The Harland Highway - JAMIE KENNEDY talks getting probed by ALIENS and investigating meteor showers. Plus GOPHER stuff!!

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

Pre-order WINGMAN now on Apple TV, coming out May 26th! : https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/wingman/umc.cmc.nfzru25awp5jnendhudhjw9t This episode is sponsored by HIMS, Select Quote: -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, HairLoss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/Harland. - Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at SelectQuote.com/harland today to get started. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Jamie Kennedy:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thejamiekennedy/X: https://x.com/JamieKennedy #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey folks, before we get started, just a quick little reminder. My new movie Wingman comes out May 26, and oh my gosh, I'm so excited. I want you to see it. You can pre-order it on Apple. You can see the pre-order link just down here below. And I think you're really going to love it. Wild Crazy Comedy is back. Wingman, May 26.

And if you want to see me live, well, how about this, everybody? May 15th in Tucson, Arizona at the Rialto Theater. May 17th, Torrance, California at Mum said yes. And May 29th of the 30th, Oklahoma City at the Bricktown Comedy Club. So we'll see you there. Get your tickets at Harlan Williams.com before they sell out. And let's get right to the podcast. That's the sound of an alien probe, by the way.

No doubt. It was no, it's a spaceship. You're going to dream about that. I'd rather not. I know what place I'm going to show you the way. Fing because the joke stayed cracking at the most on my heart. Are you okay? I'm just fidgeting.

What? I's not like you to fidget. I know it's a new thing I'm doing. I like to fidget. You're a fidget. I liked a fidget guy. Yeah, you're a fidgeter. Well, I just started.

It's a recent thing. I used to, if you watch all the other, I just sit down, hey, guy, how are you? Yeah. But now I'm sort of like, yeah, I think it's all there. Am I good? Are we good? I think so. Can we start the pod? I think so.

Ladies and gentlemen, when the fidget it all done, when the fidgeting, I'll get in a canoe and go down by-bye river. that when the Holland Highway podcast start when the fidget gone the highway

start and you are here on the Holland Highway podcast What an opening Right Right

Where were Was that Tagallan No that was Cajun Oh Yeah Got guarantee Now that's right

Garonty When the fidgeting And don't stop Now child the Hall of Hawe podcast. Yeah. And my guest today, folks, Jamie Zachary Kennedy is here.

That's right. Jay ZK. Jay Z. My third. This is the triple Lindsay. This is your third time here. Can you believe it? Dude, I believe it because I can see you.

You're sitting right there. I'm right here. Are you a fidgetter, my guy? I'm a checker. Oh, talk to me. So what grocery store? Ah, well, it was Ralph's, you know, one off of cold water. Ralph, should they name a food store after an act of vomiting?

Like Ralph. Why do you think that? Well, where do you shop, pukes? Who names a food store, Ralph's? Why do I never think of that? That's like calling a fast food restaurant, diarrhea. Shoes. Muddys.

Muddys. But no, it's the verb of ralphing. You just verbed? You verbed. Did you do the first verb on this episode? Was that the first? I think it was the first verb. Verbage player.

All of the people you've had, no one's ever verbed out. No, on this episode. Oh, in this episode, you just dropped the first verb. Yeah, I dropped verbs. Is playa a verb or no? Play ya is a noun. Like, yo, what's up, player? It's a noun?

Yeah, like, yo, use a player, son. So when you're throwing player at me, you're nouning me. I'm going, yo, Harlan. What up, player. You're a noun. Now, if I say, yo, you be playing. That's a verb. So when you're saying playa, you're using the N word, you're nouning me.

A different N word. Yeah. Yeah, a different N word. What were you thinking? I was thinking. I said noun. Yeah, you're right. I wasn't thinking anything.

What's up, my player? You just got noun, homie. Yo, bro. He's dropping ends. Let's go to Ralph's and drop an R. Have you ever puked in a food store? Never. Me neither.

I'd be sort of like counterproductive. Yeah, it would be. Do they have public restrooms in a food store? Like, can you go and buy a bunch of food, but then drop off a bunch of old food, if you know what I mean? Oh. You can. Oh. You can.

Wow. Why? Wow. Drop off a bunch of old food. And then get some new ones. I was talking to someone the other day. We, the average person in their lifetime, eat something like 350 pounds of shrimp. that's it

might be more that's it but to imagine what you could fill think about all the food you've ingested in your whole life I don't know how old you are you look 22

stop it 23 stop it 21 18 no I am legal okay but think of all the food

you've eaten in your life buddy yeah like what how many home deep would that fill? Like from the day you were born to now. You ever thought about that? How many? I never thought about how many Home Depot

it would fill. But you've thought about how much you've eaten in your whole life. I've never thought of that either. What about a Walmart? filling a Walmart. I think what's the smallest? The Costco?

Costco's the kid. Like one night Walmart and Home Depot got drunk, fucked, Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that would be a lot of old food. Well, think of it. And not only all that food, but it all went through the processor. Like, it all got processed through your organs, your fluids, your, it's like a machine. Do we keep, but we keep some stuff from it? Well, you keep, yeah, fat and...

What's the brown? Why is it always brown? The brown stuff? Yeah. We take the nutrients out of it. and they get rid of whatever. Like how do you eat a lemon meringue pie, which is clearly yellow and white? Yeah.

And it comes out brown. I don't know. Who are the paint mix and elves in my belly? But I'm starting to think that. 350 pounds of shrimp, let's go back to that. Yeah. That just doesn't seem like, I feel like I've done that at a few, like, spring breaks.

Oh, like at Olive Garden Shrimpest? Yeah, or... Hey, Amherst. Remember, check with Siri or serial killer or whatever it's called. How much does the average human eat shrimp in a year? Yeah. I mean, if you get a pound of shrimp, I could do that in a day. A pound?

Easily. Wow. And I like shrimp. You do? Yeah, lemon pepper. They're the commas of the sea. I like that. And that's grammar too.

We already discussed verbs and nouns. Yeah, that's a... So shrimp are the commas of the sea. You eat a lot of shrimp. You should be grammatically and I don't know if grammatically is even a word and I don't care because this is my podcast. It's the Harlem Highway.

But you'll be more grammatically... Oh. The average Americans consumed roughly around four to six pounds of shrimp and... No, but in their lifetime. Wait a minute. Four to six pounds is here. Wait a minute.

You might be right. I might be wrong. I might be Billy Johnson. Joel. Exactly. 50 times 10. Don't pretend you know a math guy. Not on this podcast. If 70 is a lifespan, it's 280 to 420 pounds. He's right. You're right. I am right. I'm one of the right brothers. I invented flying. If any of you have ever flown, I'm the third brother that they never, I was the youngest, obviously. Yeah. But my brothers invented wings and fuselage, but I was the one that designed the propeller and the propulsion system and the

fuel injection. You did. Even though I was the youngest Wright brother, and you just said I was right. No, you're right. Brother. Brother. And so if you've ever flown anywhere, even on the Concord, even though it's not in service anymore, if you're a jet fighter, if you're a jet fighter over Iraq right now.

Go ahead. You go, Foxshot 9-0-0. So, Vic, I'm one of the Wright brothers. I'm the youngest one. The aeronautical marvel you're flying in right now is a direct result of my ingenuity. Fox Trout over out. Go ahead and Eagles are flying.

That's what happens. Why can't I support our troops? When is it my turn to support the troops? You looked at me, but you looked at me like... We're talking about the Wright brothers. I know, but I was directly talking to a guy flying radio. over Kirkastat. Oh, you did.

And then you just looked at me like a blank, like you're staring at a wall with an onion bun crawling up at or something. No, I was listening to how you did the third. The third, right, brother. Yeah. Thank you. They didn't have propulsion back then, did they?

It came along when I did. You did it. Because I came up with it. Okay. Ingenuity is my middle name. Harlan, Ingenuity, Williams. Yes. His name is Hi.

Yeah. Yeah. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. It's also the same sound it makes when you step on a tent caterpillar.

Hugh. You ever seen a tent caterpillar? I've seen a caterpillar. You never seen a tent caterpillar? A tent. Where are you from? What part of the country now? Pennsylvania.

