The Harland Highway - FLASHBACK SHOW # 12

Episode Date: June 24, 2013

I am on vacation for a few weeks, so the perfect time to post some of the early shows that never made it into the archives!! Sweet donkey FEET!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello? Hello? Oh, this is so exciting. Welcome to the Harlan Highway. It sucks you in. You may go see important. You are important. My name is Donkey Tina, and I'm going to kill you.

Welcome to the Harlan Highway. Greetings, Earthlings, and welcome to the Harland Highway. Hey, everybody, so very happy that you're here. Love having you here listening to the Harlan Williams, Harland Highway podcast. I am Harlan Williams, and thank you so much for coming by. I hope you're enjoying our podcast, or my podcast, or whoever wants to put their name on.

it, go for it. I'm all about the sharing. But I want to hear your feedback about the Harland Highway here. So if you have the passion, if you have the gumption and the notion and the inspiration to jump on Harlem Williams.com and send me an email and give me your feedback. Tell me what you like about the Harland Highway. Tell me what you dislike. Tell me what you'd like to see more of and what you'd like to hear less of. And I will use all your emails and print them up and make some nice origami.

I'll make a nice swan. I'll make a little fishy. I'll make a bear. Your emails will not go to waste. Trust me. I will have a wonderful origami practice session on your lousy emails. No, I'm just kidding. I do want to hear from you.

It doesn't mean I'm going to change anything because if I did what everybody wanted me to do, then I wouldn't be doing what I want to do, right? But I do like to hear your input. And, you know, it never hurts to have a third eye. Or if there's a million of you listening, that would be a million third eyes. Who came up with the third eye thing?

A potato? Was it that guy in, uh, Somewhere in the interior of China, there was some kid born with two faces. And I think on the second face, he had one eye. So on his head, he had a total of three eyes. Is that the guy that coined the phrase? Oh, it's good to have a third eye. Oh, it's good to have perspective from a third eye.

I would watch that movie twice as fast. because I got three eyes. I absorb information three times faster than you. Anyways, speaking of eyes, do you like Sarah Palin's glasses? I think they're kind of sexy, man. You know what, let's talk about Sarah Palin. I don't usually get into the politics. And so before I do get into Sarah Palin,

hmm, that sounded provocative. Before I do get into Sarah Palin, no, I'm not going there. It's just, it's like a saying. It's like the third eye thing. Before I do get into Sarah Palin, I put on my third eye. Before I talk about Sarah Palin, you should know my political status, my affiliation, is really neutral. I am a guy that looks for. personality. I look for policy. I look for people that I think, um, I don't know, are up to the task

of being president. I look for people that I think have charisma. I look for people that have knowledge. And I look for people that seem to be balanced, a balanced individual, a knowledgeable individual is someone who seems to have some heart and some compassion but is also stern and what am I doing? It sounds like I'm writing a

want ad for match.com. I want someone who's personable and has a heart and is intelligent and has compassion and loves to go sailing and hunt for scorpions in the desert at sunset and drink margaritas in leper colonies and just giggle while people's limbs fall off.

But anyways, I like someone with some scruples too. That's very important. I don't like the idea of having a president that is shady and it feels like they're just making back-end deals and corrupt. Sadly, they probably all are. But let's talk about Sarah Palin because, you know, whenever you bring her up, I actually like Sarah Palin. I also like Barack Obama.

So there's no way you can make this a democratic and republic thing, okay? We just took that off the table. I'm not affiliated to either party. I'm Canadian, so I can't even vote for those parties, although I just did become a citizen about six months ago. So next election, I could. But, again, I don't look at party. I look at personality and what they bring to the table.

So people get very upset if you say you like Sarah Palin. I mean, outside of the people that already love Sarah Palin, good for them. But people that don't like her, it's like watching a dog's hairs go up when it meets a dog it doesn't like. You can just see a person's face, that their eyes go a bit bigger, that they have a momentary, like, of shock on their face, like, you know that look that a baby gazelle has the minute it sees that the lion has snuck up to within four feet of it, and it knows that it can't escape? It's just got that, yeah, oh, no, I'm screwed. People just look so taken aback, forgetting that it is America, and we're allowed to like

