The Harland Highway - JEREMIAH WATKINS - Comedian, Actor and part Cajun Bull Frog!

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Jeremiah Watkins and Harland Williams talk about the dark side of entertainment, and show us how a praying mantis prays! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, folks, welcome to today's podcast. Today's podcast is sponsored and brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp.com, and I'm going to tell you more about them later in the show. But before we get started, I want to say thank you to everyone for watching, for subscribing. Don't forget to subscribe. And as you know, we've got a new phone number where you can call in, leave messages, and periodically we're going to do some shows where I take your phone. calls and it's a lot of fun answer your phone calls we just wing it and you can leave whatever

message you want 323 696 0222 322 323 6996 0222 so don't forget to call in and leave a voicemail and also if you want a personal video message from yours truly uh check out this thing called Cameo. Camio.com. It's an app. And how it works is you can hit me up and I'll send you a very personalized video of me kind of talking about things that you like or things that you request. It's a lot of fun, very personal, and I love doing them. So if you want your very own cameo for me, Go to Cameo, the Cameo app or Cameo.com, and hit me up for your very own personalized Harlan video. I'm going to be in Utah, Salt Lake City, Utah, at Wise Guys, 29th and 30th of March.

That's this coming weekend. So get your tickets at Harlem Williams.com. It's going to be awesome. And then, folks, I'm coming home. Daddy's coming home to Toronto, where he was conceived in the backseat. of a transam. I'm going to be at the Royal Theater in Toronto one night only, April 12th,

and get your tickets, two shows, one night, April 12th, the Royal Theater in Toronto, and get those tickets at Harlem Williams.com. It's going to be so good to be back home and performing in front of my peeps. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland High.

Highway Show Harland Williams All right, buddy, I'm going to put my two on cans. I'm putting mine on. It's up to you. You don't have to. It's only if you want it. Do you play stuff?

I play the theme music, which no one likes to miss. But that's pretty much it. Okay. I might take them off after the theme music. Okay. I play the theme music in the last four minutes. Okay, great.

How about that, huh? Mm-hmm. Well, now that's a ride, ladies and gentlemen. You on the Hall and Highway Air Drum Parkhand. Park a Hall of Highway. Dude, you've really got... Whoa, your tongue's coming out. Whoa. Dude, I've never seen one get it so into the theme music before.

Whoa, bro. He's a treat to be back on the Hall of Highway Parkhack. Well, he's gone full cage and... Cajun on me, ladies, gentlemen. We're going to pour Cajun that on a podcast. Oh, that's the first time someone got so excited about the team you got the first time someone going to go for Cajun. Well, sometimes you just need to do it at the top of the podcast before a fest or too long because otherwise they'll eat at you. Oh, yeah, you've got to get that Cajun spice out your system now, boy.

No, otherwise, that burned your bowel right up. Oh, that's going to burn a hole right through your outhouse now, player. You want it outhouse before it becomes in-house. Oh, man. Wow, Wadi. Hey, folks, Jeremiah Watkins is here. Wadi's in the house. Wadi's in the building. Dude, that was probably the biggest, like, best, like, intro theme music thing ever.

I'm feeling it today. And you know what? Yeah. When I see you, I get charged, energized right away. Yeah, how can you not look at me? I know. You're like a Viagra, straight to the eyes. Yeah.

Bonar eyes. Yeah. I'm like a walking boner pill. Yeah. I'm just going to, I'm just, I'm not ignoring you. I'm just giving our viewers a time to get a wrecked. You got a, ooh. Well, they look at me and even the women, I want them to get a wrecked.

I mean, I wouldn't look for too long. It might cause a medical emergency. You might want to. This is good medical advice, but at the end of the day, it's on them. Okay. I mean, I'm, but there's probably some women right now, Wadi, sitting on their couch. And for the first time in their life, lives sprouting an erection.

Listen, they're either sitting on their couch or they've already slid off by now. Just looking at me, the human, you said it, the human Viagra. Yeah. But then again, I got to say, if I'm the human Viagra, my friend, that makes you the human Cialis. You want to give them a moment? Hey, all you listening out there, all you watching, I hope you're having a beautiful. beautiful day. A day as beautiful as yourself. Now, am I hard or are you hard? Is Harland hard?

We might all be. Because in Español is very difficult, which is hard or difficult. So take that to your ohos. I thought it was pronounced Elorecto. Oh, is it? In Spanish. Oh. What did you say? I thought it was Bonero. oh well happy ale recto bonero yeah wow did we ever kick this thing off like hard yeah like real hard but you you brought up something let me crack a frosty I'm a little my my larynx is a little bleached after after all that you've been bleaching it well no it just that was such a hot moment like most podcasts don't come in that hot and steamy listen and I think I bleached out my uvula or my labia.

What's in there? It's a labia in there. Is it a labia? Yeah, yeah. I feel like it's really dry, like a North Korean sandbox. Oh, okay. Dude, if a pelican smashes through the roof right now and sucks our heads, I don't blame it. Not at all.

Not at all. We are walking on a tight rope wire, bro. We are. A lot of podcasts do cold opens. We're just trying to get a hot open today. Dude, what if a pelican smashed through the roof and sucked our heads? They got those big gully, you know, the big, and we're making pelican noises? Yeah.

Are we crazy? I don't know. It could happen at any moment. Are we pelon nuts? I don't know. Are we pellet craze? Are we on the exercise bike? Are we pelotons?

What are we? What are we? Dude, Roseph. Yeah. Now, speaking of air, this is what I wanted to open with, because you made a very pertinent comment, like, just before we went live on air and became erectile pills. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You told me you put your phone in airplane mode.

Yes. And then what was the follow-up? I said, so it might crash into a building at any moment. Your phone? Yeah. Whew. What was that? It's my throat.

Was that your oophila? It's my legia. You just, you just did a, what of those? Whoa, dude. That's like a bullfrog. Yeah.

A frog right behind you. Dude. We are flowing today, my friend. Dude, that's like a mating call. Like, have you ever been out in a marsh or in a swamp and heard that late at night? You're like a tree to. Now, it might be a little bit too much for the ladies

if I look directly into camera and do it at the same time. Do it. Fuck it. You ready? Yeah. Dude, that's the best. I snotted a little bit because I got so excited.

Oh, I don't blame you. I snotted in my underpants. Oh, did you? Yeah. Dude, that is the best, like, I think you're like, frog like tropical rainforest amazonian like i can't do that i used to work at rainforest cafe and they they teach us that there no way can i take your order and that yeah so um would you like to hear the specials today yes please okay uh we have a chicken tinder special with a side of fries ketchup

dejon mustard and we also have um uh beef fritters now beef fritters is like one of like the wild yaks that. Sounds delicious. Sounds delicious. Does it come with a side? It does come with a side, actually. A side of cheesecake and potpourri.

