last part is sort of getting us back. Got us back. Okay.

Well, then let's get to our, this has been a treat. Let's get to our last segment, Dr. Drew. This is called Words from a Wooden Shoe. It's a fun little segment. Shue has little words and see if it triggers a story from your journey, someone you met, something that happened in life. This is your Canadian part. Petimo.

They pitimo, yeah. Reach into Les Sol. I don't want this one. I didn't see it. Oh, okay. Okay. Your instinct. Yeah.

Okay. What do we got? Theme park mishap. Oh. Because you have kids. I bet you've been to the theme part. Did they barf on? I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth.

You tell me what happened. Hell yeah, they did. Well, you tell me. I shouldn't have said anything. So, because I was first thinking about how when I had some sort of class trip to Disneyland, I think I was the only person without a date or something. It was very painful. That was a messap.

Oh, yeah. But I hope I don't embarrass my daughter on this one. But we were at Disney World. And she insisted on dressing in this princess dress as we toured through the park. and back then I think they still have this place it's sort of an indoor drive-in fast food place where you get hamburgers and french fries and milkshakes

and catch your little pretend car and you watch old horror films like B films okay and she had a bunch of you know milkshake and all of a sudden her head just went down against

her chin on her chest and just three milkshakes worth of vomit all over her dress Oh, you know, if you were a handyman, you could have put a handle on their ear and just pulled it and everyone would have thought she was the milkshake machine. Then absolutely. And then the next day, my son at some Italian place like Geppetto's Italian restaurant, he vomited all over the place.

Wow. In Disney World? Disney World. But the comedy with that is like a team of a SWAT team descended on him and cleaned it up in about three seconds. Like 10 guys appeared in dark outfits and all gone. No more vomit. The barf team.

The point is a lot of vomiting at Disney World, I think. Don't they say the family that vomits together stays together? It worked for us. Well, buddy. Whether they say it or not, it worked for us. What worked for us here today is having Dr. Drew Pinsky. Dr. Drew, this is your moment to tell everyone where they can find you, where you can promote.

Let them know. Here you go. Go to Dr.Drew.com. Also follow me at X at Dr. Drew. And Dr.D.T.V. And the important thing, my wife will kill me because she produces this thing. I do a streaming show, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday

at 2 o'clock Pacific time. You'll see a blast for it on X. That's probably the best place to follow us. And it's really I interview interesting peoples. Wow. I do. I had my friend Jenny McCarthy in last week. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Which brings it full circle. Playboy Bunny. There it is. Folks, you're fast, man. I'm fast for a slow guy. Yeah. You weren't supposed to agree with that.

That was too fast. I didn't say anything. Dr. Drew, what a pleasure. Say hi to Sharelles for me. He's gone. He's gone, but we're here. Folks, that's it for today on the Holland Highway podcast. Thank you to my guest, Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Check out all his stuff. Yeah. And until next time, everybody, chicken chau-main, baby. Yeah. Dr. Drew. Chicken Chalman, is that crackhead, Bob? Well, let's not make fun of your patience. No, no, no.

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