The Harland Highway - ERICA RHODES steals Harland's masculinity! Moles, cockpits, and throwing dad's ashes in the dead sea

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

This episode is sponsored by SKIMS, Rugiet, and Hims! -Ready to level up your confidence in the bedroom? Head to Rugiet.com and use my promo code HARLAND for 15% off your first order. - Shop SKIMS Men's at SKIMS.com. https://www.skims.com/harland -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Him.com/HARLAND Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Eric Rhodes: Website: https://www.ericarhodescomedy.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ericarhodes/?hl=en X: https://x.com/ericarhodes ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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responsibly come on out to the big bear film festival for the very first American screening of my movie wingman at the big bear film festival see you there I have a mole here too let's see right there that's not a mole that's a breast that's a breast that's what this is yeah you thought that was a mole I thought that was a mole I was like that's a big mole yeah no that's a breast If you get a mole with a nipple on it, that's a brass. Long neck, no chin, the Harlan Highway is about to begin. Sit down or stand up.

The Harlan Highway like Taylor in a cup. Let us lips, muffin eyes, tattoo a butter, on his thigh. Shut your hole, open your brain. The Harlan Highway is here to explain Photosynthesis, photosynthesis. Sometimes I wonder if I should have been an interior decorator. Yeah, you have good style, too.

You could have been a stylist. Yeah. Like stylist, interior decorator. What else? Life coach or? life coach yeah race car driver

yeah are you too tall for that no no no i'd be willing to snap my calves is that what you have to do i would because you're right i am a bit tall but i would be willing to lay down before the race and let someone like take a large steel rod or a bat or a piece of lumber like it and hurt your legs well i would say smash my my calves my

shins, snap them. Ow! And then, did you ever see when the house fell on the witch in Wizard of Oz? Yes! And her legs rolled up? Yes! I would let my legs... I'm just picturing it.

I would let my legs roll up, and I'd even wear the black and white leotards with the stripes, with the pointed shoes, and let my legs roll up like this, and then I'd fit right in that... Is it a cockpit? What do you call a race car? I don't think it's a cockpit. That's on a plane. Just a...

What is it on a race car? A... A... The spot you put... The driver's seat? The cock... It is... It's a driver's seat on a car.

Yeah. But on a race car... A... Cockpit? No, that's in a plane. Um... By the way, why is that called a cockpit in a plane? That's a good question that no one...

I've never heard anyone ask it before. And if you're a female pilot, is it still a cockpit? Or is it a pussy pit? Or is it a pussy pit? And I'm not trying to be rude here. I'm just trying, this is about equal rights. Right.

A pussy pit would be better. More equal. But what if you got a pilot who's a woman and you got a co-pilot who's a male? Is it like an all-gender pit? A cock pussy pit. Sounds like fun. Where's that flight going to?

No, we're good. Ah, how about Fun Town USA? Wheels up, let's fly. Did we start? Oh, do you want to start? Oh, did we start? Well, I want to make sure you're comfortable before we start. Oh, yeah, no, I'm good.

How do you feel? I feel good enough to start. There's levels of good, there's increments. When will I know, though? Will it just like... I think it will it come over you? Like will it sort of wash over you? Like you feel ready.

Yeah. I think I'll feel it. All right. Do you want to let me know? Yeah. Meanwhile, what do you want to... Talk about? We could talk about or we could just sit and look at each other or we could...

I'm still thinking about what it's called, the car. The car pit. Yeah, like I'll get hyperphylose. focused on trying to solve something like that. Me too. Yeah. Almost like immobile, immobilizes me. That's what it feels like.

It feels like I can't start this until we figure that out. I can't podcast until I know what the thing is. And I don't know anything about cars, so it's very unlikely I'll ever know what it is. I'm wondering if this podcast happens now. Unlikely. I think we just, we.

through a wrench in the very beginning of this. Let's ask to Amber. Should we start over? Amber. Amber Alert. Can you look up what the seating is of a race car? What it's called? Is it a cockpit?

Is it a pit? Is it just a driver something, slider? A driver slider? I like that. Driver slider? Gentlemen, get into your driver slider and start your engines. Yeah. Wow.

I like that. I like that. Even if we don't get the answer, I would be willing to go with that. Okay. What is it? The seating of a race car is the cockpit. The cockpit. It's also the cockpit?

The bucket seat. All right. Now we can move on. Yeah. All right. Should we start? We should start. Ladies and gentlemen, get into your cockpit.

Get your bucket of chicken if you're in the bucket seat. you on the holly highway parkin i do guarantee and uh what a special treat of a guest uh Erica Rhodes is back back for a second visit and uh I know it's not spring but you almost when you walk in a room it's almost like a spring treat really yeah that's such a nice thing to say well there's some very like like radiant about you. Aw, that's really sweet. Thank you. You're like almost like an azalea bulb in the dirt,

but you're like you're germinating. You're growing up. Oh, I like that. Like a spring treat. Really? Like a bunny coming out. Like a bunny coming out of a little nest. Like an Easter egg.

That's popping out. A popping out. You're popping out. Like just there's a radiating. there's like it's nice it's like a spring treat maybe it's just when i come on the podcast that it brings out the i guess the blooming in yeah and i was worried for a second because we almost got hung up yeah we almost got stuck on one small detail which means we're probably both a little yeah ad d ADHD but we still really i think we both concluded that we don't understand

excuse me the source of the cockpit Right, we don't know why it's called that, no. Would you hazard a guess or no? Is that dangerous territory for you? Now we have to, I mean, then we might get obsessed about that. Like, why is it called the cockpit? You wanted to call it the pussy pit. Well, I didn't.

I didn't. I just wanted to suggest it for a woman just for equal rights. Right. I could call it the vulva pit. That's kind of, that has a good flow to it. I could call it the flappers pit. I could call it the Pistrami pit. And now we're getting into weird territory.

Well, this is for women's rights. Pistrami? Pit. You said it. Right. You know what I mean. Well. Sometimes.

I have no idea what you mean. Well, sometimes a woman's anatomy. Looks like Pistrami. In the right light, at the right angle. Sounds like the wrong light. Maybe. but it can look like a pastrami sandwich. The same way a man's thing

could look like an Octoberfest sausage. But you didn't say it should be called October sausage pit. I could. I'm willing to be flexible. I guess it depends who's flying the plane. Yeah. Lately it's been a lot of young people.

Oh, what if a trans is flying the plane? What if the pilots are trans? Now what kind of pit do we have? I don't even want to try to answer that one. Where's that flight going? Huckleberry Farms, I bet. And I don't even know what that means. Yeah, I don't either.

But it sounds like if you're a trans pilot, you put the hat on, you got the little wings. I feel like you get about 10,000 feet, you're headed straight to Huckleberry Farms. Because where to trans fly to? Where else are they going to go? They've got different things. Where would a trans go?

I feel like they'd have to go to Huckleberry Island or wherever I said. But are you saying they can't fly anywhere they want to fly? I don't know. How do they work? And I think trans people can fly just as many places as everybody else, Arland. I know, but I feel like somehow Huckleberry Island sounds fun. I would like to go to Huckleberry Island. I think I would.

I would hope to go to Huckleberry Island. Where is it? Near Hawaii. Okay. Wow. I think you're right. Wow. Wow. Well, Erica, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me back. Oh, are you kidding? No. Yeah, well, okay. I was going to ask you, your hair always looks great. Oh, thanks. Do you like mysteries? Yeah. Like, give me an example of a mystery you like. Because I have a mystery I'm about to dump on you like King Kong shaving his armpits and a windstorm.

Whoa. Like, it's coming down. But what's a mystery that you sort of, has there ever been a mystery that you like or have gravitated to? I mean, there's like the old school Amelia Earhart one. Oh, right. Where did she end up? Is that kind of a boring?

That's kind of a basic one. Well, now if you put the new twist on it, she was a pilot. Yeah. Where was she sitting? When she went down. She was trying to go to Huckleberry Farms. Oh, my God. Oh, was it Farms?

I thought it was an island. Huckleberry Island. It's on an island. She wanted to go to the farms. Wow. Yeah. They say, didn't she go down somewhere in the South Pacific? Yeah, near the Bermuda Triangle.