And. And mayonnaise. Dude. That's like a throat fart sort of. It is. After a while of doing it, they got weaker because there was gas starting to build up in my throat. And I had to clear the chamber. Okay.

Got you. Speaking of critters, we started off with pelicans, tree toads, frogs. Is there a critter out in nature that you find the most unusual or bizarre? Like, it doesn't have to be one you've seen. In real life, it could be one you've seen in a book on the nature channel. Is there a critter out there that you just go, what? How? Evolution.

Weird. I don't know. I mean, honestly, anytime I see a praying mantis, I'm pretty thrown. Oh, really? Why? Yeah, they're weird. Just because you don't see them that often. Yeah, that's true.

But when you do, they look like they're ready to fight you. Like, anytime I've seen a praying mantis, I've never seen like a docile, like just chill. Yeah. they're ready at any moment to it seems like they they're always in fear of a predator coming their way or they want to put that off like that big grow energy well you know what i do with them i kind of reverse the bully mode because most insects like an ant or a spider in your house you'll just look to be like right you'll just kill it without any but because they're praying mantises i'll give them the option they'll be there and they'll be like and i'll go you want to die you

want a party motherfucker you're about to get my foot unless of course you want to talk to the lord and then the praying mantis is just like allelelujah alleluia allelius to be honest to be honest yeah like and then you let them go because they prayed all the other ones they just let you kill them you You know, a lot of bugs are pretty sacrilegious, to be honest. Yeah. Like ladybugs, blasphemous creatures. Yeah. But praying mantises, they're very reverent.

They got the Lord in them. They do. Have you ever heard of praying mantis choir? You're laying in bed in the middle of the night and outside your window? Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Dude, I got to say it. But I think you just shit your throat.

Yeah, I think I did. Holy fuck. Wow. Do you any wipes? Yeah, you need some wipes, dude. I think you might have sucked a log right up into your throat. Oh, yeah. Like for sure.

Lincoln style. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So that's a good one. Praying mantis, they're very odd. Yeah. They got a weird name.

The fact that they pray, no other bug does it. What would you do if you were about to step on a praying mantis? Yeah. And it caught your foot. And it, you know, in a movie movie where it spins you around. Yeah. Or it spins me around. It spins you around.

And you, uh, fuck me. I guess I'd be the one praying at that point. Right. Alleluia. Alleluia. Yeah. Oh, that was a big movement.

That was like a thanksgiving shit in your throat. Yeah, yeah. I invited the family over for that one. I have a critter that I always thought was really weird. Have you heard of the archer fish? No. Okay, this is a real fish. It lives in Australia.

It lives in like tropical rainforest. There's a lot of weird creatures in general in Australia. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Aosie's got scary one. Scary fucking, but this one, the archer fish, check it out. Most fish will like jump for a bug or eat something underwater. The archer fish, it goes along.

It looks up out of the water for bugs on a plant or on a tree, and it goes up and it spits water, knocks it off the thing and drops it into the water and then consumes it. They've got meticulous aim. They've figured out the refraction of the water, and they actually spit water right out at a bug. And it's unbelievable. This is one of, this is why I said there's these weird,

creatures in nature. So you're telling me this fish is a spitter and a swallower? And a squirder. Yeah. And when I was a kid, I was so enamored with this fish. When I was a kid and I went through my Zit phase, like the pus phase. Like acne? Yeah.

I would float down the river and near our house. We had a river near our house and I'd float on my back. And as soon as I saw like a bug, I'd just be like, pht. And I'd like knock them off and, oh, if you're going to laugh, maybe this. This isn't the story for you? No, I didn't realize it. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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your acne was that bad where you had Morticulous control of it. Yeah, I could aim, man. Now, do you remember as a kid, did anybody in your class do this? Do you remember something called gleaking? No. You remember that?

No. I've heard of geeks, like geeking. What's gleaking? Okay. This is with an L? With an L. Gleaking. Now, I can't do it.

There was always a kid who could do it, but they'd go like this and they would have spit, pocketed, in the back of their mouth corners, and they'd go like this. and they'd shoot a stream. No. A small stream of spit onto different things. Ugh. I think it's contagious.

Sorry, dude. That was really. Dude, wait. Why is it called gleaking? I don't know. So they put like stuff their saliva like a chipmunk storing nuts and its cheese. yeah they do some weird thing with their tongue and then perfectly like an archer fish yeah like an archer fish though

wow kids would do it at my high school all the time no yeah did one ever like do it on you like like nail you with it like what was gross so they'd spit it like at your face and stuff sometimes but it was like a stream where it wasn't like it's not as offensive as somebody going you know well i don't know about that well you know it's a different kind of uh sensation if somebody's like, yeah, God, more sensual. Oh, God. That's creepy. Yeah. And did you retaliate or were you just like, oh, thanks for the gleaking? Well, you try to befriend those people so they wouldn't gleak on you and you'd use them at your might. And did you ever have to, by force, have to realize, well, if I got Gleekers, I better learn how to do it so I can retaliate.

No, I was always just in the company of Gleekers. So you never learned it? I never learned how. I never could. Because I got to say as a kid, like, how old are we talking? I mean, this went on from grade school, the middle school, dropped off a little bit more in high school, but there were still kids who would do it in high school.

Because this is the type of thing. If you see other kids doing that, I'm immediately going, I want to be able to squirt like that. Yeah, squirt out the mouth. Yeah. Come on. So that never, you never entertained even learning it? I tried, but I couldn't do it.

No way. Yeah, it's very specific. So it's a real skill set. I knew guys who could gleak across the room. Like we're talking six, seven, eight feet? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah. That's got some good gleaking. Uh-huh. Wow. Yeah. Hey, folks, as I mentioned earlier, today's show is sponsored by BetterHelp. How's your life going?

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Had this other kid, if I knew, you're talking about when you see somebody do something, you know, you want to be able to do it too. Yeah, right. you always want to win you're a kid uh when i was a freshman i was taking the spanish class and there's a senior that was an entry level spanish for some reason a senior a senior he was a senior he was older he would have been a senior seor i'm just i'm just telling you yeah you're putting it out there i get it could be a double entendre well he could have been a senior seor but he was just a senior or he could have been a senior senior like if you see a night

95-year-old Mexican guy walking down the street. That's a senior seigneur. Am I wrong? Well, you're right, but maybe he's trying to speak more English. Maybe he's a senior senior. Okay. Is he seen your sister? What?

