The Harland Highway - Harland does stand up at BERNIE SANDERS rally.

Episode Date: January 29, 2016

This was kind of a fluke stand up set where I was invited to a Bernie Sanders rally by a friend and he unexpectedly asked me to get on stage. I had to make up a routine on the fly. Yikes! Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, premium members. What's happening? So this premium outtake, just for you guys, by the way, is a little odd. I don't know how many of you are paying close attention to the political race, the presidential race. But, you know, on the Republican side is Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. On the Democrat side, it's Hillary Clinton and Bernie. Saunders. And so one of my very close friends in Hollywood, uh, Jamie Massada, who owns the Laugh Factory, one of the prominent, uh, comedy clubs on the sunset strip. It's, it's one of the big clubs. He calls me up and he goes, uh, hey, buddy, uh, you know, I'm, I'm having this, uh, this Bernie

Saunders rally. And I really love the guy because he's, you know, he's trying to help the homeless and the underprivileged and, you know, make a difference. and blah, blah, blah, the same rhetoric you hear about Bernie Saunders. He goes, will you come down and show your support? And my immediate thought was, hell no, I'm not a Bernie Saunders guy. You guys know me. I'm a Donald Trump guy. I've been tooting Donald Trump's horn right from the beginning.

And I thought, but I love my buddy, and I would do anything for my buddy Jamie. So I said, yeah, man, I'll be there. I'll come down and, you know, I thought I'd be standing around and, you know, just kind of, you know, looking in a camera or just helping support. I didn't know what I was going to do, serving drinks to people. I had no idea. So I get there and I walk up to Jamie. I go, hey, Jamie, I'm here. How you doing?

And he goes, hey, buddy, how are you? He goes, so when do you want to go up? And I go, what do you mean? Go up? He goes, on stage. When do you want to go on stage? do because he held this thing at his comedy club right and i'm like go up and he's like yeah and i'm like uh okay well can you put me up kind of right away because i you know i didn't want to hang around

too long at a bernie saunders thing i i was there for for my friend jamie to show support for him more than bernie saunders and he goes okay you're going up like second and i'm like okay so suddenly I have no material on Bernie Saunders. I have no material. I don't do political material. You guys know me. When do you ever hear me doing political jokes? So I'm standing there at the side.

I'm going up in 10 minutes and my wheels just start turning and I'm thinking I better come up with something, right? And I'm thinking I'm in a crowd of Bernie Saunders supporters so I can't go up and trash the guy really. and I can't talk about Donald Trump, who I'd rather support. So, you know, I go up there and I kind of walk this thin line, and the reality is I do think Bernie Saunders, as an actual human being, as a politician, actually is very sincere and as a heart and as a well-meaning guy, okay?

And so that much I knew and that much I could address when I got up on stage and be authentic about saying it. No point did I say I would vote for him or support him, but I do say that he's a nice, authentic man, and I appreciate that in a politician. Believe me, people like Hillary and Marker Rubio and all these people come up as so scripted and phony and the same old crap we've been hearing for, you know, four decades. So Bernie Saunders is at least, you know, as close to the real deal as you can get. he doesn't walk around trying to hide who he is and he doesn't he doesn't uh you know use a lot of

dirty tricks to knock down his opponents he just seems like an authentic guy so all that being said this is me yours truly harlem williams who who never does political humor gets thrown on stage in front of a bunch of you know frothing berny saunders supporters and i just had to wing it so the set that I'm doing here isn't very long because really I was just flying by the seat of my pants and it's probably not the most killer material you've ever heard but it's just kind of if you want to hear me kind of doing a fun out of context

stand-up comedy set this is it and no offense to any Bernie Saunders supporters you know like I said I think he's a good guy he's not the guy I would go for and what's funny is none of these people watching my show had a clue. I think they just assumed any comedian that got on stage was nuts about Bernie.

