The Harland Highway - JEFF DYE - BIGFOOT is finally found! Exclusive REAL footage! Also, aliens and love songs!!

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

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slash C-O-N-T-R-O-L for your free trial. That's Aura.com slash control. Imagine a zebra too. I just want to go out and into the wild and have one of those guns. You know what? At Home Depot when you, the bars, the price bar things. Oh, UPC code.

This thing. Yeah, a little UPC code. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want to run out into the wild and just tag a zebra and see how much they're worth. Oh, there's a lot. I'm like, beep, beep, beep, I'm scanning zebras. I'm when I get to the top dollar zeb, sorry, buddy, you're worth 20 grand.

Got to do it, dude. But what if they're very cheap? What if you beat it, it turns out? If it's on sale, it's like a discount zebra? Some sort of discount zebra. I don't want it. That'd be disappointing. Daddy don't shop at the 99 cents stall.

Beep, pass. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right. Tight on the Harland Highway Show Harland Williams I love getting settled in. This is like my... Peaceful.

It's like you ever see a bird like fluff its nest? Like it gets the twigs and it gets the fluff. Like what's in a bird's nest? Is that mattress stuff or is that... One of the squirrels are stealing from your cushions. Oh, yeah. They're all ripping you off.

That's what's in the nests. Yeah, they steal out of like, they steal the phone. out of lawn chairs. Yeah. They take the stuffing out. And the other birds are going, is this bed bath and beyond?

Yeah, got it from Harlan's house. Do you imagine you got a squirrel and he's got a memory foam nest? Yeah, he's happy. That's, that's living a leaf. Because they're thieves,

you know, they act like they're so nature. No, they're living the consumer life. You're a squirrel in Beverly Hills. You probably have a memory foam nest. For sure. You're living large.

What's your sleep number? Oh, you're living large, surrounded by hate. hazel nuts and cashews and if you're a squirrel, what's your go-to nut? What do you love? What are you stuffing in your cheeks? What are you dizzy Gillespe?

Well, if I'm in Beverly Hills, I got cashews. Cachios. Cushes, yeah. Because it has the word cash in it? I don't know. Maybe that is where I came to my breath. I think, that's what it was. You think Beverly Hills, you think money, so you have cashews.

Also, I was just thinking, like, I'm, I just know what I like. So I don't know why it would change if I was a squirrel. Because you're not going to say hazel nuts, because hazel's the common name. of a chambermaid at a motel 6. Like, Hazel, can you scrape the cockroaches off my bed? Hazel, I asked for breakfast in bed, and someone puked a Denver omelet on my sheets. Hazel, there's snod on the windows.

Well, and also, cashier seems easy to get. What do you mean? Some of these nuts are hard to get into. Even if I'm a squirrel, they're hard to get into, you know? You mean the shell? No big deal. Yeah, it's like hard. Like, one of my favorite during the holidays,

my family would have just nuts laying around it. that we use a nutcracker. And my favorite one was impossible to get. We'd use the nutcrackers. I'd make them myself little pinch blisters on that. Oh, no. Trying to get in this thing. Yeah.

Little itchis pinchies? And I was going to name that nut. But then I was like, man, if I was a squirrel, I don't even know how I'd get in there. Oh, have you ever been bitten by a squirrel? You look like you have? I would love to. I love a squirrel. You do?

Yeah, a big squirrel guy. Have you ever, like, interacted, like, befriended a wild squirrel or had one on your shoulder or anything? Never. But I like them. Have you ever, like, fed a wild one. a nut or anything? Yeah, fed them, but not out of my hand, just kind of, like, close to me. Huh.

You just kind of lobbed a peanut at it? What's a better animal than a squirrel? A tiger? That's not better. Because they eat fucking squirrels. No, squirrels are the best animal. Oh, squirrels are the best animal. Why?

What do they do? Well, they're mischievous, which is funny. Okay. They're pretty cute. Yeah. People shoot them, yes, because every animal gets shot. But they're not really hunted. You know, like, nobody's going, I'm going squirrel hunting.

Down in, like, the bayou and, like, places where... Real rednecky kind of. Those guys will shoot anything. But that's still squirrel hunting, my guy. Yeah, but I think that they're pretty free as far as, like, there's not, like, a hunting season for squirrels. Yeah, you're not getting tags to go out and bag a squirrel. Right.

You don't go to someone's house and there's a taxidermied squirrel over the fireplace. Yeah, see, so I like that part. Also, they're not in zoos. Like, nobody goes, oh, this is the... You'll see a squirrel at the zoo, but he's free. So, therefore, they are in zoos. He's taunted the other animals in the... They're free animal.

They're free. They just run through. They're like the hippies. No hunting. No suing. They're mischievous. They'll steal your sandwich. They're kind of like in society, but they're also in nature.

I think they're the best animal. But what about if you're a bird lover and you put a bird feeder in your yard and now they're SOBs because they raid the bird feeders? They steal from us. They take from your patio. That's why I kind of like them. They're mischievous. I'm into the squad.

I challenge you to find me a better animal than that. squirrel. And you've got to tell me why. You can't just say, oh, well, that's easy. Lion. Okay. Lion. You said tiger. I know, but Lion, King of the Beast. Yeah, but it's stressful. Versus this. Everyone's coming out to get you, you know. Everyone, some poachers want to kill you. Yeah, but they're idiots. Have you ever seen a squirrel try to cross the road? They're like dummies. They go halfway out. They stop. They freak out. And then they go back the way they came. Then they go back out. They make it safely to the other side and then they run back out did i make it gone it's true they're idiots but you see tigers and stuff

in zoos yeah yeah you don't see them run halfway across the road they got caught didn't they yeah they got put in some cube for a bunch of kids and their pace in and going all sad and then the zoo tries go no that's they do that they like it and the tigers are the hardest to see because they're striped and when you look through the bars of the zoo you can't tell figure it looks 3d you don't even know if it's there. Yeah, I don't know if that's true. Damn tag is to be like optical illusions now, child. You go to a weird zoo.

It's still got bars? They still got the bars. Yeah. Imagine a zebra, too. I just want to go out and into the wild and have one of those guns. You know what? At Home Depot when you, the, the, what are those things, the little, the bars, the price bar things. What are they called?

The price bars. You know, the little, the things on all our merchandise. Oh, yeah. UPC code. This thing. UPC code. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I want to run out into the wild and just tag a zebra and see how much they're worth. Oh, there's a lot. And then if I hit one

that's over five grand, that's, that's my, that's my trophy. Just killing money, I'm just running like, beep, beep, beep. I'm scanning zebras.

I'm going to get to the top dollar zeb. Sorry, buddy, you're worth 20 grand. Got to do it, but what if they're very cheap? What if you beat it, it turns out?

If it's on sale, it's like a discount. Zibra? I don't want it. That'd be disappointing. Daddy don't shop at the 99 cents stall. Beep. Pass.

Pass. Zebras. Let's get in the big boys. Let's get the expensive zebras in here. You ever shot anything? You ever hunted anything? I did. I shot an orangutan.

Have you ever seen these? They're in Indonesia? There's no way you shot an orangut. I shot an orangut. I don't believe this at all. Dude, I took it out at a Winchester 5709 R2D2C3. You killed an orangutan. I took it.

right out of a tree in Indonesia. And here's the bad part. That's the bad part already. Well, you've seen their eyes, right? Guerrillas and orangutans. Their eyes are so human. You look at them and you're almost like, oh my God, it's human.

So I made the mistake. This orangutan and it's this big. And they got those flaps on their cheeks. They almost look like clipped lips. They got those giant lip. What's the technical word for lips? I don't know. What are the lips called?

