The Harland Highway - FAN CALL IN SHOW! Harland takes calls and answers your questions! #105

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Harland Williams answers important fan questions! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm just trying to make this all work. I'm trying to make the calls and everyone kind of creates some symmetry here, you know? If I can connect people and we can share thoughts and... Huh? You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Oh. That's right. You're on the Halle-Hawapuncah, Cajun style, Raging style, flaming brazer-burger style, filet mignon style, Correel style, Carl Weathers style, doesn't matter any style. You're on the Hall of Howie Podcast. Welcome, one and all. Wow. Oh, listen to that glorious theme music.

Mm-hmm. Welcome to another, I'm having so much fun doing these calling shows with y'all that I thought, I just got to sneak another one in. We got lots of great guests coming up. We got some really good, funny guests, but I just, you know, These call-in shows are kind of new, and they're fun, and they get to hear from you guys. And so we're going to do one more, and then next week we have a guest. But first of all, thank you for calling in.

The numbers 323-696-0-0-0-2. And you can leave a voicemail, and maybe you'll get on the Hala-Hub Parker. Wow, I said it fast. That was some fast caging right there. And so the idea behind this show is you guys have called in, left voice messages. I play them in no particular order, just random. And I try my very best to answer your queries, your straighties, your questions, your ideas are entertained, your thoughts, your,

Processes. That word always gets me. Whenever I say processes, a little seizure. I'm not going to lie. I get a little, Daddy gets a little, almost like a black widow bite right in the back.

So there's certain words. I think we all have them. Just you say them and something goes off. The motor response in your body. things just the calibration slips and you have the little spasm, seizures, call them what you want.

And that's one of the words. I'm not going to say it again. You know, I don't want to do any damage. I don't want to hurt the neck. I don't want the show to go off the rails. But let's get back to y'all. Thanks for calling in. Thank you for subscribing to the show.

If you haven't subscribed, please do it right now. Here's how you do it. Watch, you grab your wrist, okay? Lift your hand up, point your finger like E.T. phone home. Grab your hand, pull it down, boop, and press the subscribe button. It's that easy. Making stupid cute faces. Sort of a little reward for you pressing the button.

You think I'm asking you to just press the button and it's like just walk away, willy-nilly, like I don't show gratitude. Dallow? No, no, no. That not how it was on the highway. You give a little, I give a little, okay? You press the subscribe button.

You get cute sort of circa 1930s, 40, like, Cheruby face, you know, remember those rosy-cheeked little kid baby faces with the big doughy eyes? And you press that subscribe button and you get from me like a doughy cheruby face, it's the least I could do. Go ahead. Press the subscribe button right now. I'll count you down and watch what you get. Ready? three, two, one. See? It's a give-give thing here, gang. I don't know what the other podcast do.

I don't know if Joe Rogan's giving away some of these. But I do. Isn't that worth something? Is Theo Vaughn giving away? No. Vaughn's not with a name like Vaughn? You think he knows how to do a cherub face? You ever see a cherub with a mullet?

Are you kidding me? Vaughn? So this is what happens when you drive down to Honkhanka. God. Now I'm not going to get. get a tick saying my own thing. That we can't let happen. But today is the call-in, another call-in show. We're going to take some of your calls. I'm going to do my very best to answer and engage. And let's see where we go. Let's see if I can be of any assistance, any type of guidance or

enlightenment I can provide, maybe some stupidity. Maybe I stumble on an answer. Maybe I have a very deep A meaningful answer? Maybe I have nothing. But the point is I'm trying. I'm really, really trying. And like when I'm trying, sometimes I do a surfervised, dude. Idiot.

I almost should stop the show. Should almost stop the show right now, I think. But I'm not going to. No, no, I'm not. let's do it let's take the first call i'm wasting time it's almost what am i scared of your calls why am i hedging around the bushes why am i being so hesitant here i'm not hiding anything these these are your messages not mine so why why the dittling about why the stupid why running up on theo von and joe rogan and pulling a rambo

Why the confrontational? Why the cheruby faces? Who knows? What's going on? Let's take a call. God, something's off today, gang. There's a tick. I got bit by a flea. Some of our neighbors grow corn. Maybe there's some corn mites on my legs. Maybe there's some celery beetles. around my pelvic area? I don't know what insects want. How do they move? They come through cracks in the windows. There could be a, you know, a turnip inchworm, climbing up my inner thyroid.