It couldn't have been further from the truth, but I wanted to respect that it was their night, that it was Bernie. And so I just kind of walked this thin line and I won't say any more about it. This is for you, premium members. This is Harlan Williams

in the most unsuspecting place doing stand-up comedy live at a Bernie Saunders rally at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood, California on Sunset Boulevard. Here we go. Mr. Harlan Williams,

Guy. Awesome, buddy. Thank you. Hey, gang, how are you? How about a hand for all the people in America that you love? Oh, come up,

Bernie. Do you love Bernie Sanders? The thing about Bernie's just so lovable, right? He's like a plush toy. I just want a Bernie Saunders plush toy on my bed. He's got that fuzzy hair. It's like I get the feeling that, you know, somebody went into his house, like a contractor went in and Bernie was like,

one of the few ceiling fence. And the guy installed like nine of them and put them on full blast. Bernie walks around his house, his hair just blowing all the time. You never have time to comb it down. It's perma stuff like that. It makes them cute, right? He's like, we need the poo of the politicians of stuff. I just love them.

I would love it if he grew a goatee, because you know that would be wine as well. We could call him Colonel Bernie Saunders. You can hand out chicken to everyone. It would be a treat. He could have a, he'd be the first politician with his own drive-thru. How about that? Oh, Bernie. I love him.

Is everyone voting for Bernie? Is everyone... You gotta vote for Bernie. He's so cute. He's got that voice, too. He talks like this. He reminds me of a cartoon character. Thank you much. Remember that cartoon when you were kids?

The aunt of the odd buck. He sounds a bit like the oddvalk. He's got that chagged, everything about him is chewed even the way he talks. He's like a cop. Hannah Valbera should be his running mate. He really should have a cartoon. He should have like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, right? Because his VP, that would be great.

He's like, hey Shaggy, what do you think we should do? Like, I think we should go into Iraq, Bernie. Like, let's get a pizza and smoke and join the White House. We've got to have Bernie, though. We don't want Hillary. We don't want Hillary. We don't want Hillary. We don't want Hillary.

Come on. I mean, think about. We got ISIS on the loose or ISIL or chocolate icing. I don't even know what. Every day they're a new name, but we need someone. Like Bernie's got that sense of authority, right? He's kind of got that old man thing that we all relate to. It's like, yeah, trust that guy.

I like that guy. strength and wisdom in his age, right? But it's so right, because I'm like that sense of wisdom, but you get to Hillary and she's up there in like a turquoise green pantsuit. And I'm like, you know, I picture Isis coming over the hill and Bernie going, hey, why don't you just turn around right now, before I turn my ceiling fans on you and bring you back. Whereas I picture Hillary of ISIS comes over the hill and Hillary's

in her turquoise pants are going, Hi, welcome to Olive Garden. Table for Isis? I mean, we can't have Hillary. I mean, just on her ankles alone. Can we have, I mean, those things. I mean, I know, it's horrible. Those fucking things.

You ever seen footprints in the rocks left by dinosaurs? This is Hillary's step. At least it's when she doesn't win, she can go somewhere and make wine, you know, with those cancels, just scum. Stop grits of their giant flubbery, vainy cancels. Like, let's get stoned on Hillary's line, Bernie.

But then there's Donald Trump. There's gonna be someone in here likes Donald Trump. No. No. No. Wow. Don't Trump. Why do you, I just want to get the vibe.

Why do you hate Donald Trump? He's racist. He's racist. racist? Okay, that's one thing, I guess. Sir, why do you hate Trump? He's an idiot. He's an idiot. Everyone hates a retarded billionaire. Guy, you don't like Trump. I can see in your eyes. You look like Kujo just after getting a puppy. Why do you not like Trump, guy? His hair. Well, you know, I think the hair is useful for one thing, right? Because he's talking about building a wall. between, like, the United States and Mexico, why doesn't he just, like, use that hair and make a giant web?

