The Harland Highway - ISAIAH MUSTAFA - Star of Steven Kings IT, and also looking to create the next Jurrasic Park!

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

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Half the spoon was still caked in the cake he was eating, and I just went, oh my God, three letters. DNA. That's Jack Nicholson's DNA. Yeah. It was just sitting there. And where'd you put it? Look at this. Look at that.

There it is. Look at that. Right there, that spoon, that gunk is Jack Nicholson's. This is like the modern day Jurassic Park, Jurassic Nicholson. It is. For a while, but I'll be bad Once again, my dearest friend, you do know that I'm way

Funky, bro. Funky! You're getting settled in. I can see you're doing like your ritual, like... Yeah, I get, I, I'm... It's very ritualistic. Yeah. Like, I can see you, like, kind of like, placing things.

Feeling it, yeah. Yeah, feeling it out. Oh, I like that. I don't want to break anything. You can pull this down a little. Okay, okay. So it's not, we don't want to lose. And then I can do this.

Yeah. Okay. We don't want to lose your beautiful face. Okay. We don't, we don't want a podcast like, hi. DJ. How are you? Do you cut into this as the, as the intro?

What do you mean? I'm saying do you cut into this? Are we already on or? That's not your business to know. This is my podcast. Not yours, sir. That's what you thought. Whoa.

Corporate takeover 709, 309, 3- dash. 276 462-97-96-24-5-7. Hostile rivalry. Oh, my God. Hostile gingeritis. Whatever that means. Buddy, how are you?

I'm good. I'm good. Oh. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Holland Highway podcast. I do guarantee. And man, oh, man, What a great guest to have today.

You're going to love this gent. Gent short for gentlemen. Yeah. Probably the sexiest name in all of show business. Isaiah Mustafa is here. I always dug your name, man. You're crying. I am.

I am. You're weeping. It happens every time someone says my name. Oh, wow. It's that emotional. It is. It hits the strings. Oh, you literally are wiping.

You might be the first guest to cry on the heart. Carlin Highway. To cry on the opening. Wow. Right at that, like within the first two minutes. Two seconds. You're weeping. It doesn't take much. Wow.

Your name is moving. Is it a biblical name? I think, you know, it is. I think Isaiah is, and then Mustafa is Arabic. Wow. So it's like Hebrew and Arabic. It's a weird union. And they all came from the same region, right?

The Bible and the birth of all that religion. It all came from that region. Right. Maybe I can solve the peace. Yeah. That's what it was. Maybe if you weren't so busy crying like a baby. Yeah. Send in the weeping peacemaker.

The Reese's pieces. Rees's pieces. E.T. follows you home. Sticks his finger in your proposis, whatever that is. Is propacus a real thing? Yes. What is it? I just, it's somewhere in the dark.

recesses on my mind. Propaces came up. Propacus is a real thing. What is it? It's a disease. Whoops, and I just asked ET to stick his finger in it. I had it. Oh, wow. Maybe ET cured it. I gave it away. Wow.

Wait, so at what context is Isaiah biblical? Like, what, do you know what? Old Testament. But what was his role in the Bible? Do you remember? Yeah, I think there was like four of them, actually. There was more than one Isaiah. Oh, wow. Yeah. And there was like legends of him. And I think he's like one of the only other, or am I thinking of Elijah?

It's like one of the only prophets that he. Maybe you're thinking of Elijah would. Do you watch Lord of the Rings a lot? Would not. Oh, man. Who was his name in Lord of the Rings? Was it Nimble Norr? Dildo Dorff or Gumble Bumble? Those stupid names. It was Gumble Bumble. Was it? Yeah. Also a sex toy in West Hollywood. Yeah, gumble bumble. Yeah. Everyone's got one of those. Well, they're sold out now.

Are they? Yeah, I didn't get one. Oh, God. Christmas is coming. In 11 months. Time to start weeping again now. Wait. So, oh, what do you got?

I got this. You got glasses. Oh, wow. Yeah. I didn't want to have to do this to you so early on the podcast, but I think it's about time I did it. What? Sorry, buddy. Oh, wow, what the age?

Now, you know how it goes back a long time with us. So I got to tell you. It's bedtime for Zoe, but you're Zoe. Okay. So first she picks up her toys. Okay. Uh, toys. Yeah.

Where's the bumble gumble? Okay. Here we go. Next she gets ready for her bath and she takes her, her clothes. Okay. I didn't know what was going to go there. The fact you made me a girl right out of the game. I'm here talking about the Bible.

This is what happens. Wow, let's see. I didn't know. So this is like a baby book. And it's about getting the baby ready for a bath. I text you all the time to go to bed. Oh, yeah, you sent me little videos, go to sleep. Okay, that kid looks demented.

And so I was going to read you a bedtime story. This looks like a kid sinking in a swamp more than in a bath. I was going to read you a bedtime story. Oh, okay. Keep going. And then, okay. Well, Zoe loves to splash and play in the water. Yeah, keep going.

Now it's time for Mama to wash Zoe's hair. Look, I don't want to have to go any further, but I will. Oops. Zoe got some soap in our eye. I'll be laying in bed like it'll be midnight. I'm just about to do. off and this guy sends me little videos. He's just like, time to go to sleep, little buddy.

Now, now, now, now, now. It's time to go to sleep. Shut your eyes. Just shush now, child. Pull the blankets over. Nice and tight. Nice and tight. Dude.

I'm not going to. If anything that keeps me up laying in bed, like, like terrified. Nice try. I think you started that actually. Yeah, I did. I start everything. He doesn't even hesitate. I start everything.

I'm what you call a troublemaker. But buddy, good to have you here. I didn't know the thing about Isaiah. There was five of them in the Bible. Like four or five. So it's like a cluster. A cluster. A cluster of Isaiah's.

A cluster of Isaiah's that none of them actually wrote the thing, I think. I think they all had it like transcribed. something. But one of them wasn't one of the disciples, was he? No, no, they were just all like... He was just a guy, they were hanging out? I don't remember too much, but I think they were just like scholars, you know? Maybe we'll ask, folks, if you're watching at home, and I have almost over 12 viewers. Oh. Yeah. Well, you have apostles. Wow. Nice. You're right. If you're watching at home, my apostles, and you can tell us what Isaiah did in the Bible, I'm interested to know.

You got a tear, you got another tear, buddy. Oh, you've fallen asleep right on your eye. Get it out of it. Yeah, wipe that tear off. The Bible conversation made me faster than this book. I give the guy, I give him the Bible and Isaiah Grandiose. He pulls out a book and it's a demented swamp child from the Hills have eyes, soaking in a bathtub in Cleveland.