But it's not. Here we go. So I'm sitting out here, I'm sitting out here on my porch, and it's raining down in Oklahoma, and it's Oklahoma City. I don't know if you know where that's at, but I had an idea for you that you need to see how long you can wait until you hit that intro music. See how close you can get it to the end of the show before you hit that intro music. I want to see if you can wait until almost the very end to hit that intro music. What do you think about that?

You think about it. You don't even have to play this on the air, but you think about it, all right? And I'm going to be counting the minutes. Like, is it going to be 10 minutes? Is it going to be 20 minutes? Or is it going to be like an hour into it? You're going to hit that intro button. We're going to find out.

Thank you very much. Bye. Don't, no, don't, do not challenge me with that. I'm not the guy. I'm not the guy you want to have an intro music, tete-to-tete with. And I don't know if you speak Russian, but that's French. Don't, don't come at me with the theme music challenge

because I will drop you like an eggplant on a senior's home fucking laundry attendant. I will slap you around like the guy who works at the licorice factory and pours the black and red dye into the marrow. I will roll

you around like a midnight cob of corn on Stephen King's dirty olive oil crusted mattress way up there in Maine and lastly I will butterfly shrimp your stupid grandma

face so that she thinks she just got motorboated by two fat red lobster restaurants. So don't come partying on daddy's door. Because, uh-uh, uh, mm-mm, no. I think you got your answer there, uh, Barney Buckteeth, barnacle, bones, Billy. Whatever your name is, I didn't catch his name. I'm not trying to be, I just, is that his name? I don't know. But, uh, yeah, the theme music is, is for me.

I decide. This is my highway, okay? I decide when the theme music will play. Isn't that right, tender frienders? Fuck off, idiot. Fuck off, idiot. Fuck off. Okay, well, F you too.

but not you. Not no one challenges this. Not on my watch. No, sir, no. You want to challenge me to my own theme music? Here's what I'll do. I'll come to your house while you're asleep. I'll re-shingle your roof.

I'll cover it with I can't believe it's not butter. December 25th Christmas Eve Santa Claus will land on your roof slide down, hit the gutter, do a cartwheel smash through your bedroom window, land on top of you, and hump you until your nosebleeds. Let's move on. on. I think we're done with that one. Interesting call. Great. Thanks. Super. Let's be real for a minute.

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However, the test shows that you are the neighbor. So, yeah, I just want to pass that along. Hope you have a good day. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? The answer is yes.

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shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code, Harland, so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Wait, I'm the neighbor? Hold on. If I'm the neighbor, then who lives beside me? If I'm the neighbor, that means I live beside myself? How can I have a neighbor if I'm the neighbor if I'm the neighbor? If I'm the neighbor, that means I live beside myself?

Whoa, bro. Whoa. For those of you that don't think there's a matrix, for those of you that don't think something's a little off in this world, I'll say this. Howdy neighbor. See what I did there? Made it kind of creepy.

made it kind of creepy Hey I want to make an order for delivery please I'm calling I just want to get five delicious cheese sandwiches

please hello yeah I'm on it hello I'm on it so I want to make an order for delivery five delicious cheese sandwiches, please.

Yes, five cheese sandwiches. Hello. Hello, I'm make... Rachel, is this the number? Yes. It's a voicemail. It's a voicemail. I can hear you.

Hello. Hello. Is this voice? I want five delicious cheese sandwich sandwiched. Five. I'm on it. Oh, I put your number? What am I doing?

I. Rachel. What is this number? Rachel. Oh, fuck, see. Look, I've already got one. Okay. Hello?

Hello? Okay. Well, I made one. Screw you. That guy hangs up on me. Wow. Just wanted five. I made one.

Screw him. I'll be right there Hey Harlem Hey this is Jimmy down at the repair center Just giving you a call back Let you know your silicone 1-1 scale Vibrating Elvis statue

Is ready to pick up We got them LED rotating lights At the base of it They're going again They're bright as heck And they're rotating I got one note here It says they're rotating the opposite direction now

I hope that's okay. Anyway, we'll be talking to you. Give us a call. Just come on down, and you do still have a bill here at $3,500. Okay, thank you. Goodbye. $3,500. Okay, I guess I can do that.

I am so excited. My vibrating Elvis bust with the rotating lights, I've got to tell you, the look of the home, the style of the home, the decoration. of the home is not complete unless you have a bust of a vibrating Elvis now. You hear me? I treat me like a fool.

I keep me warm and cool. But love me. I take my broken heart. Take me all apart and love me. Won't you love me? Oh, baby, don't you know, I'm making cheese sandwiches. I'm making five to keep that you're alive.

