The Harland Highway - JARED FREID attempts to figure out LOVE but gets so tired that he needs to take at least three naps!

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. This episode is sponsored by Wix, Mintmobile, and Hims: -This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your 3-month Unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at MINT MOBILE dot com slash HARDLAND. That’s MINTMOBILE.com/HARDLAND -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/HARLAND. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Jared Freid: X: https://x.com/jtrain56?lang=en Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaredfreid/?hl=en Website: https://jaredfreid.com/ #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Searchlight Pictures presents The Roses, only in theaters August 29th. From the director of Meet the Parents and the writer of Poor Things comes The Roses, starring Academy Award winner Olivia Colman, Academy Award nominee Benedict Cumberbatch, Andy Samberg, Kate McKinnon, and Allison Janney. A hilarious new comedy filled with drama, excitement, and a little bit of hatred, proving that marriage isn't always a bed of roses. See The only in theaters August 29th get tickets now do you like the term anus not really what would you prefer a noose noose or calamari ring or shares hairy cave of love okay or fart maker fart maker or black-eyed Cyclops or Panda

punch Oh You know these things that all these slide up mm-hmm like mine were really loose Loose like a Saturday night An old barn dancer so we go is that good yeah, yeah, I haven't worn headphones in a while I maybe that's like a trend right now. Oh really are you do they are you do you have any ear phobias or anything? No, it's just been that I haven't like I've been doing these podcasts and like it started as everyone puts on headphones And now people don't I feel like How many podcasts would you say you've done in your life? So many that's embarrassing like it's actually the most I've I have I

Have I do mine daily and then I have another one I do twice a week Oh God, and then yeah, like I never shut the fuck up and it's like that's it like a it I sound like a huge narcissist right like I love probably love this out of my own voice. I Just I maybe think we shouldn't do this. Yeah, you you're I should walk back to you know You're right. I think you're exhausted. Good luck. Yeah great You're right. I think you're exhausted. Good luck. Yeah. Great. It's nice to meet you. I didn't even get to tell you who the guest was today, but he's.

Can I take the water? Yeah. Just just go. You're right. Not fucking around, guy. You need to have a nap. Go have a nap. Folks, we had a guest here today and and he's going to. Before I go. Yeah, have a nap too. He's gonna have a nap. We're gonna take about a six hour break

and then we're gonna have him back. We'll see how he's doing. I won't tell you his name till we come back, but let's let him rest. Let's give him a chance. Let's let him get in touch with him. You assholes. Let him rest, you pricks. And I'll be back. We'll be back in seven hours. So just hang tight and we'll be back. Let's all go to sleep come on and take take a nap and You might vote do we give a get it won't run you over to things to get some Dean

Okay, buddy, yeah, how you feeling oh Wow, that's a big yawn. Oh my God, I can't thank you enough. Look at you. I really didn't need that. Oh my God. I kinda needed the nap. You did?

I didn't even know. It's like you knew my body better than I knew my body. I could see it in your eyes. I could feel it in the gravitas of your voice. Right. I could feel your aura like if your aura is on a dimmer switch. Uh huh. And the dimmer switches maxes at 10 years was actually fluctuating between a two and a through almost a three right? It's like 2.5 on the dim. Like that type of thing.

I was going to let you nod off for about six hours and you were out for nine. You were out for nine. Yeah. I mean that's like a full night's sleep. Yeah I went to a movie. What'd you see? I saw the new Jurassic Park. And then I...

Was it good? It was good. The second time I texted you and you're still out, so I just stayed and watched. I didn't even leave. Just went through the credits. I went through the credits. There was about a 20-minute break. The popcorn people came.

They were sweeping. Yeah. One of them hit on me. Any numbers? Were they cute? I think he was 30 or 40. Okay, young. That's a guy.

I'm not into that. I'm into dinosaurs. I went to see a T-Rex and a Treglodon. I didn't go for a man sex in the ninth row. I'm into girls and dinosaurs, not popcorn sweeping dudes. Well, it's nice to be noticed sometimes. Yeah. You know, it's nice that-

Yeah. Sorry. I went a little high there. You still got it You know, you... I went a little high there. You still got it, isn't it? I went a little high there. I liked how high you went because it was still below the register. Like, I think it worked for you.

Yeah. Huh? Yeah. Huh? I did that. Yeah. It was like, huh? Yeah.

Right. Almost when a fat lady steps on a squeaky toy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. You ever sing a song and then you like try to nail the register? Give me an example. Like you try to redo it.

Give me an exam. I'm trying to think of like an example. It's like. Give me an EG dot dot. Let me give you one of those dot dots. It would be like, like, ho. Like, you ever start the anthem just to see where you're at? Is that a song or is that a woman walking down Sunset Boulevard at three in the morning? Do it again. Ho. A ho. Yeah, you're right. You said a song. I should do a song. Well, I just saw you in a Prius yelling out a window at three in the morning.

Ho! Ho! Is that what you meant? That would be I guess if I did it that way, that would be fun. At least it would show I have some whimsy. Like, ho! Hey, ho! And then she turned and said, Hey, player, I don't do no seven dwarfs. Right. Because you don't you.

Hey, hi, ho. It's off the whole I go. Or it's you're starting to sound like you're starting to sound like a midget or a dwarf. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you? A seven midget. Why didn't they call him the seven midgets? You would think that back then, back then midget wasn't a thing. It didn't they call him the seven midget? You would think that back then... Back then midget wasn't a thing.

They wouldn't have been afraid. Right. They should have said the snow white and the seven midgets. And then they would have had to change the name and say, hey, and then people would have been mad. I'm not calling it that. Yeah. Isn't that weird how we're only mad about now for changes. Yeah, like back then they could have because there were no parameters.

They could have said a Snow White and the seven circus freaks. But to me, that's true power. That's true. That's exactly how they felt. They were like, you know, they had the ability, but you know what they said? What?

We're gonna do things right. Huh. Huh. That was a good huh. Yeah, you said huh, and you said ho. Ho. Ha. Ho.

Ha. Ho. It's off the pod we go. We talk all day and sleep all day. Ha ho. Ha ho. Ha ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho We have a comedian, a TV personality, an insomniac. That's right. Someone who sleeps a lot and talks a lot. Five tool player.