Thanks a lot. Speaking of artifacts. Oh, what? Yeah. Artifference. facts. You know where I'm going. I wish I did because I'd get there before you told me about it. Wait, what? Where's that Jack Nicholson clone you've been working on? Oh, you want to talk about that? I had a feeling you'd bring that up. But I want to see it. I just want to see it. Okay. Can I set the

table for this? Oh, please. You got to do it. Okay. So Isaiah took me, was it you that took me or was it Rosie? Rosie took us. So our mutual buddy, Michael Rosenbaum, he played Lex Luther in, uh, Mallville. I did sorority boys with them. And then we did a movie together called Back in the Day, which is the second place we met. I want to talk about the first place we met in a minute because it's hilarious. What were you doing? We'll hold that one. So Rosie Rosenbaum, we call him Rosie. He took us to the Lakers game one night. And he had some fancy VIP seats right by the edge of the court. Yeah, they were Jeannie Buses' seats. Yeah. Oh, God. So we were off the edge. We were right off the edge and then right across from us, like almost directly across, was none other than Jack

Nicholson. Yeah. And he was just laid back glasses. Oh, yeah. It was iconic Hollywood scene. He's like probably more of a figurehead there than the Lakers themselves. Yeah, I think people go to see, at that point in time, people were going to see him and not the team. He would go to every game. And I was like, like we grew up on Nicholson. All of us did. And there he was. Like, what's the distance? Did you play basketball ever?

Yeah. What's the distance in feet from one side of the court? Not the length, but the width of a basketball court. I think it's 66 feet. So we were about 67 feet away from Jack Nicholson. Yeah. That's pretty close. Yeah.

Maybe it's longer than that. But let's just say that's what it is. Even if we were in 60. Yeah. That's better than you losers. He could hear you if there wasn't stuff going on. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You could yell him and he'd, you know. Yeah, if there weren't 70,000 people there cheering for a basketball team, he could have heard us. Right. Right. So that's, we're 60 feet closer. And I don't like to berate my audience, Isaiah. Sure. But me and Isaiah were 60 feet closer to Jack Nicholson than you losers ever will be or ever were.

Losers. But I still love you. I do too. Oh, now I want to weep. So here we go. We're at this fancy game with the fancy seats. There's Jack, and we're just, I'm sort of in awe, even at 60 feet. You pointed it out.

Yeah. You're like, oh, look who's here. And I said, oh, those are his seats. Those are Jack's seats. Yeah, he's always there. And so because we are in these elite seats, and the lady you said, isn't she the owner of the Lakers? Yeah, I believe she is. Jeannie, what's her name?

Jeannie, Boone. Jeannie bus. So here's, we're in her seats. So one of the kicks of being in her seats is at intermission. Yeah. All the kind of how do you do's and celebrities and the genie bus invited guests at halftime, instead of getting a cheesy corn dog, they get to go to a special place in the back. They leave their seats.

They go in the back. And there's a special dining room or what was it? It was called the chairman's lounge. Wow. The chairman's club. One of the two. the chairman's. The chairman's lounge.

And so all the how do you do's got to go back there and they had a buffet set out. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah. But it's really small at the time. It's tight. It's really tight in there. Yeah. And so there was all this food.

And then there was their own private bathroom, a men and a woman's bathroom. And so me and Isaiah and Rosie were hanging around. And I'm sure we saw a few other celebs. Yeah. And then I was standing there and it's like, oh, I got to go take a Newman's own lemonade, like a yellow one. I got a crack of yellow sally. What do you call peeing?

Mike's hard, yeah. Mike's hard lemonade? Yeah. Wow. By the way, just for the record, and this is, I'm getting awful. But it's really hard for men, ladies, to pee when they are hard. Yeah. Have you ever tried to pee with an erecto?

It happens a lot. It does? It doesn't go anywhere. It's hard. Like, it's very hard to pee when you're flaccid, it comes out like nobody's business. Yeah, yeah. And, but I never actually believe. in gravity until I was able to pee with a heart on.

You did? Yeah, I figured out what gravity was. Yeah. Because it's like, and straight back down. Because it's weird, right? Normally we pee down, but when you have an erecto, which is a new Marvel character, by the way, it just goes right up. But I don't know.

I've only done it on a few occasions, and I didn't know we were going to be talking about this, but it stings. It does. Well, did you get it in your eye? No, I don't mean I hit it. I mean, coming out. Like, pitcher, have you ever seen a hornet's nest and all the hornets come out after you throw a rock at it? Yeah.

That's what pee feels like. It's stink. I mean, that's just me. Sure. Do you sting when you pee erecto? No. Okay. I'm half asleep when it happens.

Oh, okay. So you do it in bed. Yeah, nice. You're a bad weather. Hope you don't have a ceiling fan. I do. Now your place is like, what's that, what's that cafe, the rainforest cafe? There's a mist and sea serpents and frogs.

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actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Guys, hymns. You're getting me off topic. Yeah, we're going way off topic. But he reminds me of what I think that guy looked like when he told me that one story. I don't want to tell it if it's not right to tell. But the story. So Holly, did you read the script?

Oh, yeah, yeah. We can tell that one. That's a good one. God, are you crying again? Again, I can't have. Can we get this guy an onion, please? God. So, so anyways, let's finish the Nicholson story.

Yes. We're there, and I said, I got to go do a Mike, Mike's hard. I'm going to borrow yours because I like that. Sounds a little more macho than Newman's own lemonade. Okay. So I got to go do a Mike's hard. And I walk in and there's this little waiting room, and then there's the two toilet doors.

I go into the waiting room who's standing there but Mr. Jack Nicholson himself what's he doing? He's standing there and he's I guess he wanted to be away from the crowd because he probably knew people would so he's in this little waiting area

in front of the bathroom doors which isn't very sanitary but I'll take Nicholson where I can get him so now I go from 66 feet to about three feet which you losers have never done you all. But you've never been

three feet from Nicholson. I still love you. Yeah, he still loves you. And I do too. So now I'm standing there with Jack and he's been hitting the buffet, but he got the dessert. So he got, they had this black forest

cake. It's like whipped cream, dark chocolate cherries. Yeah. It's like German black forest cake. Yeah, it's like a four layer. Yeah. I remember. It's like the lasagna of cakes. It's like a four layer. And so he's got a plastic spoon. Like, I don't know why Nicholson doesn't use a fork.

Your Nicholson, you lived in the Shining for a week. I guess your cutlery gets mixed up. He wanted to shovel it. Yeah. Like, when you butcher your family, the cutlery starts to get mixed up. Things can pay one. Like, you'll use a spoon for spaghetti and you'll use a knife for soup. Until someone corrects you.

You, yeah. Oh, yeah. What was that scene? You were the caretaker here, Mr. Torrance. And then once he's just go, oh yeah, I chopped up my wife and children. I corrected them. I corrected them. Oh, that's so creepy.

Yeah, it is. It is corrected. So, so Jack's there, and he's eating his black forest cake on a little paper or foam plate, and he's using a spoon, and I go, he go, hey, Jack, you're waiting for, I wanted to talk to him, but I knew, I know enough about the celebrity world. You do, too, that these guys don't want it. They don't deserve it. They just want to eat their Black Forest cake.

They don't want to talk. They don't want to be interviewed. They don't want to be fanned on. They just want to eat their fucking Black Forest cake, all four layers. Yeah, he did, but he didn't deserve it. Let's be real. He didn't deserve what? He didn't deserve you.

He didn't deserve Mike's heart. Really? That's quite the compliment. So he didn't deserve me, you're saying? Yeah. Wow, buddy. Yeah, of course. That's a nice compliment.

