The Harland Highway - HARLAND SOLO EPISODE- ELON MUSK EXPOSED!

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Harland talks Tesla, warns of possible alien invasion, and freaky garden critters! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Flipping a shrimp into outer space is going to give you, my friend, the shrimp flipping record of all time. So be proud. Keep flipping those pink little curly shrimps. And even, you know, maybe tempura one. If you want to up the ante, do it, flip a tempura shrimp through space. right past Pluto, right past Mars Imagine a shrimp twirling right past uranus

Is you picturing A shrimp flipping past your anus Because I am You're riding down the Harland Highway All right, hold tight on the Haarland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

Well, now, that's right. You are on the Holland Highway Podcast. Now, that's right. That's right, no matter how you say it, you are on the Holland Highway Podcast. Welcome, everybody. Welcome. Let's get the cans on.

Let's get the earpieces on, whatever you want to call them. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. And we got some turf to cover today. Turf is a word meaning area. Space. Turf, AstroTurf is space that's in outer space. That's what's called Astro. But speaking of Astro, I want to kick the show off with talking about things from outer space. Namely, Elon Musk.

Okay? Now, just for the record here, I'm going to have an interesting. depth talk about Elon Musk, I want to say right off the top, I love the guy. I love the ingenuity. I love the inventiveness. I love the creativity. I love the foresight. I love the vision of this man. Imagine if we all woke up every morning and did even a 1% of what this cat did every day. Imagine if on our life's journey we contributed 1% of what this guy's contributed and it continues to contribute to the human race, the species, the evolution of us, of the planet, of the future. It's pretty astronomical.

It's pretty crazy what this guy's got going on. And I love them for it. I think it's amazing. But here's where I need to break it down. Have you noticed when Elon talks, as one of the most brilliant minds maybe in human history, have you noticed the one thing he grapples with, which he probably shouldn't be grappling with,

as a brilliant guy who has to communicate ideas to his workers, to the world, he's not an eloquent speaker. He stumbles, he fumbles, he kind of blinks like a lizard, he sort of stutters. He almost appears to me like someone who's just grasping the English language. If you ever go on YouTube and watch one of his deliberations, one of his speeches, one of his seminars, whatever, his interviews, he's very disjointed and discombobulated. He's very like, well, what I think should happen is we need to come together

as a species and understand a bleep-lurps glurp, clurp, clurped, clurped, clurped, clurped, clurped, glurp-de-clurp, bleep-clurp. Here's what I'm getting at, folks, is with the blinking and the looking around and the stuttering and the trying to find the language, I almost wonder if he's an alien.

I almost wonder if he's from another planet, another galaxy, a place far, far away. He might be an alien in a human skin. Remember how the Terminator had this exterior human-looking skin, but inside he was a titanium exoskeleton or something? what if what if elons just wearing some kind of human exterior casing a shell a skin and inside is this alien trying to grasp how to communicate with us their their superior intelligence can be applied on our little blue planet but they're still not grasping our language elon's like

You almost feel like he's going to break into some kind of alien talk when you watch him speak. He's like, well, I think the, look, bleak, bleep, look, it's some kind of like tick or something. I just, I can't wrap my head around it, but I'm a little bit suspicious. And again, I love the guy. But let's examine what he's bringing to us, the human race. Let's examine the concept of an alien invasion, which we all perceive to be, you know, giant floating disks in the sky with laser beams and tractor beams

and giant robots and aliens coming down, close encounters of the third kind, maybe coming up from under the sea or under the ground like in War of the Worlds. but what if folks what if ladies and narble blobs what if the attack came from among us okay if you were an alien and you wanted to take over the human race and all the things that come with it well how do you do it let's examine all the things that Elon Musk has his hands in and what the ramifications and consequences

are of what he has his hands in. His little nubly alien hands, little nublins. Let's start with the car. Okay, Elon's got the Tesla vehicles. Okay, electric vehicles, or is he puts them, they're not cars, they're moving robots. These are his words, not mine. He looks at them as rolling robots and computers. So eventually, as the Tesla keeps growing and growing and more

and more people get them, myself included, I love the vehicle, but autonomous, the technology you're just getting bigger, the battery range getting longer, the Tesla brand dominating the auto industry, an industry that has not had any new competition in probably a hundred or more years. And now we have this car that's taking over, and it should be. It's a superior vehicle in many, many ways.