Yeah, five tool player. Yeah, all the tools. Jared Fried is here. It's a pleasure. And you know, Jared, can I, you know, your name is spelled in a way that it could be something else. It could be fried.

You know what's funny? I've spent the whole day. Me? Oh my God, he's good. He's good. This is what he's broken. Well, you asked, guy. You asked.

I've been thinking about your name all day. Talk to me. I've been thinking about your name. Talk to me. And I feel like you never went by Harle. Didn't I? Carl. You did. You've thought of this.

You ever do any research, pal? Oh, really? Didn't I? You went by Harle? You're asking me? I don't know. How about research, a little guy? Yeah, you're right. You're right. I mean, I'm rude. You know I'm the host, right? Just let me take a nap. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Hymns. hymns, how's your performance in the bedroom hymns guys? Talking to the dudes?

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prescription is required see website for details restrictions and important safety information Come on him's let's go. Let's get it going in the bedroom with hymns, my friends. You let me just sleep wherever I want next to a water cooler. Yeah. And a fax machine and a coffee machine. Does anyone have a fax machine anymore?

I'm sure someone has a fax machine and they show it to people and go, hey, look at, I kept this old fax machine. Yeah. You know, it's like their pride and joy. Like look how funny I am. And you know what's great about them too? If you turn out the lights, you can tell people you have a Wookie because they do that when they, when they go up, or whatever it is.

That's a fun. Yeah. Pick up the phone. Who's on the phone? I'm signed into the internet. It's Chewbacca. Yeah. How can I help you?

Hello? Hello? I'm looking for Chewy. I. Then you might want to meet my wife. Hello? Hello? I'm looking for Chewy. Then you might want to meet my wife. Jared Fried or fried? It's Fried. It's Fried.

I spell it Fried. F-R-E-I-D. I know, but if I threw a toaster in your bathtub. I'd be fried. I just wish your wink could be, have a noise to it. Do you want to do one? Yes. On three. Every time you wink, I'll do a bell.

Ready? Because if they're not watching on YouTube, they're screwed. They're gonna be missing out on the whole bit. Right. And I'm mad for the listener who used this to get their steps in. They're sitting there, they missed the whole wink joke that you've been doing three times now, three winks.

Three winks in. Ready? On three, I'll do the wink and then you do the noise. Right. Boing. You didn't like the noise. No, I'm not. I feel the noise was judged.

I thought it was a light boing. No, I just, I don't know what to do. I'm just letting you know, you need a wink bell. I would love it. I think if you got a wink bell and you hit it every time you winked, it would connect the YouTube to the listeners. And now there would be, I'm just a,

listen, I've been doing podcasts for a long time. I'm a veteran in the biz. I'm no movie guy like you. I'm no celebrity, but I've per, you know, listen, I've been doing podcasts for a long time. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a veteran in the biz. I'm no movie guy like you. I'm no celebrity, but I've been, you know, I, we, I got hung up a little. When you did, we did it. We did the count. You could see it. You timed your wink.

It was an immaculate dismount, right? Like gold metal caliber. It happened. And then I felt like a speedboat that drove across like a coral reef and got hung up. I didn't know what to do. To do next. And maybe since you do so many podcasts I would love some advice. What do I do after a wink? But that's why I think the bell would work. Okay. We can move on from the bell. So a bell. The bell because when I go wink you lose me. Yeah. You lose me to

I'm now on wink duty. I've lost me from the show. Now I got other jobs. I'm a grip. You're the best boy almost. Yeah. I need to perform and I don't need to be on wink duty. Yeah. This is me asking for a promotion. Okay look. Right. I don't know. Listen, I've worked really hard and I've been doing the open wink circuit. Yeah. And now I'm here and you got me reduced to wink duty. Yeah. That should be a bell. Okay. All right.

Noted. We write to edit. We write to edit. Yeah. That's my motto. Put it on a shirt. Can I just say, and I think people already have picked up on this. That we are magic? Well, not that, but the heightened level of everything since you came out of that nap.

Like when you came in, you were here. And now you're on fire, kid. You know what? That really means the world from a Hollywood celeb like you. Wink. Well, you did a different noise late and it was a different noise. That's on me. OK, that's on me.

I was trying to be a performer and not a wink guy. Yeah, I lost it for a second. By the way, I don't like that. That saying that's on me. You don't like that's on me. I don't like it because one time I was driving to a comedy gig. It was me and three other comics in a car. And the guy driving or on

the highway, we're halfway to the gig. Are all three of you in the back or one in the front? I'm in the front, two in the back. This guy's driving. Sexual move. And not to be like, like peckish, but he was the low guy on the totem pole. He was like the opening act who'd only been doing comedy for a year and a half. The driver. The driver. So he was going to be the MC and then you had the other guys who were the seasoned kind of guys. The funny people in the back. So here's the MC, you know,

driving along, freaking guy just nods off and then we're swerving towards like the embankment and he goes, oh, he goes, oh, that was me. That's all me. I'm like, yeah, dude, you're driving. Right. I need a more, I need a heightened, that's on me, not enough for almost killed us all. Yeah. That's on me missing the wink cue to think it works.

Yeah. Swerving off the road and killing Hollywood legend Harlan Williams, that's a little, that's gotta be, I'm so sorry I've made a huge mistake. Yeah, yeah. You know what you did? What? You didn't give him time to take a nap in your break room.

Yeah, well he was having one. He needed that nap more than I did. He was having a weird driving. But when I hear that's on me, I have a little bit of anxiety. PTSD. PBS, what is it? Yeah, that's on me, SD. SD.

I don't know what it is. PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. Disorder syndrome. Disorder syndrome seems like. Gay. OK. No, that's That's LTGBP TSD BRB BMB

ROLMA FAO FAO Schwartz. Oh nice way to tie it all down. Yeah, wink. Ah My dad's a winker. Is he really? Yeah, he loves a wink. How often does he fart? All the time. A winker, you said? Yeah, he farts too. I thought you said something else. A stinker? Yeah. He's a winker, a stinker, a flanker.

Can he time his winks with a fart? If he could. Like, can he go, hmm? Honestly, that would make me laugh until the day I died. That's one of those things I wouldn't be proud of. But that would be... If you wink and then fart, like, you've done it. You've mastered the craft. And you've really brought home the bond between father and son,

which most fathers can't do. Right, that would complete the circle. Oh, God. Yeah. If only my dad could have winked at me and opened his anus and let gas out. Right. Do you like the term anus? Not really.