I'll do it every day. I never thought of it most terms. I have. That he deserved me. Yeah. I should think more highly of myself. I think very highly of you. Like higher than your urine?

My mic's hard. Oh, God. So is mine. Whoa. Too soon. Tears are not enough. He's wiping again. Lucky your ass doesn't laugh.

You'd be wiping. I'd need dude wipes. You'd need a craft slice signal. Craft services. Crap services. Good Lord. I need a drink. Okay.

So here's Nicholson. And I go, you're using the bathroom? And he goes, he goes, yeah. And I go, someone comes out. And I said, hey, you go ahead. Jack goes, yeah, okay, I guess it's my turn. And he goes in. And when he goes in, he puts his plate down, the paper plate

with the remnants of the black forest cake. Yeah. But the plastic spoon is there. and it's covered with, you know, the gunk that he didn't... He didn't clean the spoon off. No. So there was like, it was like this glob of whipped cream and German black forest cake. So privileged.

He didn't even clean the spoon. Right. How dare he? He just took a little taste and put the rest down. Snobby, stainless celebrity. How dare he? God. So he goes in and I'm like, I'm sitting there and I'm like, you know, inside I'm like,

like, I'm freaking out. I've been around a lot of celebrities, but he's, he's top tier, right? Oh, obviously, obviously. Can you can back that up? Oh, 100% I'll back it. Yeah. Like, there's only about five really huge movie stars left alive probably. Alive, yeah. And he's one of them. Yeah, he's on the Mount Rushmore. Yeah, like him and Brando who died and, you know, like there's, there's very few left that are like Clean Eastwood. Warren Beatty. Yeah, like these guys are like, like mega stars. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't want to bug him for his autograph because that's just too cheesy. And I look and he put down his paper plate with his spoon that was still covered with half the spoon was still caked in the cake he was eating.

And I just went, oh my God, three letters. DNA. Oh, my God. DNA. That's Jack Nicholson's DNA. Yeah. I turned into Mr. Kirk all of a sudden, Captain Kirk.

Of course. Oh, my God. It's Jack Nicholson's DNA. I must have it. I must have it. Yeah. It was just sitting there. And where'd you put it?

So while he was in the turlet, I picked up the spoon, put it in my inner pocket of my jacket. Yeah. I went, forget Nicholson's, like, autograph. No. I have his DNA now. And can I bring it out? I've got it right here. Oh, please.

What I did is I shadowboxed it. I got to see this thing, man. Yeah. I don't think I ever show it. this to you. I did a whole presentation. Look at this. I shadow years in the making. Look at that. There it is. Look at that right there. That spoon, that gunk. What year is that? Is Jack Nicholson's, you can still see. Can I get the date? What's the date? Yeah, the date's on the ticket. Oh my God. That was 2012.

2012. That's 12 year old D. 15 year old DNA. That's 12, 13, 14 year old 3. And I think this might have predated the whole Ancestry.com thing and all that. You could 23 and me that real quick. So here's where I'm going, bros. In a world where AI and Ancestry.com and all that stuff is happening, I have Jack Nicholson's DNA right here. This is like the modern day Jurassic Park.

Jurassic Nicholson. It is. That's the alabaster that you're holding. Ooh, I like that word. Yeah, it's the mosquito and the alabaster. Just for the record, because that word is almost more sexy than Isaiah Mustafa. Oh. Not quite, but just for the record, gang.

Hang on. Excuse me. No, please, please. Nobody has ever said alabaster on this podcast ever. Wow. If I had a middle name. Oh. It would be alabaster.

Alabaster. Isaiah Alabaster Mustafa. Yeah. And then I just go by the middle name. Yeah. Yeah. You have to go by that. That's not even a panty dropper.

That's like a panty starter. Like they haven't even knitted it at the factory yet. No. No. Worlds collide. Like women don't even have panties on yet when you say Isaiah alabaster Mustafa. Disappear. So, buddy, what I'm saying is in this world of AI.

Yeah. And this world of Ancestry.com and the future, the Tesla robots, we're in a world where I now can be, create an army of Nicholson's. I can be his agent, his manager, his owner, for God's sakes. You stuck it to his forehead. I did. That's black forest cake on his forehead. Isn't that wild?

So that's legit. That's prehistoric. That's pretty wild. Yeah. I love that. That is great. I had a feeling you'd bring that up, so I had this prepped and ready to rock and roll. You know why I brought it up?

Because I have never seen such joy on someone's face the way I remember. When you pulled it open your jacket. You want to buy some DNA? Hey, buddy. First of all, you didn't even say what it was. You just pulled it out and held it. And then I was like, first of, what's it doing in your pocket? Yeah.

And then you said, Jack Nicholson was eating this. Yeah. I mean. It's weird in a way this is a goof, but it's actually real. Like, could he legally stop me? Could, could the laws stop me? You know, it's his DNA. He left it hanging around like a lazy bones.

No, he did it. He left the cake. Am I? If he left his cake, he's got to eat it too. He got to eat it too. Like, am I allowed to go and create an arm? Like, they're bringing back woolly mammoths, apparently. Why can't we bring back the Nicholson's?

But listen, you have a valuable artifact there. Right? If I'd put that in a safe. Yeah. Not even a safe deposit box, but a safe somewhere else. You're right. You never know. You never know.

And I wonder if I could even sort of combine his DNA with a woolly mammoth so that we get woolly Nicholson's. Woolly Nicholson. Like, imagine you go for a trip up into the northern tundra, and all of a sudden, over the horizon, like, 35 Woolly Nicholson's come over. Just with that smile. Yeah, and they're like, put down the fucking skedoo, or I'm going to bash your fucking brains in.

Get off the skidoo, Wendy, or we're going to bash your fucking brains in. Skadoo. Or is that what they, oh, here they call them snowmobiles. What do you mean by here? Well, in the United States, in Canada, they call them skittos. Hold on, hold on, hold on. What do you mean by here?

Like I said something racist. What do you mean by here with the machine that goes over snow? I knew what you were going to say. The only way I said that is because when you were first telling the story, you said, you know, at the intermission, we went and I was like, ah, that's Canadian intermission. It is? Because hockey has intermissions.

Right. But basketball has a halftime. Sorry, my wig. Wait, oh, it's half time. basketball. Yeah, but hockey, which I, you know, me, I'm a, I'm a nut for hockey. You love it. I know, I'm so crazy. I, you know, my son's Canadian, so. I know, you just told me that the other week. I blew my mind. I'm so happy. I got a Canadian son because I want to. I know, you had your baby up in Canada. You love Canada so much. Because I wanted him to be a hockey player. Oh, wow.

Well, you're a guy who didn't know Jack Watt about hockey. I didn't know anything. You didn't know anything. And then when we first met, you didn't know anything. And then about five years later, you were like, I love hockey. You went up to Quebec. Yeah. And went to a hockey training camp. Yeah, yeah. And next thing you're on a hockey team and you're scoring goals.

Like, I love that. You were so dedicated. Yeah. And you're not in your 20s. You did that when you're what in your 40s or 30s? No, I think it was like 39. Yeah. When I put skates on for the first time.