So we've got that, and these cars, as Elon will attest, as they're driving, they're gleaning information. They're reading geography, they're reading places, they're reading space, they're reading other cars, they're reading our roadways, our transportation system. Who knows what else they're reading? Do I think like a car? No. maybe a station wagon from the 1970s with foggy windows and moaning in the back seat. That might be the kind of car you get with daddy.

But I ain't no Tesla. So we start with the Tesla. Okay, we got these roving things, collecting data, changing the auto industry, and in changing the auto industry, perhaps changing the way humanity functions and moves around. So here you have this giant entity starting to expand on TerraFerma, good old Mother Earth, right on her back, run by batteries. And then you go, well, what's next? Well, Elon Musk also has these giant batteries that are serving as wall mounts. So people can now get these giant Tesla battery packs and plop them on the side of their house.

house and run their house off of the Tesla battery. And it doesn't stop there. He's got these giant block batteries that can run small towns and possibly cities. I think there's a few small remote towns dotted around the world in Australia and places like this. I think in Puerto Rico, when they had that huge hurricane five or six years ago, they brought in these Tesla block batteries that can basically run hundreds of thousands of homes and who knows what the limitation and the growth on those are. So now you've got those infiltrating the human

infrastructure. Okay. So there's that. And then you've got good old Tesla, good old Elon Musk with a company called The Boring Company. If you're not aware of this, Elon is now tunneling under the earth. He's got a giant huge, it looks like one of these sandworms from Dune, and it just shoes holes in the ground, and he's starting to build a tubular infrastructure below the earth's crust where his Teslas can move around and function. Okay? So you got that. So now he's got TerraFarma. He's got beneath TerraFarma and the Earth's crossed. Now let's move up in to orbit. Let's move into outer space where he's got NeuroLink. He's got SpaceX. Elon Musk is putting rockets and space stations up in orbit.

it. He's devising plans to build and go to Mars and develop Mars potentially. This is his vision, not mine. This is his plan. He wants to colonize the red planet. He's got blueprints. He's from what I've heard and read. He's started the journey. He's predicting that in his lifetime, humans will set foot on Mars, and this is all being perpetrated by him. This is his vision, moving humans from their planet to another planet, the first to ever go to another planet, a human living life, okay? So you've got that, you've got SpaceX, all the rockets, space stations, docking space stations, building their own space stations, I don't know what else they're going to do.

they're delivering payloads into space and enter Neurrelink, which is Elon's satellite company where he's putting hundreds and hundreds of satellites in orbit around our planet. His mission is to bring the Internet to every corner of the round Earth. And I say round Earth and I say corner. Well, there's no corners in round. So once again, I remind you, if I was a car, I'm a greasy 1970 station wagon,

parked behind a Home Depot on a hot summer night. The windows are foggy. I'm probably in there with a high school sweetheart of mine. She's all grown up now, but she's still played hockey. Her legs are open, and she's wearing goalie pads. This is the way Daddy makes love. but I'm getting off track. So now we've got, we've got these satellites,

these Elon Musk satellites, covering our whole planet, mapping it, communicating with it, dominating the satellite space, beaming back information. Who knows what else it's doing? Do we really know what all these satellites? lights do. Okay. So now you've got him covering orbit. You've got him covering deep space.

You've got him covering terra firma with his cars. You've got him covering beneath the earth's crust. And what's next? Oh, how about robots? Yes, if you didn't know, Tesla is way deep into developing robots. Functioning robots with articulating fingers and moving hands. There was a video on YouTube recently where you could see these robots actually picking up something as delicate as an egg and fondling it and putting it back down. By Elon's words, he believes that within the next five to ten years, many of us will have these robots in our house. Hey, everybody.

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And guess what he said they're going to be communicating with the cars? Yeah, they're going to be talking to each other, sharing information. So now you've got the Tesla car on the road, the underground wormholes, the outer space. Now you've got the power, the batteries that can operate the power grid. And now you've got robots in your home that are communicating with all the other entities. And there's more.

Oh, yes, there's more. But daddy needs to wet his gullet like a pelican diving for squid at the bottom of the Caspian. you can see because there's so much Tesla Elon Musk material here that Daddy's Pelican throat gets dry when it needs to be moist like saliva glands of a boarding school boy reading a penthouse magazine for the very first time. Oh, yeah. So let's keep going on the Elon. Elon Musk, tirade.

