The Harland Highway - Harland Highway HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Verrryyy scarrrryyyyy!

Episode Date: October 22, 2020

A very special Halloween podcast full of scary, scary topics and guests! BOO!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Boo! Did I get you? Did I frighten you? Did I scare you? No? Well, I will. Because guess what? This is a very special edition of the Harland Halloween Highway. Yes, that's right. Many of you have been screaming and shrieking and saying, when's the next podcast? And I figure, you know what, why not do it for Halloween? Such a special time of year. So we're going to be, talking about all things scary. I'm going to be talking about something so scary that you can eat it. It's so scary. It's something scary that you eat. I'm going to be talking about that. And we're going to have a very special scary, scary Halloween guest. Roger assures me, I don't know who it is, but apparently he's got a very scary guest booked for this podcast. So get ready for that. I don't know who it is. And then I'm going to share. something scary. I had to be quarantined for two weeks for COVID.

Wait, do you hear this scary story? Yeah, yours truly was locked up for two weeks. And you're not going to believe how scary it was. And then lastly, speaking of COVID, we're going to talk to a specialist from London, England, about how do we do Halloween this year with COVID? Are we going to be able to do it? We're going to be talking to an expert.

So hang on to your candy bags. This is the Harland Highway. Sit down, strap in, and tighten your diaper. Come on. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. That means that every woman in this village who is capable of childbirth is going to have a baby. You shit kicking, stinky horseman or smelling motherfucker, you. Tell me his name.

You must tell me his name. This is Harland Williams. Oh, well, my mistake. Guess I'll be on my way then. You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway. What have you done to it? What have you done to its eyes? All of you. All of you freaks.

Heavens to Murgatroyd. Whether you're wearing a pullover or a cardigan, it's the Harland Highway. I have to hang up now. Uh-oh. Here we go. Oh, boy. Oh, I feel the hairs going up on my arms. On my back.

Oh, my legs. Oh, my God, my hairs are getting scared. Oh. Yeah, you know why it's Halloween? It's freaking Halloween. And you, nutty, kooky, wacky, nut-filled macadamia, cashew, hazelnut freaks. Put the heat on me. I kept getting requests.

Can't we have a Halloween Harland Highway? We haven't heard from you for so long, Mr. Williams. Can we have some podcast? action, please. Just something to satiate our appetites. And Halloween's coming up. It's trick-a-treat, Mr. Williams.

Can't you give us a little trick? At the very least, a little podcast treat. Well, your voices have not fallen on deaf ears, my friends. I must create a podcast for you. I must celebrate Halloween. Give you the podcast that you request.

Oh, yes. Yes, hello, everybody. I hope you're doing okay. I know it's been a while. I kind of lit up the podcast again during the very early stages of COVID because it was a dark, brooding, depressing time for everybody. And I thought, maybe yours truly, Harlan Zachary Williams, even though that's not my middle name.

yours truly could maybe lift your spirits maybe put a little levity into a deadly zombie-like virus if anyone could could bring a smile to your face during a zombie virus it would be me and uh and so i i think i did 10 or 11 just just to help get you over the hump and then things have kind of leveled off a bit and there's been a lot of weird stuff going on You know, there's been lootings and riots and shootings and this and that. Oh, my God, the world's been turned upside down if the virus wasn't enough to make you feel like you're spinning in a blender with a family of raccoons. Well, you've got to be failing it now, wise guys, see?

So, yes, it's been a funky, weird year. And, you know, I hear your voices. I read your tweets. I see your Instagrams, everybody. And sometimes you can just get a vibe from people, from your fans, from people in general when they're in need. You know? It's like there's a longing.

There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, want in those written-typed words on the Twitter and the Instagram and everywhere else. And sometimes it's just a throw away. It's like, hey, man, could you do another podcast? Like, you know, really like one. But no, no, no. These had something in them. These ones had some passion.

These were like, man, things are really rough, man. I mean, if you could just do another podcast, like, I really think I need it. You know, I'm really, I'm really having trouble coping, and, you know, I wake up every morning and I put my shoes on, but I, my shoes don't know which way to walk, man. And I think I need, like, a Highland Highway podcast to help me, to navigate, man, to navigate through life, man. And so, here I am, man. I'm here with open arms.

I hear you. and so we're going to do what an opening dramatic voices Captain Kirk I mean I'm really I'm really giving it here I heard your voices I'm serious

a lot of you said you kind of needed this and so I'm stepping up man I don't want to leave you hanging if this helps you get through I want to help you get through okay so I thought many of these requests were kind of, you know, talking about Halloween, and I thought, yeah,

let's do it. Let's freaking do it. So here we are. We're going to spend the next little while together, and we're going to talk about Halloween, and we're going to talk about life, and we're going to talk about COVID, and, oh, yeah, well, we'll cover all the bases just the way you expect me to. And hopefully this raises your spirits and gives you that injection. of life that you need.

I'm down, man. I'm a giver, man. I'm a giver like if you need it. I'm going to fucking give it, man. So let's start the Halloween. Halloween's about scary times and spooky times. And let's start with something really scary. Okay?

It may be one of the scariest things in the universe. Okay? For me, personally, this might be one of the scariest things. I've ever known or experienced. Is there anything scarier? And I'm almost afraid to say it. Is there anything scarier ladies and gurgoblagans than French onion dip?

Holy fuck. Yeah, yeah, I said it. You're like, where the hell's he going with this? I'm getting nervous. This buildup is like, yeah, I said it. French onion. Depp. Is this stuff right? What the F is French onion? Every now and then I buy this stuff, okay? I buy it like two or three times a year maybe. I don't know why. I'm walking down the

grocery store aisle and there's so many millions, millions of food products to choose from. I could pick up a Campbell's Soup. I can pick up a Captain Crunch. Oh, look, a pork chop. Oh, there's a nice loaf of Wonder Bread. Hey, what's this stuff? Maybe I need a little international flair in my diet. How about the wonderful French onion dip? Oh, it's bon, si you please. Oh, mange the French onion dip. Oh, merci monsieur. Oh, it's good. Mm, mm, French onion de. What the hell is French onion de? Have you seen this stuff? What am I eating? And it's even in the same jar. Have you ever? Have you ever? been to Home Depot, and you've got, you know, you've got the white stuff between your tiles has cracked out, or the little rim around your bathtub or on your sink somewhere, or there's a

little hole in your drywall. There's these little jars you can buy at Home Depot. It's called Spackle. Spackle. Almost sounds like a dragon that Harry Potter would fight. Who my goodness look is Spackle, quickly get my fairy wand and I'll defeat Spackle before he breathes French onion dip all over me. But if you haven't seen Spackle, for those of you that have congratulations, that means you've probably done some self-home repair. Good on you might. Good on you, you're not wrong. But Spackle is like a white, thick paste that you put into punctures.