Most guys won't do it past like 25. they're like, oh, I'm too old for hockey. Yeah, no. You go, not only this, but you go to a whole, like, training camp. Yeah, and I built that setup in my garage. In your garage. He got the fake panels. They're like, they sort of replicate ice, but they're epoxy or something.

Yeah, I got the boards to go along with it. Yeah, so your whole garage was like a fake skating rink. It wasn't fake. It was real. Well, it wasn't real ice. No, that's the next step. Yeah. The guy freezes his garage.

The guy's got to crawl before he skates. Good. Yeah, that's a good point. It's a really good point. But, dude, I was impressed by that. When you love something, you go full go. I know, but that's like... Full gore. Full, a longagivoria or what's her name?

What's her name? Jaja Gavore. Jaja Gaboria. Vangoria. Vangoria. Evil Longoria. That's what I was thinking. of.

Lord. I couldn't think of it. Neither. Who wants to? But yeah, you like went right into the hockey thing, man,

and I couldn't believe it. Yeah. And you'd started a hockey podcast. It's not still on, is it? No, it lasted two episodes. You were the second episode. Okay.

And then I shut it down. We're going to shut this down after this one. You were the second episode. I had you on, and then we couldn't afford anybody else. He soaked up our budget. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not cheap. Daddy don't come cheap. No. He don't. Daddy don't come cheap, play ya. Okay, so a well-built wardrobe is all about pieces that work together. Okay, they hold up over time. And that's what Quince does best.

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365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Harland free shipping and three six, five day returns quince.com slash harland but there was another there was another LA Lakers story.

I don't even know if you remember this one. Wait a second. Because it might have only happened to me and I don't even know if I told you about it. Was it a tryouts? No, it was a full-on Lakers game. I think it was even a playoff game where me, you, and Rosie

went back again. When was this? Do you remember? I met. Were we? Or was it the same one? Was that when we were laughing a lot? No. Okay. Laughing a lot. Okay. That's cold. That's cold.

They don't know what it means, but we do. No, that was the night we went to the Soho house, Me, you and Rosie. That was nice. That was laughing more than a lot. passed out we were laughing so hard. I know. That might have been one of the funner nights I've ever spent. Like that was definitely fun.

I mean, we died. Good Lord. We freaking died. But the other thing at the lake, it might have been the same night, but I think it was a different one. Were you there the night where we had the same seats and sitting in front of us was Kobe Bryant's wife and daughter? No.

You weren't at that one? No, I didn't make it to that one. Oh, I didn't. I had to remember that one. Yeah, I had to remember that. You'd remember that. So let me tell you the story of that one real quick. So we're sitting there, and again, Rosie sort of knows a lot of people. Like, he's one of these guys in town. Everyone knows Rosenbaum. Yeah. So we had such great seats sitting right in front of us was Kobe Bryant's wife and one of his daughters. Do you know how many daughters he has? He has three. So, okay, so it was one, I think she was about 12 years old. Really cute kid. And the wife just stunning. Like, very beautiful. Yeah, yeah. And Rosie, you know, he's very social, very friendly and starts chatting.

And she's turning around and couldn't be more cord. It's very surfacy. Hi, how have you been? Great to see you. I guess they'd met a few times. And I'm just sitting there. I'm like a fly on the wall. I'm like, hey, how are you doing?

I don't know her. And I look across. So last time it was Nicholson. Right. This time it was Kobe. Yeah. And the reason I looked across, have you ever been in? a place and you can feel someone staring at you?

Yeah. Dude, I looked across and Kobe was just, there was a game going on. And he was locked on me and Rosie like, it was one of the most intense stares I've ever felt. I would have remembered that. Holy God. Like, I just went, it was like someone through, I just went, whoa, and he was just like glaring.

And I just sort of started to lean away. And I let Rosie just cheap chat. And I was just like, whatever. I've done... If looks could kill, he was shooting daggers, man. Wow, was it intense. Did Rosie know, Kobe? I don't know.

I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised. He knows everyone. Everybody. I was there a night where Phil Jackson was sitting in front of us. Oh, wow. With Jeannie Bus. Oh, wow, yeah.

And he turned around, and we met him, and we shook hands and everything. Oh, wow. And then they took a picture of us, and that picture got in the press. Oh, wow. It was just me sitting there, smile. Like, where's Waldo? Well, it was like they were, I think it was like they were going to get a divorce, so you saw their picture and I'm in my face.

You're the guy. I'm right in between. Oh, wow. The intruder is here. Here's the reason. For the season. Oh, wow. Isaiah gets blamed.

For the treason. For the treason. There's a reason for the trees in this season. God. So let's skip to where we met. Yeah, no, no, no, the first time. First time. Do you want to tell it?

Well, I don't remember what it was, but I will. I remember. Boy, do I remember. God. I was just starting out as a young actor. Yeah. And I got this cool audition to play. Please continue Apple.

Honeycris. Go crispy. I got this cool audition to play this bodyguard, like a big, like, you know, bouncery bodyguard. So I go in, you know, to the place with the audition and usually see people who look somewhat like you or like in that, you know, vein. So you see how like, like, and at the time I was in good shape. So I had, you know, had a nice build on me. Yeah. And I saw a bunch of guys who were muscular and like they were all like these bodybuilder guys, a little bit bigger than me, you know.

But it seemed like each one I went to was a little bit bigger than the next. And they were just big guys. And then I look in the corner and who's sitting there? Wait, before you tell that, can I add something to this that you're missing? Yes. The role on the thing, and I didn't see it until I signed in. The role for large bouncer black male. Yeah, it did say that.

So now we're talking 40 black, big huge black. Black dudes, including yourself, and then tell them what you saw sitting in the corner. In a pair of Nike Dunks, blue and red. Oh, yeah. Nike Dunks is Harlan. And at the time, I'd never met him, but I was a big fan, so I got all excited. And then it real, I dawned on me. I was like, wait a second.

What are you doing? Which one of these things is not like the other, which one? Those are the days where things like that could happen. Like they would say. Black, Yeah. 20s. Yeah.

Big. Big. Yeah. Muscular. Bouncer. Yeah. Right. Not white.

Black. Like. And I think you told me. You were like, hey, Harlan, look, I think. And I went, I went, what the fuck? And then, but you said it. You said, you said, what am. I doing here? That's right. That's right. I did. But I started laughing and I phoned my agent and

go, what am I doing here again? And they're like, whoops? And I said, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to do it anyways. And the casting people came out and they said, yeah, Harlan. And I said, I'm going to do it. And they said, do you want to come in anyways? I'm here. I prepped it. So I went in and read. I think I surprised him. I think I actually did a good job. But then guess who got discriminated against real nice now old white he didn't get the job well everybody got their breaking point everybody got their breaking point yeah dude that was so funny you know who else was there was uh what you said elijah wood was the other guy wait there was another white kid no no he wasn't he was outside the room for another audition he was there uh john aston oh yeah yeah

he was hanging out there and i remember like i like i was all freaked out that day because there was a lot of things going on that didn't be freaked out. I got moved to another race, apparently. You got freaked out. I think you handled it with grace. I did. You know what? I actually sort of enjoyed it because it was like,

it's sort of like my life, like weird, odd, wacky things always happen to me. And I thought, you know what? I'm going to go in and try and get this. This is exactly what I think you said. Yeah. Because I sat down next to you. Yeah.