Wow. Also another name for a women's. Oh, yeah, Bermuda Triangle. This is all like one big thing. Yeah, I feel like there's just one. one thing on your mind today. Well, not my mind is this is all stemming from the aeronautics industry.

So if anyone wants to write in and complain, if anyone wants to file a civil litigation, just bypass me and go right to Delta, American Airlines, Aer Lingus. Whoa. Wow. That was a,

what do you call a Freudian slip that's not just Freudian? Is it always a Freudian slip? Oh. What if it's... What if Sigmund Freud was a cross-dresser and wore a slip to bed at night or under his clothes?

Oh. Would that be a Freudian slip? Yes, that would be literally a Freudian slip. Interesting. If he sold merch, he'd probably sell slips. Yeah, the Freudian slip. Yeah, that would have been really smart. Wow.

Yeah. Interesting. Anyway. Oh, yeah, I was going to ask you, so you like mystery. Why Amelia Earhart? What is it that captivate you about her? It's an old mystery. It is an old mystery.

I think it's just, I like a woman. It's a woman's journey. She's trying to do something, you know, interesting, unique, brave. Is it a woman's journey? Does it talk about women's journey or does it talk more about women's ability to drive? Oh, boy, you're getting in trouble. I know. This isn't me.

This is. You're walking into a lot of... Continental Airlines. Yeah. The Eagle Airlines or Canada. Like, this isn't me. Right. No, you know, I'm kidding.

Well, I do. I don't know if they... They don't. They don't know humor stuff. No, they're going to cancel. Watch this. Knock, knock. What? No.

But they didn't know. See, they didn't know was supposed to be who's there. And that's my point. That's the whole point. Yeah. They don't know. We know.

We know. That's why I did the opposite. Right. I did that on purpose because you thought I was going to say. Knock, knock, what? Yeah. Wow. That's what you would say if someone actually knocks on the door.

You don't say who is there. You say what? You do? Yeah. You would. I would say what. Knock knock. What?

What do you want? Oh, that I would, that if you fill it in more. Yeah. Just what feels very open-ended and ambiguous. But if it's, okay, so if it's a front door, maybe you'd say who's there. but if it's just your door, like, the person's already in your house. So then if they knock on that door, you'd be like, what? Yeah, if they're in the house.

Yeah, if they're in the house, you'd be like, you're right. So I think what we have to conclude here is knock, knock jokes don't work indoors. Right. Wait, because for a knock, knock joke to work, half of the party has to be inside. So a knock, doc joke can only work if half the party involved in the joke, 50% have to be inside, 50% outside. Knock, knock coming from outside, inside, who's there. But if two people are on the joke inside and you go knock, knock, then you go what?

Right. Because they're already inside. Yeah, you're getting it. Yeah, that's exactly right. Oh, I'm getting it. Not them. No, you have to spell it out for them. Yeah.

Which I guess you kind of just did. I don't have time to spell. Does anyone spell anymore? No. There's so many things I can't spell now. Like what? I'm trying to think of something I had to look up. Like kindergarten. Just that word's a toughie.

Right? Kindergarten. K. I. D. E. R. T. D. Eh.

Eh. Right. Isn't it G? We don't know. I don't know. We don't know. And if we don't know, they certainly don't. They don't know.

They probably didn't probably get past K-I. Right. We got to D, kind, kind, kind. We got to kind. Kind. And then. Are you kind? I think so.

Try to be. Like if you were driving down the highway and then you saw puppy on the side of the road, would you pull over? Would you keep going? We'd keep going. So you're not really kind? Well, what am I supposed to do with the puppy? It wouldn't be kind to get the puppy because then what?

Well, you save it. You take it to a rescue place or you coddle it on your chest. But what if it's someone's puppy and they're just looking for it and then now you've kidnapped the puppy? But it's on a stretch of highway where it's clearly lost. It's running. It's about to be hit. Oh, it's about to be hit? Yeah. Then I would get it. Okay. Yeah. If it's like an emergency, I'd get it. But if it's just like wandering, it might be someone's puppy. Okay. So you are kind. I'm kind and circumstantially kind.

Kind. I'd say. Yeah. Would you pick it up? Yeah. Yeah. I'd probably pick it up and drop it at your house. That's not kind.

And then I'd have it knock on the door. And I'd go, what? And it would go, what? No, dogs don't say spark words. What's the spark words? Bark words. Oh, bark words? Imagine if dogs.

Sometimes say bark, it sounds like a word. Like some of them can say, I love you. They can? I've seen dogs on, on TikTok and say, Oh, I'm sure that's not AI? No. No? No.

Are you a cat guy or a dog guy? From the shirt, it would be a cat, but that might be just. It's kind of, it's a misleading. It's a mislead. Yeah. So you're a dog guy? Dog guy. All the way.

Oh, woo. Have you ever done that to a man? Like, just like, romantic. manic moment. He finally tells you he loves you and you look him in the eyes and answer and do a dog voice. Like pretend I'm the guy, okay? You've been dating for two years. Okay. The L word hasn't been sad. Okay. And finally go, Erica, I love you. I love it. Oh. Yeah. I could do it, but I've never done it. That was the first time I've ever done that. As a dog? Yeah, as a dog. Yeah.

It felt weird. Yeah. It didn't look like you liked it either. It just didn't feel sincere. So if I said it, sincerely, you would like it? Has a girl ever done that to you, or she woofed, I love you? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. How soon after did it end? It ended almost immediately. I threw a frisbee and she was gone. Yeah. Maybe she was a dog. She was like, I love you. And I was like, whee.

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Go get the Rugiat. And have fun. Okay, so Amelia Earhart, what is it? So it's a woman's story. Yeah, it's a lone... Tell the folks just what happened real briefly. If you could encapsulate her tail. She was going to fly...

Was she flying across the globe? Or where was she flying? I forget where she was flying to. I thought it was Cleveland, but maybe it was across the globe. She wanted to fly to Cleveland? I'm somehow, that's what I'm thinking. All right. So she's going to...

Cleveland but by accident she went the wrong way and she lost her connection and then she accidentally crashed into the Bermuda triangle but they never found the plane so they don't know where she ended up they never found her anywhere so she may have gone to what they think is a Bermuda triangle where it's like a secret passage to another land so that's a mystery that sort of plagued you and intrigued you? I don't know if it plagued me, but I've thought about it a couple times. Huh. You know, like I've thought, huh, where did she go?

Yeah. Right? Wow. Is she gone forever? She probably went to the ocean, but what if she didn't go to the ocean? And then what if there is like the secret place? Like in the Bermuda Triangle? Yeah, maybe there's a secret place.

I know they've suggested that perhaps it's a portal. Yeah. Like a time portal? Yes. Things go into it and. time stand still and then they're held in suspended animation. Right. I mean, Bermuda's, if you got to be suspended in time, Bermuda's not a bad place to

check in. Yeah, I went there recently. Talk to me. Have you been there? Yeah. It's cool, right? Tell me what you discovered. What, I opened your eyes.

Don't do Bermuda Triangle jokes there. They don't work. What happened? They're just like over it. What? Yeah, they're not into it. What if you did like another show? shape like a Bermuda octagon or a...

I think they'd like that. Okay. Yeah. That would be more surprising because they've already heard all the Bermuda triangle jokes and they're kind of like, yeah, yeah. Is there a Bermuda, are there other shapes? Is there a Bermuda-Isocles triangle? Or is it just a regular triangle?

It's just a normal triangle. It's why it's called the triangle. Bermuda triangle. Yeah, I think it's just a normal. Maybe if it was an Isosceles triangle, it would be navigated better because it's a very precise instrument of measurement the isosceles triangle. What is the measurement again

of the oscilles? Four by 12 by 9 by 6.32. Wow, you really paid attention. Yeah. Sure, I know these things. Yeah. Did you learn that in middle school? I think I picked it up there in the

play yard. I had kids that in our play yard the kids would have... Play yard? Well, you know, outside. Park? In your park? The school out there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Kids would, you had kids who would smoke, you had kids. I played in the area where the kids had the isosceles.

Oh, wow. You were with the smart kids in. I just hung around. Yeah. I like increments. I like measurements. I like fractions. Really?

I was that kind of kid. I'd burn ants and then, you know, do a fraction. You'd burn an ant? Burn ants? Like what kids do in the yard? They'd burn ants, just normal? Yeah, with a magnifying glass or? That's so mean, and you said you're kind?