punctures in your drywall, that you put around tile, that you put around window ledges. It's sort of like cocking, but it's a little more gluey. Cauling is kind of siliconey, and spackle is more like paper mash-e sort of, but even thicker. In fact, let me tell you exactly what the consistency of spackle is. It's the exact same consistency as French onion dip. Oh, my God. And what I'm saying is they come in the same size container. They come in a little jar with a little lid,

and you open that French onion dip up, and you look inside, and I'm telling you, man, it looks like the same thing. What is French onion dip? It's just, it's this big glob of white. It looks like spackle, that Elmer's glue, Mets whale ejaculate. Okay?

I don't know. This thing is like a white blob. It should just be called French heart attack dip. This thing, it looks like mayonnaise got date raped behind the Elmer's glue factory. I mean, what the f is French onion dip? I don't know what I'm eating. I don't even know what it tastes like. I don't taste any onion.

I certainly don't taste any French. And the only dip is me. I feel like a dip eating the shit. I'm like, why don't I just scrape some lard out of a dumpster behind Denny's and put my ruffled potato chips in it and just chow down? I mean, honestly, one of the most disgusting things And yet, somehow, why is it good? Why does it taste good?

Can somebody tell me why French onion dip taste good? Why do we eat it? And think of it. It's kind of like butter. It's thick like butter. Like, first of all, you get a potato chip, okay? A ruffles potato chip, because ruffles have ridges. You get a ruffled potato chip.

You dip it into this French onion dip. and you pull a big giant glob out. Now, you don't eat butter like this. You don't eat any other sauce like this. You just take this big... Now you've got a potato chip, which is already horrible for your body. So you've got a piece of garbage

dipping into more garbage, joining the garbage together and shoving it in your pie hole. And you're eating it, you don't know what the hell it's made of. It's like toothpaste, got date raped behind a Tatsiki vanilla yogurt factory. And then you got it in your mouth, and some reason, I don't know why. I don't know who came up with this stuff. Why does it taste good?

What is it? How did they arrive at this flavor? You know what? We want to create something that's got a foreign flavor, okay? We want something that tastes exotic. We want something international. We want something that tastes like it comes from overseas. Hell, France, okay?

We want something that tastes French. It's got a little bit of that onion zing in it that we all love. But we don't want people to be able to know what the hell it is, but we'll put a name on it. So how do we test this stuff? Get me some toothpaste, some whale ejaculate, some elvers glue,

some spackle, some rotten mayonnaise. Let's put it in a bowl, stir it up and feed it to prisoners and see if they eat it. Are they eating it? They are? Okay, that's it.

We're going to call it French onion dip. We're going to sell it to people and they're going to stick to potato chips in it. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire

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what in the hell is there, French, how does it work? I mean, I do not know what is the French onion deep. What is, what is, what is, what is, what is French onion deep? I don't say, by the way, what is it. And I don't know. Now, you'll be surprised to learn, ladies in Gurgles-Nirginz, that my ancestry is French-Canadian. Not French onion-dip Canadian, just French. Canadian. And so, I have quite the French vernacular. Thank you very much. Merci.

Merci, merci beaucoup. Um, so that's actually some real French I'm throwing in there for you as a little Halloween treat. Trick or treat. Oh, bonjour. So here we go. We have to know, so I went on the Google Wiggle or the Google intergoogles. And here's what they're say. French onion dip or California dip is an American dip typically made with a base of sour cream and flavored with minced onion and usually served with potato chips as chips and dip. Now listen to this part. It is not French cuisine. Oh really? It is called French because it is made with dehydrated French onion soup mix. Good Lord.

Dehydrated French onion soup mix. Is that... You know what? I almost wish it was like mayonnaise and whale ejaculate at this point. So anyways, there it is. I'm throwing it out there. It's Halloween. Hit the scary music, Roger.

We need it. French onion dip, probably the scariest thing I could come up with for Halloween. So good luck And if you're trick-or-treating And you get all kinds of bags of chips Now you know what to do with them Open the bag

Pull out the chip Dip of the shit chip in the French onion dip And go and have a fucking heart attack Bonsois Adios And see you later, senor Wait a second Hold it! I saw the whole thing

The machine's fixed Who's she you, mother? Blow up your pants. Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I might have lied. I might have lied regarding what the scariest thing in the world is. Okay? I know I said it was the French Jean-Indie. But have any of you been to jail? And this relates to the COVID thing. Have any of you done jail time? A day, a week, two weeks a year, five years, four years, nine years, 15 years, 30 years. Oh, my God, duh. All right, so let me tell you what happened to yours, truly. Recently, in the last two months, I got offered,

and this is very strange that this would happen during such a weird year, for me to get offered a Netflix series. Well, all this is going on just seems really bizarre, but I guess like everyone who's trying to work, The work just kind of comes, and you got to take it. So yours truly got offered a Netflix series. I won't say anything about it right now, but I'll tell you more about it as it gets closer to being released. And I got offered this Netflix series, and I thought, hmm, do I want to go do it?

You know, to be an actor, to be an actor in a Netflix series, and on top of that to play the villain. you know normally i don't get to be the villain in in these acting jobs that i do so netflix is like oh you want to you want to be the bad guy and i'm like do i i sure do all right all right all right so so i decided to take the gig but here's here's the deal here's the catch baby right here's the hook baby i got to shoot it in canada i got to fly up to Canada to not Vancouver in British Columbia, which is right on the West Coast for those of you who are geographically illiterate, or just don't care about good old Canada. Vancouver's the city just above Washington, the state of Washington, and the city of Seattle.