And I think I think you nudged me and you looked around and then you looked back at me. You said, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. Yeah, that's it. I did say that. I did say that. Yeah. It was just kind of a slow realization. I don't think I'm supposed to be here.

Yeah. But I didn't get the part. Did you get the part? I don't think you did. I didn't get it. I wasn't big enough. And you're a big dude. Like I checked the black mark.

But I didn't check the big enough mark. Yeah, yeah. Like, I was in my 20s. I was black, but I wasn't big enough. That's, you know. Yeah. But you're still, you're bigger than me. Like, you're still a big guy.

I was, you know, I was, I was in shape back then. Because you, weren't you at the Raiders training camp around that time? Didn't you try out for, didn't you try it out for the Raiders or something? I played on the Raiders. You played on the Raiders. I played on the Raiders. Were they L.A. Raiders at that time? No, they're the Oakland Raiders.

The original, I played on the end. That's the team you played for. Yeah. Oh, how long were you with them? For one season, off and on. Yeah, yeah. I was in practice squad, which was amazing. Yeah. And then they cut me.

Oh. I'll tell you how they cut me. You want to hear this story? This is great. I don't think I was told you. Because you suck at practicing? His practice is no good. How dare you?

You bring up these hard. He can't even pretend good out. He's practice squad. What happened? What happened? What the? We had a Monday night game against Denver. And sometimes they travel a practice squad guy if you got lucky just in case if you could

suit up. So I got that distinction. They were like, you can travel. So it was like a gift they are giving me, you know? Wow. So I get to the game and before the game, me and this other guy were walking the field, you know, we're just walking out. And Al Michaels went to Arizona State University.

Yeah. And he was walking the game. because he's calling it. And he's walking the field also, and I really wanted to meet him because he went to Arizona State. And I knew this going into it. So I had an Arizona State hat on.

So I took off my Raider hat, and I put on my Arizona State hat. And I went over there, and I said, Mr. Michaels, I introduced myself, and he's like, oh, great. I went to Arizona State. He said, oh, meet you. And then we talked for a little bit.

And then I was like, oh, this is cool. And he said, all right, nice to meet you. He walked off. And as I was turning, I saw Al Davis. and he saw me with my Arizona State hat on. Yeah. And he just does this. He goes, and I go, so I took it off.

I put my Raider hat on, and Tuesday morning I was cut. What? Yeah. No. He cut me. Just for that? For that.

He just cut me. And I told people that. And they're like, no, he didn't do that. He didn't cut you. I'm like, no, no, I know he did. So then a week later, he brought me back. and I'm running in from practice. Like the day I get back, I'm suiting it's like a Wednesday.

I'm running in from practice. And he used to stand at the door and watch everybody come back in. And he sees me and he goes, oh, you made it back. Like he did it on purpose. Like just to show sensitive little fella. Just to show that he could do that. Like he was like, look, you don't fuck around here. You should have had a hat that said, I'll bend over for the Raiders.

That would have kept you off for a few seasons. I'll bend over. Yeah. Whoa. Easy. Easy. You struck a cord. Wow. That's amazing. But then you transition into acting. And then one of your bigger roles, there was a cool break. I'll never forget when you've called me and said, dude. Oh, are we going to, oh, are you going to say it? I was going to say you, you guide it. No, no, no, no, you say it. I'm just going to go with it. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was going to say. the Stephen King project. Okay. But you want to do that one? No. We'll come back to that one.

Come back to that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because next thing I know, we did a little indie movie together, which was amazing, which is so funny because we went from that wacky commercial, that other audition to,

suddenly we did an actual movie together called Back in the Day with Michael Rosenbaum. We had a riot. But then next thing you go on to is you were the star of the second. iteration of it. Yeah, one of them.

One of the guys in there. Yeah, but you were the stuff. Dude, yeah, but the story centered around your character. Mike tells the story. So that's, that was the cool. That to me made you the star. And I appreciate that. Yeah, well, it's irrefutable.

If you watch the movie. If you read the book. Yeah, the whole second iteration of it centers around your character. Yeah, it was pretty cool. And I was surprised because I didn't know much about it. So you invited us to the, to the, the premiere.

I was surprised you could act that well, buddy. No, I wasn't worried about your acting. I didn't know you get there. You got there, buddy. You're wearing a hat that says some other Stephen King movie on it, then you get fired. Neatful things. But I didn't realize that your role in the movie was so pivotal.

Like, I didn't realize you were sort of the fulcrum of the whole movie. Yeah, why I asked you? to come to the premiere because I thought you'd dig it, yeah. Oh, of course. Well, just that you were an it, but then on top of that, like, I knew as an ensemble cast. Yeah. But when I saw the whole movie and I realized, man, this is all around. You were the nucleus.

Oh, I thank you, man. It was great. It was fun. I had a great time on that, working with all those guys and stuff. That was awesome. And that's a big role to carry. It's one thing to be part of an ensemble, but when you're sort of the central character, that's a lot to carry

and you freaking nailed it guy thanks they took a chance so did Abba a kid like me yeah dude well did you know I don't know if you know the history of that whole franchise yeah I read the book dude I think I got that role

because I did a deep dive while I was auditioning like I read the book right like five times like I did I keep going, but I don't think you dive deep enough. I did. And then I got the audio book, which is read by Stephen Weber, and I listened to it on a loop, like when I go to the gym or I just listened to it all the time. So I knew the story inside.

Do you? Keep going. I thought I did. Okay. I knew the story. So when they called me in, I was, it was in my fiber the way hockey is in a Canadian's fiber. Hold on to that term. it was in my fiber, because that's going to come back around, but it goes way deeper.

I don't think you realize that the It ensemble is a trilogy. Oh. There was a movie before It that was the first part. Really? And I starred in it. I don't think you even knew this. No. Yeah, let me show you, Guy.

What? Yeah. Hang on. And you're just now telling me that? Well, look, here's, this was it. This was your movie. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, there it is, folks.

And then the precursor to it was the one I was in, which I'm going to show you, which I don't even know if you saw this, but this was the one I was in called shh. What? This was the precursor about a guy who ate people's tongues. Yeah. And then you did it,

and then they did the, Did they sue you for? The third one, which is, we're both in it. It's shit. And it's about a clown. It's the same clown from undergant. He was in the sewer, but now he's graduated and he's coming back up through the toilets. And he eats people's assholes.

And they've changed his name from Moneypenny to Badee. Moneypenny. or whatever the hell his name was. Money pity. Shit. The bidet. The day. You know, I'm glad because all these...

The bidet the earth stood still. The bidet the earth. The bidet my ass stood still. But what it is, it's like you always have like vampires going for the throat and werewolves going. Finally, we have a creature that eats it from the ass up. Yeah. Ass up.