Cheese sandwiches, oh, dotee sandwiches. A la la la la la la la la la la a five delicious D D D D D D D. Hey, I want to make an order for delivery, please. Yeah. I'm calling in. I just want to get five delicious cheese sandwiches. Yeah, I'm on it.

Number three. Hello? Yeah. Hello? Hello, number three. Yeah. So I want to make an order for delivery. Five delicious cheese sandwiches, please.

Yes, I'm on it. Hello. Hello. Rachel, is this the number? Rachel. It's a voicemail. It's me. Hello.

Hello, I've got them. Is this voice? Ray. I want five delicious cheese sandwiches, please. Yes. Wow. this guy but one two three what push a number what am i doing dude i will stop at three i will stop at three if this guy doesn't like tone it down like dial it down nacho

how fast am i supposed to make these cheese sandwiches what am i a cheese sandwich octopus I got like cheese sandwich octopus tentacles. I can just fabricate eight freaking or five freaking cheese sandwiches, like I'm some kind of undersea deli crustacean monster thing. Easy. And for the guy with the theme song, I haven't forgotten you. Yeah. People coming at me today. Coming at me hard. But I'm on it. I'm in control. I'm in the driver's seat of the Hall of Highway Pah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-cast. Hey, buddy. How's it going? I love your show. I listen to every single one. So keep up the great work. It's great entertainment. And we love you.

one thing I've been following you for a long time and I know you don't get political much and I'm not asking you to but if you were to dip your toe in the water without taking any sides seeing what's going on up in your home country of Canada where Trudeau is just you know destroying the country as you grew up in and you got the shenanigans with Trump and Biden and all that kind of stuff going on down in the States what do you think about all that stuff without getting too far into it and are politics just Hollywood for ugly people I kind of like it it's a little bit I'm not asking you to

but if you could just I don't want you to talk about it but if you could just pontificate a little bit about it here's the deal we there are no politics there are no politics politicians were designed to be voted in by the people for the people work for the people work for the betterment of the people and grownups people with heads on their shoulders people that we could sort of look at and go hopefully they're smarter than we are hopefully these people running hopefully these people that we vote for are just just a little more intelligent than us because let's face it we're pack animals we're societies we're clans we're

people and every herd needs a leader every herd of elephants has a matriarch every pride of lions as a leader. You know, it's just the way nature designed us. So, you know, look at an ant hill. Look, think of us as ants. There's a queen ant. There's the worker ants. There's the army ants.

There's this, there's that. There's a hierarchy. There's a structure. And at the top of the pecking order, you want your leaders to have your best interests, to look out for you, to guide you, to make the colony bigger, better, safer, more prosperous.

That's not the world we live in. I'm going to keep it to North America right now because he mentioned Canada. I'm Canadian and American. And I could go so deep. I have so many intricate and profane and maybe stupid and maybe illuminating. And who knows what kind of thoughts I have.

but I have a lot of them. But we live in a society now where we don't have politicians. We have a bunch of grown-up children in a playground having a pissing contest with each other who are not looking out for us, are taking three steps forward and two steps back, with every administration that comes in, regardless of the party, you know, one party does all this stuff, they lose, the other party comes in, tears down everything they built up,

and so on and so on, and it just keeps happening. And what you get is someone walking on a treadmill. There's very little forward motion. And we're also in a world where these politicians aren't looking out for the masses, they're looking out for the small pockets of our population. They're putting small interest groups ahead of the needs of the many. I could go on and on and on, but it's also we're in a world now where America is sick. If you were to send America to get a physical at a doctor, the doctor would be like, oh, you're sick, you're mentally sick, you're physically

sick, like something's not right. And we're also in a place of intimidation. We're in a place where, you know, I came to this country because of what it stood for, the freedom, I came from Canada. And by the way, sir, Canada was a different place when I left. Canada was a place that was free and proud and open, and now Canada like here is a place where people are afraid to talk. And so I could sit here and I could go on and on and on. I could probably fill 15 shows with all my insights and ideas and all the stuff that swirls around in one's head. And you would take some of it and you'd be like,

like, okay, I like that. I don't like that. I agree with that. I disagree with that. And it would just drift out of your head eventually. Wouldn't mean a whole lot. And when I came to this country, I would have been more than happy to just blurt everything out. But now we live in a country where thought is persecuted, opinion is persecuted. I don't feel like I live in a place where I feel safe to just say what I believe anymore. And not that I'm holding back, but what I am doing is I'm doing an exercise right now

that I think will resonate with you more than anything I could say. I could talk for 42 hours and it would come and go. But you know what's going to stick with you? Me not saying. Me not sharing all the things I have, whether they're brilliant or stupid, correct or inaccurate. They lean towards your beliefs or someone else's beliefs. But imagine me coming to this country and now I'm living in a place where I don't feel safe and secure to speak freely. How shameful is that?