It's about a two-hour drive from Seattle up into Vancouver, and Vancouver's like the big city at the base of British Columbia. But then right off of Vancouver, because it's right on the coastline, there's a great big island called Vancouver Island. And on that island is another kind of fairly large city called Victoria. I think it was named after Queen Victoria from the Brits. And so they were shooting the Netflix series in Victoria,

in the city of Victoria, island of Vancouver Island, part of the province of British Columbia, Canada. And they said, yeah, we want you to do this, blah, blah, blah, that'll be great. Here's the hook. You've got to quarantine for two weeks when you come up. And I'm like, oh, wait a minute now. Do I really want to? Ah, yes.

So you know what? You know, as I said during the old earlier podcast, the quarantine podcasts, you know, for all of us, I think life has been getting repetitive and redundant and dormant and all these wonderful words. And a lot of us are getting in a rut and a lot of us are feeling like it's groundhog day. And so I thought, you know what, this will be a great break from the monotony. This will be a great kind of little slice of time where I can. get out of my routine and get to a new environment and a new country. And by the way, Victoria only had, at the time I went up there, I think they only had like

eight cases of COVID. So not only was I getting out of Dodge, but I was going to a place that was pretty much COVID-free. But the hook was, in order to help keep it COVID-free, which I guess is smart, anyone coming into the region has to isolate, has to quarantine for two weeks, 14 days. Not two weeks, five working days. No, no, the whole seven, the whole mongo.

So 14 days, and they're like, Harlan, we want you to be happy. We want you to be comfortable. And so they're like, do you want us to get you a house? Do you want us to get you an Airbnb? And you can stay at a house and you'll have a back. yard and you can at least go you're allowed to stand in the backyard you're not allowed to leave the house but you can stand out in the yard and stare at the sunflowers and you know water the plants

and i'm like eh you know i'm not really an Airbnb guy even though other people sleep in hotels i feel like they go in the maid service goes in every day changes the sheets scrubs down the bathroom vacuums the floor, cleans everything, puts new soap, new towels, wipes out the sink. You go into someone's house and it, I don't know, it's just weird, especially someone you don't even know. Like your Airbnb at somebody's house. And there's the picture of their grandfather over the fireplace and there's their little trinket they bought when they're on a trip in Costa Rica. And there's their favorite coffee mug up in the country. I don't want to get into all that personal stuff.

It's too weird for me. So I said, you know what? It's two weeks. It's 14 days. Put me in a hotel. Get me a suite so at least I have rooms and get me a place with a kitchen so that I can cook. And, you know, because I can't leave the hotel room for two weeks. And I said, you know, please get me a place with a balcony so I can at least go out in the fresh air, which they did.

And then lastly, you know, I like to exercise. I like to go walking every day or go to the gym or play sports or whatever I do. I try to do something every day. And I say, guys, I can't sit in a hotel room for 14 days, just dormant. It's not healthy for me physically. It's not healthy for me mentally. It's just it's not healthy. I mean, you know, I'm eating a lot of French onion dip and chips.

I got to keep the ticker moving. And by the way, just for reference, I actually did buy some French onion dip and chips once when I was in quarantine. So shame on me. And so I asked them to get me a life cycle so I could at least pedal every day and work up a sweat and get my heart going. And they most graciously did. So here I was in this nice suite with a separate bedroom and a living room and a little kitchen with a fridge and a stove and dishwasher, all the stuff you need, right? Nice big bathroom. And I said, you know what, I'll tough it out. I'll tough it out. Listen to me. Tough it out. I'm in a suite. Okay. And that's what you'd think. Okay. So here's the thing.

I show up. They go, Harland, they're very serious about this. I get to the customs, the Canadian customs. They said, it's a million dollar fine if you're caught going out of your room and at least three years of jail time. And I'm like, okay, I don't need to hear much more. And plus if I I did cheat, if I did sneak out, that could affect the whole production for the Netflix project. So now they got to shut down because of me, I needed to wander out and go to Starbucks or 7-Eleven or something. So they bring me to the room. They go, here's your room. We're not even giving you keys. You're not even allowed out in the hallway. Like, this is serious. You have to quarantine for two weeks. So here I go. Into my room. Door closes behind me. Boom. I'm in lockdown. And I'm thinking, okay, it's probably going to be uncomfortable. It's going to seem like it takes forever.

And I'm going to be miserable, but, you know, before you know, it'll be over. And so here I am. And first of all, it went kind of faster than I thought, which was interesting. Okay. So that was the good side. B, I could go out on the balcony every day and sit in the sun. And by the way, look down at all the people walking around eight floors below me, I was allowed to share the air with them up above them, but I couldn't share the air with them right down with them. So you go figure that one out. So I could go out on the balcony, but outside of that, it was like watch TV, go have a nap, get on the life cycle, make some food. And I got to tell you, it started to get really repetitive

and really kind of claustrophobic and even though I had the life cycle and all the other amenities, okay, I had my laptop and I'm an imaginative guy so I can write and I can do things on my laptop. I had a lot of projects to deal,

like I had to work on. I had a TV. I had FaceTime. I had my cell phone. I had the internet. I had like two or three different, like, uh, food app. where I could order food from all over the city.

And by the way, Victoria's a port where a lot of cruise ships come in. So there's thousands of restaurants in this city, and they're good ones. And so every day I was trying something new. It was actually quite cool. But let me tell you this, my friends, even with all those parks, even with all that stuff to help get me through, I will never, ever, ever want to go to jail. I mean, I had all this stuff, a big room, the TV, the podcast, the phone, the internet, all this stuff.

And I started going a little crazy in there. I didn't like it. I felt confined. I felt like I had no freedom. I felt like a dog in a cage. And this is two, this is 14 lousy days. and they're allowed to deliver everything from steak to cheeseburgers and leave them outside my door. And I'm thinking, imagine being in prison in a concrete room, you know, 12 feet by 9 feet,

concrete walls, metal bunk bed, stainless steel toilet, and a roommate who could be a rapist, a pedophile, a cereal, killer, a murderer, a sadist, a Satanist, who knows what the hell they are? And you're in there for years at a time? 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 20, 30, 40 years? In a concrete room? Dudes, I am telling you right now, do not go to jail. And by the way, they don't have a TV, they don't have the internet, they don't have cell phones, they don't have food delivery. You know, three times a day They go down to the cafeteria and get served gruel

They can't even Uh, take a dump Without their, their serial killer roommate Sitting on the top bunk staring down at them How's that dump going there, guy? Um, do you think you could look away out the window? Uh, we don't have a window, bro. Okay, um

I'd rather just look at you taking dump Um, you wear a serial killer right that's right okay i guess you can watch i'm not gonna i don't want to start anything yeah i didn't think you did yeah if you want to if you want to if you want to watch i mean i yeah i mean are you kidding me how do these how do these jailbirds even how do you not kill yourself in jail. What do you hold on to? And many of these prisoners turned to faith, to the Lord, to religion, and I can see why. You need something. I was in a luxury room with all kinds of bells and whistles, and I was literally like, I'm telling you, it was not healthy for me.