Oh, the labias? The labias. Yeah. So they should be called orangalabias, really. Oh, rangalabias, yeah. So now I got this orangutang head on, the rangalabia hanging over my fireplace. Okay. Nice. Over my TV, they got these human eyes.

You sit down to watch a porno, and this thing's watching you like your grandfather. Hottest thing in the world, you know? It's like, I can't get naked in front of granddad. It's just, they're very uncomfortable. I love the idea that you would murder an orangutangang. Well, they had to come. They call them the old men of the jungle. Who needs old men lurking around in the jungle?

Creepy. Get out of here. Creeper. Winchester coming your way. How about perves of the jungle? A lot of old men are purves. I mean, when you're hanging out in a jungle and you've got labias on your face that are wider than Dolly Parton after she's been hit by a steamroller. You're practically asking for her.

Dude, you got a comment. Yeah, yeah. Labia tank. What are we splitting hairs here? They're begging for it. What are those things on their feet? faces, though. I think those are only on the males. Yeah, they're on the males. Those big

fat, flabby tufts of beef. It's very weird. I wonder if you shave their forehead if they have a clit. Oh, that'd be hot. I mean, it looks like they might. You shave their forehead. They have a clit. What? Have you ever seen a bald bear? Well,

let me think about that. Bald bears are terrifying looking. Like, there was this bear that just had, like, Mange, and he was walking around, and everybody thought he was a monster. They couldn't make sense of the animal. They're going, what is that? And it turns out just bears without hair are really gross-looking. So, yeah, it's not a species. It's an ailment. It had man. Yeah, without hair. So, yes, I haven't seen a bear with mange, but living here in Los Angeles. Yeah. I saw coyote with

mange, and I'm not kidding, they have these beautiful kind of sandy brown lush coats. They're very healthy looking. I'm driving up in the Hollywood Hills, and I'm on this little stretch road. It's It's in the middle of the day. And all of a sudden, this thing starts walking towards my car. Tupacabra. Dude, it was a coyote with mange. And underneath that beautiful brown fur, their skin is black. Oh.

So you ever see that movie with Will Smith, where he was fighting the zombies? Oh, yeah, yeah. And these, like, zombie dogs came out. It looked like a zombie dog from hell. It freaked me the hell out. I'd love to see a hairless coyote. I want to show you the hairless bear. Yeah, I'd love to see the hairless bear.

Oh, my God. By the way, sounds like a name for a new kid's book. Hairless bear. One day, the hairless bear went into the high plug shop. Hold on. Let me get my. This is a thing. Like, you go, oh, that's real gross.

Wait, can I see? Google hairless bear. The first thing it comes out. They're just, because people were seeing it and going, what is this hell creature? And it's like, it's just a bear with no hair on it. this is this is sort of exactly what the what the uh coyote looked like yeah it's very startling they look like like something that crawled up out of satan's labyrinth our whole life

we've been thinking bears are cute yeah it's like well it's the hair's doing all the heavy lifting but it's like anything i mean look at men with no hair that is true kind of gross yeah we're gross yeah not as ugly as that's terrifying uh i wonder if that's maybe what chupacabra was Chupacabra. Someone saw like a goat that had like some disease or some sort of coyote. Yeah, or even a bear. Yeah. Because bears can stand up on two feet.

You see that wandering through the woods. You don't even know back then. When was this back in the Pioneer Days? Yeah, yeah. They didn't know what Mange was. They didn't know what bear was. They just called it the thing. The thing.

The hair, the moving hair. Yeah. So that's probably a very good. Conclusion you came to. That would look different. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, he's here. He's here again for the second time. Jeff Dye is here.

Right here on the Harland Highway podcast, 19,227. Jeff Dye, returned, repeat performance here on the highway. He's a comedian, he's an actor, he's a male model, and he's the King of Mange. Let's give it up for Jeff Dye. A model and King of Mange. You're a Mange model. Oh, my gosh.

We're onto something. That's a niche. I want a photo of you in my house shooting an orangutting. Just have someone Photoshop that, send it over. You know, here's the thing with me, you hit on something. It doesn't matter where I am. I just want to shoot him. I love it.

Like whether it's in your house and your lush living room, it's in an Indonesian jungle. I don't care if he's a citizen. Six Flags in the front car of the Batman roller coaster. I want to hit them right in those lips. Just shoot those lib. I want to hit them right in the, I want to hit them right in those labias.

What are they called? I don't know. Did you say labias? It's a labia, yeah. I want to hit them right in the labia and take them out. And when I get them mounted, when I get them stuff, I want people to see the bullet hole right through that labia. A clit shot.

Just get them right. Oh, get them in the clit shot. You got to be a marksman, right? because you're guessing, because of their bangs, you're guessing where it is. Yeah, I promised that I wouldn't talk to you about Bigfoot on here because last time people were like, this guy really wants to talk about Bigfoot.

We're going to talk about it because I got a little surprise for you later. Yeah, but before we do, I want to make a confession. Okay. So this is Jeff Dye's second appearance. And before I had you on the first time, just because of the world we live in, the enormity of the comedy world, traveling the geography were both headliners yeah me and you never really got to work together

that much doing shows and so i didn't really know a lot about you when we first sat down and did the the show but then since then i've learned a lot about we even did a show together here in hollywood dude you're kind of like edgy don't hold back like opinionated guy yeah which i didn't pick up on like last visit we had a great visit we talked about baseball we talked about like UFOs we talked about sauce squash it was it was vantas very cordial and amazing but i didn't realize you had sort of this biting kind of you're sort of fearless well which i love by the way i think that but that's also part of it is like yeah we should be able to talk about bigfoot without being ashamed and then we should also be like whatever i like you i'm open i'll talk about

whatever so people go you think that about this political issue go you're goddamn right I just share however I feel about whatever. But that's what I love. Like I've seen clips of you since where you show up in a city like Denver or Cincinnati and your opening line is blah, blah, blah, blah, fucking Denver. And you just like totally drop up a Hiroshima bomb on the city. A homeless shithole. Yeah.

And they love it. Yeah, it's fun. But I appreciate that about you because that takes a lot of courage and it takes a lot of skill because a lot of comics in their mind aren't thinking about coming out kind of in assault mode, you know? Yeah. But you do that. Why do you do that?

I want to get behind why you like that. I think it's just honest. Yeah, it is honesty. And then the good part is if I'm wrong, I'll find out pretty quick, you know? Oh, you get a lot of backlash? It's not even true what you said. You go, oh, okay.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I made fun of Ron DeSantis in Florida. Yeah. And, dude, the crowd was like booing me. They're like, shut up. I was like, and then I, this is when he was, this is a long time. Yeah.

It was like four or five years ago. And then after COVID, like I became like a real big Ron DeSantis guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like when I was doing all that, I didn't know that the dude was awesome. I was just like, yeah, I threw it out there. I thought that they would hate him too. I don't know. Yeah, because he was a politician.

Yeah. I thought they'd go, yeah, screw the politician. But no, they like loved. I've never seen a crowd of people defend the governor or mayor or whoever he was at the time. It's interesting because he's a very. effective guy. Like a lot of times you look at politicians and you go, unfortunately, you go wishy-washy, or yeah, they might have done this, but he seems to be one of the guys that's really on top

of an issue, doesn't let it fester, gets it taking care of quickly, effectively, efficiently, and sort of uses a lot of common sense. And I like that about him. Yeah, he's a straight shooter too. Straight shooter. They would be like, oh, well, FEMA, he goes, you're not going to do this. He'll like interrupt them. He's like, you're not going to do this.

