The Harland Highway - DUSTY SLAY - tractor talk, blowing, country songs, country folk, and deep dust in the wind stuff!

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

This episode is sponsored by HIMS and Quince: -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/harland -Keep it classic and cool — with long-lasting staples from Quince. Go to Quince.com/harland! Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Catch Dusty Slays Stand Up Special Workin' Man On NETFLIX More Dusty Slay: https://www.dustyslay.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dustyslay/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter fairs include beer, wine, and snacks, and free fast-streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation includes good times, relaxation, and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit FlyPorter.com and actually enjoy economy. Hey, everybody. Welcome to today's podcast. Before we get gone, an incredible announcement. I know I've been talking about it a lot. My comedy movie Wingman that I wrote and directed starred in with Russell Peters, Jamie Kennedy, Kayla Wallace, Shiva Nagar, all kinds of incredible actors. Evan Marsh, our lead actor. You're going to love this guy. Folks, we're going to have a sneak screening of Wingman. It'll be the first screen.

in all of the United States on September 25th, that's a Thursday, September 25th, in Big Bear, California at the Big Bear Film Festival. So please, holy smokes, I'll put up the little banner here. You can go to their website and you can hopefully reserve tickets. I'm not sure how they do it, but if you live in the L.A. area or anywhere within an hour or two of Big Bear, come on out and celebrate with us. I'm going to be there. Some of the other cast members might or might not be there. I'm not sure yet. I will keep you updated. I'm definitely going to be there.

We're going to screen Wingman for the first time in the USA. So excited. Hope you can make it out and enjoy partake in the laughter and the hilarity and the madness. And hopefully you love the movie. But super excited. So Big Bear Film Festival, September 25th in Big Bear, California. live in L.A. and you haven't been to Big Bear, it's just over about a two-hour drive to get out there. They get all kinds of cabins and it's up in the mountains and it's a lake and it's a really

beautiful country and get you out of the city. And what a great reason to do it to come and see Wingman. So you can hear the theme song playing. And we hope you can make it out. All that being said, Thanks for watching the podcast. Please subscribe if you haven't. We're coming up on 200,000 subscribers. Can you believe this? I mean, guys, we want you to be part of that. Please subscribe and wow, it's going great. So thank you so much. And without further ado, do, do let's get today's, let's get to today's great episode. Wow, it's already off to a shaky. start with funny man dusty sleigh boy did we have a good time hope you enjoy it thanks for being here subscribe and hopefully we'll see you in big bear at the big bear uh film festival september 25th uh check it out are you serial why didn't jesus have glasses now that you mention well i guess he you know i mean it would would really take away from

his healing power if he needed correct Yeah, you're right. He's like he could just fix his own. Yeah, who's going to believe a miracle worker with like Foster Grants? Mr. Harlan Highway, won't you come my way? I've been traveling so long. I could use a song. Do you do sound check or you do sound check or no? You know, it sounds good to me. I hear you.

I hear myself. But do you like, do you one of these guys that gets off on going check, check one, two, three, or? Like at a show? Like just any sound check. Like, do you like saying numbers and stuff? I don't know. I'm not so into it. I mean, you know, like if I go a show, they'll go, do you want to do sound? I'll go, yeah, I'll do it. Because I feel like if I have the option and then I don't do it,

then I'll get out there and it'll sound bad. So when you do one, what does it sound like? I might go check, check one, two, you know, but I don't. Just one, two. You won't hit the three? I don't go. I don't go. I don't go. Why? I feel like, I don't know, because I feel like it's check, check, check one, two. It's a pattern. now are you sensitive to ethnicities I guess so so let's say you're doing a sound check and you know there's a couple of people scattered in the theater and you go check check one too

and after the fact you find out that two of the people sitting in the theater were Czechoslovakian how does that make you feel Well, I always, and maybe I'm wrong, and I guess they're pronounced different, but I always felt like numbers were like, we universally understood the numbers. And maybe I'm wrong about that, but... Whoa, that's an interesting theory. What do you mean?

I just feel like if I say one, two, I feel like people get it in every language. Yeah. But, you know, I guess there's UNOS, right? So that's Spanish. Right. But when you write it, it still looks the same, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That's sort of like when a dog, when you get a dog and you tell a dog to sit or stay or heal, but it's in another language, like if you hear someone give their dog commands in French, you're immediately going, the dog doesn't understand you. Right. But yet the dog does because it's universal. I guess dogs know so many languages. I didn't think of that. Yeah.

I feel bad. I know three languages barely, and a dog can pick up any language. Yeah, you know, yeah, dogs are good. I mean, they live all around the world, and they're getting around here without us. I just really, it's like, if you're a dosh hound in Swahili, and your Swahili owner goes,

And the dog just sits, I wouldn't know to sit. Yeah, I wouldn't know, yeah, we wouldn't know what was going, but we could learn from the dog. If the dog sits, we go, well, what he just said was sit. So, um, baga, Kanga la, is sit? In Swahili? Yeah.

And how did I know that even? Maybe that's one of the three languages you know. As far as I know. Yeah, because you don't know. I don't know. I said three left it ambiguous. I assume English is one because we're communicating. You got one.

What are the other two do you think? Well, you did a pretty good Swahili, I thought. I do. I'm fluent in Swahili. You did bring up Czechoslovakian people. Well, you did because you said check, check. Oh, so I'm. said check check one two oh that was me that brought that yeah so you brought up the checks

two Czechoslovakian people in the audience right and they're like i don't know buddy yeah why they're in the audience going why is that guy with the long hair saying numbers to us yeah like they're just sitting there they're part of the crew you stroll out sleep in your eyes motel six rappers in your hair or whatever yeah and all of a sudden you're like check check one two and they're like. Yeah, they think it's some kind of code? Yeah, because they're like, we are the only two Czechoslovakian people on. Yeah, I mean, I guess, you know what?

I guess I'm not sensitive to it. You asked me, was I? Seems like you're not. And what if this is even getting more into your insensitivity? What if there was a third check sitting there, but you said you don't do three checks. You just go one, check, check one, two. You don't go check, check, check. one, two, three.

You know, I guess I'd be looking for them to respond in some kind of way to say, yes, we are here. Okay. And then if there were more, then I could go, well, is there a third check? Well, now you got me thinking about the sound check. Because when I sat down with you, and this is maybe the mind games that you play with people that I had heard about, I was thinking sound check was an audio thing where you're checking the audio system instead of arena.

auditorium, but now I realize with you, you're checking to see if ethnic people are in the crowd and it's got nothing to do with sound. Well, I want to know, can the Czechoslovakians make a sound? It's a sound, you know, check. I'm checking their audio. Yeah. I'm not checking the mic's audio. I'm checking their audio. Whoa. Are you here? Are you paying attention? Can you join in? What if a Czechoslovakian wrote a check? while playing hockey and got checked, would that be check, check, check, one, two, three? Because that's three checks.