Huh? What is that? That's a whole different senior. Yeah. Sorry. Okay, so keep going. He hasn't seen my sister. Well, maybe he has.

He's 98. I guess he's lived long enough where he could have seen my sister. Oh, he's a senior seigneur, so he's seen a lot. Senior sister, I bet. I'm just throwing it out there. No, no, and I'm taking it. I'm just gleaking it out there. Right, right.

So there's this kid. Okay, sorry. Who he was a senior. Yeah. Even though it was in Spanish class. Okay. A younger guy. Yeah.

He was a young senior. And what was his name? Did he have a senior? Spanish name. I think it was something like Josh or something like that. Well, we can just say it, Josh. Oh, okay.

So he would do this thing where he would just fart, like really loud in class, like unabashedly just just huge. Just huge. Like louder than you've ever heard. It's so ridiculously. Wow.

Where it would like interrupt the entire class. It wasn't just like a little squeaker. it was like these huge farts and then he would start dying laughing oh you got to yeah i mean he would just and then when he would laugh that hard i was like this guy's my hero this is hilarious and then the teacher this kid is 18 by this point by the way and and everybody else is just like what are you doing it's just like me laughing maniacally oh man this guy who's also laughing at his own fart. Yeah.

And then the teacher, the seora, oh, wow. Yeah, she would say, go to the hall. Wow. Every time. So he went to Arsenio Hall's house? Yeah, every time. Every time he farted, he ended up on the Arsenio Hall show.

Wow. Senio loves farts. I know. Boop, pooh, pooh, pooh. My thing used to be, I used to go to movies all the time when I was like a teenager in my 20s during college and me and my my buddy my college roommate Reg we would go to the movies and I would time my farts like for the word like there was this famous movie Natasha Kinski did this big epic love story called Tess okay in the in the 80s it was like a huge hit it was

like dances with wolves long it was so big it had an intermission in it and it was this epic love story about love and lost love and getting it back and pining for love. And then we were in like the, it was after the intermission was like the third act and the two lovers that had broken apart and they couldn't love anyone else

and they finally come back together in the third act and it's a beautiful moment on the right here. It's one of those moments where the music stops and they look at each other and he just goes, I love you. And then I just went

like a huge fucking fart me and my buddy and it's that thing it's the forbidden laugh where you can't laugh so you're laughing your head up but you got to keep it silent so all you can see is your shoulders go like this right

so everyone in the theater just saw our shoulders going up and down it was the meanest thing because you ruined the movie for every you know you can't have a big love scene and then a fart I mean, how many people were in that theater when you saw it? Oh, packed.

Oh, yeah. You know what? That theater's going to remember that forever. Oh, man. They have remembered that moment for everyday sense. Yeah. And I did another thing. It was the same theater once, and I went by myself, and I used to love Clint Eastwood.

Remember his old Spaghetti Westerns? Oh, yeah. Did you ever see The Outlaw Josie Wales? Yeah. Love the one of my favorite movies I've seen with my dad. My dad, I watched it like so much. Isn't it great? That's great.

He's so cool. He's so cool. They don't make movie stars like him anymore. And my favorite Spaghetti Western is for a few dollars more. If you've never seen that, watch it with your dad. It's him and Lee Van Cleef, they're bounty hunters. I think it's his best spaghetti Western. But he always had those cool boots, the cowboy boots.

They weren't the pointy ones, but they're the ones with the chopped front end. So they're square. Yeah. So college, I get me a pair of those. and I go down to this big movie theater, same place where I blasted the test bomb. Right. And it was, I forget the movie.

I just went down for a movie and I went down by myself and I'm sitting in my seat and I want to get popcorn. So I go to get up and get popcorn and it was sort of one of these old vintage movie theaters so they didn't necessarily clean it all that great, but it was a beautiful, out of balcony and everything. It was not sticky, but slippery. Slippery.

I think it was like butter and pop. And it was like almost like ice, right? So I go out to the snack bar to get a big bucket of popcorn. And I'm in college. I can't afford, you can barely afford anything. Like the movies, it was the matinee 99 cents to see the movie. And so I'm going, it's nighttime. There's some people sitting around.

I start walking back from the snack bar. I eat the popcorn. It's the stalest you've ever tasted in your life. Just like, they didn't make a new batch. They gave you the bottom. It was from three days, four days ago. Like, it just tasted like I was eating foam peanuts, you know, those packaging peanuts. And I thought, they're not going to give it back to me.

I don't want to waste it. What can I do to get something out of this purchase? So I'm walking back. I'm in the middle of the theater. Like I got the middle seat and there's people sitting around me. I got these flat clean Eastwood Cowboy boots, there's no traction on them, right? They're just smooth. So I go, you know what?

I'm going to do a huge, like Laurel and Hardy, Buster Keaton, Jerry Lewis, like popcorn wipeout, right? So I'm walking along and I hit that slippery stuff. And I could have manipulated. I could have got over it. But I just started doing the thing. And I did about it. It must have been about a 45 second wipeout where the popcorn, I threw it in the air and I was doing this thing. I just milked it like a Jim Carrey, like Jerry Lewis, Don Nott's,

like the biggest pratfall you've ever seen, but is raining popcorn. And I finally sit down and I play it off like it's all real. And I look over and the people around me are just wheezing. Like they're laughing so hard and I'm just sitting there acting like, like Matt. Can you believe that? Oh, dude. It was anyways.

I got off on a tangent. I apologize. but it was so fun. I'll never forget it. Now, were you there with somebody? No, I was alone. You're just there alone. And I thought the popcorn shit, I paid for it.

Even if I go back, it's still going to be shit. They're not going to. So I thought, what can I get? What value can I get out of this purchase? And that, you know what? In the end, it gave me a lifelong memory versus eating a bucket of popcorn. And would you prefer a memory? Or one one popcorn?

that would have been good the memory man and plus i laughed my head off like like even though i i stayed in it once the laughter died i was just laughing inside like oh so fun it's a rush it's a rush and this was pre me doing comedy i mean i was always a goofy nutty guy but so that's got to be even some what of a bigger high because you're not consistently getting you know you're not getting the laughs like every night like like we're used to yeah this is like a shot in the dark like this was i just made a bunch of people laugh right now this was a popcorn performance piece yeah speaking of entertainment we're in the entertainment business and it's fun we create laughter yeah but i want to flip the page to the dark side for a minute oh and i'm

sort of nervous to hear what you yeah read your lines luke where's the craft services look that dark side of entertainment yeah um but have you ever been touched well i was going to say been on the casting couch have you ever been in a scenario where you went in for an audition or you were trying to get a part or were you ever harvey winstein or you ever someone tried to seduce you or went after you come on guy okay well i've got a couple very weird ones here i'm i had a feeling looking at you Now, I haven't been Weinstein, but I've been Weinstein-assisted or something like that, you know? Wow.