and dislike whoever we want, and you should respect our opinion, because you know, know what? I don't necessarily like everyone you like, but I don't go into shock and have a conyption. I like to hear why you like a person or don't like a person. That I like. Tell me. But a lot of people just fly off the handle with Sarah Palin. It's crazy. I mean, let's break this woman down, okay? She seems to be a very down-home grassroots woman, which everyone seems to be. Oh, she's such a simpleton she's such a oh i can see alaska from my window eh so she made a little joke and people just take that out of context as if that's that's her campaign slogan um but i like the down homeness to her it doesn't mean she doesn't have a deeper more intelligent side and

people right now are going all right yeah look at her i think a lot of people have a problem with her because she's a woman. I find her to be attractive and kind of sexy. And is that a bad thing? Remember when you're in high school and there's always that one hot teacher and you loved her? So think of Sarah Palin as that one haughty teacher in your school and everyone else was a frumpy old guy with glasses and pink eye. Think her as the hot high school teacher. But, you know, Sarah Palin has been governor for, I don't know how many years.

I think she started in municipal politics. She certainly worked her way up to where she is, and people up there like her, and she's earned her position. And it sounds like she's done a lot of good things for her state. Now, her state isn't the rest of the country, but you know what? From what I've heard, she's done a lot more for her state than a lot of these other congressmen have done for their states. And so even though she kind of has that downhome feel, don't discount that she has depth, that she has some intelligence. And because she makes kind of simple-minded comments, like, I could see Alaska from my window and stuff.

Well, so what? Every president makes those types of stupid comments. We don't chastise them, although George Bush got nailed for just about everything he said. But we have to assume that someone who's been in public office for that long. You know, they've probably got a bit upstairs, a bit more than I think a lot of people are giving her credit for, okay? I'm also going to throw in the good-looking thing, okay? Who would you rather have president? Margaret Thatcher, okay, who looked like George Washington with eyeliner on and lipstick, and had a voice like Kermit the Frog.

Today we will take over the Falkland Islands, and once again, every citizen of the Queens, Britain, will have their own penguin. You know, it's not that bad to have a good-looking present. Look at Kennedy. JFK was drop-dead gorgeous. And we gave him a shot, and he was smart, and he was kind of an all-American boy,

and he was the most beloved president ever. Okay, and so what if Sarah Palin used to be a news anchor? And she used to be in beauty pageants. So what? Ronald Reagan used to do movies with monkeys. He starred in movies called Bonzo Goes to Washington and Bad Time for Bonzo. How smart is the average actor?

Believe me, I've done a movie with a monkey. So can you just cut her a break there? She definitely has some charisma. But it just seems like everyone in this country, the late night talk show guys and comedians and social commentary people, they just don't seem to want to cut Sarah Pale in a break. Like just as if she got in, the world would crumble. Like, is she that much dumber than, okay, let me see.

say for all of you that just abused George Bush for the last eight years and called him a dummy? Is she that much dumber than Jimmy Carter? Is she any less capable than Ronald Reagan? I don't know. I don't have the answer, but you people seem to know the answers. These Sarah Palin haters, it's almost like somehow you magically have a gene in you that knows the answer. Okay? You don't know the answer. This is a woman who succeeded in politics, which is a hard arena to be in.

So what's the worst case scenario? Sarah Palin runs for president. She probably steps her game up a lot because all you people couldn't handle the fact that she kind of had this home style spirit to her that I actually found very refreshing and comforting because I felt like I could. I could possibly see past that homeliness and see that she was serious and that she has hard and passion to want to be a leader. And I can just feel you, all you people right now,

going, oh, what an idiot this guy. Sarah Palin, are you serious? Okay, I know I'm not breaking down and analyzing the world of politics. Okay, I'm not breaking down and every aspect of the depth of politics and the deep layers of politics. But again, a lot of politics, when it comes to the president, it's not just, you know, that they have to have a genius IQ level.

And I'm not saying Sarah Palin's dumb. She might be smarter than you or I if you sat down and talked to her. just because Katie Couric caught her on not knowing what magazine she read. Boy, aren't you a great journalist, Katie? And whatever happened to supporting your fellow women? You had a shot at boosting a woman to the second highest level of politics in the world. And you just shot her down because you didn't know what magazine she read? Good Lord.