Listen, we were first on the thing. And they were like, okay, yeah, and it works. Like, yeah, he's effective. And he'll say stuff like, you may be doing that in L.A. or New York. You're not doing it here in Florida. And then he even took on Disney, like the almighty Disney. Remember he kind of took them on with a huge lawsuit and shut them down? Yeah.

Yeah, he's a very effective guy. Hey, everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a T-shirt or a hoodie. But not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at Harblank.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got coffee mugs. We got... We got t-shirts, you name it, it's there at Harbling.com.

Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support, and I'll just keep the groovy images coming. So not everyone could be Harlan Williams. You will joke about stuff, and I'm like, I'll share it. It's hilarious. Like, I literally think you're top five, one of my favorite comedians ever. Like, I put you over everyone. But I'll see some comics, like, joke about a subject that's kind of, like, whatever.

And I think that there's no stakes there, you know? Like, someone will say, like, a thing, and I'll be like, oh. You're telling jokes to vegetarians? What's that? You're telling jokes to vegetarians? Like, no, like, my buddy will do a cat joke, and I'll go, that was really funny. But, like, there's no reason. That's not going to fire up anybody in the audience.

this guy's making, you know, I kind of like to invoke that a little bit in the audience. Because you said there was no stakes there, so I thought it was vegetarian. Oh, I see. You're doing this again. Am I still your favorite? Am I still your favorite? You know, whenever I hear a pun, I go, ugh. You have a pun heave?

You become like Foster Brooks. Who's your favorite comedian? Oh, my God. Nobody's like you. So I can't, it's hard to figure out who you. I don't, I'd have to think about that along the course of the show. What was there a show you watched growing up though? Like, Second City.

I used to watch Second City. I think I gravitated to comedic actors. Okay. More than stand-up. So Second City is a, that's, you could watch that? Oh, yeah. In Canada, there was, that's where John Candy, Martin Short, Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, Dave Thomas. They were on.

Catherine O'Hara. There was a show called Second City. city, where it was a mock TV station where they had these, each person, each actor had a library of different characters. And every week, they just did these characters and these spoofs. To me, it was like Saturday Night, like Saturday Night Live Pie. Yeah. I could never, I never love Saturday Night Live because in Canada, I grew up on Second City. And to me, it was so much more evolved, so much more subtle, so much more cerebral and developed. go on YouTube and you will just go down a wormhole.

Interesting. They did, I think, 10 seasons of this. This is where John Candy, all these guys came from. I know Second City is like a place you can go to learn the fundamentals of improv comedy. Yeah, it's a theater. So I didn't know that they ever made a show that was called Second City. So it started in Chicago and then they had a branch up in Toronto. And back in Toronto in the 70s, they started the thing called SCTV, Second City Television.

And they shot it on a shoestring budget in Canada where there was no entertainment industry at the time. So they had cardboard sets and everything was cheesy and they shot stuff out in the field with a video camera. Yeah, it's great. Dude, it is hilarious. So that's where all those guys got their start. Martin Short, all of them.

When it's funny, because I'm sure that I've heard those are all Second City guys, not knowing there was a Second City show. Like they're like, oh, you know, second City. I'd be like, yeah, of course. But I wouldn't have thought, that the, like, I didn't know that they did shows.

A lot of people didn't know because it was, it was only aired in Canada, and then it got so popular in Canada, in the last two years, NBC did a version of it for American television, which was, it was glossy, it was beautiful, and they did it at, I think it, on Friday nights, it was like an hour and a half long,

and it was, it was stunning, but, yeah, a lot of Americans don't even know about this, this gem of a show. In Seattle, we had a, like, our own regional version of, SNL. It was like a lot of regional comedy. Yeah.

It would be like the big hairs of Linwood. Like you wouldn't know that, understand that if that was airing in New York. Yeah, you don't know it. It was all regional stuff, but it was like our version of Second City or SNL, but just for Seattle on public access. Yeah.

And Joel McHale was one of the original cast members of it. Yeah. Yeah. That's sort of how seconds it was this really kind of grassroots type of thing. And it just, it was amazing, amazing. And all that talent came out of it. but um what's one of my things that's happening right now that's like in your line like that's burning that's chapping me oh here we go that's chapping me arse it's chapping me ours Jeff

die we already went through that Jeff die I come in from the Heatherfield's Jeff die I'm churning the butter and this is what's chappen me ours I'm ready for it these freaking celebrities endorsing politics yeah I mean the The elections happened. Yeah. But, dude, I was just incensed at these so-called talents, these stars, these singers. You know, Bruce Springsteen coming on. You know, here's this guy who was born to run.

You know, this is the guy that rides his motorcycle down by the river and he's anti-establishment. And here's this guy doing like a 20-minute YouTube video with his hair all perm and an, an out-of-date 1984 earring in his ear. And he's telling me the dangers of the future and Donald Trump and everything, the devil, the big monsters coming. Dude, I couldn't

take it. I know. It feels almost like they're paid. It feels almost like they've been bought a little bit. Yeah. Or maybe afraid of getting in trouble for some things, doesn't it? Yeah, that's what I mean. It seems a little, uh, it's like, kind of confusing. Yeah. And then like, I always said my favorite male actor was

Brando and my favorite female actor was Meryl Streep. Yeah. And now here's Meryl Streep going on this thing with Ops. She goes, and I'd like to say hi to our president. He, I mean, our future president, Kamala. And I was just like, I fucking can't even look at her anymore. It's very weird. Yeah, especially like.

I hate it. Especially with actors for me. Yeah. Because like I want to just be able to enjoy that actor's movie or something. Yeah. But it's hard to look at it the same now. It is. Yeah.

Because now they're, you know, a lot. A lot of them are, and I don't care what side of the aisle you're on, but a lot of them are being condescending to people that don't believe what they believe. They're telling you you got to believe what they believe. Right. And it's just so like off-putting. You're right. You can't really appreciate their work anymore because now they've put this coating on it.

Yeah. You can't, it's hard to see. Yeah, it's hard to like it. Yeah. It's very flustering. The, uh, dude. I'm trying to think of what you just said that made me think of something. Beyonce was out there.

And all of them. Yeah. It's, Oh, that's what I was going to say. It's like, it's very one-sided. That's why I feel like they're doing it

because they're going like, oh, I've been told I should do this. It makes me a good person if I do this. Yeah. Yeah, like it's very like, I don't explain it. It's very cultish and just that all of them

came at it from a different angle, almost like they were coached. Like Jennifer Garner came at it like, ooh, men who vote for Kamala are so sexy. Yeah. And then Julia Roberts came out. at her angle was, oh, well, you don't have to tell your husband what you're voting. He doesn't have to know.

And it's like all these kind of weird angles they figured out. And these celebrities getting on board blindly and trying to influence the rest of us morons on how we should think, operate, and function in the world. Yeah. And also, most regular people don't care. They want to watch you do your little thing. They want to watch you dunk a basketball. They don't care what you think about Malcolm X.

Yeah. They want to watch you make a funny. movie they don't care what like who you voted for they just wanted to see you do your talent right and I'm not saying shut up and dribble but in a way I'm saying shut up and dribble well also it's like look at you Bruce Springsteen what did you do that that puts you in a place to tell me what to do gee you strung a few words together you know baby we were born to run you know well guess what Bruce I can put a edgy rebel song together right now watch this Cindy and I down by the river for the future the logs floating by the city lights burning the midnight smoke churning and she's

got that far away looking her eye so i made that up yeah on the spot in four seconds which was better in my opinion put some music to it and suddenly i'm fucking that's what bruce springteens out now where do i get off going now the monster's coming everyone don't you vote for this don't you vote for that i know better than you do because i just made some lyrics about a girl down by the river yeah Like, fuck you. I know. Another thing, too, is like, I think we're, at least in modern times, this might not be you or me, but in modern times, it's very trendy to dunk on religion.