We've covered a lot of ground, but there's more to go. If you wanted to dominate and slowly take over the human race, what's next, you ask? How about the communications center? Media, media, intelligence, communications. Guess who bought Twitter? Guess who bought Twitter for a measly $43 billion. Does that sound like something any logical human would do?

Buy a dopey app that you can only put in 40 words. And basically it's like a gossip thing, but yet everyone's using it. Oh, well, 43 billion, why not? Couldn't you literally buy the planet for 43 billion? but why are you going to buy something called Twitter and then change it into X? Because now, now you control the narrative.

Okay, you see where this is going, gang? You've got the power grid, you've got the roadways, you've got the transportation. By the way, did I throw in that he's developed battery operated big rigs? Yeah, the big rigs are here. He's got them in development. and he's got them on the road. These things have like a thousand mile range.

The 18 wheelers. And what do 18 wheelers transport the goods and products and services that us measly humans need? Food, comfort, merchandise, furniture, all the things we need moving on the roadways. So we've got that. And then what do we have? a guy that's kind of in control of a huge piece of modern-day communication.

There's Facebook, there's Instagram, and there's X. You know, that's a big, powerful thing to have something where you control the narrative. And you think, well, it's got to stop there. What else could this guy have? What else could this guy have? how much more, well, can I throw something at you called Neurrelink? Neurrelink, ladies and gentlemen, is the latest thing. And just recently they connected the first Neurrelink.

It's a Tesla Elon Musk created connector for the brain, for the brain to the digital world, for the brain to the computer world. He has created a chip that is, implanted in the human head that will connect you, plug you in to the matrix, into the digital world. This is a chip that will help people that have muscles and appendages that never work. This is a device that can download the whole internet into your head. It can probably start to read your thoughts. It's in its sense.

It's in its secluck. It's in its infancy. It is in its infancy right now. But look how fast things move. It's not like the old days. Remember we had the calculator, the pocket calculator. Ooh, that blew everyone away. But then about 15, 20 years later, we got the fax machine.

remember it sounded like Chewbacca with the flu and then we got the home computer and then things started to move a little faster than the internet came and then things started to move a little bit faster and then cell phones came and they were still a little bit primitive but they started to move the wheel a little faster

and then smartphones came and the wheels started moving a lot faster and now it's really rotating and now we're into the world of AI and the wheel is going everything's moving a lot faster now so now we got the neurolink where Elon must

will have access to your brain to your deepest, darkest, most wonderful thoughts access inside. So let me ask you flungle bunks and strinkle dunks. What area of human existence doesn't Elon Musk have his fingers on? He's underground,

he's underground, he's on the earth's surface, he's in near orbit, he's in distant orbit heading to another planet, he's got robots coming into our homes, he's got the power grid, he's got the communication center with Twitter now X, and now he's attaching all of that to our brains with a chip, large slow exhale okay that turned a bit more into a weather system like a mildly windy day i just wanted to do an exhale and i turned into a windy afternoon so picture yourself sitting on a porch listening to this plodplast

But folks, folks, you ever see magic where the magician goes, hey, look over here, look shiny, and then back here, he's switching the cards up, or he's pulling a dove out of the crack of his ass, or he's, you know, got some lettuce. I don't know what magicians do. He's, hey, look, shiny thing over here. So as much as I adore and love Elon Musk for all he's bringing us, how he's moving the needle. Not many people move the needle in life. Here's a guy moving our existence, hopefully to a better place. But there's always a suspicious side to everything. You've always got to be a little bit suspicious of everything.

And so if I may be allowed to be suspicious, And remember, I love the guy. But if I'm missing next week, I want you to go into Elon Musk's root seller, because you know he's got one, and look for my corpse, because I might be blowing the lid off of the alien invasion from within. so while Elon hiding in a human husk is dangling the look look at the shiny thing

look at look everyone look at the shiny keys look at the jingling diamonds look at the earrings look at the look at the shiny well he's over here taking over every element of our existence. I mean, it's a little bit frightening. If you think of it, imagine one person coming up with even one of the creations Elon Musk has come up with. I mean, look at Alexander Graham Bell coming up with electricity. Look at, look at Tesla coming up with the battery. Look at look at whoever you want. Find the example. Alexander Graham Bell.