No, I didn't burn them. I would watch the... You just watched? The Isosceles game. You were just a witness to this torture of little helpless ants? Well, they're not helpless. We burned the leaves. We didn't burn ants.

Leaves have a whole ecosystem of veins and... That's true, actually. Arquilaries and pitilitude glands and phalarians. Valerian tubes? Larsescenic path and liegeons. but go through them they're living entities leaves they almost say leaves can feel your breath

and react to the vibrations in your voice and even your energy coming off your body they're very sensitive and you did what to them now we just we made collages with a lot of leaves

didn't do anything else to them sometimes Ants crawl on leaves. Do a double banger. Did you burn both together? Could have, might have. Maybe still want to. That was one of the,

I enjoyed those days when we did the light thing with the magnifying glass and set fire to stuff. That's what I was talking about. Yeah, yeah, that was a fun lesson. Because with ants... I don't remember doing it with... Well, with ants is what they're resilient characters.

And when they'd ignite, they'd keep running for a bit. So they almost looked like Hollywood stuntmen. This is so mean. Yeah, they were like little running, like... And the teachers were okay with this? They had no choice. What do you mean they had no choice?

They couldn't say stop burning the ants. It's not what we're trying to learn. Children are diabolical. They are. You turn the focus from the ants and all the children, like children of the damned, their heads turn in unison and now they're staring at the teacher. And all of a sudden the teachers, teachers are combustionable. so it's not like they can escape the wrath of the children of the dam.

Sounds like Lord of the Flies now. Right. Except Lord of the Ants. William Golding's Lord of the Flies. Yeah, you've heard of it. Who did you associate with in William Golding's Lord of the Flies? Piggy or Samuel or the poet kid or... Gosh, I don't remember very well.

I loved that book, though. Who is the leader, the leader of the pack? There was Simon. And, or Manthewel, the Armenian boy. I think I was like Simon. Amethuel was the Armenian boy. And then Simon and Piggy was a little fatty. Yeah, I wasn't Piggy.

And Cracker Jack. He was the little Scottish boy. Do you remember Cracker Jack? Just his name. Always charming. How do you remember this so well? Oh, it's easy. I haven't read that book since I was like 12.

I remember just about anything. You do? Yeah. You just have one of those memories? I got one of those Jeopardy minds. It's like everything. Oh, have you done Jeopardy? You should do it.

It's too easy for me. Oh, you should do it. I don't want to make those people look like a fool. Wow. Like my head is full of information and data. You couldn't spell kindergarten, so. Well, who can, really? That's true.

Have you ever seen someone spell it on Jeopardy? I haven't. No. They've never asked, but. Have you ever seen anyone get as low as the final two letters the way we did? No. Talk to me. I am.

God. What was that? I don't know. I think it was a... Did you just get bit by a mosquito? I don't know. It was like a homeluous reaction to a hemelioid selenite. And I told them...

I feel like you should have been a scientist. You know so many scientific words. It's so weird. What was your favorite book as a kid? Lord of the Flies. It was? William Golding's Lord of the Flies. That's supposed to someone else wrote, right?

Wrote one? Yeah. Yeah, right. Was there a spin-off? A spin-off. Larry Smith's. Lord of those. Outhouse flies.

But here's my mystery. Oh, okay. And it comes back, because I mentioned how nice your hair always is. Yeah. Erica, how is it? Yeah. That you and me and all the people watching, okay? Mm-hmm.

We get in the shower. Yeah. We walk into the shower with a brand new bottle of shampoo, a brand new bottle of conditioner. Yeah. Yet I put them both on the same amount every time I do the wig. the wig? Well, the hair. Yeah, yeah. But yet the conditioner always outlasts the shampoo. In fact, by half a bottle. Wow, that's such a good question. Talk to me. Talk to me. Do you use the conditioner as often as you use the shampoo?

Yes. You do? You have to. Why do you have to? Well, because the shampoo makes your hair so radical, the conditioner's whole purpose in life is to, tempt down the floof created by the radical shampoo. You're not really supposed to use conditioner every time you shampoo. I do. But you're not supposed to. Well, I know I'm not supposed to, but I'm sort of a radical. I've always been a wild one. I run with the devil.

Yes. I run with the creatures of the night. Yeah, I knew that. And I'll condition my shampooed shampooed hair all day. Well, maybe you're not using as much. So the shampoo I'll tell you why. This is scientific. The shampoo is, there's more water in it. So you're going to get, there's more water in the shampoo, right?

So if you squeeze it out, more will come out. Whereas the conditioner has less water. It's more substance, right? So less will come out on your hand. And so it just makes sense that there's more water in the shampoo. But it seems like I'm squeezing the equal amount. It looks like that, but that's an optical illusion based on what it feels like from the squeeze. More is coming out in the shampoo because it's more liquidated than the conditioner, which is thicker, right?

The substance is thicker. You would probably have a fancier word for thickness. Grytholinus. It's a little more grytholinous, as opposed to the liquid of the shampoo that's just mostly water. Huh. This is for real science. For real science. Like, what kind of science is this? Biology.

Okay. Marine biology or like, because there's water? Is that, what it? Maybe it's physics. Physics. Physics because of the squeeze feels the same, but it's not the same amount coming out of your hand, in your hand. So it's physics, right?

So it's, okay. It's like, you know, when you were back when you were doing, in your aunt days, you would measure different substances against each other. Okay. And one substance might look like you're putting the same amount, but it's heavier, right? So conditioner is heavier as well. If you measure the same amount. I apologize. I just meant to do like a casual, mm.

Yeah, that sounded like your. And I went too deep. Yeah. I went like, mm. What it sounded like was you were kind of bored, but it came out as a, oh, right? You're like, this is kind of boring. No, no, it wasn't boring. I think it was, it was a fascinated, like, mm, but I elongated it, and it sounded like a

codyac bear coming out of hibernation in early spring. That's exactly what it sounded like. Okay, so I'm going to accept your hypothesis here. but I'm going to contest it a little bit. Okay, go for it. Because according to what you're saying, makes sense. Yeah.

But yet how is it that it's not just a little bit of a difference between the empty shampoo and the conditioner. The conditioner is almost half full still while the shampoo declined down to zero. I mean, it seems like it would be closer to the bottom, but it's a lot. you might are you accidentally drinking some of the shampoo say that again are you drinking it sometimes yeah i got gets thirsty in the shower there you go and it is creamy i mean it's

almost like a milkshake and do you use a organic brand that tastes good yeah that her she's that there you go i think we got to the bottom of this it's really the only brown shampoo you can find these days, too. Everything else is like white or green, but Hershey's is that nice, dark chocolatey tint. And it tastes good. It tastes good. I mean, I'll wash my hair three, four, five, six times in a sitting. And the conditioner doesn't have the same isn't made with Hershey. You're not using Hershey's conditioner? No. Pert. Pert? Yeah. That's the problem. Pert. Yeah. Who uses Pert anymore? Mua? Well, that's the problem. It's from like the 1920s.

Okay. What do you use? I don't know. I don't even know what it is. I use whatever's in my shower. Come on, you don't know. You're not like one of those picky girls. It's like... Not really. I got something from like my health food store that's like how the shampoo is like supposed to help your hair grow. You're putting food in your hair? Kind of. It's all organic ingredients. Like what? I don't know. I don't read the bottle. I just. look at it. Aren't girls very meticulous

about their shampoos, though? Not all girls. You might be the first I've ever met that has such a laissez-faire attitude towards your head nourishment. Do that again? Do the... Your laissez-faire approach to your your shampoo. You think girls are always into their shampoo?

Many are, not to stereotype them. And this is a feminist thing. If you haven't picked up right from the beginning, this show has been very geared towards... The pussy shirt. Cat, the cat. Kid cat on your shirt. Sorry. Did I offend you by calling it?

Not at all. Not at all. I love it. Wow. So you might be the first girl I've ever met that doesn't really... Look at the shampoo bottle? Yeah. I mean, I care about it, but I don't obsess about it.

Well, do you know what kind of conditioner you use? Something with the coconut, something, coconut thing. Oh. It had like coconut. It's supposed to make it kind of wavy. Yeah, your hair is very wavy. Yeah, it helps make it wavy. The coconut.