I almost think you got to, yeah, you got to go check, check, check, check, one, two, three. Check, check, check. Boy, I'm glad we had this talk. Well, me too. Yeah. And, you know, it will make me, you know, pay attention, you know, to my actions. Am I being sensitive to it? And because I clearly have not been prior to.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, let me do my thing, and then we'll start. Okay. All right. Perfect. Pakistani, one, two. Pakistani, one, two. Pakistani, one, two. Are you hearing that? I hear it, yeah. Okay. Pack, pack, pack, pack, one, two, three. Check, check. Pack. Shit. You guess you can do any nationality. Yeah, if you can narrow it down to one syllable. Italian. I tie, I tie one, two.

Thai, one two, I tie one, two. That could be confusing with maybe someone from Thailand. Oh, God, you're tough. Yeah. You're probably the toughest sound check guy I've ever run into, I think. Well, you got to get it right, though. You know, that's what's, you know, it's like, it's not just about my audio or how you hear. It's how people feel.

And thank you for pushing me. Because a lot of my guests will sit down and they'll really sit there like a bacteria or a fungus or even a like. and on a sweaty old log from a deep growth forest. Yeah. But you sat down, challenged me immediately. You got the wheels spinning, and I'm ready to podcast. Well, that's what, you know, that's what I do.

I get sent around to podcast to podcast, just to make sure people are, you know, staying on it. Dynamite. Yeah. Do you say dynamite or TNT? I don't know. I like dynamite. I feel like, you know, it was J.J. Walker that made dynamite seem like, it's like, you got to say.

But then again, ACDC made T&T sound. Oh, right. But they did both, I guess. I'm T&T. I'm dynamite. Was there anyone who did, what's the other scientific nitlylogryphahide or what's it called? Chloridamide? What's dynamite, the technical, you know, it's a floridahyde, techlorine. There is something. I have a joke about what they say... Here we go.

I can't remember even what I say now, but a guy at the TSA said, these things can tell the difference between a candle and a stick of... Now I can't even remember my own joke. Yeah. Gosh. Interesting.

Would you say that this maybe marks... This podcast marks the end of your career in comedy? I don't know. You asked me that I want to wear the headphones, and I said yes to it. But now I feel... like the headphones are like maybe sucking my jokes out

and into your system. Into me. Yeah. Because we are wired through the same system. Yeah. And if Elon Musk can do Neurrelink, there's no reason Harlan Williams can't do suck a joke link. Maybe that is what the Harlan Highway is. It is. It's a...

Nitroglycerin. Oh, yeah. Let me finish the question now, do you like TNT, dynamite, or nitroglycerin? Oh, nitroglycerin, harder to remember, but when you say it, it does have power to it. Yeah. Nitro glycerin. And I don't think Jimmy J.J. Walker could even enunciate that word.

He was a goofy guy. Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't have the, you know, the same rhythm to it. Nitro glycerin. Yeah, could you imagine you bust it into the room of there? Nitroglycerin. Like, no, you're right.

Yeah. Like maybe TNT. Like TNT, I could do. But him busting in with natuylaclycerin, no, that ain't happening. God, well, let's, let's, here we are, folks. Welcome to the Halle Howe podcast. A very special guest today, dusty sleigh, which rhymes with today. And when you got a guest whose name rhymes with your very first intro sentence, you know,

it's got to be hot axle grease dripping in a jiffy lube after the doors are locked and the secretary is playing with her vibrating egg, if that's even a thing. I bet it is. It's got to be a vibrating egg somewhere. I think Jim Jeffries has one. Yeah. Yeah. I would think.

Dusty, welcome to the Harlan Highway podcast, my guy. Yeah, thank you. I'm talking to be here. What a treat. Yeah. You know, right away, folks, you're going to pick off a little weed. tad and I know I'm doing a Scottish accent. I don't mean to be doing it, but I went into it. But Dusty's got a wee little bit of an accent and it's not Scottish. See if you can guess what

it is. Well, I bet it's easy to guess. Yeah. But my accent sometimes is all over the place. I have, talk to me. Well, growing up, my sisters are older than me. My, and my sister started dating a guy from Michigan when I was very young. Oh, here we go. I've had a little bit of that northern influence. And then I moved to Charleston, South Carolina, which is a bit of a, you know, classy southern city, but a lot of northern transplants. Wow. And then I married. My wife is Canadian. Oh. So we've. Wow. I think she sounds more southern than I sound Canadian, but we've really jumbled up our accents. Wow. Because she's immersed herself in it. We're in Tennessee. So I love it. You don't hear this enough. I love it when a wife immerses. Like, I think if more wives immersed,

we'd have less marital problems. I think the divorce rate would be lower. How, like, how deep will your wife immerse? And when will she do it? Well, she, she immerses so much that she actually, what she started doing was my dad's very southern. And so she was kind of like making fun of the way my dad talked. So she would do my dad's accent all the time. And she did it, she immersed herself in it. So like a character actor, that she almost started talking like him. Wait, so your dad's in the deep, like South America?

Alabama. But South America. Yeah. So he talks like this? Yeah. Oh, he's a South American from Alabama. And so, you know, my wife started doing that accent, and that's how she talks around the house. Now does Dada?

Or I'm not sure how you say father in Alabama speak. Da-da, papa, how do you... Well, it's funny. When I'm a kid, I call my dad Daddy. Daddy. Not Daddy, like dead. Like, he's dead. Dead.

And then E, like, Daddy. You called him Daddy? Yeah, basically, yeah. Daddy. And you'll hear little Southern kids go, Daddy. Yeah, you'll also hear the Melendez brothers say that too. Yeah. Daddy and Mommy. Yeah, they're both dead.

Daddy and Dead Mommy. Yeah. Wow. Now, did Dadda, or did Daddy take offense to your wife, sort of mimicking that accent? Well, I don't know that he was doing it, but I don't know that he knew that she was doing it. But even if he did, I don't think he would be offended. I think he would be into it. So that represents to me, Dusty, some family. love. And it's interesting when you take a complete stranger into your bloodline, right? Your family bloodline. You took a Canadian from another culture, another country, and she's in that place where it's so comfortable, it's so family that there's no animosity, there's no bitterness that she's poking fun or emulating his accent. Yeah, they are pretty good at taking a joke, but I think it's

better from my wife. I don't know that they like when I'm, like if I'm making fun of my dad's accent, I don't know that he's as into it. Was he violent? Did he beat you? He didn't beat me. He yelled at me, though. Do you wish he'd beat you? Sometimes I would rather take a hit than be yelled at all the time. And when you say hit, are we talking a two by four, a brick, a canoe paddle, a hockey stick? How would you like to be hit by da-da? I wouldn't mind a two-by-four because we were wrestling fans. That's very hacksaw, Jim Duggan-ish.