What would you prefer? Anus. Anus. Or calamari ring. Or Cher's hairy cave of love. Okay. Or. Fart maker. Fart maker or black eyed cycl of love. Okay. Or... Fart maker.

Fart maker or black eyed cyclops or panda punch. Panda punch. Punch. Punch? You ever see a panda eye? Yes. It's black. It's a black eye.

And when that anus opens up, it's no different. All it's missing is the lashes. So wouldn't it be a panda eye? I'm not gonna sit here and have an anus argument with you. You just woke up. You're right. I need to take a minute. I'll take a minute with you. Have a drink. That's on me. Please don't say that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shook you up. That's my bad? Would that get you? No, except... Remember when people go, my B? I hate my B. Yeah, I saw that a lot on Sesame Street.

On a B day? Yeah. I don't know why you'd L. It just hit me right in the... I'm going to hit you. I might fly... I'm gonna hit you. I might fly over this table and hit you. We're now fighting. No, but I could.

I would do it. I'd fly across this cedar and... After my nap, you don't give people... Okay, well... Give me a minute. Give you a little grace. Yeah. I'm not saying you couldn't fly over and wallop me, my guy.

Not in my state. I'm post-nap. I'm coming out of it. Okay. I don't just fly out of any seats after a nap. Okay. Nine-hour nap you're flying out of seats. Yeah you got you when you sleep too long sometimes you feel more tired than when you went to sleep. Absolutely. But I gotta say you when you sat down you were glere eyed, bleere eyed, sluggish. You were looking out for me. You saw what I needed. And for that, I appreciate you.

And by the way, not a good movie. Jurassic Park. You didn't like it. No. But aren't you a dinosaur guy? I loved them and I sat through it twice while you were softly napping. I did not like it. No. But aren't you a dinosaur guy? I love them and I sat through it twice while you were softly napping. I did not like it. Is that what I look like napping?

I'm soft? Yeah. I'm not a hard napper. You're tender and soft and almost puffy like a cloud. Really? Like if a cloud. Do I look good to lay on? A little lumpy.

Maybe if you were like a koala. But you're soft like you're like if candy floss and a cumulus cloud Mm-hmm ended up drunk behind a Dairy Queen one night bent over the dumpster and just hammer jack in each other Okay, that's kind of soft. It's really a beautiful image That's what you give to the world my guy. I appreciate it. Thank you. Melvin Marshmello. That's what I'm going to call you now when I see you at the YMCA. Melly Marsh. Now you said you wanted to change my name. We were talking about...

Carl. I can't believe a jokester like you never will like Harlan, but I go by Harl. Well, my good... Like, Carl isn't short for anything. Yeah. Is it? Carlos. Carlos? Yeah, Carl could be short for Carlos.

See, I'm from the Northeast, so I don't know a lot. Like, Carlos, I think you meet more Carloses here. Well, here's the hint. Okay. The word Carl is actually in the name Carlos, so that might be a little tip. So was harl Right. Hi, I'm harl Harland oh

Short for harland. Yeah Now my buddies close buddies call me har har and some call me Harley probably cuz you're so funny What now I'm winking I'm winking. I just took your wink I thought I thought we were learning to this camera yeah I did it to another camera no no no your way goes to that camera I'm sorry Jesus dude did you just wake up I know yeah I'm sorry I'm coming out of it okay I got it ice yeah thank you ice threw it you see how I threw it threw it over you know who I threw it. You see how I threw it? Threw it over

You know who I learned from? Oh, I was gonna say the lead singer of ario speedwagon. I don't know why why Just that was the first thing that came into my head. Do you know him? I have never met the lead Wagon, I'll admit it That's the admission camera Okay, so Win, admission. Yeah. Winx and admission. And garlic bread. Garlic bread. I don't think either of us have a piece of garlic bread. I could get some. Well. I could make some. I can go to that

break room. Well. I've become familiar with the surroundings. I know how to use that water bubbler. Okay but I have we have to do you know what oh, sorry we're on the highway Ladies and gentlemen Jared Fried is here Yeah, and oh I got it well. We're on names, please I Don't know if you'll like this or not cuz it's a it's a sort of a lousy association Jared Jared, a lot of people, I know, but you're gonna like, here we go. A piece of fleck of dust came at me. Are you okay?

I don't know, it came at me like a grizzly bear. It was like, you ever have a dust just float down? But this one like, literally was like, on the move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would, I don't, I didn't like it at all. God. Hey Harlan, how'd you get a black eye? Oh, a piece of dust flew into my face at 300 miles an hour. Right. Ass? Ass dust?

That ass dust, that anus dust was coming out. Well, anus. Anus. But this Jim. That panda eye dust. Panda eye dust. Jared is a name synonymous with the scoundrel from Subway Sandwiches, spelled differently.

You and every horrible boyfriend I meet on the road reminds me of that. But here's where you're going to like. OK, bring us back to Lake Town. Because nobody likes that guy. The stuff that that guy did. Nobody likes him. He pedo.

Bad dude, bad mama jamma. Naked in. He pedo. Bad dude. Bad mama jamma. Naked in front of a kid. Who knows what he did? I don't know but I just I don't want to know. Right. So here's where the payback happened. I hate what he did. Every nine months I go up to San Quentin. I get in that little booth with the phone where you sit at and there. There's the plexiglass. Yeah, this guy loves kids and he loves lunch meats. So I go dressed up in a schoolboy outfit, you know, like the lead

guitarist from ACDC. I got the little hat. I didn't need the explanation of the schoolboy, but I was there with you. Yeah. Maybe no dress. No, no, it's the pants, the little shorts, the little, what'd you say? The knickers, like the pants that cut at the knee. Just checking. And I go up there and I got the little schoolboy outfit on

and I'm right through the plexiglass and he's got the phone. I'm like, hey, Jared. So first of all, he's got the vision of a boy. But then I ripped the shirt off and I got a bag full of deli meats. And I slapped bologna on my chest. I slapped salami, ham.

I'm just putting a, hey, Jared, what's happening? And I'm just teasing him, driving him nuts, torture. It's almost like waterboarding, but with meat. Right. I just love that you have him nuts, torture. It's almost like waterboarding but with meat. Right. I just love that you have the time. Yeah, well I'm making the time. You're making the time. Because that bastard has to pay.