Shit. So we're both stars, Guy. You didn't know that. No, we're in the family. And that's why when you said it's in the fiber. Yeah. Earlier. It really came back.

Yeah. It came back in. And you see the tagline there? The movie's guaranteed to stink. This movie's guaranteed to stink. Shh. Shh. It.

Shit. It. Suddenly we're on the reading rainbow. Shh. It. Oh, here we go. Let's go back to Zoe. Read me the next line. I don't know if you're ready for this.

Hold on, let me add some lullaby music. Ready? And cue the lullaby and Mama wipes Zoe's face with a washcloth and reminds her to look up. That's better. You know what you should have done before you read the story, which most parents do? should have gone.

Yeah. All right, let's go to this movie now. I got the headphones. Now that we're through the shit. Let's go to, I think I know where you're going with this. Let me go here. Oh, wow.

De Django unchanged. Unhinged. Actually, you look like, you look sort of Amish. Amish. A little Amish. Amish. Amish. Yeah.

Ish. You look um-ish. It. Omish shit. Wow. Wow. We went from reading Rainbow to the electric company in 40 seconds. The electric chair.

Wow. Take my head, boss. What's it? So you were in a Western. Yeah. That's every actor's dream, right? I told you that too. I got excited.

I got this Western, man. And I was like the man in black, you know. Not only did you call me, you sent me a picture of you in your gear. Will you resend that to me? I'm going to put it up right here so we can see it. Yeah. Because it is freaking cool and sexy. Guy took that on his iPhone, too, the director. He's like, wait. And then the sun was going down. He goes, yeah, will you resend that? Yeah, I'll give it to you. Because we got to show that. Because I think, why in your estimation is it every actor's dream to do a Western? You hear that all the time. I think it's what you grow up playing. You know, you grow up playing. You know, you grow up.

playing, you know, like cops and robbers and stuff and cowboys, you know, so, so it's one of those things you just want to do, you know, and yeah, and I think men of a certain age, you had, that's back when they had cap guns, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do that, you know, you want to do that again. Yeah. Yeah. We romanticize it, right? We do. Yeah, but was it, okay, let's take away the robot. That looks cool, though. Oh, I love, I, I actually, this isn't even the one I wore on set. Like, they wouldn't give it to me. Oh. But they're like, well, the guy who made it lives up the hill. And I was like, oh, can I get one from him?

They're like, yeah, just go ask him. So I went up and I like, wow, talk to the guy and he made it for me. So that's the same design that you actually had in the movie. Exact same design. Wait, what's the name of the movie? Murder at Yellowstone City, which is just a terrible name for a movie. I'm waiting for Yogi Bear to run out. It was called, draw your weapon, move him.

It was called murder at immigrant gulch before. That's like, don't get me wrong, but still. Anything with the word gulch in it, I'm down for. Oh, man, it was a great cast, too. You don't hear gulch anymore. It was like that other word you said earlier. What was that word? Alabaster. Alabaster, Galch.

Oh, that's a good villain. That should have been the, or villain or the name of the movie. Alabaster, that's a great name. Also a great name for a porno movie. What did I? Because that gulch could be getting some alabasta all up in it now. All the Blaster Gulch. Gosh, boo-boo.

I said boo-boo instead of Yogi. He said his own name. Sorry, it should have been. Gosh, yogi. I said boo-boo, which was his name. Guy pulls boo-boo right out of his mouth. Sh, that. Shit.

By the way, that poster I made for, I think that could actually be a good horror movie. Like a guy that, a creature that eats tongues. Have you posted that? No. We just made that just for this. A creature who eats tongues. He eats your tongues.

They spoke in tongues. He ate in tongues. Whoa. Yeah, what was the tagline on this? More than just the cat gets your tongue. Oh, shit. Let me try another one just to see if you get it.

Bowel movement. Boul movement. Yeah, that was right. Okay, I didn't know. We're doing this whole reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, bowel games. I was going to say down because it sounded like you said bow. Oh, bow. I was like, down.

Sometimes when you're cramping real bad, you do have to bow down. Yeah. Well, if you get the squatty potty, that thing. Oh, you told me about that years ago. I don't want to, you know, am I allowed to talk about it? You can talk about it? Is there not a rival company that's doing something? The squatty potty? Yeah.

I think there's the diarrhea sweat. The diarrhea swing. Yeah, but tell us about the squatty potty. That sounds like a dance, the diarrhea swing. Yeah, it does. Wow. All right, are you at an age where alcohol just hits differently now? It's not the same as when you used to drink alcohol when you were a young in.

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onion loaf. What does it look like? How does it work? God, I don't even want to know what I'm asking. It looks like a step stool. You guys says the word stool. Clever.

I didn't realize that's where I was going. I didn't mean that. I didn't realize that's where I was going. I didn't know. Good God. Slur. Slurped stool. Slurch.

Wait, so... You rang. You stooled. You stooled. You sh. It. But wait, why are you using a... What's it called?

Squatty potty. Isn't it for seniors? Wait a second. Okay. Wait a second. All right. I will. Go ahead.

Where are you going with this? I thought that was for old people who couldn't. get the turtle out of the shell. There's a new sheriff in town, buddy. I see that. Yellowstone Johnny over here. He's squatty potty.

Guy, he, ogie. I've got a boo-boo in my underpants. We shouldn't be allowed to even talk together. Gulch. Out of best. Got a best. Wait, but why do you, I thought that was for people that had like issues and they couldn't.

Oh, everybody can use it. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah, everybody uses it. Well, it's good for you. It is? It is.

It really is. It's good for you. You ask your proctologist. He'll tell you. Or you're urologist, either one of them. Ed or Larry? Larry. Larry, he's my urologist.

Okay. Ed's the proctologist. Don't talk to it. No. No. No. Well, since you're in a Western, I think it's only fair to ask,

did you have any experience? with horses. And I think the answer is a big, resounding yes, because prior to your movie life, yes. You are one of the most well-known, prominent pitch guys in a string of commercials that lasted, I think they're still going to this day, right?

Yeah. Whoa. Have a nice gulch. I'll see you next month. Let me change hats. Whoa. Wow. Yeah, because you rode around on one of these.

That's my white horse. That's your white horse. Tell the folks about that little deal that's been sort of like, are you still doing it? Yeah, I leave for the Super Bowl soon. And then I go do a thing there. Folks, I don't know. You probably know.

You can't not know if you don't have a television, but the old spice stud. Stud. who rides around on a white horse with his shirt off. Guy tells me I'm dumb as wood. Calls me a stud. Well, I was going to call you a gulch, but you're too good looking. Guy tells you.

Stud. Guy's a chunk of wood and a barn. Dirty stud. Oh, particle board. A cheap, cheap particle board stud. But are you good with the horses? Because that's a beast. I'm terrified of horses.

Yeah, there was a guy out there. I learned in like 35 minutes. When you did the Old Spice commercials. No, when I did the Old Spice commercials, I didn't know how to ride a horse. I'd been on a horse, but they went to, you know, Griffith, you know, but you don't ride it. You just sit up.