No, he came up with the telephone. Benjamin Franklin electricity. Imagine someone just coming up with one thing in the course of their lifetime. And how long have we known Elon must be around? I mean, he's only been around in a window of about, when did you start hearing his name, maybe 15, 20 years ago, tops?

and in that small space of time, that small little slice of time, he's done all these things, not little things, huge things. Who does that? Who does that unless you're an alien hiding inside a human husk? I'll tell you who.

Elon, I'm just gluck, Clark, Clark, Gluck, Elon Musk. I'm just submitting for your consideration the concept that the invasion is coming from within, that Elon Musk, as much as I adore him, must consider the possibility, I must, doesn't mean you must, doesn't mean you must, doesn't mean you must, doesn't mean Elon,

I'm up, click, clerk, mask, must, must, glass, must, mask, that's click, gluck, dark. Doesn't mean you must, but I'm going to throw it out there that perhaps this genius, this innovator, this overachiever, this genius, this genius could be more than we know. is there an alien hiding underneath a man who can go to the outer reaches of our galaxy a man who can tunnel underground who can create functioning robots that can control our communication center and our power grid and our cars and our robots and our homes and tap into our brains

who is it how is it possible this is not a human being and with all these accomplishments can't even master the english language properly the blinking the twitching the looking around trying to find the words there's a little green guy inside there's a little green alien and mutant inside Elon Musk's body, and he's struggling to figure out our language and the nuance. Just watch him in an interview, and I'm just, again, I love the guy. I wish everyone woke up and contributed as much as this guy could, but we must always have a discerning eye, and we must be vigilant, people.

we must have our guard up, for if we perceive aliens to be far superior to us, if we perceive aliens to be far more intelligent than us, weasily humans who make love on a hot summer night in a Home Depot parking lot, in a station wagon with foggy windows to a girl with a missing front tooth and gole pads on her legs, while she gets slammed. Well, then we must consider that maybe the aliens are smart enough to send in a Trojan horse, a basic battle maneuver. Do you remember the Trojan horse where they rolled the giant horse

into the castle as a gift to the king? And the king gladly accepted this enormous Trojan horse. And when they shut the gates, and everyone was dancing around, drunk and celebrating this beautiful, giant wooden horse, suddenly the belly of the horse popped open and inside were thousands of armed soldiers and they jumped out and slaughtered the minions. They slaughtered the civilians. They took over the kingdom. Could it be, ladies and gentlemen, and I submit to you with a heavy heart because I do love the man. Could Elon Musk be our Trojan horse? Could he be that alien inside

that human skin? Could he be the soldier, the warrior within? Someone posing to be one of us, circulating amongst us, wowing us with his accomplishments, but secretly has a war plan to infiltrate us in all areas of our lives, in all areas of our human needs, of all areas of our inner needs, I submit to you, ladies and gentlemen, is Elon Musk? Is Elon Musk not one of us?

Be wary, my friends. Be cautious, my friends. Be very alert to all the gifts from the gift Elon. Elon Musk, what does he want? My God, Marty, we've got to get back to the future. We've got to get back to the mosque. Marty?

Marty? Okay, so there it is, folks. I'm just putting it out there. I love the stuff Elon's bringing. Keep bringing it. But what is there's a side to every coin. is there something we're missing? Is there something amiss?

Is there something nefarious happening in the world of Elon Musk? And again, if I'm missing next week, if this is my final podcast, please bring your Home Depot shovels and dig around in Elon Musk's root cellar and come and find me. I will be buried there with pennies on my eyes. Okay.

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And thank you for your support, and I'll just keep the groovy images coming. Now that's out, that's, that's out there. That's some big stuff. Let's bring, let's dial it down. Let's bring it, pull it in a little bit to something, a little more organic that maybe the Elon Musting is too heady. Maybe you're just like, yeah, right, Arla, nice imagination. What the hell's wrong with you? What are you in it? Sometimes the most obvious things you don't see coming. But let's switch gears to something we can all relate to. Daddy was out in the garden the other day. That's right. Daddy likes to do

some gardening. Daddy likes to get out in the garden and turn over some parsnips. Daddy likes to to toss some radishes around, roll a cabbage. Daddy likes to pull some carrots out of the ground. Daddy likes to party with some celery. Daddy likes his garden. So I'm out in the garden the other day. Maybe I'm tossing around some squash. Maybe I'm flipping some snow peas. Maybe I got me a cob of corn player. You don't know what I got in my garden, but I'll tell you. I'll I'll tell you what I do got in my garden that you probably figured out. I got critters. I got the critters in my garden, gang.