Everyone has to hate religion. Which is ridiculous. And so, like, let's dissect that. What don't you like about religion? And you say, well, religious people will try to tell me how to feel. Or they'll tell me how to, like, how to behave. They think that I'm a bad person if I don't behave the way they behave. That's what people think, religious people think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're not doing what I'm doing, you must be bad. Right? That's what they don't like about religion. Oh, it's too judgmental, it's whatever. But people treat their politics like that. Yeah. Now the new religion is to be a Democrat or Republican. That's the new religion.

And so they say, well, if you don't vote the way I vote, you're bad or unfollow me. Or, oh, I don't even want to talk to you if you voted for so-and-so. And you're like, that's a religious act. Yeah. You're treating your politics like religion. You've become the religious zealots. Yeah. Yeah, it's very un-un, it's not a good look.

Yeah, you're imposing your. beliefs, your lifestyles on to other human beings. And you shouldn't do that, especially if you're in a position of notoriety and power. Like, that's not your place. I agree, 100%. Look at me, I'm turning into you. Well, yeah, I like it. It's kind of like I took everything we've done.

I'm now you just, I'm becoming you. But don't you think that like by having, not this conversation, but like in general, like I can say all the things I think of, I'm a conservative guy, I can say all the things I think about liberals and yet still want to be friends. with them. I still want to have them in my life. In fact, our conversations are a lot better with these people. I think that's what's getting lost.

Be just as passionate about these social issues. But don't ostracize yourself from all the people that think differently than you. That's what I think our country's great about is, it's liberals come up with good ideas, right? Like, you go like, these are like new, good liberal ideas. Some of them. Some of them. Right. But then you need

the conservatives to go, all right, let's not get carried away here. Like this is like, you need It needs that balance. I think both sides can come up with good ideas, personally. Yeah, I think, but like new, progressive kind of things. And then it takes like a... Liberals lean more into that. Maybe a little more wise person to go,

oh, here's why that's a bad idea. We've also kind of done that before and it didn't work. You need both. Yeah, yeah. And I think the two-party system isn't anything to scoff at. It's something we should celebrate. It's what makes it great. Yeah.

But you said you're okay with hanging around with like your liberal friends. Oh, 100%. But I'm going to... add this because I was always the same way. But I feel like some of my liberal friends in recent years have become very overbearing and pushing the way we just talked about the way some of these celebrities are and sort of becoming almost too aggressive and pushing where I got to be honest, some of my liberal friends, I'm not so comfortable in their company anymore. I don't want to be in that place, but the dynamic has changed a little. 100%. But it's not you were

projecting them. It's just that's what it's become. Yeah. Because that's the thing is like I feel the exact same way. There's so many people like I've gotten emails that people won't work with me in the last like six months. The girl that cuts my hair for the last 10 years who I thought was like a dear friend has completely kind of changed her position towards me. Wow. And here's the thing is like that I'm saying I still want to be their friends. Yeah. But they're like it's not they're not such an open minded lot anymore like yeah. They used to be a lot more open minded than now. Now it's very religious. Yeah, it's tragic to see. And I think that's why I bring it back to these celebrities with sort of a position of maybe not power, but influence. And they're projecting that and they're pushing

that. And unfortunately, like your hairdresser, they're absorbing that. And then they're in turn turning it around and pushing it on someone who was a lifelong friend, but not anymore. Right. Because all those maybe powerful, influential voices actually got through. 100%. And what's the point of that? Like, these guys should not be doing that. Like Taylor Swift, right? Like, I can just like her music and be like, she's great.

I don't need to hear all that. Yeah. Like, it's very confusing. It's very, it's not their place to do that as far as I'm concerned. But, you know. And also, like, especially from a Hollywood actor, like, as far as, like, Tom Hanks or something. Or, like, I'm trying to think of another at Meryl Streep. They pretend like they.

It just shows how out of touch the air with regular people. Yeah. So like a big tragedy will happen with guns. Yeah. You know, and they'll be like, these guns are disgusting and these. And you're like, I can find your Wikipedia. You've done 20 movies that glamorize guns. Right.

Like you love guns. Your Beverly Hills Mansion was built on guns. You're the beneficiary of guns and violence and storytelling and pretend. So it's like there's just so out of touch with the way the regular world works. Well, what's hard, too, is when you've done. you know, movies. I've done a lot of movies, I think like 45 movies in my career. And I won't name any names, but I've had movies where I've been in a movie with someone who was a friend, who was a talented person that I admired, looked up to. And I'll hear them on social media

calling, you know, people, Nazis and and clan members and bad people. And they, they should leave America and they're not worthy. And I'm like, my name's on your movie. How do you know I don't think the way they do? And what right do you have to? So now I'm in your movie. Right. I was your buddy.

And now apparently I'm this piece of garbage. Right. That at one point I was your buddy and you put me in your movie. Yeah, it's terrible. It's really hurtful. And I don't know. I hope that it's going to end. I'm hoping that this is kind of like it's been this big drama.

up of emotions and they're dusting everything and I'm I think that that's I think it's fading I'm hoping it's fading well you know what I this is my only thing that I would say that whatever my voice is worth and remember I did just write a song about a couple down by the river a number one hit my prediction they're down by the river smoke in the eyes all that I would say this we're all on the same team right if we were an NFL team we'd all be on the same team we'd all be on the same team. We're all in the same jersey. We're all in the same locker room. Why are you, why is half the team running the other way when the quarterback throws the ball, regardless of who's in power? Run with the captain, run with the quarterback, try and make things work.

And if it's four years later, it doesn't really work while a new quarterback's coming in. Let's keep running forward. 100%. Not it's, it's, it's trying to be optimistic about it. Don't think the sky is falling. Be like, all right, let's figure this out. We're all on the same. freaking team. 100%. Well, I think Johnny Cash did it best. Like Johnny Cash literally would be with like Bob Dylan one night, you know, doing like poetry and like doing like a big thing.

And then the next night he'd be in Dixie with all of his southern buddies, like doing like, you know, a concert for that. And I think like he was just like a perfect example of like there's so many positives over here and there's so many positives over here. You don't have to pick a group and get mad at them. You can love life. You can celebrate all the people in your life. for whatever they are.

It's all balanced. It seems like we did like, you know, five, six years ago. And now it's just become, I think everyone's, I don't even blame people or society. I blame there's big, big propaganda machines that I think have manipulated and tricked people. And humans are fickle. We're not as strong and strong-willed as we often think. And on mass, we can be moved and directed if there's a big enough propaganda machine.

behind it. Yeah, and not even know we're doing it. Look what Hitler did to a very smart, educated industrious society in Germany. He took that world and almost overnight made it this tyrannical force. And so we have to be careful and look at what's pulling the levers here. And they voted for him. It wasn't like he just came in and strong armed. It was like a democratic process. Yeah. But I think all this talk is just Sort of, I think you know what's coming. It sort of pushed me to the second verse of my song. Oh, God, I'm so excited.

The stars were twinkling above. The tears were streaming down her face. They couldn't understand this crazy human race. So they got on the bike, and they rode through town, and they looked all around. They were never going down. That's amazing. Right?

Yeah, hey. How many verses are in this? It's a lot. More than what Springsteen could do. Very excited, yeah. And by the way, just because that was my second verse that I just dropped, Springsteen, you can go buy a giant glazed ham, put it in your mouth, light the ass end of it on fire,

and bleach your asshole. I think he's good. Yeah, I think he's, I think he won, dude. But I want to hear more of this song. You will. All right. But I see, I'm a boss. I do art.