Some coconut thing, but I don't remember the brand name. Maybe B&B, B and B, B, B, B, B, B, B, and B, Bumble something. Bumble B something. I think that's tuna. Tuna. Are you putting tuna in your hair? Bumblebee tuna? That's not a bad idea.

I bet it might not smell good, but I bet it would make it really thick. Wavy and thick. Yeah, yeah. Your hair looks good, though, whatever you. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty good. You're lucky you're a man with hair. Yeah. Some men don't have hair. I have it all over my body. Wow. Yeah. Let's not get too full of ourselves here. Well, I'm just a hairy, hairy guy. But your arms aren't? Well, I shave those. You shave your arms? Yeah. Really? Yeah. They get really hairy.

They do? It doesn't look like you shave them. You would have little... I shave them real nice. Should I shave mine? You look really soft and nice In high school My nickname was Mastodon Have you ever seen a Mastodon? No It's like a lower cousin to the woolly mammoth

Sort of a smaller version of the mammoth You had that much hair on your arms? Just crazy Remember that movie Teen Wolf? Yes Used to call me Teen Wolf No they did Some of the kids called me Armenian even

Yeah Is that supposed to be? offensive? No, no. Just the Armenians tend to, they have more hair. They have really girthy, thick hair. That makes sense. Yeah. Well, you don't have any on your arms, so. No, I kind of shave the arms, but the rest of my body, just hair. I could lay in front of your fireplace and you'd think I was a Kodiak. Wow. Yeah. Are you hairy anywhere else? No, not really. Okay. Just my hair. Yeah. Girls are lucky like that. They don't have to, do you have a mole or any? anything though with a big hair sticking out? I bet you do. No. I bet you have one mole with a giant

like catfish whiskers sticking out like a black. I don't think so. You gotta have one. I have a mole on my back but it doesn't have a hair sticking out of it. How do you know you can't see back there? It's a good point. Like when you lay down at night, does it feel like there's a catfish swimming under your spine? No. Does it feel like there's a praying man is eating a grasshopper's leg. Not that I know of. Does it feel like there's a spotted salamander laying saliva-riddled eggs? I hope not.

Okay, I'm just saying I think you might have a mole hair. Oh my God. Well, feel right now, you should be able to feel. I don't think it has a hair out of it. Just like, instead of rubbing it up and now and just do one of these, like see if you feel a hair. Nope. Okay.

I also can't feel where the mole is. How big? I don't even have a mole back there. How big would you say the mole is a dime? Yeah, tiny, you like that? I've had my dermatologists look at it. He said it's fine. Smaller than a dime.

Yeah, it's like this big. What's that? So like the size of a thumbtack maybe? Yeah. Oh, boy. What color? Just brown. You don't like moles.

I like moles, but it's been nice knowing you. I have a mole here too. Let's see. Right there. That's not a mole. That's a breast. That's a breast. that's what this is yeah you thought that was a mole i thought that was a mole i was like can you that's a big mole

it's like you have to look at this yeah no that's a breast if you get a mole with a nipple on it that's a breast i have two you got two you got two breasts should i get them looked at i would they just grew in recently i would get them looked at what's that little necklace there hanging between your moles my dad my dad what do you mean well some of his ashes my mom sent them So that I would have them But then I let most of him out in the dead sea Because I went to Israel And I let him out

Because I thought he'd think it's funny You know Because he's dead Yeah he'd be like Oh Yeah I'll be like the ultimate dad joke Like oh I'm

I'm dead in the dead sea You know Wow And then he float You float in the dead sea So his ashes are still floating Somewhere in the dead sea Well a human body

With bone and tissue will float I don't know that ashes will float Everything floats. Ashes? Yeah, the ashes floated. I watched them float away. You watched your dad's ashes float away.

I did in the Dead Sea. How many did you put in there? Well, whatever was in here. Was it a pinch of dad? Was it a dash of dad? It was a dash, a dad. A dash. A dad dash.

Hmm. Yeah, and it just, he just floated out. And I still have a tiny bit, but like, I wear the necklace just because it reminds me of him, but it's not really him, but it's like kind of like a little. It is a tiny bit. bit of him. Organically him. Well, there's a tiny bit of him. What part of him is in there?

I don't know. You don't know? I don't want to know. No. So it could be an elbow. Could be his face. Could be his legs. I hope it's just like a dash of like maybe like a cheek or something.

Okay. Yeah. Is that give you comfort or is it a little macabre? It's more symbolic to me. Yeah. You know, it's not really because I let. Well, because I let most of him in the Dead Sea, it's not, like, weird that he's, like, in there. It's more just a symbolic feeling of that he's close.

Do you keep that with you all the time? Yes. I wear it every day. Maybe legally a bit too close. I wear it every day. A guy recently was like, do guys get weirded out to, like, hook up with you? I was like, no, nobody cares. They don't?

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from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. It's never been a cock blocker. Wow. Oh, you must have been close with your dad. There you are now.

It doesn't usually fall right between my boobs like that. He's getting right into the cleavage there. It doesn't usually. Is that abnormally low? Yeah, it's like lower than normal. Lower than normal, Dad's okay. My goodness. But no, it's much.

Now it's just a necklace. I don't really like think about it. I mean, it's nice because I feel like it connects me to him, but it's not like every time I put it on. I'm like, I'm doing this for you, dad. You know, it's not like that. Isn't it fascinating that you have the origins of your existence hanging on your neck? Yeah, that is weird, right?

Without your dad, who's part of him is contained in that little piece of jewelry, you wouldn't be here and exist without what's hanging around your neck. That's true. This is all the Jewish in me. It is? He was Jewish? He was Jewish. And was your mom? No. What was your mom? Swedish.

Well, sounds a bit the same. same ish ish it's a bit ish Swedish Jewish yeah if you just chopped off the front part and then just everybody's ish that's true who needs the front part I'm not finish though well you will be we've got about half an hour to go I'll be more I'll be finished by the end of the podcast podcast yeah so will I what are you nosy besides that are you are you are you do you have Jewish? No, you're not Jewish. Irish. Irish. French Canadian. Everything is ish. Everything's Ish. Yeah. Amish. I wonder what everything would be if you took out all the ishes. Yeah. And I don't know should the Amish allowed to be make plans where they say I'll meet you at about seven-ish.

If you're Amish, can the Amish-ish-ish- No, it's too complex. I don't think they should. Too many. It's in a row. You can't ish it. You can't ish and ish. Yeah. Yeah. That seems too much. If you're Amish,

you have to just meet at seven. But also, I don't know if they do time. Oh yeah. They don't have a little before the sun goes down. I'll meet you when the shadow crosses the cucumbers in the garden. Exactly. That's what they do.

So you were close with your dad, I'm guessing? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Like real close? Yeah. pretty close. Yeah.

Can we ask how he passed or is that getting too deep? No, it's fine. He had MS, you know. He had what? MS. MS. MS.

Ish or full? Full MS. Yeah. And then he got pneumonia. And if you get pneumonia with MS, it's like it can be fatal. That's sound like a mess. Yeah, it's a mess.

Oh, my God. Oh, so the Dead Sea. Yeah, he's out there. He had a sense of humor. He was very funny. So he would have appreciated that. Yeah, I think he would have liked it. Oh, God.

That's the ultimate dad joke. Dead dad joke. Dead dad in the Dead sea. Yep. Did it ever occur to you to try and find something that represented life? Versus the Dead Sea. Like Space Mountain at Disneyland or... You think that represents life?

Well, it's just fun. Like that's deader than the Dead Sea. Maybe. You like that? I don't know. Do you like rides? You like going on a ride? I used to as a wee child.

Yeah. But are you, but you know, what do you think of these adults that go on, go to Disneyland and stuff? I think it's a bit, you know, I don't want to tell people how to live. Yeah. But it feels a bit you've outlived your welcome. Yes. It's like I saw a guy the other day and he was getting off an airplane. And I just saw this guy

And I'm like, oh, okay, there's a guy Looked like he was about 46 And he goes up to the thing And he's going to get his bag And he popped out a skateboard Oh boy And I'm like, you know, everyone do your own thing But at what point

I just feel like sometimes you just What are you hanging on to? But I don't know, who am I to judge? You're you, you can judge Okay You don't have a skateboard no or and you're not going to space mountain no but you yeah i guess yeah you're still kind of a childlike person well i guess so but i told you i'm really hairy so i don't think i'd be a kid if i was like a mastodon

super hairy like if you hit me with a canoe paddle using the conditioner on your whole body maybe i don't know maybe that's what's happening i don't know just yeah you shouldn't be shampooing your whole body. Okay. Use soap for that and then you won't run out of the... You ever just washed your hair with a bar of soap? I have when it's an organic, fancy soap. Like what?

