The Harland Highway - FLASHBACK - 42

Episode Date: September 7, 2015

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All aboard! You just made a wrong turn. Heavens to Murgatroy, even. On to the Harland Highway. You've got cancers of the anus? My George, I think he's got it. Stop it! Stop it! You're busting my heart!

It's Harlan Williams. Ha! Hong Kong, 2-2-beep, you are rolling down. are rolling down the harland highway with harland williams that's me and are you having a good day hmm are you popping pills to keep everything going oh we are a pill popping society i mean have you seen all the commercials on tv for pills man purple ones green ones yellow ones blue ones i mean i'd to pop a pill just to do this radio show i had to go to my medicine closet and find my radio show pill so I could get through my radio show.

And then to walk from here to the studio, I needed my walk to the studio pill. And then to get more pills, I had to take the I need more pills pill to get to the drug store. And then I ran out of gas and I needed to run out of gas, refill my car with fuel pill. my god lay off the pills people huh drugstores should just start handing out pez dispensers fill them with all the different pills you need to get through the day what's happened to us remember the old days when we just functioned huh i got a headache oh well take an aspirin oh i got arthritis oh well it'll wear off. No, I'm going to die. No, not me. Give me some pills, man. I want to live forever. Feed me pills. Man, the only pill I want is my pillow. All these pills are making me tired. I think I'll take a

sleeping pill and try and fight it, see if the demons come. Stay awake. Drive home safe. Don't pop any pills. Just open the window and breathe in the oxygen here on the Harland Highway. Man, it is true, isn't it? And it's getting worse and worse and worse, right? I mean, I got to say, when I was a kid, hell, even when I was like, what, six, seven years ago, these pill commercials didn't exist. There were commercials about Wonderbread and toothpaste, and Vagicil and going to Disneyland.

Man, you turn on the TV nowadays, man, every third friggin commercial is a pill for something. And what I think these commercials do is plant seeds of fear in people. People who normally would just kind of let things ride, maybe think, oh, you know, I haven't been sleeping well lately. pass or you know I've been a little depressed because my sports team didn't work or things aren't going well at work but I'll ride through it the way I have the first 20 30 40 50 years of my life right but now these pill commercials man they use these average looking people you know that look

just like you and me and they're standing in a field of flowers and then suddenly a dark rain cloud comes and they make it think that it's you, right? And that if you're a little tired or you're a little depressed, you're a freak! What? You were a little down? You need our pills! Seriously, I saw a commercial the other day.

It was a guy walking around and a gurney from a hospital. Yeah, that's right, a gurney. You know, when the ambulance comes and someone's pretty much, dead and they pull that thing out of the back of the ambulance and pick people up and drop them in it. You know, the thing they roll you into the intensive care unit in and you don't always come rolling back out, okay? There's a commercial on TV where there's a gurney rolling behind a guy as he's walking

down the street. I am not even making this up, people. Okay? It's following them through the street. and the cities and are you kidding me i mean i'm darn right mad about this i am darn right mad about how they are treating society scaring society intimidating society taking common ailments and making you think you're a freak and if you don't take their medicine you're not going to get better and yes there are people in severe cases that do need pills i'm not denying

that i'm not pulling a tom cruise here people need modern medicine there is wonderful modern medicine there are things that help and fix but that's not what they're doing here no no no no these commercials are aiming at the average joe who works at the car plant who drives the ups truck who's a singer at a nightclub, whoever. The pharmaceutical companies are trying to reel in the average Joe and get them hooked on these damn pills. Look at me getting all serious, but I'm disgusted. You know, I'm going to be totally honest.

I'm at the point where I used to enjoy watching TV. I used to sit down and watch my lost. I'd watch my Twilight Zone. I'd watch my Star Trek, I'd watch the news. And commercials were annoying, right? Oh, God, there's that bread commercial again. And do I really need another pepperage farm cake? And gee, the doughboys looking chubby these days.

Okay, annoying but semi-innocent. I am at a point where I change the channel now. If I'm watching a show and one of these depressing, or manipulative pill commercials comes on, I actually switched the channel. You know what, screw this. I'm going to watch another show. Or I'll turn the TV off.

These pill companies and the television networks better wake up because I don't think we're that stupid. At least I hope we're not that stupid. But maybe we are. These commercials are obviously well produced. They cost a lot of money and something's got to pay for that. Are you people buying all these pills? I don't know.

The network's better wise up because I'm not only do I not want to watch TV as much anymore. It depresses me. These commercials come on and I start thinking about my mortality and I start thinking, gee, I was a little bummed out the other day when my girlfriend broke up with me. Yeah, I better get on the pills. and that's exactly what they want, by the way. It's scary, man. It's scary when human beings are just a commodity.