I have to be inspired. I love it. Yeah, you're a real deal. As you talk, as you get my juices flowing, I don't normally talk about this stuff. I love it. I love it. But you brought it out of me because you're this guy that when you were here last time,

I didn't know about this side of you. Yeah, let's get into it. And it's almost like you're like venom. You've almost jumped on to me. And now I'm just like talking like you. Yeah, we're in, dude. I love it. We're in together.

We got this together. Are we like square dancing metaphorically together or something? I don't know how that works. What would metaphorical? Swing your Jeff die around and round. I like the Venom analogy better, actually. That's the best one. You led with the best one.

Venom is the best. Have you seen the movies? Yeah, but I hate them. I love the concept. I love the monster. I love the black tar or whatever. I like the look, but the music,

the movies, they decide to make them sort of comedic, where Venom's like kind of a smart ass. And it's like, no, you're a monster. You keep eating people. They're just like casual about murder.

Yeah, and he's kind of like doing Deadpool jokes. Like it's like if alien, You know, the Ridley Scud of, if alien, like, just before his second mouth came out, he went, knock, knock. Exactly. Who's there? Let us. Let us in who.

I'm going to eat your face. Oh, whee. That is my problem with all the Mormon movies. They made them all like sitcoms. Yeah. All of a sudden, Thor has yucks. You're like, why is Thor trying to be funny? I get Deadpool's doing it because that's really.

That was always Deadpool. That was always Deadpool. But the rest of them. And Peter Parker did a little bit. He was sort of a little bit comedic. But the rest, deadly serious. I don't remember Iron Man ever having. No.

Being a sarcat, like being a, you know, what's his face from Friends Chandler? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like the sarcastic, like, funny guy. Yeah, Robert Donnie Jr. is not even doing Iron Man. He's just doing Robert Donnie Jr. Yeah. With a melted frying pan on. How do you beat Iron Man with a can of Pam?

Because he could stick that. It takes, yeah. Dude, he'd slide right down the street. Well, Spider-Man, Dan Cummings. Do you know who that comedian is? Oh, I don't like that guy. He always gets in my eye. That's a cum joke.

He actually is fine with Dan Cummings of the man. Dan would be a bit of heart. Hi, I'm Danny L'Priori. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia. It's data brokers. These companies collect your personal information, including your browsing habits.

where you live and even who you're related to, and they sell it to the highest bidder. That's where ORA comes in. ORA automatically removes your personal info from data broker sites and keeps it off. It also monitors the dark web, safeguards your devices, alerts you to real-time threats and more.

Start your free trial at ORA.com slash control. That's A-U-R-A-com slash control for your free trial. Artbroken if you told them you don't like that. like him. I hate him. He can go straight down. He can go straight down with Bruce Springsteen. Great Combs.

No, I'm kidding. Yeah, Dan Cumming. He said a great joke about how like Spider-Man would be useless like in like a field because he doesn't have anything to like swing from. Oh, yeah. So he'd just be like, I need to get back to New York. I can't like swing around. He's got no walls.

Yeah, useless. Yeah, useless. I wonder if Spider-Man retires if he could become a web designer. They're like, your resume is really impressive, but do you know any? Yeah, I'm a web designer. Yeah, you don't get the job. Yeah, that wouldn't work. Back-to-back puns.

I didn't know what to do with it. Is that a pun-pun? Oh, that's a pun. Web designer? But is it back-to-back puns? Would that, would that be a pun-pon? It almost sounds like a Chinese dish. You like it a more pom-pon.

You want some pump-pon with the honey garlic sauce. You like to pawn-pun, Jeff Dye. Is it a dish? No, but it sounds like it. Sounds like a dish for sure. Pond-pon. Yeah. Sounds fun-fun.

I'd eat it. You'd eat some Pond and have some fun-fond. Yeah, yeah, it sounds cool. Jeff, I got to have some Pondon-Pon. I trust it. You're going to have a lot of fun-pon with your Pondpon. Dude, if they rhymed while you ordered, I'd go to that place all the time you got to see this show she calls you you mean like my song fun it's all the thing you mean

the way my song rhymes yeah your song rhymes you actually have a gift for um excuse me they rode through the night following the starlight all they had were the dreams all they had were the seams and the jeans wait and they made it to the dark side of town but no one could keep them down Because what they found And then you get to finish it Was profound Pretty good I panicked, you know

No, but that's a good word It's a biggie Yeah, profound, yeah I don't know if you hear it in a lot of rock tunes Yeah, profound Like, oh, we're halfway there Oh, we're profoundly living on a prayer You know

They don't want it to be profound They don't want you to tell them it's profound Welcome to the profound jungle, you know. Yeah, that word, I don't know if it really fits in. Have you made an album yet? Have I? Yeah. Like a music album?

I never made a music album? I have. I feel like you, yeah. I made a couple, actually. You're kidding. What's it called? It's one's called the Cousins, the Love Song Years. Okay.

And the second one's called the Cousins Rattlesnake Love. Love it. Because you had like a rockabilly thing going, right? Yeah, well, I have a cousin who's in a band, and so we grew up doing music. together. And so we did sort of a hobby band called The Cousins. Nice. And if you want, I can, I can inject one of our songs right here. Do you have a record? We have, we have two albums, yeah. You have the actual hard record? No, we just did DVDs and the second album was just digital downloads. But if you pick a topic, we probably did a song about it, and I'll plug it in

right here so the good folks can hear it. Well, my instinct is to go with Sasquatch, but there's zero chance you guys made a song about Sasquatch. Yeah, we didn't make a Sasquatch. What about love? I mean, they must have some love. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's probably rich with love songs. Damn right. I'll put in a love song. All right, let's hear it. A candle flickers in the middle of the night.

Lovers twisting in the shadow lights. They do the dance that broken lovers do. Rattles Snake romance under the summer moon Two lovers ride, they kiss, they bite They make love at the same time that they fight They call that the rattles Snake love

Down in the fire They called at the rattles Snake love Down in the bayou Dancing to the graveyard Death Danger in the air Swirling in the white men

Throwed out there they lay Eyes filled up with fire Fire. Tongues flicker, skin glistens, drenched with desire. They call that the rattles, snake love. You're so snaky, baby. They call it the rattle. We're down in the bayou.

You're so fucking twisted, baby. I'm gonna coil my body around you. Squeeze until you scream for mercy, baby. Crickets be calling out from the grasses. I hope we be watching from way up in the branch. branches Love is dance in the ghostly mess Love a share of poison kiss

Because it rattles snake love Down in the bayou Little, get a slide Gonna end up on the other side up on the other side of Rattles Snake love Down in the bayou

I want to swallow you whole I go crazy when you wrap that thing around me Out in the bayou Shake that snake thing Shake that snake thing Shake it! Down in the bayou I love to hate you.

Down in the bayou I want you, I want you and your brother to write a song about Sasquatch. You do? Yeah, that'd be great. We have one about aliens. Really? What's the premise of that song? It's basically about aliens.

coming to planet earth and you guys are cool of them and yeah we shot a video and everything did you want me to plug that one in definitely want to hear that yeah okay i'll put the alien song it's called greetings planet earth i love that okay i'll put that in Greetings planet Earth Greetings planet Earth Greetings planet Earth Greetings by Earthlings Greetings Planet Earths

I come from far away Greetings Planet Earth You may wonder who I am Greetings Planet Earth I'm an intergalactic My forehead bubbles Watch it bubble Watch it bubble

See it bubble Greetings I want to be part of the Earth community. I want to clip coupons on Wednesdays. I want to recycle on Thursdays. On Fridays, bowling, and on Sundays, I'd like to lay on your log chairs. Yes, Earthlings, I may look unusual to you,

and of course my spaceship may seem funny. They seem funny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But trust me, your things I am not that much different from you. My forehead bubbles. It's bubble. Watch it bubble. Bubble.