You know, women have been suppressed and didn't have the right to vote and they still make lower wages. And it amazes me that half the women in this country, and I'm not saying this is right, this is right, I don't like it. I'm surprised half the women in this country just didn't jump on her bag and wagon just to see a woman in there. And again, she's not a bad woman. Is she retarded? No. Is she physically disabled? No.

Did she just walk out of working in a car wash and decided to become present? No. She's a qualified politician. I don't know if she's less qualified than any of the other people. But that's me. Someone could bust me on this and have a whole list of things. But that's their list. You're going to personalize it.

You're not going to stand back and just look at it objectively. A lot of you have signed off on lynching Sarah Palin. But I think she's charming. I think she's intelligent. Do I want to right here right now say she should be the next president? Is she the one I'd vote for? No. But I've seen a lot worse, man.

I've seen a hell of a lot worse. And I actually think it would be empowering to see a woman in power as the president, let alone a beautiful kind of sexy Aaron Brockovich. How often did you ever get to fantasize about a president? And I'm not saying that in a sexist way. It's kind of like a backhanded compliment. She's kind of hot. But that's not what's making me defender.

And it's not a political affiliation or a party. It's just I'm looking at her as a human being, taking her at face value as a politician who wants to do something for this country, who has the courage and the balls to want to be a politician and put her head on the chopping block. So maybe you just need to, you know, really examine why you don't like her. And are you just going off the voices of other people? And do we have to be so mean to her and her family?

You know, I love Barack Obama. I like his family. I like what he's doing. I'm not saying everything he's doing is right. But he's a Democrat. And I'm cool. I like what he's doing. Sarah Palin?

I don't know. I like her. And I can hear the mob running up my street right now. It's like that scene from Frankenstein. Kill the monster. They've got lit torches and sickles to cut down wheat and old wooden pitchforks. This could be my last show.

But I don't care. We're allowed to have our appellions. opinions, but I just want people to really examine what they don't like. Do they really dislike her, or they just dislike her because everyone else does? There, I've said my piece. Sarah, call me. I really stood up for you there. This whole rant was just so I could, you know, get out on a date with you.

I'd love to take you to Chucky Cheese or the fondue pot and just stare into your spectacled eyes and wiggle my finger and your little bangs on your forehead and just call me your Alaska so that every morning when you look out your window you see me standing on your front lawn okay politics what a fun topic but everyone deserves a chance here on the harland highway Good afternoon, everybody. This is Reverend Luther Williams, reminding you to spread love throughout the community. Reminding you that we are all brothers and sisters, and we must learn to share and live together and be brothers.

And for you gentlemen that is going to work every day and leaving your wife or your good. girlfriend at home, this is Reverend Williams reminding you to leave a key under the front door mat so I can help spread the love through the community where you're busy at work. And please remember to put some clean sheets on the bed before Reverend Williams drop by your house and have his way with your woman folk. So there's today's message, y'all. Keep it real in the deal and spread the love. There's been Reverend Luther Williams here on the Holland Highway.

Wow, it's all about the love today, huh? First Sarah Palin, the Alaskan hottie. And you know what I want to do since we're talking about beautiful women this show. I know I've been going on pretty long about it, but you know what? Maybe the whole show has to be dedicated to beautiful women. And you know what? Maybe I'll just, you know what,

I'm going to invite someone in here for a little interview. Since we're talking beautiful women, let me bring Angelina Jolie in here for a little interview. You all like Angelina, right? Right? Let's get her in here. I'm going to stop talking. And let's do a little sit down.

down with Angelina Jolie. Hey, hey, hey, it's Harlan Williams here on the Harlan Highway. And you ever notice, like, when you're driving down the street that there's, hold on, there's someone at my door. Hello? Hey. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Angelina Jolie? Yes. You can call me Angie. Angie, what do you? Oh, my God. What are you doing here? I just came here to play around, have some fun.

Oh, wow. So you want to do, like, some radio bits and stuff? Yeah, I find a show very sexy, so I thought we could take a break and play around. Uh, you know, Angie, this, uh, whoa. Can you put down the microphone? I'm doing my show. I mean, Angelina, you're with Brad Pitt. You're, you're gathering children all over.

You know what, he's just meat to me, and so are you. Take a break. Come on. Excuse me, I'm what? There's a coffee shop down the corner. You're just meat. Let's go. You know, I just can't stand up and walk off my show.