So you've probably seen, you ever in the summer, you see those up in the tree? It looks like a web, looks like a giant spider web, and it's full of caterpillars. I think I have. They're called tent caterpillars because it looks like a tent. And like 150 of them all live, they make this web and they all live in there. And they're called 10 catapoles. They're about yay big. And when you step on them, they go, yeah.

Oh. I was a kid. I was a right brother. I was a boy interested in aeronautics and killing creepy crawlies. What about the shrimp? Well, they can't fly, so why do I give a fuck of a mood? Sorry, I didn't mean it. You dropped it.

I didn't mean it, play hair. Play hair. I'm still on the show. Yeah, how many of you gobbled down Pelican face? Whoa, that's aggressive. That was sex aggressive. Yeah, what was that?

You can hit me with one. Go. I said Pelican face. Go ahead. Hit me. And I'm the one with no chin. And I'm calling you Pelican face when you have a gorgeous chin.

Thank you. I would have, what about you? I'm waiting for it. What about you? Baby bear Beautiful face Baby bear noise

Yeah I like your face Thanks Just let's go back to the shrimp 350 pounds Yeah I mean what does that look like Does that fill this room?

Yeah So you Oh my gosh You've shoveled that in your pie hole And that's just the shrimp I know How many sandwich How many steaks? Chicken. KFC.

Like, dude, like you could fill the win casino, every floor, except the penthouse, maybe. I can't do the penthouse. Yeah. It's too many. Dude. That's a lot of shrimp to come out of the bung. Yeah. So I'm just saying.

This is good to know. I didn't mean to start the podcast like, you know, all like, you can lower this just a little bit. Like technical food. There you go. You can see your chin. Thank you. What a chin. I wish I had one.

I wish, no, I got to get a better chin. You got a goodie. You started the podcast as a crustacean king. What's that? What's a crustacean? I know, but they don't. Custation, they know. You're telling me your audience doesn't know.

They don't. Not mine. They're smart. Not mine. You're saying your audience is seafoodally challenged? Yeah. You're telling me right now, you know there's a guy out there in Regina, huge ice fisher.

You're telling me he doesn't know what a crustacean is? Not only they seafood challenged, a lot of them are sea tards. Oh. Yeah. Well, we've got to go slow. We got some real sea tards watching right now. We got a real...

Mental sea tards. Mental sea tards. They don't know what a crustacean is. I do, but if you could tell them, I'd really like the sea tards to know. If you don't mind... Hey guys, I want to talk to you about life insurance, don't run out of the room, don't take off, because you run out of the room,

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for less and save more than 50% at select quote.com slash harland. Save more than 50% on term life insurance at select quote.com slash harland today. Get started. That's select quote.com slash harland. Boring may be, but effective and makes you feel safe, select quote crustaceans are things that live what are they live like a lot of them live in shells wait are you a seat tard

you didn't know they look like your last little toe that's what is shrimp oh okay shrimp looks like little piggy you're a little piggy you're a little piggy looks like that's a shrimp but what's a crustacean crustacean is

crabs lobsters I think anything that has a hard Oh, shelled fish. Exoskeleton. Yes, but I don't know. It might be mollusks. Mollus might be different. There's shells, aren't they?

Mollus, like muskles. Muscles and scallops. Sea tar. Abelones. But we are a couple of sea tarts. Yeah, we are. I mean, I know aeronautics. I know airplane parts.

Throw me in the water. I'm an air guy. Yeah, you are. You put me in the water. I'm a full sun underwater sea. I think, though, you're also a, you're a land guy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm on it right now, actually.

And surprise, guess what? So are you. We're together. We're a couple of landmen. Yeah, landman. We don't need no seatard, because we're landman. Great, that's a great, you know what I'm saying. Yeah.

That's a great, what's that? Yeah. When you connect something? Limjaniist. A Limjaniist. also that's a great time to talk about something. The land man. Oh, the land man.

You know what I'm saying. Well, why don't we talk? That's a great segue. Segway, that's the word. See, I was being a C. C-Tard. Yeah. Landman, you know, there's a certain actress in the show Landman,

the Billy Bob Thornton hit show. Breakout Star. Kayla Wallace. Yes. And guess what? She's in our new movie. Yes. Wingman.

Wing-Mizzle. You're not actually considering this, are you? No. Turk Thompson, Wingman. Okay, because like a wingman, what, are you still in high school? May 26 on Apple and Amazon, all the streamers. All the streamers. And buddy, let's talk about wingman.

Wingman. Jamie was my co-star in Wingman. One of them. It was a movie, a passion project that we were working on for, I wrote it like 15 years ago. We had three false starts where we thought it was going to happen, as it happens often in the movie industry, especially the indie movie. It fell through. And then finally, we got all the funding. Everything fell into place.

And we shot Wingman and it's coming out. It's a comedy. It's a kind of throwback comedy to the days when people weren't scared to do comedy. It's a comedy that's not been influenced by the studios who are scared of edgy comedy. And it basically is a movie where I play a professional wingman who helps losers get laid. And Jamie plays a professional wingman who helps losers get laid. I have the low-end bottom barrel clients. he has the high end clients

so we're kind of rivals rival wings yeah it's balls to the walls whoa yeah explain I like that

no no holes barred yep um physical comedy verbal comedy callbacks witty

everything it's everything from your wheelhouse Yeah. It's your wheelhouse. It's my wheels, but it also sort of just, to me it wasn't my wheel. It was just like, I just want comedy. I just want something funny. Yeah. We tried anything.

Yeah. We weren't scared to try anything. We didn't stop at anything. And like the spirit of the movie is the girl with the cabbage. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we needed a scene where a girl. Well, there was this.

This girl, there was this extra that was there. Yeah. And she was really like gung-ho and funny. And we were in the bar picking up girls. I was playing the wingman. Evan Marsh is the guy that hires me to be a wingman. On camera we were doing it. Yeah.

This is in real life. And I thought it would be funny because this girl was sort of hefty. She reminded me of a female Chris Farley. And I went up to her. I said, hey, don't be offended. It's comedy. I want to ask you. If you don't want to do it, just tell me no.

Thick, you can say thick. She was thick. And that's, you know, and I said, I want to do this scene. And I saw you and you look funny. And I said, if I went out and bought a cabbage, would you eat it at the bar? Well, Evan's trying to pick you up. And she said, bring it. I don't care.

I'll do anything. I love this stuff. Yeah. And she was so cool. And so. See anything you like? She's beautiful. Look, have you seen that Julia Roberts movie?

Eat, Pray, Love? Yeah. Yeah. Well, now you're looking at the sequel. Eat, eat, eat. And she just bit into this cabbage, and she was just, ever was dying laughing. Hilarious.

Gung Ho went for it. It shows you there's no small parts. Yeah. Like, small actors. She just took it and went with it, and now it's one of the funniest moments in the movie. It got a huge laugh. And she's also.

the same girl in the trailer where I throw the chicken wing and hit her right in the forehead. You've pelted her with many food groups. Yeah. And that was a complete fluke. When I threw that, if you watched the trailer. Is that true? Yeah. We had no time. And I walked up

to her again and I said, I said, you're great. I said, I want to keep going with you. I said, I have a steamer I have to walk up. She was about 20 feet away. You hit her with the chicken first or she did the cabbage first? I think it was. Cabbage, then she? I think it was the chicken first.

Okay, chicken. And I said to her, I said, look, are you okay? I'm going to throw this chicken wing, and my goal is to hit you right between the eyes. I'm probably going to miss. There's no way I'll be able to hit you because I'm not even going to be looking at you. But I said, what we'll do is I'll throw it at you, sort of react when it gets close to you, and then we'll cut and I'll do a close up of it hitting you in the forehead. She goes, okay.

So I walk up to the bouncer. I pull up the chicken wing. She's 20 feet away. And without looking, I just threw it. And Jamie, it went right through the air and hit her right between the eyes on the first take. No way. Turk Thompson.

Wingman. And I went, God, thank you for looking. That happened through the whole movie. I was going to say, there's so many things that happened during this movie that were just like... Magic. Yeah, it was. Like getting you.

getting you to star in it because you didn't have to you get a lot of offers we went down we sat down at mel's on on sunset boulevard and i told you about the movie and i said and we went to um the coffee bean yes we did and i said buddy read it i hope you love it and we met again and you said i'm in yeah and so all these cool magic things but yeah this girl took the wing right in the face it was awesome one take one that's incredible yeah because It's a perfect shot. Perfect. And she was so gung-ho and so funny.