I bought one at the farmer's market once and they were like, you can use this on your hair. What was in it? Cale and... Yeah, all sorts of organic ingredients. They're like, you can use this for everything. Really? Yeah. Did you ever like get it on one of those cheese?

things and get it going in your salad? No. Well, you said everything. Well, they didn't say you could eat it. They just said you could. Well, they didn't say everything. That's true. Eating comes under everything.

Have you ever eaten a bar of soap? Sure. Did your parents wash your mouth out? No, I just like to eat it because I liked I was a bubble blower. Oh, okay. I love to blow bubbles. You know, a lot of kids get those little wands and the liquid. It's too dainty.

I was a tough kid. So I would sit in the back. of the, you know, down in the basement, I'd eat two or three bars of Irish spring. Ew. That's the grossest kind of soap to eat. Well, maybe, but the bubbles that came out of me. I looked like Dolly Parton farting through a wind box. It's unbelievable.

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that follows. So get having fun, get your stuff flowing freely, enjoying life, and get a really good, nice pair of undies, skims. You are the best person,

you're the best at analogies of any comedian. You would win. Probably the best. I think you're right. The best. Number one. I don't know how your brain works like that,

but you're very good at analogies. Yep. best. Say anything, I'll give you an analogy. Rubik's cubes. Four sides, four colors, mix them up, and

pretend you've got your TV fell off a cliff. That's not an analogy. Well, isn't it? Okay, mittens. Mittens. Mittins. Cover your hands. It's getting cold, stupid.

I don't think these are analogies anymore. Aren't they? Do you know what an analogy is? Just tell me. I know they don't. Tell them. It's like when something's like something else.

Right. Right? Of course. So like your house is like... An analogy. What kind of an analogy? I get a lot of analogies in the spring. My eyes get so like itchy.

I don't think that's an analogy either. Okay, well, if you want things your way, I'll let it happen for now. You said I was like spring. That's an analogy. Spring treat. Treat, spring treat. Speaking of what's going on with you, because you always have, one thing I love about, you've always got a quirk going.

You know that word quirk? Yeah, yeah. And I know that's a weird word. It sounds like the noise. Ray, when an egg comes out of a chicken's hole, quirk. Yeah, yeah, there you go. But what's your quirk right now? What's quarking you up and down and sideways and all over?

It's always something quarking you up. You're all quirked up half the time. Like what was my last quirk? I don't know. Like you've always like, oh, this or driving or cars or fleas or pets or balloons or kids, noisy people, water parks. You've always got some kind of quirk happening that you like to ramble on about. Let me think of my latest quirk And some people would call this a setup

But I'm just, no Because I don't have an answer So setup has to have an answer to it But you always have a quirk going I do There's always something chewing your fat I don't mean like You know what I mean?

Yeah like that's an analogy Are you saying a quirk in like a pet peeve? Yeah like just something that's grinding your gears Like there's sparks flying down Main Street It's got to be something just rubbing you raw Like sandpaper on the side of a baby's Fat pink ass cheek Oh my God

Like quirk And I know it's a tough word Like quirk You ever picture an egg coming out of a chicken's arse Yeah And right after it It just it feels like But is there's

Well I have a No here we go I feel like this is too hacky to talk about Oh, every week, there's no hack on this podcast. Well, it is because it's travel related, you know? Right. We opened with the whole flying thing. Well, I'm just frustrated that every time, like, you fly, all they do is collect trash now.

What do you mean? It's like aggressively collecting trash every five minutes. The flight attendants come around and go, trash! Right. Do you want some, do you guys have trash? And they used to help with things. They used to help you, like, with your luggage. They used to bring you coffee.

They still like want to help And now all the, it's every five seconds Do you have some trash? Yeah. Trash? And it's aggressive. Well, I'll tell you this is a true story about a week ago I was on a flight

And one of the, the air attendants, what are they called? Flight attendants. Flight attendants. Yeah. She was sort of a girthy one. Yeah. Kind of a Midwest kind of meatloaf slinging Punch a baby cow in the face type of vibe.

Yep. And she was walking down the other. she's going to trash trash trash she bends down to me i think because she knew i was a comedian or something she gets almost too close like i could almost smell the asparagus in the cracks of her teeth oh my god yeah did you say gog god okay and she came down she's going trash as she gets down to me and she goes she goes hey trash it's the only job in the world where i can actually call people what they are. She goes, watch this. Trash. Trash.

So in her mind, she was calling the customers trash. Wow. So that's why they keep doing it over and over and over. They hate us. Well, this one did, and she told me your little secret, and she expected me to laugh. And meanwhile, I'm the customer sitting in the seat.

She's telling her little trash secret to someone who she's using it against. And I just sat there and went, okay. and then she started and she was trash trash I'm like So she's just So they're just calling us trash

I go this one was Oh my God See That's hilarious Yeah wow I was sort of offended Yeah you should be That's mean

But the fact she told me And then was kind of saying it to me Like It wasn't like she was telling her buddy in the back Yeah that's really she was telling the recipient of her abuse she was like everyone else's trash except for you yeah

she was that's what she was saying she was like see everyone else is trash but she must have thought that you would think that's hilarious but I'll tell you what I don't like it either and sometimes I hold on to my trash just because I don't want to be part of their trash collection parade me too I do that I'm passive aggressive because I'm like I'm not working for

the airline right now and I'm not in the mood right now to dig out the trash and you guys didn't clean the trash from before you didn't you didn't clean up like you didn't wipe anything down but now I have to do the trash by the way that's also applicable in the movie theaters where in the old days it was just common knowledge you left your popcorn bag and your chip wrappers and your foil from your hot dog and even maybe a piece of a wiener yes on the floor if you wanted to but But now they're like, please help our associates clean up a, take your garbage out. No, no, no. It's like you said, I ain't working here, player.

I just spent $48 on a small Coke and a popcorn and a weaner that tastes like, you know, Barry Manilow's Last Supper, whatever that means. Well, that was a good analogy. And I ain't about to, I'm not in the janitor's union, okay? Right, exactly. I came to watch Jurassic Park. I didn't come here to sweep and clean. Exactly. I'm glad to see.

You do relate to this. Well, I got in trouble on the plane the other way. What happened? Uh-oh. Because they upgraded. Sorry you do the quotes, but it has to be because it wasn't an upgrade. It was, it was, they put me in the exit row in this little cubby area where there's nowhere to put your stuff. This is comfort plus, but it was not plus.

And all, and there's no window. And there's no, like you're kind of in this like weird. Netherland of the plane where you're in the middle. Almost like the asylum part. There's no windows. And you can't go back. You can't incline your, your recline.

Sorry, recline. You can only decline. You can go forward. And there's, and so then they put my little, I had a little backpack and they're like, you can't keep this here. So what,

but we're going to put it in first class. So they put it up in the compartment in first class for me. And now I have nothing. And so in the middle of the flight, I go to try to find it. And I don't know where it is. And so I'm in first class opening the compartments. But I don't know how to close the compartments because I don't work for the plane. I don't know how to close it.

So I'm banging it. So she thought I was banging it to be rude because I'm banging it. I thought that's how you shut it. So now I'm disturbing everyone in first class because I'm going bang, bang. So then I go back to finally get my backpack. I go back. And then I think I can hide it under my legs so they don't have to go put it back. there before the plane when we're landing and she she comes over she goes you have to put your bag

back up and I go oh no first the woman comes over and she goes just so you know next time find me because you were disturbing everyone in first class I said well no one was around I didn't you weren't here so then she said well next time and I said okay so then another flight attendant says you have to put the bag back up and I said well she has to come get it because she doesn't want me to go in there so then the woman comes back and she goes I'm not going to let you put it in first class because you were very rude. Whoa. And she makes a whole scene

like you were very rude to us and we were doing that at you know we were going above and beyond to let you put it in first class so now you have to put it back in row 25. Come on.