So basically, if you get Weinstein, you probably hit it big. You probably- Yeah, right, right. But I got maybe Weinstein-assisted or something like that. Oh, wow. Okay. Much lower on the total bowl. Okay. Okay. What happened? Okay. A couple weird, a couple very, very strange audition stories.

Oh, let's go. First one, I should have known better, but I just moved from Kansas. out here. Yeah, new in town, a freshie? A total freshie looking for anything. Prime meat. Prime meat. Served fresh at Ryan's buffet. If you know, you know. Yeah, just right out of the Greyhound Station type of Kansas kid. Oh, yeah. Probably still a piece of straw on your mouth. Yeah, the bus smoke still fresh. Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. So I, I saw. Sign up for this audition on Craigslist. Oh, shit.

What was it for to do some gardening? No. Craigslist. Yeah, I know. They have acting on Craigslist? Well, well, okay. Yeah, I think I know where this is going.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so this one, wow. This one was for a surfing ad. It was like a surfing commercial. Right, you're in California. I mean, California? I'm like, great. You know, I started to grow up my hair at that point.

Yeah. So it started, I used to have a really. long hair there's like almost down to the shoulders nice and uh that's what the casting director thought too and uh they they have me walk in and uh i should have known that it wasn't legit when i signed up on a legal pad that just had like time written on one side and name on the other side just in ink pen yeah yeah and then uh i go in and they're like uh it's for a surfer rolls i was like this is all normal they're like could you take your shirt off right away instantly instantly i was like Were their cameras set up and stuff?

Oh, blah. Was this in the Valley? It was out in like, oh, maybe it was the Valley. It was either Venice or the Valley. I used to go on a lot of random prices. Probably Valley, because that's porno. That's where they shoot most of the pornoes. Yeah.

Anyways, keep going. Maybe they were checking to see if they were going to scoop me up. Okay, so you're topless. And then they go. Okay, thank you. And then that was the end of the audition. Oh. I didn't pass.

You just took your shirt off. They took my shirt off and they're like, okay, thanks. Oh. Yeah. That's not that bad. We'll get ready. Oh, shit. Well, that was the end of that one.

You got a call back and they said, now take your pants off? Yeah, yeah. Leave the shirt on, take the pants off. Wow. Piece by piece. Yeah, piece by piece. So that was a more tame one. Yeah, that's really tame.

Okay. But what do you think the purpose of, because you were surfer dude they wanted to see your physique as a surfer and then they're like no okay because you're you're you're already skinny guy but you were probably back then even skinnier yeah but coming out from kansas i was actually like chubbier in a different way because i was eating way different what were you eating well corn yeah corn uh just like tons of home cooked meals and stuff you know because i lived at home oh yeah good old kansas comfort food.

Oh, yeah, totally. So when I moved out here, I actually ended up dropping some LBs because... Oh, so maybe you were the opposite. You were too, you were too chunky to look like a surfer. Maybe. Maybe I was too corn, yeah, too corn fed. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Children of the corn boil over here. Children of the corn spelled with a cake. Children of the porn in the valley. Whoa. Look out. Topless Titty Monk.

Ah, Ooga. Honk. so what was part two i mean that one was pretty tame he came out on scath okay this one people have have told and asked me if this is made up this is not made up oh shysms i audition for a role that was guy on toilet okay i self-submitted

what it wasn't like an agent put me up to this it was like quirky guy on toilet i can do that was this another craigs list or was this this was an la casting one okay yeah yeah now i get there and the the guy who's running you know when you're on camera sometimes you just take the direction you don't think about it yeah you're just in the zone right right so the guy's like all right all right you're on the toilet right I'm like, okay, yeah? He's like, all right, act like you're taking a fat shit. Already, just the way, just the way I'm being talked to.

I was like, huh, all right. So I start, like, pushing. I'm like, he goes, all right, act like you're jerking off. And I was like, come on. What? And he goes, you're jerking off and taking a shit. Oh. And I was like, okay.

Why start doing it. You started... Yeah. What? What? Why? Don't why me. I was in the zone.

I told you. You were in the shitting. When the cameras start rolling, I have this thing. When the camera is rolling and somebody's like, oh, this will be funny. Yeah. I'm not thinking properly. I commit. I have this problem where I just, it's all in every time.

Whoa. So I'm now. Oh, no. You know. Oh, God. doing that whole thing. What was it? Okay.

I'm just double checking. I want to make sure we get this story accurate here. So then I leave the audition. Just before you move on, just for them, because some of my audience, they're not, I mean,

there's Carol Tinkle Nips and Wally Wonder Diper. Uh-huh. If just one more for them, If they could just... And then end it with the... You got the park, kid. You got the pot.

Okay, so keep going... Thank you. That was for them. Pack your bags, kid. Back your bags. You're moving in with me. You're going to jerk off shit town, kid. So what...

Okay. So now what? So I left the audition being like, you know what? I felt a little taking advantage of in the moment. And I was like, I was like, I don't, I didn't even really want that. You know, that act or thing you do, you're like, I didn't even really want that. Yeah, yeah. I'm above that.

Above that. But no clothes came off for that one. No clothes came off. Okay. That's at least a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. I had one where I, you know, and when you're young, you're hungry, right?

You're hungry for the stuff. Yeah. So I remember it was my third year here, and I met some fancy, smanshy director. It was the guy who was doing Gladiator, Ridley Scott. Oh, yeah. And this guy goes, come to Rome. I want you to be in the movie. Let's talk about it.