And I was like, that's the spirit of the movie. People wanted to jump in. Yeah. We had such a good time. And like, just my wig, you know, because I'm follically challenged. And so Harlan's like, let's do this. But you wanted my hair to be like a mullet. And then our-

A ponytail. Yeah. That would be a fun ponytail. But then when you put the wig on... Well, that's our hair girl. Yeah. Who put the wig on. And I was like, I like, I like this.

He's like, I do too. And then it was like, I started feeling the character. Then I got the jacket and you give me a little flower. And it's just kind of how movie should be. Yeah. How like literally creating as you go. Of course we had an idea. Yeah, yeah.

We had a great script. But it was that being able to. It's so funny. The freedom of it. Yeah. And what's so funny, dude, is that I saw you fall into character. Like when you got that wig on and you, you had the leather jacket. it like I've never told you this, but I could feel your energy.

I could sense you settling in finding the character. Oh, thank you. And not the verbal part, but just it's sometimes when you put a costume on, it speaks to you and it helps. All the time. And I could see you like forming, like you were falling into it. It was like so cool because I had to bounce off you. So when you found it, I found it.

Yeah. And it was really, really a cool look and the long hair. looked a bit like Jesus, and it was, it was awesome. It was, it was just so fun. But it was like, well, thank you, buddy. And we had such good times, our scene that we added outside. Can we, can we show that right now? That's up to you.

It's your film. You know what? Let's show, there's a scene that me and you did outside, and I think it kind of sums up our relationship. We're rivals. In this scene, I failed for the first time I didn't get my guy laid. and you heard about the talk in the bar circuit, and you confront me in the parking lot of a bar.

Yeah. And you are not kind. You want me out because we're competitors. And without me saying anymore, I love this scene. Let's roll it, and then we can talk about it on the other end. Roll the scene. You thinking about leaving town? Well, you probably should.

Because we're on the street as you failed your mission last night, fungus, right? How'd you find out so fast, Fart Festival lips? News in our business travels fast. It's a crazy world. Crazy like Forrest Whitaker's left eye. But I'll be all right. You lost your touch, Turk.

Maybe it's time you get out, hmm? Like a retard and a bouncy house. There is no getting out. You're like an old lady's tit. I'll dry it up just hanging around. What's to stop me right now from shoving a giant pretzel so far up your ass? You think you have fallopian tubes?

Because unlike you, I have an employer who currently pays me. Dude. That's one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie, by the way. Bro, I loved it because you just gave it to me. You're like, hey, let's, I added this scene. let's do it.

Yeah. And so we went in front of that thing and it looked like an old like Turkish prison. Yeah, yeah. The old looked sort of like old steel town like Pittsburgh or something. And it was freezing and we had like two takes to do it. Yeah. And we just, we, you wrote such funny dialogue and then we added a little extra. Yeah.

It was just, dude, it was. But it was real. Yeah. Like the whole thing is like with you and, you know, what we, I think we both believe good comedy is everything played real. Yeah. But there's, it's crazy. So that's why it's a grounding moment. It really is.

Because you really are sad, even though you're saying all those crazy lines. I'm sad and you're also sort of gleeful because you think I'm done and you're going to be the king of the town. Yeah. And we did play it very real. But what I love about the scene is the dialogue is so ridiculous. I know. But we played it so real that it, it's those budding like kind of energies that I think make it's, so funny to me. I know. Just the old lady's tit.

I'm trying to hanging around. It's so funny. It got such a huge laugh in the screening. I wish we opened it up because there's another line after it. Like there's the, that's a good problem to have in this movie that things were working so well that like laughs got stepped on. But that's a good thing. It's a good thing. Yeah. And, um, you know, you can't really take. This was freedom. You know, like, there was nobody telling us what to do. Yeah. And you are you.

And you hired everybody that you like, and you let them be them. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I just, I haven't done that for a long time. Yeah, it's nice just to trust it. Like, I trusted in the actors. Russell Peters has his comedy timing. You have your sensibility. Evan Marsh is this new Canadian kid who sort of is the star of the movie, really.

And he just, like, nailed it. it. And my buddy Randall Edwards at the beginning, who has comedian, and Kayla who really grounded it. She grounded it, but she also told me, she goes, I'm not sort of used to this bigger comedy. And she

stepped into it and she was so good. 26, Echo, take one. It's great. It's great. We're going to do one more beat, Holly. I want to give you a little comedy moment here. So when he does the whistling. Yeah. So he's going to be whistling and then you're just watching him and then I just want you to go

I used to do crow calls when I was a little girl and then kind of back back up you know Okay, it'll work trust me okay, can you do a croak call? Yeah, don't save it nice, that's good Just like a ah Ah Yeah there you go okay you got this and then you're kind of like you want to get on the fun a little it's like I used to do a crook And this is stuff that will make you endearing to him, I think. Okay. The whole thing or just that beat?

Let's just go from the whistling. Okay. Bob, you can start with them. I used to do this thing. Okay, ready, guys? And action, Bob. In the mornings, I used to call her my morning bird and wake her up with little whistles in her ear. I used to do crow calls.

Fuck, I can't get through this. Harland! So I don't, here's the thing. If you can, don't give me a comment. don't give me a cod, just go, ah! Like, really lunge out. Like, this is the thing you did when you were seven

where kids have no inhibitions, right? Yes, okay. So we just pulled that out of you, so just fucking, ah! And then, like, oh, I used to do it when I was a little girl. So go big with it. Okay. This is you tapping into your childhood.

Okay. Ready? Don't be inhibited. Just fucking go. Okay. Here we go, Bob, the bird calls. And I would wake her up with little bird calls. Something like...

I used to do crow calls. as a little girl. I like that. So yeah. Holy shit, it's Terry. Let's go. Hey, I'm sorry. Okay, great.

Awesome, we got it. And Shiva was hilarious. She had to play this sexy. Like, sometimes it's hard to be sexy and be funny. And she was able to corral that. And just everyone just freaking nailed it, man. I was so happy with the, performances from everybody. And I think it, it just, there could be no wrong when I was looking at it.

It was just like, everyone nailed it. Well, it's you, buddy, it's got your stamp all over. You started in it, you wrote it, you directed it, you did all the music, you did all the beaver sounds. You did the beaver. Yeah. I didn't want to direct it, a star in it, to be honest. I know. You wanted other people. I was trying to get other people, but I just, it was low budget and I couldn't get anyone to kind of step up. And at the end of the day, it's like, I wrote the material and I knew it so well. I was like, I might be the only one that can do it. I know, it's such your voice, but what's great is, is that we need this.

Yeah. I'm not trying to be that guy, but we really need a loud, obnoxious comedy to get back on the horse. I agree. I don't know how long it's been since seriously. I agree. It's been a minute. And like, I don't know why we stopped making them.

Why the studio is not making a little by the comedy? Because everyone got so scared. They got so woke. Of woke. I know. You know all the woke stuff and offending people. And like, art should be offending people. It should be making people happy. It should be making them scared.

It should offend them. Art is to provoke our senses. Yes. And if you cut one of those out, then it's not art anymore. Yes. It's cowtowing to authority figures. that want to control your art sensibilities. And that's not the way art rolls.

Art has its own mind, its own energy. In fact, we don't even do it. It does us. We're just its servants. And if you try to shackle art, it's no longer art. All this coming from a right brother? Those are the deepest words ever spoken on the highway. That was amazing.

Wow. Yeah. the highway just took a left oh we're a right tiths are on fire your tits are on fire whenever i get deep like that my tits light up like rudolph's nose

like if i can take this trip my nipples are like glowing red light bulbs right now what did i just say you said beautifulness you said you said beautifulness and it's true yeah take a big slurp wow well buddy i can't thank you enough for being in the movie.

Thank you for having me. And I hope we get to do a sequel one day. I know. I think we can really explore our dynamic. Oh, dude. And if you folks, I don't like to grovel, I rarely ever do, but we put so much love and energy and comedy into this. I'm imploring you to support us, support Wingman.