And so what I'm going to do not because I'm afraid to say what I like to say, but I think by depriving you right now, no matter how good or bad what I would have said had been, by depriving you right now of my thoughts, my sharing, my insights for what they're worth, that's going to sit with you. You're going to look around and go, wait, I'm in a country where,

We're allowed to be free and we're allowed to talk, right? But wait, Harlan's holding back. Well, we want to know. Why isn't he sharing? And guess what? That's going to haunt you. And then you're going to think about that more than anything I said, anything I would have said.

You're going to think about how you didn't get to hear another human being's point of view. and guess what that's going to trouble you that is going to stick with you and you're going to be like wait you're going to look around and go i don't remember living in a country where people were afraid to talk where people were hesitant to say what they felt and i'm doing it by design I'm not afraid to say what I think. Believe me, I'm not. But I think this exercise will really resonate with you. Because what it does is it shines the light on by me holding back, it tells you that people around you are holding back.

How many of your friends and family and people that you know at work at school? out socializing, how many people are holding back things that they easily, commonly would have shared just three, three, four years ago in free America, where you, yes, you could say something that people disagreed with, you could say something outlandish, maybe say something offensive, maybe say something offensive by accident without knowing it. And everyone just carried on. But now, now we live in. in this world where you say the wrong thing and you'll lose five friends or you'll have five

friends turn against you or you'll have people at work decide we don't want to work with them anymore or they'll brand you something because you said something they don't they don't agree with so suddenly they'll vilify you this didn't used to happen and so there's no more politics there's bullying there's intimidation there's there's the loss of freedom. We're descending into a dangerous bad time. And so I'm going to leave it right there and let you fill in the blanks and hope that we can turn this ship around. And maybe you think I'm being overly dramatic or maybe you're thinking, oh, he just doesn't want to speak. No, I didn't want to speak. I wouldn't have said this much. It's not good.

Again, I came to this country and I've enjoyed and loved the freedom and the expressiveness and the openness of everybody and everything. And now for the first time, it feels like the walls are closing in. It feels like you've got to look over your shoulder. You got to, ooh, I better not, ooh, wait, who's that person affiliated with? I better not say anything about this at this particular dinner, but I'll say it at that dinner. it just this is not comfortable and so i'll leave it right there it's happening in canada it's happening here in america in the united states and uh yeah i'll leave it there because like i said

i think i think that will stick with you a lot longer than any anything else i could have gone into with you so some to think about i told you i told you there might be some things in here that that were deep thoughts you know i i i warned you i want to make an order for delivery please dude uh calling i just want to get uh five delicious cheese delicious cheese look cheese hello yeah hello hello cheese Yeah, so I want to make an order for delivery. Five delicious cheese sandwiches. Dude.

Hello. Hello. Two. Rachel, is this a number? Rachel. Rachel, three. It's a voice mail. It's Harland.

Hello. Hello. Number three. I want five delicious cheese sandwiches, please. Yes. I've been working on them. there's your little noise your little counter

I'm pushing number what am I doing I'm making cheese what is this number oh fucks and one of those two honestly God I just survive back to school when you can thrive

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It's Tyler Tomogachi tips. Oh, Tomoguchi Tits. I'm calling because, well, I don't know if you could tell. I'm a bit stuffy right now. I have sex, coughing. I need to go to the doctors. But I have a big problem, you know, I don't like, I don't like needles. Really scared of needles and I'm just wondering if my pal Harlan can help me out with any advice for being scared of needles.

It's a big fear of mine. I pass out. I really just can't really get my blood drawn. It's been years. So, yeah. Anyways Jesus God Talk to you later

I'm sorry Maybe Later if you're still alive God Go But you called the right guy Swine flu or SARS Or whatever your nickname is

I get it man And by the way I hope you're feeling better I'm just messing around. It sucks to be sick. You know, best thing for whatever you've got, a cheese sandwich, a delicious cheese sandwich. I hear you, bro. You called the exact right guy about the needle thing. I am the exact same way. I'm terrified of needles. I hate needles. They freak me out. They get my heart racing. I get like, oh, man, they drive me nut. They creep me out.