I want you to do a part in Gladiator. And I'm like, holy shit, you know, I'm like, I'm not going to say no to that. So, you know, I fly all the way to Rome. I meet the guy there. I don't have a lot of money at this point. in time. So I've got, I got to take the milk run, you know, I go through New York to Paris to Rome, but, you know, it's like, I get all the way over there, he gets me, meet me in the hotel room. And I'm like, okay, but it's like two in the morning. So I get in there, two in the morning. He goes,

I need you to put this costume on. I want you to play the role. It's a scene in the Coliseum. And I'm like, whoa, cool, right? You know, where all the gladiators are. put this robe out. It's a priest robe. I'm like, okay. And he goes, okay, put it on. And I go, just before we go any further, what, what's the role? Like, what are my lines? And he goes, lines, you're an extra. And I go, oh, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, you're going to be way, way up in the back. We probably won't even see you, but slap the priest robe on and then kneel down and pretend you're praying. And I'm like, oh, well, I came all the away from L.A. to Rome and he's like, yeah. And it's two in the morning. He's like, yeah,

just kneeled down. And it was, I don't want to tell the rest of it, but it was, I didn't get the part. I know, it was going to be an extra up in the Coliseum scene where there's thousands of Romans and Ridley Scott. Yeah. Huh. Unreal. I mean, what a bummer. Man. To go all that wave to be an extra. Then he got Ridley of you. anyways i'm glad we're survivors yeah well you're kind of outweighed mine a little bit well not only you said you never got harvey winstein i got amy wined house what yeah you got winestein but i got wine house okay and what did that happen it wasn't anything to do with acting but i was at a cafe in paris uh in london actually and i was eating some ribs and amy winehouse who doesn't eat a lot

or she didn't, very thin. I'm sitting about to bite, and she came flying over some tables and, like, attacked my ribs like a hyena. And a skinny little freak wine house. Now, there's a continuation of this story. Okay. Oh, shit. Here we go.

So I told you, I wrote it off. my head like i don't need that yeah but then my ego got the best of me when i got a notification that i got a call back for that for the shitting no and i was like maybe i can go on one more audition no you did i went back you did for real yeah yeah yeah and what what happened well they said they said they said we've changed the role to yoga guy i was like great i don't want to be guy on toilet it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go in there, and they're like, how flexible are you?

Oh, no. I go, oh, I'm really flexible. I start showing off how flexible I am because I've always been like very Gumby-like, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, okay. So now they're rolling the cameras again. They're like, okay, now you're a guy doing yoga.

Now start off, you know, doing some simple stuff, downward dog and like some butterfly stretches and stuff like that. and then they're coached me through it and they're like now um roll back and uh act like you're trying to suck your own dick get lost and i was like huh they're like act like you're trying to suck your own like they're getting mad at you like that yeah the guy's a little aggressive because the session runner or the casting director is like it's off of his recommendations that he brought you know brought me back in yeah so he's like dude Like, he's, like, giving me this, this look.

Whoa. Yeah. Very agro. Yeah. And I was like, okay. And I can, I flip back all the way, my legs all the way. Oh, you didn't. Yeah.

What the, what the age? Yeah, man. You started doing it? Yeah. What was this movie? It was for a Swedish security commercial, like a cyber commercial. Like a cyber commercial, I found out. What are they securing?

You're nuts? Yeah, I guess so. My Swedish meatballs apparently. Wow. Yeah. So then I'm like, I'm like, I leave there and I'm like, oh, I feel weird again. Yeah, you've been used. I've been used now.

I'm like, what if they use this footage for, like, are they pranking me? You know what I mean? Like all this stuff. Yeah. And then I get a call. They're like, you booked it. No. No, you did.

And I go, I go, you know what? I've had time to think about it because a couple days of past it. I had a couple days to think about it. I'm actually not comfortable being yoga guy who is on camera. What the? And this guy on the phone gets irate with me. Yeah. He goes, what?

He goes, I told him you're the guy. This is the same guy. Come on, right, dude. He goes, I told him you're a guy. I told him that I was going to book you. I stuck my neck out for you. You know what? you're never going to work in this town again click that's how he ended the call that classic line

you're never going to work in this town again he stuck his neck out for you you stuck your neck out for you yeah my lower neck my my upper neck yeah so he had the audacity to act like this was like some big like huge opportunity and you're gonna you're gonna lose your any chance of being an actor because of this yeah like that he knew every casting director in town he was going to tell them about me. So somebody calls me back, that is, they go, hey, we heard, uh, wow, we heard, um, what, um, our, one of our other casting, uh, directors, uh, yeah, we heard about that phone call. Um, we'd like to offer you the part, but it's a different role. We've changed it again. Oh, no, what is it now? You got to eat your own ass. God. This just keeps getting

better. They go, yeah, we want you to rim yourself in a tortoise costume. They go, they go, they go, So it's a guy who is shaving his pubes. I was close. And I go, I'll take it. And I did it. I drove up to a weird house in the hills. They paid me $150 or $200 in cash. And I did it.

They were wanting to see my pubes. I'm like, I'll pull down my pants a little bit, but I'm not showing you pubs for this weird Swedish commercial. What the hell is wrong with the Swedes? I, dude, I don't know, man. What the hell? The director kept telling me that my hair was pretty on set. Yeah, but I put your hat.

Dude, it was so weird. I mean, we get commercials for ego waffles and mini-weeds and tampax. And over there, they're getting commercials for yoga, shaven, pub, sucking, dude, cock-sucking toilet scissors. It was insane. I literally, like, after they realized I wasn't going to give them exactly what they wanted with that, like we quickly shot some silly faces and stuff of me, you know. Mentos, the Freshmaker.

Hello. Pepperidge Farm remembers. Do your pubes get out of control, Target? Nothing says loving like Pillsbury's shaving your pubes. Shave your pubes with wothers. So, yeah, I got cash, and then I drove away. Wow, dude. Yeah. Very, very weird.

It was one of those, like, obviously, super non-union, nothing. nothing legit about it. What kills me is you went back three times. Harlan, I was desperate. Yeah. And I needed, I needed something. 150 bucks. You needed it.

I needed it. You could have worked a Taco Bell for two nights and avoided the scarring. I was already, psychological scar. I was literally working at Starbucks at that time, and I was like, this will get me out of one day of Starbucks. Wow.

At a one day at Starbucks. and 30 years of therapy. At that time, at that time, that would have been a couple days at Starbucks. Because I was making

like $8.50 an hour at Starbucks. Yeah. And I hated that job. So I was like, anything to get me out of this job. Dude. Yeah.

So you thought it was a, first you had to think it was a prank at some point. I thought I was being prank at some point. Speaking of pranks, have you ever, what would you say

is the wildest prank you've ever pulled on like a buddy or friend or even a stranger. Is there one that sticks out where you just fucking nailed it? Hammered one over the wall? Still talk about it with your buds? One time, it was a bet.

It was kind of a prank, kind of a bet. Oh, God. I was backstage. This was probably like eight, seven, eight years ago. I was backstage at an impractical Joker's show. They invited me and, Adam Ray in a couple of comics. Oh, the guys that do that prank show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, practical jokers, yeah. So they're friends with Gary Busey. Oh, the actor, yeah, yeah. The nutty actor, yeah. Yeah, so Adam Ray, he's like, I'll give you $100 if you go over there and make intense eye contact with Gary Busey and dance in front of him. No. And I went up and I did it. And he was like, what are you doing?

what's going on like he's like he's like he's like this guy's weird I like this guy yeah like he was his wife started laughing they're like what is happening right now I was just dancing show me your butter sausage that was a that was a weird fun little prank that was just like you know Adam Ray I he's like he's like I'll give you the hundred and he did he ended up you know man of his word Busey is such an oddball. I was at a movie premiere once. I'm just sitting there waiting for the movie to start.