Yes, you can. Want me to show you? Put them down. The headphones. Angelina, look, this has got to be a joke, okay? I find your show very sexy. Do you have a problem with that? Let's go.

I just, I have listeners. I have a responsibility. I have the drive home show from... Yes, and you have Angelina Jolie standing in your office. Come on. What are you waiting for? I'm not... I was about to go into a bit about...

Come on, let's go. I feel like I just feel like a piece of... Meat. Yes, you are. I'm your meat? Yes. Do you have a problem with that? You know what, Angela, I might have to just call security. I've got a show to do. This is wrong.

Okay, there's a coffee shop around the corner. Meet me there. I'll be waiting for you. Wait, wait. Okay, there she goes. I don't believe it. Angelina Jolie walks in here. I'm trying to do a show for you, people.

You know, I'm going to take a little break, gather my thoughts, go get a coffee down at the coffee shop on the corner. and we'll be right back on Harland Highway with Harlan Williams. Anybody got any ice? Heaven's to Murgatroyd.

Wow, Heaven's Tamurgatroyd, indeed. Is she spicy or what? What a voice. Just that voice is all you need, Angelina Jolie. Okay. I sound like an outboard motor. I did not sound like a purring kitten. I sounded like a Johnson 6.5 horsepower on an old bass boat.

Not sexy, Harland. Well, I thought it was. Yeah, well, it wasn't. Well, I thought it was. Well, it wasn't. Do it again. No. I want you to do it again.

No, I'm not doing it again because it's not sexy. I like it. It smells like gas. gasoline when you do it oh god please no please oh oh okay knock it off i want to go fishing with you no who the hell am i talking to you yes well stop it Okay Okay What the hell Excuse me

Let me just Knock my head against the wall here Okay Here I'm back An Angelina Jolie She does something to my brain folks She does something to my Bhaba Bhabi Bha Bha Bha Bha Bha Bha Bha Bha

Brain Um Speaking of brain How's your brain Do you challenge your brain enough? Do you think? Do you push your brain? Do you push the limitations?

Or have you slipped into that comfortably numb zone that Pink Floyd always sings about? You know, just kind of numbing yourself to the world so that it kind of just passes by and doesn't infringe on your personal space? Be careful about the brain numbing. Okay. I'm not Dr. Phil. I still have my hair, but don't let yourself get numb down too much. Try and do things that push your buttons. Try and do things that are out of your comfort zone. Try and tackle things that you thought were untacklilable.

That was, see, even that word. That word was untacklilable. I can't even pronounce it. tackled a new word on tackle a little bull. See, right there, I went out of my comfort zone, I went out of my box. But I'm just saying to you, you know, you kind of have a daily routine. You probably do the same thing almost every day, and maybe you've planned a trip somewhere. You know, don't you plan a trip every year? Well, I'm going out of my comfort zone. We're going to Africa by Jove.

We're staying in a four-star resort right on the Victoria Falls River. And we're going on safari. I am way out of my comfort zone come May 11th to May 14th. Yeah, okay, great. But do something. Stimulate yourself. Challenge yourself. Don't let the numbness sit in.

Life is too short. Don't be laying there on your death band and going, God, I wish I'd joined a dart league. I wish I'd thrown darts in a British pub Ah, what the hell? They threw that bloody thing. It was just me, I'm just learning. Yeah, well, I'm going to loom my fists on your fat face, you mingon.

You mingin. That's totally wrong. I have a UK listeners. So he's correcting me on that one. They have a word, though, mingin. Oh, that's main... They almost say it so fast you can't even hear. It's like, oh, that's...

that's mingin i slowed it down mignette but it's almost like m and then right to the end and then it's over it's like oh this mignette well that's mingin isn't it just let's that does it that mingin isn't it oh that's ming that you hear the little i slip the m in there it's like a silent mingin oh that's mingna and don't don't come down i mean i've heard this i've spent time in london in eng England and Ireland and Scotland. They say it, okay? And what does Mingan mean? I think it means like gnarly.

I think it means gnarly or gross or just disgusting. But you might want to Google it and find out for yourself because it's too mingin for me to do. So on that note, let me leave you with a commercial from one of our fake sponsors that doesn't even endorse this channel. and we will talk to you next time here on the Harland Highway and here's one of our Mingan fake sponsors to say goodbye. Mom?

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