Please go out and see it on Amazon or Apple or wherever it's streaming. Go out and see it on Amazon. So go take your... Take your iPad outside and just watch it outside. Outside by the pine trees or the pool. Watch out for squirrels. Yes. But, uh,

on the airplane. Yeah, just to go. He's an air guy. Yeah. And again, I would not implore people to see it. I'm not the type of guy that pedals. If I think something I did isn't worthy or it's garbage,

I wouldn't be sitting here. I probably wouldn't even want to talk about it. But I genuinely feel good about this movie and how it came. out in huge part because of the cast and the comedy. And like, I really feel like it's, it's, it's just, it's worthy of seeing. It is. I'm telling you, I went to, we've screened this in many climates. Yeah.

We took it up north to the, uh, Toronto. Wow, you did. No, we took it up north to the, uh, the woods. Big bear. Big bear. Yeah. Did really well. Well, that's east.

North was Canada, Toronto. Okay. So you did it in. Toronto in the cold. Yeah. And we did it in the woods. In Big Bear. Yeah.

And then we took it down south. To Florida. Which he wasn't there. I couldn't go, but you were there. And it seriously murdered. Did it really? It murdered. Really?

And murdered with older people, too. A couple of old bags that have like a condo at the villages. And they were like, ah! Ah! Oh, shit. Like, I'm not kidding you. A couple of Virginia Slims. Would you say out of the three screens?

Oh, and we did. one in L.A. And we did the DGA, and it got a lot of laughs. Yeah. We did do it in Toronto. I forgot that was the first one. That was our, that was, we were all dogged it. Would you, would you say the one in Florida got the biggest response out of all of them? Yes. Wow. Every time we, we screened, I forgot Toronto dip. Yeah. Is that we had a great time. Oh, yeah. Uh, Toronto was good, but it was more reserved. Yeah. The woods were great, but they were a little bit. There was only like 25, people. Yeah.

DGA was really good. Yeah, that was really good. Especially for L.A. Yeah. Industry people are hard to make life. Yeah. And we got a lot of laughs. A lot.

And then, God, that's four times, gosh. And then Florida. Florida was the best. Damn. Of course it's the one I missed. It was three quarters full.

Yeah. It was this old, like, I don't know if it was a bank or something or maybe it was a church. I don't think it was. It was some kind of. Oh, yeah,

it was an old church, apparently. But it was many buildings. and we had the biggest building. Wow. And the people there were mixed age, but they were older, and they were dying. I'm telling them, not lying here.

They were crying. I love it. Dying laughing, bro. Oh, that's good to hear. And I was like, this is so cool. Yeah. And I think a lot of people were just happy to see that we didn't pull punches. Yeah.

That's what they really do. So that's what the movie is, it's a comedy that what we made in what we were raised on. Yeah, yeah. And what we were able to make. Yeah, and you shouldn't be pulling punches. It's comedy. Let the viewer decide.

I know, and I think more than ever now, yeah. Do you tell me this? We're on our way back or we are here. Yeah. Without being scared. Well, it depends who it is, but it's up to us to not be scared.

Yeah. And, you know, it's like Theo Vaughn has just released a movie called Bus Boys. where they paid for it themselves. Yeah. And I really like this new wave of comedians and filmmakers not having to wait and get notes and get permission from studios. Not that studios can't make good movies anymore,

but there's a lot of great stories to be told that are raw and unfiltered. And with comedians, it comes right from the comedy machine inside of each of us. And when you put that comedy machine and filter it through, 90 executives and studio notes and studio protocol and studio wokeness, a lot of the goodies get filtered out. And so now that we're sort of in this world where we can get raw stuff to the audiences like Theo and this movie Wingman and other ones, I'm excited. You can't make art by committee. Yeah. And well, that was deep. You just did it deep. It was shorter. It was only two

three words. It was short. But it was still. D.P. D.P. Like a gop for a hole deep? No, like a director of photography. Okay.

A D.P. Oh, a D. I actually heard what you said, I heard a D.P. Say it once. D.P. Okay. Yeah.

So it wasn't even yours. So it wasn't a D.P. It was a D.P. Okay. I got you. Yeah. Makes sense. And he was,

he was Native American. Okay. Guess where he lived? Cleveland. The T.P. I know. I was going to say it. I thought you would say it.

Switch it on the switch. Oh, dude. A TP. I knew that. DP and a TP. Yeah. Yeah. Probably I wanted to say Cleveland and then it didn't work.

Have you ever been to Cleveland? Oh, yeah. Wow. On a chuckle hut there. I was motorboated once there. You were or you got motorboated? Oh, that was cleavage. Sorry.

Yes. I think I say Cleveland. Cleavage, sorry. Yeah. I got motor voted in cleavage. But you did the motorboating. Yeah. You're the captain.

You don't have people coming on your ship. I've motorboated so many people. I'll go to Hooters where guys are already jacked up. Like they've been drinking forever. They got these big-breasted waitresses in the little orange shorts. And they're not allowed to touch them. So I'll go in just wearing something like this. And they want a motorboat like crazy.

Yeah. $40 a shot. I'll take them in the bathroom and just motorboat them. Right there. Because they're already cranked. They're cranked up. They want a motorboat, but they're not allowed. to go into the port.

Yeah. They're not allowed to go up the boat ramp. Yeah. So I walk in, hey guy, 40 bucks. Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes. And I'll just put some, you know, truck driver's head in there and just be like, that. And I'll even make the noise.

I'll go, that's an extra 10 for the actual motorboat noise. Mercury 9 and a half horsepower. Yeah. Outboard. But I make a killing. How about, what does it cost for the?

a little spittle. The spittle is, I'll do that for about 15. Because drops can come up. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a motorboat. You want the spray. Yeah, you want it. It's like a scratch and sniff.

Yeah, you want authenticity. It's authentic. Yeah. Have you ever motorboated? As if this girl ever let you motorboat? Be honest. I don't know if I'm all say that. You are on this, on De Haal Hawe Parka. Well, hold on. A motorboat is when I thought

yeah they're a motor boating you right you have to have the boat they have the boat and if your head is in there you're the passenger they've got the Titanic

okay yeah and you're drowning okay you're hitting their iceberg you're in rough waters yeah deep sea diving yeah okay we're hitting

have you ever just went bl bl bl bl blu Yeah, motorboated. Just like that? No, not have sex with someone with Parkinson's. Oh. Is that what that is?

Well, yeah, what did you just do? Yeah, that's part. That's called parky sex. Parky sex? Yeah. Is that what that is? Yeah. Wow.

But let's stick with motorboating. Have you ever done it? Motorboating? I think you have and you're holding back. Like, I can see it in your eyes that you have. have. You don't want to talk about it. We just talked about not being afraid of woke.

And you won't tell my audience that you stuffed your big greasy face in a pair of milk jugs and slapped around like a pair of fat thighs running down a Walmart fucking cake aisle. Like, let's go, guy. What the F? You're talking about you want me to reveal some deepsy adventures? Yeah. It's not illegal to do it, guy.

I know it's not. It's not. It's not a cancelable offense. It's not a me, too. I might have. It's a me three. What do you mean? You know what?

She had three? No, you're the third. Oh, that's right. Two in the head. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Odd numbers win.

Have you done it? Of course I've done it. You've done it too. How do you know? Because you just made me do it. Wow. God bless Gilligan's Island. You're the skipper.

I'm the first mate. I'm Mrs. Howell. You're the fucking... Because when I did, I howled. If you could do an episode of the love boat just to go back in time and motorboat, you would. Oh, wow.

Come on. Yeah. Canadians love boats. Yeah, you're right. Have you ever been bit by a horse? No, thank God. Never. No.

Because you look like you have. And I don't know why... I look like a guy that's been bit. You look like you've been bit by a horse. Why? Like in your whole life, have you ever been bit by a horse? by a horse? No.

Been neighed at, but... You've been what? Nade at. Where? Barnes. And Noble? No. Why was there a horse at a bookstore?

It's weird. I don't know. Sometimes they... Wait, you would... No, it was a... It was a... Dude, the fucking thing is not connecting. Yeah, you're way off.

It was... Are you okay? It's the... Have you been motorboating? Yeah. It's like you're... Ever since you did that... Your brain's like scrambled.