Okay? First of all, let's look at the concept of a needle. You're taking a thing forged by human beings, metal, okay? A needle is made of metal, something that doesn't exist. We took elements of minerals and rocks and we forged the metal. So you're taking something that doesn't exist in the real world in its solid form. And you're turning it into this, this, thin, pointy thing, and you're stabbing it into your epidermis. You're perforating your own surface, which is something you don't see other creatures in nature do. You don't see an elephant go, ooh, I think I'll grab a pointed stick and just pop a hole in my side. Hmm. You know, you don't see a, maybe a porcupine. Okay, if a couple of porcupines got a little frisky in the, middle of the night. I can see that being like acupuncture sex.

But we're the only ones that kind of, hey, let's jab a nail into our flesh. So the brain doesn't compute that. If you break us down to an organic being, okay, an organic being that is just primal and animal and running around with no clothes on, mixing in with the other species on our planet, it would never occur to us to jab ourselves, impale ourselves with a pointy shard of metal. But because we invented modern medicine and we learned how to forge metals and we learned how to heal ourselves, we are at this place where we must in our lifetime stab ourselves or get stabbed with needles. I could never be a diabetic. The concept of giving myself a needle, I would just go, you know what? How long did diabetics live? Yeah, I'll take the three months.

I would like eat seven chocolate bars and a milkshake and just forget the needles. Let me go. So the brain is already psychologically weirded out by that, I think, by default. Now, a lot of people, it doesn't phase them at all. For me and you, for some reason it does. I hate it and I, I, I, I, I hate giving blood. I too will pass out. If I lose a little blood I pass out, I've got needles where I've fainted or I've come right to the brink of fainting, break into a cold sweat, dizzy, starting to black out. It's traumatizing the needles. But they're a necessity. And so here's what I do. I've got to a place where I've learned to train myself much at the expense of the doctors and nurses that have to apply these needles, I have a very selfish,

greedy ritual that I do and they merely become players in my little charade. When I know I have to give blood at my yearly physical or I have to get some kind of a shot for this or that, here's what I do. I just, I take command of the room like I'm like I'm on a stand-up comedy stage. I take command of the room and I say, whoever's doing it, I go, hey, here's the deal. I'm a fainter. Okay. I don't like needles. So here's what we're going to do. I just become enlarge and in charge. And they just stand there like, okay. I go, here's what we're going to do. You're going to give me the needle. I'm going to lay down. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to ask you questions. I'm not even going to wait for the answers. All I need to do is keep my brain

busy. I'm going to keep talking. I'm going to lay on the table. I have my baseball hat. I'm going to put it over my face. I can't see you. Don't tell me about the needle. Don't tell me about the blood. Don't tell me when you're starting. Don't tell me when you're done. I'm just going to keep talking. Answer as much as you want. I'm going to cut you off. I just need to keep. I have to keep energy moving so that I don't focus on the blood sucking or the flesh stabbing. And trust me, dude, this works. So I'm saying this in all sincerity, and I hope you adopt this. You kind of have to take control of it.

And then I lay down and I put the baseball hat over my face. And I don't care if they think I'm a fool or a weirdo. This is about me, okay? I don't want to faint. I don't want to feel sick. I don't want to have anxiety. So I just tell them what an idiot I am, what a complete freak out I am over needles. I lay down and I just start talking.

Like, so did you see that new King Kong movie? Oh, yeah, I didn't really like it. I barely wait for them to answer. You'll hear them answer a little bit. But so, and then my dad, me and my dad, we went up to the cottage and we went canoeing. And then we went to the baseball game. How are you feeling about the Yankees this year? Oh, really?

Yeah, because when I was a little boy, like I'll just run. ramble. And as you know, taking blood and giving needles, it doesn't last very long. The blood taking lasts maybe a minute, a minute and a half, two minutes. A needle takes seconds. And so before you know it, it's done. And you can kind of sense that they're finished. And then you just sort of take it. You're done, right? And they go, yeah. And I say, okay, now I'm going to lay here for about, give me an extra five minutes. Because when you get up and your body is full. of whatever, the adrenaline and your blood pressure drops and all the things that are caused by getting needles, if you just lay there, breathe deeply, and it's very, very rare that I faint

anymore or get sick or even freak out that much. But it is a method that works. And like I said, it's selfish because I sort of have to lay my kind of ritual on them. And, order to get through it. But I don't care. And you know what? I'll tell you what, buddy, they're actually sort of amused by it. I think they get a kick out of it because it's so sort of extreme and over the top. And I think most people just sit there and get their blood sucked out. And you know, here's me doing this whole like show for them almost. And it works because I get so distracted that they cannot, it doesn't get in my head. And then suddenly it's over and I lay there for a minute just to let my whole body just kind of calm down. And then I