Even with the exercise option, it was not, I could feel my body and my mind like withdrawing and I don't know, you just become detached from the world and from reality and from people and from even like whatever's on TV and on the internet, you just start to, you start to distance. It's like being in a boat, a roadboat on shore, and you drop your paddles. And the boat slowly starts drifting backwards out into the wide open ocean. And you slowly see land and people and everything real fading into. the distance. And suddenly you're just on your own. And you can kind of sort of see the land in the distance, but you know you can't get there. Oh my God. I dare say I almost felt compassion

for people who were incarcerated. But then again, I have to remember what many of these people did. They've taken other people's lives. They've molested children. They've robbed banks. They've shop people, they've stabbed. So, you know, in that way, even more, I guess, going to jail, you really get what you deserve. But I'm just telling you people, the faithful listeners who are honest, good, hardworking, upstanding people, do not cross that line. Do not become part of the criminal element. Do not misbehave. Do not. Do not get on the wrong side of the law. Do not go to jail. I mean, this is not a place you want to be. So this was my little taste of, and by the way, before I went into this hotel room, I think we were all feeling to a degree kind of that kind of separation just

in our own lives, in our houses, in our neighborhoods, in our communities. Even though I go out for a walk every day at my house, I still feel this kind of, you know, this kind of a bend. of everything that once was. And so please, whatever you do, whatever bad thoughts, whatever 7-Eleven you were trying to rob, those bags of French onion dip are not worth it. Stay out of the clinker, man. It's seriously, I think you'd rather be in hell

with Satan stabbing you with a pitchfork every 20 minutes. I am not even joking. I cannot imagine. So there you go. This was just another little taste of weirdness brought on by this whole COVID thing. And I thought I'd share it with y'all. And just another scary thing on this Halloween.

But enough of my stories, I think we should maybe take a phone call, right, Roger? And see who else is out there and wants to talk. Let's do it, man. We're out of time. What? No, we're not. Roger, this is the Halloween special, man. We're just freaking getting started.

Arland, I said we're out of time. No. No way. I haven't done a podcast for who knows how long. It's Halloween. I want to do more. I said, we are out of time. And I say we are not out of time.

This is my podcast. It's a Halloween special, Roger. Now, keep pressing your buttons, turn in your knobs or whatever you do and we're going to keep going you got it man okay okay good let's do this like my taint what seriously roger what is wrong with you what would you knock it off you idiot what the what grade are you in man let's get back to the show. Idiot.

Do your job and get someone on the freaking phone line so we can scare people for the Halloween scare special. God. Yeah, that's more like it. Good. Get someone scary on the line. Hello? This better be someone scary, Roger.

Hello? Would you stop that stupid giggling, Roger? What a, hello? Hello. Hi. Hello? Hi, it's me. Who the hell is this? It's me, Michael.

What the, Roger? Is this you, Jacko? Hi, it's me, Michael Jackson. What the hell? Roger, what are you calling in for, Jacko? I heard it was special. What do you, what? special.

What do you mean special? I heard you were doing something special. What do you mean I'm doing something special? I heard the word special. And I like it special. I'm doing a Halloween show. Is it special? What do you mean?

Is it special? I heard you be doing a Halloween show. Special. Yes, I'm doing a Halloween special. Special. Would you stop saying special, Jacko? But it's Halloween. Yes.

And you said you're doing a special. So? So you're doing a Halloween special? Hang up on this idiot. Special. Get a... Get a... Idiot!

He... He... He... ...stop! Your stupid Jacko Giggles! He... ...special! I'm hanging up on you, you freak!

God! Hey, he. Good, Roger. If that's your idea of scary, it's not happening, okay? That Michael Jackson is not what Halloween is all about, okay? Halloween is about ghosts and goblins and skeletons and jackal lanterns and Hold on. What?

Oh, okay. Hello. Special. Oh, God. Why the hell are you calling me back, Jacko? You said Halloween is Jacko Lanterns. Yes, I did. I said it's ghouls and goblins and jacko lanterns.

Jacko. What? You said Jacko. I said Jacko Lantern. But the first part is Jacko. Okay, Jacko. Yes. What?

You said Jacko. Okay, Jacko. Yes. What? That's my name, Jacko. Don't wear it out. He-he-hee. Good Christ.

Are you serious? Serious, you called me back because I said Jacko Lantern and your nickname is Jacko. Special. Oh, for five. Jacko. Oh, Lantern. What? You said Jacko, and I said, oh, Lantern.

What, Jacko, goodbye. Stop phoning here. Goodbye. You're not scary. You're not Halloween. But am I special? E. Goodbye!

You know what, Roger, screw. You know what? You want to play games with me? I've got my own guests lined up, okay? I've got my own roll-a-decks of guests. And I wanted to talk about Halloween and the ramifications of it, and especially during the COVID outbreak. The COVID outbreak has put a whole new slant on Halloween.

There's some communities don't even know if they're going to do trick-or-treating for kids. there might not be parties, and COVID is hitting society and the world very hard. Maybe people don't have the income to buy treats to hand out to kids. I mean, the whole paradigm is shifted here. And so we thought, at least I thought, Rogers, and you want to keep, I got a guest who's good at this stuff, who understands what we're. going through. COVID and Halloween and all of it bundled together. It's Dr. Philibust from Manchester, England, the United Kingdom. And Dr. Philibust is a professor of child studies and

parent psychology in Manchester, England at the Devonshire Institute. And I thought we could bring him on for some perspective on on Halloween, on COVID, and all this stuff wrapped together. So, Roger, get him on the line and stop dicking around. You have them? Okay, put him through. Hello, Dr. Philibust. Hello, Holland.