And all of a sudden, I hear these weird noises and I feel something hitting the back of my head. I hear like, he, he, he, he, and something's hitting the back of my head. And I turn around, and Gary Busey is throwing popcorn at the back of my head and making like whale and dolphin noises because he saw me. I did a movie called Down Periscope in a suburb. movie with Kelsey Grammer where I had to do a bunch of crazy whale noises and it was a really funny scene and so he was like he and he's throwing button I go what are you doing is remember

the whale thing you did remember the whale thing and down bears go and I was just like holy fuck it was so creepy such an odd ball oh yeah I also pooped in an ice bucket thing when I was on a road trip with some buddies and told a friend to open it and, you know, just dumb stuff like that. You pooped in an ice bucket? Dude, that's a wasted audition if you ask me. I mean, dude, that could have led to a pub shaven roll. It could have led to at least a callback. Oh, dude.

I was talking about going to Rome. Is there a place in the world that you haven't been that you really want to go? Or is there a place that in the world that you have been to? and you just love? Is there a dream place you've never been? I want to talk to me, guy. I want to go to Thailand. Why?

I love the food. Can't just go to a local restaurant? I want to, you know, I want authentic street Thai food. Or like go to Japan, you know? Just somewhere in Asia, you know, really? I've never been to Asia. So that's Asia.

Yeah. But it's for the food? For the food? Yeah. For the food, the culture, too. But I like the food a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to go to Germany, too. For the food? For the people. Really? Yeah. Germany's great. But I'm like, that's part of my heritage, though. Oh, it is?

Irish, German. Oh, yeah. What part of Germany? North, south? The good part. It's a good part of Germany. It's a good part of Germany. Oh, it's a good part of Germany.

We don't talk about the bad parts anymore. a good part. Only is a good part. I think maybe you are, maybe from the south, the Black Forest, near Stuttgart, perhaps. Oh, perhaps. That seems to be the good part these days. Yeah. Maybe on the west side of the wall, not the east side of the wall.

Oh, yeah, I think you might be right on that. Maybe somewhere on the east side, not the west side. East side, west side represent. Maybe Brussels? Maybe sprouts. Maybe Brussels sprouts. Maybe. or maybe not.

Maybe not. But maybe. But maybe so. Maybe so. So. Sorry, dude. Sometimes I get a glitch. Oh.

Like, do you believe we're in the Matrix? Do you believe we're in a digital? Like, some people think this is all an illusion. This is the Matrix. And when I do this stuff, when I have a glitch, it's, uh, sometimes I believe. I get it. You know, people think that the code is a sequence of zeros and ones. I think it's a sequence of sixes and nines. Really? I did a sequence of six and nine the other night.

Did you? In Bakersfield up at a motel six with a streetwalker. Yeah. We 69ed all night. Really? Yeah. That's what you requested out of a streetwalker? Yeah. Really? I like a 69. I like to smell what I'm about to. See? I was, I was, I was about to slap you. Are you cereal?

Yeah, I was about to. Yeah, see, so you can see, you're picking up on it. I'm picking up on it. So you believe potentially this could all be just fabricated, that we're living in a digital existence. Really? Wait. What?

Come on. No. away. Are you serial? What? Dude. Yeah. Looking at the digital realm, the way everything's going, what do you think stand-up comedy will look like in a hundred years? Like honestly, what does it look like to you? What do you interpret it? How do you see it? You know, they keep doing these VR stand-up shows and stuff like that where you put on the Oculus and then you're sitting

and it's like you're in a club or you're in a virtual club where you're watching like some animated figure, like do the jokes or whatever. You've seen a virtual comedy show? Yeah. What's it like? I haven't seen that. Is it basically?

Excuse me. Basically you can enter with your Oculus or whatever, whatever your gear is. Yeah. And it's like you walk into a room and then it's either projected like a video on the wall, like a stand-up who's like doing it. Okay. And there's some comics who have been experimenting with those shows who they do it for tips and stuff like that.

Like in the meta world. Wow. Yeah. Does it look like, are they there? Is it a film of them or is it like a hologram of them? It's like a hologram of them. Wow. Interesting.

Yeah. It's not perfected yet by any means. It's not. No. But that's what I've been, I'm asking you because I feel like in the next 50 to 100 years, I think the curve for stand-up comedy just in a traditional club will change. Hopefully it'll be one of those things that it'll be like a movie theater where you want to go.

It's that old school feel. Yeah. You know, like laser tag. Those still exist. they do oh and they're fun do you get to use real laser guns oh yeah so you get to kill people well i'm in you want to go love to kill a few okay how many of you killed oh the bodies are piled up What are you looking at? He said the bodies are piling up, and then you looked off into space,

like as if you're seeing souls, like lost souls of the dead that you've killed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's been a few. Are you still seeing them? Uh-huh. Fuck off, really? Yeah. There you see, look.

Hold on. I don't think I see them. Where are you looking? It's right there. What the fuck guy? Oh! I see a fat guy. Yeah.

You killed that guy? Yeah. Nice kill guy. Yeah, his high score? Calestral. Whoa. Thunder slammer. Mm-hmm.

Wow. Oh, he's in the south. We call him Mr. Daibito. Oh, Mr. Daibito. He live in an old house at the end of the bayou there now. Oh, he'll do now. He don't make it. fast-fall by the bottom of the top.

Mm, he's the only man in the whole town who got Cajun black and catfish feet now, you hear, child? Mm-hmm. Mm, sometimes late at night when the crickets is singing and the wind's blown through the moss, I can hear him chewing lily pads right through his screen door. They call them the swamp goblin now, child. Sometimes I hear him suffocating on his own fingers Because he thinks that he's eating meat out of a bucket

But they're actually his philandries Mm-hmm Sometimes I hear him sucking on salamander clits Deep in the night When the owls is hooing And old lady Johnson squeezing lemonade Way down there by the rusty old train tracks, child Sometimes I hear him squeezing on an alligator nostril

And sucking the snod out like he's doing some kind of shot on a Sunday night special like Applebee's. Sometimes on Sunday morning I hear him sharpening his knife blade on the back of a dirty old catfish right down there by the swamp grass. That's right, child. Sometimes I see him scraping the mud off his boot on the hound dog head at the house of the moon. Every now and then I catch him sitting in the top of an old Scotch pine tree, with his eyebrows and making banjo noises.