Oh, okay. They walk you around, but for the movie, they had to ride. Yeah, they had a Wrangler there to teach me. And because, like, the guy, my stunt guy was like a, like, he didn't look like me at all. Oh, wow. Yeah, so they're like, we're going to need you to ride this horse.

And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And so they taught me in like 35 minutes. If you can learn to play hockey in like five days, you can ride a horse in 20 minutes. But it's not hard. Like, you just need to listen to what the guy tells you and do exactly what he says. Yeah. You don't play around. Because they're intuitive.

Horses can read your emotions like no tomorrow. That's the first thing you said. He said, he's like, if you have a thought in your head, just talk to it. And like, just let it know, like, you're here. just for mind readers. Yeah. You can really, you got to really, and so the mind was, his real name was Yates. The horse's name was Yates. Was it? Yeah. And so, I, Herman Yates.

God, psycho horse. God. I'd lean in and go, okay, buddy, hey, Yates, come on, come on now. Really? It's me and you, buddy. Me and you. Yeah. So, meanwhile, when I get on a horse, like, I'm not as scared of a lot in life, but for whatever reason, horses terrify me. When I get on them, I just, I have so much fear, but I get on them because I'm a guy who believes in conquering your fear. And they know it. And they just start wandering off. They go out in graze or they go running down. I'm just like, I'm just like a hostage. I'm just like, well, the guys told me,

they go, you, you need to assert control. Yeah. You got to let them know right away. I know. But then you also let them know you're good. And so I, I just listened and did exactly that. And the, and Yates, me and Yates were like this. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And it was awesome. It was awesome. Oh, because I'm, to this day, when I was a little kid, I saw a little boy get killed by a horse. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I was at Expo 67 in Montreal, and I was probably, I think I was six years old, and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police had these giant black police horses. They're overly large, and they were there policing, and they were also part of the exhibit. And this little boy ran up, and the horse just ran clomp.

Oh, yeah. And my parents, like, and I think it killed the kid. Oh. And so I don't know if that's what psychologically got in my head, but to this day, I love them. It doesn't. I love to touch them. I like, and I've forced myself to get on them, but I'm still totally terrified. Just talk to it.

Yeah. Yeah. Just, but be assertive, though. Yeah. Like, but you got to, you can just talk to them. I tried that too. I did the little kick, but even that, like, I played hockey my whole life. I know it'll be assertive, but when I get on them, I'm just like, I, I love.

I fall apart. It's a big fucking animal. Sorry. Yeah. Excuse my language. It's like it's not that far off from the size of a moose. No. A moose is like an SUV though.

Yeah. That's a big. Yeah. But if you take a Clydesdale horse, one of those budwyd, like that's even another level of horse. Like, what are we doing here? If we cut away since we got the horse. Oh, yeah. What I loved about the commercials is the non-sequence.

You'd be like, now I'm eating some peanuts. Now I'm washing some nuts. dishes. Why does he have an earbud in his ear? Look at that. Well, he's also wearing like crocs. Oh, wow. I know. It really makes me sad. He's got an anklet too. I know. They feminize men nowadays. They emasculate us. So I don't know. I mean, and he's bigger than the horse. He's got two matches. He is bigger than the horse. God. Why? Okay, set him up. Let me go. Okay. So let's see. If you want to do, I'll face the camera. Oh, that's perfect.

Yeah, that's perfect. And then I'll pretend you're on the horse. Okay, then stop, and then he goes, hello ladies. That's pretty much it. That's all he does. Hey, everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a T-shirt or a hoodie. But not me.

Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog.

We got hoodies. We got coffee mugs. We got t-shirts. You name it. It's there at harbleng.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support. And I'll just keep the groovy images coming.

What he's wearing. He wouldn't wear that. Yeah, I don't like the way they've feminized men. It would be a towel and some white linen pants. Yeah. Yeah. Very sexy. This is men in blue crocs with earpieces,

is not sexy. I got to say, though, that's, that's, except for the, the accessories. Yeah. That almost looks like me. A little bit. I don't know if I'd like you with that haircut. It's a two, it's like flock of seagulls, the haircut, no, but, but I mean, facial features pretty close.

Yeah. Pretty close. Well, this is the Harlan Highway podcast. We're not going to scrimp. No, no, you guys, like, let me ask you something. when you when you pull out the Jack Nicholson one

it'll be exact yeah yeah that's no joke no joke yeah you have the DNA I have the DNA so this is you were just going off AI

yeah this is like this is like what a 3D printer mold oh well that that's where you went wrong yeah that's where you went wrong one of the things I don't love to are you you get sick of stereotypes no

I do and I think you do too is what you meant to say. I thought you were going to say something about G.I. Joe. No. Okay. I was going to say something more about DeJango Unchained, if you know what I mean. Unhinge.

Oh. Because with Black men. Prince Albert. You have this horrible stereotype that must drive you nuts. That stereotype. That stereotype. That's stereotype. That you must hate that black man always have a giant under the pants.

Jolly Green Giant. Yeah. With the niblet. With the nivlets? And I'm wondering if we... Wait a say, what are nivlets? The balls. Why would they be called niblets?

Well, why would they be called balls? They're testicles. You said the Jolly Green Giant, association niblets, corn niblets. I got to get on board. Yeah. What's wrong with me? I don't know.

I don't know what's wrong with it. Was that hat on too tight or what? Maybe it wasn't on tight enough. But should we dispel the myth? because I don't like those stereotypes. Should we see what's actually under here? Let's see what's going on. Ladies and gentlemen,

for those of you that have never seen it or have wanted to see it or are tired of horrible racial stereotypes. Take the crocs off first. Yeah, let's take the crock. Oh. That's what I want. Oh, look.

Let's see once and for all what's under the pants. because these stereotypes have to end. None of us like them. Here it goes. Here we go. Any stripper music? You could do it.

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-oh. Oh. Oh. Wait a second. No. Wait a second. Whoa, come on. Wait.

Why does his anatomy? Whoops, you got me. Why does his anatomy? me, why is there a belt in his annette? Wait. Oh, my God. His birth mark is a, he's got a birth belt. A birth belt.

But doesn't that make you mad? All these years we've heard. Oh, it's absolutely disgusting. And now the truth is, and then I think. Does it make me mad? I would be mad right now. I have, like, let me take that back. That it looks nothing like me.

Right. Exactly. That, that... Like, you couldn't even do a hard, hard mics with that. No, no. Hard psych? Psych, oh, Norman Bates. But see, isn't that nice to dispel that myth?

But I think if we're going to dispel the myth of the African-American black man... Okay. Then I think we have to dispel the myth... You have to dispel them all. Of the white man. Of all of them. What are you going to... Well, we have the Malibu can.

Oh, my God. So I think we have to have the white guy, Billy. Billy. And let's see what the white guy, because we always hear how small the white guys are. I don't know. I'm seeing the Billy, Billy's Billy. I think Billy's a plant.

Wait, what? Billy's a plant. I think we have to see. Billy's a, no. What? No. Oh, God. What's what?

What the? What the? What the hell? What is going on here? God, Billy. Oh, Billy. Oh, Billy. Dude Lord.