That sounds like a white. Say it. A white. God, what was it? I can't think of anything today. Dude, you motorboated too hard. That sounds like a white. You've got aeroli brain.

What was that thing we had? Supremist? No, the other thing. White. In the movie. Oh, koala. That was a white koala. That's what it sounded like.

That's what it sounded like. what they sound like. Yeah. By the way, he sounds like he's motorboating now. Oh, yeah. This all comes full circle. Just so you know,

one of the wingman's techniques to score girls is he keeps an albino koala under his car seat because koalas are the cutest critters or, as he calls him, the biggest panty droppers on the planet. Yeah. So he just, this wingman has very unusual methodology

to help men. score. But it works. It works. It works. It always works. I don't want to there's, that's what, on a serious note, that's what's so funny is because of the different ways that you came up to make these guys score. Yeah. I don't want to say one. Yeah, don't give them away. But one of them is he has an albino koala called butter buns. And he has a nest under the driver's seat. Yeah. And he has eucalyptus spray in the glove box. And if you spray it, he comes up and the girls get all enamored with it and you gotta watch it and see. And this is where

Tarlin made that noise. And that's what it sounds like. It sounds like a like koala. But also could be motorboating. Yeah. But wait, where did you get? Which I may or may have never done. Oh, now you're renegging.

What'd you call me? Renegging? Yeah. Okay. Where did you get nayed? What did you call me? Of course. But where?

They've never done that to you? Wow, that was like motor boating in a, like a far end up. Now it's like Scooby-Doo motorboating. That was, yeah, that was, sorry about that. That's, like, wow, Scoob. Yeah. Well, this took a, like I think he just made me lactate scoop. Zoinks.

That's Scooboing. Soinks. Like, I think he just made me lactate scoom. Scooby a horse? No, no, I'm wondering. Right. That's Scooby. Yeah.

Uh-oh. Oh, there we go. Uh-oh. Like, let's go do some motorboating sco. I just saw two big cheeseburgers walking down the street. Zoinks. I'm trying to do the horse. Yeah.

Are you neighing or doing? I'm getting. Are you dobing? No dobing. Are you scoobing? You're scubing. I sounded like I was dubing. You're neighing while I'm dubing.

Yeah, you're dubing. Scooby-duby, nay. Where are they? We got a lot of things to do now. We don't know the words, but we're not turds We guys how many pounds of shrimp you eat

now booby-duby-doo-doo Motorboat you We got a lot of ghosts and things now Shaky Shaky

Shaky What do you do? We got a lot of A lot of shellfish to eat now. And on the sea and I like my motorboats. Like I think I just got a sea cup in the eye scoop. Zoinks. That was a good one.

It also sounded like a fart. Do it? That's like a truck driver fart. Yeah. Yeah, it could be. That deep. Yeah. Deep.

Gosh, that's going, we just went with it. Your mind. What about it? It just goes and you just hang on. Yeah. Well, what about your mind? Sometimes it doesn't work. Yeah, you were, you're kind of, you're skipping a little bit.

Well, because I, you know what happened? What? The record player, like you said, Maybe it's dust on the needle. Yeah. Yeah, you're scratching. I didn't get a fizzy, Izzy. You're dinging like a big.

Do you all on? There's one right there. Nah, give it up. Do people know that you're not joking? You've talked about that. Yeah, that's for real. I know. I just love to slurp.

You love slurping. It makes bubbles. Yeah. Okay, lads. It's me again. to talk to you about Hymns. I'm talking to him, him, him, him, him. If something's been off in the old bedroom, in the old Sackaruni, you're not the only one. A lot of guys wait longer than they need to take action. The difference now, getting real treatment is simple, and through HIMS, it's

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for your free online visit. Hymns.com slash Harland. Prescription required. See website for. details and important safety information. Saladinville is a generic version of Viagra, and Viagra is a registered trademark of Vaitris specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Vaitris. So guys, get popping and dropping in the old saccharoni. Get yourself some hymns. Okay, let's skip over now because I know every time you're here we talk about, you love to talk conspiracies.

Oh, gosh. You like to dig into strange unusual stories. What's the latest conspiracy you're tracking my guy? What's the latest deep cut? Well, I mean, look at your shirt. Okay. They're here. Who is?

Them. The cats? No, what's next to the cat? The aliens? What's your latest take on it? Well, it's also a little conspiracy right now before we go into it, that you always wear a shirt with a black cat. I do?

You have another shirt with a black cat. Yeah, I do have a lot of black cats. You do have a lot of black cat shirts. How many? I know at least two. Nine. I get it. But is that true?

Yeah. I kind of believe it. You get it? I think you have more than nine. No. You can only have nine lives, but you can have more than nine shirts. Only nine with black cats on them. TP.

Listen to me. You have, you do. Why do so many black cat shirts? Ah, because I believe in good luck. If you wear a black cat, it's good luck. Because it can never cross your path because it's in front of you and it's always crossing your path. Uh-oh. I have bad luck.

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Yeah. The chicken crossed the road. Yeah. Wait. But aliens. Yeah, here we go. What's the latest? Talk to me.

Well, do you see the meteors in the sky? Yeah. You do see that. Yeah. Has that not wigged you out? Why? It's a meteor. It's a natural phenomenon.

There's been about 12 of them. Have you ever heard of a meteor shower? There's one every like two minutes. You ever watched a meteor shower? No, I haven't. Oh, my God. There's a huge one that happens every summer at the same time of year. Okay.

Amber, what's the name of the yearly meteor shower? Oh, oh, the lights. No, no. That's you're thinking of a, Aurora Borealis. Yeah. Which Thaka Seagull sang about so eloquently. They did. Amber, what's the yearly summer meteor shower? What's it called? What is it? Perse's meteor shower. And how many meteors per minute or hour are there during that? How many per would you say? What's it? Per hour? 50 to 100 meteors per hour.

And this thing lasts how many days? It's like a whole week, right? Where? Here on planet Earth. She's quick with that. In our orbit. It's three days. Where?

And that's how many an hour? 300? 50 to 100 an hour for three days, 24 hours in a day. Now you want to talk to me about three meteors? My guy. Wait, it's all one area, though, where they're doing that. Yeah, up above. No.

This orbit is above the Philippines the same way it's above here. It's our solar system. So you're shitting on my theory. Well, no, I'm just educating you on your theory. Now, maybe I'm educating you on your stupidity and there is no theory. That's aggressive. Now, listen. I know, I know.

You're calling me a C-Tard. You're calling me a me-tart. A me-tart. A space. Face tar. We've got to make it right. Wait, no, I want to, I want to engage in your theory. I don't want to make you look like a C-Tard, but...

A me-tard. But what is your... Dude, there's now, okay, there's been balls of light. Okay, that's something different than a meteor. Well, we don't know what it is. What do you think it is? I think it's a lot more than what you just said. Well, you said it was meteors.

I said that's one of the, okay, what, let me say. clarify. It could be one of those things. People are trying to say it's meteors. People are trying to say it's space debris. People are saying it's Elon Musk, but I know when he goes, the thing that it makes. So I know when it's him. He makes like this trail. It's like an old bottle. Right. I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. That one's easy to detect. These are just bright lights of glowing like fireballs. And I've never seen them all over social media like this. Have you seen one in real life? Never.

So what are they saying it is? But one was in Dallas, one was just in L.A. One was literally in, I think, Cleveland. They've been in like six states. So according to your theory, it's so high up that it's just turd bombing meteors, and it's hitting our atmosphere, correct? Now, if this is the case, how come we're not getting reports of it all the time and just happened recently we are?

Other people think it's getting shot down weapons from overseas, from the war. And if you want to go deep, other people think it's an intergalactic war. Do you know that that was just, that was a hyper meteoric event? But do you know that meteors are streaking across the galaxy all day, every day? Yes, but up there. Right, up there. Up there. Like you're painting, but up there.

What do you mean? Oh, you're a gay astronaut. Up there. Where your astronaut is above him. In orbit? Yeah. Meteors. Yeah.

What about them? They're saying they're streaking across the sky, but we don't see all that. You do? If through a telescope. No. Have you ever laid on your back on a clear starry night? Yes. And I've seen them.