You know, as long as he was holding an American flag in the other hand and he's hitting me with a two-by-four. Hitting you with a two-by-four with one hand, even? Oh, now that's a da-da. That's a da-da. That's your dad right there. Yeah, he's on the tractor,

hitting me with the two-by-four. Real long. I want to do that a 10-foot board. Oh, God, yeah. The kind where you check out at Home Depot, you've got to lay it on that flatbed cart. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're not standing it up in the push cart. Yeah, you're laying it down. You're knocking over things when you turn it.

Yeah. Oh, that's called a Home Depot line record two by four. I put some of those through the back window of my truck. It had a place for it. Oh, yeah. And then it was sticking out of the back of the truck. I ended up hitting some lawnmowers with it as I pulled out. Yeah, it was a mess.

Because that's what happens. You throw it into the back of your truck. And you forget, and it goes right through the window, the back window. I had a little flag on it, you know, but I was still hitting lawnmowers. Oh, the little red flag. Yeah, to let people know, hey, there's wood back here. Yeah, it's hanging off the back, right? And people hang the little...

Yeah. Yeah. Let them know. Hey, there's wood in here. I used to hang a thong off of mine. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, people, when they're driving, they're sort of lack of days ago, they're like, you know, they don't really pay attention. When you have a little orange, you know, neon strip hanging off your lump,

in the back of your truck, people, they get plazae, they forget it, but when you've got a Victoria's Secret thong hanging off and it says cinnamon angel right on the front part, oh, people pay attention. Yeah, and you might pick up some dollars

along the way, you know, maybe people are putting money in there. In the thong. Yeah. The stripper effect. They're like, tell them the wood, take it off. Yeah. Peelor effect.

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did you have one? Did your family have one? Did you grow up around tractors? Yeah, my dad has a couple of tractors. Talk to me. Yeah, well, my dad would bail hay. And so when you bail hay, you have to cut it with the tractor. And then raking and bailing happens at the same time.

What was the first one? Raking. Raking. Yeah. So one person has to rake all the hay into a row. Okay. And then the bailer picks it up. So I would be the raker.

Okay. And then my, you know, I'd just be raking along. And then I would be doing something wrong, whatever it might be. Yeah. And then my dad yelling at me from another tractor. Yeah. I can't hear what he's saying, and he's waving his arms, and his face is red, and I'm like, ah, messed up. I don't know what I did, but I messed up.

He's in the bailer? He's on the other tractor with the bailer, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. And when you assemble the hay, and if this is too personal, you don't have to answer. Okay. Like, let me show you the respect, like right out of the gate. Is your family, when you bail the hay, a rectangular cube family, or do you do the big rolls?

Well, I don't mind sharing. There was, we started off as a rectangular bail family. Wow. And it was, it's hard. It was hard on us. Yeah, those are tough. Because my, you know, my dad would bail it. And then they would be laying all out in the field.

Yeah, they're like giant gold. in Legos, but without the bumps. Yeah, and not, yeah, there's not really any way to build with them. You can't stick them together. And then my dad would drive in a truck with a trailer. Here we go. And we would have to get me and my stepbrothers, have to pick all that hay up. You had stepbrothers?

Yeah, I had stepbrothers for a time. So you guys did like Irish line dancing? Yeah, well, yeah, we were, yeah, we were part of a, they, yeah, we were part of a dance team. We did step. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, fun. And that's how we built up. our muscles was picking up that hay.

Wow. Yeah. So you started as the rectangular golden, I don't know what call them cubes. Can you call it rectangular cube, dusty? Now that, you know, we always call them square bales, but I think that they're not squares. Yeah, I think someone might have been lying to themselves.

So we were really, I mean, they're rectangles. They're rectangles, dust. You know, when you're out in the country, you don't want to get too specific with the shapes. You don't want to look like. Why? like you're better than everybody, you know, it's like, if it's got four corners, it's a square. That's what I love about country folk. Like, they don't, they're like that. They're humble.

They don't, you don't want to walk around at the, morning, Earl, got 87 rectangles out in the field today. Yeah. You don't want to rectangle your neighbor. No, because if he don't know what a rectangle is, then now you put him in a spot. Yeah. It's like, you know, those ones that look like a square. Yeah, I don't shape people. Yeah. Okay, so when you say you started as a rectangle family, I feel like this is going somewhere. Well, at some point, my dad, he bought a round bailer.

And that tore our family apart, I think, because, well, we no longer had, you know, the team, we no longer needed to work as a team because now you pick up the round bales with the tractor. So it's an all-in-one sort of apparatus. Yeah, me and my stepbrothers, basically, we lost our jobs. Oh, my God. Did you run away from home, from farm? They ran away. Well, can you say run away from home when you live on a farm, or do you say I ran away from farm?

I think, well, depending on how you think of the farm, I mean, is the farm your home? Yeah, that's true. Because to some people, it's not, it's not their home. But when you talk to people, you hear the term farm folk, and then you hear homo, you hear home folk. Yeah. And so I guess I was just wondering. Yeah, I think we were, you know, we were farm folk. It's harder to run away from farm when probably the farm has horses and they can catch you easy. Yeah. I mean, yeah, we tried to run many times.

Yeah. My dad would catch us. Those horses, yeah. He'd get the dogs out or run us down. Oh, dust. Yeah. John Deere manure spreader talk to me talk to them more than me I know what it is well talk to me people need to be informed the the manure spreader talk to me well you know we I think I'm we never really operated a manure spreader but my understanding is you know you get you know I guess in Canada yeah keep the cows and the barn all winter yeah because it's too cold it's too cold to shit outside. So it's just, just

the manure just piles up. So you're able to take it, throw it in this manure spreader, and then you can fertilize your field. Yeah. But in Alabama, the cows are outside all year. So they spread their own manure. So they're their own little manure spreaders. Yeah, they are spreading

manure at all times. So for those of you that don't, you know, know the depths of life of living, of having a life, the way me and Dusty do. For those of you that have never experienced or know what a manure spreader is, somebody invented a large tractor with a huge basin in it where it literally scoops up all the piles of cow manure. It sits in said basin and it has a flume, whereas the driver's driving

said manure spreader, it literally sprays manure out all over the fields to fertilize it as Dusty alluded to. Yeah. And great for fertilizing your crops, great for giving nutrients back to Mother Earth, but even better, if you've got a heavy foot, and this is for you and your family,

if they want it, if you like to drive fast, if you got a bit of a race car driver in you and you get the police chasing you, nothing better than speeding down the road in a manure spread, or you hear those sirens and watch the lights in your rear of you,

You hit the shit switch. Oh, yeah. And those cops ain't never catching you. That's right. You're blacking out their windows and they're swerving around like Dolly Parton on a Lilith Fair toilet seat. Yeah. And they, yeah, and they don't like it. I mean, I didn't want to bring that up, but I did.