Something's not right. One of these things is not like the other. This is a children's show. How dare you? Dude. This thing's big. You could open a bottle with this. In fact, I think.

I think I have a Coke bottle here. This would make a great bottle of the... Guy... Oh, wow. Guy invites me on his show. Wow. Guy invites me on his show just to tell me I'm a myth. Oh, Billy.

Where did you get that guy? That toys are us. Where do you think? Uh-oh. I got you. Uh-oh. Get him out of there. Get him out of there.

He's hiding. He's hiding. Wow. Where did you get that? Oh, did the Coke bottle open up? It opened. The white guy's knob. My God.

My God. This is completely unsanctioned. Wow. You're crying again. Like harder than before. I have no control. Wow. Wow.

Over where? Oh, Billy. Where Billy go. Billy. Alabaster. Wow. Billy Alabaster. Billy Alabaster.

Billy Alabaster Gulch. Oh, buddy. It was at that moment Billy Alabaster Goch revealed his true intentions. All right. Here's something you don't learn about in school. Us men, when we hit a certain age, yeah, things can happen. We start to get a little softer around the middle. Maybe we,

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strong. That's men go to mars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. After you they will ask you, where did you hear about them? Please support our show and tell them the Harland Highway sent you. Mars for Man, let's go. Are you going to put one of those little blurry things? Yeah, we have to. We have to.

I don't know if they make a blurry thing big enough, but we're going to have to. I cannot leave that monster. out. I'm just glad we dispelled the myth. Hey everybody, Harland here. My brand new books are out. The Things You Don't Know You Don't Know. Volumes 1 and 2, if you need a laugh, it's full of things you don't know. Did you know that pumpkins are the only living organisms with triangle eyes? Did you know that rhinoceroses are just big fat white trash unicorns? It's all there in volumes 1 and 2. Pick them up on Amazon.com. Now, Isaiah, that should have been our closing

But we do a closing segment with all our wonderful guests. I'm going to pull these guys. Oh. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Oh. This is an authentic Dutch clog. Yeah, pull his pants up. Isn't it nice to clear up racial stereotypes, though? I mean, listen.

I feel good. If you're trying to min fences and stuff, you know, I got to say, there's probably a better way to do it. Don't tell that to Billy. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, You know, you're, at least, you know, you're trying. Trying. Yeah. We're trying.

You're trying. We're all trying. We're all trying. We're all trying. Except for this guy. Just put your hands down. Should have left his crocs on. Yeah.

Are these, those even crocs are like weird sandals. Why doesn't, does he get to play with the other guys? What do you mean? The guys, the other two guys that you have. Oh, no. No. Because I just got him. Oh.

He's new. Well, can he, can he join? Yeah, he can join. Yeah. You can play with the other dolls. You can play with Billy if he wants. Billy doesn't, what's going on with Billy? I don't know.

Billy doesn't need any friends. Billy's needs to be out raving. He doesn't need any friends. When you can open a bottle of Coke with your gulch, you don't need any friends. Freakus. So this is words from a wooden shoe. Don't look in. There's random words.

You reach in, pull out a word, and see if it sparks a story from your incredible journey. I'm afraid to reach in anywhere after this. Yeah, I don't blame you. They're Billy. Sheesh. Guy invites me on, makes me reach into a wooden shoe. Shoe me. Shoot me.

What's your word? Oh, God. Oh, man. What? Fashion failure. Oh, here we go. Yeah. I mean, do you have a story? Fashion failure.

Yeah, because you dress up nice. Like, you're a handsome guy. Was there ever a red carpet or was there ever a wedding or an event or anything? Could have been in kindergarten. Was there ever a fly open? No, I tell you what happened one time. There we go. Yeah, this is that one.

Little League. I was playing Little League. Okay. And I was thinking of 10. and I you know everybody wants to be Pete Rose you know what I mean yeah so I just remember it was I don't know what inning it was but I had to pee okay really bad and I couldn't I couldn't like go because like the coach wouldn't you know it was in the game yeah yeah yeah and so I couldn't go I think it was like up next or something right oh there we go yeah yeah so so like a little dribbled out

you know but those polyester white pants that you wear you know the dribble spread It's pretty quick. Yeah. Spreads. So before long, it was like a, you know, a big spot. It's like you're wearing a bounty, the quicker picker upper. Yeah. So then I hit, got up, and I hit like a double.

Wow. And I ran and I slid into second base. Like Pete rosed into second base. Yeah. You pee rosed into second base. And when I stood up, I had a big. patch of like dirt Mike's hard

was all on just this patch of like turf was right there and everybody saw it like the other team saw it like you know parents saw it like my team saw it I was so embarrassed you know what I mean because after that point

like everyone would tease you it was bad it was a bad I'll never forget that oh god yeah and young kids too they're merciless no if I wouldn't have hit like a double. Like I don't think it would. I got to ask, because kids are, are brutal. Stars at this.

Yeah. Did they give you a nickname after that? Like, peepants double or? No, like dribble, double dribble or anything? I already had a nickname. What? Here we go. Look at Sash.

Guy said I had a nickname. Guy salivates him. What is it? What was it? What was it? Well, I was really fast, you know, like fast, you know what I mean? Because, like, at that time I was, like, developed, my legs were big, but my upper body was tiny, you know what I mean? So I had a big butt, you know, because I was fast, you know, sprinter.

Okay. And so my friends, they'd call me butt Zaya. Oh, wow. Yeah. It was traumatizing. It was? Well, at the time. But did the girls find it attractive, though?

Like, did it work against you with the guys, but did the girls be like, oh, there goes, but Zia? No. Mama gonna eat good tonight. No, but, but you know these days? Mama. Gonna eat good tonight. That's the next horror movie. What is she doing?

Is that part two? That's part two. She's gonna get up in there? That'll be the next one called Wipe. Shit Wipe. You know what they used to sing this song? They used to sing a song to me. What?

I don't even want to tell you. Who's they? Mama. Oh, your mother? No, the mamas that were like, you know, going to eat good tonight. Okay. Oh, God. Okay, let's hear it.

No, no, the kids, like on my team, they used to sing a song. But, you know, at the time you're 10, you don't care. But they'd go, he's got the whole world. He's got the whole world in his pants. He's got the whole wine. In his pants. He's got the whole world. In his pants.

He's got the whole world in his pants. Folks, this has been the Holland Highway podcast. You're welcome. Thank you. Folks, Isaiah Mustafa. Buddy, before we go, is there anything you want to plug or mention or tell people about your social media? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a show coming on Amazon Prime Video.

It's called Cross. stars Aldous Hodge. Great. It's our second season. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's based on James Patterson novels, Alex Cross. Great, great. Yeah, I play John Sampson.

Oh, nice. Another big name. Like Isaiah Sampson, all these sort of biblical names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope your audience tunes in. I hope they like what they saw today. Oh, believe me. They did.

Folks, that's it for today. Until next time. chicken chalmain baby we'll see you next time we out you want to drink no hey everybody how would you like your very own personal video message from me yours truly it's your birthday it's your anniversary it's your graduation or you just want me to make you laugh you get to pick the topic you want me to discuss give me some talking points and off we go You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun.

Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.