slowly sit up and I go, how's my head feel? No rushing, no blacking out. And then I'll stand and I'll stand for about 30 seconds. I'm like, okay. And off I go. So it works. That's what I'm going to recommend to you. Don't be ashamed about it. I ask my doctor about it. Look, I'm six foot two. uh, 225 pounds, played hockey my whole life. It's, it's not only strange, but it's humiliating as sort of a big boy to come in and faint. It's not very masculine. And I asked my doctor about it. I said, do other guys do this? And, and he said to me, to my surprise, and actually to my relief, he said, Harland, it's mostly the dudes. He goes, the women rarely ever faint. He goes, it's a lot of just dudes like you. And I was like, really? So I'm not the only one. And so that made me sort of feel good.

I don't know what it is, but it's just something that gets in our heads. And obviously it does something physical. I mean, just think of it, the concept of, like, imagine a mosquito landing on your arm and taking a little droplet of blood, okay? So now imagine a mosquito landing on your arm and taking four vials of blood, enough blood to fill a shot glass or more. I mean, that's weird. At what point does your body go, wait, what's going on? Where's all the blood going? This isn't a common thing.

So your body's probably defense systems are going, warning, warning, react, react. You know, it's a very unusual thing. And then I'll end with this. Don't let your fear of fainting. and your anxiety about needles prohibit you from attending your doctor, okay? Because here's the rub, my friend, my little prickly cactus loving friend. You go and get your blood tested to predetermine any illness or ailments that could be coming down the pike. It detects cancer. It detects sexually transmitted diseases. It detects kidney failure.

It detects so many things, diabetes, all these things. And so, you know what's worse than fainting from a needle? Finding out you are really sick, you could have prevented it, and now you're in the hospital for a year and a half getting needles every day as they try to save your life, or they try to heal your kidney or your liver or your lymph nodes or whatever. So don't be stupid, and I'm not calling you stupid, but I'm saying don't be stupid. I hate it.

It's like going to the dentist. I hate going to the dentist, but you know it's preventive because you may be like, yay, another year with nothing. I didn't get my blood taken. I'm fine. But what happens if two years ago you got your blood taken and they found your pancreatic cancer? And they were able to stop it before it was a death sentence. And so you have to push through.

I'm urging you. It sounds like you haven't gone in a while. Just do it. And if my method doesn't work, find your own method. And if you don't find a method, then pass the fuck out. Faint. Because fainting is a lot less lethal than terminal cancer or some kind of deadly illness.

So just it sucks, but it's not the way. worst thing in the world, okay? There's people living in garbage cans. There's people with no legs. There's people that have been hit by trucks and blown up by bombs and been injured in industrial accidents and have been burned in house fires. So bite the bullet, go in, get the little prick. And that's what she said. And just do it, man. Just do it. And this is coming from a guy. who's on your team, on your side, we're in the very same mindset. And just in case the guy with the theme song thought that I forgot, no, no, guy. This is my, this is my podcast.

So, yeah. But good call, man. I hope you're, I hope you get through it. I hope you get over the, over the hump. Okay, quiet please. Let's see, who else we got here. This is fun. This is fun.

Ooh. Ooh. Hey, guys. I just wanted to call and let you know how much this pot has held me during rough times. I've never taken life too seriously. I can just tune into the Harlan Highway, and I just am giggling in minutes. I first saw you on Cizzer Bros. And I was crying laughing out the episode with the mousetrap and the fake hand,

and also the episode where you brought in your dad's mushroom cap. I highly recommend any Harlan Highway fans to check out the Cisibro's episode. Although Stevie Weebe sadly left, so that podcast is dead. But those episodes are hilarious, and I highly recommend you to watch them. And I just wanted to send a message and let you know how much this podcast means to me, Harlan, and keep the Harlan Highway rolling. Wow, that is so nice. You know, this is why I do it.

This is why I do it. You can't imagine the amount of calls and emails and things I get from people stating how this show, the humor, the guests, the vibe, all of it is help helps people. That's the side benefit of doing this. You know, I do it to have fun and to bring entertainment, but the fact that when you hear people say it helps them through hard times, boy, oh boy, that probably is the most gratifying part of this whole process. It really is.