And I said, I'm not doing that. Yeah, good. That doesn't make sense for anyone on the plane. Yeah, what are you trash? Yeah, and then she makes,

she does it her, she like grabs my bag, puts it back there and I said, well, this is punishing everyone on the plane. What the age? And then she comes over,

She goes, is your name Erica Rhodes? And I said, yes, what's your name? It was a rude, and I was like, someone's going to be filming this and putting it up somewhere because I'm making a scene. Good. But it's just they don't treat you well anymore. It's so mean. Yeah, it's very contentious.

It is. Like anything you ask for, they get mad at you. Yeah. So I don't know if this is a quirk, but it got me a little upset. It's a great quirk. Is it a quirk or is just, or am I just being a Karen? No, I think this could have been. one of the best quirks uh on this podcast really like you were defiant you were hesitant and then

we got to the quirk i know it wasn't really a quirk i feel like a quirk is a cute thing though this was kind of like me causing a scene no this was cute as hell i don't know if it was cute i love it cute cute cute cute i don't know if it was like spring blossoming though spring treat yeah it wasn't a spring treat i don't know not really liked it. You did? Yeah. Even when you're angry, you're sort of like a spring treat. I can get angry. People don't think I can get angry, but I can. Talk to me. What happens? Well, I just, I get riled up. I get upset. And what, what, how do you, how does that anger manifest? Do you get loud? Do you turn red? Do you? Um, I think I just get a little bratty. It probably comes across as braddy. Like I'm not putting it there like that. Oh, like snooty. Yeah, snooty braddy. I'm not doing that. Yeah. Why don't you do it? Yeah, you do it. You invited me to first class.

Yeah, exactly. You put it back there where you told me I can't go back there. Fine. Yeah. I get a little bit, yeah. Comes across is just probably like, oh, she's a brat. Do you carry a gun? All the time.

That could be helpful. Yeah. Do you have a gun? You probably do because you're a homeowner. I fantasize about having a gun. But you don't have one? No, I wish I had a gun. Well, you could get one.

Well. What is, oh, sorry, I wasn't sure what that. I got two beauties right here. I wasn't sure what that. I got, I got me a gun right here, powder puff. I don't know if that's going to scare anyone away. I thought you were just showing off your freckles. Why is this getting the longest laugh of the whole podcast?

I don't understand. That's a big juicy gun right there. Because you didn't, I didn't even know what you were doing. It's a giant freaking gun, girl. What the? Wow. This gun's loaded and it won't go off. I think it's also that your sleeve is just a little, like I'm...

Am I being emasculated right now? I'm sorry. It's the fact that your sleeve is a little... That's a beautiful gun. Yeah, you're asleep. I'm sorry, it's just like it's no way. I've never seen anyone laugh so hard. beautiful piece of meat.

I'm crying. Oh my God. I'm sort of crying inside. I think I just lost all my masculinity. Like a balloon with the... The sleeve is pulled it up. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Like a balloon that just lost all. it there. I've never been so humiliated, emasculated in my whole life. Oh my God, I'm sorry. I'm thinking of seriously getting surgery done. I'm going to transition. I've lost all my masculinity. I want to be a girl. I'm not going to hide it. I think you should get a gun, probably. Yeah. Wow. Wow. The pain is real. Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry.

I mean, I wasn't even this mean about your moles. God. I'm sorry. I don't have one. I don't have one either. Well,

you're not bad. This is like a yoga muscle. It's not bad. Your tone, you're tight. Barely. No, no, you're all right. You weren't laughing.

It's hard, though. I'm not going to laugh. Yeah. That hurts. hurt a lot. I'm sorry. I got really hurt. I was not intentional. I know, but it really hurt. It tore me up inside. But it wasn't the muscle. It was the sleeve. It was that their sleeve went a little bit a little bit to the. That's part of the whole masculine like tough guy thing. Yeah. But you went to you laughed like. I did. It caught me off guard. Maybe it would. Maybe you're

right. Maybe that's all you need to do to scare off someone because they're just going to laugh. hard. I'm all chopped up inside, girl. I'm sorry. But you know what, despite all that? What? Ravroo. Oh, tender tears. Aw.

Do you have a friend named Sparky? No. Are you sure? I think, I don't think I... Think hard. Sparky? Yeah. Like a person?

Yeah. Am I supposed to? I'm just asking. No. If you had a friend named Sparky, would he like Ferris Wheels? Yeah. Would he like Fun Buns?

Yeah. Would he like fresh cold slough in the moonlight? Yeah. Okay. Is this a character? No, I was just asking if you had a friend named Sparky, the types of things he'd like. I'm sure he'd like all those things, don't you think?

Anything else he'd like? I didn't hit on? Pickle, uh, fried pickles. Sparky would like fried pickles. Yeah. Okay. Um, he'd probably like Jack, um, he'd probably like Jackson 5. Oh, wow.

Remember Jackson 5? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He'd like him. He'd like them. Them. Yeah. Interesting.

I'm starting to like this Sparky guy. Yeah, but do you, is he real? Well, no, I don't know. I asked if you knew him. No, I don't know. A friend named Sparky. Do you have a friend named Sparky? No.

No. But I was asking if you did, would he like fun buns? Yeah. Would he like a Ferris wheel? Definitely. Would he like the swirling teacups at Disneyland? Definitely. Okay.

I kind of wish I had a friend named Sparky now because he sounds cool. Yeah. Anything else he might like? He probably like creams. Oh, wow. Yeah, remember creamsicles? Oh, they're like the old. Orange. Yeah, they don't make those like they used to. Yeah, they're hard to find. You can't find them anymore.

They're like orange outer like ice cream layer and then inside like that creamy vanilla. They're so. You have to work your way to it. They're so refreshing. I could see Sparky at the edge of a road. His car broke down or his pickup truck. Yeah. I bet Sparky is a pickup truck. Definitely. And he's out there and like that. Yeah, like this one. He would drive that. Like a wheat field in Nebraska. Yes. Sparky like. He's. driving that he drives it it slows to a halt he gets out the crickets are chirping yeah he leans on the hood and he's just like he's got a good old creamsic got a mango sandwich in case he wants a mango sandwich and people drive him hey sparky okay because i'm all right now i'm just having myself a orange creamsicle and his sweltering heat now okay sparky okay we see you this

weekend at the town fair I'll see at the strawberry festival yeah Sparky that's him huh true that's my friend Spirks I'm glad I asked about him yeah

I don't know what I added a mango sandwich but yeah I don't know if we needed that is there such a thing as a mango sandwich no that's why I thought like I would throw it in thought maybe seems like Sparky's a bit eccentric he would probably eat one I think he would but then I thought about it. I was like, actually, I think he would eat

just a bologna, bologna sandwich. Damn it, I did it again. Yeah, that was, that was longer than the first one. It was like... Where's that coming from? It's primal. It is primal. It's very guttural. It's like, you know how women, they sometimes go, oh, my God, like that? It was like the guy

version of, ah, ah! Like that? Yeah, that's a guy version of screaming for a girl. Speaking of girls and guys Yeah What's as a girl Yeah

What in your opinion Erica Rhodes is the way to a guy's heart And we live in different times And we used to But does some of the old things apply Like is cooking the ways to a man's heart Is it I don't even want to put it in here What do you think is the way to a man's heart these days?

That's a good question Thank you um ways do a man i think um i think men like flattery you know so they're like a big woman

not fat not fattery oh i thought flattery okay sorry go ahead yeah like they like when they it doesn't have to be overt like a girl doesn't have to be like you're good i'm attracted to you but they can just

like laugh a lot at their jokes or like you know flirt with them, make them feel wanted. I think guys want to feel wanted. And desirable. And how, what's an example of a flattery, like to a guy? I'm being like something like, you're so smart. Go ahead.

Flatter me. Fattery. Wow, have you been working out? Because it almost looks. like you have been you could really I feel so safe now even though you don't have a gun because you're so strong you just filled the balloon back up see daddy's ready to ride wow yeah making me nervous because you're so jacked up thanks that's some good flattery right there yeah so you think that's a good way to sort of get in with a man

or hold on to a man? A little bit. I think guys hide the want to be desired, but they want to, they have it just as much as women. They want to feel desired. Yeah. Right? So they want to feel good.