Rubble. Shut down the face. Shut down the drums. Suck on my silence! sound Greetings planet Earth Now I shall mushroom dance Hey, how do we know he's not going to kill us?

Silence! Thank you. Everything with aliens is so good. Oh, sex. You know what I think aliens should do, though? Jeff died because you've seen them right they've got these big heads they get the almond eyes but they got these fingers

these elongated fingers if an alien comes down I just want a sweetest massage get in there like get in there but they're weak you know would it kill them to work out these aliens really are their fingers weak I feel like their bodies are weak but those fingers I'm sensing deep tissue like galore

man maybe like my back's here and their fingers are up here It's just like, it's just jacking you up with wisdom, too. Like, it's making you smarter while you. Oh. Imagine a facial with those fingers, just like orbing on your face. You got like, you got like, I don't know, Newman's own ranch dressing and just. I feel like I've seen some.

I don't want this is a gift. This is a video that never ends. Why are you laughing? I'm getting a facial by an alien. Yeah. That's pretty good. This is there a problem? With ranch dressing.

Can I continue, please? Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. I don't need laughing. It actually feels good. Wow. You got to do the noise. That's too hard.

It's your department. Now listen, let's get to Sasquatch because I know you live, love, breathe and die for the quatch. It's the best, dude. So since we last talked, we went back and forth. I've sent you a bunch of videos. You sent me a bunch. I'm still not convinced. I don't know if I said this last time, so forgive me if it's a repeat.

No worries. But if I send a bad video, it's, oh, this is terrible. And if you send a good one, they just go, this is fake. Yeah. You can't win. Well, here's what I'm going to offer to you. Because I believe it exists, but I never believed any of the videos I saw. They were always shaking.

They were always like, it was like a partial view of the South Squioch. It was never like. And so since then, I have actually, you're going to enjoy this. I took some footage. Oh, now we're talking. Of a real South Squioch. Yes. And I want to share it with you because this could be the first real footage of a South Scratch.

Can I show you a couple of videos? Yes, please. Okay. Let's do it. If you get my phone, Jeff, die. Did you give me some Nutella last time I was here? No. Did you realize?

I think you had like a thing in Nutella. I think I pulled it out, but I can't eat Nutella. I'm allergic to it. Yeah, and you gave it to me. Because you're not allergic. Yeah, I like it. Did you eat it? Well, I just, I just put it on a waffle like two days ago.

I was like, I don't remember where I got this. But now that I'm sitting here, I was like, I think I got it from you. You put it on a waffle? Yeah, it's good. How did it taste? Let me guess. Waffle. Tasted a dwafel.

That was a pun. I got it. But if you do another pun, it becomes a pun pun. Okay, Jeff. The first video is sauce squatch. Hit play. Oh, wow. It's in a hot tub?

Yeah, he was raped by song by a hot tub. Oh, oh my gosh. She's relaxing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's drinking a beer. He's, uh, I think he's drinking something. He's having some sort of beverage.

Yeah. Oh, and he's been spotted. He's panicking. He's running away into the bush. Right. Oh, he's disappeared now. Oh, he's climbing a tree, maybe? Dude, I don't know what he's doing, but where did you get this footage?

Dude, who knows? I was out camping. It was a hot tub. Yeah. But I was camping near a hot tub forest. this is this is really alarming how you got that dude isn't that wild pretty good yeah i love it i didn't know he had ears like that too yeah now look at this one oh okay there's another one i got i got about four double foot what did you chased him down yeah i saw him in different different campsites

all right oh here he is again yeah he's drinking a bit oh now he's hiding again such a shy creature i know but he's at a bar you think he should be more scary He's back up. He was hiding and now he's, now he has been filmed again. Yeah. This is, uh,

Is that wild? Can I send this to my Bigfoot guy? Put it on, see if they'll put it on TikTok. I'm gonna put it on. I'm gonna put it on this, on this pod. I want everyone to see this.

He's so casual Bigfoot. Look at this one. Oh my God. Oh, it goes out in the woods. Oh, crap. Now what's he,

was he got teepee? He found, I think he found a roll of toilet paper. Oh, and now he's, He's been spotted again He really enjoyed the roll of toilet paper Before he got confronted

He sort of did like a CERC de Soleil thing He was tossing it around Almost like those girls in the Olympics With the things Or at the back of the church They did it with the ribbons Who knew the Souscuayalach is so playful And I think I have one last one here Jeff Dye

This I don't know how you got such good footage Most people go their whole lives Look at this one This was unbelievable South Squioch He's humping a wall He's what? He's humping a wall.

Oh, I wondered what he was doing. Yeah, yeah, he's going, really getting after it. He's been spotted again. Oh, he's coming right after the camera. Oh, my God. That one was scary. Yeah. I didn't know what he was doing, but you said he was what?

Humping a wall of sorts. Saucroch was humping a wall. Maybe he had an itchy crotch. Okay, he's out in the woods. I know. By a wall. I want to play the audio of what you sent me when I would send you all these bigfoot videos. Oh, yeah?

You were pretty, it was the funniest thing. thing of the world. Oh boy. Here we glow. For the listeners. Just me going, here's a video. Here's a video. Just sending him so many videos. Yeah, you would send me, would in and date me with South Squioch videos. Tons of them. These were ones from YouTube, right? They were, you know, they went through Instagram reels to all these different things. But I don't think any of them will have the clarity of the ones I just showed. Those are the best footage. I've never seen anything. Isn't that wild? And now I'm a true believer. This was your response to me. me inundating with all these videos.

Oh, boy, here we go. See, why is it if it's a bear or a moose or a bird or a fish or a car crash or a fistfight? Anything else? People stay on it. They move in closer. They get a better angle. They stay with it to its conclusion. But every single big foot clip, three seconds running away.

The camera's shaking. Look, it's going this way and that way. But yet everything else on the planet that gets filmed, it's just pretty straight, steady, kid crashing on a skateboard, a rainbow, fucking airplane crashing. They get all of that. But rock cut to a big foot,

and suddenly everyone's got fucking Parkinson's disease and fucking it's. It's the foggiest day of the year, and there's a fucking tsunami coming in, and the fucking forest just grew fucking nine miles thicker overnight. I mean, come on, guy. Come on, guy. Wow. We had a good laugh about it, just that it's a pretty good argument.

But also, I think if you're going to see something as scary as what you saw, you know, most people don't have the bravery to shoot that. Yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I'm glad I got the footage because it finally saw. sort of helped me have clarity. Confirms. Just confirm it. Yeah.

And I just feel good. I feel like I'm through the window. Yeah. I saw footage. Do you want to feel, you know, apologize for doubting? You know, I feel like you should apologize to everyone. Like, you know, I doubted, but now I'm, now I'm a believer. Apologize to you.

Not to me, but just in general, you know, the Sasquatchians comedian community, yeah. You know, I only have like 19 viewers, right? So it's fine. I got Peter it's just it's proving you were wrong you know so you want me to apologize yeah Peter I got well Peter uh clump tooth down there in Dallas Texas I got Bigfoot was real Sarah uh crack crunched down there in Boston I was listening to Harlan highway I stopped listen to it

he said he was saying Bigfoot ain't real that one guest he had on was talking about Sasquatch He said Bigfoot one real. I can't listen to this anymore. What are you doing? Like a southern accent there? Yeah, he's just a sad guy. I just picture you sitting out on an old dusty road on the bench at an old gas station.