And they know we're going to keep churning each other out. What are human beings like more than pills, sex? So the babies just keep coming, or in their case, the product. And the more they kind of con the masses into thinking that they need all these pills, in order to survive to get through life, the more money they make. It's disturbing. It's disturbing.

I mean, you go to cultures in India and island cultures, Indonesia, or, you know, third world countries. People aren't on this stuff. We weren't even on this stuff up until a few years ago. But we didn't even know about this stuff. And people were fine through the 20s, the 30s, the 30s, 30s, the 40s, the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s.

We all did well. You know, small part of the population was probably on pills. There's always somebody on something, but this is a mass marketing campaign to suck the masses into pill world. Am I a little ramped up? Do you ever hear me get this animated on my own show? Sometimes. This time they pushed my button, man. And I hope none of you fall for it.

It's a ruse. It's a con job. And I'll say it again. Some people do need medication, but this is unnatural. And to stress the point, just so you don't think I'm a fanatic, just so you think I'm just looking for a soapbox to stand on, okay? I want you to listen to this commercial that was on TV just, days ago and I recorded the commercial so you could have a listen as to what kind of

manipulation and packaging and all kinds of stuff just listen to this commercial and we'll discuss it when the commercials over and you tell me what you think approximately two out of three people being treated for depression still have unresolved symptoms. If your antidepressant alone isn't enough, talk to your doctor. One option he may consider is adding a bifai. FI is approved to treat depression in adults when added to an antidepressant. Call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior, or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. Elderly dementia patients taking a binae have an increased risk of death or stroke.

Call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion on suicide. As these, may be signs of a life-threatening reaction or uncontrollable muscle movements as these could become permanent. High blood sugar has been reported with in medicines like it. In some cases extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death. Other risks include

dizziness upon standing, decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, seizures, impaired judgment, or motor skills, or trouble swallowing. Talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of adding... Wow. Are you kidding me? did you

did you hear that okay this is a this is a an antidepressant for the depressant you're already on okay so this is a pill to help you along

with the pill you're already ingesting what what the hell now notice I took because I doubt if you know it or recognize it or anything like that. But the point is that they're all kind of the same product, aren't they?

But what kills me here is this is a pill for your depression. Okay, this is an antidepressant to take after you've taken your first pill for depression because that pill clearly isn't working. So this is a pill for your pill. Right? Wow. Are they going to make a pill for the pill for that pill and so on? Does it just keep going? And did you hear the disclaimer?

Did you hear them, you know, mentioning all the things that could possibly happen to you if you took this pill? Right? It could alter your mood, your behavior, lead to suicide. high fever, stiff muscles, confusion, life-threatening reactions, uncontrolled muscle movements, permanent high blood sugar that can lead to coma and death? What? Seizures, dizziness, decreased white blood cells, impaired judgment or motor skills, trouble swallowing?

Wow. Gee, what do I want? Do I want that pill, or do I want to deal with my depression a little? I mean, good Lord, people. Wow. I mean, there was so much in there. I want you to listen to it again, and I'm going to put a little bell behind every little ailment

that this pill could possibly cause. And you tell me, if, if you want this pill in your system. It sounds like maybe they need to do a little more research here, right? Figure it out, maybe work out the kinks a little, before the depression and the suicide and the muscle loss and the blood sugar and all that stuff. Aren't there like five or six more rats running around at the pet shop

they could inject first? I think it's ready. but that guy just died. Yeah, well, that's okay. He was old anyhow. Come on, let's roll it out there. These people are so depressed, they don't care. They'll take anything.

Oh, my God. So here we go. I'm going to play it one more time, and then we'll move on. And I'm going to put a little bell every time they mention something that, to me, is just a red flag, man. Okay? See how many bells you can count on the way to taking this pill to help you with your depression

so that you can live a better, happier, healthier life. Here we go. Count the bells. Approximately two out of three people being treated for depression still have unresolved symptoms. If your antidepressant alone isn't enough, talk to your doctor. One option he may consider is adding. I is approved to treat depression in adults with. added to an antidepressant. Call your doctor if your depression worsens

or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. Elderly dementia patients taking care of have an increased risk of death or stroke. Call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion on a brain,

as these may be signs of a life-threatening reaction, or uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. High blood sugar has been reported with iodine medicines like it. In some cases, extreme high blood sugar, can lead to coma or death. Other risks include dizziness upon standing,

decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, seizures, impaired judgment or motor skills, or trouble swallowing. Talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of adding... Wow, I counted about 19, I think. Good Lord.