It really is. And you can hear it in people's voices. You can see it in their videos. Like some people just need the laughter and going back to what we were just saying about being healthy, laughter really is the best medicine. And so I thank you for your very kind words. I'm so glad that you're getting something out of this that is filling you up with joy. That's what this is all about is joy, baby. Oh yeah, we ain't selling this show joy. We're selling laughter joy from way down in the belly with a tapeworm and the bacteria rumble around now, child? What the hell was that?

Let's move on. But to your point about the Cizzer Brothers, so I don't know if you've seen the Cisor Brothers podcast. It's also on YouTube. It's with Stevie Weeby and Jeremiah Watkins, or Wadi, as I call them. And these guys had a podcast. It ended. They canceled it.

But they had a podcast called CISTER. Brothers, and it's still up on YouTube, and they invited me to do it twice. And unbeknownst to me, the last episode I did was their very last episode. They did not tell me that it was the last episode. So I recorded with them, and they played my episode, and then the very next episode was Stevie Weeby and Wadi saying to camera, we're ending the Scissor Brothers. So that was sad because I know they had a lot of fans And they also brought a lot of joy and laughter to people

But to the episodes that I did with those two boys Man, we had a lot of fun and yeah, I agree with you I think they're worth watching It's just me sort of It was just me messing with them And and them just trying to figure me out and rolling with it And I think the three of us us together if you watch those episodes, they might be some of my favorite podcast episodes

because they were just so, I just went for it. I just sort of took them on a wild ride and to see them react and to see, talk about laughing, to see them bust up laughing with my shenanigans. That was really gratifying and fun. So I'm so glad you liked it. I'm so glad you're enjoying the Harland Highway. Check out the Cisor Brothers. The episodes are still up on YouTube. Just type in Cisor Brothers with Harland Williams, and there's two episodes. And I think if you like this show, I think you'll get a real laugh out of the Cizor Brothers episode. So they are missed, but I'm actually doing a little project with Wadi tomorrow.

I won't say what it is, but it's going to be fun. Me and him are doing a little something tomorrow tomorrow. So, we'll see, you'll see, you'll see, you'll see soon. Hello, Harlan. Hello. First time, caller, long time listener. I wanted to know what's your opinion on how many cats is too many cats, like as for an individual to own or have with them in their house.

Mine's two. Thank you, buddy. You know what? That's an interesting question. and you know what, I'm going to see if any of our other callers have anything to say about that. How many cats is too many cats? Mew, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. me, me, me, meo, meo, meo, meo, meo, meo, meo, meo. You got a little cocky at the end, but I think the answer was 43. I didn't like that little hiss at the end. Did you hear that? Like, I didn't ask the question, bro. Or tabby or whatever your name is, Mr. Twinkles.

I don't know what kind of cat you are, what your name is. muffin cindles or whatever you're I don't know who names cats but I mean I appreciate you counting out the number but did you have to do the little cat F you at the end? Did you hear that?

Man I'm just trying to make this all work. I'm trying to make the calls and everyone kind of creates some symmetry here. You know? If I can connect people and we can share thoughts and you know that kind of thing.

Huh? All right, let's, let's motor along. Hey. Hey, Harlan. I just wanted to say I'm a massive fan, but I have a wild question for you. I am 24 years old. I'm a fiancé who is 32, and I'm going to be a stepfather to a 6-year-old. Things are wild and crazy.

What do you think about love? I'm deep in it, and she is too. Does age mean a difference, or is it just something that can be settled throughout? and just have a wonderful time. I'm having a wonderful time here, and I hope that this message means you will, and I hope you can give me some good answers as to what I should do next, being younger.

Thank you. Wow, okay, brother. Well, listen, what you should do next is just revel in it, roll in it, wallowing it. I mean, love, unfortunately, can be fleeting. Love can come and go. Love can come for a blink of an eye or love can last a lifetime. The key is, my friend, that you've found it and you're in it.

You know, unfortunately, I've met people in my life. I have some friends that have looked me right in the eye and say, Harland, you know, I've never been in love. I'm telling you, gang. that melts broke my heart like to not be in to never be in love in your life i hope all of you fall in love deeply madly crazily this this guy you can hear it he's he's just he's caught in it he's caught in the fumes and you can tell he's loving it and it's it's just consuming him and it's taking over him and that's what it should do my friend love the love love love is the best thing

on planet earth. It's better than any food. It's better than any sex. It's better than any words. It's better than any theories. It's better than anything. Love is an unstoppable force. It's an unstoppable power that just gets into every single atom and cell and fiber of your being. It fuels humankind, even if you don't think it does. Even if you're a a dark, evil person, even if you're a murderer, I'll submit that somewhere deep in that dark, hellish, evil place within you, there's a light that burns. There's a little light that represents love. I don't think a human can be born without an inkling of love inside them. And so when you can connect with another human being and share that love, oh my God.