Don't ding, dong, ding! Mm-hmm. Sometimes I see him swinging himself to sleep with his oxygen tank and lines just going back and forth as he slowly decompresses his heart rate, one beat at a time, because he realizes that the beatus is going to get him or us one of these days. Mm-hmm, well, now that's right.

Every now and then I catch him rubbing toads up and down the back of his shoulder, me just so he can pretend he's a bumpy old god laying down in mr johnson's golf field now child sometimes child i see him begging on his knees for the good lord to repent himself of his sins of him overeating on bubble wrap and lemonade sometimes i see him praying down on his dirty dirty knees now over a fucking what's his face is grave paul newman um way up there in the cemetery under the full moon and the crickets eating aphid twarts. Sometimes I see him squealing like a pig until he realized he'd been looking at the reflection in the meal of himself for days upon days without anything other than butter, margarine,

I can't believe it's not better, some jumbolier and some pig's toes. Every now and then in the middle of the night, I hear him slapping his man tities back and forth, and it sounds like two children in a bouncy house wearing sponge helmets. That's right, child. Sometimes I hear Houston, we are a clear for takeoff coming out of the summer valley and the heat of 105, and then it's just him pooping just his guts out from the bottom of his porcelain skin to the top of the ceiling of the widow of his wife that used to be. Amen, child. Amen.

I feel like I needed to get that out. That's kind of been lingering in my system for a while. So it feels a little cathartic to. Dude, thank you for that. Oh, thank you. It's sort of like a therapy session. Like, wow, are you okay? Yeah.

You're going to take off? Turned into a hummingbird. Yeah. You know, it's funny because I don't really go in for the whole therapy thing. But Cajun therapy, I find, is just, it's some of the, the most it gets to the deep layers it helps you bring up whatever we just brought up was it's been festering you've been holding it inside and i think it's been holding me back yeah i i uh started going to some cajan therapy a while ago oh nice and uh the therapist said all right if any of this

gets a little bit too intense for you just say the safe word and i said what's the safe word and they said satyrans oh wow i feel like today we didn't need that. I felt like we really got in tune with each other. I feel like we really expunged a lot of what's maybe been keeping us down, holding us back to find our true self, to focus on our core. Expung Bob, SquarePants, Law and Order, Svue, that's my favorite show. Are you cereal? Yeah. I love season three was my favorite of that. Yes, Esquifis. That's my safe word. Is it sequifus?

Yeah. When you said it, I just froze. I stopped. Because when you say a safe word, right, everything's supposed to stop. Stop. When you said that, I don't know if you saw it, but I locked up. No, you did. You had the rigumortis immediately.

I didn't mean to lock. Look, I'm the host. If anyone's not supposed to just lock up, it's the host of a major international podcast that plays all over the world, even in Scotland. And you've got the most on with you. You're the host with the most. And for me to lock up, I want a personal apology to my audience, my 12 viewers, a Carol Crunch Teeth, Billy Burger Buns,

and most of all, the boy with the wide eyes, Walter Fudge Stink face. But to you, too, I didn't mean to lock up. I'm sorry. It's okay. The safe word just kind of. But, boy, do I, I really needed that. I didn't, you never have something.

You didn't think you needed it and you need it? Yeah. Like a seizure? Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to watch you wash your hair. I mean, that's just like the way you. Oh, just.

Yeah. Like, you really got it down, guy. Yeah. Yeah, I've been called a hummingbird before. You have? Yeah. Why? Because, you know, for a long time, I've been quick, and then for a long time, I would, people know me as somewhat of a musical guy.

So, you know, I'd hum a lot. Oh, wow. I'd hum. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Can two guys hum together and not be a bird? Oh, like, are we, we're cool, right, we're not. Like, when two guys hum together, we're not. Like, come on over here? No, like, how do I say it? Like, there's math, there's guys that'll chop wood and they're like,

Oh, like, strong. If two guys hum together, are they like, like, Uno? Oh, like. Hey. Sort of like, hey. Oh.

Like, is that, like, if two guys hummed together, that's not like we're chopping wood or carrying bricks. What are you, what are you trying to get at? I think, like, when two guys are like, hmm, mm, mm, mm. Is it a, you know, a little, a little bit of that. thing.

Well, Paul's he? It's sort of, like, there could be a guy named Paul. Hmm. You know, one, two, humming, it's not the most masculine. I'm just saying, I don't want to. Are you saying, humming is feminine? Is that what you're saying? Well, like, girlfriend.

Yeah, a little fay, as they say. A little effeminate, like, like handball? No, you think you're basketball players. Yeah, like basketball. they're gay basketball players are gay but i'm saying fey gay is when two guys hum together hummer right but just humming is like a lower it's just fay is a word you don't hear but it's sort of just a little you know yeah is that are we okay can we hum together i think we can hum together people aren't out there going hmm

Like we're not getting any blowback from... We're good? I think so. Okay, I was just checking. I don't think that, you know, we're assimilating or anything like that. Right, we're not. It's just a thing, two guys do, humming.

Well, when was the last time you hummed with a good buddy? I skip. I do skippings late at night. I go out to the Glendale Galleria in Glendale. And we have a white van and we have a skipping club. And we'll get out and we'll skip the. around in the parking lot at 2 a.m. And we have yellow leotards and the curly shoes, like the elf shoes.

We skip around and we do this. But it's dark. So, you know, you're in an empty mall parking lot. So it's like, mm, mm, mm, and we waved each other. But I've never done it on camera. And so I'm just checking that we're, nothing's wrong. Now, I would say what you and I did is fine. Great.

Okay. But I wouldn't put what you did with those other group on camera. My skipping club? Okay. Because I normally just hum when I skip. Because then people might think. Okay. No, I got it.

Got it. Okay. Yeah. Domino's. Wow. We're getting a lot out here tonight today. I think so. Yeah.

Yeah. I think so too. I think it might be time for words from a wooden shoe. I mean, I feel like that's where this is all going. All right. I mean, if you're ready for it, we do it every podcast. Of course, I love it. What we do is we pull out the wooden shoe, and you reach and pull out a word and see if there's a story or an experience from your journey in life that you can relate to our crowd here.

Sure. Words from a wooden shoe. That's good. AISMR right there. You got it. Wow. sounds like a piece of rhubarb gargling in the middle of the night what's your word waddy

my word is fat fuck wow sort of two words really it's such a fat word Do you have an experience with a fat fuck? This is the same guy you took out at laser tag? Somebody came to mind. It's a family man. You can change the name if you want.