And you know what I'm talking about, insects, ladybugs, aphids, the little aphids, which, by the way, the ladybugs like to eat? I've got inchworms, and I swear I've seen inchworms longer than an inch, so I don't know why they're called inch worms. Maybe we should relabel them two inch worms, three inch worms, four inch worms. worms. Whatevs? There's flies, there's beetles, there's ants, ants with three body section. I call them the interior skeletons of snowmen. Snowmen are the only other thing that has three parts, three sections. I can't help but wonder that if you melted a snowman

with a hairdry, underneath would be an ant, just going, you got me, you found me. Me, me, me, me. you got anything to eat, some sugar, a grasshopper leg. But I'm wandering around in my garden, tossing around some parsley, tossing some turnips around, daddy's partying with some parsnips, and all of a sudden I see this critter called the millipede. Have you seen a millipede, ladies and gentlemen? Millipede. It's like a long tubular insect.

It's got an outer shell That's almost like made of armor They're like the armored cars of the insect world Okay Sort of rounded, tubular And they can curl up If they want to get defensive They curl up

Like a corn chip Or one of those New Year's Eve party You know, they turn up in an Almost like a synobon They're the synobons of the insect world. And I'm watching this thing move along the ground, and it's moving maybe a little bit faster than a snail. It was a snail, and they were sort of almost neck and neck. And I'm watching this, and I pick the millipede up, and I flip it over, and lo and behold, the millipede has

a hundred legs, okay? Millipede got a hundred legs player, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, you're moving almost slower than a snail, and you got a hundred legs? No, no, no, not no, no, no, no, no, not happening. Um, look, a cheetah has four legs, okay? Four, legs and it can run 70 miles an hour. You've got a hundred and you're going almost as slow as a snail. No, no, no. Let's pick up the pace, Nacho. Let's dial it in, Nacho.

Let's go. Okay? Not satisfactory. A hundred legs. Let's rock and roll. Okay? You got a motor. You got a hundred legs.

Let's go. And can you imagine that poor thing stubbing its toe? It would take 20 minutes just for it to say, ouch. It stubs its toes. It's like, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, so, you know, a hundred times. Imagine this freak had a foot fetish.

I mean, it would, it's saliva, glass. lands would go dry, sucking on its own feet. I mean, this thing, let's go. You got a hundred feet. Let's motor. And so here's this thing crawling along, and I guess the cruel side of me came out or the curious side of me.

I don't know what it was. But I just went, mm-mm, mm-mm. I'm not liking what I'm seeing. You've been given the gift of 100 feet and you're not using them, so here's what we're going to do. I plucked them. I plucked all the sucker's feet, the millipede's feet, all the way to the back till he had two left.

I plucked 98 of his legs off. He had two left right at the back, and you know why I did it? You want to know why I did it? I did it because I wanted to see that sucker get up on two legs. and walk like the rest of us. Yeah. If you're not going to use your other 98 legs, if you're going to go slower than a booger

dripping out of your nose on a cold night in Chicago. And let's go, Sally. I'm taking your legs. I'm plucking them off. Elon Musk can grow you some new ones if you want. But get up and walk, you lazy, slow, millipede fox. I think I just realized I got some millipede anger going here. Not sure why.

But why not? I mean, we get mad at all kinds of things in life, don't we? Why not get mad at a hundred-legged millipede? It's my right. If I want to have leg anger, I will. Don't you think millipedes would have been great? Remember it's zero dark 40? There's actually a job in the military.

where guys are sent out in these suits, these bomb-proof suits to diffuse landmines. Now, you've got one chance, maybe two, that thing goes off, you're losing one leg or both. Shouldn't we be training millipedes to diffuse landmines? I mean, that thing could go off and they could go, yeah, I had a rough day of work. One of the landmines went off.