Yeah. I mean, you're right, though. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it makes me laugh, but you're right. You got to laugh at Dolly Parton, sliding around on a Lilith Fair toilet seat. Wow, I feel a bit ill. I got to be honest after saying that. Now, Dust, do you mind me calling you Dust, or is that an insult?

No, I like it. That's a bit of a family name for me. I like it, too, because there's something eternal, yet something hauntingly sad about your name, because I hanker back to the 1970s where I had my Calvin Klein cut off jeans and an Ario Speedwagon shirt, and I'm at a Kansas concert in Boston, of all places, which seems sort of sacrilege.

Yeah. And, you know, people with their lighters and dust in the wind. Oh, yeah. All we are is dust in the wind. And it reminds me of you a bit when I hear that. Well, I love that song.

Right. And I think of myself when I sing that song. Right. When I hear that song, I do think of myself. And, you know, interesting, people don't do the lighters anymore. So even the light, I feel like the lighter thing is kind of dust in the wind at this point. People, well, they pull out their iPhones and turn the flashlight on. Oh, yeah.

They're like afraid of lighters now. I don't even think people are smoking. They don't even have a lighter on it. Yeah. That was half the fun of the lights on. lighters, because those lighters would actually heat up. Yeah. And after about 30 seconds, you could be at a Prince concert,

Purple Rain, Per. And it literally smelled like one of the ovens in Auschwitz. Like, it's just burning flesh. Yeah. And I know that's a tough reference, but it's true. But you are burning your fingers. They were scorching their flash. Because the plastic button wouldn't be hot.

But if it goes out, you got to relight. And that's when it gets you. Get you. That's when it gets you. And then you lose all your fluid. You can't even smoke after the show's over. Yeah. Because you burned up your lighter.

Oh, dusty. It's dust in the wind. Dust in the wind. It's a deep song, too. That's what scares me about today. Today's songs are, got to get to the club, going to the club,

going to get my bitches at the club. Whereas dust in the wind, if you listen to the lyrics, it's literally about how we're all just here for a flicker of time. We're literally just molecules and atoms that when we die, we dry up and we blow and we're dust in the wind.

It's about... Yeah, we just vanish away. You ever see like a dead animal and it's just been dead a while? Yeah. And you're like, this thing's just evaporating away. Yeah. Where's it going?

It's going into the wind with the dust. Same old song. Like when you dust your house, that ain't just a weird little air nose. nuggets. That's a dead, uh, it's a dead antelope or a dead, uh, bison. Yeah, this dust. Where is it coming from? Cleaning ladies must be so sad at night when they close their eyes thinking about all the death from the dust. Yeah, that they've just swept up and probably inhaled a lot of it. Yeah, that's what, you know, not to be gross, but that's what they say boogers are, right?

What? Is dust in your nose and the mucus has collected it. Oh. So if we're being scientific about boogers, the moisture in your nose and traps the dust, causes it to sort of coagulate, if you will, and sort of form into a gelatinous clump,

and then eventually, when the moisture is drained from breathing, it becomes hardened, sometimes almost crystallized, Yeah. And that becomes the booger. And you can get it. And it's weird that our noses, as gross as it is, to pick your nose.

Yeah. The skin, the nostrils really are kind of designed to flex and let you get in there. To dig around. Yeah. It's like it's meant to be dug around in. Yeah. You ever, and this is maybe two per, you ever grow a fingernail a little extra long just so you can do some extra digging? I've scraped the inside of my nose.

with a fingernail before. Sometimes that nail is the difference between getting the golden nugget and not getting it. And you got to get it sometimes. You got to get it. I mean, nobody likes to be seen doing it, but you got to do it.

Folks, grow a finger-picking nail. If me and Dusty can implore you to do anything here today, grow up... I like to do the pinky. Oh, yeah. I really get the pinky in there. Get the pinky.

Just grow a nail to clean out your snot goblins. Yeah. And then flick it. Oh, flick it. I like to flick it. Out the window of the car. Oh, wow.

Does it ever blow back in and land on your glasses? Wow. That would be incredible. Wow. No, that's not happened, but I'm sure it's come back in. Oh, wow. I don't know. When you flick it, and again, I guess I don't know why I'm being so scientific around you,

but when you flick said Golden Nugget, are you doing it just carefree and whimsically, or are you doing it, and maybe this is the Audubon in me, are you flicking it towards a field hoping that it lands and takes root and germinates and grows into a snot bush? Well, I hope the... What the hell am I talking about? Well, I hope the wind picks it up, and I do hope it carries it into a field,

because as we've established, the dust itself is just dead animals. Yeah. And now it's gone into my nose, coagulated, and now I've taken it out. And it's almost like a burial, if I can get it into a field. Wow. Who knew that snotts could be so, have so much depth.

And beauty, really. I mean, when you think about it, people just think it's gross, but it's really beautiful when you think about it. Have you ever done the one where, and this is, again, is you ever instead of flicking, you put it on your tongue and, like, shoot it? Well, I do a lot of things like that. I do love, like a pop a little piece of popcorn, but I don't, you know, I never have been a boogers in the mouth guy.

I've never been into, never been into that. Would you like to be? I, you know, there's always time, but I don't think so. I saw a kid at the trampoline park talking to my daughter the other day, and he had one. He just had a loose one that he was, he was moving around. Okay. And I just kept watching him. make sure he didn't wipe it on my daughter.

Yeah. Because he was asking me how to work a machine. Like I worked at the, everybody thinks I work somewhere. Yeah. And I just was wondering where his dad was at to teach him to flick it, you know? Yeah. So he was just like,

he was holding it. He didn't know how to get rid of it. And I'll be honest, the grossest part is right before he walked off, put it in his mouth. And did he, or did he eat it? I don't know.

I almost threw up a little bit when I saw him do it. You've got the anxiety going through thinking he might use your daughter as a snot post. Right. And just because he's got, you got to get rid of that. Yeah, he can't seem to get it, get rid of it himself. Because if you hold onto that, that stuff's gooey and your fingers will fuse together. Yeah. And then if you let a booger dry, you'll have a real problem getting that crab claw part.

Like, that is true. You'll be like a perpetual, like Italian chef. Yeah. Okay. Hey, there's no food around, but my fingers. are stuck. Yeah. Well, interesting.

So Alabama, what's the deal with peaches? Oh, it's time to talk about hymns again. Yeah, you know that old E.D. stuff when that shows up, you know, Ed, when he shows up in the bedroom, he makes you feel out of control that you're not in charge of the fun stuff and the sexy stuff. Well, Hymns lets you take that all back with personalized treatment options, including daily meds that support more of those spontaneous, sexy moments. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hymns brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatments that put your goals first.

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See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information, get hymns, get rid of Ed, kick Ed right out of your bedroom, and hymn it up, baby. Like, can you kind of frame up the whole peach culture in Alabama? Like, it's not the most masculine thing I've ever heard, but maybe I'm missing something.