I'm from Florida. What power? I'm from Tallahassee originally. Holy shit, just on the outside of town? Yeah, but I listen to the park. I like the Harlan Highway, and then you started talking about, you started talking about the, we got skunk eggs down here. But you're saying it ain't.

real i turned it off oh no don't do that now yeah i said you come with the jokes what's all this uh what's all this opinion about big foot you gotta you gotta keep it you gotta have faith in the highway you got to keep listening and and let the the glow of the baskin robbing the neon sign wash all over you well i don't like admitting to someone hurt my feelings but big foot is i hell i seen it where yeah huh where you see we used to go drink down by the creek you saw him down by the creek you saw him down by the creek We all saw them. What do you mean?

We all. Who were you down there with? We were down there with some friends in the truck. We down there with Billy Paul Johns or whatever the fuck. His name is. Yeah, Chris. Oh. I feel like you're hurting people's feelings, you know, when you poop, boo,

big foot. You know, we need hope. We got to believe something's out there. That's why I showed you the video. I know. Now you know it's real. Do you think there's any other critter out there? Like we talked about aliens.

We talked about Bigfoot. Oh, yeah. We even touched on Chupacabra. Yeah. Is there one that's not in the narrative, the public eye that maybe I've never even heard of that you... Have you heard of rake creatures? No.

Rake creatures. They're like skin walkers. They've got all these different names. I think rake creature was actually invented for like a movie. But they're basically talking about the same thing. It's a skin walker, which is the Native Americans. They talk about these like white, ugly, bald things that live in caves and kind of come out. Really?

Yeah, but there's good videos of those, too. I'd love to see some in my yard in the fall. Yeah, I bet. Well, after that footage, I think you might see one in your... Get those leaves, you little fuckers. Well, it's also like caves, man. We know nothing about our caves. There could be all sorts of lizards and stuff in there.

What do you mean our caves? You know, like in the caves. Nobody goes in caves. What about cavers? Like all the tunnels and things underneath the... What about professional cavers? There's some places they can't get to. Wait, so you think there's, like, subterranean critters?

I bet there's some critters in there. Like, some sort of, like, lizard. People wouldn't find it that interesting. but you know like some sort of maybe a humanoid like an undiscovered species yeah i think so like humanoid or like amphibious i don't know i think there's probably just stuff in there wow don't you think you think about this yeah i think that like there's probably tons of things we don't know about have you ever been inspired to go caving and search around no i would i would like to if someone wants to go i'd do it you're too tall though i don't think you'd do well in a cave you're like

almost what's six six you also got to know what you're doing yeah i'm six five but you got to kind of like know what you're doing too you're not you're not going in a cave you didn't even lay like a LA Rams football helmet what also it's scary in there you ever seen these people like I see them on the internet yeah they'll like get into a hole in a cave that's like the exact same size of their body oh they're I think it's stupid that's crazy it's too what are you trying to prove I don't like look how much I can wedge into a spot it's almost like a minnow trap where minnows go in and they can't get out you you don't do that well and also I think There's probably a lot of stuff in there, you know?

Well, there's this, the fascination is to go into, you know, there's something really fascinating to go in a place where you believe that no other human has ever laid eyes on. Yeah. When I worked up in the bush, I would go to areas of the forest where I was pretty convinced where I was walking through tracks of forest where I was on, no other human being has ever laid eyes on this piece of real estate. Yeah. And that's, it's sort of an empowering magical feeling.

Yeah. So I get that's probably a bit of the drive to go into a cave. And then on top of that, as you suggested, to find some kind of uncategorized species. Yeah. That has never been undocumented species of whatever, a fish, a reptile, an amphibian. Who knows what? Yeah. That is in the thrall.

Think about like, people, people always go, you know, we haven't discovered much of our ocean. We only know such. Oh, yeah. Why is that an interesting sentence for everyone? Because there might be something in there that we don't know. Oh, there has to be. Same with the woods. We know nothing about the woods.

You know, like most people don't. You know, like a lot of people that are up in the woods. They're not going out there. City folk, don't. The woods, but there's a lot of undiscovered woods. A lot of woods. Pacific Northwest alone. Fly over from, fly to California to Seattle.

Look out the window. There's so many woods. There could be tons of stuff in there. Like what? Critters. Bigfoot's, like, you know, weird little rodents and things, you know, stuff that we haven't discovered yet. Yeah, I love it. I hope they stay undiscovered.

I think that they probably, a lot of them will. I love it that there's critters that humans haven't picked off yet. Because inevitably, what do we do? We just disrupt their ecosystem. We disrupt everything about them. We eventually possibly destroy them. So if you can stay hidden, this is to all the critters who are watching this podcast right now that have never come face.

It's one thing to see us through broadcasting means. But if you've never come face to face in contact with a human, keep your distance. Stay out of there. Don't do it. Don't go to Six Flags. Don't go to the mall. You don't need to go to the grove.

There's nothing for you, you know, just a bunch of people. Stay in your cave, eat your Helgrimite ants, whatever you do, eat your seaweed, your lichen. Yeah. Just stay away from us. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's not good. Also, like, the thing about these creatures is, like, I went camping somewhere in California.

And I said, how many animals are around us? He was what do you mean? Like, well, there's all sorts of critters in these woods. There's birds and, and I was going, it's nighttime. I don't see any of them. And he goes, well, they're here. And he goes, so if I was, like, a way to, like, find, like, an infrared or something that I could just see. There'd be all these critters around us.

I can't find any of them. I don't see any of them. There must be big cats sleeping up here. He goes, yeah, they're out here. They're stealthy. You don't see them. Yeah. Yeah, so I imagine there's a lot of things in the woods we just don't see.

Well, it's the same way if you talk to an experienced guy who's been on the water in the ocean. They will tell you, you may be in swimming and you go, are there sharks? And they go, if you're in the water, there's sharks in the vicinity. Sure. Most people who know the ocean say if you're in swimming, there's a high probability that within a hundred feet of you somewhere, are there as a shark. That's crazy. And that's probably very factual.

So it's the same thing in the forest. There's so many critters that have eyes on you. And so we go, well, they're not around. I've been in the woods a million times. There's not. No, they're there. There's stuff around. They're there.

They just don't want to be known. They don't want to be seen by us. Well, they're going to get killed or picked off or hunted. Yeah. So it's like, I think that like, that's the way I always think about the woods. Wow. You don't see no bear bones. Have you ever run into a big, like, carnivore or like a bear or, like a bear or,

mountain lion or anything? None of it. What's the biggest critter you've bumped into in the woods? I saw, this is a real L.A. story here. I saw a bobcat in a tree at Runyon Canyon. And they wouldn't even let us walk under it because the cat was just like everyone could see the cat. And so they like blocked off that area. They brought some nerd from the university to be like, oh, the cat won't attack you, please. Do you really want to be scared of an animal named Bob? Yeah, exactly. And it's like this cute thing. It's kind of cute. That's why we have polar bears, Codiak bears,

black bears. We don't have a Larry or a Cynthia bear. Yes, you know what I mean? I wouldn't be a fighter. Yeah. Buddy, let's get down and you know where I'm going.

Words from a wooden shoe time, my God. You know how it works. You reach into the wooden shoe, the Dutch cloggy. Yeah. You pull out a word and see if the word

you have some kind of attachment to your journey in life, whether it's you or a friend. friend or a situation you were in? I like to get in the toe of the shoe. Get in the toe, get into where the toe jam juice is. What's your magic word, my guy? Chicken wing.