I've only got 46 legs left. Makes sense. Look, they train dolphins to do things for the military. They train seals. They had passenger pigeons in World War I. Don't tell me they don't use the critters for warfare. So let's get the 100-leggers out there and get them defusing some landmines. If they blow off a couple of dozen legs, whoopsie-do. Don't even need to put them in the the vet hospital. They got more than enough to get them through life. So there you go, millipedes. Let's, let's ratchet it up. Let's go nacho. You got a hundred legs. Let's rock and roll. Okay. Daddy needs, daddy needs a little.

Mmm. Well, we did a thing the other week where we did a thing, the other week, where we, We took, I think it might have even been the last podcast where we took phone calls. You guys called in and left some great messages. And here's the phone number, 323-696-0-2-2-2. We'll put that number up on the screen so you can see it. And if you want to call in and leave a message for the Hala Hawa podcast, you can ask or talk about anything you want. Good, bad, ugly, doesn't matter.

323-696-0-2-2-2. And I thought, what the heck? Let's look at a few more. Hey, Harlan, I just opened a Benihana on the International Space Station, and it's not going how I thought it would. When I flipped the shrimp, it's not as impressive as it is on Earth. And I'm just wondering, how can I impress these astronauts while out here? of the pot. Okay, interesting, interesting.

So this listener opened a Benihana. If you're not familiar with Benihana, that's the Japanese cuisine place where he sit around the grill and the Japanese chef with the big chef's hat sits there and he chops the food up and he flips it in the air, he flips the shrimp, and he flips the lobster,

and he lights things on fire, and it's almost a feat of acrobatics. Culinary acrobatics. Okay, it's like a show and a meal, and then you eat the show. And then you crap the show out later. It's like Cirque to Toilette. I don't know. But anyways, here's the thing.

A Benihana in orbit, it's easy to impress the astronaut. Because think about it, when you're on terra firma, when you're on Earth, and you go to a Benihana and the chef flips a shrimp through the air, what's the distance he gets? You know, he's got his little thing. Maybe he flips it a foot, two feet, maybe three feet. If he wanted to be an all-out douche, she could flip it all the way across the restaurant, what, 30 feet? But you're now in orbit, my friend, which I think you forgot to consider. zero gravity. You flip a shrimp guy,

you're flipping that shrimp into eternity. You get that thing outside of the space module. You got a twirling, flipping shrimp to the end of affinity. We don't know where the galaxy ends, my friend, my shrimp flipping friend. We don't know where anything ends. There's no perceivable conclusion to the universe. And you flip a shrimp or a prawn, if you like to call them prawns,

into the outer regions of space, guy, that thing's going to keep going and gone and gone. Maybe it hits a distant planet. Maybe it gets battered around in an asteroid belt. But chances are you could have a shrimp whizzing through space at 370,000 miles an hour to the outer reaches of whatever. So don't get down on yourself. Don't get down on yourself about impressing a few cheesy, dumb old astronauts. They should know.

They've studied aeronautics. They've studied the space realm. They should know that you flipping a shrimp into outer space is going to give you, my friend, the shrimp flipping record of all time. So be proud. Keep flipping those pink little curly shrimps. And even, you know, maybe tempore a one.

If you want to up the ante, do it, flip a tempura shrimp through space. Right past Pluto, right past Mars. Imagine a shrimp twirling right past your anus. Are you picturing a shrimp flipping past your anus? Because I am. The planet Uranus. Hello. Dalo.

So stop fretting, start thinking positively. Flip them shrimp, you garlic bread loving. Sada sniffing, sea turtle scrotum-loving. Bacteria gurglin. Killer whale teeth scum. dumb, loving, monkey-boiled potato liquor. Because that's what you are. Now, let's move on to the next message here.

Here we go. Good morning, good sir. I've called once before. I figured I'd call again. And just tell you that, well, it's been one of those days. You know, you wake up and you think everything's going to go your way. and your wife leaves you a banana peel in the middle of the living room

and then she goes off to work and then you get a phone call from the doctor and he tells you exactly what you were worried about and then you call to tell your wife what happened but she's still laughing about the banana peel on the floor

because she thinks that's why you're calling that's not why I have wanted to tell her about the doctor information well the next thing you know the cat throws up right by the banana peel which I still haven't picked up. It's just one of those days.

So, you want to come over for dinner? All right. Have a good day. Wow. Okay. But first of all, dinner, yes, definitely. Hopefully there's some banana bread involved. But dude, don't sweat it.