Peach me. Well, it's not the most masculine thing, that's for sure. But, you know, there's something about a peach. What? It's, you know, it's bright and it's a little soft. You got to get it a little bit soft. Okay. You almost want it where you're like, oh, this might be too soft.

Okay. And then you bite into it. It's got a little fuzz around it, which some people can't get into that texture. I like it. I think it's almost like an animal, like you're biting into an animal a little bit. And then you bite and then the juices come down. It's real juicy. It'll come down.

It doesn't matter how many napkins you have. You can't control it. And then you just eat it. And then there's a little seed in the middle. That's, you know, that if the peach is ripen up, the seed will just kind of fall out. Is it a seeder? I've heard it called a pit.

Well, there is a, the seed is inside this pit. Oh, so the pit is the shell for the seed. It's like an apricot has it. A plum has it. And it's just, you know, it's protecting the seed. It's a little pit, little vainy. looking brain looking pit. Wow. It's like the brain of the peach.

Well, you certainly paint an intoxicating pitcher. I'm sort of feeling a hankering for a peach rach now, but I don't know that I'm hankering for the fuzz. Is there any other entity, fruit, meat, vegetable that we eat that has fuzz on it? I think a kiwi is about the only other thing. And you know what? Recently I found that you can eat the whole kiwi.

There's no need to peel it. You can just eat the kiwi. God, the feathers and everything? Everything. Yeah, it's got, you know, there's no need to pluck it. You just get right into it. God. And that's how I do it.

I like, I like to just eat fruit. I don't like the strawberries. I don't like to take the green stuff off the end. I like to just eat it. But the fuzz, dusty. Like, do we have an organ in our body that is to break down fuzz? I mean, our liver breaks. down alcohol and our spleen breaks down sugar and our lungs break down oxygen. Is there a fuzz buster

within us? There could, you know, peach could have its own enzymes that help it break down the fuzz. Maybe you've got to crack open that pit. Get in there, eat that seed. But what is the fuzz? It's like this, it's almost like a little, almost invisible ciliated hair, like the hair that grows on a baby. Those little white hairs, is it baby hair? What, who? Fuzz. You could get the clippers. out, you know, the little clippers, and you could shave off that peach fuzz. I eat it. I can feel it on my tongue.

It's like eating a soft cactus, but I just realized that when you described it, I'm like, should we be ingesting fuzz? Well, I don't know. I don't know that there's been a lot of research done on it. That's what I'm that's kind of saying. But, you know, you're driving through Alabama, you stop off at a roadside

stand, they got a bunch of peaches. Sometimes the fuzz will just come off in your hands a little bit. If you have a lot of you have a hefty fuzz on it? Yeah, yeah, there's so much fuzz, it's almost like Horton, here's a hoo, a diarrhea or something. Yeah, and you're just eating it, and you got juices on you and a little hares.

Cactus is a good reference. It's like a soft cactus. It's a very malleable, soft cactus. It's the cactus of the South, maybe. Yeah, baby cactus eggs. Yeah. God. It's weird that we're going a little scientific,

because there's something a little offsetting about you where you've got sort of the country sort of Alabama look with the hair and the thing, but then your glasses look very scientific. Yeah. There's something sort of mismatched a little. I like, you know, I like to throw people off a bit. You know, I go, what you see may not be scientific, but what I see is.

Yeah. So it's a bit of an optical illusion. Because here we are talking about tractors and peach fuzz and dust in the wind, but something in your eyes as I look through the lenses of your science glasses makes me think you're a way off somewhere else thinking about separating molecules and atoms and watching galaxies far, far away. Yeah, I want to take a peach pit now and put it under the microscope and see what's going on in there. Wow.

Maybe there's some answers in there. Horton, here's a... I'm going to say whore, but that's not nice. Well, I bet Horton's hurt it all. Are there whores in Hoveill? There's got to be. I mean, there's got to be because they're everywhere. Hey, Horton, 80 bucks for a rim job behind Dairy Queen.

Is that Horton? Here's a whore? I think it is. Wow, dirty. Yeah. I mean, you know, Noddy. whoville we only get a we only get a glimpse of whoville and yeah the grinch i believe is whoville is that whoville oh yeah that's right yeah we only get a glimpse but whoville no question has a seedy side to yeah hey uh horton 80 bucks for a 69 position at the red roof in what do you say

that's horton ears a whore yeah and and and that's why horton's not wrote books about it because Horton's he's been there behold you think he's done it yeah a dirty little elephant yeah there's a song called the lincoln park inn where it's a what it's a country song you know and it's i think it's bobby bear sings it and he's like he's talking about how you know he's doing all these things for his family's fixing his son's

bike his wife's baking cookies but Margie's at the Lincoln Park Inn and he says and I know why she's there why he says I know why she's there I've been there before. That's what he says. And that rhymes with Horton. Here's a whore. Yeah. And that's what I, you know, I think Bobby Bayer knows about Whoville. And that's what's going on there. There's, there's a Lincoln Park Inn in Whoville. Is that, so it's kind of like the local hotel of ill repute, ill repute. I think so. Wow. Interesting. Yeah, he says, I'm almost out of cigarettes and Margie's

at the Lincoln Park Inn. So I think he's saying, I could just go, hey, I got to go pick up a pack of cigarettes and then swing by the hotel. See, this is why I love country music. I'm assuming, and I hope, you know, maybe I shouldn't. You like the country music? I love it. It's the best. See, you can take a slice of life and you just say a line from a country song

and it almost paints the whole picture. Yeah. Do you have a favorite country song line that stands out? Well, that's a good one that I just said, Because he says, you know, and I know she's there. It's real haunting like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's really good.

I mean, there's so many. I mean, Hank Jr. has the country boy can't survive song, which is a good one. Is there a line in particular that resonates with you? He says, I got a shotgun, a rifle, and a four-wheel drive, and a country boy can survive, you know? That's a funny. Yeah. A country boy can't survive? Can survive.

Yeah. What are they again? A shotgun or a rifle? A rifle and a four-wheel drive. Wow. And what about a whore? Well, he doesn't say it in there, but Hank Jr., yeah, I mean, he's got other songs. All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight.

Yeah. You know, I mean, I'm sure that video will let you know he's got some. He's got some in the chamber. I would like to just for once hear a country singer. Sing about another country. Oh, yeah. Because their country, I have never heard, like, Johnny Caz. or Hank Williams, Jr. going,

I was sitting on my porch, thinking about India. Oh, them Indian people, they're real funny fellas. Oh, yeah, I'm with you. Oh, the Indians are fun. They like to wear a turban. Indians are fun. Oh, let's go have a lemonade and a beer in good old Bangladesh. Like, when are country singers going to start actually singing about other countries?

Yeah, you would think, if you're a country singer, it would be a singer that sings about a lot of countries. I'm not hearing it. I know a guy. Selfish. I can't think of his name, but he has a song about England, but he's, you know, he doesn't. That's a country singer to me. But he doesn't like it. He doesn't like England, and he can't wait to get back to Texas.