And he could knit a damn bottle, like a spider web, right? People can run into it, and then he can climb down and eat them with his giant teeth and his spider-like eyes. Now, look, there's someone back here with a wig on their head. Is that like a Bernie Saunders wig, or are you just, are you stormed from the X-Men? I don't know if you're going to make lightning happen. Is that a Bernie Saunders wig? Where did you get that? It's a mad professor wig from Halloween.

And there's your Bernie. Bernie's kind of a mad professor, isn't he? If anyone tries to fuck with the United States, Bernie's like, you better not fuck with us. I will turn you all into toads. He's a mad professor. professor. And then we got, who's our final, who's the third guy in the race? O'Malley! O'Malley! It sounds like a borrower you'd order chicken ring, right?

What's with that guy? What's he pulling at it? Minus 25 or something? I think there's actually a gravestone in him up at Forest Lawn. What happened to O'Malley? Are there any Irish people in the crowd tonight? Why aren't you voting for O'Malley, guy? Where's your you know that sounded like Hillary's giggling there by I think so I hear you raise nine million emails she turns into fire marshal bill all of a sudden doesn't have an answer for anything I hear you fucked up in Benghazi well Bernie Bernie's got a good heart it's nice to see a guy who's authentic. I think that's what we really

It's nice to have a politician that whether you support him or not, it's nice to know there's someone out there that speaks from the heart, isn't playing into all the political bullshit. And I love that about him. And believe it or not, he's, you know how every time the elections start, that the politicians always say, hey, I'm not going to be mean, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, uh, throw stones at my opponent and badmouthed other people. He's like the first guy I think I've ever seen in my whole life that hasn't done that. It's just like he's an honorable, sincere guy. And for that, you've got to love Bernie Sanders.

Hey, I wish them luck, guys. Thanks for having me. God bless you. Thank you very much. So there it is. There it is. That's me at the Bernie Sanders rally. And they were really nice people, you know, they were, I, the only thing I didn't like is people kind of go to that, the stereotypical, you know, Trump's a racist, Trump's stupid, Trump's an idiot, Trump's hates people, you know. I'd rather hear people at least have, you know, I don't know, something more intelligent than just like a bullet point, you know.

this coming from the guy that says all Hillary has is a pantsuit and cancels. But anyways, it was a fun event. The people were super nice. And I guess the highlight was when I walked offstage, Bernie Saunders' son was there. His young son came up to me and introduced himself and said, thank you. And he goes, oh, you were hilarious. And thanks so much for being here. And thanks for, you know, the stuff you said about my dad.

And it was kind of cool. I kind of connected with his son because I don't know if I've ever told you guys this, but my father was a very prominent politician in Canada where I was growing up. My father was the Solicitor General of Ontario, which I think is the equivalent of the Attorney General in the United States. He's like the chief lawmaker, blah, blah, blah. And so I grew up with a father who had a life. politics and I was out there pounding the pavement delivering pamphlets and showing up at events like this, just like this for my father and supporting and, you know, being there and following my dad's

elections and being in the war room when the numbers were coming in through the media and biting your nails, watching to see if your father's going to win or lose. So this stuff really strikes close to home to me. So I had a really good talk with Bernie Sonder's son. We kind of compared notes about what it's like to be the son of a prominent politician. And although I can't say my dad ever ran for prime minister or president, but still to be a minister in the Canadian government is a very high position to be in. And so yeah, man, it was really cool. And And, you know, I always say with politics, it's nice to expose yourself to everything.

And even though I'm not supporting Bernie, it was really cool to be exposed to his vibe, be exposed to his people, the energy. And as I said, at the end of the day, his energy is authentic, it's real, it's not phony, it's not bought, it's not paid for. And that's what I like and respect the most. So I hope you enjoyed my bizarre Bernie Sanders stand-up comedy set. uh just for you premium members and uh thanks again for being premium members and until the next premium content moment chicken chameen baby