You know, guys have insecurities too. You know? What are they? Like they might, like, like, am I jacked up enough? Right. Can I protect, can I protect someone in a war situation? Yeah.

um can i am i smart enough am i funny guys want to be funny they do a lot of guys want to be funny and that's a problem for a female comic because they why well because guys aren't funny most of them aren't funny

they aren't no so does that mean you're only attracted to funny guys I mean they have to be funny but they don't have to be they don't have to do it for a living but they have to be naturally funny but if a guy tries to be funny

it's never ever funny right right it's never I mean same with women they're not funny if they try to be funny yeah it's too obvious yeah but a lot of guys really think they're funny right so right so if you don't laugh like I there's one guy who well he did comedy a little bit but he one time told me like I wasn't ever laughing at what he said because it wasn't funny yeah and he's like whoa you're gonna have to date like the funniest guy in the world yeah because otherwise you're not going to laugh at anything they say. So then I felt like, oh, yeah, he needed to be flattered, and I wasn't flattering him.

Do women need to be flattered or do women, when women get flattered, are they like, okay, I've heard it all before. Do they genuinely need it? I think they still need it. Yeah. Yeah, I think women need a little bit. And I think sometimes men withhold flattery because they think that's respectful, but women like it.

Huh. They like flattery. What's an example of a flattery you recently had? You were like, your hair looks nice. Oh, I said that. Yeah, you said that. Oh, yeah. That was nice.

Yeah, okay. Another flattery that I had recently was, well, a lot of guys tell me they think I'm smart. Right. That's nice. You like that? I do sometimes, but then I'm like, is that all I am? Just a brain to you? Yeah, am I just a brain?

Am I just a genius to you? Is that all I am? My skull's up here. Yeah. So then I'm like, will you look at my mole, please? Yeah. Got to be frustrating. Yeah.

Especially because I'm blonde, so they think I'm even smarter. Right. You know? They're like, blondes are smart. Yeah. They're serious, but they're smart. Wow. Just a lot of stereotypes I have to put up with.

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do you get emotional like have you ever had a was there ever a time when you just cried in an unusual spot where maybe you didn't feel the tears coming or you weren't expecting to cry and you just you burst out crying was there ever a weird

spot where you just got overwhelmed and burst into tears um yeah But I cry a lot. You're a crier? I'm a crier. Wyer.

I mean, why? Tire. Fire. Why? Lyer. Why are you a crier? Um, I don't, because I'm, because I'm sensitive. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm very sensitive. Is it words or feelings that make you cry or is it just all of it probably, huh? I think just over, I get overwhelmed and then I cry if I'm overwhelmed. Has it been a spot where you didn't think. you'd cry and you're just like somewhere unusual or somewhere alone or you're with and you just like burst out. I cried after a show once. Doing a stand-up show? Yeah. You just like burst into tears. Yeah, I was in, um, I think I was in Boca Raton or something like that. What do you think was the catalyst? I just didn't feel good about my set and I just walked into the parking lot and

just sobbed. Yeah. But maybe that was somewhere you would think what you would cry. Yeah. But you didn't I guess the surprise is when you go to do a stand-up show, the last thing you're thinking about is crying. Yeah, I just tried to make people laugh for an hour and then I'm sobbing in the parking line. And the net result is crying. Yeah, that is sort of unexpected. It is a little unexpected.

At least I didn't do it on stage. I waited to get off the stage, but it was the first thing I did, I get off stage and just start sobbing. Luckily, I was with, do you know Greg Hahn? He's a funny comic. Yeah. So he was featuring for me because he lives near there

and he came out and he's like, what's going, what do you? He goes, that was great. What are you upset about? And he was really nice. But, yeah, so I was like, I'm done. I want to quit. Like I was. Yeah.

I think we've all had those emotional nights where you're just like, what the hell happened? Exactly. That's the hard side of stand up where it just slaps you in the face. Yeah, you try so hard. And then sometimes it just doesn't feel like it's clicking. And then. Yeah. And sometimes it happens like at the peak of your career.

People think, oh, probably happened in the first few years. No. But sometimes you'll get those nights. It could be this week. Yeah. And you have a show and you're just like devastated. Yeah. Does that still happen now, do you think?

Or have you learned to cope with it? I'm getting better. Okay. I think I'm getting a little tougher. Cheers. Yeah. I'm taking it less personally, like about how the reaction is and trying to do more what I enjoy doing, you know, trying that.

At least, at least then it's not result-oriented, you know, where it's like if they don't laugh or if they don't give me the result I want, then I'm devastated. Oh, yeah. And now I can't do that anymore to myself. No. Because that's too, you can never win that rodeo. No.

Yeah. You'll always walk away at the mercy of your crowd. Exactly. And you just got to walk away going, you know what, I came, they came to see me. I did what I do. I gave them everything I gave. got, I hope they loved it or at least liked it. And if they didn't, I did what I do every night.

I went with the best of intentions. I brought up my A game. And for some reason it wasn't on, but I'm sorry, but that's not on me. I just, some reason it didn't align tonight. Right. So you just got to let it go. And I also try, I think I also try to do, every set I try to do something for myself, like something that I enjoy, whether it's a new joke,

or trying something or doing something that's like, this is for me, then I feel like I can survive it, even if it's tough. Tears. Yeah. Would you drink bottled tear water? Yeah. Maybe I should sell that. Like someone made like bottled water with just tears?

Well, it depends who is tears they are. Well, you'd probably have to have a bunch of people lined up in a warehouse and give them onions. Oh, you're just saying, I mean, it would have to be someone I respect. Well, I'm not going to just drink anybody's tears. It's liquid. I mean, you're drinking sorrow and sadness. Maybe tears of laughter.

Would you do this? I don't know. Is there an upside to drinking tear water? Maybe not. Well, I was just thinking if it was someone's tears that I want, I felt like, oh, this might help me. This might be magical tear water. You know, like Oprah Winfrey's tear water or something.

Oh, God. I don't know if I want her tears. Yeah, I don't want her tears. Yeah, I don't want her tears. Tears. Not a bad example, but, you know, successful tears. Let me tell you. Yeah. What's in tears?

See if this helps you. I'm not going to drink it after this. The main component of tears, tears are salty because they contain electrolytes, including sodium. Oh, it's good for you. Which is a common salt. So you got your electrolytes. Yeah, then it's good for you. And a lot of these bottled drinks have the electrolytes. Yeah.

The second one, mucus. Ew. A sticky substance that helps tears adhere to the eye's surface, preventing them from drying out quickly. You tricked me. You shouldn't have asked me before you gave me the ingredients if I would drink them. Oil helps prevent tears from evaporating too rapidly and keeps the tear film smooth.

And then tears also contain proteins such as lysamine and antibacterial enzyme. and other substances like hormones, neurotransmitters, and lipids. Tears are produced by the lacranial glands and are essential for keeping the eyes lubricated, clean, and healthy. I should have saved the tears from when I was laughing so hard at you. Oh, yeah.

I should have saved those. You could have saved Africa with those tears. Yeah, now they're just evaporated. Do you know there's three types of tears? Basal tears, your basic tears, your eyes roll around in them all day. They contain oil, mucus, water, and salt to help fight infection. So if you're drinking all this, you're getting electrolytes, salt, infection fighters. So it's not so bad, but it might be not good to drink other people's tears because that might not fit your...

You got to get them from somebody. chemical makeup. Just picture a bunch of people in a dark, giant warehouse, the size of Home Depot, all in a line, sniffing onions, and there's bottles under their eyes. Whip, whoop, whoop, whoop, you know. That's a good sound effect. They cry like two bottles a day each. What's the other kind of tear?

Irritant tears. These are your eyewashed tears. The glands under your eyebrows push them out when you peel an onion, Or get dust in your eye. So you don't want that. They flesh out the material that's irritating your eye. You don't want those. Well, I do.

Well, you don't want to drink them. You want to drink that kind? Irritated tears? Why not? These are more contaminated than the just sad tears. And the third, psychic or emotional tears. Oh, that's what I do. These tears gush in response to strong emotions like sadness,

joy, or rage. They have the same chemical makeup as basal tears but contain more stress hormones and natural painkillers. Oh, natural painkillers. Humans and animals have compounds in our body fluids

that give off subtle messages to the other members of the species. That's why sometimes tears can relate chemical messages and this can bring about empathy or compassion, blah, blah, blah. So there's a lot of nice little

like chemical things going on in tears. Do you cry ever? Sure. That didn't sound convincing. I do, but not a lot. Where do you cry? In the shower? I have cried in the shower.