So someone says, hey Harle, what are you up to today? Well. I'm off to San Quentin to torture Jared with my body. That's my three o'clock. Yeah. And then I got dinner. Can you imagine him not able to act out on the boy and the meat? No, it's like he can't probably turns into like, you

know, an animal behind the cage. Yeah, scratch. That's what it is. Yeah, he can't molest and he can't make a subway sandwich. A double. So that's my contribution. That's payback. It's quite a Thursday for you. Yeah. Doing the world's service. Thank you.

Can we talk about something that we love to talk about? What's going on with the ladies? Yeah. And my main topic, see if you can help me here, these tight, tight pants that they're wearing now look good on the slim and trim ones, but when you get down to the olive oil's house of crab meat or whatever, like the fatties, I don't know. Like dude, the girls that are wide but they put on the pants where you can see every cellulite roll.

Oh, you're talking to the wrong guy. I love a curvy woman. You do? I didn't say curvy. I said thunderous. I love all of God's creatures. I think that is... Really? Yeah. What's wrong with a hot, big, thick booty in some tight pants? But I think you need to open up your world. I'm talking about the sheer tight ones where you can see, like if they have a cellulose, are you looking? I'm not there.

We need to talk to you. Get you to San Quentin. Maybe we need you behind. Maybe you're looking a little too close. You're getting a little too close to the merchandise, Harle. When a giant thunder moon crosses your path when you're walking down the sidewalk. There's a butt for every seat, Harle. That's not for you. Why don't you move on? You don't go to the buffet and say, get rid of this chicken cacciatore.

But I have to walk into the buffet. Well, the buffet doesn't walk in front of me. If there's something you don't like on the buffet, do you have to yell to everyone and yuck everyone else's yum? I think you're being rude to the chicken cacciatore. Let us eat what we like. But you're telling me you like the Jumbotrons? I'm saying I like them. Someone likes them. Not for you. I think you've got to speak more in the key of me, Harle. I didn't come to your office building to teach you a lesson. Well, hey y'all, anybody here have a website or wants to build a website? Well, here's

where I built mine, harbling.com, harlandwilliams.com. I use Wix. Go to wix.com and you can build a website without limits. Have you ever used a website platform and they kinda don't let you do this and don't let you do that? Well, Wix lets you go all over the place. They've got these templates that give you so much freedom. You'll feel like a horse running down a beach

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What are you drinking? This is one of these lemonades, but they put like raspberries in it. So I just- I think raspberry on the list of fruits. Yeah, that's number one What do you mean raspberry on anything that makes it better? I know but I was expecting just a clear fluid liquid and now I've got it tastes like elf manure I get raspberry an elf manure Well, it feels like little logs of poo that only an elf could create. There's actual raspberries.

There's like chunks of raspberry. There's a chunk of raspberry. But now my mouth feels like a sewage system for the elf community. Right. Is there an elf community? Yes. They're very happy with the name of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Oh, dwarfs.

They're very happy that they were ahead of their time and named Seven Dwarfs. Oh, dwarfs. They're very happy. They were ahead of their time and named a movie the correct way. What would have you called that movie way back then? Snow White and Seven of God's Beautiful Creatures. Oh, wow. Oh, sorry, I did the wrong cover. I'm going to go over there.

You're definitely going to heaven. I better. So wait, so you like the big girls. I'm gonna go over there. You're definitely going to heaven. I better. So wait, so you like the big girls. I love a curvy woman. So would you go out with a big girl over a slimmer girl? Absolutely. Talk to me, guy. I need to know this process.

And I'm not shaming, I'm not fat shaming. I'm just curious, because we have different sensibilities. Isn't that beautiful? It is. Wouldn't that be great for us to go out together? Not running in these right not running into each other, but we're on the high I want to go out with a girl not you yeah, we go out we find girls together Oh, I'm sorry we bring them on the podcast we all wink at the right cameras

Beautiful thing happens it's the left camera that the wink camera yeah what was that the apology camera camera you said we wink at the right camera but it's actually no we wink at the left we apologize to the right listen I am sorry for what I'm just getting ahead of it oh okay sure for for winking at the wrong camera. But wait, I need to know what is it in your brain that you prefer a larger woman or you'll just take any kind? No, that's my preference.

Your preference is a largey. A big old butt. Yeah. I, to me, like a skinnier woman would not be my preference. I like interesting woman. Yeah. And the bigger like you have a size limitation or the bigger the better or what with your hands could you show me? I'm not gonna I'm not gonna men don't like to say they have types because I listen I'm open. I see you going like that. That's small. Did I do? No. It's an indicator. I'm not gonna I'm open. I see you going like that. That's small. Did I do? No, I...

It's an indicator. I'm not going to... No, this is me putting my hands up. I'm backing away from the topic. Okay, but I asked you to go like that and then you went like this. I don't want to constrain myself because I don't know what is beautiful to me until I see it. But in your head, do you have like a standard size where you're like, okay, this is sort

of my real house? I don't like to put limitations on my life. I don't like to. I don't I don't say no. I'm a yes, man. You're making butt talk really hard, but I'm going to get to you. I'm going to keep digging the butt talk. I'm going to keep digging into the bot until I get the answer. I mean, how skinny do you like your partner to be?

I'm right around yay wheelhouse, like a perfect sort of arse. No, don't call it perfect. I don't like what you're doing. Yeah, for you. For me. See, now we're in HR training for the Harlan Highway podcast. But now. I'm HR.

You're what? I'm HR. What's that? Human resources. Okay, I'm Harlan Williams. OK. Nice to meet you. Jared Human Resources. Fried is here with Har Williams and I'm here to teach you. Yeah, that there's no perfect booty. All the booties, but I feel like and these cameras are rolling by the way. Keep them rolling. I feel like I when you asked me what I like proportionally, I immediately gave it to you.

Right. When I asked you, you've been dancing around at like Alan Keller at a banana peel festival. I wanna say that I'll go from here out. But where's the, where does the out stop? But this is the thing, I don't wanna like limit myself. I think you're putting limits on your taste. Not really.