How are you? Yes, sir. Yes, great to have you here. It's a wonderful thing to have you on the show here. Thank you, Holland. Thank you so very much indeed. And I want to kind of jump right into it with you because a lot of our listeners are wondering about what's happening in the world,

what's happening with COVID. Yes, it's affecting everybody. It's a very confusing time, really. Yes, and so, you know, we're having enough time coping with everyday life, our jobs, our shopping, our transportation, our, you know, know, are socializing everything, and so now, boom, here we come up to this holiday that children just adore. For many kids, it's their most favorite holiday. Absolutely. Halloween is just, it's a magical time. It's where children get to pretend and dress

up and run around in the streets and fill their head with fantastical thought. It's very healthy. The imagination, the human imagination, it's very healthy for a child to express oneself, in this wonderful, colorful holiday. It's very healthy and psychologically. It helps a child to grow, really. Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. And so during this holiday, you know, how do we handle it?

How do parents handle it? How do children handle it? Is it going to be canceled? Unfortunately, Holland, in some regions of the world, Halloween will be ground to a halt. will not have Halloween this year. And it's a real tear joker, if you will. I hate to imagine the poor children standing there looking up at their parents in their costumes, wondering why they can't go outside. And it's very, very sad indeed. It sure is. I mean, if I was a kid,

uh, doctor, I would be, I would just be devastated. As many of the children around the globe will be. And it's not all bad. Oh, Holland. That's what I can report to here tonight. The fact that trick-or-treating is introduced to COVID, it's not all bad. Well, okay. See, I think that's the positivity we needed to hear. People are fearful. People are in doubt. People don't know what to do with their children. Can you explain to us, walk us through how COVID works with Halloween? How do we integrate the two and make it work?

Absolutely, Holland. You know, I talk to my students about this all the time, but of course we're doing it virtually now. It's a whole new world for me as well. I won't get into that. I'll stay focused on Halloween, but all elements, all aspects of society are changing. And as you know, COVID has hit many of us, many, many of us,

whether we're wealthy or middle class or lower class, Holland, it's hit all of us in the pocketbook. I think you and your listeners can agree. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you know, the airlines have shut down restaurants, businesses, things have closed. It's been devastating. Exactly, Holland. Many adults, many parents, if you will, families with children, one child, two child,

seven children. You know, it doesn't matter the number. as you can imagine, it puts strain on the family to have children. I'm afraid that the children are an expense that really are sometimes hard to trifle with. Yeah, I can imagine now, doctor, I don't have kids, but, you know, when you're talking about a kid, you're talking about dental bills, you're talking about medical bills, you're talking about clothing, schooling, nannies, preschool. I mean, the list is endless, right?

Oh, absolutely, Arland. It's a very taxing thing to be a parent. And it's a wonderful thing, of course. Nothing brings more fulfillment and joy to the heart and your wonderful children. But at a time where the world is reeling, at a time when we're in a devastating grip of a killer virus, it really is hard to manage everything.

and children and running a home and running a business, you know. Absolutely. It's like a carnival of errors, almost, doctor. What if people do? How does, I know it seems trivial, but you said it yourself, Halloween is a fun, exciting time. I think we need things we look forward to during COVID, to lift our spirits, to lift us up out of all the grim reality around us.

Oh, 100%. and my studies at the Devonshire Institute have gone quite into depth. And I think I have found a wonderful way where, how, let me put it this way, I'll end, COVID and Halloween can have a symbiotic relationship. Okay, symbiotic meaning, meaning that one side of the relationship kind of services the other side. Yes, absolutely. symbiotic relationship, and I think many of your listeners will just warm up to this and be fascinated by the studies we've done at the Devonshire Institute.

Please, please enlighten us, Dr. Philibus. Listen up, folks. If you've got kids, if you've got a family, Halloween might not be lost. Absolutely. Now, here's what we propose, or at least I propose from my work, my findings. are, please, if you have a family, if you have children, and you're finding that your finances are running low because of the children, you find that you're not able to buy and provide for your family, and mainly because the children are put such a strain on things.

Okay, yes, we said it earlier. Children are not cheap. Absolutely. And here, we have an opportunity where many places are not allowing children and adults to go out trick-or-treating going door to door, of course, quite naturally for the fear of catching COVID. Of course, you touch a doorbell. Who knows who's touched the doorbell? There can be trace elements of COVID on the doorbell. Yes, of course. I mean, you know, the bacteria could be on the doorbell, you ding-dong the doorbell, you touch your nose, your eyes. Yes, you get the drill and next thing you know, you have COVID. Now, take it to the next step, Harland. The door opens, a rush of air comes out of the house, who knows if people

in the house have COVID, and all of a sudden, an adult or two adults, or who knows who else, is standing in the doorway, and you're quite close because you have to drop treats into a child's bag, am I correct? Absolutely, Doctor, a classic trick-or-treating. Precisely, Arland. And so now you're interfacing with someone you don't. know, you don't know the medical history, and you're right in front of them, and as we know, you're in the COVID zone. Absolutely. I mean, you know, you can't receive trick or treat treats if you're six feet apart. You've got to move in, hold open your bag, you're probably two or three feet apart. Exactly. It's a very intimate interaction, really, to place your

treats into a child's bag. Okay, so what do we do? What are your findings? What I've concluded, Harlan, and this is remarkable, sometimes science and nature provide remarkable solutions. And in this case, it's just a phenomenon what I've been able to determine here. Please, don't keep us waiting any longer. What I've concluded is take your children out, okay? All right, this is encouraging. Take them out, get them out.

dressed up, treat this Halloween as any other normal Halloween. I like where this is going, Doctor. Take them door to door. Have them knock on as many doors as possible. Have them get right in there as if COVID isn't even happening. I get it. Like just, you know what? Give them a night where they can not be filled with anxiety.

They can enjoy themselves. Exactly, Arlen. And as they go from door to door, maybe 30. 40, 50 houses. Perhaps if you're lucky, the child will have a bag full of candy at the end of the night. Oh, yes. That's what it's all about. And have contracted COVID from one of the houses they went to a complete stranger was interacting right in the face. So wait a minute. So they want a big bag of candy. And then what was that last part? The child contracts the COVID virus. from one of the many houses that they visited,

carelessly standing in the shadow of an adult where they greedily accepted candy, and the curvis virus, of course, spread from some spittle or some moisture in the air, or droplet, landing on your child dressed as a goblin or a cheetah or a witch or a superhero, whatever they're dressed at. It doesn't matter.