But they're way up. These are landing, hitting our ground. The meteors are hitting Earth? Earth. How big are they when they hit Earth? Some, they'd say, are bigger. They're not like taking out of football field, but they're big. Have you ever heard of the term hail?

I've never heard of the term fire hail. Well, maybe someone should fight. Fire howl because he's... Wait. Coffee's done. When a meteor impacts Earth, it creates a huge nuclear-sized explosion.

No, if it's a big one. If it's a big one, that's why I'm asking how big these are. These are little baby, baby, baby rocks. Okay, so we're establishing that there's something flying through the sky. That's 100%. And what is it now?

They don't know. but what's your theory? I did a whole take about this. My theory is that it's not being talked about so there's a whole bunch of people on the internet like TikTok and Instagram that are reporting it

there's a whole bunch of people seeing it and then they're landing. There's one in Indonesia it was like this ball, it looks like a rock, a ball of rock, but then there wasn't a follow-up to it which was weird,

which makes it a little hoaxy. I understand what you're saying. And so my theory is it's not normal So this is some shit This is some literally the beginning of Terminator Why is a glowing orb on the ground The beginning of Terminator That's how he did it

Oh that's right He traveled back through time He went and he landed and he landed in like He landed in like Culver City So you think something nefarious And Superman also came through a fireball Oh that's right Mm-hmm so you think

think something nefarious hides in these fireballs. Could be. And before we can locate them, they're being extracted or something emerges and runs away. We might have... It could be. Huh. It could be. Yeah.

I'm not discounting it. Okay. And also... I'm with you, guy. Are you really with me? Yeah. I believe there could be other things amongst us. There should be.

I hope there is, to be honest. I do, too. Yeah. And we're being gas lit. What do you mean? They're just giving us this little tease, tease. They're edging us, like right to the edge, and then they're not telling us anything.

We're getting us all right there, and then they're pulling us back. Who is? The government? Big, big, big government, big media. Big, big, big fireball, really. So they're just giving us a taste. Mm-hmm, getting us all excited,

getting people like me all worked up. Then I go out and I talk about it on the Internet, And then I don't see any little green men. I don't see any silver men. I don't see nothing. But you want to, don't you? Big time. I'm ready for it.

And I am ready for it so much. I don't think it's going to be, it'll be in a changing event forever. But I think we can adapt to it. But if you really want to go deep, I can tell you. I want to go super deep, deep and delicious. Okay. Okay, we're going to go deep. I want to.

There's 10 scientists that are missing or have been murdered. Yes. And these are very intelligent men from all fields of science. Yes. And they only know, like they have like the stuff in the know of what this is. And there's so much talk about it, Harlan. Yeah. Everywhere in the culture, don't you see more and more talk about aliens and UFOs,

UAPs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And even the government's opened the books. Like they're opening up top secret files, Project Blue Book, things like that. Yes. They've exposed a lot of this stuff, even video footage where they're acknowledging

the government is now saying, yes, there are things here we can't explain. Exactly. Moving at subsonic speeds and things like this. Underwater. Underwater moving and refracting. Yes. And jumping through time.

and our senses are only five senses. So there's like 10 or 11 dimensions, I'm not sure. Oh. So we can only access, like, maybe the fourth dimension, but there's like six other ones that are hard to even explain. Or even beyond. Beyond, exactly. Who are we to know there's not three trillion more dimension?

Exactly. I'm open to that. Do you feel that time is moving weird? Yes or no? No, to me, time is a constant. It's one of the one things we can rely on. Maybe by the human clock where we put time and value on, but as far as the universe moving in time and flow,

it seems consistent to me. But you don't feel it's going faster. Well, as personally as I get older, I feel like time moves faster. Okay. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's number one. Number two, do you feel that some of your memories are different?

No. At all. Not really. Nothing. I have a really. good memory. Like I can remember stuff from when I was three years old. Oh, I can too. Even though I couldn't remember what a koala was, but I'm telling you, are certain things different? For instance, is it fruit of the loom with, does it have a cornucopia or not? A cornucopia is like

the Thanksgiving dinner thing? Yeah. I believe it does. It doesn't. Okay. But you believed it does. I didn't believe it that it was suggested and I entertained the possibility. Is it Oscar Mayor or Oscar Meyer? I believe it's Oscar Meyer. Yes. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. Yes. Then everyone would be in love with me.

Because if I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. Yes. Then I would not going to say it. Yeah. You know where I was going? Where? Pride parade. What was it?

Weiner. Your pride parade? I was going to go to a pride parade. Was that part of the song? No, if I'm a weener, I want to get to the nearest pride parade. Well, I think that it would be happy there. I know. Yeah.

But I haven't been to one yet. Well, your poster is right there. The gay astronaut? Yeah, the gastronaut. Okay. he's right there maybe he can go he's so happy sitting on that side of the moon

but it sounds to me my guy what if they were gay astronauts coming down I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner and everyone would be in love with me this is one small step for man one giant

Weiner for mankind. Poop, beep. Yeah. That? Yeah. Yeah. Listen. You wear these shirts a lot.

Yeah. That's not a joke. Well, you said you are entertaining and would actually like direct contact with an alien. Yeah. I hear that. Disclosure's coming out because they want to prime us. Well, I feel like... Disclosure Day.

Do you know that movie? Yeah, the Spielberg movie. You're going to see it? Of course, we should go together. I was going to say, do you want to do it together? I'd love to. No, gay astronaut stuff. No, just two guys.

Just two guys. Two guys. And a movie theater at midnight. Asteroid friendly guys. That's all. Astero projecting. But I think that if you want to bait yourself, if you want to have a confrontation with an alien.

A self-bater. You should bait yourself. And I'm talking about you in a cornfield, naked. Hold on. I don't want to. Covered with corn oil in the middle. of a crop circle waving flags. Like, let them know where you are.

Let them smell you. My problem is with that. Then the anal probe happens. Well, are you open to that? If that's part of the package, are you open to it? I'd rather not. Okay, so let's say there's no anal probe. Okay, then I can hang out.

But what if the aliens who have such advanced technology and intelligence, if anyone's going to anally probe you, they probably do the best one in the galaxy? Because they have the best technology. And they got those. Long Lime of Bean fingers. Yeah. You might be an ecstasy.

Yeah. They might, and they're going to probably find out a lot of stuff about you. I wouldn't rule out the anal probe, but if that's a deal breaker for you, would you still go up if they left the probe on the table? Well, I don't want to go up. I want to stay here. Why don't you want to see what they're all about? If they return you. If they return me?

Yeah. Okay. Wouldn't you want to go up and see a part of their world? I mean, it's one thing to see an alien. behind Denny's by the dumpster. I would rather start there. You know, he peeks out from the dumps with those long be... And you can smell like full moons over my hammy and French slam coming out of the dumpster.

Or would you rather be in a modern, out-of-this-world spaceship? I mean, you decide. Do you want to be behind a dairy queen with a rotten peanut buster parfa? I mean, guys, That was so excited. Picture yourself naked, covered in bacon grease, in a cornfield in Ohio. You said corn oil.

Waving a flashlight from Home Depot. I'm here. I'm queer. I mean, I'm here. Come and get me. Wow. Dude, I can't, that was, hold on, I'm going to take that in.

That was art right there. What you just did? What? The sound. I'm just trying to help you prepare, for your big journey, your anal probe. There's no probing. I didn't mean to say anal, just probe.

Like, could they look in your mouth? Could they probe your teeth? Yeah, I'm okay with that. Can they get that little ear thing the doctors have and look in your ear? It's a little dicey. What about a flashlight in your eye and follow their bony lime of finger that had probed so many others? That's okay. Okay.

But here's what I want to say is you want me to go into a field covered in coin oil baking Greece. Naked. Yeah. And you want me to have flags like I'm working at Burbank. Yeah. You know, the Southwest Terminal.

Well, they got to find you. And then you want them to see me, and then you want them to take me up. Right. You want five steps ahead. I'm not ready to do that yet. I just want to know. I want... You want them to come to you.

Oh, I just want... Ding dong. Hello? Who? Who? Who is it? Let me turn on the ring camera. The sound.