I don't wanna go into Thunder Gulch. I'm happy to stay right here on perfect island. See, perfect island. Perfect island. I think you gotta rename it. Okay, super perfect island. Island of Harlan's preferable behinds. But I'm now I feel-

It's like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at this point. But you gotta be ahead. You don't wanna have to backtrack and change things. Okay. Cause that's my point. Okay. Let's say we go out, you meet a woman where the ass goes without outside of the regions

that you're putting out here. Okay, so now we're here. Now you're gonna you want on tape that you thought smaller was perfect. I don't want to deal with that fight. I don't want to be here. You might be. I didn't come up here to argue with you.

I feel like you're raising your voice at my ass. My mime ass. I'm saying you don't know until you've crossed that bridge. I don't know if I like you yelling at me through my mime ass. For your mime ass? You were yelling right? I had a mime ass. Turn the mime ass around and let me speak through the anus. Let me say something. Okay. Now I can quiet down because it's projecting through the news. I don't think you want to limit yourself Harlan. Forgot to do the echo. Harlan, Harlan. I don't, don't, don't. Think. You. You. You. Want put limitation. I just meant the last word.

And the anus just shot. But can you at least give us what's your limit? Four feet. It could be here. It could be there. It could be anywhere. I'm open to all size passes. I admire that, good for you.

Yeah, that's why we would be good to go out together. Let's get a beer, let's hang out, let's have a pizza. But see, I think that if we wanna- But I think you gotta stop referring to the cellulite and stuff like that, I think that's a problem. But I don't like the cellulite. It's not for you, not for you. It's not for me. That's for me. You like cellulite? I like a bigger butt. If it has cellulite,

it has cellulite. Like when you're laying in bed and you're rubbing. I have cellulite. But when you're laying in bed and you're rubbing a fatty's ass, don't you think you're in bed with a Sharpay? I don't like where you're going with this. That is not languaging I would prefer. When I'm with a beautiful person. Languaging isn't even in the language. We'll look it up. Languaging? Languaging.

I've heard of someone languishing. But I don't think. Lavishing, languishing. Languaging. I don't know if Shakespeare would give you a check mark on that one. Would he give me a passing we'll see? Maybe.

Would it be a see me? Maybe he'd find you a fatty and let her sit on your forehead. I'm just trying to. This is disappointing. I'm such a fan and now. I ruined it. I ruined it. He hates me.

Harle. I don't hate you. I don't hate anybody. but I know what I don't hate a fat ass. We. Are you dating to have a lady right now? I'm out there, but I don't have anyone. I'm single. Like, I'm out there, but I don't have anyone. I'm single. Like I'm out in the dating world. You're looking.

I'm looking. And is it tough? At all sizes. How old are you now? 40. Is it tough? How are you feeling with the dating climate? Are you on the apps?

I'm off the apps. I took a sabbatical. I'm doing, I have a summer challenge. Okay. Delete the apps June, July, August. Why? Just three months. Take the summer off.

I don't think apps are necessary over the summer. But isn't that when the girls are in their tip-top shape? They're in their bikini phase. Oh, I get it. You're waiting for winter when they. Harle. Got it, got it. It's always about bodies with you.

No, sorry, go ahead. So you OK, man? I'm not. You're not OK. I'm not. Listen, all bodies are beautiful. I don't know what you're stuck on this. What happens under this? I hope so, because she's fat. I just this is just so disappointed. It is this is God. I'm like I'm gonna meet

Harlan Williams hate you know he was full of such hate. I've never felt someone who hates me like when you sat down we were buddies there was a love fast in your office. I let you sleep here and now it's just we hate each other but here's the mortal enemies but I think the thing is we should be we're we're yin and yang we are complimentary straight men. Well I think you're is we should be, we're yin and yang. We are complementary straight men. Different types. Well, I think you're onto something because hatred and love conflict.

Why am I hatred? Maybe your hatred, you keep using. He said you hate me. No, you. He clearly said you hate my guts. Are anti, you're fat phobic, and I am loving and inclusive. But because I'm fat phobic,

you said you hated my fucking god. You're putting words in my mouth. Cylinder. But here's the thing, I wanna be in a position where I could win you back, hopefully, as we go along. That's why we're here. I don't know if I can.

Redemption is possible for everyone. It's possible. Always. I'm not in this cancel culture society like you. You canceling left and right. You got weight limits on your life. I am canceling. Yeah.

It feels good. It's empowering. You're a cancel culture Yeah. It feels good. It's empowering. You're a cancel culture person. You cancel people. It's empowering. Sometimes I'll go to a hospital, and I'll find the ward where people are terminal, and I will go in and hug them and shake their hand and then lean in and whisper in their ear,

I'm death. As they're shaking my hand. When does this fit into the schedule with the Jared Fogle? There's hospitals all around. Sure, so you go. I can go to Burger King, slam down a Whopper with cheese and just go to Cedar Sinai and be there in five minutes and pretend I'm death and help a lot of people.

A cape or a cloak. No, that's the thing, I'm like, meet Joe Black. You don't know what death looks like. Right. So I go in like I'm a's the thing, I'm like, meet Joe Black. You don't know what death looks like. So I go in like I'm a greeter, like I'm friendly, but when they shake me, as soon as they, I'm death. And the look on their eyes. It's hilarious. Well, that's to me, that's why you wear the schoolboy outfit

from going to the prison, San Quentin. And then you go straight to the hospital, get two birds one stone. I'd like to go along with your narrative, but I don't want to... Look, it's their last... They're dying breasts. They don't want to see me in a schoolboy outfit. With deli meats all over his chest. Yeah. They'd be like, this was a shocker.

I didn't see this being death. Yeah. The more incognito, the more ambiguous I can be, the more of a surprise it is for them and more of a kick I get out of it. Because they just think I'm a guy walking in. Or they could think, wow, that's Harlan Williams. That's Hollywood celebrity. Death can come in any form.

You go, I'm death, and they go, maybe I've been just seeing Harlan my whole life and no one else saw him. Well, I think I said it more directly, I'm death. That's how you say it? Well, you just said, I'm death, very, like. I'm death. Wouldn't that be part of the surprise

that they don't really, there's no gravity to it? Yeah, but people want, give them a little drama. A little drama. I mean, just, I'm death when that be part of the surprise that they don't know gravity do them a little drama a little drama I mean just I'm death I mean I'm death okay I would I would go in hey I'm death good to meet you you don't like that I wouldn't die see because I think it's like the performance I'm not dying for that no but if Harlow Williams comes in he. I'm like it's important the whisper. He's dead. This is a we have a new podcast. Oh he's back. Wow. Michael Method. You really do. So it's summertime you don't want to get burned in the sun you don't want to get burned in the sun, you don't want to get burned at the barbecue, and you don't want to get burned with high cell phone bills.