When one person opens the door of love to another person, it makes both of your doors open and the love just becomes like a tractor beam, like a force field. It's beautiful. And, you know, the age thing is relative. You know, obviously we can't have people being in love that are not age appropriate. That's not what we're talking about here. But if a woman's 40 and a guy's 29, great. If a guy's 50 and a woman's 32, great.

It's beautiful. You are lucky if you fall in love once in your life, let alone maybe three, four, five times. It would be nice if it was just that one time and it carried all the way through, but humans are complicated. We're intricate. It's not easy to keep all the pieces together.

Many of us probably have people in our life that we love and we can't even be with them because we know it wouldn't work. We know that the temperament, the situation, even though there's love for each other or maybe just you for them, you can't be with them. And that's a real, that's very painful.

That's hard when you know you're in love with someone, but you know that you would ruin their life or they would ruin yours and you can't be together. But in your case, You've found a love where it's mutual. It's back and forth. And, oh, my God, hold on to it, ride it for as long as you can. Embrace it and nurture it.

That's the key. Nurture that love. If you want this feeling to keep going, don't take it for granted. Don't kind of let it slip. Love is like a flower. You have to fertilize it. You have to give it nutrients. You have to give it life.

You have to be the sunshine on that flower. And it's just a beautiful, wonderful force and good for you and just enjoy what you're enjoying. I can hear it in your voice. I've been in love several times in my life. I'm not at the moment. Oh, my God, I would love to be in love right now. But, you know, you've got to meet the right person.

it's got to be the right fit. Love can be very complicated too. But when it slides into place, holy God, it is magical. I remember I was with my mother on her deathbed, and I asked her final last words, and her last words were Harlan, don't ever give up on love. Two. Yeah.

Just a minute. I need a cheese sandwich. Woo. God, that color. Asked about the cheese sandwiches. But yeah. Yeah, never. It's a beautiful thing.

Good for you. And there is no answer. or just be in it. Let it wrap itself around you. Wrap yourself around everything she's giving you. The age difference is not that much between the two of you. And don't listen to what other people say. Be happy, be lucky that you have love.

It's the best. It is the very, very best. If you don't believe me, Miao, meo, meo, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, me, me, me, meow, me, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Me, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Dude, what is with the pissed off hissing at the end? It's sound, Mr. Tinkle Stinks, or whatever his name is, sounds like the friendliest

little, it's almost like he's singing in a field of daisies, right? Meow, meow, meow, meow, meo, meo, meo, wherever he goes, and then right at the end, now there's someone that needs to be in love. Holy God. You know what, all of you be in love. Please, be in love. That's my closing message today. Great way to end the show.

And, you know, it's all about love. Love, love, love, love, love, love. Love, love, love. Hey, I want to make an order for delivery, please. I'm calling, I just want to get five delicious cheese sandwiches, yeah. Please. Dude, they're ready. Hello.

Hello. Hello? They're ready, dude. So I want to make an order for delivery, five delicious. cheese sandwiches please you got them hello hello you got your fuck rachel is this the number rachel it's a voice mail it's a hello is this voice is this i want five delicious cheese No. Here, have the rappers, idiot. No.

No. No, that's it. Do I put the number? What am I doing? Rachel! Rachel? Make him some cheese freaking sandwiches. Fuck, see. I'm fucking... Ladies and gentlemen, this has been another edition of the Hall of Highway Podcast. and great phone calls you guys. Keep them coming. Unbelievable.

I never know what you're going to ask about. And wow, what a buffet of stuff today. Sorry, I got a little choked up there at the end with thinking of my mom, my sweet, dear mom, with her final words about love. Who, hard not to get a little emotional, but I love you, mom. and if you want to call in and leave a message, 323-6-9-6-0-2-2-2-2. 3-23-6-9-6-0-2-2-2.

And thank you for being here. And until next time, chicken cheese sandwiches. Chicken chow-main, baby. And that's the show. And usually I just end when the theme music's over, but because of that guy, that guy that called, yeah, this guy. I'm in to see how long you can wait until you hit that intro music. See how close you can get it to the end of the show before you hit that intro music.

I'm in charge. I'm in charge. Call us 323-696-0-222-2-2. Don't forget to check the merchandise at harbling.com. If you want your own personal greeting for me, go to camio.com, and I can record one for you. And, yeah, yeah, we'll see you next time. Thank you very much. Chicken chow main, baby.