That's the sound of an alien probe, by the way. No, that was no, it's a spaceship. You're going to dream about that. I'd rather not. Listen, I just want them to be on the street. Where? What street? Melrose.

See them at like Bob's big boy. Okay. All right. I just want it be confirmation that they're here. Because I know you believe in this stuff. They're right here. And then once you think there's aliens among us. Be real.

I think it's so funny. God, it's so funny. I think we just did a new alien language. You did it. I'm trying to learn. Somehow I knew what you said. You did. Did you know what I said?

You said, go see Wingman, May 26th. Yeah. Everywhere. Wait, all I'm saying is. Yeah. You want to do it on your terms, on the show. street in front of an Arby's, let's say, you meet an extraterrestrial. Don't you just think there's some aliens?

I do. You see people around. I've ever hooked up with a chick and thought this chick is not in this world. Yes. Yeah. Thank you. Turned out to be trans. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was a big surprise. Big one. Yeah. Probe. Yeah. But I don't know for sure that they're here, but I would like them to be here. I don't know what we're saying, but we're saying it.

No, but you made it sound like it was disappearing as you were still doing the mic, and that's the absolute brilliance. Now, listen. Yeah. I don't know. I just know that you act like you don't, but you do, but you don't. I'm saying it. You put signals there.

You've worn these shirts on national television. I'm saying it. I hope there are some aliens here. Don't you think we're close? I have no way of it. knowing. It's like Bigfoot. Until we have one,

we can talk about it all day. It's hard to find Bigfoot now because there's so many bear suits. I know. There's a lot of guys in suits. Until a guy pulls a Bigfoot out of the forest dead or alive, it will continually be a myth

the same way aliens living amongst us are. Do you remember $6 million man in the episode with Bigfoot? Yes. And do you remember they went through the snow tunnel? Yes. And that was aliens.

with Bigfoot. So Bigfoot is connected to the aliens. Do you remember that app? I remember parts of it. We can rebuild them. We have the technology. We have the know-how. The $6 million man,

which by today's standards is not a lot of money, so he might have some parts from Walmart and Home Depot. Do you remember that was the only show in the world? where we were led to believe that he could run 100 miles an hour. And for them to do it, they put him in slow motion. So every time he was about to go fast, they'd be so they slowed him down, but told us that he was going super fast. Remember?

Yeah, kind of. Every time he was speeding up, they didn't know how to do the speed up. so they put the film in slow motion and they added that music. And he was like... Yes, so he went slow because we couldn't tell him fast. Yeah, or something.

But they duped all the kids. It's like, let's let them believe he's going 90 miles an hour and do it in slow motion. And we all bought it. Yeah. How lucky were we? That's like making ice cream in a fireplace.

Like it's just BS. Yeah. The bullshit million dollar man. Yeah. How lucky are we that we had the million dollar man on Tuesdays? Yeah. And we had the Incredible Hulk on Fridays. Yeah.

What do you have now? You don't have that. On TV? Yeah. You have the Kardashians. Different. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They have more than $6 million, though. A lot more. And some of them are fatter than the Hulk. So is it really just the same thing? Curvy. Curvy. I'm going to say fat.

You're going to go with it. Monster chunk I'm going to say. I'm going to say Thumbelina. Thumbolina. I'm going to say Jumbotron, Magnus Opus, crankbait, fucking Shucky She's, fucking Thunderjammer. Thunderjammer. It's my show.

I'll say what I want. It's the podcast of the highway. Hunker. you're going to read oh I gotta ask you this but we're man we lost a lot of time because we've been riffing so good what do you mean what we schedule well we're doing so like we're we're fucking smoking here yeah go for it okay are you a caesarian baby I don't think so like do you know is it documented like were you I don't know were you opened like luggage and pulled out

like a folded shirt, or did you have to crawl through the tunnel like a horseshoe crab or a gopher or that weather gopher Poxetani Pete up there in Gobbler's Knob which, by the way, is the worst name

of a town ever like, hey, you're from Gobbler's Knob, no, I'm from the next town over. I'm down there in Deep Throat. I'm over, I'm from Fallatio County. That's where I'm from. I'm from a Japanese school girl double-banger,

a fucking junction over there. Yeah, that's a tough. Like, who lives in Gobbler's Knob. Gobbler's Knob. Where's that at? That's what I'm trying to. I've been trying to find out for a long time. I'd love to.

No, that's who is the Gobbler's Knopf. Oh, okay. By the way, you're getting a lot of danger. Oh, is that me? Yeah. Let me shut that off. Gobbler's Knobb is in what city? I think it's in,

Petus, Pennsylvania. Yeah, right by Ball. Ball Canyon? No, Boulder. Testicle Valley. Ball sack Bluff? Yeah. Ballsack Bluff.

Yeah. But what's the deal with... At this point, I'm getting so many texts, there's a fairy in here. It's like tinkerbells flying around. It's from there to there. Because my iPad's over there, so the iPad I didn't mute. But it's okay.

It's fine. Life is good. We've got to wrap it up. They can't hear it on here. I don't know how I came in this world. Okay. Go to another one. But do you think cesarean babies have it easier because they were just opened like a dirty suitcase and lifted out?

And airlifted. Right? But me and you who were vulva babies. Yeah. We had to tunnel our way out. We had to push. We had to pull. Sometimes we went through over 24 hours.

of Hogan's heroing it through the canal. Did you definitely? Yeah, I don't know. We had to swim through placenta. 100%. And then they just open you up like it's unzip you and like, oh, come on out, Jerry. Yeah, you came up. But we're like sea turtles looking to get to the beach to lay eggs.

Yeah. I think that we had it. It gave us who we are. Right. That's what I'm. I'm wondering if cesarian babies have it easier in life psychologically. because they didn't go through the trauma and the digging and the Puxatani Pete Gopher hole that we had to crawl out of.

And never had, yeah, we had to find our way to the light. Or are we better for it because we struggled right at the beginning? And are they having problems because they thought life would be so easy? The Cesaris. Yeah, the Cesaris, no, we are definitely better for it. We are. We're self-starters. Right.

We're entrepreneurial. We have more like Gustav. Yeah. We were, you had to go a lot. Yeah. Out of there. Right. There's a lot of obstacles. From day one, we were diggers.

Yeah. And the Caesaries, no. They're just like first class. Yeah. Taken out. Yeah. Blanking on them very quickly. Yeah.

And then they're just coddled. We had to get out of there. And there's a two, we were pulled and yanked. Some of us came out head first or bottom first. Yeah. He twirled around? Yeah, you twirled around. Then you get slapped when you come out.

Yeah. No, I think we were... Caesarees come out like caviar out of a, you know, a fridgeman's fridge. A sturgeon, you know. Yeah, for sure, I'm with you. We've... It built character. And then speaking of Paxitani Pete over there in Gobbler's Knob, since when did gophers know

weather systems? Like, this thing comes out every year and predicts spring? Every year. Like, can you imagine if real... weatherman on channel 7 let's throw to the weather now thanks jerry there's a hot cold front coming through uh it'll be uh cold this friday we've got some precipitation happening uh got it'll be real cold staff coming down with the humidity uh let's uh let's make sure we put our rain jackets on everybody and there'll be some snow flurry tonight you know yeah so when does it gopher do the weather

i don't know pucks-a-pani peak comes out from gobbler's knob yeah tells us it's going to be spring for another three years? That was like a go for beaver. Was it? Yeah, it was great. I think I threw my ass out. You did. Are your teeth connected to your ass?

Could be. Yeah, I felt a muscle go. Wow. Right there. You're right. They don't throw to any other. Yeah, you don't see, you don't see like a zebra doing the sports.

No, you don't. It's usually, it's usually a blonde. Yeah, it's usually a blonde. Yeah. Yeah. You don't see a Cape Buffalo doing the business news.

No. So why they got a gopher doing weather? Yeah, you don't see a horse. Yeah. Talking about crime. Yeah. Three people were shot today. Break in.

Breaking. Yeah, I was doing the horse part, and then he just says like, because there's no English that well. Oh, breaking. So I was like, Breaking in the nose today. 17 people were killed in a subway crash.

Take it, Hal. Nine will survive, and there was an airplane crash down in Cincinnati. Go ahead, Hal. And that's the news. We'll see you tomorrow night at 7 o'clock. Yeah, a little scooby at the end. You're right. Animals don't do the news.