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But what do you like the dating apps? I deleted them. Yeah, talk to me. I think they're a crutch. I think you don't, no one needs them. Most people don't need a dating app. Have they worked for you? I've met people, met very nice women.

Did it lead to a lengthy relationship? Of course, I've had lengthy relationships. I've had, you know, meeting for a couple dates and very nice interactions Yeah, but I think I was not valuing The meeting I wasn't excited Why apps take away excitement? Why is too accessible?

So I've deleted the apps hmm June July August. I also go out to dinner once a week by myself without my phone I June, July, August. I also go out to dinner once a week by myself without my phone. I have joined a fitness class, a new one, and I made one plan a month with a married couple. That's the summer dating challenge on the UUP podcast every Wednesday and Friday. Wait, I'm confused.

You and a married couple, so it's like the three of you? We go out, dinner. You know that's called swinging, right? There's no sex. Well, there will be. Well, not on their watch, not on our watch. We're just three friends having a good time. Is that what they're telling you?

I get, yeah, that's what they've said to me. Have you heard otherwise? How many dates have you been on? Just the one a month. Yeah, wait until month three when you're covered in olive oil and you're hanging from the ceiling fan at the Motel 6 with thumbtacks in your ass.

If I'm lucky, hopefully if it's you and your... Why would you go out with a married couple? That's the best person, that's the best way to meet someone new. So you're trying to get to the guy's wife? I'm trying to get to the guy or the guy's wife, either one of them, to tell their friends... Oh! ...that I am a good guy. They like hanging with me. Huh? You when it comes to dating, I've never heard this strategy. Yeah,

you want to brand yourself. Why does Coca Cola do commercial still you already know Coca Cola, you don't need to hide. They want to be the first soda you think of. That's the only reason Coca Cola stills a commercial. They want to be the first thing on your mind when you're thirsty. I want to be the first thing on my friend's mind when they meet a spectacular human being with a fat ass that I could meet.

So you're going to charm up a married couple. Yes. Would it suffice to say that maybe, and correct me if I'm wrong, I don't want to step all over your dating skills. You can do whatever you'd like. Could it be that your awkward meeting said woman and charming her up, but it's easier to charm up

a non-threatening, non-involved married couple where then they can pay it forward and charm said woman friend of theirs up, and you don't have to do it, and by the time you show up up you're already so spoken highly of that all the Prince Charming's business is done and you just have to go here I am your friends validated me. You nailed it. It's called the charmer of property. Is that a little deceptive? I think it's putting yourself in the best light. Is it sneaky? I would say it's not sneaky at all.

Manipulative? You're manipulating your friends to get them to think of you when a single person comes across their radar. So why does Mr. Freed need a firewall to meet a quality woman? Why can't you just go directly to the source, my friend? I could, but we're living in a time where the apps, we've leaned too hard into them.

So you meet these people that are very nice, but you're not excited. This isn't someone that you, I think putting your hand in a bucket full of people is very different than you, Harlan Williams, going, you know, I met this great guy today. And you gotta meet him, because you thought of me specifically for that person.

We want like better matches. We want more zoned in. Are these married people, are you meeting them on an app? I'm on a thing called Thrinder. So it's a map? No, these are my good friends. Oh, so it's not an app? This is not an app.

Because people already have built-in friendships with married people and they always say the same thing. They go, my married friends don't know anybody. All my friends are married. So let's turn this negative into a positive. That's kind of my thinking. Can I turn into an armchair psychologist for you? You can do whatever you'd like, Harlan. It's your show. I can? Anything. Okay.

Except speak ill of people's bodies. Fat clump, blubber mump. And that was for a manatee. You can say any word. That was for a manatee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can say those words. For a manatee. For a manatee, fine.

Wasn't for a human. No, no, no, not a human, that's okay. I'll allow it. Here's where I'm thinking maybe this is going. And you're fascinating. You are deeply fascinating. Don't try and win me over. I feel like the, I don't think you think I'm fascinating. You are deeply fascinated. Don't try and win me over. I feel like the I don't think you

think I'm fascinating. He just winked. I think maybe you invite me in your office space. You speak ill of women that I find attractive. Yeah. There's water come out of the there better not because I will go and take a nap in the break room. Dude, not again.

I think I should. I think we need a break. Okay, but I'm on it. I'm tired. Let's take a quick nap. Quick nap. Go have another, how many hours do you need? Give me like six hours.

Okay, when we come back, I want to break down psychologically. Okay. Okay, go ahead. You know where the break room is, folks. Jared's gonna have a little nap. Sweet dreams, Cinnamon Angel. We'll let him kind of get his thoughts together, get collected, and we'll be right back. Give us about six hours, but last time it turned into nine,

and let's see what we got. I'm gonna break down the psychology behind the dating apps and the married couple thing. We'll be right back in six to nine hours. Let's all go to sleep, let's all go kickin'. Let's all go to sleep, come on and take, to nine hours. Let's both feel picking away. Buddy, rise and shine. Hey, there he is. There's sleepy bear. Wow, look at you.

Oh my God, you look so refreshed. I feel like a new person. Thank you. You're like Winnie the Pooh after he got his cancerous tumor taken out. You know, I do feel like that. Wow. I gotta say, I feel refreshed. I feel like our relationship is a little bit better. Feels sorta, yeah, we had time. How long was I out for? You said six, but you were seven and a half.

I went to a movie. What'd you see? Schindler's List. Really? Yeah. Wow. The one with the dinosaurs. The dinosaur version?

Yeah, Jurassic List. Jurassic List? Yeah. I was confused. How do you tell? They rounded up dinosaurs and try starving something that's 78 feet tall. That's hard even to watch it dwindle away.

It took about seven weeks. The CGI must have been amazing. Yeah, really was. And they're so big, you can only get three of them in a camp. Right. You can't, depending on which dinosaur's T-Rex is. There was a Brontosaurus, a T-Rex, and a Megalodon.