Like, this is part of marriage. This is part of the human. communion. We all hit a point in a relationship where there's a banana peel on the floor, where there's cat vomit. And you just got to roll with it. You know, it could be four years in, could be five years in, could be 20 years in. You're going to have that day where there's a banana peel on the floor with the cat vomit and the doctor's going to get in on it. And, you know, you're going to have to hash it out with your wife. And you're going to be okay, guy. You're going to be okay.

Happens to all of us. So my advice is just roll with it. Talk to the wife. Maybe take her out long bowling. Maybe take her to an indoor bowling alley. Let the bowling balls roll, get the stress out, knock down some pins. Maybe get a baseball bat and hit yourself in the face a few times.

Maybe a canoe paddle. Just slap, slap yourself around. You'll feel better in the morning. Drink a whole pitcher full of NyQuil, even though it's morning, and walk around like a zombie and walk into a fence and get electrocuted, and maybe there's a pit bull on the other side, get electrocuted and mauled, and just let it ride. This is good.

This is therapeutic. You're getting there. It's called being alive. It's called being in a marriage. It's called living. Enjoy it. Some people aren't so lucky. so let's uh let's try another one here good call though hey what's up paulman this your boy

donovan back of the trip yeah i had a question for you man sure uh i'm kind of uh entered in a bind here i i'm not gay but my feet are uh like i start in an only fans for my feet and now it's like i'm out of control the way like i'm doing all kinds of stuff that I don't feel comfortable with, but my feet are all about the pretty day and making a lot of money for us. So I'm in a mind here, just giving some advice, coming what to do. Thanks. You know, I didn't think I'd get a call from a millipede, but I did.

And it's a millipede with gay feet. And look, a normal person wouldn't call. You get gay feet. all the time. Who doesn't have gay feet now and then? Or homosexual feet or queer feet. What, however you want to call them. But when you're a millipede and you got gay feet, that's a lot of gayness to deal with. That's a hundred gay feet. And you're going to call in. You're going to call in and ask Daddy for help. And I think starting an only fans was a good beginning. But what I think you need to do is you got to get out in a lot of pride march.

Because you've got a lot of feet, a lot of gay feet, and feet plus marching, and gay feet marching in gay parade, that's a perfect fit. That's like a bent over a couch fit, if you know what I mean. So get them gay feet a walk, and these gay feet were meant for walking. That's just what they'll do. These gay feet are going to be walking Walking all over your penis All over you

So get out gay feet Get into the gay prides Prants, skip I don't know if you can skip with gay feet But it sounds like a good fit Skipping and prancing Just be gay foot proud Go and find a big foot

Go and find a big gay foot a gay big foot, a big gay, big gay, big gay, big gay, big gay, big gay, big, big gay foot. And just use your feet, just gay it up, get homosexual feet, make wine. Get some gay grapes and start stomping wine and make the first gay wine. That's what you can do with your gay feet. Stomp grapes, call it Merlot gay, gay. Chateau noir gay. Just, no, is there a gay wine net yet?

No. Get out there and make some gay wine, gay foot. Stain all your gay feet, grape, and have gay grape, gay feet. And that's where we're going to leave it, gang. So don't forget, 323-6960222. to if you want to call in and get more great advice from me. I mean, who's going to address this stuff but me? And don't forget, subscribe to the Harland Highway.

If you haven't subscribed yet, if you're watching right now, and you haven't hit that subscribe button, just do me a favor and do it so we can keep building and I can keep this parade going, this gay foot pride parade going. And I want to thank you. all for being here. Thank you all for watching. Keep your eyes on everything because you don't know who's watching back. And let's wrap it up here today. We'll see you next time

on the Halle Highway podcast and check out my stand-up comedy dates. I'm going to be touring across the country. So go to Harlan Williams.com and don't forget you can get your t-shirts at Harbling.com, my hand-drawn t-shirts. And if you want your own personal message for me, go to Cameo.com and I can record a message for you, a personal message for your birthday,

for a wedding, for your anything. There are a lot of fun. People are doing them and they're having a blast. And don't forget, we have a merch on our YouTube page, now where you can get Harland Highway merch, T-shirts, coffee mugs, stickers, my sister's face. But that's it for today, gang.

Thank you so much for being here. And until next time, watch out for Elon. Chicken chalman, baby. Elon? Is it okay if I turn it off now? Elon?