They can still contract to the virus. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, Dr. Philibus. So you're, am I getting this right? You're saying you want the children to contract COVID? Is that kind of like that hurting immunity thing so that they get it and then they get through the window of it? No, absolutely not. What we want, Holland, in order to relieve the stress on a family that's struggling, do you see?

Yeah, everyone's struggling. What we do is in a harmless and a guilt-free, way we send the children out trick-treating and at the same time we can only hope they contract COVID and within four to 12 days your child who is putting such a financial strain on your home who you are locked up with it is causing you headaches and is putting demands on you emotionally and psychologically we can only hope that your bratty child contracts coronavirus from trick-or-treating and within nine to twelve days is completely dropped dead uh what hold on doctor so you're saying send the kids out try and get them infected so that they get the COVID and die

and it's a financial burden off of the family it's quite organic and that's the beauty of There's no murder. There's no killing of anybody. You see, it's all organic. You take the child out for something as organic as Halloween, but really in the back of your head, you're disguising it as a way to eliminate these annoyances that are driving you nuts in your home when you're confined,

they're straining your pocket port, they're eating your food, they're yelling and screaming, they're cutting into your sleep. and now you have the perfect means to eliminate the children from your home without anybody being suspicious. Are you talking about premeditated murder? Well, let's not say premeditated, Arland. I mean, this is a virus that was introduced by the Chinese.

It floats around in the environment organically. So, as I said, it's not like you're pointing a gun or putting your hands around the child's throat and strangling, for God's sake. I mean, how barbaric would that be? Well, wait a minute. Is it any less barbaric that you're sending these, your beloved children out dressed as goblins and lions and scarecrows to get Hershey bars and potato chips?

But in reality, you're setting them up to hopefully get the COVID virus and die so that you don't have to keep paying for them and dealing with their shenanigans under the roof of your house? Precisely all, and you've hit the nail right on the head. I mean, it's the perfect storm, you see? It's the perfect way to eliminate the... Hold on, sir. We're talking about Halloween, a holiday that children love,

and you're talking about murdering your own kids? Now, I never said murder, Harland. COVID is not a murderer. COVID is a virus. It's an indiscriminate virus. It could take you anywhere. It could take you any time, any place. But why not use it to your advantage? Why not instead of letting the COVID virus attack randomly and take lives just randomly? why not orchestrate it? Why not make it part of planning a better life for you and your family? Let's be honest, Colin, how many of your listeners out there, husband and wife, would much rather spend the long COVID night sitting in front of the fireplace

with a goblet of red wine and some Kenny G. music playing in the background, staring into each other's eyes, reading poetry and whispering sweet nothings without the sound of children clanging in the background and yelling and wetting the beds and demanding food and attention and bedtime stories, for God's sake, Holland. Sir, I'm sorry, but you cannot use Halloween

as a parade to march children to their deaths. This is the most sinister thing. I don't even think Hitler could come up with something this morbid. Well, Hollander, you can look at it as morbid, or as we do over the Devonshire Institute, you can look at it as practical. We are in the middle of an epidemic, and humans are rational beings. And so, as rational beings, we must ask ourselves, how do we use this anomaly? How do we use this chaos-driven violence, the virus, I should say?

How do we use it to our advantage? How do we use a virus that is spiraling out of control to our benefit, Arland? You don't use it to your benefit murdering your children. Arland, can I ask you a question? Yes. It's a Saturday night. you've been working all week doing Zoom meetings you've been on the phone

you've been thinking to yourself how the hell am I going to make money to keep my mortgage afloat how am I going to pay for my car and when this sinister virus is finished how will I get on with my life and there in the background

your children screaming for dinner throwing the toys all over, clogging the toilet with their little children loaves. And your head's pounding like a drum, Holland. Your head's pounding like a drum. Your blood pressure is rising like the erection on a whale when it sees a dolphin. What? Holland, how would you like to spend your Saturday night without your children? Uh, well?

Go ahead, Harland. Tell me. So, you're saying yelling kids versus red wine and my wife. With their clothes off, covered in baby oil, in front of a crackling fire. So now, now my wife's in front of a crackling fire were drinking red wine. Yes, Holland. She's covered in baby oil. Naked. Naked.

There's no children and... And you make love on the floor in front of the crackling fire for seven hours until the purple sun comes up on the horizon. Um... Go ahead, Arland, say it. No, I'm not going to say it. Ohlitt. Go ahead.

Say it. Doctor? Say it, Holland. I'm I'm I'm I'm

I want to kill the children, doctor? Yes, Holland. Say it again. I want to take the children out for

trick-a-treat and I want them to touch the doorbells with their little tiny fingers and I want them when the people open the door I want the noisy bratty children to walk in close where the saliva can spray all over them Holland yes where the

saliva can spray all over them and COVID goes directly into the little eye sockets yes doctor the COVID sprays into their eyes sockets and... And within four, the twelve days, those once vibrant children are lifeless corpses laying out the ground.

The lifeless corpses... Say it, Arland. What are you doing? Arland, I'm sorry. You know what, this is... What have you... Are you like brainwashing me or something, Philibus? Holland, I'm just saying that there is a way to make...

No, this is creepy. This is outright creepy. You know what? I got to go. I can't take any more of this. You're filling my head and my listeners with your soft, alluring voice. I almost think like you're hypnotizing them. Am I, Holland?

There, that voice right there. What are you doing? Kill the children, Holland. What? Chill the... Yes, killed... Kill the Pollard? Yes, Doctor, I...

I must kill... Wait, wait, what? Kill the children on. Stop it, I'm hanging up. Kill the children on and kill the... I'm hanging up. Kill them up and kill it all of it! Holy fuck!

What the heck? Okay, now that was one of the scariest things... What? What the, holy sh, that guy, what's, whoa, Roger, you know what? That freaked me out. I got to clear my head. Get me another guest ASAP, like immediately, like right now. Hello?

Hello? Hello? Yeah. Oh, God. Hello, Jacko. Hi. He, he, he, he, he. I know.

I think I know what you're going to say. Special? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I, how did I know? Because you're special. Yeah, I'm special.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. and when I watch football on Sunday Okay Sunday football, yeah And they They need a specific play A specific play, okay, yeah

You know what they do? No, no, what do they do? They send in the special teams The special team, sure, yeah Mm-hmm. And I have a cousin. Okay, a cousin? And he's not very smart, he-hee.