Tell us the fat fuck story guy. You owe it to them, not me, them. Oh, my mom might get pissed if I. She doesn't watch it. Only 12 people watch this. Not her. Okay, this is sometimes you're mean as a kid, right? Oh, yeah, we all are.

Right. That's how you lay this out. It's a given. Okay, this is a, this is, uh, We used to play Scatigories. Oh, wow. With German kids love that game. Throwing shit at each other?

Yes. Yes. Get the Schottigories out. Okay. So what happened? You're playing Scatigories with Faddy? I've got a, you know, I've got some overweight family members, you know? And we were playing Scatigories back in the day when I was a kid.

That Kansas comfort food. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And we put, the letter was L. if you're familiar with the game, you choose different words and phrases and make a list of different things according to that word.

So to that letter. To that letter. Yeah. So the title was, things in this room. And the letter was L. And my mom and I were on a team and my sister was on a team by herself

and my brother and stuff like that. And my mom and I wrote down the word lard. and my sister wrote down losers so we're just we just went for the jugular with that fam whoa was there and because there was a fatty there well there's a lot there's a lot

there's a lot of fat in that room oh so you wrote large and losers about your own family wow yeah oh man brutal yeah man brutal I had a very recent fat fuck story

Oh, oh, congratulations. What was her name? No, it wasn't intercourse. It was just an experience around a fat. Well, it's not really intercourse with a fatty. Yeah. Like an outer. Yeah.

It's like an outer three-course. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. So I was in London like three weeks ago. With Ridley Scott? No, no. That was Rome.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. But I'm in London three weeks ago, and I go to see this play, the Book of Mormon. Have you heard of this thing? Oh, I've heard of it. It's like this huge hit on Broadway. The guys from South Park wrote it. It came out, what, like 10, 12, 15 years ago maybe? And I've heard nothing but rave reviews.

So I go online, I go, I'm in London. I don't know when I'll be back here. I go online. I order like the best seat in the house. It's like three, four hundred bucks. And it's right dead middle, right in the middle of the stage. I'm alone. So I go, I go to the theater.

They go, yeah, you're over there. And I look like, oh, there's the right in the middle, you know, and I look over. And everyone's sort of dressed rather bleakly, you know, browns, autumn colors, nothing too flashy. And as I start approaching my aisle, I look in and there's this human with a bright, red, outfit on, like almost like the girl in Schindler's List. You know how she stood out, the little girl in the red in a black and white movie. There's the girl in red from, except the girl from Schindler's List looked like she ate everything on Schindler's List, okay?

It was a menu. Schindler's List was a menu of food. Yeah, yeah. So I look in and here's this giant woman in a big, bright red dress. And I'm like, okay, I go in and I'm right beside. I'm a rape beside her and I don't have a problem

with heavy people fat people God bless them everyone's got their stuff right but in this scenario those theater seats aren't big

they're kind of like airplanes they try to stuff you in there right they try to pack people in because they got to have cover their nut they put me

right beside this lady and I'm like I didn't think my one okay I sat down and through no fault of her own she was very big big, her meat, her presence, her body fat was spilling over onto my chair.

Like over the little armrest, her legs were like, her legs were like pushing my legs over. So now I'm in this primo seat, ready to see this play. And I'm literally sitting like the leaning tower of pizza. That's pronounced pizza with her. Yes, exactly. The leading tower of pizza, and it was so invasive, and it was so like, it really just sort of spoiled my time. And I felt bad because, you know, people get heavy, people get skinny,

but it was so weird, like her flesh was spilling over onto me. And two things happened. I didn't like the play. the first half, there's an intermission, it's very sort of out of date. If you want like three and a half hours of constant jokes about Mormons over and over, like it's how many jokes can you hear about one thing? So I got bored really fast. Thank God, I didn't find the play very good.

And so at intermission, I just upped and out. I couldn't, I felt so claustrophobic and stuck. Do you think that she attended the play because she, She thought it was called the book of Smoreman. Oh, I didn't think of that. Yeah. Or the cookbook of Smoreman. Oh, maybe she thought it was a cooking seminar.

Either way, it's, it's, it was, I was, I don't, I don't want to call her a fat fuck, but I guess she was. She fact, fat fuck me right out of theater night. Yeah, $400. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of fat fucking. Yeah, Book of Gorgian. Book a Gorgian on a fucking prime rib.

So anyways, those are our fat fuck stories. Yeah. Great way to end. Great way to end. But what I want to end on is Wadi telling the crowd, the audience about your social media, your stand-up tours, your fabulous podcast, your stand-up on the spot.

This guy's got a little catalog of great, things let them have it guy well look out for harland's episode of stand-up on the spot coming soon he returned to the show and it was a next level of performance oh really i can't wait to see you it was so fun i have so much fun riffing with you on that show well you know it's funny people will love it because it's all improvised the gist of stand-up on the spot the wadi has this show and the gist is you're not allowed to do material yeah so you have to improvise so i went up and improvised. And I heard back from you that I did well, but as you know, when you're in improvising, you kind of don't remember what you say or do. That's how I am. Yeah. I have to wait

till people are like, I like this before I know whether it's good or not. Yeah. So I just going. I left the show thinking, I heard people laughing, but I have no idea of most of what I said. Yeah. Including when you came up on stage and we did our thing. But I, but hearing you say that it went, Well, now I'm sort of excited to see it because it's like watching something back you've never seen before. Yeah, it's exciting. Okay, so you've got that show?

Yeah, standup on the spot. That's every other Monday at YouTube.com slash at standup OTS. Got a bunch of episodes, probably with some of your favorite comedians on there. So check that out. And I've got a new podcast called Trailer Tales with my pal, Chelsea Lynn and Libby Higgins.

And that's with a character that I play called Dave Gunther. And we have a lot of fun doing that. And, yeah, I'm on tour. Tour dates at jeremiah Watkins.com. I'm going to a lot of places. New York City coming up. Jersey, Kansas City, West Bend, Wisconsin, Cleveland, Ohio. Wow.

All over the place. All over the country. Do you stand up. Yeah, all over the country, do a stand-up. And we do a lot of shows together at the comedy store and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, at Jeremiah stand-up on social media. And, dude, I always love coming on the Harlem,

highway. We're all in a good time over here. Dude, we'd love having you. Let's get that theme song go on. Get those cans on. Ladies and gentlemen, the unbelievable Wadi Warkins. And if you need him for

a movie, a yoga movie or a shaving movie, or, you know, a sitting on the toilet movie, or even a you know the rest. Folks, that's it for now you've been riding down to holly highway podcast and until next time

chicken chowmaine baby