That's the biggest, right? Well, the name would tell me it's big. The fattest. Oh, dude. You know what? I'm going to go have a nap. If you want to just talk to them, I'm going to just have a quick... I'll be back in about six hours. Yeah, you went...

So sorry for that. Please, please, please. I think you needed a little couple winks. So Harlan's gonna take a minute. I guess we'll be right back. I'll be back. Well, he's been out for a little bit. I think he's gonna be, I could hear him stirring around in that break room. Harlan, is that you? Yeah. Oh my god, you're, oh wow.

You were out, look at you. You're still hurting a little bit from that nap. Dude. Wakey wakey eggs and bakey. How long was I out, Guy? You were out for like seven and a half hours, same as my last nap. What'd you do while I was out? I saw a movie.

What'd you see? Half baked. No way, how was it? Not as funny as I remember. Oh God, I hate that movie. A lot of body shaving. Yeah. Way more than I hate that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Way more than I thought there was.

But I wish it woke me up. I love going to the movies. Yeah. I I saw twice. They did a showing. Oh, of two showings of half baked. So a full big a full bake. The guys, they did the popcorn thing. Guy hit on me. What? I said,

do you know my friend Harle? Right. He goes, I'm so sorry. I go, I'm a little insulted. I thought you know, obviously you'll just take anybody. And we had a little bit of an argument and I said, well, Harle thinks you're into him, and I'm thinking you're into me, and you have to make a choice here. And he went into all this body phobic stuff, and I was like, I think you're more for Harle than you are for me.

Who isn't? Look at me. He said he preferred, you know. Who doesn't look at me. He seemed like you guys were a personality match. So I got his number. What is it? 555. Sexy. That's him.

That's him. Wow. He'll be in touch. Isn't it funny? You think the world, when you go to sleep, you think the world sort of calms down and still going. It's still raging. Well, that's the thing about a nap Oh is you took it, you know, you started your nap. Oh, what people don't know is you started at 10 a.m. Yeah So right now it's 5 p.m. Like there has been a whole real day. Well, that's cuz I went all the way up

I got on a bus to Napa Valley. I had a nap in Napa Valley. I'm sure you had a big glass of wine. Did you say big ass? Big. Oh my God. Dude, I don't know what's happening. Dude.

If you have it. Just, I'm so sorry. It's just... Don't hate me. You can't hate me more than you do. I don't hate you. I feel it. I fear for you.

Yeah. I fear for you. I fear what's gonna happen when I hug you and whisper in your ear, I'm deaf. Oh, wow. The kid brings it back. All the way around. Wow. All the way around. I think we're doing it.

I think. Whoa. Now I want to come back to I promised the folks. You did make a promise. Yeah, I got I got 12 listeners. We've got Charles Cheesewiz down in Denver, Colorado. Chuck E. Cheese Whiz? Yeah, and Brenda Barf Bag Face over in- BBF?

Yeah, she's over in Sicily, in Italy. In Sicily. Yeah. International star you are. Yeah. Oh my God, ciao. Means hello and goodbye. Wow, it's also a dog.

I mean, you yell chow. You don't know if a dog's gonna smash through the wall and rip your throat out. You shouldn't yell that. Right. You know, I don't sit around going Dalmatian. Because then a Dalmatian would fly in here, you know. Or one of those people with the patchy skin.

Have you ever seen those people that have the skin condition where they're sort of part dark, part white? Yeah. Are those Dalmatians? I wouldn't call that a Dalmatian. Well, why not? You ever seen a Dalmatian? I've seen a Dalmatian. You ever seen one of the Apaches?

Or whatever they're called? I don't, what are they called? Are they Apaches? A human being, God's beautiful creature. OK, well, a Dalmatian. GBC. GBC. QBLT. Bacon, lettuce, and gay bacon, lettuce and tomato.

QLB. A GBLT. A GBLT. Yeah. A gay bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Delicious. So going back to the dating apps, which you, sounds like you got a little bored with them. They became predictable. Predictable, you see the same people,

the same conversations, and you're like, I gotta do something, I have to take control. I gotta take the wheel of my life. So here's where the psychology comes in. I think that you got bored with them, so you added another layer by bringing in the married couple thing. Okay.

And now suddenly it's more of a challenge. It creates more layers to the dating thing versus just like, beep, let's meet. Oh, that was fun. Beep, let's meet. You know, whatever you did. But now you've created sort of a bigger game for yourself psychologically.

Is that an accurate assessment? It's an assessment that's accurate. But I asked if it was an accurate assessment. I would say it's an assessment that's accurate. Okay, but that's not what I asked. I'm not agreeing. But I ask. It's an assessment that's accurate,

not an accurate assessment. Well, I need an accurate assessment. I think you'd have to review how you're assessing. You said ass. I said it twice. Fat-assing. Oh, God. Harlan.

Harlan. Okay. Harlan. God, I'm so sorry. You know, when you talk about my people like this. Really. You know, puts a damper on the whole day that we had here. We've been sitting here doing this podcast.

For over 30 hours, including naps. Yeah, this is the longest one. Yeah, this is the longest show. That I've ever been a part of. Yeah. And to say it's an emotional roller coaster is really underplaying the roller coaster that we've been on. Yeah.

And sometimes I feel like I know you like a brother, and sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all. Well, if I could make a comment on the roller coaster thing. You may. You ever go to the places and they have that sign that says you have to be this high to ride? Yes. I was at the Golden Corral Buffet the other day

and it said you have to be this wide to eat. Oh my God. Dude, what is happening? I think you need like therapy. I think you need like, therapy. I think you need to like talk about this with someone. Yeah. This is how you look at the world, man. Well, if I could only see it,

there's someone in front of me. It's just really, this is like one of my heroes I'm talking to, didn't know he had this. Hero sandwich. That's not offensive. Just saying food isn't offensive. It's offensive that's not that's not offensive just saying food isn't offensive it's offensive that you think it's offensive okay now I'm offended that you think it's offensive Wow hero sandwich that's just a hero sandwich we didn't talk about who's eating it I think anyone can

eat the hero sandwich maybe it's your friend Jared Fogle that you seem to visit every week. Well I said once every three months. Okay. I like to slap a little meat around on my bare chest dressed as a schoolboy. It's paid back for what he did. And a hobby for you. One of the characters from Lord of the Rings. One of the characters from Lord of the Rings. Um, buddy, I want to pull up what is our final segment. You're going to love it. That's it. We're done. Well, I only do an hour. You know that.