Okay, he's not very smart, sure. Then what is he? He's special. He's special, yeah. Yeah, Jacko. Anything else? Do you like Burger King? I guess.

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. All we ask is that you let us serve you your way. Chee-hee, at Burger King. Serve you your way, chee-hee. Okay. Mm-hmm. Anything else?

No. I think I've said it all Were you scared? Oh yeah Just probably the scariest Halloween ever If it wasn't for you You know I don't think I've ever been so frightened in my life

I mean this is a real You know Special kind of scared Yeah Yeah Jacko Real let me try it Special Type of scared

You'd see it special? Yeah, I did. Um, would you do me a favor? Is it a special favor? It really is. It's really special. Okay, I'll do a special favor.

He, what is it? Um, why don't you get in your car, uh, hit the gas, go about 90 miles an hour, and fuck off. Like, a special fuck off? Yeah. Like a special fuck off. Hee he he, he, happy, special Halloween. Fuck off. Oh, he, he, he.

No, seriously, fuck right off. Hee, he, he, he, special? No, fuck off. E, special! No, just fuck off. Idiot! God, seriously, though. In a way, was this not the best, like, Halloween special ever?

I mean, is there anyone really more frightening than Michael Jackson? The Manchild with the Reefiled? rearranged face, the color scheme of his skin redone, his appetite for monkeys and boys, and who knows what else, a man-child who drinks Jesus juice and sings with the voice of a prepubescent boarding school girl? I mean, is there anything more frightening on this hollowed eve than Jacko? Wow.

So I think we did pretty good here today and scaring the life out of you. I mean, I'm terrified. Forget Michael Myers from Halloween, Roger. How about Michael Jackson from Halloween? Yikes. So there you go, folks. A little Halloween Merry. for you. Some comedy, some insight, some French onion dip. I hope maybe you are eating the

French onion dip while you listen to the podcast. Yeah. And then many of you have been asking what I've been up to because, you know, it's been a little quiet with all the COVID and me not doing the podcast. So I'm working in the background on many projects. I'm happy to announce that we just got our fifth season of my Disney animated show, Puppy Dog Pals, renewed for a fifth season. Can you believe it? So just to put it in context and perspective, when Disney does their animated series and my show's for kids,

you know, puppy dog pals, I think you can figure that out, they usually do it, run them for about two years. They say that if it gets three years, it's a hit if it gets four years it's huge and if it's five years whatever so

so the head of Disney phoned me and said to me he said you know Harlem we're renewing for a fifth season he goes three years we rarely do four years is unheard of and five years is just

like crazy phenomenal out there forget about it so you know I want to thank I want to thank the whole crew who works on the show. I want to thank the good Lord above for blessing me with this good fortune for this show.

And, you know, I want to thank my management and the people that helped me pitch the show and encouraged me to pitch the show. And I want to thank you, the fans, all over the world. I mean, this show from what Disney told me, plays in like 140 countries. It's just crazy. And so I want to give thanks to not just the show and the creativity and all that stuff,

and all the toys and all that stuff. What I want to give thanks for is that this is a show that's reaching children and parents and families and it's getting in their hearts and it's affecting them. and it's maybe teaching them something or preparing kids for life to have a life of curiosity and adventure and compassion and in these times where there's racial unrest, our show is about togetherness,

and it's about respecting each other and understanding each other and brotherhood and love. And there's so many elements to this show that are being injected into young children that are growing up, and after listening to my podcast, can you believe that that stemmed from me? But this is what I've always believed. And sometimes people go, how can you do all your crazy stuff when you do a kid show? And I go, easy.

Just because you think of one thing. When you go to the grocery store, you don't go, well, I'll get some apples, but I better not buy oranges. I'm buying a steak, so I better not buy pork chocolate. We're human beings. We have intricate minds. I can do stuff for babies, I can do stuff for high schoolers, I can do stuff for seniors, I can do stuff for stoners, I can do stuff for highly educated Harvard graduate.

We're human beings. We have the capacity to do anything. Our minds are a buffet of different things. So I always find that a really weird question when people try to pigeonhole you into one thing. And you go, what are you talking about? Yeah, I do a podcast. I sing. I do stand-up comedy. I'm a writer. I'm an actor. I'm a director. I'm a producer. I mean, what are we all just supposed to do one thing in life? I mean, look at yourself. We all do multiple things. So it's a joy to be able to do all this stuff, and it's great to be able to bring this show. And it's also, you know, Disney launched this new streaming service called Disney Plus earlier this year just before the COVID.

hit. And apparently puppy dog pals is taking off on Disney Plus as well. People are loving it. So if you haven't seen it, if you have kids, you should definitely check it out. If you're just a grown up or an adult, you might want to check it out just for 10 minutes or something to see what it's all about. It's actually done really well. The animation is beautiful. It's, it's CGI. It looks like Shrek and how to train your dragon and toy store. it's got that kind of look to it. It's just beautiful. And there's great music and every episode has a song, a catchy little song sequence. And as I said, the underlying message in the show is about friendship and togetherness and unification and not in a political preachy way. It's really

not, that's what I love about it. It's subtle and it's real and it's organic. It's not pushing any agenda. It's not pushing any side of a political spectrum. It's just kind of right up the middle life lessons, and it's just beautiful. It's very fulfilling to me. And on that note, to tell you what else I'm doing, I'm also developing some other animated shows that I've sold to some big studios. I can't really divulge much more because these are works in process that we're developing and getting ready to roll out hopefully soon. I will keep you updated, but more cartoons that will reach out to the world and bring joy. And I'm doing some cartoons that are aimed at older audiences as well. So some good stuff. What else? I just, as I mentioned

earlier, I was up in Canada shooting a series for Netflix that will probably come out next year and I will keep you posted. I'll give you a little hint. I get to play the VE villain in this, in this, uh, in this, uh, new series, which, uh, was really fun for me. It's because usually I'm the goofy comedy guy and, and he's a comedic villain, but it's fun just to have that little, that little edge of darkness is always fun to play with, right? Uh, also I'm doing some writing on, uh, some various shows, some animated shows, some a live action show, another live action show for Netflix. I'm writing some movies in the back. background. I'm doing all sorts of things. And one of the things I'm really having a blast

with is I'm on a digital platform called patreon.com. Okay. So if you go to patreon.com backslash Harland Williams, you can see my page. And how it works is it's a page where you pay for content. And as you know, I've been doing content for free for years. And I've started this little video show called Two Guys in Their Underpants, and it's basically a couple of wacky Ken dolls running all over the world, getting into the most outrageous adventures you've ever seen. It's really edgy out there, twisted stuff. So if you like weird, twisted humor, you can join my Patreon page, and here's how it works. It's always scares people because it costs money.