But the point is he's singing about another country. That is true. A country singer, I like that. Country music is music about other countries. Right. But so selfish. They're so self-indulgent. All they ever sing about is America.

Yeah, maybe Mexico. Some of the older ones will get into singing about Mexico. Really? Like the Wild West. Yeah. Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, have the seashores of Old Mexico. There you go. Okay.

True country music. Yes. Speaking of Willie Nelson, have you ever met him? Never met Willie Nelson. What? I know. I met a lot of country singers. Never Willie Nelson, though.

Never been on his tour bus? No. I met his granddaughter. Oh, I think I've met her. She does music, right? Oh, yeah. I met Willie once. I did a movie called,

what was it called the Dukes of Hazard? We did a sequel to it. Oh, yeah. And Willie was in it. And I got to hang out with Willie. Oh, that's cool. I can't remember, but I told him a joke,

and maybe I do remember the joke. And he laughed so hard. Oh, yeah. And I think the joke was, It was a really naughty joke, and it was told to me by Mark McKinley from Kids in the Hall. We were doing a movie called Superstar with Molly Shannon. Oh, yes. And he told me this joke.

And, you know, 16 years later, I was sitting around with Willie Nelson. And I think he said, anybody got a joke. And I thought of this one. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I do want to hear it. It's sort of, it's a toughie, but he laughed his ass off. I remember, here it is. This creepy guy, he's like a pedophile.

He's walking by his school. He grabs a kid, takes the kid down the sidewalk. They go into the forest. They walk deeper and deeper and deeper into the forest. Finally, the kid stops, tugs on the creepy guy's coat, says, Mr. I'm scared. And the creep says, you're scared. I got to walk out of here alone.

You know, not my joke, but Willie loved it. It's funny. I appreciate a joke. It's dark, right? Yeah, it's dark. Do you have a dark joke you like? You know, I don't tell as many jokes now like that, you know? Yeah, this isn't a joke I do in my,

act this is just kind of one of those almost come like bar jokes or you know you're sitting there you want to hear a buddy you want to hear a joke it's one of those i had a joke i was trying to write oh here we go about about about the woods i heard a radio advertisement one time and they were just advertising the woods they weren't even selling anything they were like just go out there go out to the woods just get out nobody owns it yeah get out there guys and it's not as creep as it could have been you know because they weren't advertising specific woods you know yeah yeah They weren't like meet me behind those woods behind that old school around 8 o'clock. Yeah.

You know, and that's about as far as the joke ever went. Yeah. But I did think it was funny. They were just advertising the woods. The woods. Hey, they spent money to be like, kids, go in the woods. Hey, folks, do you like trees? How about Birch Park?

Sniffed any cedar needles lately? You might want to get out to the woods. There's leaves all around. Leaves are fun. They change color. and they crackle under your feet in the fall. Make sure you and your family get out to the woods. Birds nest, we got them.

Birds and trees, we got them. Ever seen an owl? Get out to the woods. They're there at night. That's right, night woods. And you can stop me whenever you want. And I'm listening to the ad and I'm going, well, I want to get in on that. But where?

Out in the woods. Right. You're like, well, which ones, though? Yeah. You don't, do they all have these, you know, because if you need an advertisement for the woods, then you probably don't know anything about the woods. Tired of toilet paper, now you can take a giant cracker barrel dump and wipe your ass with a birch tree leaf. And who hasn't been there?

I've been there. If you're out in the woods and it's beautiful, especially if you're alone and you're in the woods and you've got to go. You just do it. If nothing else gets into the woods, it's the wipe your ass with a leave plug. Yeah. And I'll challenge it, you know, like a maple leaf is softer than any bounty three-ply. Yeah, I agree. You don't want to wipe it with like a magnolia leaf.

Oh, no. That's like, you're scraping it off. It's like a real hard and shiny. Yeah. Well, what's neat, too, about when you wipe with a leaf, there's often parasites or insect eggs, and you can get 10 caterpillars around your anews, and they'll eat the crust as you're driving home, or they'll eat a dingleberry.

So it's almost like a clean after the clean. You almost wonder if that's not what we need anyway, just to have that kind of mites in that area just to keep us clean at all times. Yeah, because I hear we have microscopic mites in our eyelids. Have you ever heard this? I don't think so. If you look it up, we all have them sitting on our inner eyelashes,

and in our eyelids, There's microscopic mites. You've got them right now. Parasites. You didn't even know. Is that what's in our, like if you close your eyes and you can see still things moving around? No, no. That's, those are sea monkeys.

Okay. Yeah, but these are actual things. They don't leave the eyelid area. They don't venture into the vitriolic fluid in the eyeball. What are they doing there? I guess they eat. They eat eyelash grease. They eat cat von D's midnight sun splash, mascara.

You ever think if you're blinking a lot, the mites are like, whoa, whoa, slow it down. Or are they like, woo-hoo! Yeah, it's like a ride. Right? Like if, like say you're making out with somebody and you trade I-mites. I-mites. And then your mites get onto someone that blinks a lot. And is it too much of a change?

And what if you exchange I-mites with someone and then when you go up to do your holy vows, you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, and you go, I might, instead of I do. I might, yeah. I might, excuse me, the priest's like, excuse me, no, I might. No, it's I do. No, no, no, I might, father. All over. Yeah.

Mites, I might, I might. Now we're going into a, I might, how are you doing, might? Yeah. I'm out of law. I'm in Lager, might. Now we're in Australia. This thing just keeps meandering. Yeah.

Speaking of mites, my guy, someone was in the pesticide game early on in their career before the comedy might bet. That's true. Talk to me. I might have killed a lot of my own mites with pesticides. That was a pesticide salesman. I sold to Lozan Home Depot. I would go in and I would go, hey, you guys want to buy some of these pesticides?

And then, you know, they already were sold in the store, but I would go, you know, you might, you know, you might want more of these. Right. Because my competition was in there and they were like, hey, buy mine. And I was like, no, but mine is better for you. Wow. Mine costs less. I sold the generic brands of pesticides. So yours were garden pesticides.

They weren't necessarily commercial, like massive acreage farm pesticides. Or were they? No, no. No, no. More garden variety. Okay. Yeah. It was, yeah, you, I mean, you could do a whole farm if you wanted.

You just need to buy a lot of it. You'd have to crop dust it. Yeah. What would you say the most problematic insect is that deserves pesticide? Well, I think, you know, the obvious answer is the roach, but, you know, bedbugs. Oh. Like, when I first started. selling pesticides, we weren't even really selling bed bug killer. And then one day, we started

selling a lot of bed bug killer. And I, and, you know, no offense to Myrtle Beach. I love Myrtle Beach. But we used to sell a lot of bed bug killer in Myrtle Beach. It was like a lot of it. I think bad bugs are kind of dumb. Like, one, just the fact that people fart and their sleepy enough for a bad bug to go, I'm out of here. I'm going to go on it. I'm going to go on a piece of furniture where I ain't getting farted on all night. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it could be I mites getting into the mattress and adapting to this. Oh, wow. Maybe it's retired. I might's become, yeah, they need to rest or retired. They find a place to stretch out, a bad. Mertl Beach is a bit of a retirement community. This is all making sense. Yeah.