An hour split up over 30 hours. But we're not done yet. Okay. See, you just jumped to the gun. No, I... The final segment can be as long or as short as you want. OK. That's the beauty of the Hawe Palker.

Is it going to be... We do it with everyone. OK. Does it involve a highway? No. OK. Does it involve a harland? Yes.

It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. Okay. This is an authentic Dutch clog. Love it. In this clog, there's some words. Okay. Random words. You reach in, pull out a random word,

and see if it sparks a story from your journey in life. Something that happened to you, someone you know, something you witnessed. And it can be as long or as short as you want. You could pontificate for four hours while I go have a nap. While we finish up the show. Okay. What's your word? UFO sighting. Here we glow. Here we glow. Yeah. I'm just trying to add to it. Because usually they're glowing aren't they not in my experience here we go then fuck Shakespeare again every maybe I hate you now whoa I said maybe but I can't my love won't let me come through

but you're a hater no my love for you won't let my people come out. We have established our roles. Roles? I'll tell you who else eats a lot of roles. I don't know. UFO sighting. An uber fat object, an unidentified identifiable object. What is it? A UFO sighting. Yeah, talk to me, guy. I was out in Bloomington, Indiana last week.

A lot of gays there, I don't blame you. So I'm out, it is a huge parade. Everyone's eating BLTs. Wow. Okay, everyone. Everyone at the parade, gay BLTs. Wow. We're marching, we're cheering.

Nightfall comes. We look to the sky and everyone goes, hey, ho. They called it a ho. Wow. A UFO? A UFO. Wow. Like a flying slug. That's right. Wow. And we looked up and there it was, big fat UFO ass. Wow. Everyone held hands and we all just started crying because love is love. Yeah. And no matter what size or shape or who you love,

that's really the message of all this whole... Yeah. This marble in the sky. Wow. So that's my UFO sighting. And the one thing I remember thinking was, you know who would love this? You know who loves all people?

Arlen Williams. Except for the foul ones. Well, I said almost all of them. Guy, come on. What is it my turn to shine or glow? You glow now. You glow now. You want me to glow?

It's time to glow. And last question, have you been and ever been in love? Because it seems that's where all this is heading towards love. I'm looking for love. But have you ever been in? I think I have felt the heading towards love. I'm looking for love. But have you ever been in? I think I have felt the feeling of love. Oh.

But I don't. You know, the weird part about love is that people say the word love, but you don't know what it feels like to you. You don't know what it feels like to me. Isn't that weird? It's like a color. It's like you see blue, but we we might see different blues

I will say this Have you ever been in love? Yes, and if you've ever been in love, you know it. You know it. You know it. It says it's as Distinguishable as knowing the flavor of strawberries and pineapple and you you know when you're in love And anus. What was that last part? Anus. No thanks, I'm straight. You don't... What?

You can still know the taste of anus and be straight. Not me. Others... You've never looked at... Not me. Others do. Others have. Not me.

Others have to you. No, others have to what you just said, but not me. I'm. Others have. Not me. Others have to you. No, others have to what you just said, but not me. I'm not asking about others. Okay. Why does it gotta be about everyone else? What was your question? You said it tastes, you know the taste of strawberries. Pineapple.

Pineapples. And I said anise. No, I don't know the taste of that. I imagine it's pretty shitty, but I've never tried it. You'd be right. That was a wink. I'm death. Is this real the whole time? What if I really was death and you were just lured to this podcast because it's your time? The more you say it the weirder it

gets because we're here in your office building where no one else is here. Would you dare shake my hand? Death? I wouldn't. I don't think I have. I wonder if I were you. Normally I don't say that. Normally I, death, but if that doesn't prove my love for you that I'm letting you go for a little longer. You're giving me an extra day.

This is my second chance. I can't tell you how many days, but. But this is my second chance at life. Do you want to shake the hand or not? No, not, I'm not smart play. Thanks Shakespeare Will I find love? Yes, you will Because you're a lovable person. Thank you. You're a deep warm person I like to think so but I you are death tells me that I'm gonna believe I can sense it. I can see it

You're a caring person. Thank you. You deserve love. You're looking for love. Sometimes you can't find it, but it will find you and you'll know it. You will know it. When was the last time you were in love? Oh, I'm still in love. With who? I got a beautiful girlfriend.

Really? Yeah. What does she look like? Fat as all fuck. And you said she's beautiful, that's right. I think we've all learned something today. No. No, André. Buddy, before you go,

tell my listeners, all 53 of them, where they can see you, where they can see you do stand-up, your social media, any projects you got. This is your time, my guy. This is it? This is it? This is it. Go tell them. This is it, when I can tell them?

Yeah, and don't do any specific dates because I don't know when this will come out, if ever. Jared Freed on Instagram, JaredFreed.com for tickets. I'm all over this great country of ours. And you can go Wizard of Ha on TikTok. And Jared Freed on YouTube. Great. J-A-R-E-D-F-R-E-I-D. BLT.

BLT. G-B-L-T. BLT. BLT. G-B-L-T. You look a little tired. Do you want to go have a nap? I think I might go take a nap. Go have a nap, buddy. I'll sign off. Sign off.

All right, thank you. This is great. Folks, this has been the Holland Sweet Dreams Buttercup. Thanks, man. This has been the Holland Highway Podcast. My very special guest today Jared Freed. What a treat. Go see him. Go to see his stand-up shows. Follow him on his social medias. Hilarious, funny, looking for love. Maybe you could be the

one. That's it for today folks. Until next time, chicken chow made baby. Hey buddy, that's a king size van. Do you mind if I tuck in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, tuck me in. I have a story. Let's all go to sleep, let's all go to sleep. Let's all go to sleep, come on and take a nap. And get sleep, get sleep, get sleep, get sleep, get sleep. Hey gang, are you craving more Harland Williams? Well join our Patreon page at patreon.com backslash harland Williams where you'll get bonus episodes of the Harland Highway podcast, our special call-in show, and you can check in with our two goofy dolls,

the tender frienders, two guys in their underpants. For a small monthly fee, you get extra Harland. Hey everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly. It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to cameo.com and I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own

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