But you've got to remember, I put tons of work into this thing, man. And it costs money to shoot video and, you know, buy props and go to sets and this. There's a lot going into this. So what it is is you can go on Patreon and for $5 a month, you can get all the episodes and everything else that I do. I also put podcasts on Patreon. Like, for example, this podcast, don't get upset everybody, but the people on Patreon got to hear this before you did. That's just one of the perks. They get everything first. okay it's $5 a month or if you want to pay more you can there's added features that you can pay more for if you want to but for $5 a month you get two guys in their underpants you get any podcasts

I do you get my books on audio that's another thing I've been doing I've been writing these incredible short stories from science fiction to horror to drama to you name it I've been writing all these short stories and I record them on audio and I only released them for free on my Patreon page whereas if you want to buy them, you have to go to my website and download them. You know, but on Patreon you get so much more. And here's the thing.

You can go on Patreon. Okay, for $5, what's that? Two bags of chips and a pack of gum. For one month, you can go on Patreon for $5. If you don't like it, if you hate my content, if you hate what I'm doing, you just cancel it. So what I'm asking all my pavement pounder friends is to give it a chance. I won't be offended. I can't tell if you leave or you stay.

And even if you leave blatantly in front of my face, I respect your choice. But I urge you if you want to laugh, if you want some wacky extra material to help you through this COVID and laugh at ridiculous stuff. I'm telling you, people have been dying laughing at two guys in their underpants. But go in, join for $5. If you hate it, just cancel. What have you got to lose for $5? You could go to the mall and pay $12 for parking.

You're leaving an inanimate object in a parking garage for two hours, and that's $12. for five dollars you can laugh your ass off you can be enriched by all my content and uh like i said if you don't like it just bail get the hell out and if you do like it you stay in there and if you want to stay in there for two months three months two years whatever you want but it's there for you and i put a crap ton of work into it and as you know from my podcasts i go above them beyond what most podcasts do. Nobody puts all the production and the music and the sound effect and the voices and all the stuff I put into my podcast. That's what I put into my content on patreon.com. So I urge

you to give it a chance. No offense if you don't like it and you bail out. But for $5, for God's sakes, give it a chance. Please. And I'm not saying it because I want your money so much and just so you know the money goes towards towards the production of the of the rest of the content i'm urging you to do it so that you can uh be enriched by it i honestly think you'll enjoy it i'm not doing it just oh give me your money give me you know what i don't need the money that bad to be honest but it does help when i can pour some funds back into the production of my stuff but it's not crucial but i more than anything i just want you guys to to have a laugh and and maybe you'll like it.

So give it a shot. And if you do like it, if you love you, you go, my God, this is great. Tell your friends. Help spread the word. Because it encourages me to do more. Like the more people that get off on it, the more people that love it,

the more people that respond to it. I'm like, wow, it's fulfilling for me. That's what feeds me. You know, if I was the only man on the planet left, I wouldn't be doing all this stuff, I don't think. I'm for some reason I'm wired and I'm fired to create this stuff for you guys and I love it I love the idea that maybe I made you laugh or smile or stimulated a thought or something like that so patreon.com backslash Harland Williams that's just another one of the many things

I'm doing and I'll keep you posted and thank you for all your tweets and your your your letters to my website, Harlem Williams.com. Many of you have said, please do more podcast, please. And as you can hear from what I just rambled about, I'm really busy. But when I hear you guys need a fix, I take that to heart, and here we are. Look at this. We threw together a nice, juicy Halloween podcast, and it's very fulfilling for me, and I hope it satiate your appetites for a while. until you bug me to do another one and so on and so on. But meanwhile, I hope you're safe. I hope you're doing well. We're going to get through this damn virus. We're going to learn to cope with it, even if it never goes away. We're going to learn how to dance in between the lines.

We already are. It's horrible that people are dying, but in life there's risk no matter what you do. If you go swimming, you go on the subway, you go driving, you go walking. the Grim Reaper can pop up anywhere, and so we can't just hide under a rock. Life has to keep moving, and I think, you know, the only thing I can say is, thank God, this virus isn't any worse. As horrible as it is, you know, there's probably viruses that are coming in the future where if you just breathe the air, you drop dead in five seconds, or, you know, if you get this thing, you're dead 90%. fortunately, even though we don't want a virus, the COVID virus is not that lethal in terms of, you know, killing you immediately.

Thank God. You know, at least if you get it, there's a fighting chance. There's a higher rate of survival than there is of death, according to everything I've seen in the news. And so let's be grateful that this thing isn't like, you know, 70 degrees worse. And to anyone who's lost people or family members, my heart goes out to you, my prayers go out to you. I think everyone listening, our collective energy goes out to you. It's really tough. It's really hard.

And it's affecting everyone. But we are stronger than this invisible asshole. And if we can endure a podcast filled with Michael Jackson, we can make it through COVID. So be safe. Be smart. Wash your hands, wear a mask, wear a helmet, put a pumpkin over your head, whatever you have to do. And let's look after each other. So there you go, everybody.

I'm wishing you a great, fun, happy Halloween. Try and celebrate as much as you can without getting into COVID trouble. Do it safely. Have fun. Celebrate life. If nothing else, this shows us how precious it is and how delicate life is and how it can change on a dime and how it can end in the blink of an eye. So embrace every second, enjoy every beautiful day,

try and shut out all the negativity, look at the positive in life, look at the sunshine, don't look into the shadows, and keep your chin up because I don't have a chin, and I want you to keep yours up because you have one. That's it for now. And until next time, happy Halloween and chicken chowmaine, baby. Special. We send the children out trick-or-treating, and at the same time, we can only hope they contract COVID.

And within four to 12 days, your child who is putting such a financial strain on your home, who you are locked up with and is causing you headaches, and is causing you headaches, and is putting demands on you emotionally and psychologically, we can only hope that your bratty child contracts coronavirus from trick-or-treating and within 9 to 12 days is completely dropped dead. Thank you.