Oh, here we go. Oh, maybe do a Bob Backland like, cross-faced chicken wing? You remember him? No. Bob Backlin, the famous wrestler. No. The cross-faced chicken wing, one of the greatest finishing moves of all time. Never heard of it.

I had chicken wings yesterday for the first time in a year. Why did you wait so long? I don't know. I just haven't, because I haven't been going to bars as much because I'm not drinking. I used to have wings almost every night. Every night. And then I haven't had them for like a year. You had wings every night.

Well, a lot. Yeah, pretty often. Wow. Yeah. Are you the chicken wings? Are you the, um, the drumstick guy or do you like the flat? I don't even know what the flat parts called. Yeah, that little two bones.

Yeah. A little like football shape. Yeah. Yeah. I like that better. Me too. Whatever that one is. Yeah.

Yeah. The meat seems to be soft. Yeah. And it's funner to pull it off. Yeah, I learned you could strip it out of the thing. Yes, that's why I like that one better. Yeah. But I used to prefer the drumstick.

You did. It seems like a caveman like it makes more sense. Very primal. But then when you learn how to eat those the right way, it's good. What is that part of the bone call? Or what's that piece called? The drum. Thighs?

The drum. Oh, that's the one you hold. Stick. What's the one we like? The thigh? The best one? Thigh bone? What is it?

I don't know what it is. Is it even part of a wing? That would be sad if it doesn't look like a wing. What can't be a thigh, right? The birds have terrible legs. Yeah, it must be a wing. What is it? But isn't the drumstick part?

Isn't that part of the leg? I have no idea. Now, what have we been eating? What the hell have we been eating? It's all a lie. Oh, I guess maybe it's his haunches of his leg. You know, the bone is. I don't know how it works.

Oh, God. What are wings? What the hell? our wings. Chicken wings. I don't, like, we should know more about this. We should know more about what we're putting in our mouth.

Chicken wings. What flavor do you like with your wings? Is it barbecue? Is it buffalo? I like honey garlic. I'm a honey garlic guy. I'm a hundred gentlemen. I don't understand how to find it.

I wouldn't even know what to search. I tried to figure it out. It couldn't. Maybe they don't want us to know. Yeah, they just show kind of these, like, slutty little birds without feed or head. That's what I just go. I go, chicken wings, what is it? And it just showed kind of like these naughty birds.

But is there any weird, like, or any type of strange story affiliated with chicken wings that you might remember? I can tell you one real quickly while you're going through your Rolodex. Yeah, I got one. But go ahead. No, you go, it's your word. Well, I've had every job, right? Okay. I was very good at getting jobs.

I'd do the interview. I'd get the job. And then I'd get fired. Okay. Or I'd quit or I'd be like, I don't want to do this. You were a charmer? You could go in and charm them. You go get the job, but then I'd be like, I don't like this job,

or I'd be a professional or whatever. So you can not only get the job, but you can lose it, too. That's a full circle skill set. Yeah, good for you. Balance. But a job that I hated, the quickest job I ever had was I worked at Taco Bell KFC. They moved to Taco Bell KFC into our town. I was like, oh, two things, you know.

It's like through the same drive-thru window? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's dangerous. And KFC. That's dangerous, yeah. And so I worked there since my first day, all these, like, kind of tough guys, all the guys that worked there, they were kind of like these white guys who think they were black guys. You know, they were dressed like all, like, hood, you know, very, because Kent Washington, can't be that urban.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're pretending, you know, they're wearing the costume. And they're like, and they're like, yo, man, this dude's not going to last a day, right? And I was looking at them, like, shut up, you know, whatever. They were right. I made it one hour. I just went outside. I said, I'm going to take a break.

I went outside. I never came back. Why? Because we had these wings, right? We had, like, chicken. Yeah. And what they would do is, like, take this gross chicken, it's not been cooked yet or anything.

And I had to, like, run my thumb down its backbone to, like, take all the innards out. Oh, no. Into a collection bin of innards. And then I'd have to, like, kind of, like, it was all sticky and gross. And I'd use my hands. And then put it, like, in flour or batter or something,

and then put it in the ones. The KFC? Yeah. And then in the ones that had been, like, finished. And then do that again with another one. Oh. do it over and over. It was so gross.

Oh. I was just like, I can't do this job. And they were right. I quit. I quit after like one hour. I made it one hour. I didn't even make a shift.

Did you, did you ever eat a Kentucky fried chicken again? No, I haven't. I mean, I've had chicken since, but I don't, you can't eat a KFC.

I can't think about it or else I'll freak out. Yeah. It's disgusting. Oh, God. What's your chicken wing story? So I went to animation college, right? Nice. And back in those days,

now it's all. digital but back in the days when i went at college they had these things called animation tables yeah big there's a big table with lights on it and then there was a circular disc in the middle and you stuck the animation paper to it and you did your drawings and you'd wave the paper like you they called it flipping and you'd see the drawings move and so you'd have to do it on a light table so you could kind of see through what the drawing underneath was and so there's this one guy in our class, everyone would eat chicken wings down at the cafeteria, and instead of dumping the bones in the garbage, when this guy wasn't at his desk, they'd lift his circular, like,

light disc out, and they'd put all the chicken wing bones in his, in his, where his fluorescent lights were. And so they'd sort of cook a little still, the remaining meat. And this guy, there must have been about, must have been like Jeffrey Dahmer's, like, pleasure. sure there was probably about 150 bones and one day he just read like his lady he pulled it open and he just freaked out oh i'd be barfing everywhere and it was just what was his name well his name was steve plunkett yeah yeah there's a baseball player named steve plunker was there i think so yeah yeah so these these all these people just filled his steve plunk his life his light table up with chicken that's a hell of a prank how long were they doing oh they were doing it for

months oh my yeah yeah probably stung when it finally like kind of it came to a crescendo it was hilarious so there's some not for him but for everyone else musician named steve blunkett i thought that's disgusting well not as disgusting as you like rub in anyways uh well we forget that it's an animal you know like a chicken we think oh a chicken i like a chicken way he's like you forget how gross it is it's like this little like bird yeah yeah maybe start eating squirrel? I don't know. I wonder if they,

do they taste good? That's probably why people don't kill them and stuff because, you know. What about some orangutan? I'd eat that. Can you eat rangatangatang? I guess you can eat any.

Especially this part. Yeah, I'd eat that for sure. Ladies and gentlemen. Jeff Dye, ladies and gentlemen, before we go, buddy, thank you for being here, first of all. And please let everyone know where they can see your tour,

where they can find your social media. Yes, sir. So I have a special called The Last Cowboy in L.A. Just Google Jeff Dye, the Last Cowboy in L.A. It's out now. I'm very, very excited about it. And then jeffdye.com, you can see when I'm coming to your neck of the woods. Yeah.

And is your special up on YouTube? It's on YouTube, yeah. Oh, great. So it's a free download. Yeah, it's been up for a couple days at the time of this recording. We got 100,000 views. So I'm just happy anybody's liking it. Yeah.

Oh, dude. Please check out Jeff's special. and go see him live, hilarious. And as we talked about at the beginning of the show, he does not hold back. You're going to love it. And buddy, thank you for being here. I'm glad that you came around on Bigfoot.

He's real. Oh, those videos prove it. I just happened to stumble into him out by the hot tub. Till next time, Chicken Chalmain, baby. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very? own personal video message from me, yours truly. It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh.

You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you. you or your loved one, your very own personalized Harland. Hi, I'm Danny L'Priori. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online?

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