For whom the death knell rings. Hmm? For whom the death bell tolls. Wow, living is a profitable business if you're dying. Anyways, let's get on to someone who's all about living, who's all about having a good time, who's all about partying. Let's check in with our party-loving, life-living, good time-having, little old buddy, Eddie. This is Eddie

He wants to party But they just hang up Yes Hey, how's it going, man? Pardon? How's it going? Who is he talking? Uh, it's Eddie

You had the wrong number. Uh, Teddy Colin, I was going to see If maybe you wanted to go grab a beer or something Or? No, no. You have a worm number. Maybe get a Budweiser, a Heineken or something?

Yeah. What the hell? In another language, what the hell? What? That was Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Oh, yeah.

See, that's what it's all about. Just living and having a good time, enjoying life. And just in closing. on the whole pill thing. Again, I want to say it. There are people that do need pills, rely on pills. I get it. And that's fine. They need it. They have to have it. And they're living with chronic back pain or they're recovering from cancer, whatever. Some people, these pills are a miracle. Miracle? No, miracle. Maybe I need a pill to straighten out my talking. so let's not let's not just with one broad sweep discount the plus side of modern medicine I guess the point I was making with this segment is that I think there are people out there

that are creating manufacturing a mood a mindset that we all need pills we all need to rely on pills, that one thing goes wrong in life and we need to be on pills. And clearly, these pills do not seem healthy to me when they can cause so many bad side effects. And it's not just this pill. I mean, you listen to any of those commercials and they have these disclaimers or these warnings about these horrible side effects, side effects that, you know, outweigh almost the benefit of having the pill. It's like, okay, my arthritis cleared up, but I've now got leprosy and I walk sideways, like a crab. Anyhow, that's it. Enough about the pills. It's a free country. It's your

choice. I'm just expressing my opinion about it. Be careful. Don't be duped if that's in fact what is happening. And, you know, I think the best medicine, The best medicine is laughter. Isn't that right? Laughter is the best medicine. And that's what I provide, laughter, right? And to prove the point that laughter is the best medicine, just earlier today, I went out, I volunteered,

I went to a hospital, you know, I went in, I found a floor of the sickest people I could find. I went right in and laughed at them. and they don't look any better to me, but I did my part, right? Because laughter is the best medicine. They just look bewildered and insulted and stymied, but I just kept pointing and laughing. What the hell are you doing here?

Well, I'm trying to make you better, sir. What? Well, laughter's the best medicine. I just had three strokes in a miscarriage, you little bastard. And I'm like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you'll be better soon. Get out of here, you pissant. So I don't know. Medicine is conflicting.

It's confusing. This whole show seems to be about the confusion of medicine. Let's get off of it. We're moving on. Let's listen to this. Let's get that laughter rolling. Hey, hey, hey, this is Harlan Williams on the Harlan Highway with you. Hope you're having a good day.

I've been on the air here with you guys for about a month. I guess my family's kind of jazzed up, and I think my grandfather's phoning in today. I guess he's kind of excited, and he wants to say hi, and I said, you know, call in, and I'll put you on the air. And so, I don't know, I'm a little bit nervous.

Okay, the line's ringing. All right, let's pick it up. This is my grandfather, Clarence, Williams. Hey, grandfather, you there? You there, granddad? Hello, Harland. Hey, granddad. Thanks for calling. I want. For calling in. I did what? I said you called in to say hello. Hello?

No, you called in to say hello to me. How are you, granddad? I'm what? How? Granddad. I said, how are you? Ha! Well, I'm glad you called the radio show. I'm having a really good time here doing the radio show. You're doing the what? The radio show. Show!

A radio show. A radio? It doesn't matter, Grandpa. But have you been listening? You sound like a moose. Ha, what? Okay, I got to go, Gramps. Call again sometime.

A Portuguese. What? Portugal? No, I didn't say Portugal. I said call in again sometime. Portugal. Yeah, I'll see you in Portugal, Gramps. on the Harland Highway.

Ah! Oh, you gotta love old folks, huh? Do you love old folks? I think they can be one of two ways with old folks. They're really like sweet and cute and vulnerable and charming. Or they can be like crotchety and raunchy and kind of grr. you know but what an interesting place to get to in life have you thought about when you're going to be old what you're going to look like what maybe what ailments you'll have what

pills you'll need oh god I'm drifting back to this again oh no oh what is wrong with me I got pills on the mind. I might have to take some pills to stop me thinking of them pills, man. But I hope when I'm an old guy that some of my buddies are still old with me, you know? I think it would be fun to sit on the front porch of the old folks home and, you know, heckle people as they walk by and make comments and, And I want to see what I can get away with as an old guy, right? Maybe pretend I'm insane, but really not.