I think of all the little critters that walk around, the most fascinating to me are the ants. Yeah. I call them the snowmen of the insect world. Do you know why? Well, they look a bit like a snowman. They're the only critter with three body parts. They've got the three like little balls. They're like walking snowmen, except they live on the ground.

That's what we should be making. Instead of snowmen with just an arm, why don't we do snowmen? and then put six arms on it. Yeah, ant man. Yeah, and spray paint it black. And you wouldn't have to use as much snow. You could probably make one with about ten flakes versus having to roll a giant ball down the lawn or whatever.

Yeah. Ant man. Ant man. That's better. Frosty, the ant man was a very hungry ant. He ate at Grasshopper's leg and dragged it down the hole to the other. ant man oh hey sort of changes the Christmas carol though yeah it's not yet you know that song where he says that that one song where he says uh like walking in the winter wonderland yeah they'll say they build a

snowman and they say we'll pretend that he is parson brown yeah i always thought they said we'll pretend that he is marching proud oh and then when it says he'll say are you married we'll say no man but you can do the job while you're in town i thought they were trying to marry the snowman. Yeah. I thought they were getting married to the snowman. Which might be the perfect marriage. Yeah, it's just a wintertime fling.

Like, hey, great, great, happy wife, nice life, and then she melts. Yeah. Oh, well. Just a winter fling. You know, just when you need to stay warm for the winter, you know, you take on a wife. In summer, you're like, nah, I'm free again. start all over again Yeah

We got to talk about dust The hair It's look It's a bit of a power move To blast into the Harland Highway We know what hair is It's protein since we're being scientific Yeah

It's pure protein You're coming in here Proteining me I'm feeling a little I'm gonna be honest Vulnerable insecure You got great hair though I know, but I don't have that.

Well, I feel good. I mean, it's, you know, here's my best feature, I think. Can I have a best feature? I think, yeah, I mean, you know, I think we've got to all decide what our own best feature is. But can I have one? Yeah, for sure. Thank you. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. The power move. Oh, yeah. Now, this is the Harlan Highway. Huh? This is the Harlan Highway. This is what I'm talking about. Dude.

Oh, yeah. Protein. Wow. That changed you. Right? Yeah. Wow. Let's party, guy.

Yeah, that's big time. Look at that. Protein, bro. Talk about dust. and the win. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

What was that? I don't know. I think you're this new look that you've just pulled out of nowhere is even shocked things in your studio. Yeah. Have you ever been with your long hair

in a bar, standing at the bar, and all of a sudden you feel a hand on your ass, and it's like, hey, baby, you want to go over to the holiday inn and then you turn around and the guy sees it's a guy but do you ever get it where a guy from behind thinks you're a haughty i don't have a great backside i don't think so i don't think like even if they think i'm a woman yeah they're like i'm not into it though right yeah yeah there's a girl at the bar beautiful hair she has a wonderful set of hair but not really much on the back side bit of a hump back yeah wow yeah heavy girl yeah

well they've never like seen it hanging down and it's like i've because i've been in places where i'll see like a long head of hair and i think oh there's a haughty yeah and then they turn around they got the beard and the glasses i think i get it in the car sometimes people will pass me and i like to look at people in the car as they pass and i'll notice dudes looking in the the car. Wow. I think they think they're about to check out a girl and then they instead they made dead eye contact with me. And how'd that go? I go, you know, I give them, you know, I give him a wave. I go, what do you up to? Wow. Yeah. I go, I say you looking. This is going to be awkward and I've never, now that I've got this and we're doing the hair thing, I've never said this to a man before.

I don't even want to say it. But would it be? be okay if I blew you. Well, um, that, you know, I don't know. I'm gonna, you know, I don't know that I got that time today. I got a bit of a tight schedule. So I'll probably have to, you know, you know, just keep, keep going. I got to, you know, I got another podcast to do. I got to keep up my strength.

Way, way, way, way. I can't give up all this protein. I think maybe you're misinterpreting me. Oh, okay. I'm meaning Oh Oh, okay I would love to blow you

Oh, okay If that's okay Yeah, yeah I don't mind to blow out Yeah, because that hair There we go Yeah Are you cool if I blow you?

Oh yeah, let's go Yeah Oh yeah Oh my God Wow, yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah It must me Dust in the wind. Just dust in the wind. Dude, if you want to blow me, I don't mind. Okay. Oh, blow me. Oh, yeah, look at that.

Look at that hair. Oh. Hang on. Let me. Oh. Oh, blow me, you animal. Oh, yeah. Look at that hair.

Oh, we're rotting down the heart. Hardin Highway now. Oh, dude. I'm going to blow myself. That's why hair's good. That's why you like a lot of hair. It is. Guys with short hair really miss out on an opportunity to blow themselves, you know?

Yeah. I mean, I've never blown a guy before, but it wasn't that hard. No. Like, it wasn't, I'm not uncomfortable. I don't feel weird about it. And it was sort of fun. Yeah, it was fun. I mean, you know, at first, you know, you had a bit of a misunderstanding,

but yeah, once we really got into it. Like, if you had told me yesterday that blowing a guy was kind of this easy, I don't know if I would have believed it. Yeah, I mean, you know, you could have been down in Whoville making a little money all this time. Wow. Dude, I love this. Yeah. It looks good. I mean, this is a look for you. I think you should just put a little time into growing it out. Is it longer than yours? Yeah, that one is, yeah. But I don't have the beard. You have the beard. Yeah. Do people ever tell you look like Jesus?

I've heard that before, but I go wear the glasses and the hat, so I don't think it, I don't get it as much. Mainly I get that people think my hair's fake because I think the beard and hair are different colors. I get that a lot too. I think it's fake. Just recently. Yeah. Why didn't Jesus have glasses now that you mention it? Well, I guess he, you know, I mean, it would really take away from his healing power if he needed corrective lenses.

You're right. He's like, he could just fix his own. Yeah. Who's going to believe a miracle worker with like Foster Grants? Well, even it's like a fortune teller that's in like a small, like they're like, they say they can tell the future, but if they're in a small trailer or something, it's like, why do you not just predict your own lottery ticket numbers? Yeah. You know, or, you know, yeah, anybody that claims to know the, you know, or like a social media guru who says I can help you gain 10,000 followers, but they only have 20.

to stupid gurus. Yeah, it's like, well, show me that you can do it first. I almost feel like that something Homer Simpson would say, no stupid guru. Yeah. Excuse me. That's a good impression. Thank you.