Yeah. In the car? That reminds me of that beautiful line from Blade Runner. By Ruckgarhauer. Do you know that final line when he's dying? I forget. He's laying there. He's a robot, and his time's running out, and he knows he's dying.

And with his final breath, he gives a speech to Harrison Ford. And this is a robot who's lived in space, and he encapsulates his whole life. He goes, I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched sea beams glitter in the dark, near the 10-house gate, all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. Are you trying to cry?

No. so I was oh here she goes again so here she goes again it looks like you were trying to cry no god I've never been more emasculated in my whole life you were blinking really hard

well I was trying to mimic his performance in Blade Runner which is a Oscar worthy performance but does he blink really hard yeah you got to watch it I thought you were trying to cry No, no. But now I think I might. Once again, I've been hurt deeply. I'm just trying to cry again so we can save my tears.

Yeah, there's one. Yeah, there's one. Taste it. Go ahead. It is salty. Yeah, it is salty. That's full of enzymes. So it tastes like the ocean water. Or your dad. tear drip on your mole. Yeah, your dad might be, what the hell are you doing, you little brat?

Stop crying all over me. Yeah, that was quite dramatic when you closed your eyes and went like you were trying to cry. That's what he does. He does? Does he cry in the movie? Well, you can't tell

because he's sitting in the rain. Okay. He's outside. They're on the roof of a, they're on the roof of a building and the rain's coming down and it's dripping down his face so you can't tell

and then he improvised that line apparently the whole line? Yeah, that whole thing and he goes all those moments will be lost in time

like tears in rain time to die. And then he just bends his head and his time expires because he's a robot. Oh my gosh.

I got to watch this again. It's one of the most beautiful scenes in all of cinema. I mean, that was a really good rendition. Well, it doesn't come anywhere close to what he does, but it's, it's, the tears and rain line

has stayed with me since the day I saw that movie. That's a beautiful line. It's beautiful. And the way he delivers it, if you watch that, scene, it's a minute long, but the things he does with his face, the expressions, it's almost like you see him live his whole life. It's a master class in acting. Okay, I'm going to watch

it again. It's one of my favorite acting moments in all of cinema. Wow. It's stunning. Blade Runner, Ruckgarhauer, the end dying scene. Okay, I'll watch it. Yeah. I have a funny acting story. Did I ever tell you about my, when I took a class with David Mamet? Oh. And I was, I had to be in, I was in this horror film called Plague Town. Oh, wow. And there was a big scene where I had to cry. So he's like, does anyone have any questions? And I was like, yeah, I do. And he's like, yes, what's the

question? I said, if you have trouble crying on cue, like, Lara, like I have to cry on cue, how do I do it? You know? And he goes, that's a good question. Everyone, the question is, if you have to cry, what do you do? And he goes, here's the answer. You cry.

I love these people that They think it's so simple and they think they're geniuses. We go, hey, how do I act? You act. How do I drive? You drive. Like, okay, thanks.

But that was his whole way of teaching acting, you know. At least he was consistent. He was always like, you just say the words. Like, you don't overthink it. You don't go into a self-indulgent territory of like, you think of your childhood or, you know. Yeah, but that's one way to do it. But that seems like an excuse for him.

to just get out, you know? Yeah. Like, it's too minimalist. That's true. Like, dig a little deeper. You don't have to, if the scene calls for you to be tired, you don't have to stay up for 24 hours. Like, act tired, but don't go the other way and not give anybody anything. Yeah, I see the point.

That's very pretentious to me. Yeah, I see the point. Like, if you've got some knowledge, give someone a little bit of a kernel, even something to feed off. Just don't go, right. Oh, you could. You want to cry? Cry. Okay, genius. Boy, you're so deep. You're so not deep.

You're deep. That's true. It is, yeah. It's the opposite of... He didn't really teach. He did these master classes where he just kind of... You should have just said,

suck. And you said, why? Because you suck. All right, time for words from a wooden shoe. Oh, my favorite. Our final segment. Pick a word. See if it's...

Sparks a story. Yeah. Knock on clog, as they say down in Deutsche land. I forget what I got last time. Oh, that's what she said. What do you got? That is what I said. What do you got?

Super late. I read that at first as super latte. Oh, wow. But it was super late. Super late. Super late. Two words. Super late.

Not just late. Super late. Super late. Have you ever been like super late to something and you just messed it up? you were like way behind, you ruined it, you didn't show up. Yeah. What is, what is it? Talk to me.

Well, I, um, I think I was super late to a job where I was a coat check. Okay. But it was a really nice day out. And that was my excuse was I said, no one's going to be having a coat. Yeah. And they said that's not a good enough excuse and you're fired. Oh, wow. Because of that.

I don't even know if I showed up. Oh. I might have been so. late that I just didn't show up. They didn't show up. Because I said it's nice out today. So no one's going to have a coat. Yeah, it felt logical to me.

Yeah, smart. But they were like, no, you might, you know, you don't get to decide when you come into work based on the weather. I was like. That's almost like saying act. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

In your head, you're like, don't wear a coat. No one's going to have a coat. You were like David Mametting, I think. Yeah. I think that's probably the reason that happens. I feel like I've been late to I wonder if I've been late to a job ever like I mean like a job I cared about I don't think so I don't think I've ever been super late to a job just the co-check check just things I didn't care about yeah that makes sense if I care then I'm usually if your care you're there yeah I was a little late today but not super late no I was like five minutes late no that's nothing but that's not super late super late is super late is like you don't show up really that's like half an hour 40 minutes and hour or two hours. Do you do that to guys when you go on a date?

Are you late on purpose? Not on purpose, but I might be late because I don't want to go. Oh. You know, you know when you're late because you just don't really want to be there at all? Oh, so why do you go then if you don't want to go? I think in the moment it felt like a good idea and then I was like, uh. So you'll go, but you'll be late as a form of protest. I think it's my way of rebelling if I don't really want to do.

something I'm like kind of late and then what if you get there and you realize wow I really like this that's never happened wow drink them tears baby are you have you ever been late oh yeah well actually I'm very good at being cordial I'm usually very on time yeah I'm very on time if not early right yeah it's very very rare I'm late that's good and if I am late, it's legit late. Like the car broke down or there was a traffic, but I'm almost always a bit early. Yeah, that's good.

I'm usually on time to things, but I'll be maybe five minutes late sometimes. That's not bad. Five minutes is respectful, but beyond at 15 and beyond is like... Also in that acting school, the Atlantic Theater Conservatory, that was Mammoth School.

If you were late, even two minutes, they locked you out of the room. Really? because they wanted to teach you to be on time. Yeah. Auditions and everything. I respect that. You couldn't even get in to the room.

I think that's a good rule. Yeah. I like that. They were like, on time is late. Ladies and gentlemen, Erica Rhodes was here today. Erica, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me.

I'm glad that we could do it. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, I hope you weren't offended by my cry laughing. There's online things. therapy. There's in-person therapy. There's hospital wards. It'll let you stay for a few weeks. There's hugging camps. There's... You could drink someone's tears. I could drink tears over at Emotionalwater.org. Wait, is that real? Probably. Okay. Erica is a hilarious, hilarious comedian. Check out her latest clip of her online where she was on a newscast and destroyed

the newscasters with a funny, funny bitch he did. But Erica, tell everyone where they can see you, they can come watch you do stand-up live. Yes, my website is Erica Rhodescom.com. Go there for all my tour

dates, follow me on Instagram at Erica Rhodes, and I post clips on there sometimes. Oh, God. If you could leave our gang with one final word, what would it be? Oh, that's a hard one. It's a sentence.

A sentence. That's not a word. One word. Yeah. Pussy Pit. That's it for today on the Harlan Highway podcast. Until next time, chicken chow main, everybody. We'll see you in the air.

That was a watch. Wild one. Hey, gang, are you craving more Harland Williams? We'll join our Patreon page at patreon.com backslash Harland Williams. Well, you'll get bonus episodes of the Harland Highway podcast, our special call-in show, and you can check in with our two goofy dolls, the tender frienders, two guys in their underpants. For a small monthly fee, you get Extra Harland. Hey, everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me,

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