And just be like, I'll be like the Johnny Knoxville of old people. Like, you know, I'll be jackass in everyone pretending to fall down and I'll get a fart machine and I'll fake a stroke and I don't know. Could be fun. Someone will probably roll my wheelchair. or into a bus if I try that but um anyways god i keep going back to old age and pills and can i get into some comedy please i'm trying to let me try this again let's let's get off of this stuff this is a weird show man i hope you're still with me um it's almost over but let's see if I can get some laughter going here and get my mind out of this this pill gutter here we go

come on harland come on dude okay man I'm trying yeah we'll try better okay you're gonna try yeah I'm gonna try okay here we go oh man where's the calypso in my life baby nobody does calypso anymore. What is that word? Calypso. Apocalypse now. Francis Ford Coppola presents Apocalypse Now. Who came up with that? We got rap. We got heavy metal. We got classic rock. We got classical. We got square dancing. But some guy came up with... It's got to be like some kind of alien form of music. It is weird, man.

I dig it, though. Where's my calypso at, player? I need a little calypso in my life. There's something so clean and groovy about it. I mean, yeah, give me rock and roll, but throw me some calypso, daddy. He's six foot, seven foot, eight foot, bunch. What is Deo? Nobody says that.

Hey, man, have a nice Deo, man. Hey, how's your Deo going? What's up, dude? You want an Oreo with your Deo? Well, you dip your Oreo and some Deo. Hey, buddy, have a nice... Deo! Dei!

Have a nice deo, and then you go home. Oh, man, that is the beauty of music, isn't it? Music is magical, man. It's like you could be talking about something. You could be like in a mood. You could be in a zone. You could be, I don't know, wrapped up in some crap. And then just the sound of music or a song, it can just transport you.

It can alter the mood, which is exactly what we needed here today. we had an interesting show talking about things. I'm not even going to mention it. You know what they were. And it was getting heavy. And it was getting impassioned. And it was getting intense. And I hope it wasn't too preachy or too opinionated.

But what the hell, man? It's my show. I have an opinion. If you don't like it, go change the TV channel. Yeah. Even though you're not watching this on TV. Yeah, if you hate the show that much, if you can't handle someone else's opinion, why don't you go change a TV channel?

Huh? Imagine that. That's what you did to just get out your aggression or your displeasure with someone. It's like, hey, man, you hit my car, man. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Why don't you go home and change your TV channel? Huh?

Oh, you'll feel a lot better. Okay, I will. You got to try channel 35. Okay. PBS? Yeah, that's right. Okay, thanks. Thanks for hitting my car.

Okay, have a good channel changing. I think I got the voices I was doing. Every now and then I get confused. This whole show's a bit off. I do need pills. Did you hear all the voices were started blending together there? Usually I'm pretty good at separating the little. people in my head.

But getting back to music, man, that's the importance of music. That's why music is so great. It just takes you away. It transports you, man. And I hope today's show transported you to some interesting places, some fun places, some serious places, some thought-provoking places. Because I like to mix it up here at the Harland Highway. I like to give you the comedy

and I like to give you the giggles but I also like to make you think if you hadn't noticed that's part of my M.O. here is to, you know, make you laugh make you have a good time and maybe make you think about life and things and the world around you.

And I shouldn't use the word make. Okay, I'm not trying to make you do anything but I'm attempting. And in the end, You're the judge, and in the end, wait, what are you doing? No, no, get away from that TV channel. Don't, don't turn that TV channel on me. No, don't do it.

No, I didn't mean anything I said. It's just a stupid goofy show with a bunch of retarded stuff. Get away from that channel. Oh, no, he's changing the TV channel. What did I do? No! There was a big article today about how depression, and I don't know how this works, man, but hear me out, depression can be cured by clenching your butt cheeks together. Wow, that's quite a cure, man.

If you're bummed out, you're going to walk around with your butt cheeks all clenched together. Hey, Bill, why are you walking like a crab, dude? I'm just feeling kind of down, man. I lost my job. So you're walking like a crab? No, I'm squishing my butt cheeks together. Oh, well, what if you have to fart? Oh, thanks a lot, man. Now I'm even more depressed.

Oh, you bastard. Oh, you know what? I do have to fart, but I can't because I'm depressed, and my butt cheeks are clenched together. Oh, I'm going to jump off a bridge, man. Ah! Clench your butt cheeks together if you're feeling... depressed what are you supposed to do if you're uh feeling lonely do guys tuck their uh you know what

between their legs uh why you walking around like a penguin man oh i'm feeling lonely where's your thing my what your package oh it tucked it in between man okay you're weird dude now i'm depressed i'm gonna go clinch my butt cheeks together to try and get over you yeah i hope you don't have to fart man okay this is just getting depressing i'm gonna uh Get out of this one. Hey, be happy. Smile. Let your butt cheeks go free here on the Harland Highway.