Sorry. Do you think that you could handle, you know, having this much hair all the time? I mean, just seeing what you're going through right now, I mean, I go through this all the time. It's a constant, I put headphones on, and then the hair, hairs in, it's tucked under my, glasses, and it's a real mess. You know, the answer's going to be a little odd, but I'm familiar with this, but my

ass hair. I have ass hair that's this long. It's bundled up. I have to put my ass hair in a bun. There's a bun in my underpants right now. So right around my arse hole, this is pretty much what it lets. This is how long it is. You got a butt bun.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm a little familiar with it, but not up here. But my arse. I sit a little bit lower if I get my ars shaved. You'd like it in a bun, or would you, I would think you would want to just comb it down the back of your legs? Well, what I'll do is I'll throw it in a ponytail and pretend I'm a zebra,

like I'll have a tail. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, every now and then I'll do that if I'm at a nude beach or I'm, you know. You could braid it, put a little ball on the end, whip it around. Whip it real good. Yeah. Excuse me. I like the idea, though, when it's cold, you can comb it down the back of your legs.

Yeah. Like, especially if you're wearing real short shorts, you could have a lot of hair coming out of the... Excuse me. Sorry. Have a lot of hair coming out of the... Sorry. Cut off Calvin Klein's that you're talking about.

Sorry, I hope this isn't... I don't... Sorry. It doesn't bother me. I understand the struggle. That's why I wear a hat and glasses. It keeps a lot of this tame. Well, Dusty, let's get down to our final segment here.

today. Okay. We do it with all our guests. Dusty, it's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Oh, yeah. We have an authentic Dutch clog. All right. You reach in, you pull out a word, and see if it inspires a story from your life,

something you did, someone you met. You know, I used to know this kid growing up, and he said he went to Holland, and he came back with, he was wearing shoes like that. Really? Yeah, that's where these are from. Yeah. Holland and you know just the shoe I'm already inspired to think about this guy that wow what's your word dust okay sexual chemistry two words really wow yeah I think we

just saw a little of it right I think so too right here well there's nothing like nothing go ahead give sexual chemistry quite like two long-haired guys in a podcast studio right or out on the highway really on the harland highway a couple of long-haired dudes uh just sharing stories and yeah and riffing there's no there's no sexual chemistry quite like that yeah um this is a tough one for you because you're married yeah so now i got not to get too deep but i got to assume you have sexual chemistry with the wife i do we have kids you've got kids so you've had sexual chemistry at least twice yeah now if we dipped pre-wife would that get you a into trouble? No, no. I mean, I've had, yeah, I mean...

Was there a girl that just stood out of, obviously the wife is number one, but back when you were in high school, or was there a sexual chemistry with maybe someone, it was so strong you didn't even get to connect with them, but you could feel it. Was there a story? Someone with a sexual chemistry was just so, excuse me. Well, just to bring it all back around, you know, when I was selling pesticides, yeah, there was a girl that worked uh in the competition uh she worked for bear so i was i was a rep of one company and she was the bear rep okay he started to run into each other on the aisles and okay and she was very attractive especially for the world of the lows and home depot industry not that there's not very

attractive people right right but it's a real male dominated sure thing so uh you know a five could become an eight real quick in there. But she was very attractive for any setting. A Home Depot hottie sort of. Yeah, and she was, I'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend, but she, we began to date each other at work. Wow, a pesticide work? Pesticide work. So we, uh, well, she had a boyfriend.

Yeah. Dust. So we would, you know, do each other's hair, so to speak, in the parking lot of lows. Wait, wait, wait. is it i don't well we would you know she would you know blow dry my hair out in the parking would you mind well you're just i just i just missed a spot yeah so i'm the mayor rep yeah you're me we're in the parking lot right now thank you and uh and then we hooked up behind a rest area off the in the woods just to bring it full circle there's those woods yeah and uh and we did that

one time behind her rest area. Wow. Yeah. And so we just had a lot of sexual chemistry at work. And, you know, it just, and then when her job was a seasonal job, and when it ended, she got. Almost like an aunt. Yeah, she told me she was broken up with her boyfriend. Okay. Yeah, like a snowman. Like a snowing. I was like her summer snowman. Wow. And then I thought she was broken up with this guy the whole time. And then when her job ended, Oh, oh. She got married to that guy. Oh, dear.

Yeah. Did you ever develop feelings where you thought maybe you two would become more than just hook up? Yeah. I was heartbroken. You were? I was. So she sort of played you. Yes, she did.

Oh, Justin. You know, it seems like in this story, you know, I'm talking about this and we're having fun, we're doing this and that. But yeah, I mean, it was devastating. Because imagine this, if you will. You're a pesticide salesman. You're going into Lowe's and Home Depot every day. And it just, you know, and then one day you start hooking up with a very attractive person. And then they, the job is over.

And now you're just back to selling pesticides. Oh, yeah. You're like, what? Yeah. You know. Oh, dusty. Yeah. And you probably missed that smell of pesticide on her.

Like when you're making out in the back of a Volkswagen. I mean, I had a hard time making out with anybody if there wasn't a little smell of pesticides in the air. I would go, I would have, if I had girls at my apartment, I'd have to go, hold on a second. And I'd set off a fogger or something just to set the mood. Oh, nothing like this, the waft of DDT coming off of her neck. Yeah. She goes, what is that? Perfume?

I go, yeah. And then I just hit her with a couple, just on the neck just so I could. You are the Orkin man. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I mean, we were, you know, I was trying to get rid of that termite infestation. I never get rid of that as long as I'm around. Dust.

Look at that. Dusty Slay has been the guest today on the Harland Highway podcast. And Dusty, outstanding comedian, comedy specials, books, Take this time to tell these folks where they can find you, what your social media is, what you got coming up. Well, I got a brand new special right now on Netflix called Wet Heat, and you can find it. I also have another one called Working Man. And then you can go to dusty sleigh.com. You can find all my new tour, and I got a whole new hour.

So, you know, I got all these specials out there, but then I got a whole new hour that you can come and see me live. I'm also all my social media is at Dusty Slum, so I'm all over the place. Dude, and you're just taking off. You're everywhere. I'm on the Harlan Highway. Yeah, you're on the Harlan Highway and dust in the wind. And Dusty, thank you for being here today. Thank you for having me. Oh, you're so welcome.

Folks, that's it for today. on the Harlan Highway. Thanks for blowing by. And until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby. What kind of conditioner do you use? You know, I'll like to use some, what do they say, no paraben conditioner, but the name brand doesn't matter to me. Sorry, I couldn't hear you.

I was blowing myself. Head and shoulders, yeah. It's tough to hear if you really get into it. that. Hey gang, are you craving more Harland Williams? We'll join our Patreon page at patreon.com backslash Harland Williams. Well, you'll get bonus episodes

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