And they shouldn't do the weather. No. But you know what? That gopher is right on time every year. He's a meteor. He's a meteorola ofer. Like he's half meteorologist, half gopher. Meteorollover.

Or a gopherologist. Yeah. Meteoralo gopher. Either works for me. Ophrologist. Imagine if the gopher was a gynecologist. How much? Look a little right down there, Cindy.

Better moisten up for the spring. Let's look some creams down there, Cindy. I actually think. You just created something. Was I a beaver doing a beaver? No, you were a gopher. There was a little beaver in there. It was a beaver because he's a gynaecologist.

It looked like that would actually be an effective method, if you will. Yeah. And I think if a girl or woman, excuse me, a woman said, hey, I need you to go for me. Wow. Go for me. Yeah. But go for me. for me. Go for me. The way

you did that. Do we do that again? We just had a No, there's no talking. You're just nose and chin in there. Whatever you're at. I don't have a chin. No, you do. It's stuck, though, between the on the other part.

Wow. Do you see what you just created? Yo, he'll go for you. But also it makes sense if a... Go for me and go for me. If a gopher can go for the weather, shouldn't a beaver be looking at a beaver? 100%. Right?

It seems like he's home. They're home. Yeah. Together. Standing in front of the lodge. Yeah. It threw my ass out again. Really?

Buddy, our final segment that you know about. Words from a wooden shoe. You reach in, you pull out a word, and see if it sparks a story from Jamie Kennedy's incredible journey in life. You rig it. No. These are rando words, my guy. Randow words.

What do you got? Oh, no. What is it? Hang on. Molly Ringwald. Can't do that. That's a Molly Ringwald right there. Molly Ringwald, what can I say?

She's incredible. Okay. She was our first crush, I'm going to say, early. She was such a beautiful, classy, wonderful woman, the star of my youth, and I'm sure everyone's youth. Yeah, what were the 16 candles? 16 candles. Breakfast Club. Breakfast Club really did it for me.

Pretty in pink. Pretty in pink. She wasn't in one, wasn't some kind of wonderful. I know what you did last summer. Well, it was another check. No, I meant I know what you did last summer. No, I'm kidding. So, yeah, but have you ever met her?

You live in Hollywood. Have you ever met Molly Ringwald? Have you ever met her? I haven't. You've never, what? I think she lives in France. But all the circles you run in like Hollywood Party Boy and you've never run into... Hollywood Party Boy.

You've never run into a scream party or a... It wasn't his screen. No, but at one of the scream parties that they do in Dark Hollywood. Dark Hollywood? Don't they do like olive oil scream parties? No. They don't. They're just movies.

You've never run into her. That's another. You've never run into. That's another part. I don't know. You've never run into the walled. Never saw the wall. You've never.

No. Really? Never saw the wall. I would have thought. I never saw the wall. Because you get out there. You like to party. Well, I'm a big partier.

You're a Hollywood party guy. Hollywood party guy. Hollywood party. party guy. I'm Anthony Michael Hall. What's up? Okay. Many times. I'm an awesome guy. Judd Nelson. Yeah. Great guy. Huge nostrils.

Yeah. Emilio, I don't think ever Amelia. I think once the other woman. Oh, Ali Sheedy? Yeah, I think I met her once. You don't remember? I think it was a brief

passing. How do you not remember the Sheeds? The Sheeds. I think it was at a con. I think I just said I'm a fan. Nice to meet you. She was busy and whatever. So you had a real quickie with the Sheeds. Just a high buy. Wow.

Yeah. But never, never. Almost a snub, it sounds like. No. Like how fast was it? Like if I'm her. I think, I think. I think I don't even remember.

That's a snub. That's a Hollywood snub. No, she was like, I. You snubbed the sheets. No, I think she was this way. You probably met the wall too and snubbed her. Never met the wall. You never met the wall.

The Wald. Never met the wall. Have you ever done Molly? Never. Have you? Come on. Never. Looking at you, you've never. I think you're on it right now. People think I'm on everything. I think you're tanked to the gills right now. This is just who I am. Comets and cornfields and olive oil. That's just me. No, you said olive oil. I know. I said comment. I mean, you gotta be tweaking right now. No, you did that. Motor boats. No, that's that. Onion buns. I said I went to the sea. Tard. You've never done Molly.

Ever. Have you ever wanted to? No. Well, yeah, but I can't. Why? Heart. What's wrong with your heart? It skips beats.

Does it? Yeah. Wow. You've done drugs? This isn't about me. What about Wyatt? Wyatt? From weird science.

What about him? I met almost everyone in the walled circle, but never the walled circle. but never the walled. Guess what? She's here? She's one of them. Who has a name like Molly Ringwald? Right.

It's never been. Nobody. Dude, dude, I don't even remember. How long are her fingers? I have to look again. Dude. I've never seen a name of Molly Star, let alone she was a star and then Ringwalled.

Where is she? He said France. I love that sound, dude. You do it so perfectly. Slurp to E.T. Uh, buddy. Wow. This is really, we covered a lot of ground.

A lot. More than a meteor. And almost none at all at the same time. I agreed with that. Yeah. I know what you're saying. Before we go, my guy. Yeah.

I know you have an incredible podcast. I know you tour the country doing your incredible comedy. I know you have some movies coming out outside of Wingman, I know you do the comic conventions. Yes. Can you tell the folks, take this time to let them know where they can find and see you and join your social media, please? I love you, buddy. First of all, you can follow me at the Jamie

Kennedy on Instagram. Nice. I got three cons coming up. Whoa. Louisville Comic Con, Texas Frightmare, and Denver Fan Expo. Cool. Okay, that's there. And then I have a movie out Portal in the Pines on Tubi right now. Wow, horror?

Yeah. Sounds like a horror. Oh, cool. And Namaka, also on, that's a mystery, on... How do you say it? Namaka. Oh, wow, that's a weird word.

What's it mean? What is it? Is that like a East... It's like a Hawaiian term. Oh, wow. It means like one with the coconuts. Is it a horror too? Kind of. It's the origin story.

You want to know the pitch of it? Yeah. If Moana was crazy. That's the pitch? Yeah. If Moana was crazy. Not sure I'm going to that one. Moana?

Do you see Moana? I don't even know who Moana is. Well, there you know. If Moana was crazy. Maybe not the best pitch in the world. If Moana went nuts. I could say that about my grandmother. If Ethel was crazy.

Am I going to a movie? But your grandmother doesn't have a movie about her. I know, but that's my point. Mawna. That's how you're pitching a movie? Like War of the Worlds. Aliens come down, abduct the human race, murder everyone, and eat them alive.

That's a pitch. Yeah. If Moana was crazy, I could see that at the senior center. I know, but I'm telling you the people that watch Moana will get that. Okay. But do you remember what you called Portal in the Pines? What? Porto potty in the Pines.

Oh, it's about a guy pooing in the woods? It's not. Oh. Guess what it's about. A guy shitting in the woods. No. The guy wiping his ass in the woods, but there's no leaves. So he uses pine needles.

And now he's got a porky pine asshole. Because there's pine needles sticking around it. Close. It's about CERN. CERN. Exactly. That will be our next episode. Those will get it.

We'll get it. Okay, what else? Keep telling them what else you got? I got the con. Oh, your stand-up comedy? Hate to break it to you. It comes out every Wednesday at 1 o'clock. Hopefully you're going to be on it soon.

I love to. I love it. I appreciate you. And I'm putting a tour together now. I haven't been touring, but I will start very soon. Stand up. Yeah, I have a bunch of dates I'm going to do. But really, it's about the pod for me.

It's about the cons for me. It's about these movies. and I really want to push Wingman. It comes the day after my birthday. May 26th. Gemini's Unite. And I really am excited because it's loud-ass comedy.

And it's like, let's just fucking get crazy. Yeah. Let's go for it. We're proud of it. We hope you love it, everyone. Go see it. And thanks again for being in it, my guide. Thank you for having me, buddy.

Folks, that's all we have time for today. Stay safe. Stay out of the corn. And until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby. We are out. Hey, everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic.

You want me to discuss. Give me some talking points. And off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.